Sexual Surface Tension

INTRO: THE NAKED PATIENT

Sanctus Dei Psychiatric Asylum

Admission Report

Attending Psychiatrist: Dr. Masson

Name: Katrina P. Status: Patient admitted voluntarily; Arrived unclothed, disoriented, exhibiting signs of acute psychological distress.

26 y/o female. BMI dangerously low. Suspected anorexia nervosa.

History of auditory and visual hallucinations involving fictitious persons or entities--previously inconclusive.

Prescribed Olanzapine, Fluoxetine--noncompliant. Current medication status unknown.

No confirmed prior diagnosis. Patient self-reports schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder--unverified. No formal psychiatric diagnosis on record.

Admitted following acute anxiety attacks. Presenting as depressive, suicidal ideation noted.

Delusional symptoms: claims skin is covered in blue-green paint. Possible tactile hallucinations.

Initiated on Risperidone, Lorazepam for agitation. Fluoxetine for depressive symptoms.

Diagnosis pending full psychiatric evaluation.

ONE: HIS KITTY

The previous night we went to dinner in La Coupole, in Montparnasse. The restaurant was intimate and romantic. The waiters, dressed in white uniforms, moved efficiently and with practice, as if invisible -- there but not there. Our romantic candlelit table, next to the large windows, provided a beautiful view of the city.

"Hemingway and Picasso used to come here," Jake said.

On the ride to the restaurant, he told me that we would be going away for the weekend with a group of his friends. I hadn't met them. He spoke about a few of them -- who seemed to have quite lively personalities -- but I couldn't really imagine what their lives were like.

It was all quite vague. As a result, my mind was preoccupied thinking about all that transpired during this past month and now the upcoming weekend. He knew that and seemed to relish in my discomfort and uncertainty. I looked into my wine.

"That's fascinating," I said with lackluster enthusiasm.

He smiled, teasingly. He knew he was being elusive. He kept deflecting the conversation away from my questions about the weekend. He swirled the red wine in the large glass, took a sip, and then leaned back in his chair with a certain arrogance.

I looked down at my body. My nipples were completely visible. I wasn't really dressed for dinner -- well, not properly, at least. The silk blouse was meant to have something underneath, but he hadn't allowed it, and the fabric did little to conceal my hard nipples poking out from my small breasts. My skirt was elegant, but the slit ran high up my thigh, revealing much of my body.

Around my neck, I wore the collar he gave me -- so tight that I felt its constant presence; and with a padlock for which only he had the key. The anal plug was a constant reminder of his control over me.

--

At that moment, I recalled an embarrassing moment the previous week when I went into an erotic store for the first time in my life. Jake took me there. That is when he bought the collar as well as some other items. Just being in the store made me feel so embarrassed and like a cheap whore. That was his idea.

We walked through the aisles of the crowded store. All the men looked at me -- there were very few other women. Jake made me feel the large dildos in the shape of real cocks. My body betrayed my thoughts and I became aroused. He picked up a dildo that was bigger than my forearm. I was mortified and couldn't ever imagine it entering my small hole.

"You will buy this one," he said. "Go ask the guy at the front desk if you can try it here."

I could have died. But, I obeyed. Moments later, I was naked in the back of the store trying our new purchase.

--

Now, across the table, he leaned forward, voice low. "Katrina, show me what you have under your skirt."

I stiffened. My breath caught. "Jake," I whispered, glancing at the other tables around us in the restaurant. "Here?"

"Yes," he responded, his eyes held mine and nodded with amusement. "I'm waiting. Stand up as if you were going to adjust your skirt. Then lift your dress and show me."

My pulse quickened and roared in my ears as I obeyed. Slowly, I rose, smoothing my hands over the fabric as if fixing it. I looked around at the other tables. The couple at the table next to ours watched me stand with curiosity. My face reddened. I lifted my dress exposing my thin laced panties -- my slit visible. I saw Jake's satisfied gaze.

"Good girl," he murmured. "Now take them off and wrap them around your wrist. Then, insert this into your pussy."

"Here?" I whispered, mortified. Heat flooded my face.

As conspicuously as he could, he handed me a bright pink lush-4 egg that was already vibrating. My humiliation burned, sharp and poignant. And yet, I felt an excitement, starting from inside me and radiating around my body.

I obeyed.

"Good, my little pet," he said. "When you sit down, I want you to put your finger in your pussy and slowly masturbate."

"But Jake," I protested. "That couple is watching me. They can't take their eyes off me."

"Then you will give them a show. Quickly, put your fingers between your wet lips and rub. Now!"

I sat down, with my panties wrapped around my wrist. Then, I looked over at the couple who continued to look at me and talk amongst them, and then slipped my finger between my legs and started to rub my pussy as commanded. I tried to position my body so that they couldn't notice what I was doing. Jake would have nothing of that.

"Turn towards them so they can see what you are rubbing. Then put your wet fingers in your mouth while you look into their eyes."

I looked at him seeking sympathy. "Jake, please no. Don't make me do this."

"Do it, my little pet," he said gently but commandingly. "Obey me. You know you want to."

I conceded. I turned my body and opened my legs so that they could see my fingers rubbing between my wet lips. I lifted my gaze to them and then with my wet fingers, I put them in my mouth. The woman gave me a look of disdain. Her partner was staring at my pussy. She said something to him, which seemed reprimanding, and he quickly looked away from me.

I felt like a pathetic slut, just as Jake called me. However, my submission only made me rub my clit faster. As such, I was just on the verge of orgasm and was expecting it at any moment.

"Stop," Jake commanded.

I opened my eyes.

"I said stop, Kat. Don't you dare cum," he said in a calm, but commanding tone. "Give me your hand. Now."

With all my resolve, I stopped and gave him my hands -- wet with my juices.

"Good girl."

--

Jake continued to tell me stories of his time in Spain while waiting for the menu. I thought perhaps I could ascertain information about the weekend -- having succumbed to his lurid requests.

"Jake, at least tell me where we're going," interrupting him, steering the conversation back to the weekend.

"Well, I can tell you it isn't 'Sanctus Dei', little girl," he said with a smirk.

The name jarred something in me -- like some fragmented memory. I couldn't place it and I felt confused.

"It's a secret, my sleek little Kitty Kat," he grinned.

He loved playing with my name. His nicknames for me were silly and playful -- never like the names Alexe had for me. My dearest Alexei -- my Alyosha -- whom I miss so much. No, with Alexei, nothing was silly.

---

The conversation returned to Hemingway -- again! Jake spoke as if they had been in Pamplona himself -- running alongside the bulls as they ran through the streets. I acted enchanted but I often stole glances out the window, lost in the allure of the Parisian night. From the few sips of wine, the low hum of conversations, and soft piano music, I felt drowsy, barely attentive to Jake.

My peaceful contemplations were interrupted by sharp hunger pangs, made more acute by the rich aromas of food. Jake had put me on an extreme diet all month. Why I would have agreed to this, I have no idea. I had been quite thin to begin with, however now I felt utterly emaciated.

Finally a waiter came to our table to take our order. With a polite and professional demeanor, he lifted the chilled bottle from the ice and filled our glasses.

"Mademoiselle, we highly recommend the Sole braisée au vin blanc. Would this be to your liking?"

I didn't have time to answer. I felt a sudden vibration from the dildo deep inside me -- it came to life all of a sudden. I was jolted since it had taken me off guard, making me jump. I gripped the tablecloth, my fingers curling into a fist, as an involuntary gasp escaped from my lips.

"Ah--!"

The waiter was startled and his expression changed from surprise to concern.

I steadied myself, realizing what had just happened, and struggled to regain my composure. The vibrator still pulsated at its highest setting inside me. "Uhm, that sounds...!," my voice faltered unsteadily.

"No," Jake interjected. The waiter turned to him with surprise. "The mademoiselle is not hungry. She will have water and one celery stick. However, you may bring me the Sole braisée."

I glanced quickly at Jake with consternation, but he looked back at my gaze unmoving. He lifted his wine glass and took a sip. For the benefit of the waiter, he put on a pantomime, "Darling, don't forget it's for your diet, my love."

I did my best to hide my frustration, as I gripped the edge of the table to keep my composure as I waited for the waiter to leave. Finally, the man gave a slight nod to Jake and turned away.

Jake looked at me with some amusement as my body wriggled from the vibrator still pulsating inside me. He knew this was torture, because I was famished and hadn't eaten in days.

He leaned forward. "You will be a sexy and sleek skinny Kat for the weekend, darling," he said slyly. "So, don't be flustered. You know you like to obey me. Now, pull your dress up all the way so that you are sitting naked on the chair. Then, put your finger inside your pussy and show me how wet you are."

My face flushed. This time I didn't care if the people at the other tables saw me.

I obeyed. My fingers were soaked.

--

"Who else will be there this weekend?" I asked since he was not willing to provide other details.

"Four other couples. They're old friends and clients of mine. Let's see -- there will be Robert Cohn, Bill Gorton, and Mike Campbell, each with their wives. Pedro Romero, the bullfighter, will also be there. On the day we arrive, a formal dinner party is planned, so I imagine there will be more than sixty guests. Oh, and Julian Masson -- you already met him -- he's an old friend of mine."

I nodded slowly, looking down into my wine.

Julian Masson. That name. I had an image of a crisp white coat, him adjusting the cuff of a sleeve. And Camel cigarettes. Such fragmented thoughts were confusing but probably meaningless and I pushed them out of my thoughts.

All these people and a formal dinner party seemed so foreign to my small world. The ultra-rich. But what was Jake doing with such people? In truth, I wasn't even sure what he did for work. He was wealthy -- that was clear. He had once told me he was a "head-hunter". But asked him more details, he said that his specialty was seeking people with incredible talent to work for extremely wealthy clients. That was all. But, it all remained a mystery. What kind of talent? And for what purpose? Jake didn't seem refined enough or have sufficient knowledge to work at the high level of business. But then again, what did I know?

"And we will be there all weekend?"

"Yes."

"What will we do?"

"Things. You will enjoy it, my little pet. And I'm convinced you'll be the center of attention," his voice dropping slightly on the last words. "Your presence will be particularly of interest to everyone there."

I felt a slight tingle stirred in my stomach. "You are making me nervous with such secrecy."

He smiled, teasingly.

I felt defeated by my attempts to pry information out of him. I tried another approach. "At least tell me what I will need to wear."

"I will take care of that. Besides, you'll find out soon enough. You won't need to bring anything else," he added wryly.

I tilted my head with an incredulous look. He remained unmoved.

"Trust me, Kat," he said and reached for my hand, intimately. "You will stand out like never before."

I suddenly had a tremendous headache.

TWO: PREPARING THE BATE

I met Jake after my performance in the ballet Giselle. It was through one of our patrons. I played Giselle, the fragile and innocent village girl who falls in love only to be betrayed, dying of a broken heart.

Subsequently, during this entire month, I hadn't really fallen in love, but I had gone along with it. It was sexual. He was handsome, and I loved his cock. He showered me with gifts and adoration. With him, I discovered new sexual territory that I had never known. He made me constantly submissive and my mind was caught into a whirlwind of constant arousal, unable to make decisions for myself, and completely at his command.

And now, Jake had planned this weekend. In hindsight, I realize now that every trip, every errand, and everything we did during this entire month had been leading to this weekend. And, each one had pushed the envelope of what I was willing to do.

Yet, I wasn't capable of stopping it. I was being pulled along. Into something. I was sinking deeper and deeper, into a black hole from which there was no escape. Falling. Continually cascading downward, yet all the while feeling more sexually alive than in all my life. I began to crave utter and total submission.

And then this diet. This maddening extreme diet. Jake had insisted on it being strict. I hadn't needed it. I am a ballet dancer, 170cm, with small breasts, a dancer's body and athletic -- well that was before the diet, at almost 55kg, however now, more than ten to fifteen kilograms less.

How could I have allowed it? The director of my ballet company -- Dmitri, my dearest Mitya -- was furious and I felt so weak during the long grueling practices.

But, Jake didn't allow me to eat anything. He wanted me skinnier than a 'supermodel', as he said it. "Your only protein and meal will be my cum."

Apart from my constant state of hunger, we went to a special spa and my diet consisted of water or tea -- and as he promised -- his cum; lots of cum. The spa itself was a dream -- an old châteaux in Bordeaux with pools and the kind of luxury I'd only seen in magazines. There, he made appointments for me to have several sessions of full-body laser hair removal.

"'Kat, you don't have to do this," he said several times, lounging back indifferently on the hotel bed. However, with an arrogant confidence, he already knew my answer. "But I know you won't leave. Will you?" His smile was lazy yet confident. I nodded.

"You like to obey. Don't you?"

I looked up, into his eyes. "Yeah." He smiled. He knew he had me, and I would do anything.

And then there was this past week. He had scheduled a visit to the city's most fashionable beauty parlour, situated on Avenue Montaigne. When I arrived, I was informed that my hairstyle had already been chosen. As the stylist cut my long hair, I gripped the sides of the chair to maintain my composure. Tears fell down my cheek. The stylist paused, his eyes soft with concern. 'Are you okay, darling?' he asked tenderly. I nodded, forcing a smile. "Yes. Sorry, I am being silly."

My boyfriend was shaping me into something. Something for him. Or perhaps, it was for someone or some group. However, I could not be sure. And yet, I let him. I continued to be sucked into this dark abyss -- of submission.

On the night we went to dinner, after getting my haircut, Jake was waiting by his car in the parking lot where I work. As I approached, he took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. "You look so cute like this with your pixie hair. Now you will look even more like a sleek sexy little cat,' he said, smiling. "My skinny little pet.'"

"I'm glad you like it," I said elated. "I was afraid you wouldn't."

"You would look even better with cum on your face," he said. "Take your clothes off and squat down."

"Here?" I said incredulously. "But somebody might see us."

"Just do it. You know you want to, my little pet."

Despite hesitating, I obeyed him. I removed my dress and then pulled down my panties. I threw them in the car. I squatted down, hoping that nobody would pass by at that moment. Also, I was afraid that the owner of the car next to us -- perhaps a co-worker -- would arrive right at that moment. There I was, completely naked, squatting in front of Jake, undoing his zipper, and removing his massive cock to put into my mouth.

"Mm," a groan escaped from his mouth. "You are amazing, little pet."

That pleased me. I couldn't deny that this treatment turned me on. I was being humiliated, but I loved it and the feeling of his big cock in my mouth. As I sucked his cock, I also swirled my tongue on his tip and around his shaft. I did that briefly, but then he grabbed the side of my head with his powerful hands. He forced my head down on his cock until it hit the back of my mouth and forced on the entrance to my throat. He continued to ram his cock at the entrance of my throat, trying to force it past the barrier while I gagged.

Without warning he removed his cock from my mouth and slapped me hard across the face. I felt a sudden searing pain.

"Ouch!" I was dazed.

"Open up your throat, my little bitch," he commanded, and then slapped me again hard across the face. He took my nipples and pinched them hard. "You like that, don't you -- being treated rough, like a bitch? You're a nasty little slave, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I like it," I tried not to cry.

He adjusted the angle of my head, and returned to pushing his cock down my throat with all his force. Even though I gagged, I couldn't even move. At this angle, his cock passed into my throat and he started to pump in and out. I was completely at his mercy -- with his strength compared to my skinny frame.

He continued to use me as if I were a rag doll. I loved that.

While he was fucking my mouth so violently, I heard people approaching. Even though I was squatting between two cars, if they walked past, they would easily see us.

I tried to break free of Jake's hold on me. However, Jake held my head firmly.

They were conversing. A man was talking. "Well, the Kenneth account is something that I didn't expect." And then a woman's voice. "I know what you....". The conversation cut short. I looked over. The two stood looking at us.

Even as I tried to pull away and hide myself, Jake didn't stop thrusting his cock down my throat. It didn't seem to phase him in the slightest that they stood there. If anything, he held me in place and began pumping his cock even faster and harder.

Then, just before he was about to orgasm, he pulled his cock out and shot his cum all over my face. His ejaculations never ended -- spurt after spurt of thick white sperm covered my face while the two people stood there and watched. It happened all in a few moments, but felt like an eternity.

"Miss, are you ok? Is he... We can call the cops if you want."

"Yeah, she's alright," Jake said, annoyed. "Aren't you?"

I nodded quickly. I was blinded by the large globs of cum that covered my face and dripped down my chest onto my bare tits.

"I was just giving her a present for her new haircut," he said, absurdly. "Isn't that right, Kat?"

I nodded.

"Tell them that you wanted my cock to cum all over you and that you are a slut," he said to me in a low voice so they couldn't hear.

I had no choice. "I wanted his cock to cum all over me because I am a slut." I could have died of embarrassment.

The couple walked away shaking their heads, murmuring something. No doubt, they were exchanging commentary about the utter degradation of civil norms in society these days. I tried to clean the cum from my face. Before I could, however, he said, "No, Kat. Keep it on you like that. I like you wearing my cum."

Reluctantly, I could only agree submissively. I proceeded to grab my clothes from the backseat of his car and dress there in the parking lot.

THREE: NIKA AND ALEX

Apart from my ballet, I work at a day job as a legal assistant. It is terribly boring, but it pays the bills -- something that my ballet job can't.

Nika, my coworker, sensed some change in me over the course of the past month. We would often have conversations at work, but a few days ago, she cornered me at the copying machine.

--

"So, what's he like?" Nika, my coworker asked me.

"Jake?

"Who else, silly?"

"Well, he's tall, handsome. Nice."

"Nice? You mean rich."

"Nika, you're terrible."

"What does he do for a living?"

"Actually, I'm not sure. He says that he is a 'head-hunter', but it is strange."

"What is so strange about that? Lot's of head-hunters make lots of money."

"Yeah, but he just doesn't seem like a corporate head-hunter. He seems... I don't know how to say this -- more primal -- not really an intellectual."

"Alright. Enough about his job. Come on, Kat, tell me. Besides being rich, I want to know the other two most important things: does he have a big cock and how is his tongue?"

"You're awful. Oh, alright yes and yes."

"Mm, now that is starting to get interesting. Follow me."

I followed her down the hall to the spare closet. When we were inside, she turned and locked the door behind us and put her arms around me. She pulled me into her arms and kissed me on the mouth. I felt her tongue. When she released me, she pushed me down.

Nika's body was thin and nimble, ready to have sex. We had been lovers. Or I thought we were. She was the first and only woman I had ever been with. It was when Alexei and I were having problems and I lived in her apartment. She came into my bedroom the second night. She was naked. She slipped under the covers and took me into her arms. Then, she went down on my pussy and brought me to orgasm. Since then, I was the one who went down on her. Whenever she wanted and wherever she wanted.

She pulled up her skirt revealing that she wasn't wearing panties.

"Lick."

She liked to be dominant. We would play this game in which I was her sub. But it wasn't really a game. She pushed my head up and down roughly, grinding her hips in my face. My entire face was covered in her juices.

"Harder," she commanded me, all the while grinding her pelvis against my face, my nose slipping into her pussy. It hurt, but I wanted to please her, and her scent was intoxicating.

"Now, tell me about his cock and how he sticks it into your small pussy," after she came down from her orgasm, holding me close.

That afternoon, we went for our typical coffee break.

"Alyosha was different," I said while drinking my coffee.

The coffee shop across the street from work was teaming with people. It made conversations more private. It's like Jordan Baker said in Gatsby, 'I like large parties. They're so intimate. At small parties there isn't any privacy'.

"You have to forget about Alexei. That's over. Now you're with this Jake character."

"I know."

"Besides, from what you said, Alexei never really loved you. He just walked out on you. Right?"

I nodded. I remembered how it happened. I can't remember if it was like that. Maybe I remembered it all wrong. I was pregnant. I had an abortion. He found out. He left. And now he is gone.

"You don't love Jake anyway."

"It's not that. Well, I don't know. I mean, with Jake it's different -- more transactional. I don't know if I am in love with him and there isn't really any closeness between us."

"What do you want?"

"His cock. And, I get off by him humiliating me. It turns me on so much, I crave it."

"Well, that's perfect, Kat. I have been telling you not to complicate things. This way it's simple. Right?"

Nika didn't complicate things in her life.

"Yeah. I guess that is it. He makes me simple."

"What more could you want? I guy that fucks you and then treats you the way you want -- like a slutty submissive thet you are? So, is he in love with you?"

"In love? Are you kidding? For him, I'm just something else for him to control, to own, to shape for himself. I'm a vessel for him to mold into his desire."

"You like to be controlled. I mean, not just like that, but you love being an object. Don't you, Kat?"

I nodded. I was embarrassed.

Yeah, I was letting him turn me into an object. Craving that he hurts me -- hard. I was so predictable to him and even to Nika. Like the holographic principle, my insides on the my surface --a thin film, stretched tight -- and so thin and shallow -- at the verge of breaking. The infinite tension. An erotic surface tension that everyone can see.

"I know you do. Come on, we have to go somewhere private so we can put that lovely tongue of yours to work between my legs. All this has turned me on."

Previously, before that dinner, I met Alexei -- my Alyosha Karamazov, as I would call him endearingly -- in the afternoon.

It had been months since we last spoke. That morning, out of nowhere, he sent a message: Coffee? I stared at it too long before replying. After some back and forth, we agreed to meet at the coffee shop close to the university where we would often go.

I had arrived earlier and sat by the window. Holding the coffee cup, my hands trembled slightly. Ridiculous--I had nothing to be nervous about. We had moved on. Or, no, it had moved on.

I noticed a shadow over my table.

"Hey."

I looked up. He stood in front of me with his hands in his coat pockets. His hair had grown out and anyway seemed longer than I remembered. I smiled. "Aren't you going to sit?"

"Yeah. Right."

He pulled out the chair and sat.

"You look the same," I said.

"You don't," he answered. His eyes moved over my face. "Your hair--it's short."

I lifted a hand to my pixie cut. "A fight with some scissors. The scissors won."

He smirked, then his expression shifted - concerned. "You're a lot thinner."

"I'm alright." I deflected. "So, how's the literature?"

"It's okay. I'm writing a novel."

The waiter came to our table to take his order. Alex placed the stack of books down on the chair beside him. He then pulled out a pack of cigarettes, flicking it quickly so that one emerged, and he offered it to me.

I shook my head. "Quit."

"Hm." He lit his own and took a slow drag. "You gave a good performance in the ballet the other day."

I stiffened. "How do you know that?"

"I was there."

I hadn't seen him. "You were there?"

"Yeah." Another drag. "So--who's the guy? Your boyfriend?"

I looked down at my coffee. "You saw that too."

He blew out the smoke, his eyes flicking to my wrists. "Yeah. What's his name?"

"Jake."

He nodded. "A quite unremarkable name."

I forced a smirk, more out of reflex than being annoyed.

"And how's that?"

"Fine."

"He seems... older."

"A bit."

We just sat for a while in silence. He took another drag from his cigarette, then exhaled. His hands trembled slightly and he reached forward to tap it into the ashtray. All very cool. Just like him. "Tell me about it -- you know, I mean, are you happy?"

"Yeah." My response was almost overly defensive.

His eyes flicked to my wrists again. The faint red marks. The ones I had forgotten to cover. "And those?"

I followed his gaze. Met his eyes. "They're nothing."

"Pushka," he said softly. His nickname for me. My cheeks flushed.

"You haven't called me that in a while," I whispered, with affection. "I like that."

"I know," he said, knowing its effect on me. Then, he waited.

I exhaled. Looked down, but then as if gaining momentum for the lurch before the plunge, I looked into his eyes. "He hits me." I looked out the window and cringed my brow. I then looked at him again. "You know, like, he treats me rough."

His face changed -- it was more serious. His brow furrowed and his fingers tightened around his cigarette. "What do you mean?"

"He ties me up and beats the shit out of me while he fucks me."

"He does what?" He said now surprised and with some concern.

"I asked him to."

His brow furrowed. "You asked him to hit you?"

"To hurt me. Yeah. While he fucks me."

"And?"

"And he did. And I liked it. More than I imagined. And now," I paused. "He does it all the time even when we are not fucking. He beats the fucking crap out of me. And he makes me go to places in a state... well, revealing. I am kind of like his submissive pet. No, his submissive slave."

For a long while, he just sat and stared at me. I think he was trying to understand something that existed in me, that he was never able to decipher. Looking deep into the black hole. I had never imagined Alex doing that to me. Never needed him to. Because with him, I had been myself. Effortlessly. There had been no control, no submission, no blurred lines. Just simplicity. Just us. I couldn't understand why it wasn't enough. It must be what I lack. What I am not and can maybe never be.

He had forgotten about his cigarette, which burned low into the filter, held between his fingers. "I don't understand you, Kat."

I smiled faintly, and shrugged. He didn't try to keep me or want me. He left me. Alone.

"You know, you don't have to." he paused and took a drag from his cigarette. "To be abused and made into a submissive. You're so much more. You don't need it like that."

I looked into his eyes. In that look, it was as if I had carried all the pain of our relationship -- on my surface -- on the surface of my skin.

A holograph on the surface of a black hole. That's it. The large empty black hole.

"I know. It's my choice."

FOUR: REALITY, BLURRED

When I arrived that day from work, I moved nervously around my apartment like a girl on a first date, straightening cushions that didn't need straightening and opening the fridge twice for no reason. Jake would send the outfit he had bought for me. I had no idea what it was.

Nika had sent messages on my cell phone and I had answered her. She asked about all my adventures with Jake. "You're such a slut," she would tease me. "Nika, I'm not."

Then, I walked to my desk. There were several books that I had been reading in Literature class -- when Alexei and I were together: The Sun Also Rises, The Brothers Karamazov, Norwegian Wood, and -- Cormac's latest book, Stella Maris. In the center of my table was my black bound journal. I picked it up and flipped through it.

Since there was time to kill, I sat and wrote several entries. For some reason, I always wrote something about Alexei, or to him. So, I wrote an entry as if it were a letter to him, recounting the time when I was in the ballet he had come to see me. Before I had realized it, I had filled several pages of my journal with the letter addressed to Alexei -- my dearest Alyosha, as I would call him. Invariably, writing to him would bring tears to my eyes.

I sank into my couch waiting for the delivery of the outfit. The nervous anticipation made me exhausted. I closed my eyes.

--

"Hey, sister. What's up?"

"Hi. I didn't expect you."

"Well, I missed you. Where are your clothes? I mean, I like you like this, naked and stuff -- don't get me wrong. But... Hey, have you been masturbating? That's hot."

"I'm in my own house. Besides, you've seen me like this before. And no, I haven't been masturbating."

"I think you have. Why are you all flush and your fingers wet."

"Stop it! What's it to you?"

"What's gotten into you? You lost lots of weight."

"Nothing. Why are you here? Go away."

"How ingratiating. But, I like you naked like this.

You've been down and out, but this... Been crying, haven't you?"

"I want to be alone. Please go."

"You and me have been together for a while."

"It's 'You and I'."

"Huh??"

"You said 'you and me' but it's 'you and I'."

"Yeah, ok. Whatever. I thought we dropped all formalities long ago. You know, when we waddled into your life -- the gang and me. And you're still not grateful."

"I never wanted you around. It was your choice, not mine."

"That's not true and you know it. We kept you company, didn't we?"

"Yeah. OK. A little."

"That's right, sexy. Glad you admit it. Not everyone is lucky enough to have Oviquens in their life."

"I don't consider myself lucky. And not especially to have a bunch of featherless birds following me wherever I go."

"That's not so nice to say. We on the other hand like how you have turned out. You're quite sexy. I love your small tits with those long hard nipples-- so hot. And your ass? Well, just incredible."

"Can we talk about something else?"

"Yeah. Sure..... Oh, what's all this you got here? Bought some new toys? Gonna paint the place over? Nothing like freshening up the joint to liven up the spirits, right?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

"Or do you have other designs? So, you really are going to do it this time? And in style. Good for you. That's the spirit. To be honest, I never thought you had it in you."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"I think you do, little girl. You even wrote the note. Good for you -- you're getting better at this, baby! Practice makes perfect! He'll love it."

"Leave me alone."

"Alright, alright. I know when I am not wanted. Me and the gang are going out for the night. pizza and beer. Maybe a bit of bowling. We also know how to paint the town, as they say. So don't call."

"Ha ha. Very funny."

FIVE: THE OUTFIT

I awoke to hear the sharp buzz of the intercom and walked over to answer it.

"A package for Katrina P.," the delivery man said.

"Yes." I pressed the button to unlock the main door. In a few moments, my doorbell rang. It was a large gift box that was heavy from the way the delivery man held it. It was wrapped with paper from an expensive store I hadn't heard about, but was close to Avenue Montaigne. It didn't feel like a dress.

"Where should I put it, Ma'am? It is quite heavy."

I directed him to place the box in the center of the living room. I signed the acceptance form and thanked him. When I opened it, there was a card attached to the box, with the letters "OPEN FIRST".

Dearest Kat. Inside is the outfit you will wear the entire weekend. You don't need another stitch of clothing and you won't bring anything else. Follow the instructions. I shall call you and then be in front of your apartment building in two hours.

My hand trembled as I peeled back the wrapping paper. I could hear my own heartbeat and I had goosebumps from the fear and... something else -- erotic anticipation. I was turned on. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but it felt highly erotic.

Whatever was inside was certainly heavier than just fabric. When I removed the tissue paper inside the box, I was dumbfounded. Several paint canisters were inside. It took a few moments to register what this was all about -- then my pulse thrummed louder in my ears when I understood the implication.

It was obvious -- the paint was my outfit.

The instructions were clear: mix it with a little bit of the liquid included and water, fill the bathtub with it, and submerge myself completely--including my head -- breathing through a tube for ten minutes. The liquid would bond to my skin, forming a very thin second skin, a dark blue-black sheen like latex. It wouldn't wash off--not with soap, not with water. Only a special remover, which Jake would provide at the end of the week, could strip it away.

I opened one of the paint canisters, revealing a thick, glossy substance -- different from regular paint. This had a texture similar to rubber.

Was he joking? No clothes for the entire weekend?

A thrill raced through me, making my skin tingle.

I sat in my bathroom, staring at the liquid, my heart hammering. This was it. The moment I fully gave myself over. I could stop. Or I could step into the bath.

I reached out and dipped my fingers in.

I knew my choice.

SIX: KAT'S TAIL AND EARS

Jake called me from his car cell phone. He told me he would be in front of my apartment building in a few moments.

"Did you have any problems with the outfit?"

I told him I didn't. He asked me if I put it on as indicated in the instructions. I assured him that I did. As I spoke to him, I looked down at myself, and then into the full-length mirror in my bedroom. It didn't look like me. My painted skin shimmered with a certain like the sheen of a new car; or like I was wearing a plastic outfit. But, that's the thing -- it wasn't an outfit, it was paint. Just paint. Nothing else.

"I want you to take several pictures of yourself and send them to me now. One of them should be a full body shot of your front, and then another from behind. After that, I want a closeup of your pussy."

I didn't like the idea of sending naked photos of myself and almost refused. However, I rationalized the fact that I was painted and nobody would recognize me in the nude photos.

I told him that I would do what he asked.

"Before you leave, don't forget the tail," he said. "And the ears."

I gulped. I hadn't taken those out of the box yet. The tail was long dark blue, like that of a cat, but had a large bulbous metal anal plug. The ears were designed to fit over mine, secured with glue I had yet to apply.

"Can I at least wear a coat?" I asked. "Maybe some of my neighbors will see me.

I didn't want to encounter anyone and then have to explain.

"No, Kat. Just your...'outfit'," he stressed the last word.

There was a brief silence in our conversation. I could hear the background music in his car, the traffic all around him. I kept looking at my image in the mirror. I didn't seem human, or as if I had stepped into the future, and thought this was surreal.

"Nobody will recognize you," he assured me.

I told him alright and I would be right down and meet him outside on the curb.

--

After being immersed in the liquid for what seemed like an eternity, I stood naked and shivered in the middle of my bathroom to let the paint dry. There was a thin, smooth layer of paint all over my skin, and it stuck to every curve of my body. It looked different depending on the light, appearing more transparent in some conditions and more opaque in others. However, its glossy, wet look persisted. The dim glow of my living room seemed to paint my entire body a deep, velvety blue-green. But in the white light of my bathroom, with the spotlight pointed at me, the paint on my skin seemed translucent, so pigment-free that I looked naked.

With my phone, I started taking several photos of myself in the mirror as Jake had instructed. It was strange but somehow highly erotic to see my reflection staring back -- painted with this deep blue-green hue. I tested different angles and positioned my body in lurid positions, adjusting the lighting. I noticed the way shadows and the light caused the painted film on my body to transition between dark blue and completely translucent. Now was the moment that I feared. With my heart pounding at the prospect of his response, I sent him the pictures.

As he also instructed, I lowered myself to the floor in front of the mirror, spread my legs, and pointed my phone at the reflection in the mirror of my pussy. The paint had penetrated into me, covering not only my skin but also slipping into all of my nooks and crannies of my pussy and my anus. My body was transformed into a living canvas of deep, shimmering blue as it lined my mouth, my intimate folds, and every other area of my body.

I continued to examine myself. I opened my pussy lips and even the pink insides were covered with the thin paint. I thought if I rubbed it, the paint might come off, however it seemed to be already a part of me. As far into my pussy as I could see, the liquid had penetrated, covering me entirely in the blue paint. The paint was like rubber and there was nowhere it didn't go. I opened my pussy as much as I could and -- as far as I could see inside -- the rubber paint covered even my pink delicate skin inside. It had enveloped my entire being.

My clit became hard as I probed and rubbed. I was not only aroused by the way I had been touching myself but my utter submission into changing my body so thoroughly like this. Even though it was irrational, I was aroused like I had never been and began to rub myself in earnest.

I kept watching my fingers disappear and plunge inside my pussy, half-expecting to see the paint crack or smear--but it didn't. No matter how much I touched, how much I writhed against my own hand, the film remained flawless, unyielding, as if it had always been part of me.

--

Usually, I was nervous before a trip, making sure I hadn't forgotten anything and checking my suitcase multiple times. However this time felt very strange -- making me feel more naked than ever. I didn't even pack makeup -- simply my nude body.

The metal plug of the tail was quite large; larger than the one he made me use previously. It took a few minutes to work it into my tight anus, and I had to apply lube several times. Once in, it felt snug, filling me like I never felt. Nonetheless, I was sure it wouldn't fall out.

I left my apartment, turned around to make sure the lights were off, and closed it behind me. I was in the hallway. In my paint outfit -- except for my long sleek tail. My hands trembled as I typed in my code to arm the lock. I looked nervously, first left and then right, to make sure nobody was in the hallway. The coast was clear towards the elevator.

Getting an elevator on the 12th floor in such a busy apartment building can take some time. After waiting for the elevator to stop at my floor, it finally arrived. My heart was beating in anticipation for the worst -- a full elevator. The door opened.

An older couple I recognized from one of the upper floors stood there with their white dog -- a white poodle -- attached to a leash. I quickly stepped inside. The dog growled, backing away into the corner.

"Hello," I said, trying to act normal as if oblivious to my outfit. "Going down?"

The man looked at me in disbelief, elated at the thrill. The woman looked mortified.

The dog barked. "Shh," the man tried to calm the dog, pulling the leash. "Costume party?" the man asked. His wife looked at him, angrily at his sudden eagerness to speak to me.

"No. Just an outing."

The elevator stopped several floors down. The door opened. A group of five people stood there expectantly. They peered inside. All eyes looked at me. One of the girls said that they could wait for the next, but the group started to pile in. I had to move inward, and I found myself pushed up against the older couple. My tail brushed against the older man.

Just then, the dog jumped up, grasping my tail between his teeth and growling. Moving his head back and forth, in a sudden yank, I felt the tail come free from my anus. "Ouch!" I yelled.

I stood mortified, unable to bend down with so many people in the elevator as the dog struggled back and forth to kill my tail. In the dog's attack, the metal anal plug bounced back and forth on the elevator floor.

The elevator came to the bottom floor and we all poured out. The older man was able to free the tail from the grips of his dog's mouth. He handed it to me. "Sorry about that."

My face would have been red if not covered in paint. I thanked him, and proceeded to put my tail back on. In front of the older man, I inserted the but plug into my mouth to moisten it with my saliva, opened my legs, and then inserted it with some effort back into my anus. He stood with his mouth open watching me the entire time. I then waited by the curb for Jake.

SEVEN: GOING DOWN

I was leaning forward on the curb in front of my apartment building, looking down the long street, trying to see if I could make out the arrival of Jake's car. "Nowhere!" I whispered, quite annoyed and very embarrassed.

The longer I stood there, the more ridiculous I felt -- the anticipation bringing some amount of rationality and realism to my present situation. "How stupid you are, Kat," I scorned myself. "Look what your silliness has gotten yourself into now!"

The evening air was cool against my skin -- considerably, since my costume was not fabric, just paint.

I shifted uncomfortably, hypersensitive to my completely exposed nakedness on a city street. I shifted my bare feet on the pavement and just hoped Jake would arrive soon.

I thought I saw Jake's car just pulling onto the street. It was still quite far and the traffic was heavy. Nonetheless, I felt relieved that soon this ordeal would be over -- so I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Kat?"

I turned at the sound of my name, and my stomach dropped.

Walking toward me were three people, one of them was Francesca -- a friend of Alex that I had met at the university, the other girl who was in my literature class, and a guy that I had seen a few times on campus -- he was Francesca's boyfriend.

"Is that you?" she said incredulously.

I tried to look away. There would be no escaping the situation.

I forced a smile. "Oh. Hi, Francesca."

They stopped in front of me, all wide-eyed.

"What are you... wearing?" They were close enough to realize that it wasn't anything but paint. "Or, not wearing," trying to process the situation.

The guy didn't seem to mind so much. "My God!" he whispered. I felt his eyes on me as he gawked at my naked body with awe. I could see him staring at my chest. I looked down and realized that my nipples were hard and pointing straight out. I covered them with one hand as I covered my shaved pussy with the other.

I was so ashamed that I was unsure of how to stand or where to look. With one hand covering my breasts and the other pressing between my thighs to try to cover my bare, hairless pussy, my arms were folded awkwardly across my body.

"It's, um..." I gestured vaguely at myself. "A costume. For a party."

Francesca's eyes narrowed. "A costume? Really?"

"Yeah. For a costume party," I said, trying to make it sound more convincing.

There was a long silence between us.

Then the guy spoke again.

"That's... really impressive. The paint, I mean."

I could sense that Francesca was annoyed with her boyfriend as she glared at him.

The girl beside them, who hadn't spoken yet, cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"Aren't you cold?" she asked. I think she wanted to ask whether I was embarrassed. "I mean, you are completely naked."

I wanted to evaporate.

Her gaze was intense and held mine. Suddenly, I really saw her. Previously, even in class, I hadn't taken much notice of her. She looked... a lot like me. A strange awareness passed between us and we stood staring at each other.

I had a strange sensation that she changed before me -- as if her life were stretched out before me and I could see her as a young girl to the present as an adult young woman.

"A little," I admitted. "Sorry. I'm Kat."

"Anya," she said, extending her hand. I was taken aback by her name.

"Anya?" I asked. It seemed to resonate with a deep memory of mine, but I couldn't place it. I reached out to shake her hand. Then, I realized that in doing so, I exposed my breasts and my nipples.

I caught a quick glance at the other two. Francesca crossed her arms, looking me up and down. Her boyfriend was staring at my body.

"I just--" she hesitated, "I never expected.... Will Alexei be there? At the costume party?"

I felt doomed. Alex would surely find out. "No," I tried to think of something. "It is with other people."

Francesca's boyfriend couldn't keep his eyes off her. "You look amazing, though," he was looking at my bare pussy. "I love the tail and ears"

"Okay, Enzo," Francesca snapped, her tone shifting. "Let's not get all weird about it."

"What?" he shrugged. "I'm just saying, she--"

Francesca shot him a look that cut him off instantly.

There was a thick, painful silence.

I wanted Jake's car to appear right that second.

I turned to face Francesca, who was now examining me as if I were a puzzle she was unable to solve. She looked up and down my naked body but then kept staring at my wrists. Her expression turned to horror, and she seemed to be ready to leap into action towards me.

Suddenly, an ambulance went by quickly with very loud sirens.

"Kat, what happened to your wrists?"

"Nothing. Why?" I looked down. For a moment, it seemed that they were bleeding. My hands were covered. "It is nothing."

It must have been the paint. Somehow it had turned this color. I looked again, and my wrists were fine as always.

And right then, Jake's car finally pulled up to the curb. I had never been so relieved.

"Well, my ride's here. See you around."

Enzo looked disappointed. Francesca looked irritated, more at him than at me.

I turned toward the car and did not look back. I collapsed into the seat, forgetting about the large plug inside me attached to the tail. That hurt!

I had the tail so that it curled around me. Playfully, I made a gesture to hit Jake with it. He smiled. "What a sexy little cat you are."

The air conditioning in the car made me shiver and have goosebumps. The shiny paint film was so thin, I could still see the goosebumps on my arms, and my nipples were so hard they ached.

I shrunk down into the seat trying to disappear, forgetting for the moment that I was naked -- except for the paint -- sitting there next to Jake.

"Please drive!"

"You look stunning," he put his hand on my painted skin, moving it towards my pussy. He pushed my legs apart and pushed his index finger between my pussy lips. "Mm.... You're wet."

I turned and smiled, forgetting about the ordeal I just suffered.

"Wait for what is in store for you."

I shivered.

Jake smirked wryly and we drove off towards the country vila.

EIGHT: PETTING ZOO

The drive to the country estate was enjoyable. We didn't speak much, mostly preferring to listen to music. I had asked him several times what the plans were, now that it was evident that my naked outfit would somehow be a "leitmotif" for all the events to follow.

"Just sit back and relax," he commanded.

I didn't have any problems obeying. I felt sleepy -- due to the lulling motion of the car, the afternoon sun, and all my nervous activity putting on my suit. My eyes closed.

--

"It's a fine mess you got yourself into this time."

"What is?"

"Well, just look at you."

"It's nothing. It will come off."

"And out of you too? I mean, you're covered in the stuff. But, I have to admit, sister, I like you painted naked like this. It suits you. This color -- dark blue-green. I like it. Your perky nipples are great, and your pussy is just amazing like this -- especially without pubic hair now that it all fell out from the meds -- or did you shave? -- and those lips sticking out-- very sexy!"

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Oh come off it. I have seen you naked tons of times. Open your legs a bit more."

"No."

"I just want a quick look. Pretty please?"

"Alright. But just for a moment."

"Holy shit. That is hot. I love how your pussy opens up like a blue flower."

"I didn't say you could touch."

"Relax baby. Besides, you like it and you know it."

"No I don't. It's weird."

"Want me to poke you?"

"No! That's disgusting."

"Just because we never did it, doesn't mean we can't start sometime."

"You're not even human."

"Doesn't mean I don't appreciate a good piece of ass."

"Well, get it out of your mind. It's not going to happen. I don't fuck beings that look like amphibious birds."

"Alright, alright. Don't get excited, Pushka."

"Don't call me that."

"Oh, I forgot. Only he can call you that."

"That's right."

"Right. OK. You're a real ticket. Well, I must say, it's a fine joint you got here. Perhaps, a bit too white."

"Hm. If you don't like it, you can go."

"That's not very nice. Christ! I don't get any thanks for coming to keep you company."

"Alright. I'm sorry. That was rude of me."

"It's ok. By the way, how's the food? Oh, I forgot. You have long since forgone such trivialities."

"Ha ha, very funny. It's just I'm not that hungry."

"I guess drinking gallons of that thick stuff kinda fills you up."

"It wasn't like that. I slipped under. Anyway, my appetite will come back."

"If it doesn't, baby, it's curtains."

"You don't know anything! This is just a setback."

"Ha ha. It's a real doozy!"

"Leave me alone. I don't want to talk anymore. I'm really tired."

"Yeah, OK kiddo. Whatever you say. By the way, I just came from your place. It's a real fucking mess."

"That bad?"

"Holy crap! You know how to paint the town red, baby, as they say. A real party, that! The gang is still all in there looking for a note, or an alibi."

"Stop that."

"I know. You didn't write one. Right?"

"You are very funny. Someone is coming. Do you hear them calling? They are yelling my name. And that siren is giving me a headache. Can you hear it?

"Time to go."

"Why? You don't have to leave. Please don't leave me."

"Nah, Pushka, honey, I'm outta here. This joint is going to start hopping!"

"Fine. Be that way."

"Cheer up. I'll be back."

"OK. Bye."

"See you around, sexy. Maybe."

--

I awoke suddenly. Perhaps it was from the sudden movement of the car, having passed a large bus with a soccer team symbol on its side and returned to our lane. I looked around. We were in the country.

"Sleep well?" he said looking into the rearview mirror, then at me.

"Yeah," I responded, slightly disoriented. I was still getting accustomed to the feel of the new skin even in my mouth. It was subtle but felt different.

"Here put this into you," he said, handing me another vibrating egg. This one was smaller, more "chic", and was designed to be inserted further into my vulva. I took it, but then hesitated. "Go ahead, do it now."

I obeyed and worked it into me, first rubbing it along my lips. My pussy was already moist.

He pressed a button and it started vibrating, but with a very low frequency, rising and falling like an ocean.

He reached for something else. "Now put this around your neck," he said. It was a new metal collar. It seemed smaller in diameter. It was blue-green like the color of my new skin and instead of a padlock, it just had a metal o-ring.

I studied the locking mechanism. There was only a very small opening, which presumably was where a key would be inserted to open it once closed. "Jake,... I".

"Don't worry. Put it on," was all he said.

I did as he told me and heard it click. There was no way I could take it off. It felt snug around my thin neck.

I sat back in the chair. I began to love the feel of my new skin. It was so thin, I was undeniably naked. Yet, its slightly rubbery shiny feeling seemed to give me some protection. The mind can play tricks. At some moments, the opaque dark blue-green color gave me a false sense of clothing, until the sun shone through the window, and I appeared again completely naked.

"Masturbate for me," he said, in a commanding but normal tone.

I turned my head to look at him. He continued to look ahead, and occasionally in the rearview mirror. I was incredulous.

"Well, do it," he said. "Open your legs and masturbate."

I looked ahead at the road -- the countryside unrolling before us. I couldn't deny that I wanted to touch myself. Opening my legs, I put my hand on my pussy and started to rub with my index finger, circling my clit. The vibrator began to vibrate faster and harder inside me. My pussy was so wet that my amrita was leaking out onto the seat.

"Taste your pussy juice," he commanded. I obeyed. "How does it taste?"

"Different? Sweeter. Or maybe hotter."

"Really? Why from your new skin?"

"Yeah from my new skin."

"Taste yourself again, but this time a lot more of your juices," he said. "And then orgasm."

I stuck my index finger deep into my entrance, moving it around squeezing out my fluid. I felt it leak out. Then with my other finger, I traced the stream of my fluid from the entrance of my bum all the way to my clit, collecting as much fluid as possible. He turned briefly to look at me.

I brought my fingers to my mouth. My other hand kept working my pussy as I felt my orgasm approach. When I tasted my own juices, a wave of pleasure overcame me and I shuddered with orgasm.

When my body recovered, I licked my fingers and smiled.

--

He looked into the mirror, and then suddenly put on his directionals, pulling off the road. We stopped along the way at a gas station. It was just on the outskirts of a small village, and the station also had a country Inn with a restaurant and store, apparently frequented by many trucks and tourist buses.

"Why are we stopping?" I asked, realizing the car still had gas. Pleading with him, "People will see me, Jake."

"We need some things," he said. "Besides, we can have a refreshment or cafe."

"But,.." He had already gotten out of the car. I couldn't do it. Defiantly, I decided I would sit in the car pouting.

My door opened. He took my hand, pulling me. "Kat, come on. You have an outfit on, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Besides, you have to get used to it."

I tried to remain obstinate, but it was to no avail.

I got out of the car and we walked towards the store next to the bar-restaurant. At that moment, from the corner of my eye, I saw a large bus pull into the parking lot.

---

Jake took my hand and we walked into the village bar restaurant. In front of us was a long bar and to the left was the entrance to a cafeteria, which served meals. We walked to the bar. My tail bobbed as we walked and the vibrator continued to hum inside me with a low frequency keeping me in a constant state of arousement.

I was keenly aware of my nakedness. However, once out of the sun, my skin once again took on a dark blue-green opaque quality with a shiny sheen. All the people in the cafeteria watched me.

The young waiter behind the bar came to us. He addressed Jake, but continually stole glances at me. "What would you like?"

Jake turned to me, "Mineral water, please," I interjected, addressing the waiter. "And, I'll have a beer," Jake said.

The waiter nodded. Just then, a crowd of people began to pour into the cafeteria. They were young men. A soccer team on route to or from a game. I wanted to die. I calculated that they were all my age, or slightly younger, just 20. I wanted to die.

Many stopped and looked at me, before piling into the restaurant. Some remained looking at me for a while, laughing while talking amongst themselves.

Jake looked with amusement between them and the effect it was having on me.

"It's not funny," I scorned him, trying to hide my face, while leaning into him.

He put his arm around me, then his hand went to my bum. He took my tail in his hand pulling on it, pushing and pulling the but plug at my entrance. "My poor little kitty cat."

"Jake, stop touching me there!" I stammered. "All these guys are watching."

"I know. That's why I am doing it. You love it. Don't you?"

"No. I don't."

At that moment, the egg inside me sprung into action. This time, I could feel it vibrating against the but plug inside me, and I had to steady myself on the counter of the cafeteria bar.

"Jake! Stop that!", I pleaded. I shuddered as my body betrayed me more and was on the verge of an orgasm. He had control over the remote control. But, this was all part of his plan. Finally, after a few moments, Jake put his hand in his pocket, turning off the vibrator.

--

I had recovered when the waiter brought our order. He poured the contents of a small bottle of mineral water into a glass with ice, which I eagerly drank. I tried not to feel embarrassed.

"What a costume!" one of the soccer players said. "What is it all about? Are you a performer or going to a costume party?"

"Well, I.. " I started to answer, but Jake interrupted and answered for me. "No, it isn't a costume. She is my Kat. This is just the way her skin is."

I looked at him quickly, with a look of consternation. This was going too far.

"Wow! Fuck, she is so sexy. It's amazing," the guy answered, still unable to keep his eyes off my body.

"Do you want to pet her? She would like that."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. From the expressions of the guys, I don't think that they could believe it either.

"But, be careful. She has claws and she can be feisty."

The guys were quite reticent, but the one that spoke touched my arm, first with some trepidation. I shied away at first and leaned into Jake.

"It is like rubbery latex, but not really because it is such a thin film -- like you are naked. This is incredible," the guy said, still stroking my arm and admiring the thin paint on my blue-green body.

When the guy realized that Jake didn't do anything and I barely reacted he became bolder and ran his hand down my body.

"Buddy, are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all. She's all yours."

Before I knew it, many other hands from the six jocks that had gathered around were touching me.

At one point, they pulled me away from the bar and I had hands all over me, some of them on my breasts, others touching my bum. One guy was pulling on my tail, so that the but plug pulled at the entrance to my anus. Then I felt one guy with his fingers between my legs rubbing his finger into my pussy. On top of that, I felt the vibration of the egg inside me vibrate more intensely.

I was being pulled to and fro and then someone had pulled my tail out completely and I felt his finger replace the plug. I lost track of how I was being touched. However, I immediately became aware and shocked when I felt a cock rub between the crack of my ass and suddenly enter my anus. The large but plug of my tail had opened me enough, that the jock's cock entered me without struggle. He began to rock me back and forth from behind, gripping my waist. I didn't know which of the boys it was, because others were groping my tits, while another had forced my head down to suck his cock.

After rocking his cock in my ass for a few moments, I felt him explode his cum inside me. As I sucked one cock, it was replaced with another right next to it. As the spent cock slipped out of me, my hips were grabbed and pulled up by another boy, pushing his cock into my cum filled ass. This boy's cock was longer and he managed to get it entirely into me. The boy I had been sucking had an orgasm in my mouth, but while he was still cumming, his friend pulled him away to stick his cock into my mouth.

I felt myself picked up and placed on a few cafeteria tables they had pushed together. There seemed to be more guys now. I looked all around me and cocks were surrounding me. My arms were tied and then strapped to the tables, so I was completely immobile. Then, my legs were pushed into the air, exposing my ass and pussy. I looked down at my body and saw a strong muscular jock push his cock into my pussy. I gasped. As he pushed into me hard and fast and I felt his cock push aside the vibrator that was still inside me.

I was overwhelmed. I became lost in a haze and confused.

---

"Get the tube into her."

"An IV now! Quick. She's crashing."

I looked up. The cold hard table beneath me trembled, unstable and shifting back and forth. Flickering lights moved and strobed overhead, casting strange shadows on the hunched crowd towering over me. They were frantic, with their mouths, covered with cloth hiding their hideous appearances with gowns and gloves. Only their eyes were caring and intense.

Our cramped cabin rocked back and forth, sometimes violently. Ah, I understood at that instant. We were at sea -- on the Baltic -- back in my childhood with my Papa. Now, red and white plastic bags, filled with the fishermen's spirits and wine to stay off the cold baltic winds -- swung to and fro in the small cabin. They lashed against my naked body with each crashing wave against the hull from the tempest. The wailing bow-horns -- relentless and high pitched -- were only punctuated by regularly spaced cries of seagulls circling above the ship. My arms and body battered down with ropes to protect me from the relentless swaying with the gale.

"Katrina, hang in there. Stay with us, OK?"

"OK."

"Be calm, Katrina. This is going to hurt a bit. Alright? Do it. Push it into her, quickly."

--

My eyes opened violently and startled by the intrusion. The cock was that was inches from my mouth drilled into my mouth and down my throat with terrible force. I looked up and the guy kept pulling my head closer with his large hands gripping my head and with all his strength. I felt his long cock enter my mouth so that it penetrated my throat violently in one push. I was jarred and gagged fiercely, my entire body convulsing with the force of his immense cock going down my throat. Although it seemed impossible, it felt like his cock reached all the way into my stomach. Then he started rocking his hips back and forth, pumping in and out of my mouth. Other guys next to him were stroking their cocks, waiting to be next. I moved to meet his rhythm, wanting him to fill me even deeper. I felt the guy spurt cum down my throat, and my head was pulled violently to the other side only to be replaced with another cock.

The guy who had been fucking my pussy picked up his rhythm, and then I felt him spurt his cum inside me. My pussy felt numb. Almost immediately, he was replaced with another jock who had been waiting in line.

Several guys that had been masturbating over me, shot their thick creamy loads onto my face. I looked around me. The original group of ten guys had grown, and now it was the entire soccer team. My head was pulled from side to side to lick on the row of cocks around me. I don't know how, but I had been put on top of one guy so he could fuck my ass while another guy fucked my pussy. The rest of the soccer team, maybe fifty guys, had been summoned over to the event and were stroking their cocks and shooting their cum all over my body. The guy who I had been sucking shot his cum over my face, drenching me with so much cum, that it covered my face entirely.

I lost track of the gang of guys that had taken me there in the cafeteria. I had never had more than one person in my life at one time, and here a group of more than fifty guys were fucking my ass and face, while my pussy buzzed away with an egg.

At one point, I looked up and saw Jake standing there watching the whole thing as he drank his beer. "Maybe she has had enough," he said. I was completely drenched in cum.

The last of the guys who was fucking my ass, was on the verge of cumming. He quickened his pace and then I felt him ejaculate into my anus.

All the guys had cum either in my mouth or ass because they left me there on the table, cum all over my body.

---

"Ok guys," I heard Jake in my haze. "You had your fun. I think it's enough. Otherwise, you are going to hurt my poor little kitty."

Despite their protests, they helped me up from the floor. They said that I was a great fuck and thanked me a lot. My face was covered with their sperm, so none of them gave me a kiss. In any case, I guess one shouldn't expect tenderness after a gang fuck.

"Come on, Kat, we should get going." He picked up my tail and handed it to me.

"Thanks," I said meekly. I cleaned off the but plug since it had been on the floor, put it in my mouth, and then put it back inside my bum. "I should go to the bathroom and clean up," I said.

"That's not necessary. Besides, you are a cat. You can clean yourself with your tongue when we are back in the car."

I nodded, rubbing the cum that was on my face and licking it -- as he said, like a cat.

"We'll buy some gifts for the weekend party and then be off again," he said.

He took my hand and we went to the small tourist store next to the bar to buy some bottles of champagne.

I felt dizzy and disoriented. I was confused about how I had become so submissive. It only turned me on more. Yet, there was a tension inside of me. But, I felt it all on my skin.

NINE: SANCTUS DEI

Back in the car, we took to the road and resumed our trip. I wished I had been able to clean myself in the bathroom because I could feel the cum still inside me. But, as Jake had said, I cleaned myself like a cat, removing my tail, I lapped up all the fluids leaking out of my ass and pussy.

I closed my eyes.

--

"Hello Katrina. "I'm Dr. J. Masson."

"Hi."

"Why did you come here to Sanctus Dei?"

"To become well. Doesn't everyone?"

"Not everyone. Some are brought here."

"Yeah, but I figured I would save others the trouble."

"That's fair enough. Do you want to tell me about yourself?"

"Let's start with you."

"Alright, I have been a psychiatrist for a few years and recently transferred here."

"That's your CV. I didn't mean that. I meant about you."

"OK, I agree. You're right. I'm 35, married to a wonderful beautiful wife, and have a small child. I like music, literature, and old movies. Now it's your turn."

"Well, alright. I guess I can also give a general description like that. Mine is not so illustrious. I'm 26 and crazy, schizophrenic, with a depressive dissociated personality disorder. I have a history of... well, that you can read in my medical report. I liked to dance -- ballet -- but that was before. I studied physics -- conformal quantum field theories, like Anti- de Sitter spaces and stuff like that. Also, I'm a nymphomaniac and have been converted into a special kind of object; kind of like a cat, but not really; still human, but... Oh fuck, I don't know. I can't explain it. Oh, and, I don't eat meat."

"About the meat, that's ok, but let's leave the diagnosis for the moment."

"Yeah, right. Infringing on your job? I guess. I got it."

"But you have to eat. It doesn't have to be meat, but something. That's important, you know."

"I know. I'll try."

"Ok. So, it says here that you have had hallucinations. Have you always had such hallucinations?"

"I don't call them hallucinations. That's what your colleagues have called them."

"What do you call them?"

"They are 'Oviquens'. They're kind of like birds without feathers. But if you want 'Personages' is probably a good term for them."

"Are there many of them?"

"Enough to have a small party."

"So, have you always had these personages visiting you?"

"No. They started when I was five."

"That is pretty much always. How do you know it was when you were five?"

"They followed me to school and sat next to me. And I started school at five."

"Fair enough. Can you explain what they're like? Are they always the same?"

"Of course I can explain what they're like. And yeah, they are always the same. But look, do we have to talk about my 'personages'? Your profession is obsessed with them. Can't we talk about something else?"

"Like what?"

"Sex. I want to talk about sex."

"Alright."

"We could have sex if you want. I could take off these clothes and you could fuck me. I don't mind that you are married. You don't have to love me. After, I mean. Most don't. I could give you a blowjob -- I swallow. Or, if you prefer, you could do me here on the table, or standing from behind. In my ass or my pussy. It doesn't really matter. I like both."

"No, we better not. You are very pretty, but let's continue talking, ok?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Not good to mess with the patients, right? OK. That's fine. By the way, do you have a cigarette?"

"No. I could call and get one."

"No, that's ok. I don't smoke. It just sounded self-destructive."

"It is better not to be self-destructive."

"That's why I came here."

"Right. That is good. In what you wrote, you said that your body is not yours now. That you are completely covered in a 'thin-film' as you put it?"

"That's right. It is paint. It makes me dark blue-green sometimes, and other times it makes me naked. Well, I am always naked, but what I mean is that in some light the paint is transparent. More technically, one would say 'translucent'."

"Are you naked now?"

"No. Your cronies put clothing on me here. This stupid hospital gown."

"Right, sorry. Well, I mean, are you covered in paint right now?"

"Yes."

"You don't seem to be covered in paint."

"It is because of the light. The light in here fucking sucks -- it is white like in a shrink's office... Oh, sorry for that! I didn't mean,.. "

"It's ok."

"Anyway, if we were in a softer light, I would be blue-green."

"Always?"

"Always."

"It seems to be a strange type of paint."

"It isn't really paint. Not really, it is more like a futuristic chemical substance that coats you both inside your orifices and completely outside, in a thin film, which penetrates into your pores and that you can never take off."

"You can't wash it off?"

"No. I was told in the instructions -- from my boyfriend -- you know, before I immersed myself in a bathtub filled with the stuff, that there was a way to wash it off with another chemical, but it was a lie."

"A lie?"

"Yeah, my boyfriend wrote in the letter that at the end of the weekend he would apply the chemical and it would come off. But, afterward, he told me that such a chemical didn't exist."

"Why would he do that to you, do you think?"

"To make me submissive and to agree to turn myself into an object. A sleek type of cat object."

"He wasn't a very good boyfriend."

"No he wasn't. He just liked to fuck me. And now it is like a holograph."

"A holograph? What is? I don't understand."

"Most people don't. Don't worry. It's not your fault."

"Will you tell me about it and try to explain?"

"About the holographic principle or about my boyfriend making me submissive and fucking the shit out of me?"

"Well, perhaps about the hologram for the moment."

"Yeah, I will tell you. The holographic principle -- it's from physics, you know."

"I heard of it. You studied physics, didn't you?"

"Yeah. Kinda. You could say that. Together with my -- personages."

"Your hallucinated friends?"

"Yeah. Those very ones, But that is your term for them."

"OK, and then?"

"Well alright, it suggests that all the information contained in a volume of space can be described on the boundary of that space. So, a higher-dimensional reality can be fully encoded by a lower-dimensional manifold living on its boundary."

"I'm a bit lost. What does that mean?"

"Sorry. Maybe we should talk about how my boyfriend would fuck me. That is easier to explain."

"After, alright? I would prefer you try to explain what you mean about the other topic."

"The holographic principle?"

"Yes."

"Alright. After that, I will tell you about how he would fuck me. That is more interesting."

"Hm. Perhaps we could later."

"Then it is like this. Try to think of a hologram, one made on a 2D photographic plate that encodes a 3D image."

"OK."

"Well, if light falls on the plate, it can create a 3D-looking image, even though all the information was stored in only two dimensions."

"And that is what happened to your skin?"

"Yeah something like that."

"How do you think that happened?"

"It must have been when I was under the water and drank the stuff."

"You drank it?"

"I didn't mean to. But, yeah. He told me to be fully immersed for ten minutes, breathing through a tube. I slipped and fell under the water and ended up drinking a lot of it."

"But it must have only been briefly."

"I am not sure. I think I passed out and was there for a while."

"Alright. And then what happened?"

"All the information inside me -- like a black hole -- is all on my surface. On this thin layer of paint, that everyone can see. And this surface tension is ready to explode with the energy of the universe."

"Is this what happened when you allowed yourself to -- well, become a non-person, an object? -- a kind of painted cat, that is no longer human but an objectified sexual pet -- and, well for that reason you tried to..."

"... kill myself?"

"Well, I didn't want to say it like that."

"No problem! I just did."

"Well? I mean, is that it?"

"Yeah. You pretty much summed it up."

"What does the submission have to do with it?"

"Oh, that. Well, maybe I am just trying to self-destruct, or maybe I just want some fun and fuck a lot."

"You are playing with me."

"A bit. Sorry."

"It is ok. Perhaps you need a rest."

"Yeah. I want to lie down. I'm still a bit weak."

"Do they hurt?"

"My wrists?"

"Yeah."

"A little."

"OK. Rest will do you good. We can meet again tomorrow."

"You will bring me that cigarette, right?"

"The one you won't smoke."

"That's the one."

"Yes, good-bye Katrina. Rest well. By the way, you can call me Julian."

"Julian?"

"Yes. That's my name.

"Alright, then. Until tomorrow."

--

I opened my eyes. We were still on the road. My throat was dry. It still tasted of cum from the gangbang. I tried to swallow, but it was made difficult with the tight collar.

"Are we almost there?"

"Almost. Did you sleep well, Kat?"

"Yeah. How long have we been on this road?"

"Three point nine billion years," he said. I turned and looked at him. "But don't worry, it will be over soon."

"You mean we will arrive soon?"

"Yeah, something like that."

TEN: THROUGH A LENS, DARKLY

We exited the long highway onto an off-ramp that curved to the right. It seemed to disappear into a dense wooded area. At the end of the ramp was a fork in the road. In the thick woodland tree cover, all was dark. In front of us was an old wooden signpost -- the lettering, weathered but still legible, pointed to the right: 'Saint-Dei', with the faint outline of a château etched beneath it.

"We are going to the Château Saint-Dei?" I asked, surprised.

"Maybe, my little pet. Why? Have you been here before?"

He turned to me with a mischievous smile, almost grotesque. It scared me.

"I don't know. This feels like déjà vu," I said rather confusedly, like a dream half-remembered.

We drove in silence. During the entire trip, the vibrator continued to pulsate very slowly in my pussy and kept me in a constant state of sexual arousal. Occasionally, if I shifted my position, it would vibrate close to the metal anal plug also inside me.

The road narrowed as we continued into this remote heart of the Occitanie region in the Corbières hills. We drove past numerous tiny medieval towns here, which were once Cathar strongholds. They were remnants of a bygone era that continued to adhere to ancient mysticism.

This atmosphere filled me with an eerie apprehension. I had fragmented thoughts; of Naoka and the Beatles song 'Norwegian Wood'; of a disorienting and melancholic forest and a sanatorium nestled within the misty forest. The scenery suddenly seemed both remote and magnificent, with deep forests, rocky limestone cliffs, and a spooky silence that seemed to go on for kilometers in front of us.

It had the feel of a dream. Or perhaps it was a memory that I couldn't quite grasp. It all turned into a blur and I closed my eyes.

--

"Hey sexy. Long time no see."

"Oh. I didn't expect you to come back."

"You can't get rid of me ever, can you? Not even with the 'meds'."

"No, I guess not. But don't be cruel to me now. I'm not feeling too well."

"Yeah, I can see that. You're a bit banged up. Or should I say, you have been banged up."

"Ha ha. You are a real comedian."

"Nah. Just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. Not so good, I see. And all these machines and lights. A real mess."

"I'll be alright."

"Yeah, OK, right. Whatever you say. Listen. I'm going on a trip. A cruise. I need to get away from all this. You have been too intense lately, even for me. A real head-case! The gang thinks we all need a bit of sun, you know, a bit of a R-and-R."

"Is that why you are wearing that silly hat and holding that fishing pole?"

"Something like that. So, will you miss me?"

"No."

"What a girl. You know how to make an Oviquen feel bad, I'll give you that."

"Alright, I'm sorry. Yes, of course I will miss you."

"Awe. You're so sweet. You're my bestie. Before I go, can I have a quick peek at your blue pussy again? And maybe feel you up a bit with my flipper?"

"That's gross."

"Suit yourself. But, I still say that I like what you have done. You will be a big hit at parties."

"Ha ha. Very funny."

"Nice drawing, by the way. It looks like a farmhouse with cows and a bright shining sun. The old family home, no? Is that you with her? I must say, she is coming along. Really growing up."

"Yeah."

"She forgot to draw you in blue and those bandages. Don't cry. You'll smudge the paint."

"Leave me alone! Just go."

"It was just a joke. Alright, sister. The fun and sun are awaiting me. See you around."

-----

We drove further, eventually emerging out of the wooded area into a wide country that opened up to vineyards stretching in neat rows. In the distance there was a house with the green pastures fading into rolling hills, with a small farmhouse. Further off to the distance was a stone chapel.

Before descending into the valley we passed several spots with magnificent scenery; some with designated sightseeing stops. Jake slowed the car at one where there appeared to be many tourists, their cars parked along the side of the road.

"Come on, pet. I want to take some photos of you against this scenery," Jake said.

"Jake. Right here? With all these people? I don't think you should. I mean, with me like this."

He ignored my protests and veered off the hilltop road, parking in the dirt next to a fence that overlooked the farm. Just ahead of us, many people were feeding some of the animals.

"Aren't you getting over that yet?"

"No. I am really embarrassed. Look at me, I look ridiculous!"

"Nonsense," he said as he slowed, veering the side. "You look perfect."

When he cut the motor, the sound of gentle wind could be heard. Also the sounds of bells from sheep or goats and the people up ahead talking. He opened the door, got out, and grabbed something from the back seat. I remained in the front, hoping this moment would pass. I decided I would refuse to get out of the car. The people would see my naked body and I couldn't bear the humiliation.

However, Jake came across to my side and opened the door. He bent down, and before I knew what was happening, he attached a leash o-ring of my neck collar.

"Come on, my little pet," he said, pulling on the leather leash, "We are going for a walk. Perhaps you have to pee?"

I was forced out of the car, and tried to cover my naked body with my hands, but it was to no avail.

"Stand over here, Kat," he said pointing. "You are so cute. I want to get a picture of you here, near the red farmhouse. A few memories of our trip."

I looked over at all the people. They watched us with great interest. Since the sun was so brilliant, the dark blue-green hue was now but translucent, and my skin color was nearly completely visible making me look more naked. I wanted to die.

He started taking pictures of me with his phone. At first the sun made me look naked, however in a few moments, the large puffy clouds moved, hiding the sun behind them. My body turned blue-green once again. The crowd of people came closer and watched as he took pictures of me.

As he took several pictures of me while I was blue-green. The color of my skin against the natural background was stark. He told me to get into different positions -- bending over, squatting so my lips could be seen, and other obscene poses.

"Is this for a movie or something?" one woman from the tourists asked. She seemed to be of college age and was with her boyfriend. "Like a superhero movie or something?"

"No. We're going to a party for the weekend, and this is her outfit," he answered, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Oh my God, I thought she was in a body outfit, but she looks naked except for the paint!"

"Yeah, her outfit is just paint."

The crowd, which must have been 15 adults, moved closer.

"Are you ok with all this?" the woman asked me.

"Yes," I said, I agreed to it, with quite a bit of shame. "I'm his pet."

"Oh my. OK," she said, moving closer to me. "What does it feel like? Can I touch you?"

I was surprised by her audacity, but at the same time my embarrassment was diminished. Nobody was laughing at me. Quite the contrary. "Sure, that's ok."

The woman stood in front of me and touched my face and then ran her hand down my body. It felt weird to be treated like an object. However, she was gentle and she seemed generally interested, and I would almost say not just curious but envious. She was very pretty, but probably ten years older than me and her body was full. "You are so lovely", she kept repeating. I wondered if it was that she desired me or what she really wanted was to be like me at that moment, ten years younger again.

One of her companions took a photo of us. "Do you mind taking some pictures with my phone of us with your girlfriend?" a man said, who I ascertained was her husband or partner.

Before I had a chance to protest, Jake interjected "Sure. She would love that."

The woman put her arm around me and posed for the photo. Jake snapped several pictures of me with her arm around my waist. He directed me to different positions.

"Kat, why don't you turn around, then twist to look into the camera? That's great. Now bend over a bit so we can get a better view of your pussy from behind and she can stand next to you. Great, now pull your ass cheeks apart so we can see your anus and your pussy lips hanging down."

I did as I was told. The couple were very appreciative and each kissed me on the cheek. The man asked if he could touch my nipples and my pussy. I agreed, reluctantly.

After her, several other people came forward taking turns to pose with me. I was mortified. Jake took several photos of me with the tourists, making me get into lurid positions, showing all parts of my naked body.

One of the tourists was a young woman my age. In fact, she had a remarkable likeness to me, except she had blond hair. I had seen a young woman in the group that seemed more bashful. She kept looking at me. It was as if I had known her. When I looked at her, she would move her gaze away, but I knew she had been staring at me. Not at my body, but rather into my eyes.

A friend standing next to her pushed her forward.

"Stand with her, Anya," her friend said. "You know you want to."

"Your name is Anya?"

This was a coincidence. I was confused, but then had a vague memory of a little girl. She had that name. But, I couldn't remember. Not the details, at least. I had a notion of something alarming, however the thought escaped me.

"I'm Kat. It's as if I have already met you."

"You have. You have always known me."

She stood in front of me. She then touched my face.

"Come on, Anya, stand next to her and I will snap the photo," her friend implored, impatiently.

After her initial shyness, she was quite bold, first putting her arm around my waist, but then touching my bum and eventually pushing her fingers between my ass cheeks. Suddenly, I then felt her finger rubbing between my pussy lips. "You are so wet," she whispered seductively. I was startled at first, but then moved my hips with the same rhythm that her fingers worked my pussy.

With her other hand, she pinched my nipples.

The fact that she was fully clothed and using me like this in front of everyone, while they took photos or videos of us, I had been completely oblivious. Her fingers moved back and forth between the blue lips of my pussy. "Kat, you are so beautiful," I heard her say in my ear. "I want to make love to you." My clit was on fire. She put her fingers to her mouth and tasted my juices. "Mmm, you taste so good," she whispered, and then resumed rubbing my pussy as she held me from behind, one hand on my pussy, the other rubbing my breasts, and occasionally squeezing my nipples between her fingers.

After several minutes, I felt my orgasm approach and like a gentle wave it overtook me. I wanted to collapse to the ground as my body convulsed, her holding me from behind.

She kissed my neck and said, "I will never forget you."

--

Before saying goodbye to the group, we began to walk back to our car.

"Jake?"

"Yes, my little pet?"

"Can we get going? We really need to find a bathroom. I need to pee. It's been a while..."

"You can do it here."

"But with these people," I protested. "I mean, there isn't any privacy."

"You are a pet -- a cat," he said without paying too much attention. The leash held me close to him. "Just squat down and do it here."

I hesitated, but then obeyed. I squatted down. First, I looked at all the people around me. They watched my blue-green body in that squatting position, my pussy more visible. I looked down, and the steady stream of pee began.

When I finished, Anya--the young woman who had taken the picture with me and made me orgasm -- approached and spontaneously handed me a bouquet of freshly picked flowers: lavender, wild orchids, and poppies. "These are for you. I love you."

I couldn't be sure, but I noticed that on her face and hands, a slight hint of my blue-green paint had rubbed off onto her. It hadn't happened to any of the others -- only her.

ELEVEN: THE CHÂTEAU

We continued descending into the valley from the long narrow hillside road on our way to the Chateau. At one point, the expansive estate came into our view. It was a large beautiful stone villa surrounded by vast green gardens and large fluffy trees. The color of the stone seemed to glow a warm gold color in the afternoon sun. The landscape around the estate consisted of rolling green hills and well groomed vineyards.

As we drove closer, the road was lined with cypress trees that casted long shadows along the road and lawns. Driving along the road, light and shadows were intermittent -- when in the light of the sun, the paint on my body became transparent and I appeared naked, however, in the shade of the tree, my skin turned its characteristic blue-green.

We finally arrived at the entrance of the estate, protected with high wrought iron gates, with an entrance having tall stone pillars that were topped with a medieval coat of arms and stone carved lions on either side. A uniformed servant opened the iron gates, allowing us to pass. He waved to Jake, giving the impression that he had seen him many times. We drove along the long gravel road that led to the castle. On both sides of us were vast lawns with gardens, statues, and fountains.

As we drove, I looked out the window. It seemed like a dream and everything moved as if in slow motion. In the distance, I saw two figures on horses gallop towards us. When they were close enough, I realized they were remarkably beautiful young women in dark navy equestrian uniforms. They were happy to see Jake and galloped alongside our car, waving and showing great enthusiasm for our arrival. One made a motion that seemed to indicate that they would meet at the house. As immediately as they arrived, they departed with great agility, springing into a gallop towards the Chateau.

After seeing the young women, Jake seemed to be in good spirits. It was as if he suddenly felt at home on the grounds of this grand Château and his inner youth had been liberated. He told me the history of the large mansion, explaining that at one time Château Saint-Dei was a fortress - a rather austere and unassuming fortress to counter the onslaught of the Carther invaders. However, he said, it later went through a conversion into a grand home by the aristocratic owners, adding sections of the castle with both Renaissance and Baroque styles.

---

"Before we go in, darling," Jake said, "You have to put these on."

They were cuffs. I hadn't expected this. Oh my god -- why was Jake doing this? And all the people that would be here -- is this the plan that they had expected?

"But, Jake, I..."

"Be a good pet and obey," he said, more stern than he had in the past. "I don't want to hurt you."

He held leather straps meant to tie my wrists. It all happened so fast, but I tried to resist. However, before I had time, he had wrapped them around my wrists. I wriggled, but he held me firmly, tightening the cuffs so that the pressure on my wrists seemed unbearable. I was in a state of utter panic and I became dizzy. felt as if I would faint.

--

"BP is dropping fast--80 over 50 and falling. She's barely perfusing."

"Katrina, hang in there. Don't give up. We are almost there."

I was back on the ship. It was moving violently back and forth.

---

"Sorry, darling, this is going to hurt a little bit, but it's 'rules of the house'."

He then twisted my arms behind my back, in a position that I felt would break my bones. I heard a sharp metallic click as the cuffs locked onto the O-ring on my neck collar behind my back. The forced position arched my spine, thrusting my chest outward, leaving me more exposed.

"Come on, Kat," Jake sneered, cruelly. "Let's meet the guests. And remember -- you must do everything you're told. Do you hear me? Or else, you'll live forever with this paint on you."

I trembled with fear and swallowed hard, but the neck choked me. "What is happening, Jake? I thought you cared about me."

He grabbed my naked body, his grip digging into my flesh as he yanked me. "Quiet. This is for your own good. However, you have to learn to be a sexual slave. You are here to be trained properly. And these people know how to do that."

However, unlike the apparent kindness of his voice, he shoved me violently and sent me stumbling. He then caught my cuffed arms and forced me towards the central entrance. The sun was shining brilliantly overhead. I glanced down at my body. The paint had become completely translucent in the light, revealing every inch of my naked body.

We approached the main tall double oaked doors, with their polished brass handles and intricate carvings.

Then, as if sensing our arrival, the doors swung open.

Two men stood at the entrance, dressed in tuxedos. Their backs were straight, their chins lifted with confidence, and their expressions of dignity yet unreadable.

"Jake, old man. Good to see you,"

"Gentleman."

We entered the main entrance. It was a large foyer that had marble floors, leading to a curved staircase. I had a hard time walking with my arms cuffed behind my back, hooked to the tight neck collar. felt choked and out of breath and nearly lost my balance from the way that Jake was pulling me violently.

"So this is the entertainment for the weekend. A wonderful creature," one of the men said.

I felt small in this large room. Also, being naked amongst all these men fully dressed was humiliating. I looked around me. The walls are adorned with old paintings and several portraits of aristocrats, presumably past owners of this chateau. Above us, immense crystal chandeliers were hanging from large ironwork from the stone ceilings.

"Pet, you will be staying here with these nice gentlemen. You like being treated like a sex slave, don't you?" he whispered to me as he dragged me. "Well, now you will know what it is like for real with these sadomasochist perverts."

The men approached.

"I must say Jake, you have outdone yourself this time. And covering her in blue-green paint is just incredible. Come. You shall have a sherry with us and we will complete your payment in the library."

I was dumbfounded and blindsided. I still didn't quite understand, since I was in a state of shock. Jake wasn't my boyfriend, nor a corporate head-hunter -- he was another kind of head-hunter -- a pimp, and he had procured me for this group of perverted super-rich.

Just then, the two young equestrian women we had seen earlier approached us. Each kissed Julian before turning their attention to me. They studied me in the same way and with a gaze one might give to a newly purchased item. One reached out and touched my breast and pinched my nipples. She seemed quite nice and smiled at me. I had the feeling that it was as if her father had bought her a new cat.

"She's lovely," the girl said, her voice full of enthusiasm and great anticipation, eager to explore the upcoming fun she would have with me.

The other walked around me and then put her hand between my legs, rubbing it along my slit.

"The pet is already wet," she said.

I was not only an object, but I had become a sexual slave for real. I must have fainted as Jake grabbed my arm violently and began to drag me across the floor.

---

"She's in hypovolemic shock from the blood loss. We need to keep her from tanking. Wide open fluids, normal saline, 500cc bolus--quickly!"

"She's tachycardic--heart rate is at 145. Shit. She's heading toward cardiac collapse."

---

I regained consciousness, moments later. When I looked around I was in a large salon within the castle. But, this was no ordinary room, it was lined with with ominous instruments of torture. In the dim lighting of the room, the paint on my skin had returned to the deep blue-green hue.

"Now, my darling. Let's have a look at you," Jules said. He held me by the shoulders as he looked up and down my naked body. "You are very beautiful, Kat. And not a bit of body fat as we requested."

My wrists were still cuffed behind me and my heart was racing. The two young women were standing next to him.

"Be calm, my dear," he said calmly and soothing me. "You are very lovely and nothing will happen to you," he said. "We will all just have some fun."

"And Jake? Where is he?"

"He had to go," Jules said. "But you have no need to worry. You'll be returned home at the end of the week or when we are finished with you."

My throat tightened. "And this paint on my body?"

"Don't trouble yourself with that now. Jake has assured us that it will be removed. All in good time, my darling. In good time."

I wasn't sure I believed him. However, being bound like this, I didn't have a choice.

"Right now, you will be cleaned up and prepared for the party tonight," Jules continued. "Unfortunately for you, your Mistress is a bit strict. I'd suggest you be extra obedient."

At that moment, I heard the sharp click of heels behind me.

Jules turned, pleased. "Ah, excellent. And, also, I believe you already know your Mistress."

I turned and then froze.

To my shock, it was Nika.

TWELVE: REFLECTION IN GOD'S EYE

I strained my eyes, struggling to focus and understand the situation. "Nika? Is that you? What are you..."

"Silence!" she screamed firmly

Just then, I heard and felt a whip crack against my chest before I could react. I let out a cry as a searing pain erupted across my breasts. I buckled and my body recoiled involuntarily, however, my arm restraints left me exposed.

"You look surprised, little one," she taunted with some amusement.

I tried to speak, but in shallow gasps. "But, I don't understand."

Nika laughed coldly. "How else do you think you met Jake, you stupid little slut? Do you really believe you attracted him? That he would lower himself to such a pathetic little slut as you?"

Her harsh words took me off guard and left me destroyed and confused. My mind struggled to make sense of all this. It was surreal. First Jake, and now Nika, whom I thought was my dearest friend.

She turned to Jules. "I'll take her to the chamber in the cellar and prepare her. We'll have a little fun." She turned to me. "Won't we, little Kat?"

Jules nodded but looked at Nika sternly. "Be careful with her, Nika. Don't damage her. Or you will know what will happen."

Nika smiled wryly. "I'll do my best to make sure she is unharmed."

She yanked on the leash that was fastened to my collar without saying another word. The pull was firm and I was taken slightly off balance. I stumbled forward, following her behind her out of the room and into the unknown depths of the castle.

----

The Château du Saint-Dei was immense, with long winding corridors and what seemed like endless passageways. Apart from that, there seemed to be an eternal cold draft that made the candlelight flicker along the dark hallways. As Nika dragged me by the chain, I was chilled to the bone, not helped by the icy cold stone floors on my bare feet. There was an eerie and dark feeling as long shadows danced on the walls as we hurried to the destination I knew nothing about and could only fear.

As I trailed behind Nika, I saw servants pass who were strangely silent. Some that were dressed in white, were expressionless and moved with an eerie stiffness. Others didn't look like servants at all, but rather appeared pale, sickly, and with their eyes hollow like ghosts, as if they hadn't slept in years. Something about all this was not right. All seemed incongruent to the situation, and at times I felt they were fragments pierced together from my memories. However, I couldn't understand anything from these abstract clues, that only produced a harrowing feeling of déjà vu.

As we passed the doors--each marked with a plain, unremarkable plaque bearing a room number--distant wails drifted through the air, anguished cries echoing from within, the sounds of suffering. Yet beneath them, I caught fleeting traces of something else--calm, official voices, almost clinical. They dissolved before I could grasp their meaning, swallowed by the next wave of screams.

We arrived at the end of the hallway, Nika's heels continued to click sharply on the stone as she strode ahead, tugging me violently behind her with each step. I struggled to keep up, my bare feet slipping on the cold surface, with my bound arms throwing me off balance. The neck collar, tight around my neck, constricted my breath and left me gasping.

I looked around, even with the rapid pace and limited movement of my neck from the collar and leash. The room had high ceilings and rows of tall mirrors and large paintings covered the walls. I looked into one of the mirrors as we passed it.

For a moment, I saw my reflection with perfect clarity: my short hair, my naked body painted in the blue-green hue, my arms bound behind me, Nika pulling me violently by the leash. I wanted to die. I squeezed my eyes shut, accepting whatever was my fate.

But as we moved, something strange occurred.

For a fraction of a second, when we passed another mirror and I looked in -- my reflection changed. I wasn't bound. I wasn't naked or painted. For a fraction of a second -- I was standing there in a loose hospital gown, its pale blue fabric hanging limply against my emaciated body.

I stopped breathing. The air suddenly smelled sharp, sterile, and antiseptic.

My pulse quickened. I blinked hard. But, when I opened my eyes again and passed the next mirror, my reflection was like it had been before. I was once again a naked sexual pet, painted blue-green, being led forward on a leash.

Nika stopped. "You stupid bitch. Walk faster," she snapped. Searing pain tore across my skin as before. Since I couldn't use my hands to defend myself, I closed my eyes to brace myself from her incessant whipping.

---

"Shit. Pupils are sluggish. How much paint did she swallow?!"

"They said a shitload. Her mouth's stained--thick, white residue in the back of her throat. Airway's patent, but her breathing's shallow. Very low. Damn it, she's hypoventilating--oxygen's at 88%."

I heard ripping sounds. The ship was rocking back and forth more than ever. The cabin of the ship had an eerie silence, with only a sense of a dim clamour far off in the distance.

"That paint's got solvents--they're depressing her central nervous system. She's headed for respiratory failure. Prep the BVM!"

---

We were in the chamber. I must have been tied to a table. I felt a deep chill that seeped into my bones.

I looked down at myself. My skin was slick with water, covered in thick soap suds. They clung to me, and I shivered with the cold dampness of the cellar chamber. I was being cleaned.

"Ah, pet." Nika said. "You have woken up. Did you have a nice sleep?"

She smirked. "You seemed to have passed out from your whipping. What's the matter? Not strong enough to handle a little well deserved discipline?" she smiled, mocking me with cruelty. "Don't worry. We'll fix that. You'll learn very soon."

She turned to a nearby table covered with instruments. When she returned, she held two metal wands, each attached to cables.

"This is going to hurt a bit," she said with a cruel smile. "Part of your punishment, you stupid bitch, for giving me so much trouble."

My eyes widened in terror and then the paint hit me with a terrible shock, and everything went blank.

--

"Good morning, Katrina."

"Hi doctor."

"Did you rest well?"

"Yeah. Good enough, I guess."

"I brought you some flowers. A bouquet of lavender, wild orchids, and poppies. I picked them this morning on my way to work for you."

"Thank you."

"Oh, and also some cigarettes."

"Hm. OK, I think I'll have one. Do you mind?"

"No. That's why I brought them here. I see here that you didn't want your 'meds'."

"They don't help; they just make me sleepy."

"What about the pain?"

"Its ok. Hurts mostly."

"Food?"

"Not yet. These are strong. What brand are they?"

"Camels"

"I'd walk a mile for a Camel."

"What?"

"Oh nothing."

"Alright. Today you seem a bit distant. Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Nah, I'm just worried that the paint will never come off."

"It will. I am sure. Does the paint bother you?"

"Well, not really. But, the people here look at me funny."

"The other patients or staff?"

"Yeah, everyone."

"Like you are an object or a cat, right?"

"Something like that. And they can read everything about me on the surface of my skin."

"Maybe we can get something to take the paint off."

"Doesn't exist. I already told you."

"OK, but maybe there is a way that if we can't remove it, then it can't be noticed."

"I tried."

"Are you blue-green now?"

"No. The light. Remember?"

"Yes. Of course. Here it says that you had a hard time in the group session. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Not really, but I will. You see, they came to fetch me and led me there to the room on a leash.

"On a leash?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think they would do that here, but I believe you if that's what happened."

"OK, thanks. That's how it happened."

"Go on, please."

"So, I arrived there and one of them said they wanted to see my blue-green painted body. They said I didn't look blue. They were clearly wrong. So, I removed my Johnny gown and showed my naked body. That's when things kind of got wild. Some asked if they could touch, and I said they could. When the nurses came in, there were a bunch of them feeling me up and others -- the guys -- with their gowns off and cocks out trying to gang fuck me. It's a real loony bunch."

"I see. So, that was unfortunate."

"You mean when the nurses arrived?"

"No. That the other patients should act that way."

"Yeah, I guess so. But I didn't tell them they couldn't. And, it is the first time they saw a naked woman painted blue-green."

"Maybe it would be best to keep your clothes on in the future."

"Alright."

"Before your boyfriend -- the one that painted you..."

"I painted myself."

"Right."

"He sent it to me and told me to do it, but I did it to myself."

"Right. Sorry. OK, before him, did you have another relationship?"

"You mean the Oviquens?"

"No, I mean besides them. Or did you only have them?"

"No.... I,.... Uhm..."

"Yes?"

"I don't seem to remember."

"Did you have a family?"

"What do you mean?"

"A husband? A daughter?... Katrina? Katrina, are you ok? Katrina, what is wrong?"

"I think I want to go back to my room. I am not feeling well."

"Alright. I'm sorry. I'll call the nurse."

---

THIRTEEN: SACRAMENTAL FLESH

I awoke. I was very disoriented and ached all over. My arms were outstretched and my wrists fastened to a cross, while my legs were pulled apart with my ankles also fastened with cuffs.

"Ah, my pet," a man's voice said. It was the voice of the man from before. "Nika has done a wonderful job cleaning you up."

I lifted my head. The room was dark, the only light from large candles positioned around the room, as if a medieval castle. We seemed to be in a large stone hall.

The man who spoke to me -- presumably the owner of the Château -- was no longer in a tuxedo, but rather what looked like a monk's robe, his head covered with a hood, such that his face was partially covered in shadows. Around his neck was a thick chain from which was attached an ornate three pronged cross with strange archaic symbols -- they were text.

"You are now ready for the ceremony."

I saw a group of people approaching in black robes that covered their heads and bodies. They walked barefoot. Each held a candle as they walked towards us. There seemed to be music, which sounded like gregorian chants. These robed figures approached in complete silence. Their candlelights were casting elongated shadows against the cold stone walls. As they approached the chanting started to swell into a loud and overwhelming mantra.

At first, I didn't understand the words they were saying, however, I suddenly realized that the mantras were chanting my thoughts. These were very personal and haunting thoughts that only I could have had. How could they know?

Was I going mad? I squeezed my eyes shut.

--

"She coded en route, came back after epi and compressions--she's going down fast."

"Deep lacerations, massive toxic intake. Get her on the table--charge to 200 in case she arrests again."

"BP's still crashing--no radial pulse! Starting a second line!"

"She's bradying down. Heart rate's at 40--she's going into full system collapse!"

"Get ready to push another epi--"

"Monitor is going flatline."

---

"Why did you come back? Weren't you on a cruise?"

"Got called back."

"What? By whom?"

"Just being dramatic. Nobody called. I just couldn't leave you here alone."

"To persecute me more?"

"Yeah. Up until the final act, as they say in Hollywood."

"What?"

"Oh don't mind me."

"You have a way of cheering me up."

"Mind if I sit on the bed with you?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

"Pretty comfy, this."

"It's ok."

"I wouldn't mind getting under the covers with you naked."

"And do what?"

"Cuddle with you."

"That is sweet. You can sometimes be so nice to me."

"Don't get badly accustomed. After cuddling, I would poke you in both your holes!"

"Yeah, I figured there was an ulterior motive. It's not going to happen, so forget it."

"Yeah, ok They got you wired up good, sister."

"These?"

"Yeah, more tubes and wires in you than an astronaut. What's this here? Your medical report? Ah... Let's have a look."

"You're not supposed to be looking at that."

"Uff. Not good. Nopey-dopey, not good at all."

"You are trying to make me feel worse."

"Don't worry. Look on the bright side, when you're a stiff, you won't change color."

"That is not the bright side."

"Probably right. Look, I think I'll call the gang. You know. To wish you farewell and all."

"Don't write me off. I am not going anywhere."

"Yeah. OK. gotcha. See you in a bit."

"Bye."

----

When I opened my eyes. I was no longer cuffed and spread out on the cross. I was standing. All around me, in a circle were the hooded figures holding the candles and chanting. Behind me was a stone altar, adorned with a deep red cloth.

One figure moved forward. The person undid the ties of the robe and it fell to the floor. It was a woman. She stood naked. It was one of the beautiful women that had been on the horses.

The young woman's face was angelic and so beautiful. It was then that I felt a strange notion that I had known her before. She looked like another dancer in my ballet company. She looked a lot like Grushenka -- the favorite of Mitya.

It was then that a fragmented memory entered my mind. She and Dmitri were in my apartment. What were they doing there? There were screams. There was a lot of blood. I was being carried. The apartment was a mess with blue paint all over the floor and furniture.

She -- the girl who looked like Grushenka -- came close to me and began to kiss me. However, her lips were ice cold. They were so cold it hurt me to the touch. She proceeded to kiss my mouth and then run her hands down my blue-green body. Her hands made me shiver from the cold.

She pushed me backwards onto the stone altar. I lay there not knowing what would happen next. She climbed up onto the altar and moved her nimble body over mine, straddling my face so that her pussy was just above my mouth. I felt her then sink down on my mouth and began to rock back and forth. She moved her hips back and forth, grinding her pussy all over my face. Occasionally, she would move off my face and rub her pussy over each of my nipples. From her pussy emerged a thick cold fluid. At first it was only a few drops but then developed into a flow that nearly drowned me. All the while, she moved back and forth, her ice cold pussy making my mouth seeth with pain. As quickly as she started, she had an orgasm, and with great agility, jumped off of the altar.

I hadn't had time to move, when I felt someone take the place where she was previously. This time it was a young man. I couldn't see his face, but his body was thin, muscular, and magnificent. He also straddled my face, pushing his hard cock down to my mouth. As it entered my mouth, I initially tried to resist, but found I couldn't move my body. His cock began slowly in and out. He then shifted his position so his body was spread over me, with his cock pumping into my mouth like a spring.

Like the woman, the young man quickly orgasmed, filling my mouth with cold cum. Just like the girl had done, he sprung off the altar, only to be replaced by another naked person amongst the guests.

This continued until all of the entire crowd had either fucked my mouth, pussy, or ass. During the entire time, I lay on the altar like a sacrificial flesh. Indeed, I had lost all notion of what was happening.

Several of the naked people, all extremely beautiful, came and helped me stand up from the altar. I could barely keep my balance, my body had been so utterly used and I had orgasmed what seemed like hundreds of times. Yet, despite what seemed like a gang fuck, I had the sensation that I had known each one of these people intimately, and that somehow they knew me too.

As I stood there, I looked all around me. To my surprise, I could just make out in this low candle light that each one of the naked figures were stained with my blue-green paint. They weren't completely covered, but on their naked bodies were telltale signs of my paint that had rubbed off onto them.

When I looked down at my body, I was no longer a deep blue-green. There were still some spots of the paint, but I was no longer covered as before. I wondered if Nika had applied some type of chemical, and by these bodies rubbing against mine, all remnants had been removed. Nonetheless, I felt terribly weak. It was as if the evaporation of the paint had left me drained.

At that moment, I noticed that there was now only one robed figure. The frame of the figure was slight -- presumably a woman -- and her hood completely covered her head and face since her gaze was downward. She stepped forward. The robe was of a different color than the others. I still could not see her face since it was obscured by the hood. She then lifted a three pronged cross from her chest. It was similar to the one that the owner had shown, but this one seemed different. I could read the inscriptions.

They were fragments of a small text. Oh my God, they were in my handwriting. They were from a note I had written just before.... something. I don't remember.

Fragmented images flooded my confused mind. The bathtub. The knife. The journal notebook.

I tried to close my eyes and not look. However, the hooded woman moved forward and pressed the cross on my chest. From it, a spreading chill overtook me. While she pressed it against me, all the warmth in my body seemed to drain from me and go towards that cross.

As she held the cross to my chest, all the other naked figures standing around us began to murmur then chant some unknown words. It began as before, slow, and then deliberate.

When the clamour reached a deafening roar, it stopped. Suddenly and immediately we were left in a chilling silence. The hooded woman stood there without moving. Completely still.

I felt cold all around and the room seemed to fill with a thick fog.

The silence was so unbearable that I felt alone -- even as I looked around and there were so many naked people standing around me -- except for one -- the hooded woman.

She stood looking down, with the hood covering her head.

I walked forward. With all the boldness and courage I could muster, I reached slowly for the hood of the woman, to remove it from her head and reveal her. She did not stir. I clenched the sides of the fabric and slowly pulled it down over her head.

I walked backward one step, but kept my eyes fixed on her. She slowly lifted her head and revealed her face.

I shuddered in horror -- because the woman was ME.

I was looking at myself -- a lifeless version of me, with her skin pale, lips blue, and hollow eyes.

My legs gave way, and I fell to the floor.

--

"I think we lost her."

"Silence. There's still a pulse. Wait a moment."

"Come on, there is movement again."

"Start compressions! Give me another round of epi--NOW!"

"Come on. Push her chest and get another epinephrine into the IV line."

"She's going flatline again!"

---

FOURTEEN: EPILOGUE

"Good morning, Katrina."

"Hi, doctor."

"You look pretty today."

"Thanks. Maybe it's because my hair is in a ponytail. My mom said she liked it like this."

"They tell me you are leaving soon."

"Yeah."

"I can't stop you, since you came here voluntarily. But I think you should stay. I want to help you."

"I know. Do you have any cigarettes? You know, those camels."

"Yeah. Sure. Here."

"Thanks."

"Do you really want to leave?"

"Yes. It's time."

"What about those hallucinations?"

"That's your definition. But, yeah. I think they stopped forever this morning."

"Why?"

"Because they came to see me to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?"

"Yeah. They said that they were going fishing."

"Fishing?"

"Yeah. They're birds, or kind of bird-like. Don't you remember?"

"Oh yes. I remember. What do you think about that? I mean to say that they won't bother you any more?"

"Hm, they said that it was because my time was up. That I wouldn't make it."

"Well, I am glad you won't see them again, but not for the reason they think."

"Don't know. They're often right. Since they don't think too much about my feelings, they often speak the truth."

"Let's talk about something else."

"You brought them up. But, let's. I like these camels by the way."

"Do you want another?"

"Sure. Why not? It's not like I have to worry about long term risks. Thanks."

"You left yesterday abruptly."

"Yeah."

"Was it because I mentioned something about a family?"

"Sort of."

That upset you?"

"You might say that. More than when the loonies tried to gang fuck me in the lounge."

"Well, let's forget about that incident for the moment, unless it is bothering you. Does it?"

"The gangbang? No. It bothered me that the nurse stopped them."

"OK. It's best that we change the topic."

"I was just messing with your head, doctor. Yeah, it bothered me."

"I know."

"OK, there was a daughter. I mean to say, I had a daughter. She was early - premature. Her name was Anya. She didn't make it -- she was too underdeveloped. She died after a few days. She would be five now."

"I'm so sorry, Katrina."

"Thanks."

"Was there a father?"

Of course there was a father. But he's married."

"Oh."

"His wife, Nika, found out. She hated me and tormented me. He -- well, Alexei -- that's his name -- left me just before the baby died."

"That is difficult for you. I'm so sorry, Katrina."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"But, you must and can overcome this. You are young. And, you can't torture yourself for that."

"It's too late."

"No. It's never too late."

"Yeah, ok, but what about this paint? What do I do about that? What do I do about the information on my surface?"

"I think that is your own mental construct. Sometimes, we invent things so that we can cope."

"Perhaps, with others. Not with me. I'm different. This is all real."

"Why do you believe that?"

"Well, they say that love travels at the speed of light. I once believed because of that, love had other powers just at the edge of the possible. That love could forget about all the emptiness that is inside."

"You can still believe in that, Kat."

"No. I now know something more about space-time."

"What do you mean?"

"Inside a black hole, light can no longer move. It stays still. All the love that was has already traveled and is on the surface of the black hole."

"Then it is still there. You see? You still have so many possibilities. An infinite amount of possibilities in life to love again."

"No. It's the gravity. That's the only possibility. There are not infinite many possibilities, but rather one -- a total collapse. What remains, gets written to the surface; on that dark horizon that spins, until it spins out of control."

"Kat, you are not a black hole. It is only a metaphor that you invented."

"Yeah, maybe. Yet, even on the boundary of the black hole -- where all the information remains for all to see -- the entropy is slowly radiated away. Evaporated into nothingness -- until no reference of its existence remains."

"You are forgetting that love leaves impressions on all of us that are left behind."

"This cigarette is strong. There was a slogan I saw in an old magazine for this, 'I would walk a mile for a camel.' It made me laugh. I would walk a mile for so many things right now."

"Katrina, stay here at Sanctus Dei."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because, the tension on the surface of my skin has already begun to fade. It's already coming apart."

"What do you mean?"

"I have lost so much information. Like a sun, trying to shine right across the universe. There just wasn't enough time. Not enough -- space. Oh fuck, I don't know the reason. There isn't enough of whatever stuff makes up the universe."

"Katrina, there is always more time. It is never too late."

"Uff. I'm very hot now. The surface tension is breaking apart. I'm burning up like a thousand suns."

"Kat, perhaps you shouldn't remove your gown."

"It's ok. I want to be naked. We are alone here. And, I want to be naked with you. I want you to see every part of me."

"Alright. If that's what you want."

"Yes. I do."

"You are a very beautiful woman, Katrina."

"Even like this? Painted blue-green?"

"Even. Perhaps more so -- like this, showing everything of your inside on your surface."

"That's sweet. Thanks."

"It's true."

"Julian?"

"Yeah?"

"Please come sit next to me. And -- hold me."

"You want me to hold you?"

"Yes."

"Why do you want me to do that?"

"It's what people do at times like these."

"Times like what, Katrina?

"When they are scared, waiting for the inevitable."