First Time

He kissed him hard, as if by kissing that way he'd make Bridger forget all the women he'd kissed before him, and men, too, if there had been any. Bridger liked it, kissing back just as hard and then some. What happened next happened fast and lasted a long time. The clothes came off, they fell on the bed. As they made love Jay flashed back to his first time, in college, age 19, playing slap-wrestle with his best buddy, Rick. All of a sudden he yelled, "You touched my penis!" "Did not!" said Rick, who really didn't realize he had, quite accidentally, brushed Jay's jeans at the crotch. It was only a split second, but it was enough to set Jay to crowing. "You touched my penis!" They broke apart and went into the den where a football game played out on TV. Jay sat in a low chair; Rick plopped on the floor beside him. They watched the game. An awkwardness had come over both of them.

Finally, Jay said in an almost timid voice, "Did you like touching my penis?"

"I don't know," Rick said.

"Would you like to do it again?" Rick looked at him, surprised.

"You want me to touch your penis? What are you, a Homo?" That shut them up for half quarter. "You really want me to touch it?" Rick asked in a quiet voice.

"Sure. Go ahead."

"Well, take it out." Jay unzipped his jeans and exposed his balls and half-hard cock. They stared at each other, their hearts beating fast, the game far away. They stared down at Jay's package.

"Touch it." Rick suddenly put his hand out and held Jay's cock. They both looked uneven, unready. "Rub it," Jay said.

Rich decided he'd rub it, but just a little. "Is that as hard as it gets?" he asked.

"Kiss it," Jay said in a thick, commanding voice. "Go ahead. Kiss it."

"Now you want me to kiss your weiner," said Rick.

"And suck it. Kiss it and suck it."

They looked at each other for what felt like a long time, though it was only a minute or so. Without another word, Rick suddenly leaned into Jay's crotch and took Jay's cock in his mouth. He felt as shocked as the astonished look on Jay's face, but he found his way around Jay's growing penis, continuing to lick and suck. What was he thinking? To his surprise, he liked it. He felt he was warming up to it and hen sucked with more and more ability.

Suddenly, Jay tried to stand up. It took more tries, but he made it to his feet and tried to walk forward. He managed two steps before he half fell on Jay, who held on and kept sucking. "Give me back my cock!" Jay said. Was that a half-laugh that came out of him? They struggled for a moment, just like wrestling and Jay broke free. He stood and zipped up, saying "I gotta go," and out of the den he almost ran, through the living room to the front door, then out the door to his car.

As Jay jumped in, Rick stood in the doorway. "Don't you wanna hang out?"

"No," Jay said.

"Ok, Call me," Rick said to Jay's back, who was already on the sidewalk, speeding furiously away.

Rick closed and locked the door. What have we done? he thought. What have I done? He felt lightheaded as he turned from the door and stumbled into the bathroom. He switched on the light and leaned close into the wide mirror. Did he look different? Did he look Queer? Who, he thought, is that Homo looking back at me?

Later, as it grew dark and he switched on some lights in the apartment, he didn't recall what he'd been thinking and feeling or for how long, but in that moment, he admitted to himself that he didn't feel much different than he always felt. Jay had come over like many times before. They'd messed around, adding something they'd never done with anyone before. Otherwise, it was just another day. But late that night he dreamed about what they'd done, and in the morning as he washed up, as he dressed and ate cereal while reading the sports page, he kept seeing Jay's dick, and the moment he'd committed to sucking it. The thoughts bothered him less and less throughout the day, and by nightfall he decided he wanted to do it again. Jay hadn't called him, so he would call. He'd call Jay, invite him over. He'd beg if he had to. It took a lot of coaxing on the phone, but finally Jay agreed. He was coming over. Rick's high excitement caught him off guard, but he liked it and went with it. Soon, soon.