Never Again

Please read my biography first of all. I have a request. (92.3)

Sorry, there is no sex in this story. So, you may move on if you wish.

Never again.

By Loony123tunes

My name is Mary Evans and I am married to John Evans. We are like everyone else you see walking up and down the high street where you live. Before I met John. I was always getting wolf whistles. These days, they are classed as sexist. I liked it before and after I got married. It told me I still could catch a man's eye or two.

When I met John in our early twenties, we dated. I fell in love with him on the first day we met, and it was the same for John. After a year of dating, we had a dinner date, and that night was the last time I was going to be single. John did that old-fashioned thing and asked me to marry him. Before he had finished asking me, I was saying to him, "YES."

Before we were married, we had a long talk. He came from a small family, and I from a large one. We talked about our careers and, of course, children. I told John during that long talk that I did not want any children. He told me he would like one or two children. But because he loved me so much, he agreed with me not to have any. It was my body, and he respected me for being so honest with him.

When I told him that I did not want any children. We should part, and he was to find another woman to have children with. He thought about it and told me. If that is what I wanted it was what he wanted also. That told me he was deeply in love with me. So, we married, and life was good.

We have now been married for over ten years and are still in love with each other. When we were out. I could see John looking and smiling at the little boys and girls that other parents had with them. Every time I saw John with that smile on his face. I knew what he was thinking. He wanted children of his own.

He knew the reason. I did not want any children. It was because of my family; they all struggled to live, and the children held them back, and that was not for me. I wanted a career and a loving husband.

It had been my decision when we spoke about children. John went along with it but never told me why. I had been on the pill before we were married. And all through our marriage. It was a daily routine of taking the damn things. It was like a rule that had to be obeyed: 'Thou must take them if you don't you will have any children of your own.'

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Three things happened. The first and second ones were due to me. The third one was down to John. Or was it the other way around? Anyhow, that does not matter now.

Let me get it straight: It was about two months ago, give or take a day or two. In this age with PCs, you could order your prescription online to the Doctor and wait for his approval. Or use the old-fashioned way to drop off your request at the Doctor/chemist. Wait a couple of days and pick them up. Well, with one thing or another, I forgot to renew my prescription. That was down to silly old me.

Then I remembered. I had to wait until I was on my monthly cycle before they would take effect again.

Even though I had forgotten. It did not stop John and I from making sweet love. But when I was in my fertile time, I was careful. We were always careful during those times. Even though I was on the pill, accidents could happen or the pills may not have protected me.

A few weeks before this time. John was feeling unwell, so he went to the Doctor. The Doctor sent him for tests for two days, and we had to wait for the results to come through. John had a telephone call from the Doctors asking him to call in that night. Which John did.

When John walked in, he headed for the drinks cabinet and poured out two large drinks. Handing one to myself.

"Mary, please sit down. I have something to tell you," John said to me in a troubled voice.

We sat down facing each other.

"Mary, what I am about to tell you may not be all that bad. I have come from the Doctors and remember all those tests they did on me. They have the test results."

I sipped at my drink waiting for John to continue.

"Mary, I do not know the medical term for what I have. my mind is in a fog right now. But what I have is a growth in my brain. Some type of brain tumour, he called it. I must have an operation to remove it. I must warn you it might go either way.

"John, what do you mean buy it might go either way," I said to my husband.

"Well, Mary, I can live with it, and I might drop dead tomorrow with it. But the operation they have. They had great success with it. So, I told him I would have the operation.

I was scared at what my loving husband had told me. Both my hands were shaking in terror. I picked up my drink and emptied the glass and poured out a second glass for myself. John was staring into space. Trying to understand what was wrong with him. I held him and kissed his forehead.

"John, don't worry, they can do wonderful things these days. Let us plan for our future," I said to him.

We sat together there on the sofa and talked. We made our plans where we wanted to go and see a few more places in the world. I made light of his problem. But I was worried to death, and I was not going to show it. I wanted to take his mind away from it and my hand was on his cock outside his pants. We played for a while on the sofa. His mind had turned. I had him thinking about making sweet love.

I stood up and held out my hands to him. I was heading to our bedroom. I wanted his mind to switch off from his troubles. I stripped him, and he stripped me. Like all the other nights before, we made love. Our love would last and last. I made sure of it. It was love with passion.

John was his normal sensitive self. I wanted more, so he could forget his problem. John could last for hours on end, and he could wear me out. I wanted him to last all night long. Well, our lovemaking was fantastic. He was his normal loving self. We even saw daylight break in through the blinds. I helped John forget for a short time.

I also had a problem of my own. I was seeing a friend of ours that lived round the corner from the both of us. What I mean by seeing a friend of ours. I was having an affair. His name was George. It only lasted for three months. George thought of himself as god's gift to women. But he was not. He only had female friends for a few weeks at a time. The reason was that he was useless in bed. But he thought otherwise.

When I sat down and thought about George as a romantic lover, I laughed to myself. Thank god it only lasted for a short time. The worst of it made me sick thinking about it and what I had done.

I was cheating on the man I loved, John. As for John, he was a tremendous lover. When I thought about it. As for George, I cannot even remember how it first started and why I let it go on for so long I must have been mad. Even today I am trying to understand why.

John had taken ill at work and went to hospital. He was not allowed any visitors for two days while they did tests. And that included me. Then I remembered the following day. I had arranged to meet George at the Blue Bay Hotel in the afternoon. That was going to be the last time, and I would tell him it was all over.

I arrived at the Blue Bay Hotel at the agreed time to meet George. I started to tell George it was all over. George did not take too kindly to me stopping the affair. He grabbed hold of me, forcing himself on me. He wanted sex, and he was going to have it one way or the other. I told him to stop, and if he did not, I would scream the place down. With that, he had changed in a second.

Then he told me if I did not have sex with him, he would tell John. He was going to blackmail me into continuing to have sex with him. I had to agree only to stop him from telling John. Later, I would get my own back. I was thinking. I laid there and let him get on with it. I vowed there and then I would jeopardise my marriage. NEVER AGAIN.

I had a sudden wake-up call to what was important to me and my life. And who I loved and that was John. What I was doing was cheating on my husband. I felt guilty and dirty. And what for, some lousy sex with George? I was thinking, what am I doing here? I should be with John. Get the hell out of here and get to the hospital to see the man I love. Which is exactly what I did.

I went straight home. I had to wash the smell of George. I felt dirty. When I had showered, I went to the hospital. The Doctors allowed me in when they had finished doing the tests on John. While I was there, I felt more guilty than I ever did before. But John had to be looked after.

The Doctors told me that John could go home tomorrow. He must take sick leave from work. Until they have all the results from all the tests. If he feels unwell, he has to come back right away. The following day, we went home with a list of dos and don'ts. With a strict diet. List of vitamins to take. Papers showing him what exercises to do. Why should he do exercises? For a brain tumour. Is it inside his Head?

The most important thing was John. And we were going to talk about what we were going to do after the operation. But we did not know when that would be. We had to wait for the results and the specialists to determine that.

We had become even stronger than before. We laughed and joked all the time when we were together. But in the back of my mind was George. I wanted him to go away.

The specialists met a month later and the operation date was given to us. And that was in six weeks' time for the scheduled surgery.

We had a meeting with the specialists. They went through every little thing. That John needed to know about the operation. He had to understand what he was going through. He must understand everything. Before he could sign for the operation procedure to take place.

John went for his pre-op. Two days later the operation was scheduled for the next day. I was worried about death. John's specialist Doctor's name was Snowden. Doctor Snowden wanted to talk to me alone, it was about John's medical condition. He had informed John in private before speaking with me.

Doctor Snowden told me that John's brain tumour was a borderline case. I asked him what that meant.

He went on to tell me if the tumour had not spread. He was hoping to remove all the tumours from his brain. If so then John had an extremely good chance of a full recovery. But if it is not all removed then John's personal behaviour would be affected. Things like depression and deep sadness. John would be a changed man. He might even want to take his own life.

"Mrs. Evans I am going to ask you a very personal question, "Doctor Snowden said looking at me.

"Yes, Doctor what might that be," I said to him.

"Mrs. Evans is at home and your relationship with Mr. Evans. A sound secure marriage if not would you please tell me now," Doctor Snowden said looking at me.

"Doctor, I love my husband and we have been planning what we are going to do when he is fully recovered. I promise you I will give him any cause for any type of distress," I said to him with tongue in cheek.

At that precise moment, two things flashed through my mind. God, I have not been taking my pills, Jesus Christ! I have been cheating on John. How can I tell the Doctor that I have missed taking those damn birth control pills? And worst of all, my affair with George? I had to lie but it was for John's sake not mine.

The day before the operation John came out of the bathroom. He had shaved all his head of hair off. He was bald as a badger. I laughed at his bald head.

"Mary, I have done it for two reasons. I do not want patches of hair on my head. And when my hair grows back it will cover up the scar," John said to me.

Common sense told me he was right. John was on the table for six hours. I was on pins. My mind was racing back and forth. George kept coming back to me. Why in the hell did I cheat on John? Why in the hell did I cheat on my loving husband? For god's sake WHY, WHY, WHY?

John came out from the operation and he was either going into intensive care. Or a high-dependency ward. He was on drugs and would be out cold for at least 24 to 36 hours. They watched the machines and him all the time monitoring his progress with tubes in his arms.

After 24 hours John opened his eyes. Blinking them all the time he wanted to see where he was. And to know he was still in this world. As soon as John opened his eyes the nurse called for the Doctor on duty. It was Doctor Snowden. I was in the waiting room and I was told John was awake. I burst out crying in joy.

Doctor Snowden was checking him out as I walked into the room.

"Mrs. Evans, please sit down. I must examine your husband, you can watch but do not ask any questions yet, "The Doctor said to me.

The Doctor was with John for about ten minutes. John answered all his questions and did as he was told. I had my husband back was all I was thinking. John looked funny with the bandages wrapped around his head.

"Nurse please give Mr. Evens sleeping tablets when Mrs Evens leaves. He needs to rest. I will see you in the morning, now rest, "The Doctor said.

We tried to talk. But he was tired. John's eyes were rolling and he needed sleep. So, I told the nurse I was going home and I would be back first thing in the morning. I went home happy with one of my troubles behind me.

For the next few days, John looked like he was getting better. He was up one day and down the following day. The Doctors had warned me about that. That was quite normal and he would change in time. At least John was talking to me.

On the good days, we made jokes about his new headdress. And we went down memory lane talking about when we met and so on. John's progress was now down to himself. All I could do was help him the best I could.

A week after the operation was done. Doctor Snowden and his team of specialists told the pair of us. That the operation had been a complete success from the medical procedure. My worries are gone.

John was still on drugs and taking the medicine. He still had pain in his head and it was getting him down. It made him cranky and was sharp back with comments. I could put up with that because on other days he was his old happy self. Time is a great healer.

We went back down memory lane telling him about the people we had met. And seeing the funny things that had happened to other people that we had met. It made him laugh. I put extra bits in. I needed him to be happy.

As we talked John started to mend. Yet it was so slow but he was trying his best he told me. But men don't tell you everything as you know extremely well. They keep secrets to themselves.

Every time I was with John I hoped he was having a good day. But it was always the same good and bad days. This time I visited John and he was feeling good. But he wanted to talk.

"Mary, while I have been lying here, I have been doing a lot of thinking. About the last six months," John said to me with a strange look on his face.

I was wondering what he was about to say.

"Mary, you know when we have been out with our friends at those house parties? "John said.

"Why, what about those house parties? They are our friends, that is all," I said to him.

"No Mary, I must tell you something and you will understand right away," John said to me.

"Mary, remember Jenny, your best friend when she and Fred left suddenly. And you have not heard from her since then," John said to me.

"Yes John, I thought the pair of them were having a trouble or two why? She will talk to me when it is all sorted out between the pair of them.

"No Mary, this is what happened at the party. Jenny asked ME to meet her in the Kings Hotel in the afternoon for three or four hours?" John said to me, dropping down his head.

"Are you telling me you have been cheating on me with my best friend John?" I said to John.

"No Mary, I told her I love you and only you. I was never going to do something like that behind your back," he said to his loving wife.

"So that is why Jenny dragged Fred away from the party. She wanted you to cheat on me. And now I understand why. She does not want to talk or see me, bitch, "I said.

Then my thoughts shot back to George. God's gift to women. So, he thought. Has John found out about me and George? No, that is impossible. John was away for those few times. God, what am I going to do if he knows about me and George?

"Mary, I can remember you and one of our neighbours talking to you a lot. And it looked like you had eyes for HIM," John said looking right at me.

"John, who are you talking about? You always know I talk to all our friends while we are at a party," I said to him lying through my teeth.

"Mary, you know who I am talking about. He had his arm around your waist. You were looking into his eyes. I know that look, "John said to me.

"John, who are you talking about? I cannot remember who it might have been," I said in my defence.

"Mary, the one you always refer to as god's gift to women," John said.

"John, how could you think that about me? I love you and only you now stop this nonsense. And just get better, "I said to John.

The Doctors walked as soon as I finished what I was saying to John. At least that broke John's line of thought thank god. I stood up to leave. The Doctor told me to stay where I was. The Doctor did all the same tests on John I had seen before.

"Do you still have pain? If so, tell me from one to ten," The Doctor said to John.

John answered with an eight.

The Doctor told the nurse to give John an injection of something. I could not even pronounce it, never mind spell it. As soon as the nurse injected it into John it was making John sleepy. So, I left for home. With my newfound troubles.

I had a funny feeling as I left the hospital so I called off at the chemist. I bought one of those pregnancy test kits. It was like a woman's intuition that I was pregnant.

As soon as I was at home, I read the instructions and then headed for the bathroom. I did the test twice with those kits. Well, I was pregnant. But I was sure it was Johns. Even so, there were doubts it could be Georges. No way it's Johns, that is the end of it he was going to become a father. That is what he wanted. So be it.

I was praying it was not Georges. All because I had forgotten to take the birth control pills. When I had sex with George. Well, it was sex with a condom. It was not loving sex it was a fling, nothing else. But we met a lot of times. I wish now I could turn the clock back. Come on girl its John's baby tells him tomorrow it will make him happy and he will get better much quicker.

I was back in the hospital for a lunchtime visit. I was going to stay all day at John's bedside. Waiting for the right time to tell him he was going to be a father!

The drugs he was on made him happy and was sitting up in bed. I felt comfortable. It was time to tell him he was going to be a father. That is what he wanted to be. But not for me!

I sat on the bed. If someone would come in, I would be told to get off the bed. I held John's right hand and looked into his eyes with a smile. He returned the smile and we had a sweet quick kiss. I rolled my hand over the scar on his head. Knowing one day it would be hidden with hair.

"John, I have something I have to tell you and you are going to love it. As for me I love you to bits and I love what I am about to tell you," I said smiling from ear to ear.

I looked at John. I wanted to make sure he seemed happy. I had to say it. So here goes.

"John, you are going to be a father. I hope it is a boy. Even if it is a girl, whatever it is. It needs a father. So, get well soon and let both of us go home and make new plans," I said.

I was waiting for John to hold me and kiss me with the best news that any expectant father would do. But John did nothing. He looked at me with no expression on his face. Then his face changed a little. I saw tears forming in both his eyes.

I was thinking to myself. He is overjoyed with the good news. And he does not know what to say to me. I was squeezing his right hand hoping he would do the same thing to me. We sat looking at each other. I wanted John to say something. I was about to say something to John when he spoke to me.

"Mary, tonight when you come back to visit me. Will you do something for me please," John said to me brushing both his teary eyes.

"Yes John, I will do anything for you. What is it, my love."

"Mary, in the study desk in the bottom right-hand drawer is an envelope, with my name on it. Will you bring it with you tonight when you come back for visiting time tonight?"

"John, I was going to stop all day and talk about the baby we are going to have. You cannot believe it but I am so happy for both of us. I thought you would be overjoyed with the good news."

"Mary, please do as I have asked you. Bring the envelope with you tonight. Then we will talk?"

He had been pressing his bedside call button and in walked a nurse.

"Nurse, I need something, my pain is back," John told the nurse.

I never thought he might be in pain. He was hiding it from me as the nurse gave him something that was on his medication list then he settled back down. So, I left the hospital.

On my way home. I was troubled by the way John had reacted to the news of our baby. Could he be thinking that he was not going to get well? Could he not provide for me and our child? Could he not be a father? Like when I have seen him looking at boys and girls. Could he not read bedtime stories?

Or teach our child how to ride a bike, play football, go fishing and teach him or her how to swim. I will have to stop thinking this way. I could go on forever? Whatever it is I will try and find out tonight where the darn envelope is. What up with me taking it in?

On the way back to the hospital. I was rethinking John must recover. And he would be a great father. As soon as I walked into his room he was sitting up. I had the envelope in my handbag. I was going to sit down and John looked at me. I was not sure what the look meant.

"Mary, have you brought the envelope with you," John said before my backside hit the seat.

I opened my bag and pulled out the envelope. Handed it to him. What was so important inside the thing was running through my mind. I should have read it at home now thinking to myself. John took the envelope from me.

"Mary, have you read it, "John said.

"No, it's addressed to you, not me," I said to him.

John opened it and pulled out a single sheet of paper from it. It looked like some type of official-looking paperwork. He read what was written down on the paper, making sure of whatever it said.

When he had finished reading the piece of paper. His head went back and closed his eyes for a second or two. Then handed it to me.

"Mary, this was going to be my present to you on the day we met. Remember when I had to go away for two weeks with work about six months ago, "John said.

"Yes, why what's in the letter you have in your hand," I said to John.

"Mary, yes, I did go away with work but I also went to the hospital for half a day. Do you want to read it or will I tell you what it says," John said to me.

I grabbed hold of the sheet of paper. I wanted to read it for myself. It was from a hospital it read as follows.

Patient John Evans followed by his date of birth. Followed by our home address and telephone number.

I saw the name of the surgeon, followed by the name of the Urologist department. I read what was written and scanned over all the meaningless data numbers.

Operation successful, Sperm motility reading Zero. No living spermatozoa present.

Signed and dated by the Doctor.

"Mary, what you have just read is about me. I had a vasectomy operation done. It was to be my present to you. So, you could stop taking those birth control pills every day. I did it for you. Because you were always kept on checking and rechecking if you had taken one. Repeatedly because you did not want any children. And I accepted that and was willing to live with it until I would die one day. I had it done because I LOVED YOU SO MUCH. You see Mary I cannot be the father of the child you are carrying."

I dropped the letter and held my head bursting into tears. I pleaded with him to listen to me but he looked away from me, staring out of the window. John had pressed his bedside button. A nurse came in and saw me crying then looked at John. Somehow, she knew John wanted me to leave so the nurse told me to leave.

I refused to leave and the nurse called for the hospital security. They took hold of both my arms and walked me out of the room. I was screaming for John to answer me but he never did answer me.

Day after day I tried to see John. But he had told the hospital staff not to let me in. so I started to telephone him. I got through once as soon as he knew it was me the phone went dead. On the fifth day, I decided to walk into the Doctor's office. His assistant would not let me in. So, I walked straight into his office.

"Yes, Mrs. Evans Evens. What can I do for you?" Doctor Snowden said.

"I want to see my husband; I must explain one or two things to him and ask him for his forgiveness. I love him so you see. Please Doctor, can I see him right away, "I said to the Doctor. I fell into one of his chairs crying my eyes out.

You see, I had to see John. To explain and beg him to forgive me. I would do whatever he wanted me to do. But I had to see him.

Doctor Snowden was looking at me. Shaking his head from side to side. He stood up and walked around his desk standing in front of me. I was trying to stop crying. He put both his hands on my shoulders.

"Mrs. Evans, I have some bad news for you. Your husband passed away in the middle of the night. Somebody should have telephoned you to inform you. Please accept my condolences for your loss, "the Doctor said to me.

"Why did he die? He was doing so well you said so," I said to the Doctor.

"Unfortunately, five days ago his condition began to fail. He was not taking all his medication pills is all we can think of," The Doctor said to me.

I left the hospital with the death certificate. I had never thought about death before or what to do with our bodies. Will I have John buried or cremated? If I have him buried, who will look after his grave when I am gone? Cremation was the only answer.

What about the baby I was carrying that was not John's? John's funeral was the most important thing to me right then. So, I arranged it in less than a week. John was gone. I had him cremated with a long loving passage entered in the remembrance book.

So now I had to solve my infidelity but how?

Was I to kill myself and the baby? Have the baby then have it adopted. Or have the baby and leave it inside a church. Have the baby and look after it myself. If I do that. I cannot give the second name of the child of 'Evens'. I would have to use my maiden name or the biological father's name. What happens if. I fell in love with the child. What will I do? What must I do?

I sat and stared at the walls. Thinking that I killed my husband. When I told him that I was pregnant with his child. I remember the way he looked. When he said nothing. I wanted him to hold me tight and kiss me long and hard. It never happened. Now I know the reason. It was for his vasectomy. He had done it for me. His loving wife had gone behind his back and cheated on him. How can I forgive myself?

I started to think about George. The one who thought he was god's gift to women. I guess the condom he used one of those days had burst or was faulty in some way. I am going round to tell George I was going to have his baby. As soon as he gets home from work.

I knocked at George's front door and he asked me to come in. We sat opposite each other. I bet he was expecting me to head for the bedroom tough shit he was having.

I told George all about John and that the baby I was carrying was his. I think he was expecting me to ask him to marry me. But he was not the marrying kind? When I finished telling him I was having his baby. He passed no opinion for a minute or so. Then he laughed at me.

"Mary, the baby is your problem, not mine. You knew what you were doing. I have a new woman every other night, why should I marry a slut like you," he said to me.

He had shown his true colours. So, I left his house. Muttering under my breath.

My problem was the baby. I started to think about the man I truly loved, John. That day I told him I was pregnant. That must have been the day I started to kill the one I loved. He supported me, He loved me, he trusted me. Did I cheat on him?

But George was going to pay. Since he can have any woman, he wants. I found an attractive-looking woman. She was a woman of the night. I paid for her to have sex with George. Over a month he was with her every other night. It cost me some money. I wanted God's gift to women to catch something horrible since the woman had it had been given to her. He was going to regret it one day soon.

I had the baby and had it adopted. Found a job and moved away. I would keep my secret for the rest of my life. The next man I would make love to would have me all to himself. I would have his children. Being a loving mother gives him my trust and makes him a happy man as well as myself.

Before you ask, I have found a new man and I love him. But I do think every day about my first love John. All I can say to you. Do not cheat, it is not worth it.

Thanks to an old dear friend.