Like Kind Exchange Pt. 03

Like Kind Exchange Part 3

Sandy fought a valiant battle on two fronts being both angry and disappointed in herself. She knew she hadn't purposely sold out her family to have an affair. She hadn't set out to diminish her inhibitions. But she'd actively engaged in behavior that led to both. Her husband was hurt. Her marriage was in danger; if it failed her kids would be impacted tremendously as well. She would never get over the heartbreak and knew Mark wouldn't either.

It was hard putting a smile on for her family when she felt like slapping herself. At least she had an ally. Mark had seen right through her, and God bless him, they were able to talk about it. They were getting along as friends: talking about and sharing their turmoil. They still were partners sharing a terrible secret. They both wanted things to change back to what they had been or at least move in that direction. But it was obvious they both felt she'd failed at a key tenant of being a wife. As lovers they were basically nowhere. They both knew she was available to him, and both knew he wasn't currently interested, which vexed both of them. Sandy was desperate to change their status and Mark probably couldn't function for much longer this way without the kids noticing.

The unfortunate dynamic continued for several weeks. Sandy didn't think Mark would leave her, but the longer it went on the more she questioned it. She was worried and morose. The kids didn't know what had happened but knew their parents were miserable. They also knew they loved each other. One morning after Mark had gone to work there was an awkward silence in the kitchen before the kids went to school. Sandy had been adrift in a sea of worry when she looked up to see her children staring at her.

They looked so sad and so sympathetic. She didn't know what to do.

Their eldest boy was lost too but tried to find a way through the fog, "Mom, I, uh we, uh we know something is wrong. We want to help." His younger sister stood on one side of him with their little brother on the other. They were uniform in their feelings.

Sandy began to cry, "I love you kids!" She held out her arms and they joined in a group hug. She told them while choking off her tears, "We're working through it. I did something stupid. I've disappointed your father most terribly. T-This is MY fault, don't give him any grief. He's doing more than many men would. He won't let you kids down." She added with genuine awe, "He's even doing his best for me. I've been trying to apologize but found out I'd done something even earlier to really disappoint him."

"Mom, can we help?"

"I've been silly and selfish."

"You're not selfish, Mom," all the kids nodded. They hadn't meant to reinforce the silliness angle, they just vehemently disagreed with the selfish label.

"I don't want to air any problems your father and I have, kids. We have true regard for each other. I love him to death, and you see how he looks at me."

They nodded slowly having noticed their father wasn't looking at her the same way.

Sandy sighed, "I HAVE been selfish. When your great grandfather passed, his estate went to your father and his brother. There was either cash or the lake house. Your father wanted the lake house."

"Yeah, Dad talks about it sometimes," the youngest enthused, obviously infected by his father's tales.

"Yes well, I didn't know how much. The point was we had you kids and needed a new place. We could move in the lake house, which was no larger than what we had, or we could take the cash. Your uncle didn't have kids yet, so the lake house went his way."

"Gosh Mom, Uncle Thomas doesn't seem to like the lake house as much as Dad does."

Yes," Sandy admitted, "but he didn't have a house at all and a house on the lake is pretty wonderful. The lake is huge and ... and I had found this house and fell in love with it."

The girl spoke up, "This house is great, Mom." Seeing her mother's reaction, she knew there was a significant problem.

"Well, I selfishly wanted to live and raise you kids here."

The eldest having seen he was in a minefield ventured slowly, "This has been a great house, Mom. It's the neatest looking one in the neighborhood, has one of the largest yards, and is close to everything and everyone."

Sandy nodded morosely. "Yes, that's what I saw, and I already loved this house. But I loved it so much I never realized how much your father loved the lake house. It's as obvious to me now as it should have been then that the lake house was central to how your father saw his future life and who he was a person. But without a hint of disappointment, he gave all that up to make me happy and do well by you kids."

"By us?"

"I was convinced this house was the better and safer choice in which to raise you. It turns out your father completely disagreed. He also disagreed with prioritizing safety to the degree I did. He didn't want you endangered, but too much safety leads to a false world view. He wanted you to be able to wade into difficult situations to diffuse them, not run away expecting someone else to step up. I'll explain it someday."

The boy spoke with quiet confidence, "Don't worry Mom, we know Dad, we get it. He wants us prepared. He's not pushing us to jump motorcycles over buses, he just doesn't want us scared of our shadows or fearful to stand up for ourselves. So why didn't Dad stand up for himself then?"

"Because he loved me so much, and this property and life is what I wanted." Sandy paused, "I was selfish because I wanted what I wanted so much I never saw how important the other choice was to your father. Because I never seriously considered the lake house, I also never saw it as a sacrifice your father was making. It was a MAJOR sacrifice." Sandy looked like she wanted to throw up.

The kids got it except for one major part. "That was a long time ago, Mom. Why is it coming up now?"

Sandy closed her eyes, "Because I did something recently that drove home to your father that I am a selfish person. I'll give you the tip of the iceberg. He's still working like a dog to pay for this place, and the maintenance on it is huge. It's so fancy with such delicate detailing it's even more to maintain than the lake house which was designed from the get-go to stand up to the lake conditions. Both are more expensive than the average house, but this one being so much larger and more ornate takes a lot of money and time. Your father has labored this entire time to keep it something we can be proud of. He's also worked hard to fund your college careers. If you go to in-state schools, he may be able to pay for all of you with minimal extra loans and no debt to you. In this day and age that's virtually unheard of. Your father has been unswerving in his dedication to us."

Sandy looked away for a moment, "My Christmas party was coming up. I'd done some good things last year and was told I was being recognized. So, I was going to a party that was partially in my honor. Your father could take on an extra project for extra pay, but it meant working late that same night. I decided I'd go to my party and got folks to keep you kids overnight. I even gave them money for your food. While your father toiled at work performing duties he didn't enjoy to make more money for us, I spent some of that extra money so I could go to a party without him."

The kids looked at each other at that revelation.

"Worse, that isn't the only time it's happened. For years you guys are out on some adventure having fun, while I'm enjoying my house and life, and your father is off working to pay for our lifestyles, having given up all the hobbies and activities that gave him pleasure." Sandy rubbed her temples.

"I never should have gone to that party!" Now Sandy had to put on the best acting job of her life to minimize her sin while laying its background.

"Kids, I didn't just go to the party: I got drunk, hammered in fact, and did some things that embarrassed us, especially your father. I, ah, did some things that really disrespected him."

Sandy's daughter was worried, her mind going to dark possibilities, "Like w-what, Mom? Dancing on top of tables?" She diluted her fears with the second idea.

Sandy put everything into keeping her composure: this was the misdirection her family needed to not fragment. "Exactly like dancing on tables. Exactly that sort of wanton disregard for my modesty and I singed your father precious and irreplaceable image of me. I acted like there was no one to be embarrassed other than me. So, I disrespected you kids too. I-I didn't mean to, but I did, and no one made me drink that much. I got my recognition; I was everyone's hero. I got a big bonus which I thought would make your father happy and I thought ... no I didn't think, which was EXACTLY the problem."

Sandy was still for a while. "I was out painting the town red while your father continued to slave away for us. I was having a grand time ..." she barely kept from the phrase "having a ball", "... while your father toiled. That was never going to be right. But I also took it way too far."

Sandy paused while lost in terrible memories, "Because I was so drunk, I took a room there to sleep it off. I didn't sober up enough to call your father to tell him I was okay until halfway through the night. He'd come home to an empty house and couldn't get ahold of me. I'd worried him to death, then had to explain while slurring my words that I was still at a party that had ended hours ago." Sandy shook her heads ruefully, "The contrast in our actions that night couldn't be greater."

The kids knew their mother had wronged their father, but not the true terrible extent. She told them, "Your father is not overreacting. He's really shot down over this. Most men would have given me a MUCH worse time about it. However, I've made him question my concern for him - and I'm guilty! I wish I wasn't. It was an accident, but I jumped into the behavior that led to the unacceptable behavior that hurt the man I love. I'm desperate to make him happy again."

The kids hugged her again, telling her, "We believe in you Mom."

The kids left for school rooting for their parents to escape the tarpit they were mired in. The boys seemed to think their parents would make it eventually. Their daughter was chilled to the bone. She prayed her mother hadn't done more than she said, though she couldn't help thinking her mother wouldn't be this worried if the extent of her crime was showing a little leg dancing on a tabletop.

Sandy watched the kids leave. She had to hurry to work herself. She thought her entire commute. She wished fervently she hadn't been with another man. She wished she hadn't gotten that drunk. She was unsettled. If she'd toned down her drinking and escaped her adultery, she would still be in the dark about how unsatisfied her husband was with his lot in life. The adultery was awful, but so was her blindness to her husband's misery. Breaking Mark's heart to gain her education wasn't right either.

Just as Sandy convinced herself she couldn't do anything right concerning her husband, she pondered her confession. If she didn't confess, Mark would have figured out what happened that night from her altered behavior. Being caught keeping it from him would have completely fried his belief in her. Her blatant honesty was probably the only reason he was trying to keep up the charade of normalcy; making him feel he at least had a partner in keeping the kid's lives normal.

The kids! Her kids weren't very old, but everything was on the table for them to figure out what she'd done. Sandy hoped she'd given them enough answers to satisfy their curiosity. She hoped they'd concentrate on helping the family instead of fixating on what had undermined it. Sandy's family was the most valuable thing in her life. How could she convince them of her loyalty when her actions screamed betrayal? Sandy didn't think her kids felt betrayed, she prayed that with their kid's reinforcement her husband could believe in her again.

Mark's problems were different; deciding whether he wanted to keep this life and this wife. While Mark could rid himself of both, he couldn't keep the life he was living without her. Would he only put up with it to make the kids happy, in effect only delaying execution to a more propitious time?

Could it be that Mark might want to keep her but not the life? That idea clicked, though it needed investigation she was presently too tired to pursue. Having found something to explore she exhaustedly fell back into depression. Sandy had to admit that over time she'd made her husband truly miserable. Sandy began to fear that Mark would be better off with any woman other than her. The fear kept growing.

One night that week after the kids had gone up for the night Sandy caught Mark deep in thought trying to work through his problems. Leaving her wouldn't require that much energy, so he was exploring any path that could lead them to daylight. She didn't intrude or let him know what she'd seen.

Sandy was spending more time praying herself. She knew what she wanted. She understood Mark knew part of what he wanted. That was their bridge: they were in the same boat, bailing like crazy, desperate for the leaky thing to not sink. They knew where they wanted to go, not caring about what it looked like when they got there; yet having no idea how to make the journey.

They had grown into a strange dynamic: communicating more while simultaneously feeling the tension grow. Midweek Mark was extremely pensive and gloomy. Sandy had stayed nearby yet honored his personal space all evening, following him upstairs when it was time to prepare for sleep. She made sure she was there if he needed to talk. He'd begun to disrobe for his shower when he finally told Sandy, "I think I've found a way to isolate some of the issues I'm dealing with."

"That's great honey! How can I help? How can I be accountable."

"I hoped you felt that way. Do you trust me to do this my way?"

"Absolutely. Who knows what you need better than you? I'm dying to help you, please tell me how."

Still deep in thought, Mark rubbed his chin and said, "Sandy, you didn't have to tell me at all about what happened. You could have said you got drunk and were spending the night. Hell, doing so you could've had another round or two with the guy, and once you were home used being hungover to stay away from me to conceal any clues. I may have never known. Why did you decide to tell me?"

Though extremely flat, Mark's voice didn't sound like a rebuke. Mark expected her to take his question and run with it. But he wasn't going to give her any hints as to the direction he wanted. She had to pass muster based on her instincts.

Having already decided to tell the truth, do her best, and accept his judgement, Sandy took no time to formulate her answer. Seeing Mark's approval she spoke, "No, Mark. I couldn't keep it a secret. We're bonded. I'd done something horrible, I had to tell you. I owed you that, even if you had to throw me away as a result.

"Withholding the information would have been a further disrespect, this time by design; my fall wasn't. I respect you more than anyone. I hated throwing this on you, but not doing it would have been worse. I know it sucks, but having done so much wrong, I had to do right wherever I still could.

Mark nodded like he'd just seen something he recognized.

Sandy interjected, "I hated it when I realized what I'd done. Mark, maybe this will help. In my haze I wasn't doing something with him, I was doing something on my own and he just happened to be integral to getting it done. Nothing about this was my chance to "have him." It was all about me, but I wasn't trying to sneak something for myself: I was on my own in my fog deciding to do something for me; there was no one else to sneak from. In fact, when I came to my senses having done something alone made me desperate to reestablish my dynamic with you.

"Additionally, although it was my own fault, I was in terrible trouble. You were the first person I thought of to help me. You know me the best, you're my best friend, you love me: there's no one in all the world like you to help me! I was desperate, I had to reach you."

"Are there any other reasons, Sandy?" Mark asked with his flat even controlled voice.

"Yes, I was compromised. I trust your judgement more than mine when I'm not compromised, but I needed it more than ever being compromised."

Not knowing he was nodding in approval Mark grunted his understanding. Mark felt another tumbler fall, he finally believed again that Sandy respected him, despite her actions that night. His shoulders sagged like they'd just shrugged off a heavy weight. He ran his hands through his hair breathing hard, "That was a huge obstacle."

Sandy wanted to hug him, but seeing he was still in deep thought this wasn't the time. She didn't think she'd said anything she hadn't before. She knew Mark had to labor long and hard to let anything she said sink in again. She prayed it had this time.

Mark had whittled down the topics that had vexed him. Maddeningly as one was eliminated others grew in intensity giving him no relief from the amount of anxiety he felt. Concentrating on one didn't solve it, so he ping-ponged from one to the next, bombarded from all sides. The respect issue had been a huge one though, with the power to destroy them all on its own. While some of the other issues weren't as potent, they still packed a wallop.

With one of the major troubles dispelled Mark found he could see the remaining ones with greater clarity. Did Sandy find him unappealing? No. She'd been making herself available to him in the extreme. He was the one that didn't find her appealing.

Next was Sandy's inability to help him through his obstacles. She was offering to do just about anything, he just wasn't giving her anything to do. Where Sandy could take action, she had; she'd called him in the middle of the night to tell him there was an emergency and to put a plan together to deal with it.

Did she want to cheat on him? Did she still want to be with him? Both are legitimate questions when a mate cheats. Sandy hadn't planned to cheat; it wasn't something she'd done consciously. If her motivation was unconscious it didn't mix with her actions since. She certainly hadn't planned to conceal her cheating. Her adultery had confronted her as much as it had him. She'd gotten drunk and taken a roll in the hay with an attractive playmate. She'd awakened to absolute horror at what she'd done.

All Sandy's actions after her fall were those of a wife that loved and respected her husband. She even wanted to suffer for her misdeed in desperation to earn the possibility of staying with him. She'd even submitted herself for marital execution, putting Mark's needs ahead of hers. If she'd damaged herself too severely in his eyes, she'd pull up her stakes, leave, and hate herself the rest of her days -- if that's what he needed. She respected him enough to put her happiness and future in his hands.

Mark understood Sandy was sorry as hell to dump this on him. And that the aggrieved party determined how the situation could be fixed. The situation still sucked. Mark wondered how to turn down the wick on heartache. His mate had cheated but hadn't intended to: was there such a thing as a lesser betrayal? He wasn't used to problems like this. He'd always thought adultery was like pregnancy: all or nothing. Finding out absolutes had degrees muddied his mind but didn't dilute his heart. Wasn't finding out it wasn't as bad as it could be, good? Damn it, what was he going to do?

Mark sat down hard on the side of the bed, "It really is all up to me, isn't it? Before and since your drunken adultery, you've done everything right. You're the woman I want, except I'm not sure of things I used to be positive of." He held up his hand, "My mind finally knows I can be as sure of them as ever. I just have to make the knowledge seep through my heart. And I don't know how to do that." He locked eyes with his wife, "But I know it's the truth now."

Sandy gasped, "Y-You're fighting internally to keep me."

Mark tilted his head to the side, "That's a damn good way of putting it."

"That sucks, Mark! Everything about this damn situation sucks." Sandy exclaimed hoping he hoped he didn't apply the term to her wayward night. She'd have to admit if asked that she'd performed that service too.

Mark hadn't been harpooned by her phrase; he was still concentrating on the problem at hand: having just broken through a locked gate only to find another locked gate beyond it. He wanted to make more progress. He truly wanted to make the decision on his own instead of being swayed by his fears and wounds. He looked up genuinely wanting advice from his friend. "How do I do it? How do I throw the switch to make it happen? I don't want you to punish yourself anymore, Sandy. I want to be free of the clutches of painful uncertainty. I want to touch you, but I can't somehow. I don't know how to. I've finally found the key only to have lost the lock."

This was the opening Sandy had been waiting for, she was on him in a flash breaching the subject in a different context. She loved sucking Mark. It was something she could do for him, and to him, that didn't take any overt effort from him. If she moved fast enough, he might not over think it, and it could work. Sandy understood all too well if her husband linked not achieving erection with her, they could be fighting it for a long time. That would open an entirely new front in their war with circumstance.

Sandy pled in an urgent voice, "I love you. Please, I need this so bad." She ripped down his pants, as she said it. Dropping to her knees she desperately pressed her mouth to him. She had him in her mouth before he was erect. Her moan was loud and genuine. He hardened instantly in response. Sandy gagged as she forced him into her throat, hoping to overwhelm his mind with pure bodily sensation. She came off him gasping transfixed by his glistening manhood. Her moan was pure lust as she took him at the base with both hands, burying him back in her throat. She was wild, thrashing, and making animalistic sounds. Her plan worked; Mark didn't have time to think before he became incapable of it. It had been so long and part of him had wanted this so badly. His jaw clenched as his body began to seize.

Sandy felt him rapidly build to convulsion. His body was so strong moving her about incidentally as his muscles clenched and relaxed. She wondered if the sensation would be better for Mark if his head was in her in her mouth where she could use her tongue or if it was better to keep throating him. Her eyes popped open as Mark grabbed the back of her head. He wasn't thinking at all! This was sheer animal instinct. It excited her wildly. His hands were forcing her down pushing more and more of his shaft past her tonsils. Her eyes began to water as she concentrated on breathing through her nose. There was a spark of wonder at why she was enjoying this before she gave herself to the moment. She felt his fingers spasm in her hair. She found it tremendously exciting knowing the animal was taking what it needed.

Sandy did her best to relax her throat, allowing her husband force himself as deep as he could. Already tense Mark went rigid. She felt him grow larger and harder, then begin to spasm. She held on for dear life as his member took on a life of its own. It seemed to try to stretch further into her as it pumped its contents directly down her throat. She'd never taken him this deeply before. Mark expanded and pumped and pumped and pumped. It seemed to go on for an impossible amount of time.

Finally, as Sandy thought she might black out, Mark softened enough to dislodge and began retreating from her throat. Mark slid out of her, his still mostly hard cock bobbing up to trace itself along her beautiful face as it escaped.

Mark fell back wild-eyed. Sandy fell back gasping for air. Dear heavens what just happened? Mark had come enough to whitewash their backyard fence! She couldn't believe it. Her chest heaved with excitement long after she'd caught her breath. She was covered in sweat. She wasn't entirely sure she hadn't orgasmed, despite never having touched herself. She'd been as thoroughly swept away as Mark had been. It was one of the most exciting things she'd ever been part of. It was a new throat job high for them. She shook her head in dazed happiness.

"Oh wow, honey. I-I ..." Sandy said as she pulled herself back up to sitting when she noticed something twitching in front of her. Mark was still hard! Sandy heard herself moan again as she dove down on him. This time he wasn't pressing on her head, and she kept him in her mouth swirling her tongue being rewarded with the taste of his cum. Mark was back to bulletproof in short order. This time Sandy kept her hands to herself, ripping at her clothes to remove them.

Mark sprawled back on the bed, his feet still planted on the floor. Having torn her clothes off while keeping him in her mouth Sandy crawled up his body until she was squatting atop him. Grabbing his wet cock, she sat back quickly, impaling herself. Whoa, he felt mammoth! She swore she could take his pulse in his throbbing. Her mind began to melt. Sandy loved this man; she needed to be one with Mark.

Sandy forced herself to sit upright, tightening her thighs she rose up forcing him mostly out of her. Once she had only his head, she let herself sink back impaling herself. She repeated the move. Sandy heard her own disembodied moan as she rose, then climaxed on the down stroke before he was all the way in. Through clenching slitted eyes, she saw Mark sit up. He grabbed her ass pulling her into a new inclination. Heavens, he was so deep! She wasn't ready but her body was responding as best it could. She continued to writhe though her first climax and swore she was building to detonation of a second.

It went off sending her to a liquid world, where she felt like she was part of a flowing river. Mark was pounding up into her, destroying her grasp on reality. She was falling now, falling, and falling. She knew Mark was a blurred jack hammer, yet everything seemed in slow motion. She opened her eyes to see his face. She was immediately entranced. Mark wanted her, there was a hint of anger, and lust and desire.

Sandy had to concentrate to speak. She wasn't sure she was succeeding. "T-Take me. I'm yours. Yours. I want to be yours." She fell across his chest, laying there long moments as Mark's strong thrusts continued. Then she felt herself spin. She was on her back, and he was repositioning himself above her. They were still coupled. He slid in even further! How? She was falling again. She was dissolving, flowing like water. Her eyes opened again. Mark was still above her, concern on his face, but also anger. Good, it had surfaced. His hand cupped her face.

She fought to speak, managing little more than a whisper, "I know you love me. Don't hold back. Let it out. I'm yours. I understand you have to wreck me. Do it. Wreck me. Wreccccc ..."

Sandy heard her voice trampled by a guttural sound. She saw the anger and pain in Mark's face exposed in his exertions. Her thoughts swirled. His hips were so fast, so powerful. Had he always held back this much for her? Sandy loved him so. She struggled to tell him as absolutely massive convulsions rose up to crest over her, "I love you. I love you. I..." she heard her voice strangle in an animal groan. Eventually it twisted into a scream, then floated away as a gurgling babble.

* * * * *

The next morning went very well. Mark was more affectionate, although his eyes were still haunted. Sandy enjoyed the added warmth but felt those haunted eyes watching her. She decided it was best to address matters head on, "Mark, I don't want to break the spell. I can feel things are improved though not cured. Did we make real progress?"

Mark felt his anger flare. He forced it down. He was impressed having mastered it easier than at any time since their crisis began. "Decidedly!" His eyebrows raised showing his happy surprise.

"But no cure?"

"Sandy, this whole thing has been incremental for me. Meaning no harm, the only thing that happened quickly was your awakening to find you were with another man. My putting the pieces back together is more labor intensive than your throwing the vase against the wall."

Though Mark wasn't chastising her the mood was certainly broken. He was back in a contemplative evaluating mood. At least he was openly talking to her about it. Mark said apologetically, "I still have more work to do. I can tell there's a final step I must take, but can't yet, and don't know why." He shrugged hopefully, "I've come most of the way though. That's good. I can feel one of the heavy wet tarps covering me is gone; breathing's a lot easier than yesterday."

Sandy was taken aback by the severity of what he'd been dealing with.

"It takes two to tango Sandy and we're still an effective match. We have to think of the kids too."

Sandy responded, "Only we're dancing holding each other at arm's length."

Mark held out his arm to softly cup Sandy's shoulder, pulling her to him, "Sandy, I may be the biggest problem now, but you still need to find a way to get past what happened that night too. You still harbor so much guilt and anger at yourself that it would keep us from moving forward if I weren't the greater impediment. It's why you expected me to be angry with you instead of mourning the loss of my love and trust. You seem to feel that my forgiving you will destroy your guilt. I'm not sure it will."

Shocked Sandy returned, "You may be right but Mark, I can't forgive myself until you do. I'm not holding you responsible, but you mean more to me than I do, despite my actions. It's especially true since I was so selfish."

"The doc doesn't think you were selfish," Mark reminded his wife.

"But you do. I saw your dismay at what the doctor told you. You were hoping for my being drugged. If I was drugged you could absolve me, because I wouldn't be responsible. But I do have culpability. No one slipped alcohol in my drink. I ordered those drinks and poured them down my own throat. I get that Mark; I think about it a hundred times a night. I agree with you.

"But Mark, my drinking too much doesn't equate to my wanting to cheat. Did I set myself up to fall? Yes. Did I walk to his room? Yes, I must have. I'm sure the hotel manager checked the surveillance tape to see if I'd been dragged or carried there. I put myself in a bad position and we're both paying the price. But honest honey, there's a huge difference in wanting to stray and doing it in mindless alcohol haze."

Mark returned, "Yeah, I need to purge those thoughts. I'm not there yet. I think that will come near the end. It's the same with the anger: I can't get there. I think letting it burn out would be cathartic. I can almost envision how it will play out for me, but I can't reach that last step. I'm trying Sandy. And not just for the kids. Even if we can't get back what we had, I'd like to head in a direction to forge what we can. But I can't move."

Sandy looked at Mark with sorrowful sympathy knowing while he wanted to keep her, she was still tearing him apart. Seeing her Mark shook his head, his own expression changing from sadness to concern, "It will come Sandy, and when it does you have to be ready to move too. You must be ready to turn the key in your own head so we can move together. Unfortunately, I can't think of what will turn the key for you.

"If you can forgive me Mark, I'll move forward, or any which way allows me to be with you. But if you can't forgive me, I'll never forgive myself."

Mark felt the damn situation kick him in the head again. He never wanted this; he never did anything to bring it about. He hated that it was on him to fix it, and it wouldn't leave him alone. He wanted to yell, he settled for leaving the room.

* * * * *

Scant weeks later Sandy found herself at the lake house talking to her sister-in-law, Olive. The two women had reclined on chaise lounges sipping wine in the backyard, not far from the lake house's dock. They had always enjoyed each other's company.

The ladies had performed the ritual chitchat bringing each to speed on their family's status. Then Sandy had gone unusually quiet looking out over the water before announcing, "Mark has always loved the lake. There's no way to hide his enthusiasm when he's this close." Her smile dropped as the memory faded, "I was scared to death of deep water when he suggested bringing me here for the first time. I knew it was special to him from his reverential descriptions. I was intimidated by a miles-long lake, it seemed like a monster taken right out of my nightmares. When we arrived, I saw how the place filled his sails." She sighed, "The only thing I'd seen him look that way was me."

Sandy gave Olive a fractured smile. "He was so happy here, everything about him was accentuated. He was so much in his element that I agreed to go in the canoe with him and wasn't scared at all. When we were back, I noticed his bond with this lake house."

Sandy was so involved she hadn't noticed Olive go gray at her words. Olive was aware there was much more to the story from Sandy's demeanor. She asked Sandy a few questions being more and more surprised at her answers. Before Olive asked for specifics she recapped, "You're saying Mark's life is largely empty, and that he can feel the lack of what should be there. You also said your life is fuller than you ever dreamed of because of him. I think Mark feels exactly the same about you," Olive reassured her relation.

Sandy answered distracted, "The lake is spiritual to Mark. Having a nice house here so he could stay was important to him. He'd be happy with a place here, but his grandfather's house where he learned everything about life and the lake is special too. Short of his family, the lake is the thing he loves most."

Olive couldn't help but notice how haunted Sandy was by what she'd said, "The lake is serene, Sandy, but it doesn't love him back. You and the kids do! You admit he's never actually complained about not having a place here. Mark is very reasonable and extremely dependable. Perhaps he feels short changed, but he knows he's more than made up for any deficiency elsewhere in life. He loves the kids and most of all he has you!"

Olive reminisced, the entire family spoke about how Mark looked at Sandy, it was written into the family lore. Sandy wasn't reassured by what Olive thought to be a basic underpinning of Mark's life. In fact, Sandy looked ill, and far worse: guilty. Olive hoped she didn't trip on her words adding, "If Mark didn't feel his life was well balanced, he would have addressed it. Surely matters can't be as out of whack as you suggest." Olive felt her skin go cold watching Sandy's grow more nervous and distracted.

Sandy responded in a hushed tone, "Recently he's seen the balance isn't what he thought. In fact, there hasn't been much balance for years. Additionally, the spotlight illuminating the unbalance was scalding hot." Sandy went silent starring out over the lake's waters.

Olivia could no longer dissuade herself from believing Sandy had done something her husband hated. She tried to think of what circumstances could strike at Mark so forcefully. She knew Mark had given up all his hobbies. That too was part of the family lore; Mark was so happy with Sandy he'd upturned his life to make her happy. He was the picture of a hard-working family man. Despite his long commute Mark didn't own a nice car, just a servable one. Mark was all about his family. If he was suddenly dissatisfied with life that must mean...

Olive was smart enough to stop herself right there. Sandy was obviously all-in on Mark, exactly as Olive had always thought. In the absence of specifics, it was enough to know that. Mark and Sandy's private business was exactly that: private.

Sandy's head dropped, "Mark's very disappointed in me."

Olivia ventured, "You've done everything you know to solve the problem, so why exactly are you still bothered?"

Sandy said through her thousand-yard stare, "Yes, I have, but the problem isn't fixed. And there's more than one issue. Worst of all, I caused the problems, all of them. I-I don't know how to make any of them better."

Olive didn't have any actual information, but she knew the people involved very well. "Perhaps you need to stop thinking like you normally do. You've done a good job of thinking ABOUT Mark, but you're not thinking LIKE him. can you imagine what he would think?"

Taking up the challenge Sandy distractedly whispered, "It's in the back of his mind that I must've at least entertained the idea of another man in order to go off this way. Even if I didn't do it on purpose, it must've at least been a subconscious consideration. He thinks there's some way he didn't capture my heart or imagination enough to keep me from entertaining thoughts of another man. He's disappointed I ever thought that way, which I didn't."

Olive sighed in relief at Sandy's summation. Sandy cut her eyes to her sister-in-law, "I gave Mark plenty of reason to doubt my devotion, little less my loyalty. But he's misinterpreting my true motivations. He's disappointed in me for not only harboring those thoughts but not telling him I had them, which would have given him a chance to erase them. Insidiously, he's disappointed in himself that he didn't recognize one of my needs wasn't being met which led to this catastrophe in some way. That's crazy but ..."

"Is it a catastrophe?" Olive asked guardedly.

"If I tell you, you can't very well keep it from Thomas. And if Thomas knew he'd hate me."

Olive felt her blood run cold. Why would Mark's brother hate Mark's wife? Damn, they had to be talking about one thing. Olive had to charge right at it, hoping to dispel the possibility, "Sandy, I don't mean to pry but have you been having an affair?"

Sandy almost broke. "No! But Mark fears I have or wanted to."

Relieved Sandy had denied the possibility, Olivia dug deeper, "That's sort of crazy sounding, and Mark is the very definition of sane. It must be a pretty huge misunderstanding."

Sandy did cry now. "I love Mark more than life itself! But I've undermined his belief of that. I-I didn't have an affair!" Sandy fought to explain despite the flood of emotion, "I-I had the ghastly, dreaded, drunken one-time slip! I-I got way too drunk at the office Christmas party. I woke up to find I'd already done it. I-I barely remember it. I don't remember most of it. I called Mark, then came home as quickly as I could gather myself together to confess everything I did remember."

Olive moved with haste to hold Sandy as she cried. Sandy continued, "I already have massive strikes against me. I don't want Thomas to hate me. If I accidently force Mark to choose between me and his brother, it's a no-win scenario for Mark and probably the end of the road for me. I didn't mean for any of these things to happen, but they keep piling up. I only want to make Mark happy, but instead I've made him sooo miserable!"

Olive was a good judge of character. She'd always thought extremely well of her sister-in-law. She was inclined to believe Sandy's interpretation, especially as the poor girl was holding herself accountable."

"Sandy, Mark loves you. Just be there for him. Love him, think of him, and give yourself to him in as many ways as you can think of. That's what he needs. He needs the two of you to be as much part of each other now as possible. Which is the same thing you need. So instead of thinking of everything that's wrong, just be there for each other."

Sandy began to rein in her emotions, "At least he lets me touch him again. It's not that he still thinks of me as dirty. But ... he thinks I have reservations about him. He must be angry and frustrated that he's done absolutely everything for me, and I did this in return. Underlying everything is his doubt that I want him, because my actions proved to him that I didn't." Sandy motioned for Olive to give her moment. "Mark w-wanted to believe I'd been drugged so badly. Someone perpetrating that upon me would have removed any reservations about how I felt about him. Without that it all falls back to me. He's never seen me get drunk at a party, so he believes I subconsciously let myself drink too much to enable my philandering."

Sandy's restated sadly, "All this because he's no longer sure I'm completely into him. He hates that I was with another man, but Mark's real problem isn't that I want someone else. He's scared I don't want HIM!" She summed up heartbrokenly, "He's suffering from a false premise, but the same acts that tarnished me removed my ability to convince him of the truth."

Olive sat back hard. She fumbled, "I think I'd better get another bottle of wine."

"No!" Sandy composed herself. "I overindulged drinking and Mark's doubted me ever since. I have every important reason in the world to be very careful about my consumption now." Sandy paused before frowning to Olive, "I think divulging my fall to Thomas would hurt Mark as much as me."

Olive thought the matter over hard. "I'm convinced you didn't want it to happen. You're right though, I can't withhold anything from Thomas. It wouldn't be right. But he knows I hold his and our family's interests foremost in my heart. Thomas doesn't like knowing other people's business. If the particulars of why you two are having trouble come up, I'll ask him to trust me and not ask the question. I'm ninety-nine percent sure he'd do as I ask knowing I was looking after everyone." Olive trailed off, "Thomas wouldn't want to think poorly of you, Sandy. He certainly doesn't want his relationship with his brother altered. He's scared that's what's going to happen during their conversation on the lake."

While Sandy scolded herself that Mark used to trust her that much, Olive cringed imagining the conversation her husband was probably having with Mark right now somewhere on the large twisting lake. She blurted, "They're out in the old canoe fishing. My husband hardly ever does that. He won't go out in the canoe on his own and doesn't feel he's missing anything. He doesn't like being out there alone, and fishing has never been huge for him. He takes the boys out and loves that. Fishing is a shared thing for him. Like a person that loves to play cards but has no interest in solitaire."

Sandy had begun to hear what Olive was saying. She asked, "How long do you think they'll be out?"

"At least another couple of hours. My husband said he wanted to show Mark some of the development around the lake from the water. He thought Mark would be interested. The key point being most of the houses have stayed pretty much how they've been. They've modernized but not shifted their character. Some have additions, but none are being torn down to make McMansions."

"Mark will love that."

The conversation lagged. Olive said pointedly, "You know Sandy, I've always loved your house."

Sandy's shoulders sagged. She was so focused on the house being part of the problem that she barely noticed the rapid turn the conversation had taken.

Olive saw Sandy's strange reaction. "What is it, Sandy?"

"I've loved it too, but recently it's lost some of its luster for me." She paused, "I used to love it just for itself. But Mark putting so much of himself into getting and keeping that house for me is what will always be most special about it for me."

Sandy dried her cheeks looking back past Olive to the old single story lake house, "This place is wonderful, why didn't I love it more?"

Olive turned to her friend. "I'm not the type to envy, but I adore your house!"

Shocked Sandy asked why. She was even more surprised by how easily and quickly Olive's responses flowed. It was obvious Olive had thought about this a lot.

Olive's reasons rattled off like machine gun fire. Most were the same as why Sandy loved it, but there were others too. The major reason was easy to state, "The kids would be closer to shopping and school. They have friends closer to town too."

Ruefully drawn in, Sandy let Olive know what her kids would miss if they didn't grow up on the lake. Olive nodded while saying, "They have all that opportunity now but don't choose to take advantage of it. Frankly, I'm a little frightened the boys will start to. It's a big unforgiving lake. Kids think they're superheroes. If they fall off a bike, they break their arm and ride again in six weeks when the cast comes off. Mess up on a lake you could drown."

Sandy nodded glumly, "That's what I thought. Being honest now, I fear I made a mistake then. When our husband's grandfather died Mark wanted this place. At the time it seemed it would be a better fit for you guys who were starting out and I wanted the place where we are now. We got the cash to put down on our place and you guys got this. Maybe it all would have played out better if I hadn't pushed so hard for what I wanted."

Olive thought once again of her husband's discussion with Mark somewhere on the lake. She took a chance, "Sandy, I have a crazy idea. Let me lay it out ..."

* * * * *

On their way back home from the lake Sandy seemed quietly excited. It was an odd mix. She bit her lower lip and dove in, "Mark, your brother's family is going on vacation in a couple of weeks. I hope you don't mind but I volunteered us to house-sit.

Mark sighed. He'd seemed deflated since returning from the canoe ride with his brother. Seeing his condition Sandy was sure she'd been their topic of conversation while canoeing. Mark's answer surprised her, "My brother told me he plans to sell the house. Apparently, that's why he wanted me to come up. He expected me to be angry at him."

Sandy felt a great weight lift that Mark hadn't discussed her clumsy infidelity with Thomas. But she needed to focus on Mark now, "Why did he expect anger?"

"He knows I love the place."

Relieved Sandy tried to pass for normal, "Olive told me too. That's why I think it would be good for us to spend the week there. You can have a last visit at your brother's house to cement in your mind what was special about the place. You can live the life one last time."

Sandy watched Mark slowly nod while his fists tightened on the steering wheel in frustration.

"I know you hate the idea of losing something you love, but won't it be good to spend the week there? You don't need to worry with it being final, just enjoy it for what it means to you."

He nodded again stating, "Yeah sure, I know you're right." He was sincere.

So was Sandy, "But you're disappointed. You've been let down a lot lately. I'm sorry, Mark."

* * * * *

Mark was especially troubled the next week. Although he'd hardly visited the lake house since the decision to let his brother have it, he knew it was still in the family. He'd only stayed away to not be tempted by what he shouldn't have. "Shouldn't" was changing to "couldn't," which had a terrible feeling of finality about it. Mark had tasted defeat too much. He was losing things he loved deeply; it seemed they were trying pry themselves from his grasp.

Another reason for avoiding the lake house was Mark not wanting to see how Thomas had desecrated it. Thomas wanted a regular house in a normal neighborhood. He tried to delete all the details specific to a house on the water. The old place was a purpose-built lake house, it was pure. Trying to cover the unusual features needed for life on the lake didn't just compromise maintenance, it also masked the house's unique beauty, and made the poor thing seem out of place on the water.

Staying away however, didn't equate to lack of love. Thomas selling the place was hitting Mark akin to the house being burnt to the ground.

Mark faced the coming week of staying at the lake with the trepidation of taking leave of a dying loved one. When the day finally came and they traveled to the lake house, he was almost surprised to not be struck by lightning exiting his car. He gathered the strength to go in, setting up his suitcase to live out of, as to not move any of his brother's things. He walked around the house like it was a mausoleum.

Mark then "prepped" the house by opening certain screens and shutters and adjusting this window and that, allowing air flow to remove the mustiness resulting from his brother efforts to lock out the elements, instead of working with them as the building was designed. In some ways a house built for the water was like a ship; the rigging had to be properly set to sail correctly. Sandy followed Mark around dutifully helping him finish each chore.

After the work of making the place livable Mark started a slow inspection tour noting what needed sprucing before the sale. His brother had kept it in reasonable shape though he could tell his brother had hired workers to fix it up instead of doing the work himself the way their grandfather taught them. After the inspection tour, Mark paced out the thirty-foot dock, then found himself puttering around the grassed yard between the house and the shoreline riprap.

Mark hadn't noticed Sandy had stopped following him until she reappeared with an adult beverage in each hand. She looked him right in the eye then slowly looked to one of the beverages, an amber colored liquid which she held out to him at arm's length. Snapping-to, he took the proffered drink. She canted her head for him to follow her. Positive Sandy knew he was feeling lost, Mark thanked her for taking point. He followed her to chaise lounges placed in the grass yard overlooking the expansive lake.

Sandy watched Mark as he tried to work it all out. His life wasn't what he wanted. She understood he'd consciously traded the life he'd planned for himself for one that took care of his mate. In return he got a grand family and the girl of his dreams. Now he was saddened by what seemed the final irretrievable loss of the life he could have led. He was having trouble processing the impending loss of the children to their adulthood too, and still at an impasse over his beloved wife's adultery. Life seemed stacked against him. He was game for the fight but the forces against him were winning. He was weary: he'd miss the kids, he'd miss the lake, and he already felt the loss of his wife to a keen degree. In a very real way Mark missed himself.

Mark knew he should keep up the fight, feeling he must triumph for everyone else's sake. He rubbed his face. Why couldn't he take that last step concerning Sandy? He wanted to; he just didn't have the strength. It all made him feel old.

Not so very long ago he'd looked forward to his alone time with his wife after the kids were gone. He felt bad there'd be no grand trips. While Mark had saved up a large sum of money, all the kids going to college in such a short span would drain that pronto. Mark would get the job done for the kids, which was a considerable success, but had no reward for his queen. Instead of feeling the hero for providing for his children, Mark had felt bad for not providing for his wife the way he thought she deserved.

Then came Sandy's confession and his resulting doubt about everything. Just as the kids growing meant they would to leave his daily life, if Sandy wanted something else, he wouldn't stand in her way. Mark believed in letting those you love follow their calling. Mark was no longer sure of what Sandy wanted. He wasn't sure Sandy knew either.

Mark wasn't even sure of himself; he could no longer point to a single life decision he'd made and unreservedly say it was the correct move. He was sharp, responsible, and hardworking. He'd labored long and diligently. Life should be unfurling its plenty. Now the future seemed empty. All the diligence hadn't produced anything to hold onto. He was sure his kids would turn out well, but he still had visions of a future where they brought their own children to this lake house where he would teach them the lessons his grandfather taught him. Thomas could slay the world's demons; Mark would just keep the people in it safe by grounding them in nurturing traditions. At this point in life, it seemed he hadn't protected much of anything.

Mark had played fair by those traditions his entire adult life. Walking the hard steady course had seemed to be working. He never expected to beat the world, but he'd gathered many more blessings than the world ever promised. He had great kids and the love of his life, which were blessings beyond his comprehension. Mark had thought he knew his place in life, he could navigate life like using landmarks on the shore to traverse the lake and read the sky to know when to seek dry land. He'd run the race only to see the finish line moved. The place that was central to all is dreams was going to be sold; there would be no grandkids being taught the steady responsible ways here, no rejoicing in nature, no traditions. Nor perhaps triumph of true love. Many of the blessings he could hardly believe were real, might turn out not to be. He'd been lured in, now life was laughing at him. Both his confidence in himself and the traditions he strove to live up to, were shot. His foundation was cracked.

Mark looked at the long expanse of water. Once, he could align his temperament to mirror the lake's, stormy or tranquil, always able to weather the storm or rejoice in the sun, and reliably there again tomorrow to renew the effort. Today the lake was clam, but he wasn't, he was out of sync.

Sandy was the biggest issue. While Mark had convinced himself she hadn't meant to be unfaithful, he wasn't sure she didn't want a more exciting life. He wasn't sure Sandy really wanted him. Mark was sure and responsible, perhaps slow and steady. Maybe Sandy had wanted more, at least for a short while. He knew how grinding "slow and steady" could be: the responsible course was grinding him into the dirt right now. Maybe Sandy just needed something different just for a short while and now that desire was over. But wouldn't that mean she wasn't satisfied and to some extent rejected him and his quaint philosophies? Or did it mean that somehow, he'd put her in a cage? Mark hated that last possibility.

If those ideas hadn't torched his sensibilities, the anger had. Mark had never been angry at Sandy in their entire marriage until her confession. The anger was self-preservation kicking in; he'd pushed himself so far underwater that finally some part of him sprinted for air. He'd done a ton for Sandy, including sublimating the life he wanted until he was no longer sure he was the person he wished to be, and it wasn't enough for her to be faithful. Except Mark found his anger at Sandy completely unnatural to who he wanted to be.

Mark couldn't bring himself to believe Sandy had strayed because she wanted to. Yet he couldn't completely dismiss it either, thus he stayed in a toxic limbo. Knowing she was suffering worse than he was, his mind knew she was innocent of a deliberate crime. Yet his heart wouldn't budge. If she was guilty of premeditated cheating Mark wasn't sure his heart would survive. Mark had never been a duck-and-cover sort of guy, he was a hunt-down-the-danger sort of man. Living this way further undercut who he believed he was.

The last step led to freedom from doubt or drowning in it, by either exonerating Sandy or finding her guilty. There was one overwhelming reason Mark didn't want to take the last step. Even at cost of himself, Mark didn't want Sandy proven to be less than the wonder he'd always held her to be. It was too horrible to contemplate. He'd sworn to protect her, this refusal to take the last step was a strange way of doing it, causing them a slow suffocating death, to avoid the possibility of convicting her and causing their love a decisive mortal blow.

Mark told himself he didn't have to confront the situation until the last of the kids were away in school. While this life wasn't what either of them deserved or wanted, it was a simple equation; Mark loved Sandy and wanted to be with her, but damn it, he wanted her to want him back! Additionally, Mark hadn't found any way Sandy could prove herself enough to convince him to take that last step. He felt weak for not taking it although kicking the can down the road gave him more time to figure it out.

Mark focused on the lake again. Even his wonderful memories there were under attack now. His past was now being removed in addition to his future. Mark was a man adrift.

Sandy had been watching her husband. While she couldn't tell everything Mark was thinking, she'd gotten the gist. She didn't have any selfish hopes, she just wanted to restore something to Mark. If she couldn't restore what had been, she hoped at least to give him a new foundation from which to live again. She wanted a future for Mark outside of this limbo, whether he lived it with her or not.

Sandy broke the silence, enthusiasm saturating her words, "Isn't the lake lovely? Don't you just love it!"

Mark agreed, happy that Sandy thought so too. He wanted her buy-in. She'd sacrificed the lake for them once. He was glad she at least appreciated it now at the end.

Sandy let the moment drag before saying quietly, "When we come back here in a couple of months, you will never have to leave."

Mark still enjoyed the view in his melancholy haze. Finally, her words seeped through, although they didn't make sense. There wasn't any coming back here, the place was going up for sale. It would be gone. Sandy knew that.

"What?" He asked genuinely confused.

"I made a pact with the angels I hope will reverse my dealings with the devil."

That didn't make any sense either. "What?" Mark asked again.

Sandy looked at Mark with eyes huge with hope, "We're doing a house swap, Mark. Your brother wants our house, and we want this house. There will be some liquidity that changes hands too. Strangely we get the lake house and cash. Water houses are normally more expensive, but we live in a fantastic larger house in a great neighborhood and the lake is out of style right now. It looks like all that work you've put into our Victorian house is going to pay off after all."

"I don't understand," Mark said honestly.

Sandy's eyes never shifted from his as she explained, "It's simple. I told Olive about the mistake I made."

Sandy couldn't help smiling at her husband's reaction. Mark was aghast. He didn't want anyone to know of her fall, not because it hurt his pride, because it stained her!

Sandy shook off the glow of his caring so much, "Among other things I admitted my mistakes of giving up our chance at this house and wanting to raise our kids closer to town. I told her I was drunken with desire for the house in town and chose it over your best interests. Doing so I cheated you and the kids. But being closer to town is exactly what Thomas and Olive want, now that their kids are of the age to run over to a friend's house on their own. Olive is scared the boys will go out on the lake alone if they stay here. It's a shlep into town, there aren't many kids their age here, and all their activities are in town.

"It turns out they envy our house, and you love this one! They were selling this in the hopes of getting one as much like ours as possible. It turns out they can actually have ours ... and we can have this! They're over the moon they might be able to have the genuine article. And Thomas mentioned, much as you would, it was a huge bonus to keep the properties "in the family."

Sandy motioned to the house behind them, "After the addition they put on it's got room for our kids when they come home from college, but it's more than large enough for the two of us! Meaning it's got room to store the equipment for the hobbies you love but haven't been able to indulge in. Mark, the old canoe even conveys. They massively upgraded the insulation. It's a full-time no-sacrifice year-round house now. You can come and never have to leave; you can live here. You can finally come home, Mark."

Mark didn't say a word trying to process the new curveball Sandy had thrown into his life. Sandy quietly summed up, "Then you can decide if you want me to stay." She paused before adding, "If you can't have me around, I'll understand. I'll take the bare minimum of cash from the sale I need to start over alone. Mark, I can't express my sorrow at taking you away from this place. I didn't understand your bond here as fully as I should have when we were younger." Her sorrow broke, making way for urgency, "I won't take much. You must understand I'd never jeopardize this place for you. I'd never make it tenuous to keep or endanger it for you. Y-You need something to love that has permanence for you, and that may not be me anymore. I-I understand that." Sandy's sorrow returned; she looked out over the calm waters willing herself not to cry.

Blown away, Mark stammered, "That hardly seems equitable ..."

Sandy stopped him, "Stop. I want you to live your dream for a while before you decide my fate."

"Why?"

Sandy was impassioned now, "Because I took something meaningful from you. Twice! First this place and then your confidence in me. I don't just want a "like-kind exchange" for the houses Mark, I want one between us. I've lived my dream life in my dream house, I want to give you the same experience."

Mark understood that point. He objected, "But Sandy you'd be giving up your dream house!"

"Like you did for me. Right? It amazes me I've been granted the chance to put part of it right. Everything lined up on its own! It's a miracle really. Mark, having a vacation house is the dream of many. If I get to live in one fulltime with you, I'll be the happiest girl on earth. It would only be a shift from one locale to another: I'd still be in paradise. But my wants are secondary, what's paramount is your wanting the trade." Sandy had to brush back tears before she happily announced, "We're house sitting here a few days so you can let it sink in that soon ... this will be your house."

Mark looked at Sandy dumbfounded. She made herself strong, then got up and pulled her chaise beside his. She plopped down saying, "That's all that should be said of it now. Don't think, just drink it in." She picked up her drink clinked it to his glass, nestling into his side as they looked out over the lake. She was pleased she'd tilted his world again, this time in a positive way.

Mark sat pondering what Sandy had said. She'd humbly start over alone to ensure he resided in the place that gave him strength. That was noble. She wouldn't do that unless she cared for him and loved him greatly. Mark challenged himself, 'That's your mate, the one you said you'd defend to your last breath. So how long are you going to keep her in hell? You don't want her there but can't break yourself out of your own hell to go save her. What are you going to do about that? Especially now that the stakes are saving Sandy instead of yourself?'

* * * * *

The next morning Sandy rose to find Mark was already up. She shuffled naked to the kitchen. Not finding her husband there she reasoned through her fog that coffee would help her search. Feeling warm and happy she stood by while the machine brewed her morning eye opener. She hoisted the mug successfully and took it to the neighboring counter to add creme and sugar. From there she could see the dock bisecting the morning light as it manufactured glistening diamonds on the soft mounding waves. There was Mark! He was at the end of the dock peering out over the lake.

Sandy felt her heart race seeing him, it doubled in speed as she could feel his contented happiness. His body language had changed. His shoulders were back, and his head was high. She noted he lacked something though. She smiled knowing she could fix that.

Scant minutes later, having donned a robe, Sandy walked out of the house across the lawn and onto the dock carrying two cups of coffee. Mark turned towards the sound of a creaking plank to find his lovely wife striding happily towards him. She was the Venus of his dreams. At that exact moment her robe blew open in the breeze, its belt now wafting on either side of her exposed charms. Surprised, Sandy stared at the mugs occupying both her hands which kept her from closing her robe. She was about to kneel to place the coffees on the dock to rearrange her robe when she noticed Mark gazing at her, extremely happy with the view. She smiled broadly and continuing traveling to him, performing a fashion show catwalk for one special viewer.

Sandy stood directly before Mark, robe open, proud and happy he enjoyed her so.

"I've brought you something I hope you want," Sandy said of the coffee, hoping it applied to her as well.

Picking up on the mood he fulfilled her wish, "So much so I can't explain, and I'll take that coffee too."

Mark took his mug and pulled her into a kiss with his other arm. Sandy was so flustered by the kiss that it took her a moment to register that Mark had then pulled her to his side, turning them so they looked out at the beautiful morning still breaking over the languid lake. He hadn't closed her robe, however. She was tucked under his arm exposed to the waters. She found his presence and the moment exhilarating.

"It's like a lightning bolt, Sandy!"

Sandy heard his earnest enthusiasm. She knew he was talking about the revelation the lake house would be his. She answered, "That's only fitting Mark, I hit you with some nasty lightning strikes recently too."

"You got hit by those bolts too, Sandy."

She nodded, pulling herself into his side.

Mark pulled her closer yet, "I want you hit by this bolt too, Sandy; it's healing. This place is magic for me, but your sacrifice trading your dream place for mine has finally let me take the last step of an awful journey. I've been looking for a reset since the first nasty bolt landed. Now I've been hit by one of opposite charge. Boom! Done. Over."

Sandy fumbled around to look her husband in the face. There was something in his voice she hoped would also be written across his features.

Mark kept his view out over the lake, "Though you asked me to wait, there's no need; I've already decided what I want to do with old place."

Sandy liked decorating; she was excited to hear his ideas, thrilled he was genuinely happy. "What do you want to do with the lake house, Mark?"

"Grow old in it ... with you."

Sandy turned quickly to verify Mark's words with his expression. It was true! Before she could think further, Mark took her in his arms and pressed his lips passionately against hers in a toe-curling kiss. As she heard their coffee mugs splash into the water, Sandy realized he'd doffed the robe from her shoulders. He slowly pushed her to the deck and lay her upon the robe.

Their mating took her breath away. His too. But she always had.

END