Lydia

This story had been sitting on my computer for nearly four years, until the characters demanded their story be told. It another deep exploration into the mind and heart of a man whose problems of the past keep interfering with his joy in the future. Sex is not a major part of this story, so if that's why you are hear, you might want to look elsewhere. Please let me know if you enjoy it!

I must have been dozing in front of the TV when the strange sound occurred. I wasn't sure what I had just heard, but I chalked it up to the sound of the trees in front of the house blowing in the wind. I was about to close my eyes again when I heard it a second time - this time it was distinctive, the sound of three light taps on the front door. It was 9:45 in the evening, and I certainly wasn't dressed for company, since I was just wearing a pair of ragged shorts and an old T-shirt as the baseball game played on the television in front of me.

I stood up and headed toward the door. It was pitch black outside as I looked through the decorative windows on the top, so I reached for the porch light switch next to the door frame. The light did little to make it any brighter outside, but I knew when I opened the door, it would illuminate whoever was knocking at this time of night. Slowly I pulled the door open, somewhat curious to see who was there.

She couldn't have been more than eighteen, with short, stringy blond hair and an emaciated-looking body that could have used a few cheeseburgers. Her eyes were hollow, which was probably exaggerated by the dim light in which she stood. She was wearing a light jacket over a pair of shabby jeans. If she had a shirt underneath, I couldn't see it. A pair of canvas shoes covered white ankle socks, and she had what appeared to be a ratty old backpack on, completing her outfit.

She looked somewhat familiar, but since I didn't have anything to do with any girl that might be underage, I was certain I had not seen her before. Because of this fact, I was hesitant to let her in, especially since I lived alone, and had for the past twenty years.

I peered at this waif of a girl through the narrow opening I had created and said, "Can I help you?"

I couldn't tell if she was tired, or was like this all the time, but it took an effort just to answer my question. "Are you Darrin Masters?"

She knew my name - certainly not what I expected to hear, since I had never seen this girl in my life. I contemplated how I was going to answer her question, although I'm not sure why. If she knew who I was, it wouldn't be totally unthinkable that she could find where I live - after all, the town where I lived wasn't that big, and I suppose my address is associated with my name somewhere on the internet.

I also had to admit to more than a little curiosity about who this girl was and how she knew me. So, I answered by saying, "Yes - who wants to know?"

The girl's face brightened a bit, although not enough to remove the gaunt appearance. She looked down at her feet as she replied, "I've come a long way to see you - can I please come in?"

I knew that unless she was hiding a gun somewhere, she wouldn't be able to hurt me, and as long as I didn't leave her alone, I really wasn't worried about her robbing me. I pulled the door open wider, and she cautiously made her way inside. As she entered, I realized that she likely had more of which to be afraid of than me, since I was much bigger than she was, leaving her vulnerable to an aggressive attack.

I pointed over to the couch, but instead of sitting, she looked at me and said, "I hate to be forward, but I've been on the bus for two straight days with no money and nothing to eat. Could you find something to help a poor starving girl?"

Maybe that explained her gaunt look. I waved her into the kitchen with me. "You're in luck - I happened to grill a few chicken breasts tonight, and I'm pretty sure I have a couple of bags of steamer veggies I can pop in the microwave. Does that sound good?"

The girl allowed a small smile to creep across her face. "Actually, I'd probably eat the plastic bag the veggies came in if that was all that was available. The chicken sounds wonderful."

I got busy preparing dinner for my mystery guest. As I warmed things up, she sat quietly, placing her backpack on the floor next to her chair, and I was wondering if she was casing my house to make a getaway with something valuable when I wasn't looking. Of course, that was assuming I had anything valuable, which I knew was laughable. I didn't spend any of my hard-earned money on things I didn't need just to say I had them.

When the timer on the microwave beeped, I took the package out and set it on the counter. I set two of the grilled breasts on a plate and put them in the microwave to heat. When it sounded again, I took the breasts out and opened the veggies, dumping them on the plate next to the chicken. I got a knife and fork out of the drawer and carried the plate to the table, and then watched as my guest dug in.

It was clear that she was telling the truth - at least the part about being hungry. As she ate, I got a cup from the cabinet and filled it with ice water, but she didn't take a single drink until her plate was clean. Even if I had wanted to talk to her, she didn't stop eating long enough to say a word, so I didn't try and get any information from her until she was finished.

I took her empty plate and sat it in the sink. Turning, I motioned her to join me back in the living room. Grabbing her glass of ice water, she followed me, and eventually ended up on the couch where I had intended her to sit earlier. With her seated, I took my place in my recliner which was to the left of the couch.

We looked at each other for a few seconds before I broke the silence. "Okay, so you know who I am. Do I get the privilege of at least knowing your name?"

She smiled and said, "My name is Lydia."

Lydia - the same name as my grandmother, the same name I was going to name my first daughter, although that hadn't happened to this point. Hearing the name Lydia brought flashes of wonderful memories from when I was a kid and would spend a couple of weeks each summer at my grandparents' farm, and my grandma Lydia would do all that she could to spoil me.

Those happy flashes turned sour, however, as I remembered the woman I assumed would bear my children, including my first daughter that would be named Lydia. The memories were sour because before we could have any children, my now ex-wife had cheated on me, and the way I found out still sickened me. I had spent twenty years trying to erase that ugly memory from my mind, but this young stranger had caused it to come rushing back to the front.

I tried to blot those memories out as I turned back to my visitor and asked, "Why did you travel this long distance without eating just to see me?"

She looked down at her knees as she sat on the couch. "Well, this isn't easy to talk about, because I feel like I'm getting into some history here that may cause you to get upset. Please don't be upset with me - I had nothing to do with this."

I had no idea what she was talking about, but I could see that she was troubled by whatever it was she was about to tell me.

"Darrin, were you married to a woman named Lisa? Her maiden name was Lisa Simpson."

I suddenly got tense. She had just told me the name of my ex-wife, the woman who shattered my dream of a perfect life with one act of infidelity. Suddenly the scene played out in my mind. My wife had come home after a long day of work, and even though she was tired, she still looked as beautiful as if she had just gotten up for the day. I was all prepared to take her out for dinner, but a swell of lust came over me, and I found myself kissing her and massaging her breasts through her blouse. She put up what resembled a modest protest, but I had ignored it, and half carried/half dragged her to the bedroom.

Fortunately, she had worn a skirt to work that day, so I would get quick access to my intended target. I tossed her onto the bed, and then had to catch her as she scrambled to get off. She called out, "Stop it, Darrin - I'm too tired for this!" But we had played this game before, and since I thought we were playing again, my cock was hard and eagerly anticipating getting deep inside her sexy pussy.

I grabbed her and turned her over on her back. Her heels came off easily, and I tossed them aside, still holding her down as she tried to get away. Lisa was a tiny woman - nearly a foot shorter than my full six-foot height, with a small body to go along with her short frame. It wasn't any problem holding her down, since I was still in pretty good shape, having run track in high school and college.

With her shoes now out of the way, I pushed her skirt up to her waist, and in the same motion grabbed the elastic waistband of her panties and tugged them off with one swift pull, tossing them off the end of the bed. I struggled with my own pants since I was still using one hand to hold Lisa down as we played our game. The only trouble was that Lisa was farther into the "helpless damsel in distress" act than ever before. By the time I got my pants and underwear down and was facing her with my hard cock, she was in tears, begging me to stop.

"Please, Darrin - let me give you a blow job instead. I'm really tired, and I don't think I can stand up to one of your powerful fucks tonight."

This was unusual - we had fucked before when she had come home late, so why was tonight any different? I released her and she sat up, closing her legs as she opened her mouth and leaned forward to lick me. It was at that moment that I realized my wife was hiding something. Until that point, I had always trusted her completely, so the thought that she had been unfaithful to me had never crossed my mind. But seeing her panic as I was about to fuck her pushed me into a suspicious state. As she licked the underside of my cock, I stepped back and turned around, looking for the discarded panties.

She realized what I was looking for, and she shrieked, "No, Darrin, wait - please don't do it!" But it was too late. I had spotted them at the foot of the dresser across from our bed. Walking over to them, I knew that I was about to determine the fate of my marriage based upon what I found. Being careful to grab them by the waistband, it was clear that the crotch was soaked, and the telltale signs of another man's cum leaking out of my wife's pussy was grossly evident. My suspicions were confirmed - my wife had fucked another man before she came home to me.

To her credit, she didn't try to deny it. Right away, she started sobbing as she cried out, "I'm so sorry, Darrin - it was a stupid thing to do, and as soon as I started, I knew I hated it and wished it had never happened. Please, Darrin - please believe me that I'm sorry! Please let me show you how much I love you! Please give me a chance to show you how sorry I am!"

The mix of emotions that were going through my heart included rage, grief, and incredible sadness. I knew I had to get out, immediately, and I knew I wasn't going to be spending the night with her ever again. I went into our closet and dug out a suitcase and hanging bag. I grabbed a few sets of work clothes and stuffed them into the bag. Next, I hit the dresser and found underwear, a couple of pairs of jeans, some T-shirts and socks and piled them into the suitcase. I went into the bathroom to grab the toiletry items I would need, and threw them into an old, zippered bag we stored under the sink. If I needed anything else, I would just have to buy it, and I knew it would wait until after I had left and found a motel for the night.

Lisa had stayed on the bed, sobbing, and begging for another chance as I had packed. When she saw that I was done and ready to leave, she quickly got up and came over to me, putting her arms around me, trying to prevent me from leaving. At that moment, all I could see in my mind was her lover's cum still leaking out of her cheating pussy, tainting her body to me forever. I didn't want to hurt her, but the last thing I wanted was her touching me so soon after fucking another man.

"Lisa, stop touching me! I can't stand knowing another man has been inside you and left his calling card! Stay away from me!"

She shrieked and sobbed even harder, falling on the floor next to me as I turned and walked out of our bedroom. I stopped to get my keys and wallet and my company cell phone (we had just gotten them a couple of months before, and they were extremely basic - a single line LED screen that showed you the number you were calling was about the only feature it had). I turned back and looked down the hall, where Lisa was now slowly crawling out towards me, begging me to stay and give her another chance.

"Lisa, I don't see how I can get past this, but I will call you in a few days and we can see what my feelings are. You've made yours quite clear, so don't try to find me, and don't bother my job looking for me, or trying to come and see me. When it's time, we'll talk. Until then, give me my space."

The image of her lying on the floor was almost as powerful as the image of the crotch of her panties being soaked with another man's sperm. As I drove, looking for a decent motel with a "vacancy" sign, the expected questions dominated my thoughts. Why had she cheated on me? Was I not a good enough lover? Had I neglected her to the point where she took solace in the arms of another man? Was it her first time, or had she been cheating on me before? Was this someone she worked with, or perhaps an old boyfriend who had paid her a surprise visit? Or was it just a random one-night stand with a stranger she had never met? Why had she not at least used protection, instead of letting someone else stain her for me?

I shuddered at how close I had come to fucking her with her lover's remnants inside. I didn't know who he was or where they had fucked, but it was obviously a place where she didn't have an opportunity to clean up when she was done. I'm sure she wasn't expecting to be attacked when she got home, and I certainly could understand her panic when she thought I was going to find out what she had done when I realized I was fucking her pussy immediately after someone else had just done the same thing.

I never went back into that house unless she wasn't there, and only then it was to get the rest of my clothes and some of my personal possessions. I found an apartment and tried living there for a while, but every time I saw her on the street, I would get a sick feeling in my stomach. If we tried to talk, it always ended up with her sobbing and begging me for another chance. I didn't see an end to that kind of behavior, so I made plans to move somewhere else. When that day came, I talked to her for the last time, and made it clear that we were finished, and if she really loved me, she would never bother me again.

That was twenty years ago, and she had apparently honored that request, because I hadn't received as much as a phone call or email from her in all that time. I thought about her occasionally. In a way, I would never stop loving her, because before she cheated, we were a perfect couple, at least in my mind, and the thought of spending the rest of my life growing old with her as we enjoyed our kids and grandkids seemed idyllic. But once I saw those soaked panties, the fairy tale was over, and for the last twenty years, I'd been trying to forget that horrible day.

So now this strange girl had stirred up all those emotions again, just by uttering my ex-wife's name. I needed to get to the reason she was here, so I said, "How do you know that name, and why are you here to say it to me now?"

She lifted her eyes to mine, and after searching carefully for the right words to say, she said, "Because my name is Lydia Simpson - Lisa is my mother."

I sat back in my recliner, confused. So Lisa had a kid after I left, maybe even gotten pregnant the night she cheated on me - why did she need to come and see me? Why would I care about what Lisa had done after our divorce? I guess I wasn't surprised that she hadn't tried to tell me - after all, I had made it clear that she was to leave me alone. She knew there was no way I would care if she had ten kids after I left. It was the life she chose - it was a life without me, created the instant she opened her legs for another man.

With that mindset firmly planted, I replied, "So why are you here? I'm sorry I didn't know your mother got pregnant after I left, but I don't see what I can do for you. What is the purpose of this long bus ride to see me?"

She looked back down, as if she was afraid to tell me something that I didn't want to hear. Even though I didn't know her, I could tell that whatever she was going to tell me was going to be difficult, and I felt sorry for the pain she must be experiencing. I tried to calm her by saying, "Lydia, it's okay - I'm not going to hurt you, or be mad at you, no matter what you say. I'm really a nice guy!"

She didn't look up, but with conviction, she said, "I'm here because I'm 99 percent certain that you are my father, and I need your help."

I realized that I should have figured this out on my own, but the thought that I had fathered a child never entered my mind. I was stunned, just thinking about the possibility. If she was indeed my child, why had I not been told? I stood up and paced the room as my thoughts began to twist and clutter with words that I was not able to say. Me, a father?

I looked back on that terrible evening when I discovered my wife's infidelity. It wasn't my cum in her pussy - it was that of another man. I had stopped before inserting my own cock into that mess, so how was it that Lydia thought I was her father, and not her mother's lover?

What added to the confusion was that Lisa had named her Lydia - the name we had settled on together if our first child was a girl. Was this another way of getting even with me abandoning her and moving far away? Would she know that I would find out she had a daughter, and be able to laugh when she named her with the name the two of us had picked for our own child?

I turned back to Lydia, who was warily watching me, as if she expected my temper to get out of control, putting her in harm's way. For some reason, I immediately felt sorry for her, because she was caught up in a horrible situation over which she had no control, and certainly did not ask to be a part of. I was dealing with a firestorm of my own emotions at the moment, but I could still see how difficult this must be for her.

I had no desire to hurt her feelings, but I knew she needed to know a little about what had happened between her mother and me, especially since she was so sure I was her father. I walked over to her slowly to seem non-threatening and took a seat on the couch next to her. She was still tense, but I could tell that her fear of what I might do to her had dissipated somewhat.

"Lydia, I think you need to know what happened that caused me to leave your mother and move..."

"I know the entire story - at least what she has told me. She was very frank and honest with me a few years ago, when she thought I was old enough to know the truth. Before that, she had always skirted the issue when I would ask her about my father. But when I turned 16, she sat me down and told me the whole story. She's never forgiven herself for what she did to you, and how she destroyed what seemed to be the perfect family until she cheated."

I guess I wasn't surprised to hear that Lisa had told her about me. Until she had cheated on me, I didn't think Lisa had ever lied to me, or ever deceived me, so I wouldn't expect her to keep Lydia in the dark forever. But if Lydia knew, what had kept them from trying to find me before now? Maybe they had tried and had not been successful before. I purposely left few clues as to where I had relocated, thinking that only my parents knew, and I didn't think they would tell Lisa where I was, since I had made it painfully clear that I never wanted to see her again.

"Lydia," I explained, "If your mother told you the entire story, then you know that another man had been with her before she came home to me, and I discovered the evidence. When I found out what she had done, I never touched her again after that - sexually or otherwise. He was the last man that had sex with her, so the likelihood is that he's the father and not me."

She raised her head once again and focused her hollow eyes on mine. "There's something that you don't know, and mom didn't know that day she cheated on you. She found out later that by that night, she had been pregnant for at least a month before. She has promised me that she cheated on you only that once, and I believe her, since I've never known her to be anything but truthful to me when I was ready to hear about her past. I don't know why she cheated - she's never told me that, and I don't really want to know. But I think if she had known she was pregnant, she never would have strayed, and maybe I might have had a normal, loving family."

I let those words sink in as well. She was pregnant when I abandoned her? Had she tried to contact me to let me know I was going to be a father? Or did I make it clear enough that I didn't want to see her again, so she didn't try to find me? If she had told my parents that she was pregnant, I'm sure they would have tried to let me know. After all, I visit them twice a year, so telling me that I was going to be a father would have been easy to do.

I didn't know what to think. I wanted to be mad at Lisa for raising my daughter for the last twenty years without telling me. I wanted to know if what Lisa had said was true - was the night I caught her the only time she had cheated on me? Was she actually pregnant when that happened, which would mean that Lydia was correct about me being her father?

I talked myself into not making any snap decision based upon facts I wasn't sure were true or not. But the longer I thought about it, the angrier I got. If Lydia was my daughter, I had been denied the chance to be her parent. Would I have come back and participated in her life? I didn't honestly know the answer to that question, but I certainly would have done all that I could to make sure she knew who her father was, and that he loved her. I thought about the financial support I could have at least given, to make sure that she had everything she needed.

As I pondered those questions, Lydia cleared her throat, and I knew she had more to say. "Darrin, I still haven't told you the reason why I needed to find you. It's a selfish reason, and you may be the only one that can give me what I need."

If she was my daughter, I would certainly try to help her. In fact, if she was right, I planned on spending a lot of time catching up and taking care of her in any way I could. I knew it wasn't my fault that I didn't know I had a daughter, but that would not prevent me from taking care of her like I wished I had been able for the last twenty years.

"Go ahead, Lydia - what do you need from me?"

She paused, and let a large sigh escape her lips. "I'm sick, Darrin - I had recurring kidney infections when I was younger, and they damaged my kidneys to the point that I've slowly been losing function in them. My indicator number is down to seventeen, and if it gets any lower, I'm going to have to go on dialysis unless I can find a kidney donor for a transplant. We've been looking for over a year now since mom wasn't a compatible donor. We've even had donor drives where we live, hoping I would match with a stranger that would be willing to donate, although the odds of finding that person are very low. You are the logical next step, since parents are more likely to be a match for their children, and vice versa."

My heart melted. Even if she wasn't my daughter, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her, especially considering the news she had just dropped on me. I wanted to reach out to her and try to make it better immediately, but for the moment there was only one thing I could do.

"Can I hug you, Lydia?"

She looked at me with her hollow eyes, and I watched her tears well up as she nodded. I opened my arms, and she came to me, spilling her tears on me as she leaned against my chest. I wrapped her arms around her, and at that moment, in that spot, I knew that she was telling me the truth, as for the first time, I hugged my daughter. For that instant, my anger disappeared, and a love I'd never felt before replaced it.

I felt her shudder against me as we hugged. I wanted to protect her, to let her know that another person loved her, no matter how far away we lived from each other. I thought of her request, asking me if I would be tested to see if I was a compatible donor. If she had been a stranger, I might have considered it, although it's hard to know how one would act in that situation without ever having experienced it in real life. But since I was sure she was my daughter, the answer was easy - I would do anything for her, and if that meant giving her a kidney, I was on board.

She released our hug and sat back a little. Her eyes looked even more sunken now since they were still filled with tears. "Lydia, of course I will get tested. In fact, I would imagine we could do both at the same time - find out for sure that you are my daughter, and then see if I can be a donor. If for some reason I'm not, we'll get a donor search program set up here and you can stay with me for a while until we see if something can come up."

She smiled at me and said, "Thank you, Darrin - I guess maybe I should say thank you dad. That's strange to say, but I do like saying it."

I hadn't thought of that at all. All this happening so unexpectedly hadn't really allowed me much time to think, but the reality was that I was her dad, and it would certainly be appropriate. I started thinking about all the time I had missed with her, how wonderful it would have been to know that I had a daughter, and that I could have been part of her life. A bit of anger at her mother started to creep back in again, but I tried to remain rational and not get too worked up since I didn't know her reasons for not telling me.

It occurred to me that if Lydia had spent two days on the bus to get here, she may have left without telling her mother what her plans were. While I may not have an interest in Lisa's feelings after what she did to me, I would imagine she would be sick with worry right now if her daughter - her last link to me - had been gone for two days without telling her.

"Lydia, does your mom know where you are?"

She looked sheepish as she said, "No, I left without telling her because I didn't think she'd want me to find you. Plus, I didn't bring my cell phone, because I didn't want her calling me and telling me to come back home. This is important to me, Darrin... I mean dad, and I didn't want her to stop me."

I realized that if I let her use my phone to call her mom, Lisa would have my number and would be able to try to contact me again. And then I thought about the twenty years it had been since I'd left. As sure as I was that Lydia was my daughter, maybe it was time to talk to Lisa and if nothing else, get the answers to a couple of questions that now would not go away since Lydia had shown up.

I handed Lydia my phone and said, "You must call her. I can't imagine how frantic she is, not knowing where you are. If she gives you problems, you can hand the phone to me, and I will talk to her. But please call her and let her know that you are safe and with me."

She gently took the phone from my hand. I watched her as she entered the number, and then waited for her mother to answer. Given the fact that it was now about 11:30 p. m. here, that meant it was 1:30 a. m. there, but I doubt Lisa was sleeping very much while worrying about her daughter, and even if a strange number came up on her phone, she would answer it, hoping it was good news.

I could hear Lisa's voice on the other end as she answered. Lydia looked at me as she spoke. "Mom, it's me - I'm fine, I just wanted you to know that everything is okay......... I know, I should have told you, but I figured you might have kept me from trying to go, and I needed to do this........... I'm with Darrin..... I know, mom, but I had to do this, it may be my only chance.......... yes, I've told him, and he is willing to see if he can be a donor........ no, mom, he's being great, he's already fed me supper and let me cry on his shoulder....... I don't know, we haven't talked about that, I've only been here for about an hour and a half......... no, you'd have to ask him - hold on a minute...."

She handed me the phone. "Would you please talk to her? She is asking questions that I don't know the answer to."

I really didn't think I wanted to talk to her, but it was me that had insisted Lydia call her, so I guess rightfully I should talk to her as well, especially since we now apparently shared the well-being of our daughter.

"Hello, Lisa."

I could still detect the stress as I listened to her voice for the first time in twenty years. "Darrin, I'm so sorry she came to find you. I have no idea how she accomplished that, but I know she's a smart girl and when she puts her mind to do something, more than likely it's going to get done. I know this must be a shock to you - I can imagine how I would feel if somebody her age came to my house and told me they were my child. I didn't know whether I should tell you or not, I had to make that decision all by myself...."

"Lisa!" I stopped her. "Relax - this isn't the time and place to go back through 20 years of what might have been. I only had her call you to tell you she was safe because I'm sure you were distraught when you discovered she had gone. She's fine, Lisa. I have an extra bedroom here, and she can stay with me for as long as necessary for us to see if I'm a donor for her. For now, we'll just take this one day at a time. But since you know that she's safe, I think right now you need sleep more than anything else, and I know Lydia does as well."

Lisa's voice had changed from stress to tearful relief as she said, "You're right, Darrin - you always knew what was best for me."

When she said that, my tongue wanted to start flapping to her about if I knew what was best for her, why had she decided to cheat on me? But I held it in check and took a deep breath.

"Don't call me tomorrow - I imagine we have a busy day ahead of us, but I promise we will call you when we know something. Try to relax, Lisa - she's safe, and I promise I will take care of her."

I heard sobbing on the other end of the call. "Thank you, Darrin - thank you for having her call, and for talking to me. I know she couldn't be in better hands than with you. I still may not be able to go to sleep, but at least I can quit worrying. Hopefully we will talk again tomorrow."

"We will - I promise. Goodnight, Lisa."

I disconnected the call and turned to Lydia. "Shall I show you to your bedroom? I know you must be exhausted as well."

She went back into the kitchen to retrieve her backpack. "I hate to be a bother, can you loan me a t-shirt or something I can wear to sleep in, and maybe let me borrow your washer and dryer? I don't have many things with me, but I know they need washed."

"Sure, follow me." I led her to my bedroom and rummaged through my dresser, finding an old T-shirt that I no longer wore. Since she was short like her mother, I knew it would be long enough that her modesty would be protected. She took the shirt, and went back into the bedroom, where I showed her the things she would need for her stay there. I told her after she changed into the T-shirt, I would take her to the laundry room, and we could get started washing her clothes tonight and dry them in the morning.

Once she got the washer started, she came back out into the front room. "I'm sorry to throw all of this on you unexpectedly, but I hope you understand why I did. I'm really getting desperate. I have no desire to spend my life hooked to a machine three times a week, which is something that will only prolong life for a while. I'm grateful that you are considering this, as well as taking me in and keeping me safe."

I motioned her over to me and had her sit down next to me on the couch. "Listen, you don't have to keep apologizing about all of this. It's only right that you found me and told me all of this, because I have a responsibility to you that until tonight, I didn't even know existed. Tomorrow, the first thing I want to do is get an appointment with my doctor so I can see what the process is to see if I can be a donor. I'll also ask him about DNA testing. After that, I want to go buy you some more clothes and make sure you have what you need. But for right now, it's time to sleep. Let me know if you need anything. I'll leave a light on in here so you can see to get around if you need to."

She leaned over and hugged me again. "Thanks, Darrin... I mean dad. Do you mind if I call you that, even before the testing?"

I smiled and replied, "No, Lydia, it's the sweetest thing I've heard in a long time!"

********

I woke up at my usual time in the morning, although I didn't get my normal hours of sleep. I called my boss right away and told him that I might need some time off. I'd been working for him in his construction business as a large equipment operator after moving out here twenty years ago, and since I really had no family and few friends here, I rarely used all my allotted vacation time, so he knew if I was asking, it was for something important.

I checked in on Lydia. I figured she'd sleep for a long time since she'd been traveling by bus for the past two days without money or food or water. She was still sleeping, which allowed me some time to call my doctor's office so I could start getting answers to the questions about whether I was her biological father or not, and even more importantly, whether I could be a suitable kidney donor.

With an appointment scheduled for late that afternoon, there was nothing else to do but wait until Lydia woke up. Once she did, she came slowly out into the living room of my house, still wearing the T-shirt I had found for her to sleep in. I got her laundry that I had dried earlier and handed it to her. I asked her if she wanted to take a shower, and she nodded her head yes, so I got a couple of towels for her and sent her to the bathroom.

I started cooking while she was showering. As much as she ate last night when she had gotten to my house, I figured she might like a hearty breakfast to start our day together. She came out of the bathroom with one towel wrapped around her head and the other around her body. She looked at me and smiled as she said, "Oh my god, you don't know how wonderful that food smells! I'll get dressed and be right out."

After living alone for nearly twenty years, it was a little strange to have someone to talk with in the house. At the same time, I was still getting used to the idea of having a daughter, and along with that, how I felt about being kept in the dark about it. I was angry because I'd been robbed of the chance of knowing my daughter and getting to be with her as she grew up. If I thought about it too much, I'd feel tears forming in my eyes, and I'd try to put those thoughts out of my mind as quickly as possible.

Of course, that got me to wondering what I would have done if Lisa had been able to get in touch with me and told me that I was going to be a father. My initial reaction would have been like the one I had when Lydia told me that she was very certain she was my daughter - I wouldn't have believed her, since I had seen the evidence of Lisa being with another man.

The only answer I could come up with was that I didn't know what I would have done, since the scenario was so far-fetched that I would have never dreamed of it being a possibility. Even if Lisa knew at that time that she was already a month pregnant when she cheated, I doubt she could have made me believe her. After all, she told me she would be faithful to me when we exchanged our marriage vows, and she lied to me about that. So why would she not lie to me to get me to stay? Don't desperate people do desperate things?

I needed to stop thinking about it, since it was mostly questions that would never be answered. Instead, I set my mind to spending the day with my daughter. I wanted to take her out and buy her some clothes so she could stay as long as she wanted. I felt a rush to spend money on her since I didn't get to when she was growing up. It wasn't because I wanted to try and make it up to her. It was just because I couldn't believe I had a daughter, and I guess the dad mode automatically set in.

Lydia came out of the guest bedroom wearing dark leggings and an oversized T-shirt. I had no idea if this was a normal 20-year-old look, or if she had dressed comfortably for the long bus ride. She walked over to me and hugged me, before taking her place at the table next to me. She dug into the food I had brought over in serving bowls while she was getting dressed and took a large portion of each item. As I got some for myself, Lydia didn't waste any time beginning to eat.

After the good night's sleep, she seemed like she had more energy this morning, although the hollow eyes were still there, perhaps an indicator of the disease that plagued her body. It was easier to see her mother's features in her face today than it was last night, and that immediately took me back to when her mother was her age and we had just started dating. Even though it was over 20 years ago, I realized those memories were still vivid in my mind, and while I remember the stunning beauty her mother was at that time and how excited I was to be with her, it also brought back the pain of her betrayal, a betrayal that ruined my plans to spend the rest of my life with her.

We finished eating breakfast. As we put the dishes in the dishwasher (something I rarely used), I told her of the doctor's appointment that afternoon, and that we should spend some time finding a wardrobe for her, since she might be here with me for a few days or longer. She smiled at me and gave me another hug. I think she might have been afraid that once I found out who she was, I might not have been willing to help her. I don't have any idea what her mother shared with her about me, or what conclusions Lydia might have gathered on her own. But the hugs and the smiles and the "Dad" naming every once in a while, made me think she was very comfortable, and I was equally as comfortable - if not more - with her being here.

I didn't have any idea at what kind of stores she wanted to shop. She asked for my phone and began to search to see what was available. My town was considerably smaller than the city where she and her mom lived (and near where my parents still lived as well), so she wasn't going to find the same choices of clothing stores to which she had access at home. But we found a few that satisfied her, and at the end of the morning, she had a few sacks of clothes she deemed satisfactory.

We still had time before the doctor's appointment, so I took Lydia to a little diner that featured classic Americana fare. As we sat over our cheeseburgers, she caught me up a little about her life - the things she liked in school, her friends, and her struggles with boyfriends, that kind of thing. She told me that her grandparents - Lisa's mom and dad - were always there to help whenever her mother needed help with babysitting or taking her to school events. She also told me that her mother had learned how to be a medical transcriptionist and was so successful with it that she was now the head of the transcription department at the same hospital that was waiting to find a kidney for Lydia. The fact that the hospital had good health insurance had made it easier to deal with the financial struggles that might have come with a lesser insurance plan.

I watched Lydia eat and realized again how much she resembled her mother when she was that age. That brought back memories of better times between the two of us - the intense love we shared for each other, and the activities in which young couples in love often participated. Things were perfect - we loved each other, and we had talked about having kids and grandkids and growing old together, working hard early to be able to enjoy a quiet life together when we were older.

Of course, I could no longer think about those perfect times without the betrayal that destroyed the seemingly perfect marriage. I don't know if I thought about that every day since I discovered what she had done, but I was pretty sure I didn't skip more than a day without thinking about it. I realized all along that I probably needed to get some professional help to deal with my feelings, since I obviously could not let go. I kept coming back to the thought that it wasn't me that had destroyed our marriage, so why was I the one that had to have help dealing with it? My pride didn't let me realize how much I might have benefited if I had just been willing to make an appointment.

I pushed my thoughts of Lisa aside and turned my attention back to my daughter. We still had some time before my appointment, so I suggested we take a walk in the park that was just down the street from the diner. We walked slowly, in no hurry to rush anything, and we fell into a comfortable rhythm. About halfway around, she gently reached out and took my hand in hers. My heart swelled with love for this girl that I had not known about until last night, yet I was certain I was her father.

We reached the end of the loop and sat down on a bench together. Lydia looked at me for a few seconds and then asked, "Do you still think about Mom?"

Her question made me pause a bit, because I didn't want my answer to reflect the ill feelings I still harbored for Lisa. So as cautiously as I could, I answered, "Yes, of course. There are two ways I think of her - I think of what might have been if she had not cheated on me, and then I think of the pain that cheating caused me, and the older I get, the more I struggle to remember the loving times when I thought we had the perfect marriage."

Lydia paused for a bit, as if she was processing my answer before continuing. When she looked up, I thought I saw the beginnings of a tear in her eye, and though I was moved to hug her and wipe the tear away, I stayed on my side of the bench, figuring she had more questions to ask. As painful as some of those questions might be for me, I wasn't going to start withholding any answers from her.

She said, "You know, she never really dated, at least as far back as I can remember. When I got older, I would ask her about it, but she told me that I was enough for her and that she didn't need more."

I had no reason not to believe Lydia, but her revelation was very hard to believe, since it was her affair with another man that had ruined our marriage and caused me to miss out on the first twenty years of my daughter's life. How can someone go so long without even a simple dinner date with another man? She chose to be with another man while we were still married, so why wouldn't she be with other men after we divorced?

I didn't know what Lydia was trying to get me to say with this line of questioning, but I think she could tell that I was clearly uncomfortable. And yet she kept on pushing, wanting to know more about me and about that event that left her without a father until she showed up at my house last night.

She continued, "Dad, I didn't have a father growing up, and even though I always wondered what it would be like to have one, I didn't dwell on it. After all, there were other kids in my schools that were being raised by single parents, so it wasn't that unusual. But it's different with Mom - just like it is with you. She knows she had a perfect family and a perfect life planned but screwed that up. We don't talk about it much because she still cries when she thinks of it."

I looked over at Lydia and with a little trepidation in my voice, asked, "Lydia, what are you trying to say?"

She swallowed before she looked up at me and said, "That I think Mom is still in love with you, and that she knows she will never find a man like you again, so to settle for something less than what she had would never work. Even if she dated, no man would stand up to you in her eyes, so she devoted herself to raising me and providing for us since you weren't here to do that."

I had to look away, to keep from showing more than a little bit of anger at what Lydia was telling me. "If she loves me still, then why didn't she try to let me know about you? Not only did she screw up what I thought was a great marriage, but she basically denied me the right to know my child - to even know that I had a child!"

Lydia sat back in her seat, signaling to me that she was unprepared for my outburst. "Dad, I don't know. You would need to ask her that yourself. But I do know that if you ever found it in your heart to forgive her and give her another chance, she would devote all of her energy to spending the rest of her life making sure you were never hurt again."

I leaned back on the bench. Until that point, I honestly had never thought about the possibility of getting back together with Lisa. I quickly flashed back through the good times we had together before she cheated. I could say without a doubt that it was the best years of my life, and that fact added to the pain I felt when her infidelity put a stop to that.

Was it an unforgivable offense? Until Lydia mentioned the possibility of forgiveness, it had never crossed my mind. Lisa was the cause of my pain. But Lisa had also been the source of my pleasure before that night. The pain of the one act of cheating had wiped out all the pleasure she had given me before. Was there a sin that great, as to destroy what we had spent years building?

Then when you add in the fact that she kept my child hidden from me and robbed me of my rightful role as Lydia's father all these years, I knew I had a lot of processing to do before I could ever get to the point where forgiveness might even be a possibility. If I considered it, I knew it would take a lot of time. Was it worth it, if I couldn't guarantee to myself that I would be able to forgive her and move ahead?

I looked up at Lydia, who studied me with her hollow eyes, and I was compelled to lean over and kiss her on the cheek. She responded with her tightest hug yet. I realized that the bonds I was starting to feel with her were so like what I felt with Lisa when we were building our relationship. I also realized that I had deeply missed these feelings all these years after the divorce. After I had left and moved here, I had always considered myself to be a lonesome loser, surviving on the occasional date and the sporadic fling. I figured Lisa's cheating had ruined my trust in any woman so much that I'd just live out my life quietly on my own, protecting my heart from being ripped out and stomped on again.

I looked at my watch and saw that we had 30 minutes before my appointment with my doctor. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and handed it to Lydia and said, "You probably should call your mother again." She took the phone from me and as she started entering the number, I stood up and walked away so she could have some privacy. I was still in a little bit of shock over all of this. Just fifteen hours before, I was living my quiet, boring life alone, waiting for night to pass so I could get up and go to work the next day and repeat my quiet, boring cycle again.

Now, I was taking a rare day off, in the park with the young woman who I'm sure was the daughter I never knew I had, and my phone was being used to call my ex-wife, the woman who had caused me all the pain and grief and had led to me establishing my quiet, boring life. It was surreal, thinking how this unexpected series of events could happen so quickly and without warning. I was trying to process it all, but it was too soon, and there were still too many things left unknown.

I overheard Lydia becoming louder on the phone with her mother. I turned around and heard her exclaim, "No, Mom. I don't think he wants to talk to you... if he had, he would have called you... fine, hold on a minute."

She took the phone from her ear and looked at me as she said, "She wants to talk to you again. I told her you probably didn't want that, but she insists I at least try."

I walked over to her and took the phone. "It's okay, Lydia - I was expecting this."

She smiled at me and stood by as I spoke into the phone, "Hello, Lisa."

"Darrin, I'm so sorry for this intrusion. If you want, I'll head that way right now and come and get her. She did this without telling me, and now I feel so bad about it..."

"Lisa!" I called out. "It's not an intrusion - in fact, it's been an amazing blessing so far to be able to get to know the daughter I didn't even know I had."

There was a long pause on the other end, and then a quiet response, "Darrin, about that - I didn't know what to do. It was such a confusing time and you had left me and the shock and surprise of finding out I was pregnant..."

I interrupted her once again. "Lisa, this isn't the time or place to talk about that. I just wanted her to let you know that she is doing fine and is welcome to stay as long as she likes. Did she tell you that I have a doctor's appointment here in a few minutes? We're going to get this process started."

She paused once again, and then said, "Thank you, Darrin. I hope this proves to be the match we've been hoping and praying for. And thank you for taking good care of her. I do feel better knowing that she's not out there wandering around without a clue as to what she is doing. Do you know how long it will be before you send her home?"

I guess part of me was glad that she was a concerned mother, especially knowing that Lydia had left without saying a word. But I needed to get her to understand that I was fine with her staying with me for a long time, if that was what it took. Her last question rang to me like she was still afraid that I was upset for Lydia's intrusion into my life. Perhaps it was because of what I told her before I left 20 years ago. I guess I couldn't blame her if it was.

"I don't know how long it will be, but if it takes a day or a week or a month or longer, Lydia can stay here with me. Do you understand that? I'm not mad at either her or you because she's here. Please understand that so you can quit worrying about it. I promise when we know something, you will be the first we call. Now can you relax about this? She's fine, and I'm glad she's here."

I heard a sniffle on the other end as she replied, "I know, Darrin - I'm going to try. I just remember what you said when you left, but I'm going to try to forget that. Would you please have her call me every day, even if you don't find out anything? I'm not used to not having her here with me, so if I could talk to her, I would appreciate that."

A small part of me wanted to answer her by saying that she had gotten to have her for 20 years and now my 20 years was starting, but I realized that wouldn't do anybody any good. So instead, I said, "I promise. Hopefully we'll have answers before too long, but even if we don't, I'll have her call you."

Lisa sighed and said, "Thanks again, Darrin. Oh, one more thing...... it's great to hear your voice."

That took me back a bit - I wasn't expecting her to say that. I let it go and said a quick good-bye before hanging up. Was she still harboring feelings for me after twenty years? I'd heard all of what Lydia had told me about her, including the parts where she hadn't dated at all in that time, at least as far as Lydia knew. I admit that most of my thoughts about Lisa during the last twenty years weren't really kind at all, because I was still bitter at the happiness she had taken away from me, and those thoughts were before I knew that I had a daughter.

We arrived at my doctor's office and waited for my appointment. Lydia was quiet, and I decided not to press her on her thoughts just yet. When my name was called, I had her go with me. I did the usual stuff - weight, blood pressure and pulse, that kind of thing - and then we were led to an exam room where we waited some more.

Finally, my doctor came in. Dr. Steven Meadows had been my doctor for the last fifteen years. He had helped me heal from a work accident several years ago, plus I'd seen him regularly for work-required physicals, so I trusted his word completely. He shook my hand and then looked at Lydia, and I could see questions swirling in his mind.

"Steve, this is my daughter Lydia. Lydia, Dr. Meadows, but I think he would prefer you call him Steve."

Steve shook her hand and said, "What a pleasant surprise! Darrin, I didn't know you had a daughter!"

I laughed and Lydia smiled as I answered, "To tell you the truth, I didn't know I did until a couple of days ago."

I proceeded to tell him an abbreviated form of the story, leading up to why we were in his office that afternoon. "After spending the last two days with her, I'm sure that I'm her father, but we need to know officially. And then I need to see about getting tested to see if I'm a potential kidney donor, and if you think my body would be able to handle giving her one."

He looked at me and said, "As for DNA testing, there is a private lab here in town that can take care of that for you. In fact, we can probably get you over there this afternoon and have them take DNA from both of you, and the results should be back in a day or two. That's an easy one to cross off the list.

"As far as you being healthy enough to be a donor, I'd say that you are one of my healthiest patients, so I don't think that would be a problem. You've recovered fully from the injury, and you take steps to eat well and get exercise, so I don't see you being turned down for that reason. However, if you are determined to be a match, I'm sure you will undergo a very rigorous testing regimen to make sure your body can handle it.

"That leads me to this part. There is a hospital about two hours away from here that does transplants and could probably do the testing required to find out if you are a match for Lydia. But honestly, I think it would be better for both you and her if you went to her regular transplant hospital to have the testing done. They are the ones that have all her medical history and know exactly what the match will look like. It might not be more convenient, but in the long run I think it would be a better idea, especially for Lydia."

What he said made sense. It would be better for her if she were back to the doctors and facilities with which she was familiar. I was sure I would be able to get time off from work since I usually turned back vacation days each year. My boss was a family man, and while he would certainly be surprised to find out I had family now, he would understand why this was important to do it correctly.

Steve dug around in one of the drawers in the exam room and found a prescription pad. He quickly wrote something out, tore off the paper, and handed it to me. "We will call the testing lab before you leave to see if they can get you in this afternoon. When you go, you'll need to give them this, and they will expedite the test. After that, it's up to you what happens with the results."

He looked at Lydia and asked, "So how are you feeling? You've had a big trip, and I'm sure your body is already tired most of the time if what your dad tells me is true."

Lydia looked at me and smiled - it was good to hear someone call me Dad!

Steve had his assistant come in to take her blood pressure and check for fever. He asked if she had plenty of her prescription medicines left, and she said yes. After he had checked her out, he told us to wait for a few moments while he had someone call to see if we could get our samples taken today. When he returned, he gave us the address and said they would be waiting for us.

We got into my truck, and I reached over to hold Lydia's hand. "Progress, Lydia - we've made progress today. Let's hope this leads to something." She smiled and squeezed my fingers - another great father/daughter moment.

She nodded as we headed for the clinic. Once there, the procedure was simple, and we were out in about 15 minutes. With nothing else scheduled for the day, we headed back to my house. On the way, we stopped at the grocery store and got the supplies needed for tacos. It was going to be another great night with my daughter. I was looking forward to many more of them in the future.

********

Because it was so late in the day when we were tested, the lab didn't have our results ready until the second day after. That gave us more father/daughter bonding time. I had told Lydia about some great trails high up in the hills that were beautiful this time of year, and while we enjoyed our time, Lydia got tired rather easily, especially with the increase in altitude. I felt so sorry for her, being robbed of things most girls her age got to experience without having to worry about strength and endurance.

The call came from the clinic shortly after 1:00 in the afternoon. I had asked if we could come and pick up the results in person, so Lydia and I headed that way. We walked in the doors and were quickly handed an envelope with the results. The technician assured us we would be able to see the results without having to wade through a bunch of scientific data. We thanked her and headed back to the truck.

We stood in front of the truck, staring at the envelope. I looked over at Lydia. Even though we were both already sure of the results, I knew this would be a giant letdown to her if the results were negative. I slowly opened the envelope, and then handed it to her. She needed to know more than I did, so I decided to let her read the results. She looked at it for a minute, and then looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I didn't know what it meant until she ran over and hugged me and whispered "Daddy" in my ear. Our hopes were confirmed - Lydia was officially my daughter.

After that, there was only one thing to do - it was time to take her home, and time to get me tested. We drove straight to the house; each packed a suitcase (I gave her one of mine since she had arrived carrying only a worn-out backpack for her things) and headed east.

Once we were out of town, I had Lydia call her mom. Lisa answered on the first ring - apparently, she was expecting a call soon. I could only hear her side of the conversation, but it let me know the general gist of what they were talking about.

"Mom...... yes, I'm headed home, and I'm bringing my daddy with me........ I know, but we needed to make it official, and we got the test results back...... no, Dad's doctor told him it would be best if he got tested at the hospital at home..... no, it was his idea. We started out as soon as we got the test results today...... his doctor is sending his records to the hospital, but he says as far as he knows, he's fit enough to handle it...... I know, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it just feels so good that I hope it happens..... we will stop somewhere tonight and sleep, we should be home some time tomorrow..... when we get closer, I'll let you know...... love you too, see you tomorrow."

She handed the phone back to me, and we drove in silence for a while - in fact, long enough that I looked over and she was asleep. I couldn't imagine how difficult her life must be with her kidney issues, and yet she never complained to me, and I tried to make sure we didn't push her too much. I could not believe how much I could fall in love with a person in less than a week's time, and yet it seemed as though I had been her father for all her twenty years.

I turned my thoughts to tomorrow, when I was sure that I was going to see Lisa face to face for the first time since I'd left her. I'd done well in my brief phone conversations with her so far, but there were times that I really wanted to yell at her and remind her of the pain she caused me, especially since I found out I had a daughter all along that I didn't know about. As I drove, I tried to channel the anger I still felt into hope for Lydia, that my kidney would match hers and she could get the transplant she desperately needed. That was the purpose of my trip, I told myself, and not to have confrontations with Lisa.

I tried to convince myself of that, but in the back of my mind I was worried. I hadn't let the 20 years away dissolve my anger at Lisa. Now I was afraid I was going to pay for that.

********

We spent the night in a hotel in a town a little over halfway through the trip. As we drove along the next morning, Lydia seemed to have found some energy. She chatted about several things that really had no interest for me, except for the fact that it was my daughter that was saying them. I could tell she was glad to be going home. But I thought maybe some of her happiness was the fact that she was bringing her dad with her.

Before we arrived, Lydia asked me - "Dad, are you going to stay with mom and me once we get to town?"

That question had the chance to open some old wounds. I didn't know the extent of the details Lisa had told Lydia about my leaving, but surely, she had an idea of the pain her cheating had caused. I had been careful this past week not to disparage Lydia's mother in front of her. But I also didn't say anything that could be construed as friendly either, other than making sure Lydia took the time to call her each day.

So, I carefully considered my answer, and said, "I don't think so, Lydia. There are still some issues between your mom and I that may never be resolved. The purpose of my trip back here is for you, to see if I can donate my kidney to you. Staying with your mom might not be the best thing for any of us. I'm sure I'll have chances to talk with her. But staying is probably not a good idea."

I could see Lydia's eyes drop to her lap, and I knew what she was thinking. I had immensely enjoyed having her with me this past week, and we both knew that by me staying somewhere else, our time together would be cut. And I was sure that she held out hope that maybe Lisa and I would get together again, and Lydia would be part of a normal, loving family. But she had no way to know the depth of the pain I felt back then, and to a certain degree still felt now.

Lydia looked over at me and said, "Dad, I'm not going to ask this question to judge you, because obviously I've never felt the pain you must have when you found out Mom had cheated on you. But.... how long is long enough?"

I didn't get the meaning of her question, and she could see that in the expression on my face.

"Look, for twenty years now, you've been punishing Mom for a mistake she made. Granted, it was a terrible, horrible, awful mistake, and you certainly had a reason to be so hurt. But you've been punishing her for twenty years, and that punishment cost me those years with you as my father.

"But the fact is, because you won't forgive her, or even talk to her about it, her cheating is still causing you hurt. It won't ever go away, but it would certainly hurt much less if you would talk to her about it and try to move past it. I don't know if you have any love left for her at all, and I guess I would understand if you don't. But you have the power to lessen the pain this has caused, and your visit would be a good time to start on that."

She paused, and the silence in the cab of the truck was deafening. Quietly, she continued, "It's been twenty years, Dad - it's been my entire lifetime. She's punished herself for what she did to you, and I know your pain is still there. Hasn't there been enough pain? Hasn't it been long enough? Is there still even a little speck of love for her, somewhere deep inside the heart of the kind and loving father I've gotten to know this past week?

"She will be angry with me if she finds out I'm talking to you about this, so don't think what I'm saying is all for her. Think of it for me. I love her very much, because she's the reason I'm how I am today, thanks to her loving parenting of me. But now I know that I have two loving parents, and even if they never get back together, I don't want the past to get in the way of the future. I want you both in my life, and I want you in it as together as you possibly can be after all these years."

She reached over the console and grabbed my hand, squeezing it as we drove along. We drove the last hour of the way in silence. She had given me a lot to think about. Over the years there had been times when I looked back on my life with Lisa before I discovered she was unfaithful, but it was still difficult to remember those good times, since the cheating had dominated my thoughts about her for so many years, and I hadn't forced myself to remember much about our life together before the event.

She was the perfect girlfriend, and then the perfect wife. I would have done anything for her, and anything with her. We had often talked about having kids, and growing old together, watching our grandkids from the front porch of our house. We had planned trips and talked about so many things together, and how much our love was going to grow with each passing day.

And then she tore all of that away from me. With one despicable act, all my hopes and dreams were snatched away from me, without me having a chance to do anything about it. Over time I had learned not to think about it every day. But I still had daydreams of what might have been, if she had stayed true to me.

But it didn't happen, and life went on. And now, I was about to come face to face with her again, for the first time in twenty years - for the first time since I drove away from town and began my life without her. I turned to Lydia and said, "Honey, I'm not sure how this first meeting is going to go, but I think it will go better if you let your mother and I dictate the pace. I'm sure we both know what you want, but pushing us isn't going to make anything happen any faster. Let us work on this at our pace - okay?

I watched as she nodded. The stage was set. It was time to find out the answer to many questions.

******

We pulled up in front of Lisa's house at about 4:30 that afternoon. I knew she didn't live in our old house anymore, since the divorce agreement stipulated that it be sold, and we split the net worth once the mortgage was paid. But I was surprised to see that she had such a nice house in a very well-established neighborhood. I really didn't know what she had done with her life after I left, but it was obvious that unless someone had given her a lot of money, she had worked hard and done well for herself.

Lydia opened her door and headed straight for the house, but before she could get there, her mother was on the porch, and then bounding down the front steps to her. I couldn't help but smile as the two ran into each other's arms and embraced. I could tell that Lydia had missed her mom, although it was a risk she felt she had to take to find me. I could also tell that Lisa wasn't angry with Lydia for running off without telling her. I think she knew there were extenuating circumstances in Lydia's decision to come and find me the way she did.

Lydia and her mom continued to hug as I reached in the back seat of the crew cab and pulled out Lydia's suitcase. Once it was removed, I turned and waited for their hugging to end, so that we could get her suitcase inside. I had already decided I was going to make sure Lydia was safely home, and then I would drive the 90 miles north to where my parents still lived. It would be good to see them, and Lydia and her mom could catch up without me being in the way.

That was the polite, social reason. The real reason was that I still had no idea what to say to Lisa. I was afraid most of all that I would get angry with her all over again, which was the last thing Lydia needed, since I knew a united front through this testing process would be best for her health. But I also knew that Lisa and I could not just pick up again pretending the affair never happened. That elephant would never leave the room, whether I forgave her or not.

Could I forgive her? I'd never really thought about it. But now that Lydia had informed me about some of Lisa's life after I left - especially the fact that she never really dated or tried to find someone to replace me - I realized I had not forgiven her, and it sure seemed like she had never forgiven herself. Was that the first step? Whatever it was, it needed to be a positive step in at least some kind of healing, for Lydia's sake.

Lydia and Lisa broke the hug, and then both turned to me. I had to admit that Lisa was still beautiful, and if I didn't know, I would have never guessed that it had been twenty years since I'd seen her last because she didn't look twenty years older from that time. We all stood frozen in our spots for a few seconds, but finally I moved, thinking we might be there forever if I didn't. Lydia came and put her arm through mine as we walked towards Lisa. She had a cautious smile on her face, and I wondered if she felt the same way I did - afraid to say anything to ruin the tenuous peace that currently existed.

Finally, Lisa said, "Hello, Darrin. You look great. Twenty years has been kind to you."

So far, so good, but the tension was incredibly thick. "Hello, Lisa. I was thinking the same thing about you. You certainly don't look twenty years older than the last time I saw you. It's easy to see where Lydia gets her good looks."

Lisa smiled and said, "Thank you - that's very nice of you to say. Won't you please come in so we can talk about her wayward little trip that has brought you here?"

Lydia looked at me in a pleading way, but I had already made my decision. "Thanks, but I need to go see my parents and update them on all of this. They don't know I was coming, and they wouldn't be too happy if I spent the night in town before seeing them. I'll take the suitcase inside for you and then I'll go."

I think Lisa understood, because she answered, "You're probably right. I'm sure over the next few days we'll have an opportunity to sit and talk. I know there are too many things to talk about that we probably can't list them all, but the main thing is to see Lydia gets taken care of."

The three of us walked towards the house in silence, with Lydia between Lisa and me. She held the door for me while I walked in and set the suitcase down in the front room. A quick glance showed me that Lydia wasn't kidding when she said her mom had worked hard to become successful on her own. From what I could see, the house was filled with modern furniture and appliances. For some reason, I felt proud of Lisa for what she had accomplished, although I always knew her to be smart and motivated when we were together - another of the many qualities I found attractive when we first started dating.

I turned to Lydia and gave her a big hug. With my arm around her, I looked at Lisa and said, "I'll come by about 8:30 in the morning, and we can get this process started. Do you think they might be able to get me right in for testing? I would hope if they knew her other parent was here, they might shuffle things around to get us in."

Lisa nodded and replied, "I hope you won't mind, but since I knew you were coming, I took the liberty of making an appointment for you at 10:00 in the morning. They are already expecting you. I also thought it might be helpful if I took some time off as you go through this."

I thought that odd until I realized that they had been through Lydia's part of all of this, and Lisa probably could be helpful to me as I tried to understand it all as well. As I pondered this, Lydia squeezed my hand and said, "She can take the time off because when you are the boss, you can make your own rules."

Lisa smiled and said, "Hush, Lydia - your father doesn't need to hear about any of that right now."

For some reason, I walked over to Lisa and reached out to give her a hug. The look on her face told me that she wasn't expecting it, but quickly realized what I was doing and hugged me back. It felt very good to be holding her like that, and even though I still didn't know why I felt compelled to hug her, I was glad I did.

As we continued, I quietly spoke so that only Lisa could hear me. "I know we have a lot to talk about, and I can't promise that I will always stay calm. But for now, you need to know that you have raised a wonderful daughter and it looks like you have done very well for yourself. I promise we will talk when it's appropriate."

She squeezed me harder and said, "Thank you, Darrin. Even this right now was more than I ever could have hoped for. I hope we do get to talk, but I promise I will wait until you are ready."

We broke the hug, and I could see the tears in Lisa's eyes as I turned towards the door. I looked back at Lydia and said, "See you in the morning, sweetheart." She waved at me and then stepped to her mom, holding her as I headed to my truck.

Nobody was more surprised to see me than Norman and Debby Masters. In the past since I'd moved away, I would do everything I could to make sure they knew when my infrequent visits were coming up so they could make as much time for my usual one-week visit as possible. But this time there had been no warning, so when they opened the door and saw I was there, my mom shrieked and ran out onto the porch to hug me, while my dad clapped his hand on my back as they led me inside.

"Darrin, why didn't you tell us you were coming?" asked my mom." We hadn't prepared for this - in fact, we were just getting ready to eat some leftovers from Sunday dinner! If I had known, I could have had a proper meal prepared for you."

I laughed and replied, "Relax, Mom. I just found out a couple of days ago myself and didn't have time to let you know what was happening since it all unfolded so quickly. I have something to tell you that you aren't going to believe. Perhaps let's forget about the leftovers for now, and after we talk, I'll take you two out to dinner."

I could see the look of concern on Mom and Dad's faces as I guided them into the living room. They took a seat on the couch, with me in the chair across the room from them, and I proceeded to share the events of the past week, starting with Lydia showing up at my door and continuing through finding out I had a daughter and that I had come back to see if I might be a kidney donor for her.

To their credit, they didn't get too upset when they found out they had a twenty-year-old granddaughter, but they did have plenty of questions that I answered as best I could. When they asked to see a picture of her, I realized I hadn't taken the time to take Lydia's picture yet, in all the busyness of getting her and myself ready to travel back.

I pulled out my phone and sent a text message to Lisa, asking her to take a picture of Lydia to show my parents. She responded back in less than a minute, and I pulled the picture up on my screen so my parents could see their granddaughter for the first time. Both had tears in their eyes as they looked at Lydia's smiling face.

I anticipated their next question by saying, "I don't know how quickly I can get her over here to meet you, but I promise I will make it happen as soon as I can. I don't want you waiting another day before you get a chance to meet her."

We got in my truck and drove to a small-town diner they frequented often. Over dinner, I told them as much about Lydia as I could, but they kept asking me questions that I realized I couldn't answer. For the most part they stayed away from asking about Lisa's role in all of this - especially the part that must be as hard on them as it was on me, regarding not knowing they had a granddaughter. I urged them to put aside those questions for now since I felt it was best not to bring up things that might upset Lydia, and they agreed. By the time we were heading back to their house, I could see that their main desire was to meet Lydia and begin a relationship with her that had been delayed for twenty years.

As I lay in my old bedroom that night, I took the time to replay the events of this past week in my mind. What had started with a very late-night visitor on my front porch had me at this point sleeping in my parents' house with an appointment to begin the screening to see if I was a compatible kidney donor for the daughter I didn't know I had until a week ago. I had also spoken to and surprisingly hugged my ex-wife for the first time in twenty years after pledging to never speak to her again and had managed to do so without the anger and disappointment I had felt towards her since I found out she had cheated on me.

It was that last part that had kept me awake after lying on the bed for thirty minutes. I was still struggling to determine why I had hugged Lisa and reassured her that we would find the time to talk about what happened to our relationship those many years ago. I also needed to know why she had made the decision to keep my daughter from me - which I thought might go a long way in determining how upset I should be with Lisa for not telling me.

Just before I drifted off to sleep, I think it finally occurred to me that I had hugged Lisa because OUR daughter Lydia would feel much better if we tried to establish at least some kind of positive relationship as her parents, and I knew that I was the one holding that up, since I believed Lisa was ready for me to be a part of her life again - at least according to Lydia. Subconsciously, my heart overrode my brain and determined that the best way for that to happen was to be the one that set into motion the thaw that would lead us to at least some type of relationship. As angry as I still could get about Lisa cheating on me and about her hiding my daughter from me, I had agreed to endure major surgery for my daughter, so why shouldn't I try to have a relationship with her mother for her?

******

Thus began one of the most intensive two-month periods of my life. The hope that I could be a match was confirmed right away, lifting all our spirits. With that out of the way, the process continued. At our first meeting with the doctors, they explained all the procedures needed to be qualified for donation surgery. The transplant team coordinator was very thorough in explaining what all testing would be required and how long it was expected to take before the final decision for the transplant could be made if it was determined that I was a match for Lydia.

The first tests were blood tests. There were three specific tests that I had to pass to keep going through the evaluation procedure. The first was a simple test to determine my blood type. I had brought the genetic testing Lydia and I had done at home, but the transplant coordinator let me know in no uncertain terms that they would do all their own testing since it was them that would be performing the surgery and they didn't want to leave anything to chance. While it was annoying at first, it was also reassuring to know they wanted complete control over everything.

The second test was tissue typing, which due to the development of stronger anti-rejection drugs over the years, was now the least important of the three tests. They performed matching tests on six specific antigens, and Lydia and I matched on five of them, meaning that she wouldn't have to be placed on overly strong anti-rejection drugs if all else proved to be good.

The last blood test was going to take the most time. It was a cross-matching test. Basically, they took my blood and mixed it with Lydia's to determine if Lydia's body would reject my blood cells, which would in turn mean her body would reject my kidney. It was the most critical of the blood tests, one that would be repeated as many as 15 times throughout the evaluation process. A "positive" match meant Lydia's body would immediately reject my kidney, while a "negative" match meant Lydia's body would accept it. They wanted at least ten tests, as long as the negative matches continued, so we were scheduled to visit the lab every Monday and Thursday for the next two months.

If the blood testing revealed the likelihood of success, there were still many other tests I had to endure. First, I needed a complete physical to make sure my body had the stamina to survive transplant surgery. Again, I was fortunate to live in a time when the donor was able to give up his or her kidney through laparoscopic surgery, which meant much smaller incisions than the older techniques, and thus a quicker recovery time.

I had to endure more blood tests to determine if my blood contained any signs of cancer or infection. Anything that might compromise the kidney I was going to donate would stop the process, because planting an inferior kidney into the recipient would not work. I also had to collect urine for twenty-four hours and have at least five blood pressure readings taken at various times of the day, including following activity. Even though I thought I was healthy and in good shape, they put me on an exercise regimen that was designed to lower my body fat, since each tenth of a point down would mean a better chance of a successful surgery.

I had to have several x-rays and body ultrasounds done, to look at my insides and make sure that I had two functioning kidneys. They wanted to see the best images modern science would allow so they could best determine which kidney I was going to keep and which I was going to donate. They did heart tests to make sure my heart was strong enough. By the time all the medical testing was completed, I was nearly worn out, feeling like a guinea pig under a microscope!

The part I liked the least was the psychological evaluations I had to undergo. Many of these tests had to do with making sure that I as the donor was making the choice to donate for the right reasons. I figured our "family" situation might complicate things, but I was assured that the tests I would be taking would uncover our strange arrangement if it was going to be a problem. This part of the testing was also in helping the transplant team tailor our surgery plan to suit our needs best. Lydia had undergone similar testing, so with my answers, they would create the plan that worked best for us.

The hospital was rigid with their confidentiality standards, meaning that I had to make several specific approvals for Lydia and I to keep communicating. I was not allowed to have anyone else with me during the psychological portion of the evaluation, and no results would be shared with anybody else unless I shared them myself. I kept Lydia informed through the process and gave her permission to share what she felt was necessary to keep Lisa feeling like she knew what was going on. Lydia assured me that while she would share with her mom, she wouldn't tell her everything, and I let her know I appreciated that.

During the two months of the evaluation process, I stayed with my mom and dad, even though the drive to and from the hospital could take as much as two hours, depending on traffic. I did try to visit with Lydia as much as possible, and the first time I was able to take her to meet her grandparents was one of the most moving times of my life. My mom ran out to my truck and hugged Lydia the second her feet landed on the ground and did not let go for the longest time. I may as well not have been there that night because all their attention was on Lydia, and rightly so. They felt like I did - that they missed out on twenty years of her life, so they had extra love for her to catch up.

There were also times that I would have a chance to see Lisa, and while we were cordial to each other, we both knew that the real conversation we needed to have had not yet occurred. We tried to put on a unified front for Lydia so that she never felt like we didn't support her. But Lydia was a wise person, and she knew as well as we did that there was a lot of tension still in the air whenever Lisa and I were in the same place at the same time.

About the third week into the testing, Lydia finally convinced me to come to dinner at her mother's house. She made it clear that there was no hidden agenda, but that she just wanted to be around both of her parents at the same time. It made sense to me, and I suppose she deserved that to happen, so I agreed. It was a Thursday after Lydia and I had gone to have blood drawn for the crossmatch test, and since I had picked her up to go to the hospital that day, I told her I would take her home and stay through dinner. She seemed very pleased to get it all set up.

I pulled up in front of Lisa's house. Lydia escorted me to the door - literally, with her hand in my arm. Had I been by myself, I would have knocked, but Lydia let me right in. The aroma of lasagna and garlic Italian bread filled the house, and the significance of that wasn't lost on me - Lisa had made my favorite dish from when we were married, and although I didn't say anything, I logged that into my memory. I didn't know what she hoped to gain from making my favorite meal, but it was a good start in the right direction.

Lisa saw us come in and came over to hug Lydia, and then acknowledged me with a nod. The tension was already thick, but Lydia did a good job of getting us to talk about things other than the obvious that still stood before us. Lisa informed us that it would be about five minutes before dinner was put on the table, so we had polite conversation until then.

That lasted for about thirty seconds before we heard a car horn honking in the driveway. Lydia jumped up and headed to the door, turning to us, and saying, "Oh my god, I forgot - I promised to go out tonight with Janae and Lori! You two go ahead, enjoy dinner without me. Mom, I'll be home by ten or so."

Without waiting for a protest from either Lisa or me, she ran out the door, and in a few seconds, we heard the car door shut before the car backed out onto the street and drove away. I turned back to look at Lisa, and the first thought that flashed through my mind was that I had been set up by the two of them so that I'd be alone with my ex-wife. It took all the resolve I had to keep my anger in check.

Lisa looked just as surprised as I did, and she could see the expression on my face change, so she quickly said, "Darrin, I PROMISE I had nothing to do with this! Lydia can be so independent, as you well know when she came to find you without my permission. I promise I will speak to her about this when she gets home."

For some reason, I believed her, and that helped me to start calming down. But I was still upset enough that I thought maybe I should just leave. I said to Lisa, "Maybe I should just go then, since this wasn't either of our ideas."

Lisa looked at me with pleading eyes, and said, "Wait - please, stay and at least enjoy dinner. We don't have to talk about anything else if you don't want to, but I can't eat all of this by myself, and I know that you will like it, because I've seen you eat it many times in the past."

I could not deny that I was hungry, and that the aroma of the food she was making was making my hunger deeper. I turned back towards Lisa and made my way to the table, where I sat at the end place, hoping Lisa would sit at the other end, and we would leave Lydia's place empty. I chuckled to myself thinking about what my daughter had done. It was the first time since I had known her that I was less than happy with her, but I had to smile at the plan she created and obviously successfully carried out.

Lisa brought over the pan of lasagna, followed by a plate of delicious-looking slices of Italian bread. There was already a salad on the table. We each filled our own plates and sat back down to eat. Normally when we were still married, we'd have a bottle of red wine to go with this meal, but after getting roaring drunk a few times after she cheated on me, I'd stopped drinking altogether, deciding that I was not going to let her actions ruin my life. Plus, the last thing I needed to do during the donor testing was to drink alcohol, so we had ice water in tall glasses on the table.

Lisa had not forgotten how to cook. Between this meal and the food my mom had been preparing, I needed to step up my exercise game to meet the goals the transplant team had set for me. As good as the food was, I couldn't help but think back to over twenty years ago when along with the delicious meal, we would both be babbling about our days and making weekend plans to do something fun together, or even talking about the kids we hoped to have. There was no conversation like that tonight, and it made me sad as I ate each delicious bite.

Despite Lydia's charade, the evening had gone okay. There was still the tension that was common each time Lisa and I were together. But the great meal had served to soften that somewhat, and I figured that maybe this was the best time to at least start the conversation we needed to have. I kept thinking back to Lydia, knowing this is what she wanted when she stiffed us and went out with her friends.

"Lisa - shall we talk? I promise to keep my emotions in check if you will as well. You know that if I'm going to be here for another several weeks at least, we might as well get this out of the way, so we don't feel uncomfortable around each other the whole time I'm here."

I think she was surprised to hear me say that, because it took her a few seconds to respond. Finally, she smiled and said, "I'd like that. I've been waiting a long time for this, and there are things I really need to tell you."

We moved into the living room. I sat on the left end of the couch, while Lisa sat in an easy chair across from me. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes, and I wondered what the best way to start this conversation was when Lisa spoke up.

"I imagine you have two questions for me, and both with the word 'Why.' Am I right?"

I smiled and replied, "I'm not sure I want to know why on one of them. But yes, that would be a good place to start."

She sighed, and after a few seconds, said, "If you don't mind, I think I need to tell you everything, because the last thing I want to do is hide anything from you and let you think I'm keeping something hidden. There's no way I can ever justify what I did - never justify the horrendous hurt I caused both of us, but especially you, since the pain I gave you came from my actions. But I do want to tell you what I can, since I still don't fully know the answer myself."

She took another drink of her water and then began. "In all these years since I did this to you, I hoped that someday the definitive answer of why I did what I did would pop into my head, and then I'd go to a therapist and have it either erased or have myself conditioned so I'd never fall for whatever it was again. But that never happened, so all I can do is tell you what happened and let you decide for yourself, and then maybe tell me so I'll know also.

"He was an intern at the hospital - doing his rotations on the various floors and departments. I had never seen him until one day I was transcribing one of his chart entries and he said a few words that I could not make out. That happens occasionally, so I contacted him and told him he needed to come and see me in the Medical Records department and help me out.

"He came up that afternoon. I pulled up his audio and he leaned over my desk as we listened to his entry. He figured out what he meant to say, and I recorded it and just like that, the problem was solved, and he went on his way. He was good looking - I can't deny that, but at that point he was just another dictation problem that I was able to solve.

"But then I noticed I was seeing more and more of him. It was just innocent - passing in the halls, which surprised me, because we don't normally have interns and doctors parading through Medical Records. Obviously after what happened, I figured out that he was doing it intentionally, but at the time I thought it was just a nice coincidence, because we usually exchanged a few words as we met.

"It got to where he would come into the cafeteria when I did for lunch. At first it was just a wave, especially if I was eating with others from my department. But one day I was by myself, and he came over and asked if he could sit and visit while we ate. I was charmed, to say the least. It wasn't every day that a good-looking man other than my husband sat down to have lunch with me.

"We had a nice conversation about my job and about his training. He told me where he was from and what his plans were. It was an innocent conversation to me, so that when we got up to leave, his hug just seemed like a friendly gesture, and we each went back to our respective places.

"This pattern went on for a couple of weeks. Once he even came and sat with me when some of my co-workers were there. After he left, one of them commented to me on how lucky I was to have the attention of a young intern, and how she wished he would give her a complete physical examination. I was shocked to hear that was what they thought, but they just laughed at me. Apparently, I was the only one that couldn't see what he was doing.

"So, I decided to call him up to my office. When he got there, I explained what my friends had said and how mistaken they were, and he just laughed and right there in front of me, told me that they were correct, and he was trying to get to know me a little better. I was shocked - even more so when he walked around my desk and gave me a hug - a much longer hug - right there in my office. I was both disgusted and excited at the same time! I've dealt with assholes before that tried to get too friendly with me, but never any as good looking and successful as the intern."

She paused, and I could tell she was trying to cope with her emotions as she brought back this story from over twenty years ago.

"It started that night, Darrin, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but it started when I was in bed with you. I don't know if you remember, but we had a particularly amazing night of sex, and it was because I caught myself fantasizing about the intern while you were fucking me. I came so hard, and you filled me shortly, and then we cuddled for so long before you went to sleep. Even then, I could not keep my fingers to myself, and I gave myself another small orgasm thinking about him.

"In the morning, I felt tremendously guilty. Darrin, you had never been anything other than an amazing lover, and you always fulfilled my sexual needs. I had no reason to cheat on you - I never planned to cheat on you. The guilt I felt that morning re-emphasized that point. I made up my mind right then and there that I would bring the intern to my office before I left work that evening and tell him that I was done with this game he was playing. I would tell him about you and the fact that I have the perfect marriage and as handsome as he was, I didn't want to go any further than where we had already gone.

"The plan worked - until it didn't. He walked into my office about 15 minutes after everyone else had gone home. I had my speech all prepared for him, about how I didn't want him, and I had the perfect husband and while it was nice to be recognized by a handsome young man, I needed to honor my marriage and send him away. I started to talk, but instead he locked the office door and turned to me with a smile, and everything I had planned to say escaped me.

"He walked around behind my desk to where I was. I kept thinking that this wasn't real, and that he was going to stop at any time. He hugged me and I kept thinking it was going to stop. He picked me up and sat me on my desk, and I kept thinking it was going to stop. He lifted my skirt and pulled my panties to the side and started fingering me, and I kept thinking it was going to stop.

"But it didn't, and for some reason I didn't stop him - that's what I've been trying to figure out for these past twenty years. Why didn't I stop him at any point? I wish I could say that he raped me, and it wasn't my fault, but it wasn't that. So, when he untied the knot in his scrub pants, I got ready for him to enter me. I got ready for a man other than my husband to fuck me."

I could see tears, and even though I was getting angry all over again, I also really wanted to get up and console her. What if she had told me about it the minute she had walked in the door when she got home? What if she hadn't waited for me to find the evidence? Those were questions that could never be answered. I'm sure I would have been upset, and maybe even walked out on her like I did when I discovered her cheating for myself.

I looked over at her again as she continued. "When he entered me... that was when I realized how much I hated what he was doing, but then I felt it was too late to stop him. I closed my eyes and wished he would just hurry up and get done. I didn't even think about him cumming inside of me and leaving the evidence that you discovered until after he was done.

"The whole thing took less than a minute, and there wasn't a single second of it that I enjoyed. I watched him pull out and pull his scrub pants back up, and without saying a single word to me, he walked around the desk and left my office. I sat on my desk and cried. I tried to clean myself up as much as possible, but I only had some tissues on my desk, and I didn't dare go to the women's restroom for fear that somebody else would find me and know what I'd just done.

"I certainly wasn't thinking clearly at the time. I tried to straighten my desk as best as I could, and then left and went to my car. I cried all the way home. I wasn't even sure how I could face you, knowing that I'd been crying for about an hour straight. I cleaned my face as best as I could and walked inside.

"You were there waiting for me, and immediately you came after me, and I wondered if the passion of our night before was still affecting you, because suddenly you were on me and kissing me and leading me to the bedroom. I realized if this went too far, you were going to discover me wet, but not for the reason you expected. But I couldn't get you to stop. You just had to have me. You ripped my panties off and threw them on the floor, and I knew if I didn't get you to stop, you might find out what I had done.

"I begged you to let me give you a blow job and make it up to you later, but that wasn't enough for you. So, when I forced my legs together to deny you access, I saw the look on your face, and I knew you had figured it out on your own. I screamed at you to get you to not search for my panties, but you did anyway, and the rest is history. At that moment, I wanted to die, because I knew my infidelity would kill you and cause you undeserved pain. I had hoped you'd stay and let me try to figure out how to fix it, even though I knew that probably wasn't likely.

"But you didn't stay, and I don't blame you. And it still hurts me knowing the amount of pain I put you through, just because I wasn't strong enough to stop another man from taking what I had promised to you. I killed our family, and I wanted to die myself. I had no reason to live.

"But as fate would have it, you in fact had already given me a reason to live, but I didn't know it yet. I tried to talk to you, but you would get angry and walk away. When I found out that you were leaving town, I made one last effort to reach out to you, but you told me words that are still etched on my broken heart today - 'If you really love me, you will never bother me again.'"

I cringed when I heard those words. I would not have needed to hear her say them, because I remember that last sentence as well. I had tried not to dwell on them during the years after I left Lisa, but they had never gone away. At that moment, I learned the answer to the other "why" question - she didn't find me and tell me about Lydia because I had told her that if she still loved me, she was never to bother me again.

That would also explain why she was so upset when she discovered that Lydia had come to find me. I had a feeling she was worried about many things but having Lydia herself tell me I had a daughter probably wasn't the way Lisa would have wanted it to happen.

I looked over at her, noting that her head was down, tears still openly running down her cheeks. I had no desire to upset her any more than she already was, but I still needed confirmation on a couple of things. To get her attention, I called her name softly.

"Lisa - Lydia has told me that to the best of her knowledge, you haven't dated anybody. Is this true?"

She looked up at me and nodded yes.

"Why? You're still a beautiful woman, you are obviously excellent at your job, and you have raised a wonderful daughter without any help from me. I would think there would be guys standing in line to get a chance to date you."

She wiped away her tears temporarily and smiled. "Thank you for those kind words, Darrin. I really appreciate them. The first reason is that I knew you weren't coming back, and I didn't want any other man helping to raise your daughter. I didn't feel like I could tell you because I was afraid if I contacted you and you got angry with me and rejected me again - this time with Lydia - I didn't think I could go on, and I needed to be strong for her. So, I put all my eggs in one basket and ruled out anything that might interfere with being the best single mother ever. I never took the time to look at anyone or to answer emails or calls or even guys just coming up to me wanting to know more about me. Obviously, that didn't work very well the last time it happened, because I ended up cheating on you and it ruined our perfect life together."

I waited for her to go on - she had said her previous response was her first reason, so I wondered if there was more. When she continued her silence, I prodded her.

"Were there more reasons, Lisa?"

Tears came again as she nodded her head. "Darrin, please don't think I'm giving this answer as a grandstand to try and get you back. I know not to hope for that ever again, and honestly, just being able to talk to you again has been so amazing and yet so awful at the same time because it's just reminding me again how much I screwed up.

"I didn't seek anybody else because quite honestly, I was still in love. I was still in love with you! I knew that I had the perfect husband, and yet for some reason I couldn't hold on to him because I hurt him by being unfaithful. I know I caused you the worst pain of your life, and I caused it for myself as well. Getting involved in another relationship wouldn't be fair to that person because I wouldn't be able to give him all my love when you still had so much of it, and I didn't want to risk causing someone else the pain I caused you."

With that answer, Lisa broke down completely, and for the first time in over twenty years, I felt something more than anger towards her. I couldn't bear to watch her face any more of this, because I knew it was tearing her up. So, I did what I would have easily done twenty years ago - I went over to her and pulled her up to me and wrapped my arms around her. She buried her face into my chest and soaked my shirt with her tears. We stood there for at least five minutes like that, until she finally relaxed her grip on me and looked up into my eyes.

She could barely whisper, but I heard her say, "I'm so sorry, Darrin. I want so much to go back to that day and kick him in the balls and come home running to you and let you ravage me like you wanted to."

I didn't know what to say - her wish was my wish, but she couldn't go back and make it happen, so I would always feel the pain, even now hugging her as I tried to console her. All I could say was, "I'm sorry it happened also, and I wish you could go back and change it. But you can't, and we must figure out how to move on from here."

I looked at the clock on her wall and saw that it was 10:00 p. m., which was later than I wanted to stay out since I knew my parents usually went to bed earlier. I also thought it might be necessary to see if Lydia would come back while I was still there so we could let her know what we thought of her chicanery.

But then I wondered when we would have had this discussion if Lydia had not set us up. She was smart, and knowing that she came to find me without her mom's permission, I shouldn't have been surprised when we saw her leaving before dinner. If she felt it was important, she was willing to take the heat for it once it was completed. I knew she was purposely staying away, so I texted her and told her she needed to come home.

I was also not surprised when she arrived in just five minutes. She had been close, waiting to see what happened, before she made her way back to the scene of her crime. She stepped inside the door but came no further, looking at us as if trying to gauge what our mood was. When she saw tears in her mother's eyes and a giant wet spot on the front of my shirt, she relaxed, figuring out that we not only had talked, but had obviously shared some close contact as well.

The three of us stared at each other for a moment. Lydia knew she'd have to face the consequences of what she set her mother and I do to without our knowledge, but she obviously felt it was worth whatever was going to happen to her. She was probably wise to not say anything at all yet, so I decided it was time for me to be fatherly and take charge of this situation.

"Lydia," I started, "Your mother and I are upset at the way you deceived us. When we saw what you were doing, I got angry and almost walked out on your mother again, thinking she was behind this deception, but she pleaded with me, telling me that she also was unaware of your stunt. At least, you owe us an apology for setting us up."

Lydia hung her head. "I'm sorry - really, I am. But this was dragging out for so long, and I really wanted you to have a time when you could at least talk to each other and try to move on from what happened 20 years ago. So, I am sorry that I deceived you, and I promise I won't do that again. But I'm not sorry that it worked at least a little bit, because you're still here, and it looks like you two did talk about this."

Again, she was smarter than her years, and her plan worked to at least some degree. I looked over at Lisa to see if she wanted to add anything to this discussion, but she didn't seem to want to jump in, so I looked back at our daughter.

"We did get a good start on working towards a future that we at least work together for you. I don't know where we are going from here, but you really must let us work through this in our own time. You have promised you won't deceive us anymore. I promise that you are an equal part of this family and that means we will listen to your opinions and discuss some of our plans with you. You can't be a part of all of what your mom and I say to each other, but just know that we will be doing all that we can to make sure you are the reason why we do everything we do."

Lydia raised her hollow eyes and looked up at me, and my heart melted on the spot. I found out how hard it is for a parent to be stern with the child he loved, so I motioned her over with her hand and she walked into my arms for one of our tremendous hugs. I looked at Lisa and invited her over too, and the three of us hugged as family for the first time. It was very special indeed.

As I held them, I had an idea pop into my head. "What if we continue this little schedule - without the deception of our daughter in setting it up." They both looked up at me, and I made a stern face to Lydia, causing her to smile. "Since we will still have bloodwork to do for the next few weeks, how about it we keep this plan going? I'll pick up Lydia and we'll go to the hospital together, and then come over here for supper - but only if you let me cook occasionally. I rather enjoyed cooking for Lydia at home, and I think I'd enjoy cooking for both of you. Is that okay with the two of you?"

Lisa didn't have to answer because Lydia excitedly replied, "YES - I love that plan! We'll do this again on Monday - it's going to be great, you guys!" She hugged us tighter and buried her head in my chest once again.

I glanced down at Lisa, who was looking up at me. She mouthed the words, "Thank you." I smiled and did something else I never expected to do again - I kissed her on the forehead. I realized at that moment that there was nothing better than family, and despite the pain she caused me, Lisa was still part of my family since we shared a daughter together. I also knew that Lydia's plan of deception worked exceedingly well, because after Lisa had shared her part of her story with me, I finally saw an opportunity to put this behind us and move on. I still didn't know what that would look like, but at least the idea was there, and I wasn't thinking about how much I hated what she did to me anymore.

Driving the two hours back to my parents' house gave me a lot of time to think about what had just happened. I didn't realize it, but I think I needed Lisa's confession to move on and let go of the pain I'd kept close by for 20 years. It also made me realize that perhaps I needed to apologize to Lisa and Lydia. If I hadn't been such a hard-headed anger-reactive person that night that I caught Lisa, I might have realized that there was a possibility of me remaining in the area, even if we never got back together again. Then I would have known about my daughter. Then I wouldn't have denied my parents the chance to see me more than twice a year, and they would have also not been denied loving their granddaughter.

A lot of this was on me, and now I felt it was time to do what I could to make up for the fact that I'd let Lisa's infidelity hold me in prison for 20 years. It was time to get out and start living as a free man again. And if that meant having Lisa in my life in some form or another, I knew I could make that happen.

******

Lydia was starting to run down rapidly. We were in a race to see which came first - my acceptance as a suitable donor, or her having to go on dialysis until the transplant could take place. She had quit going out with friends for the most part, preferring to stay home and rest as much as she could. She still tried to help with dinner on the evenings I took her with me for our blood work and then went to her mother's house for dinner. But even that task was growing more difficult for her, which I knew frustrated her since it was those times when we were all three in the kitchen together, temporarily giving her the perfect family life she never had.

It was Thursday evening; the last Thursday crossmatch test we would face. If this one and the one next Monday turned out negative, we would be good to go with the transplant, as early as Wednesday morning. I had passed all my tests, including the psychological portion which made me the most nervous. I was in the best physical shape of my life, despite the good cooking I was enjoying. The closer we got to the end of the test sequence, the higher our hopes were raised that I was going to be able to give Lydia a kidney. But we were afraid to talk about it, let alone celebrate each day we got closer to making a transplant a reality. Nobody wanted to say anything that might jinx us, so we kept quiet about it.

My relationship with my ex-wife had improved greatly. Over the past few weeks, it helped that we were enjoying dinner together twice a week. My parents had even come one evening to eat with us, and while they had some of the same feelings towards Lisa that I had before, they kept those feelings to themselves. What they enjoyed the most was the scrapbooks Lisa had kept on Lydia, chronicling her journey from birth to the present.

While our relationship had improved, Lisa and I still had not talked further about that fateful day when our world came crashing down. I knew it was my turn to confess things I had been thinking about since the night Lydia had tricked us into dinner by ourselves. I'd done a lot of soul searching, and while I wasn't necessarily proud of my behavior that day I discovered her cheating, I was less proud of the fact that I had been harboring my anger in my heart for so long. I realized I was trying to run away from it by moving so far away, but that only served to give it a breeding ground to thrive in my heart and mind. Understanding how I had a huge role in how we turned out was a great first step to letting my own healing process begin.

Lydia's health was worsening, and after we finished dinner, she immediately excused herself to go to bed. That left Lisa and I together again by ourselves. We were getting along well enough by then that we helped each other clean up after dinner, and then moved into the living room to talk before I left to go back to my parents' house.

After we sat down, it was my turn to apologize. "Lisa, I have some things I need to say to you - things I should have said a long time ago. Don't worry - I'm done being angry with you, so I'm not going there. Just let me talk for a few minutes, and then we can see what else needs to be said after."

She had a worried look on her face, but she nodded at me, and I continued. "I'm not sure of the right order to say all these things, so if it seems confusing to you, you'll understand that it's confusing to me also. But there are some things I need to say to you, things I should have said a long time ago. And maybe a couple of things I never should have said."

Lisa had chosen to sit in her chair next to the couch, so I patted the empty cushion on the couch next to me, indicating I wanted her beside me. She looked at me warily, not expecting the invitation, but then got up and came over to sit. Once seated, I took her hand and held it in mine. I squeezed her fingers lightly, and I heard her emit a slight gasp at this sign of something more than anger and disappointment.

"Lisa, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a number of things. My time with Lydia has done wonders for me, and while I realize something I said caused me to miss out on knowing about my child for twenty years, I instantly fell in love with her when she showed up at my door and told me who she was. She is an amazing young woman, and that is a credit to how you have raised her.

"But riding cross country with her on the way here, and even being here with her and watching her bravely fight her disease has caused me to re-think how I was for twenty years. I never forgave you for what I did, and because I had so much anger in me once I found out what you had done, I had plenty of anger to stay with me since I'd left.

"Because of that, I was mostly a lonely man, resigned to live a shitty life because of something I didn't do and couldn't imagine it ever happening to me. My anger consumed me that night, and it has kept consuming me for the past twenty years. That's not a healthy way of living."

I glanced over at her and saw tears running down her face. I reached for a box of tissues on the table next to the couch and handed them to her. As she dabbed at her tears, she said softly, "Darrin, you don't have to be sorry. It wasn't you that made the horrible mistake."

I squeezed her hand lightly again. "You've said sorry enough times that you don't have to say it again. Lisa, I know you're sorry, and that you'd do anything you could to take that afternoon back. I'm not telling you this to place blame on you again. What I'm trying to say is that I don't want to be that way anymore. I'm tired of being angry with you. It hasn't resolved anything, and it's just made us both sad at what could have been but never will be."

Lisa looked at me with hope in her eyes. I don't think she ever expected me to say what I was saying to her, and honestly, I didn't ever think I could get to this point. But the more I talked to her, the more I felt the tension in my body and mind and heart release. I had grown used to that tension because it had controlled me for twenty years. Now that it was thawing, it was almost as if a tremendous weight was being lifted off my chest.

I rubbed my thumb on the back of Lisa's hand. "Lydia said something amazing to me as we were driving back. She asked me a simple question - 'How long is long enough?' She knew I was keeping the pain of your affair alive by not forgiving you and allowing that pain to be released. It was an astute thing to say, and only someone who is raised well could be that understanding at age twenty.

"I'm sorry for not giving you a chance to explain fully to me what you had done, even though I doubt I could have made peace with it back then. But I never gave you a chance, and if I had known how miserable you were after it happened, maybe I would have listened. But my anger took hold immediately, and there was no turning back for me.

"I'm sorry that I told you to never contact me again. I don't blame you for not taking the risk of telling me about my daughter. Who knows - I might have acted exactly as you feared, driving a deeper wedge between us than there already was, although I don't see how that was possible, because the wedge I planted was pretty damn deep.

"I know you're sorry for the pain you caused me - caused both of us. I'm sorry for prolonging that pain with my foolish pride. I acted like a child, and it took my own child coming to my rescue to see just how awful I was."

I turned my body to face her more directly, and she turned to me as well. "Lisa, I'm ready for the pain to be gone. I'm ready to live the rest of my life making those twenty years up to you. I forgive you, Lisa - I want to be part of your life again."

Lisa's eyes got very wide, and she covered her open mouth with her hand. "Did you just say you forgive me, and want to be here again?"

I nodded and smiled as I opened my arms. She rushed into me and wrapped her arms tightly around me. I could hear her sobbing and feel her body trembling as she hugged me. It felt good to be holding her. She was still a beautiful woman, but it was more than that. The pain and anger and loneliness evaporated out of my body, and in its place was a warmth and love and joy that had started with Lydia's appearance at my house and was now completed with Lisa sobbing into my chest.

She sat up again, and I took my hands and put one on each of her tear-stained cheeks. "You don't ever have to tell me you're sorry again. We are done with all of that. This is day one of our new life going forward, if you'll have me again."

Lisa wiped another tear from her face before it rolled down to my hand. "I'm trying so hard not to cry, Darrin. But I can't help it! I had hoped for so long that we would get another chance together, even though I knew it wasn't likely to happen. Each day you were gone from me, a little piece of my hope was sliced off, until eventually it all ran out, and I knew I had to get on with my life. But I never stopped loving you, and I never stopped hating myself for what I had done.

"And then Lydia came to find you, and when you had her call that first time, my hope started back again. I tried so hard not to let on to you because I didn't want to pressure you into anything or do anything that might drive you away again. You don't know how hard it was for me not to jump into your arms the day you brought Lydia back.

"And then the day Lydia tricked us into dinner together... she knew we needed that, and I was so glad you stayed and listened to me, because I'd been holding all that stuff in for twenty years, and releasing it was like taking a huge weight off my mind. You were so good to me that night, and even though I told you I still didn't have hope in us getting back together, it was actually there for me. The regular dinner schedule was another. I knew you weren't just being nice to me, Darrin. I felt like you were changing, trying to release all the pain I caused you. I felt the same thing.

"And now tonight - to answer your question, YES! Yes, I will have you again! I'll have you forever, it you'll let me! I want to spend the rest of my life making sure you have no doubt that I will never screw up again!"

I stood up and pulled her gently up to me. I opened my arms, and she came into them, and I hugged her tightly, feeling her tears dripping on my chest again. I brought my hands up to the side of her head and lifted her face to me. She looked at me with her beautiful eyes as I leaned in for a kiss - our first proper kiss since that fateful night so many years ago. It started with just a kiss on the lips, but all the memories of pleasure and love came racing back to me. I opened my mouth to find her tongue, and she offered it immediately. We kissed like that for at least a minute before we each needed some air.

I cupped her chin and started giggling. "If you really haven't kissed anybody like that for twenty years, I'd say you've done a very good job of remembering how!"

She smiled, and my heart skipped a beat realizing just how beautiful she still was. "Darrin, kissing you was never hard, and I've never forgotten our kisses... or anything else we used to do."

We kissed again, and then she looked up at me one more time with her beautiful eyes - eyes I used to find hard to resist. That feeling was rushing back to me, and I loved it.

"Darrin, will you stay with me tonight? If we're starting over, can we please start all the way over?"

I smiled again. "I don't know - I've only been in your living room, kitchen, and bathroom. I don't know where your bedroom is!"

She grabbed my hand and started pulling. "I think I can help you - I have so much that I want to show you!"

Lisa turned and led me down the hallway past Lydia's room and into her bedroom. It was on the other side of the hall from Lydia's, so there would be at least some space separating us from our daughter hearing what I hoped we were leading to.

I followed Lisa into her bedroom, and she closed the door behind me. The room was softly lit by a table lamp next to her bed. In that light, Lisa looked like a beautiful queen. I was still struggling to believe she looked so good after twenty years, but I knew her devotion to Lydia guaranteed she took care of herself, eating properly and getting good exercise. It had paid off well.

She came back to me, and we kissed again, this time our hands running over each other's bodies. Each time I touched Lisa in a new place, a memory of another time in the past with the same place came back to me. I touched her breasts over her shirt, and the first night we had ever petted each other flashed in my mind. I touched the swell of her ass, and I flashed back to seeing her ass in a bikini for the first time.

Lisa was concentrating on my stomach. She was rubbing it in circular motions, and she stopped long enough to lightly slap her open palm against it. She looked back up at me with amazement as she said, "Darrin, they have really gotten you in shape! You were never out of shape before, but now you're a chiseled hardbody! Can I see more, please?"

Nobody had ever accused me of being "chiseled" before, but I grinned as I pulled my shirt over my head. I clearly didn't have a six-pack - maybe more like a two-pack - but it was enough for Lisa, who started rubbing my stomach again. Her touch was firm and warm, and it was close enough to my groin that I started growing.

I stopped her hands and said, "My turn."

I reached for her shirt, but she stopped me, saying, "I wasn't expecting this, so I'm not wearing anything too exciting underneath."

I leaned in and kissed her again. "I'm sure it will be fine, but if it's not, we'll just take it off!"

She smiled and replied, "I like that idea!"

I pulled her shirt over her head, with Lisa lifting her arms to make it easier. It was just a plain, simple white bra she was wearing, but at this point, it was the sexiest thing I'd seen in a long time. She didn't wait for me to reach around to unsnap it, flexing her arms behind her back to do it herself. She wasted no time in getting it open and pulling it off for me. Her breasts were perfect, as always, and the memory of the first time I'd seen her nipples crossed my mind.

I reached out to grab each one with my hands, and Lisa gasped and threw her head back. I knew it had been a long time since she'd had a man touch her like this, so I was gentle as I squeezed and massaged her perfect handful breasts. Her nipples were trying to explode off them, something I remembered seeing many times in the past. It was as if they were begging my mouth to enclose around them, so I obliged - first on her left side, and then her right. Each contact I made with them brought another soft gasp from Lisa's mouth.

Lisa grabbed the back of my head and pulled me closer to her breasts. I took my free hand and started to rub it up and down the smooth, soft skin of her back. I could feel her body tense with my initial touch, and then relax as I gradually warmed her skin with the palm of my hand. So many intimate memories came rushing back, and a sudden desire to replicate them all swept through me. I was back with my girl, and I was more than ready to start all over again.

I could not wait any longer. I stepped back away from Lisa. She looked up into my eyes, waiting for my next move. I quickly lowered my pants and underwear at the same time, stepping out of them and kicking them aside. My cock was fully rigid, and she looked down and reached for it with her right hand. Her touch was gentle. She started to stroke it lightly, and I figured her memories were coming back to her just like my memories did as I touched her.

She took her hand away from my cock and reached for the waistband of her slacks, pulling them down. She revealed simple white cotton panties, which shone in the dim light of the bedroom. She pulled them down next, and suddenly, I was standing completely naked with my ex-wife. We smiled at each other, and then came forward to a hug. It was perfect, and I realized just how much I missed skin-to-skin contact with this short, beautiful woman.

We kissed for a few seconds, but we both knew that we wanted something more. I moved to the side of the bed and pulled the top blanket and sheet back. She looked at me and smiled, and then slowly sat on the edge of the bed. She leaned back and slid over to the middle of the bed, lying on her back. Her knees were bent and spread, offering herself to me. I quickly joined her, and remembering how much she enjoyed my oral skills on her, I moved my body down and leaned into the junction between her legs. Even though it has been twenty years, the scent of her arousal was so familiar, and it added to my desire.

Just as my tongue was about to make contact with her engorged lips, she reached down to grab my head, lifting my face up so I could look into her eyes. With a shy smile, she shook her head 'no,' indicating to me that there was something she wanted first. I knew what it was. I wanted the same thing.

I carefully crawled up over Lisa's body. I stopped at her breasts and took one nipple in my mouth, sucking gently, but hard enough to elicit a moan from her lips. I did the same to the other nipple. My emotions began to overwhelm me, knowing I was about to do something I hadn't done in twenty years, and didn't think I'd ever do again.

I left her nipples wet and erect and moved up so that our eyes were looking directly at each other. Lisa was nearly in tears as we kissed. I adjusted my hips a little bit and my cock came in contact with her pussy. She gasped but stayed still. She was waiting on me to take her, and I was ready for her to be taken.

I looked into her eyes and asked, "Lisa, may I make love to you?"

She shuddered as she whispered, "Please, Darrin. I need this so much! I need you to take me and make me yours again!"

I moved my left hand down to my waist, reaching for and grabbing my rock-hard cock. I lined it up with Lisa's waiting pussy. I pushed the head through her lips, finding more than enough moisture present for what we were about to do. Satisfied we were both ready, I pressed forward, and felt the warm, wet velvet of the inside of her body welcome me home.

It was perfect - magical and sweet and sexy and loving, all rolled into one. I gently pushed inside my former wife, the mother of my child, enjoying each and every second of our contact. The rest of the entire world disappeared. It was just me and Lisa, cock in pussy, laced with kisses and hugs and tears and gasps and moans and the knowledge that the hate was gone, and only love remained.

And then our groins met each other, and I was fully encased inside my ex-wife. The enormity of the moment hit me, and I wasn't surprised to feel a few tears of my own leak down my face. We held still for a few moments of magical bonding, and I knew it was time for the nail to be driven into my old life of hatred and anger.

With my cock firmly inside Lisa, I kissed her and said softly, "I love you, Lisa."

She wept openly and replied, "Oh my god, Darrin, I used to dream for this day to happen, but I figured it never would. I love you too! I never stopped loving you, and that made the pain I caused you seem too harsh and deep. But now... please let me spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you!"

We kissed again as I began moving inside her with long, slow strokes. This wasn't about having an orgasm. It was the foundation for what I hoped would be a stronger love than we had before. There was no rush to finish. As I continued slowly making love to her, she lifted her legs around my ass and held me tight, as if she was trying to pull me into her body more completely.

There was no need for words as we made love to each other. Instead, we communicated through the occasional moans and gasps of pleasure, as well as the close physical contact of the outside of our bodies pressed together, as well as my cock sliding slowly and deeply inside her pussy. We communicated through kissing and smiling as well. It had been too long, and while it was impossible to make up for all the time lost in this first coupling since then, we both knew that it was a good start, and we wanted it to last as long as we could.

Thanks to my physical preparation for the transplant surgery, my stamina was strong. I had no idea what time it was when we started, because time seemed to stop around us, and the world disappeared before our eyes. It was just me and Lisa, lost together in our own Nirvana. Nothing else existed in that perfect moment.

I could only take so much before it started to feel VERY good. I picked up the pace a little, and Lisa immediately knew what was happening. She started to lift her hips up in time with my thrusts into her. Her moans increased and my heart rate began to climb. As I pushed harder and faster, she started whispering, "Come on, Darrin, I need this - I need this! Cum for me, baby - make me your own again!"

I knew what she was talking about. I wasn't the last man to cum inside her. For twenty years, she'd been carrying that thought around, wishing somehow she could go back in time to erase that awful afternoon. I couldn't take her back in time, but I could correct who her last man was. My body was preparing for just that correction. As the crescendo of pleasure in my groin increased, I pushed harder into her, and she responded by pulling me down with her legs.

And then it happened. With a very loud, "Oh god!" I released ropes of white hot cum deep inside her. Lisa's eyes filled with tears once again, but I knew she wasn't upset this time. I knew she was crying tears of joy as I finally reclaimed her, the last step in both of us being able to release twenty years of anger and sadness and grief and missed opportunities to be the family we were destined to be.

I continued thrusting inside her until my body couldn't take any more. I gently dropped down on Lisa, trying to keep as much of my weight off her as possible, since I didn't want to crush my tiny ex-wife. Eventually, I rolled off her and onto the bed beside her, laying on my side. She immediately turned to face me, and we began a series of long kisses. Neither of us had anything to say. We just wanted to be as close as possible after what we had done.

We stopped kissing after a few minutes. I looked into Lisa's deep, beautiful eyes and said, "I was a little bit selfish, it seems. I don't think you got to have an orgasm."

She kissed me again. "It was perfect. It was just what I needed. Feeling you inside me again, and then feeling you filling me up... I dreamed about the possibility of this happening, but my dreams were nowhere near as good as the real thing. We'll worry about orgasm count later. Right now, I only need you as close to me as possible."

"That I can do. You realize that I'm never going to let you go again, don't you?"

She kissed me one more time and replied, "And you realize I'm never going to give you a reason again, don't you?"

It was my turn to kiss her. "I believe you, Lisa. I believe you and I love you. It's nice to be back with my family again."

I reached down to pull the sheet and blanket over us. I looked into Lisa's eyes and could tell that she wanted to say something but seemed unsure of herself. "Do you need to tell me something?"

She smiled. "I know this might sound strange, but thank you, Darrin. You've always taken care of me, and now you've given me my life back, and next week, you're going to give Lydia's life back to her. I don't know if I deserve all this, especially after I took your life away from you, but I feel like I need to thank you every day for the rest of my life."

I put my fingers to her lips to silence her. "We're not going to talk about that, remember? We need to remember that this is day one, and our only focus will be making tomorrow better than today."

She kissed me and said, "I'm not sure how it can be any better than what we just did, but I'm ready to try!"

I cuddled up to her and she turned to spoon her perfect ass back into my groin. A thought came into my head, and I couldn't help but giggle.

"What's so funny?"

I reached around and took her breast into my hand. "I'm just thinking about in the morning when Lydia sees that I'm here. What do you think her reaction will be?"

"I think shock, surprise, and then she'll start crying because she'll have the family she's always dreamed of. I can hardly wait to watch the emotions on her face when she figures out what happened."

I gave her nipple a little squeeze. "It will be fun. Maybe it will give her a little energy to help her make it to the surgery next week."

I kissed her shoulder and we fell silent. It had been an amazing evening, and I knew that the last thing I needed was to be overly tired this coming weekend because of a lack of sleep. Before I dozed off, I heard rhythmic breathing from Lisa. She was safe in my arms, and we were together again. I knew she would sleep well, and I knew I would also.

******

I was awakened by a very unusual sensation. My cock was hard - okay, that wasn't so new. But the fact that it was being gently stroked by a hand other than my own was something I had not felt in several years. I opened my eyes and turned my head to see Lisa lying next to me, on her side, with her eyes focused on her left hand softly stroking my morning erection.

She saw me open my eyes, and she smiled as she turned to look at me. "Good morning, Darrin. I hope you don't mind that I couldn't keep my hands to myself. I seem to remember times in the past where attention like this was needed as soon as you woke up in the morning to help the problem go away."

I laughed and replied, "I remember those days as well. It's not a problem as much now that I'm getting ancient, but then it's been a very long time since I've been awakened by a woman as beautiful as you."

Lisa leaned in to kiss me. "Do you need help getting it to go away this morning? I might have an idea about how I can help you."

"I'm always open to good ideas. What do you have in mind?"

Lisa lifted a leg over the top of my waist, getting up on her knees over me. She grabbed my cock and centered it as she began to lower herself. She had a good aim, and as soon as we made contact, I could tell that she was wet and ready to give me assistance. She lowered herself down, and we became one again, with her in charge this time. Lisa always loved to fuck this way, and I was good with that, because I enjoyed it immensely as well.

Lisa remembered to lean over close to my chest when she fucked me this way, since she was always thrilled when I'd spend time on her nipples as she rode me up and down. She was very sensitive, and the pleasure points in her nipples would stimulate the pleasure points in her groin and help her reach her orgasm, usually before me - another thing I loved about fucking Lisa.

But this morning, it didn't take me long to start feeling very good about what she was doing to me, and she was going to have to hurry if she wanted to finish first. I started thrusting back up inside her as she dropped on me. We developed a previously well-practiced rhythm together, and just as I was about to tell her she needed to hurry, Lisa went over the top, raising up straight and throwing her head back as her orgasm exploded through her body. I quickly followed behind, cumming in my ex-wife for the second time in less than eight hours.

She collapsed on top of me and I held her tightly. We stayed like that for a few minutes, before I broke us out of our post-sex rest.

"We need to get busy. We have a daughter to surprise, and I have a plan."

I told her what was on my mind, and she smiled and replied, "Perfect!" She got up to take her shower, washing away the odors brought on from having sex for the first time in a long time. When she was done, I took mine quickly, for the same reason. Once I got out, it was time for me to wait to enact our fun little reveal.

Lisa had already dressed and gone into the kitchen. After putting on the same clothes I wore last night, I sat on the edge of her bed, waiting. I heard her come back down the hall, softly knocking on Lydia's bedroom door to awaken her, and then go back into the kitchen. It took Lydia a few minutes to come out into the hallway to make her way to the kitchen. I gave it five more minutes, and then started in that direction.

Lydia was sitting at the table with her back to me as I entered the kitchen quietly. I looked over at Lisa, and she had a big grin on her face. I walked up behind Lydia and bent over, kissing the top of her head. "Good morning, princess!"

She jumped and turned to look back at me, but by this time I was walking towards her mother. Right before I reached Lisa, I heard Lydia gasp and ask, "Dad?"

Lisa opened her arms for me and I obliged her with a hug and a kiss. "Good morning, beautiful. How was your night?"

Before Lisa could answer me, Lydia shrieked out, "Mom - Dad! What's going on here? Dad, did you spend the night?"

I turned back to look at Lydia. "Well... I figured it was time for me to come back home. Would you mind it if I moved back in with you two?"

Lydia's mouth dropped open. I could see she was processing this in her mind, so I smiled at her to hopefully help her along. "So you did spend the night here? Are you serious?"

I looked at Lisa again, and she smiled at me, before looking back at our daughter. "Lydia, we're not going to tell you all the details, but your father and I spent the night together."

Lydia looked at her mother, and then back at me. Finally realizing what her mother meant, her hollowed eyes got very big, followed by a wide smile. She ran to us, then stopped right next to us. "Is this for real? You're not just trying to make me feel better, are you?"

For effect, I turned to Lisa and gave her a big kiss. I turned back to Lydia and held out my arms. "It's 100% real, baby. Daddy is home where he belongs."

Lydia shrieked and ran into my arms. Lisa joined us, and we hugged as a family. As she held us, I could feel wet spots forming on my shirt from Lydia's tears, which I assumed were from joy. She confirmed it when she said, "I can't believe it! I've dreamed about this day for so long. Daddy, I'm so glad you are home!"

I kissed the top of her head again as she hugged us. "It's all your doing, Lydia. Had you not come looking for me, none of this might have happened. You let me know I had a daughter and that she needed my help, and then the things you said to me on our trip back here allowed me to see things between your mom and I in a different light. It made me realize how foolish I'd been to not to try to put the anger aside that consumed me for so long."

Lydia looked up at me with her tear-streaked face and pleaded, "Promise you won't leave ever again?"

Before I could answer, her mother interjected - "I promise to never give him a reason to leave again!"

Lydia chuckled and replied, "You'd better not, because if you do, I'll go with him!"

We stood there hugging each other for a few more minutes, but I could tell that Lydia was starting to get tired, so I gently grabbed her waist and turned her so she could go back to her chair. I sat down next to her while Lisa finished getting breakfast ready. I hoped that Lydia would get some strength out of seeing her mother and I together again, because she certainly needed it. We were running out of time - Tuesday's final test result could not come soon enough.

We finished breakfast. With the weekend in front of us, I turned to Lydia. "What would you like to do on your last weekend before our surgery on Wednesday?"

She looked up at me with hopeful eyes and replied, "Can we just stay home and be a family together all weekend? I don't really feel like going anywhere, and now that you're here to stay, let's just enjoy being together and doing nothing."

I smiled. As usual, Lydia always knew what to say. A complete weekend alone with my family sounded wonderful. "Absolutely. Shall we have a marathon movie weekend, and not care if we decide to doze off while we're watching?"

I looked up at Lisa, who of course had a huge smile on her face. Lydia replied softly, "Perfect! Let's do it!"

That's what we did. We had enough food in the fridge for noon meals of things like sandwiches, salads and soup. For dinner meals, we had food delivered. All weekend long, we didn't step foot outside the house for anything. Lisa and I concentrated on doing whatever we could to make sure Lydia had to move as little as possible. Lydia did all that she could to tell us how much she loved that our family was together again. I'd steal glances at Lisa, and she was always smiling, and even once, I noticed a tear running down her cheek. Lydia was sleeping against me on the couch at that time so I could not get up to wipe it away, but I blew her a kiss, and she mouthed back, "I love you."

Sometime on Saturday afternoon, Lisa brought out the memory books she had kept as Lydia was growing up. In one way, it brought pain to my mind, knowing I wasn't there for those years while I was away still being angry with the world. But it gave me a glimpse of what my daughter was like growing up, and it confirmed what I already knew - Lisa was an incredible mother. She had raised Lydia to be strong and independent, while still knowing things like family will always be important in her life.

******

Somehow, Lydia's inner strength helped her make it to the final blood test on the following Monday without having to have a round of dialysis. After our blood was drawn, we were locked in a waiting game until the hospital called to tell us that the surgery was a go. Lydia went to bed at about 9:00 on Monday evening, and Lisa and I had gone back about an hour later. It wasn't long before we heard a light knock on our door from Lydia, asking if she could come to bed with us. Apparently, she was nervous about the final report and couldn't sleep. Lisa looked at me and I nodded, and our daughter got in between us in the middle of the bed, cuddling with her mom. It wasn't ten minutes before she had fallen asleep.

We decided to stay home on Tuesday, not wanting to take any chance of missing the phone call we knew was coming. It was another day of relaxing and having some close family time. I appreciated every minute I got to spend with the two most important women in my life. I stepped out on the front porch for a few minutes to call back to my boss at home and let him know that we were all but approved for the surgery. He was glad to hear from me. I also had a little bit of other business to take care of, but that only took a few minutes, and soon I was back with my girls.

We were all confident that the result would be positive, and the surgery would proceed. But we were superstitious enough that we didn't really want to put too high of hopes on ourselves, for fear of jinxing it somehow. I could only imagine what was going through Lydia's mind - and Lisa's as well, for that matter. They had been pursuing this for much longer than I had, and their hope of finding a match had dwindled with each unsuccessful match campaign they organized. It was out of desperation that compelled Lydia to come and find me. Hopefully we were nearing the end of her journey. I only wanted her to have as normal a life as possible, so giving her my kidney was a very small price to pay.

We were just sitting down for lunch shortly after noon when my phone rang. I looked to see that it was from the hospital. Both girls were looking at me, and I nodded. Lydia came over to stand next to me, and Lisa took her place standing behind my chair. I took a big breath and answered my phone.

"Hi, is this Darrin?"

"Yes."

"Darrin, this is Stephanie from your transplant team. Is Lydia with you by any chance?"

"She is, and her mom is here as well. Let me put you on speaker mode."

I pressed the speaker button and sat the phone on the table. Stephanie continued. "Very good, that way I can tell you all at the same time. Your final test was as negative as all the previous tests, and so I'm happy to tell you that your transplant surgery is a go for tomorrow morning. I'm going to email some instructions for the rest of today and tomorrow morning, so you'll know what to expect. Congratulations! We'll see you here tomorrow!"

"Thank you so much, Stephanie. Looking forward to seeing all of you tomorrow!"

I disconnected the call and turned to look at Lydia. She rushed into my arms with the strongest hug her frail little body could give. I then turned to look at Lisa as I continued hugging our daughter. She was smiling and weeping at the same time. It looked like Lydia's nightmare was going to be over soon, and at that moment, there were no words to express our happiness in knowing it was finally going to happen.

I looked down at my watch and saw that it was after 1:00 in the afternoon. I said to Lydia, "At this time tomorrow, our surgeries should be done, and you'll have my kidney inside you so that you can start getting better."

She sighed and replied, "I can hardly wait for that. I'm so tired of being tired all the time. Thank you, Daddy. It's the second-best gift I could ever receive."

Lisa's look of confusion mirrored my feelings. "Honey, he's saving your life! What better gift could there be than that?"

Lydia stood back up to look at her mom. "Well, he's already saved my life once, and yours too. The best gift was to have him back home with us!"

We went to Lisa's computer to look at the prep list for reporting for our surgeries in the morning. We found out that we were to report to the hospital at 5:30 a. m. for a scheduled 7:30 surgery. Most of the items were things we already knew. One we hadn't thought about was not eating twelve hours before reporting to the hospital. We decided to add a few hours to that, just to be sure we'd be ready when surgery began.

We quickly finished lunch, and made a plan to go get some ice cream, of all things, around 4:00 p. m. The timing of our ice cream date had been at my suggestion because I had a surprise planned for both of them. As it got closer to time to leave, I asked them to dress up a little bit, saying it was important to me since this was our last outing before the surgery. They grudgingly agreed.

The ice cream hit the spot. As we ate, we talked about the journey Lydia had been on - and Lisa too, for that matter, since she'd done everything with Lydia except coming to find me. I asked Lydia if she was nervous about the surgery.

"No, because it's been a goal of mine for a long time, and I know it's something I have to have if I'm going to be healthy and active. These last two weeks have not been much fun, being weak and feeling sick all the time. So I really am welcoming the surgery. I know it will change my life. How about you, Dad? Are you nervous?"

I smiled at her. "I suppose I should be, because even though transplant surgery is done successfully all the time, it's still major surgery. But I feel much better knowing that it's going to help you live a more normal life. And that means if you asked me 100 times to donate a kidney to you, I'd answer 'yes' 100 times."

I reached my hand over to Lydia, thinking back to the night I first met her, and the day it was confirmed that I was indeed her father. Yet as amazing as those memories were, finding out I was a match for her and that she was finally getting the operation she needed may have exceeded them all.

I looked at my watch. It was time for the next event on our agenda. I turned to Lisa and Lydia and said, "Time to go. We have somewhere else we need to be."

They both look confused as we walked out the door and got into Lisa's car. She saw that I was taking my place behind the steering wheel, so she gave me her keys, trusting that I knew what I was doing. It was a short drive to our new destination. We parked in front of the county courthouse.

Lydia had no idea why we were there, but I thought Lisa might have figured it out. I turned to her and said, "Lisa, there's no way I'm going through with this surgery until I've come all the way back to you, and this is the final step. Lisa Simpson Masters, will you marry me again? I promise this will be the last time."

Lydia gasped loudly enough that if Lisa said anything right away, it might not have been heard. But I knew it would be quickly after Lydia's gasp that Lisa's tears would start flowing. We grabbed hands as she nodded to me and said, "Yes, Darrin - YES!"

"Then let's go inside. One of the magistrates in this county is an old classmate of mine from high school, and he's ready to make this official. Shall we?"

I got out of the car and ran around to Lisa's side, opening the door and helping her stand. Lydia's door was already open and when she hopped out, she waited until her mom was standing to give her a giant hug. As my girls hugged, I heard Lydia say, "Don't screw it up this time, Mom!"

Lisa replied, "Don't worry - that will never happen again!"

I had Lydia's arm looped with mine on my left side and Lisa's on my right. The three of us walked into the courthouse together. We took the elevator to the third floor, and when we found the right courtroom, Lisa shrieked, finding her parents and my parents waiting on us. My friend Jason was there also, decked out in his black judge robe. We were all set for a wedding!

Once we got in place, Judge Jason began the ceremony. It was brief, but that was fine. I knew there'd be no honeymoon, and likely no sex as well since we had an early alarm in the morning so we could get to the hospital. Lydia stood next to her mother for the ceremony and my dad stood with me. Once we got to the kissing part at the end of the ceremony, it was official - I was a married man once again!

I told our family that due to the surgery the next day, we'd have to have a celebration event after Lydia and I had fully recovered. Everybody was fine with that. I was anxious to get Lisa and Lydia home so we could spend some quiet time later before we went to bed. Both of our parents said they would sit with Lisa during the surgeries so she didn't have to wait alone.

We walked out of the courthouse, hugging our parents before getting in our cars and driving away. Once we were in the door, Lisa came and gave me a very proper hug again, but it didn't stay that way long because Lydia wanted in on the hug as well. We stood there and held each other for the longest time, since the day was filled with joyous moments of an impromptu engagement and wedding, and perhaps tense moments as Lydia and I prepared for the surgeries in the morning. I knew Lisa was going to be a double wreck waiting for news on not one but two major surgeries involving the two people she loved the most.

We both double checked to make sure the bags we were taking with us to the hospital in the morning were ready. After that, it was mostly quiet conversation between the three of us. We didn't really want to talk about what was coming up - maybe it was an unspoken superstition we didn't want to tempt. We knew we needed to go to bed early, but our nerves seemed to be keeping us alert.

We finally decided we just needed to go to bed, since it would be easier to fall asleep that way. Lydia looked pleadingly with her mother and I, and we knew exactly what she wanted. I said softly, "We can't keep making a habit of this, but would you like to sleep with us tonight?" Relieved that I asked her, she gave me a big hug, followed by a hug for her mom.

Once we were in bed, Lydia looked over at me and said, "Thanks, Dad."

"For letting you sleep with us again?"

"No, for giving Mom's life back to her. And for giving me a chance to live again. You are most definitely a superhero!"

I chuckled at that notion. "No, Lydia, if anybody here is a superhero, it is you, for bravely fighting through all the struggles you've had to endure, and then for blatantly running away from home to come and find me. That qualifies you in my book."

Lisa stepped up to be the voice of reason in this case. "Neither of you isn't going to be a superhero tomorrow if you don't get some sleep tonight!"

We heeded her advice, and shortly before I dozed off, I could hear Lydia's regular breathing. That helped relaxed me, and I faded off into sleep.

The 4:30 a. m. alarm the next morning was brutal! I rolled out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. I was told I could brush my teeth, but that I had to spit the water and not swallow. Since I couldn't imagine swallowing toothpaste water, I had no problem complying with that instruction.

Lisa came into the bathroom just as I was finishing. We kissed, and then she said, "I didn't want to say anything during the conversation you and Lydia were having, but I agree with her - you are my superhero!"

"Ha - I'm too groggy to argue right now, we'll talk about that later."

I slipped into some shorts and sweatpants and put on a loose t-shirt. They wouldn't be on long once we got into surgery prep. Once I was dressed, I gently nudged Lydia to awaken her. She rubbed her eyes for a few seconds and then looked up at me and smiled.

"This is it, Daddy. It's finally going to happen!"

"I know, sweetheart. I'm excited to get you healthy again!"

After a quick but intense hug, she headed into her bedroom to get ready. We were loaded and out the door by 5:10, which put us at the hospital five minutes early, since there wasn't any traffic to speak of. Once we arrived, Lydia and I held hands as we walked in through the automatic doors. A quick stop at the reception area followed. Next, we waited until someone from surgery prep came to get us.

We went to separate areas to get ready for the surgery. We each had IV's started and we got to put on those sexy backless hospital gowns. When we were both prepped, they put us together for a few brief moments that included lots of tears from all three of us. Lydia had waited long enough. It was time to get her well.

After a hand squeeze with Lydia and a kiss from Lisa, I was wheeled into my operating room. The temperature was extremely cold, and I was glad that I'd soon be asleep. The anesthesiologist gave me the rundown on how my anesthesia would go. The surgeon came into the room and asked if I was ready, and of course I nodded. I was told to count backwards from ten, and made it to four before the lights went out and I drifted off to sleep.

******

For some reason, I had trouble waking up. My eyes would not open. My body felt like a dead weight, and even trying to move my arms and legs was impossible. I did not know where I was - if I could have gotten my eyes open, I might have been able to get some answers.

The answers came in the form of the excited yelling of my daughter. I could tell she was close to me, as she repeatedly said, "Daddy, can you hear me? Can you wake up, Daddy?" It was that sweet voice that made me try even harder to get my eyes open. It must have worked, because I started seeing light trying to filter through my closed eyelids.

Lydia's cries switched. "Mom! Mom! Wake up! He's trying to open his eyes!"

I heard the rustle of a chair, and suddenly my wife's voice came through. "Darrin, baby, can you hear me? Wake up, we need you! We need you, Darrin!"

I felt one hand grab my left hand and squeeze, and other hand grabbed my right. I squeezed both hands back, although it took an effort! But it must have been felt, because Lisa yelled out, "Darrin! I felt that squeeze! Squeeze again, baby!"

I squeezed as hard as I could. I heard Lisa say, "We need to call the nurse and let her know!" In a few seconds, the nurse came over a speaker somewhere, and Lisa told her that she thought I was waking up. It was starting to come back to me. I was in the hospital, and I had just been in surgery to give one of my healthy kidneys to Lydia.

I managed to get my eyes open a little farther, enough to make out the faces of my beautiful wife and daughter peering down at me. I thought I could make out tears amidst the smile they were showing me. I heard footsteps coming near and suddenly there was a new face I didn't recognize. But she had a command for me - "Mr. Masters, can you hear us? Blink your eyes if you can."

I put enough effort into it that my lids open and closed three times. The third face stepped back and Lisa came into view again. "Darrin, oh my god, you are back!"

My memory of where I was and why I was there started coming back. I had just had surgery to donate a kidney to Lydia. But then I looked over at her, and saw her standing next to the bed, dressed in regular clothes. Did she not get to have the surgery? Did she not have my kidney in her body?

I opened my mouth enough to squeak out a very soft, "Lydia...."

She smiled and said, "Daddy! We thought we had lost you!"

It didn't make any sense, so I turned my head to Lisa. She finally cleared up my confusion.

"Darrin, baby - you've been in a coma for three weeks. They think you had a reaction to your anesthesia. They didn't know how long it would be before you woke up!"

She squeezed my hand again and bent over to give me a kiss on the top of my forehead. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, and then forced them open again.

"Did Lydia..."

It was Lydia who responded. "Yes, Daddy. My surgery was successful, and my body is accepting your kidney so far! I'm still sore, but I already feel stronger. I feel even better now that you are back with us!"

The relief I felt once she told me her news was overwhelming. I began to cry, and both of my girls leaned down to hug me as much as they could. Between the rails on the bed and the IV lines I had, I wasn't very accessible. But I could certainly feel their love. Even though I could barely move, it was one of the happiest moments of my life!

I had forgotten the nurse was there, but she stepped up next to Lisa. "Mr. Masters, I'm Carolyn, your nurse on the day shift. It's good to have you back! I need to check a couple of things quickly, and then I'll leave you alone for a while. Do you have any questions while I'm here?"

There were so many things I wanted to know, but only one question came to mind. "When can I go home?"

She replied, "I don't have the answer to that question. I'm sure a doctor will be around to see you soon, and you can ask then. But I will tell you that for as long as you were in a coma, you're likely to need physical therapy after you're medically released from care here. Now that you are awake, we'll have answers to those questions soon."

"Can I have something to drink and eat?"

Nurse Carolyn laughed. "I would imagine you're hungry, since it's been over three weeks since you've eaten. We'll get something for you soon, but it will likely be broth or Jello for a while."

It was my turn to smile. "Even that sounds good right now."

She left the room, and I turned to my girls. "Tell me what happened."

They had lots of news for me. Lydia's surgery went to perfection, and she was officially dismissed after four days. They both had been staying with me the entire time I was out, although Lisa did do some of her job while Lydia stayed in the room with me. Any time they needed to leave for a little while, my parents would come and sit with me, and as soon as Lisa had called them to tell them I had awakened, they came right to see me.

Over the next few days, the hospital staff worked to get me to the point where I could begin some physical therapy. I was released from medical care in five days and was moved to the rehabilitation floor of the hospital immediately. Their goal was to get me to the point where I could take care of myself, although I knew Lydia would always be close. But she certainly didn't need to be trying to catch me if I happened to fall at home.

In addition to physical therapy, I was also receiving occupational therapy and speech therapy, which was designed to make sure my swallowing wasn't an issue. On weekdays, I'd have two or three therapy appointments. Weekends were spent doing things like walking the halls to maintain the progress I'd gained during the week. There was always somebody from the hospital with me when I'd get out and move. One of my girls was always there with me as well.

On the second Tuesday of my rehabilitation stay, I received two pieces of good news... well, one was good. One was VERY good! The first was that the staff had set a goal of the coming Friday to be released to go home. I was still walking with a walker and would likely go home with one. I was told if I'd keep using the walker at home until I'd been released by a therapist, and if I would do exercises they'd given me in a packet of instructions, they were comfortable with letting me go.

I told them I was a very good boy and would follow their instructions to the letter!

It was great news, and I could hardly wait until Lisa came to see me when her day was over. But when she arrived, I could see that something was on her mind, and I couldn't tell if it was a good something or a bad something. Lydia was with me, and she acted like she could tell something was strange as well.

So I figured she needed to hear my news first. "Guess what? If I keep doing good, I'm getting out of here on Friday!"

Lisa appeared to be underwhelmed with my news. "That is good news....."

When she didn't share my excitement, I started to get a little worried. "Lisa, what's wrong?"

She looked at me, and then to Lydia, and then back to me. "I have something to show you that has totally caught me off guard."

She reached into her purse and pulled something out that looked like it was wrapped in some kind of paper. As she unwrapped it, I could see that it was plastic, and looked like it was blue and white. It looked to be long and narrow, and suddenly it came to me what it was.

I looked at Lydia, but she hadn't figured it out yet. Surely she knew what a pregnancy test looked like, but maybe I was wrong. I looked back at Lisa, who still looked nervous. But if she was showing us a pregnancy test, I knew what was on it.

She handed it to me, and my suspicion was confirmed. I was going to be a father again! I passed it immediately to Lydia, and watched her as she read the words on the test and finally figured it out.

"Mom? Are you kidding? Does this mean I'm going to be a sister?"

The surprise on her face was priceless! I turned to Lisa, who was still a bit worried at what my reaction was going to be. So I thought I'd have some fun with it. "Well, look at it this way. I guess it's nice to know that something still works in my old body!"

"Dad, not appropriate!"

I laughed and then turned back to Lisa. "Are you ready for this? I guess you'll know I'm going to stick around and help with this one, although I'm afraid I'm going to be in the way because you did an amazing job raising Lydia on your own!"

Lisa was quick to correct me. "You're not going anywhere, Daddy. I can hardly wait to watch you change your first diaper!"

When she saw my smile, Lisa rushed into my arms, and soon Lydia joined us. I made both of my girls laugh when I said, "We must be crazy, but I like this kind of crazy!"

As expected, I was released from rehabilitation on the following Friday afternoon. It had been nearly a month since I had stepped back inside what was now our house. I was still on restricted activities, including having to wait another week to resume sex with my wife. While that didn't make me happy, I knew we'd have the rest of our lives together to catch up on what we missed.

Lisa had pre-made a pan of lasagna and stored it in the refrigerator the day before, so once we got home, she put it in the oven. I went to the couch, knowing it had a built-in recliner on both ends so I could put my feet up and rest. I had promised the therapists that I would walk every day and follow the exercise list they had sent home with me. But all of that could start the next day. It was enough work just getting me home and settled.

******

It's been nearly a year since that day that I came home from my time in rehabilitation. So much has happened, but at the same time, everything that happened was something that was a blessing for our little family.

As I sit in my couch recliner, I look to the left of me and see Lisa, sitting on the other end of the couch while cradling our three-month-old son Bennett Darrin in her arms. Since Lisa was older than most expectant mothers, we understood there might be problems with her pregnancy, and she did end up being placed on bedrest for the last month. Despite the problems, Lisa had no issues with the delivery of our son. The name 'Bennett' is a derivative of Benedict, which in Latin means "blessed." Little did I know that I would be a father again. But I hadn't know the first time that I was a father, and it was that discovery that led me back to where I should have been all the time.

Lisa has been granted a six-month maternity leave so she can stay home to care for our son. Part of that was made possible through the selling of my old house where I lived before. I had been either smart enough or lucky enough to buy that house at a time when the housing market was depressed. The market was now robust as that area expanded, and I was able to sell it for twice what I had paid. I had paid it off in about ten years, so when it was sold this time, that money came to us without any mortgage to pay off. That money now was helping to sustain us with Lisa's maternity leave.

However, we found that we were able to live fairly well off the salary of my new job. Thanks to my work experience and the strong recommendation of my old boss, I was able to find an equipment operator's job with a very large construction company here in the city. It is a much bigger organization than my previous job and I was having a little trouble getting used to the apparent political nature of a big business. But so far it had worked well, and I'm actually making more money here than I was out west.

Sitting at home while waiting to heal was difficult for me, so when I got the all-clear to start working again and found my new job, I was extremely happy. I love moving the earth around as we cleared out land for new buildings and parking lots and new roads and highways. I am very comfortable in the cab of a big earth mover. Since I have this good job now, we are considering the possibility of Lisa staying home to take care of Bennett as a full-time mom, although we know the hospital would let her do at least some part-time work from home if she was missing her job.

And then there is Lydia. The Lydia I met over a year ago was tired and thin and worn out from the kidney disease that was ravishing her body. But a little over a year after the transplant, she is a different person, who according to Lisa "is back to her normal self." She's active and busy and driven to make herself better whenever she can. She's a tremendous helper in taking care of her little brother, which I know Lisa appreciates, as do I.

She seems to have no ill effects of the transplant. Her body is still accepting it 100%. She will always have more checkups than a regularly healthy person, but she's not resentful of that. She's been told that she should have a long-lasting life, provided she doesn't do anything that might injure the new kidney.

She is also ready to get back into her educational plans. She has enrolled in a local community college nursing program. As she learns, she'll earn her Licensed Practical Nurse certification after one year and her Registered Nurse after two years. She already has plans to continue in a nursing program until she at least earns a Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree. It is no surprise to any of us that her goal is to work on a similar transplant team that saved her life. Her empathy towards her patients will be strong since she has lived through their situation and knows what to do or say to help them.

She catches my attention now as she comes into the living room from the kitchen. She's taken over most of the evening cooking duties since about the middle of Lisa's pregnancy, and one of my greatest joys are the times Lydia and I spend making meals together. She bends over now to give her sleeping little brother a kiss on his forehead. Lydia has dated a couple of times since the transplant, but I know she's not in any hurry to find the one just yet. She has her life plans set, and I'm sure that someday, she will present us with a grandchild to love.

Lisa and I don't talk about the incident that caused our demise over twenty years ago, because we don't need to anymore. We know the past can't be changed and we've accepted that, knowing that it's pushing us to make the present the best that it can be. But I would be lying if I said I don't think about those times, because I do. My biggest questions that I'll never be able to answer are these - would I have been able to forgive Lisa and put her indiscretion behind us, instead of being so bullheaded about it that there was never any opportunity to try? It might have been different if we had known she was pregnant before I left. I just can't say for sure.

I also ask myself if I would have come home if Lisa had told me that she was pregnant with our child. I think that hurts the most now, though I certainly don't blame her for not telling me, since I had made it abundantly clear that I never wanted to speak to her again. Because of my anger and my stubbornness, I lost twenty years of my beautiful daughter's life, and I can only blame myself for that.

If I could go back and talk to Darrin back then, I think I would have tried to persuade him to calm down and think rationally about his options. I know there would have been a very long period of time before I would have been able to trust Lisa again, and I don't know if I would have gotten to that place or not. Again, it's another question that will never be answered, so it's stupid of myself to even ask.

I watch Lydia wrap her mom with a hug, and then as she makes her way to my chair. She climbs into my lap and hugs me next. We have made sure that Lydia does not feel less loved by us since she's not the only child to love anymore. If anything I believe she feels more love, because she's a tremendous part of why we have been blessed with baby Bennett. It was her seeking me out to see if I could be a donor for her that got the process of reconciliation started with Lisa. It was her questions and wise words as we drove across the country to take her back home that awakened me to the possibility that I might shed my hatred and anger. It was her question that got me started thinking about what an ass I'd been, and that there was a possibility I could make up for that.

As she leaned back against my shoulder, I whispered in her ear, "Twenty years."

She looked with a confused expression on her face. "What does that mean, Daddy?"

I brushed my hand along her arm and answered, "When we were coming back to begin the testing process, one of the most wise questions I had ever heard came from you when you asked, 'How long is long enough?' So I'm answering your question - the answer is twenty years. That was when with your help, I decided it had been long enough. Thanks to your question, here I am with you and your mother and your little brother. It would not have happened if you hadn't come to rescue me."

I think we both had tears seeping out of our eyes as she kissed me on the cheek and replied, "We rescued each other, and I'd do it again in an instant."

My anger and hatred cost me twenty years of family life. But I'm working to make that up to them. Feeling the weight of my daughter in my lap, one more question remains that will never be answered - Do I love Lydia more since she has a part of me inside her to let her have the quality of life she deserved? Perhaps, but then my love for her was already very strong before the transplant, and I know that my love for her and for Lisa and Bennett will be unlimited as long as I live.

I glance up at Lisa, who is looking at me with a big smile on her face. I mouth the words, "I love you." She does the same for me. My life couldn't be any more perfect. I cannot get the lost twenty years back, no matter how hard I try. It's time to take that twenty years of love and use it for the next twenty years and beyond.