Beyond the Palace Ch. 05

Beyond the Palace

by Davina Lee

*

Author's Note

The previous chapter ended with Matoaka once again snuggled in the arms of her shrine maiden, with Chihiro wiping away her tears and consoling her with kisses. You may also remember the chapter title, The Weeping Somnambulist.

But who is this sad sleepwalker? Is it the new girl, down by the stream, sobbing beside one of the wolf mothers? One of the other three new arrivals? Or is it perhaps Matoaka herself, leaking tears in the arms of her girlfriend whom she has trouble remembering?

Let's find out.

* * *

Chapter 5: The Somnambulist Awakens

Matoaka untucked the blanket from where it was wrapped tight around her shoulders and wiggled out from Chihiro's embrace. She sat up. Beside her, Chihiro blinked her eyes open.

"Where are you off to?" asked Chihiro, reaching out from under the blanket with one hand that she trailed over Matoaka's forearm.

"To the forest to collect blueberries and black raspberries. I had a dream about them last night. They were juicy and ripe and practically melting in my mouth."

"It's early," said Chihiro. "Come back to bed."

"It's not early," replied Matoaka. "It's almost mid morning. I've been lying here listening to the birds chirping for some time now."

Chihiro rolled onto one side and propped herself on her elbow. "I'll come with you," she said.

Matoaka shook her head. "The horses riding out last night. Riding out to search for the new girl. You were with them, weren't you?"

Chihiro nodded.

"Then you should rest," said Matoaka. "You've had a lot less sleep than I did."

Taking no heed, Chihiro continued pulling herself up to sitting. Matoaka stopped her from rising to her feet with a gentle hand placed on Chihiro's shoulder.

Matoaka cupped her hand and gazed into Chihiro's eyes, trailing her fingers over the skin of Chihiro's neck as she spoke. "I won't be long," said Matoaka. "I know where the best ones grow."

Chihiro held her lip in her teeth as she looked Matoaka's face up and down.

"If I were like you," said Matoaka, "I could just sneak out, quiet as the breeze, and you'd never know I was gone."

Chihiro frowned.

"I'm only teasing." Matoaka swooped in to brush Chihiro's cheek with her lips and then rose to her feet. "I'll be back before you know it, and I promise to bring you some delicious berries to eat."

Chihiro yawned and rubbed at her eyes.

"Sleep," said Matoaka. "You need it." Matoaka slipped through the opening to the lodge and stretched as she stepped into the morning light.

Matoaka fixed her gaze on the forest trail in front of her.

* * *

Matoaka pushed aside the last of the branches blocking her path to the stream and stood scanning the opposite bank with her eyes. Blankets had been arranged on the ground next to the fire and four girls were sitting in a semi-circle, pressed tight against their wolf mothers at their sides.

Two shrine maidens were seated in among the girls while another two were up and about, standing with the medicine woman with one shrine maiden holding a tightly wrapped bundle of sage and the other holding a shallow bowl.

Matoaka made her way to the opposite bank, gingerly hopping from one stone to another to keep her feet dry.

Grandmother appeared from beyond the trees with Theodosia in tow. Theodosia was holding a small clutch of kindling-sized sticks in her hand.

Matoaka frowned at the site of Theodosia's approaching. But, after a moment of fidgeting and moving her eyes between Theodosia, Grandmother, and the girls seated by the fire, Matoaka offered a small wave.

The medicine woman turned to Theodosia and selected a long, thin stick from the bundle Theodosia held out. The medicine woman put the end of the stick in the fire, leaving the length of it hanging out, before turning to the shrine maidens with the sage and the bowl.

"You should not be here," said Grandmother to Matoaka.

"She's here," said Matoaka, looking past Grandmother to Theodosia.

"Theodosia is helping."

"I want to help," said Matoaka.

"We have more than enough hands."

Matoaka stood fast.

"Respect for your elders is one of our core tenets."

Matoaka offered nothing in return.

Grandmother sighed. "Stay silent and stay out of the way."

Flanked by the two shrine maidens, the medicine woman took the end of the sage bundle between her fingers. She pulled at the end, drawing out a few stems and leaves into her cupped palm she held below. When she had accumulated a small mound of dried sage, the medicine woman transferred it to the bowl held by the other shrine maiden.

Matoaka watched as the medicine woman knelt by the fire to retrieve the long, thin stick she had selected from Theodosia's bundle. The end of the stick was alive with a dancing orange flame. The medicine woman touched this flame to the sage in the bowl. Smoke began to curl upward.

"Grandmother, are they--?"

Grandmother glared.

"Right," mumbled Matoaka, lowering her eyes. "Stay silent."

Matoaka raised her gaze to the activity around her once again. The medicine woman was passing her hands through the wispy column of smoke curling up from the burning sage. The medicine woman trailed her hands over her own head. She closed her eyes and trailed her fingers over her own eyelids. The medicine woman passed her fingers through the smoke and over her lips. And finally she held her hands to the center of her chest, over her heart.

Matoaka watched in silence.

Grandmother turned to Matoaka once more, saying nothing, but being sure to catch Matoaka's eye before stepping forth. Matoaka kept her gaze on the medicine woman who was now moving to the first of the four girls. Beside the medicine woman, the two shrine maidens trailed along, holding the sage bundle and the bowl with its wispy smoke.

Grandmother moved up beside the group. And after repeating the motions of the medicine woman, Grandmother moved to one of the three girls still curled up beside her wolf mother and bid her to stand. Grandmother passed her hands through the rising sage smoke and trailed her fingers, first over the girl's head, then her eyelids, her mouth, and finally, her heart.

Grandmother spoke as she touched her fingers to the girl in front of her. "We ask of Mother Earth the Creator. Help your children cleanse their minds of the burdens they have suffered in the past.

"Clear their vision so that they may see the love surrounding them now.

"Let them speak pure and kind words to those who stand beside them on their journey.

"And help them open their hearts to the love they receive from those they will meet on their way."

"These girls have chosen to heal. And we will honor their wishes by helping them in any way we can."

With the sound of rustling branches behind her, Matoaka turned. On the other side of the stream, Chihiro was emerging from the forest. She was not smiling.

* * *

Matoaka watched as Chihiro hopped from stone to stone to cross the stream in quick fashion. Chihiro marched up the bank and past the girls with their wolf mothers. She stood beside Matoaka.

"I told you to sleep in and I'd bring you breakfast," whispered Matoaka.

Grandmother turned to level her gaze at Matoaka. Matoaka lowered her eyes.

"And when you didn't return," said Chihiro. "It didn't take long to figure out where you'd gone."

"So you're here to fetch me?" hissed Matoaka.

When Matoaka looked up again, Grandmother was standing right beside her. Grandmother reached out and grabbed Matoaka by the ear with one hand and Chihiro with the other.

"If you're not helping," said Grandmother. "And clearly you are not. Please leave us."

"Yes, Elder," said Matoaka and Chihiro in unison, before slinking off back toward the bank of the stream.

* * *

"I was doing fine here by myself," said Matoaka. "I was even being nice to Theodosia."

"Your grandmother didn't seem too broken up about sending us away."

"We were making too much noise," said Matoaka, frowning.

Chihiro stopped and turned to face Matoaka with her arm extended and her hand open. "Let's go look for those berries," said Chihiro.

Matoaka took Chihiro's hand in her own and wove their fingers together. "I see what you're doing," said Matoaka, "Not that I mind, because I get to be alone with you and I get to hold your hand."

Matoaka raised her hand clutching Chihiro's and brought the tops of Chihiro's fingers to her lips. Matoaka planted a small kiss beside each knuckle in turn. "But you're distracting me," said Matoaka, "Giving me something to occupy my mind. Going on a hunt for berries."

"And who insisted on leaving the lodge when the sun was still rising, after dreaming of blueberries and black raspberries?"

"I know it was my idea," said Matoaka. "But whenever I start asking questions about The Palace, or about my forgetting, you always have something to put me on a different path. "Of course, it usually involves kissing, so I don't mind so much."

Chihiro looked into Matoaka's eyes and grinned. She opened her arms, swooped in, and pressed her lips hard against Matoaka's while wrapping Matoaka in an embrace.

"I do love your kisses."

Chihiro flashed a smile and began to lean in again.

"But it's a distraction," said Matoaka, turning her head at the last minute, causing Chihiro to land her lips on Matoaka's cheek.

"There's a reason I'm forgetting," said Matoaka. "And I know it's not the bump on my head."

Chihiro stood silent and unmoving.

"These girls have chosen to heal," said Matoaka. "That's what Grandmother said. These girls have chosen to heal. Which makes me think they had another option. Something else."

Chihiro offered no response other than reaching out with her hand. Matoaka took it, holding Chihiro's hand palm up while she trailed a single fingertip over each of Chihiro's fingers.

"I think the options are heal..." said Matoaka, still brushing against Chihiro's fingers, stopping with her fingertip hovering at the end of Chihiro's middle finger. "Or forget."

Chihiro remained silent, but she did suck a quick breath.

"I'm right, aren't I?" asked Matoaka.

"I'm only a shrine maiden. Your grandmother is an elder."

"But I'm right?"

"We should speak to--"

"I am right," said Matoaka.

Chihiro stood with her lower lip clenched in her teeth.

"It's alright," said Matoaka, moving to lay a peck on Chihiro's cheek. "Grandmother is busy with the new girls. So we can go look for those berries now."

* * *

The sun had started its downward path to the horizon when Matoaka stood before her grandmother, fingers and lips stained purple, but still holding a clutch of berries in a shallow bowl to offer to the elder woman.

"These look delicious," said Grandmother.

Matoaka nodded. "I thought the new girls might enjoy some."

"I'm sure they will. It was good of you to think of them."

Matoaka nodded.

"They're getting settled with their wolf mothers," said Grandmother, "but we can go visit them. For fresh picked berries, I'm sure they won't mind the intrusion."

Matoaka nodded again, but otherwise stood unmoving.

"Unless there's something else on your mind."

Matoaka stood staring at her feet and fidgeting for a moment. She took a deep breath. "Did I choose to forget?"

"Granddaughter..."

Matoaka looked up. "Please, Elder. Did I choose to forget?"

"It's Elder now, is it? Not Grandmother?"

"Please?" Matoaka pulled a breath and held it.

Grandmother reached out, laying a single hand on Matoaka's shoulder. "You did," said Grandmother.

Matoaka exhaled all at once. "Theodosia was right. I was born in The Palace."

"No, no," said Grandmother. "No girl is ever born in The Palace. Mother Earth has never blessed them with children."

"But these girls who come to us," said Matoaka. "Chihiro and the other shrine maidens, they bring the girls from The Palace to us. To live here. How can they be from The Palace if they aren't born there."

"They were taken," said Grandmother, letting her hand slide from where it was resting atop Matoaka's shoulder, trailing over the length of Matoaka's arm, and coming to a stop by covering Matoaka's hand. Grandmother squeezed gently.

"Taken?"

Grandmother nodded.

"From here?"

Grandmother shook her head. "We are far from The Palace. And we have been blessed with the cover of a lush forest. We are a sanctuary, far away. Far from danger."

"Danger?" asked Matoaka. "The danger of being taken? Taken to The Palace?"

"Yes."

"But why?"

"I've never been to The Palace," said Grandmother. "So I can only suppose. But from stories, the girls taken are meant to serve as children for those who live there."

"They want children," said Matoaka. "But they have no children of their own. So they take ours?"

Grandmother nodded.

"And all the girls who come here..." said Matoaka.

"They were children of The Palace. Children stolen from The People."

Matoaka kicked at the ground with her toe.

"But now they are safe with us here," said Grandmother. "They're with their wolf mothers, and the shrine maidens who look after them."

Matoaka pressed her lips together in a tight line. She stared into Grandmother's face for a moment before speaking. "I don't want to forget. Not anymore. I want to heal."

"It's a long process," said Grandmother. "And it can't be rushed."

"I can be patient."

"And it may not work, since you have already made the choice to forget."

"I want to try," said Matoaka.

"And I will do everything I can to help," said Grandmother.

Matoaka set her jaw and gave a single nod.

"And I know someone else who can help," said Grandmother.

"Not Theodosia," muttered Matoaka. "Please, not Theodosia."

"Matoaka-chan!" blurted Chihiro. "Be nice."

Matoaka whirled her head around. "When did you get here?"

Grandmother smiled. "A shrine maiden is never far from her girl's side."

Chihiro reached out with her open hand. "What would you say to hiking up the bluff to visit your wolf mother tonight?"

"Are you coming too?" asked Matoaka, her eyes fixed on Chihiro's face.

"Of course."

Catching Matoaka's gaze, Grandmother held up the bowl of berries Matoaka had brought. She lifted a single blueberry to her mouth and pushed it past her lips. "On your way," said Grandmother, "will you see if any of the new girls would like some these delicious berries?"

"Of course, Grandmother," said Matoaka.

"Come, my lovely flower," said Chihiro, wrapping Matoaka's hand in her own. "Let's surprise them with the berries and then head up the bluff to see your wolf mother."

Matoaka nodded. She reached out with her other hand to give Grandmother a quick squeeze on the forearm, and then set out walking beside Chihiro, with the bowl of berries between them.

* * *

Afterword

We see now why Matoaka's memories have been so hazy up to this point. And she seems to be taking it rather calmly at the moment. Kind of makes you wonder how she'll react when it all sinks in.

But for the present, Matoaka is content, walking hand in hand with her shrine maiden, to have another sleepover with her wolf mother in her den atop the bluff. Not a bad way to spend an evening.

Once again, I have woven some descriptions of First Nations sacred ceremonies into this story. I am indebted to those who choose to share their knowledge of these ceremonies, and hope that I have recounted them accurately and respectfully.

For the closing credits, cue up C'est Si Bon by Emilie-Claire Barlow on your favorite streaming service.