I Chose You Sweetheart Ch. 02

This is the follow-on reconciliation story to the Loving Wives story 'I choose you sweetheart'. It will make more sense if you read that first.

In my view there can be reconciliation, but the miscreant must suffer pain, physical or psychological and be remorseful. That is why this is in the Rom category. If you don't like reconciliation stories, I suggest you stop now.

My usual warnings about fiction and fantasy are still valid.

It had been Eighteen months since that weekend, and we had been divorced for nearly a year and I was moving on. Well, trying to, I had gone out with a few women and had been intimate with a couple, but nothing seemed to last. There was no spark. I wasn't that bothered, I was thirty years old, reasonably fit, had my own house, a good job and I'm told by others I'm not an ugly bastard so there was time yet to find 'the one'.

I thought I had found 'the one', but she did something to prove she wasn't.

I was annoyed with myself. If I was moving on, why was I so bothered when I heard my ex-wife, Cheryl, laughing in the bar of the hotel I was in.

When I arrived at the Red Lion for my company's Christmas party Friday evening, I noticed on the board by the entrance that the bank my ex-wife worked for was also having a Christmas party at that hotel, but in a different room. But there was only one bar.

It had been my intention to hang around the bar, chat with some mates, buy a few beers for people who had helped me throughout the year. But with Cheryl's work colleagues there, some of whom knew me, one in particular. I decided that was probably not a good idea. I found myself in a quiet corner in the function room in which we were having the party. I was between girlfriends at the moment, so a group of us just gathered in the corner and chatted. I occasionally danced with some of the women from the company. But I spent most of my time chatting with workmates, especially Phil. He was a shop floor supervisor and we had been working on a few projects together over the last year. We got on well and went out for a few beers now and again, he is a good lad.

It was my turn to go to the bar and that was when I heard my ex-wife's laughter. Try as I might, I could not stop myself turning and looking at her. I was in a quiet corner of the bar, and I had already attracted the barman's attention, and he was getting my drinks. I was trying not to be seen by my ex-wife and our mutual friend Dee.

Cheryl was standing with a group of young men, Dee was with her. I had learned from Dee they had become friends again. I was surprised at that because it was Dee's boyfriend that Cheryl had cheated on me with. Dee and I got together a lot in the aftermath of the cheating and fairly regularly now, just as friends, no benefits. She had been keeping an eye on me to see how I was doing after the divorce. To be honest I was making sure she was all right as well. Her boyfriend cheating on her with Cheryl, losing her boyfriend and initially her best friend hit her hard too. We both drank a lot back then. She had supported me greatly after the event, I owed her several favours.

I did wonder what made Dee forgive Cheryl, she had told me she had a greater understanding of what happened and so she had forgiven Cheryl, they would probably never be best friends like they used to be, but she was forgiven.

I saw Dee stroke Cheryl's arm and point across to me, she looked stunning, she placed her drink down and headed towards me. She wasn't walking in a straight line and she had that slight lopsided smile on her face when she had drunk a little too much. I did not think she was very sober. I was bracing myself, but I wasn't sure what for. We had parted reasonably amicably, she had even helped me get a good rate on a mortgage so I could buy her half of the house, but we had hardly spoken in the last eighteen months.

What she did when she got to me confused me, she threw her arms around my neck and whispered in my ear. "I'm glad to see you, I love you." I could smell the drink on her breath, this was unlike her, she wasn't a big drinker. I saw the three young chaps she was with saunter across to us. Dee followed. Cheryl disengaged herself from my neck and stood beside me. She slid her arm through mine, she leaned on me. She was getting too familiar. I wanted to pull away, but that would have been rude. I try not to be rude, sometimes I succeed, this was one of those times. I was feeling quite nervous.

Dee introduced the lads. "This is Jeff, Mike and Pete, they are trainees at the bank, we are their trainers."

I took an instant dislike to Jeff, he was tall, brash, blonde and arrogant. I don't think he was sober either. Looking at Cheryl he said. "Who is this old man then?"

Cheryl replied tersely. "We've talked about this, don't be rude." She seemed to have sobered up a little. "This is my ex-husband."

At that point Jeffrey poked me on the chest and said. "So, this is the cucky boy then?"

That was his first and last mistake.

My anger came very quickly these days. I shrugged Cheryl off, reached forward with both hands and grabbed hold of the lapels of Jeffry's jacket and pulled.

As I pulled him rapidly towards me, I raised my knee and lowered my forehead. My knee came into contact with his bollocks and my forehead smashed into his nose. I heard a crunching sound and felt something warm splash on my face. He grunted. I let go and he fell to the floor. It took all of about four seconds and the crowd around the bar were so wrapped up trying to get the barman's attention no one seemed to notice a man falling down. Peter just stood there, his mouth wide open. With my hand I wiped the blood from my face and grabbed his shirt front with my bloody hand and pulled him closer and said to him. "Where did you get that fucking story from?" I growled at him.

He spluttered. "We sort of worked it out, there were rumours about Cheryl and some bloke called Gerald. We guessed they had an affair. You and Cheryl got divorced. Gerald got beaten up and moved away. We sort of put two and two together. It seemed logical."

"Well, you didn't come up with four, how about other alternatives, maybe it was me that cheated and Cheryl divorced me, perhaps I'm bi and I cheated with Gerald and Cheryl discovered I was having an affair with him and she got him beat up, or perhaps let's just keep it simple, because generally the simplest reason is the right one. We grew apart and divorced each other." I ignored the fact about Gerald getting beaten up and moving away.

Actually, they had come up with four, I just did not want it getting around that Cheryl had cheated on me and Gerald had cheated on Dee. As far as I know, apart from Cheryl's parents only her, Dee, me and Gerald knew about it, and I wanted it to stay that way for everybody's sake. Well maybe not Gerald's.

I looked around, the bar, it was very busy and I think the altercation was missed, the barman gave me a funny look and gently shook his head.

Mike helped Jeffrey to his feet and from somewhere a handkerchief appeared that he was holding to his nose. The whole thing had taken less than about 45 seconds. Dee stepped towards Jeffrey. "You've been told about your attitude before. You should treat everybody as a customer or a prospective customer. Everybody knows this is our bank's Christmas party. There is a sign at the front door. Most people can work out that you work for our bank. You have not shown us in a good light. I am not sure if management has seen what has happened, but they will find out first thing Monday morning. I suggest you leave, all three of you."

A garbled noise came from Jeffrey which sounded like. "He head butted me in the nose and kicked me in the bollocks."

Dee replied. "Then you shouldn't have insulted him and poked him in the chest. From what Cheryl and I saw he was just defending himself. There are three of you and one of him. I suggest you just leave."

They did, all three of them. I noticed the security people following them out.

The barman attracted my attention. He had placed the drinks I had ordered on a tray. "That will be £42.18 please." That shook me out of my doldrums, over 40 quid for six pints of beer, that's over seven quid each, bloody hell. As I held my credit card out the barman said. "Thank you for that, our security guards were just on their way over. I are not sure, but I think the tall blonde one of the bunch was trying to get your lady friend drunk, they were buying shorts and I think they were putting it in her drink as they walked back. I wasn't sure so I was sending the boys in with a warning, you got there first."

I just smiled and nodded to him. Bloody hell, more than seven quid a pint.

I took the tray of beer back to my mates, Cheryl and Dee followed me. My mates recognized Cheryl, they had met her at my company functions before. One or two of them raised an eyebrow. Phil noticed that Cheryl hadn't got a glass and Dee's was nearly empty. Being more of a gentleman than I am, he offered to get them a drink. Dee declined saying she was driving, and she suggested Cheryl had had enough and looking at her I would probably agree. I suspect her drinks were spiked after what the barman said.

Cheryl asked me to dance, I felt it would have been churlish to refuse, so I accepted. Phil asked Dee to dance, she accepted. Cheryl hung on to my arm as we made our way to the dance floor, it was quite crowded. Cheryl got very close and was swaying a bit. I was frightened she would fall over, so I put my arms around her waist. She immediately put her arms around my neck and put her head on my shoulder.

Shit, this should not be happening.

The dance finished and I helped her off the dance floor back to our corner. Dee had two dances with Phil and then they made her way back towards us. She leaned in and whispered something to Cheryl, I couldn't hear what it was, but Cheryl nodded her head.

Dee leaned up to me and whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry John, but could we have a word outside, we've got a bit of a problem."

I could not see why I would be involved in their problem. Dee was a friend, and she probably rated higher in my affections than my ex-wife at the moment, so I followed them, taking my beer with me.

We got to a quiet-ish corner and Dee said to me. "Cheryl's not feeling well, she wants to go home but there's a problem, Harry and Margaret have got the bowls club around for a Christmas party and Cheryl shouldn't turn up like this. She can't come to my place because my Mum and Dad are down for Christmas and there's no room at the inn." She gave a little giggle at her own Christmas joke. "I know this is an imposition, I know it's asking a lot, you have no responsibility for her, but can we go to your place and can she stay the night. I know you've got room even if she has to sleep on the sofa. I will pick her up in the morning and take her home. Please John, do it for me as a friend, if not for Cheryl."

Fuck.

"Okay, all right but you better be there early tomorrow." I probably had not said a Baker's Dozen words to Cheryl since the divorce and now she's going to be sleeping in my house.

Fuck again.

I went back to the lads and told them that I was going home because Cheryl wasn't feeling very well. I expected a few smirks, but I didn't get any. As I was leaving Phil caught up with me, he asked me if Dee was my girlfriend or if she had a boyfriend, I told him she wasn't and as far as I know, not at the moment. He gave me a little grin and asked if I would be good enough to pass on his phone number to her. The dirty dog, in two dances. I smiled at him and told him I would.

Getting outside in the cold fresh air did not do a lot of good for Cheryl, I was hoping it would sober her up a bit. It did not. Dee pulled up in her car. I got Cheryl into the back and got in with her. Dee passed me over a couple of supermarket plastic bags. "Just in case you know, be careful they've got holes in them."

Dee drove very carefully; Cheryl rested her head on my shoulder in the back seat. Cheryl hung on to me. I saw Cheryl was still wearing her wedding and engagement rings. I wasn't sure how to take that. They were tainted because another man took them off her fingers.

As she drove, I asked Dee about the three buffoons they had been with. I told her I had found out from the barman that they had probably been spiking her drinks. It was a bit late now, but I asked her if she felt all right in case they had been spiking hers. She told me she only had two lemonades all night as it was her turn to drive. When I asked her what she meant about 'turn to drive', she told me her and Cheryl went out about once a month. Before I asked, she told me they weren't going out to pick up men, just for a drink and a chat.

Then I let my mouth run away with me, it could have been the four or five pints I'd had. "Well, she certainly looks like she's dressed to pick someone up dressed like this, she looks fantastic. It was my favourite dress on her."

We were stopped at traffic lights. Dee turned and looked at me, smiled and said. "D'you know what, thinking about it, you're right. I think she was going out to pick somebody up. It all becomes clearer now."

The lights changed and she drove on. Now I was confused. It was as clear as river mud to me.

We got to my house and it took both of us to get Cheryl out of the back of Dee's car. We tried to carry her together, it became too difficult. Dee had a set of my house keys, so I bodily picked Cheryl up and carried her indoors. I stood at the bottom of the stairs wondering, do I let her sleep on the sofa or do I take her to our old bedroom, into our old bed.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.

There were two other bedrooms, one that was going to be the baby's room and a spare room. I had a bed in the spare room that was not made up, it was the one that Dee slept in when she stayed, if she was sober enough to climb the stairs. If not, it was the sofa.

Dee was looking at me, she could see the confusion on my face. "A gentleman would let her sleep in your bed, and it's closer to the bathroom in case of her throwing up." Dee the ever-practical person. I hadn't thought of that and that would be a good excuse for the morning if Cheryl thought something untoward had happened because I had put her in our old bed.

I nodded and I carried Cheryl up the stairs, Dee was in front of me.

I was halfway up the stairs when Cheryl started to retch, I hurried as much as I could, but it was too late. Dee hearing the noise rushed off upstairs. She was at the top of the stairs when I got there with the waste bin out of the bathroom, it was too late, Cheryl vomited. Fortunately, most of it went on the dress and into the bin, a little splashed on my shirt. She stunk of alcohol. I might have to take up baseball and go and buy a baseball bat. I knew of some balls I wanted to hit.

We got to the bedroom; I was now in another quandary. Cheryl would have to be undressed. Yes I know I had seen it all before, I'd loved it before, I'd worshipped it before. But I had no right to look at it now.

Again, Dee saw my confusion, the bloody woman knew me too well. "John, this is something we have to do. I know she's wearing underwear, so she won't be naked, and anyway I don't think she'd mind."

I didn't swear at myself this time.

There were lots of arms and legs but somehow we managed it. I couldn't help but notice her underwear was not super sexy, nor was it frumpy and she was wearing tights, not stockings.

We laid Cheryl on her front, her head to one side and placed the bin in front of her. I was looking down at her when Dee came and slipped her arm into mine, leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. "You're a good man John; you didn't deserve what happened to you. Come on downstairs, we'll leave the bedroom door open so we can listen for her. I've had nothing to drink all night, so I think I'm going to steal one of your beers." Then she said quietly. "Are you sleeping here or on the sofa tonight?"

Looking at her I said. "Definitely the sofa, I wouldn't want to give her the wrong idea."

"What idea do you think that would be?" Without waiting for an answer she disengaged her arm from me and went downstairs. She was carrying Cheryl's vomit stained dress. Again, I stopped from swearing at myself. I went to the airing cupboard, grabbed a spare quilt and some pillows and went downstairs.

She was waiting for me with a couple of bottles of Broadside and one glass, she knows I drink it out of the bottle. "Broadside, that's a bit strong isn't it if you're driving?"

"If I drank a whole pint yes but I'm only having half. Anyway, it's the weakest bloody beer you've got in there. I hope you're not reverting to that drunken slob I knew eighteen months ago?"

I gave a small smile. "No, going for quality not quantity, two or three of those a night is enough and only on weekends."

"Yes, I saw the 1698 in there."

I had spent a couple of weekends trashed out of my skull until the bollocking from Dee after Cheryl cheated on me.

She drank her half pint of Broadside and went to leave. When she got to the front door, I remembered what Phil had asked me. "Dee, Phil would like me to give you his number, are you okay with that?"

"Is he married, attached, anything like that?"

"No, he's single, has been for about a year or so. No steady girlfriend as far as I know."

"Then yes." She looked out at her car, there were a few flurries of snow in the air. It made it feel a little bit like Christmas. She walked away, paused, turned back to me and said. "On one condition."

I nodded.

"You come to my place for a party on New Year's Eve. We'll see the New Year in together. Send me Phil's number and I'll invite him as well. It'll give you somebody to talk to about farm machinery, and it might stop you being a miserable bugger." Again, she laughed at her little joke. She'd kissed me on the cheek again, this was getting to be a habit. I waited until I saw her drive around the corner before I closed the front door and went back to the living room.

Another bloody quandary, do I sleep on the sofa, or do I go and watch over Cheryl? An expletive hung on my tongue. I made a decision. I grabbed the two half bottles of Broadside, the quilt and the pillows and went upstairs to the bedroom. I did not sleep on the bed but on the floor. It was actually quite comfortable.

I roused myself when I heard Cheryl go to the toilet. I just listened and nodded off when I heard her get back in bed.

I was up before Cheryl in the morning and made tea and toast. It was nearly ten o'clock and still no sign of Dee. I phoned her, it went to answerphone, bloody woman. I heard Cheryl moving around upstairs, eventually she came down, she was wearing my bathrobe. She looked a mess. Pointing to the chair opposite mine at the kitchen table, the one she used to sit at when she lived here. "May I?"

"Yes, please do."

I poured tea and pushed a plate of toast across to her. She took the tea but pushed the toast back just like I did to Dee eighteen months ago.

I went to the sink, fetched a glass of water and placed it in front of her with two pain killers. Just like Dee did for me. The difference was mine was self-inflicted. Well, actually the woman sitting at my kitchen table was the cause of my drunkenness, whereas hers was inflicted on her by work colleagues. She had my sympathy for the hangover.

"How did I get here?" She asked quietly.

"What do you remember?"

"There were three chaps from work Jeff, Mike and Pete in the bar after dinner was finished. I'd had a few glasses of wine at dinner. I was building up Dutch Courage. I wanted something a little longer, so I switched to alcohol free lager, just half pints. I wanted Dutch Courage not to be drunk."

"Why?"

She took a sip of her tea. "I knew you would be there and I wanted to talk to you. We haven't spoken for nearly a year, and very little since that weekend. I was hoping you would have had a few beers, not too many, just enough so you wouldn't run away in front of your mates when I wanted to talk to you."

"Sorry to keep repeating myself, but again why?"

"Every time I try to talk to you, you shut me down. I feel bad about what I did to you. And you have not let me apologise. I need to tell you how sorry I am that I hurt you and betrayed your trust."

Then she seemed to pull herself up.

"I had a letter from Gerald where he tried to take all of the blame. But it's not all his fault, I must share some of that blame. I wasn't drugged, or drunk. I was just weak, but that is no excuse for what I did to you. I can give you no real reason, I liked him, I had affection for him, he was a friend, so when he told me he was ill I felt sorry for him. I don't expect you to forgive me, what I did was unforgivable. The cheating was bad enough, but to think I might have his child may have been worse for you. I hadn't even considered that I might get pregnant by him, and that would have hurt you as well." Tears were pouring out of her face now. "And I'm sorry we will never have those babies that we talked about."

She spoke through her tears. "If I give you an excuse it is like I am avoiding the blame, and I do have to take the blame for some of it."

She wiped her nose and face on the sleeve of my bathrobe, she sniffed, sat up straight, looked at me and said. "My sweetheart. I love you, I will always love you. I will be eternally sorry that I betrayed your trust, your love and my vows to you and for the pain I caused you. I do not ask for your forgiveness; I do not deserve it for what I did to you. Dee has told me what you went through those first couple of months and I know it hasn't been easy since. I ask you to do one thing for me and then I will ask for nothing else. Live your life the best you can, find someone to love like I love you and do not let them go."

She slumped down, that had all the sounds of a rehearsed speech. I did not have the heart to tell her that was three things.

She looked up at me and said. "I practised that over and over and it still sounds trite and I can't help but think to myself that I'm using this apology to salve my own conscience. And I'm not, truly I'm not."

She picked up a teacup, looked inside and grimaced. She carried on. "Apart from the two times that I lied to you denying I had sex with Gerald I have never lied to you. And I will never lie to you again. I lied because I was trying to save my marriage when I found out you had worked out what I had done."

She looked defeated. She looked into her teacup, looked at me and said with a nervous chuckle through her tears. "I know I said I was going to ask you one thing but I didn't realise I'd be sitting here with an empty teacup. Please, is there any more in that pot, I really could do with another one?"

I poured two more cups of tea.

We sat there in silence for a little while. I was still wondering where Dee was. I hope she hadn't had an accident. I saw Cheryl pull herself up again. I recognised it from all those years we were together. I suspect she's going to ask for more things, just not as big a thing as she asked me in her speech. "Can I ask some questions please." I nodded. "How did I get into our old bed? and did you really sleep on the floor?"

I explained to how we thought Jeff, Mike or Pete had spiked her drinks, and she was very drunk. There had been a bit of an altercation which left Jeffrey with a bloody nose. Dee and I brought her here because she didn't want to go and ruin Margaret and Harry's bowls club Christmas party at their house. She gave me a funny look at that. Dee had no space because her parents were visiting for Christmas. I told her she had been sick whilst I carried her upstairs and Dee undressed her and put her to bed. I slept on the floor because the last thing I wanted was for her to choke and die in my bed. I told her Dee was due over some time ago to take her home. She seemed to accept what I told her.

She told me Dee was probably giving her time. Dee was aware she wanted to apologise and was probably giving her time to do that. She would phone Dee and let her know she had finished and get her to call round to her parents and pick up some clothes for her. She gave me a little smile saying she couldn't go home in my bathrobe because I would need it. I did have two. I did not tell her that.

I did suggest to her that she go upstairs and have a shower. She could borrow some of my jogging trousers and an old sweatshirt until Dee got here.

I did have one question to ask. "Cheryl, how much of this is a setup to get me and you in this house to see if we can get back together? Because some things don't sit right."

"You are sort of right, I knew your company was holding its party there like you do every year at this time. I volunteered to arrange ours and managed to get it at the same time and place. I was hoping I could just talk to you like I said.

"As much as I would like to get back together that was not the plan, just to talk, that was all I wanted. But that is it. I don't think anybody suspects, even Dee. I will be honest I would love to spend some time with you but not under false pretences like this, that would be another lie."

I believed her, I had no reason not to. She gave me a small smile and went upstairs. When I heard the shower running, I got a pair of jogging trousers and an old sweatshirt and laid it on the bed for her. Then I went downstairs and drank some more tea and ate cold toast. It was twenty minutes later when Cheryl came downstairs wearing the clothes I left out for her, she looked much better. She had her phone in her hand and I could hear her talking. She came into the kitchen and all I heard her say was. "No don't worry about me, you look after your Dad I'm sure I can sort something out. I might have to ask John for another favour. Bye, I will see you at work on Monday."

She said. "Dee's Dad fell over this morning and she's taken him to A&E. Could I ask you a favour and this is a bit cheeky, can I ask you to go and fetch me some clothes from Mum and Dad's. I don't know where Dee got the story from that the Christmas party was at their house, it's not it's in the Golf Club. Mum and Dad are staying in the hotel next door so there was no one at home."

"Why can't I take you home in what you're wearing now?"

"You could and I would be grateful, but I'd rather go home in proper clothes so when I am seen, because you know what they're like on that street. I don't want to look like I've just come home wearing some man's cast offs. Yes, it's shallow I know but you should know me by now." She gave me a nervous little smile.

I did, and I had nothing in the house that would fit her where she wouldn't look like a sack of spuds tied up with a rope around the middle, and I was intrigued.

There was more to this than meets the eye because if Cheryl had not lied to me, Dee had or at least skirted round the truth. I agreed to do it. Cheryl went to her handbag and fetched the keys to her parents' house. She gave me instructions where to find everything in her bedroom. She had laid out her wardrobes and her drawers in the same style as she had when she lived here.

It would probably take me an hour and a half to two hours to do that. I left straight away. I was tempted to tell her to make herself at home but I thought that was a step too far so I told her to make herself comfortable and I would be back as soon as I could. I got to their house and let myself in. If there was a party here last night, it looked awfully tidy. I found my way to her bedroom. I collected everything she wanted; it was exactly where she told me it would be, that came as no surprise. After I collected everything she wanted, I had a quick look round. It was functional, tidy but not homely. There were a couple of magazines lying around with big circles drawn on the page of one of them.

My eyes were drawn to that. The title was ringed. "How to get your man back." The sub-heading was "don't be stupid enough to lose him in the first place." The magazine was Cosmopolitan. I looked at the article and there were several ringed sentences. Was this the plan to try and get me back? I looked at the date of the magazine. It was nine months old, I had a quick scan through the text paying attention to the ringed sentences. There were things like, 'why did you break up in the first place' next to that was some handwriting. But it was scribbled out it looked like 'don't fuck other men', the next circled passage was 'be honest with your man and equally importantly yourself' it was just a tick next to that another one, 'admit your errors to yourself and your man'. The writing next to that was. 'I have', the next passage ringed was 'learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them'

We had barely spoken over the last year in fact I had spoken to Harry and Margaret more than I had to Cheryl, so she obviously hadn't put any of these ploys into action.

I had gathered all the stuff together so drove back to my house. As I walked in I heard water being poured into the teapot. Cheryl was in the kitchen making tea.

"That was good timing." I said.

"I tracked your phone, you haven't blocked me."

She took the clothes off me and went to the downstairs loo. "The tea will be brewed when I get back."

She poured the tea and made fresh toast. She managed to eat some. She was looking a lot better, much more like her old self.

"I hope you don't mind but I rinsed off my dress. I wanted to get the vomit off of it. I'm going to get it dry cleaned, I hope it comes out alright. I've hung it on the line to dry a bit.

"John, can I ask you a question?"

"Depends on what it is." I replied.

"What's this?" She held up Terminator. Shit. "I found it when I was washing the dress out in the sink in the garage, I didn't want to block up your drain in doors with the stuff off my dress and it was just lying there."

"It's a catapult I used to use it on the farm for taking out pests."

"What do you shoot with it, what is your ammunition?

"Anything small and round, stones are good, ball bearings, fishermen use them for putting ground bait out when they're fishing."

She tilted her head slightly to one side. "Do you have any ammunition?"

"Yes, I have some ball bearings."

"Would you show me how it works please?"

"Not today, maybe someday, I don't know."

She changed the subject. "I've put the quilt and the pillows away you used last night, and I've put new sheets on the bed." She looked down. "I wouldn't have minded if you'd slept in the bed with me last night."

"Dee and I talked about that, I didn't want to give the wrong signals, in fact any signals. I was just looking after somebody I used to love." As soon as I said it, I felt quite mean, I looked at her and said, "I'm sorry that didn't come out right."

"That's all right, I probably deserved it, it still hurts though." She turned away and I heard her say as she walked away. "I'm just going to fetch my dress, then if you'd be so kind as to take me home I would greatly appreciate it." She had got all formal and I felt like a shit.

We got in the car, I started driving her home, she did not say much, we talked a little about the weather, inconsequential stuff like that. I felt her perk up, she looked at me and said. "Did you read Gerald's letter?"

"No, he was starting to tell me what to do. I will not be told what to do by the man that ruined my life. I threw it in the bin after reading the first paragraph." I was getting a bit angry again. All I heard from the other side of the car was "Oh, I wish you had read it, it would have probably explained a lot of things. Both Dee and I got one, we've seen each other's. He is very apologetic and takes most of the blame on himself." Then I heard her whisper. "Some of it was my fault too. Sorry I did that."

She watched the road for a bit as I drove, then said. "I've not heard from Gerald, there again, I never ask but things have crept back. He's learning to speak Welsh, he's engaged to a lovely lady, she's a divorcee with one child. Rumours have got back, he's not like he used to be, we've heard from people who've known him. I think what happened to him changed him. Him being beaten up by an invisible boxer, that had nothing to do with you, did it?"

I decided not to answer.

I pulled up in front of Margaret and Harry's house. Their car was there. This could be awkward. Cheryl asked me in for tea. It would be nice to see Margaret and Harry again and I might find out where Dee got the story that the party was at their house.

They were pleased to see me, and I got a handshake and a hug. I could see there were questions going round in their heads, but Cheryl scotched them straight away. She explained how her drinks have been spiked. She told them Dee had said that there was a party going on here, and her parents were at her house, so Dee convinced me to take her and look after her.

That was when I asked if the party was here. Harry told me that was the initial plan, but there got to be too many so they decided to take it somewhere else. They chose the Golf Club because there was a hotel next door and they could book rooms so there would be no drunk driving. I gently asked when all this was decided, Margaret told me it was all organised early November, about six weeks ago. I might have to have a word with Dee. Cheryl said she was going upstairs to change again. She was gone for five minutes, when she came back she had a red face. We chatted about what I was doing at work and what Margaret and Harry had been doing. It was a pleasant afternoon, they asked me to stay for tea. I decided that to be a step too far, they would start matchmaking.

When I left Cheryl walked with me to the car. "Thank you, John. I appreciate all you've done for me. Um... when you were here did you look at the magazine?"

"Yes, I saw it. I think there are some valid points there. Pity that the magazine wasn't out eighteen months ago could have saved a lot of heartache."

"You're right, but that's not a magazine I used to take. I found that one in the hairdressers." She reached out and touched my arm. "John, can we meet for a coffee sometime please, it's been nice being around you again. I will understand if you say no."

"I don't know Cheryl, I really don't know."

"Please just think about it, I could see you getting quite at ease over the kitchen table, that was where we did most of our best talking." She gave a little smile. "And some other stuff." I knew exactly what she was talking about, the time we got back from our fifth wedding anniversary dinner and she was feeling particularly randy and I took her quickly and roughly over the table before we made gentle love upstairs.

"John, I must admit to feeling comfortable around you and hope you feel the same around me, but I realise I was the one that screwed up." She paused, seemingly unsure whether to go on, she did. "I just wished you had read Gerald's letter. It might have made the pain less, I don't know. His letter certainly helped Dee, me, not so much. My letter made me feel weak, stupid and naive. Please just think about it."

On my drive home she had certainly given me something to think about. When I got there, I made some tea and texted Phil's number to Dee. I thought about Dee for a minute. I was certain she knew more than she was letting on. I felt the idea of a New Year's party was made all in a rush. I had thought her parents were going to be here for New Year as well as Christmas.

I would have to go and talk to Dee and sort this out, the sooner the better. I did not want to go in all guns blazing in case I was wrong. She had become a very close friend over the last eighteen months. I would need an excuse. I did not have a Christmas present for her yet, but I knew what I wanted. Eighteen months ago, we were helping each other out, some of that involved drinking heavily and we discovered that she liked Raspberry Gin. My favourite was Apple and Sage. The Internet is a wondrous thing. Full of lots of information like where to get Raspberry and Apple and Sage Gin. Also how to get divorced quickly. The local supermarket had both selections of Gin. That was a plan.

I had a quick look in my cupboards and it was time to go shopping for food and pick up some Raspberry Gin at the same time. I was about to leave when a message came from Dee, 'Can I bring your Christmas present round?'.

'Can I drink it?'

'Yes of course, you should know me better than that.'

'I was just going shopping. Can we do it this evening?' That will give me a chance to get her present.

'I will be there at six, I will bring Chinese. Make sure the tonic water is chilled.'

Well, that kind of told me what the evening was going to be like.

Dee did not live too far from me, about a twenty minute stroll, fifteen at a brisk walk, ten at a run, but recently more like half an hour when pissed.

Dee turned up at ten to six and blew past me into the kitchen. Dee is normally late, I cannot remember her being on time for anything. We had joked in the past that she would be late for her own funeral. She dropped the bag of food on the table. Delving into her shopping bag she pulled out a bottle bag and handed it to me saying. "I would tell you to put this under your Christmas tree, but you being a miserable bugger haven't got one."

I took it from her and put it on the table.

She went back into her bag and pulled out a bottle of my favourite gin. "This is for tonight whilst we talk."

Shit. This was bad, Dee being early, starting with insults is normal for us, but they were too gentle, just jibes, not a real insult, a bottle of Gin and talking. I had a feeling I was no longer in control. If I ever had been.

I asked about her Dad, he was at her house with his foot up. He would be alright. We ate the Chinese, and I even got out a bottle of wine. This was going to be messy. It was a good job tomorrow was Sunday.

We went and sat in the lounge on the sofa. Dee carried in the gin and the tonic, I carried the glasses. Dee took control of the gin bottle and poured two long ones. Looking at me she said. "Cheryl phoned me this afternoon after you left, she was in tears. She thinks she screwed up. I popped into work today, there were a few things I wanted to find out."

That was typical bloody Dee, drop a bombshell and then change the subject. I had learned to ignore her tactic. I gave in jumping in and asking questions months ago. It will all come out in the end.

She carried on. "Oh, by the way I told the duty manager what happened with Jeffrey, how he attacked a valued customer of the bank. He had heard rumours, I confirmed them. The gang of three as they are known will be let go on Monday morning, pity really because Mike is a nice lad he just gets dragged along by the other two. I might have to have a word about keeping him on."

We both took a sip of gin Dee continued. "I was suspicious when she turned up wearing that little black dress. We have been out together quite a few times. She has never dressed up like that. Also, she has turned down every man that approached her. I was even more suspicious when we walked into the hotel to find out that your company was having a party at the same hotel on the same evening. I knew Cheryl had volunteered to organise our Christmas party this year and I suspect she found out where and when yours was and managed to arrange ours at the same time. She had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, which is unusual for her, and she was very nervous. I am certain she wanted to pigeonhole you for a talk. I think she chose to rely on the fact that you are a gentleman and if she confronted you in front of your work mates you would not ignore her."

Dee took another drink and indicated I do the same, I did, just a small one. Was this bad news?

"She was there to pick somebody up and that somebody was you. She wants you back, she knows she did wrong. So, my dear friend, what I want to know? What are her chances? Am I going to have to start picking up the pieces of her like I did you?"

She did pick up the pieces of me. She put me back together. I raised my glass to her.

Dee nodded in acceptance of my appreciation and carried on. "You saw she still wears her rings?"

I nodded.

"She knows they have been touched by Gerald and what that means to you, but she has told me she will not take them off until you replace them because they're just about the only link she has with you."

"Because you were late this morning, we had quite a chat. She has already admitted to me that she arranged the party at the same time as my company, that was easy, we go to the same place at the same time every year and that she dressed like that to get to me. You are right, she intended to trap me in the corner and talk. She was certain I would not be rude to her in front of my work mates. She admitted she had too much to drink as she tried to work up the courage and give me her speech."

Dee giggled. "Ah, the speech, if I've heard that once I've heard it a thousand times, well probably not quite that many, she practises not only the words but the tone of voice, the pauses, the looks, the holding hands. How did it go?"

"Probably not as well as she practised it. It came out in a bit of a rush, but she definitely meant what she said. Probably not so much what she said during her speech, but what she said afterwards. She felt guilty about what she did, but part of me thinks she felt greater guilt after giving me her speech. She said she felt like she was making excuses."

"Oh, she has got reasons, not very good ones, I wouldn't call them excuses."

I sat pondering what reasons she could have. I had nearly finished my gin. Dee went to pour me another one. I stopped her. She had one then I said to her. "I take it you're not driving home tonight?"

"Nope, I'm sleeping on this sofa. I've warned Mum and Dad I was staying out all night. It's been nearly a year since I slept on this sofa, do you remember the night the divorce was finalised?"

I just chuckled to myself. "No, only the first quarter of the bottle of gin, after that I remember nothing. I'm not doing that tonight."

"No, you're bloody not, that was a bleeding mess to clear up." She said. "I want you tiddly enough to break down that bloody wall you've been carrying around so you can either find someone new or get back with her."

I opened my mouth to speak, Dee held her hand and started on at me. I had learned some time ago to wait until she had finished speaking. She was just taking a sip of her drink. "I watched you go to her rescue yesterday."

"Anybody would have done that."

"No, you tried to protect her from bad rumours, okay you didn't want to be seen as a cuckold as well, I get that. But you were doing that to protect her, it was the way you looked at her, the way you held her and the way you carried her upstairs. I think you still love her?"

"Okay, you've got me I do, but I'll never trust her again I don't think I will ever forgive her."

"Oh, I do wish you had read Gerald's letter to you."

She stood up and went into the kitchen and came back with her handbag. I topped up the gin and tonic. Easy on the gin, heavy on the tonic. Dee took a sip and added more gin to both glasses. "Nice try." She said, smiling at me.

She pulled a piece of paper from her bag. Then I remembered, I had thrown my letter from Gerald in the bin when I went and sat in the living room, Dee came in a few minutes later carrying beer. Did she get the letter from the bin? Is that what she was going to give me?

Holding the paper out to me she said. "This is Gerald's letter to me, I want you to read it." I wanted to refuse, but looking at her face told me that would not have been wise, this time it was my turn to take a long drink.

In the letter Gerald apologised to Dee for the way he treated her and the pain he caused her, he admitted he went out with her so he could stay close to Cheryl as he found he was having romantic feelings for her and he suspected she had feelings for him, but he had other reasons that he was not going into with her, he was not proud of those reasons. He said that being with Dee was fantastic as was the sex, he reminisced about some of the adventures they had together, I skip read that bit. At one stage I looked at Dee, I think she guessed the bit I got to, she blushed. He carried on that if he did not have romantic feelings for Cheryl, he could have made a go at a long-term relationship. He went on to say that he had written letters to both Cheryl and me letters and that I might be reluctant to read mine. He asked that Dee convince me to read it.

I noticed he did not apologise for cheating on her.

Well, it was too late now. I handed the letter back.

"Well?" she asked.

"Well what?" I replied.

"What do you think?"

"The man is an arsehole. He strung you along so he could have a crack at my wife, and it worked. He ruined my marriage and my life." I was angry. "I wouldn't have put it past him to try to break up my marriage to have a go at Cheryl." I finished off my glass of gin, my head swam a little. I reached for the bottle Dee beat me to it and poured me a quarter of a glass and filled it up with tonic. I would not be able to fit any more gin in the glass. I was going to pour much more, there was a risk it was going to be as messy as the night I got the divorce paperwork.

"I have the letter that he wrote to Cheryl. You should read it. Please trust me it will help and at the moment you need help."

She was not wrong. She held out a sheet of paper. "Does Cheryl know you have that?"

"Yes, she gave it to me months ago in case I got the chance to show it to you."

I thought a bit. "Does she know you're here now?"

"No. She wants to get back with you. But I want you to get out and start living again, not just work, gym, eat, sleep, repeat with the odd night out with your workmates and to stop being a miserable blighter. Yes, I hope it is with Cheryl, but that is your choice."

Her mouth was still open, I thought she was going to carry on talking, but she closed it. After taking a drink, she said. "I didn't want to raise her hopes. Please, you should read this." Still holding out the paper.

I took it and started to read. Gerald apologised profusely for wrecking her marriage and the upset and pain he had caused her. He professed his love for her and felt that she initially reciprocated those feelings. It was only later that he realised that whilst she had affection for him, it did not match the love she had for me. He also found he liked me and he felt guilty for hurting a friend. He was happy to stay close and to be available if anything happened to our marriage, he could step in.

That sounded ominous to me. Was he staying close to wreck my marriage so he could have a crack at Cheryl? He could keep himself happy with Dee whilst he was waiting. He went on about that day how he wanted just to make love with her once and he admitted he tried everything he could to convince her, but removing her rings, crying and implying he had cancer was unfair.

But he was desperate to make love to her just once. Something he could take away and remember for the rest of his life, but if he had known it would have ended up like this, he would not have done it. He thought I would never know so it would not damage her marriage or hurt her. He admitted he was selfish and did not think it would end up like this. He again apologised and told her he had written to Dee and me and to do her best to convince me to read the letter he sent.

Dee had refilled my glass, I did not realise I had drunk it all. I looked at the bottle, it was a fair way down, but there was enough left to wipe away the pain and confusion, at least for a while? That man had wanted my wife because he loved her and he convinced her to do it, and she let him. And he lied.

We all paid for his lies, I am not sure who paid the most?

But why the letters, was that to salve his conscience because he had destroyed the marriage of the woman he loved, he had caused her pain. I thought about it for a bit whilst Dee refilled my glass yet again. I was starting to feel remorse.

I had not given her a chance to explain, to tell me her reasons or her excuses. Damn it I thought. There were no good reasons that could explain away her cheating. The anger was coming back. I took a deep drink. Bugger I could barely taste the gin. I finished off the mostly tonic water, put the glass down, looked at Dee and said forcibly. "A proper one this time if you bloody well please."

"Alright, but after you tell me what you think."

"The man's a shit he uses lies to convince another man's wife to have sex with him, claims it's love and then tries to salve his conscience by apologising. The man's a fucking shit."

"I won't disagree with that, but I was thinking more about Cheryl, what are you going to do now knowing she was lied to."

I was still angry. "Doesn't change a fucking thing she had sex with another man."

"Could there not be a small element of forgiveness in there." She said to me, handing over the glass."

"No fucking way." I handed the letter back to her and then it all became clear. "You've got the letter he wrote to me, haven't you?"

"Yup, I felt a bit like James Bond or was it more like Indiana Jones, I had to time the closing of the bin lid with closing of the fridge door, yes I have it but you're not reading it now, you are too pissed, anyway it's at home."

"What does it say?"

"Pretty much like he has explained in these two letters, but it is addressed to you. I don't think he put the baked bean stains on it though."

"Dee, if you have the letter he wrote to me why didn't you bring it with you tonight?"

"Because I expected us to get drunk." She giggled, because we were drunk. "It is something you really need to read and understand when sober and if I had it here, I would be tempted to give it to you. I will fetch it first thing in the morning. John, you really do need to read it."

Then she giggled drunkenly, she stood up to walk towards the toilet she was staggering. I just sat there confused.

When she returned it was my turn to visit the toilet. I stood up and nearly fell over. Looking sideways at the bottle of gin it was half empty or was it half full. A drunk's dilemma. I also staggered to the toilet and then back again.

"Right, I've got a question for you? Why have you forgiven her for sleeping with your boyfriend?"

Dee said to me. "I wasn't going to forgive her, I wanted to cut her tits off. But then the letter arrived from Gerald. I accused her of stealing my boyfriend. But she didn't steal him, he was never mine, we were just fuck buddies, just that I didn't realise it. I knew that Gerald and I weren't going anywhere but he was fun and not bad in bed. I accused her of taking him from me, not just having sex with him. After Gerald's letter I realised that it wasn't as simple as I thought it was. So yes, I forgave her."

She looked like she was going to carry on but took a drink instead.

I just nodded my head stupidly. Dee started on a different tack. I think she wanted to change the subject. She started telling me what my duties were going to be for the New Year's party. Strangely enough, I was in charge of drinks. No shit Sherlock.

She told me she had put my name on the sofa for sleeping. In the past when I stayed at herplace I had slept in her spare bedroom, but she had someone else in there and I probably wouldn't be able to make it up the stairs anyway. After that she interrogated me about Phil, his likes, dislikes, hobbies. I asked her if her intentions towards my mate were honourable. She giggled. "Of course not, what would be the fun in that?" She took on a serious note. "I've seen him around a bit. The dance we had last night wasn't the first. He seems like a nice bloke."

"He is please, don't hurt him."

We talked some more and switched from Gin to strong tea, the sort you could stand the spoon up in.

I looked across at her, she had nodded off, I laid her down and covered her with a blanket. Looking down at her I felt honoured having her as a friend. I sat back in my chair and promptly fell asleep myself.

I was awoken by the clatter of crockery from the kitchen, I made my way through. Dee and I had our usual breakfast after drinking too much. Tea, bacon sandwiches and painkillers. It was around midday when Dee asked me how I was, I was feeling good, well not too bad. She went to her car and came back with a piece of paper.

"Sorry for lying to you, I didn't think I would be safe to drive this morning so I left it in the car or I would have caved in and given it to you last night."

"I'm not sure I want to..."

She held her hand up and said quite loudly. "Wait, please. I know you would never listen to the man who ruined your life, but please give me a chance, please listen to the person who helped you rebuild it, I believe I have that right."

I suppose she was correct.

"You need to read this. Trust me."

Dee sometimes knows me better I than I do. Bloody woman.

I held my hand out. She gave me the letter and I started to read.

"Dear John, please excuse this being typed. A letter of this sort should be hand written, however I am right-handed and my right hand has not fully recovered after the revenge attack on me, I am guessing it was for some previous transgression, I am certain that is what it was. I just do not know who from, all I know is that it hurts, and it prompted me to have had a good look at my life, and I did not like what I saw

"Looking into the mirror I did not respect the person looking back at me. I had hurt people I considered friends and worse I hurt a person I loved.

"I gather you have started divorce proceedings against Cheryl, please reconsider..."

That was as far as I got the last time I read this letter.

"I am sorry the way it turned out, I was wrong to get Cheryl to make love to me, but I do love her and do not want to see her hurt any further.

"I used Dee to stay around her, to have some personal contact outside work. I initially planned to drive a wedge between the two of you so I could have Cheryl."

I bloody knew it; he was going to try to break us up.

"But I quickly saw that she loved you and if I did that, I would hurt her and believe it or not, I had grown to like you even though you were married to the woman I love. You're a fine bloke, so I decided to move to Wales and to take the job in Swansea when it was offered.

"On that Sunday It was never my intention to split you two up. If I had known how much pain it has caused her and that you would divorce her, I would never have done it. I'll be honest, I thought we could get away with it and you would never know.

"I would have something I could remember in my old age.

"I know I have no right to ask but please forgive her and take her back, let her show her love for you because I know she does love you in a way she could never love me. I will have to live with that."

"It was going to be the one thing for me to remember. I intended and still intend to take the job in Swansea. I did not know she had promised to be home by one, I do not know what I would have done had I known that bit of information.

"I should not have removed those rings from her fingers, but to me it was logical if for that one hour she was not married to you I could have her just for that one hour. I will admit to begging her for one hour, just one event. I had tears in my eyes. I learned years ago that a man's tears can wear down a woman's defences and I have used that ploy in the past, but I will admit to you that day they were genuine tears, not crocodile tears for something I could never have.

"However, the tears did not work this time, but I was so desperate I implied I had an illness and that was why I could not concentrate on my job. Sorry John, I was desperate. I wanted what you had, the life, the love that you and Cheryl shared even if it was only for an hour, and now I have fucked it all up for you and her.

I wanted one last kiss before she left. I managed to get our lips to meet, but she pushed me away and said 'Goodbye, we will never talk about this again.' I think she was feeling guilty. I tried to hold her hand as we walked to her car, I wanted that last bit of contact, she brushed me off. I knew then there would be no more contact between us, it had been a one-off thing but I felt relieved. I had my memories to take into the future. That was when I started to get hurt. I still do not know to this day what happened except I was in excruciating pain. I explained it to the Police, it was like being hit by an invisible boxer or some sort of martial arts expert. The Police cannot find out how it happened.

Knowing the pain I caused; I am now ashamed of that memory I was so going to cherish.

I am really sorry. If I see you in Swansea carrying a baseball bat I will just hold my hands out and take any punishment you wish to deal to me. May I suggest if you buy a baseball bat, buy a ball and a mitt at the same time.

A baseball bat on its own can be construed as a weapon, with a ball and a mitt, it's sports equipment. I like you and I am sorry for the pain I caused both you and Cheryl.

One person I owe a huge apology to is Dee. I like her, but it was never going to be long term, I unashamedly used her to stay close to Cheryl. It's a pity because Dee is a nice fun lady and I did not treat her as well as I should. Both Cheryl and Dee will be getting apologies from me.

Please I am begging you, please can you find it in your heart to forgive her and take her back.

Gerald.

Holding up the letter I asked. "Has Cheryl read this?"

"No, it's addressed to you."

"But you have read it."

"Yes, I wanted to know if it was worth giving to you, would it help you or hurt you more. I decided it would help you. Well, has it?"

"Well, nothing, it doesn't change a thing. She had sex with another man."

She glared at me. "You are a hard bastard."

"A hard bastard with a broken heart." I replied.

She stood up, looked down at me and said loudly. "Then give the woman that broke it the chance to mend it. She loves you and you miss her and still love her, I saw it Friday. For fucks sake man, give her a chance." She fell back in her chair. "Sorry, I wasn't going to do that, it has to be your choice, I lost it, I'm sorry, I can't tell you what to do. I need more tea."

She stood, took my mug and went to the teapot and filled both mugs.

She sat back down, she had a serious look on her face. "Look I'm not supposed to tell you this, I haven't been told specifically not to, it's just something we don't talk about. A couple of months after the divorce was final Cheryl went into a deep depression." I opened my mouth to ask how bad she got, but Dee held her hand up. "She didn't go out, only to work, and I think she had a couple of warnings about her performance, she seemed to be angry all the time and occasionally took it out on her workmates. I think she was mainly angry at herself."

"Harry and Margaret sent her to a psychiatrist and that helped her. The problem was she blamed herself for hurting you, then felt she was making excuses for herself. It was a sort of downward spiral into depression. I went with her to one of her sessions. I got asked because I was Gerald's girlfriend. I didn't understand most of what was happening, but the psychiatrist was very good. Well after a couple of months she seemed to pull herself out of it. That was when we started going out for drinks. John she really was in a lot of pain mentally for the hurt she caused you and her parents. I don't think she has forgiven herself even yet, she just hides it well. I'm not a psychiatrist but I have a feeling she was only getting into trouble at work so she would be punished. Weird I know but she felt she got off lightly in the divorce and that wasn't right. Perhaps you should've smacked her arse." Dee tilted her head and gave me the sly little grin she has. "Perhaps you should still give her arse a wallop?"

Fuck.

We talked about the New Years party, she let me know her parents would not be there. That was good, it could get messy. We chatted about nothing really, just filling in time till she felt sober enough to drive.

Then she did for me, as she stood by the front door, she looked at me and said. "Work out if you're better with her than without her." Then she was gone.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!

I threw myself into work for the last few days before Christmas. I got invited by Margret and Harry for Christmas dinner. I knew what they were planning, but I declined. I also got invited by Dee, her parents were still here so that would be safe. I accepted as long as Cheryl was not mentioned.

Some of us popped into work during Twixmas. Phil was getting quite excited about the New Year Party, I was starting to dread it. I knew Cheryl would be there. I suspected a set up.

New year's eve I managed to collect the drink that Dee had ordered for the party and I took some of my glasses round as Dee did not have many. I made sure there was no gin in the order, that would be dangerous. I hoped no one brought a bottle. I intend to stay somewhat sober waiting for the trap. Phil gave me a hand collecting the drinks for the party. He carried a couple of boxes of beer in. As soon as he put the boxes down, he took Dee into his arms and they kissed, and it was not a peck on the cheek either. I somehow had a feeling they had met up in between the Christmas party and now. It was none of my business, good luck to them.

My next job was collecting food. I left Dee and Phil together.

As expected, Cheryl turned up at the party, she was alone. She looked nice. I was chatting with Phil and Dee at the time, she came across to us and gave us all a kiss on the cheek, said hello and then went to join some people from the bank. I was waiting for the trap to be sprung. It was not going to be yet, I was too sober.

I played mine host, I made sure everyone had drinks and food. It was a way of not getting too drunk.

There were a few people I knew there, we chatted for a bit, it was quite laid back. I spotted where Dee had hung the mistletoe. I made sure to stay well away from it. I tried to stay on the other side of the room or even in a different room from Cheryl. I was careful with my drinking. I drank from bottles or cans that I opened. I didn't want my drinks to be spiked. I was wary someone would put me in a compromising position with Cheryl. 'Bloody hell, these were my friends. Stop being paranoid'. I said to myself. I sort of loosened up after that but still drank from bottles or cans. There was a beer I liked, there was plenty of that. Well, I would, I brought it. I wanted Old Crafty Hen but stuck to the weaker Old Speckled Hen.

I saw Dee slip outside, it was very hot and noisy in the house, I think she wanted a breath of fresh air. I followed her. She was sitting on the garden wall.

I sat next to her.

"Are you matchmaking?" I asked Dee out right.

She did not beat around the bush, she came straight out with it, no hesitation.

"Yes and not just me, her parents are in on it as well. Probably the only person who isn't is Cheryl, but she will take any chance to get back with you."

"Not happening."

Dee stood up, looking down at me and she started on at me angrily. "You silly bastard. The only person you're hurting is yourself, well and Cheryl. Has she suffered enough? That's not for me to say, only you can say when you feel she has been punished enough. She is blaming herself for hurting you, it is psychologically damaging her. She won't go out unless I or her parents take her. She engages at work but that is it outside work she is a bloody mess. And you, you miserable bugger, you rarely smile or laugh unless you have drunk too much, you're turning into a grumpy old sod, or is that old sot with the amount you drink on a weekend.

"I have watched you; you are still punishing yourself over something you had no control over. And you miss her. You have not moved on. You still love her that was plainly obvious to everyone at the Christmas do. The way you held her, looked at her and defended her when Jeffery accused her of being a slut in a roundabout way, you even took some of the blame yourself. The only person who didn't see it was you. I saw the way you looked at her." She paused. "Do you remember stroking her face after you laid her on your bed with her head over the bin?" I shook my head. "And the way you looked after her that Friday and Saturday. So stop hurting yourself and at least talk to her. See if there is a chance to forgive her and move on either together or separately, at least bloody move on."

She got the rant out of her system. She sat back down beside me. She was out of breath. She carried on quieter. "You will never forget but the memory will fade and when it does you will be able to move on and from what I see after the letter there may be a chance of forgiveness."

She sighed. "Anyway, I am fed up with looking after you, let Cheryl do it."

I felt a bit down, then hurt, then angry. "Sorry to bother you then, I'll just fuck off and not bother you in the future." I stood up quickly. "I thought we helped each other, so you can just fuck right off." I went to move away. I would have to walk home. I had not drunk a lot but far too much to drive.

A hand grabbed me and pulled me round Dee threw her arms around my neck. "Stop, no please wait. Sorry, that came out all wrong. Look, I told you before work, gym, sleep and repeat is not good for you. You're my best friend but it is time I became your second best friend and let Cheryl do what she was supposed to do."

She looked me straight in the eyes with her serious look. "Yes, you helped me, helped me a lot. I will admit helping you gave me something to take my mind off what he had done, but really, it was minor compared with what happened to you. Gerald and I were never for the long run, I knew that. But you were married, said vows, planning babies and everything, I lost nothing compared to you."

She kissed me. "Look, in an hour or so's time it will be a new year, and you should use that to start a new life with Cheryl. Or at least talk with her."

It appears I walked into the first trap.

Dee gave me a kiss on the cheek again and walked back inside. Was I really a miserable bastard? One way to find out. I walked back indoors, it was cold outside anyway. I looked around and saw where Phil and Dee were, their arms around each other's waists. I popped into the kitchen and grabbed a drink for all three of us. I walked back into the lounge and across to them. They saw me coming and Dee gave me a nervous smile.

Phil saw me coming and gave me a silly drunken grin. Just what I wanted. Handing them the drinks. Awkward for Dee as her glass was still full. She necked the one she had. As I handed the drink to Phil I said to him. "Hey mate, answer me a question." I didn't give him time to answer. "Am I a miserable bastard?"

"Yup, since you split up with Cheryl you've been like a bear with a sore head that has drunk too much gin. You're okay when your head is buried in work, otherwise you're a right miserable bastard. And when we go out it's not until you have a few pints down you, do you cheer up."

I looked at Dee, she looked at Phil, he just shrugged his shoulders. I did ask and drunks tell the truth.

A clasped him on the shoulder and said to him. "I tell you what mate, thank you for that. I promise you I will try not to be such a miserable bugger in the future." He looked at me all soppy and put his arms around me and gave me a hug and he said. "We know it's been difficult so we put up with you, and you're good at the job." He let me go and stood back next to Dee, sliding his arm around her. They looked good together.

I looked at Dee and gave her a small smile and nodded my head. She knew me by now. That was me saying 'thankyou'. I left the two lovebirds together and went into the kitchen where there was a group of blokes. All the best parties happen in kitchens, or on the staircase.

It was coming up to midnight, and I was dragged into the lounge. The television was on loud with Jools Holland's Annual Hootenanny counting down.

I found myself singing Auld Lang Syne at the top of my voice. I am not sure if it was planned but I had Dee one side and Cheryl the other. After we finished Dee took hold of me and kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug. She turned back to Phil with her arms wide open. I smiled; he did not get a kiss on the cheek. I turned round and Cheryl was there, I heard her say. "Please just kiss me." I will admit to being a little drunk, but I did, I leaned in, she wrapped her arms around me and all of a sudden my arms were wrapped around her waist. We kissed properly, I felt her tears on my face. She pulled back looking up at me, she said. "It's a New Year, a time for new beginnings. I'm begging you just this once please give me another chance. I will not let you down."

I pulled away. "I'm sorry, I don't know, I'm scared."

I went back to the drunks in the kitchen and started tidying up around them.

It was coming up to one o'clock and things were quietening down. The music had been getting slower.

I was talking to people on the other side of the room away from Cheryl, wary because I knew Dee's plan, but not how she was going to achieve her aim. I saw Dee give Phil a kiss and drag him across to the music player, then she walked towards me holding her arms out. I could hardly refuse. She wrapped her arms around me and that was when I realised there was no music. "This is for you." Dee said. Then I heard the melodious voice of Lucy Thomas. 'When you try your best but don't succeed.' Cold Play's 'I will fix you'.

I said quietly. "You have fixed me, you have done a brilliant job."

"No, I have done my best. But you can be so much better."

They must have practised this, Dee stepped backwards and suddenly Cheryl was there with her arms around me. She sang gently. "I will try to fix you." Right on cue. Then she said quietly. "I broke you, please let me fix you. It's my job, not Dee's. I love you."

"I don't know, I don't want to get hurt like that again."

"I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm asking you to give me a chance. We can work something out. I'm not asking to move in although I would like to, I miss you.

"Please just think about it, I'm going to fetch you a beer. A proper one."

She came back with an Old Crafty Hen, the top was not on. I lifted it up and looked at it. She gave me a funny look; I said to her. "Just checking you haven't spiked it to get me drunk and have you wicked way with me." I don't know where that came from. Maybe I was not as sober as I thought I was.

She smiled "If I thought that would have worked without upsetting you, I would have tried it, but 'no' that would have been a lie."

She slid her arm around my waist the next thing I knew Phil and Dee were standing in front of me and we were chatting. It seems so natural. I can say none of us were particularly sober at that stage of the game, but I was not the fall down drunk like I had been the previous years and certainly last year.

People had drifted away to go home and there were just the four of us left. Dee looked at me and said. "You know where the quilts are, you two sleep down here, Cheryl's got your old bed." That was us told.

Phil slept on the floor although he had plenty of quilts underneath him to make it soft. I did not get bothered by his snoring. I lay there half awake, fully drunk wondering what I was going to do.

It was a couple of hours later when I felt a warm body getting in next to me. I opened my eyes, and it was Cheryl. "Please, I just want to lay next to you, I have missed you, I have missed this." I hadn't got the heart to turn her away, in fact I didn't want to.

She was looking at me. "Go to sleep sweetheart. I will fix you."

I fell asleep. But before I closed my eyes, I noticed the quilt on the floor was empty.

I woke up with a hard on. Cheryl felt it. "You can use that if you wish." She whispered with her hand resting on it. I was tempted, but I shook my head gently. Was her getting on the sofa with me part of the trap? I was expecting something like this. I was not expecting my body to react the way it did.

We were disturbed by Dee coming down the stairs with Phil behind her. They were both smiling.

Then she got to the bottom of the stairs and she said to me. "John get the toast on and show Phil where everything is so he can do it next time. Cheryl, can you put the kettle on for tea? I'll make the coffee, come on you laggards." She had a bounce in her step.

I just stared at her for a few seconds, not moving. "Okay, please." It was a game we played. Everything was normal, I was still waiting for the trap to be sprung.

We settled around the table with tea, coffee, toast, Strawberry, Raspberry jam, marmalade, Marmite and painkillers. Phil must like Marmite, strange man. We laughed about the antics we saw last night, the bad jokes, the good jokes. I was topping up Cheryl's coffee and my tea from the teapot on the counter and I thought to myself. 'Is this part of the trap? Make me comfortable with Cheryl'.

I certainly felt comfortable late last night with our arms around each other, and this morning together on the sofa.

As I walked back I saw Phil was holding Dee's hand under the table. If there was a trap that was not part of it. I looked at Cheryl as I went back to my chair, she smiled at me, the smile reached her eyes, it was warm.

As I put our drinks down, I realised Dee and Phil were comfortable and I was confused.

What the bloody hell did I want?

I sat down and realised I needed time to sort my head out. I drank my tea and said. "That was an absolutely wonderful evening, I thank you so much, I've got to go home.

I have things to think about." I paused. "Phil, see you at work. Dee, give me a shout when you want to go for a drink."

I stood up. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Cheryl look down. I was about to say goodbye to her. Dee stood up. I've never seen such a thunderous look on her face. "No, you're fucking not, sit down" I could see Phil was completely taken aback by that outburst. I was not, I stayed standing.

"Before you leave here you will tell Cheryl you'll never see her again or you take her out for coffee next week or I will never speak to you again, you miserable bastard." She was bloody angry with me.

I turned to her "I love you as a best friend, but do not try to control my life." I could not quite get the anger into my voice that she had. But I meant it.

"Well, let me tell you a few home truths buster."

She went through most of the things we had talked about how I was a miserable bastard and that Phil had confirmed it. The way I looked after Cheryl when she needed it. The way I looked at Cheryl and things I had said over the last couple of weeks since the Christmas party.

Then she cheated.

"When was the last time you went on holiday?"

"September, I think."

"It was June, and I said go on holiday, not spend a week at home doing jobs and getting drunk in the evening. The next time you look in a mirror, look at those big grey bags under your eyes, you're tired, knackered."

I didn't remember the last real sit on a beach and relax style holiday, it was probably when I was with Cheryl.

She was right, I was tired, not just sleepy tired but bone achy tired.

She carried on. "As much as I have tried, I have not broken you of the work, gym, eat, sleep repeat then getting shitfaced at the weekend." She paused. "Yes, I know we got shitfaced together sometimes, but that was only so we could look after each other. But I had a life outside that, you didn't, and still don't. Cheryl broke you. It's her job to fix you. I have done my bit."

Dee sat down and said in her normal voice. "Right you two bugger off, Phil's going to give me a hand to finish tidying up and then we're going out for dinner."

We had been dismissed; I gathered my stuff. Cheryl turned up beside me. "Please can you give me a lift home, I am sure Mum and Dad would like to see you and wish you a happy new year. Anyway, we had better leave the lovebirds alone." I'm certain there was a tear in her eye.

Ah, this was the trap, me and Cheryl alone together in the car.

I was sure most of it had been a setup to get us back together. Honestly enough, I was tempted some of the things they had said rang true. Was I better with her or without her? Was she really sorry for what she did? I would have to think about that.

We got to her parent's house, and I was welcomed in. We had a cup of tea and a chat. Harry wanted to know how I was doing at work and had there been any interesting projects recently? I could see hope on Margret's face. There were no awkward questions.

Cheryl walked with me to my car, as I was getting in she said. "Please just come for a coffee with me sometime? Please, think about it."

"No." Her face dropped.

Dee was correct, so was Phil. I was a miserable bastard of late, lonely and tired too. I had to sort this out, but I needed an answer, the answer first. "I'll try to book a table in the Rose and Crown. We'll have dinner tomorrow evening. I think we need more than time for a cup of coffee for this."

A smile lit up her face.

Cheryl waved me goodbye. Then I got it, it had crossed my mind before, but I discounted it. I had been waiting for individual little traps. It was the whole bloody evening. They wanted to show me it would be so much better with Cheryl than without her, what normal would be like again. Well, they may be right, but I needed an answer to that one question first.

I went home. Shit, I have been confused before, but the 1st of January this year I was more confused than I had ever been in my life.

I did manage to get a table. I picked her up from her parents' house. She looked sexy and smart. I half expected her to go full on sexy glam, but she didn't. The food was good. I drank tonic water without the gin.

We talked about things that had happened to us in the last year since we got divorced. She told me about the people she had been training, I told her about some of the projects I had done and what we had lined up in the future.

The coffee arrived. Now was the time for the question.

I took a sip of my coffee, leaned back in my chair, looked at her and said. "Why?"

"I knew this was coming, I have been waiting eighteen months for it. I have thought of little else. I have no excuse and only very poor reasons. I even went to a psychiatrist for a couple of visits. She only confirmed what I had already thought.

"I felt sorry for him, I liked him, he was a friend, a friend with a problem and I let my emotions get the better of me, and you had warned me about that, you offered to come with me, you wanted to come with me to protect me, and I turned you down. That must have hurt too"

"It did, but not as much as the other stuff."

"I had every intention to convince him that the job in Swansea was the best option for him, and that was it. I was only going to be there for an hour. It never crossed my mind that he would try to seduce me or trick me to have sex with him. He was our friend, your friend. You don't do that to friends.

"When he said he was ill, I did not think for one second he would lie to me, you don't do that to friends either. It turns out he wasn't a friend after all.

"He asked if we could make love just once, just one hour, something to help him through his troubles. Something he could look back on with pleasure. I held my hand up to him to show I was married; he just took hold of my hand and took my rings off and said. 'Look for just one hour you are not married'. He got his phone out and started a one hour timer. So, it seemed sort of logical to me for the next fifty-nine minutes I was not married and I could help him. There was a definite end to it, when the alarm went off I would put my rings back on and return to being married, to being your wife as if nothing happened. I was certain I would be able to bury it deep in my mind with what I did, but I would have the knowledge that I helped a friend at a difficult time.

"My psychologist told me he preyed on my friendship and my emotions. He knew I was vulnerable because I was advising a friend to move a hundred and fifty miles away. Move away from Dee and that would hurt her as well. He played on all that. And worst of all I fell for it."

"Anyway, halfway through, I realised what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't stop. I looked at him and he was happy, very happy. I had given a friend what he wanted, but I had lost something in myself. I didn't enjoy it, I felt dirty. I was certain I could bury in the back of my mind what I had done."

She looked down, tears were pouring down her cheeks. "It never entered my head that we didn't use protection and I could get pregnant by him. I was just helping a friend. I think in hindsight that if he had stopped to get a condom, that would have broken the spell and I would have realised what I was doing, I think he knew that. When we finished, I needed to get home so I cleaned myself up and went to leave, he followed me. He kissed me just inside the front door, but I pushed him away. He wanted to hold hands as we walked towards my car, but it didn't feel right so I shrugged him off. That was when he started jerking around like somebody was hitting him. Then he was just a person in trouble. I'm sorry, I really am so very sorry."

She looked up at me through the tears. "I am so ashamed that I could be so stupid, so naive and that I betrayed you and your trust in me."

She wiped her face with a handkerchief, she looked a mess. Standing up she said. "I need to go home; I'll get a taxi."

I reached out then took her hand, "No you can't go home looking like that. Look, let's go back to the house, you can get cleaned up before you go home. What would your parents think if I sent you home looking like that?"

She seemed to relax in the car then I asked her. "Who else have you told about what happened?"

"You're the first person I have told the whole story to, well apart from my psychologist, that is."

"This is going to sound strange, but do you feel better for it?"

She answered straight away. "I don't know, part of me yes, and part of me feels like I'm still making excuses, like, I'm making up a story so you forgive me." I saw a shift around in a seat so she was facing me. "I feel like everything I say to you is some sort of shabby excuse. I'm sorry."

We pulled up outside the house and we went inside, I put the coffee on. She went upstairs to our old bathroom and came back a quarter of an hour later looking much better. "You haven't changed anything then?"

"I don't see the need."

We sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee. I had a few more questions but I wasn't sure now was the time, but I needed answers before I made a decision. "I have some more questions, do you mind?"

"You have the right to ask anything you like, and I will never lie to you. Those two lies I told you about not having sex with Gerald haunt me. So, ask away."

"What did you do about Gerald?"

I could see her thinking a bit, what did she need to think about? "There were things I did and things I wanted to do that I have not told anybody about, including my psychiatrist. I went to work the following day and put in a sexual harassment complaint. HR had to wait until he was out of hospital. They expected it to be my word against his. But he did not deny it; he just had no comment. That left HR in a quandary, they had never seen this in a complaint before, most people either deny it, a few admit it. Gerald did neither, he just did not comment. The bank expedited his move to Swansea and issued an informal warning."

"Before Gerald got out of Hospital I went to apologise to Dee. She listened to me until I got to the bit about his illness. Then she told me he bragged about not having a sick day in his life. He never even got Covid during the pandemic. That was when I realised he lied to me. I felt such a fool." She paused. "That was when Dee said to me 'You got suckered by him as well'. I think that was when she started to forgive me."

She took a sip of her coffee and carried on. "I've never told anybody what I wanted to do." Her voice took on a hard edge. "I wanted to get a bat, any sort of bat, bit of wood or a crowbar, anything and beat the living shit out of him. I wanted to keep going until he couldn't walk and he would never have sex again, not even a wank. But I would end up in prison and everybody would know I betrayed my husband and what a stupid cow I had been."

She finished her coffee, it was probably cold by now.

"On his first day back at work Dee and I got him alone. We tackled him with it and asked if he lied. He admitted straight away he did, and he was sorry, had he known what would have happened he would not have done it. That was when Dee slapped him, bloody hell I thought the whole bank heard the noise because it all went silent."

"So, who knows you had sex with Gerald?"

"Well apart from us four, just my Mum and Dad. I think some people in the bank including HR suspect, but nobody is saying anything." Looking at me she said. "That is the way I want it to stay."

"Why?" I was pretty certain I knew why she would not want the knowledge to get out, but I wanted to hear it from her.

"There were lots of things going around in my head, it would show me as a slut who did not respect my husband. People will think he's a cuckold and a wimp. He is neither. I had to protect you and my Mum and Dad. They would be ashamed if it got out what I did." She wiped a tear away. "They were ashamed of me as it was. Protecting me was a second priority, protecting those who loved me, the ones I let down was my first."

Well she was wrong on one part, I was a cuckold according to the Oxford English Dictionary, just only those directly involved and her parents knew about it.

She was in tears again.

I couldn't help it. I stood up and went to her, she stood and I took her in my arms. I took her through into the lounge and sat her down and went for more coffee. I wanted beer, but I would have to drive her home to make sure she got there. A taxi or Uber would seem heartless.

When I got back she was asleep, I dragged the throw from the back of the sofa and laid it across her. I sat in the armchair and looked at her. During her talking I had decided to give her another chance, how far we would go and how it would work I had no idea.

It was about half an hour later when she stirred, she saw me looking at her and she smiled.

"John, sorry for falling asleep, I'm afraid that was a bit traumatic. I had better go home now. I will leave you alone. I'll give my Dad a call to see if he can pick me up. I'm sorry I won't bother you again, I can see how upset you are." Her eyes were shining with tears.

"No, I'll drive you home. It is starting to snow. Your Dad doesn't like driving in snow and they have had enough to put up with." We walked out to the car and drove to her parents. The drive was silent. When we stopped outside her parent's house she went to get out the door. I said to her quite harshly. "Stop, wait there."

She looked stunned at me. I got out of the car and went round to the passenger side and opened the door for her. I helped her out of the car. "I'm not sure how this is going to work. I have a few things to sort out in my head, but can we go out for a drink sometime this week?"

She threw her arms around me. "Absolutely, just say when."

"Look, this is going to be difficult for me."

"Sweetheart, I will do anything, absolutely anything to get you back."

"Well, I hope you don't mean absolutely anything. I think murder is off the cards." I smiled, she smiled back at me

"Well okay, not absolutely everything. I'm sure there are some things I won't do."

There was a bounce to her step as she walked up the path towards her parent's house. She stopped by the door and waved to me. It was starting to snow quite heavily now.

I had been home for ten minutes when my phone notification buzzed. It was Cheryl. 'Thank you, you will not regret giving me a chance.'

I was halfway down a very long G&T when my phone rang. It was Dee. "Right, you old bugger how did it go?"

"I will tell you how it went if you tell me how your day was with Phil."

"No, sod off. I never ask you about your sex life, don't you ask me about mine." She giggled. "Come on, how did it go?"

"We talked a lot and we're going out for dinner sometime during the week."

"Excellent."

I had a question that I did not want to ask over the phone, I wanted to look at her face when I asked the question. "Look, could I wander round for a drink, I could do with one?" I said after sipping my G&T.

"Yes of course you can, Phil is still here."

I couldn't drive after I finished my G&T. I had some difficult questions to ask my best friend. It took me just over twenty minutes to get there through the snow. It was bloody cold, fortunately it wasn't too windy.

When I got there a gin and tonic was waiting for me. A slightly red hue so it was probably rhubarb. I took a long sip, just the right mixture, not too strong. But it was Raspberry. I did not mess around. Sitting opposite them I said. "Okay was that a trap to get me and Cheryl back together?" Phil looked at Dee with a confused look on his face. "I spent all my time waiting for little traps of you getting me and her together. Alright the dance was a crafty one, but that was the only one I saw."

She was still smiling. "So, is there a chance you two could make up?"

Bloody woman did not answer my question. I was used to that.

"I don't know but I'm going to give it a try. So, what was the trap?"

"Well apart from the dance, that was a trap, nothing else was. The whole point was to get you two in the same room and let the alcohol do its work. But you kept running away, she couldn't nail you down, so I helped. She seriously regrets what she's done to you. I have made no secret I want you to move on, and I would like it to be with Cheryl. She wants you back. But there was no real trap. Well, I suppose the whole evening was a trap really." She smiled. "But not for you, I wanted to trap this man beside me." With that she slipped her arm through Phil's. He was still looking a bit confused; he'll get used to it.

I had another Raspberry Gin and tonic and battled my way home.

It was Friday night and after a few messages Cheryl pulled up at my front door, she was going to drive to the restaurant so I could have a few beers. Snow had been forecast early in the morning so we should be okay for the evening.

The restaurant wasn't busy, sensible people were staying indoors. After a nice meal and chatting about nothing in particular we found our way in front of the fire the restaurant had. We did not talk. Cheryl took my hand as we revelled in the warmth of the logs burning. Part of me wanted to take my hand away, part of me did not, I let her hold on.

Bugger, Dee's plan was working. I was feeling the best I had for months, when sober anyway.

It had just started to snow lightly when we got back to my place. I invited Cheryl in for a coffee, or tea. She accepted, saying tea would be nice.

Whilst I was making the tea Cheryl turned up and leaned on the kitchen door frame. "I see you have the fire set ready to light, can I light it please. The one in the restaurant reminded me how nice they are. Mum and Dad don't have one."

"Okay, you know where the matches are."

She smiled at me and held up her hand with a box of matches in. giving them a shake. "I thought you might be okay with it, so I have them ready."

With that she went back into the living room and I heard a match strike, and shortly after the sound of the kindling burning.

I walked back into the living room with a tray of tea, the fire was blazing merrily.

"I see you still use the wax off the cheese as a firelighter."

"Yes, it works well. If something works, why change it?"

We sat and talked about the alterations we had done to the house since we brought it, and the antics we got up to whilst doing the work. I was fully aware of what was happening. And I wasn't sure I wanted to stop it.

We finished the pot of tea, two cups each. Cheryl said to me. "It's getting late, I'd better go home before the snow gets here." She paused, I think she was hoping I was going to ask her to stay the night. Trust me, I was very tempted. I need a little bit longer. Cheryl gave a nervous little giggle and said she needs to go to the little girl's room before she goes home, she didn't want to have to stop on the way home or get distracted by needing to pee.

Knowing it was cold outside we said our goodbyes indoors before I opened the front door. I wrapped my arms around her and told her I would see her sometime next week. She smiled at that. Then I open the front door. The snow had arrived early. There was at least 6 inches on the roads, and it was still coming down, you could barely see a hand in front of your face. If you're not used to driving in snow that could be a challenge and I'm sure it was freezing underneath.

"It looks like you better stay the night."

Looking up at me she said." As much as I would like to, I really would, I think you feel it's a bit early, so no I'll go home, I will be careful. I won't do anything stupid."

"No, it's not worth taking the risk that if you get stuck you will block the snow ploughs. Anyway, you've just got the fire going nicely."

"Is that you with your risk assessment head on?" Cheryl asked giggling.

"Yes, a dynamic risk assessment has been carried out. And the only way to make the risk as low as reasonably practicable is for you to stay here for the night. Now let's put some more logs on that fire and sit in front of it."

She smiled at me and said. "Okay, can I have a proper drink now please. Oh, not a gin and tonic. I've heard the stories about you and Gin from Dee."

"I've got a couple of cheap supermarket bottles of red, will that do?"

"Sharing a bottle of wine with you, no matter how bad it is, it will always taste like ambrosia."

I helped her off with the coat and went to fetch the wine. I heard her talking on the phone. She was talking to her mother telling her the snow was so bad she was staying over. I noticed she didn't mention where she was staying.

We settled in front of the fire and carried on talking about the house, about Phil and Dee and how they seemed to hit it off. Cheryl told me she had not seen Dee so wrapped up in a man since Gerald left. She looked down like that. I'm guessing she was ashamed of her part in that event. Any mention of what happened then was always going to let the black dog free, as it had done for me for the last eighteen months.

Cheryl quickly moved on and asked me if I thought Phil and Dee would get married? I told her from what I had seen I would be surprised if they were not married by next Christmas.

She slipped an arm through mine, I let her. "I'm glad you kept the fire. I see you've been using it."

Staring at the flames I said a bit sheepishly. "Sometimes I felt it was the only sense of warmth and comfort I had. I would just sit here drinking and look at the flames."

Cheryl put her hand on my face and pulled it round to look at her. There were tears in her eyes. "I'm trying not to keep on saying I'm sorry, but sometimes I have to. I love you, I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I've caused you so much pain you did not deserve. Please you're broken, let me fix you, because I am not whole without you. By fixing you, you can fix me, because I need you. Like you and Dee helped each other."

With that she slid round on the sofa and straddled me and took my face in her hands and kissed me warmly and deeply. "Please, let me start fixing you here and now in front of this fire."

She slipped back off of me, stood up, undid her blouse and dropped it on the floor, she quickly unzipped her skirt and that joined the blouse. She was wearing pretty but not sexy underwear and stockings. She reached behind her back and released her bra, her breasts were still as fantastic as they'd ever been. She slid her knickers down her legs and onto the floor.

Her hands came to the belt of my trousers and soon my flies were undone, she tugged my trousers.

Apart from the raging hard on I gave my next indication I was happy with what was happening I raised my backside so she could pull my trousers down. She took me in her mouth. It was wonderful. It was just like old times.

And that was the trap, make it like the good old times. She did my favourite of nibbling gently up the side before taking me in her mouth and then repeating it. I had to pull her off me. It had been many months since I've been intimate with a woman. I was not going to last long. She took hold of my hands and laid back onto the carpet in front of the fire pulling me with her.

As she lay down on her back she opened her legs with one hand and she guided me straight into her. She immediately clamped her legs around my back, and arms around my neck.

"Oh my God that is so good, please just keep on going, please, harder." She whispered to me. I did, there was no finesse, this was raw pent-up passion. I hammered away at her with all that I had. All of a sudden her pussy got tighter and she pulled herself up into me. Her arms crushed me and her head went back and her body shuddered, her pussy clamped. I shot my load deep into her.

I tried to pull off so that I didn't squash her, but she hung on to me. "No, please stay there as long as you can, please."

She kissed me, stroked my face and said. "Thank you so much. I needed you in me." This couldn't continue, we were laying in front of the fire on the carpet. I was nearly fully dressed with just my trousers undone and Cheryl was laying there in stockings and shoes. I eased myself off of her and dragged the throw off the back of the sofa and wrapped it around her. I poured her another glass of wine then threw some logs on the fire.

I decided in front of the fire was the best place to be. I went upstairs and grabbed a quilt from the airing cupboard and took it downstairs. We wrapped ourselves in the quilt after I had undressed. We were both naked, well she was nearly naked. Her hand was resting on my chest and her head on my shoulder. It was so familiar, so comfortable. The trap had been sprung, and I was thinking about it. I didn't mind.

"What's that smile for?" she said

I didn't realise, I was smiling but I was. "The trap worked."

Cheryl pulled back and looked at me. "What trap?"

"Dee wanted to get us together in the same room so I would realise I was better with you than without. I'd be a more comfortable, happy, cheerful person and not the miserable bastard I'd become. She told me she has done all she could do to fix me. But now she has a new love in her life, and she needs all of her attention on him. I completely understand. So yes, there was a trap, despite my being careful I still fell into it and do you know what, I don't mind"

Cheryl looked up at me and said. "I get it, I think she used me. I've made no secret that I want you back and I will do anything, absolutely anything to get you back." She gave a little giggle. "Okay as you pointed out murder and some things like that are off the cards but pretty much anything. And I think she used that, and I don't mind either."

By now her hand had slid down and was cupping my balls and stroking my cock, it was getting hard. We made love gently this time.

I woke up a couple of times throughout the night and put some more logs on the fire to keep it going and to keep the place warm. The central heating had turned off. I woke up in the morning with Cheryl in my arms. As I laid there pondering what was going to happen next, I realised Cheryl was awake and looking at me. "I've known you long enough, I can read that furrow in your brow. No, I don't know how this is going to play out either. I can't just move back in here because we've made love a couple of times, but please let's keep exploring this relationship."

She slid herself away from me, sat up and said. "I think it's time for breakfast." She got out of the quilt and I watched her cute backside framed by the suspenders walk away. She knows I love that look.

I went to collect a couple of bathrobes. We sat eating toast and drinking tea and I had to ask her a question. "I'm sorry to spoil the mood but do we need to do anything we didn't use any protection last night?"

"I was hoping my plan from the Christmas party was going to work so I've been back on the pill to be ready just in case it did. It would not be fair for me to trap you by getting pregnant. I would never do that to you. If and when we have children, it will be a joint decision between the two of us and nature of course." She carried on quietly. "I do realise after my last performance you may not want to risk having children with me. You may not even wish to have a full relationship, but I tell you, I will take anything I can get. I love you. I will not hurt you again."

It started slowly, first a wash kit and some makeup. Then some underwear, then proper clothes and soon she was spending more time in my house than she was with her parents. We fell back into that routine, but she never asked if she could move in.

After about five months I asked her. We spent the next day moving the last of her stuff from her parent's house. Then she surprised me. The first day she got home from work she gave me a piece of paper.

"John, prenuptial agreements are not legally binding in the UK. So this is a business contract I've got our lawyers to come up with. Again, probably not legally binding, but if I knowingly signed this our lawyers say no judge would go against it. At no time will I ever have a claim to this house or any of your property no matter what I put into it. Also if I step out on you, I leave with what I bought into this place yesterday."

Well, blow me down. Seemed a serious commitment to me beyond anything a marriage licence would invoke.

We settled down into a comfortable lifestyle possibly better than we had before. It appears absolutely anything to get me back was not quite true alongside murder and things of that nature illegal. Sharing either one of us was a no go. I didn't mind, it wasn't in my plans anyway.

Then the expected happened, we just did not know when. We were out with Dee and Phil in the Red Lion celebrating Dee's birthday. After we finished eating Phil stood up and offered his hand to Dee and asked if she could give him a couple of minutes outside. I thought nothing of it till I heard the squeal. They came back. Dee was crying, her makeup was running down her face, they were obviously tears of joy. She held her left hand out and there was the ring that Phil gave her. That was a good night.

I was best man; Cheryl was chief bridesmaid, and the wedding ceremony went off without a hitch.

Until Dee threw the bouquet. I think she knew where to aim for. It went straight towards Cheryl, but she made no attempt to catch it. It bounced off her and landed on the floor in front of her. She ignored it.

"Are you going to pick that up?" I asked Cheryl.

She shook her head.

"Traditionally the girl that catches the bouquet is the one that is due to get married next. But if you're not going to pick it up, I would love to give you a hand."

I bent down, picked the bouquet up and offered it to her, saying. "Please accept this." I smiled.

She whispered to me. "Does this mean what I think it means? Or am I hoping for too much?"

"It does."

She took the flowers from me and threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. What happened was not missed by a lot of people. I whispered to her. "This is Dee and Phil's day, we will have ours later."

The wedding breakfast went well. Back in the good old days just the best man would make the speech. But these days every man and his bloody dog had a say. So I did my bit, I told embarrassing stories about Phil and mildly humorous ones about Dee, her father told childhood tales about her. Dee, of course did not hold back taking the mickey out of me, she was gentle with her father but positively glowed when she talked about Phil. Phil stood up and said. "Enough talking, more celebrating." and sat down, good man.

After Dee danced the first dance with Phil, the second with her Dad she came and dragged me away from my smiling Cheryl. "I saw you pass the bouquet across to Cheryl, and she threw her arms around your neck, does that mean what I think it means?"

"Yes, it does but now is not the time and place. This is your wedding, this is your and Phil's day. Nothing should take the shine off of that.

"Have you got the ring?"

"Yes, she can't wear those old ones, they're tainted."

"She only wears them because in her mind she is still married to you she knows they're tainted. Where is the ring?"

"It's at home, where else would it be?"

"Then I would like you to fetch it and propose to her here."

"No, this is your wedding nothing is going to take the shine off that and what would people think? They will think I am trying to steal the show."

"Please John, it would make my day to see my two best friends reunited. That would be the crowning glory. Please as a wedding gift to me."

"What about Phil?"

"Look, I might seem like the bossy sort, but I will tell you that Phil and I share stuff but this time he will do as he's told, actually I don't think he will mind, in fact let's go and ask him."

We went and found Phil and had a quick word with him. He was pleased because he had also noticed me passing the bouquet off over to Cheryl, in fact so had almost everybody else there and they came up with the same conclusion. I shot home, fortunately I'd only had a glass of wine with dinner to toast the happy couple. As I was leaving I saw Dee was on a phone. Where did she get that phone from in her wedding dress? Who was she phoning on her wedding day? Never mind, I rushed home.

When I got back the car parking slot I vacated was taken up. I recognised the car. It was Harry and Margaret's. Her parents were here, I'm guessing that is who Dee was phoning. That was good.

As I walked into the reception, I could not see Harry and Margaret around anywhere. Cheryl came rushing up to me. "Where have you been? Phil told me you had a job to do, what was that? It's time to kick back and enjoy ourselves now?"

The music stopped. Dee and Phil walked up in front of the DJ, he passed the microphone over to Dee. Phil reached out and took it from her and gave her a peck on the cheek and whispered something to her, she just nodded. He faced the crowd "Dear friends and family, you are about to witness something my wife has been wanting to see happen for a long time." He slipped his arm around her waist. "In fact she asked that it happens here and now. This is not to detract from our wedding, this is a bonus to it and my darling wife is about to burst into tears." He looked at me and said. "Over to you mate."

The crowd turned and looked at us. Cheryl just had her mouth open, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the box and opened it up. I was going to get down on one knee, I didn't get the chance, she threw herself at me. There was lots of applause and whistles, then next to us was Harry and Margaret, hugging us, Margret was crying. Harry was still wearing his tatty old green gardening jumper, he had not changed from coming out of the garden. Dee joined the group hug, tears pouring down her face. Phil had been correct.

We all separated and I took Cheryl's left hand, removed the tainted rings and slipped them into my pocket. I replaced them with the engagement ring.

Harry and Margaret went home, got changed and returned to the reception. We partied long into the night.

Six months later we were married. It was not a big ceremony. Dee and Phil returned the favour as best man and Chief Bridesmaid; she was the only bridesmaid. Dee was especially glowing as her bump was just starting to show.

Life settled down, it was good. Possibly because of all the trauma we had both been through it was probably better. I would not recommend going through what we went through.

It was a year later when we shared the news that Cheryl was with child. Little Dee turned up two weeks late, late just like her namesake.

Did I visit Swansea with a baseball kit? It crossed my mind for a while to take the Terminator on a Welsh holiday, but I couldn't be bothered.

I sold the rings and gave the proceeds to an Armed Forces Charity.

You can feel affection for more than one person but along the way there are a lot of decisions to be made and not always the right one are.