It is Just One Night

It is just one night

It is not cheating if I tell you.

Well this is another one of the oldest tropes in Loving Wives where the wife says "It's just one night.". You know what is going to happen. The wife wants a hall pass or more accurately 24 hours to have sex with a man or woman and the husband to say "Ok Honey."

There are justifications. It doesn't mean anything. It is only sex. I don't love him. It will make us stronger. This won't change anything. This is only one day in our insert number of years marriage. If you love me you will let me have this. There is a cheaters handbook and more ways of justifying it.

Then there comes the minimizations after the fact. You need to get over it. If you love me we will get past this. I will make it up to you. I'm sorry you are hurt. Think of the children. Think of the dog. Think of the goldfish.

I had to rewrite this. I was going to have the wife named Traci. Unfortunately if I do that I have to rework something else using the Traci name. I'd rather have the later use of the Traci name because I also get to work in a bit of a tribute into the humor.

Time to enter the Twilight Zone.

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Liberte City, New France

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It is a somewhat cold day in Liberte City in New France. When Alberta and Quebec separated from Canada and became the 58th and 59th States there was rebranding in 2027. Quebec was too hard to spell and it became New France. Kind of makes sense since there is a New Mexico and a New York. Several cities were renamed. History lesson aside might as well talk about the main character of this story.

William Jacobs is a guy that is a general do it yourself guy. He watches YouTube videos and has learned to repair and rebuild just about anything. He has several computer programming courses and works in IT. If you are truly good at IT you can see how most security systems are well to put it kindly crap. Unless people pay for people with actual education and skill they have sites that are less secure then a 1234 password.

Sometimes he has to put in a lot of overtime.

It has been a long day and the client's Etsy store is up and running. Thanks to his hard and efficient work you can now buy your very own Barney the Dinosaur Tea Cosy. Not my particular cup of tea or something I would have for a Tea Cup on but if someone wants to pay 17.95 with a 30 dollar shipping fee for a three pack who am I to judge. It pays my mortgage.

Any given week there are 15 to 100 sites that are crashed by horrible coding or viruses. They get fixed very quickly. Sometimes clients call to see if their sites have vulnerabilities. Those take a lot longer. You start off by seeing how easy it is to get in undetected.

There is very good money to be made. Even better money can be made if you don't have things to keep you honest and grounded like a family and a wife.

Well he hasn't got any kids. He however does have a wife.

Unfortunately as it will turn out.

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What the wife doesn't know

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Bill Smith born in South Dakota has a rather good credit score. Kind of surprising since Bill has no work history. He also has no place of residence. Then there is another name. Captain Jeffery Jackson. He is retired from the army and according to his passport returned from Paris 3 years ago.

These two men are not on the internet. They aren't on Twitter or Facebook. They don't even have an E-Mail. If you were to look them up you wouldn't get that much information. They are pretty much off the grid. They are not hiding from the law. They do have a passport and a valid driver's license. They have Social Security Numbers. Bill Smith even has 3 credit cards while Captain Jackson only has his Discover card. They have bank accounts with a modest to high 7 figure number.

You might be wondering what they have in common.

They both look exactly like William Jacobs with different hair styles and facial hair.

Being a somewhat paranoid person by nature William frequents the dark web. That was where Bit Coin started. He was what you would call an "Early Investor". He put in $1100 in case he needed untraceable money. That got him 11,000 in Bit Coin when it was at 10 cents each. 42,258 is the ending price in 2023. 42,258 for 11,000 Bit Coins.

You might be wondering why William isn't jet setting across the globe after cashing out the 464 million. It has never crossed his mind to do that. He likes the simple life. He is happy with KFC, A loving wife, a Fosters on the deck, and a good burger off the grill.

Not that William doesn't spend money. He has a few "Uncles" Overseas that buy him things for his birthday and Christmas. If Denise knew more about the Jacobs family he would know that one of the Uncles sending money died 4 years ago from cancer and the other Uncle doesn't exist.

Seems like a lot of effort and kind of weird. William is somewhat paranoid. He doesn't think the world is out to get him but if it was he has running shoes under his bed and a "Go" bag, False identities and bank accounts in 7 different countries. He even has a fake passport for Denise but she doesn't know about it. He could get used to being the boyfriend of a Gertrude Merriworth.

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The countdown begins

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"God I hate Mondays."

When William arrives from work he comes to the door with a Papa John's pizza and a 6 pack of Budweiser for Denise. He is just happy to be home. Correction he thinks he will be happy to be home. The evening is young and the Budweiser will not be the only thing that will be hard to stomach.

"Honey I got the table set. We need to talk."

You know those words. Judging by the way William's sphincter tightened he knows the words. Nothing good ever comes from those words. William puts the pizza on the table and takes one of the cans of Budweiser. He normally can't drink that crap but something tells him that this might be a good time to start becoming an alcoholic. Unfortunately it would take that beer and 17 more to even start him getting as drunk as he is going to need for this conversation.

"Let me guess. My birthday is coming up and you were going to ask me if I wanted you to dress up in that little French maid's costume."

She can't help but laugh.

"Nice try. Though that reminds me I gotta take it to the cleaners for this Friday. Do you remember I was telling you about the new guy Marc?"

"Yeah. That he was a horndog working his way through all the women in your office including the married ones."

"Well Roxanne was telling me he has a 10 inch dick."

William raises an eyebrow.

"And you of course told her objectifying men is wrong. That men shouldn't be sexually harassed because they have a larger then average penis."

"No silly. When she told me that I had to excuse myself and go to the washroom. I didn't come out until I came a couple times."

Yeah this is not going anywhere good. As soon as she heard he has a 10 inch dick she masturbated to a frenzy in the washroom.

"I want to go out on a date with him Friday night."

At those words William gets up from the table.

"Where are you going? We are talking."

"I am going out."

"This is important!!!"

"Not to me."

With those words William grabs his jacket and leaves.

"William!........ WILLIAM!!!"

It doesn't matter that she yelled. The conversation was over and he stopped listening. Not the best reaction he could have but there are several good ways to look at it. The night didn't end with his next words being "Then I killed her your honor." He doesn't have to bury a body. Well he still might have to bury the body of this Marc guy. Maybe bury the bodies of the brain dead skanks that made Denise think this was a reasonable request.

He needs a lot of info and he is going to have to do a lot of work.

Time to pull an all nighter at the office.

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William's Office

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Being a paranoid person he doesn't have much he needs to do. He doesn't have to put spyware on Denise's phone. He doesn't need a GPS on her car. He doesn't need cameras in his house. There is no need to get access to her E-Mails and texts. He doesn't need wire taps and voice recorders in her purse.

All he needs is a private place to go through all of that information. He has been collecting all that stuff and archiving it for years. Not that he didn't trust Denise but he was badly burned by an Ex-Girlfriend who he found riding his best friend's penis.

Thank god he bought Keurig pods the other day. This is going to be a long night.

Well there is a few good things. The E-Mails don't show anything between Denise and this Marc guy. There are no texts or inappropriate pictures shared. Well other then the one Roxanne sent to Denise showing Marc's dick and her ability to swallow all 10 inches of the dick in question. Normally he would be impressed by the technique and lack of a gag reflex but he is not in a very good mood. The video of the doggy style pounding was interesting but to be honest other whores do it a lot better then Roxanne.

"Reminds me I should get her husband's info. I think a bitch needs a good burning. Maybe their HR."

The next bit isn't all that legal. But if you have money and access to the dark web you can do almost anything from hiring a hitman to buying a kidney. William has money and he wants information on Marc and Roxanne before dawn. Also the Advertizing Agency they work for might need some creative mass E-Mails. Since their phones are always on just like every other phone in America hackers got into the phones and dumped the contents.

The anger of Will is raging as he goes through several scenarios and plans. It is being tempered by his need to be a smart ass. He has made a 5 point list for tomorrow. It is derived from the Surviving Infidelity sub-Reddit.

There is a chance that Denise will realize how upset that this has made William and think better of her plan to ride the 10 inch penis like a pogostick. Maybe she will realize that the forsake all other vows might be important. Maybe the tooth fairy will bring him a pony.

"Thank god we haven't got any kids."

It takes about 5 hours to get the info he needs and everything set to go. Roxanne is just one red button press from her world collapsing. Marc is also married and he is going to get it the worse. The dumbass has pics and videos of him being with over 57 married women. One of the wives has a husband that is the nephew of a local mob boss.

"I know people are stupid. Still how can you fuck that many wives and not think that eventually someone is going to give them a life altering event."

He shakes his head as he gets up. With the 5 point list in hand he starts making his way home. It is 3:36 AM. He decides to crash on the couch. The last thing he wants to do is have this conversation now. It can wait until she gets home from work tonight. Andy and Geoff can handle things at the office without him.

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Tuesday Morning: Making a list and checking it twice.

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Not being a morning person Denise rolls out of bed and has a little over an hour before she has to be at work. She sees that William hasn't come to bed. This isn't good. He was pissed off yesterday and didn't come home. She calls his phone. Then she hears it.

Hey

You're crazy bitch

But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it

When I dream, I'm doing you all night

Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey

You're crazy bitch

But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it

When I dream, I'm doing you all night

Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

It is coming from the living room. For those that don't know it is the chorus from Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry.

"What the fuck!"

Between the scream and the ringtone what was left of William's sleep is now a distant memory. He starts sitting up.

"What the hell William?!"

He holds up a hand.

"After last night I changed the ringtone I have for you. Cost 2.75 but seemed appropriate."

"Why did you sleep on the couch? Why did you change the ring tone?"

He gets up from the couch and goes to the bathroom to take a leak while she is talking. Not really sure what she is saying because the brain above the waist stopped listening. The brain below the belt really needs to pee and doesn't care what she is saying either.

He shuts the door as he enters

"William! William! William!"

Thinking to himself how do you want to handle this buddy? His penis doesn't answer. It was worth a shot. It isn't like the other brain has any better ideas.

"Don't you have to get ready for work to see lover boy?"

"He isn't my lover boy!!!"

"Well it sounds better then calling him the womanizing asshole you want to ride like a pogo stick."

"AAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!! You are blowing this out of proportion."

"You have 48 minutes to get to work."

"This is not over! We will talk about this after work."

With an angry huff she storms back to the bedroom to get ready for work.

"Don't forget to bring an extra pair of panties in case you have to masturbate in the washroom again."

There is a loud scream of rage and something was tossed against a wall.

William hears that voice in his head whispering.

"You know there is no chance in hell of us getting laid tonight now."

"Where were you 7 minutes ago Sir William when I was asking for your advice?

"I was too busy peeing to answer your question. What the hell is wrong with you? Not only are you talking to me calling me Sir William. Do you really want to be taking advice from your penis when I was the idiot that got you into this relationship in the first place.

"In your defense her titties are spectacular."

"Yeah but you knew her mother's name was Traci."

"Touche."

All this time while William is talking to his penis Denise gets ready to go to work. She starts stomping by William.

"No kiss good bye?"

She stops suddenly and stares at him. She screams in frustration and then storms away slamming the door loudly.

"I think that went rather well."

"Yeah asshole. Thanks to you we have just given up sex for the foreseeable future."

"Again you could have stepped in anytime."

"Do you honestly I should be making any more stupid decisions?"

"Good point. Next time we should ask Siskel and Ebert."

"Dude I'm your penis and I don't know if the right testicle is Siskel or Ebert."

"The right one is Siskel. Since I ruptured the left one on my dirt bike 3 years ago. Ebert seemed like a better fit."

"Have you considered a psychiatrist?"

"Yeah but what do I say. My penis told me I might need mental help and my testicles Siskel and Ebert agree with him?"

"Good point."

With that conversation done he goes to bed. He has at least a few hours to get some sleep before Denise comes home..

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Tuesday Evening: Do they really have a handbook?

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I'd like to say her mood changed and after reflecting on what happened the night before Denise realized what she asked was not only out of line but incredible selfish and callous.

Hold that thought the door is opening in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1.............

Denise storms in slamming the door. She tosses her jacket on the chair and her purse on the table. She sees the dirty plates and realize that not only is there no supper waiting for her it is obvious that William only cooked for himself.

"What the fuck?! You didn't wait for me or cook anything for me?!"

"I don't believe in sharing."

"We need to talk."

"Grab a seat at the kitchen table and I'll get the paperwork."

"Paperwork?"

There is some confusion as she goes into the kitchen. She isn't waiting long as William comes back to the table with a few things in his hands. He has the sheets he printed off. With deliberateness he puts on an accountant's visor. Then he dons his reading spectacles. He puts a sharpened pencil over his ear and has another sharpened pencil in his hand. He has perfect eyesight. He just has the glasses because he likes the educated look they give him.

"You look ridiculous."

"Well considering the topic of conversation don't you think ridiculous is kind of fitting. Do you mind if I record this for the lawyers to play when they ask why we are getting divorced?"

"You are not recording this. We are not getting divorced."

He shrugs and puts away his cell phone. William isn't too worried about it. The other 3 cameras and hidden mikes will provide much better video. He has a sheet in hand.

"Ok you wanted to talk."

"If you love me you will let me have this."

"Can you repeat that again?"

"If you love me you will let me have this."

With those words William checks off two boxes on his list.

"What is that?"

"Don't worry about it. Keep going."

"It is just sex. It doesn't mean anything."

With a cringe William checks two more boxes and shakes his head.

"What the hell?"

"Oh keep going. I'm just going over my notes."

"This doesn't mean anything. It is you I love."

There is another two boxes checked. It is really starting to distract Denise. She can't read it but she knows that paper can't be good. What the hell is he doing?

"Are you almost done dear?"

"We have only been with each other since high school. I can learn some new things and make our sex life better."

There is another checkmark.

"Out of curiosity how can riding Marc's 10 inch penis help me with my penis in any way? If you can get a larger penis by watching porn mine would be longer then my left leg by now."

"That is not what I meant and you know it."

"Is this where you mention that being monogamous in a marriage is not the way things are now where people can have relationships with multiple people?"

"Huh? Wha?"

"You know section 4. Ooops we skipped one."

"Skipped what?"

"Keep going dear."

"...... Anyway. It doesn't take anything away from you.......

"BINGO!!!!"

William crosses off the last two boxes and passes the other sheet to Denise who looks at it confused. Then she sees the title of the article. The Cheaters Handbook. She looks at William in shock.

"You might want to think about your score. You get a point for the excuse and a bonus point for saying the exact words. If you love me you will let me have this. Got you two points. It is just sex. It doesn't mean anything. Two more points and you are up to four. This doesn't mean anything. It is you I love. Up to six points. Make our sex life better is another point bringing it up to seven."

"You are blowing this out of proportion."

"I kind of screwed up mentioning the monogamy thing. I am sure you were ready to mention it but I was a bit rattled by how closely you were following the script. As soon as you said. It doesn't take anything away from you we had a bingo.

At those words he gets up to leave the room.

"Out of 10 possible points since I answered one of them for you the total you got was 9. Even your mother wouldn't have scored 9 and she has been divorced 4 times for cheating."

"Leave my mother out of this!!!"

There is laughter from William as he is leaving.

"Leave her out of this? You have been giving her shit for years for being a slut that can't keep her legs closed. We are going to have a late lunch and go back to her house. I'll share the results with her. Oh I'll likely be drinking and staying the night at her place."

"DON'T YOU DARE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! She is always flirting with you and rubbing her tits all over you."

He smiles.

"Yup. Don't worry. She would never sleep with a married man."

"HER LAST TWO DIVORCES WERE BECAUSE SHE WAS SLEEPING WITH MARRIED GUYS!!!"

"So she is a self taught expert on men not accepting their wives wanting to ride a new dick."

He looks at her like he just thought of a great idea.

"I know! This is one of the situations I can learn a few things and it will make our marriage better right?"

Hoo Boy. Her face is redder then the lipstick on her lips. As she is getting up to...... Actually not sure why she is getting up. She is deciding whether to grab his shoulder spin him around and slap the hell out of him. She is also thinking about getting a steak knife to remove his penis...... Or possibly the cheese grater. She is PISSED!!

"GET BACK HERE!!!"

He exits and shuts the door in her face as she starts chasing him. She tries to open the door to follow but it is stuck. William wedged it so it wouldn't open. Denise starts banging on the door and screaming at the top of her lungs.

"DON'T YOU FUCKIN DARE SLEEP WITH THAT FUCKING SLUT!!!"

A neighbor comes out when she hears the screaming. Mrs. Jenkins is a nice old lady. There is a lot more cursing and pounding on the door.

"What the hell is going on William?"

"I am going to her mother's for a late lunch."

"Why is she screaming about you sleeping with some slut?"

"They don't have a very good relationship. She thinks her mother is a slut because she got divorced 4 times for sleeping with married men."

"Goodness! What a trollop!"

"I can't argue with that. If I can be a tad on the crude side she has spectacular titties."

"You aren't going to cheat on Denise are you? You are better then that."

"I wouldn't. Unlike Denise I actually value our vows."

"Did she cheat on you dear?"

"Not yet. But she has an appointment to ride some assholes 10 inch penis Friday night."

"Oh my word!! That is horrible!!"

"True. But can you be surprised given her mother as a role model. Oh can you remove the wedge from the door after giving me a five minute head start."

Mrs. Jenkins looks at the door and sees the wedge in the bottom keeping the door from swinging out.

"You were expecting this?"

"Well I was hoping that she would have reflected on her choices and realized that asking to fuck another man was a selfish request and she would have apologized. I wasn't hopeful though."

"How come your door swings out and not in?"

"I was concerned about a burglar pushing into the apartment. So I reversed the hinges about 6 months ago."

"That is a good idea. Don't worry dear. I'll give you 5 minutes."

"Oh if I go missing be sure to tell the police."

She laughs.

"If you sleep with her mother I'll tell them it was an assisted suicide."

William smiles while pretending to look wounded.

"I did tell you she has great titties right?"

They both laugh.

"You men always think with your penis."

Sir William is a tad offended.

"Don't blame me and bring me into this. It was all William's idea not mine. It doesn't matter how spectacularly mouth wateringly amazing her tits are. Fucking your mother in law is always ALWAYS a bad idea."

"I give the idea 3 thumbs up!"

"Keep out of this Siskel. He is getting himself in enough shit. Hell you haven't even got the rating system right."

"That is why I give the plan 4 thumbs down."

"Can you shut up Ebert?"

With those words between his penis and his testicles he leaves Mrs. Jenkins there laughing at the banging and cursing he hears from Denise. Maybe William should see a psychiatrist. If your testicles are named after Siskel and Ebert they should at least know about their rating system.

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Tuesday Late Evening: Visiting his mother in law

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After some drinking and heavy flirting to highly inappropriate flirting Traci and William are back at Traci's house. There are several messages on her machine.

- Where is William!!

- Answer the phone!!

- You better not be fucking my husband!!

- ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE MOM!!! NOW!!!

They are laughing their asses off.

"I think she might be pissed off at you William."

"Well I did tell her we were going out for dinner and since I was drinking I'd be spending the night at your house."

She raises an eyebrow.

"Wait until you get a load of the checklist."

With those words he hands Traci the list. One is crossed out and you can see that Denise scores 9 out of 10.

"Seriously? All the shit she gives me and she scores 9 out of 10?"

"Well in her mind him having a 10 inch penis justifies it."

She laughs.

"Well at least it wasn't a 5 incher."

"At least she doesn't think I am sleeping with someone that doesn't have spectacular titties."

She spits out the wine she was drinking.

"I thought you always said you swallowed."

She slaps his shoulder playfully.

"You are such an asshole torturing her like this."

They hear the phone again.

- I KNOW HE IS THERE YOU FUCKIN SLUT!!!

- HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!

- I AM COMING OVER TO SHOOT THE BOTH OF YOU!!!

"Denise seems a bit pissed."

"Don't worry the gun is in my safe at the office."

"She wouldn't shoot either of us."

"I don't know. She is incredibly pissed. If I go missing let the police know. Oh I have a request."

She arches an eyebrow.

"When they cremate my body can you get some of my ashes made into a necklace pendant for you?"

"Why in the world would you want me to have a pendant with your ashes."

"Well if I am dead I can't think of a better place for my body to be buried then between those magnificent titties of yours."

She giggles blushing a little.

"Only if I can use the rest of the ashes on a vibrator so I can have an orgasm too."

They are laughing. Sure she has spectacular titties. Sure he would like to motorboat them until he died of dehydration. Still he would never cheat on Denise. That isn't the way he is wired. Despite Traci being a bit of a slut even she wouldn't sleep with her daughter's husband.

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Wednesday Afternoon: War plans are being made.

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There is a clinic where William is having blood drawn. It is kind of off the grid and if you were to look up the details of the clinic you would see that it is a veterinary clinic that closed during CO-VID. Well there were entrepreneurs that bought it through some shady means. It is an LLC now. It also performs procedures off the books with appointments made on the Dark Web.

Not really anything illegal being done here at the moment but it is something that William wants off the books. There are 20 syringes loaded full of his blood. It is about a pint of blood. Sure he could have done it at his office and by himself but it is better to have it done by professionals.

"So the asshole wants to fuck my wife. Well he can share the consequences."

It is a short drive to the Advertizing Agency parking lot where Marc has his car parked. Amazon has a gadget that can get people into cars by creating a new key for it. There were a lot of car thefts in Ontario using this gadget. When covered in the news CTV showed that a person could enter the car and have a new key for it in less then 2 minutes.

The car will not be stolen or moved. It will however be unlocked. The 20 syringes are emptied in places that would not be immediately noticeable. If investigated with a blacklight the car would glow like a 14 year old boy's bedroom after he got access to the internet. Car mats on both sides and all over the trunk are the most important areas. There are about 8 bullets "lost" under the passenger seat. Gun safety people say you shouldn't store your bullets and gun in the same spot. Being a big believer in gun safety, William's gun is in his safe and nowhere near these bullets.

With his work done he locks Marc's car back up smiling. He can go home now and wait for his loving wife.......... Or he can go the office shoot the shit and go to Hooters to stare at breasts and drink a bit.

"TITTIES!!!"

Well we know what Sir William voted for. Can't say that I blame him. Hooters has great chicken wings.

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Wednesday Evening: Time to go home

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As William is putting the car keys on the table by the door Denise comes over. She doesn't look happy.

"Where were you all evening? You never went to work."

"I gave some blood and got some wings at Hooters."

"You know how I hate that place.

"Kinda why I went there. There wasn't a chance of you going there."

She grabs the bridge of her nose like she is trying to keep her temper. After a few seconds she puts on a fake smile and gestures to the kitchen.

"I went about this all wrong. Lets talk in the kitchen."

"Oh goodie......."

They go to the kitchen and it is kind of interesting to see the expressions. You have a guy that obviously is checked out of all participation in the conversation and a woman trying to sell something that even she knows isn't going to work.

"I think the biggest problem is I never told you what you would get out of this if you let me have this experience. Then I will give you something you never had. One of the things we have never done is anal......."

With that William can't help but laugh. Not a laugh like something is actually funny. A laugh you have when someone says something so stupid that there is no other reaction but disbelief and laughter.

"Well it is kind of on point. I am being offered a shit sandwich so there has to be a side order of anal. Do you think I am in any way interested in anal out of all the years you have known me?"

"......... You never mentioned it but.......

"There is a reason for that. Call me a bit strange but I have never had the urge to marinate my penis in feces..."

Sir William hears those words and isn't happy.

"YOU AREN'T COVERING ME IN SHIT ASSHOLE!!"

Luckily the only thing Denise hears is William chuckle at Sir William's reaction.

"Where did you get the bright idea to offer anal?"

"I was talking to Traci and she said........"

"Is that Traci Batson who had a boyfriend and decided to have more experiences and go to the prom with a different guy?"

"No....."

"Good because she is on her fourth husband and has four kids spanning 25 years. Was it Traci Sommers?"

"No........"

"Not the best role model considering when she had a as she called it "second" husband and she got divorced for it. She also had her boyfriend's baby by the way so needless to say things were awkward trying to explain that at family events. Is it Traci Ringler?"

"No. How many Tracis are you going to go through?"

"Well you never mentioned the last name. I am glad it wasn't Traci Ringler. She had an affair for over 2 years, several guys at a party, and having sex on the side with her gym trainer. And it gets better any one of 10 men could have been the father of her baby. I wouldn't get advice from her to potty train a cat. I know. It must have been Traci Lance......."

"No it wasn't that whore either. I know! I know! I KNOW!!! She got knocked up while her husband was deployed. Not every Traci is a whore!!"

There is a small eyebrow raise by William.

"Are you sure? Have you met any that weren't? The only reason it took you so long to try a new cock for a test drive is Traci being your middle name. If it was your first name you would be on husband number 5 by now."

She screams in frustration.

"It has to be Traci Shondell. It was just fun once a year and didn't take anything away from her husband well other then 2 of their 3 kids having another man as their bio dad."

"She doesn't even live anywhere near here!"

"It isn't like I follow their migration habits."

"Why are you being such an asshole about this?!"

There is a soft chuckle.

"You think this is being an asshole? Pookie Bear you have no idea what being an asshole truly is. Out of curiosity while you were thinking of offering me anal. Do you throw in STDs as a bonus?"

"I...... DO..... NOT..... HAVE...... ANY..... FUCKING...... STDS!!!!"

"Well it isn't Friday yet. I think we can agree that Marc is a bit of a sleezy skank that will fuck any dumb cunt. It isn't like you actually planning on using condoms?"

"SERIOUSLY!?!?!"

"Just like I object to marinating my penis in feces I kind of have the same dislike of marinating my penis in a cum dumpster crawling with gonorrhea and syphilis. I am kinda picky that way."

She throws her coffee cup at a wall in rage.

"Good talk. Lets set a time with our lawyers to do it again after our divorce. Oh the Traci you mentioned earlier. Is she done with her divorce yet?"

With those words William gets up and heads for the door.

"I am going to Hooters. Text me Traci's address so I can get used to this open marriage while we are getting divorced."

"WE DO NOT HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE!!! WE ARE NOT GETTING DIVORCED YOU ASSHOLE!!! YOU HEAR ME!!! I AM ENTITLED TO THIS!!!"

As he is walking away he is chuckling. Sir William is going to weigh in now.

"You know William. I thought you were stupid. I was thinking pissing her off like that was stupid. But she wants to smear feces all over me and dip me in STDs. Fuck that noise."

"I agree little buddy."

"Dude!! Don't call me little. Use words like gigantic, massive, and enormous."

"So you want me to lie to you?"

"Hell yeah. It isn't like I can read a tape measure.

As William leaves people might be wondering why there were so many Tracis that cheated on their husbands. Liberte City in New France was once called Montreal, Quebec. It was the escort and stripper capital of Canada. That means there is a greater then average number of Tracis. Things haven't changed much other then it becoming a state.

Looks like tomorrow the divorce is going to start and the nukes launched.

"Are we going to her mother's place?"

"You just want to try and see her titties Sir William."

"Hell yeah!!"

"Works for me."

He gets out his cell phone and calls before heading over. He has always had an open invitation to stay the night.

##### ##### ##### #####

Thursday Afternoon: Why is Divorce so expensive? Because it is worth it.

##### ##### ##### #####

He is in the office of Lavalliere and sons. He is the top divorce attorney in the city and many would say one of the top 50 in the country. Phillip started practicing Canadian Family Law and then took on the additional training to be well versed in American Family Law. He is sipping a coffee and looking through all the documents and even the multiple videos that William provided.

"You don't believe in half measures do you Mr. Jacobs."

"I heard a great saying. I light my way forward by the lights of the fires of the bridges burning behind me."

He laughs out loud.

"That is the best one I heard in a long while."

"Ok for this Marc guy you want everything released?"

"Yup. His wife. His parents. His family. His work. Every husband of the wives he banged. He is going to be named in the Divorce. It needs to be by process servers to make sure the receipts are there. No dodging the shit storm."

"That is going to be expensive."

"Vengeance always is."

"Are you sure you want to send a package to Giovanni Gugliociello? He is a mob boss. Not the guy you want to get the attention of."

"Alledgedly a mob boss. Though he is the uncle of one of the husbands."

He looks at William.

"You know what will happen. Even the wife might not be safe from the till death do us part divorce option."

"I have no knowledge of what will happen. I am sure that I will not know what happens and I'll be sure to have an alibi whenever possible."

"That is harsh."

"Darwin awards usually are."

"Ok now for the meat and potatoes. She hasn't cheated yet so I can't file under adultery without proof. Sure there is intent and she has plans. But it is better to wait until you have evidence."

"That happens Friday night. If I can talk her out of it or she comes to her senses we can scrap it. Oh did you note that she has threatened to kill me multiple times?"

"If I recall correctly her mother and your neighbor Mrs. Jenkins are the witnesses. You supplied the audio from your mother in law's house and video from your own apartment."

"I have what is going to be a strange question. If I go missing can she use that to stop divorce proceedings if no body is found."

He raises an eyebrow.

"You have my attention."

"Lets say a very angry woman finds out I used our wedding dishes and her My Little Pony collection for target practice. I post the video of her and Gonorrhea Gary to her facebook and after posting it on PornHub I send it to everyone she knows and half the city. Syphilis Stevie isn't too happy with me torpedoing his life and they make me disappear."

He looks a bit startled. Still he keeps a decent composure.

"Do you think they will try and kill you?"

"There is the possibility. Plus with her cocaine use she might not be thinking rationally. And she is going to be ROYALLY pissed at me."

"Does she have a history of drug abuse?"

"Not yet. The police haven't executed any search warrants yet."

"You do realize if you are dead that kind of makes the divorce pointless."

"Yes but if we are not divorced that means she can make claims with me being unable to contest anything."

"We can change all that today. Honestly you should get that all changed to make it so she can't do anything like that."

"Humor me. I have reasons for wanting a divorce to go through even if I am not around and assumed to be dead."

"Well depending on the judge we can go about it assuming you are alive. If they try and throw it out based on you being presumed dead we can argue that she shouldn't be rewarded by stopping the divorce because the police can't find a body. If anything it should help make the case that you should be divorced. "

"If they look for the murder weapon it should be in my safe unless it is removed. I really am sloppy with my security. I have a post it note with the safe combination on my PC monitor."

"Why in the world would you do something that stupid."

"I haven't put the note there yet. It is on my list of things to do in case the police want to investigate and search the safe."

"You are an interesting man Mr. Jacobs. I will make sure your divorce goes through regardless. I am guessing this will make a great story someday."

"Depending on the Statute of Limitations of course."

There are a few chuckles from both men.

"I hope you don't have any plans for Friday. If she goes through with this then I'll be unloading a septic truck into the fan. And there will be likely death threats from Chlamydia Carlos with all the process servers destroying his world."

"I'd recommend you record any interactions you have with her. I think you have it more then covered."

"I even have a PornHub account ready to upload to.

With that Phillip LaValliere spits out his coffee.

"Jesus...... You can't say that. There are revenge porn laws!!"

"Don't worry. It isn't going to be my account or my cell phone. It might be a life lesson for the dim wit not to piss off an IT guy that knows how to get a cell phone cloned remotely."

"Please don't tell me any more. I need some deniability to argue your innocence."

"We live in interesting times."

He reaches across the table and shakes his lawyer's hand. They are both smiling. William is smiling because the wheels are set in motion. Phillip is smiling because this will be a quick payday and a story he will be able to tell his grandkids about.

##### ##### ##### #####

Thursday Evening

##### ##### ##### #####

With the lawyer taken care of he does a few other errands. He grabs supper at Hooters and isn't looking forward to going home. Better then paying for a hotel. When he enters the house Denise gets up off the couch storming over.

"Where were you all day?"

"Talking to a lawyer. Oh. Hooters has a chicken wing special on Thursdays."

"Listen to me and listen to me carefully William Richard Jacobs. We are not getting a divorce."

"I also said you are not taking Gonorrhea Gary out for a test drive so you can ride a 10 inch penis. It seems that I don't have to listen to you either."

"It is just one night."

"And me fucking your mother would just be one night. Should I call Traci now?"

Denise enraged starts poking William's chest.

"YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING WITH MY MOTHER ASSHOLE!!!"

"I agree. Between titty fucking and doggy style I wouldn't be sleeping at all."

She screams in rage.

"Good talk. I'm going to the guest room since it has a lock. Good night.

"YOU GET BACK HERE ASSHOLE!!!"

Not listening any longer he goes into the bed room shuts the door in her face and locks the door.

"OPEN THE FUCKIN DOOR!!!"

"I wouldn't open it if I was you."

"Wasn't planning on it Sir William."

"Are you serious about titty fucking her mom?"

"Nah. Traci might be a slut but she has some limits."

"Dammit you had my hopes up."

"At least not until after we are divorced."

Sir William screams WOO HOO. Interesting evening. He is locked in his guest room talking to his penis about titty fucking his future ex mother in law. Maybe he should look into that psychiatrist.

##### ##### ##### #####

Friday Morning: Consequences and Delusions

##### ##### ##### #####

"Today's the first day of the end of your lives." The Postal Dude

William is up early. Even if he wasn't the knocking and cursing would have woken him up. He was debating on getting up but Sir William decided he really needs to pee. He opens the door to an angry Denise.

"Are we going to talk like adults?"

He walks by her towards the bathroom.

"Really?! You aren't going to talk to me?!"

"I am going to the bathroom to pee. Since you want a discussion I will humor you. Toilet seat up or down?"

He isn't really waiting for an answer before going in and shutting the door in her face.

"Thanks buddy. Bladder was slapping me upside the head to get you to go to the bathroom."

"Not a problem Sir William. Isn't like I want to talk to the delusional cunt."

William hears loud noises outside the door. Under normal circumstances he would have been paying attention but neither William or Sir William understand crazy. After getting done he leaves the seat up and takes extra time to wash his hands.

"Have you gotten that divorce foolishness out of your mind yet?"

"Have you gotten the foolishness of Syphilis Stevie out of your mind yet?"

"I told you this is just one night. ONE NIGHT!!! I get to ride 10 inches. Then we go back to normal. It takes nothing away from you."

"You are really delusional. I'll make it crystal clear with no stuttering. If you leave here and plan on sleeping with Chlamydia Carlos then I will divorce you and there will be consequences."

"What are you talking about?"

"Consequences. A shit storm that will be almost biblical in the changes it will unleash."

"You wouldn't do anything like that."

"Do you remember my middle name?"

"Yeah I called you that earlier."

"Well if you screw with me on this I will show you that Richard is the name of the dick that will be screwing you so hard up the ass your tonsils will be bruised."

"Nonsense. You love me and will let me have this. Sure you will be mad. Your ego will be bruised but you love me too much to divorce me."

"You need to get ready for work."

"This is no big deal and won't change anything."

William can't help but stare in amazement. The delusion is awe inspiring. A total detachment from any sense of reality. She has an over night bag with her when she leaves.

"I have the French maid outfit in here."

"You have been warned. The consequences are on you now."

"Everything will be fine."

"You will find out how wrong you are."

"Nonsense. After tonight I'll have the massive orgasms from a gigantic cock and then we can start having kids."

"We?"

"Yeah we always talked about having kids."

"There are two problems with that. The first is that I wouldn't have kids with a cheating skank I can't trust. The second and most important one is you are too much of a slut to use condoms so I sure as hell am NOT raising a kid you have with Herpes Harold."

"I am NOT a slut."

"Loving wives normally do not ride another guys 10 inch cock bareback. You ever reflect on why so many of the sluts that cheated with him are going through divorces?"

"None of them are going through divorces."

"Yet"

"The husbands love their wives and let them have this."

He laughs out loud.

"You can't be stupid enough to believe that. No one can be that stupid."

"You will see this means nothing. It is only sex and is just one night."

"I know it is pointless but I'll give you one last warning. You do this there will be consequences. I have had all week to prepare this since you sprung it on me and you already know I talked with a lawyer. Are you prepared for the consequences?"

She laughs.

"You are blowing this out of proportion. This will be fine. Your male ego will be bruised but after this we will be stronger then ever and starting our family."

With those words she walks out of the apartment with her bag. William sighs and takes out his phone. He sends a copy of the conversation from the cloud to his mother in law and his lawyer. Voice and motion activated video recorders sending the videos directly to a computer and the computer sending them to the cloud is a god send.

"Time to call the boys. We are going to the gun range."

With those words to himself he starts taking boxes to the car. There are two boxes of china Denise got as a wedding gift from her great aunt. Also there is a box with the My Little Ponies she has been collecting since she was a little girl. He makes the call and starts smiling. He booked the shooting range for a private event earlier in the week.

##### ##### ##### #####

Friday Afternoon: Time to pony up. Several My Little Ponies.

##### ##### ##### #####

William has the biggest shit eating grim you can imagine. When he arrives at the Trudeau shooting range there are several people there. You might find this hard to believe there are a large amount of men there that have anger issues. More then a few have cheating wives or ex wives.

Andy and Geoff are there and they come to the car to help carry the boxes.

"You are going to be a legend."

"Andy and I wanted to charge admission."

"You are my hero. You are living the dream William."

There is laughter from the 3 men. Each man has a box and goes into the Shooting range. There is about 17 people there and the staff takes the boxes. They are going to set up the range while there is a brief meeting with all the shooters there in the meeting room. There is a computer and large TV set up to act as a monitor. It takes a few minutes but the video footage from William and Denise's last discussion is set to play.

"Gentlemen and lady we are going to live the dream. The first is a short presentation on how we got to this point. I could narrate and tell you how much of a crazy delusional entitled cunt she is but her words will make that apparent. Anyone wanting the video there will be link downloads on the Trudeau shooting range facebook page tomorrow. There will also be videos of this event on the website. Now I'll start the video. It is about 20 minutes of incredible insanity."

With that the video plays and it is as advertised. There are several angry faces. The one lady is shocked because it is the same things her ex wife said. After it finishes William gets everyone's attention.

"You see the Pinkie Pie My Little Pony? That was a gift to my wife for her 6th birthday from her grandmother who is no longer with us. I have never shot at a My Little Pony figure with a hand gun. If Denise loves me she will let me have this experience. Sure her fragile female ego will be bruised for a while but it doesn't mean anything it is just target shooting."

William takes his time aiming carefully.

"Can we have a countdown?"

The crowd starts counting down. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

BANG!!!

It is a miss.

"Looks like I am not that good a shot. Let me take another shot. After all this will be good for Denise if I can accurately shoot a My Little Pony figure at 100 meters. It is just one night. I need another countdown."

The crowd starts counting down. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

BANG!!!

It is another miss.

"Damn I can't shoot my way out of a paper bag with the gun muzzle in the bag. Joking aside I am not a big enough asshole to shoot something with that much sentimental value. I still intend on hosting our therapy session but bear with me while I remove the Pinkie Pie from the shelf."

A few minutes later the Pinkie Pie pony is removed. William passes a rifle to Henry.

"You are next. Tell us a story about the cheating whore you dealt with then shoot whatever object offends you the most."

A great time is had by all. All the china was shattered and My Little Ponies were shot. Some shot multiple times. There is a ton of laughter and this is all ready to post later. Denise hasn't cheated yet. After she does the nukes will be launched. This video will be uploaded to YouTube, Facebook, Instragram and even Twitter.

As they are leaving William turns to Geoff and Andy. He makes sure they are well out of ear shot.

"Geoff got a question. Do you still do cocaine?"

There is a sputtering as he isn't expecting that.

"What!?"

"I'm not a police officer. I need some to take home for the ex wife."

"Since when has she been doing coke? Why are you getting her cocaine?"

"Less you know the better. I need a large personal use amount. I'll be putting it in the safe with my gun. I really should clean my gun after using it today but I have things to do before leaving town."

"What about Oxy and Percs for her painkiller addiction?"

William can't help but smile.

"See where I'm going with this Geoff?"

Geoff bursts out laughing as he digs out a decent sized baggie of a white powder. Andy supplies a couple small vials of pills.

"I have more pills at home if you need them."

"Nah this should be good. Later gentlemen. I have to arrange a few things. I'll miss you guys when this hits the fan. Make sure the bitch doesn't write an obituary for me."

They laugh. With those words William leaves back to the house.

##### ##### ##### #####

Friday Evening: There is no place like home

##### ##### ##### #####

The post it note with the safe combination is on the computer monitor. The safe has in it many items that will interest the police like a recently fired handgun and a box of bullets with 4 missing. There are other things the cops will find interesting like William's gifts from Geoff and Andy.

"It was a good run. Silly cunt."

William takes off his pants and the sock on his left foot and goes to the kitchen. He cuts his left leg with a knife then puts the bloody knife back in the knife block after wiping his prints off it. The blood drips down his leg and on the floor as he walks up to the office. Looking at the watch he stands in one spot for several minutes to make sure there is a large puddle before going to the desk and getting tape.

"Not the best job but I only need to stop the bleeding."

Talking to yourself is generally not a good thing but he needs someone to talk to. He still has several things he wants to do before leaving. First on the agenda is the washroom and bandaging his leg properly. This doesn't take much time and isn't really that bad.

"Time to get dressed and start getting ready to go."

A few more things need to be done. Putting on socks, pants, and shoes are pretty important. You kinda need pants. It isn't like he is going to go to Walmart. He has to put on pants. To be a complete asshole he gets about 4 ziplock bags. He puts Denise's beloved Pinkie Pie toy in one. Then he puts the baggie in a second, third and finally a fourth with them all sealed carefully.

"Can't wait for her to find this."

He tosses the baggie with Pinkie Pie in the toilet.

"Hey buddy."

"Yup?"

"Do me a favor."

"You want me to pee on it?"

"And the seat."

Sir William can't help but laugh at William.

"You really are an asshole William."

"And?"

"Oh I totally agree with you. Just being honest with you."

"In all fairness Sir William she kinda deserves this. I'll be getting the video off the assholes phone soon."

A quick pee on the baggie and the seat and Sir William is put away. The video of him peeing on Pinkie Pie is posted to his Facebook. Usually a penis is supposed to get you into a bad situation not tell you you are being an asshole. He hasn't heard from his conscience since Monday so someone had to pick up the slack. His penis is not very good at this conscience gig since he agrees with William most of the time. Plus Sir William wants to spray his future ex mother in law's titties like a bucket of paint.

PING!

Well the notification that Marc uploaded a new video to the cloud has just pinged. William doesn't really need to see it but he needs to get it to send to his lawyer.

"Dumb fucker just committed himself to getting a Darwin Award."

Time to get out of dodge. William grabs his go bag and it is time to watch things burn. From a safe distance like the next town over.

##### ##### ##### #####

Friday Late Evening:

##### ##### ##### #####

At a hotel with WiFi William gets out his Lap Top.

Step 1: William and Denise will be posting a video to their Facebook pages. It is the video of William trying to stop Denise's plan to ride a new cock. When Denise finds out about the video she will find out she is unable to remove it because she is now locked out of her Facebook account.

To make sure this video gets to everyone William is sending this to everyone in her E-Mail list as well as everyone via a text. If Denise's phone is on it will be pinging like crazy with notifications.

Step 2: The cloned version of Marc's phone is going to make this very easy. Marc's phone is uploading several videos to his PornHub account. There are details of every woman and contact information that is their husband's cell numbers. Barring one very important exception. Instead of it being the cell phone of the husband. It is the personal cell phone number of a mob boss by the name of Giovanni Gugliociello. The woman is his nephew's wife.

If you are a betting man how many of these calls to Don Gugliociello's phone is it going to take before Marc gets a Darwin Award personally delivered by 2 very large men with weapons and gardening skills.

Step 3: Send the links of all these videos to the various husbands and Don Gugliociello. Anonymously sent to him of course. If they ever tracked the E-Mail it would be from MassiveMarcThrobbington at a Hotmail account. Marc really needs better internet security.

Step 4: Now that William has a copy of Denise's PornHub debut time to send that sucker to everyone Denise and William knows. Plus a copy for Andy and Geoff because they have always liked Denise's titties.

Step 5: Send everything to his lawyer and start getting used to calling himself Bill Smith.

Now time to make a phone call he has been waiting to make. Well the first of three. The phone is ringing. Not surprising how late it is. It is answered by a groggy man.

"Is this Roxanne's husband Lance?"

"What the hell are you doing calling at 2:12 in the morning."

"Figured I'd help give you and early start on your divorce from your cunt of a wife. Sending you pics of her sucking off and having sex with Marc Tate. Plus sending you the link to a PornHub video of her doing the things in that video."

"What?!? Who the fuck are you?!?"

"Denise Jacobs's future Ex Husband."

Before more can be said he hangs up. He calls Denise's phone and it goes straight to voice mail. A smile crosses William's lips.

"This is going to be fuckin hilarious."

The next call William makes is to Marc's phone. With the cloned phone he answers it which causes Marc's real phone to answer. William prepares to yell.

"ANSWER YOUR FUCKIN PHONE YOU BRAIN DEAD CUNT!!!"

At a different hotel Marc and Denise are now wide awake. They didn't hear Marc's phone hang up. They do however hear Denise's phone ringing. The caller ID says William. They look at each other. She answers the phone.

"Hello......."

"Check your E-Mail cunt. You and Marc are on PornHub."

They both scream "PORNHUB!!!"

"And Denise please offer my condolences to Marc's wife. Don Gugliociello will not be very happy with his Nephew's wife being one of the skanks Marc banged on PornHub."

With those words William hangs up and blocks both numbers. Time for the last call. There is a bit of grumbling from another man sleeping.

"Sorry to wake you Phillip. You have a couple septic trucks worth of crap that just exploded. Need to send out the evidence with the process servers now that I have officially received it."

"You couldn't have waited until morning."

"Well do you really want to give her time to get home and clean the crime scene......"

"CRIME SCENE!!!"

"Blood all over the place. My blood by the way."

"Fuckin hell......... Do you need medical help?"

"Nah I was a cub scout and know how to bandage wounds. Though I did leave a bloody towel in the washroom."

"Any recommendations on what I tell the police?"

"That Denise just found out everyone got an E-Mail about her PornHub debut with Fornicating Freddy and his 10 inch cock. Plus before that the various death threats."

"You couldn't have done this in the morning?"

"I want to put at least 400 miles between me and this mess. Look at the bright side. You will have a ton of billable overtime hours. Plus you will be part of a historic story to tell your drinking buddies. Crap I forgot something. Never sent you the video of me taking her wedding china and her My Little Pony collection to the firing range. Might help with her motive for killing me."

"You shot her My Little Pony collection?"

"Well we can't shoot real ponies. That would be wrong."

Phillip laughs.

"You are a real asshole."

William starts with his best singing voice.

"I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job

I'm your average white, suburbanite slob

I like football and porno and books about war

I got an average house with a nice hardwood floor"

Phillip starts laughing recognizing the Asshole Song by Dennis Leary.

"And I can sing."

"I'll start the divorce process."

After hanging up William unblocks Denise. He calls her. She picks up.

"YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLE!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!! I'LL CUT OFF YOUR DICK WITH A CHEESE GRATER THEN USE IODINE ON THE STUMP!!!"

"Done yet cunt?"

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME A CUNT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!"

With those words William sends her a clip of the shooting range activities.

"When you get to hell say hi to your precious Pinkie Pie My Little Pony. We shot the bitch full of lead at the Trudeau firing range."

He hangs up. Time to get some sleep.

##### ##### ##### #####

Saturday Morning: An interrogation cell

##### ##### ##### #####

Well you can say Denise has had better days. She didn't even know her phone had a GPS tracker. Phillip was happy to give the police information on where she was in real time to help their investigation. They were stopped in Marc's car and taken to the police station for questioning.

Marc did the smart thing and pleaded the 5th because he knew that he was in a deep hole. Denise on the other hand did not do the smart thing. This is going to be one of a series of very very poor life decisions on her part. There is a detective with several files and a lap top.

"My Name is Detective Baxter. Are you sure you do not want an attorney Mrs. Jacobs?"

"I don't need an attorney. What did that asshole say I did?"

The detective's eyebrow raises.

"We are investigating the events of last night. There was worries from your husband's lawyer that something might have happened to his client."

"If I get my hands on him I am going to kill him."

"Can you verify where you were last night in the hours between midnight and 6 AM?"

"Ummmmmmm."

"We already know you were having sex with a Demarcus Tate. The video uploads from Demarcus Tate's phone were at 1:16 AM."

"MOTHER FUCKER!!!"

"Is there a reason Mr. Tate would upload the videos of you and several other wives?"

"He didn't do it. We were sleeping in bed when my asshole husband called and told us about them."

"Is it fair to say that you and Mr Tate were a bit upset at him?"

"UPSET!!! I WANT TO RIP HIS NUTS OFF!!!"

"Is that why you and Mr. Tate murdered your husband?"

She looks shocked.

"MURDERED?!?"

"We are still sorting through the evidence and trying to piece together the timeline. There was a lot of blood at your house where it looks like someone was fleeing an attacker. Demarcus Tate is 6 ft 4 isn't he?"

"Yeah but he was with me."

"When we looked in the safe. We found a baggie of cocaine, his gun which was recently fired, a bankbook and passport for Gertrude Merriworth, and two bottles of pain killers. Also there was an envelop of evidence with transcripts and a USB with the audio files regarding the death threats you made to him in front of your neighbor and your mother."

She looks shocked.

"I think I need a lawyer."

"Definitely. I'll stop asking questions. The feds may be stepping in to ask about your fake passport and your undisclosed bank account."

"WHAT!?!"

Detective Baxter pushes a folder towards her. She opens it and sees the passport with her picture and the bank book for an account containing 247,942.12 dollars.

"I've never seen this before."

The next folder shows the pics of the bottles of Oxycontin and Percocets next to a baggie of white powder.

"Your husband's lawyer mentioned your drug abuse problem."

"I do not do drugs. I have NEVER used drugs."

"The gun in the safe was recently fired and bullets were found under the passenger seat of Mr. Tate's car. The bullets have your husband's finger prints on them and there is what we assume is his blood on the car mats and in the trunk. It hasn't been matched to the DNA of the blood at the crime scene or to samples from your husband. Preliminary testing has them being the same blood type."

"I didn't do it. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!!!"

"That will be for you to talk over with your lawyer. We have evidence of a struggle. Bullets in Mr. Tate's car with your husband's finger prints. A pattern of death threats and drug abuse. Blood splatter in Mr. Tate's car. We have motive. We have a fake passport with an account with enough money to flee the country. The DA is going to make sure you do not get bail........."

There is a knock on the door. Detective Baxter opens the door. Phillip LaValliere enters. He places a manila envelop on the table.

"Denise Jacobs you have been served. The divorce will be based on adultery and the possible murder of your husband."

When Phillip leaves Detective Baxter turns to Denise.

"You really should get a lawyer."

With those words her head drops to the desk and she starts sobbing.

##### ##### ##### #####

The trial of Denise Jacobs (Five months later.)

##### ##### ##### #####

The lawyer representing Mrs. Jacobs did the best he could in his opening statement to point out that everything is circumstantial and there is no body. She loved her husband. There were a few jurors that seemed to believe that. However the prosecutor is about to start the questions and he has a lot to work with. Ken Parkins doesn't like Denise on principle and the evidence hasn't changed his opinion at all.

"Mrs. Jacobs you are here charged with the murder of your husband. Can you tell us what he thought of your plans to sleep with Demarcus Tate?"

"He was upset but he loved me so he would forgive me."

"When he brought up sleeping with your mother the Tuesday before his violent assault and disappearance were you upset?"

"Of course I was upset. He wanted to sleep with my mother!"

"I think upset would be an understatement. Didn't you scream "DON'T YOU FUCKIN DARE SLEEP WITH THAT FUCKING SLUT!!!" so loud Mrs. Jenkins came out wondering what is going on?"

"Yes. But....."

"Didn't you scream. "I AM COMING OVER TO SHOOT THE BOTH OF YOU!!!" on her answering machine that Tuesday?"

"I didn't shoot him. I love him."

"Ok lets go to the events that Friday night. Are you aware that William Jacobs your husband has a gun and bullets store in a safe at your house?"

"I haven't seen that gun. I don't like guns. I don't even know how to fire it."

"On the night of your arrest you were in a car with Demarcus Tate after having sex with him. This is after you said your husband somehow uploaded porn videos Mr. Tate recorded to PornHub."

"He had to be the one. We were both asleep."

"Are you saying your husband recorded the video and put it on Mr. Tate's phone?"

"I don't know."

"Can you explain your husband's blood on the mats and in the trunk of Mr. Tate's car? What about the bullets with his finger prints under the passenger seat?"

"I don't know."

"I think that when you and Mr. Tate found out that your porn video was uploaded along with the video of Mr. Tate sleeping with the wife of Don Gugioliello's nephew you were very very pissed. Do you remember what you said after he called you telling you and Mr. Tate about the video?"

"..........................."

"I'll help you remember and read it from the transcript. "YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLE!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!! I'LL CUT OFF YOUR DICK WITH A CHEESE GRATER THEN USE IODINE ON THE STUMP!!!" Does that sound like the words of a loving wife."

"I wouldn't hurt him."

"Maybe not physically. Mentally you had no problem. Besides you didn't have to. You had the late Demarcus Tate to do the dirty work. All you had to do was load your husband's handgun and pass it to him."

"We were on the way to the house. Marc wanted to punch him out for posting all the videos on PornHub."

"Can you explain the blood evidence? There is a blood trail from the bedroom to his office. There is a large puddle of blood in the office. Was he trying to get to the gun to protect himself from Mr. Tate?"

"We weren't even there."

"Can you explain your fake passport and the bank book for an account containing 247,942.12 dollars."

"I haven't seen either of them in my life."

"Were you selling drugs?"

"NO!!!"

"There was Cocaine, Oxy, and Percs. That is a very serious drug supply. Have you been tested for drugs?"

"I have offered but my lawyer told me not to."

"Well we can tell you your husband's blood was tested and there was no sign of any drugs in his blood. That leaves you either using or someone selling the drugs. You do realize a fake passport and a large amount of money in a bank account in the fake identity's name makes you a very huge flight risk and was why you were denied bail. Your own lawyer doesn't even want you drug tested."

"I am innocent!!!"

"Your husband disappeared after that night and there has been no activity on his bank cards in 5 months. No activity on his passport because it is in the safe in his office. His cell phone despite being on your joint plan has not had any activity. It can't even be found with the track my phone app you have. His E-Mails are inactive. Is there anything you can show us that proves he is even alive?"

"He has to be alive!!!"

"He was so worried about you he instructed his lawyer to continue the divorce proceedings even if he disappeared. You claim to love him. He did not seem to believe you even going as far as to make sure he got his divorce even if he wasn't around."

Denise breaks down and starts crying.

"Are you crying because you realize no one believes you loved your husband? Not even your husband?"

The defense attorney jumps to his feet.

"OBJECTION!!!"

"That is ok. She doesn't have to answer. No one believes she loved her husband."

The trial continues on but it is really just filling in time. There is no recovering. Even throwing Marc under the bus will not help because he got murdered 2 weeks after the videos were posted. They don't have a body but they have everything including the smoking gun in the safe.

Denise Jacobs is convicted of murder.

There will be appeals based on there being no body but she will be in jail. Her mother Traci has been supportive during all this but even her faith in her daughter isn't strong enough to ignore all the evidence.

##### ##### ##### #####

A week before the divorce is final (Six months later)

##### ##### ##### #####

Phillip LaValliere is finishing up the paperwork and sent an E-Mail to William Jacobs's E-Mail. It will be over in a week and then he be a free man if he is still alive. It was definitely the strangest Divorce case he ever had.

Suddenly the phone rang. He answers it.

"Hello. Phillip LaValliere speaking."

"Bonjour."

"William?"

"I take it my French accent was bad. In my defense the people in Paris think it is even worse."

"Do you know Demarcus Tate was killed? He was beaten to death and his severed penis put in his mouth."

"I had nothing to do with it but I'd be betting someone in Don Gugliociello's calling circle knows the guy that knows the guy. I'd like for you to do a few things for me. The first is get in touch with Denise's mom Traci. Get her to go to Paris to meet the man that is getting her daughter out of jail."

"After all this you want her out of jail? Why did you go through all this? Hell you threw away a quarter of a million dollars doing all this."

"It was never about money. The second thing is I want you to go to the DA and tell them you will have evidence that I am still alive in a few days."

"You know you will be in a pile of shit so deep it will take 7 septic trucks to drain it."

"Oh he will be pissed. But they are the ones that convicted her with just circumstantial evidence. They had blood and death threats and that shouldn't have been enough. They could have used the cell phone tracking info on my PC for the night she spent with Tate. They could have verified in the video I fired my gun that afternoon. But that is likely because she had a really shitty attorney after I had you freeze the joint accounts."

"I wouldn't want to be you if Denise ever catches you."

"Oh you have no idea what the best part is."

Even though William can't see it Phillip raises an eyebrow.

"I'll need Denise's mom Traci here for the video conference. I know this is incredibly short notice but I want it done as soon as I am divorced so I can get Denise out after the divorce is final."

"I can help make that happen."

"I also have one final request. Represent Denise on her appeal and make sure that Denise and the DA are there for the video conference. Make sure the three of you are watching the video portion at the same time."

"Why?"

"Well it would ruin the surprise. I will warn you do not drink anything while the call is going on."

"Is it anything illegal?"

"Not in Paris."

They both laugh.

"I'll make it happen. Do I tell Traci anything about you arranging the meeting?"

"Nah say she is meeting with Bill Smith."

"Seriously? You go for a fake ID with the name Bill Smith."

"It was available and even on discount. I didn't even have to go through that much of a change. Bill Smith is kind of obvious for a fake ID. Always plan for a rainy day."

"You have got to give me the full story someday."

"We can talk when the statute of limitations passes. I originally had 11,000 in Bit Coin when it was at 10 cents each. I sold them for 42,258 each in 2023. Since it was never in cash on US soil I didn't feel any need to tell the IRS. They might feel differently about it then I do. Honestly though fuck the IRS."

"HOLY CRAP!!!"

"Yeah I have used a lot of it on frivolous things but still have a ton of money."

"Can you tell me the plan? "

"I really should have a face to face with Denise for closure. She might be a bit pissed off at me."

"You help put her in jail. She is going to get more then pissed."

They laugh.

"You have no idea just how pissed she will get when she is there for the video call."

"The DA will be pissed at you too."

"Let him be pissed. He will be responsible for cutting Denise a large check. And it will be all hers since we are divorced now."

"You know you are perhaps the biggest asshole I have ever met and I went to law school."

"You haven't seen anything yet. You might want to have security in the office."

The laughter from both men is loud.

"And I am billing you for any damages."

"Nah bill the Ex-Wife. She will be a millionaire when you are done suing the state and can afford it."

He bursts out laughing again as William snickers. The phone hangs up. Phillip can't help but shake his head.

##### ##### ##### #####

A Cafe in Paris

##### ##### ##### #####

It has been an interesting two days for Traci. She has no idea who this man Bill Smith is or why he wants her in Paris. And she definitely has no idea why he would be trying to help get her daughter out of jail.

As she enters the restaurant all sorts of eyes are on her. The staff of course notices her. There is an elderly couple near the door. The waiter comes to her.

"Miss Adams?"

"Yes"

"Please come with me. Mr. Smith is expecting you."

When she goes over to the table she sees William and the cheesy goatee he has. She looks at him in shock and slaps him hard in the face.

"YOU PUT MY DAUGHTER IN JAIL ASSHOLE!!!"

William chuckles.

"What actions were they? I told her time and time and time again not to do it and there would be consequences. I am getting Phillip to arrange a meeting to start her lawsuit for wrongful conviction. She will be a millionaire when she cashes a very large check. Please grab a seat."

The waiter comes over.

"(Is everything all right Mr. Smith? Do you need me to call the police?")

"No. Everything is fine. Traci may I recommend the wine. It is a white wine over 100 years old."

She looks at him with exasperation.

"Why did you get me to come here?"

"Let's order first. (Henri we would like to order now.)"

"(Excellent Mr. Smith. I am always impressed by the breasts of the ladies you eat dinner with.)"

Listening to those words Traci turns towards Henri staring at him.

"I may not understand much French but I am fully aware of the word breasts in French."

There is a look of shock and horror on his face.

"Henri was just mentioning that the chicken breasts for the chicken parmesan are fresh. We will have two Henri."

He nods and quickly runs off to both place the order and remove the foot from his mouth.

"You do realize I also know that the word poulet is French for chicken right?"

"Yeah. I was trying to give him a graceful out so I didn't have to bail you out of a French jail.

She giggles.

"Seriously though. Bill Smith?"

"What. It is a perfectly great name."

"Did you go to a forger and he just say screw it we will just change your last name to Smith. No one will ever notice."

William looks as if he was wounded.

"I will have you know I paid 2000 dollars for this identity."

She starts laughing.

"Yeah it was on sale because it was kinda lame. Hell ridiculously lame. Easy to get used to though."

"So why am I here?"

"Do you want me to bullshit you or be honest."

"Let's go with honesty."

"I've always wanted to glaze those titties with a half dozen cum shots. And Sir William doesn't like the idea of anal so standard doggie style in between cum loads."

"You named your penis Sir William."

"Yeah he tells me I probably should get therapy. Particularly when I named my testicles Siskel and Ebert."

At that she spits out the wine she was sipping on.

"You should probably practice your swallowing more."

"How in the hell did you come up with the idea of naming the testicles Siskel and Ebert? I can see where the Sir William comes from. Siskel and Ebert though. That is just insane."

"I ruptured the left one on my dirt bike 3 years ago. Ebert seemed like a good fit. Though neither testicle knows their rating system. Ebert wanted to give my idea of motorboating your titties 4 thumbs up."

"I see you put a lot of thought into this plan. Well at least your testicles and penis did. Isn't this being a hypocrite since you divorced Denise?"

"If I did it while I was married sure. But I am divorced now."

"Is that why you wanted the divorce come hell or high water?"

"Well the video clip of her doing reverse cowgirl anal with a 10 inch penis is the reason. I am surprised it has over a million views on PornHub."

"You were an asshole for posting that by the way."

"Tate was an asshole for recording it. As for me posting it that is kind of on her for riding Darwin Award Demarcus's penis. She was warned several times. Someone posting it from Tate's phone is on her."

The food comes and Henri is having a hard time looking Traci in the eyes avoiding eye contact. Traci stares at him.

"(Eyes up here Henri.)"

His eyes go wide and he runs off.

"You know that was cruel to poor Henri."

"True but he did kind of piss me off when he said and I quote "I am always impressed by the breasts of the ladies you eat dinner with."."

"I take it your French is pretty good."

"Oui Monsieur."

They both start laughing as they eat and drink their wine.

##### ##### ##### #####

A conference room in Phillip LaValliere's law office

##### ##### ##### #####

This is kind of an unusual situation. It isn't often someone convicted of murder get taken by the District Attorney to a law office. Then again Phillip is bringing a 70 million dollar lawsuit against the state of New France for wrongful conviction and has a ton of evidence that will be used. There are a couple of cameras equipped with sound. Phillip pours himself a glass of water and opens his lap top.

"DA Reynolds I am glad you decided to come here today with my client Miss Jacobs."

Denise is angry at Phillip.

"You fuckin asshole! You are the reason I couldn't defend myself against the divorce."

"And your decision to ride a 10 inch penis had nothing to do with it?"

"Why are you wasting my time with this meeting and why did you make me go through the effort of bringing Miss Jacobs here?"

"I have two cameras recording this. If this is half as interesting as I expect it to be I want video documentation for this."

Phillip smiles as he sets the lap top up so the video conference can begin. He starts the call to William. Phillip takes a sip of his water when William answers. He starts choking on the water as soon as he sees William.

Phillip hasn't seen William in a while. The goatee is new. The thing that made him choke on his water was the T-Shirt. It is a naked Peter North from the waist up. It says "glazing titties since the 80s.". Denise and DA Reynolds look pissed.

"Bonjour."

"MOTHER FUCKIN SON OF A BITCH!!! WHEN I GET OUT I AM GOING TO CUT OFF YOUR BALLS WITH A CHEESE GRATER AND PUT THEM IN A BLENDER!!!"

William snickers at the outburst.

"How did the death threats work out for you last time. Hush with the potty mouth Pookie Bear. Adults are having a conversation now."

HOO BOY.

She is PISSED. It takes 3 security guards to stop her from going over the table with a chair and swinging it at his face on the lap top.

"Mr. Reynolds. A man with a goatee is either an evil version of someone or Tony Stark. As far as I can tell you are an incredibly stupid jackass running an office of even dumber idiots. Since you are not very bright. I'll help you out. I am not Tony Stark."

"You are in a ton of trouble Mr. Jacobs."

"Oh goodie. What do you think you have?"

"You framed an innocent woman."

"Innocent? She has a porn video on PornHub riding a 10 inch penis reverse cowgirl anally with over a million hits. Most professional whores have a hard time with that but she did it with ease. You are REALLY overreaching with claiming she is innocent."

"Don't be cute. It is a crime to fabricate evidence."

"Ah the good ole blame others for my fuck up defense. Your office is the one that investigated......... Phillip is it fair to even call it an investigation when they screwed the pooch 7 ways from Sunday into a wrongful conviction lawsuit?"

"Not really but for 70 million dollars let him vent to you for a while."

"THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!"

"No but there is a clown in a suit. So you say I fabricated evidence. What did I fabricate dumbass?"

"The blood evidence and bullets in Demarcus Tate's car."

"If you had a competent prosecutor you would have had the blood tested. Would it surprise you that the blood was there since Wednesday before any assaults or murders. Also while cops aren't always the brightest they should be able to do basic math. 8 bullets were in the car. 4 were missing from the box in the safe. I take it this info is new to you by the blank look on your face."

"You planted it on Wednesday?!"

"Allegedly but for arguments sake lets say I wanted to give a warning with blood and bullets. Worst I could be charged there was vandalism. Since Tate is dead did his estate file any complaints?

"The blood in your house."

"I was shaving my legs with a kitchen knife............"

William is interrupted by Phillips laughter. Denise and DA Reynolds aren't amused.

"As I was saying. The guy on YouTube made it look easy. I didn't want to go to Paris with hairy legs. Cut myself shaving and bandaged it up. I would have had my loving wife take me to the emergency room to get a few stitches but she was too busy riding Darwin Award Demarcus. Keep going."

"The fake passport and bank account."

"Lets say someone has a wife that was a pot head in high school and college. She gets caught and gets charged with possession. She can't go to certain countries because they don't like druggies. They know a guy that knows a guy. They get a passport that is of someone without a drug felony on their record. Mistakes are made and Denise's picture is used. When I renewed our passports they sent Gertrude's by mistake. As for the money none of your business. Next"

"The drugs in the safe."

"I may or may not know some people using. They are trying to quit so I offer to get rid of the drugs so they can get clean. I am uncertain on how to dispose of the drugs and never got to ask my lawyer about disposing of them. Sorry Phillip. Should have penciled it in before my psychotic cunt of an ex wife threatened to kill me."

"Understandable. I've seen the rage issues. DA Reynolds you have anything else for Mr. Jacobs?"

"Cat got your tongue?"

"You YOU..... You framed her."

"Concise. Let me slowwalk you through it. There is no timeline where she had the time to go home get the gun and murder me and dump the body before getting back on the road to be arrested by the police. The GPS on her phone proves that she wasn't even there. The circumstantial evidence is easily debunked. Old blood in the car when there is zero reason to murder me. More bullets in the car then missing from the ammunition box. The motive for the murder was posting a video that Tate himself took and sent me. Drugs and a fake passport that have nothing to do with a murder. Crime scene that shows no evidence of gunfire. Even if you STILL think it is murder there is a video I posted of me firing the gun earlier that day. There is no way that any competent DA should have prosecuted that case."

With a grin William holds up a specimen cup. The three of them in the conference room look confused. William unscrews the top and turns the camera to the right. It shows Traci's bare breasts glazed with a lot of semen.

"MOM!!!"

"Jesus......."

William starts scraping some of the semen into a specimen jar.

"I was backed up quite a bit. Unlike my whore of an ex wife I didn't glaze those titties until the divorce was final. How many vials do you need Mr. Reynolds. I've got 7 of them ready for you."

"8."

"That one was only half full."

"MOM!!! HOW COULD YOU!!!"

"He is the best lover I ever had."

"How could you do this to me? MY MOTHER!!!"

"Well I will explain how. Did you know there are medications that have a side effect of causing your tongue to swell? Well I got several bottles of one of those drugs. All legal of course though I haven't got an ovary inflammation. I tasted her G-Spot for an hour."

The 3 of them look at William with a blank stare.

"Then you have my lips rubbing her clit and sucking it while my tongue was jack hammering that G-Spot. She came 7 times and just passed out screaming my name and spasming like she was getting electrocuted."

"It was better then the best 10 orgasms I ever had. And when I started coming back around he did it again. I was spasming and exploded in orgasm after orgasm and I was out again. My eyes were completely glazed and short circuited. I couldn't form a coherent thought as he was laughing. He saw the look in my eyes and my lips moving. I couldn't say anything because my brain couldn't form a sentence."

"Needless to say I aced the oral exam."

They are laughing.

"So Reynolds how many of these jars do you need?"

"What do you mean? I can see with my own eyes you are alive."

"Well you managed to put a woman in jail for murder without seeing a body. Or any evidence of a shooting. How many do you want? You look like a guy that would be able to use a jar of semen or 5. I've been having some pineapple fruity drinks so I'm labeling them Pineapple Surprise."

You can see DA Reynolds getting angry. Phillip is trying his hardest to keep a straight face. Traci is laughing. Then William smirks.

"How about a few jars for the wife. She definitely could get some use out of it. Hell might even be able to get a kid or two out of it if you got a decent turkey baster........"

Well security is restraining DA Reynolds who is very angry and very pissed off.

"Did I hit a nerve? Does your widdle pee pee not get hard anymore?"

"I AM GOING TO GET YOU BROUGHT BACK HERE THEN I WILL MAKE YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN JAIL YOU FUCKIN PIECE OF SHIT!!!"

They restrain him and the laughter from William and Denise is only pissing him off more.

"Phillip can you offer him some water in a sippy cup. I wouldn't want the dumb ass to have a heart attack."

Denise looks to be angry as she starts screaming again.

"IS THIS A FUCKIN JOKE TO YOU YOU ASSHOLE!!!"

The smirk is gone from William's face now. He is staring at Denise with anger and contempt.

"Sorry Traci my language is going to be very colorful in a few minutes. You know I could have just let you rot in jail Denise. I was pissed off enough to do it because I hated you. You are the most vile evil selfish cunt I have ever met. You have destroyed over 500 lives just because you felt you were entitled to a 10 inch dick. How about I walk you through what you did bitch."

"WHAT I DID??! YOU BLEW UP MY WORLD AND PUT ME IN JAIL!!!"

"Day one when you dropped this wanting to try out a 10 inch dick on me I had to leave. I went to my office to avoid murder charges because at that point I was thinking seriously about the till death do us part escape option."

"It was no big deal you bastard!"

"I am a paranoid guy because I have had cheating exes before. You know that. You ever reflect on how I knew everything immediately? I had everything. Your chats. Your private conversations with Roxanne. The pics she sent you of Marc's dick. The pics and video of Roxanne riding that dick. It took me less then a day to get into Marc's phone. Still because I loved you I tried to save our marriage. Remember your ring tone being changed to Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry?"

Denise nods.

"How about when you bitched about me not saving supper for you and hearing me saying I don't believe in sharing. How about when I wore the accountant's visor and got the checklist out. I'm there with the spectacles on and the pencil and as you blathered on. You went through the entire fucking checklist that cheaters use to justify their affairs. THE... ENTIRE... FUCKING... LIST..."

Traci starts laughing.

"All the shit you give me for cheating on your father and you are a cheater yourself."

"Oh it gets better. Denise you go through the whole cheater's playbook thinking the fuckin world owes you a 10 inch cock princess. Yet here is the thing that pissed me off the most that night. The second I mention going over to your mother's you got upset. I use your arguments and you have none of it even threatening my life. When we were at her apartment listening to you rant and rave about killing the both of us you never for one second thought this was on you for asking to ride Herpes Howie's 10 inch dick. Traci how many times did you get divorced again?"

"4 times."

"I am assuming Denise knew this. Yet Denise thought I'd accept it when your father and 3 other men didn't. Is she mentally impaired in anyway to believe she has special rules and privileges?"

"I do not think that asshole!!"

"Wednesday is a day that may or may not have had blood and bullets added to Marc's car. Reynolds you might want to take notes. You have been pretty fuckin useless here so far."

DA Reynolds stands up pissed.

"I am going to get you extradited and when you get back I am going to make sure you are put behind bars. See how cocky you think you are then asshole."

"Phillip does the DA part stand for Dumb Ass? He is threatening me in front of 3 witnesses and 2 video cameras. When you get put in jail for threats you will look at the cups of sperm I offered you as the best cup of sperm you will be swallowing from this point on. I even had pineapple added to the drinks to improve the flavor. Hell I'll send you a bottle of mouthwash every week."

With that DA Reynolds leaves the room.

"Dumb ass. Speaking of asses. Next thing you do is offering me your ass to let you fuck a 10 inch dick like I have ever had the urge to marinate my penis in feces. I have had no interest in anal...."

Traci is clearing her throat trying to get William's attention. He turns to her.

"Ummmmm. We did anal last night."

"We did?"

"Yeah."

"Seriously?"

"You wrecked my pussy jackhammering my G-Spot with your tongue. I passed out 4 times."

"It was only 2 times."

"No. My eyes might have been open but I was out."

"Oh."

"After that I couldn't form a coherent thought or talk. It was the only hole left that you didn't wreck. There is no need to worry about feces. I knew that we were going to have sex so I made sure I was prepared. Only a skank has anal sex without cleaning first...."

After that comment they both turn towards Denise and look at her.

"FUCK YOU MOM!!!"

"Then you said you were talking with Traci. Not your mother of course so I started guessing which one and pointed out they were all divorced or the guy left them. Still no self reflection on your point. When I mention about getting used to the idea of us having an open marriage you exploded again saying you were somehow entitled to it princess. The next day I was talking to my lawyer. This was Thursday."

William grabs his Moosehead beer and starts taking a drink.

"Remember what I told you Thursday night Pookie Bear?"

"Yeah you said you were talking to a lawyer and I told you we were not getting a divorce."

"The engine started smoking and now you ignored the check engine light beeping. I told you there would be consequences and again Princess Denise thought rules don't apply to her. I told you the shit storm would be biblical. Then as you left with that French Maid outfit I gave you one more warning about consequences. Sinking in who fucked up yet Princess?"

Denise drops her head.

"You have destroyed lives and families. You could have prevented it but Princess Denise was entitled to have a 10 inch cock. You know Marc was violently murdered because one of the wives he banged was married to the nephew of a mob boss right?"

"YOU KILLED HIM!!! You vengeful prick you killed him!!"

"He took videos of himself banging the wife of a mob boss's nephew. That was a Darwin Award. That was all on him. Sooner or later he was going to fuck the wrong wife. It isn't like he is a football player picking up some guy's skank wife. He is a walking STD in an advertising agency banging moronic sluts. You were wife 58. You know his son is now growing up without a father right? This is because you had to unleash the shit storm. Every milestone his son is going to have is going to be without his dad because Princess had to ride a 10 inch dick."

"It is not my fault!!"

"What about Roxanne. You feel any guilt for her life being destroyed."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Oh you don't know. Let me fill you in on what happened to your bestie. I forwarded the E-Mails to her husband and the video. Lance was pissed. He beat the hell out of her. Broke her jaw. Knocked out several teeth. Orbital bone cracked and she partially lost vision in her left eye. He broke her arm. But it was just one night right. It doesn't mean anything. I'm sure he got a kick out of the two of you bragging about him being a dumb ass eating her cream pies."

"She never did that!"

"Sorry. My bad. I was kind of pissed off at the cunt for destroying my marriage. There might have been chats added about him feeding him cream pies. I never met her husband Lance. Apparently he has anger issues. Then again she fucked around and found out. Her face will never look normal again. But it is just one night and Lance owed it to her right."

"YOU MONSTER!!!"

"Really? 58 marriages ended. 95 kids in broken homes. 6 wives in the hospital from angry husbands. Marc is dead. Roxanne has been permanently maimed. Lance is in the hospital for attempted murder. You are in jail for murder. I left the country presumed dead by a bat shit crazy cunt of a wife. All this because you were hell bent on riding a 10 inch cock no matter the consequences. Still think it is no big deal Pookie Bear?"

"It was just one night. Some sex that meant nothing. You destroyed everything over nothing."

"By the way I defended you."

"What are you talking about?"

"In the comments on you PornHub video they said you were a whore taking on a 10 inch dick in reverse cowgirl anal without wincing in the slightest. I said you were just a brain dead skank and not a whore."

Traci coughs.

"Ummmmmmmm William that isn't true."

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't you say the profits from the 1.3 million views on her PornHub video are going into an account in her name?"

"Good point. Your mom is correct Denise. You are getting paid for riding a 10 inch penis so you are a whore."

"I....... AM........ NOT........ A........ WHORE!!!!!"

"Well Pookie Bear. You are getting paid to ride a guy's dick. You can call it empowerment or however you want to spin it. I don't know what Feminists call sex for money these days. Oh I have some good news for you. I can answer a question Herpes Henry asked you.

William starts playing a video on his phone. There is a lot of slapping of flesh and you can hear Denise moaning. Then you hear a slap before you hear Marc's voice saying "Who's your daddy slut!". After that William stops the clip.

"Have you noticed your mother's hand during this Denise?"

Traci holds up her hand and the large engagement ring. Denise is staring in shock and a bit of horror. Phillip is choking on his water. You really think he would know better then to be drinking anything during this meeting.

"We are getting married. That reminds me Phillip. I need a pretty rigid pre nup drawn up. I don't expect Traci to cheat but there are 4 other guys that thought the same thing."

"I'm sorry sweetie but William doesn't think you should be at our wedding."

"In all fairness Pookie Bear you are kind of old to be a flower girl. Besides it wouldn't be good to have a porn star Ex-Wife there."

"And we aren't sure if you will be out of jail in time to be here."

"So the answer to "Who's your daddy slut?" is pretty simple."

William smiles looking at Denise.

"I'm your daddy slut."

They are laughing and shut off the web cam. The rest of the meeting is just the legal process of getting Denise released from jail. There is a blank look on her face. She knew she was going to have a rough day. Her Ex-Husband is alive. Apparently her friend Roxanne had her face mauled by her husband. A video of her riding Marc's cock has over 1.3 million views. Her mother is marrying her Ex-Husband. If that isn't bad enough. She was topless with her tits glazed with his semen that apparently has a pineapple flavor.

##### ##### ##### #####

After the video conference ends

##### ##### ##### #####

As soon as the feed ends William goes from a cocky asshole to a man devastated. That was the performance he had to give though. He was projecting all the confidence he could to the point of being the biggest asshole in the world. Traci turns and looks at William.

"How are you doing William?"

"That was tougher then I thought it would be."

"I know. I'm sitting here topless in front of my daughter and my tits are glazed with her ex-husband's semen. I've made shitty choices in my life but I always thought myself a good mother."

"It wasn't on you. She made the choices and lit the matches that burned so many worlds down."

Traci looks at William with a bit of trepidation.

"Did you get Roxanne hospitalized and mauled by her husband?"

William lowers his head and shakes it.

"I had no idea he was going to snap on her. I hated the bitch and I poured gas on the fire to make sure he divorced her but I had no idea he had a psychotic temper."

"Kind of figured."

To lighten the mood she smiles.

"So are you really going to make me sign a pre nup?"

They are both laughing now.

"Well you do have a track record. I don't think you will cheat but as you can tell by my recent divorce I am a poor judge of character."

"She does love you. She just made a very stupid choice."

"Yeah but I could never trust her and to be honest based on the shit I pulled she would be nuts to trust me. That isn't a marriage and after all those warnings she didn't value the marriage and nuked it. That hurt a lot."

"She is going to start piecing this together you know."

"Yeah. If I didn't rub her face in it she would keep trying to get me back. I need her to understand the hate I had and the hurt of being betrayed. Though I still think she is too old to be a flower girl."

Traci giggles.

"After my last marriage she said she wasn't going to any more weddings."

"If you want to be truly fucked up we can have her be a surrogate mother for our kids."

Traci was not expecting that and is lucky she was still picking up her glass and not drinking yet.

"Yeah can you imagine the parent teacher conference. What has William Jr. done now?"

"Then you have to explain to the councilor that you are his adoptive mother. His mother is your daughter and I am both his father and grandfather. And if that isn't Maury enough your husband is her ex husband and I am her step father."

"I think the councilor would start drinking on the spot while calling CPS."

With that they go back to drinking and laughing.

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The wrap up

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Denise gets freed with a 47 million dollar check from the state 17 days later. When she gets out there is a house that has been set up with all her furniture. She is both lost and angry.

After she gets a few days to get adjusted there is a knock on the door. It is her mother Traci. At first Denise starts attacking and yelling then that anger burns out and she starts collapsing sobbing on her mothers shoulder.

There isn't really too much that can be done at this time. Traci takes Denise into the house and they start the first of many long talks.

By the time Denise starts returning to normal a couple psychiatrists will be launching their new boats in Lake Huron.

Denise manages to fix her relationship with both her mother and Ex-husband.

The complicated thing is when Denise decides she wants a child and approaches William to be the father. After the 3 of them talk it over they decide to go consult a lawyer to adjust the pre nup to allow this. Though to be honest Phillip's reaction was a mixture of WTF and seriously WTF. Still it was amended to allow Denise as a sex partner.

It gets better though. Traci was there for the conception helping with the clean ups and even offering her services as a fluffer to get William up for multiple rounds. Denise had to be reminded you can't get pregnant by anal. Can't blame a girl for trying though. Oh the exception in the pre nup allows Traci the same level of intimacy to be fair. While I do not have an opinion on incest with consenting adults Montreal, Quebec is now Liberty City, New France so it wouldn't be the first state to allow incest.

The child of Denise and William would be female and named Avril after the wife of a famous Canadian Artist. Yeah that artist. What can go wrong. Thank goodness they can afford therapy. And she gets a lot of presents for her birthdays. Two presents from her father and grandfather in law William. Two presents from her mother and step sister Denise. Two presents from her step mother and grandmother Traci.

I generally don't drink but wrapping my head around this makes me want to put a quadruple shot of Bailey's in my Ice Capp.

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Fish tales and beers

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There are 4 men on a fishing boat on Lake Huron. You can hear laughter across the lake as one of them is talking.

"...................... And then he said "How many do you want? You look like a guy that would be able to use a jar of semen or 5. I've been having some pineapple fruity drinks so I'm labeling them Pineapple Surprise.". I thought I was going to pee myself trying to hold in the laughter."

"I would have loved to see the look on Reynold's face."

"Hell I got the video on my cell phone Bruce."

Phillip gets out the cell phone and loads up the clip.

(( "So Reynolds how many of these jars do you need?"

"What do you mean? I can see with my own eyes you are alive."

"Well you managed to put a woman in jail for murder without seeing a body. Or any evidence of a shooting. How many do you want? You look like a guy that would be able to use a jar of semen or 5. I've been having some pineapple fruity drinks so I'm labeling them Pineapple Surprise."

You can see DA Reynolds getting angry. Phillip is trying his hardest to keep a straight face. Traci is laughing. Then William smirks. ))

They are laughing their asses off.

"He was PISSED."

"His blood pressure had to be through the roof."

"I've gotta get a copy of that clip Phillip. My wife would never believe the story."

"Hell I don't believe the story and I was there. I'll give you guys DVDs of the meeting. I must have printed off a ten thousand of these at least. My old professor called me cursing when he got his copy. He nearly choked on his coffee when he saw William."

Matt gets the 3 men another beer.

"Why?"

"I nearly choked on my water when it started and he appeared. And I was warned not to be drinking when it started. He had on a T-Shirt. It is a naked Peter North from the waist up. It says "glazing titties since the 80s.". And that was before he even said a word. That kinda set the tone and Reynolds was pissed."

"Yeah he is kind of an uptight self absorbed dip shit. Never liked the prick."

"No one does Dave. And he started taunting Reynolds out of the gate. Get this. He has that shit eating smirk and a Peter North T-Shirt and opens with this. "Mr. Reynolds. A man with a goatee is either an evil version of someone or Tony Stark. As far as I can tell you are an incredibly stupid jackass running an office of even dumber idiots. Since you are not very bright. I'll help you out. I am not Tony Stark.". Seriously. He started off with that."

They keep talking about that meeting and drinking. They might have done some fishing as well. I don't think they caught anything. Luckily they are drinking Budweiser so there is not enough alcohol content in the case of beer to get a toddler drunk. If it was a Canadian beer they might have been 3 sheets to the wind but when you are stuck drinking Budweiser you might as well be drinking Mexican tap water.

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End of story wrap up

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This story was created in July 13, 2024 and the location was intended to be something ridiculous like a Sharknado. Well Satire got made reality. I can't really rewrite it now because no matter how ridiculous and over the top I think something is it will just become the next Tuesday.

This was intended to be a 750 word story with 2 or 3 alternate endings of various BTB levels. It just kept wandering and going in different directions. Before edits it is now over 19,000. I had fun with it then as I came up with more ideas I had more fun with it.

I intend to send this to Hooked1957 before posting since it is kind of a tribute. Hopefully there will not be any objection to anything regarding the Traci references. There is a story on why so many of the cheating wives in his stories are named Traci. I promised not to share it and I think it is a tradition worth keeping alive. And I enjoy his work a lot and he has a lot of good stories. I have 79 stored on my PSP to reread and stories I have reread.

Update: I got permission from Hooked1957. I didn't figure there would be any snags.

These are the stories I referenced written by Hooked1957. They are ones I enjoyed.

A Long Time Coming

Story Info - Early disappointment doesn't foreshadow later success.

Hooked1957

Blinded By Love

Story Info - She pushes her advantage too far.

Hooked1957

"Clueless Bob" Gets Clued In

Story Info - Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Hooked1957

Nine Months Too Long a Wait

Story Info - Fidelity goes out the window when Marine leaves country.

Hooked1957

You Think That's a Slut Story?

Story Info - Idle gossip tips man off to wife's longtime affair.

Hooked1957