Nice Guys Finish Last Ch. 22

This is a slow burn romance series that contains femdom, humiliation, and non-consensual themes. Some chapters are far less erotic than others because this is a long series. This chapter contains very sensitive themes.

Chapter 22

Abuse...

For as long as I can remember, I was surrounded by abuse. My very first memories as a little girl were of my mom holding me down by the hair and smacking me on the back of the head.

"Why were you born?!" she would scream in the midst of her strikes. And as if my existence wasn't bad enough, she'd yell, "Why couldn't you be a boy?!"

My mother was a professional gold digger. All she did was go from man to man, searching for someone to take care of her. The only thing she brought to the table was her beauty, but once those men realized what a shitty person she was, they'd immediately leave her after getting their dicks wet.

That's how sex was introduced to me. I only saw it as a momentary pleasure provided to a man in exchange for the woman getting something she wanted. And unfortunately for my mother, I was just the ultimate consequence of another failed attempt at tricking a man into a lifetime of misery.

I never met my father. All I know about him is that he knocked up my mother and then left her before finding out she was pregnant. He was a very wealthy man, as were all the men my mother would pursue. He didn't even mind paying the child support just so he could be completely rid of my mom, and of course, me.

As a result, my mother hated me. She constantly reminded me of the burden I was on her life, since men found her less desirable now that she had a child. She wanted so badly just to get rid of me, but she couldn't because she couldn't afford to lose the child support.

As a child, I longed for the love and compassion I would see others receiving, either on TV or at my schools. I never received any of that at home. And whenever my mother would bring another guy around, he'd eventually leave her, and she would blame me for the failures of her relationships, despite her ugly personality.

I was abused a lot. I took the blame for everything.

As a child, I didn't know any better. For all my young mind knew, my mother was right. I couldn't even grow up to take care of her because, as she stated so many times before, she knew I'd end up exactly like her, a helpless woman.

For eighteen years, I was her burden to bear. She'd remind me of that every day and every night. The only reason she didn't abort me was because she hoped my birth would bring my father back.

That didn't happen, nor did I turn out to be a son who could take care of her later on in life. I was just a constant reminder of her failures, and I was everything she hated about herself.

Then, I met him...

I bet Phillip doesn't even remember the day we met. We were just children in elementary school. I guess I took a liking to him because he was nice to me, just like he was to everyone else. I also liked that he was small. His tiny stature was kind of cute to me.

At the time, I had no knowledge of boys, nor did I understand how to interpret my feelings. I just know that I started teasing him, because that was the only way to assure I'd get his attention.

At home, my mom wasn't someone I could talk to. She'd often have zero interest in how my days went. Even when I talked about Phillip, she didn't seem to have anything to say... until... I mentioned that his dad was a doctor.

It was such an insignificant detail to me at the time, but I'll never forget the way my mother's eyes lit up. It was just something that he mentioned in class when we all had to introduce ourselves. I thought it was pretty cool, but my mother, obviously, found it even more intriguing than I did.

"Did you say you liked this boy?" she asked, suddenly showing me the attention I never received as she placed her hands on my shoulders. "So you're going to marry him someday?"

I just remember shaking my head as I trembled from that look in her eyes. "I don't even know," I told her. "He probably doesn't like me..."

From that point on, my mother's attitude towards me changed. Her new hope was that I would eventually marry rich once she was done indulging in my father's child support.

By the time I was eighteen, she figured we could both live off the wealth of some rich person I'd marry. And for the time being, the number one prospect was Phillip.

I, all of a sudden, had the constant attention from my mother that I always craved. However, the older I got, the more I realized that attention didn't stem from love. It was just more abuse, like everything else in my life.

She switched me from leftover junk food all the time to healthy meals, so I lost all my pudginess. She started making me exercise every day, even before I was fully developed. I even received lessons on how to do makeup, as well as regular visits to the dermatologist, to go along with contacts and braces.

All of these things were actually really positive for me. They were all great. The only issue was... they weren't done out of her love for me... It was clear that the only reason she was putting work into me was so that I'd become valuable to a man once I was older.

I was now an investment to her, not a daughter.

Oddly enough, it was that very abuse she put me through that resulted in me finally gaining attention from my peers. The more attractive I looked, the more I suddenly found myself as the center of attention. People were now approaching me and being nice for no reason. Making friends had never been easier.

Still, going home was a reminder of the hell I truly lived in. No matter what successes I achieved, academically or socially, all my mother cared about were the boys I was potentially suited for.

Even when I wanted to play sports, because my friends wanted me to join, she didn't allow me to participate. To her, she just saw it as another obligation for herself. She didn't want to go to my games, and she definitely didn't want to drive me to practices.

Eventually, I found swimming... and she was okay with it... As a matter of fact, she was excited...

It wasn't that I was in high school, so all transportation was already taken care of. It definitely wasn't that she had finally come around to caring about what I wanted. No... The only reason she wanted me to participate was because she knew guys would see me in swimsuits.

I felt like livestock in her eyes. I was like a prize that she was trying to show off for her own benefit.

My personal desires were never considered. All that mattered were how things affected her. But for the time being, she at least supported me in one thing, no matter how immoral her reasons were.

Unfortunately, my one real crush was still in my life, and my mother continued asking about him. She became friends with Phillip's family, hoping this could create a better chance for me to end up with him.

My feelings for him had stayed the same. As a matter of fact, I actually started to like him even more. However, it was complicated... but I had grown mature enough to know... a nice guy like him didn't deserve to be trapped by my toxic family.

I began pushing him away. The way I treated him was no longer just teasing. I straight up bullied him whenever I got the chance. But unfortunately, this only seemed to draw him even closer to me.

Through my constant bullying, I started to notice things about him, but I learned even more about myself. No matter what I threw his way, he never spoke a single word of disrespect to me. He obviously hated me, but he could stand in the face of abuse and carry himself with more dignity than I ever could.

Meanwhile, it felt as if I was slowly turning into my mother. What initially started as me trying to push Phillip away for his own safety was now just me taking my anger towards my mother out on him.

I started to resent him for a while because he was everything that I wasn't. Seeing how successful he was and how proud his parents were was a constant reminder that I would never achieve those things.

Though I still thought of him highly enough to let him get entangled into the toxic relationship that my mother and I had, I somehow felt it was okay to become an abusive person towards him.

I knew that we would eventually stop seeing each other, and that he would go on to do great things while I turned into an absolute failure of a human being like my mother. I suppose I wanted that to happen, because at least that would prove that the world ultimately gave us what we deserved.

Eventually, I achieved what I originally planned. Phillip hated me so much that he wanted nothing more than for me to simply vanish from his life. Unfortunately, my mother had already laid the groundwork to make that impossible.

She got closer with his parents, though I'm sure they were just entertaining her by being nice. She even started inviting them to my swim meets... but only select ones... which was very problematic for me...

If I felt any pride in anything I had ever accomplished, it was my swimming. I didn't even swim for a club team, like most of the other good swimmers. But still, due to my height, my physical advantages, and me taking my frustrations out on the water, I ended up becoming one of the best swimmers in the region.

Did my mom care about any of this? Absolutely not. All she cared about was showing me off to potential suitors.

The first time she told me she was inviting Phillip and his family to one of my swim meets, I was excited, not because they were coming, but because I finally had an opportunity to impress her with my swimming. I gave her the information for a big and important swim meet that was coming up because I wanted the support. But unfortunately, she found a terrible reason not to go.

For important competitions, swimmers like me normally wear much larger suits. They not only covered the entire chest all the way down to the knees, but they're incredibly tight, flattening the chest to as little drag and friction as possible.

My mother didn't want Phillip or any of the other guys to see me like that. If they were going to witness me at a swim meet, she wanted me to be in the smallest swimsuit possible.

She wanted them to see my chest and my butt. That's why she only invited them to the unimportant meets, where I wore my normal training swimsuit, which was very small on me.

Seeing her in the stands disgusted me. Seeing Phillip and his parents there only made me even angrier.

My mom didn't even care how I did, which wasn't that important in the first place since these were essentially just training meets. Only Phillip's parents congratulated me on my performances, which made me want to bully their son even more so I could keep them all safe from my family.

It all eventually came to a head when prom night happened. I intended on driving the final nail in the coffin. Unfortunately, I ended up doing the opposite... and I started a series of events which sent our lives spiraling into the mess we eventually found ourselves in.

Initially, I was going to go to prom with some piece of shit guy that I thought would be a better fit for me while Phillip was at home doing my homework. It wasn't that I needed him to do my assignments or anything. I just had to know for sure he wouldn't be showing up to prom.

Eventually, I realized that I just couldn't go through with my original plan. It turned out that spending the night with a terrible guy was a huge turnoff to me.

I couldn't sleep with him. I couldn't even smile around him. There was no way I could enjoy myself when all I could think about... was Phillip...

That was the first time he came to my rescue.

Of course, I knew a nice guy like him would come and pick me up, even after everything I had put him through. I didn't deserve his compassion, but he wasn't the type that viewed the world solely on what was right.

He didn't want to pick me up, but I told him I would drive drunk and he dropped everything, including his pride, because my safety was most important. My mind wasn't right that night, and I didn't know exactly what I was feeling. But with that alone, he showed me care, compassion, and responsibility unlike anything I had ever experienced before.

I don't know why I ended up forcing myself on him. Originally, I planned on having sex with that other guy just to tarnish the product my mother was advertising. But once I couldn't do it, and I noticed Phillip's cute little boner around me, I guess I just felt he deserved to be the first one I touched... regardless of how innocent he was pretending to be.

From that point forward, I was in a constant war with my own emotions. Sometimes I would seek him out, just because I knew he secretly loved the way I made him squirm. But then, whenever I was alone with him, I would tell myself that I was just abusing him, and I would force him into the most embarrassing acts I could think of, pretending I was still trying to push him away.

Nothing really made sense to me... I was giving him pleasure, violating him, and abusing him, while also falling in love with him at the same time... But no matter what I did, no matter how crazy I acted, he never ran away from me. Most importantly, he never once made me feel like I was anything less than the most desirable woman in the world...

Unfortunately, nothing had changed in regards to my situation, so I had to continue pushing him away. I was actually happy that he found a girlfriend in college, someone who could give him a life of peace, unlike me. But once I started assisting him with this date, I couldn't help but wish it were me he was preparing himself for.

I was an abuser, and now, all of a sudden, I was immature as well. I began bragging about my physical attributes, presenting myself as a piece of meat, just like my mother would have.

Though I was helping him prepare for her, I wanted him to remember that I was the better option, because I had the better body, and I had violated him in ways that would leave him scarred forever. Still, he remained nice to me the entire time.

Seeing right through me, he dismissed my abusive behavior and thanked me for the few positives I provided for him. I had never felt so valuable in my life. I almost felt worthy... to be his girlfriend...

I remember losing my mind and jumping on top of him while planting my lips on his. My body melted into his body, and I was grinding my crotch right against that little dick that I loved so much.

Kissing him had never felt so amazing. It was like we were one in that moment. I remember moaning into his mouth, and wishing so desperately that I could live in that moment forever.

Once I finally gathered myself, and realized what an awful mistake I made, I pulled myself away from his little frame and blamed him for coming back into my life. "This is your fault!" I yelled before exiting the room, furious with myself.

It was like I had given up on trying to resist him all on my own. I knew I needed his help. That's why I told him to stay away. Once he stepped back into my life, there was no stopping me from desiring every bit of attention I could get out of him.

No matter how jealous I was, no matter what my actions communicated, I was hopeful of the prospect of this mystery girl making him happy. However, as I started to develop suspicions about her, I wondered if Marissa would have been a better option.

They sounded a bit similar in their physical appearances. I figured that Phillip may have preferred a smaller girl, since he wasn't the most confident or masculine guy to begin with.

Marissa was not only adorable with her little size and stature. I knew she was a good person, and was deserving of someone like Phillip in her life.

I actually tried to convince her, but she and Valerie called me out, saying that they knew I wanted to be with him all along. I tried to go back on my words, and make it seem as if he was just a sexual object to me.

My friends saw right through me, because that's what friends are for. However, it made things even more awkward when they met him, especially for an innocent girl like Marissa.

Unfortunately, when she did have that awkward moment where she met Phillip, I couldn't be there. My mother and I were in the midst of our ugliest battle yet.

She had found out that Phillip and I were going to the same college. She actually never knew before. I kept it a secret on purpose.

It was all a lie when I called him to confirm which school he was going to for my mother. She had no interest because I wasn't supposed to go to college. I just had to know for myself... just in case I was able to go.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" she asked me over the phone, showing vitriol in her voice like never before. "Either you come home with Phillip, or you don't come home at all! That's the only way you'll ever be able to call me your mother again!"

The conditions had been set, and the threats had been made. I couldn't give in to her demands, no matter how badly I wanted Phillip to be mine. There had never been a clearer sign that I needed to drive him as far away as possible.

Unfortunately though, I couldn't go through with my plan of finally cutting him off. Valerie, my roommate and closest friend, had already laid the seed for him to reenter my life. The next thing I knew, he had showed up to my swim meet... the first time anyone had ever come only to support me...

Anytime I had ever felt support before, it would eventually be ruined by the realization that it was never about me. It was always for my mother's own benefit that she would pretend to support me. But with Phillip... I knew that wasn't the case...

I almost didn't believe it would happen. I didn't even want it to happen, considering what was going on with my mother. But still, even after I sent him those tickets, I couldn't help but get wishfully excited that he would actually show up...

And then I saw him...

Of course, I dropped my water bottle at the sight of him standing there, waiting for me. I couldn't believe my eyes. There was nothing in it for him, and yet, he still came.

He didn't even understand why I was so happy. He didn't care that I was wearing a tech suit, instead of something that would show off my ass.

What mattered most was that I had swam the two best races of my life, and regardless of what place I finished, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of the suit I was wearing, regardless of anything that my mother had ever disguised as love before... Phillip showed up, and provided me the love I had always longed for.

I suddenly adored him more than ever... It was a small gesture, but with that alone, I felt emotions I had never experienced before. Not the only did someone support me... someone appreciated me... cared about me... maybe even had some love for me...

Regardless of how he felt... I now knew love... and I only felt it for him...

Unfortunately, this only made it more obvious that I needed to push him away. I was now just as drawn to him as he ever was to me.

My friends were happy for me. Even the guys on the team were ecstatic because I finally showed emotions for someone. But on the inside, someone like him didn't deserve to get trapped by the baggage my life presented.

I had to cut him off for good... It was for his own sake... But before I did, I couldn't help myself from awarding him one last time with the one thing I had to offer... my body.

I didn't actually come and see him like I wanted to. That would have only made things worse, so I did everything in my power to resist. Instead, I just sent him some sexy pictures of myself while masturbating to him... like I often did...

From there, things with my mother only got worse as winter break came, and I realized that I didn't have a home to come back to. There was a physical house there, but it was no longer my home. My mother couldn't have made it more obvious that I wasn't welcome there... and that she no longer saw me as her daughter.

Finally, I was going to put the nail in the coffin. Phillip had his girlfriend now, and though she wasn't as good as Marissa, I could be happy for him, knowing he wouldn't end up stuck with me.

To deal the final death blow, I agreed to go on a date with another guy. I was going to finally complete the task I had failed during prom night. I was going to sleep with another guy, and let that be a symbol that our lives were finally going their separate directions.

Of course, I had to see Phillip one final time before going on my date. I wasn't strong enough to shut him out completely, like I should have. His constant messages were becoming harder to ignore.

I was going to see him one last time, before moving on with my life. It was going to be my goodbye to him, even if he didn't realize this was the last time we were going to see each other.

Once again, I failed... And even worse... I ended up losing my virginity to him...

Somehow, I just couldn't say goodbye to him. And even though he had a girlfriend, who he was probably already having sex with, none of that mattered to me in that moment.

He never deleted those photos I had sent to him. And even after that little bitch confronted him about it, he was brave for the first time in his life, only for me, and told her he would not delete the photos simply because she wanted him to.

Only I had that power over him. Only I could provide him with so much arousal that he would dare stand up to someone else and tell them he refused to follow their orders. That's why I became a wild animal for him that night, and mounted him, and fucked him until he was moaning out of his ever-loving mind.

To make matters worse, I canceled my date, and I went home and masturbated again, before rewarding Phillip with even more photos of me. That was the night I truly felt I belonged to him. And I knew no matter what happened, no matter where fate would take us, I would never want anyone the way I wanted him...

Again, I was furious with myself for not being able to quit him when I should have. There were several opportunities for me to break it off with Phillip. I failed every time, and now found myself in an even stickier situation than I could have imagined.

Despite my growing love for him, I knew I had to somehow do what was right. Loving him more only confirmed that he deserved to be protected from me. It didn't matter how bad it would hurt me.

But it hurt... so bad...

I spent several nights crying, but I was finally able to cut ties with him. I created a false narrative in my mind that would allow me to pretend I hated him.

I acted as if he only cared for the sex, when I knew damn well that wasn't true. I just needed to believe it, for his own good, and hope that this false event would keep him from searching for me again.

Of course... it didn't work...

It took longer this time... but he found a way to re-enter my life and convince me that I was worthy of love...

This time, he confronted me, of all people. The timid boy who was afraid to stand up to anyone now looked his bully right in the eyes and called me out for being the liar I truly was.

But why did he do this? He wasn't fighting against me. He was fighting for me. He was fighting for us...

Truly, this made my heart happy when I had been in the darkness for so long. I thought about him, and I missed him, every single day. The only thing that I learned in my time away from him was that it was impossible to move on without him.

Phillip wasn't the only one that stood up to me either. Even Marissa, of all people, went against our agreement and gave him an avenue to find me.

And once I encountered him in the cafeteria, Valerie, who had been calling me out for my bullshit for years, wouldn't let me run away from him. She stood by my side and forced me to talk to him until I broke down and agreed to accept him back into my toxic life.

I was a broken woman until that day. It was written all over my face. But no matter how happy I was that he had finally forced his way back in, I still didn't think I deserved a place in his heart.

At first, I tried to convince myself that I didn't actually hold the value he made me feel. He just wants me for my body. He just wants me for sex, I told myself,

I didn't really know what the issue was, but the physical relationship he had with his girlfriend wasn't going so smoothly. It has to be that I have a better body than her... or all the things I do for him in bed that she doesn't, I figured. That's what sex was to me, anyway. It was all supposed to be transactional.

But then... when I just sat there, fully clothed, while he fucked my open palm, and unloaded his passion all over me... I learned that it wasn't just about the acts I performed.

I literally did nothing...

There was something about me that was special to him. I gave him a reason to reach his highest pleasures, without any effort on my own part, while his girlfriend could hardly provide him anything at all...

Still, I tried to fight myself on this. I even convinced myself that Phillip was just into women that were bigger than him, with dominant personalities. That was my reasoning for convincing Valerie to join us. She was even more physically dominant than I was, and yet, his dick, which I named Little Phil, only desired me.

In all honesty, I wasn't just happy because he had disproven more of my insecurities. I was proud of myself for providing him so much pleasure, even allowing my friend to join in, because he deserved it. And Valerie could see, with such ease, that he loved nothing more than being my little subby.

And then... the best night of my life happened... Valentine's Day...

It wasn't right, but I just wanted to see him, even if it was only for a bit. I knew it wasn't fair, since he had his own relationship to worry about. But if I could just steal a minute of that day, it would have been a precious Valentine's Day I could have ever wished for.

In case the actual day was already fully booked for him, I decided to see him the night before. After having sex with him, like normal, where I'd feel my worth, considering I could please him in ways she couldn't, and I masturbated to him in his shower, I decided to hang around until midnight so we could share a moment of his actual Valentine's Day.

What happened instead was that I ended up staying the whole night... It was the best night of my life...

I should have known better than to let my guard down and try to have a normal conversation with him. Whenever I wasn't acting so crazy, I risked letting him see my own insecurities, giving him the chance to put them to rest.

That was exactly what happened... and I accidentally called myself his side chick after admitting how jealous I was of his life. However, instead of basking in the glory of his accomplishments, he instead only cared about comforting me, and making me feel valuable...

I'll never forget his words...

"You mean the world to me... and I can't pretend I hate you anymore... I never did... I just didn't understand what you were going through. But you, of all people, deserve understanding... because you're amazing..."

How... how could he show so much compassion when I never even allowed him into my horrible life? He didn't have a clue, and all I had shown him was ugliness, and yet, he showed me love beyond what I could ever deserve...

He said I meant the world to him...

I didn't even believe him. But just the fact that he would say something like that... when he meant so much to me... was a moment in itself that I could reminisce forever. It was like a small piece of heaven in a world that only showed me hell.

We spent the entire night together, and we kissed while the stars shined brightly above us. Even when the sun came up, I hadn't had enough of him. I wanted this moment to last forever. Just me and Phillip...

That was the reason, while I was in the middle of hanging out with Valerie, that I had to make a quick stop to see him that night, so I could get a chance to jerk him off again. It wasn't a sentimental moment like I had with him the previous night, but to me, it was still beautiful, because it was my way of communicating love to him.

Unfortunately, as happy as he had made me, I still had to question myself on whether he actually felt that way for me, or if he'd feel that way for anyone that gave him the sexual attention that I gave him. He had proven himself twice around me, with Valerie, but it wasn't like they actually had any one-on-one time.

There was also Marissa, who I still thought was the best choice for him, even better than his actual girlfriend. I could not help but wonder how happy his life would have been if he had met her before his stupid girlfriend, and of course, me.

We had a little celebration for Marissa in our dorm room, and against the sweet little diver's request, I decided to recruit Phillip to be our entertainment. We had a few drinks, and things got a little crazy, but once I forced him to give lap dances to my friends, I couldn't help but notice what had been obvious to everyone else all along...

Phillip only had eyes for me...

No matter how dominant Valerie was, no matter how adorable and sweet Marissa was, no matter what Phillip was forced to do with any other girl... he only wanted me...

But why? What was so special about me? How could someone like me, an abuser, deserve such compassion? How could anyone ever want me? And most importantly, how could I ever deserve love?

Of course, I couldn't accept his compassion. After all, I knew better than he did, and even though he was the smartest person I had ever known in my life, I relied on my own judgment to decide what was best for him.

Every single time... every single time I wanted to give in to my own emotions and throw all my love at him... she would come back... and remind me why I couldn't have Phillip in my life.

It's not his girlfriend I'm talking about. She was always such an afterthought. It was my mother... the only person I could never escape...

My mother was desperate now... Since I was an adult, she was no longer receiving child support. My father had died, unfortunately, and after her toughest breakup yet, she now only had me to request money from.

This was an ongoing battle that I thought would never end, since I had no plans of giving her the money my father only intended for me. However, she would end up leaving me in a world of confusion and pressure once she informed me that she was sick.

My walls were closing in...

According to my mother, she would need a serious operation, followed by a long series of treatments. It was daunting and expensive future that was ahead of her. She credited this to her man leaving her, since he didn't want to stick around for it. It was a truly shitty move by him, even if it was for a terrible woman like my mother.

She had left me with quite the conundrum. The initial surgery was already expensive enough to drain my reserves. The payments after that would leave my education in jeopardy.

I could have also assumed she was lying, because that was something right up my mother's alley. However, I didn't know if that was an option worth exploring when her life was potentially in danger.

We spent a long time deliberating, trying to figure out how much I could give her. She was practically taking up all of my free time. And whenever I got the chance to finally see Phillip, I was hardly a shell of myself, because I had only been living in a world surrounded by my battles with my mother.

I tried to stay away; I tried to keep him out of it... but he just had to reenter my life, and remind me what a special person he was... the exact reason I didn't want him trapped in my terrible world.

Surprisingly, for once in my life, someone else needed me, and it was him, of all people. It also just so happened to be with one of the few things that was good at... swimming.

I wanted so badly to help him, but while I was in the middle of negotiations with my mother, along with a few other extracurricular issues with the swim team, I didn't want to make him any promises that I couldn't commit to.

The truth was... I had already promised my mother some money. We just hadn't decided how much yet. It was also starting to look like I was going to have to get a job... And with that, I would need to quit the swim team.

Eventually, I realized that not only would I need a job, I would have to save money by taking a semester or two off from school. Still, I wanted to prove to myself, and my mother, that I could be a successful woman on my own by graduating college. It was just going to be delayed... which made me feel like a failure...

I felt like giving up... My life would never amount to anything, anyway... because of her...

I gave the update to my team, and I let them know that I probably wouldn't be back the next season. They were nice enough to not only be understanding, but to also throw me a going away party. The event almost made me miss Phillip's swim-a-thon... That's why I recruited Marissa and Valerie to help...

Helping Phillip that day was the easy part. I would have done anything for him. But unfortunately, with everything going on in my life, I knew now, more than ever, we could never be together.

Again, I tried to say goodbye to him, but I failed, like always. Doing him this one last favor wasn't good enough for me. I had to say goodbye by providing him pleasure one last time... That's why I performed such a kinky act for him... to give him something to always remember me by...

Unfortunately though... things only got darker from there... and he would be the one, once again, rescuing me from the darkness...

I wasn't sure what was going through my mind. All I could really see was darkness. All I felt was helplessness. And for my future, all I saw was emptiness.

It was almost as if I didn't see the point of living anymore. I wanted to give up, because I knew no matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to escape the life I was born with.

My walls were closing in...

Phillip couldn't see that side of me. I even hid it from my friends. I'd go from laughing hysterically to crying within seconds... all at my own expense. My life was a joke, and I started to wonder if the world would have been better... if I never existed...

That was what my mother always told me anyway. I thought about just giving her the rest of my money and then simply disappearing.

I'd often think about my life while staring at the highway from the bridge that crossed it on my campus. I started to wonder... What if I just... jumped...?

I hadn't made any decisions yet, but I spent more and more time standing over that bridge. My thoughts were getting darker, and my brain was growing tired.

Then, like I failed many times before, I tried to say goodbye to Phillip once again...

I wanted to come over and see how he'd act whenever I wasn't forcing him to do what I wanted. I wanted his last memory of me to be peaceful; something that he could look back on and know that I accepted him, just as he was.

When I said goodbye to him, he immediately noticed that something was off with me. It was more than me treating him nicely for once. He knew that I wasn't myself. He knew that there was a storm brewing inside me.

That bridge... I needed to get to that bridge... at least, before he could stop me...

I don't know why I ran away from him. I don't even know why I wanted to get to that bridge. However, while I was running towards it, I noticed that he was chasing after me. Most importantly, I realized that no matter what I was going through, he would always be there when I needed him.

Strangely enough, from that moment on, I started to feel better about myself. Although I was a broken woman, my wounds were starting to heal.

Perhaps it was because I was the one who had finally experienced peace when I was with him, just being my normal self. Or maybe it was because not only had he showed me love, and proven that no matter what happened, even if I tried to run away from him, it was impossible for me to escape the unending care he had for me.

I was a terrible person. I was an abuser, and I never treated him the way he truly deserved. Still, he accepted me as I was. And for the first time in my life, I could start to accept myself too, because he had proven that his love for me was unwavering.

Only time would tell what was in store for Phillip and me. But from that point on, I felt comfort knowing he would always run to my rescue no matter what storms may come.

Still, I had to say goodbye to him for the time being. However, for the first time, I knew it wasn't truly goodbye.

This was more of a, "See you later," until I could create the environment I felt safe bringing him in. And also, I had some growing up to do on my own before I could ever consider myself deserving of his compassion.

My mother and I continued to battle as I took my hiatus from Phillip. He needed to focus on medical school for a while anyway. He also needed to figure out if his girlfriend was worth his efforts anymore.

I didn't know anything about their situation. She had always seemed so insignificant to me. I never even bothered to see what she looked like. I thought it was best to know as little about her as possible.

In the midst of the negotiations with my mother, I began working at a coffee shop off campus. I picked up practically every shift they had available. I had nothing but time, considering I was no longer on the swim team and I was taking the year off from classes.

Somewhere along the line, a young couple started coming to the shop regularly. I thought they were a couple, at least.

At first, I felt bad for the girl, because the guy was secretly hitting on me whenever she wasn't around. I learned that she had a boyfriend, but even though she wasn't in love with him, like she was the guy she was dating, she wasn't ready to leave him yet.

Never once did I accept any of his advances. He could have been lying to me for all I knew. Besides, he had a cocky and self-centered type of persona. I was more into smaller guys who lacked self-confidence... like Phillip...

Speaking of Phillip, I found it odd at first that this girl's name was Tina, just like his girlfriend. Initially, I thought nothing of it, because Tina is such a common name. However, the more I thought about the dynamic that the guy, Romeo, explained to me, the more I realized it could be her.

I wanted to contact Phillip so I could let him know what I had possibly uncovered. However, I decided it was best to keep quiet for the time being and do the research myself.

After all, leaving it up to him probably wasn't the best course of action. He had always been a bit naïve, and I didn't like his odds, standing up against those two.

Then finally... I saw him again... Phillip...

He entered the store, and though it had been months since I had seen him, it was like he had never left. All those same butterflies came flying back inside me. The warmth that he brought me, the comfort... it was like everything was back to the way it was supposed to be.

Unfortunately, my time with him with cut short when Romeo entered the store. As soon as their eyes met, they immediately began talking.

I could tell by how flustered Romeo was that Phillip was the last person he was expecting to see. I could only assume that Tina was on the way, and that Romeo wanted to leave so they wouldn't get caught by Phillip.

It was so great to see Phillip again... especially after all I had been through with my mother...

I, once again, had to say goodbye to him, but this time, it wasn't because of anything in my own life. I needed to see if that couple would eventually come back to the coffee shop together once they realized Phillip wouldn't return. I knew it could take weeks, or even months, but the only way this thing would find its resolution was if Philip caught them red-handed, and I was there to stand by his side.

I bided my time and tricked Romeo into thinking I didn't know Phillip. Once he and Tina concluded that Phillip showing up was a onetime event, they eventually grew comfortable enough to resume meeting there again. That's when I struck... and begged Phillip to come at once.

It was finally time...

Meanwhile, behind the scenes, when my money still wasn't good enough for my mother, and I demanded to see how she could possibly need so much assistance, she finally folded and admitted that she was never sick to begin with. This had just been a ploy to guilt me into giving her the inheritance that she truly thought she deserved for suffering through the burden of my existence.

Of course, I was furious, and I was reminded not only of the scumbag human being my mother was, but also, that I'd never be able to escape her, because nothing would ever be good enough for her. There was nothing I could say to make her understand the pain she had brought me.

She had already blamed me for the entire situation to begin with. It was a losing battle, and now knowing that I'd always have Phillip to show me love, I realized I no longer had anything to seek from the woman who gave birth to me.

That's what she was now... just the woman who gave birth to me... not my mother...

With the most conviction I had ever felt in my life, I took all the money from my bank account and I gave it to her. Just as my father had instructed for me, I wished for her to do with the money whatever she pleased.

In return, she was to never contact me again. She never wanted me in her life to begin with. By giving her every last dollar to my name, I had lifted the hold she had on me. There was no longer anything she could ask of me.

The chains that once bound me now ceased to exist...

And now suddenly... in a strange twist of fate... I found myself in front of the three members of a love triangle that had suddenly imploded. However, that wasn't how I saw it at all...

For once in my life, I had now come to Phillip's rescue... outside of a simple swim-a-thon. And this was no longer a love triangle. I had simply returned to claim what had always truly been mine...

My love... My Phillip...

***

At last...

At last... I had reached this pivotal moment. And with my mother now gone from my life for good... I could finally address what was truly important to me; the one constant that had always showed me compassion...

... and that was... my love... Phillip...

He was now standing in front of his girlfriend and his supposed friend, who had secretly been in a relationship behind his back. Phillip was devastated. He didn't know how to handle himself. But fortunately for me, after everything I had gone through, those other two were the least of my problems.

After taking off my apron and releasing my hair so it could flow with the wind, I announced what had always been in my heart. I finally announced what had always been true. Of course, that was... my undying love for Phillip...

"The chains that once held me hostage no longer exist. I am now free to do as I please. And all I want right now... all that I've ever wanted... is to be with my one true love... Phillip."

All three of them stared at me with wide eyes and their jaws falling to the ground. Phillip, of course, didn't know what to say. I figured he assumed I was lying, just so I could save him from those degenerates.

Unfortunately, before I could continue rescuing him, I first needed to address the angry little girl he once called his girlfriend. There was practically smoke coming out of her ears from the way she was seething. This left me confused, since she never seemed to care for Phillip in the first place.

"What the fuck do you mean he's been cheating on me this entire time?!" the little brat yelled, having a temper tantrum. She then turned her attention towards Phillip, as if he owed her an explanation, or any amount of courtesy. "Is this slut telling the truth?! Have you been cheating on me with her?!"

Phillip began stuttering, since he was too afraid to face someone with such vitriol. It was a problem he had his entire life, and since he was in such an emotional state, I didn't expect him to handle confrontation very well.

Luckily... he had me there by his side.

Smiling at him, I instructed, "Tell the little girl how long we've been seeing each other."

Phillip slowly turned his head towards her and admitted, "Julia and I... have been seeing each other... since before I met you..."

"Seeing her?!" the stupid girl reacted. "What exactly do you mean by seeing her?!"

I interrupted their conversation, bringing the focus back to me. "He means we were having sex," I explained with a confident smirk on my face. "Raunchy, nasty, kinky sex."

The little girl threw her hands in the air like she just couldn't understand how someone would have the audacity to be unfaithful. "I can't believe I've been dating a cheater for all these years! You've been lying to me this entire time! You tricked me into thinking you were a good person!"

Her response was so silly that I didn't even think it was worth addressing. However, just to humor myself, I turned my eyes towards the guy she was cheating on Phillip with and asked, "How do you feel about this?"

He looked at me and raised eyebrows. "How do I feel about what?"

"How do you feel about your girlfriend's other boyfriend cheating on her?"

Immediately, the little girl became defensive over her secret partner. "Leave Romeo out of this! You don't understand my situation at all!"

I couldn't help but let out a little giggle. "Of course you don't want me talking to this guy either," I started, while thinking back to the private conversations we'd have before she'd show up to the shop. "He tried to ask me out plenty of times... He would have cheated on you with me as well."

Of course, the first reaction I saw on that stupid girl's face was denial. She didn't want to believe me, but when she saw Romeo standing there, avoiding eye-contact with the rest of us, there was no denying the truth to my claim.

"It's just going to keep happening," I explained, erasing the smirk from my face. "You can date as many guys as you'd like, but they'll still want other women. You're just not the type of girl who can keep a man's entire attention."

Of course, she snapped at me, and she even clutched her fists, like she could possibly do something to me. "You don't fucking know what you're talking about!" she said, showing pure evil in her eyes. "You don't know a fucking thing about me!"

I could see it on her face, I could read it in her body language, and I could feel it in her aura. Phillip had always given clues, but I chose to reserve judgment until I actually met her. But now... now that she was standing before me... I was confident that I knew more about her than I ever wanted to know.

"You're just like my mother," I said, letting out a sigh as I reminisced about the sad ending to that relationship. Then, continuing, I explained, "You only care about what others provide you in a relationship. You've never once cared about what you provided Phillip."

"Is that so?! You think you have it all figured out, huh?!"

I nodded my head, confirming the unfortunate truth. "I do... And also... your chest and your butt are too small... And your legs probably aren't that nice either... You look like you've never jumped once in your life. Of course, Phillip cheated on you with me. He couldn't even delete my photos from his phone."

She then yelled something at me, but to be honest, I put such little value in her existence that I didn't even comprehend any of the words that came out of her mouth. Instead, my focus was all on Phillip now. And as he stood there, still wide eyed and shaking, I approached him so I could finally claim what was mine.

With my back turn towards that guy, as well as that girl who was still yelling about something, I sent a message to the only person I really cared about. "That's right, Phillip," I assured, gently putting my hands on his shocked face. "She never cared about your needs. But I'm here now, and I know exactly what you want."

He kept staring at me with those frightened eyes of his that always looked so cute whenever I took advantage of him. He couldn't even move a muscle as I pulled him in and planted my lips directly on his.

I even forced him to make-out with me a little bit. It wasn't as deep of a kiss as I would have liked, but with my audience standing there, watching... I had at least shown them that Phillip was now my property.

Phillip's lips hardly moved, but I could have kissed him forever. He was still shaking, and even after I pulled my tongue out of his mouth, he looked as if he had seen a ghost.

Meanwhile, glancing back, I couldn't help but have a smirk on my face as I noticed the expressions of our audience. Romeo looked as if he were jealous of Phillip once again getting a girl he thought he deserved. But even better, that stupid girl was furious after witnessing me driving my tongue down her ex-boyfriend's throat.

"If that's how you want to be, then fine!" she screamed, walking past us with tears forming in her eyes. "Come on, Romeo! I can't stand being around these sick mother fuckers for another second!"

Before that confused guy could leave, I grabbed Phillip by the hand to display our unbreakable bond. "Hey, don't go trying to mess this relationship up too," I joked, causing both him and Phillip to stare at me with their eyebrows raised. "Unlike that little bitch, I'll never take Phillip for granted, so I think it's best you two find another store to get your coffee."

It looked like there was so much he wanted to say, but he didn't have time to spill the beans. Instead, he just ran off, probably hoping he could coerce that stupid girl into some comfort sex.

Meanwhile, I had my own relationship to address now. Phillip, the only one of those three that I actually cared about, was left standing with me, with his head down. I kept his hand in mine, but he wasn't ready to look at me yet. All he could do was stare down at the ground while contemplating the emotional event that had just unfolded in front of him.

"I know you're going through a lot right now," I started while tightening my grip on his soft little hand. "But I'm here for you now, okay?"

He took a step to the side, and I followed, before he sat on the edge of a planter and covered his face with his other hand. "I can't believe this..." he said, loathing over what he thought was another failure. "I was with her for three years... and she was cheating on me the whole time... How could I be so stupid?!"

I stared at him, unfazed by his self-deprecation. "Stand up," I instructed, feeling no need to dwell on our unfortunate pasts.

He kept his eyes down and shook his head. "I can't... I just need a moment to..."

"I said stand up," I interrupted in a firm tone before grabbing him and forcing him up to his feet.

Phillip stared at me with wide eyes, like he was shocked that I would pull him up to his feet. "Why are you making me stand?"

I looked him dead in his eyes and showed him the compassion that only he had ever given me. "Because you need to get up and stop feeling so sorry for yourself. And whenever you can't stand on your own, I will be here to pick you up, and make sure you understand how valuable you are."

His eyes began to water, and his lips trembled. "Valuable? Are you sure you're not just saying this because you feel sorry for me...? I'm so pathetic..."

"Feel sorry for you? Why would I feel sorry for someone I admire so much?"

I could see hope in his eyes as he started to believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. "Wait... You were being serious? You weren't lying about the stuff you told Tina earlier?"

Staring into those innocent brown eyes of his, I smiled, and took a moment to bask in this beautiful moment that surrounded us.

At last... I had reached this pivotal moment. At last... I was free to do as I pleased. And at last...

... I looked him face to face, and with all my heart, I told him...

... "I love you."

To be continued...