Crossed Lines PT 13: The Day After

// Lacey's Perspective //

I woke up, hung over, staring at the ceiling with a sore vagina and full of regret.

What have I done?

Did last night really happen? Did I really just cheat on my husband? Every time I blinked, I saw Rick, the guy I slept with last night.

I wasn't that drunk when it happened, but I wish I was. The memory of his fingers digging into my hips was so fresh. Was it bruised, I wondered?

Terrified, I lifted the bed sheet to take a look at my body. I was in nothing but my panties, but I could see a very slight black and blue mark where his fingers were when he lifted me. Fuck, I wish I didn't bruise so easily.

I reached for my neck, anxiously. Did he leave a mark there when his lips kissed me?

I was so ashamed of last night, but when I reimagined what happened, it made me feel so conflicted. I liked the act of our sex, but I didn't like the context. I like putting my mouth all over him in his body, but I didn't like that it wasn't my husband.

What kind of person does that? What kind of wife?

I slowly got out of my bed and peeked outside into the kitchen and living room. Aiden wasn't there, he, or maybe Bri, was in their office.

I was starting to panic about having to face the music. When should I tell him? How should I tell him?

This is gonna devastate him, this is gonna devastate us, this is gonna devastate me.

Should I just tell him immediately and rip the Band-Aid off? Or maybe I should wait till later tonight or tomorrow maybe when things settle a bit between us?

I really didn't know how I would say it to him, but I didn't have a plan, and my thinking was all over the place and erratic.

There was no way that he's not gonna notice that there's something up with me. He notices when I am in the slightest of moods, so he'll definitely know that something's off.

God, how can I buy myself some more time?

I started to recall moments of last night, to try and get a sense of what happened and how to explain myself.

I remember being upset at him for ignoring me. I wasn't even a third wheel last night, I was completely tossed aside. It honestly made me feel like shit.

I guess a part of what happened was his fault too, right?

If she hadn't been so caught up in his female persona, and even just paid a little bit of attention to me or included me somehow in the night, then I would've never met Rick.

Even if I did meet Rick, Bri would have been there and I couldn't have scurried off with him.

I would've never had to leave the club alone or worry about my phone dying.

There is a series of events that all could've been avoided if my husband didn't act so self-centered last night.

I wanted to blame him more for what led to my adultery, but I knew it wasn't right.

But maybe I could use some of his behavior last night against him to buy myself some more time. I know I know, it's really shitty of me. But I just need time to process all this.

I tiptoed into the kitchen for a glass of water, hoping I could get back into the safety of the bedroom.

Aidan must've heard me moving around because out he came. My heart started racing.

He entered quietly, wearing an oversized hoodie and sweatpants, his medium length hair pulled back in a messy bun. His face was bare. No makeup, no contour, no gloss. Just Aiden.

A part of me wished he was dressed as Bri. I would've much rather had to face her this morning than my husband.

He was fully in guy mode. He looked like a ghost. I felt guilty for how he looked, almost as if I had done that to him. He was so skinny in that outfit... one that used to fit him. I didn't realize how much weight he must've lost until seeing him wearing clothes he used to wear.

"Hi," he said softly, but in his male voice.

"Hey," I answered, barely able to meet his eyes.

He slowly strolled into the kitchen, as I stood there next to the kitchen island with my glass of water.

I felt terrified that I was about to have to answer for my absence last night. Terrified that he'd ask me more details about where I was from 2 to 5 AM in the morning. Terrified that I'd have to admit to having another man's cock in my mouth.

I was just waiting for it, waiting for his questions and waiting to figure out what kind of excuse or response I might give him. I still didn't have a plan.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he slowly sat down on the stool on the opposite side of the kitchen island.

"Fine," I said sharply, a little surprised at the underlying but subtle tone of anger that came out in my response.

Aiden sensed my tone and looked down, expressing shame.

"I'm sorry about last night," he spoke again quietly, but looking down this time.

I could, since he was feeling his own version of shame for his behavior and, like an asshole I jumped on it. I took advantage of him in that moment.

"Oh, you're sorry?" I replied, like a stern school teacher. "About what exactly?"

I could tell he was struggling to figure out the words as he began fidgeting and chipping away at his painted fingernails.

I felt horrible seeing him like this. He looked so different from how I normally see him. His thinly plucked eyebrows weren't penciled in nicely. He had hints of makeup still on his face, and his plumped lips were bare with no lipstick or shiny lip gloss.

"I'm sorry for forgetting about you," he finally said.

Although I should be the one apologizing and begging for forgiveness, I was strong enough. I took a cheap way out, the shameful way.

"Forgetting about me? It was way worse than that," I said sternly, unfairly keeping the pressure on him. "I was humiliated, Aiden. You didn't just forget, you ignored me all night while flirting with someone right in front of me. I couldn't watch anymore so I left."

"I know, I'm so sorry," he said, shaking his head.

"I thought we were going to have a fun night together," I said, "But instead I left to fend for myself while you and Tom had your own intimate night together."

"It wasn't intimate, Lacey," he said defensively, "I swear, it wasn't anything like that. It didn't mean anything."

I raised an eyebrow.

"It didn't mean anything?" I asked rhetorically. "Because it looked like you were glued to his side. I watched you. You two were laughing and smiling together. You looked like you two were a couple."

He hesitated, then said, "It was nothing, Lacey... I swear."

"Nothing?" I asked firmly. "You ignored me all night for something that meant nothing to you?"

He looked down, his chipped nail polish catching the light. His hands trembled slightly.

"I meant there was nothing between me and Tom," he said weakly.

"Nothing? You're telling me there was absolutely nothing going on?" I asked accusingly. "Even after we tease the idea of you calling dibs on him? After all that talk about getting a drink bought for you?"

He opened his mouth about to say something before I cut him off.

"I was upset at you for what was going on last night, but I'm actually getting even more upset at the fact that you're trying to pretend like nothing was happening," I said with a harsh tone. "I don't like this feeling where you're telling me it was nothing after a night where he bought you drink after drink."

Aiden just stood there defeated. He knew there was truth to what I said, and that's where I felt I caught him in a lie.

"Look, I don't need you to tell me there's nothing going on to make me feel better," I exclaimed. " I just don't like it that you're in so much denial about something so obvious. It's like you're lying to me or gaslighting me into thinking that I shouldn't trust my own eyes or my own intuition."

Aiden kinda just sat still for a minute, looking like he was trying to figure out what to say. I sort of had him right where I wanted, on the defense.

"So did he get your number?" I asked, hoping he would say yes, so I could continue selfishly berating him.

He let out a slow and long sigh before responding, "Yea."

I shook my head in disappointment, shocking myself at what I had become. No wonder cheaters are so awful, I realized. They become even worse versions of themselves after the adultery.

"So what now? Tom's gonna text you, thinking he's texting some girl when instead he's texting some skinny dude who paints his nails and never leaves the house?"

That was pretty harsh, I know. I was surprised to hear those words leave my mouth. I wanted to punch something and he was the nearest hypothetical punching bag.

But it gave me no relief. Instead, I felt more shameful watching an almost malnourished version of my husband feel guilt for something minor in comparison to what I had done.

I should be the one getting berated. I'm the one who made a series of poor judgment calls. I'm the one who let another man carry me to his bed and put his dick inside me.

As I stared at my husband's faded eyeliner I couldn't help but wish he were Bri right now. It would be so much easier to face her this morning.

So I asked him, just to see what he would say, "Do you think Bri would be more honest with me?"

"Bri? What do you mean?" He responded, finally looking up at me.

"Yea, the girl you like to dress up as," I said rudely. "Maybe she'll tell me what's going on. What do you think?"

Aiden looked a little dumbfounded, unsure of what to say. He stayed silent.

"Do you think she would tell me it was nothing? That there was nothing going on between her and Tom?" I prodded. "I know how exciting she gets talking about guys hitting on her."

"I don't know what to say, Lacey," he said, looking defeated.

I wondered if he would dress up in his female persona if I told him to. I still had the chastity key, so technically, according to our agreement I was still in charge, right?

But would he listen? Do the rules of this weird kink we've been exploring still apply during a tiff like this?

I guess this would be the time to test it out, to see if it transcends the ups and downs of our relationship dynamic.

"Do you like dressing up like Bri? Be honest," I asked.

"Yea, I sort of do," he said, quietly.

"Sort of? Ha!" I laughed, "I think it's more than 'sort of.' You have lip fillers and more sets of lipstick than I do, Aiden."

I could feel him shying away from the conversation.

"Yea, I guess I do like it, more than I'd like to admit," he stated.

"Is that why you spoil me with cooked meals and a clean house," I started asking, "So you get to dress up more without me saying anything?"

"Yea, a little bit," he said, nervously.

"You know what?" I said, with a bit more bite, "If you like dressing up so much, go get dressed."

"What?" He asked, blinking quickly.

"I said, 'If you like dressing up so much, go get dressed,'" I repeated, pointing toward his office.

Aiden looked at me, uneasy and a bit stunned.

"Well?" I said, my eyes locked on him. "What are you waiting for?"

"Lacey... I don't think now would be a good time," he pleaded.

My expression hardened and my voice grew sharp. I couldn't have him pushing back on me right now in my delicate state.

"You really think I care if you want to play dress-up or not right now?" I snapped with my arms crossed.

Aiden flinched. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. His face was pale, eyes wide, lips slightly parted.

"Do you think you can just become Bri whenever you want and then when you fuck up, you can just switch back to Aiden like nothing happened?" I continued.

"No, I... I don't think that. I'm sorry you feel that way," Aiden finally said as he slowly rose from the stool he sat in.

"I feel that way because that's what's happening. I've never seen you transform from Bri to Aiden so quickly overnight." I shook my head and stepped back.

"I never really thought about it that way, but I can see where you're coming from," Aiden said.

"You can't just hide Bri when you do something shitty," I said, looking sternly at him.

"That's not what I'm doing," Aiden replied, pushing back on my assertion.

"Oh really? That's not what you're doing?"I said more as a statement than a question. "You know what? I'm not having this conversation with you anymore. I'm tired of you acting like none of this is going on when it's clear as day, Aiden. Go get dressed right now."

Aiden slumped away, walking awkwardly into the bedroom.

"And don't half-ass it either," I said, just before he walked through the door. "I want you to put in just as much effort getting ready for me as you would for Tom."

// Bri's Perspective //

Her words stung, but you know what? I was relieved she didn't stop me from crossdressing ever again. I was almost certain she would take that away from me, from never dressing up as Bri.

It would have made sense if she did that. I let this hobby get out of control. For christ's sake, I have hormones coming in the mail from Planned Parenthood! What partner would be OK with any of this?!

I consider myself pretty lucky.

But even with all that going on I felt so conflicted as I shuffled my way into the bedroom. On the one hand I loved dressing up as Bri, but on the other hand I felt like I needed to be Aiden to focus on our relationship.

I entered the bedroom and lingered for a moment, staring blankly at the closet, waiting for that excitement to kick in every time I started dressing up.

Like muscle memory I turned on a girly playlist, the one I only listen to when I'm Bri. Soft indie-pop, feminine voices, something gentle that aligns with the mindset I'm getting into.

I grabbed a towel, a set of pink sweats, and my wig before heading quickly into the bathroom. There I stared at my reflection. Aiden looked like shit. I barely slept and I was a little hungover. I was puffy-eyed, pale, my brows were uneven and my lips dry.

I clicked the can of shaving cream and started with my face. I only had one laser hair removal treatment, so some stubble was starting to show. I then shaved my chest, arms, and legs. Every motion made me feel better, like I was shaving off the ick.

After a quick shower I wrapped the towel tightly around my flat chest, like a woman would. My body always felt awkward after I shaved. It felt soft in a way that made me self-conscious but euphoric at the same time. I dried off and slipped into the pink sweats I'd laid out earlier. They were loose, cozy, and just enough of a buffer while I did my makeup.

I started with moisturizer, feeling the cool sensation set into my raw skin. My foundation looked a little cakey, probably because I was dehydrated. So I grabbed a concealer and carefully dabbed it under my eyes. Each layer brought Bri back to life a little.

I took my time with the brows. They weren't perfect, but I reshaped them with a soft pencil, brushing them upward and giving myself a young and innocent wide-eyed look.

A little blush on my cheeks for some color, soft eyeliner to draw attention to the eyes, then two coats of mascara. For the lips I went with something subtle and pink, a gloss that made my lips look soft and cute.

Then came the hair.

I used clips to tamp down my medium length hair before slipping on the wig, adjusting the inner strap until it fit snug. I pinned it down in the right places, fluffed the curls, and spritzed it lightly with a conditioning mist. It smelled like strawberries and vanilla, Bri's scent. I didn't even realize how much comfort that smell gave me until I caught it in the air.

I took a step back to give myself a once-over in the mirror. There she was... me. My makeup was subtle, quiet, maybe a little fragile, but it felt perfect. I tilted my head and touched the edge of my wigline, smoothing it down. I puckered my lips, not out of vanity, but as a final check.

Lacey wouldn't be mean to me looking like this, right?

I slipped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Lacey didn't say anything as she sat on a stool by the kitchen island.

In the underwear drawer I grabbed a light peach colored panty and bra set. I slipped them on and then stuffed the bra with some breast forms that gave me a nice simple B-cup.

I opened the closet door and found a cream linen sundress with frilly straps. I loved how girly it made me look, especially with the frilly straps that feminized my shoulders. I slipped it on, feeling it slid over my freshly shaved skin. I zipped the side and let it hang naturally. It fit tight and was a bit elastic around my chest, showing off my bust.

It had just enough shape to make me feel feminine without being clingy. Then I adjusted the straps and twirled once, slowly in front of the mirror.

I then put on some cute knee high socks over my smooth womanly legs before slipping my feet into white shoes with ankle straps.

I love ankle straps on a shoe. Buckling them felt like I was locked in somehow. Like I was committed.

I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked pretty and adorable. It must have been intentional, to dress myself in such an innocent way as to avoid any more of Lacey's wrath.

It also felt so comforting, like my safe space.

I lingered for a moment, hands at my sides, just breathing into the mirror.

I then started to worry about what Lacey said about Bri being more honest than Aiden. Will she pester me with questions? I wondered.

In a lot of ways she wasn't wrong about the honesty part. I guess I just felt embarrassed, in guy mode, admitting that I was desperately trying to pass as a woman by flirting with a straight guy.

I couldn't admit it. I couldn't smile about it, or blush, or look shy about it, the way Bri can.

I took a deep breath, feeling the bra tighten around me before heading into the kitchen. I gently tapped my nails on the door as I opened it, already posing without thinking. One leg slightly bent, shoulders soft, chin tilted to the side.

Lacey turned to look at me. She assessed me up and down. To my relief her expression softened.

"What do you think?" I asked gently, offering a smile that I hoped said, I'm innocent and helpless. Please don't hate me.

I wanted her approval so bad.

"You look really stunning," she said, surprising me.

"Thanks," I said quietly, shifting my weight like a bashful teen. I wanted to ask her what she liked most. Was it the dress? The curls? The pink lip gloss? But I knew better.

"Are you gonna make breakfast for me?" she asked, tone clipped and casual, like a manager.

"Of course," I said, already turning.

I liked the task, the assignment. Bri could cook, and she was confident doing so.

I leaned into that confidence, it felt good. I wrapped an apron tight around my waist and went to work.

I made eggs, avocado toast with goat cheese and sliced tomatoes. I then poured some juice and served Lacey.

"Thanks," she said, without looking up from her computer.

"Anything else I can get for you?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "I just wish you were this considerate last night."

My heart clenched.

"I know, Lacey," I said calmly. "I wish I could have a redo. Or at least a way to make it up to you."

"You want to make it up to me?" she asked, finally looking up at me. "How?"

I stood frozen for a second, like she wanted me to come up with an answer right away.

"I don't know yet," I said, speaking fully like a girl, higher pitched and soft.

Lacey tapped a few keys on her laptop, then stopped. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. Her face didn't move. But I could feel the weight of her attention.

"Maybe I can plan our next vacation?" I suggested. "We could go to a resort hotel, maybe somewhere in Vegas so we don't have to travel far. Or if we did a staycation? I could find us a nice place locally that has a pool and room service."

"A pool?" Lacey replied. "But you don't even have a swimsuit."

Her reply confused me at first. What does she mean by swimsuit?

"I have several pair of swim trunks," I replied with some confusion in my voice.

"I'm talking about something for Bri," she answered.

I blinked. "... Oh."

"Something like a one-piece. So you can wear your breast forms underneath."

That caught me completely off guard. "Oh," I said again, quieter this time.

She saw it land. I could tell. Her eyes sharpened, just a little.

"Maybe something with a frilly strap," she continued. "And you'll need a good cover-up for when we go to the spa. We could get massages, facials... maybe even a couples mud bath. Wouldn't that be fun?"

She was testing me. She wasn't suggesting those things because she wanted them. She was waiting for me to push back.

So I asked, carefully, "Are you saying... you want me going as Bri?"

She leaned on the kitchen island and looked at me dead in the eyes.

"Who else would you go as?" She asked with condescension.

"I was thinking I'm going as Aiden, " I answered.

I shifted my weight to one leg, unconsciously softening my posture. I couldn't help but react by shifting my body to look smaller, gentler, and less of a target.

"Oh, so you think you can just switch back and forth?" she said, her tone stiff. "You can be a man one day and a woman the next, and then switch back whenever it's convenient for you?"

"No," I replied carefully. "That's not what I was intending."

"Well, that's what it seems like. It seems like you think you can have all the fun parts of being a girl," she went on, "and skip out on the hard parts."

Her tone had sharpened. I felt the heat behind it. I didn't know how to respond, so I stayed silent. I looked down, my fingers brushing the hem of my dress.

"It's almost like you want all the benefits of being a woman and all the benefits of being a man," she said, "with none of the consequences of either."

I hadn't realized it until then, but... that's basically what I'd been doing.

"Oh my gosh, you're right," I finally admitted. "I didn't realize that."

"Do you see where I'm coming from now?" Lacey asked.

"Yeah. I've been such a dick, taking advantage of things like that--stringing you along for the ride."

"I really didn't mind it until last night. Normally, when you're Bri, you treat me really well--way better than Aiden does."

"I know. I'm sorry. And you're right--Aiden could definitely treat you better," I said. And to my own surprise, I added, "You're so out of his league."

Lacey looked up at me with a glint of prideful curiosity. "Oh, you think so?"

"Uh, yeah. And he knows it," I replied--speaking like I wasn't him.

"Oh, does he now?"

"Yeah, of course. He's getting the way better end of this deal," I said. "You're a catch, Lacey. A total babe. If you were single, I bet you could get with any guy you wanted."

Lacey looked away uncomfortably before glancing back up at me. "Yeah, but he's my guy."

I wasn't sure why I went in this direction, but it felt like it was helping loosen her rigidness. The way she said he's my guy almost sounded like she was coming to my defense. So maybe if I kept picking on my male persona, she'd go a little softer on me.

"I guess," I replied, playfully dismissive. "But he's really not much of a guy, is he? And I'm not just talking about when he's playing dress-up and pretending to be a girl."

"Oh? Tell me how you really feel," Lacey said, her eyebrows rising in interest. "No, seriously--keep going."

I shifted on my heels, toying with the hem of my dress again. I could feel Lacey watching me like she was waiting to see how far I'd go. Maybe part of her was daring me to say it all out loud.

So I did.

"I mean... he's scrawny," I said, with a breathy little laugh.

"Oh?" Lacey tilted her head, eyes glinting like this was getting good. "Go on."

I bit my lip, my voice dropping just a little more. "I just think he's punching above his weight with you."

"That part might be true," Lacey said, smirking.

"Sometimes I don't know what you see in him," I said, really digging into myself with that one. "And don't get me started on his style."

"I wasn't going to," she teased. "But you're already there, so..."

I rolled my eyes playfully, but kept going. "So boring! I mean his wardrobe is just t-shirts and hoodies and jeans that don't fit. His closet is so sad... No wonder he wants to dress like a girl all the time."

"Yeah, he doesn't have much of a fashion sense," she replied.

"Not at all," I said with a disgusted look. "I mean his clothes basically hide how scrawny he is, like could he even protect you? The guy you were talking to at the bar last night, he's pretty masculine... he looks like someone--"

Lacey abruptly interrupted me and said, "You know I think I know of a way Aiden can make it up to me."

She cocked her head slightly and looked at me a little different.

"Oh really?" I asked with some enthusiasm. "What is it?"

"I think I'll have him go away for a bit," she replied with a subtle and mischievous smile. "How about you grab all of his things and put them downstairs in the storage unit."

I tried remaining enthused by her suggestion and responded with, "Oh, good idea."

"I'm serious," she said with less of a smile. "All of those bland shirts and his basic jeans and shoes--all that stuff get it out of here."

I wasn't sure how to respond, considering I just shit talked my entire male wardrobe.

"Ok," I said, willfully ignorant.

I hadn't even thought about how long she might want me to leave my stuff down there or any of the other implications that something like this could mean.

"Well?" Lacey said looking directly into my eyes, "What are you waiting for? Grab some of our tote bags and storage bins and get to work."

"Ok," I said, again, as I left the kitchen and approached my office.

I paused in front of the closet for a full minute, staring at my guy clothes. The drab colors and the oversized fabric that no longer fit me hung loosely on their hangers.

I felt sort of numb as I started emptying out my closet and cabinet. It was like I was moving out, or more like Aiden was moving out.

I pulled pieces down--hoodies, shirts, a couple old flannels, all those faded jeans with saggy knees. I folded them loosely, barely looking at what I was touching.

I filled up one bag, seeing my painted fingernails contrast so strongly against the bland colors of my guy clothes.

One bag, then another. Sneakers, belts, that old pair of boots with the worn heel. I stuffed everything into a bin, dragging it toward the front door. The apartment started to look neater with every load I removed. More girly, like two girls lived in this house as roommates.

Each time I passed the mirror, I caught a glimpse of her, of Bri. I loved how I looked. Soft curls, flushed cheeks, glossy pink lips. A light dress that floated around my thighs. It made the task feel surreal. Like I was cleaning out a stranger's closet while wearing his girlfriend's clothes.

It made me feel a bit disgusted at my guy clothes. They felt gross in my hands, in comparison.

I anxiously made my way down the hall, into the elevator, and down into the basement of the apartment building where the storage units were. By the time I carried the last bag down, my thin and increasingly delicate arms were sore. I stood in front of the storage unit, staring at the shut door as I locked all of Aiden's stuff inside.

It was both exciting and terrifying. How long was Lacey going to keep this going, I wondered?

Back upstairs, I found Lacey by the counter, scrolling her phone like nothing had changed.

"All done?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. "Everything's downstairs."

"Good," she held out her hand. "Now hand me the key."

"Oh, the storage key?" I asked.

She looked at me and motioned with her hand, "Yea, give it to me."

I handed it over, but felt like I was giving away a safety net. This felt more consequential, knowing I won't have any access.

"But Lacey, I barely have any shoes," I said, looking concerned.

She slid the key into her purse and said, "Go buy some. Don't you like shopping?"

"Wait, what about work?" I asked.

She paused. "What about it?"

"I have a weekly Zoom call at 10 tomorrow," I continued. "Team sync. My boss will be on. A few people I work with directly. I don't know how I'm supposed to... do this."

"Do what? Show up as Bri?" she said.

I ran a hand along my thigh, nails grazing the skin, feeling the pressure building behind my chest.

"Yeah," I whispered.

"Why not?" Her voice was light, like a forced casualness.

"I don't know what they'd say if I logged in like this. It would look so unprofessional," I said, trying to find a balance between calm and panic.

She shrugged, like she didn't care.

"Lacey," I said with worry in my voice, "I don't know what to say to them. I can't just show up like this without an explanation. And I can't tell them I'm a crossdresser showing up to work. That's not appropriate."

"No," she said. "Probably not."

"And I can't tell them you're making me do this," I added.

Lacey smirked. "No, definitely don't tell them that."

"I can't keep calling out sick, I've done that too many times," I said, panicked. "I'm seriously considering quitting my job without notice tomorrow. I just can't."j

"Calm down, they're not gonna fire you," she said, sounding more annoyed than reassuring.

"What if I tell them I lost a bet?" I said out loud.

"Ha!" Lacey gave out a laugh. "The level of skill you put into your makeup and hair is gonna give that away."

"You right... and then there's how I act," I continued, more to myself. "Do I use my normal voice? Do I try to sound more neutral? Because when I dress like this, I move different. I speak different. My whole vibe changes."

"Why are you so afraid of what they'll think?" she said with a smile that said she was enjoying watching me flail.

"I'm afraid they'll think I've lost my mind," I said. "Or that I'm doing this to become a woman... Oh god, and what if they ask me if I'm transitioning? I won't know what to say. 'No, I'm just... experimenting?' That wouldn't be professional."

Lacey looked very unconcerned about my situation. "So what's the plan?"

"I don't know..." I began, hoping she was only torturing me temporarily and would end this 'punishment' soon. "Worst case scenario... I'll tell them I'm trans. That's the only explanation that would even make sense to them. Like, if I told them I'm transitioning or something, they'd just... accept it. Right? And then when I go back to dressing as Aiden hopefully they won't say anything."

"Yea, they might not be allowed to say anything since you'd now be considered a protected class," Lacey chimed in. "Especially here in Portland."

Technically she was right, but that didn't make me feel any better.

I spent the rest of the day trying to act nice to Lacey so I could be on her good side. I kept looking at hints that she might end this punishment and let me retrieve my male clothes.

I kept myself busy by doing my glute workouts. I did an extra long routine which left my glute muscles feeling pretty sore. I then touched up my nail polish a little, and then redid the color on my toes.

It was honestly a pretty nice day as Bri because this was one of the first times in a long time that I felt like Lacey was completely 100% on board with me dressing like a woman. It didn't feel like I had to trick my way into doing it or look for an excuse to dress this way when she might not want me to.

As the day started to come to a close Lacey went on with her bedtime routine, and so did I, but with my female routine.

I found a set of red pajamas that I slipped on over my smooth body. I then washed the makeup off my face and set my wig down on the bathroom counter. Then I unclipped my medium length hair and tried to brush it out a little.

Lacey looked at me through the bathroom mirror and said, "Your hair's starting to get a little long. How do you think you'll style it?"

"I have no idea, but probably something androgynous," I said, not wanting to give away the idea that I've been intentionally growing it out.

"You think you'll stop wearing that wig once your hair is long enough?" Lacey asked inquisitively.

The way she was questioning me felt like she was catching on to that slow and gradual build up to me dressing up like a woman more and more.

"Oh, no, probably not," I said.

"I think even if you grew it out your forehead would give it away," Lacey stated, implying that I had a masculine forehead.

She wasn't wrong, a man's hairline is pretty distinct from a woman's.

"Unless you had bangs," Lacey added.

I instinctively combed my hair towards the front letting it fall over my forehead to see if bangs were even possible at my current hair length.

Lacey watched me do it and said, " Oh, you could get bangs right now. Like a fringe short-haired french bob kind of look. It would look so cute on you."

"Really?" I responded, surprised at how much I enjoyed her compliment.

I tugged at the length of my hair and thought about how I might look without having to wear a wig. A part of me really wanted to get a haircut like that but that would be way too feminine and it would be impossible for me to style it in a masculine way when I have to return as Aiden.

// Lacey's Perspective / Monday morning //

I woke up to the noise of the coffee grinder. I could hear my husband, dressed up like a woman with her heels click clacking in the kitchen.

I got up out of bed and began getting ready for work as Bri prepped breakfast for me like she always does when she's dressed like a woman.

There weren't that many words exchanged between us that morning. But I could tell she was anxious about work. I felt a little less guilty about what I was putting him through, even though I should be the one facing the consequences of my adultery.

I grabbed my purse and my briefcase then checked my keys to make sure I have both sets of keys to our storage locker downstairs. I didn't want Aiden to have access to his male clothing. I really wanted to push into his limit, to see how far he'd be willing to take his female persona. It also really helped me having to avoid facing him and my adultery.

"Have a good day at work," I said as I grabbed my bags and shut the door behind me leaving my husband in our apartment with nothing but women's clothing.

The work day went by normally. It was actually a good distraction to be able to focus on nothing but work instead of my biggest regret.

I wondered how Aiden, or Bri rather, was doing at home.

Did she actually go through with it and show up to work as a woman? I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't. But if that's the case I'll have to think up of some kind of consequence for her.

One of them is making her stay dressed up like a woman. Or maybe I can make her get that French bob pixie hair cut.

I don't know why I'm such a chicken. I'm making my husband go through all of these drastic changes and circumstances just so I don't have to admit to being a horrible person.

I continue to distract myself with work and before I knew it the end of the day had come. I headed home but stopped by our mailbox before coming up to our apartment unit.

There is a small package addressed to 'Bri', it was from a pharmacy. I wonder if these are those hormone pills she had to get when she got that diagnosis of gender dysphoria.

I wasn't sure how much of that story she told me was true. Did she really have to get these pills? or does she secretly want them? it doesn't seem like she wants to transition into a woman, but she definitely likes dressing up as one. I feel like she's just more obsessed with the transformation aspect rather than being a real woman full time.

But who knows--maybe she's not telling me something.

When I walked in through our apartment door that evening, it smelled like setting powder and rosewater. It smelled like Bri.

I dropped my bag by the entryway and kicked off my heels. I could hear soft footsteps from the bathroom and the creak of the vanity stool. I turned the corner, and there she was--curled hair, cinched waist, black skirt, and a tan shirt under an oversized cardigan. She was a little overdressed for a day at home, but clearly proud of the effort. Her eyes lit up when she saw me.

"So," I said, setting my keys on the counter, "how was Bri's first big day?"

She hesitated.

"I... called in sick," she finally said, her voice quiet, careful. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and didn't meet my eyes.

I tilted my head. "Seriously?"

"I panicked. I didn't know what to wear or what to say. I just... I couldn't do it today."

I stared at her for a second, letting her sit in that.

"You know you're going to have to show up eventually," I said, leaning against the doorway. "You might as well rip the Band-Aid off."

"I know," she whispered, looking away, legs crossed, makeup brush dangling loosely in her fingers.

I walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed a can of sparkling water. "So what'd you do all day, then?"

"Just... practiced," she said, her voice perking up slightly as she followed me. "Makeup stuff. New contour techniques. Tried a few different blush combos. Watched like, five tutorials."

I sipped the drink and gave her a look. "Well, at least you're being productive."

Her eyes brightened at that. She smiled. She always smiled when she felt like she was doing something right.

"Yeah, I've been nerding out about cosmetology a lot lately," she said, twirling a lock of her hair between her fingers. "There are some looks I'm trying to get but they're really hard to get right."

"Oh really?" I asked, trying to be kind to her by showing some interest.

"Yeah, it's one of those things where you just have to do it over and over until you finally figure it out," she explained, before adding, "or I can just go to cosmetology school and learn it from a professional."

"Oh, are you that interested in it?" I asked curiously, sort of poking and prodding around that loaded comment as her package of hormones lay on the kitchen counter.

"In what? Cosmetology school?" she asked, for clarification.

"Yeah," I replied.

"I mean, in another universe... yeah totally," she replied in such a cute and girly way. "But that school is like full-time, and 9 months long."

I don't know why I pushed back in a way that is opposite than what you might think, but I ended up responding with, "It doesn't have to be full time, I have a friend back home that's a cosmetologist and she went to night school. It took her about 2 years and all of her classes were on weekends."

"Oh," Bri replied with some curious intrigue in her voice. "That would be quite a commitment. I guess, hypothetically obviously, if that were to ever happen at any point in the future, it would have to be like a very part-time program."

"Yeah, but you could do it," I replied, surprised at how encouraging I was. It must be from the terrible guilt I felt. "You're a quick learner and a go-getter and it seems like you already like all this makeup stuff so I think you would pick it up really fast."

"Thanks," she responded with a smile. "I think I'd be more concerned with how I would present at these classes. Like, I'm just imagining myself right now--showing up as Aiden in my basic gamer-bro outfits at a cosmetology school."

"Yeah that wouldn't mesh well," I replied with a little laugh.

"So I'd be showing up looking like this basically," she said, motioning to her cute and stylish outfit. "And if it's a 2 year weekend program then this look that I have going for me right now... this Bri persona, she's going to be making a lot of frequent appearances."

"Yeah, I know," I replied casually, ignoring the ramifications of something like cosmetology school would have on our lives. "Wouldn't you like that?"

Bri looked a little stunned, almost like she wasn't sure how to answer the question like she hadn't even considered but it would be like to keep dressing like a woman every once in a while for the next couple of years.

"I mean, I don't know," she spoke honestly, I could tell by her voice. "I've only been dressing like this because it's kind of what I get in the mood for at the time. I just figured I would get bored with this at some point or maybe the thrill and fun of dressing up like a girl would fade away."

"Do you think this high that you get from dressing up as a girl isn't enough to get you through cosmetology school?" I replied, continuing to shock myself with how I was gently nudging my husband to keep up his crossdressing habit.

"Well, I'm not sure exactly," she said, thinking hard about it. "I mean I'm really intrigued about the idea but that's Bri talking. Realistically it's a two-year commitment to dressing up like a woman every Saturday and Sunday.

"I mean it's not like you don't already dress up that often anyway," I said, trying to sound factual rather than mean or condescending.

"True, but if I'm going to be around all these new people I'm going to need a lot more shoes, skirts, dresses, blouses, panties, bras, etc, etc..." she said with exaggeration as she smiled listing off all these things.

"Oh so you're just going to have to go on a big shopping spree aren't you?" I asked with a hint of tease in my voice.

Bri gasped, bringing her manicured nails to her chest in feminine shock before saying, "Lacey, oh my gosh you're right! I'm going to have to go on a shopping spree."

I loved her sarcasm and felt like matching her energy so I responded with, "And you're going to need to look really good, because those girls at cosmetology school, you know they take their fashion very seriously."

"Oh my gosh, so seriously!" she said in an exaggerated tone. "And you know I can't wear the same outfit twice cuz they're going to know."

"Yes exactly," I replied, nodding my head in agreement. "You know I could probably go with you on some of these shopping sprees and we can help each other pick out some things together."

"Oh that is so sweet, kind, and generous of you Lacey," she said sarcastically, holding back a laugh.

"I know, I'm just such a generous person," I joked back.

"You know you're really selling this cosmetology school idea on me," Bri replied, but this time I wasn't so sure if she was joking.

"You're such a sucker for clothes," I replied, before teasing, "And like... if you have clothes of your own then maybe you'll stop stretching out mine."

"I know, sorry," she said before giving a cute little lift of her skirt, which was actually a skirt that belonged to me.

"And you have a lot more closet space available now," I replied, low-key acknowledging that I made him empty out his closet of all of his guy clothes and lock them up in storage.

But seriously, the idea of going on shopping adventures with my husband while he's dressed as a woman sounded like so much fun. We had done it before and it was such a thrill but it always felt like we weren't going to revisit it. Because why would a crossdresser need to go shopping on a regular basis for clothes, right?

Even though we started to explore the idea of going out every once in a while, it's not like you would need more than five outfits, max.

"Right..." Bri responded, before asking very slowly and carefully, "And how long... do you think that's going to be?"

I completely ignored his question. Instead, I shifted my eyes down at the package addressed to 'Bri'.

"You got a package today," I said. "What is it?"

Bri looked down at the box and lifted it up with her painted nails to inspect it.

"Oh," she said, turning it in her hands. "These must be those pills from Planned Parenthood."

"The hormones you mean?" I asked, watching her face closely.

"Yea."

"So... what are you going to do with them?" I asked. "You gonna start taking them or something?"

"Oh my gosh--no way," she said quickly, her eyes wide. "I just got them so I could get the diagnosis. I felt like I had to play along. I figured if I said I didn't want hormones, they'd doubt whether I actually had the diagnosis."

"Oh right," I said, remembering she needed the diagnosis so she could get laser hair removal for free. "So do you know if insurance is going to cover the laser hair removal now?"

"Technically they should, but I won't find out until my next appointment which is this friday," Bri said.

"Oh, that'll be exciting," I replied.

"Yeah," Bri responded, looking a little timid all of the sudden. "Also, there's something I should probably tell you, but I'm kind of... worried I guess."

I could feel my heart rate jump a little as she said that. I mean what partner wouldn't. Of course my mind was running in a million different places. Was she going to confess something she did, or disclose some secret desire to transition into a woman?

"Okay," I said in my calmest voice possible.

// Bri's Perspective //

"So while you were at work," I started gently, voice sugary-soft. "Um... Tom texted me."

"Oh yeah?"Lacey replied, sounding more Curious than upset.

I nodded, "Yea, this morning."

Her head tilted slightly. Then she met my eyes. Calm. Blank. Scary.

"What'd he say?"

I swallowed. "Just... that he had fun talking to me. Said he hoped I was doing okay."

"What did you say?" she asked, her tone suspicious.

"I--" My voice cracked a little. "I didn't respond."

"Why not?

I was surprised by her question, but it also sounded like maybe she wanted to hear me give her a valid reason.

"Um... I didn't think it would be appropriate," I said softly, fidgeting with my fingernails. I shifted my weight to one hip, a reflexive feminine sway I couldn't help when I was nervous. "I felt guilty that he even texted me."

"Why?" she asked, tilting her head slightly.

"Because... I didn't think you'd be okay with it."

She narrowed her eyes just slightly, her voice calm but probing. "Would you have texted him back if I was okay with it?"

I froze. I wasn't sure if that was a trick question or not. It felt like the safe answer would've been to say no... but I knew Lacey would see straight through that. I couldn't lie--not convincingly, anyway.

So I answered honestly, voice trembling just a little: "Yeah... probably. I just... I don't want it to feel like I'm betraying you."

Lacey blinked once, slowly. We sat in silence for a second too long.

Then she said, softer than I expected, "Bri... I'm sorry I've been so harsh on you. You're not betraying me, and you weren't betraying me last Saturday."

She sounded genuine. Even a little sad.

I felt my lips part in surprise. "Thanks for saying that," I said quietly, femininely, my voice light and deliberate. "I think I was just... a little panicked about the thought of losing you. But I realize now that's so crazy. That's never going to happen."

"Oh, Lacey," I replied, placing my hand gently on hers. "I'm so sorry you felt that way. You're never going to lose me. I would be so lost without you."

"I know," she said with a teasing smile. "I guess I just don't want to hold you back. Especially when you're Bri."

"Hold me back?" I asked, blinking fast. I tilted my head and leaned forward slightly, the hem of my skirt grazing my thighs as I crossed my legs delicately. "You've never held me back. Especially when it comes to... this girly part of me."

"I know," she said, "It's just that you're your own person. And when you're dressed like a woman, you're... very different. It's kind of like having a best friend. Like seriously, you and Aiden are so different that it really feels like you're two people."

She paused, then added: "Which isn't a bad thing. It's kind of amazing. I get two genuine, honest perspectives from you."

"That's sweet of you to say," I said, shyly tucking some hair behind my ear with a dainty motion.

She hesitated again. "And I guess it's a little unfair... me making you feel guilty about Tom. Especially since I did some flirting of my own that night." Her eyes dropped to the floor. "I don't want my jealousy to get in the way of your exploration. Of this side of yourself."

I didn't know what she was trying to say. She brings up Tom... then says she doesn't want to get in the way of me exploring. Was she... implying I should keep talking to him?

I crossed my legs the other way, nervously adjusting my bra strap. "Oh. Well, I just want to respect you. And your boundaries," I said, before adding, "But I guess we've never really had a discussion about boundaries."

"Exactly," she said, meeting my gaze again. "I feel like they're very different when you're dressed this way. Like, I don't care if Bri is texting single girls. It feels harmless. But it's different if you were texting them as Aiden."

"Yeah... I know what you mean." I felt a warmth in my chest, like we were finally having a real, vulnerable conversation. "I think if I were Aiden and I saw you talking to that tall, handsome guy, I'd feel... pretty crummy. Especially since he's taller than me. And way more masculine in general."

Lacey looked down again, visibly conflicted. She took a deep breath like there was something heavy sitting on her chest.

I couldn't get a good read on her. But I wanted to.

"Yeah, I'm not sure why I got so jealous that night," she said finally, "Especially since we talked about flirting before we even went out."

"I was actually hoping we'd both get flirted with," I admitted, brushing some imaginary lint off my dress with my fingertips. "I was happy to see you chatting and smiling with that guy. I had to remind myself I was in girl mode... and really lean into that energy. I had to work through some jealousy, but I was able to do it."

"I need to get better at that," she said, looking at me with a playful smile. "So, you were able to separate your girl version from Aiden? Almost like... he didn't exist?"

"Yeah," I said thoughtfully. "It's like... I had to remind myself that I was giving off single-girl energy. And the only way for that to happen was if I mentally separated from my male self. From Aiden, the married guy."

Lacey nodded slowly. "So you're saying... when you're Bri, I have a different persona too?"

"I hadn't really thought about it that way," I said. "But yeah. I think that's exactly what I mean. Or maybe... our relationship has its own persona. And that's what's shifting."

"Huh," Lacey said, squinting a little. "What do you mean?"

"Well," I said, smiling bashfully, "When I'm Aiden, we're a married couple. But when I'm Bri... we're like two best friends. Roommates who watch dating shows together, pick out each other's outfits, maybe... talk about boys sometimes."

She laughed, a real, genuine laugh. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I like that about you. I feel like I can be more honest with you about who I am. Like... I've shared stuff with Bri that I'd never share with Aiden."

"And Bri's shared things with you," I said, smiling coyly, "That Aiden never could."

Her eyes flickered down at my phone on the counter.

"So... what are you going to say to him?"