Begrudgingly Yours Ch. 04

Victor's POV

The night was still. Too still. Something felt off. Of course, it could have just been my paranoia. Lately I'd been edge, sensing danger where there was none. But could anyone really blame me for being a little overly cautious? It was my job to identify and eliminate threats and up until now, I was good at it. I was the third oldest, third in command. Liam was the Rionach, the Pride Chief, King. Jonah was Laith, second in command, Prince of the pride. I was Lolair, guardian, protector. Not a King or Prince, but my job was just as important. The Brannach, the Pride warriors, answered to Marcus, their general, and Marcus answered to me. One could imagine how stressful my position was. I was responsible for the safety and security of the entire Pride.

So, yeah, I was a little pissed when I found out that Liam had negotiated sanctuary for a vampire of all things, and without even consulting his council. Jonah should have been the first to know, I should have been second. Our father should have been informed next and then I, of course, would have told Marcus. Carter likes to think he's superior to the rest of us, that he's Liam's right hand man and should have been the first to be told but that's not how the Pride Hierarchy works. If it had been something like negotiating a treaty, sure, Carter's your guy but when it comes to matters of security, I was top dog--or cat. I should have been told, before things escalated, not after the fact.

Now, we had a real problem to deal with. One that could have been avoid if Liam had just come to Jonah and I first.

Now, I was on high alert. Sensing danger everywhere, anticipating an attack at any moment. Every snap of a twig, every rustle of a bush had me anxious, poised, and ready for a fight. This whole situation had me way more agitated than it should have and I had no idea why.

I wasn't normally a jumpy person and usually I could trust my senses, they were spot on. But after laying eyes on that vampire for the first time, something had been off. My senses lied to me, confused me, told me things that couldn't possibly be true, and that was dangerous. If I couldn't rely on my senses then I couldn't protect the Pride and that left us all weak and exposed.

My first priority must always be to my Pride. No exceptions. I couldn't allow my messed up feelings to get in the way of my duty. Ash was a threat. Even if Liam couldn't see it. That boy would bring us nothing but trouble and the only way to protect ourselves was to send him away. I knew it, Jonah knew it, and our father knew it. So, why had the look on his face when I said he wasn't worth protecting cut me so deep?

I couldn't stay in that room anymore, not with the way he was looking at me. The hurt on his face, the way his eyes teared up, and how he suddenly looked so small, so alone. It was all more than I could take. I had to get far away from him and fast, or I might have done something I'd regret later, like... scoop him up in my arms and carry him away to a safe place, hidden in the mountains, where no one and nothing could ever hurt him again.

Honestly, I have no clue what had come over me. I'd known the kid all of like five minutes but when I looked into his eyes, it was like I'd known him all my life. I had to get him out of my head and there was only way I could do that, one way to focus my mind on something else, run.

Normally, I'd shift and run in my lion form but because I was still on edge, worried that our land could be over run by vampires at any moment, I needed to be alert and with the awareness of a man, not a beast. Even as a man my senses were more acute than an ordinary human's. I was also faster and stronger than a human. If I needed to fight, I could shift, but for now I wanted to remain in control so my run would have to be a hike.

I decided to do a patrol of our lands, just a quick sweep to clear my head. Once outside I could breathe again. I moved silently, concealed in the darkness with only the glow of the moon to guide me. My boots crunched softly against the gravel path that wound its way through the northern edge of the property. The crisp mountain air bit my skin but I welcomed the cold. It woke me up, made me more focused. At least, it was supposed to.

Tonight though, nothing helped. Not the silence, not the cold, not even the calming call of nature. No matter what I did, where I went, my mind kept circling back to him. Back to Ash.

Damn it all to hell.

I raked a hand through my hair. My jaw clenched. What the hell was wrong with me? I was stronger than this, tougher. I was trained to fight, to suppress emotion. I'd faced down ferals, rogue shifters, and my own personal demons with less tension in my body than I carried now. My gut ached, like I'd just swallowed broken glass, and the worst part, I had no idea why.

He was a kid. Just some stupid kid. He shouldn't have mattered to me, but he did. That's what scared me the most. Not that he was a vampire, the unknown. It was what I felt when I thought of him. Something stirred inside me that I couldn't explain. A pull that I had no control over.

It was unnatural, this pull, and I tried to fight against it with everything I had.

I stopped beneath a small grove of trees, resting my hand against the cool bark of an old pine. My heart thudding against my ribs, slow and heavy. I could still see his eyes, etched in my mind, those haunted, liquid eyes, like pools of jade. I could hear his voice, soft and broken, whispering "I'm sorry."

I had been standing on the porch, just outside the door, listening. I could hear the pain in his voice. "I shouldn't have come here. I'm so sorry." My heart ached, and I hated myself for causing him anymore pain. I left, headed for the trees. I didn't want to hear more. I didn't want to hear his sobs, knowing I was the one who had made him cry.

I hadn't meant to be so cruel. Not like that. I didn't want to hurt him but I was angry and so spoke without thinking.

"He's not worth it."

My words echoed back to me, over and over again, searing themselves into my memory. The moment I'd spoken them, I regretted it, but it was too late to take them back. In that moment though, something changed inside me. I felt a sharp pain that pierced through my chest and straight into my heat, as though it had just cracked down the middle and for a moment, I couldn't breathe. I really thought that I was dying.

I sighed, continuing to walk deeper into the trees. I tried to think of something else, anything else. The radiant moon above, the smell of pine and wet earth. Anything. Anything but him. I didn't want to think about him, didn't want picture his face, the way he seemed to crumble under the weight of my words or how his entire body had gone still like he'd just been struck in the face. I didn't want to see that sad, hopeless, broken look in his eyes like I'd just ripped out his heart and crushed it in my hand.

He was all I could think of though, my mind refusing to let go and it frustrated me to no end. I wasn't supposed to feel this way. I wasn't supposed to care.

I didn't want to feel anything. Not guilt, not regret. And certainly not whatever the hell this pull was.

I was all about control, logic, and reason. Emotions made you weak. Emotions made you sloppy. Emotions got people killed. I paused, looking up at the night sky. I had to stop feeling this way. I couldn't afford to let my guard down. Nor for one second. Not after...

"Stop it." I told myself, my hands clenched at my sides, anger suddenly taking hold of me, trying to push its way to the surface. "I can't." I whispered into the darkness. "I can't let myself... feel."

It hurt to feel. It hurt to remember. I'd spent so many years building a wall around my heart, brick by brick only to have it all threatening to come crashing down because of one small vampire with sad eyes and an angels face.

I wanted to ignore the way he made me feel like time had froze and nothing else on earth mattered but him. I couldn't ignore it though. As hard as I tried, I just couldn't get him off my mind.

I slowed my pace as I reached the tree line and scanned the forest ahead. Once again came that unsettling feeling that something wasn't quite right. I lifted my head, scenting the wind and that's when I noticed it, the faintest scent of something warm and wild, heady, fresh and pure. It was soft and subtle at first, like the brush of a steady breeze against my skin. It wove through the night air like a secret, hidden in the shadows, then came alive in my mind. I went still, the aroma mesmerizing me.

Jasmine.

Not an artificial scent found in perfumes or incense. No, this was raw jasmine, the kind that bloomed along paths, untamed, bold, fragrant, and so enticing.

And beneath it, something else... summer rain.

That intoxicating scent the earth releases just before a storm, when the sky is heavy and the world holds its breath.

The aroma wrapped itself around me, soft and intimate. It caressed me like an old memory rushing to the surface and brought with it a sense of longing, of unbridled need.

My breath caught. My cat shifted beneath my skin, restless, yearning, clawing to get free. This scent, it wasn't just pleasant, or soothing. It was comforting in a way that made me want to drop all my defenses, seek out the source and claim it, make it mine.

Mine.

The word echoed through my head as a low growl rumbled from deep inside and I froze, too stunned to move. The scent filled my lungs and I breathed it in, deeply.

"Shit." I whispered, closing my eyes. "It can't be." But it was. I knew what it meant, even before I stepped into the clearing and saw him curled up on his side, laying beneath a ceder tree. He'd been crying, I could tell, and my heart broke because I understand. Now it all made sense. Seeing him I knew, without a doubt, Ash was my mate.

***

I had always been told that when you find your true mate, the one who was made just for you, you would know it instantly. I think I knew from the moment I'd first seen him that he was mine but I was so blinded by my own pain that I refused to believe it was real.

My heart raced as I moved closer, silently, following the broken path of crushed underbrush and the allure of his scent until I was close enough to be sure that what I was seeing, what I was feeling, was real.

Water from a near-by stream trickled over rocks like a whisper, drowning out the gentle sound of his sobs. A soft breeze blew past, bringing his scent with it.

I stopped.

Any doubts I might have had a moment before were gone now. I knew I was looking at my mate.

His knees were pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around them. His shoulders shook with each shuddering sob. Something twisted painfully in my chest as I watched him. He looked so small, broken, and utterly alone. I couldn't breathe. The ache in my chest grew stronger, more painful. I leaned against the trunk of a tree to steady myself and catch my breath.

I didn't make a sound I stood there, still as a statue. I should have turned then and there and walked away but I didn't. I couldn't. My mind and body were at war with one another. My mind telling me to leave, to forget him, while every instinct in me was telling me to stay. He's my mate, and he needs me.

I reminded myself again that this wasn't my problem. Ash wasn't my responsibility. He was a vampire. That alone meant he was a problem. Whatever pain he was in, whatever trouble he'd brought with him, it wasn't mine to fix.

I turned away, telling myself, Don't look back.

But then, I felt it again, that pull.

It wasn't a sound. It wasn't a voice. It was something else, something I couldn't explain.

This feeling, if that's what it was, was ancient, primal. Like a chord deep in my soul that twisted and pulled, trying to draw me back to him. The more I resisted, the harder it pulled, and I knew I couldn't fight it.

Don't look back. I repeated to myself.

I turned.

My eyes focused on him, on the boy laying alone in the dark, crying silently where he thought no one would hear him.

But I heard him.

"Goddamn it!" I muttered to myself. Refusing to give in, even as my feet dragged me forward, closer, until I was just a few feet away from him.

I watched. Watched the small tremors in his arms. The stiff, defensive way he curled in on himself. The air around him was thick with fear and grief, thick enough to choke on. I took a breath and tried to calm the war inside me.

I could leave now. No one would ever know.

But I couldn't. It was too late. Seeing Ash now, the way his shoulders shook, the way his body trembled had made something protective and instinctual rise up inside me.

I moved closer, then slowly crouched down beside him. Not wanting to frighten him, I reached out and gently laid a hand on his shoulder.

He flinched. His head snapped up, eyes wide and glassy, then he scrambled back, pulling away from my touch.

"I'm sorry." I said quickly, raising my hands in surrender. "I didn't mean to startle you."

His eyes narrowed as he looked at me. "What do you want?" He snapped, his voice tight and guarded.

I winced. I deserved that.

"I, uh, was just patrolling the area." I told him. "I just happened to stumble on you and wanted to see if you were okay." It wasn't a total lie. I had been on patrol, and I had stumbled upon him, more or less. I just chose to leave out the rest, how his scent had led me to him and how my heart ached to touch him. I didn't want to overwhelm him and, well, I wasn't sure if I was ready to admit to him that we were mates. I mean, I'd only just admitted it to myself. I still needed time to get used to the idea and process it.

Ash wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie. "Well, I'm fine. You can go now."

Ouch. He was trying to sound dismissive, but there was an edge of hurt there. I could hear it, clear as day. He hadn't forgotten what I'd said earlier and the pain was still raw.

"You shouldn't be out here alone." I told him, trying to sound firm but at the same time showing my concern. "It's not safe."

"Why do you even care?" He asked, a bitter laugh escaping his lips.

I hesitated. I couldn't say what I was really thinking--because you're mine. Because everything in me is screaming at me to protect you--so I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Because I'm the head of security. And while you're under Liam's protection, you're my responsibility."

He frowned. Clearly I'd said the wrong thing. "I'm not under anyone's protection." He hissed, his tone sharp. "And don't worry. I won't be a burden to you much longer. I have no intention of staying here."

I tensed at his words. I felt them hit me like a slap to the face. Was that really how he saw himself, as a burden?

"You don't have to go." I told him. "Besides, the sun will be up soon. You're alone, you have no money, and no shelter. Wouldn't it be better to stay? Rethink what you want to do after you've rested some."

He rolled his eyes. "Sunlight won't kill me, it just slows me down and makes me weaker."

His judgement may have been off and his lack of concern for his own safety pissed me off. "That's all the more reason for you not to be wandering around a strange city alone." It came out as a soft growl but that wasn't my intention at all. It was strange how he could be so captivating yet some irksome at the same time.

He fell silent. His brow knitted together like he wanted to argue more but the fight had gone out of him, replaced by exhaustion. I could tell by the way his shoulders slumped. The poor kid looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"I don't want to cause Jai anymore trouble." He muttered. "He's better off without me. I never should have come here in the first place, it was stupid."

"You're wrong. Jai would be devastated if anything happened to you. He's probably out of his mind with worry right now."

"Yeah right." He frowned and turned away from me. "Why would he care? Why would any of you care? I'm a vampire. I don't belong here, right? I'm not worth it."

He threw my own words back at me and they stung. But what could I say? I'm sorry seemed insincere. He didn't need apologies, he needed reassurance. "Look, I'm an asshole. Honestly, it's probably one of my better qualities." That at least got a small chuckle out of him.

"The truth is, I don't know you. I don't know anything about you and that scares me. I can't protect my family from danger if I don't know it's coming so, when I found out there was a vampire in our home, I freaked a little. It's not an excuse, just an explanation. I've never been in this situation before and I reacted the way I did because I didn't know any better."

"So, you think I'm dangerous?"

I shook my head. "Not anymore. At first, yes, but not now."

"What changed?"

"You. Me." I sighed, trying to find the right words. "I'll admit, at first, all I saw was a vampire, a monster. I saw a potential threat to those I love but, that's not what I see now."

He turned back to face me and our eyes locked. He looked almost scared. "What... what do you see now?" He asked, softly.

I wanted to reach out and touch him--but I couldn't. Not yet. He needed to trust me first and we just weren't there. But, I thought about what he'd asked me, and I answered him as honestly as I could.

"When I look at you, Ash, I see someone who's spent too much of his life alone. Someone who's been broken, but keeps trying to piece himself back together, time and time again."

I paused and took a slow, deep, breath, my eyes locked on his emerald ones, just taking in his beauty.

"But, I also see someone who loves--deeply." I continued. "Someone full of compassion, who understands more than most, and who would sacrifice himself to protect the people he cares about. I see strength in you, Ash. A fire that burns bright but doesn't destroy. A fire that warms and heals. I think it's time you saw that in yourself too because I don't see a burden when I look at you. I see someone who belongs."

My voice dropped just a little, but my words were steady and sincere. "You don't have to give up your happiness to protect everyone else. You don't have to keep running, or hiding. If you stay... we'll take care of you. We'll fight for you. Because you, Ash, are --without a doubt--worth it."

He held my gaze, his breathing quickened and I could hear the rapid beating of his heart. I couldn't tell if he was angry, touched, or terrified. He just stared at me, teary eyed and... sweet.

I smiled, standing up then and offered him my hand. "Come on, Kitten. Let me take you back."

He blinked. "Kitten?"

I chuckled. "Yeah. You remind me of a new born kitten. All frail and helpless and cute as fuck."

I've never seen a vampire blush before. It was kind of adorable.

He didn't say anything, just stared at my hand like he was trying to decide if he could actually trust me or not.

For a moment, I thought he might refuse but then, hesitantly, slowly, he put his hand in mine and I closed my fingers around it. The moment our hands touched, something inside me calmed. The dread I'd felt earlier was gone. It was like everything had suddenly just clicked back into place. The world felt right again.

Gently, I helped him to his feet, careful not to pull too hard or be too forceful. But, as soon as Ash stood up, his knees buckled.

I caught him in an instant, my arm tightening around him instinctively. My heart clenched at the way he shook, his entire body trembling as his small hands grasped at my shirt, clinging to the fabric like he was afraid to let go.

"My God." I whispered into his hair, panic gripping me as I spoke. "What happened to you? Who hurt you so badly?"

He didn't answer. He just cried harder, fingers fisting in my shirt. It was like every ounce of strength he had was gone, stolen away by grief and fear and wounds that hadn't had the time to heal, pain buried too deep to name.

All I could do was stand there, silently holding him against me, sheltering him from whatever unspeakable thing was out there. I didn't ask a second time, didn't push him for an answer. Now wasn't the time. He didn't need someone to confide in, he just needed to feel safe, so I held him. I'd hold him forever if that's what he needed.

A few minutes later, I heard voices reaching out through the silence. They were calling his name. Jai, Liam, and others from our Pride. They were looking for him and I could hear the worry in their voices, their pleas for him to come back. Ada, even Gabriela, were calling out to him.

I looked down. Ash had gone limp in my arms, passed out from sheer exhaustion. Whatever happened to him, whatever he'd gone through, had finally caught up to him and his mind and body just couldn't take anymore stress. He needed rest.

Carefully, trying not to jostle him too much, I shifted my grip on him and lifted him up, cradling him close against me. He weighed next to nothing and he fit into my arms perfectly, as if he belonged there.

His head lolled against my shoulder. His scent engulfed me--floral, soft, content. I turned toward the voices and began walking back toward the mansion.

He was safe now, cradled in my arms and I was going to make sure he stayed that way. He was mine, after-all, mine to protect. Even if he didn't know it yet.