An Apology, Part 3

This story is fictional. Any mention of a person, place or thing is coincidental and does not give an accurate portrayal. No one under 18 engages in sex. Warning: This contains a small amount of mild male-male sex.

I appreciate the many comments. Two people wanted to read the apology sooner, and several people found the beginning of part 2 confusing. The end of part 3 explains why part 2 opens the way it does. The complete story comes in four parts. I uploaded the final two parts on the same day, meaning Literotica determines when they post.

To recap, Cliff and Emma fell in love after she was told her husband had died in a bomb blast in Jerusalem. Norman survived the bombing and after nearly three years of captivity, the Israelis found him and returned him to the United States. The conflict and change required by all the people involved form the basis of parts two and three.

In early March, Norm had improved enough that the physicians said he could go home, provided he had a certain level of care. Emma and I met with the lead physician in her cold clinical office. Her words provided warmth.

"I've reviewed his records," Dr. Grace Chen told us. "For someone who has suffered as much as Norm, his recovery is miraculous. His motivation is high. Based on our conversation, I believe you both offered the incentive." We went over his medications, especially those to curb the recurring pain.

Since he wanted to keep the same therapists for now, I invited him to stay with me until he progressed enough to live with minor help. My unit was on the top floor of a five-story condo complex. Less than a year before I purchased my unit, the owners renovated the public areas of the condos and made it completely ADA compliant with an elevator. I moved furniture around in my apartment to allow access to everything with his wheelchair.

Emma and the kids visited each weekend. Because I couldn't be home all the time, the two families paid for a man to come in when I was gone to watch Norm and help him exercise.

Bill, the caretaker, was in his mid-40s and a 20-year veteran of the Navy who earned a degree in physical therapy after he left the service. His wife cooked at a local restaurant and was always bringing us leftover food. He showed me how to lift Norm properly when necessary and how to help him do the exercises he needed. I could see how his body filled out and the tremendous strides he made over the past several months.

Before he left the hospital, Emma and I spent several sessions with Norm's current therapist, Dr. Peter Throckmorton. He talked about PTSD and gave us instructions on how to cope with his mental issues as laypeople. Emma had a Ph. D. in psychology, but she hadn't dealt with PTSD that much.

I had a few sleepless nights when Norm had nightmares. Dr. Throckmorton said I should never interrupt his sleep or get near him, especially as he grew stronger. "He won't want to talk about his dreams, but always tell him you will listen when he wants to talk." He opened up about some of what happened, but it was obvious there were things he didn't want to talk about. His favorite way to avoid the topic was the phrase, "I was passed out (or delirious); I don't remember what happened."

Since I spent so little time at home, I filled the condo with used furniture when I moved in. Bill helped me get rid of the couch and one oversized chair. In its place, we installed a set of bars he could use to practice walking, a circular bike, and a small weight area. We kept his bed in the same bedroom where Dave slept when he visited.

The three of us often talked about baseball. Norm and I shared work stories. He took a law degree but concentrated on financial issues in the state department. We talked a lot about the current economy and the upcoming elections.

While Norm suffered bodily injuries, his mind remained sharp when he wasn't taking too many meds for his pain. He explained how banks and other lending institutions were bundling subpar loans and selling them as top-rated packages. "All that needs to happen is for enough loans to default. It will be like an enormous ball of thread that takes time to unravel, but when it does, watch out."

We figured out how much money I could afford to lose. Norm lumped part of his settlement with the government in with mine and invested in companies that sold insurance to lenders who purchased the subprime loan packages. We stayed out of the stock market itself.

We shared life experiences and became good friends. I told him my story about Kate and Melanie. He told me of growing up near Truckee and his father's subsequent move to a nut orchard north of Sacramento as the lumber industry declined.

Because Dave and Bri wanted to see their father whenever they could, Emma and I struggled to find time for private activities. Norm continued to urge Emma and me to continue our love affair, but it didn't feel right to me.

After his 18th birthday in March, Dave wanted a private conversation. "I'm old enough now to talk about the physical parts of a relationship," he said. "I've spoken with both dad and mom. I can see how much dad and mom love each other. I can see how much mom and you love each other.

"Maybe because you have been part of our lives in this time of need, I'm not having the same issues accepting you that some of my relatives are. Fate put us together, and I'm always grateful for you being there for us.

"Bri and I have discussed this in generalities. We don't object to you and mom showing your love for each other physically, especially since dad agrees. Please don't make a big deal about it."

He blushed deeply. "If you and mom want to take a weekend and head for Vegas or something, I'm saying I'm okay with it. So are dad and Bri. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I do, Dave. I appreciate the offer. We'll take you up on that soon." After consulting, we agreed on a Vegas trip on the first weekend of April. She called me two weeks beforehand.

"There is a swinger's club east of Vegas where Norm and I went several times. It requires a current clean STD certificate. You don't have to, but if you're going to be part of our lives, you need to see what kind of lifestyle Norm and I lived."

His parents had purchased a special van that included a lift for wheelchairs. He could use the ramp to get inside the van and lift himself into the driver's seat. To drive, he used special hand controls. Bill drove us to their house on Friday afternoon. We took her Lexus and spent the weekend in Vegas. During the nearly four-hour trip, we talked non-stop.

"If we're going to make this work, the three of us need to spend more intimate time together," she said at one point. "Have you ever taken part in group sex?"

"No. While Kate wasn't the only woman I slept with before we married, my experience wasn't wide. I've never been involved in group sex. But I've read about such things."

She nodded her head, turned and smiled. I'd been around her enough to read this smile as her naughtiest.

"Over the next few months, I'm going to share things I've never mentioned before. Please don't think badly of me. If we continued dating, these subjects would have come up, but I didn't want you to think I'm promiscuous or anything."

She wore a simple blouse and shorts. Her bare legs caused my cock to lurch. I chuckled before I replied.

"You don't need to worry about that. Given your sexual allure, I'm not shocked at your statement, especially when the government swore Norm was dead. I will admit the idea of a swinger club threw me off at first. I'll need to see how it goes.

"Probably because my parents continually impressed on me the need to treat everyone equally. I don't care about some of the same prejudices about people that others do. Nearly all our best employees for the orchard were Hispanic. My first sex involved an older, single Mexican woman who worked in our orchard.

"If a woman wants to sleep with a man, people often consider her a whore. If a man does the same thing, people shrug it off as normal behavior. That is an insult to both men and women."

She reached across the console and joined her hand with mine. "This is what first attracted me to you. You have a sense of fairness and honesty that I've seldom seen before.

"If you are ready, here goes. During the two years we spent in London, we swapped spouses with another couple assigned to the Consulate. Tristan and Cora Ovenden were born and lived in England, but both sets of parents are Americans. They hold dual citizenship.

"We're going to this specific club because they will be there tonight before they fly to Los Angeles and visit Norm as part of Tristan's job. I've explained the situation, and they understand because they've talked by phone with Norm in the past. Tristan was part of Norm's first debriefings.

"I had sex with several men, starting about a year after Norm's disappearance. I even tried a few women. I enjoyed my time with a woman, but I prefer men over women. But after the time in Arizona, you were the only man for me until Norm returned."

I squeezed her hand. "I never went to any swing clubs. But when a person works in professional sports, women are easy to find. I could say the same things."

We checked into our room, showered, and changed clothes before we drove out to the club. Emma wore an orange pattern dress that stopped above her knees and nothing else but panties. I wore khaki slacks and a blue polo shirt.

Stucco in an adobe style covered the outside. Only a small sign identified the building. The parking lot was about half full. Once inside, we went through the check-in and the hostess assigned us a locker in which to leave our personal items. The fetchingly clad hostess took us to a room where she went through the rules. We signed non-disclosure agreements as part of our early paperwork.

This was a BYOB establishment for hard liquor, but they had bottles of wine for sale. I purchased one, and we went to the table area to watch. Emma sat where she could monitor the entrance.

The ages of the people I watched while they danced ran in ages from the early 30s to one couple probably in their mid-60s. While more and more people arrived, we talked about the various couples, guessing at their ages and their occupations. Her eyes widened, and she smiled, which told me her friends had arrived.

"This is Tristan and Cora Ovenden, my friends from London. Only they live in Alexandria outside of D. C. now. They still work for the State Department." Cora's dress fit her form perfectly and her dark hair flowed over her shoulders and down to the small of her back. When her dark eyes met my blue ones, I felt a distinct blip of attraction in my stomach. Emma hadn't mentioned they both were Black.

I shook hands with Tristan and moved to shake hands with Cora, but she didn't give me a chance. She moved right in for a long hug. "I'm glad to meet you. Emma told me all about how you met. You won't get any guff from us."

We danced as couples for a few dances before we swapped partners. The music played loud enough to prevent normal conversation, but Cora spoke through body language. Her curvy body moved when she danced and her tits jiggled, which sent a surge through my cock.

She moved up close to me, and her hand played over my cock. She put her lips next to my ear. "We've got a room reserved whenever you are ready. Emma told me a lot about you, and I'm eager to feel this inside me."

A few minutes later, Emma rejoined us. "Ready?"

"Yes. I like her. I love the accent."

The hostess showed us to a room. We shut the door and made sure we closed the shades. I wanted my first time swinging to be a private affair.

I pulled Emma's dress off and Tristan unclothed his wife. Just as I did the first time we made love, I started with her feet and calves, working my way slowly up toward her core, savoring every inch of her tasty body.

Tristan and Cora watched us for a few minutes before she began kissing and licking Emma's nipples while Tristan presented her with his black cock. The look of delight on Emma's face prodded me onward.

As I reached her pussy, they pulled away and moved to the other side of the bed. He began licking his wife's shaven pussy while I did the same to Emma. The two women joined hands as they moaned and gasped at our ministrations. As she often did, Emma put her long legs over my shoulders as I licked her to her first orgasm.

We each snagged a condom from the bowl on the stand and suited up. "Ready," Tristan said. We timed our insertions to the same instant. The room soon echoed with moans as the women bucked against us.

"That's it. Hammer me harder," Cora moaned.

"Fuck me good," Emma said. "Yes, babe. Right there. Right there.

Watching Tristan fucking his wife caused me to pound Emma faster and faster. Their tits bounced as we slammed into them, their faces changing expressions as moans poured from their mouths. I finished a few seconds before Tristan. We took care of the condoms after our breathing evened out.

The two women moved into each other arms, kissing while their hands explored each other. Even tanned, the contrast between Emma and Cora startled me. They soon moved into a 69 which caused my cock to swell.

With a quick move, they rolled over, so Cora was next to me and Emma was next to Tristan. We joined in, our hands exploring their breasts, their arms and their legs while they writhed and moaned as they licked each other. When they finished, Cora rolled to her back and Emma did the same. We snared condoms and fucked each other's woman.

After another round, we decided that was enough for the night. Both Tristan and Cora gave us hugs before they left. "We need to do this again," Cora said.

Once back at the motel, we took another shower and slept in each other's arms. In the morning, we played the slots, lost the money we'd set aside, and went back to our room. We did a 69 and headed for home.

I drove this time. She wore a simple yellow sundress. On one of the long stretches, I set the cruise control and moved my hand between her legs, found her wet pussy and fingered her to an orgasm. I glanced at her periodically and the sight made me hard.

"Pull off at the next place," she said. "I need to reciprocate." I stopped behind an abandoned building, pushed the seat back and let her unzip my shorts and pull my cock out. Her tongue circled the head and traced a wet pattern to the bottom. She bobbed her head up and down while a hand circled the base and power pumped until I filled her mouth with my seed.

"Thank you for a wonderful weekend," she said. "Now that we've gotten past that barrier, please understand that you have an open invitation to join us whenever you can." I took a Rideshare home and went right to bed.

Despite her words, I continued to struggle with feelings of guilt about my situation. While I didn't grow up in an overly conservative environment, the one man-one woman concept drifted into my thoughts while I traveled. Mark's job involves taking care of the medical and mental needs of players and staff. I had him send me the complete list. After a few phone calls, I found a psychologist who specialized in multiple-person relationships.

Lima Massengill was probably in her mid-50s when we talked. The first time we visited my jaw dropped open. Despite her conservative clothing, I easily imagined her finishing her jaunt on the catwalk at a fashion show. She barely topped five feet and her figure was stunning. She told me she grew up in Brazil, which explained her dark hair and dark skin.

Stuttering, I said as much to her. Her laugh sounded like glass chimes.

"Many people say that to me. But I'm simply a normal person whose genetics smiled at me. Sometimes, it is more of a curse than a blessing, especially if it impedes helping people like you."

We spent the first few sessions talking about my background, including what happened with Kate and how I met Emma. In the fourth session, our discussion moved into an unsettling topic. She knew how to zero in on issues better than anyone else I'd met.

"I don't normally talk about my background, but I think some of my experiences may help you. I have one sister left from my family. We grew up during the time Brazil was moving from military dictatorships to democracy. Authorities arrested my parents and my older brother. They died in prison. My younger sister, Nathalia, is all I have left.

"Both of us are polyamorous. She and I don't have sex, obviously, and we're in different groups just to make sure our paths don't cross. The biggest problem with multiple-person relationships is jealousy. Have you experienced that?"

"Not so far. As I mentioned, guilt is a stronger emotion than jealousy. I keep expecting Norm to tell me to get lost, but so far it hasn't happened."

"What are your feelings about, Norm? Do you love him?"

Her question surprised me. I stood up, turned around, and sat back down. She grinned as our eyes met again.

"I understand your discomfort. Love is a tough word to define. The Christian Bible talks about four types of love. The Greeks had eight different words for love.

"Modern culture equates love with sex and treats it in ways that are unrealistic. Even the happily ever after stories common in romances require extensive work. Any relationship requires constant communication. Add in marriage and multiple partners and you will find a need for constant discussion.

"But it is much more than that. True love is when two or more people operate on the same wavelength and are in tune with each other. Brothers and sisters can be that way. Two people who aren't married can too. The genuine test of love is what we psychologists call compersion.

"The term originated in the polyamorous communities, but it can apply to monogamous relationships too. It means deriving joy from seeing another person's joy. Based on what you've told me; my guess is that Norm feels compersion when he sees how happy you make Emma feel.

"I can tell from the way you talk about Emma that you love her intensely. If you develop the same sort of feelings about Norm, don't fight it. Sex doesn't need to be involved for you to love him."

After we returned from Vegas, the three of us became more open around each other. Norm started with watching us as we made love. The first time I felt so self-conscious, I had trouble getting an erection.

Emma remained unabashed. "Close your eyes and think about playing in a tight baseball game," she said. "Just like a pitcher has to shut out all the surrounding noise, concentrate on what I'm doing and close your mind to Norm's presence."

That helped. I relaxed, and we had sex each time the three of us spent the night together. Sometimes, we helped him lay on the bed while he performed oral sex on Emma. That soon advanced one of us playing with or sucking on her tits while the other licked her pussy. He loved to watch me fuck his wife. Despite never getting a full erection, he could reach an orgasm. Emma performed fellatio on him several times while I watched.

He adamantly refused to consider himself a cuckold, which I understood better after Dr. Massengill's explanation of compersion. "A cuckold implies a man, and a woman fucks only for the woman's pleasure while the man gets off on watching his wife or hearing about their sex. Our relationship is more than sex. We genuinely like each other and get along well."

As I would drive to and from their house, my thoughts often drifted to Norm. Only a fool would deny that I was developing feelings for him that transcended friendship or what I had with other men. The line between my love for Emma and my love for Norm blurred.

All of this bubbled out in late April. Norm had progressed to where, if I stood by to help him balance when he tried to rise from where he was sitting, he could make it up mostly on his own. I did that one day. After he stood, he put his arms around me. We stood face to face for several seconds, looking deeply into each other's eyes.

My mind went into overdrive. When he leaned forward and kissed me, I let him. And I kissed him back without regret.

His eyes were moist as we parted. "I feel weird about saying this, but I love you, man. Somehow, your love for Emma and her love for you have merged with me. I feel nearly the same about you as I do for her. Does that make sense?"

"Sort of. I'm not gay and have no desire to have sex with a man. But this thing we've got going on among the three of us is strong. My therapist said something the other day that resonated with me. 'We are three ordinary people placed in an extraordinary situation. We're trying to cope with life the best we can.' That is the way I feel. What do you think?"

"I agree. I'm not gay and I have no genuine desire to have sex with a man, which you certainly are. But something is going on among us and I don't want it to destroy our relationship. We'll need to keep discussing our boundaries."

We ran into a small blip for Dave's high school graduation. Because of the size of his classes, tickets for the family were limited. "Don't worry about me. I understand. I'll be there to support you and to help your father."

After school was out, Norm moved back to their house because the kids were home enough to watch over him. He'd advanced to where he didn't need constant supervision, but he still had a physical therapist working with him regularly. Bri told us she planned to take nursing in college because she wanted to learn how to better take care of people like her father.

Norm could get in and out of bed alone. Once he was in the wheelchair, he could move around the house freely. Emma's two brothers came to the house one weekend and built a wheelchair ramp.

That curtailed our time together, but I had little free time, anyway. The club asked me to oversee concession contracts as well, and that kept me busy. I took several trips to observe operations in other stadiums and talk to their people about how they structured their contracts. Working with the concessionaires opened my eyes to several legal issues. After the Halos finished second in 2007, the team renegotiated many of the contracts. I spent most of my time on that project.

Over the July 4 holiday, the Halos were out of town. Using the van and Dave's SUV, we loaded everything in and drove to his parent's house. The area reminded me of home, except nut trees are much bigger than fruit trees. Gus took me for a tour. We talked about fruit orchards and nut orchards, the similarities such as the need for a healthy bee population, and the differences.

"Norm told me about your threesome. My family and I are struggling with the concept."

"I understand. I've told them when they are ready to kick me out, I will leave. It won't be easy, but I respect marriage. I'm not trying to drive a wedge between them. If one of them says leave, I will do so."

Jeff was up in my face several times, too. Emma called a family council without me and they discussed the issue for several hours. "You are free to leave at any time if you don't want to put up with our families," they told me one night.

"Not until you one or both of you tells me to leave," I said. "And only with extreme hesitance on my part."

The earth tilted and our relationship changed during a weekend in early August. Jeff took all the kids to a Dodgers baseball game. I discovered he is a fervent Dodgers fan. We had lots of "friendly discussions." The more time Emma, Norm, and I spent together, the more Jeff and the rest of the families accepted us.

I was licking and playing with Emma's left breast while Norm did the same to her right breast. I'm not sure why, but he stopped, which made me stop.

He still had issues with the fingers on his left hand. His hand almost felt like a club as tugged me toward him. I resisted for a bit until I decided "what the hell. We've already kissed once."

We kissed until my lips swelled. Pulling back, I looked at Emma. Her eyes opened to about four times their normal size. Her tongue licked her lips as her jaw hung open.

"Don't stop on my account," she whispered. "That was so hot. I need to get fucked right now."

"Husband first," I said. With a little help, he moved between her legs. "I want your cock in my mouth," she said.

"Not yet. If you do, I'll come, and you won't get a good fucking."

I watched with interest as he licked and sucked on her pussy. She wrapped her legs around his head while I licked and sucked on her breasts. As soon as her back arched and she screamed in orgasm, I helped Norm move to one side while I fucked her long and hard.

I'm sure if I had brought up the subject of me living with them, they would have accepted gladly. But I wanted to maintain a clear separation. While I love Emma passionately, she was still Norm's wife, not mine. I considered our times together as a gift, not a right.

Dave had received the maximum baseball scholarship offers and decided on Cal State-Fullerton. The college is a leader in national college baseball and is less than 15 minutes' drive from my condo. Both were factors in his decision, he said.

He lived with me during the week and drove home on weekends. "I always dreamed of playing professional baseball, but once dad returned, I've changed my mind," he told me that fall. "I want to spend as much time as I can with him because who knows how long he'll be around."

He sometimes brought girlfriends home after we discussed the rules. "I'm not your father, but this is my place. I would expect you to act the same way here as you do at home."

Not that we didn't have disagreements. I caught Dave drinking beer several times, and we had a long discussion about proper alcohol use. Norm would get crabby and difficult to get along with sometimes. While she seldom complained, I could tell she was glad when I arrived to provide a buffer. But as my coaches always told me, nothing comes easy in this life.

I was continuing my workouts and riding my bicycle when I could. One weekend day in November, I fell while jogging because of an uneven portion of a sidewalk. Except for scrapes on my hands, I suffered minor damage. But as I worked through the day on Friday, I stiffened up. The trip to their house took nearly three hours because of heavy traffic, which meant I stiffened more. I had no choice. I toughened it out.

Emma met me at the door with a hug and a long kiss. When Norm spotted me limping as I advanced toward him to shake his hand, he waved me toward his workout area. "I often suffer from sore muscles. Stan, my physical therapist, showed Emma how to massage muscles to loosen them when they are sore. Lie down on the table and I'll give you a massage." I stripped down to my boxers and lay face down on his massage table.

They poured the massage oil in their hands and rubbed them together to increase the oil's temperature. Rolling in the wheelchair strengthened his arms and hands. Emma started with my legs and Norm worked on my shoulders. I yelped "ouch" a few times as they worked toward my middle. As relaxed as I became, I didn't realize that two sets of hands snuck under the edge of my boxers.

Norm held my ass cheeks apart while Emma traced circles around the edge of my hole. "Fuck, that feels good," I muttered. Her finger went inside slightly, which caused me to moan and move.

"If you want us to stop, use the code word 'red'," Emma said. "You've done so much for me. I want to return the favor."

Her finger sank into my hole and wormed around until she touched my prostate. Using the same motion I used on her g-spot, she milked my prostate. I felt a bigger, rougher hand circle my cock and knead my balls. In a few seconds, I spewed into my boxers.

Emma returned in a few minutes with a pair of clean boxers and my clothes. She cleaned me off with a warm washcloth. "I hope we didn't go too far," she said. "But Norm and I wanted to do something for you together."

"It was okay. But not something I want to do again."

Between negotiations for the concessionaires and players, I spent little time with them between early November and Christmas. We helped feed the homeless on Thanksgiving Day in Rancho Cucamonga. Norm and Emma served food while I made sure everyone had water, coffee, or juice.

During this time, I realized Emma and Norm were holding many meetings with various family members. When I asked, no one would tell me, except Emma said it wasn't anything I should worry about. That bothered me because we'd always been open. She and I bickered over the issue. We never stopped talking to each other, but our relationship cooled down. Despite working with a therapist, I still grappled with guilt.

After my family left after Christmas, Norm and Emma asked me to dinner one night with Dave and Bri. After we ate, we retired to their living room. An eerie tension hung over the room. Emma handed me a small manila envelope before she sat beside her husband.

"After extensive discussion among the four of us, we gave you a special Christmas present," she said. "Go ahead, open the envelope, and see what it is." I pulled out my pocketknife and slit one end. I watched the anticipation on each person's face as I prepared to read the sheet.

From the inside, I pulled a five-inch by seven-inch certificate complete with a gold-embossed border and with calligraphic lettering. This gift card is good for one pregnancy. My eyes filled with tears. I couldn't move for several minutes.

"I appreciate the offer. This is something I need to think about. Hundreds of questions enter my mind immediately. I'm nearly 40. When this child is in his or her teenage years, I'll already be in my mid-50s. While I'm in decent shape, I won't have the stamina and desire to deal with a teenager at that age.

"That does not even begin considering all the other issues like what do your families think? Emma, you've reached an age where your pregnancy is high risk. I guess my bottom-line question is, are you sure?"

"Absolutely," she said. "We've spent the past two months talking with all our close relatives. I went to an OB-GYN specialist and had her do a thorough exam. Yes, the risk is higher than it was when I was pregnant with Dave and Bri, but it's doable. She suggested a special diet, a different exercise regime and a nutritional change.

"Both Dave and Bri fully support this. My parents and Norm's parents were dubious at first, but when I explained everything, they agreed. Jeff still isn't sure, but if you agree, he won't put up a fuss. My sister, Nora, is envious for reasons I'll explain later."

After the kids took off to spend time with friends, I presented them with their gift from me: a strap-on harness with three different sizes of dildoes. "I hope this isn't offensive to you, Norm, but you should be able to penetrate Emma when you want. Penis extenders are available, but since you can't keep an erection, I don't think they'll work well for you. The dildo has an opening where your dick can fit inside."

That night, Emma and I helped him put the strap around his hips and inserted the dildo she picked. He laid on his back while she rode him cowboy and reverse cowboy. I played with her clit while she fucked her husband until she came.

Not to change analogies too much. I spent the next months feeling adrift and alone on the Deschutes River, as if life propelled me downstream without a paddle. Each time the subject entered my mind; I came up with another objection. Talking with Dr. Massengill only confused me more.

The concept brought back so many memories I couldn't think straight. Much the same as the weeks after Kate served me with divorce papers, it all became too much to handle. Instead of facing the issue head-on, I threw myself into the job, spending hours at the office, working out more, and joining the staff when pitchers, catchers and injured players reported in mid-January. I stayed in Arizona and never went back to Los Angeles.

If, and it was a big if, Emma experienced pregnancy problems and lost the baby, I could never forgive myself. The fear of going through the trauma that I did with Kate haunted me, dredging up all the old fears that Emma would act like Kate did after a child arrived.

Having a child whose birthday occurred during the fall or winter placed them at a disadvantage in school. One of my best friends from high school celebrated his birthday in December. He was anywhere from four to six months older than the rest of us, which made him out of step with his classmates. Not a problem at my age, but in elementary and high school, anyone who is different is a potential subject for bullying and teasing.

The distance between our houses required a 45-minute drive in the best of conditions. If a person hit a traffic jam, the trip might take two to three hours. I already drove enough. I traded my SUV for a hybrid like a Prius. I listened to anywhere from 50 to 70 books each year while driving.

How would I explain to the child who the mother was and why we didn't live together? On and on, the issues paraded through my mind. The only way to work for the Halos was to ignore them.

Families presented another issue. I said nothing to my family. I still encountered resistance from Jeff and one of Norm's sisters. Nora had issues with becoming pregnant until they adopted. Several months after the adoption became official, she became pregnant. She and her husband nearly divorced because he didn't believe he was the father. A DNA test after birth showed he was. Their marriage remains rocky.

While I missed having a wife, I loved the freedom of going where I wanted when I wanted and working as late as I needed. Since I lived so close to the Halo's complex, I could walk or ride a bicycle when the weather allowed. Instead of making me happy, their offer drove me into depression.

I told everyone I couldn't figure out what to do and asked them to leave me alone to figure it out. As many other people do when faced with a big decision, I threw myself into my work.

End of Part 3