Sapphbrook Farm - Ch. 11

We began our journey back to the city in silence. I used the time to relive and review the past forty-eight hours. Mentally running through the stages of my brief life as a ponygirl. From my first steps in the tack room with Isabella, to get getting much closer with Lily and sprinting laps with Catherine. I didn't know what Catherine had going through her head, but she had a distance in her eyes that looked beyond the road in front of her.

That was how the ride went for a while, until Catherine finally broke the silence by asking,

"So... would you be interested in returning to Sapphbrook as a ponygirl?"

I didn't answer right away. Despite feeling Catherine's expectant attention upon me, I delayed in responding. Lacking a concrete decision, I deflected with my own question after several moments,

"Why did you think I would be a good ponygirl?"

"Well I think we've already shown that you can be a good pony."

I replied with exasperation at her coyness,

"Oh come on, you know what I mean. You knew what you were doing when you invited me for the weekend. Even if I had refused to be one, I still would've had to accept Lily was one after you showed her to me. Why'd you think I would do that?"

"Because... I don't know. I saw it in you."

"Saw it in me?"

I said with deliberate scepticism.

"Well, your personality was compatible... I saw it in you. The energy you gave of when I first met you."

"And my energy I was giving off that I wanted to be dehumanized."

"No of course not!" Catherine replied with genuine indignity. "... and you know that is not what we do, what we did to you."

"Yes I know that, well kind of I do. It's just... It's just..."

I had made that quip about being dehumanized, ironically mostly off of my energy at the moment rather than a coherent thought. I felt oddly combative. I wasn't against a 'who' as it surely wasn't Catherine and most certainly wasn't Isabella. But that left simply feeling against a what, and a what is far more disconcerting.

Interrupting this line of self doubt, Catherine added some more,

"You know, you are sounding quite like you did Friday night when we first told you about ponygirl? I would not have expected this from you, especially after all you've experienced."

"What? Having spent just a weekend doing someone's weird hobby."

"You know it's not just a hobby." Catherine replied with force and hurt in her voice. She paused for a moment, but before I could apologize she continued on in a more control tone,

"Now I don't begrudge you your first night's reaction. It can be quite a jarring introduction, I know, but for goodness sake, you've been a ponygirl since then. And I might be projecting but I got the sense that you quite enjoyed being a ponygirl."

"And?"

"And I am wondering... wondering where all this is coming from?"

I was too. Catherine just happened to be the one who it was getting thrown at. It didn't feel great to act like a bitch to her, but it didn't feel any better keeping it in to stew inside of me. My insides curdled at the thought I'd be acting the same if Isabella was the one driving me home. Catherine continued on after giving me a moment for my thoughts once again.

"Jane was being a ponygirl really that bad that you think of it as dehumanizing?"

I think I took longer than Catherine would have like to reply. But to took so long trying to formulate my feelings in words in my head, before feeling like I still stumbled over them when I actually went to speak,

"No I didn't feel dehumanized... but I didn't feel human."

"And how do you feel now?"

"I... don't know. I guess I feel human again. Or I don't really know what that means, but I would say I feel normal."

"And is normal okay?"

"Normal isn't great."

"It's not?" Catherine replied in surprise.

"Let me put it this way, sitting here comfortably in your nice car is making me dread my shitty commute tomorrow."

"That's not what I meant. I meant the more, you know, being a person thing."

"Yeah, and things like my crumby commute make up a lot of what I do as a person. Sit on the bus, sit in the office, sit on the couch. That is my normal."

"Yes I guess you did mention that at the bar."

"Yeah, and that's the energy you thought would make me a good ponygirl?" My voice rising at that the end.

"... I saw an agitation. I hoped letting you be a ponygirl would, I don't know, reset things for you. At least for a while."

"For a while until I came begging back to you to turn me into a ponygirl again?"

"Well this weekend was also a bit a trial." Catherine looked over at me, seemingly worried at my reaction, before quickly jumping to clarify, "Not just for you but also to see if Isabella and Lily connected with you as I had."

I looked back a her a bit skeptically.

"And one you passed with flying colours."

Catherine quickly jumped to finish while returning her focus to the road. I in turn let the moment hang. Despite how I couldn't deny that I did have really a good time this weekend, I still somehow felt off balance at the thought of returning to Sapphbrook. But I guess that was actually the thing that was stressing me out, the thought that I could return to Sapphbrook to be a ponygirl.

I had come to Sapphbrook knowing nothing of the practice or even its possibility, and ended it having do it myself. In the moment I rationalized agreeing to do since it was contained to just a weekend. Far from the real world and tucked away in the secluded countryside world of Sapphbrook farm I felt I could experiment. I could be not my burnt-out self, but someone else, something else, a ponygirl.

But now I was going home. Returning to the real world, but coming back with a fragment of Sapphbrook now lodged in my mind, the memories of what I was leaving behind and a string still connecting me in the form of Catherine's offer to return. An offer that if I was to take it up would be my decision. One I'd have to make on my own in the context of my normal life. A decision in part to reject that normal life, to escape again into the world of ponygirls.

I think this was why I was being so snippy with Catherine. What she offered, what she represented, was in part a rejection of my life as it was. A life that despite my dislike for it, made up a good part of who I was. Granted it was a part of me didn't feel very alive, and most certainly less human, whatever that really meant, than what I had experienced as a ponygirl. Still it was quite the weight to think I could swap out part of who I was with just a word to the person sitting next to me. A person whom I still had a niggling feeling wasn't telling everything about the world of ponygirls.

"What do you get out of this?"

"What do you mean?" Catherine said with a hint of defence in her voice.

"Like why do you, I don't know, host ponygirls. Every time we've talked about them you always talk about their experience, the benefits of getting to be a ponygirl, but you yourself aren't a ponygirl. Or are you?"

The concern on Catherine's face was replaced by a smile.

"No Jane, I am not a ponygirl. But I have tried it in the past to know what I am asking others to do."

"Okay, but why do you like asking others to be ponygirls?"

"It's not the asking part that I love, it's what comes after. Caring for and cultivating a nervous filly into a strong and beautiful mare. Do you think every pet owner secretly wants to turn into the animal they care for?"

"No, they like having a pet as a companion or whatever."

"Same with me."

"But having a dog or a cat doesn't come with all... this." As I said this I gestured about the air, trying to point to all the secrecy that went into my stay at Sapphbrook. "People don't have to hide their pets existence from the world."

"What about people with more exotic pets? How many times have you seen someone taking their pet snake out for a walk? You could say I am simply on the exotic end of exotic pet ownership."

"Sure, but there's a difference between wanting a pet snake or whatever and doing the same with a real person. Plus you know you could actually get a real horse for a pet right?"

"First of all, a real horse is not nearly as beautiful as ponygirl." Catherine said with a half laugh and grinning glance over at me before continuing, "Plus, there are aspects of ponygirls that one would definitely not want to do with a horse. Both for moral and biological reasons."

"You mean fucking them."

"Yes Jane I also keep ponygirls as I do enjoy the sexual aspect of their being. And I got the sense you did too with Lily..."

It was my turn to grin, but I did so involuntarily and with embarrassment. Catherine paused for a second to let me sit in my discomfort before continuing,

"It is also a more wide spread practice than you might think. I'm not even the only farm in the province. Yes we have to hide our ponies from the wider world, but there is a certain subset of people that are very accommodating to our collective... predispositions. A kind of ponygirl world."

"And that... all of this is what you want in life. Like Sapphbrook didn't look like you do much real farming, so the pony world is your whole world right? And you're okay with that?"

Catherine demeanour shifted to a more serious tone.

"Yes and no. Yes, to a large extent taking care of ponygirls is my whole life. Of course that includes a sizeable expense which must be paid for through the managing of my finance concerns, but overall the direction of all my work points toward my ponies.

"As for my satisfaction in this life... I have mixed feelings, something I think I share with a lot people who have found their life's calling. Now the actual work of caring for and training ponygirl is absolutely wonderful. But there are other parts of the job... other pressures, needing to work within our larger community that can greatly test one's commitments."

"So why do continue?"

"Because things balance out in the positive. Plus I have responsibilities to the ponygirls I care for. Not just Lily but others that come at other times for varying length. And of course I must think of Isabella's and Rebecca's employment."

A heaviness had come into Catherine's voice so I tried to lighten the mood.

"You sound like some small business owner, just with a really weird product."

This earned me a chuckle.

"Yes I guess you are right."

And with this we lapsed back into the silence that started our car ride home. Each of us now with new things to think over, accompanied by new scenery as the rolling fields that started our journey having now been replaced by the outskirts of suburbia. The outskirts of the life I knew.

One I officially returned to when Catherine pulled up in front of my apartment. Given everything that has transpired this weekend, I now felt comfortable giving her my address. She certainly wasn't a stranger anymore, but instead looking at my apartment now, it was the one to look like a stranger. Shabbier and less welcoming than when I had left. Of course this could have all been a skewed perception after enjoying living on a fancy county estate for the last two days, but it still felt like something deeper had changed.

My bags were unpack from Catherine's trunk onto the sidewalk then we kind of just stood there in silence. There sitting a top my pile of stuff was the question that had been filling up the car all the way back. All of this 'stuff' taking up the same piece of sidewalk I walked across just two days ago, unaware of the pony world I was hurrying off to.

Catherine snapped me out of my philosophical musings by breaking our silence once again. And with the same question, but this time with an audible nervous ring to her voice,

"So... would you want to return to Sapphbrook? You would be welcome anytime."

Going to answer, I found I shared her nervousness. If she had instead asked if I had enjoyed the weekend, I could have answered in an instant. But was that goodness something that ought to be contained. A reckless moment of doing something crazy and which can keep its shine only as memory.

"I... I don't know."

Catherine's shoulder's sagged at my answer.

"Okay, but please think on it, please. I think, I know, you will... would be such a good ponygirl."

"Alright I will."

"Thank you."

Catherine replied with a greater sound of hope in her voice, but it had the sound that it might more of a self convincing hope. She then suddenly pulled out the folded piece of paper and shoved it towards me. Taking it and unfolding it, I found a phone number and the line of text below it,

'- in case you want to call, I'

"Isabella gave that to me and asked that I give it to you. She will hate me for telling you this but she was too nervous to give it to you herself. Something about coming on too strong."

I almost laughed to myself at the sheer absurdity of it all. That I was only now getting Isabella's number after all we had done together, it was like dating in reverse. Along with her being the shy one for once, it felt like a side of her I hadn't had the chance to see while at Sapphbrook and that only made me clutch the piece of paper tighter to myself.

"And you have my number so when you're ready to be a ponygirl again, please give us a call."

Catherine said this as she got back into her car, and with a wave out the window she turned on to the road, driving out of my life. That was if I decided not to return to Sapphbrook, but...

I humped my pack onto my shoulders and turned to enter my apartment. That was a question I needed to think on and it had been a long weekend.

On Monday I returned to work, returned to my normal life, as if nothing had happened, or at least I tried to. I had always tried to keep a separation between my personal and professional life. Never being one to share more than vague stories of my life outside of the office with my coworkers, always ensuring a distance.

I thought this would be no different, easier even. The new stories I had in my mind were so far outside polite office chatter and not to mention completely breaking my confidence with Catherine. Both I thought incentive enough to keep my time at Sapphbrook out of mind at work. But obsession cares little for incentives and so I found my thoughts constantly returning to Sapphbrook. Always bubbling up to the front of my mind, and consequently always feeling like they were dangerously close to the tip of my tongue as well. Like that dark urge to jump when standing at the edge of a cliff.

Even when I wasn't talking, just sitting silent in meetings, I found it quite difficult to pay attention. To be fair, I had always found it difficult to pay attention through all the boring meetings before, but now my mind drifted rather than simply tuning out. My eyes would be drawn to the window. To the blue of the sky boxed in by the window and the tiny strip of green grass between the road and parking lot. The best imitations of my view at Sapphbrook.

This was how preoccupied my mind was at work, with all its constraints of social norms and needing to actually focus on my job sometimes. But those constraints got left the door of my apartment each night when I came home.

It started with just losing whole evenings to day dreams and reminiscing. Lying on my coach looking up at my slightly cracked ceiling but only seeing my replayed memories as a ponygirl. Too preoccupied to make dinner or even change out of my office clothes. These daydreams were also commonly accompanied by my attempts to physically satisfy some of my more 'physical' memories of Sapphbrook, particularly my times with Lily and Isabella.

But then all too often the following days were filled with shame and distracting activities based on late night resolutions to finally put Sapphbrook out of mind. Resolutions which could never lasted more than a day or two before they were worn down by my intruding thoughts and desires.

Desires I still felt utter conflicted about. About the morality, about the consent, about the dehumanization. But above all, I felt conflicted about my desire to go back. To return to the place that had undeniably changed me, but I wasn't sure it was for the better. In the face of all this I tried to find a middle ground, to recreate what I'd felt a Sapphbrook without needing to given Catherine or Isabella a call.

I'd always loved running and had always found escape in it. Now I was trying to feel how I felt during my one ponygirl track workout. But no matter how hard I pushed myself or how long and slow I'd go like I had on the walker, all it felt like was like the running I'd known all my life. Although now somewhat paler in comparison to what I'd found while doing it as a ponygirl.

A key difference I thought was my footwear as I was doing these runs in my usual runners, not the towering heels of my ponygirl hooves. So one day I paid a nervous visit to a shoe store and purchased a pair of 10 inch stripper heels. Probably over explaining to the shop attendant that they for a party I was most definitely going to.

Getting home, I realized I had no where near the confidence to actually try going for a run in them so I settled for just clomping around my apartment. Trying to recapture the highs I felt in my ponygirl boots. Instead all I managed to recreate was the physical height. Beyond that I simply felt awkward. Dejected at being unable to feel as I did at Sapphbrook I feel back into reminiscing.

I even found myself returning to the less savoury moments of my time as ponygirl like my morning enema from Catherine. But now in reflection, tinged by my removal from Sapphbrook, it took on a new light. It had been a rather uncomfortable experience and unlike Isabella, Catherine had not thought to explain it to me before nor to check in with me before doing it.

On the other hand I reasoned it sort of had to be done. I couldn't have simply go the whole weekend without pooping and this was just how ponygirl had to be kept clean. Catherine was just a little blunt in her approach to caring for ponygirls. Like how efficiently she took off my tack while Isabella had talked me through the whole process. I guess Catherine was maybe just more used to working with experienced ponygirls.

And this more positive reevaluation of my enema was also in part due to the erotic elements I felt during the procedure. I had never done anything in that part of me before but it was a part I found myself wanting to explore more of. First with the simple insertion of the tubing, then with the pressure and release of the water produced sensations I could readily recreate despite my desire to.

It was these thoughts that were bubbled in my mind one day while making coffee in the break room at work. Called up by the noises the coffee machine made, the sound of water being pressed and pumped through its pipes transported me back to when Catherine did the same with me. My mind left that dingy break room behind and replaced it with the cleaning room at Sapphbrook. A place not much more picturesque than my current location but vastly more sensationally interesting.

Unfortunately my absentmindedness didn't go unnoticed by my colleagues. Made obvious when a particular nosey one name, Janet, interrupted my ostensible coffee making by asking,

"... if you met someone special."

"Huh?... why?"

I stuttered back having been yanked out of my bowel themed day dream. Despite my less than coherent question, I already knew why Janet was asking about my love life. I knew because she asked everybody about their love lives, as well as anything else about the person that caught her interest, and which she thought she could leverage into more gossip. While I didn't particularly like anyone I worked with, it was more by indifference than dislike. That wasn't the case for Janet.

She was the embodiment of everything I didn't like about working here. Someone who seemed to utterly thrive in the office. Someone who enjoyed coming to work, or at lease the environment the office created as I didn't think she did much actual work. Instead for her the office was her little playground of gossip and manipulation, and right now she had decided on me to be her plaything of the hour,

"Oh you know, you just had such a far away look to you. Just standing there over a finished pot of coffee"

Looking down I saw she was right. It wasn't even steaming anymore.

"So is there a someone?"

"No of course not!" I defensively snapped back at her.

"Now that was far too forceful. I knew it, there is a someone. So who are they? What is he like?"

At her correct, enough, assessment I felt my face go red. Trying to stick to denial now would only get me more questions and teasing, but telling the whole truth was also totally off the table. But how much should I concede to her? I had to confess that was someone was on my mind but the truth was that there were multiple. Again telling her that was a no go, but then who should I tell her about, and to what extent? As my mind was mulling over these problems, Janet was looking at me expectantly, so caught up in the panic of the moment just I stated talking without an actual plan,

"Well... she's a farmer."

"A she? Wow Jane I didn't know that about you. And a farmer, that is quite a combination for you... how in God's name did you meet one of those?"

So much for keeping my personal life distant, given that I had just come out to Janet, I'd basically just come out to the whole office. Granted I hadn't even thought of keeping my sexuality to myself now that I had much larger things to keep in the preverbal closet. But my lack of response didn't seem to deter her as she continued on,

"You know I think I've actually heard that before, that most women farmers are actually lesbians. Oh I know, you must have met her at a farmer's market.

"Yeah... I met her at a farmer's market over the weekend."

I guess this was as good a strategy as any, just going with whatever she already assumed.

"Okay I have the setting but what about the action? How did you two meet? What'd she do to break your brain like this?"

"Ummm talking I guess."

"Come on girl you can do better than that. I may be a good deal older than you but I know just talking doesn't leave someone this absentminded."

"I don't know, she just seemed really nice... like how she cared for her horses."

"Wait I thought you meet at the market, not her actual farm."

Shit.

"Yes we did meet at the farmer's market but... we really clicked and she invited me back to her farm."

"Wow Jane, this is way more juicy than I expected from you. And here I thought of you a little miss normal but you seem to be quite the forward lady."

I had to internally suppress a laugh at her calling me 'miss normal' and thinking going to a stranger's farm was the craziest thing I did that weekend. Once more Janet just kept talking without a reply from me,

"So now I really have to know, what did you and this farmer girl get up to at her place?"

"Oh umm not much she kinda just showed me around, showed me how she takes care of her ponies."

"How she takes care of her ponies? That can't be all you did, or is that some lesbian euphemism I haven't heard of before?"

If only she knew how lesbian it was to 'take care of ponies' at Sapphbrook.

"... No, it's not a euphemism, she just showed me what a day in the life of a pony was like."

"And did she show you anything else...?"

"Ummm yes, she even showed me the tack room. It's the place where they keep all the gear the horse wear. I thought that was pretty cool too."

I said this with a bit of grin. If my mind insisted that I keep thinking of Sapphbrook and I was being forced to talk about, then I might as well make some inside references only I got.

"Okay that's all very nice that you liked her horses but come on, give me the spice! Jeez it's like trying to lead a horse to water. Did you, you know, 'stay over' for the night?" Janet said with exasperation.

This time I had to stifle full on laughing in her face. Of course I knew where Janet was trying to lead me but I also knew for sure my the actual spice in my life would not fit neatly into her gossip defined world. Or rather after some shock, the fact I liked being a ponygirl would be the gossip of the year with me at the centre as the deviant, as a victim, as someone who wasn't normal.

I realized I would have to fit my experience into her box to satisfy her. In a way that's what I had been doing since I returned from Sapphbrook. Trying to fit myself into the box of the normal world that my time as a ponygirl had shown me didn't really fit. But she was still intent on extracting her pound of flesh from me so I continued on, more weary than before,

"Okay fine, yes I stayed the night... in that way."

"I knew it!" Janet exclaimed with glee. "So how was it? It must have been amazing given how air-headed you've been."

"Yeah I did have a good time."

Janet greeted this admission with a gluttonous look on her face. Like everything else we had said so far was just filler to the spice she needed to fill in the blanks of her own life. And it was a look that told me she expected to kept being fed.

"It was all rather new to me really, the whole experience of it, but she had been doing it for a long time. So she acted as a kind of teacher, showing me the steps."

"Oh I think I've heard this is a thing lesbian's do. What was it again... oh yes, was she 'topping' you?"

"..."

From a technical perspective I really got more dommed rather than topped at Sapphbrook. But in my time as a ponygirl, especially with Lily, she definitely topped me. From the outside we were at the same level, that of ponygirls, but in reality, Lily far out ranked me by account of experience. Except she didn't use this difference to her advantage over me, rather it felt more like she was an older sister. Showing me the way of things, teaching me to be a ponygirl, while also being a bitch about it getting what she wanted to. A lovable bitch.

And thinking about Lily now, and Isabella, and Catherine, suddenly made me really not what to be in that break room talking in half truths with Janet. Trying to accommodate her stereotypical and kind of gawking understanding of what it was to be a lesbian, never mind possibly understanding what Sapphbrook was. I found I didn't want to stay in that crumby break room, in that boring office, in these oppressive suburbs.

Somehow telepathically it seemed Janet picked on an inkling of this feeling as she asked,

"There you go again into your own world. Boy what ever you two did together has really captured you. So when are you going to marry her and move on out to the country?"

Everyone seemed to be asking me that question! When would I go back. But this time my mind and my heart finally got in alignment to answer to myself: 'Yes, I would love to move to Sapphbrook and be a ponygirl!'

It was the answer I had known in my heart since Isabella had first asked me in the driveway of Sapphbrook before I got in Catherine's car to leave. It was the answer I was wrestling with during that whole ride home, and what I felt I was wanting to fight against when talking with Catherine. And since then it was what had been taking up half my brain space while I drifted through the office. It turned out that it took someone who would completely not understand these feelings for me to finally understand them myself. Like finally only being able to see that was wrong with a picture when it was turned upside down.

But this clarification of my abstract worry was only to be replaced by more practical worries. How would I be able to have the time to go be a ponygirl? I had gotten the sense that my ponygirl weekend had been intended more as a sampler than what Catherine had in mind for my future as a ponygirl. She'd said Lily would be eventually going back to her real life, but didn't seem to indicate that would be soon, meaning she was living as a ponygirl for an extended period.

I on the other had needed to keep my feet still rather stuck in the real world, while only being able to at most dip my hoof into the ponygirl world every so often. And at that point what was the point? So that I would could spend seventy five percent of my week wishing I was at Sapphbrook. Every week from now on forced to fend off Janet's interrogations into my supposed love life.

The last couple of weeks I had been fretting about how much power I would be giving over to Catherine if I decided to be a ponygirl but had never considered how much power I had already given up in my normal life. As a ponygirl the instruments of my restriction were quite obvious. An arm binder or leash had been very tangible instruments of my restraint, but in my regular life these instruments were far more abstract. The length of my PTO like the length of a leash. A degree of freedom but only within a controlled radius.

Or like a nosey coworker always trying to peel away the privacy of your life. While as a ponygirl I also had very little privacy, I also trusted those there to not judge me. I didn't feeling that same trust for Janet, who was still glaring at me for an answer,

"I don't know if I'll marry her, I only just met her." Then feigning looking at the time on my phone, "Sorry I just realized I have a meeting soon, I gotta go."

As I said this I made to slide out from between her and the counter she can cornered me into. Unfortunately this gave her time to get in one last question,

"Alright... but you'll have to tell me how your second date with her goes. When is that by the way? Oh and I never got the name of this mysterious woman that's so captured you."

I didn't have answer to either of those for her so I just kept walking thinking who I should call to ask to return to Sapphbrook. Catherine or Isabella.

The late afternoon sun was shinning through the scattering of clouds that filled the wide expanse of sky over Sapphbrook. By all accounts of the atmosphere and the weather app it should have felt warmer than it currently did. But things like temperature had felt weird since that weekend. The weekend Jane had come to visit. She'd been cropping up in my thoughts ever since.

Giving my head a gentle shake, I turned my attention back to Lily who was currently coming around the final turn of the track. Her form looked good like it always did but she was clearly holding back. Trying to skate by with less than full effort.

As she passed me at the corner I set the whip to work to correct that while calling out,

"Come on girl!"

I got a squeal in response and a jump in her pace, accompanied by a literal jump as the end of my whip made contact with her bottom. But it was successful as I watched her continue down the straight section at an appropriate pace. I'd have to keep an eye on her though when she got around to the far straight away. Ponygirls alway thought they could slack off on the far side of the track thinking we wouldn't be watching or they were too far away to tell for us to tell. Even an experienced ponygirl like Lily could still fall into those naive ways of thinking.

I was thinking of naive ponygirls more lately because of one particular very naive ponygirl. One who had been filled with trepidation at even being a ponygirl but in whom I could see so much potential at those first unsteady steps. Plus she was just plain cute, both in and out of pony tack, and with such a wonderfully cautious but curious personality on display in both.

Lily might really get it easy today with how much my mind was wandering. Well it was wandering until I was pulled out my thoughts by the buzz of my phone in my pocket. A ringing that was most out of the ordinary. Part of what I loved about Sapphbrook, beyond the ponygirls, was the disconnection. Really the only person who would call me was Catherine since she was still a bit odd about texting. Plus, she only really called when I was off the farm for things like groceries and she was calling about something she forgot to ask for.

The only other person around Sapphbrook with a phone was Rebecca, the part time pony hand, but she like people of my generation far preferred texting over calling. Plus she was off today and Catherine would have walked over to the track if she wanted to talk.

I fished my phone out from my pocket and looked down at the screen currently flashing with an unknown number. Catherine was rich enough to have set me up with a phone number scam callers didn't have access to, so whoever was calling must know me, but I couldn't think of who it would be. Well one way to find out was I thought as I swiped to answer and brought the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi Isabella."

That voice instantly brought a smile to my face.

"Hi Jane, haven't heard from you in a while." Trying to inflected a casual cool into my voice I definitely didn't feel.

"... Umm yeah, sorry about that."

"Oh no worries." I said trying to mask the worry I felt. While it was a good sign Jane was calling it didn't necessarily mean she wanted to be a ponygirl again. It had been weeks now, surely if she truly wanted to, she would have called sooner.

"So whatcha wanna talk about?"

"...",

Silence which was fair I didn't want to push her. I'd let her speak in her own time.

"...",

Okay now too long,

"Jane?"

I heard her take a breath. Thinking back, the first I'd heard since the start of the call.

"I was thinking of coming back to Sapphbrook, for another... you know, go at being pony. That is of course only if that's okay with you and Catherine?"

"Yes of course, Catherine and I would absolutely love to have you back."

I felt like I could hear her silently smile through the phone which in turn made me smile. But then she fell back into her silence needing me to once more pull more conversation out of her,

"So how long were you wanting to come back for? Another weekend? Or longer?"

"Oh ummm... I don't know. I was actually wanting to ask you about that. What is like a normal time to be a ponygirl?"

"Well it's quite a mix, some only come for a few weeks while others live permanently as ponies."

"I don't want to be a ponygirl forever."

"No of course not, that just one end of the spectrum, and quite a committed end at that."

"But how does that work? I feel fine after spending a day as a ponygirl but surely spending such a long time as on would mess with your body. Like having your arms pulled back or always being in those boots. Hell I was feeling it afterwards."

"And what did we do to help you afterwards."

"You guys gave me a massage... along with other things." I could hear Jane's blush through the phone which made me grin, and I hoped it could be heard in my response,

"And that's how lifetime, or even long time, ponies get taken care of. Now the physical therapy is much more intense than what was needed for you to get you back in shape. Plus for really longterm girls we take preemptive measures to ensure they stay healthy. Like Catherine and I keep saying we make sure our ponygirls are taken care of"

"Yeah I know... but what about the mental side? Like what it does to a person to, you know, not be treated like a person. To ever agree to be a ponygirl forever."

"I think you would need to ask a permanent ponygirl yourself to get that answer. Plus I doubt any two would have the same reason. As for their ongoing mental state I haven't heard of any ponygirl that has shown any negative symptoms. Often they form strong connections with a handler or another pony, and that relationship is really important and personal, so again you have to ask others."

"So you haven't had any permanent ponygirls?"

"No, I only just joined the scene a few years ago. I don't think it is enough time to develop that kind of relationship with a pony. That or I haven't met the right one."

"How did you come to work for Catherine anyway?... if you don't mind me asking."

"Oh no that's fine. As I said it was a few years ago and back then I was dead broke. I was driving from one town to the next in search of work when my car broke down near Sapphbrook. I left the car behind to go off looking for help. When I saw the 'Private Road, No Trespassing' sign just off the main road I knew that someone must live at the end.

"And for desperate and head strong me, neither that nor the fence at the entrance was a strong enough deterrent. And that is how I stumble my way into Catherine's world of ponygirls. She was pissed of course when I wandered my way into her bringing a ponygirl back from a walk.

"I on the other hand was awe struck by the ponygirl, and to be honest that genuine reaction probably saved my life. Or what ever else Catherine's rich circle would have done with me. Instead after a bit of a talk where I explained my situation, Catherine offered me a job and I've been here ever since. So you could say I ended up as a lifetime handler. Speaking of, you're the one calling about coming to Sapphbrook."

"Yeah, sorry I got distracted."

Yeah right. More like delaying,

"So how long can you come back for?"

"Well... I have a real job..." Then very quickly, "Not that I'm saying you don't have a real job."

"I know."

"But I would totally get fired if I just up a left for a couple months with explaining why, and I don't think my manager would be nearly as understanding as Catherine if I did explain. So, I figure if I use up the rest of my vacation days and lie about being sick for a couple more, then I can come back to Sapphbrook for two weeks, but..."

While Jane was saying this, I noticed Lily was just now coming around the nearer bend to where I was standing. Looking over at her I could see the question on her face seeing me on a phone call. On top of that she was once again clearly going much slower than what was expected of her for this exercise. And while I could understand her curiosity, I couldn't abide that translating into slowing down. But it seemed I had grown to unaccustomed to talking on the phone as I unthinkingly called out to correct Lily with the phone still held to my head,

"Come on hurry it up."

It took about the same time for Lily to up her pace for me to realize my mistake. The sound of silence from Jane on the other end of the line was my punishment,

"Oh I'm so sorry Jane that wasn't at you. I'm currently overseeing Lily's exercise today and she was starting to slow down."

"Oh Lily's still there?" Jane whispered, her voice refilling with hope.

"Yes... and she should be here for all of the two weeks that you come, which sorry again, I think two weeks would be a perfect second run at being a pony."

"You really think so?" That worry once more rising in her voice, "Shouldn't I come back for longer, to you know get the full experience?"

"Yes of course it will work, why wouldn't you think so? Are you wanting to go longer? Is that why you were asking about lifetime ponygirls."

"Not yet.. well maybe... it's more that these two weeks would be all I will be able to get off for months."

"Yes that's true, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there, okay? We'd have two weeks together to hash something out right."

"Right!" There she was again. I couldn't wait for her to get back to Sapphbrook for an extended period where I could started working on pulling out this side of her without it constantly retreating. Kind of like in her next sentence,

"But I kinda have one last problem, I don't actually know where Sapphbrook is nor do I have a car..."

I assertively but gently cut her off, no more trying to waffle on coming,

"I'll talk to Catherine, she'll be more than happy to come and pick you up. She's been really worrying about you, you know. Been kinda off kilter."

"Seriously? You can read her past all her rich lady reserve?"

"When I've know her this long, especially while living on her farm this whole time, you bet I got her read. And lately she's been acting like high school junior after her first date, constantly asking if you've called."

There was a certain glee in Jane's reply, "Reeally?" I guess you took your wins on messing with the rich when you could.

"Yeah, you're going to make her one happy lady."

"Only one happy lady, what about you?"

"... me? I always knew you would be coming back."

I as cockily as I can to cover over the lie. Jane's voice in turn takes on a teasing tone,

"But are you happy I finally am?"

"Yes you silly girl, now I've got to go wrangle up Lily before I can go tell Catherine so I gotta let you go. See you this weekend."

"Yeah see you soon."

And with that the phone call ended. And just in time no less as Lily was also coming around the corner once again. I noted this lap around was far faster than any of her others. Was it my encouragement to hurry up or did she just want to get back around to hear another snippet of gossip? Probably the latter.

I signalled her to come to a stop and walked over to clip her onto her leash. This time instead of a questioning look a got a real glare demanding an explanation. One I was more than happy to give,

"That was Jane, she's coming back to Sapphbrook for a couple weeks."

If only Jane could have seen how Lily face completely reversed. Joy filled her face, accompanied by a triumphant little whiney. Unlike Catherine and me, I think Lily knew Jane would be coming back and that she just needed her time. Now all we have to do was go tell Catherine.