I've Lived My Life in Four Parts

Author's note: Writing is often an emotional experience, especially as one thinks deeply about the characters he is bringing to life. There are times when the characters we create lead us to endings we had not originally considered.

So it was with me, as I learned from Tom and Heather.

To all who have found and lost true love!

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I was approaching the end of my two-year reporting period for Continuing Legal Education, and I was a few hours short. I had already maxed out the hours I could earn online; the rest had to be live.

At least I had two months in which to find a solution. For some reason I never quite understood, the deadline was always June 30th.

Unfortunately, there was nothing of any interest coming up locally. I decided to expand my search by looking at a multi-state provider that kept sending me emails about CLE events they assured me I shouldn't miss. I ignored them. Until now.

I had to search through my Trash folder, but there was an email, with a link to the company's webpage.

One of the first things I saw was a two-day seminar in Seattle, which was only an hour by plane, although I could drive in a little over two, which ended up being faster for not having to stand in the TSA line and sit at my gate for an hour!

I was mildly interested, and then something caught my eye. It was a breakout session on the enforceability of mediation clauses in contracts of adhesion. The topic was interesting to me, since I represented corporate clients, but what really caught my eye was the presenter: Heather Reisling!

I wondered whether it was possible she was the same one I dated in high school. How many Heather Reislings can there be?

I searched for a bio page for the speakers. There was hers ... "a native of Yakima, Washington." The same Heather.

My mind went back to wonderful times we had as seniors. There was a time when I was convinced our love would carry us to marriage someday. Other than a lot of kissing, we never had sex-Heather wanted to wait until marriage. Although we sure came close on graduation night!

That thought startled me! Heather Reisling is the same name as she had in high school--her maiden name. Had she never married? That would be an incredible irony, because I hadn't married, either. Here we were, both 35 years old--our birthdays were less than a month apart, although I couldn't remember which of us was older--and both still single.

I shook off my thoughts and focused on registering. I had to see her again.

It was only two weeks to the seminar, which was held from 9 am to 5 pm on Thursday, and then from 9 am to 1 pm on Friday. These companies offer early-bird discounts to inject an incentive to decide. I was way past that, but I wasn't worried about space; they never turn anyone away!

I read far enough to know I did not need to pre-register for specific breakout sessions. I needed to make sure I got there in time to get a seat, preferably in the back.

The bigger issue was having my secretary reschedule four appointments on Thursday and one on Friday. Most of those we were able to move up and see earlier.

I left Wednesday night about 7 pm to drive to Seattle, thus missing the traffic crunch. I had made a reservation for two nights at the hotel where the seminar was to be held.

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The morning of the seminar I got up early and had breakfast. These seminars usually had some sort of continental breakfast--a glass of water and picture of a donut. I wanted something more substantial.

I was in the main meeting room, where the opening keynote speaker would be. Heather's session would be in the first set of breakouts, and I had already located the room, so I could sit near to the correct exit from the main seminar meeting.

I was too nervous to listen to the keynote speaker. I didn't care. One earns CLE credit by having a butt in a seat, not by listening!

As the first hour drew to a close, the moderator thanked the speaker--I enthusiastically clapped with others--and he dismissed everyone for the first breakout classes.

I knew what I wanted: a seat in the back but right behind someone so I could stay hidden. I wanted to check her out, listen to her voice, and then surprise her by sitting up straight until she saw me.

I had to hang out in the hall for a few seconds, until I saw a man I could sit behind. That's where I was when she walked in and to the front. She hardly looked different from high school. No more than five pounds heavier, was my guess. Great legs still. Hair cut shorter now, a professional look.

Heather introduced herself and gave the name of her law firm, a large one in Denver. Then she launched into her topic.

I was mesmerized by her presentation skills! I knew the topic well already, and her content covered the issues I would have covered, but she had a wonderful, engaging way of presenting.

I decided it was time! I moved to my left a little, out from behind the man in front of me, and sat up.

About twenty seconds later, in the middle of a sentence, she looked at me. She stopped mid-sentence and her mouth hung open. She covered it and blushed.

"I'm so sorry to stop like that! When I was a senior in high school in Yakima, I fell in love with a boy. I really thought we might marry, but that summer we left for schools in different states, and we drifted apart. He's here in this session!

"Please forgive me for just a moment!"

With that she marched back to me. I stood, and we hugged.

"Oh, Tom," she whispered. "I'm so happy to see you!"

The attorneys in the room were all clapping, proving that even attorneys have soft hearts and love a nice romance. Either that or anything was better than sitting in a CLE seminar!

Heather marched back to the front.

"I need to pull myself together, but Tom, don't leave!"

With that, she took a deep breath, and picked up with the same sentence she had started. The rest of her presentation was great and many wanted to visit with her and thank her. I waited at the side of the room.

Finally, the last person left. Heather and I looked at each other and smiled. She came and hugged me again.

"I can't believe you're here!"

"I needed four more hours of live CLE! I was looking through the info about this one online and saw your name. I had to come. Are you speaking at anything else? How long are you here?"

"I have no other obligations. I was supposed to fly back this afternoon, but if you're available, I'd rather move my flight and spend time catching up."

"All I need it two more hours here, then I'm yours."

There were suddenly tears in her eyes, and she looked down.

"Heather, what's wrong? Why the tears?"

"I've missed you, but that's part of a longer conversation. Can I sit next to you for the next two hours? When are you going back, and where is 'back'?"

"I live in Vancouver and practice in Portland."

"Ah, you play the low property tax in Vancouver and no sales tax in Oregon game!"

"That's right! I drove up last night and stayed in the hotel here. I still have a reservation for tonight, and was undecided about whether to drive back tonight or wait until sometime tomorrow."

"If I asked you, would you stay?"

"Absolutely. We have a lot to catch up on."

"I'm going to get on the phone and change my flight. When should I fly back?"

"Stay until Sunday evening. Fly out of Portland. I'll save you a seat. Look for me."

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Ten minutes later, Heather slipped in and sat next to me. She kissed me on the cheek and held my hand.

"Do you mind if I hold your hand?"

"Not at all, although I might need it now and then to write you a note."

She let go of my hand, and I wrote a note to her while she searched for a pen in her purse.

I handed her the pad.

Me: U R still the beautiful girl I fell in love with back then.

Heather: That's nice of U 2 say, I've missed U. Thought about U a lot.

Me: I Missed U 2. What happened 2 us?

Heather: I was mad at U and stubborn

Me: Was that about U going 2 the U of Utah and skiing?

Heather: I wanted U 2 come with me. U wanted Uni of Oregon.

Me: Did you ski?

Heather: 2X.

I had no idea what the speaker was saying. I was strictly a butt in the chair.

Me: Only twice? In 4 years?

Heather: 2 years. I transferred to U of Denver.

Me: Why transfer? Snow?

Heather: Politics, but joke's on me!

Me:?

Heather: My parents were Republicans. I became a Democrat. In Utah, Democrats are way outnumbered. I moved to Denver. Heavily Democratic. Then 5 years ago, I registered as a Republican!

Me: lol. I am a Republican and way outnumbered in Vancouver and Portland. Not in Yakima, though.

The host of that session announced it was time for the next set of breakout sessions.

"Heather, how about we go get some lunch and come back for the final general session at 2?"

"I'm starving! Let's go."

We had a fun lunch together and talked about plans for the next couple of nights.

"I have the room booked for tonight and they gave me a room with two queen beds. You're welcome to one of them. Then we can drive to my place in Vancouver. I have an extra bedroom you're welcome to use tomorrow night and Saturday night."

"That sounds perfect. We should know by then whether we can't stand to be together, or if we might still have a future."

"I'm hoping it's the latter."

She kissed me on the cheek.

"So am I."

I got my final hour and picked up the certificate for the last meeting. I now had 4 more hours to report!

Heather and I went up to my room. She had earlier retrieved her suitcase and checked out of her room.

We got settled into the room and we each sat on one of the beds so we could talk.

"How did we lose contact, Heather?"

"I only know my end of course, but I had started dating someone at the U of Utah. I told him early my no sex rule, and he was fine with that. He was a really nice guy. After about five months, I realized he was going to propose, but I stopped him. I told him there was someone I loved more and told him a little about you."

"Was he mad?"

"No, that's the surprising thing. He really was a nice guy. He just said he hoped I would find the happiness I wanted and we ended things. He got married six months later."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I almost did, several times, but I couldn't figure out what to say. Everything I thought of sounded like I was saying I took a break and dated someone else, but since that fell through, and I don't have anyone else, I'm back. I finally decided we were over."

I sat and thought back to my freshman year at Oregon.

"I guess my story was similar, except I broke up with four women over two years. I wasn't as committed to no sex as you, and I was intimate with three of them. Each time, I broke things off because they weren't you, and I didn't love them as much as I had loved you. Sex didn't make up for that. I suppose you ruined other women for me.

"I decided to call you and ask forgiveness for not calling for so long. I was prepared to learn you were engaged or married, but your phone had been disconnected. Plus, your parents had moved."

"Remember the early days of cell phones when if you changed carriers, you couldn't keep your old number? I changed carriers when I moved to Denver. Oh, and my parents moved to Spokane."

"I finally told myself you had married, and quit trying to find you."

"Tom, I'm so sorry! It wasn't because I was out of options that I wanted to come back to you, it was the other men didn't measure up to you. I should have called you!"

She was crying, so I got up and pulled her up to stand with me. I hugged her.

"I've thought a lot about graduation night. Do you remember how close we came to sex that night?"

"I still can't believe we didn't!"

She was laughing at the memory of that night.

"Remember, Tom, when we left that graduation party, we were both drunk? Then we stupidly got into your car because you lived like three blocks away and your parents weren't home. I don't remember why they weren't home."

"A friend of theirs in California had died. They flew out that morning for the funeral. I'm so glad I didn't get pulled over that night."

"Minor miracle! We went to swim in your pool, but I didn't have a swimsuit, so we decided to go skinny dipping."

"I still remember how you looked naked. That was the first time I touched breasts."

"I seem to remember touching something of yours."

"My first blowjob! I've never forgotten that. I guess I had never heard of going down on a woman, because I played with your breasts and sucked on your nipples until you had an orgasm."

"Earth-shattering!"

"I remember we stood there in the pool and I held you in my arms as we talked. After a while we were more sober, so we got dressed and I took you home."

"You know, Tom, as you were reminding me of that, it's possible that night scared us and made us pull back."

"You may be right."

There was a long pause.

"Heather, are you hungry? May I take you out for dinner? Our first date in 17 years!"

"I'd like that a lot, Tom. This is a little embarrassing, but I just realized I don't have pajamas. Could we stop at a Target and get some for me?"

"I want matching ones!"

"You don't have any either?"

We were laughing. We started to look in the phone book--this was before smart phones and Google maps. We ended up going down and asking the concierge. Then we drove to a Target and bought matching pajamas!

There was a Mexican restaurant in that same shopping center, so we decided to try it out. It was very good!

We got back to the hotel and changed into our PJs, Heather in the bathroom and I in the room.

We got in bed, turned out the lights on our night stands, and talked for a few minutes.

"Heather, I don't mean to pry. I'm asking this because I want to know how I should act around you. Did you ever have sex with someone?"

"No. I've continued my determination to wait, although I have to admit, I've wondered lately whether I made the right choice."

"I think you did. There was no lasting meaning to my experiences. I'm sorry I wasn't more like you."

"Tom, don't hate yourself for that. I never will."

We continued talking, but it wasn't long before Heather stopped answering me. I rolled over and went to sleep as well.

The next morning, I woke up first, I looked over at Heather. She was still gorgeous, as I remembered her. I quietly got out of bed and kissed her on the cheek. She opened her eyes and put her arms around my neck and pulled me down onto the bed.

We lay together, her spooning me, as we talked and reminisced. All the years between us melted away as we listened to each other again, rediscovering the depth of our love for each other.

"Tom, I heard someone say once when you fall deeply in love, that person occupies a permanent place in your heart. I think I understand now."

I carefully turned over to face her. I put my arm under her neck.

We kissed.

It was the first time in 17 years, but in some ways it felt as though only a few months had passed.

"Are you hungry? Do you want breakfast?"

"I'm starving! I probably burned up a lot of emotional calories last night, plus that wonderful kiss a few minutes ago. Thanks for that. It felt like it did 17 years ago, didn't it?"

"It did. Go get in the shower first, then I'll shower."

About 45 minutes later, we headed to the restaurant for breakfast. Neither of cared about the remainder of the seminar. I got what I came for.

"We have a whole day free. We need to check out by 11, but we can put things in my car and check out earlier. It's a beautiful day--how about a harbor cruise before we head south."

"That sounds romantic, and I'm certainly in the mood for romance again."

As I checked out, I made sure there was no problem leaving my car in the garage until later. Right after breakfast, we stopped to talk to the concierge, who recommended a particular cruise and made a reservation for us. We would board at 11, and it was a short cab ride away.

Heather was holding my hand as we walked down the pier to our boat. If I didn't look at her, I could persuade myself no time at passed. When I looked, I realized she had become more beautiful. I had to stop and kiss her again.

We both just smiled and boarded the boat. The cruise was fabulous. Neither of us had spent much time in Seattle, other than for brief business visits.

As we got out on the water and some distance from the city, we had a spectacular view of Mt. Rainier.

"Do you remember what everyone called Rainier Beer?"

"Yeah, Vitamin R."

I don't remember much after that--I mean much about the sights. Mostly I remember looking in Heather's eyes and feeling things I hadn't found with anyone else in those 17 years.

I squeezed her hand.

"What?"

"Just verifying I'm actually holding Heather Reisling's hand again."

She leaned her head on my shoulder as she wiped away a tear.

"I feel happy holding your hand. I've missed that."

After returning to shore, we walked over to Pike Place Market and found a restaurant for lunch.

"Tom, I know we're spending the next two night at your house in Vancouver. Could you take me to see Multnomah Falls? I've never been there."

"I'd love to. There are other falls along that road I'd like to show you. We can drive east, seeing Multnomah last, and then have an early afternoon lunch in Hood River. I know a cute little place on the main drag through town that's really good. We should probably plan to leave about 8:30 tomorrow morning."

"That sounds like a perfect day. What would you like to do on Sunday? My flight doesn't leave until 8 pm."

"Hmmm, I wish we had more time. I'd love to show you parts of the Oregon Coast, places I fell in love with while I was in Eugene. However, we could easily drive down to Silver Falls, east of Salem. We wouldn't have time for the hike to see all of the falls, but the main one is near a parking lot and it's gorgeous."

"Just so you know, I'll go anywhere with you to spend time together."

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We drove south on I-5 that afternoon, wanting to escape Seattle before heavy traffic hit. As we drove, we talked a lot and then lapsed into silence. I was thinking a lot, and I guessed she was as well.

I pulled into my driveway and opened the garage door with my remote. We unloaded the car and took everything inside.

"Follow me, Heather. I'll show you your room, where you can dump everything. Then I want to give you a tour."

I showed her the kitchen, living room, the formal dining room and the breakfast area. I showed her the bathroom in the hall outside her room, my office in the other bedroom, and the master and bath.

"I have one more surprise."

She followed me out French doors leading to the back, where I had a hot tub under a gazebo.

"Did you happen to bring a suit?"

"I did! At the last minute I added one, just in case I wanted to swim at that hotel. Can we use that this evening?"

"Maybe we should do that first. I'm guessing you aren't hungry yet, so we could do this first and dinner later."

"I'll go unpack and meet you in back in my suit. I hope I don't disappoint you. I'm not 18 anymore.'

"From what I've observed, the world is better for it!"

I changed into my suit, found a couple of big beach towels, and uncovered the hot tub. I was waiting in it when Heather came out the door. She was wearing a black one-piece suit, cut relatively high above her thighs. I later discovered this created a thong backside.

Of course, by then I was hard and glad I was already in the water. I stood, though, and held out my hand to assist her in getting in. She immediately sat beside me, I put my arm around her.

"This is nice. I could get used to this, especially with you holding me again. Just so you know, this isn't graduation night!"

I was laughing over that.

"Tom, will you please kiss me again?"

I turned toward her, and she toward me. We kissed. Soon, our tongues got reacquainted. Heather was moaning. We finally came up for air.

"Whew, just like 17 years ago! Tom, your kisses always were fire."

"You are more beautiful than at 18. Do you frequent a gym?"

"I own a condo, and we have a nice gym, a pool, and a hot tub. I use the gym, but I'm too self-conscious to use the pool and the tub. Too many leering single guys."

"I'm trying not to leer--or not to be too obvious about it."

"You're not leering. At least not the kind that would offend me."

We sat silently for several minutes.

"Tom, I have a hobby I should tell you about. I've become a photographer. I shoot mostly landscapes. I have a lot of framed works on the walls of my condo. Groups of color and groups of black and white."

"I'd love to see them."

"I'd like that. I'm kicking myself that I didn't bring my camera. We'll probably need to visit these places again so I can get good shots."

There was a silence again.

"Heather, this may be early--too early for you to know--but where do you want this to go? I mean our relationship--I guess we have a relationship again."

She was laughing.

"I was going to allow you to keep on talking. Your discomfort was fun. Yes, we have a relationship, but I would prefer to think of it as having been a case of relationship interruptus."

"Fair enough, but are you dodging my question?"

"No. It's one I want to answer. I'm surprised at how quickly I feel at ease with you and remembering my love for you. Maybe I never stopped loving you, but if I'm honest with myself, I definitely love you. As to where I want it to lead ... look, Tom, at the risk of scaring you off, I honestly hope it will lead to marriage. I've rejected so many men because they weren't you. Does that scare you?"

"Not at all. I'm relieved you're having those same thoughts."

Another silence.

"We don't need to decide anything tonight. I'm flying home the day after tomorrow. We aren't going to lose contact this time. However, I do have one request. Actually, two."

"Do I need to take notes? Get out a yellow pad?"

She hugged me. "I'm confident you can remember the first one, and I'm a phone call away for the second.

"I want to come here for a week in September, with my big camera, and have you show me the Oregon Coast."

"You know I'll be carrying big equipment, too!"

She started laughing and hit me.

"Tom, this is probably a good time to talk about something else. I'm still determined to wait until marriage. Do you feel that way?"

"I told you yesterday I had been with three women. I walked away from each of them because it was empty; my heart wasn't involved. I want to commit to you that I will share the responsibility of waiting. The big equipment talk is just talk. Something to laugh about."

"From what I've observed, I'm guessing it's not entirely talk."

"Perhaps, but the only way you will know is on our wedding night."

She wiped away tears.

"What was your second request, or was that it?"

"My ring size is 6."

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We got up early and had breakfast, then hit the road for the scenic drive, which was part of the old Columbia River Highway. It took us just under an hour to reach Vista Point. We stood there, looking east up the Columbia, arm in arm.

"This was built about a hundred years ago as a stopping place for travelers on the old highway. I've been up here at times when the wind racing down the river was so strong I could hardly stand. It's just a few miles east from here where we get into waterfall country."

"This is beautiful. It may be difficult to capture the kind of image I like."

"What do you mean?"

"I like having something interesting in the foreground, something to catch the viewer's attention and lead their eyes to the subject. This is a beautiful scene, though, so I'll try next time to find something more creative."

We drove down the old highway, with all its curves and white, wooden guardrails. At one point she asked me to stop. She motioned for me to follow her as she walked back up the road, looking over her shoulder at the scene.

"Look at this scene. The curve of the road, marked by that gleaming white wooden guardrail. It swings into the frame, as I imagine it, and then out the upper left corner. Surrounded by dark, thick forest. the guardrail leads the eye to the infinity of the forest. It might even be better as a black and white."

I could imagine it, but I never would have seen it without Heather.

We stopped several times for short hikes to waterfalls, including Bridal Veil. Finally we arrived at Multnomah Falls and the lodge there, a grand old stone structure built in 1925.

Heather loved Multnomah Falls and walked around making notes about potential shots she planned to take next time. We hiked up to the bridge in front of the falls.

"Heather, I came here once in February, during a cold spell. All of the edges by the falls and all around the pool below were full of ice. It was spectacular, so if we're ever nearby when it's cold, you and your camera are coming."

"This is amazing. I have to shoot this. Please bring me back here."

We drove into Hood River, had lunch, then crossed the river there and returned on the Washington side of the river, a slower route, but scenic. It was also a closer drive to my home, located in the Fisher's Creek area, east of downtown Vancouver.

When we walked into the house, we sat on the sofa, my arm was holding Heather.

"Do we get to spend time in the hot tub again?"

"We can do whatever you want."

"I know I want that. May I treat you to dinner tonight?"

"Do you feel like steak and seafood?"

"Have you eaten there?"

"Many times. One of my favorites. It's on the Portland side, on the river and close to the airport. Salty's on the Columbia River. My bet is you'll want to eat there anytime you visit."

"Let's go, and then hot tub after. And remember, this is my treat!"

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Heather ordered the Seafood Cioppino and I ordered the Crab Mac n Cheese.

"Really? Mac n Cheese?"

"This will change your opinion forever about Mac n Cheese. It has crab and cream cheese in it."

"You say Mac n Cheese and all I think of is that blue Kraft box Mom made for us kids!"

"This is not your mother's Mac n Cheese. If you're nice to me I'll let you taste it."

Her Cioppino was amazing. I had never tried it. When she tasted my Crab Mac n Cheese, she tried to take my plate!

"You were right. That's life-changing."

"Are you talking about my food or about me."

She looked into my eyes. "I already know you are life-changing for me."

"You have to try the Luau Libation, although it's a bit much for one. Wanna share?"

That was decadent!

We were both so full, I was glad it was less than a half hour to my house. We were soon in the hot tub.

"Do you use this all year?"

"Yes and no. If the wind is blowing, not a chance."

"I can imagine. I've heard there's often wind coming down the Gorge."

"Yeah, and the wind chill is not to be believed!"

We sat and enjoyed being together. Finally Heather spoke.

"Tom, I have a request, but if you don't think it's a good idea, I understand."

"Ok, that got my attention."

"Could I sleep next to you tonight? I want to know whether either of us is hard to sleep with. Of course, I'm using the word 'sleep' in its traditional meaning. Not as code for sex."

"That sounds nice. I can always kick you out if you're awful in bed."

"Are you using 'in bed' for its literal meaning, or is that code for sex?"

She was smiling. Obviously teasing.

"I'm choosing not to add further definition to the term."

She was laughing and kissed me on the cheek.

"I love you, Tom."

"I'm glad, because it would be awkward to love you as I do, only to discover it was unrequited love."

She had her arm around my chest and hugged me tightly.

Later, we got out of the hot tub and covered it. We dried ourselves a little and wrapped ourselves in the beach towels.

We stood in my bedroom and kissed.

"I'll go change into my pajamas in my bedroom."

I was wearing my matching pajamas when she appeared in the doorway.

"Which side do you prefer, Heather."

"The side you're on."

I was laughing as I pulled back the covers and got in bed. Heather got in the other side and came over next to me and put her arm across me. I put mine around her.

We were both nervous, but we started talking, and the tension disappeared.

"Heather, let's plan on you coming here the second week of September. Leave on the Friday night before, and we'll plan to drive to the coast on Saturday and stay until the following Saturday. You can fly home on Sunday. I'll plan everything."

"The only thing I don't like about that is how far away it is. Will you come and visit me for a four day weekend? It could be the last weekend in July or the first in August. That's about halfway between now and the September trip."

"Where will I stay?"

"Oh, um, I have a 2-bedroom condo, but I guess I assumed you would stay in my bed. Assuming your snores don't drive me away tonight."

"I'll get tickets right away."

"I'm happy, Tom. Not just about that, but about my surprise in seeing you in that breakout session--you know, I swear my heart beat went up at that moment! I love how much fun we've had together. I'm happy!"

"So am I. My only regret is I didn't think you were still single, so I quit looking. Of course, I was looking in Utah, and you had moved. Now I could find you easier on the internet."

She was cuddled up against me and I held her there. It had been a long day, because I heard a light snore from her a few minutes later.

--------[]----[]--------

I woke up and smelled bacon. I turned over and the rest of the bed was empty. I had to go investigate.

"I woke up early and explored your refrigerator. I found bacon! You know what this means?"

"We're having bacon?"

"Well, obviously. It also means I love you even more."

"Did I wake you up with snoring or something?"

"No, not at all. I slept so well. I loved waking up at one point and finding your arm around me still."

"Well, you snored!"

"What? I did?"

"Really softly, right after you fell asleep. Nothing after that. It was cute."

She blushed, obviously relieved.

"Do you like your bacon crisp of soft?"

"Soft, like my women."

"Excuse me! Your women?" Her hands were on her hips in mock outrage.

"I meant, soft, like you baby."

She just shook her head and stirred a pan of scrambled eggs, Obviously made with cheese!

"You said you wanted to get an early start, so I set my alarm to get up and make you breakfast."

"That's it, find a judge, We're marrying now!"

--------[]----[]--------

Breakfast was wonderful. She included a little cream cheese folded into her scrambled eggs!

We got ready quickly and hit the road. The drive took about 90 minutes, but we arrived just after 10.

"How many falls are here?"

"There's a trail--about 7 miles, I think--that visits 10 waterfalls. The most famous is South Falls, but there are a couple others I think are even more beautiful."

"Sounds like another place for my camera and tripod."

We had parked in the big parking lot near the South Falls. It was a short hike, but when the waterfall and that pool came into view, Heather gasped.

"This is spectacular! Look at that amphitheater formed around the falls. What a perfect frame and leading lines! I know exactly how I want to shoot this, with a long enough exposure to smooth the water on the falls and in the pool below. Underexposed slightly for intense colors"

"Several of these have that amphitheater structure, and the trail goes behind the falls."

Heather was so excited to see the South Falls, she insisted on seeing the middle falls as well.

She hugged me as we stood near them.

"Thank you for bringing me here, Tom. This his has been an unexpected but delightful weekend."

--------[]----[]--------

As we drove home, I had some questions about us and our future.

"Heather, if we decide to marry, how will that work? We can't live in Vancouver and Denver."

"Before answering that, there's a question I need to ask. If we marry, do you want children."

"Yes. Do you?"

"I do, especially with you. Tom, I still have time, but you can make babies until you die. If we marry, I want to get pregnant right away. I want three children."

"Three is good. Even four works for me."

"In answer to your first question, if we marry, I'll sell my condo and move here."

"Really, and walk away from your law firm?"

"My parents are in Spokane, and I have a little sister in Bend."

"Is that Holly?"

"Yeah! I'm surprised you remember."

"You have an older brother, but I can't remember his name."

"Heath. We all have names beginning with 'H.' He's in Washington, in Puyallup. The point is, my family is here, and I love the northwest. This is where I would rather be."

"You know, if we have three children, we might need to buy a larger home."

"Just so it has a hot tub and a gazebo!"

--------[]----[]--------

We spent a little more time in the hot tub, kissing. We both hated the inexorable advance of time!

We left at 5:45 to drive to the airport. We stood in the departure area, holding each other and kissing.

I was wiping away tears as I drove home to a house that had never felt more empty.

--------[]----[]--------

I made the trip to Denver and enjoyed a great weekend with Heather. We used the hot tub in the complex and slept together in her bed. She cooked dinner for me on Friday night. Perfectly cooked beef medallions, medium rare, with a rich sauce, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and a peach cobbler!

"Where did you learn to cook?"

"My mother. She was an amazing cook, and she had actual formal training. I never did, but I learned a lot about the basics from her."

"I keep finding more reasons not to let you out of my sight for long."

"Tom, I don't even like being out of your arms."

Once again, leaving to fly away was not fun.

--------[]----[]--------

I had spent hours planning our trip to the coast. This was before Airbnb spread out and became such a household name. Fortunately, there were a couple of places that were local to the coast that handled rentals. I picked one near Waldport and one in Neskowin.

As the days approached, I could hardly wait!

That Friday evening, I waited just outside the secured area of the airport, waiting for her to exit. He plane was shown as having landed and was now at the gate. Finally, I caught sight of her approaching the exit that led to baggage claim.

She ran to me and we hugged---for a long time.

"It is so nice to be here again! I was a complete mess today at the office! I couldn't concentrate on anything. I know I'll need to go back and proofread anything I wrote."

"I was just as bad. Heather, I hope this ends up being one of the best weeks of your life. Well, maybe aside from marriage and a honeymoon."

"That's a high bar, babe."

I remembered when she called me that in high school!

We collected her luggage and headed for my home. This time there was no mention of the guest bedroom. I had cleared out a couple of drawers and some hanger space in the closet, and she quickly unpacked.

"Before you get too unpacked, we're leaving in the morning for a week."

"I know, but there are a few things I likely don't need. Do I need my little black dress?"

"Why did you bring it?"

"I thought maybe next Saturday night."

"I like the idea. I'm going to make a reservation now for next Saturday night. I know the perfect restaurant! We'll make sure to get home early so we can dress up.

"Are you hungry?"

"No, I got a good meal on the way to the airport this afternoon. I'll be hungry for breakfast, though. Now that I think of it, there is one thing I hunger for."

What followed was a legendary kiss. Neither of us could breathe.

She looked down. "I see I got an appropriate response."

"I'm willing to bet you're a little wet, as well."

"Quite so!"

We laughed and kissed again.

"Tom, I'm tired. Could we relax for an hour in the hot tub and then get in bed and talk and fall asleep?"

That's what we did. Heather surprised me when she came out wearing a red bikini. She saw the look on my face and laughed.

"Last time I brought my most conservative suit, because I was at a business hotel. This time I brought a sexier one. Do you like it?"

"Both my big head and my little head indicate yes! Do you have any others?"

She leaned over and whispered in my ear. "I have one that makes this look like something my grandmother would have worn. I've never worn it."

"Why did you buy it?"

"For you. When the time is right."

"Did you bring your black one too?"

"Yeah, maybe for the beach, weather allowing."

"Babe, you're stunning in that bikini!

She was. Flat stomach, cute belly button, perfectly-sized breasts. Thong back! I was dying.

We mostly sat in the hot tub, relaxing. Then I described my plan for the week.

"That sounds wonderful. You know, of course, I brought my big camera and my tripod. I hope you'll indulge me a time or two with an early morning effort to capture a great shot in perfect light."

"I'm looking forward to watching an artist at work! Maybe you'll capture an image we can enlarge and frame to go over our bed."

She looked up at me, a little surprised.

"Our bed?"

"Assuming we marry, of course."

She kissed me on the cheek and hugged me.

We caught up a little, especially about our parents and siblings. We compared notes and learned we are the only kids from our families not married and without children."

"We must be a disappointment to our families!"

"I agree. That's a problem we ought to solve."

We sat in silence again, relaxing.

"Tom, there's something I need to talk to you about. The partners in my law firm have offered me a non-equity partnership interest. They want an answer next week."

"Hmmm, I just became a full partner last year. Each step up tends to make it difficult to leave. Let's talk about it at the end of the week. Is that alright?"

She nodded and hugged me tighter.

We finally got out and dried off. I was about to change into my pajamas, when Heather got out a present for me. All wrapped up with a bow.

"What's the occasion? It's not my birthday yet."

"Just open it!"

I opened the present and there was another set of matching pajamas. One for me and one for her. On the front of hers: I'm his. On the front of mine: I'm hers.

I was laughing. "These are perfect!"

"I only wanted you to remember you belong to me."

"And vice versa."

"Yeah, a subtle reminder, huh?"

"Says the cute girl wearing the sexy red bikini!"

We put on the pajamas and got into bed. We kissed. It was tender, long, very wet.

"I've missed you."

"I hate being apart."

"Well, for the next week, until I have to fly home, we won't be apart."

--------[]----[]--------

We had a wonderful week on the coast. The weather was great, as September often is.

Our first rental house was only about 50 yards from the water's edge. Heather insisted on putting on her black suit that first afternoon and swimming in the ocean. That surprised me, because I thought she knew better. I hung back a little and waited for the inevitable scream!

I was holding her, with a towel wrapped around her as her teeth chattered.

"Why didn't you warn me it was that cold?"

"And miss the entertainment?"

"Is it always that way?"

"Only when they turn the heaters off in the ocean."

She hit me for that crack!

We walked along the beach as the sun was setting. We stopped and watched together until the sun appeared to dip into the ocean at the horizon.

I knelt at her feet.

"Heather, my life has changed immensely by having you back in it. I don't ever want to be apart from you. Will you marry me?"

I held out a ring.

Heather's hands were covering her mouth and her eyes were full of tears. She was crying as I stood, and she threw her arms around me.

"Tom, of course I'll marry you!"

She held out her hand and I put the ring on her finger.

"I took a guess at what you'd like. If you don't, we can exchange it."

She looked at the ring and kissed me. "It's beautiful, You picked it out and that means everything to me."

"We should head back to our rental before it gets too dark."

When we returned, we sat on the sofa and talked.

We talked about all kinds of things wedding related. When? Where? Honeymoon where? Children? Jobs?

So many questions.

"Heather, you and I are experienced attorneys. Let's make a list of all the issues and work through them together. Not this week, though! This week is for us to celebrate our love and engagement."

--------[]----[]--------

Each day I took her to fun places I had explored, first on the coast from Newport to Coos Bay, then we moved to the rental in Neskowin, up north. From there we explored Tillamook and Astoria, although we made another trip to Newport..

We had a lot of wonderful clam chowder and walked on beaches again. I got experience as a photographer's assistant. We got up really early on three mornings to go to places she had scouted out. One of those was a pier in Newport from which we could see the graceful arches of the bridge over Yaquina Bay, the outlet for the Yaquina River.

I was amazed watching her! She set up her tripod and mounted her camera. Then she explained she wanted to use a wide angle lens to capture the end of the pier as foreground. Finally, she said she wanted a long exposure to make the cars on the bridge disappear and smooth out the water and clouds.

Along the way she said she had recently moved from film to digital, but the cameras had not fully caught up, but they soon would.

She looked carefully at exposure times, first by using the slowest ISO setting--I guess that's like the film speed--and then by adding something she called a neutral density filter. She said she wanted an exposure of a minute or more.

It was finally light enough. At least she now started taking photos.

I was astounded when I saw the resulting frames displayed on the back screen of her camera. There were no cars! The water was smooth, although she was not satisfied with the clouds. She thought as the light increased and her exposure times shortened, she would find the sweet spot for the clouds.

I thought the first five she shot were incredible, but she smiled when she saw #6.

"That's what I wanted!"

She double-checked her focus by zooming in on the back screen. Then she shot two more frames to make sure.

It was hugely educational for me.

Another morning, we left at 4 am to drive to Florence, where she had seen a couple of guys fishing on a pier. She had talked with them for awhile and learned they usually showed up at about 6 am. We were there at 5, setting up.

As usual, she knew exactly what shot she wanted. Florence also has one of those beautiful Art Deco bridges from the 1930s. She wanted to shoot with a couple of old guys fishing in the foreground and the bridge in the back.

When the men arrived, she asked if she could use them in her photograph and offered them $20 each to follow her instructions.

They started fishing, and once she had her exposure dialed in, she told them she wanted them to hold completely still for 30 seconds during her exposure.

She shot about a half dozen, rechecked whether both the foreground and the bridge were in focus. She said she adjusted her aperture to make sure, and shot six more. The last one was amazing. She said she was certain she would prefer black & white, and changed the display to show me.

"Babe! Why aren't you selling some of your prints? There are galleries here on the coast that would take these and sell them for you."

"I'm not a professional."

"Only because you haven't sold one yet. Look, promise me something. You do your post processing on these and let's have a good lab print these in about 20X30 format, or whatever makes sense for the photograph. Let's have them professionally framed. Then let's bring them down here and show them to a couple of gallery owners. We'll find out whether they have interest."

She reluctantly agreed to do that, but I was stunned at what I had seen, just on those two photo shoots. She was clearly a natural talent!

--------[]----[]--------

Our final dinner together was at Salishan Lodge, just a few miles south of Lincoln City. (Naturally, on the drive south from Neskowin, between Lincoln City and Salishan, she was making notes of two shots she wanted to come back for someday.)

Dinner was wonderful and Heather was talking about all the fun things we had done and seen that week.

"The highlight of the entire week was when you asked me to marry you. If nothing else had happened, it would still have been the best week of my life!"

--------[]----[]--------

Saturday morning, we left about 10 am to drive back to Vancouver. I had planned it that way to avoid the long lines of cars returning on a Sunday afternoon. We wanted to get home and get cleaned up for our dinner at the RingSide Restaurant in northwest Portland at 7:30.

That night, as we walked into the restaurant, I marveled at the sight of Heather in her little black dress. I whispered to her that I was having particularly spicy thoughts of undressing her sometime in the near future.

We were sitting on adjoining sides of the table. Heather was in a fun mood, staring at her ring and whispering naughty things in my ear.

We ordered dry-aged, bone-in prime steaks, both medium rare. When our waiter asked about drinks, Heather wanted a Red Cabernet out of Walla Walla. I asked for a non-alcoholic cocktail.

"Wait," said Heather. "Change mine to that as well."

"Tell me why you ordered a non-alcoholic drink tonight. Was it because of graduation night?"

"In part. I got drunk and lost all ability to make smart decisions. I drove drunk. I could have caused a bad accident, or even been arrested for DUI. Plus, I almost took advantage of you, because you were drunk as well. I decided I would never do that again."

"Was there more?"

"I had an uncle I loved when I was young. Then I didn't see him again until I was 20. He looked horrible. I asked my father about his brother and I got the whole story. He was an alcoholic who had lost his job, his family, his home--everything. The next year he was driving drunk one night and drove off highway 101 into a tidal area at high tide. The car flipped over on its way into the water and he drowned.

"Six hours later, at low tide, the police hauled the car out of the water. My uncle's blood alcohol level was ridiculously high. That cured me permanently of drinking, even socially."

Heather had tears in her eyes and she held my hand.

"Everyone gets to experience pain, don't we? Thanks for telling me. I've never been much of a drinker, but maybe the wiser course is to follow your example."

The steaks were amazing, but I knew they would be. Heather said she had never experienced a steak close to that quality.

We drove home without saying a lot. We had spent a wonderful week at the coast, had gotten engaged, and now the week was nearly over. Heather was flying home the next day.

"Tom, thank you for the best week of my life so far. I hate to leave tomorrow. Will you hold me in your arms in bed tonight?"

"I'll insist on it."

--------[]----[]--------

The next week, Mom called.

"I hear you're engaged. When were you planning to tell us?"

Fortunately, she was laughing!

"Sorry Mom! How did you find out?"

"Heather's mother called me. I was amazed she still had my number. She said you and Heather don't have a clue how to plan a wedding."

"Well, I'm sure we ..."

"You two are too busy to plan a decent wedding. I halfway expect to hear next you are marrying in front of a county clerk!"

"I like that idea. I'm calling Heather to suggest it to her."

She was laughing harder now.

"Tom, I'm so happy for you and Heather. Monica, Heather's mother, told me a little about how you ran into each other again. I hear it was instant love. That's wonderful. Now I have some questions. Monica and I are going to take charge and plan this right!"

I was on the phone for an hour as she quizzed me. When the call finally ended, I called Heather, but it went straight to voice mail. I left a message to call me.

Am hour later, my phone rang. It was Heather.

"Hey sweetheart! I was going to warn you about something, but I'm guessing I'm too late."

"That was the longest I've ever talked to my mother on the phone. I'm exhausted!"

"So am I, but during Mom's call I realized we should embrace this. They're willing, even insistent, on doing all the planning. That's a good thing."

"I know. I just know Mom is going to drive me up a wall."

"It will make her happy."

--------[]----[]--------

About a month before our wedding date, two monumental things happened, each with far-reaching consequences. Heather gave notice that she was leaving her law firm to marry. When her last day came, they held an emotional farewell in one of their conference rooms.

The other, more private milestone came when she called me that night. She told me of the farewell party. I knew she was crying, but I understood why.

"Tom, I never clarified this for you, but for obvious reasons, I've never been on birth control pills. I want to get pregnant. I was looking at the record I've been keeping lately on my calendar. I have good news. I should be able to conceive starting on about our wedding night and for another 3-5 days."

--------[]----[]--------

To my surprise, the mothers were wonderful in finding out what we wanted, starting with a wedding in Vancouver. Heather thought a few close friends would fly over from Denver, and a few would come from Yakima, but not many.

Neither of us wanted a gift registry. We finally decided to print announcements that invited people to bring unwrapped cans of food, to be donated to a food pantry in Portland I had done pro bono work for.

Suddenly, December 1st was upon us and we were driving to the reception center we had rented. It turned out to be a wonderful experience, seeing a surprising number of old friends, many of whom lived in the Portland area and had heard about the wedding from other friends.

That night, when we took our leave, we ran by my home and changed out of our wedding clothes and grabbed our suitcases.

We spent our first night in the Ritz-Carlton in downtown Portland, so we took an Uber from my house. After that it would be another Uber to the Airport for a flight to Paris for a week.

We checked into the Ritz and rode the elevator to our king suite. I held Heather in my arms and we kissed. Then I carried her over the threshold.

"Babe, I feel like we've both waited 17 years for this night. I'm so glad I found you on that CLE search!"

"Tom, use the bathroom now, because I'm going to be in there for a while. There's a present for you in your suitcase. Open it while I'm in the bathroom."

Once she was in the bathroom, I opened my case. There was a present with a card.

My dear husband:

Now that I am officially Heather Blacker, I get to make love to one of my oldest and best friends. You came out of my past and surprised me a few months ago, and my life will never be the same.

I love you with all my heart, and for the first time, I get to love you with my body. This present is for you, but let's be honest, it's for my enjoyment."

Love, Heather B.

I tore open the wrapping paper. Black silk boxers!

I changed into them and donned the hotel robe, and adjusted the lights. Then I waited.

I heard Heather switch off the bathroom light, and the door opened. She was wearing black as well. A sheer bra and thong set!

I walked to her and hugged her.

She stepped back and pushed the robe off my shoulders and to the floor.

"That's what I'm talkin' about!"

She caressed my erection and moaned.

"Oh, Babe! I've waited a long time for this moment with you, but I'm so nervous. I have no idea what I'm doing. All I know is I want you!"

"How about if I take charge?"

"Please, baby!"

I led her to the bed and helped her in, and I followed.

"You are so beautiful, Heather. I know you're worried that you're no longer 18, but I think you've gotten more beautiful since then."

We kissed and the passion quickly escalated. I caressed a breast and she moaned. I pulled down one of her cups, exposing a breast. I kissed it and gently sucked on her nipple.

Her moans became louder.

"Baby, roll over so I can take off your bra."

She exposed her back to me and I unfastened it and kissed her back. When she turned toward me, I slowly pulled the bra away from her body.

My eyes devoured her breasts. "My love, your breasts are beautiful!"

I kissed one, working my way slowly to her nipple. I sucked on her nipple and she moaned loudly. She held my head, not wanting me to move, but I did. Her other breast was calling.

Soon I kissed my way down her body, moving lower until I was between her legs. I looked up her body. She was holding her breasts. Her eyes were closed.

I kissed the soft flesh of her inner thighs. She moaned. My kisses approached closer to my goal. She was now panting, breathing irregularly.

I held her open and licked her tender flesh inside.

She cried out at the sudden and intense pleasure.

I licked and kissed and pushed my tongue just inside her. I kissed up to her clit and rubbed it with my tongue. She was moving, twisting her body, so I gently sucked her clit between my lips and teased it with my tongue.

"Oh ... Ohhh ... Ohhhhhh!"

I loved hearing her mounting pleasure, but the best was her orgasmic climax. Her thighs clamped down on my head and she moaned loudly.

I held her hips, waiting for her to relax.

"What did you do to me? That was amazing!"

My answer was to gently lick her clit.

"Ohhhhhh!"

I began to rub her clit with my thumb and Heather was soon twisting her body beneath me, seeking relief from the intense pleasure.

I withdrew my hand and moved up, pausing to suck on a nipple as I positioned myself at her entrance. I moved into her, and she cried out.

I moved a little more and found her barrier was still intact. I looked up at her and she at me. She nodded. "Go ahead."

I moved back and forth and then pushed through as she cried more loudly than ever before. Her hands clutched at me as she continued to moan.

"I'll wait until the pain passes."

After several more seconds, she nodded again, and now I pushed slowly, but continuously into her, until I was fully inside her.

Both of us moaned.

Later, I realized this moment was not merely a physical entry. It was a hugely emotional one for both of us. She had waited for this moment. I had never experienced such a moment when my heart was deeply involved.

We looked into each other's eyes and I began to move in and out, short thrusts and deep thrusts, slow then fast. She was soon panting, almost gasping. I could feel my approaching storm as well, and when it hit, I shoved as deeply into Heather as I could, and as she screamed, I exploded inside her.

My spasms continued, filling her.

Finally, I quieted down and moved off of her. I took Heather in my arms and held her.

"Do you suppose my guys are searching for your egg?"

"Oh, they're searching! The question is whether there's one there yet."

"I hope there is!"

"Tom, that was an unforgettable experience for me. It hurt at first, as I assumed it would, but then when you entered me all the way, it was the most euphoric feeling! That's not even a decent description, but it was a wonderful feeling!

"I love you, Tom."

"Oh, Heather! My heart is so full right now."

She gave me a grin. "Are you ready to do me again?"

--------[]----[]--------

That night was crazy! We made love twice more, then again in the middle of the night.

We showered together in the morning, and I entered her there from behind, slamming her against the wall of the shower as I came inside her.

I carried Heather from the bathroom to the bed and laid her there, then got in bed next to her. I held her in my arms as we talked. We knew we had to check out at 11 and leave for the airport for a mid-afternoon departure for Paris. It was still only 7 am.

"Are you hungry?"

"I'm starving! I think it was all the sex that did it."

"Nice cardio workout?"

"Best ever!" She kissed me.

"How are your hips?"

"A little weary. I'll heal on the plane."

"How do you feel this morning, Mrs. Blacker?"

"I'm overflowing with love for you, Mr. Blacker. Like I've been waiting for over 17 years for last night."

"That's how I feel, too. ... Let's get dressed and get breakfast!"

--------[]----[]--------

I was amazed at how soon we boarded the plane and were in the air. On our way to Paris. Together!

I had bought us seats in business, which is equivalent or better than first class domestic, in my opinion.

Heather was smiling and holding my hand. She turned her head to me and whispered, "Is it true they arrest people they catch joining the mile high club?"

"Yes, and I'm not drunk enough to try!"

She laughed and kissed my cheek. "This is like a dream. I mean, being married to you and flying to Paris. I hope I don't wake up and find myself alone in my condo. Speaking of that, my realtor left a message while we were in the gate area. I think you had gone to get us bottled water.

"He got an offer for $15,000 over asking on my condo. I replied and said I accepted the offer. The buyers want to close in 30 days."

"That's great news! How much do you clear after paying off the mortgage?"

"A little over $250,000."

"I think you should use a tiny amount of that money on a new camera. What kind of camera do you want to buy."

"It just came out. Nikon has a new digital full frame model, the D700. I started with Nikon when I was shooting film and learning. All my lenses still work on this new body, and a body alone costs a little over $2000. As soon as we get back, I'm ordering one!"

"You decide for yourself, but I recommend you complete the process to be admitted to the bar in Oregon, but work on your photography. Take time to work on those beautiful shots you got in September. Schedule more trips to shoot. I'll be your assistant and you can pay me with sex."

She started laughing. "Babe, you don't need to negotiate. You're getting sex. End of story. It's happening a lot."

The she whispered in my ear: "I have a new title for you; Photographer's Inseminator."

"I need a T-shirt and a hat with that title. I also need a credit appearing below any published photos, complete with my title."

"Are you committed to being the best?"

--------[]----[]--------

After dinner was served on our flight and everyone settled down for the night, Heather was cold. I had shoved a blanket down by my feet, so I retrieved it and put it over her. She leaned against me and after a few minutes, covered both of us.

I was about to object because I didn't need more warmth, but them her purpose became clear. She was slowly rubbing my rapidly hardening cock!

I laughed, and she looked up at me with a big grin. "I can do this now!"

--------[]----[]--------

Paris was wonderful. I had been there once, only for two days, but this was Heather's first visit. I'm sure she would agree with me when I suggest we were not solely focused on seeing Paris.

I was seeing a lot of her. Naked.

In part, this was because we knew for the next couple of days she might be able to conceive. That was admittedly a convenient excuse, but we agreed to claim that was why we missed some of the big sights.

As tourists, we did ok. We saw the Louvre--almost an entire day there--the Eiffel Tower, Sacré-Cœur, Notre Dame, and Sainte-Chapelle. We took one of those evening boat rides on the Seine.

We ate a lot of good food, walked a ton, and had a lot of wonderful sex.

Our hotel had a beautiful pool. One night we took a look inside and no one was using it. Heather's face lit up.

"Let's go change! I brought that ultra-revealing swimsuit."

We returned a few minutes later, wearing our robes. When she dropped her robe, I almost put it back on her!

That suit was not only a skimpy bikini, but made entirely from mesh, with holes about a half inch in size. I loved the way her nipples poked through, but I especially appreciated the lovely shape of her breasts, clearly revealed yet teasingly cloaked.

When I saw the swimsuit bottom, I was incredibly hard. I could see her pussy lips, peeking at me, calling to me!

We spent 10 minutes in the pool, covered up with our robes, and made love for an hour in our bed!

On our last night, we lay in bed, still catching our breath after sex.

"Heather, what were your favorite non-sexual experiences in Paris?"

"Did we have any?"

I was laughing but decided to make my attempt first. "Maybe I should start. I loved Sainte-Chapelle, kissing you on the top of the Eiffel Tower, and that romantic boat ride."

"I loved those, too. I also liked seeing the artists near Sacré-Cœur. But I want to talk about sex. What are you favorite sex positions with me?"

"I think my answer is different after this week than I might have said before. I love missionary with you! Looking into your eyes and seeing your love for me and watching the pleasure wash over you--that's incredible.

"I would have said doggy before. Now it's #2. I like different options, but the common theme for me is control, dominating you.

"Close behind that is cowgirl, because of how you take control and drive me crazy. Of course, that mesh suit was the best aphrodisiac ever! How about you?"

"Missionary, definitely. Probably the same three, but I loved when you slammed me against the wall of the shower and had your way with me. That was hot. When you went down on me--that just launched me into orbit.

"I want to learn to get better at giving you blowjobs. It's like photography. Practice and practice more."

"I'm happy to assist in that as well!"

--------[]----[]--------

All too soon, our honeymoon ended, and I returned to work. Heather got busy finishing a couple of shots from our coast trip and found a lab to make good enlargements. She first tested them as 16X20 prints, and found a few flaws she could fix in Lightroom.

She had them reprinted in that same size. For technical reasons she tried to explain to me, her previous camera had a smaller sensor and would not enlarge as well as her new camera. She had the two shots professionally mounted and framed and hung them over our bed.

Right after we got home, she bought her new D700, and we started taking trips to get specific shots. Most of these were early mornings, but there were some that she wanted just before sunset or just after. She shot South Falls both ways. The warm glow of the late afternoon sun resulted in my favorite.

We had been home about three weeks when she came back to bed from the bathroom and sat on me. She showed me her positive home pregnancy test!

We hugged each other and cried. Tom and Heather, after all these years, and we were finally having a baby!

She went through a few weeks of morning sickness and we had an ultrasound.

A girl!

It was September of 2009, and we welcomed Amber into the world. I was there, holding Heather's hand as she crushed mine with each contraction! When the nurse cleaned Amber and wrapped her in the blanket, she handed our daughter to Heather.

That was one of the most endearing scenes I've ever witnessed, as Heather held her first baby in her arms.

At two-year intervals, Michael, Ashley and Ethan joined our family.

Heather and I decided four was our correct number, and she started on the pill.

Sometime along the way, we sold our home and found a larger one, not far away. I gave up my home office space so Heather could have room for her growing photographic work.

She had begun making large prints and having them framed. She met a gallery owner in Newport who carried three of her large photographs. He sold them for $1500 each and Heather got half.

She eventually offered three other prints to a gallery in Cannon Beach, on the same terms. Soon she was making about $2500 a month, and netting about $2000 of that.

In 2017, she bought her D850, perhaps the finest DSLR yet made. The sensor was almost four times the size of her old D700, so the large prints were even better. Soon her photographs were selling for about $2000 retail, and she added a smaller size that sold for $500.. I persuaded her to publish a book, to market in stores up and down the Oregon Coast, where she had ended up spending most of her shooting time.

The books sold reasonably well, and soon added another $1000 a month to her income.

Needless to say, she never returned to the practice of law!

I have been so proud of her for all she has accomplished!

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This is Heather now writing.

I discovered this unfinished document on Tom's computer and alternately laughed and sobbed as I read it. I knew I had to update it for my children. Well, most of it will be for them.

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It was October of 2024. Amber was fifteen, Michael 13, Ashley, 11 and Ethan 9 years old. Amber had just gotten her learner's permit and Tom had been taking her out as she practiced.

My phone rang one morning, after the kids left for school. It was someone from Tom's office. He had been taken by ambulance to Legacy Emanuel Hospital.

I quickly wrote out a note to Ashley and told her I would call on her cell phone as soon as I knew anything.

I dashed out the door and drove as fast as I dared, making it there in 20 minutes. I ran into the ER and the nurse there called someone and then summoned a nurse.

"Please take Mrs. Blacker into Family Waiting Room 2."

Then she turned to me. "Dr. Applegate is your husband's cardiologist and is on his way down to update you."

I waited anxiously in the room, pacing back and forth. Finally the door opened and the doctor invited me to sit. He pulled up a chair facing me.

"First, Mrs. Blacker, Tom is doing well. He had a minor heart attack, but an EMT team arrived quickly and did a great job. I don't believe there has been any lasting damage to his heart."

I was feeling so relieved, until he continued.

"We need to talk about the complications from his other condition."

"What other condition?"

"Mrs. Blacker, ..."

"Please, just call me Heather."

"Heather, I had a hunch you didn't know. As soon as I saw your husband and he was stable, I took a few minutes to read about his medical history, about any prescription drugs and other issues.

"There was a recent series of visits with his oncologist ... "

That was a word I wasn't prepared to hear!

"... and on one of those visits, there was a note that said 'Mr. Blacker has not yet told his wife.'"

I sensed where this was headed and I was crying. Dr. Applegate handed me a box of Kleenex.

"Heather, your husband is not likely to die of a heart attack, but he is going to die of cancer. I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but the complications there are of greater importance than those with his cardiac event today.

"I don't know why Tom hasn't told you, but he was diagnosed about four months ago with a stage 4 cancer, meaning it had already begun to spread. I'm amazed he has been able to hide it from you, but he would not have been able to much longer."

"How long does he have?"

"I'm not an oncologist, but based on what I've read in his file, probably 2 to 4 months, although this heart attack today, mild as it was, will have some negative impact."

I was sobbing. Dr. Applegate waited quietly.

As I regained control, he spoke again.

"Heather, tell me about Tom and how you met."

I told him about high school and how we drifted apart, but neither married. How we ran into each other and finally married. About our four young children.

"What a sweet story. I'm sorry you won't get to grow older together, but if I can give you just a little advice, go easy on him for not telling you. I think he was equally devastated and in denial. Don't waste precious time on that. Make the most of the time remaining."

"Thanks, Doctor. Can I see him?"

"Yes, I'd like to take you up myself. He's been asking for you."

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I entered his hospital room, and we both started crying. I sat on his bed as we held each other.

"Tom, why didn't you tell me?"

"I was crushed when my oncologist gave me the news. At first I was in denial, then I didn't want to break your heart. I'm sorry. It was foolish of me not to include you."

"That's alright, dear. What am I going to do? How am I going to support our family?"

"Listen to me for a minute, ok? A couple of years ago, I felt a ... I don't know, I had a feeling, a sense, that I needed to get more life insurance to protect you and the kids. I applied for another policy--in addition to the $500,000 term we've had for several years. Ironically, I received the top underwriting class, the best health. I purchased $2 million in additional term insurance.

"So, you're going to have $2.5 million tax free. The house is paid for and we have about $400,000 in the bank. You'll inherit my 401(k), and it's about $780,000.

"I know it's hard for you to listen right now, so I'll write all this down.

"There's something I need you to do for me. Please call Richard Anderson, our firm's managing partner and tell him what's happened. I need to talk to him about retiring and selling my partnership interest.

"Heather, I'm sorry I don't get to raise our children and grow old with you!"

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The doctor told me Tom would probably be released the next day. I went home with a heavy heart, to gather my babies in my arms and tell them their father only had a couple of months to live.

How does one tell a 9-year-old boy his father won't be there anymore to throw a football or play catch?

Or how does one tell a 15-yer-old girl her father won't be there to walk her down the aisle and dance with her at her wedding?

I learned you just tell them the unvarnished truth.

There were a lot of tears. I expected a lot of questions, but they were probably afraid to ask. Finally, Amber spoke.

"Mom, do Grandpa and Grandma Blacker know?"

I had another difficult conversation ahead of me!

We brought Tom home the next day, but it was soon obvious the heart attack had weakened him and he had no reservoir of strength. A month later, he was confined to bed and we had hospice care there during the day.

We never had a chance to make love again.

Dick Anderson came to see Tom and brought a check for the sale of his partnership interest. It was for almost $500,000! They talked for 20 minutes, and Dick left wiping away tears as he hugged me.

Finally, the end was plainly near. He was given the ability to self-administer a morphine drip. They stopped worrying about addiction! He slept at times and was lucid at others.

I refused to leave his side. One afternoon, he opened his eyes and looked at me. His voice was weak, but clear.

"Hey babe, aren't you that sexy girl I dated in high school?"

"I am, and you are that sexy boy I fell in love with then."

"I thought so. ... Heather, I'm sure glad I found you again. I'll save you a seat. Just look for me."

Those were his last words.

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It has been two months since Tom's funeral. I still expect him to walk in the door and call my name. If I close my eyes, I can hear his voice. I wish I could feel his arms around me again.

My life has been divided into three parts. The first 18 years, ending with losing track of Tom. The next 17 years without him, followed by 16 wonderful years together as we married and began raising our four children.

Now I'm beginning a fourth part of unknown duration. A part without Tom, but with my babies. I'm grateful to Tom for taking steps to protect me. I have a beautiful home and no debt. I've got a lot of money. Tom was a little off on his numbers. He had forgotten about the money I got from the sale of the condo, and his 401(k) was actually over $1 million.

I've changed my photography. I have virtually stopped shooting landscapes, because my assistant is gone and shooting early morning reminds me of his absence. Now I take photos of people, mostly candid photos.

I recently took my kids to Newport and had them stand on that pier with the bridge in the background. I set up the camera differently, With the kids standing about where we would all stand, I set everything up so the bridge would be out of focus. I wanted only the five of us in focus.

I walked over to them and demonstrated my idea. The two youngest, Ashley and Ethan, got on the ground (the boards of the pier) and would hold onto my ankles and feet as if they were playing tug-of war. Then, I had Ashley and Michael grab my hands and similarly pull.

They were all to look at my face. I would be the only one looking at the camera, with a wide-eyed expression of fear.

I set up the camera for a 5 second delay. I had my remote trigger in my hand, so we all took our positions. I triggered the remote and slipped it into a pocket and we took our pose. We all looked at the first shot and suggested improvements. We took five more and one is a gem.

That's going on the wall.

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I found a book when I cleaned out Tom's office, a recent biography of Oliver Wendell Holmes. At the end of an illustrious career as a judge, he served for nearly 30 years on the U. S. Supreme Court.

As a young man, he served as a captain in the Union Army. In 1884, nineteen years after the end of the Civil War, Holmes spoke to a group of Union veterans in New Hampshire. His words hold deep meaning for me.

"Through our great good fortune, in our youth our hearts were touched with fire. It was given to us at the outset to learn that life is a profound and passionate thing."

I read those words several times, pondering how they also told my story.

In my youth, my heart was touched with fire, and Tom and I learned together that life is a profound and passionate thing.

I've also learned how fragile life is, so I take a lot of photos of the kids.

I didn't take enough of Tom.