Secrets Ch. 45

45

After Master's visit and talk, trying to concentrate on work in the afternoon seemed as difficult as it had ever been. The plug inside me intensified my sensations, but anticipating the conversation he wanted me to have -- insisted that I have -- that really made me tremble.

If I had to confess to enjoying being plugged so much that I actually added the toy to the torment I was already feeling, I knew that I'd have to confess to the truth that I had toys like that plug in the house. Of course she'd ask if there were other toys. I didn't want to be lying any more. Now that she was taking a role as my Mistress, the secrets were something I truly wanted to leave behind me, but I didn't want to ruin things by reminding her of my past failures.

I decided on impulse to go downstairs and bring all the toys and devices and clothing that I owned upstairs. I wanted to see it all. I thought that perhaps I could decide, piece by piece, which I might dare to confess owning and which I would get rid of instead. It was a surprisingly heavy load and it looked like so much when I spread it all out on the kitchen table.

There were cuffs and a collar and leash. There were blindfolds and gags. There were cock rings and a chastity cage and nipple clamps. There were the dildos and the plugs -- by category, there were more toys for my ass than anything else. That seemed telling, and of course the toys facing me didn't even include the one inside me at the moment.

Then there was the clothing. I had my own maid's uniform, as well as the cheerleader's costume and the schoolgirl outfit. There were panties and stockings and bras, and there were those breast forms, and the wig. This collection was telling so much about me.

It was a challenge, but I decided that the remote plug needed to go. It wasn't so much about hiding it or denying it, but I felt like it mirrored Master's decision to honour the collar now locked around my neck. That plug, perhaps more than anything else, was a sign of a personal link or connection to him.

Looking at all the remaining items, I felt a rising terror building inside me. Just like with the plug inside me, I was going to have to explain and confess to my wife and Mistress exactly why each one of these things was arousing and affecting for me. Those weren't the kinds of things I tried to define very often, even more myself. I just tended to know what caused me to slip into a subspace, and I went with them. It was hard to determine if I was more nervous about admitting I'd purchased all these things, or explaining why they turned me on.

I felt her control over my body and my life so powerfully in that moment. I had no way to release the tension or excitement I was feeling. I couldn't stroke and I certainly couldn't cum. I also couldn't escape the constant teasing of my physical situation. I could feel the way the panties held me, and the way every bit of feminine clothing hugged me differently. The plug felt so large, making itself known with every step or shift in my posture.

I moved all the toys upstairs and laid them out on a towel in the guest bedroom. I finished work, or gave up trying, and switched to tidying up the house and preparing dinner. When Jane finally arrived home, I was so happy to see her, and I hung on every little sign of her appreciation and approval. She entered the house in what seemed like a very good mood and, while she was surely tired from the long day as she often was on Mondays, smiles came readily to her lips.

I served her, but we still ate together. There were a number of times I had to stand and fetch things, such as wine to refill her glass, and every time I returned to my chair, I felt the plug reminding me of my duty of openness.

"I have something I would like to talk about, Mistress," I said at last, as I carried her wine glass to the living room after we finished.

"That sounds serious. What is it?"

"I hope you know that I'm so happy with what's happened with us. I love this collar, and I love the control that you've taken. It's still so strange and amazing, and I get a shiver every time I look down and see the rings and the tattoos."

"That sounds almost like there is a 'but' coming at the end of that," she said.

"Not at all. It is just that I want to show you how much I love you through all of this. I don't want to repeat any mistakes."

"What kinds of mistakes are you afraid of?"

"I never knew how to talk to you about the things in my mind or my imagination. I convinced myself that you wouldn't understand, and every time some small attempt on my part didn't work out the way I wanted to, I convinced myself that I shouldn't have tried. I don't really know how we got here now, but I can see that I was wrong. I just want to be yours, to serve you and to be with you, and to be all this for you." I blurted out, gesturing towards myself and my outfit.

"Tell me, hun," she said softly.

"I want nothing more than to serve you, Mistress, in the ways, shapes and forms that you want. That I know. In the past though, as I have learned about the kinds of things that you know that I've been interested in, well, I know that there are specific details that really affect me. They make me feel submissive and kinky and aroused. I want to tell you about them so that you know me. It doesn't mean that I just want you to be doing the things that I like, but I want you to know so that you can make your own decisions."

"I see," she nodded. "What kinds of things?"

"For one, butt plugs, Mistress. I added one to the outfit I wore today, Mistress, because when I have one in, it makes me feel so instantly and totally submissive and slutty and teased and used, and it felt perfect to feel that way today."

"Show me," she said.

I stood and turned my back to her, and I lifted up the back of my skirt, tugged down my panties and leaned forward. I reached back and pulled at my ass cheeks until I was confident that the base of the plug was visible.

"I see," she said at last. "And this is something that you already had?"

I didn't move, as I had been waiting for her commands, so I couldn't see her face.

"Yes, Mistress," I answered. "That's part of what I wanted to be open about, not wanting to make those same mistakes. In the past, I came to believe that I had to explore my kinky desires on my own. Every once in a while, as part of that, I would buy a certain kind of toy or something, to be able to feel them rather than just dreaming about them."

"And you still have these things?"

"Yes, Mistress. I do, but I don't want to hide them, or anything like them, from you anymore."

"Show them to me," she said.

Still not able to see her face, I stood upright and let her up the stairs and into the doorway of the guest bedroom. Seeing them all again, laid out like that, it seemed so much. I could look over now, to see her, but her expression gave nothing away.

"Tell me about them," she instructed. "Tell me how they make you feel."

I'm sure that I stammered and stuttered, as I tried to get it all out. Even with my day of planning, it felt strange and humiliating to try to put my deepest kinky emotions into words. I talked about how the plugs made me feel so full and teased, hinting at the influence gay panic had on the idea of anything in my ass being used to arouse me. Explaining the dildos was similar, but perhaps even worse. She compared them to the ones she had purchased, and I found myself admitting that I had sucked them as well as using them in my ass. Explaining blindfolds and gags seemed simpler, as the idea of giving up control while losing one of your senses or the ability to speak or respond was a clear bath of reasoning.

I dimly remember telling her about how the nipple clamps made me feel so sensitive, and how playing with my nipples like that was almost a substitution for stroking, when my cock was locked up.

After my explanation about how they were worn and how they got me hard faster and kept me there, she picked them up and laughed. It was the first expression of emotion she'd shown me.

"You won't need these anymore," she said, and idly tossed them into a waste bin.

"Yes, Mistress," I said softly.

"Come to think of it, I feel the same way about blindfolds. I'm going to want you to see what's happening. If I look amazing and you're not allowed to touch, I want you to see it. If there is another man here to pleasure me, you will get to see that too. Even if it is something as simple as seeing your reflection in the mirror, seeing yourself collared and marked and dressed as mine, I want you to see it.

"Yes, Mistress," I answered as she tossed the blindfolds in the bin as well.

"Talk to me about these outfits," she said. "I notice that they are costumes or typical slutty outfits, rather than just women's clothing or underwear."

"Yes, Mistress. I guess it's more about being teased by the idea of having to dress like that... being humiliated by it."

"So you're not turned on by dressing like a woman, but you are by being teased and shown off as a sissy?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"You're in luck then, since I've come to realize that it is so much fun teasing you in ways just like that. Do you know how the men I've slept with recently think about you or ask about you? They wonder if you're impotent and unable to satisfy me. Some of the observant ones ask me about the key around my neck and, when they do, I'm so happy to tell them about how you're locked up, only allowed to get hard if and when I give you permission. Of course, you saw Alex's reaction."

"Yes, Mistress."

"We will just have to make more of that happen. It was so fun having you around the house on the weekend in your maid's uniform, serving me and Jenn and Ken. From now on, you are not going to be allowed any 'boy' clothes unless you have to go out in public. You're going to dress in panties and stockings and lingerie. You're going to wear these maid's uniforms, and more than we'll buy you. Anyone and everyone I invite into our house is going to know exactly who you are now. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Mistress."

Somehow she could take my own kinks and turn up the volume on them enough so that I was terrified. Dressing up had gone from a rare game that I could play with certain people online to a whole new identity forced upon me. Every time I had even thought about running into Alex at work now, I blushed and felt my heart pound -- and now it was going to be that way with any other number of men or friends or houseguests?

"But not with these silly things," she said, adding the breast forms to the items in the trash. "First of all, I want your new rings to be visible. Secondly, you're not going to be dressing up like a woman -- you're dressing up as a sissy. If you really want tits, maybe you'll have to take estrogen."

"Yes, Mistress," I answered, but I could barely hear myself over the buzzing in my head.

Had she really suggested having me take hormones? Having me transition so fully and completely. Those choices were real and lasting and permanent, not to mention impossible to conceal, no matter how masculinely I dressed.

"So this is everything?" she asked.

"Yes, Mistress."

"Look at you. You're so nervous."

"Yes, Mistress."

"I want you to understand something, David. This is not a surprise to me. I know you've always thought you were so clever, able to hide your secret kinks or disguise all the time you spend alone on your computer. I'm your wife, and I could tell when your mind and your attention and your focus is elsewhere. I will be honest with you. It used to break my heart and I was so sure at times that it would always be something between us. I got some very good advice recently, however, and that was to look to my own pleasure. I realized that there were things that I wanted that maybe I couldn't get from you -- and that maybe it wasn't realistic to expect anyone could be expected to get everything they needed from just one other person. Ironically, as I took that advice and felt what it was like to invite another man into bed, I started to understand you a bit more."

"You did?"

"I did. You need these things. I honestly believe that when we'd have our fights about it and things would be better for a while, that you were trying to be that good husband or that good man that you thought you needed to be. Sooner or later, though, the same signs would be back. You'd be going to bed late, spending time alone on the computer or sneaking off downstairs when you thought I was asleep in bed. I'm not going to pretend that it didn't hurt me, but I feel like this new openness is freeing me from jealousy and letting me love you without fear again. I know you want to be my husband because you never left, even when you must have felt that all those things you wanted sexually weren't ever going to happen. Since I know you want to be mine, I'm making you mine completely, in the ways that I want. It is such a high seeing that collar around your neck and knowing that the key to it is mine. It gets me wet when I think of your cock trapped in that cage, aching and denied."

"Really, Mistress?" I asked.

"Yes. You like that don't you? Even though you know I could very well take that arousal and fuck someone else?"

"I do, Mistress. I've wanted to be able to turn you on so badly, and it makes me feel better than anything to do so, even if some other man gets to be the one inside you."

"Good. I honestly think that things are going to be different between us -- and not just in the obvious ways. I feel like we're seeing each other clearly, maybe for the first time. I forgive you for lying to me. I forgive you for hiding all these things from me. I even forgive you for all the things that haven't been said about the past. I know that when you talk about 'having to dress' in those outfits, that there was someone playing the part of being the one requiring it, even if it was just some anonymous person online, giving you enough of a reason for you to pretend it was for them. Some of what happens to you from now on may feel like punishment for that, and maybe it will be a little bit, but mostly it's just going to be because it pleases or amuses me to have it happen."

"I understand, Mistress."

"Good. I trust you understand that this new start isn't one between equals. I am your Mistress and owner, and you belong to me. You need only touch your collar to remind yourself of that, as you see that you're the only one wearing one."

"Yes, Mistress."

"Do you feel better now?"

"I do, Mistress. It wasn't easy to share all this with you."

"I'm sure it wasn't. I'm glad you did. I don't want you to keep things from me. I don't want you to think that all I want to hear from you is 'yes, Mistress this' and 'yes Mistress that.' I am going to want to know how you're reacting to things, and maybe even if there are things you'd like to happen that I might not guess. I'm not necessarily going to agree to all of them, but I want to know -- even if just so that you know I have the power to deny them, or give them as rewards."

"I will, Mistress," I answered. "Right now though, I wonder if you might like a drink."

"That sounds like a good idea," she answered. "Wine, or something stronger?"

"I was thinking scotch for myself, Mistress, but I'll get you whatever you'd like."

"That sounds good. Why don't you pour us both a real stiff drink," she said. "Right after you get into that schoolgirl outfit. I want to see you in plaid."

She rose and slipped away, leaving me there with the toys that had made the cut. I was frozen for a moment, but then kicked into my obedient mode. I stripped down to my chastity cage then began to redress in the uniform, which consisted of white thigh-high stockings with a lace trim, white thong panties that were mostly sheer, an obscenely short plaid skirt, and a white crop-top blouse that looked like it should have buttons but didn't, closing with a knot instead. A short necktie was included in a plaid pattern matching the skirt. The photo that came with it showed a very pretty girl with blond pig-tail braids, but there was no wig included. Given Jane's take on the fake breasts, I guessed that she wouldn't have wanted me wearing it anyways. I felt a fresh wash of humiliation flow over me as I looked down at myself.

Mistress was waiting for her drink, so I couldn't waste any more time. As I walked down the stairs, I wondered if a time was coming when high heels would be required of me as well, though I decided against volunteering that thought.

"Oh you look perfectly ridiculous and slutty!" she said as soon as I came into view.

"That's about how it makes me feel, Mistress," I answered.

I poured our drinks and carried them into the living room.

"Let me see your panties," she said as she sat and took her first sip of scotch.

I set down my glass and lifted up the skirt, turning slowly for her. I stopped and started with her instructions, even bending forward at the waist when she wanted a better look at me from behind.

"Very cute. The panties are so sheer I can even see the base of that butt plug through them. You can sit down now."

"Thank you, Mistress," I said, and took my seat, eagerly reaching for the drink and thankful for its strong taste on my tongue.

"So you like those things in your ass?" she asked bluntly.

"I do, Mistress. There's something about that feeling that drops me into subspace almost instantly."

"Subspace?"

"Sorry -- subspace just means a kind of state of mind where I feel almost blissfully submissive."

"And you get that from having a toy in your ass?"

"Well, not just that way, Mistress, but it helps. There is the physical sensation of it -- the kind of ache of fullness and the inescapable presence of it, but also that it's a kind of naughty secret."

"So, physical and mental," she said.

"Yes, absolutely."

"You like those kinds of things the best, don't you? When they have both those aspects to them?"

"Yes, Mistress. I suppose that I really do."

"Like, being told to suck another man's cock is one thing, but it is an entirely more powerful event when your wife is there watching, and it happens to be your boss, who she's going to fuck."

I blushed and squired, and I felt my trapped cock twitch.

"Yes, Mistress."

"I like that part too. It feels good to be with these new men. They are handsome and young and virile, and they happen to have some good sized cocks as well, but what really turns me on is when they tease you, or they find out that you know what I'm doing. They are going to love seeing you like this."

"You... you really want them to see me?"

"I do, and seeing you blush like that makes me want it even more."

"Yes, Mistress," I said, feeling the warmth and shame deepen.

"You like sucking cock, don't you?" she asked suddenly, and her frank curiosity surprised me. "I mean, it isn't just about the humiliation of it, or being 'forced' to do it, is it?"

I paused for a moment in silence, letting my thoughts find words.

"I think that I do. It started off with the idea of being forced to. Actually doing it, and feeling it and tasting it... I didn't expect that it would be like that. Feeling a man so aroused, in my mouth, because of me. Feeling his control, feeling that new kind of dominance. I do."

"It turns you on to suck cock. You can say it."

"It does, Mistress. It turns me on to suck cock. It's still kind of confusing or surprising to me. It isn't like I go around and look at men on the street and want to be with them. I don't know if it would be the same with someone who wasn't into that part of it, but as a submissive, yes, I definitely do like it."

"Well it turns out it's good you like turning men on, my little cock whore, what with you giving up having sex with women," she laughed.

"Yes, Mistress," I blushed.

"And, even luckier for you, I find that it turns me on to see you do it. I'm not going to pretend that I believe you learned all your skills practicing on those toys upstairs, but either way, you're too good at it not to do it more. I think you can assume that your future will involve a lot of cock."

"Yes, Mistress. Thank you, Mistress."

As soon as I said it, it felt so strange to be thanking my wife for such a pronouncement, but we both felt the words lingering in the air.

"It's getting late, and I'm tired. Let's go to bed."

"I'd like that," I said.

"Can you sleep with that thing in you?" she asked.

"Yes, Mistress," I answered, not at all sure how restful my night was going to be.

"Excellent. Let's go."

It had been a while since we had gone to bed together, at the same time. It felt nice, but also quite intentional on her part.

She looked so beautiful in her simple pajamas, and even more so as she smiled, looking at me stripped down to just the sheer white panties of the costume.

"We really have to get you some proper nighties," she said. "Also, your little display in the guest room has given me an idea."

"What is that?" I asked.

"I want you to turn the guest room into a kind of bedroom for your little submissive self. You can keep all your toys in there, properly stored and on display. We can make it pretty and pink to suit an emasculated sissy. Aside from being a better place to store your toys and all your pretty new clothes, it will also be nice to have a proper place for you to sleep, in case I happen to have a real man over to spend the night."

I think that "real man" and "spend the night" hit me like a one-two punch in a boxing ring. It was hard to argue the first part, especially dressed as I was. The idea of sleeping in the next room while she was in our bedroom with another man, here at home, was more of a surprise when it came to how the idea made me feel. I knew she'd be with other men, of course, but having them displace me from my bed while I was home was something that would make my place known so clearly, to me and to them.

"Yes, Mistress," I managed to say in response.

"That can wait for tomorrow," she said and she crawled into bed. "Come snuggle me."

In bed, she nuzzled back against me as I wrapped my arms around her. Just the lightest graze of my arms against her soft breasts tormented me, as did the roundness of her ass as she wriggled it back against me, teasing my caged cock.

Every sensation worked to torment me. I felt the collar and the cage. My panties hugged me and the plug filled me. More than all of that, or perhaps partially aided by it, my mind raced. The toys and my confessions seemed to have only inspired her to deepen her control over me. Just like when she finally caged me herself, she was making my part time fantasies into my full time, inescapable reality.

When I finally did drift off, it was not a restful sleep.

Interlude

Jane woke early the next morning, even before David did, which was out of the ordinary, but gave her the opportunity to turn and watch him sleep for just a few moments. She slowly pulled back the covers, seeing the strain of his cock and his morning wood trying with such futility to battle the confines of its cage. It still made her smile, feeling such total control over him, and knowing that all her teasing and taunting of him only made him want more.

His reaction to the collar and the piercings and tattoos had been to completely open up to her about hidden and secret fantasies. He had seemed so nervous and vulnerable that it had almost been sweet, but it still made her want to find even more ways to make him blush and squirm.

There was a power in controlling how many people knew about the new reality of her relationship with her husband, but being in charge of how and where that circle expanded made me smile to herself and feel very warm inside. Her best friend's husband knew. Her two lovers at work knew. There was now at least one man at David's office who knew, and she simply was thrilled by the idea that he might be shooting judging glances across the hallways or secretly whispering about him in executive boardrooms.

She wondered why she didn't have the same worry about whispers about her own behaviour at work. She'd taken two lovers there, and she'd even fucked within the confines of the office itself. Perhaps it was misplaced confidence, but she couldn't imagine either of them talking, as they'd risk their sudden good fortune disappearing as quickly as it had arrived. One thing she knew for sure now was that a woman like herself could find sex whenever she wanted it.

That very want was making her wet right then and there, so she placed her hand on David's shoulder and shook him gently until he woke. She could see the sleepy daze in his eyes as he opened them.

"I want your tongue in my pussy. Now."

"Yes, Mistress," he said immediately, and shuffled down in the bed, between her legs as she rolled onto her back, spread her thighs and lifted her knees.

She barely looked down as she relaxed and felt his eager tongue go to work. The longer she had him caged, the more eager he seemed to be about pleasuring her. His attention felt almost desperate, in a most wonderful and thrilling way. There had definitely been some wasted years of worry, or judgement of what she had known or discovered of his kinks, before she had known how they might complement her own growing interests.

David wasn't even fully awake when he started kissing and licking and lapping at the warm and ready pussy of his wife and Mistress. As the cobwebs cleared from his mind, he was aware of the uniqueness of his situation, but at that moment, he imagined that there were many men who might want to take his place. They might not be up for the enforced dress code or the chastity cage or any of the other new conditions placed on his sex life, but right then, with his tongue swirling inside her and his mouth full of her taste, he felt in an enviable position.

Jane felt her orgasm arriving at a wonderful pace, feeling her senses heighten and her muscles quiver. With a full-throated moan she let it all release, wrapping her legs around him and soaking his face. She rode his tongue until every wave had crashed over her, and she was panting with the pure pleasure of it all. She was even glad to know that it wouldn't be her laundering the bedsheets.

She let David wait as she showered, sending him down to make coffee while she did. He brought a cup up for her, and then got into the shower himself. Jane was waiting for him when he was finished.

"Do you have a full day in the office today?" she asked.

"Yes, Mistress. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but a number of meetings and a full to-do list."

"It will be your first day in the office since you've been collared," she said, smiling.

"Yes, Mistress," he blushed. "Though I don't think anyone will notice if I wear a shirt and tie."

"Good idea," she said. "Our little secret. Speaking of little secrets, it is so fun knowing you'll be wearing sexy panties under your clothes all day. So fun, in fact, that I found a pair of thigh-high stockings in my drawer that you will wear too, instead of boring old socks."

David looked nervous, but agreed with a soft "Yes, Mistress."

"Oh, and this too," she announced.

She held up one of the butt plugs that she had found still laid out on the guest room bed. It wasn't the largest one he owned, but it was in the top 25%.

"Oh god," he muttered, before correcting himself with another "Yes, Mistress."

"What is it?"

"It's just that... well... that's going to have me squirming and distracted all day, Mistress."

"That doesn't sound like a bad thing at all," Jane smiled. "That's kind of what I was going for, to tell the truth."

"Yes, Mistress. I think that will do it."

"I can already imagine your face as you sit across from people in your little meetings, sitting on this thing, squirming in your chair. Would you get even more distracted if one of those young women in the office wore a tight little top with too many buttons undone, or are you just thinking about the men in your office now?"

"I would still find something like that distracting, Mistress," he answered, still eyeing the size of the plug. "Even knowing the new truth you told me."

"And what is that?" she giggled.

"That I will never have sex with a woman again, Mistress."

"Very true," she smiled, just loving to make him say it. "What do they call that now? Pussy-free?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Maybe we can think about that for another tattoo for you, but not today. You'd best get dressed. You don't want to be late!"

Jane didn't want to be late either, but she also wanted to watch David get ready. She watched as he lubricated both the plug and his ass, then slowly and steadily pushed and turned and prodded the thing inside his body. It looked amazing and a bit painful, especially as the widest part of the plug pushed him open. Once that was passed, however, his body just seemed to suck it in, right up to the point where the toy's wide base nestled itself between his ass cheeks. She couldn't look away, not until he pulled panties on over it, and then rolled the stockings up his legs.

The whole rest of the morning, she watched him, sure she was noticing a change in the way he walked. Once they were both ready, she hugged him at the front door and kissed him deep and full. She even reached down and cupped his trapped package through his pants.

"Be a good boy today." she smiled.

Even after his morning service, the teasing had gotten her all hot and bothered again. Monday had been Theo, so now perhaps it was Mark's turn to benefit from her hunger. As she drove to work, singing along to the radio, she was quite sure it was going to be another good day.