Pryktian's Pride Ch. 06

"This is so exciting," Solkri squealed as she threw garment after garment from the closet onto the large bed at the center of the room. The pile was growing rather large as I just stood in shock, staring at everything.

Pink swirling accents decorated the lime green walls, matching the framed artwork that was scattered across them. Rich cherrywood dressers lined two walls, leaving enough room around the bed for walking. On one of the dressers stood two shockingly realistic dolls, dressed in intricate lacey outfits. I tilted my head at them as they stared silently back. I wondered if they were meant to ward off strangers with those terrifying eyes.

Solkri came out of the closet to hold up different clothing peices in my direction. "What colors do you like?" I looked back to her, then immediately away after noticing far too much through the shimmering material that hung over her chest.

I shook my head. "I, uh, I don't care. Anything will do."

"Oh." She dropped the piece she was holding to frown at the pile, one hand on her hip. She looked up to assess me. "You'd be good in red, I believe." She went back to sifting through the assortment of colorful fabric. "I don't believe I heard your name."

"Ru-" I stopped myself. I need to start using that other name, huh. I hugged myself, clenching my arms around me as I breathed. "I think I'm called Nal now."

"Naldioshta?" She smiled and nodded. "That would indeed be the name Master Grysn would choose. Were you called something else before?" She held up red fabric that looked similar to what she had on.

"Yeah, my real name's Rueg." I squinted at the material held in her hands. "Could I get something less, um... see-through?"

She tilted her head at me, then looked down at the tattered, filthy clothing Grysn had given me to wear. "What did you wear on the mountain?"

I shrugged. "Just pants and shirts when we did work, or gowns when in the bedhouses. The Families sometimes wore a bit fancier clothing, with colors and stuff. I liked wearing my camo suit, though. It was warm."

Her mouth had opened slightly then closed and twisted with my words as she narrowed her eyes, not really into a glare, more like she was trying to see the words coming out of me to figure out if they made sense. When I was done, she blinked, shook her head and grabbed one item in particular from near the bottom of the stack. It was a much darker maroon, and the material was far heavier than any of the others she had considered. She forced a smile back onto her face and moved away from the pile.

"This should do for now, though I do hope you find something to wear you enjoy." She headed toward a back door after grabbing a few other small items from her drawers.

Nausea threatened to upturn my semi empty stomach. I couldn't smile, not even the fake kind I could usually get away with. So I did my best to not have any emotion show on my face. This girl wasn't like me. She looked like me, much more so than the company I'd kept the past few days. But, she was otherwise more like them than like me. Her speech, her clothes, even her healthy glow, was nearly antithetical to everything we were.

Was this common here? Were my kin in every household that would have so little in common with me? She didn't even seem unhappy. If she found out how much I hated myself for allowing my life to go this direction, would she look down on me? Would she hate me?

I felt alone. A familiar aloneness that I thought I wouldn't have to deal with again after my decision. An aloneness that only comes from being around those with which you're meant to belong.

She was out and around the corner when the calling of my name struck me from my thoughts and I hurried after her. Steam rose to the windowed ceiling above as water poured from a golden faucet into a large, white basin molded into the back wall, sat apart from a sink and smaller white bowl.

Solkri folded up the items she had brought in as she stood in front of a large cut out of the stone wall. She placed them down on the natural shelf and then proceeded back toward the entrance where she gathered a couple towels that rested in shelves there. I waited patiently for her to gather them and several other items in one location near the side of the tub. Having everything she required, she beckoned me to her and began to strip me of my clothing.

Like the doll in her bedroom, I stood and moved as she required. She took care upon seeing my scabbing leg wound, slowly prying the pants off me. With a gentle touch, she guided me into the water, where I flinched at the warm contact. As I lowered myself in, she turned the nozzle of the spout, cutting the flow of water.

It wasn't unusual to bathe with others in the houses. Bathing was a luxury we were only able to receive about once a month, so no one ever made a fuss about nudity then. We were just thankful for the opportunity.

Perhaps that's why I paid no mind to her bathing me.

More likely, I was too indignant to feel embarrassed. The large tub of the warmest water I'd ever rested in, the piping far newer than the few buildings in town old enough to possess plumbing. And the soaps she more than generously applied to my hair and body, as though I were a sponge that could hold onto the scents for weeks longer than realistic. Scents I'd never smelled before, reminiscent of oranges and melted sugar.

My host's hands scrubbed the soap into my skin with a ferocity the sponge she held could hardly keep up with as my eyes moved across the sparkling dark tiles of the floor. "You truly must be from the mountain," she said, attacking my elbow with cleanliness.

I closed my eyes and steadied my breathing before responding. This would likely be the best time to get some real information. And considering I was now completely at the mercy of these stupid beasts, I needed all the information I could get. "Yeah. Um..." I sighed, realizing that I would need to make every effort to speak more... eloquently here. "Yes, yes I am. I didn't know there were other Pryktians living with the graysk- uh, drygsons." I sounded out the last word slowly, watching her face and hoping it was the correct term.

She lifted her head up from squinting at my callous covered hand."Pryk- oh," she said, going back to her meticulous cleansing. "We're referred to as tians by most here. I don't hear the full word very often."

I nodded, absently, letting her raise and lower limbs as she saw fit. "Are you that... Lyn's pet?"

Her mouth opened as she hesitated, moving down my legs with her scrubbing. "Goodness, no. And you'd best remember to not call anyone by their name while you are around others. It will get you in a mess of trouble soon enough."

"Oh, yeah," I remarked slowly. "There's just- there's a lot of us here, I assumed..."

Solkri moved down my other calf with the sponge, careful around my wound, though that did not stop me from wincing at each contact. "This is a special place," she said, thoughtfully. "You won't find another of its ilk anywhere else in the city. Those of us here are very fortunate. We belong to Lady Lynatin, in a certain sense. But we are granted autonomy here that very few tians outside are ever given."

The warm water flowed back and forth over me as Solkri's motions manipulated the water into ripples and waves. Her hands glided gently over my arm, though I swear she had already washed it.

"Is this some type of sanctuary?"

Soltri slowed her motions at my question. "In a way, yes. Lyna does not have the ability to offer it to many, though. She is bound by certain laws, but she does everything she can for every tian she can." She smiled and nodded, happy with her closing statement.

I sunk lower until my chin broke through the water. Steam still rose from the tub, but I felt a chill on my bones. I wasn't expecting any of this, and I wasn't sure how to use any of this information. Soltri may trust this Lyn person, but I had only met her, and she seemed as much a grayskin as any other. At least with Grysn I knew his intentions. And he was fairly easy to read regardless.

This Lynatin, she was yet to show her true self to me, I couldn't blindly run to her safe haven here without understanding everything. I thought about being trapped in this tiny garden, these five or six buildings, with the same tians for the rest of my life, and I wondered if that would truly be better.

"But I'm certain Master Grysn will take great care of you," she went on, blind to my worries. "He's the kindest man I know. And he's always bringing us treats and books." She nodded again. "Yes, I'm certain you'll be happy under his care."

She had me stand and washed around every nook and every other nook before having me sit back down as she moved behind my head. Strands of hair fell loose as she tugged through the disaster of my braid.

While I wasn't immediately trusting of this girl's opinions of grayskins, or even her perception of reality, it was comforting to hear that Grysn was not only feigning kindness to me. At worst he was feigning kindness to others also. At best...

My thoughts drifted to the forest, and how long I had been alone with Grysn. If he was hiding himself, his cruelty, around others, that time spent with him away from camp would have shown a different light on him. Actually, I guess it had, just not in a negative way. He had seemed even more-

My head jerked back as Soltri tugged on a tight knot near my neck. She apologized, seeing my discomfort, but continued prying on the tangles. I didn't mind being pulled from that thought. I'd rather keep a level head, and remain cautious around these grayskins. I crossed my arms over my chest and squeezed my legs together since she no longer needed access to any of those parts. Perhaps it was too late to feel embarrassment, but the less time I spent naked, the happier I'd be.

I sighed, heavily, catching Soltri's attention once again as she massaged a rosy goop through my somewhat less tangled locks. "You needn't worry, miss. I'm sure you must have experienced many horrors upon the mountain, but things will undoubtedly be better for you here."

I forced a smile, on the off chance she was watching my face. After gritting my teeth against her insinuations, I waited for another question to come to mind. Perhaps one that wouldn't immediately sound offensive.

She dumped a small bucket of water over the back of my hair before continuing to brush it out. My hair seemed to be her most formidable task of the day, and she focused on it intently.

The light from the high windows bounced off the mirrors and tiles with a pristine cleanness, I could almost hear the squeak it would give were I to slide one finger across any surface in the room. I didn't want to look at it. But if I closed my eyes, my thoughts would surely drift to even worse thoughts, so I traced the lines of the grout and followed the shadowy reflections of the trees swaying outside, hating all of it.

None of this was meant to be here. These beasts weren't meant to have any of this, not in the least because we were incapable of it, up on that mountain we'd been relegated to. It wasn't right.

Water cascaded down over my face and hair from the bucket Soltri had filled from the tub. I sputtered and frantically wiped my stinging eyes clear of the soapy liquid.

And this stupid girl and all these other stupid Pryktians just lounging about in some grayskins mansion was the snow on top of the disgusting peak. I squinted ahead, my jaw tight and fists clenched. These fools really thought this was better. They were deluding themselves into believing those damned grayskins' lies.

All of this was below us. Every single trace of it. And the Pryktians were almost no better than the grayskins for falling for it.

How could they possibly betray what they were? Betray everything they knew?

They couldn't possibly believe this would be better, right?

Tears were streaming down my face, and Soltri was suddenly at my side, her face filled with worry. I couldn't tell if I was still glaring when I turned to her, but I looked away regardless, wiping the evidence of my inner turmoil quickly from m face. She began to say something, possibly with the hopes of comforting me, but then thought better of it and returned to my hair.

Soltri did her best to not say much the rest of her bathing session, whether for my benefit or for the sake of her discomfort, I wasn't sure.

I couldn't help but feel guilty. Not because I said anything, I think I'd done a decent job of holding my tongue, but the harsh negativity in me focused on her, felt as succinct as a blade I'd openly pointed to her throat.

Out of the tub, she dressed me in a rather comfortable, although very loose, gown that consistently slid down my soldiers, no matter how far up I pushed the sleeves. And if I was as regrettably endowed as Soltri, the low neckline would have surely raised many eyebrows, not to mention other, uh, parts. As it was, however, there was a copious amount of my pale blue skin, with the slightest helping of moundy flesh on display. I was tugging the front up almost as much as the sleeves, to the point that Soltri finally gave me a top to put over the dress. It was warm and covered me up to the neck and I was happy. Well, happier.

Once I was thoroughly washed, dressed with my hair brushed and gathered with a silk ribbon, she felt ready to take me back to Lyn. As we began to leave her accomodations, I stopped her, noticing a weight missing. I looked through the pants that had been discarded to one side of the room and took out the folded papers, holding them close to me as we left.

Soltri walked slowly, back the way we had come. The aggressive excitedness was nowhere to be seen now.

It felt like I was leeching the joy from every happy creature I ran across.

I stared quietly at her back. Her dark, gentle curls trailing down her shoulders toward her full hips and-

I gulped and looked quickly down to her feet.

She was gorgeous. Living here, I wondered if she'd have similar issues to those Exica did.

I blinked, suddenly feeling offbeat with my footsteps.

Looking up at Soltri, I wasn't sure why I hadn't seen the similarity earlier. Soltri may have been a bit heavier set, maybe a bit shorter, but she was so similar, both in looks and kindness.

Sighing, I continued watching her feet as we made our way through the main building, pushing the thought of her from my mind.

Eventually, we found ourselves back in the first room Grysn and I had been accompanied to.

Lyn was busy pouring tubes of mixtures into other tubes of other mixtures. Soltri made sure to call to her before we were too close, thwarting any potential startles that could occur in her state of focus. Smiling, the grayskin set her vials into their stands, and turned toward the two of us. She eyed me up and down, before nodding and removing her powdery white gloves, discarding them to a nearby receptacle. "Thank you, my dear, she looks much better now," she said as she moved over to a wash basin in one corner and proceeded to wash her hands. Once she was finished she walked straight out of the large room, and Soltri followed close behind.

It took me a moment before I stumbled cautiously after them. We were led as ducklings to a nearby room, much smaller than the first but similar in reflective cupboards and harsh, solid furnishings. She sat in a swiveling chair and turned to where I stood, hovering in the doorway. Soltri moved to stand near the wall beside her uh, her... What the hell were they to each other exactly?

She gestured me to sit in on a long bench, covered in a layer of spongy foam fabric. This was a small room, with the only doorway being the one I stood in. I couldn't say I was claustrophobic, but experience had led me to be wary of tight rooms containing only one exit. With shallow breath I ventured in, keeping an eye on their expressions. I'd never worried too much about women before, the most they might do is beat you generally, and I wasn't typically worried about that so much. But neither of these women were from Thurnup, and I'd rather keep my guard well intact in such a delicate situation. It wouldn't be difficult for them to think of terrible things to do to me if the mood struck the grayskin, and Soltri was deluded enough to play along. I'd imagine they'd done plenty of horrific things to-

"Please sit."

I swallowed and sat, realizing I'd stood in front of the bench glaring at them longer than I'd meant. My face flushed as I focused my attention on my hands resting in my lap.

Everything is fine. Just focus.

"I'll need you to remove your sweater," the grayskin women said as she picked up an instrument.

My mouth opened but I wasn't sure what to say, so I turned to Soltri for possible assistance.

Noticing my face, she straightened and made a sound of recognition. "Uh, Lyna," she said, turning to the grayskin. "She is quite shy, she requested the sweater to cover her shoulders and chest. She prefers to maintain her modesty." She turned to me with what I'm sure was meant to be a comforting smile, but my eyes had narrowed and forehead creased with her words.

Had she meant to degrade me that way? I didn't need to maintain my modesty. I was perfectly fine naked and showing everything off if I so chose to. I merely was not choosing to do so. Was that- oh, maybe that's what modesty means.

Lyna looked to her small blue companion, then back to me with a small, insulting smile. "You may put it back on as soon as we are finished, I promise we won't take long."

Tired of their jeering comments and demeaning eyes, I removed the sweater with a huffing pout, throwing it down beside me on the bench.

They made no other sound as the grayskin came closer with what looked to be a stethoscope, the metallic snaking out of her ears connected to the round piece held in her hand. I had no time to protest as she moved it over my heart on my bare skin, making me gasp against the cold. She listened, moved locations, then listened again. She did the same several times, both around my chest, and a few against my back. She asked me to breathe with each pause, and I shakily complied. I tried to be patient, but couldn't understand why she was taking such a long time.

I was shivering by the time she was placing the device back in a drawer. Now I really wanted the sweater and modesty had nothing to do with it. Then again, glancing down, it may have a small thing to do with it. I sighed as she came back to me with another instrument she wrapped around my arm.

She continued a routine examination, at least that's what she called it. Every new thing she did she explained in detail out loud. This was to take my blood pressure, this was to check my lungs, this was to check my pulse, weight, joints, eyes, pelvic floor? She had me stand and resist her pushing me from different positions and angles.

At first I thought it must be for Solkri's benefit, but from her rather bored expression, I changed to thinking it was just a strange habit of this grayskin's to talk to herself. And then I began to realize, it seemed like she was explaining it all for me. Some of it made sense, our doctors didn't do anything nearly as thorough as what she was putting me through, but they checked vitals and general health if you said you didn't feel well.

After all the physical work seemed to be over with, she sat in her chair, legs elegantly crossed with a notepad and pen in hand. She went through question after question. Sicknesses I'd had in my youth, sexual activity and any past pregnancies, any known allergies, last menstruation, any visual impairments. At this point, it was very apparent that if she wasn't at least some sort of doctor, she had the education to be, so answering the questions, while at times strange and unsettling, didn't feel wrong. Some questions she asked I had no answer for, not having the records of my birth history. Those were kept in the townhall, with most the others, I'd never seen them and had never given them all that much thought. She also asked questions about certain diseases and physical ailments that, even with her explanations, didn't sound in any way recognizable to those common in town.

It took a very long time before we were finished, but at last she closed her pad, setting it to the side. I immediately went for my covering, but she held her hand up as she stood. "Not yet, we still need to draw samples."

My nostrils flared with my disgruntled exhale as I watched her move several items to the countertop next to me. I blinked at them, before the worry came to my face. I looked up at her, seeing her intent to use the needles on me. "You- are they... They're clean right?" I stammered over my words, glancing between her and them.

She paused, before nodding and forcing a small smile to her full lips. "Yes, they are all sanitized regularly."

I moved to say more, but found no more words as I watched her pick up the needle. The prick of it glittered in the synthetic light's glow, shining a terrifying warning. Needles were so rare, I couldn't fathom these beasts having them here, capable of keeping them clean even. My eyes stayed fixed upon the sliver of silver in horrific curiosity as I numbly moved to the position she wanted my arm in and winced as she proceeded to slip it into my vein with great precision. She filled four small vials with the red liquid that it drew from me before replacing it carefully with a swab of cotton. After a moment she wrapped a clean bandage around my arm, covering the small ball with it.

I stared at her as she finished off the bandage, hoping to see into her, to find the answers I couldn't quite yet form questions for.

They shouldn't have any of this.

Technology, medicine, architecture, culture, knowledge. It was all ours. That was the only possible solution. They'd killed us and chased us up the mountain to steal everything away from us.

I looked down at my neatly wrapped pinprick of a wound. We scrounged around old buildings and war sites in the hopes of finding a fraction of what this grayskin had used on me alone in a single sitting.

She said something about me putting my sweater back on, and I did wordlessly.

I jumped at a hand on my shoulder to look up at Solkri staring down at me with her brow wrinkled with concern. I immediately softened my gaze and looked down ignoring the words coming out of her mouth as I ran through the swamp of my thoughts.

This was my choice. I came here willingly, to escape a fate my own people had forced upon me. Was I no better than these thieving grayskins for that? To run from my own kind into the trappings of the grayskins that destroyed everything we had? To benefit from the spoils of war we risked everything to make up for?

I frowned deeply but breathed through my thoughts, refusing to show anymore ridiculous emotions.

"It will take time for her to adjust," Lynatin told Soltri from the doorway. "Facing such drastic changes is no easy task. Allow her some peace, fetch her some water, and when she is ready, we will wait for Grysn in the dining hall." With that she left, and once Soltri caught my eye, she too went out the door.

Alone in the quiet chamber, I sat and stared at the bright circular light above me. I breathed slowly, mindlessly, until Soltri returned with a glass full of water. I took it with a small nod, emptying the cup quickly. She brought me one more that I finished before she deemed me well enough to escort me into a wide room with large open walkways in three of the walls. Six elongated tables and benches filled the room. At one two Pryktians played a game together, and at another, one ate from a small bowl. At the closest table, Lynatin sat holding a book across from Grysn.

I tried my best to contain the hate in my eyes upon seeing her hold such an important item so carelessly in the open. It wasn't a surprise, with how much knowledge she clearly possessed. It had to come from somewhere. And in this exquisite of an establishment, it would be strange to not find some collection of books. It was only jealousy that fueled my hatred.

I followed Soltri over, finding it easier to avert my eyes altogether rather than hide my glaring. Soltri found a seat next to Lynatin and I slowed to stop in front of the table, waiting for some kind of instruction. Grysn had been speaking to Lyn, but paused to pat the seat next to him for me. Swallowing, I took it as he continued his conversation.

"And you can't give them to her right now?"

She shook her head, closing her book completely and setting it down. "I will do it after the hearing. They'll be requiring a formal notice of vaccination and health afterwards anyway. It will be easier to do it all together."

I noticed a small cloth bag sat in front of Grysn, and looked at him for an explanation. His eyes were hard set in front of him, his hands tightly clasped together on the table. Was he upset?

Lyna leaned over the table to him, touching his hand. "Relax, it will be fine."

"I thought I would have more time," he mumbled, uncharacteristically.

After pulling her hand away, Lyna said, "I'll speak with Riksani about her. It won't be enough to tip the scales entirely, but it may help balance out your odds."

Grysn sighed and nodded. "That would be greatly appreciated."

I looked at Soltri, mirroring her quiet stillness uncomfortably. It felt like I was a child waiting for the adults to finish speaking. Even though they were definitely talking about me.

Lynatin slapped the table and stood up, gathering her book with her. "Go home, rest. Both of you," she said with a glance to me. "Explain the situation to her, help her adjust. We'll talk more when you come back in a couple days."

She walked us to the front door where she got down on one knee to address me. "Listen well to Grysn, there's much at stake for you. And I will always be available for you if you ever find yourself in trouble."

She smiled warmly, but I shrunk back from it with a curt nod. "Thank you," I whispered, thinking it more mandatory than polite.

"What would I do without you, Lyn," Grysn said, hugging her with the arm not holding the lumpy bag.

Laughing heartily, she hugged him back and kissed him on the cheek.

Grysn finally turned to me, finally seeing me it felt like. A nervous look crossed his eyes as he smiled through a sigh. "Let's go home."

"Why aren't we taking your horse?" I asked once we were outside.

Grysn led me through the streets at a quick pace, keeping me at his side with a hand against my back. There was a good amount of activity, dozens of grayskins on each block, if not more, travelling or stopping to visit the shops and restaurants that lined the stone road.

"She's in the stables now. I don't use her often in town," he said as we passed a gawking pair of tall, grayskin women.

It was seeming to be more a norm than coincidence that their women were taller than the men here.

Grysn hurried us past skyhigh buildings of wood and stone, glass and cement. Some went straight up, some layered their floors like cakes. The variety in architecture was beautiful and impressive, as long as I didn't try to do the math to solve whether or not my people built them. The wagons and carts filling the roads jostled by hastily, and when I wasn't examining the nearby walls, I followed each one with my eyes as it passed.

I wanted so badly to hold onto my pride and bitterness, but everything was so new and interesting. It was obvious very quickly that Grysn's hand on my back was to keep me from pausing, which I regretably understood. My head whipped back and forth with each new sign and lamp post. Every grayskin we passed, every arched entryway. Every bench, every poster. Nothing was how I imagined it. Not a single thing.

And despite the many Pryktians I had seen in Lynatin's residence, I found not a single one about the many grayskins inhabiting this outside world. The stares and whispers made it all the more clear that I wasn't a norm here.

Grysn had to pull me back when he stopped at an opening in the wall next to a butcher shop. He led me through the stone arch into an enclosed courtyard. We went up one of the two sets of stairs behind the butcher and down a short landing on the second floor until we were in front of a dull red door. He opened it and gestured for me to head in.

Once we were both inside, Grysn flicked on a light switch, illuminating the modest residence. We stood in a small hallway that only lasted about two paces before opening up into a sitting room, furnished with worn, fabric covered chairs and a similarly weathered couch, all gathered around a squat table. Shelves of knickknacks and curiosities dotted the room, and I clenched my hands against the urge to move and examine everything.

Grysn chuckled as he removed his jacket, hanging it on a hook near the door before beginning to remove his shoes. 'Go on in," he said. "This is you home now, also."

I narrowed my gaze at him, unsure of how to feel about that statement, but ventured forward anyway.

There were no paintings adorning his walls. No crown molding at the ceiling, no gold embossed light switches. And entering into the living room, the building seemingly ended. A small walkway to the left, and on the other side of the entry hallway, behind the sitting area were the makings of a small kitchen.

I wandered into it, Grysn following close behind but making no effort to stop me. Cupboards lined the two walls behind a dining table and three chairs, along with a few unusual looking closed cabinets. The first had flat, spiraling coils on top of it, and on the front of it was a large dark window, covering almost the entire surface. I pulled the handle, opening it down to reveal the wire racks within.

Grysn had moved to the back cabinets and had begun taking all the food out, setting it all on the table. "Do you not have stoves on the mountain, as well as light switches?"

I sighed, closing the door. "Not like this we don't," I muttered, making my way out of the kitchen and back to the living room, away from his condescension. A small shelf with a little over a dozen books on it drew me across the space to the far wall. I reached out for one, but paused before turning back.

Catching my hesitation, he nodded as he put a stack of plates into on open cabinet. "You are welcome to read anything I have. I don't have many books here, I'm afraid, but I will be sure to bring you more."

I picked up the first book, turning the thick volume over in my hands. The rigid yellow cover, bright and sturdy, decorated with delicate drawings of forest animals. The title of the book in bold red lettering sat on the front and the side reading The Golden Fox's Offerings and Other Nighttime Adventures. I wrinkled my brow, tilting my head slightly as I thumbed carefully through a few pages.

Inside, every other page was covered in colorful illustrations, depicting the story's development. The first was about some fox helping some squirrel, and the next was about a pig getting caught stealing food from a neighboring duck. The rest were as nonsensically simple and animal focused as the first. I closed the book, looking again at the pristine condition the volume was in. It was the least tarnished book I may have ever seen, contesting even that of the Book of Names.

"This is a children's book," I finally said, incredulously.

"I have that one to keep the memories close, more than to read," Grysn commented, unconcerned with the matter.

Slipping it back into place, I scanned the other titles presented. The Many Tales of Bryo Min. Ties That Bind the Beast. The Evening's Calling. I picked up several, scanning a few pages, then went to another, hoping to find some logic or information, but all I found, book after book, were unrealistic characters telling ridiculously unnecessary stories.

"Are these all fantasies?" I asked after paging through the seventh book.

"I enjoy fiction," he answered, somewhat defensively. "You aren't required to read them. I'll be sure to pick up more substantial reading material next I'm in the bookstore."

I'd still read them. They just weren't useful, other than to pass the time with. I didn't mean to offend him, though. If he was willing to buy me books, the very least I could do is not insult his current selection.

I moved onto another shelf, this one containing items I would have to believe to be only decorative. The polished stones and small ornaments didn't seem to hold any actual use.

Grysn was moving items back into some of the empty shelves inbetween removing more from others. "What would you like for dinner?"

Stopping with an ornately carved sculpture of a bird in my hands, I turned to him in surprise. "What?"

"Dinner," he said again, glancing at me before continuing his food reconfiguration. "It will be early, but the past few days have been... tiresome, I'm sure. And we have much to cover before tomorrow."

I shook my head, placing the carving back in it's place. "Tomorrow?"

"Ah, yes. I forgot," he said, pausing with a wrapped loaf of bread in hand. He exhaled roughly, re-homing it to a lower shelf. Most of the items had been taken off the table now, leaving only the bag he'd brought from Lyn's place and a couple nonperishable goods. "It would seem Jingry was gracious enough to alert the Guardianship to my procurement of a wild tian, and they have expedited a hearing for you."

While the sarcasm slathered over his words was hard to miss, I still couldn't put all the pieces of his sentence together correctly. That was probably because I was still stuck on him asking me for an opinion on dinner. This new topic seemed quite a bit more important, though. I swallowed dryly and moved over to the dining table, taking a seat as he finished filling the cabinets with the contents that he had removed from the same cabinets.

I clasped my hands together over the wood-grained surface, hoping I didn't look as small as I felt in his giant chairs, took a deep breath, and focused on understanding the current predicament Grysn was attempting to describe in his rudimentary ways. "What is this 'hearing' for exactly? Do they need to see you're financially and mentally capable of keeping me, or is it a legal formality?"

He stared at me, expressionless. Then he shook his head, a sad attempt at a smile barely reaching the corners of his mouth. "They require witness that you are civilized enough to be kept alive and free amongst the general public."

I nodded, then shifted to a circular head motion somewhere between a yes and a no as my stomach turned itself over. I clenched my eyes shut, trying to form that sentence into a more comprehensive jumble of words. "Your council people," I started very slowly, the words slurring out like a black sludge that left a sour taste on my tongue, "need proof..." I paused, the next part urging the contents of my stomach upwards. Forcing down the feeling, I opened my eyes to glare at Grysn. "... that I'm 'civilized' enough for you to keep me... alive?"

He seemed unperturbed by my acidic tone or my barbarous gaze. His smile only grew deeper with a fool's patience and sympathy. "I explained this to you before." His smile, his confident assurance, didn't quite reach his eyes as he looked more through me than at me. "You will need to adapt to our systems and laws if you wish to remain here. And you are here." This was the path you chose.

He didn't say that last part, but it was on his face, in his posture. In the way his hands were now clenching the top of the chair in front of him. Perhaps it was not the smile of patience.

He was scared.

Scared of me. Scared I'd changed my mind. Scared that I wouldn't be able to act appropriately. Scared he would be punished for bringing me here. Or maybe scared for me and scared to hold the responsibility for what fate may befall me if I do not behave well enough.

I studied him, considering these things. I'd been unhappy, angry even, since our arrival in this cursed place. Curious, but angry. It would be no surprise, if he had noticed my attitude, to think I would not be able to conform properly.

These beasts were dangerous, vile, stupid creatures who won the war on might and physical strength alone. They stole and pillaged and exploited us to gain what they had.

But this one... he had proven trustworthy this far. He'd been good to me, all things considered.

I looked down, not knowing if I should feel ashamed for my ungrateful behaviour to a grayskin of any stature. "I understand." I closed my eyes and cleared my mind. This was the path you chose. Time to make the most of it. I nodded and turned back to face him. "What do I need to know?"

After a tense breath his shoulders relaxed. "Let's take care of dinner first."

Grysn seemed to know right away that I knew nothing of cooking, as he explained every step he took in the process. It was a simple meal, or so he said. But it involved several ingredients, as well as half a dozen spices and use of the stove. After refusing to answer what I wanted to eat long enough, this was his choice of food, though it was no doubt more for me than for his favor of it.

He also explained the kitchen layout he had only just reordered. Foods dangerous to me were kept on the higher shelves, the ones I would struggle to reach. Dishes were near the bottom and easily accessible, and any other food in the kitchen was available to me whenever I so desired. Some of it must be heated up, some needed to be kept in the icebox container that stood nearly twice as tall as the countertops. All of these he pointed out to me as he went about crafting our meal.

While I paid attention, I fought between vast excitement to gain the ability to use such devices and make foods never before set upon my tongue, and utter disappointment that the first time in my life I'd been asked my preference for a meal would be in a grayskins house, fed with a grayskin's food.

It wasn't like I hadn't been allowed that input at home out of spite or anything. Some of the Families have a small variety of food to choose from, depending on the harvest. But bedhousers, or even the lesser Families, were given the same meal every day. It was necessity. The food needed to be rationed and made to last through as many weeks and as many mouths as possible. And cooking that grool was some of the worst work you could get assigned to.

Suffice it to say, it was taking a lot to keep a positive outlook.

Eventually Grysn put a steaming plate down in front of me and sat down with his own. After taking the fork he handed me, I thoughtfully cut into the fluffy egg mixture revealing green and red and yellow vegetables I wasn't familiar with. The smell clouded my vision with brimming tears of delightful expectancy. Placing the bite in my mouth, I almost immediately spit it out, panting.

Grysn was already handing me a glass of water, which I gulped down, doing little for my stinging tongue.

It was beyond delicious once it cooled off, though. Far better than anything they had eaten while on the mountain.

"I didn't expect grayskins to be so good at cooking," I said after we'd finished the meal.

He sighed from his position in front of the sink where he was diligently washing the newly dirty dishes. "I suppose now is as good a time as any to begin. Firstly, as I have told you, do not use that word again."

"Oh," was my only response. I don't know if I could say I'd forgotten. I was struggling to remember the word he had told me to use instead, but I clearly recalled him telling me to stop saying it. It was hard to say why I was holding onto it so hard. "You do have gray skin, though," I said smally, clinging to this fragile piece of superiority I could still wield.

Shutting the water off, he turned around to face me, crossing his arms and leaning back against the sink's housing. "You are not so uneducated that you can't see an insult for what it is, Nal. Or perhaps you're being purposely obtuse." Before I could respond, and I so badly wanted to respond, he waved his hand and continued. "It matters far less here than it will tomorrow. Around others. They will not take kindly to such direct obstinance." He waited, challenging me to continue this argument.

But I knew there was no point. It didn't matter how I felt or what justifications I could put behind things. This was about doing what was necessary to survive. And if there was anything in this world I knew how to do, it was survive.

I nodded, resigning myself to addressing him as though he were any other man in Thurnup. "Yes, sir."

His eyes flashed an unmistakable uneasiness and then was gone, replaced by a solid but dull determination. Not as though he held no feeling in it, but that the emotion behind it was drowned under a thick layer of realistic expectations. Dull like the shine of gold hidden beneath the cloudy waters rolling over it.

It clouded over my own hopes and expectations, giving me reason to take this seriously.

He sat once again, and then really began. We went over stuff he had told me before, confirming it was still fresh in my head, before he tried to fill me in on any other necessary information I would need tomorrow.

His hope was that they would not require me to speak at all, but we went over every question Grysn could think they may ask me. We discussed how to stand, where to look, when and when not to make eye contact. He discussed at length the tone of voice I should use, noting how they'd be much less amused by the contrarian way I speak than he apparently was.

That was a pattern, actually. It seemed everything I did was wrong in their ways- though much of it would be considered disrespectful in Thurnup as well- yet with each other he listed, a phrase would slip in at some point to ensure that my behaviour was perfectly fine around him. Or at least, that it was enjoyable enough that he did not wish to bring it to a full stop.

I hated it.

If he was going to simply tell me to change everything I did, I could hate him for that but oblige, no problem. But the way he was phrasing everything, it made it very clear that these changes weren't just his vain preferences. It left me conflicted and I hated it.

My yawning several hours after dark, put an end to the education, with Grysn seeming a bit more relaxed now that he had some control over the coming hours.

He led me to his bedroom, and after explaining that I need not worry about any, uh, intimacy tonight, he left to take care of other chores, allowing me to sink into the plushest bedding imaginable. So soft, so comfortable, the bed seemed to wrap around me as I drifted to sleep, alone in a grayskin's bed.

The noises of boxes being moved and furniture shifted lulled me to sleep without much difficulty. But my dreams, they were less kind than I would have hoped.

It was this place. Not that it was all that scary. I mean, his home wasn't anything I would have seen in town, but it wasn't that unusual compared to the Family homes. I was getting used to the fact that they'd somehow managed to maintain electricity after the war. I could imagine what great lengths my people had gone through to build these buildings and run these wires. The war ended a a little while ago, before I was born. They didn't teach much about it, so it was hard to determine how long ago we ruled this nation. And what about the books? Had we printed and bound those pages together, decades ago, not long before they were stolen from us? The dates, weren't important, though. None of it was important where I was. I wasn't some spy or dissidant. I had forsaken my world. My people.

The more I thought about that, the harder it was to let go these righteous feelings. Denying my anguish and guilt through blame and jealousy.

It seeped into my dreams, until it was clear I would have no true rest.

I would sleep, yes, but I would think all the way through it. If that were the worst of it, I would be no worse off. My mind, however, would rather punish me through my sleep. Dreams are rarely pleasant. That is the same for me as anyone else, I suppose, but on particularly bad nights, the dreams are wakingly harsh.

I would be asleep, but I'd feel as though I'm awake. I have little control over what may happen. And the worst of things always happen in these types of dreams. The dreams you know to be dreams but have no way to wake up from. I've tried describing them to the other girls in my bedhouse, though the conversation never got far enough to figure out if they could relate.

My theory is that maybe my mind, or whatever power may be at work, punishes me for forgetting. The dreams aren't true memories, but they feel as if they were. And upon waking I'll force myself to recall the memories I've suppressed so well, to verify which dream is real.

They are never real.

Tonight, my sergeant is the one who visits me. It isn't the first time it's him. He's come to my dreams three or four times since I joined the scouts. I know it's him, though in the dream he has no face and he melds with several other teachers and commanders who'd used me.

Tonight, he finds me in Grysn's tent, back on the mountain. There are no words spoken as he admonishes me, his silent reprimand full of hurt and disappointment and anger that cuts deeper than any words ever could.

And then I'm in a dark room. The man in front of me is no longer just Sarge. He folds to resemble and sound like my most hated teacher, and I know where I am. The dark should drown out the shape of him, but he glows in the darkness, never allowing a moment for my eyes to stray. You can not close your eyes in a dream.

He is on top of me and I'm fighting to get away. There is nowhere to go, there is nothing I can do, yet I fight. I've never resisted much to anyone's advances. I knew better than that. Yet in dreams, it's as though I am young and naive, fresh to the responsibilities placed upon me.

It's been a while since I've had this type of dream. They no longer terrify me the way they did when I was younger. I can still feel myself shaking, the anxiety twisting my stomach. But I don't panic. I don't cry out for someone to wake me, and I don't ask the people in the dream why I can't wake up. I try to be patient.

The location changes again and I'm on a stone path. A girl walks in front of me as I follow behind. I don't immediately recognize this person, but that's not atypical. I continue behind her, wondering over who she may be, until the long, dramatic curls form, and the sheer silk covering her becomes more vibrant.

"Solkri?"

My breath caught as the low anxiety rose. It wasn't unusual for other women to be in my dreams, but their presence often meant a harsher experience. And I'd never seen someone in my dreams who I'd only just met.

She led me behind a building, to where a small wall built with gray stones separated two properties. She pulled herself up to sit on top of it, suddenly looking like she was in her early teens, rather than late twenties.

I shook my head, stepping back but remaining in place.

"It's easier to give in." The voice that left Soltri wasn't hers. It was too heavy, too mature. Too broken by the world. Because it wasn't Soltri. It was her.

Sour bile threatened to spill out of me as I watched her. "You're not supposed to be here!" I yelled.

"It's easier to give in," she repeated, in the exact way she'd told me that very first time. "It hurts less that way."

The shadow of a man approached and I desperately cried out. "Please, Exica! I don't want to watch this!" I covered my face, still seeing everything clearer than the day it happened.

"It hurts... less," she said again, waiting for the man to grab her.

My body ached with a cold I couldn't feel. I would be running if I had a choice. I wanted nothing more to turn my back on the dimly lit alley as Exica reached out to the shadow that loomed over her, much larger than it should've been.

This isn't how it happened. This memory I could recall in great detail, no matter how hard I tried to forget it. There was no reason to relive this falsehood.

She looked at me, her eyes empty, dead. The persistent light she always held within them replaced with a void that sucked in the world around us. Her arms snaked up and around the neck of the man, embracing him not fondly, but hungrily. She pulled him further into her until they were both falling back onto the floor, her eyes still on me.

Please, stop. Wake up. Wake up!

She began pulling her clothing off and guiding the man to kiss her.

I don't want to see this again.

Their lips are nearly touching and suddenly I'm inches from them, a captive audience frozen to the stage. Their breathing is already heavy, her blue skin flushed with heat.

"Now you're no better than me." Her whisper filled my ears as she finally touched her lips to Grysn's.