Split Tree Resort Dino Dig 04

Split Tree Resort Dino Dig 04

[Approximately seven weeks after the success of the unearthing of the dead Dino findings once the fossils have been transferred to the university for study and the weekend of the official announcement by the big city mayor of the construction of the memorial circular brick knee high wall that will eventually contain bronze statues of the ancient big cat that was discovered to be guarding her only cub from the jaws of a predator]

"[Ding, ding, ding] hello? I'm here and waiting [ding, ding, ding], so?"

"[Swishes around the rear wall] hello, I'm Twiddle Dee from the resort's front desk and it just occurred to me this week that none of my previous ding, dang, dong, boyfriend dates have taken me over the big 'O' and that needs to change soon because I'm a woman now. Or I don't exactly know what the big 'O' really feels like because I'm screaming OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, so much when my boyfriend date is really getting after it, mm-hmm!"

"Oh, well then, that's refreshing to hear, Twiddle Dee. I'm..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] OMG, no sexual overtone intended, but, OMG, you're, you're the mayor, the honorable Mayor Mookie Mootz from the big city! I mean, I mean, we weren't expecting you until tomorrow, OMG, not that we can't handle your early arrival, mayor, but OMG, your figure is all that and a stack of resort firewood!"

"(Giggles) well, I try my best to maintain, Twiddle Delightful. Anyways, shall we start out with a true confession each to even the playing field and you can go first, hmm?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] OMG, of course, mayor, um, we received the package that you sent in advance and my true confession is that some of us female staffers tried on the modern-day chastity belt that you sent for your daughter, Mimi Mootz, to wear all this weekend and we had a fun photo shoot. And then we held a candle vigil for all of the medieval fair maidens that were forced wear such uncomfortable undies way back in the day. And even though it's a cool ass chrome and black thingy, we don't see your daughter wearing it, so, your turn, Mayor Mootz."

"Well, it's the thought that counts, but, you know, have housekeeping leave it on the cabin's dresser just in case, okay, sweetie? Anyways, my mayor's true confession back to you is that the past few years of my sex life have been filled with quickies and half quickies and I might be wondering if your resort has a special spot, like up in the big city, the young adults have this hangout spot near the hanging tree and it's all the rage because they..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, the resort has a similar spot, down the valley and then left to the clearing, but our tree is known as the banging tree or the Game of Bones tree, if you will, but I promise you, Mayor Mootz, your infamous red speech dress may not survive, given the amount of bark gripping that you will have to endure because it's the guys choice of positions, so?"

"Oh, I like the sound of that tree and not to worry about my infamous red speech dresses Twiddle Dee, because I always travel with ten of them. So, are we secret sisters, now?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] we're secret sisters now [pinky twist], Mayor Mookie, so?"

"Good, but one more secret trade about the contest because..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] it's down to two staffers, Mayor Mookie, for who gets to slap a bright red 'mwah' lip print sticker smack dab middle between your dreamy and creamy cleavage boobs for your ceremonial dead Dino dedication speech on Saturday morning, mm-hmm. Male staffer Sean Paul (wink, wink) and our very seamstress, Sultry Seamstress Susan, who is going to feel you up anyways during each and every red dress fitting all weekend, so?"

"You see, Twiddle Delightful, this is why I became the mayor because I can't lose. Anyways, I'll trade back that my staff has been working the DNA tree very hard and they feel that they are very close to figuring out who your real father is, I mean, if you want to know at this point in your life, so?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] bah, bah, bah, I mean, I mean, I mean, um, um, um, but, but, but..."

"(Smirks) that's okay, sweetheart, it's just an offer and I didn't mean to ruin your morning. Anyways, will my daughter, Mimi, be cabin rooming with someone who meets the list of expectations that I forward earlier via e-mail, hmm?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] I mean, Mayor, you just broke my brain with your pending DNA info! And your e-mail broke our printer from its length, but I think I found the perfect cabin roomie, she's the farmer's daughter and I expect her arrival soon, so?"

"(Smirks like a mayor) like I said, I just can't lose. My somewhat floozy daughter and the farmer's daughter sounds like a perfect match. Now, do we need to trade anything because I also requested questionable..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] Sultry Seamstress Susan has been busy modifying your guest cotton cabin robes so that they don't close properly, no matter how hard you pull on the tie rope and she's personally hand stitching a fancy "MMM" diagonally across the left upper chest of your guest robes and OMG, big O, who is my daddy, Mayor Mookie Mootz?!?!?"

"Well, this was clearly my mistake, my first ever mistake, because as I said, my staff is just narrowing it down between..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] just say it, Mookie! No wait, say it at the bonfire tomorrow night, no, wait, tell me at tonight's bonfire party, no, wait, tell me at check-out on Sunday, no, wait, let it slip during your dead Dino dedication speech tomorrow, no, wait, leave a note under my pillow, no, wait, write my daddy's name in pond beach sand so it washes away from the gentle waves, no, wait, rent a sky writing plane, no, wait, that will make any possible boyfriend dates think that I have daddy issues when I don't even have a daddy, no, wait because..."

[Swoosh open the lobby's double doors]

"Auntie Mookie, I unloaded our luggage from the Limo and sent him away and I'm pleading with you to not make me share a cabin with my cousin, your daughter, Mimi because I just can't..."

[A swift change in attitudes]

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, step forward to the front desk, sir. I'm Twiddle Dee from the resort's front desk and I promise you times ten that I don't have any daddy issues, none at all and you are, hmm?"

[The mayor leans back on one heel, gloating in her success]

"Oh, I'm Mory, Mory Mootz and I promise you back that I ignore how the Mootz women sometimes run around our family gatherings in bikinis and no matter how attractive it is, I'm innocent, so?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm and I believe you, Mory. So, Mory Mootz, did you bring a girlfriend date with you this weekend, hmm? I mean, it's a big speech dedication and all and clapping applauses are best made by couples, so?"

"I mean, no, I didn't bring a girlfriend date because I just met my girlfriend date because she's Twiddle Dee from the resort's front desk, I mean, if you and my Auntie Mookie don't mind, I mean, I'll clear my phone of all the family photos because..."

[Sometimes looks of approval are just understood]

"[A gentle auntie, tap, tap, on his shoulder] let me decide which photos should be deleted and which should be accidently posted, nephew and as far as any daddy issues go, I'll text you when my staff knows for sure, Twiddle Dee. My cabin key card please???? Especially since I'm sensing my handsome nephew's sleeping accommodations have been set in stone, like a fossilized dead Dino bone, so? Mory, and have fun and remember who helped you to stop jerking off, ta, ta."

[Slides the Princess' Palace cabin key card across the counter, which was snatched up quickly]

"[Tap, tap, tap] I think I'm embarrassed, Mory. Well, I thought I didn't know what the big 'O' was before, but this time, I think I'm embarrassed, so?"

"You're embarrassed? Did you hear the words that just came out of her mayor's mouth, huh? And guys jerk off all the time anyways, so what because I can go for over 30 minutes and I have no issues with the other staffers watching us in wonderment and I lick pussy, so?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mom! Giftshop Glenda, front and center, pronto! I need a work break!"

[Huh, 45 minutes later, huh and just as a brown pickup truck pulls up in the circle driveway and 'sputter, sputter' to a stop and parks it. And the brown paint seems more like rust]

"[Ding, ding, ding] hello? Am I supposed to just keep dinging this ding, dang, dong, dinging bell, hello?"

"[Swishes around the rear wall] hello, I'm Twiddle Dee from the resort's front desk and I might be glowing a little bit, but that's a good boyfriend date does to a woman, especially when the woman is a better girlfriend date than she gave herself credit for, so, how may I help you, hmm? Also, my boyfriend date has a name and it's Mory, Mory the Mouth, mm-hmm. But he's sex passed out right now, so?"

[The lady standing slightly behind, gasps over such brazen and forward speaking]

"Oh, hi Twiddle Dee, I'm Eva, the farmer's daughter and I can hog tie a bad boyfriend date in under 10 seconds flat, unless my Paw shoots them first with his rock salt shotgun and I totally rock the flannel that my Maw makes me wear on Sunday's and don't even get me started on how popular my burlap bib overalls have become since my farmer's daughter body began to spout like the crops, mm-hmm. Also, I'm here with my [flicks thumb sideways] Auntie Devon because my Maw and my Paw just don't understand modern life or my interest in tech stuff and I wouldn't be mad at all if you listed me in your fancy 'tap, tap, tap' resort's computer system as Eva, the farmer's daughter, aka, the Gadget Girl, so?"

[Auntie Devon gasps at how bold her niece, the farmer's daughter, had become]

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm and I can tell from here, Eva, the super cute farmer's daughter, who has sprouted in all of the right places and I think you should be known this weekend [tap, tap, tap] as Tiki Teck, aka, Eva, aka, the farmer's daughter because Tiki Teck is sexier that the Gadget Girl, so?"

[Auntie Devon gasps again, but she has the chest for all that extra inhaling]

"Tiki Teck? I mean, all of a sudden, it feels like I should make up your bed every morning this weekend, even if your boyfriend date is still sleeping in it, not that I would peek, Twiddle Dee, but (giggles), please, hit 'enter' to say that "Tiki Teck" has arrived and give us our cabin key card and point us in the right direction so I can drop off my luggage of burlap and flannel, okay?"

"[Tap, tap, tap, enter] mm-hmm, you can dump your burlap and flannel in the daytime bonfire because this resort has never been graced before with such a hot farmer's daughter, especially when she's going to maintain her ponytail most of the weekend to slap against the face as a form of spin around rejection to all of the wrong boyfriend dates, any questions, hmm?"

[Auntie Devon is going to pass out from gasping so much]

"Oh, um, thanks for the 'hot' glow up, Twiddle Dee, so, will I be cabin rooming with my Auntie..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] we'll get to your Auntie, Auntie Devious Devon in a moment, you know, once she catches her breath from all of her gasping, because first, we need to address what your pretty roving eyes have caught over there on the clothing rack [head nod points], so?"

[And devious Auntie Devious Devon is still gasping]

"Well, with my life down on the farm and all, I mean, I've never saw such angel gowns and they have caught my eye, so, what because that rack of angel gowns, mm-hmm, look as amazing as my Auntie Devon's rack and that's saying something. Besides, if a bad boyfriend date tried to rip the angel gown off of me in a moment of heavenly heat, mm-hmm, I always have a hog tie rope nearby, so?"

[Seriously, Devious Devon is going to pass out from so many gasps! But she manages a smirk since her rack is all that and a double stack of resort firewood]

"[Tap, tap, tap] angel gowns? Oh (giggles), you mean the rack of lingerie? That's just a rack of sexy lingerie for your cabin's lingerie show tomorrow night just before the Saturday night bonfire dance party. And please, Tiki Teck, keep your male staffer invited guests for your lingerie show down to no more than two guys for each cabin girl, so, four maximum guys for you and your cabin roomie, so?"

[Auntie Devon gasps so hard that she staggers backwards, while Tiki Teck grins]

"[Unsteady on her feet as well] Twiddle Dee, there's a lingerie show for the guys in my cabin tomorrow night and my cabin roomie and myself are the lingerie models, hmm?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] well, Tiki Teck, it can't be tonight because there only so many hours available in one evening and we understand the need of a little downtime since you know, your cabin roomie has already scheduled a body hair shaving event for 7pm this evening, so?"

[Plop, Auntie Devon drops to her knees after her last huge gasp! And the farmer's daughter let's out a huge smirk]

"Oh, I mean, so, my cabin roomie ordered a shaving kit or two then, Twiddle Dee, is that what you're saying, hmm? To be delivered by cabin room service, hmm?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] oh hell, no, your cabin roomie, Mimi Mootz scheduled Palo! He's our golden glowing Latino guy who is a master with a sharp and smooth straight razor blade and he keeps it legit, you know, unless otherwise requested by the ladies of the cabin because..."

[Well, now, the whole damned farmer family is on the floor while gasping for sex, we mean for air]

"[Tap, tap, tap] anyways, let's move on to, ahem, your Auntie Devious Devon, who is just 33, which seems to be a little young to be Tiki Teck's auntie, but I've been wrong a few times lately, so, maybe I don't understand how things are done down of the farm, so, your cabin needs because..."

"[Auntie Devious Devon slowly rises from the floor] well, I'm 39, but we won't argue and I'm actually glad that you're letting me of the hook from rooming with my niece, um, Tiki Wiki Wookie Woo, because I would never interfere with her freedoms as a blossoming farmer's daughter because as a woman with my chest, who still has a dry sex life down on the farm, I mean...

[Here we go again, now Tiki Teck is gasping at her Auntie's half admissions]

"[Clump, click, clump, click] hi gasping ladies, I'm Bar Bunny, Bunnie and I brought 1pm Mimosa's [extends her serving tray] for you. And I usually find our resort female guests gasping and gagging half nude in the Ladies room of the Community Hut, but since we're in the resort's lobby, I guess the two of you super foxes just had a normal everyday check-in conversation with our very own, Twiddle Dee, then, hmm?"

[That's right, Bar Bunny, Bunnie is gasping worthy by males or females, so, gasp, gasp!]

"[Tap, tap, tap] that's enough, Bar Bunny, Bunnie because..."

"[Extends an arm to help the ladies up] and this is my Bar Bunny, Bunnie, and yes, I do practice my famous backwards "K" serving stance, the cups in my bunny leotard are plastic lined so the old geezers don't actually squeeze my bunny boobs and my bunny booty is as firm as a ripe pumpkin from down on the farm, so, ass slaps barely slow me down. Anyways, I can't hardly wait to room service this cutie patooties [eye spies directly at Tiki Teck] cabin lingerie show tomorrow night and distribute condoms because..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] OMFG, enough, Bar Bunny, Bunnie, stop!"

[And we're back to the farmer ladies gasping. Well, gasping and sipping their Mimosas at the same time]

"Well, anyways, Twiddle Dee, the Tiki Bar that the honorable Mayor Mookie Mootz insisted that we rent out to highlight her bonfire tropical red floral man killer dress, which will kill during the Limbo dance battle, especially Sultry Seamstress Susan is removing the lower six dress closure buttons, mm-hmm, just arrived and it's looks pre-assembled, so, I could be wrong, but I think we can use it right away and..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] and you want me to keep on eye out for a guest who might be able to help you work serve the bonfire dance party, hmm, Bar Bunny, Bunnie?"

"OMG, exactly, Twiddle Dee and a wholesome, from down on the farm girl would be perfect, as long as she..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, someone wholesome like a farmer's daughter, Bar Bunny, Bunnie?"

"Well, now this mind reading thing is just getting freaky, Twiddle Me, Twiddle You, but listen, it would help if she had..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, if she had an exotic nickname, a nickname like Tiki Teck, hmm, Bar Bunny, Bunnie?"

"Well, I mean, now it feels like I should call the fortune tellers police, but she should have a working knowledge of that electronic music box thingamabob with all the spinning knobs and push bars, you know, someone who might be..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, someone who might be formally been known as the Gadget Girl, Bar Bunny, Bunnie, hmm?"

"Well, what the fuck, Twiddle Dee? Is there a full moon tonight or what? I mean, I have an entirely different Bar Bunny leotard costume for the night of the full moon because my full moon will..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, Bar Bunny, Bunnie, meet the gasping farm ladies, Eva, the farmer's daughter, aka, Tiki Teck and her devious Auntie Devon and Tiki Teck, your weekend away from the farm just got a lot busier, next! Oh, wait, I have to assign Auntie Devon to a revolving door sex cabin, I mean, a cabin with a view."

[Gasp, gasp, smile, gasp, smirk, gasp!]

"[Tap, tap, tap] cabin 11, right next to the honorable Mayor Mookie Mootz for the perfect after-hours cotton robe wardrobe failure battles on the dimly lit front porch, next!"

[Auntie Devon continues to gasp, but gasping over actually exposing her boobs to a breathing man because it's been that long, even though she's just 39]

"Um, Twiddle Dee, um, wow, I have everything that I ever wanted, all in one weekend! I mean, I don't seem to have a boyfriend date yet, but everything else is rolling into place and I so owe you big time because..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] next!"

[Smashing and bumping through the side door of the resort's lobby]

"Dawg gone, ding, dong, dang it, Twiddle Dee, I just came from the east creek and dang it, Twiddle Dee, those, ding, dong, damn, wild Strawberries are blooming and growing like crazy and I ding, dong, dang it, just don't know what to do about them! Do I pick them? Do I just let nature take her course and leave them be? What? And, and, and, who is this [head nods to the right] blossoming lovely and how many boyfriend dates followed her to the resort, huh?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, Teddy, this is Tiki Teck, aka, Eva, aka, the farmer's daughter and the answer to all of your resort landscaping problems, so?"

[Huh, Tiki Teck seemed to recover from her life-threatening air gasping quick enough, so, huh]

"Oh, well then, Tiki Teck, it's a shame that I have to ask such a beautiful guest for help, but for all I know, the wild Strawberries are harmful to the people and to the animals and it would be on me if something funky were to happen because..."

"Oh, I mean, as the farmer's daughter, I can certainly help you, Teddy, with these wild Strawberries that literally grow everywhere where the weather is warm and have been a part of the animal's diet since before animals were even invented, but what I would like in return is if you're going to be my lingerie show male staffer boyfriend date for tonight and I promise you that I didn't pack any hog tie rope [a length of rope goes sliding across the floor from behind her back], so?"

"Oh, Tiki Teck, um, I'm not that kinky anyways with the rope stuff, but as a landscaper, I might have a thing for a picnic next to the wild Strawberries that grow along the creek, you know, on a burlap sheet blanket because..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm [squeak, squawk] attention, Picnic Basket Pixie, Teddy the landscaper finally found resort love [squeak, squawk], over!"

"(Giggles and slaps Teddy's chest) oh, Teddy, a burlap picnic blanket will match my undies, Teddy, you naughty small city boy!"

[Swooshes in from the Community Hut kitchen] mm-hmm, Picnic Basket Pixie saves the day again and oh my, would you get a look at her, right, Teddy? Is that what life down on the farm does to a booty? And much does a farm cost compared to my gym membership, hmm, because your girlfriend date is going to be a big hit, Teddy, at the lingerie show in, you know, that sheer black little Teddy angel gown number with the white fuzzy rope accent on the bottom, that will, you know, gently bounce off of the exposed half of her farmer's daughter bottom, mm-hmm! Oh, and you did remember to be the guy and demand that she keeps her ponytail bouncing around for most of the weekend, right picnic master?"

"Oh, I mean, I mean, I mean..."

"[Lip plants a quick smack] it's okay, Teddy because I'll trade you that, with pleasure, plus three more things, for you not getting mad that I'm on the shaving list for tonight, not that you can technically get mad at me because getting a close body hair shave was scheduled before we even met, so?"

[Aw, come on now, because now, Landscaper Teddy gasped over 'three more things' and those three things weren't even defined in detail]

"[Tap, tap, tap] LOL, you need a lot more hours in the day now Tiki Teck, and Teddy is fully aware of how legit Palo keeps things because, mm-hmm, sometimes even our male staffers get a quick trim from Palo, I mean, oops, I mean, what, next!"

[And we're back to the entire lobby of people gasping. Well, a couple of the questionable hubby men were taking notes, but still, gasp!]

End Split Tree Resort Dino Dig 04