Finding Myself Part 5

"Why do you want to see me with another woman?" I asked.

"Dunno really but it would turn me on so much," he replied cupping my naked, D cup breasts and pinching one of my nipples.

"Pass me my glasses please?" I asked. Without them I was almost blind and I wanted to look at his hands on my body as I went on, "But why with a woman, I've told you that I am just into men," I blatantly lied as in the past year I had been quite active with women.

"Yes so you say but you were into women when you were young weren't you, when you were at uni and had that fling with Melinda."

"Melinda."

"What?" he asked almost incoherently with his mouth full of my breast.

It was one of our occasional 'big dates' as Kevin, my husband called them. An evening when we'd drink a little too much and maybe smoke some weed before he took photos of me undressing and playing with myself. Usually, it would, as it had this evening, get too much for both of us and as I lay on the floor of our sitting room perhaps just in black holdups and heels and maybe pulling the lips of my pussy apart, he'd get his cock out. Not always, but sometimes as I had tonight, I'd suck it and play with his balls before he fully undressed and then we'd fuck as we just had. And always, with the added turn on of the photography, the fucks were fantastic.

"It was Melissa not Melinda," I told him.

"Ok, fuck it, whatever, you usually call her Mel so how would I remember, anyway there were more weren't there? So you were into women."

"Kev, that was twenty-five years ago, we were just kids."

"But you had sex with what was it five or six women didn't you?"

"Yes," I lied for the truth be known I had forgotten how many I'd gone with, so I went on, "But it was different and it was over a two or three-year period when I was away at uni and when I lived in America. Anyway, I've told you all about it several times."

"So why not again?"

"What tell you about it again?"

"No, have sex with a woman."

"'Cos I'm not a les and," I went on trying flattery and lying to change the subject, "I met you and that made me forget women."

"So when was your last one?"

"Oh I don't know, forget it, I've moved on."

"Come on you must remember the last woman you had sex with."

"It was in New York as I was leaving America to come back home," I again lied.

"Don't you miss it?"

"No of course not," I told him, knowing full well that since agreeing with him that I would have sex with a woman as he watched, my dormant interest in bisexuality had been rekindled.

"But you would if I arranged it?"

"Yes, if you found a woman where there was some mutual attraction, but you're all talk and haven't done anything have you?" I said sliding my fingertips down his stomach and into his thatch of pubic hairs.

" I wasn't sure you meant it Jay," he replied doing broadly the same to me, "But I will now if you really mean it."

"Well we'll see but there needs to be some attraction I couldn't go with just anyone," I said thinking of the three I'd been with, Amanda, Lindsay and Jessy in the year since Kevin and I had made our agreement.

He kissed me and writhed his naked body against mine before whispering, "How about with another guy?"

"What? What about with a guy?"

"Have sex with him as I watch?"

"Who?" I rather carelessly asked as the idea now our relationship was going tits up did have an appeal, provided of course that he was tasty and preferably in his twenties similar to the golf pro he'd tried to set me up with a year or so ago. That was without asking my permission or approval prior to him agreeing it with the guy, although I didn't know that until after I'd a lesson with him when Kevin had told me that he'd asked the guy if he'd like to fuck me.

As was often the case with him when drinking and smoking weed Kevin's mind drifted off the subject and as we lay in bed having our pillow talk he became more interested in my body than talking about me having sex with a guy or a woman. Kissing and sucking each of my breasts, he turned me onto my front and repeated the exercise with the cheeks of my bum which I adore. Pushing my legs open and spreading my cheeks he licked the length of the crease between them and pressed his tongue right onto and a little way into the hole. I really love that so I may well have wriggled my bum in encouragement and approval. As it had been before a few times that was a mistake as lying on top of me he fumbled his now full erection between my cheeks and whispered, "Can I?"

Although I guessed what he wanted, I played dumb and responded, "Can you what?"

"Have this?" he went on pressing the tip of his erection right on my anal hole.

Thinking that it would take his mind off me going with someone else, male or female, as he watched, I mumbled, "You really want to?"

"We haven't for ages have we?"

"No I guess not."

"Then can I Jay?"

"You know I'm not keen."

"I know but do it for me, like you're going to with another woman."

"So what's happening with that?" I asked with genuine curiosity."

"I'm working on it but in the meantime love, this?" he asked pressing harder against the hole."

"Okay but get some oil," I told him, once more giving into a sexual request by my husband that he knew I hated. I'm not much of a fan of anal, well not full penetration that is, but I like rimming and fingering in there can be okay but not the whole kit and caboodle up there thanks very much. As it is with me and I think that with most women, it's like a gift to the guy, we do it for them, not us. I have read about various reasons why men like it, tightness, power and control, taboo and it being her gift to him none of which really make much sense to me or women generally, but then much of men and their attitude towards sex doesn't. It was, I had started to realise, one of the many reasons why I had been drifting, but was now hurtling, towards a lesbian lifestyle!

I wasn't thinking about all that, though, as he poured some oil into the crease and slowly spread it up and down and around that musky crevice which in itself was quite arousing and enjoyable. Although that and his fingers loosened up my anus it hadn't prepared me for the stretching feeling as he pressed his cock against the puckered surround of the hole and edged it slightly inside. When he'd gone to the bathroom to get the oil I'd got two of the pillows and had slid them under my stomach so my bum and upper legs were lifted off the bed. Doing that and parting my thighs had made it easier for him and hopefully less painful for me as he entered me. That said, as the bulbous end of his dick stretched the flesh around my bum hole as he eased his dick slowly into me, it hurt like hell and I cried out.

"Sorry love but you know the pain's just a prelude to the pleasure and it'll be worth it," he muttered unconvincingly into my ear.

"Hmmm worth it for who,?" I groaned back gripping the pillows tightly as I felt it sliding into me. As it went further into me I had to admit the stretching, almost tearing pain receded a bit but the discomfort remained. I couldn't say, though, despite reading it in Lit stories, that I was filled with a resounding flood of highly sexual feelings as back passages just don't contain the necessary nerve ends to do that like the front one do. However, his appreciative noises, hands around me, one on my boobs the other finding my clit and the feeling of being filled, which I truly was almost to overflowing, somewhat made up for it and made me feel that I wouldn't have to comp[lately, just partially, feign an orgasm as had been the case with him a few times recently.

*

I hadn't seen much of Kevin for the past few months and wondered whether that was one of the reasons why he hadn't come up with a woman for me to have sex with. Well that and the fact that nowadays he was in the UK for less and less time. He'd bought another company that had offices in Singapore and Sydney and was losing money so he was spending lots of time integrating it into his present business. Whilst I would like to think it was his travelling and hard work that was screwing up our marriage, as absence most certainly wasn't making our hearts grow fonder, deep down I knew it wasn't just that which was putting it on the skids. It was also what had happened to my sexual thinking since I'd agreed to his regular request that was driving me away from him and into the arms of women and not him nor other men. To an extent I was able to reconcile my conscience by being pretty sure that he was screwing around both on his overseas trips and when he was home in the UK. I had caught him out twice over the years and I was certain they were just the tip of his adulterous iceberg.

In the near year or so since we'd made the agreement, I'd had sex with three women and quite frankly I was up for more should the opportunities present themselves. My first lesbian 'stray' had been with Amanda, who proudly told me that she was one hundred percent a lesbian adding, "But believe me baby, I can be a very girly one," and boy was that true! We lasted three or four months before it fizzled out and nothing happened for a while including Kevin not coming up with a partner for me to have sex with. I then had a brief fling with a hairdresser I used when Kevin and I were staying at a flat we owned in the Docklands area of London whilst our house in the suburbs was being remodelled and having underfloor heating installed throughout.

Then, again after a few months gap, I met Jessy. I was helping out a friend who ran an ad agency in London and I got paired with this stunning, young, 'blonde bombshell' art director and we hit it off right away. That was so much so and to the extent that we ended up in bed at our flat where we spent an idyllic weekend. That led to bigger and better things including us falling in love with each other and me fiddling things with Kevin so that Jessy could live in the flat without his knowledge. That enabled us to carry on with our heavily sexual affair in the comfort and privacy of the flat both when he was travelling when I stayed with her there and when he was home when I would pop in to see her.

In many ways that was the happiest and most enjoyable time of my adult life, certainly the more recent years of it. As far as we were able we lived a completely lesbian lifestyle, although I was aware that she had a boyfriend lurking somewhere deep in Essex, where she nominally lived with her parents and, of course, I had Kevin.

But, of course as I realised later, it couldn't last. Neither of us had 'come out' to friends and family and our alternative, girly life-style only fully existed behind closed doors and at the lesbian clubs and pubs we visited when feeling extra brave. So, after about nine months it ended and I have not seen Jessy again though, of course she is constantly part of my memories.

I was then 'lesbianwise celibate' for a while before Amanda emerged back on the scene. Again, that was after a golf day at my club when once more Kevin was away and we played in the same fourball and had drinks and dinner together afterwards. As fate would have it knowing I'd be drinking I'd got a cab to the club so she gave me a lift home around ten.

"Thanks for the lift Mands," I said when she pulled up near to my house.

"No invitation in for coffee then?" she said turning in her seat to look at me and sliding her arm along the back of my seat as she added, "After all Kevin's away isn't he?" It had been a very informal day at the club and we were still in our golf gear with both of us wearing skorts. I was wearing a sleeveless tank top that was just tight enough to cling to my boobs and she had on a polo shirt with all three buttons undone so that when she bent down or leaned forward it was obvious that she hadn't bothered with a bra but then, as her boobs were pretty much just large nipples, there wasn't that much to see and no support was necessary.

"Sure if you'd like to come in but Sara and probably a friend or two will be there."

"Mmmm some nice young fillies to ogle then is there? Perhaps I'd better not, I might show myself up and get into trouble," she said moving her hand so it fell onto my shoulder. That felt nice so I just sat there saying and doing nothing but guessing that she was going to try it on with me. And she did as she whispered, "So I might as well do that here hadn't I?"

I didn't get what she meant at first and I replied, "Do what?" as I turned my face to look at her. She was leaning across the central console with that slight smile on her plain face I'd got to know so well when we had our fling.

"Get into trouble Jay," she murmured as she rested her hand with, I noticed despite the dim light, different coloured varnish on each of her fingernails, on my bare leg just above my knee. Obviously, I guessed what she meant and what she probably wanted to do and my heart started pounding at the prospect of us possibly having sex again which was strengthened by her saying, "I think so much about our times together Jay and that delicious body under those clothes."

I was so torn. It was only a few months since Jessy and I had broken up which had upset me so much and I still missed her badly. At the same time, things had gone from bad to worse with Kevin and, although we had sex when he was home it was more of a perfunctory experience with no real meaning than the loving, passionate sex I'd got used to with Jessy. So, effectively, I didn't really have a sex life and here was an old flame maybe offering me a new one.

Somehow, I retained my composure and replied coolly, "Really Amanda and why might that be?" half expecting her to lean over and kiss me and that prompted me to look up and down the road to check for passers-by and fortunately, or maybe not, there weren't any. At first, she didn't reply but, staring into my eyes she slowly slid her hand up my bare leg until it was under the hem of my skort. With her hand stationary and her thumb and forefinger almost touching the gusset of the thin shorts under the skirt, we simply stared at each other for a few moments until she said softly.

"I think you know full well what I mean Jay although with you, unlike with the youngsters in your house, I won't get into trouble will I?"

I went along with her playing the game and replied, "Well Mands it all depends on what you do, doesn't it."

"Yes I suppose it does so, how's this for a starter?" she almost cooed as she slowly, closed the gap between her hand and the gusset and pressed right on the lips of my pussy and my clit through the undershorts and knickers. The sudden surge of sexual pleasure made my body jerk but, I just about managed to keep my composure and replied.

"Well, for a starter in a car on the road outside my house, it's not really on is it as any of my neighbours could walk by."

"So would you rather we go somewhere else?" she asked gently rubbing me.

"Shit Mandy what the hell have you got in my mind?"

"This love," she whispered as she then she did kiss me and at the same rubbed her fingers more firmly right on my clit causing a low grunt to slip out of my mouth as she asked, "Where can we go?"

"Just drive, I'll show you."

I directed her to a car park which when I'd passed it several times at night I'd noticed was usually empty. She pulled as far away from the entrance as she could go, stopped, cut the engine, switched the lights off and turned to face me and said, "Well done Jay," as she slid her arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards her so that our faces met and we kissed. Not surprisingly I guess, given our history, it was quite full-on right from the start. Our mouths were open, our lips were writhing and our tongues immediately came into play. I was expecting to feel her hand go up my legs again but, being sexually unpredictable as she always had been when we'd had our fling, she changed tack and went for my breasts instead and squeezed and fondled them.

It had been such a long time since I'd done anything like this in such a public location and I was nervous and stopped her pushing my tank top up above my boobs, "But Jay I haven't seen those beauties for such a long time," she muttered adding, "And you know I am one of their biggest fans.".

"Well you'll just have to wait longer won't you as you're not getting them out here," I responded feeling pleased with myself at how I was resisting her and not letting her take me over as easily as she had in the past. That said, my resistance wasn't strong enough to stop her sliding her hand up inside my top, cupping my boobs, slipping her fingers into my bra and then after we'd kissed for some time scooping one of them out from its cup and pinching the nipple. As she did that, I could feel my resolve weakening and did nothing to stop her again sliding her hand up the inside of my bare leg and back to where it had been earlier. This time, though, she didn't stop when reaching the shorts but, with our mouths firmly clamped together, she fumbled her fingers inside the short leg and rubbed the wetness of my thin panties. With my legs closed and the fleshiest parts of my thighs pressed together she couldn't get her fingers to where she presumably wanted them to be so instead, the intensity of her kiss increased. As it had so often in the past, her tongue plunged deeper into my mouth staying there just like a finger does in a pussy which was clearly what she was replicating with her tongue. Her fingers fumbling around the shorts and panties and her probing between my thighs became more insistent as she broke the kiss and growled in a whisper, "Open your fucking legs you know you want to cum, you little slag," using the sort of language she knew she'd thrilled me with so much in the past.

Half pissed at her calling me that but, also half aroused knowing that's exactly what I was, I thought of resisting but I didn't and like the sexually, weak-willed woman I am, I opened my legs and revelled in the sensation of her fingers running around my lips and then sliding into me. As she slowly and so seemingly meaningfully as if saying, 'You're back you're mine again,' pumped her finger up and down inside me as, at the same time and with the same rhythm, she fucked my mouth with her tongue, I had a near overpowering urge to touch and fondle her so I reached for her breasts. I felt, almost as much as I heard, her grunt into my mouth, "Oh fuck yes Jay, play with my tits go on love them for me," as she grabbed my hand and shoved it up inside her top and onto the bare flesh of her chest and breasts. Despite having to lean right over the raised area between the seats she managed to pull her top up so that her naked tits were just inches from my face. "Suck them for me darling," she sighed pulling my head towards them and pressing them against my face. Willingly, and enthusiastically I guess, I did as she asked and after licking and kissing each small mound I squeezed one nipple with my fingers and sucked the other into my mouth as she growled, "Bite me bitch."

Then, as I bit one of her nipples quite hard, as I remembered she preferred and pinched the other one she pushed another finger into me and held them up me as far as they would go. That encouraged me to slide forward along the seat so that my bum was on the front edge of it and my open legs were stretched out into the well. At the same time, I squirmed my clit against what was probably the back of her thumb and got myself off at just about the same time as she did which reminded just me how sensitive her nipples are and how they react to being bitten and pinched.

Half hour or so later when she dropped me right outside my house, where the lights were shining from every window, she asked "Kevin's still away on Sunday isn't he?"

"Yes as always."

"How about an afternoon round and then back to mine for a barbie, the weather forecast is more or of the same mid-eighties and no rain."

After playing golf on the Sunday we drove our own cars to her house which was just a couple of miles from her club and after a strong G and T in the garden she cooked a lovely barbecue of chicken, steak and sausages with salad. The episode in the car park and the G and T and wine had got rid of any inhibitions we may have had about starting up our affair again and we sat outside and kissed and caressed each other. She smoked a small cigar holding it for me to have several puffs which made me cough, "With Kevin away, I take it you'll be staying the night?" she said taking the little cigar back.

"Yes if you'll have me," I replied smiling at the double entendre, "I'll have had too much to drive home."

"Let's have a swim," she suggested

"You'll have to lend me something to swim in then."

"Jay, how many times have I seen you naked?" she grinned making me realise the somewhat silliness of my question.

"What about your neighbours?" I asked rather lamely.

"Well I'm pretty sure they'd approve of what you have and they've probably seen enough of me but they're not here at weekends so it's all clear and, in any case, it's nearly dark."

It was lovely swimming naked in her pool which was beautifully warm and of course we embraced and kissed in there a few times before getting out and drying ourselves on the towels she'd had brought out together with a long tee shirt for me and a floor-length robe for her. A little later as she sat in the corner of a large pool sofa and I laid on it with my head on her lap, she started stroking my hair and running her fingertips all over my face, across my eyelids and around and just inside my lips. It was as romantic a scene as I had been in with her and I loved it. Her hands started roaming over my body and she slowly pulled the hem of the tee shirt up until it was bunched around me above my breasts. It felt so abandoned and wonderful lying there with her in the open air as good as naked and, I assumed, about to make love.

"Just one minute darling," she whispered as she got up," "I'll only be a moment or two," she went on leaning over, kissing me and taking hold of both of my wrists. With a smile she said, "And until I get back you can entertain yourself can't you?" pressing my hands right onto my breasts. I smiled as she walked away feeling so pleased that she was being nice to me.

A few minutes later she called out and looking up I saw her on the balcony of her bedroom, "Come on Jay, it's time for us to make love," she called out rather loudly making me look around to see if there were lights on in any other houses but everywhere was dark as she went on, "Come on get undressed for me."

With my boobs flying around all over the place, I ran into the house and once inside I pulled the tee shirt dress off and dropped it on the floor with the other clothes we'd discarded earlier. Naked, I went into the bedroom and saw her standing there still in the robe she'd put on when we'd gone into the pool area. I went up to her to kiss her but she pushed me off, quite gently I was pleased to note.

"No lie on the bed," she ordered the tone of authority and command once more back in her voice. I did as she asked and laid on my back right in the middle of it, "Now Jay, get hold of those gorgeous, nice big titties," she said sitting on the edge of the bed and letting the robe fall apart at the top, as she started to stroke her small boobs.

We looked into each other's eyes as we played with our own boobs in silence. It was a very moving and highly erotic moment as the feelings got to us and as our movements became more energetic, "Oh yes Jay, yes," she breathed as she saw me pinch and pull my nipples. I wasn't quite sure where this was leading, but the sensations of starting to masturbate together was getting to me so I couldn't really have cared, "Lie on your front" she said very huskily, "And put your hands between your legs."

I happily complied as that was one of my favourite positions for masturbating. As I had my eyes closed and my face was buried in the fluffy pillow, I felt rather than saw her join me on the bed and knew that she was to my left the way I was looking. Her fingers trailed across my bottom sending even more shivers through me particularly as it reminded me of when she'd made me cum by licking me between my cheeks.

"Are you nearly there Jayne?" She asked her finger sliding deliciously along the crease in my bottom.

"Mmmm," I replied feeling her finger pressing on my anus so I wiggled my bottom a little. She held it there and then said, quite firmly.

"Open your eyes and look at me now." I did and I nearly jumped out of my skin with surprise. She was kneeling beside me the robe now off and she had a black dildo strapped around her waist and thighs.

I'd never seen one before and I panicked a little but the finger pressing on the hole of my bottom and her voice that said, "Stay exactly where you are," stopped me from moving, "Now Jay I am going to fuck you like you've never been fucked before," she said sternly.

Looking at the size of the black penis substitute I really was worried. Worried about whether I would be able to take it but also about what seemed a rather deviant idea to me. So far I had been able to reconcile most everything I had done with other women as just fun, a little bi or simply experimenting. But to have a woman fuck me with a strap on dildo really did strike me as blatant lesbianism, "No Amanda, please don't," I begged, "I'm too small and it will hurt me."

She totally ignored my plea and instead merely pressed harder on my anus with her finger. She pulled me up onto all fours and turned me so that by looking to one side I could see our refection in the floor to ceiling mirror, "I want you to watch as I fuck you Jay. I want you to see yourself being fucked like a lesbian by a lesbian," she went on half scaring the life out of me and half exciting me even more as she went on, "I am going to do exactly what I want with you for you're my toy aren't you?" I didn't reply so she went on rather more firmly, "Aren't you?" she snarled taking hold of my hips with both of her hands in a strong grip, "Say it, tell me you're my toy aren't you?"

Catching her eye in the mirror as I whimpered, "Yes Amanda yes I am," and right at that moment as she pulled me up by my hips so I was kneeling, I thought that I was precisely that and to my horror, I realised, that excited me! I could hardly believe what I saw in the mirror and what an amazing sight it was. There was me naked, my head resting on my arms my bottom stuck in the air with my legs partly opened with Amanda kneeling behind me also naked with the large, black dildo sticking up her stomach like a large, erect prick. I watched bewildered and horrified yet aroused as I saw and felt her pushing the strap-on against my anus just as my husband had a few days ago and that made me really panic. It had been painful enough when Kevin had fucked me in the ass and I couldn't imagine what it would be like with this longer, thicker and harder dildo. Fortunately, she seemed to realise that it wasn't a good idea and she pushed it so the bulbous end nestled against my lips opening them and snuggling just inside as she murmured.

"Is that better, is fucking your ass too much for you?"

"Yes Mands, yes it is."

"So it's better for you to be fucked here is it?" she asked pushing on the dildo so it slid in me a little further as she went on, "You prefer a cock up your cunt do you rather than up your ass?"

"Yes, yes I do," I gasped

"Good then I'll do that then," she said as she thrust herself forward so it passed through my lips. At first, it felt quite similar to how Kevin's cock did but, as it went further and further up me, so the unyielding hard plastic made it a rather different sensation. And as she kept pushing so it felt that I would split. I knew that my lips must have been stretched as far as they could go, but looking in the mirror I could see that probably no more than half the length of it was up me.

"No Amanda," I whined, "No please it's too big for me."

Totally ignoring me she continued pulling on my hips and pushing with dildo until nearly all of it was inside me. Once there, she didn't move at all for a while and this enabled me to become adjusted to the intrusion of this massive instrument inside me. The feeling of being so full was not totally unpleasant, but that of the almost tearing feeling around my lips was but that, fortunately, faded quite quickly.

The actual fuck was overall confusing and like nothing I'd ever had before but then, I'd never been fucked by a woman nor by a strap on cock before. For a start, I couldn't relax as the tenseness in me made every thrust and movement a strain rather than a pleasure. The feeling of being so full didn't compensate for feeling as though I would tear and the result was that I had to half-feign my orgasm. I knew that had I not done that she would have gone mad so I gave her what she wanted but she didn't stop after she'd made me cum and we lay there with her on top of me and the false cock still buried deep in me, deeper I realised than I'd ever had anything before.

"Was it good baby?" she asked as the softer side of her came to the fore as she stroked my hair and helped me get my glasses back in place.

"Mmmm yes," I lied adding, "Well it was different Mands."

"You did cum didn't you?"

"Yes, sort of," I told her as she ground her tiny breasts against, or really more into, my boobs.

"Only sort of?"

"Yes but never mind," I said as without thinking I stroked her taut buttocks.

"Oh but darling I do mind and me and this," she said thrusting the dildo in me, "Can't let your first lessy, full fuck be only sort of can we?"

"I don't know?" I replied not at all sure where this was going or quite what she meant.

"Then, my love, turn over and let me show you," she said rolling off me and getting off the bed as I laid on my front wondering what she had planned for me. It didn't take long for me to find out as, after going into the dressing room next to the en suite bathroom, she returned to the bed without the strap on but holding a markedly smaller, flesh-coloured dildo in one hand and a bottle in the other, "Just lie still baby," she said, kneeling beside me and murmuring, "This'll feel nice, as she poured the oil from the bottle into the crease of my ass. She was right it did feel nice and even more so when she ran her fingers along the crease rubbing the oil into my flesh. Lingering her fingers right on my hole she pushed one slightly into as she whispered into my ear, "I take it Kevin has been in here?"

Still not sure what she was going to do nor what she was on about I replied, "What do you mean?"

"Well, in short love I take it that Kevin or someone else has fucked you in the ass?"

"Yes he has a few times."

"That's good lovey for that is precisely what I am going to do with this," she said pressing the head of what I then heard and realised was a vibrator, right against my anal hole. Then, of course I knew exactly what she was going to do to me. And amazingly, as my lesbian lover fucked me up my ass with a hand-held vibrator, I came just about as hard as I had when my husband had done that with his dick.