Bad Boy

Language Land, the chain of schools Carole and her husband Keith taught for, had branches all over their remote island country off the coast of China. Every three months, a hundred or so new teachers from all over the English-speaking world flocked to the Language Land headquarters for two weeks of new-teacher training, and then got farmed out all over the island. Some didn't even make it through training, others got one look at their town and decided to go home, others found better-paying jobs at a cram school somewhere. Carole and Keith's best friend from training two years before, Kathryn, was also their only remaining friend still with the company. She had stuck around in part because she'd fallen in love with a new arrival last year, and she had lately secured a transfer to his branch at Junglaw.

"I've heard some stories about this Len guy," Carole said as she turned on the oven to heat up the munchies for the evening. Their hole-in-the-wall flat over a fabric shop in the high street of Tansi, their little town half an hour or so from Jugnlaw, looked positively third-world from the outside; but they were the only Westerners she knew who had an oven. "They say he's a drunk and the women in Junglaw are careful not to be alone with him. Except Kathryn, because he won't mess with a friend's girl."

"You didn't have to invite him," Keith reminded her.

"Couldn't really invite Kathryn and Brad and PJ but not him," Carole said. She and Keith had made fast friends with Kathryn's boyfriend and fellow Kiwi, Brad, and with their American colleague, PJ. But not Len. "But I wish I'd thought of that before I invited Arlene."

"She can take care of herself," Keith said. He and Carole alike loved their junior colleague like a kid sister - a very rebellious one.

"But she might choose not to," Carole said with a sigh. "I can see you haven't heard, she finally ditched Richard."

"Thank heavens! That guy was such an absolute..." Keith's voice trailed away as he saw the concerned look on his wife's face, and he couldn't imagine why. She had always hated Arlene's immature, chauvinistic ex just as much as he had. Then he put two and two together. "Oh, no, Carole, you're not thinking Arlene's going to fall for Len, are you?"

"I'm terrified of it, frankly. I don't get it when she's so book smart, but she really seems to have a thing for jerks."

Keith shrugged. "I care about her too, love, but we're not her parents." He uncorked the bottle of whiskey Carole had bought that afternoon and set about pouring himself a drop.

"That's for when they get here!" Carole protested.

"We can have some then too, can't we?" But Keith did put the bottle back where he'd found it. Then he laughed. "PJ is American, he probably thinks getting wasted is part of Saint Paddy's Day, you know?"

"You haven't met him," Carole said. "He's no more stereotypically American than we are stereotypically Irish."

"She said while preparing for a Saint Patrick's Day party!"

"Are you trying to get in trouble before the guests even get here?" With a flirtatious grin, Carole bent over and hugged her husband from behind and nuzzled his neck.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

"Let 'em wait," Keith quipped.

Carole laughed, but let him go and gave his back a firm pat. "Sooner they're in, the sooner you get your whiskey, dear."

Keith dutifully got up and went down the narrow staircase off the kitchen. He opened the door to find Arlene hugging a paper bag. "Well hello!" he said, standing aside to let her in.

"I brought some whiskey in case you ran out," Arlene said, pulling the bag away to reveal a bottle.

Keith read the label. "Three Ships? Never heard of it."

"Best whiskey in South Africa, and don't you dare say that's an oxymoron!" Arlene warned with her best mischievous smile. "I cut my teeth on this stuff at university, I'll have you know."

"Looking forward to trying it," Keith said as they shuffled up the stairs. He had learned never to question anything about the hidden charms of Arlene's country.

The kitchen was just starting to heat up and the smell of the snacks hit Arlene like a welcome blast as they stepped in. "Hi, Carole," she said. "Smells wonderful."

Carole hugged her hello and took the bottle with thanks. "That's a new one to me," she said. "From South Africa?"

"Of course. Anything you need help with setting up?"

"No, go ahead and get a seat in there," Carole said. "The others should be here..." She was interrupted by the doorbell and Keith was off back downstairs. "Right," Carole said, picking up a tray of glasses. "Let's try that grog of yours, huh?"

Their living room took up well more than half the flat, and it was strewn with armchairs of various vintage, reflecting that decades of Western expats had lived there while teaching English like Carole, Keith and Arlene were now. Carole helped herself to a seat on the only couch while Arlene curled up on her favorite of the old armchairs, where she had spent many an evening drinking and watching movies with Carole and Keith.

They had just enough time to set down the glasses and pour the first round before Keith returned with Kathryn, Brad, Len and PJ in tow. "Sorry we're late," Len said, "But Brad just had to get some beers for the bus. Damn Kiwis can't go one trip without travelers."

"Bah!" Brad said. "We still made the bus, didn't we?"

As usual, Brad didn't take the bait on Len's bashing, but Kathryn did. "Here we are to celebrate Ireland and the Aussies still can't get over our superiority, huh!" she chortled as she greeted Carole with a hug and shook hands with Arlene.

"At least I didn't take my affinity for the Irish too far," Len said, helping himself to one of the glasses without asking. "Not like Mister Cultural Sensitivity here." With a bemused grin, he turned and gestured at PJ, the last of the gang ushered inside by Keith.

"Oh my dear, PJ!" Carole exclaimed when she saw him. She'd met the quiet American a few times now and had always gotten on well with him, but nothing could have prepared her for his appearance now. He was wearing a shy, nervous grin, and what appeared to be a blue and green plaid kilt.

"We tried to tell him, the Irish don't wear kilts," Len said.

"Yes we do, but not plaid ones generally," said Keith. "Ours are solid."

"It's not a kilt," PJ said. With a playful twirl around, he declared, "It's a skirt."

"You're gonna love this," Kathryn said to Carole. "You gonna tell them or am I, PJ?"

"Loose lips at the pub," PJ said as Carole leapt up from the couch and helped herself to a hug. "I mentioned, back when I was a kid, we once had a Saint Patrick's Day decoration at school with a girl in a skirt like this, and I had to go and say how much I liked it, and these two wouldn't shut up about how of course I'd like a thing like that, and Kathryn says, if you think they're so sexy, maybe you ought to try wearing one. My ex left this when she went back to Denver back at Christmas, so why not?"

"Do I even want to know how much you got stared at on the way here?" Carole asked.

"We're four white people, we were gonna get stared at anyway," Kathryn said.

"Yeah, it was really no worse than usual," PJ agreed. "Thanks," he added as Carole offered him a glass. Carole was privately delighted when PJ chose to claim the chair nearest to Arlene's, and impressed when he remembered to smooth his skirt out before he sat down. Turning to Arlene, he said, "Hi, I'm PJ."

"Arlene, and I'm really impressed. I'd never wear anything of my ex's." She couldn't help laughing.

"Oh, don't get PJ started on his ex," Len said. "Or on second thought, do get him started. He's hilarious when he gets all bitter."

"I'm not bitter," PJ protested. "It was a messy breakup, but it's over and it's better for the both of us." Turning back to Arlene, he said, "I'm sure you've noticed, we all either take to this place like a fish to water or we hate it. My ex was the latter."

"I'm afraid I am, too," Arlene said, though now she was wary of sounding bitter too. "Maybe because my ex was the opposite."

"Oh, Richard didn't love it here either," Carole said. "That's why he drank so much, sweetie."

"Richard didn't like much of anything," Keith added. "Hope you don't mind our saying so, Arlene, but we're both really glad you're rid of him."

"Richard from Calgary?" asked Len, who spent many a weekend in the capital city schmoozing with the Language Land brass. When Arlene nodded, he added, "You don't even want to know what the trainers thought of him."

"I know what they thought of him," Arlene said. "That's why I fell for him, he was so funny and he didn't seem to care who he rubbed the wrong way." She chuckled. "The first time I noticed him, it was the first day of training, and he sneezed. Some American guy said, 'Bless you,' and he said, 'Nah, you can keep your blessing."

"And I can confirm, he treated everyone like that," Carole added. "Including you, Arlene."

"I know," Arlene conceded. "He did it to me one time too many the other day."

"Sorry that came up," PJ told her with an empathetic smile. "It does get better."

"We're sure glad to hear it is for you, mate," Len said. "Ever since Christmas, Peej has been..."

"He hasn't been that bad!" Kathryn interjected. "Haven't you ever had a bad breakup, Len?"

"I agree, man," Brad said. "No offense, but some of the things Tina used to say, not just about you but about this place in general..."

"Thanks." PJ made a point of not acknowledging Len's comment in any way. "Really, I'm happy for her that she's back home."

"You're way ahead of me, then," Arlene confessed.

"Glad you came out tonight, then," PJ said. "After Tina left, I could've used a night in with friends in a cozy place like this, really!"

"Cozy?" Carole looked around. "Never thought of this place that way.

"Mate," Len said. "Peej thinks everything is either horrible or romantic, and he thinks this place is romantic for some reason. Take it as a win." He held out his now-empty class. "Can I have another round?"

While Carole was somewhat reluctantly refilling Len's glass and Kathryn and Brad got lost in their own conversation, Arlene told PJ, "I never really thought of this as romantic either, you know."

"Well, context," PJ said. "Here we are, thousands of miles from home in a country where we don't even speak the language, and it's chilly and rainy out there, and here we are together... you know, romantic is a state of mind."

"Romantic is a state of mind," Arlene repeated thoughtfully. "I love that! I ought to try thinking that way myself about this place, really."

"How long have you been here?"

"Just about a year," Arlene sighed. "I went to uni for maths, thinking I could become a banker and get rich, but I had no idea how cutthroat that sort of thing can be. So I guess I was running away."

"I think we all were, one way or another," PJ said. "I had kind of a scandal to get away from back in Chicago myself."

"This sounds juicy!" Arlene grinned.

"It is, but it's also the kind of thing that'll have Len telling me I sound... you know, bitter."

"Ah, need say no more." Arlene darted a look over at Len, to see he was deep in conversation with Brad and Kathryn now. He took no notice of her, which gave her a chance to admire his well-built physique and neatly cropped hair. Somehow she was sure he wouldn't be caught dead in a skirt! But enough of that for the moment, and she turned back to PJ. "I'm sorry he kept saying that, I could see it was bugging you."

"Thanks. Some people, you let them see too much of you even one time, and they never forget it, you know?"

"That's what my ex was like. Once he knew what bothered you..."

"Classic bully," PJ said. "I know the type too well."

"Oh, me too!" Arlene felt utterly comfortable with her new friend all at once. "I was always the tallest girl in my class, no surprise I suppose?" She was slightly taller than PJ, and he nodded his acknowledgment. "And I was the first to..." She looked down at her breasts. "Maybe they don't look so big now, but back then..."

PJ laughed but said nothing.

"What is it? Don't be shy?"

"It just felt like anything I might say about your breasts would seem totally inappropriate, even when you brought it up. But they're beautiful. Elegant and just the right size."

'Well, thank you! You handled that very diplomatically!"

Their conversation steered towards matters less intimate than that, but it went on comfortably for some time - long enough for Carole to take note and feel relieved. Only when she noticed PJ's glass was empty did she dare break the spell by offering him a refill.

"Oh, thanks," PJ said, holding his glass up while Arlene drained hers and followed suit.

"My pleasure, or really Arlene's," Carole said. "Had you ever had Three Ships before?" She held up the bottle for PJ to have a look. "Best whiskey in South Africa, apparently."

"Never heard of it," PJ said. "All I know about South Africa, I learned from my Johnny Clegg records."

Arlene yelped. "You've heard of Johnny Clegg!" Turning to Carole, she said, "Told you he was real!"

"We didn't say he wasn't real," Keith said. "Only that we'd never heard of him." To the others he explained, "We were playing the name game, one night at the pub, you know, where you have to name someone whose name starts with the next letter of the alphabet from the last person mentioned, and Arlene got letter C."

"I said Johnny Clegg, and these two said they'd never heard of him!" Arlene went on. "If only you'd been there, PJ!"

"I don't know if you'd want that, mate," Len said. "These two, PJ and Brad, you get them started on music and they never shut up. And we had a musical controversy of our own last time we were all in the city for training, at trivia night."

"Not that again!" Brad protested. "We were right, man, you ought to be on our side!"

"Just wish you hadn't both been so pedantic," Len said. "Then we might've won."

"We should've won!" PJ said.

"What happened?" Carole asked.

"What happened is with these two on my side, we had no business losing a music trivia contest!" Len groused. "But the question was, in... oh, what was the Elvis Presley song about -"

"It wasn't Elvis, man," Brad corrected. "It was the Everly Brothers."

"RIght," PJ said. "The question was, in 'Wake up Little Susie', what time do Susie and her boyfriend wake up?"

"I love that song!" Arlene said. "And it's four o'clock, isn't it?"

"Thank you!" PJ and Brad exclaimed in unison.

"Right, that's what they said," Len went on. "But they didn't say AM or PM, and the right answer was four AM."

"Yeah, but the song doesn't actually say that," PJ said.

"That's right," Arlene said. She sang the line, "The movie's over, it's four o'clock and we're in trouble deep."

"Mates, I think you've found your long lost sister," Len said. "Arlene, you ought to hear these two when they get to talking about music. Half the time I think one of 'em is gonna say, hey, remember that really bad shit John Lennon took in 1969? Oh righto, and he was wearing an orange bathrobe at the time! No, it was blue but he spilled orange juice on it, that's why you're thinking orange!"

A chorus of "Ewwwww!" arose, and Keith added, "Len, are you thirteen years old or what?"

"Don't judge me until you've heard these two guys go off about music, is all I'm saying, mate," Len said with an unapologetic look.

Arlene regarded Len from a safe distance with a sigh.

She could have talked to PJ all night - about music, about exes, about what was and wasn't romantic - but the last bus to Junglaw left just before midnight. As they all stood up to say good night, she hugged him like an old friend. "Let me know next time you're in town," she said. "We didn't even get to compare notes on our favorite Beatles albums."

"Abbey Road, and of course I will."

"Mine too, how do you like that?" After pulling away, she looked over at Len, but Carole stepped between them while saying her own good nights to Kathryn and Brad. So she had to settle for a long last look at him as he zipped up his coat to go. Perhaps it was just as well, she decided.

"PJ, before you go," Carole said, "Could you do another twirl?"

"Sure," PJ chuckled, and he spun around, his skirt billowing gracefully out as he did. "I see now why girls liked that so much."

"I never did," Arlene said. "But it's great that you feel comfortable wearing that!"

After they'd left, Arlene busied herself with collecting up the glasses to take to the kitchen. Carole felt inclined to tell her she didn't have to do that, but she was glad Arlene had stuck around for the moment. "Looks like you and PJ really hit it off," she said, following her friend into the kitchen.

"Oh, he's a sweet boy, isn't he?" Arlene said. "I felt like I could've talked to him all night. But tell me, what's the story about Len? Is he single?"

Carole's sense of relief burst like a soap bubble. "Oh, Arlene, you do not want to get mixed up with him! He's nothing but trouble!"

"I know!" Arlene said with a saucy grin. Seeing the disappointment in Carole's face, she put two and two together. "Oh, Carole, you didn't think PJ and I..."

"I sure hoped so. Can't you see what a sweetheart he is?"

"Exactly, Carole. Where's the danger? With Len, I mean, that John Lennon joke was kind of gross, but... you just know he's gonna take you for a wild ride, you know?"

"Arlene, I can't warn you strongly enough..."

"I can take care of myself, you know." Arlene forced a smile as she set the last of the glasses in the sink. "Mind if I just leave these here?" She had intended to offer to wash them, but suddenly she just wanted to go home. No one there to judge her, after all.

"Of course you can." Carole hugged Arlene good night. The words "I'm sorry" formed on her lips, but then she reflected that she was not.

* * *

PJ had, as usual, had less to drink than his three colleagues. As they all had separate flats in the gated complex on the edge of Junglaw, he had no way of knowing for sure if the others were still passed out in their beds. But it seemed more than likely, so his joyous secret was to remain his alone for the time being.

As he gazed out the window at the cold but clear sky - the rain was finally gone for the time being - he reasoned it was probably just as well he not tell Len he was falling in love with Arlene anyway. Ever since Len had taken over as head teacher, he had an opinion on everything and no qualms about sharing it.

Especially, although somewhat less since Tina had left, about PJ's love life.

It was really only "somewhat less" since Christmas because PJ hadn't really had a love life at all since then. Not like Brad and Kathryn, who fought like cats and dogs but had the world's greatest make-up sex afterward (according to Brad after a few too many rounds at the pub anyway). Or like Len, who seemed to have an infinite supply of local women he'd charmed into his bed - and on one occasion into sex on his fourteenth-floor balcony - although the rest of the gang never got to meet them.

It wasn't that PJ wasn't open to a new love. He and Tina had effectively been history for quite some time when she'd finally gone back to Denver. He recalled all too well now, the last few times they'd made love in this very bed - you couldn't even really call it making love, for she had obviously been bored to tears and only humoring him. Even the expert way he'd caressed her breasts, which had once worked her up into a palpable lather... now it was, "Go ahead and play with them all you want, whatever you like." A few weeks before she'd left, she had stopped being willing to even pretend and had put her foot down entirely. She'd even taken to locking the door when she changed clothes. PJ had almost been glad one of them had the good sense to stop pretending there was any joy left.

That was why, contrary to Len's frequent needling, he was not bitter at all about losing Tina. There was really nothing left to lose by the time she'd gone. Maybe Len's problem was that he just couldn't understand another man not being perpetually desperate to take someone to bed with him. Whatever the reason - he did not think Tina had anything to do with it - PJ had not felt that need at all.

Until now.

Their little exchange about Arlene's breasts had replayed in his mind all through the bus ride home last night, even as he and Brad had debated which of Bob Dylan's Christian period albums were the best and Len had tossed out dirty jokes that no one laughed at and Kathryn had done her best to ignore them all. Elegant and just the right size... how had he ever managed to deliver that line just right? Or was it really a line at all, since he'd meant it sincerely? Maybe it didn't matter, since Arlene had seemed genuinely flattered.

In his imagination, she still was. He had no idea what her real bedroom looked like - probably a lot like his own with its spartan decor and too-firm mattress, like most Westerners' digs over here - but he imagined a well-decorated room with lots of color and an ornate dresser with a huge mirror. And Arlene standing before the mirror, topless, assessing her breasts in the reflection.

She made no move to cover up when he stepped in. Rather, she asked him, "Hey, PJ, do you think my breasts are too big?"

He stepped up beside her, mesmerized by the beautiful view. "Not at all! They're beautiful!" And they were. Full and supple and, because PJ tried to be realistic even in his fantasies, they sagged just a bit. That only made them more enticing, as they looked pleasantly heavy, and his hands itched to find out just how heavy they were.

"Thank you! It's just, when I was younger, I got teased for being too tall and too big, you know?"

"No such thing as either!" Shy and reticent in real life, PJ saw himself now giving into the temptation and taking her breasts in his hands and caressing them just the way Tina had liked so much.

Arlene liked it, too. As he worked her into a joyous lather, he imagined her hastily unbuttoning her pants and pushing them down. Her long legs were just as gorgeous as her breasts, and the promised land between them remained cloaked in a beautiful thatch of dark hair. "Ohhhh, PJ, that's lovely!" she cooed as he kept his left hand busy on her left breast and ran his fingers playfully through her bush with his right.

In reality, his right hand was indeed busy. Though he could only guess what Arlene's body really looked like, it didn't matter now. He was focused more on the pleasure he imagined giving her.

"Still think they're too big?"

"No! Don't stop! Please!"

And so he didn't stop imagining himself caressing her deliciously until he came. As he lay back and relaxed, his phone beckoned on the bedside table. It was still too early to risk calling anyone and waking them up. But as he sat up and stretched, he made his mind up. Before he went to bed tonight, he would call Carole and ask if she could gauge if Arlene might be interested.

* * *

Arlene awoke a couple of hours after PJ did, and her head was pounding hard enough to make her wish she hadn't woken up yet. Nothing a couple of Dolorol wouldn't set right, of course. As she stumbled into her tiny kitchen in her night shirt to gulp them down, she tried to think of anything but her hangover.

The first thing that came to mind was, of course, the stirrings in her heart from the night before. She wasn't sure whether to be pleased or scared that they hadn't gone away. Was it really a good time to get involved with someone else already?

Arlene mulled that question as she set about boiling water for her coffee. There was no real need to wait, she supposed - it wasn't as though Richard had died - and it was nobody else's business if she wanted to move on right away anyhow, was it? Then again, Richard had happened in the first place because she'd been too hasty to dive in when she hadn't really known him yet. But that didn't mean it would be that way this time, after all. And even if this too didn't work out, imagine the ride she could go on while it did last!

Of course, there was Carole and her well-intentioned but unwelcome meddling to be dealt with too. But what did Carole know anyway? Carole who had found her true love so early in life and was so happy with him all this time while she'd been coping with Richard - she just didn't understand.

With that settled in her mind, it was off to the shower. Her lingering headache didn't stop her from getting busy with the showerhead.

* * *

Since they saw one another at work every day of the week, it wasn't unusual for PJ and his colleagues to do their own thing on weekends, except for Kathryn and Brad. So there was no risk of saying the wrong thing as PJ went off to lunch at a favorite sandwich shop, and then caught the bus to the next town for a movie. Arlene was never far from his mind throughout the afternoon.

Without any risk of Len calling him bitter, he found himself now able to admit to himself, it had been a lonesome few months. Definitely better off without Tina, and he genuinely hoped she was happy back home, but it had been lonesome nevertheless. Though he knew he was putting his heart at risk, it definitely seemed well worth it.

When he got back to his place right around dinnertime, PJ hadn't lost any of his uncharacteristic nerve. Closing his bedroom door out of force of habit even though the rest of the flat was empty, he called Carole.

"Hi, PJ!"

"Carole, hey. Listen, thanks for the party last night, I had a wonderful time."

"Oh, you're very welcome! We had a lovely time too. Wish we could all get together more often."

"Me too. Actually, that's sort of why I'm calling. About Arlene, listen, I know she just broke up with her boyfriend, but..."

"Oh, thank God!" Carole interrupted. "I was hoping one or the other of you would ask me."

"Did she ask you about me too?!" PJ's heart was flying.

"Well, no, but she had a lovely time with you, and I had a feeling about you two. Now to answer your question, she did just break up with Richard, but I don't think she really loved him. At least I hope not. I'm not sure if she's looking for anyone new just yet, but if nothing else it'd be a good time for you to get to know one another better. Leave it with me and I'll see what I can find out, okay?"

"Thanks, Carole, I appreciate it."

"Not half as much as I do, PJ. I'd love to see her with you after what I watched her go through with Richard."

"Well, thanks. This Richard sounds like a real loser."

"You don't know the half of it, PJ. Listen, I'll talk to her, discreetly of course, and we'll see if we can't get her to fall madly in love with you, all right?"

"Love it. Thanks."

"No problem. So long."

Unbeknownst to PJ, Keith was seated beside Carole at their kitchen table and had heard her end of the conversation. "So PJ's interested in Arlene?"

"Yes, I had a feeling after last night. Wouldn't that be a great change for her?"

"Yeah, but do you think she'll give him a chance?"

Carole sighed. "Probably not just yet. But I've got an idea."

"Oh?"

Carole grinned at her husband. "April Fool's Day is right around the corner, remember?"

She would need to enlist Kathryn's help, and maybe Brad's as well. But she wasn't able to reach them that night.

In the teachers' lounge the next day after kindy, she thought she might not need to bother after all, for Arlene asked her for PJ's number.

Carole gave Keith a furtive look of pleasant surprise as she said, "Yes, of course I've got his number!" As she scrolled through her phone for it, she added, "He is a real sweetheart, isn't he?"

"Had a lovely time talking to him Saturday night," Arlene said. "No offense, but I really need to start making more friends, and especially male friends. Richard taught me that much."

"No offense taken, and he's a great place to start." Carole was dying to share what PJ had told her the night before, but something made her hold back.

Arlene's next comment made her very, very glad she had done so. "Listen, I've been wondering," she said, looking at both Carole and Keith in turn. "I've been trying to decide for myself, and I really can't make up my mind. That skirt PJ was wearing the other night, would it be inappropriate if I asked him if I could borrow it to wear on a date with Len?"

Carole couldn't even be bothered to try to hide her disappointment. "Arlene, I told you -"

"Carole, he's not a monster, all right? And it's only one date!"

"One date? Has Len asked you out already?"

"Not yet," Arlene admitted. "But I saw the way he looked at me the other night. It's only a matter of time."

Carole knew better than to try to talk Arlene out of anything. "Just do one thing first, please," she said. "You've got PJ's number now. Ask him about how he's seen Len treat the women at their branch, all right?"

"If it'll make you feel better," Arlene said. "And speaking of asking PJ-"

"Don't ask him for the skirt!"

"Why not?"

"Since when do you ever wear skirts anyway?"

"I'd be willing to start, for a guy like Len."

"Just please ask PJ about what he's seen with Len, would you? Promise me?"

"I promise." Arlene leaned over and kissed Carole's cheek. "Thanks for the number. I'm going to call him right away."

As soon as Arlene had left the teachers' lounge, Carole picked up her phone again. "Should've known it was too good to be true," she said to Keith as she dialled Kathryn's number. "Hi, Kath? Yeah, hi. Listen, can you do me a big favor?"

* * *

"So we're supposed to make PJ sound like a badass?" Brad asked Kathryn that evening, a skeptical look on his face. "Gonna be a tall order, man."

"Remember Arlene just met him," Kathryn said. "She doesn't really have any way of knowing what he's really like."

"And just why do we want to do that anyhow when they got along so well the other night?"

"I guess Arlene likes bad boys."

"Can't get much more bad boy than Len, I suppose," Brad admitted. "But even if it works - and I don't see how we paint PJ as anything like Len anyhow - even if she does fall in love with him instead of Len, isn't she gonna figure out before long it was a trick?"

"That's why we're making it an April Fool's joke," Kathryn said. "Once Arlene starts figuring out PJ's really the sweet and quiet guy he is, she'll already be in love with him and it won't matter. Then Carole can tell her we just tricked her for her own good."

"I dunno, man, that's cold, playing three card monte with someone else's love life."

"Would you rather see her end up with Len?" Kathryn reminded him. "You know how he'd treat her, and it might even hurt our relationship with Carole and Keith."

Brad couldn't argue with that.

* * *

Now that she had PJ's number, Arlene wasted no time in calling him. On learning they both had no late classes to teach on Wednesday, they made plans for a discreet drink at her favorite pub in Tansi. It was a garish wine bar, with much of the room lined in red velour and flashy gold decor, and an endless array of jazz standards on the sound system. "Isn't this exactly the sort of place you imagined every pub in Asia looked like before you came here?" Arlene asked when she greeted PJ with a kiss on the cheek Wednesday night.

"Yes, and not a single one I've seen until now really was like it," PJ said with a bewildered look around. "Thanks for inviting me out here, I wouldn't have wanted to miss this!" Then he quickly added, "And of course it was so nice talking to you the other night!"

Arlene laughed and poured him a glass from the bottle she'd already ordered. "Relax, my friend, I know what you mean. I figured we could have a hearts-on-the-mend club if nothing else."

"Or an unbeatable rock and roll trivia team," PJ said. "Where do you come down on the 'was there a first rock and roll record' question?"

"Team no," Arlene said without hesitation. "There must have been dozens of songs before 'Rocket 88', just for starters."

"Couldn't agree more!" PJ held his wine glass up and they toasted. "Brad says yes, it was 'Good Rockin' Tonight' by Wynonie Harris. I guess that'd be my gun-to-the-head choice too, but..."

Arlene burst out laughing. "I can just imagine the two of you going at it on that, and Len's reaction."

"I think Len probably thinks it all started with Elvis. Poor guy doesn't know what he's missing."

"Speaking of Len, just what is the story with him?" Arlene hoped her smile wasn't too brazen as she said his name.

"Well, he's a fun guy to drink with up to a point," PJ ventured. "But I liked him a lot better back before he became head teacher. The man really let a tiny bit of authority go to his head."

"Well, yeah, Carole can be that way too," Arlene said. "But I mean, really, I've heard so much about him, even from the trainers. What's the story?"

"All I know about him before he came here," PJ said, "is that he had a DUI back in Australia. He's been known to brag about how he got this job even though they supposedly won't take anyone with a criminal record. No one's sure how he slipped through, including him."

"And he's friends with all the trainers?"

"He knows how to schmooze, that's for sure. And he's a lot of fun at parties when he hasn't gotten too drunk yet."

"And once he is drunk?"

PJ sighed and shook his head. "You don't want to know. Some of the women at our school won't even let him be alone in the same room with them, and there's an Irish pub in Junglaw - right outside our apartment complex, actually - we all used to hang out at where he got eighty-sixed for feeling up the owner's wife."

"Good heavens!"

"We loved O'Malley's," PJ went on. "So convenient, so comfortable... the rest of us are still allowed there, but it's just not the same. So we never go anymore. Lucky it's not the only pub in town."

"And Len cost you that," Arlene said. "Sounds like a real peach all right. But when he's not wasted, I hear he's a lot of fun?"

"He's still pretty chauvinistic even then, to tell you the truth. But look, he's a friend of mine, warts and all, and I shouldn't really be talking trash about him."

"No, fair enough," Arlene said. "I guess I'm just morbidly curious, you hear so many stories about him. And you know, PJ, I'm also morbidly curious about you... that scandal back in Chicago?"

"Gah, that's why Len is always calling me bitter," PJ said. " I was teaching French at a prep school there, and this trust fund baby turns in a paper about Moliere when he obviously hasn't read the play or even watched a performance of it, and I gave him a choice. Read the play and do the paper again, or get the F he so richly deserved. Instead he says, 'Don't you know who my dad is?'"

"Did you?"

"Yes, he was a senator from... another Midwestern state, the kind of guy who could out-folksy a pig, only he had his son going to this hoity toity prep school, go figure! I said I don't care who your dad is, this paper is an F, but I'll let you redo it. Couple of days later, the headmaster's office gets an anonymous tip that I was sleeping with his wife. How about that, huh?"

"Well, the headmaster didn't believe it, did he?"

"It was true," PJ deadpanned.

Arlene nearly spat out her wine. "PJ!"

"They were separated, so it's not quite as bad as it sounds."

"I guess! But... wow, you know you have a reputation for being a real straight arrow, quiet and conservative."

"I mostly always have been. Wouldn't you be if the one time you did something really wrong, it cost you your career?"

"I guess so. Do Len and the others know?"

PJ nodded. "Compared to a DUI, I figure it's nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, I'm not crazy about people thinking I've lived like a priest just because I'm not prone to getting out of control like Len."

"I like that."

They talked deep into the night, long after they'd finished the wine, so late PJ missed the last bus and had to take a taxi back to Junglaw. In the midst of the many things she learned about her new friend, Arlene forgot all about the skirt. Just as well, she admitted to herself when she remembered it on the walk home. Her head was swimming with all the interesting things she had learned about PJ anyway. Not to mention the new dirt on Len.

Some of those revelations were still very much on her mind the following evening, when Carole invited her along for dinner at a seafood place out on the highway, halfway to Junglaw. "Kathryn and Brad are gonna be there too," she added.

"Oh, lovely!" Arlene said. Then, with a sly grin, she asked, "What about Len?"

She braced herself for another stern advisory to steer clear of him, but to her surprise there was none. Carole simply said, "He's busy. Sorry."

None of them knew the name of the restaurant. But all the Westerners for several towns around knew about "the place with the big neon lobster". That lobster was flickering as brightly as ever in the early spring twilight when Carole and Arlene pulled into the gravel parking lot on their motor scooters. Kathryn and Brad had already staked out a table, and were making small talk with a little girl in a Language Land uniform. "Hello, teachers!" the girl said with an obedient smile when Carole and Arlene took their seats at the table.

"Good evening!" Arlene said. "Do you like the food here?"

"I love the... snapper?" the girl said.

"Me too!" Carole said. "Nice to meet you."

"Thank you!" She nodded at them all, and spun on her heel to rejoin her parents, who gave them a wave from their table.

"And she even knows not to wear out her welcome," Kathryn said. The others all expressed their agreement, having had more than their share of the semi-celebrity treatment all Westerners got in their little towns.

"So sorry PJ couldn't make it," Carole said. "I was looking forward to seeing him again, but I guess he had a pretty wild night last night?"

"Yeah, man," said Brad. "Even for him, he was something else. Tearin' up O'Malley's like you wouldn't believe it."

"I'm surprised he didn't call in sick this morning," Kathryn added. "But he sure gave the local women at the pub a show!"

"Did he?" Arlene asked. "Do I even want to know?"

"I'm not sure if we can do it justice," Brad said.

"He's right," Kathryn added. "You'd have to party with him to appreciate it."

"But we might not be able to party at O'Malley's again after last night," Brad said. "Right now the owner probably isn't too happy with us."

"You both heard what he did at his last training, didn't you?" Carole piped up.

Kathryn and Brad both nodded, but Arlene said, "I don't. And this doesn't sound anything like the guy I met last weekend."

"He did go out in drag, didn't he?" Carole reminded her. "Anyway, at training - it wasn't really scandalous, exactly, but after the first session he stayed out all night!"

"And they tell us not to do that," Arlene recalled. "They threaten you with a warning if you come in hung over, don't they?"

"They did in our training," Kathryn said.

"But PJ got away without one, because they never knew he'd been out all night," Carole said. "No one could figure out how he did it, but he did it."

"That boy is something else," Brad said. "We're so lucky we've got him for a drinking buddy."

"I have got to see this for myself one of these days," Arlene said. "I'd also like to know why he didn't let on any of this last weekend!"

"Oh, that's just because he wanted to make a good impression," Kathryn said. "He thinks it's what women want. But you haven't seen the real PJ!"

"If you want to meet him," Brad offered, "We're having a party at our place, weekend after next."

"What's that, the third of April?"

"I think it's the first," Carole said as innocently as she could.

"April Fool's Day," Arlene said. "Just so I don't show up in jeans and you're all in black tie or something."

"You kidding, Arlene?" Kath said, poking Brad playfully. "You think I could ever get this guy into a tux?"

"But we might get PJ into a skirt again," Brad quipped.

Arlene smiled and said nothing. She had April Fool's plans of her own.

* * *

Back in Junglaw, Len and PJ were sharing a pitcher at their new pub. It was a longer walk from home than O'Malley's, but at least the owner didn't want Len arrested. "Did I tell you about that new hammock I got set up on my balcony?"

"The one you had sex in?" PJ deadpanned. "Yeah, you mentioned it."

"Oh, mate!" Len laughed. " All right, I deserved that. Anyway, the other night I was doing just that, if you must know, and you know who I got to thinking of? That Arlene chick, from Keith's place."

"You thought of her while you were screwing some other woman? That's dangerous."

"Well, come on, mate, you saw her! Those legs must go on for five miles, and her shape... I mean, course I was happy with the one I was with, but I know just what my next conquest will be."

"Conquest? Aren't you a little bit old for that attitude?"

"Mate, you're not in America anymore. No need to be bloody politically correct here. And conquest, that's just what it is! They've got something, we want it, how're you gonna get it? I don't know how I'm gonna do it this time, but mate, it's good to have a goal, all right?"

PJ sipped his beer and said nothing. He did not trust himself to be diplomatic right then.

"Look, all I'm sayin' is, she's a great catch, and you heard all about how she's single now. Ain't like I'm gonna force myself on her or anything. But I'm looking for an in, and I was thinking, she's a music nerd like you, what's something fascinating I could say about rock history that'd impress her?"

"She'd probably know it came from me."

"Women don't think that way, mate. Or I'll tell you what, maybe it could be something obviously not too serious, like what was Elvis thinking when he wrote 'Hound Dog'?"

"Elvis didn't write that. Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller did."

"Huh, Jew boys? Who knew?"

PJ gripped his beer bottle tightly to resist the temptation to pour it over Len's head - who knew he was a bigot as well as a skirt-chaser? "I'm guessing Arlene did, for one," was all he said.

"Touche, mate!" Len laughed. "But seriously, mate, you got any ideas for how I can impress her?"

"From what I hear? You probably just need to be yourself. She likes bad boys."

"There's that PJ bitterness I love so much. Guess I'd better warn Arlene about that, if she ends up spending a lot of time out here with me."

"Yeah, you go ahead and do that, Len."

"But seriously, mate, what obscure rock history comment can I repeat that'll make her cream her knickers for me?"

"Okay, I've got one," PJ said after an uncomfortable moment. "Ask her if she thinks Little Richard or Pat Boone sang "Tutti Frutti' better."

"That'll impress her, will it?"

"Oh, it's a never-ending debate among early rock buffs, which one of them wrung more raw sexuality out of it. She'll be thrilled you've given it any thought."

* * *

Arlene didn't tell PJ any of the stories she'd heard about him when he called her again on Friday afternoon. Nor was she surprised when he was gentlemanly to a fault. "I really wanted to call you yesterday, to tell you the truth, but I worried it might be too soon."

"Oh, relax, PJ, it's not like we slept together or anything."

He laughed. "Wow, I mean, you're right, but..."

"Relax! I'm teasing!"

"I know. I just... figured anything I said could get me in some trouble there."

"It won't. And you're right, our conversation did get pretty intimate the other night. But I loved it!"

"Me too. That's why I called, actually. I was hoping you might like to have dinner or a movie tomorrow? Or both?"

"I'd love to! Sure!"

"Great! Shall we meet at the mall in Chung Wai?"

"Perfect," said Arlene. As Carole was approaching, she avoided saying anything else to hint at just what was so perfect. "What time?"

"How's three o'clock sound?"

"It sounds lovely. I'd better go get ready for class, though."

"Me too. See you then!"

"Yes! Thanks for calling. Bye."

"Bye."

Knowing she'd been overheard, Arlene really did then set about prepping for her next class, although it was a lesson she'd taught dozens of times before and didn't really need to prepare for at all. Of course it wouldn't do for Carole and Keith to know who she was really after. So there was no choice but to pretend.

As she'd feared, Carole picked up on this. "You don't really need to practice for that, do you?"

"Well, it doesn't hurt to, you know."

"True enough." On that note, Carole took a look through the teacher's book for her own next lesson. But she couldn't help herself for long. "Look, Arlene," she began.

"It's none of your business, Carole," Arlene said as politely as she could stand to.

"I guess you're right," Carole conceded. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

* * *

PJ didn't tell his colleagues of his plans either, if only because he hadn't expected Arlene to say yes. Now that she had, it was hard to hide his delight and resist the urge to tell someone. But the memory of Len's comments the other night meant he had to keep it under his hat.

Chung Wai was the biggest town anywhere near Junglaw and Tansi. But every Westerner in the area knew "the mall in Junglaw" meant the Carrefour on the edge of town, which headed a new-ish two-storey shopping centre with several restaurants and the most modern movie theatre in the county. So there were no concerns about missing one another as they took their respective buses into the city.

Arlene got there first, and spent twenty minutes or so exchanging cordial smiles with the local guys as usual. She had just enough time on her own to worry PJ might have changed his mind before he did appear, looking as cute as ever in a sweater and khakis. "Hi!" he said as soon as they spotted one another. "Sorry, the bus got stuck in traffic."

"No worries." Rather than give any awkwardness a chance to take over, she hugged him and was pleasantly surprised when he responded in kind.

She had a feeling there'd be more playful affection between them before the movie was even over. And she was right, for she found him holding her hand well before the credits rolled. When they did emerge and it was off to dinner at a bistro just up the mall from the theatre, he was the one who asked what was on both their minds. "Do we need to have The Talk? About our expectations?"

"Let's not worry about that yet," she replied. "This feels perfectly natural, no need to get all formal about it."

All through dinner, they didn't get formal about anything. They happened to get a waiter who was happy to show off his nearly-fluent English. At one point while talking to Arlene, he referred to PJ as her husband, and she didn't correct him. Ridiculously early to think of a thing like that, of course, but it felt good after all she'd been through with Richard.

When it was over, they were both prepared for a long goodbye at the bus stop. The bus to Junglaw got there first. When PJ saw it coming, rather than kissing her goodnight just yet, he said, "Listen, no pressure, but if you'd like to come back to my place..."

"I would love to!" Arlene squealed, as relieved as she was delighted, for she hadn't a clue how to let him know she was more than ready to take that step tonight.

PJ's apartment was one of the biggest she'd seen. "Rents are cheaper out here in the sticks," he reminded her as she looked around his living room. "Besides, I was sharing it with Tina."

"I hope it's not too weird bringing another woman home after that," she said.

"Not at all. Anything Len told you about me being bitter..."

"I never got that vibe from you, I assure you."

While PJ hung her coat up, Arlene helped herself to a look at his CD collection. It was much smaller than she'd imagined. PJ guessed what she was thinking and explained, "Most of my collection is in my parents' basement back home. What you see there is just what I've bought since I've been over here. But I've got a few thousand songs saved on my computer. Want a look at those?"

"One of these days I sure do," Arlene said. Then, with a saucy grin, she added, "But there's something else I want a look at tonight!"

With a wordless laugh, PJ led her to the bedroom, where he immediately turned on the space heater at the foot of the bed. "Don't you just love the lack of central heating in this country?"

"Just another thing I hate about this place," Arlene admitted.

"But this keeps the room pretty warm," PJ went on. "And," he added as he turned off the light, "It provides wonderful mood lighting, doesn't it?"

The heater cast a dim orange glow throughout the room. "Another case of everything is romantic, huh?" Arlene asked, slipping her arms around PJ.

"Well, it is, isn't it?" He returned the embrace and kissed her cheek.

"Extremely!" She whispered it in his ear and then turned her head to meet his lips on the next round.

The slight whirr of the space heater was the only sound for the next few minutes. A few days earlier, when she'd first imagined a moment like this, Arlene had PJ pegged as the timid and shy type. Now that she knew the story about the headmaster's wife, her expectations were quite different. They were met when he helped himself to unbuttoning her top, which she more than welcomed. Reminding herself what he'd said about her breasts - Beautiful, elegant and just the right size - she nevertheless felt her usual shyness about letting a man see them for the first time. Cursing the long-ago teasing that had made her so insecure about them, she discreetly unbuttoned her cuffs so he'd be able to get her top off quickly and she wouldn't have time to get any more worked up about the matter.

That worked out quite well, for the look on his face as her top floated to the floor was one of awe and wonder. That plus his gentle teasing around the edges of her bra not only put her at ease, it made her more eager than ever to get down to business, and she soon made fast work of his shirt as well. Then while he was still pulling it over his head, she busied herself unbuckling his belt buckle. With his hands once again lingering on her breasts, he looked down and smiled as she pushed his pants down.

"I'll bet yours are feeling awfully confining right now," he teased.

"You know you want to help me out of them!" she retorted.

"That I do!" And without further ado, he did.

He pushed her panties down with them, and Arlene welcomed the gentlest teasing her vulva had ever been treated to. Richard had so rarely even looked at it. But there were no more thoughts of Richard, as PJ stroked her bush and her lips with an almost magical lightness that brought on her first audible moans. "Oh, you're so good at that! Don't stop!"

He didn't. Although keeping his hand busy down below meant she was stuck in her bra for a while longer, she found she rather enjoyed the anticipation of finally having him remove it. Most men just wanted to get straight to her boobs without a second thought, after all! But she was mostly focused on the wonderful sensations shooting every which way from between her thighs, which soon grew so intense she flopped back on the bed and spread her legs wide for him.

PJ grinned at the beautiful sight, and knelt on the bed and resumed his playful stroking, now with both hands. "Oh, PJ!" Arlene could barely catch her breath. She closed her eyes and saw stars - and did not see PJ bending down to kiss her clit. She was aware only when she felt his tongue teasing it. "Oooouuuuuuwwwww!" she howled, arching her back. Now she opened her eyes and her hands found their way to his head and rubbed it in appreciation as his tongue went to work.

PJ slipped two fingers inside Arlene, bringing forth yet more beautifully inarticulate approval. As she writhed and shrieked for joy, he stroked and kissed her in rhythm as best she could, feeling quite sure there'd be no doubt about it when she came.

There wasn't. "Onnnhhhh yessssss, PJ, yesssssss!" She squeezed her thighs tightly around him and arched her back again, and pressed down on his head in case he got any foolish notions about giving up just yet, so he went on licking and kissing her.

When she finally let him go, Arlene sat up and reached back to undo her bra. "Cannot take one more second in this!" she declared, and she welcomed his gaze on her now-bare breasts as she threw the bra over his head. It bounced off the wall behind the space heater and joined the rest of their clothes on the floor. "Now get up here!" she ordered, and he did.

Almost before PJ knew just what had happened, he was pinned beneath Arlene and also nestled deep inside her, his hands rubbing her breasts as she set in to rocking. "Do they feel elegant too?" she teased, looking down at him as she picked up the pace.

"Better than that!"

Good answer, she thought. But she didn't say it. She didn't say anything now but a stream of enthusiastic nothings for the next several minutes. PJ surprised her by making his own share of noise, something she'd rarely heard from a man before.

He was not, though, about to beat her to the punch. "Gonna come!" she announced well before he'd shown any warning signs of the same.

"Do it!" he grunted. "It's beautiful!"

Was it really? Arlene had never heard a man call it that before. But either way, she certainly felt beautiful as her second orgasm washed over her. She resisted the temptation to close her eyes, preferring to share the moment with PJ as completely as possible. "With you next time," she grunted once she was back in control.

"Yes please!" To drive the point home, he thrust his hips upwards. They couldn't get far under Arlene's weight, but she felt the effort and it was wonderful. Time to bring him off for sure.

She began bouncing up and down on him, as fast as she could, and PJ finally gave up on her breasts and set to gripping at the sheets with both hands. Now he was looking and sounding as deliciously frantic as she had been a moment before, and she tried to focus on joining in with him when the big moment arrived.

She was just a second or two behind him, and his screams of joy were still going full blast when hers joined him.

As he opened his eyes and looked up, Arlene finally came to a stop. Her face broke into a triumphant smile. "Oh, that was beautiful."

"You sound surprised."

"Let's just say Richard was never like that."

"Neither was Tina. But enough of all that, am I right?"

"So right!"

In the morning, two things were in the back of Arlene's mind. The first was curiosity about PJ's older mistress back in Chicago. But the time never seemed right for that, and she held her tongue. Now was no time to make him think she was insecure, after all!

The second was asking to borrow his skirt for the party. She almost felt guilty at how readily he agreed. "I was hoping you might want to wear it, to tell you the truth," he said as he rifled through the closet for it. "One condition," he said as he pulled it out. "Model it for me now?"

"I can't even remember the last time I wore a skirt," Arlene confessed as she pulled it on. "I'll tell you right now, don't expect this to be a regular thing." But as she struck a flirtatious pose for PJ and also caught sight of herself in the mirror on the bedroom door, she had to admit she liked what she saw.

No doubt Len would love it, too!

Arlene had qualms about what her subterfuge might do to PJ and Len's friendship, but she was optimistic that PJ would understand. It was just the price of being friends with a guy like Len, wasn't it? Once she'd changed back into her jeans and kissed PJ goodbye, she had mostly reassured herself that he'd be fine with it.

PJ, for his part, had no suspicions that anything was amiss as he saw Arlene off on the bus to Tansi. But he was a bit confused about this party that she had expected him to know all about. Once he'd checked his phone to see there was a decent chance Brad and Kathryn had slept off their mutual hangover, he texted Brad to ask about it.

Yeah, man! came the response shortly afterward. Sorry, we were planning to tell you all about it this week. Glad Arlene is coming too!

So, PJ said to himself, was he. Maybe they could use the party to announce they were now a couple.

* * *

Arlene told Carole and Keith nothing about where she'd gone or what she'd borrowed. They would only give her more unsolicited advice about Len anyway. And bringing up PJ would inevitably lead to the same. So there was no mention of either of them for the first half of the week.

Unbeknownst to her, this raised Carole's suspicions. After kindy on Thursday, Carole posed with her phone and waited for Arlene to come in. When she did, Carole said, "I know, Kath, just what we'd expect of him! Can't wait to see what he pulls on Saturday. The party is still on, isn't it? Wonderful! Of course we'll be there. Bye!"

"I'm sure looking forward to that party too," Arlene said.

"You two aren't gonna believe what PJ did now!" Carole said, giving Arlene only a cursory nod of the head to acknowledge her comment. "You know those course assessments the kids have to fill out when they finish Level Twelve? He filled out a fake one, full of comments like 'I heart Teacher PJ' in pink ink, and they bought it! They're gonna give him some kind of award for getting such a high rating!"

"Aren't they worried Len will spill it to the trainers?" Arlene asked. "Isn't he a jealous sort?"

"That is a real possibility, and maybe you ought to keep it in mind if you still have your eye on him," Carole admonished her. "Just how would he hurt you?"

"Oh, I don't think he'd do that to me," Arlene said. "Think of what I could withhold from him in return."

"Sounds like a really healthy relationship," Keith said.

"I've had worse," Arlene said. She didn't look up from the stack of homework papers she was correcting, so she didn't see Keith and Carole exchange worried looks.

* * *

"I still don't like this feeling of manipulating our friends," Brad said as he and Kathryn set out the munchies on the table early on Saturday evening. "Brings me down, man."

"We've only got to do it until Arlene sees who's right for her," Kathryn said. "With any luck, tonight! In fact, it has to be tonight, since it's April Fool's Day."

Brad complained no further, but he was glad when Len arrived shortly thereafter with a couple of local teachers from their school. All three of them were tipsy already, but that didn't stop Len from going straight for the cooler in the kitchen. "Glad you saved me some beer," he quipped, helping himself to his first before Brad or Kathryn could offer. They paid him no mind, and greeted the others.

PJ arrived soon after, along with a few of Brad and Kathryn's training friends who taught nearby. He was dressed smartly, in a sweater and ironed slacks instead of his usual sweatshirt and jeans, but that didn't raise anyone's suspicions. Except Len's. "Mate, you think this is a school mixer or what?" he called out to PJ from the couch where he was holding court with his drunk friends.

The place was swinging to Kathryn's Totally '80s CD by the time Carole, Keith and Arlene put in an appearance. It was not too busy for Kathryn to notice what Arlene was wearing. When Carole came to the table to ponder the munches, Kathryn asked, "Is that PJ's skirt she's wearing?"

"Yes," sighed Carole. "I can't believe she was rude enough to ask for it, and at a party where PJ will be here!"

"It's okay," came PJ's voice behind them, and they whipped around in surprise. "I think she wears it better than I do, although she didn't seem to agree when she tried it on last weekend."

"Last weekend," Kathryn repeated incredulously.

"Then you and Arlene have been..." Carole could only hope she'd got her point across.

"A gentleman never tells," PJ said. "But yes, I think we might have an announcement tonight. We'll see how things go."

"What?" Kathryn and Carole gasped in unison. They looked at each other and Kathryn said, "Does that mean it worked?"

"Did what work?" asked PJ.

"Oh, nothing," Carole said. "Girl talk. You wouldn't understand."

Before PJ could decide if or how to respond to that, Arlene sidled up to him. Having planned for this moment, they greeted each other as casual friends, giving nothing away. "Good to see you again, PJ," she said as if she hadn't seen him in weeks.

"How've you been?" PJ asked. "Still hate it here?"

"Well, I'm a little happier now," she said. "I think I might be falling in love." She cast a glance over at Len.

To Carole and Kathryn's consternation, Len took notice and staggered to his feet. As he approached, Carole whispered to Kathryn, "What's going on? I thought..."

"I have no idea," Kathryn hissed back in disgust. "We tried!"

"Arlene!" Len threw himself at her and helped himself to a kiss on the lips. "You made it!"

"Hello!" Arlene replied in her best flirty voice. She didn't resist when Len took both her hands in his and didn't let go. "It wouldn't be a party without you, would it?"

"Glad someone here appreciates that!" By now he had Arlene swaying in an awkward one-step that wasn't even close to being in time with the music. Carole and Kathryn looked on in silent horror, while PJ sipped his beer and waited for Len to put his foot in it.

He didn't have to wait long. "So, Arlene, I was talking to your goody-two-shoes friend over there the other night about 'Fruity Rooty', and -"

"Fruity Rooty?"

"The song, you know, Little Richard and Pat Boone..."

"Oh, 'Tutti Frutti'!" Arlene gave PJ an amused look. She didn't know what was coming but she was sure PJ was somehow involved in it.

"Right, that. So which one do you think wrung more raw sexuality out of it?"

Arlene let go of Len's hands and clasped them against her mouth to stifle her laugh. "PJ, did you give him that line?"

"You know it," PJ said. "But I never imagined he'd fall for it."

"Fall for what?" Len snapped. "Who is Pat Boone anyway?"

"If you knew that, you never would have fallen for it, that's for sure," Arlene said.

"So it's just some stupid joke, is it?" Len demanded. "Well, it is April Fool's Day, isn't it?" He grabbed up his current beer from the table and took a swig. "Hey, I can beat PJ at his own game. Want to hear an American joke?"

"Do I ever," PJ quipped.

"Wasn't talking to you, mate." Len spun on his heel and planted himself between PJ and Arlene, his back to PJ. "So, there's this American Indian somewhere in New Mexico, his teepee doorbell rings, and he stumbles to the door and it's a cop, says there's been a report of a drunk Indian out harassing people in the streets, and -"

"Len, that's disgusting!" PJ said. "Stop embarrassing yourself."

"Mate, I told you, I wasn't talking to you!" Len snapped. "Sides, I also told you this isn't America and you don't have to be bloody politically correct. Specially not with a white girl from the land of apartheid!"

"Excuse me?!" Arlene forgot all about her and PJ's plans for the moment.

"Oh, you know I'm right about that," Len said. "Anyway, the cop is questioning the drunk Indian, and the teepee doorbell rings again, and this time it's Marlon Brando..." Ray dissolved into laughter so hard he had to sit down, while everyone else exchanged uncomfortable looks.

"Is this a good time, you think?" PJ asked Arlene.

"The best," Arlene replied, and with that she wrapped her arms tightly around PJ and they kissed for all their friends to see.

"Thank heavens!" Carole said. "But Arlene, I'm confused..."

"April fool!" Arlene and PJ said in unison.

"All those comments about Len..." Carole said, chancing a look at him now. He'd gained control of himself and was looking on at PJ in obvious defeat.

"I never actually said I was after him, did I?" Arlene reminded her. "Or that I wasn't after PJ, for that matter."

"But why didn't you just tell us?" Kathryn asked. "It's what we all wanted, and you see why, don't you?"

"I saw why from the beginning," Arlene said. "Look, I know you meant well, but I really didn't like the way you assumed I was dumb enough to fall for the bad boy again, like I didn't learn anything from Richard."

"Not to mention the stories you made up about me," PJ added, hoping he didn't sound angry. "I mean, you did cook up some pretty funny stuff, I'll give you that."

"But I knew it wasn't true," Arlene said. "He couldn't have been tearing up O'Malley's the night before, because he'd been with me the night before."

Brad spoke up. "Man, I tried to tell them..."

"No hard feelings," PJ said. "You were trying to help."

Whether by chance or someone's well-placed sense of timing, a slow song came on. Arlene took PJ's hand and, without another look at the others, led him to the middle of the living room floor. "We won!" she squealed in a voice too low to be overheard.

"I haven't slow danced in forever," PJ said.

"Don't expect me to believe you don't love it," Arlene said as their bodies swayed in time.

"I could never April fool you, could I?"

They were too busy kissing to notice the party had resumed, everyone having forgotten Len for the moment. So no one noticed him stumbling back to his feet and making a move to cut in on PJ. But everyone noticed when he fell down again halfway there. A few other dancers broke his fall, and they managed to get him safely to the couch.