Divorce Joke That Backfired

My name is Marion. I'm 28 and have been married to my husband Peter, who is 29, for 4 years. We were on the verge of trying for children when I foolishly played a joke on him that backfired spectacularly. It was the stupidest thing I'd ever done, especially to the man I loved and adored.

I was at my friend's home with 3 other girlfriends, drinking wine, when the subject of pranking husbands came up.

I had fun listening to the various jokes pulled at one time or another against an unsuspecting husband that was all in good fun.

One particular prank was telling the husband that you wanted a divorce. The fun was watching the shocked reaction and how they acted.

When told it was only a joke, the husbands were so relieved that it usually ended in some good sex and being treated nicely for a few days by the wife to make up for the joke.

I never wanted to do it as I thought it was a bit cruel. But all the girls swore it was great fun and kept pestering me to try it.

They dared me to go one further by saying that I not only wanted a divorce but had been cheating on him as well.

As I was the only one who hadn't done it yet, I felt pressured to do it and I eventually stupidly agreed.

............

That weekend I decided to pull it off. I was asked to record his reaction so they could listen to my husband's reaction and laugh at it later.

We had dinner and afterward, as we were watching a movie in the living room, I turned on my cell phone recording app and began playing the joke.

"I'm not happy anymore in our marriage," I said, trying not to laugh. "I've been seeing another man for a few months and want a divorce so I can explore my relationship with him."

His mouth dropped open, and his eyes went wide in shock. I went on.

"I need you to move out of the house so I can move him in."

I added that last part on the spur of the moment and almost burst out laughing as it was so ludicrous in my mind, but I held it in.

I should have immediately told him it was a joke, but I was able to keep my face neutral as I looked at him, so I kept it up.

He didn't say a word and just looked at me.

I thought he'd be so relieved when I finally told him that it was just a joke that he'd start treating me extra nicely.

But my husband's reaction wasn't at all what I expected. I honestly thought that he would try and talk to me, beg me, or at least make promises to improve our marriage like my friends experienced. But he didn't.

Instead, He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it. Finally, he said, "Really?"

I almost told him that I was joking, but his reaction was so priceless that I wanted to keep it going for a bit longer. I was going to have a great story and recording when I met my friends again.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was about to cross a line in the sand when I nodded my head and told him, "Yes."

He got up, said, "Ok," and walked into our bedroom, closing the door.

I was going to let him stew for a bit longer, and when he came out, I'd confess, and we'd laugh about it.

But 10 minutes later, he came out with a bag and walked out of the house without saying a word to me. I was in shock but knew that I needed to stop him and stop him now. But before I could do anything, he was driving away.

I tried getting a hold of him on his phone, but he didn't answer my calls or texts.

When he didn't return the next day, I called his friends, but none of them would admit knowing where he was if they answered my calls.

I tried his parents, but they didn't want to get involved and only told me I should be ashamed of myself and hung up before I could tell them I was only joking.

It was the same frosty reception when I called my sister-in-law, who at least talked to me and asked my side of things.

When I explained it was only a joke she didn't believe me. She told me I was just covering up my affair now that my husband had walked out.

She told me that I could go to hell for hurting such a sweet man who worshipped me and held me up in admiration.

My friends who encouraged me to play this joke listened to my recording but didn't laugh, knowing my husband's reaction. They didn't have any real advice and told me to just give him time and that he would get over it.

When I asked if they could call him to explain, they all refused saying they didn't want to get involved.

I kept frantically trying to get ahold of him to say it was all a sick joke, but all I got back from my sister-in-law was that he had nothing to say and that he needed time to think.

My parents were mystified at all of this when I told them. When they called my husband, he told them about my wish to divorce and that I'd confessed to seeing another man. They were furious when I told them I'd said that but that it was only a joke. I didn't think they believed me.

I asked my sister-in-law to suggest counseling to him, but I was told that my husband had accepted a year-long contract in Iraq as a contractor and had left a few days prior.

I was screwed.

.............

I never gave up hope for a reconciliation.

I'd written him several months before a heartfelt email explaining what had happened and my sincere regret for the joke I played. I sent it to my sister-in-law to forward to my husband, as she was beginning to believe me and agreed to send it to him.

When I received an email reply from Peter agreeing to meet me when he returned to talk, I was over the moon. I started writing emails to him and told him that I looked forward to seeing him and that our home was still our home.

About 6 months into Peter's year-long contract in Iraq I was starting to get very horny as I'd been so long without sex. I was wondering if I could make it to a year, and even if I did there was no guarantee that Peter would jump into bed with me.

I met a very handsome guy at a girls' night out with my friends (yes, the same ones who put me up to the joke).

He was persistent in pursuing me and wore me down after a few weeks, and I ended up inviting him to my bed.

The sex was quite good, and I enjoyed the feeling of a man mounted on top of me moving between my legs. I knew that this was only temporary until Peter got home. I compartmentalized it in my head, telling myself that it was only sex and that it was like satisfying hunger pains.

For about 2 months, we had sex on the weekends, and when I realized that Peter was due back soon, I intended to stop in a few weeks before he arrived home. That way I could keep my horniness under control until my husband could take over from my friend.

..........

It was Saturday morning, and as usual, my friend had spent the night. We slept in late, and when we awoke, he wanted to have a quickie before he left.

He spread my legs, got on top, and slid inside of me. I wasn't feeling it that morning, so I began moaning a bit louder than normal so he'd finish quicker.

As he was thrusting, I heard what I thought was the bedroom door opening. I didn't think much of it as I assumed it was my cat looking for me so she could be fed.

But something felt wrong. As my bedmate concentrated on his thrusting, I turned my head and to my horror, saw Peter standing next to his sister, who was filming the action.

Before I could react, they both shouted mockingly, "Surprise!"

My eyes went wide.

"I got home early," Peter said. "I see you weren't kidding after all," he said sadly.

My friend froze in place, still deep inside of me, not knowing what to do. He probably assumed that Peter was going to beat him.

But Peter and his sister only turned and walked away, and my only thought was Aw shit!

The video was sent to my parents, who exploded in anger at me.

A few days later, the divorce paperwork followed.

Epilogue

I tried desperately to talk to Peter, but he refused and left the divorce in the hands of his attorney while he returned to Iraq for a new contract.

The divorce eventually came through, and on the day I received my final decree, I sat in my living room wondering how I got myself into this mess. My unborn baby was kicking around in my tummy, anxious to start life.

Yes, my weekend guest managed to get me pregnant despite me being on birth control. I didn't know that antibiotics affected the pill. I tried saying it was Peter's baby, but that was just a silly delaying tactic. He insisted on a DNA test, and I was surprised he returned home for that as I was sure he wouldn't. Of course, it wasn't his.

And once I told my weekend guest that he was going to be a father, he ran off. I don't have the money to track him down, and I'm not even sure of his real name or where he lived.

And Peter? He's taking work contracts from around the world now that he is divorced. He's making a lot of money and laughing all the way to the bank, and I can't touch any of it.

Who can I blame? I take most of the blame, but Peter should have understood it was just a joke and not gone nuclear on me.

Maybe he'll forgive me one day. I'll certainly accept his apology for his overreaction should he ask.

In the meantime, I have a baby to raise until his return.