Costco Retribution

I guess I dropped the ball somewhere along the line. We had been married eighteen years, and things were not going well. My wife was a cold, miserable bitch, and my two kids were not much better. I tried, I really did, but nothing seemed to help. Not all of us get to be Engineers, Lawyers, or Doctors. Some of us just end up with normal blue-collar jobs, making normal blue-collar wages.

With just a high school diploma, I felt I was doing pretty well. I was a parts puller for Esterly Pneumatic. We manufactured pumps for irrigation systems and other similar applications. I knew my job and I did it well. The salary was good, but not great, though it did include family medical. We had a nice little three-bedroom house, in a good neighborhood. It still had ten years to go on the mortgage, but it was ours. We both drove fairly new, paid-for cars.

I grew up on a small farm in Schuylkill County. When I was sixteen my family moved to Reading. My parents still own the farm and use it on weekends and during the holidays. My two brothers are both in the service. I met my wife Teresa when I started Reading Senior High School. It was love at first sight. Yes, I was a bit naive.

After several entry-level jobs I ended up at Esterly and felt that I found a home. I liked the job and worked hard to prove myself. Teresa worked at one of the local malls, up until she got pregnant. I was a fanatic about budgeting, so having a baby did not create any great financial problems for us. Our daughter Karen came first and then Perry a year later. I got clipped.

=======================================

Everything was great; Norman Rockwell great, until about four years ago. Teresa got a job as a contract secretary, for one of the largest car dealers in town. After about a year she was making more money than I was and had a company car to boot. Of course, this also included her working longer hours and on weekends. The more money she made the snarkier she got. It started with snide little comments and after a while, she just began making derogatory remarks directly to my face. To make things even worse, she was doing it in front of the kids. After a short time, the kids became as rotten as she was. They avoided me every chance they got and when they were around they were not pleasant to be with. It only took a year or two for everything to go to hell.

========================================

For some reason, I thought that if I got a dog, things would get better. I was hoping that it perk the kids up a bit. Of course it had to be a repro dog, I couldn't see spending money on some kind of fancy dog. I ended up with a Great Dane/Chow mix. He was ugly as sin but lovable.

The kids hated him. He needed a name. They weren't interested. I suggested 'Cisco' and Perry said 'Costco' would be more like it.

He tried; he really tried. Costco followed the kids everywhere. He tried to sleep with them, but they both kicked him out of their beds. They refused to walk him, feed him, or clean up after him. After about six months he just gave up and became my dog. I was happy with the dog but disappointed with the kids. Not only did they ignore him, they were actually mean to him, in so many different ways. I hated to leave him alone with them when I went to work.

As my family life deteriorated, my personality and habits also started to change. Although Teresa and I still shared a bed, I no longer instigated sex. Occasionally Teresa would be feeling a bit horny and start something. I never turned her down, but there was no enthusiasm on my part. Costco slept on the floor aside from my side of the bed.

I skipped breakfast at home in the mornings. I was soon a Waffle House regular. I just had fast food for lunch, usually. Some days a couple of guys would go out for a sit-down lunch, but not too often. I also started to work later and by the time I got home, Teresa and the kids had already eaten. She usually left me something to warm up. It only took a few months to perfect this routine.

On the weekends, I did all of the required house and yard work. There was no way that my son, Perry, would even consider helping. I stopped even asking, and there was no way that I could possibly demand him to help. Teresa would put an immediate stop to that. With the yard work done, Costco and I would leave for the farm. I always went alone. The wife and kids detested the farm. It was fall, so all the fruit trees and bushes had to be trimmed. I had no trouble finding plenty of stuff to do. Some weekends, my dad, and maybe mom, would also show up to work and just relax.

During the week I spent my evenings watching TV and surfing on my computer. The kids were always out of the house or maybe sulking about in their rooms. When Teresa was not into her Kindle, she was out with her girlfriends or shopping or whatever. I didn't care as long as she didn't embarrass me. Of course that is exactly what happened.

==========================================

It was a Monday morning when everything started to go to hell.

"Morning, John! How come we didn't see you Saturday night at the Crab Shack?" Grady Bumpus was one of the project engineers at Esterly. He handed me a pic-sheet.

"I was pruning the apple trees up at the farm. Why did you expect to see me?"

"Teresa was there and we just assumed that you were someplace around."

"Was she alone?"

"No! It looked as if she was with a few people from her work. Maybe it was a company function of sorts. It is a bit pricey."

"Yeah! That must be it. I can't afford places like that."

"Well, Teresa looked good. Didn't look like she was dressed for work."

As Grady walked away my assistant, Bernie leaned over. "Boss she goes there a lot. My sister is a waitress at the Crab Shack. Teresa goes there several times a month with her boss, Tony DeMarco."

"How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know. Couple of months I guess."

Tony DeMarco ran Berkshire Motors. He was Teresa's immediate boss. They sold Range Rovers, Audi and Jaguars. I didn't like some of the things that I was hearing, but I should have been prepared for it.

As Bernie was leaving work, I stopped him. "Can you find out if they are going anywhere else, other than the Crab Shack, I mean? Maybe your sister would know?" He just nodded.

My simple inquiry blossomed into something that I was not expecting.

It seems that my wife and DeMarco were regulars at the Purple Onion Piano Bar, The Star Bright Dance Hall, and the Airport Holiday Inn.

Now I was Mad! Before I was indifferent, but now I was mad. She wasn't even trying to hide it.

=============================================

Who could blame her? I was a lousy husband. However it was not my fault. I tried! I tried for years. Flowers, candy, gifts, dinners out, and vacations. Nothing worked. I stopped trying.

For some reason or other, things got worse at work. I was catching little comments and snickers from some of the floor guys and a couple of the engineers. I picked up the words 'cuck' and 'loser' quite a few times. Most of the guys didn't say anything, but I got a lot of odd looks and smirks that I never noticed before. Hell, maybe it was in my imagination, but I don't think so. I started letting Bernie work the job desk and I spent more time than normal doing backroom inventory checks. I was late for work a few times and then I started to leave earlier than I normally did. It was noticed.

I started sleeping on the couch in the den. That was noticed of course, by my wife. She commented on it one time and then dropped it. There was less yard work to do this time of year, so Costco and I started going up to the farm on Fridays. After a while, I started to take Fridays off at work and spent the whole weekend away. I had plenty of vacation time accumulated. Bernie appreciated the time to work the front desk.

I was becoming very bitter. I tried to do my best to be a husband and a father. It looks like I came up short. I knew it was my fault and I knew that I should have done better. Slowly the sadness was turning to hate and anger. I had not done anything wrong. I found myself becoming a victim. I changed my political affiliation.

==============================================

It was a snowy Thursday night. I was home and the kids were home, but no Teresa. The snow was pretty heavy, and even under the circumstances, I was a bit worried. Just after nine o'clock, the phone rang.

"John, It's Teresa. I just wanted to let you know that because of the weather, I won't be able to get home tonight. Just don't call the police or do anything stupid. I will be fine."

"What does that mean? Where are you and what are you doing?"

"We are at the Philadelphia Conference Center for the New Car Expo. The snow is too heavy to drive home. Especially on the Schuylkill Expressway. We are going to stay overnight at the Radisson. Don't worry the company is going to pick up the tab. I should be back tomorrow."

"Hold up a moment. Who is this 'we' you are talking about?"

"Geeze John! It's Tony of course. Who did you think I would be down here with? Now just relax. We will be back tomorrow afternoon sometime. Take care of the kids." I think she laughed when she said that. She disconnected.

==============================================

I drove a Jeep Wrangler. I had four-wheel drive, snow tires, and a tank of gas. I grabbed a 'DeMarco Motors baseball cap out of the coat closet that Teresa used to wear at the company outings and hit the road. The kids would be fine. They didn't even know that I was home, let alone, that I left. Yes, the Schuylkill Expressway was a mess, but I did make it. When I arrived I filled up the gas and picked up a FedX overnight express envelope at a jiffy store. There was plenty of parking at the Radisson underground lot.

"I have an emergency delivery for Mister Anthony DeMarco of DeMarco Motors." I waved the Fedx Envelope very quickly and made sure the desk clerk saw my company cap. He held out his hand and I just shook my head. "Has to be hand delivered." With great hesitancy, he signed and said "Three twenty two"

DeMarco opened the door and I immediately rushed forward and hit him square on the left jaw full force. The pain in my hand was incredible. Before I could do anything else he was all over me. He was six inches taller than I was and outweighed me by at least forty pounds. I remember hearing Teresa yelling at him to stop and that was about all I remembered.

========================================

It was dark when I woke up. I could tell that I was in a hospital room by the smell and the background noises. It only took me a few seconds to put everything together. I lost my temper. I attack a man bigger than me, and I got the crap beaten out of me. I decided to think about all that later. Right now I had to take a leak.

That was never going to happen. I had so many tubes and wires hanging from different parts of my body that I quickly concluded that I was not supposed to get out of bed. I found a button by the bed rail and a few minutes later Nurse Ratchet arrived.

"I need to pee!"

"Go right ahead. You are hooked up to a catheter. You have been attached for over two days. I will notify one of the duty doctors that you are awake. He will need to talk with you. Don't go anywhere." She was snickering a bit as she walked out the door. Not being nasty, just amused by her own humor.

Doctor Cobb Alexander was a big guy. "Mister Conrad. I am glad to see that you have decided to join us. You have luckily been out of commission for the last thirty hours or so. We kept you under sedation so that you would have a better chance to start healing. Unfortunately, you have quite a few problems that had to be addressed; some minor and some major. Any questions?"

"Can I get some water?" It was difficult to talk with my jaw wired shut. Nurse Ratchet was right on it.

"To start with, you have three cracked ribs and multiple bruises on your torso. It appears that you have been beaten rather severely about the body." He flipped the page over on his clipboard.

"You have lost three teeth, and your jaw has been fractured. Your nose is broken. We are not sure at this point, but it looks as if you will lose the sight in your left eye. We will know for certain in a few more days." He paused so that I could absorb what he had said and let out a small sigh. "And sometime during all of this you managed to break your right hand."

I was cognizant enough to understand what he was saying, and at the same time drowsy from painkillers. I sort of drifted off before he was done. The next thing I knew it was morning.

============================================

"Geeze! John. It's about time you woke up. We've been sitting here over an hour." I recognized her voice immediately. I glanced over and saw Teresa with Karen and Perry. The kids didn't even bother to look up from their cell phones. I sort of nodded my head when I looked at them. I didn't feel like trying to speak. I was wondering if I could fake falling asleep.

"The snow is pretty much cleaned from the roads, but it was still a long drive to get down here. We are not going to be able to do this regularly, John. You either have to get out or get transferred to a facility closer to home. I can't be pulling the kids out of school either."

I still didn't feel like saying anything. I was wondering if my parents or brother knew that I was here.

"John! John! Do you have anything to say? We didn't come all this way just to have you lay there like a dummy." I smiled the best that I could and nodded my head. I could sort of speak; not well, but good enough to get my point across if necessary. I decided not to let Teresa know that.

Everything was silent for a few minutes. It seemed longer. Finally Teresa opened up again. "Kids! Say something to your father. We didn't come all this way for nothing."

Karen stopped playing with her phone and looked up. "Get well, Dad. Hurry home. The sidewalk needs to be shoveled." Perry didn't even bother to look up; "Yeah! Me too!" he said.

I was overwhelmed with all of the compassion and remorse.

We sat quietly for about ten more minutes. Finally, Teresa got up and gathered her things. "Come on, kids. We'll try and get back down to see you Saturday if it doesn't snow or anything. I hope that you will be a little more responsive by then." I smiled and waved with my good left hand as they left.

===========================================

Things improved greatly over the next few days. The catheter came out as did most of the tubes and wires. I was able to use the toilet by myself. Doc Alexander seemed to think that that was a big milestone. My broken jaw was not as bad as they first thought. They reset my nose. Unfortunately, I lost ninety percent of my vision in my left eye. One of the nurses did bring in an eye patch and they all seemed to have a little fun with me wearing it. They even had a dentist on staff. Boy, was I glad that I had good medical coverage?

I charged my phone and had one of the nurses call my parents. Teresa had never contacted them and they had no idea that anything had happened. My parents and brother were there the next day. I had my brother pick up the Jeep and bring it to the Hospital Parking Garage. Mom and Dad were going to get the farmhouse set up so that I could do my rehabilitation there. Mom offered to stay with me as long as needed.

Teresa and the kids never came back to the hospital.

I had a whole lot of accrued vacation time and also a generous amount of sick leave available. That would be a big help.

Four days later I was on the road to Schuylkill County and the farmhouse. I was wondering if I should notify the DMV that I was now blind in one eye. Maybe later.

I asked Dad to get Costco and bring him to the farm.

"I am sorry John, but I can't do that."

"What do you mean? Just get him and his stuff and bring him up. I am sure that Teresa and the kids won't mind."

"John! I don't know how to tell you this, but there had been some problems and The vet had to put Costco down."

"What the hell are you talking about? He was in perfect health. Why would they have to put him down?" Dad seemed reluctant to continue and Mom left the room.

"John, his injuries were too severe. The vet said that it would be cruel to try and fix him up and expensive as hell. Teresa was forced to make the decision."

"What the hell happened? Did he get hit by a car or something?"

"John! I know you are not supposed to drink while you are under medication, but do you want a beer?"

"No! Damn it. What the hell happened to my dog."

"I'll try and make this short. Tony DeMarco moved into your house about a week after your 'accident'. Costco and Tony did not get along. Tony took a belt to him one day for something or other and Costco didn't like it. He bit Tony. He bit him bad, and then Tony beat the shit out of him. Teresa at least had the good sense to take Costco to the vet, but it was too late. I picked Costco up from the vet and buried him on the hill behind the farmhouse. I'll show you where tomorrow."

I drank two beers.

Mom stayed with me for about a week. She just wanted to make sure that I could function for myself. As my ribs healed, I started to jog a little bit every day. It hurt at first.

Teresa never called. She knew where I was, but never visited or brought the kids to see me. My therapy workouts slowly turned into body-building exercises. Mom and Dad brought all of my clothes and personal belongings to the farm. Teresa did not object and actually helped load them.

I lost my job and I now had no income. I still had access to all of our family banking accounts. I was amazed that Teresa had not emptied them out. The utilities and mortgage were all on auto-pay and there was enough in the accounts to cover everything for several months yet. I assumed that Tony was taking care of all of her other expenses, plus she still had her own income which she kept separate anyhow.

Jogging and working out made me bitter. As I improved, I started taking care of things around the farm. I missed Costco. Amazingly, I did not miss any of my family.

==================================

Vengeance became important to me. I didn't want vengeance for what he did to me, I wanted it for what he did to Costco.

I had my Jeep, but I very seldom used it. If I had to get something for the farm in town I took the farm truck. It was an old F100 stick shift with a winch mounted on the bed and a plow on the front. If I had to make some trips back to Reading, I used the Jeep.

The first place that I hit was the military surplus store. I couldn't decide which taser I wanted, so I bought both of them. I also got a pack of large zip ties and a roll of duct tape. I bought a retractable baton, but I don't know why, because I had no idea how to use it.

That was the easy part.

I ended up spending almost two weeks stalking Tony DeMarco before I was able to determine where the best place would be to pick him up. Like most people, he was a creature of habit. Thursday night he met at the Mountville Tavern with some old high school buddies. Who the hell hangs out with high school friends twenty years after graduation? Anyhow, I was able to park the farm truck close to his Black Range Rover; the one with the flat tire.

Two hours later Tony came out and found his flat tire. There is no way that I could have gotten his massive body in the back of that truck without the winch. I had to zap him twice with the taser. I decided to use the zip ties and the duct tape, just to be safe. With the canvas tarp on top of him, I headed back to the farm. Costco was waiting.

Things don't always work out as planned. I had no idea how long the effects of the taser would keep Tony docile. I was sure that the zip ties and duct tape would be enough just in case. But I was worried.

I just hit the Schuylkill County line and decided that I better check. I pulled the tarp back and the truck was empty. Oh! Shit!

I was halfway back to Hamburg when I saw the flashing lights. Damn, they got there quit. Tony had not seen who attacked him, but I was still worried. I pulled over and played the part of an innocent observer. It was hard to get close enough to make out anything.

"Do you know what happened?" I casually asked one of the other onlookers.

"Yeah! It was really weird. The wife and I were just driving along and all of a sudden we saw this guy hopping down the middle of the road all tied up. We stopped the car to help him and just then a semi went roaring by about fifty and hit him head-on."

"Is he alive?"

"Hell no! He got creamed."

The EMT guys had just finished loading him as I slowly pulled out. It wasn't what I had planned, but I had a smile on my face all the way home. Of course, there was going to be a lot of questions due to the circumstances. I'll worry about that later. I hope Costco won't be too disappointed.

=================================

I didn't leave the farmhouse for the next couple of days. I was a bit worried that there might be some feedback. In fact, I was almost sure that there would be. I had no idea what to do. I started to inventory and consolidate my assets, but I didn't know why. I didn't have any plans to leave. Hell, where would I go? I set up a new online bank account. I moved everything into it, including the small college fund account that I had set up for the kids. Neither one of them was college material so I figured that would be wasted anyhow. I cashed in my insurance policies and stopped the auto pay on all of the utilities and services.

Exercising made me thirsty, so I stocked up on Yuengling Black and Tan. I exercised a lot.

=====================================

She was driving a grey Jaguar. It looked out of place in the front yard of the farmhouse. So did the high-heeled shoes. I guess a gentleman would have gotten up to greet her, but for some reason, I didn't. I just sat on the porch and waited for her.

"You are a hard man to find, John Conrad." I patted the seat of the chair beside me and handed her a cold long neck that I pulled from the ice chest aside of my chair. She sat, twisted the cap off, and took a short swig.

"I'm sorry. And who are you?"

"Wanda! Wanda DeMarco. I am Tony's wife, or should I say, widow?"

"I am sorry for your loss," I said flatly and with a slight bit of attitude. I don't know why I did it. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

She snickered slightly and took another short sip. We sat quietly for what seemed like a long time.

"Is there a particular reason for your visit Mrs DeMarco?"

"I just wanted to let you know that everything has been taken care of. You can relax. Don't do anything rash or stupid."

"I don't understand."

"John, since my husband died, I am now the owner of three car agencies, two sandwich shops, and a pizza restaurant. I also have part ownership in a car wash and an auto body shop."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

Wanda took another swig of beer. "Damn, this is good stuff!"

"Have you ever thought of relocating John?" I just smiled.

She finished her beer and got up. "What is your favorite color, John?"

As she wobbled back to her car, I yelled out, "Green." She waved in acknowledgment.

===========================

Mom and Dad spent the weekend. We talked about a lot of stuff and we carefully did not talk about a lot of stuff. Does that even make sense? They had no contact with Teresa or the kids. It seems that Teresa was making a real effort to avoid my parents. They were not happy with the situation, but seemed to understand. So far, Teresa did not seem to having any financial difficulties, as far as they knew.

Dad wanted to know how long I intended to stay at the farm. I casually mentioned that I might take an extended vacation and both my Mom and Dad got big grins on their faces. It didn't go any further than that. Unfortunately, up until that point, I had not seriously thought about a trip.

====================================

It was sort of funny watching a five-foot chunky broad getting out of a Dodge Ram Crew Cab. I thought her jeans were going to split open. Some sort of service guy got out of the driver's seat. He had on a uniform and a DeMarco baseball hat.

"Hey! Guess what? The GPS brought us right here. No problem at all. You are going to love it, John." Even though she was little her voice was sort of deep, not squeaky. I hate girls with squeaky voices.

"Who the hell are you, and what the hell are you talking about."

"Wanda said you liked green, so Dwight and I got tagged to bring this up to you. This is Dwight, by the way." she motioned toward the driver who was holding a folder full of papers.

"My name is Paula. I am Wanda's cousin; one of them. She said that I should bring you this truck and this." She held out her hand with something small and black in it. As she walked toward me, Dwight was busy laying out some papers on the porch table.

She stood in front of me and paused."You are going to have to bend over some so that I can put this on you." Dwight was sort of laughing to himself.

She fiddled around a bit, stepped back, and said "There! That's better."

"What the hell is it?"

"It's an eye patch, silly. Wanda said your eye was all screwed up from the accident. I guess they are planning on fixing it at some time, but in the meantime, this will look sort of cool on you. Sort of like 'Terry and the Pirates'."

"Who is 'Terry and the Pirates"

"Sorry! I am an old comics buff. I'll explain it to you later."

"Excuse me, Mister Conrad. Do you have your Jeep title handy?" Dwight asked.

"It's in the glove box. Why?"

"Paperwork. Always paperwork." He hustled down to the Wrangler and came back with the pink.

Twenty minutes later, I was the proud owner of a new Green Dodge Ram Crew Cab, and no longer owned my beloved Jeep.

"Paula, is there some kind of explanation you can give me?"

"Sure! We will have plenty of time for that." Paula walked Dwight back to the Jeep. They talked a few minutes. She gave him a hug and then he left; without Paula. She walked back to the house smiling.

"John, have you ever been to Pensacola?"

=======================================

It took us two days to get to Florida. Yes, we stopped overnight, and 'no' there was no sex. There was however quite a bit of conversation. I won't get into all of it. I did find out that I did not own the truck; Paula did. She did verify, however, that I no longer owned my Jeep. Somehow or other, I felt that I got screwed in that deal, but I was not sure yet. Although we were in Pensacola, we ended up staying at the DeMarco condo in Orange Beach. Once we got settled in, Paula took charge. I got a new phone; in her name. I got two new credit cards; in her name. The truck was in her name. The condo was in her name;(sort of). I don't think I even had a name anymore.

I don't know how it happened, but that little spitfire took over my life and I let her. She also took control of my sex life. The first night at the condo was quite an experience. I still didn't know what was going on, but I didn't feel in too big a hurry to find out. I was confused and totally disorientated.

My life became a party. We spent a lot of time on the beach the first few weeks, but slowly we started venturing out. Movies, plays, flea markets, and any other events that we could dig up. Although I had plenty of money with me, we were using the new credit cards almost all of the time. We took several trips to Biloxi, but neither of us was too interested in the casino scene.

My parents knew that I had left the farmhouse and that I was all right. I finally called them after three months. The first five minutes of our conversation were spent insuring them that I was not having any problems.

"How are Teresa and the kids doing? I haven't heard a thing from them since I left."

Although they were on the speaker phone, Dad seemed to monopolize the conversation. "They are gone! I am not sure but I think they might be in Frackville with Teresa's sister."

"What exactly happened?"

"I'm not sure, but she did try to borrow money from us when the utilities were turned off. We turned her down of course. I drove by the house a week later, and the place looked deserted. The grass hadn't been mowed and the trash wasn't being picked up. One of the neighbors said that she lost her job and might have moved in with her sister, but they were not certain."

"Was there any news about DeMarco's death?"

"Every once in a while, something pops up, but nothing substantial. The papers and TV keep inferring that it was a mob hit of some type. No one ever contacted us about you. As far as we can determine, they are not interested in you at all. It sort of died down."

"Have you seen the kids at all?"

"We tried, but neither Teresa nor the kids were interested in getting together. I got the feeling that we were bothering them."

"I feel sorry for the kids. I don't know what I did wrong. I don't have any idea what I can do for them right now."

"John, now that things seem to have cooled off a bit, where the hell are you?" I am sure he heard me laughing when he said that.

"Dad! Mom! Just think of sun, sand, and warm water. I am fine. I don't need anything and I am not having any problems. I am sure I will get tired of all of this soon, but in the mean time I am going to relax and enjoy myself. Oh yes! Just in case you are curious; 'No' I am not alone."

=================================

The condo had a nice little balcony. The odd thing was that it did not look over the Gulf of Mexico but the Inter-coastal Waterway. It was lot more interesting to watch the boat traffic than sand beach. It was great place for morning coffee.

"Paula! How long are we expected to play this out?"

"I wasn't supposed to say anything, but Wanda said we should stay here until at least October."

"And then what?"

"I don't know. She never discussed it further than that."

"Well, what do you want to do?" She just looked at me and sort of shrugged.

"Do you have anything to go back to? Anybody you have to see?"

"Not really! After my fiance dumped me, I was sort of wallowing around in self-pity. Wanda was pissed at how I was handling it. I was living on her dime, so she made me an offer; take you to Florida or get a job. You were the lesser of two evils." She actually laughed when she said that and leaned over and poked me in the ribs.

"Seriously Paula, we can't just play house forever, especially with Wanda paying for it. Isn't there anything you are interested in?"

"Are you serious? Do you really want to know? Well okay! I want you to get a job. I want to move into a small house in a subdivision and I want to have three kids. Satisfied."

We sat there for what seemed like several minutes. "Do you want to go over to Wolves Bay and get some Gumbo later today?"

==================================

I got a job at Costco in Huntsville, Alabama.

Paula got a three-bedroom house in Harvest, Alabama.

We had three kids; two boys and a girl.

We are happily living in sin. It was easier that way.

We got a dog.