It's A Dun Deal

Author's Note:

Dear Readers,

Thank you for taking the time to read my efforts. This one is a follow-up to my last story "All In A Day's Work." Some astute commenters on that tale pointed out that I had somehow left out one of the most popular tropes in the LW universe, i. e., the faithful PA/secretary who has loved our MC forever and is waiting in the wings to replace the cheating slut wife. I had to smack myself in the forehead for that. So, this is my attempt to rectify that oversight. Along the way, I thought of a couple of other chestnuts to throw in. You'll spot them easily.

Hope you like it.

OHG

Oh, and for the first time, there is a smidgen of sex in here - just a smidgen.

*****

"Dun, we've got a serious problem."

The screen on my phone said the caller was Billy Ray Seymour, my new COO.

"How's that, Billy Ray?"

"I just got a call from the Contracting Officer Representative. She said there's been a protest filed on the contract... award date will be delayed. And you'll never guess who filed the protest..."

"Are you shitting me? Bart Ramsey?"

"Well, not him directly, but his number one small business partner - you know, NAMPAX - they're not only small, but they are also woman-owned."

"I'm just...- Angel would you turn off that damned vacuum cleaner for a second - ANGEL, TURN OFF THE VACUUM!" OK, where were we? I am amazed. I just don't know what to say. You have to admire his tenacity. Was he a war hero or something? I guess losing one of his balls and three toes wasn't clear enough... you know, this reminds me of a movie."

"Everything reminds you of a movie, Dun."

"Yeah, I know. Did you ever see "The Magnificent Seven", Billy Ray? Not the new one with Denzel - the old one with Yul Brynner, Steve McQueen, James Coburn, Charles Bronson, and Robert Vaughn. All those guys went on to become bigtime movie stars. But the best actor in the whole shebang was Eli Wallach - he played Calvera, the leader of a gang of banditos who rode around terrorizing all the small Mexican villages south of El Paso. One of these villages gets tired of being robbed, so they collect the gold and silver altar pieces from their church and go off to hire these American gunslingers to defend their village. When Calvera returns to the village and is confronted by the Seven, he laments that he had gone soft and left the village its religious relics. He said, "It shows you, sooner or later, you must answer for every good deed." And that was kind of the source for the "no good deed goes unpunished" meme. Man, I loved that one - my dad's favorite movie, by the way."

"I'm not sure I get the reference, Dun."

"We left Ol' Bart alive! With his dick and one testicle! Maybe, we shouldn't have been so... Angel, for the love of God, TURN OFF THE VACUUM! generous, B. R. So, what did the COR say?"

"She said these kinds of protests are routine and never go anywhere. Besides, we're not the prime, and you know Lockheed's not gonna let anything mess this up. So, we just have to hold tight and wait three or four weeks for the award. It's not good but it could be a lot worse."

"OK, Billy Ray. Just keep me posted."

I hung up. I turned to my lovely personal assistant,

"Angel, sweetheart. How many times do I have to tell you I can't hear the telephone when the vacuum cleaner's going. And why are you doing that anyway? I'm paying a maid to do that. If YOU'RE gonna do it, I'll just fire the maid, and your cousin Maria will be out of a job."

"No, Dun, please don't do that. I am SOOO sorry. But this new cordless is so much fun to use, and the mindless repetition is so therapeutic after spending hours reading RFP's."

Angel Ramirez has been my personal assistant for four years - since I started my own company. Many bosses say it, but I really mean it - she has become indispensable to me. My business wouldn't survive without her. She's incredibly smart, efficient, industrious, analytical, observant, and perceptive. She's my secret weapon in all my business dealings. She also possesses most of the attributes appreciated by the more superficial male - petite, voluptuous, with jet black hair and dark eyes and coloring. Imagine Salma Hayek in "Desperado".

Angel comes from an incredibly large Hispanic family. She has three sisters and three brothers, too many nieces and nephews to count, six or seven living aunts and uncles (counting both sides), and at least 20 or 30 first cousins, including my maid, Maria. I won't get into the second cousins or the "once removeds". Anyway, it's a big family and if things continue the way they've been going, I'll eventually be employing most of them. So far, in addition to Maria, there's Cousin Fernando - my driver, Cousin Carmen - my cook, Cousin Julio - security, Cousin Hector - IT Director, Cousin Juanita - HR Director, and many more to come. I'm not complaining- they're all - every last one of them- great employees.

It was from the cousin network that I got the astounding news that Angel was in love with me and had been since her first year working for me. I was totally clueless. I'm a one-woman man. Until I discovered her doing the horizontal bop with Ol' Bart, I only had eyes for my wife Mel. So, imagine my surprise when I found Cousin Carmen and Cousin Fernando having a whispered conversation in the kitchen. All I heard as I was walking through was "you think he knows?" - answered by "not a clue."

"What? What does who know?"

Carmen answered while Fernando fumbled,

"Just another one of the cousins, Dun. She's been crushing on her boss for a long time and she's afraid to let him know. But she's worried that if she doesn't, he'll never catch on and she'll die a lonely old maid."

"Which cousin is this? Do I know her? Does she work for me?"

"No, no, Boss. You don't know this one - this is Uncle Javier's daughter - over on the Hernandez side."

"So, what's the big deal? Is this guy mentally deficient- ride the short bus to school or something?"

"Yes, pretty much."

"Well, if he's that clueless, what does she want with him? "

"We're wondering that ourselves... guess the heart wants what it wants."

"Maybe so... whatever, she should still tell him. Even if he rejects her, the short-term pain is better than a lifetime of regret. I sure wish Mel had told me she was a cheating slut, before I married her."

Fernando now jumped in,

"But Boss she's friends with this guy and she's afraid she'll lose that friendship and her job."

"Well, if he's any kind of man worth having, he'd do the right thing- tell her he'll always be her friend, and she still has a job if she wants it. I wouldn't fire somebody for loving me, unless... he's not married, is he?"

"No, not really."

"What does that mean? He's either married or he's not."

"Well, he's in the process of getting a divorce."

Ferdy said this with a slight smirk. I saw that and then it hit me.

"You talking about me? Angel?"

Simultaneously, they rolled their eyes, as if to say, "how can anyone be this thick?"

"No, can't be. She's never said a word - never given any indication. You guys are way off base."

"She's told us both straight out."

I started whining.

"So, what do I do about it? I don't want another romance right now. I like to take my failures one at a time."

Like a trooper, Carmen waded in.

"Sorry, Dun, we can't advise you on that, since we've already been retained by Angel as her confidential advisors. It wouldn't be ethical."

"Why you little shits... and what's this short bus crap? I should fire you both."

"You already fired me twice this week, Boss, but here I am - the proverbial bad peso."

"Shouldn't you be starting dinner? And don't you need to be doing something to the car?"

With that, I walked out of the kitchen and headed down the hall to the sanctity of my workout room, where I sat down on the bench and pondered. What was I going to do with this new information? I was mentally prepared to handle just about anything - except love. You get that way when you're raised in an orphanage. My parents had been killed in the space shuttle Columbia explosion, when I was eight. No, they weren't astronauts - they were driving home from visiting the Magnificent Seven filming locations about the same time the shuttle was flaming out over Texas. One of the landing gear assemblies fell smack dab on top of their Tercel rolling down I-40. They never knew what hit them. I had no other family - they'd left me home with my mom's best friend Cheryl. But being good Catholics, I was a shoo-in for St. Joe's School for Boys. I got a lot of guidance but not a lot of love. I still bear the scars from that - literally, I still have huge scars and welts on my back from the many corrections I received from Father Flanagan. But I have to say, his discipline got me ready for the military and those six deployments to the Sand Box. Bless his heart, I still visit him every month out at the Limestone prison.

Mel had been my first girlfriend, my first lover, my first wife. I had come to love her, and I had gotten used to her love. And she had dropped a bomb on all of that. I don't think I could ever trust like that again. Angel is a fine girl, but so was Mel. Look how that worked out.

The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got. What was Angel thinking? What right did she have to fall in love with me? Just when I was beginning to get over Mel - she goes and throws this monkey wrench in? Unbelievable. And just when I was settling back to work on that third PhD.

I got up off the bench and started punching the heavy bag. In my anger, I lost track of time. I hadn't wrapped my hands, so when I finally ran out of steam, every knuckle was bleeding. Cursing profusely, I stomped back upstairs. Looking down at my bloody hands in front of me, I almost ran over my troublesome PA, who apparently had just come in.

"Ewwwwww! Dun, what happened to you?"

"I got a little carried away on the heavy bag."

"You did this working out? What's wrong with you? If you're not going to wrap your hands, you should at least know when to stop."

She grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall to the master bath. She turned on the cold water and shoved my hands under. I yelled like a little titty-baby, but she held them there.

"Now keep those under that water while I find the first aid kit."

She rummaged through the towel closet and came out with a handful of tubes and a brown bottle of something.

"Angel, if you pour alcohol on my fingers, they'll find you floating face down in the Tennessee River."

"Oh, shut up, you big baby. This is not alcohol - it's peroxide..."

With that, she doused my cut hands with this stuff that bubbled and foamed and stung like hell. OK, maybe it wasn't as bad as alcohol, but it still stung. Then she started dabbing my knuckles and applying the triple antibiotic cream. Another five minutes and the whole job was done, with Band-Aids, gauze and tape applied.

I sheepishly told her,

"Thanks, Angel, sorry to be so much trouble."

So, tired and disgusted with myself and the world, I said,

"Tell Carmen I'm not feeling up to dinner - you guys eat without me. I'm going to bed."

And I did just that. Tomorrow, I would have to deal with Bart and Angel, before both problems got out of hand.

*****

I did not sleep well. The nightmares returned - with a vengeance. They had started after my last deployment. We were on a routine patrol in Anbar when my Hummer ran over an IED. My driver and gunner were killed instantly. I was knocked unconscious. I came to when my best friend Mike Williams dragged my ass out of the burning vehicle and stuffed me in his. As we turned around to get out of there, his driver ran over an IED. The explosion threw me out and the last thing I saw was Mike's hand reaching through a wall of flames. I woke up three months later from the medically induced coma. I had more holes in me than a cheese grater. But I seemed to be healing OK. Unfortunately, one of the head wounds had damaged my eyesight, so my snipering days were over. Since I spoke Pashtun, Farsi, and four other languages, they tried to palm an interpreter's job off on me, but I took the medical discharge instead.

I met Mel soon after I got back home - she was one of my physical therapists at the VA Hospital - this was before her real estate ventures. We both fell for each other right off. Three months later, we were living together in her apartment. That's when the nightmares began. Strangely enough, I'd start thrashing violently and sweating and apparently would get a huge erection. I lost my V-Card when Mel impaled herself on me trying to calm me down. It worked. With her treatment, the dreams stopped after about 4 months. But she didn't stop treatment for another six, when she finally figured out I was faking it. But let me tell you, this PTSD thing is real. And now it was back.

But as wiser men have said, life goes on. I crawled out of bed. I had to get to work on my two immediate problems. First, I was going to call Angel. As I picked up my phone, it started buzzing and I saw it was Billy Ray again. "What fresh hell is this?" I said as I hit the button.

"What now Billy Ray?"

"Good news this time, Dun. NAMPAX dropped the protest. Turns out Bart pissed off Marla, so she just decided not to play along with him anymore. So, contract award and signing are back on - day after tomorrow at the Pentagon. You're expected to be there. I've already talked to Angel - she's making arrangements as we speak."

"That IS good news. I'll get with Angel on the details. I'm gonna take her with me. You OK to hold the fort here?"

"Sure, Dun. Go get that thing signed so we can get started."

"OK, B. R. You better keep an eye on Bart Ramsey - he's a wounded tiger now, so no telling what he'll do."

"I hear you, Dun. Y'all have a safe trip."

As soon as he signed off, I called Angel.

"Billy Ray says you've got all the info you need, so I'll leave it to you to get the flight and hotel set up. You know you're going, too, don't you?"

"Yes, Dun. I've already made all the reservations. We've got the 1:15 flight to Washington Reagan and rooms booked at the Crystal Gateway. They have an airport shuttle. On Wednesday, Lockheed is sending a car to pick us up at 12:45 for the ride to the Pentagon. We're all set."

"Great. Thanks for being your usual efficient self. I'll see you in the morning. We'll try to leave for the airport about 11:45."

I know. I didn't say anything to her about her feelings for me. With this critical bit of business looming, I was going to kick relationship talk down the road. I was also going to wait and see about Ramsey.

*****

Our flight was uneventful - we caught the shuttle and made it to our hotel in plenty of time to check in before catching dinner in the hotel restaurant. As usual, Angel had booked us a two-bedroom suite. Before going to our bedrooms, we sat on the sofa in the common area and went over our schedule for the next day. Then, we said goodnight and went to our beds. I don't know about Angel, but traveling always exhausts me, so I fell asleep quickly. Two or three hours later, the nightmare hit me. Mike Williams' burning hand and face. I could feel someone shaking me and I could hear a voice calling my name. My eyes shot open, and I saw Angel bending over me. I don't know - maybe I thought she was Mel or maybe I wasn't thinking at all, but I grabbed her and pulled her over me, ripped her panties off, and plunged her down on my raging hard-on. I heard her gasp and then I started raising her up and down as fast as I could. This carried on to its natural conclusion. Next thing I know, I was awake with my arms around a crying Angel lying on top of me.

"Oh, Dun. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry..."

She kept saying this over and over until I had to intervene.

"Angel, stop it! You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I forced you..."

"No, no, no. I wanted that Dun... I've wanted it for a long time. But you were married, and I would not be a homewrecker, so I said nothing. And even after you filed for divorce, I could not say anything - I love working for you, and being your friend - you're my best friend, you know that? I knew that sex would complicate things, and I would lose my job and lose you as a friend. Now, I've screwed it up and I'm going to lose everything."

She dissolved into tears, burying her face into my chest and wrapping her arms tight around me. I rubbed her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"You're not losing anything, Angel. Lie down here. We'll talk about this tomorrow."

*****

When I woke up next morning, Angel was not in the bed with me. Worried that she might have done something stupid like quit and go home, I jumped out of bed and went looking for her. I found her in the common area, fully dressed and waiting for me. I hurriedly showered, got dressed, and we went down to breakfast. While we were eating, we had the talk. She started.

"Dun, I'm sorry about last night. I don't know what happened... you were yelling and waving your arms and sweating like crazy. I was trying to wake you. Next thing I know, I'm riding you cowgirl and having an orgasm. If you want me to resign, I will. But I don't want to. I'm in love with you, Dun... have been since I met you."

"I know. Carmen told me."

"Why that useless bitch! I'll kill her. I don't care if she is my cousin. She swore she would keep my secret."

"Relax, Angel. It was an accident. I overheard her and Ferdy talking in the kitchen. When I confronted them, they spilled it. I have to admit - at first, I was not pleased with the news - I'm just getting over Mel - hell, my divorce won't be final for two more weeks. I just thought this was one wrinkle too many. Last night was an accident - my PTSD's back and sex seems to calm that. But Angel, I would never fire you. I don't want you to go anywhere. You're my best friend, too. I already love you as a friend, so maybe it's not so big a step to move on to something more. So, why don't we try and see if this goes somewhere? When the divorce is all done, I'd like us to date each other. I'd like to romance you, Angel, if I can figure out how."

She was about to cry again. I leaned across the table and kissed her softly on the lips. She whispered, "I'd like to try that with you, Dun."

We finished up breakfast, went back to the suite to freshen up, then met our limo for the ride to the Pentagon. Getting to the Pentagon was a breeze. Making it to the right conference room was a hard slog - about a seven mile walk around the outer ring. We finally made it but had to wait 20 more minutes for the potentate assigned to bless our union. This time it was the Assistant to the Deputy Assistant Undersecretary for Badass Weaponry or something like that. She was an attractive but very very serious lady. In announcing the award and presiding over the signing, she said she "looked forward to the unparalleled success of the synergistic relationship between the DoD and the Lockheed/Dunwoody Engineering Team." According to her, "the Joint Air to Ground Offensive Fast Flight (JAGOFF) missile system would give the American warfighter the supreme edge in Future Combat." I couldn't have said it better myself.

We went home and kicked off work on the contract. Lockheed was handling the hardware. We were developing the software. Life was busy... so busy, in fact, that I didn't even notice when my divorce became final. Angel, however, didn't miss the day.

"Are you going to ask me out now, Dun?"

"Yes, get your LBD on. We're going out for dinner and a dance."

I took her to the new Tom Brown's steakhouse and then to a dance club. That was the first of many dates. Within three months, I was completely besotted with her. Now, my entire life - personal as well as professional - revolved around her. As my love for her grew, the nightmares receded - without treatment. I hadn't touched her again.

Things were great with Angel, but not everything was magical in Dun's world. Our buddy Bart was making trouble again, trying to sabotage our work on the JAGOFF contract. As usual, it was Billy Ray who passed on the bad news via frantic phone.

"Dun, we've lost two software engineers and one systems engineer in the past three weeks. All of them were good people - two of them on the contract key personnel list we submitted with our proposal. They're all going to work for Bart."

"How's that possible Billy Ray? I thought he was almost shut down."

"Oh, he won some piddling contract - $40 million or so - with the Coast Guard Reserve, and now he's raiding us. He gave these guys a forty percent increase and a shitload of personal leave to jump ship. Rumor has it, he's not through. He's put feelers out in the programming branch too."

"Has he talked to you, Billy Ray?"

"Dun, it hurts me that you'd think I'd give that piece of shit the time of day. I'd never betray you that way. You saved my life... you dragged me out of a burning building in Fallujah. If it weren't for you, I'd be a piece of Melba toast right now. So, I'm insulted that you would think..."

"All right. All right, Billy Ray! I'm sorry I questioned your loyalty. Now, what do we do about Bart?"

"I don't know. I was hoping you had some ideas."

"Ok, for starters, put the word out to everyone to contact you if they hear anything from Ramsey or someone working for him. Tell them it's common courtesy to give us a chance to counteroffer. Meanwhile, I'll be looking for a long-term solution."

*****

Things were pretty quiet the next few weeks. Angel and I spent as much time together as work allowed. Somedays she would pop into my office. We would eat lunch together or get a cup of coffee and talk. One such day, she stopped by to talk, and I could tell she was apprehensive.

"What's going on Angel? What are you afraid to tell me?"

"Ask you, Dun. I have a question I don't want to ask you."

"Silly girl, you can ask me anything."

"Ok. My niece Selena is turning fifteen in two weeks, and I need to go home for her Quinceanera. And I want you to take me."

"What was so difficult about that question? The answer is "yes, I'll take you."

She smiled, turned, and sashayed out the door - giving me a little extra hip sway as she did.

So, two weeks later, I found myself on a plane to San Antonio with Angel, looking forward to and dreading meeting the 200 or so family members I had not yet met.

And wondering how many of them would be moving to Alabama in the next month to work for me.

The Quince was great. Her family filled the Knights of Columbus Hall and celebrated the pretty little Selena in style. I got to meet Angel's mother and father for the first time. As I expected, they were wonderful people. The day after the celebration, we all gathered for lunch at their home, where I met another 50 or 60 relatives. After eating, we were all gathered outside in the shade, when I took Angel by the hand, dropped to one knee and pulled a ring from my pocket.

"Angel, I love you with all my heart and soul. Will you honor me by spending the rest of your life with me?"

Her eyes wide with amazement, she clutched her face with both hands, and then began jumping up and down, shouting "yes, yes, yes" over and over.

"Angel, Angel! Slow down. So, you will marry me?"

"Oh, yes Dun. I will marry you. But you first must ask Papa."

"Oh, I already did that. Last night. At the Quince. I didn't ask you last night. That wouldn't have been fair to Selena."

"You're right, Dun. And you're so kind and thoughtful. You have made me so happy!"

With that, she started jumping up and down again. This time, about 50 girl cousins joined her, all clutching and hugging and trying to get glimpses of her engagement ring.

I was relieved at being pushed aside and stepped over to the wash tub filled with beer and ice. Standing there drinking a Modelo, I felt someone approaching and turned to meet Uncle Frank and his very large sidekick.

"Welcome to the family, Señor Woody. I hope you and my niece Angelina will be very happy together. And I trust that you will always treat her well. Also, if I can ever be of service to you, please let me know."

He slipped a business card into my shirt pocket, smiled, turned and walked away.

*****

On the flight home, Angel and I talked about the weekend, her family, and our life ahead.

"I suppose you and your mother and sisters already have the wedding planned?"

"No, but we made a good start. Cousin Val is making my dress, Cousin Gina the cake. My sister Theresa is doing the flowers. My brothers are handling the reception - it's going to be a barbecue. Carmen's going to help them with the food. Gina's husband Luis is a mariachi, so he's going to handle the music, along with his brother Carlos, who's a DJ."

"Wow! You got all that set up since yesterday? So, when is this wedding?"

"I don't want a long engagement, Dun. What about you? Don't you think, say, three months is long enough? I want to marry you, so I can start having your babies."

I laughed at her enthusiasm and shuddered at the implied responsibility. But I also couldn't help imagining just how enticing she would be with that voluptuous body swollen with child.

"Okay. What are we talking about here? It's the middle of May now. You're talking mid-August. It'll be Africa hot in San Antonio in mid-August."

"All right, then. We can slip until mid-September. It will be cooler by then. Say September 15th.”

I looked at her very seriously. I took a very deep breath and exhaled very slowly. I held the last bit of air for a few seconds and then gasped out,

"OK. Let’s do it.”

She burst into tears.

"Oh, Dun. I love you so much."

I rolled my eyes, shook my head, and wrapped my arms around her.

*****

Although I had a really great time with Angel's family, it was a relief to get back to work. It's a lot of pressure trying to remember the names of 200 or so family and friends. I was exhausted. But work was going well - we had replaced our "raided" employees and were going full speed ahead.

A few days after we got back, Angel stopped by my office to remind me of the upcoming summer fundraiser for Toys for Tots.

"Dun, the Margarita Ball is Friday night, and we bought two tickets. You need to get your tux out and dust it off."

"Oh no, Angel... you know I hate those things... and Friday is the first developmental test for the guidance module software. That will probably go into Saturday or even Sunday. I love to support the cause, but you've got to take this one for the team. Take Carmen with you. She would love it."

I could tell she didn't like it, but she nodded in agreement, put the pouty face on, and left.

Friday afternoon, between test runs, I called Fernando.

"Ferdy, I want you to drive Angel and Carmen to that ball tonight. Most important of all, I want you to watch them like a hawk. I'm betting Ramsey''s going to be there and I don't trust that rat bastard. So, watch out and take precautions - you know what I'm saying?"

"Sure, Dun. I got you. Hey, I'll take Julio with me, too. He hasn't cracked any heads in a while. So, I know he'd love to tag along."

"OK, you guys take care of our girls."

I went back to the tedious world of software testing. I lost track of time and forgot to check in with Fernando. When my phone buzzed, I saw the time was 11:30.

"Dun, we made it back home. Everyone's OK. But we did have some excitement. It was Bart Ramsey again. He somehow managed to get seated between Angel and Carmen. I watched them like you said, Boss. Just before the DJ started up with the dance music, I saw him put something in her drink. She drank it before I could get to her, so I backed off to see what Ramsey was going to do next. He got her out on the dance floor. I grabbed Carmen and got out there as close to them as I could. Julio hung back and watched. I saw Ramsey's bodyguard come in the door and signal to him. Ramsey started dancing Angel over toward the doorway. I could tell by her eyes she was high as a kite on something. I ran over to Julio and sicced him on the bodyguard, while I snuck in behind Bart. He was just about to the door, when I stuck my Sig in his back, while Julio was doing the same to the bodyguard. I took Angel's arm and pulled her around behind my back. I told Julio to grab Carmen, and we all got out of there. It was a close one, Boss."

"Son of a bitch! This is all my fault. I should have killed that asshole when I caught him with Mel. Well, this was strike three for Mr. Ramsey."

"Are you sure, Angel's, okay?"

"Yes, Dun. She's sleeping now and Carmen's in the bed with her. Julio is sitting outside the door. She's gonna be all right."

"Ferdy, I owe you big time. Julio, too. Tell him thanks for me. I'll talk to you in the morning."

*****

I made it home about ten o'clock Saturday morning. I looked in on Angel. She was sleeping peacefully. I found Carmen in the kitchen.

"What happened last night, Carm? How did Ramsey get to Angel?"

"I don't know, Dun. We found our place cards and noticed we were separated by one seat, and when they started serving dinner, Ramsey sat down there. He started with the charm and was all hearts and flowers through the whole dinner. When they started the music, he got up and asked Angel to dance. Up until then, she hadn't given him the time of day, but now she was all glassy eyed and she got out there with him. I swear, Dun, I never saw him put anything in her drink, but he had to... she'd have never gone with him otherwise."

"I know, Carm. I don't blame you at all. Nobody could foresee him trying something like that in that setting. Anyway, thanks for being there with her and helping get her home."

She was crying big tears now, so I hugged her tightly.

"Carmen, can I ask you something about your family? When we were at Selena's Quince, I met your Uncle Frank. He was a strange character, to say the least. What can you tell me about him?"

She leaned back and looked up at me.

"Oh, Dun. We don't talk about Great Uncle Frank. He's our maternal grandmother's brother - she was a Salazar. He's also the jefe of the biggest cartel in Chihuahua. So, nobody says much about Uncle Frank. Surprisingly, he seems to be a kind and gentle man, and he loves children. When all the cousins were little, we loved when he came to visit - he always brought piñatas with him. Why do you ask about him?"

"Just curious, Carm. I was thinking about you and Fernando - how you saved Angel - and just what a great family you are, then Uncle Frank's face passed through my mind."

"Listen, I'm going into the office for a couple of hours. Let Angel sleep. I'll talk to her this afternoon."

*****

I drove to my office, made myself a K-cup, sat down at my desk and removed a card from my wallet. I dialed the number on the card and sat back in my chair.

*****

Two days later, I was standing outside the Hampton Cove Waffle House at 3 am, when a heavily tinted Suburban pulled up in front of me. The driver got out, came around and opened the back passenger side door. I got in. The driver pulled out on US 231.

"Hello, Señor Woody, or since you are now family, may I call you Dun?"

"Please do, Mr. Salazar, and may I call you Uncle Frank?"

"Certainly, I would be honored. Now what can I do for you?"

I proceeded to give him the background on my problems with Ramsey to which he listened intently. When I got to the part about Bart's attempt to kidnap Angel, his eyes narrowed into slits, he cursed softly in Spanish and pounded his fists on his knees.

"I don't like bothering you with this, Uncle Frank, but since I am a direct competitor of Ramsey's and have a history with him, I can't be directly involved. If it was just a business thing, I wouldn't have called you. But when he attacked Angel, it became very personal."

"I am glad you called me, Nephew. I will enjoy solving this problem for you and my favorite niece. I may just do the job myself."

"Well, that's the thing, Uncle Frank. Beggars shouldn't be choosers, but I don't want him dead. I want him alive and suffering. If he were a woman, I know you could put him in one of your Mexican brothels, but seeing he's a man, I don't know what you'd do."

"Dun, Dun, you wound me... we are a progressive cartel - of course, we offer services to all kinds of customers. Except of course, those child molesters - we fill holes in the desert with that kind. We will place Mr. Ramsey in our best male brothel, where he will be very alive and unhappy."

"Thanks, Uncle Frank, so much. I hope you will do us the honor of attending our wedding in September."

*****

I was greatly relieved. Within two weeks, the disappearance of Bart Ramsey was blowing up local and national news. New information showed that Bart was being quietly investigated for selling Coast Guard technology secrets to the Mexican cartels. Several reports speculated that he had disappeared to escape prosecution. Whatever, he was out of our hair, for good.

Wedding plans and catechism classes went swimmingly and on September 15th I stood in a church in San Antonio and watched the most beautiful girl in the world walk down the aisle toward me. Of course, I had been standing there for 10 minutes while her 22 bridesmaids and escorts walked in. It was well worth the wait.

EPILOG

Meanwhile, 600 miles to the southwest, in the little and appropriately named Chihuahua town of Delicias, Bartlett J. Ramsey, highly drugged and wearing a leather Hannibal Lecter muzzle, was about to entertain another customer.