An Almost Perfect Life

(This story is the property of its author, H. K. Smythe. Any unauthorized reproduction or reprint without the express authorization of the author is strictly prohibited.)

An Almost Perfect Life

John Cromwell

My life was pretty close to perfection, until it wasn't. I had a beautiful wife, four wonderful children. A nice six bedroom home in the suburbs with only fifteen years to go on the mortgage. Our three car garage was full with a sedan, an SUV, and a minivan. Our biggest problem was that our backyard storage house was full. My job was going great guns also. I had put in three years in public accounting and then gone to work as an accountant in a small manufacturer. The manufacturer had grown to medium-sized, and after ten years as Controller, I had recently become the Vice-President of Finance. Although my Controller was still a little green, he knew what he knew and just as important what he didn't know. I realistically only worked about thirty hours a week, because my controller took care of most of the accounting detail, and between my PA and financial analysts, most of the finance work required only some oversight. I had experienced people in Purchasing and Collections so rarely did I need to intervene. A big part of my job was interacting with the less financially astute other executives. A large part of that was accomplished in our Friday afternoon golf outings.

I met Marie while still in college. She was personable, beautiful, and we seemed to want the same things in life. She was an extraordinary specimen of womanhood, the prettiest, most sensual woman I ever went out with. One of the things that we both intensely wanted was each other's bodies. I lost my virginity while still a senior in high school and spent the first three years of college learning how to please women with my above average male appendage and tongue. I met her at the library. We were in one of the reading rooms where I was reading some business journals and she was looking at an art book that seemed to be almost as large as she was. I had a dual major in finance and accounting while she was majoring in fine arts and planning to become a commercial artist.

We became intimate in the backseat of my ten year old hand me down sedan on our first Friday night date. We had already during our first week had a couple of coke dates. At the end of the semester, both of us had only one semester to go, we moved in together, and the rest is history. We had a graduation week wedding and got jobs in a large midwestern city, mine was in public accounting, and hers was for a small advertising firm. The only thing about this Franco-Greek woman that I didn't like was her drawing life models in her art classes.

After four years of apartment living, we bought a starter home just in time for the birth of Aubrey. Marie became a part-time freelance artist and four years later Marie was in her third trimester with Paulette while Charlotte was two, and we upgraded to a much nicer six-bedroom two story home in a gated community. When Ernie joined our family it nicely filled our home with each child having an ensuite bedroom upstairs, and in the adult area downstairs Marie and I shared the master suite with an ensuite guest room at the other end of the downstairs. We had many friends both from the neighborhood, from my high school, which was in the same metro area, and even quite a few college friends that we managed to keep up with. It was a typical suburban lifestyle, football parties, golf and tennis lessons, along with weekend games, barbeques, and occasional dinner parties. We also had lots of birthday parties involving the children and their friends and adult parties which were generally drunken grab-ass-athons with flirting and dancing, and more beer, wine, and liquor than hors d'oeuvres.

As I mentioned above it seemed like an almost perfect life. Our homeowners association took care of the front yard, the pool guy took care of the swimming pool, and I rotated the backyard grass cutting among the teen agers. After twenty-three wonderful years of marriage, Aubrey was a freshman in college, Paula and Charlotte were in high school, while Ernie was in middle school.

Marie had continued her work as a free-lance artist and periodically illustrated children's books and magazine articles. Now she wanted to do something more substantial. With gym workouts three times a week and frequent tennis games, Marie was only one or two sizes larger than she had been in high school. I thought she was sexier now than when I married her, as her physical additions had been in the hips and bust, and she had avoided cellulite. Although we no longer were intimate nine or ten times a week as we were in the early days of our marriage, we were still getting it on four or five times a week, with Marie almost always extremely willing. She found a job with a small firm that identified itself as The Massimo Agency. They seemed to have commissions in advertising, public relations, modeling, and photography. I suspected the scope of their operations would be even larger than that if opportunity knocked.

Marie seemed very enthused with her new job. Although she was an amazing beauty in her early forties, I was still surprised when she told me that the firm had approached her about doing some niche modeling in addition to her primary job as an artist. As there were only around twenty employees, she also occasionally served as a photographer's assistant, including some behind the camera work. Marie always liked to push the limits a little in her party attire; however, the same dress seemed less appropriate for business situations, although I assumed that was just the way things worked in the wonderful worlds of advertising and public relations.

Marie

From the day I met Johnny I knew he was the one. Even now after four children, and over twenty years of marriage, I still got a little thrill when I woke up next to the love of my life. We had had a good life. No emotional hiccups as our lovely children negotiated puberty and began negotiating the roller coaster of middle and high school society. I felt a little guilty about the turn my professional career had taken, but it was so much fun that I couldn't stop. It was almost like a narcotic for which I continually needed a fix.

In college I had been an artist in drawing classes with life models, so I was used to being around unclothed models. I had been surprised when my supervisor approached me about doing some modeling. I mean, I was a forty-plus year old woman with no previous modeling experience. At first it was dresses, and slacks, which morphed into lingerie and swimsuits, and then nude modeling, still ostensibly fashion or artistic modeling. I don't know exactly why but it was naughty, exciting, and just plain thrilling to add nude modeling to my responsibilities at Massimo. I had been modeling sans clothes for 'saucy' photographs for a while, when I had a session with a twenty-something year old model named Roberto. Modeling, particularly nude modeling with a male model, was still new enough to me that it was exciting and arousing. We were during a particularly provocative scene with my lying supine on a sofa and Roberto on his side supported by his lower arm. We weren't quite sure what to do with his other arm. He run it around one of my nipples and then ran it across my stomach to my genitals. I was already wet when he first touched me and that really set me off. When he kissed me, it quickly became big-time make out city. Reflexively, I wrapped my arms and legs around him. Rolf, the photographer, kept the camera running. Roberto paused in his stimulation of my clit and slit to guide his organ into me, and nothing existed for me except for the wonderful things he was doing to me as he kissed, fondled my breasts, and fucked my brains out. I had some of the biggest orgasms of my entire life as Rolf, the camera man continuously took photos, while capturing video of our performance at the same time. Knowing that it was all being photographed added to my excitement; I didn't find out until later that video was being captured at the same time.

After I came five or six times, I felt I couldn't thrust my hips forward any more, Roberto ejaculated. I wanted him to hold me, but that was not to be. He and Rolf exchanged positions, except that before violating my married cunt for only the third time, he rolled me over onto my stomach. He began banging the shit out of me. Roberto moved the camera toward my head so he could capture my facial expressions as I continued to climax like there was no tomorrow.

When Rolf ejaculated, I was again denied after care, as he rushed out of the room to see the captured pictures and video on his computer. Roberto helped me get dressed, and I returned to my desk, wondering how this had just happened to me.

Around a half hour later, my boss called me and asked me to report to the CEO's office. I wondered if I was going to be fired or what? Both my boss and the CEO were seated with big smiles on their faces.

The CEO started, "Rolf just showed us the rushes of your afternoon session, and both Harry and I think it is absolutely amazing. Harry confessed to me that he hadn't realized that you had that kind of performance in you. We would both like to see more of the woman of the hour. Would you mind disrobing?"

I didn't know what to do. Not only was I feeling fantastic, but I was actually feeling the first tinglings of arousal, even though it had been less than an hour since the most thorough fucking of my life. I didn't quite seem myself as I passively removed my garments one by one until I stood nude before them. It was clear where this was going as both had removed their trousers.

Of course, I should have kept my clothes on, and of course, I shouldn't have sat down on the CEO's couch and spread my legs, but I was already looking forward to my fourth and fifth dicks since my marriage. A transition had taken place in me, and I thoroughly enjoyed the next thirty or forty minutes of being spread on the CEO's couch and bent over his desk. On the way home after work, I mentally prepared myself to meet my husband, by coaching myself to act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Over the next few weeks my colleagues took full advantage of my newly found wantonness; I was probably averaging three or four liaisons a day, more if we were shooting a modeling session. In these sessions I not only willingly let all three of my larger holes be filled at the same time, I screwed large black dicks, small white ones, medium yellow ones, small blacks, and large whites in numerous configurations as measured by thickness and length. I cut Johnny back to a maximum of once or twice on workdays, but I pretty much made up for it on the weekends, sometimes doing him as many as eight times from Friday evening until Monday morning.

I should have been ashamed of myself, but I was enjoying the almost continual sex too much. It still excited me to be naughty before the camera; it didn't seem to matter how many times I did it.

As the scope of my sexual intimacy expanded to other models, photographers, and executives, I didn't even realize that the X-rated photos were being supplemented by videos. Even when I found out that the videos were being distributed through exclusive private but highly remunerative channels I never stopped. I was having too much fun. As middle age was gradually reducing Johnny's sex drive, mine was increasing. I had no qualms about what I was doing, as long as my duplicity remained undiscovered. I managed to convince myself that what Johnny didn't know wouldn't hurt him. I don't think Johnny suspected anything even though my sex drive on weekends was increasing, somewhat offset by a diminishment of my sex drive on week nights.

My love and respect for Johnny remained undiminished although my fidelity had totally cratered. That some of my sessions were being videoed for semi-commercial distribution only added to the excitement and fun. I was a little concerned at what Johnny's reaction would be if he found out, but as the weeks passed with no issues rising, discovery became a worry far from my mind. That all changed when Johnny came by the Massimo office to take me to lunch.

Johnny

I had a late morning appointment with a banker regarding a line of credit. Since it was not that far to Marie's office, I called and asked if she wanted lunch with her husband. She acquiesced and as usual, I waited in the reception area for her. The receptionist had stepped away from her desk, and while standing near her desk waiting for her return. I noticed a somewhat lurid DVD cover on her desk. It had two black men sandwiching a very blonde, very white, very scantily clad, woman. It took a moment for me to recognize that the scantily clad filling for the sandwich was my lovely wife Marie. I was in almost total and complete shock but managed to take a cell phone photo of the cover.

When the receptionist returned to her desk, she quickly put the DVD in her upper desk drawer and then asked what my business was. I told her I was there to take my wife to lunch. She became a bit pale, but quickly dialed Marie's phone, and in a few minutes Marie appeared.

She entered smiling, the happy wife glad to see her husband, and then her expression changed, when she saw my stormy face. She asked, "What is it, honey?"

I curtly replied, "We'll discuss it at lunch!"

She seemed a little worried as we silently rode to a nearby Tex-Mex restaurant that we had enjoyed many times before. We ordered our food, accompanied by wine for her, and a highball for me. After the drinks were served, she asked, with some trepidation, "Is something wrong, Johnny?"

I handed her my cell phone with the photo I had taken on display and asked, "Would you care to explain this?"

She handed the phone back to me, hung her head in shame, and said, "Oh, Johnny!"

Tears streamed down her face, as I coldly stared at the woman who had been my world until a few brief moments ago. "Johnny, I'm so ashamed. You deserve an explanation, and there is no good one, at least for me."

I raised an eyebrow, and clearly said, "And...."

She said, "Johnny, I can't eat anything, now. Can we go somewhere private to talk about this?"

I asked, "Where do you want to go, Marie?"

She replied, "Can you take me home, please, Johnny?"

I agreed to her request. We took the food to go. Waste not, want not. Both of us called our offices and said we wouldn't be back that afternoon, and silently I drove us to what had been our happy home.

We sat at our dining table where she had a bottle of water and I had a Scotch neat. She began, "I'm so sorry, Johnny. Unfortunately, it is what it seems. I want you to know that I love you more than I ever have before. I want to tell you the whole unsavory story, even though I don't know how much it will help. I want you to know that I love you, although after I tell you my story, you may not want to have anything to do with me. I think there should be forgiveness in a relationship, but in this case, you have an awfully lot to forgive."

She continued, "As you know, I started modeling a few months ago. At first, it was simply women's attire. Gradually, it morphed into lingerie and swimsuit modeling. For me, it was very exciting and even arousing. It seemed that the fewer clothes I had on, the more I enjoyed the modeling. As you know, we have a very diverse business and clientele here. It didn't seem to be that big of a leap to do artistic nude modeling. Then I started doing the modeling with a male model. The more risqué the modeling became, the more I enjoyed it. The sessions got hotter and hotter. Finally, I lost control and a modeling session devolved into a threesome with the male model and the photographer. That was very bad. What I should have done then is quit modeling, go home to you, and tell you what had happened, and hope you could forget and forgive a one time 'mistake.' Obviously, I didn't."

I agreed, "You're exactly right. You should have come to me when there was less to forgive and forget."

She resumed, "Johnny, it was like a drug. From there, it went downhill pretty fast. I enjoyed the sex so very much. I even enjoyed being photographed in the act. Then I found out that the video footage was being sold to a select small group of clients at hundreds of dollars per client. It was like a sickness for which there was no cure. They wanted me to do more, and I wanted to do more. I knew I was still in love with you, and only you, but the excitement of illicit sex and increasing self-degradation was intense and intoxicating. I loved doing it, even though I had no idea of how I could explain it to you if you ever found out. At this point, I think I should resign from Massimo and that you and I should undergo counseling starting as soon as possible. Thinking about it now, I regret the pain I have caused you and that I didn't come clean after my first 'mistake.' Johnny, I love you, and if there's any way we can recover from this, I'm all in. Please, Johnny think of the twenty-plus years I was a good wife and life partner and try to forgive me for the terrible things I have done recently."

I explained, "I'm willing to consider a reconciliation, but I have to be honest with you. I've got doubts about my ability to forgive or forget what you have done. Right now, my strongest feeling is confusion about who this woman is that I spent over twenty years with as her faithful husband."

She replied, "I get that. I sincerely regret every awful thing I did. My love for you has never wavered, even though clearly my fidelity to our wedding vows has. This is all on me. You have been nothing but a wonderful, loving husband, and if you dump me, I will at least be able to treasure my memory of our many wonderful years together. Even if we end up divorced, I think we both will need counseling. We have the children to consider as well. You did nothing to deserve this and I am very ashamed of my behavior over the last few months."

I explained my position, "Right now, I don't want to be intimate with you. I'll move into the guest room. I think you're right about the counseling even if we end up splitting up. Are your videos online?"

She answered, "As far as I know, they're not. My understanding is that the videos have a very limited distribution at a cost of like a thousand dollars a copy. I'm so sorry, Johnny. You deserve better than this. Whether we transition to divorce or reconciliation, I will support whatever you decide. You have been a very good husband." She paused to wipe some of her tears away. "You deserve far better than this, and I will do my very best to make things easy for you. I'm so sorry that I have disappointed you, and even sorrier that I took a route which puts our marriage at severe risk. I'm not a bad person, but I have behaved very badly in this matter."

I responded, "We had over twenty very good years together. I will be sad if it ends like this. I just don't know if I can forgive this, much less forget it."

She replied, "I don't know which is worse, my stupidity or my lack of moral compass. Honestly, I haven't forgiven myself yet. What I want now is a couple of sleeping pills and a quiet rest. I can't help myself; I'm pretty much an emotional wreck. The worst thing that could happen to me is to lose you, and I understand that we're very close to that, and it is all my fault."

I said, "Get some rest, Marie. Tomorrow is a new day."

She told me, "I love you, Johnny, more than words can say. I'm going to try to get some sleep now."

I loved her but I hated what she had been doing. This was no one-off. The worst part, in a strange way, was that I didn't hate her. The questions that kept coming were things like, 'How could she do this week after week, and just keep on doing it, at least until she got caught.' 'Why didn't she come to me after the first time?' I think I could have forgiven her and would have been able to go back to the way things were if she had come to me when it was only a one time thing. First, she was unfaithful; then she became a prostitute; now she had started a career as a porn star. She was fucking guys for money and publicizing it on DVD's. A high-class whore is still a whore.

It was time to cut bait. I would have to tell the children. I went to an attorney named Martin Robinson. He advised me to go ahead and file, even if we decided to do counseling. He also advised me not to tell the children until Marie's service was imminent, like the night before. Robinson's office called me Monday morning and told me Marie would be served in her office, Tuesday morning. I took the day off and met Aubrey for lunch at a café near his campus.

His first question was, "Dad, is everything all right?"

I said, "No, son, it isn't. I recently found out that your mother had been unfaithful, including prostituting herself, and starring in porn movies. She'll be served early tomorrow."

He responded, "Ohmigod, Dad. You're sure that she did all this?"

I explained, "I talked to her about it, and at least, she didn't deny it."

He was flabbergasted, "My mom did all that?"

I replied, "There is no doubt. I couldn't believe it at first, either. I thought I had a wonderful marriage. I guess I did for over twenty years, but it's over now. Plain and simple. I don't see anyway I could do anything else but divorce her."

He commented, "No reconciliation is possible?"

I said, "If she hadn't been repeatedly doing these things for months, there might have been a chance. It's almost like I never knew who she was, or else she underwent some big changes that I was completely unaware of."

He said, "Maybe it was both. I'm so sorry, Dad."

I said, "I'm sorry, too. I don't know if she'll try to sugarcoat it when you talk to her, but I wanted you to know what I think are the facts."

He said, "I can't believe my mom is a porn star. Have you told the others?"

I answered, "I plan to do that when they get home for school this afternoon. I'm thinking that we should all meet Tuesday evening and you can hear what she has to say."

He replied, "I'll be there. This is hard to take in."

I ended with, "It is hard. I love you. I think she loves you. I know this is really difficult but if the five of us stick together, we can make it through this."

He responded, "I love you, too, Dad. Keep in touch!"

We shook hands and he headed off to his first afternoon class.

I waited at home for my other three children to return from school.

When Charlotte and Paula got home, Charlotte immediately recognized something was wrong.

She asked, "What's going on, Dad? You look like it's something serious."

I replied, "It is serious. I came home to discuss it with you guys and Ernie. Is it all right if we wait for Ernie?"

Both girls agreed.

It was only five or ten minutes until Ernie arrived.

Ernie inquired, "Is this a family council? Has something happened?"

I responded, "Sit down, and I'll give you my side of the story."

He joined us at the dining table. Now I had six eyes staring at me with concern.

I began, "I found out recently that your mother has not only unfaithful, but she has prostituted herself and is also becoming a star in dirty movies."

Ernie exclaimed, "Mom a porn star! No way!"

I said, "Unfortunately, it's true. When I confronted you mother, she at least had the character to not deny the facts. She's being served with divorce papers tomorrow."

Charlotte asked, "How long has this been going on?"

I replied, "I don't know exactly when all this started, but I am sure it has been going on for months, maybe longer."

Paula inquired, "And she was just going about the house, being our mom, while all this was going on?"

I responded, "I'm afraid so. I don't know how I failed to pick up the signs. I think it was just that I loved her and trusted her, and I guess, was just plain oblivious."

Ernie commented, "Just like the rest of us."

Paula continued, "And there's no doubt about any of this?"

I admitted, "I have been gathering evidence in case she changes her response, but so far she hasn't denied any of it."

Charlotte added, "Incredible. Our mom. I believe you, Dad, but it's just hard to accept."

I explained, "I'm planning on taking you guys out tonight. I don't want you to lie to her, but I'd prefer you didn't discuss it with her until after she's served tomorrow while she's at work. We will have an all hands meeting tomorrow night."

Tuesday around ten-thirty, Marie called me, "What have you done? Why did you do this? I thought we were still talking and were going to do counseling? What the fuck?"

I replied, "We can still do counseling, but my attorney advised me that this is the appropriate next step for me. The counseling is not guaranteed to resolve all of our problems."

She asked, "Have you told the children?"

I responded, "I told all four children yesterday."

She inquired, "That's why you kept them out late last night. You didn't want me to have any warning about this happening today?"

I answered, "Yes, but I'm trying to make it easy for them."

She continued, "But not for me?"

I explained, "I think you brought this on yourself."

She began crying, "I did, but I still love you. I'm still hoping we can get back together, and things can be like they used to be."

I spoke slowly and carefully, "That would be nice, but without fidelity or trust, it's going to be hard. I told the children we could all meet at dinner tonight. Aubrey will be there."

Our supper that evening was mostly silent. It seemed that everyone was deep in their own thoughts. After dinner was cleared away, we sat back down around the dinner table.

I opened, "I've talked about this with all of you. The four of you haven't heard anything from your mother, so I think she should speak first."

She began, "I don't know how much you know about this, but I'm going to give you my side of the story. I don't know which hurt the most, finding out that your father had discovered my career as a porn star a few days ago, or being served with the divorce documents at work today. It's not that I deserved any better, but it still hurt, perhaps more because I know it was all my doing. I'm so sorry that I have hurt each of you and disappointed you with my shameful conduct. I have resigned my job at Massimo, so I won't be doing the awful things I was doing any more. I'll probably take a few days off to try to forgive myself for my dark deeds, and then I'll start looking for a new job. I still hope that through counseling your father and I can get back what I so wantonly destroyed. I still love each and every one of you with all my heart, and I just hope there can be some forgiveness for all my misdeeds. I feel terrible for my stupidity and weakness and lack of moral standards. It may take a while, but I hope that, with time, you can think of me as a good mother and not as a wanton slut. I begged your father not to kick me to the side, and I hope that you guys will not turn away from me. Again, I'm so sorry for my bad behavior. I know it's asking a lot, but I love you, and I hope you can forgive me."

Aubrey responded first, "Mom, as far as I know, you've never been anything but a loving mother. This just seems so atypical. Why? What happened?"

She said, "First, this afternoon, I handed in my resignation at Massimo. They weren't happy, but I told them that my career had diverged from what it was when I started to the point of conflict with my being a good mother. Second, my job didn't morph from being an ordinary job to being a porn star didn't happen in one giant step. It was a long series of small steps. I don't think there is any way you can begin to understand what I did without knowing the small steps. Painful as it will be, I'm willing to tell you the long, sad story. First, I am a sensual woman. Women are different from men in that they are subject to the vagaries of the feminine cycle. It is about four weeks, and I'm sure all of you know that menses happens about every four weeks. Also, usually halfway between each menses is ovulation. One of the effects of this is that a woman's desire for breeding reaches a peak at ovulation. I am telling you this because I think that may have contributed to some of my bad decisions. So, when did this all start. I think it happened around four months ago when my boss asked me if I had any interest in modeling. I had thought about it, although not seriously when I was in my teens and early twenties, but I never did anything. I was amazed and excited about this second chance to fulfill a teenage fantasy. At first, I was just doing dresses, slacks, skirts, jackets, and other outer garments. Some of the dresses were quite exciting and attractive, even though I couldn't see myself wearing them ordinarily. Then they asked me to do swimsuits, and eventually lingerie, some of which were quite revealing, even more so than the bikinis I had been doing. It seemed a small step to do nude modeling. You might not know but I sketched nudes in my life drawing classes in college. It didn't seem like that big a deal. From there we moved into nude modeling with guys, even though it was still artistic. Gradually, that evolved into erotic modeling. The first red line I crossed was getting so aroused in a nude modeling shoot with a male model that I let him do me. I was so aroused that I also let the photographer do me. To me and I think, to your father, the red line was not what I did, although that was bad enough, but I didn't tell him what had happened and I didn't stop my jaunt down the primrose path. I thought about it and decided he would be happier not knowing. I guess I was happier with him not knowing. After that, most of my modeling sessions climaxed with sex. I didn't realize it but these sessions not only had lots of photos, but also video. Initially, I wasn't aware that the video was being distributed to a select few clients at high, for most people, prohibitive prices. My employer gave me a piece of the action which I put in a separate account to keep it hidden from your father. I guess that was another violation of trust. At this point, I was all in for more and more exotic videos, I even posed for the dust cover pictures. What finally tipped your father off to my misbehavior was seeing one of the dust covers. It is unlikely but certainly possible that one or more of these videos will surface to my embarrassment and yours, as well. The more and more exotic sex was like a drug. The more deeply I got involved, the more I wanted to do even more outrageous things. It was like I had two personalities, a happily married wife and mother and total slut whore. The slut whore is over, but I really have no way of making amends for what I have done. As your father pointed out, this was anything but a one-off, I did it for months. I'm glad that the living a lie part is over. I just hope that I haven't completely destroyed my relationships with the five of you. I'm totally ashamed of what I have done and can't tell you how sorry I am. I can completely understand if all of you turn your backs on me and never want to see me again. I love each and every one of you and sincerely hope that we can still have some sort of relationship going forward even if it's not possible to be the same as it was."

She put her head on her hands and started sobbing. I had an impulse to hug her but the best I could do is give her a few soft pats on her back.

Charlotte came and hugged her, "We'll try to work things out, Mom."

Paula put her hand on her shoulder and said, "Hang in there, Mom."

Aubrey said, "I still don't understand why you never came to the point of at least hinting to Dad that something was going on?"

Marie raised her head, tears still running down her cheeks, "I was enjoying what I was doing and I was telling myself that if Johnny didn't know, it wouldn't hurt him. I'd like to think I was something special, but I guess the bottom line is that I was just another serial cheater. I believe I can be a different person than that, much more like the woman your Dad loved for over twenty years, even if I am not one hundred percent sure I can do it. I think I am a long way from convincing your Dad. Maybe the same thing is true for you guys."

Aubrey replied, "I think you have to convince yourself before we can be expected to believe in you."

Charlotte said, "I believe you can do it, mom!"

Paula asked, "What if our friends see some of your videos, Mom?"

Marie continued crying, as she responded, "I don't know, Paula. I had convinced myself that it was extremely unlikely, but it is a possibility. I should have thought of that at some point before now and said no to doing any more. I guess all you can do is say 'that is the despicable woman that's my mother, but it's not me!'"

Paula responded, "Let's all hope that it doesn't happen."

Ernie said, "Are you still going to be my mother?"

Marie answered, "I hope so. It depends partly on your dad, and likely, partly on the divorce court. I know that I'm willing to devote even more time and effort to my family than I ever have before."

That was pretty much the end of our meeting. Marie went to the master bedroom, and I went to the living room. I think the children had their own post-meeting meeting. Thirty or forty minutes later, Aubrey said goodnight to me and headed back to school.

As the days went by I was feeling less anger toward Marie. The sad fact was that I was feeling less of everything for Marie. I didn't like the way she had treated me. In my mind, she was forever a scarlet woman. No letter on her forehead, but from my point of view there might as well have been. I thought about trying to acquire one of her videos. The picture of her sandwiched between two big black studs was forever etched in my memory.

I wondered if the adult video store that I had noticed in a run-down strip center on my way home from work might have a copy, for less than a thousand dollars. I went there and looked through their used videos. Sure enough, there she was, smiling with her arms bound above her head and only a thin thong between her and complete nudity. The price was forty dollars. Very expensive for a used DVD, but a hell of a lot less exclusive than the thousand dollar price tag Marie had suggested. Actually, I convinced myself that I was only buying it so that none of my children's friends or acquaintances could acquire it. With that motivation, I visited two other adult video stores that were not very far removed from my usual routes to and from work. I scored another of Marie's videos for forty-five dollars. It was the one of Marie nude but sandwiched between the two black studs. One of their legs obscured her naughty bits although both boobs were on full display. I kept them for a few days before I viewed them.

Meanwhile, my divorce proceeding proceeded. So far, the only disagreement seemed to be over the number of counseling sessions to be undergone. Surprisingly Marie didn't fight giving me primary custody, although she wanted liberal visitation. Frankly, where Marie was concerned I just felt numb. She had moved to an apartment. I had split our investment and checking accounts with her, so she was living off her capital, while she looked for a new job. So far she was getting a few free lance commissions, but that was all. Not enough to keep body and soul together for the long-term.

Our counselor was very good. I thought that at least some of the twelve sessions we had agreed on would be helpful. Mrs. Lane wasn't trying to ram us back into our marriage. Our sessions seemed to be progressing nicely in helping us both deal with our loss of confidence and self-esteem resulting from Marie's betrayal of me and our relationship and its aftermath. She seemed to be taking the approach that the first objective would be to try to heal our wounds or at least guide us toward healing our own wounds, and once we were healed, we would concentrate on discovering if there was enough left of our relationship for a second try.

I was fully on board, but Marie would have preferred to directly approach the issue of reconciliation. It was both strange and interesting to feel like I was helping Marie recover from her torpedoing of our marital relationship. I think she did feel good about assisting me in my recovery. She seemed to feel as warmly about me as she ever had. Unfortunately, I was looking at her videos. It was a strange experience watching them. I was both aroused and disgusted when I watched them. I went to six more video stores and purchased five more of her DVD's, two were new to me and three were duplicates. The five cost less than two-hundred dollars, tax included. The two that I hadn't seen before, convinced me that she was depraved beyond recovery, and that I wanted no part of her, even though I did become thoroughly aroused when watching them.

The first three months of our separation she was very conscientious about seeing the children and seemed to be seeking contact with me whenever possible. As the final decree for our divorce approached she seemed to be less anxious to see me. That was probably because the reconciliation part of our counseling didn't seem to progress beyond my loss of confidence in her fidelity and trustworthiness.

The counseling seemed to help both of us feel better about ourselves, and after eight weeks on self-improvement, the final sessions of our counseling were about dealing cooperatively where the children were concerned and looking at the issues that were keeping us from reconciliation. We were both fully on board with a civil cooperation where the children were concerned, but it seemed that reconciliation was just not possible at the current time. My attitude could probably be summed up as 'once burned; once learned.'

After the divorce, Marie seemed to be less conscientious about seeing the children, after the divorce decree had given me primary custody. Marie seemed to not desire custody or visitation privileges anywhere near as much as she desired reconciliation with me. Soon, she was effectively seeing the children an average of one weekend a month. She now seemed to be avoiding contact with me whenever possible.

A few months later, one of my long-time neighbors gave me a DVD that his wife had picked up at a garage sale. It starred the timeless star of erotic videos, Jaja Monroe, in "Jaja can't get enough of her big boys." Although she was thinner, it was clearly Marie. I watched it and it was even more degenerate than her previous videos. The plot was simple. Everywhere she went, she would pick up a couple of stallions, white, black, or in between, and take them home with her. The theme changed to BDSM with the stallions taking her to a mansion with a fully equipped BDSM room where the two guys and the owner treated her to most of the experiences available in the room. The most significant thing about this DVD was that it was apparently available new for $29.99. I guess Marie was no longer a high-priced whore.

Although it had been several months since the children had seen her, the children wanted to invite her to our family Christmas get-together. Although she hadn't been invited to Aubrey's wedding, he and his wife greeted her as a mother and mother-in-law. My significant other, Janie, was able to hug her and treat her a little more than civilly. Her grandson by way of Aubrey enjoyed sitting in her lap and was enthralled with the abundant, multi-color tattoos on her arms.

The low point of her day occurred when I asked her if she had returned to her old job at Massimo. A tear ran down her face as she admitted that she had. Both of us were willing then to move on to other topics.

Marie

In spite of my unconventional lifestyle, I was heartened when Johnny invited me to spend Christmas day with what had been my family. I fell in love with Aubrey, Jr., who couldn't seem to get enough of the tattoos that were visible on my arms. He couldn't see most of my tattooed area because it was covered by my reasonably modest clothing. By now I have become the tattooed lady of porn. Johnny asked me if I had returned to work at Massimo. I admitted that I had, even though I knew that guaranteed that Johnny and I had no future. I enjoyed being the in-house whore of Massimo, almost as much as I enjoyed being a porn star. If I had my choice I would forego the fleshly pleasures of my current life and be the nice grandmother wife of Johnny. It's a choice not available so I'll just go on being a slut and porn star at Massimo as long as they'll have me. I am making money hand over fist, so I will have a pleasant retirement, perhaps on a tropical beach somewhere. Perhaps some of my fortune will go to gigolos when my looks are gone, but that is the best life I can have, so I will live it.

At the Christmas party, I gave a tearful speech at the end of the day. I told them how much I loved them and how much I had enjoyed the day, and how much I hoped they would be able to invite me to such events in the future, even though I admitted that my life choices had been such that I didn't deserve it. It felt so good when as I was leaving, Johnny kissed me on the cheek and said, "See you next year!" whatever that meant. Even the bitch Janie gave me a goodbye hug. Honestly, I had to admit that she seemed to be a better woman than me, a lot closer to what Johnny deserved. I will make sure that Johnny knows how to get in touch with me. I would so much like to see Aubrey, Jr. before next Christmas.

Johnny

After Marie left, I asked if everyone had been okay with my allowing Marie to celebrate Christmas with her. Charlotte took a look at Audie, her boyfriend, and asked if anyone had an objection to her mother coming to her wedding. Audie looked a little embarrassed and then assumed the position and asked the question. After happily responding in the affirmative, she then announced that by next Christmas Marie would have another grandchild. Audie almost fell over but then he scrambled to his feet and began kissing her. I was glad of two things at that moment. Because of the counseling, I was able to accept both Janie and Marie into my life, although I fully intended for Marie to only be peripheral and Janie to be even more intimate than she already was. We had another family get-together on New Year's day at which Marie was not invited and at which I proposed to Janie. Janie made one condition. The one family event she did not want Marie at, was her wedding. I admitted that I had encouraged a limited acceptance of Marie back into the family, that did not extend to our wedding. Janie was twelve years younger than me and had been married before. Unfortunately, both her husband and her only child, had been killed in a drunken driver boating accident. I assured her that I was on board with additional children, and that Marie would have no part in our family's life other than when we attended events featuring Marie's and my children and grandchildren.

Epilog

Johnny

This all happened a few years, and now we all get together whenever we can find an excuse. We make it a point to include Marie at family events. I consider it a good thing that she doesn't make it to all of them and usually leaves early. Janie's and my two always look forward to playing with their nieces and nephews, of which there are now half a dozen with more on the way. Janie and I decided that a boy and a girl was just right for us, so there will be no more, although the season is still open on more grandkids. I still occasionally think about if..., if..., if... with Marie, but she made her choices and we all had to live with them. My time with Janie is different than the early years with Marie but then I'm a different person now. I think I am happier with Janie but I look upon my current happiness as absolute, not relative to any other time and person. Just so you know, most of my thoughts now are with my nuclear family of Andy, Annie, and Janie. This is the best of all possible worlds!