Finding Myself Pt. 09

My first lesbian love affair -- what next?

There's a very old saying in the advertising industry, "Never fuck a client."

Well I did, but then I married him.

It was my first job after leaving university and was with a US, global ad agency's London office as a junior copywriter. I had been put onto an account the agency had recently won which, was quite small and just about the right size for a young, female, fresh from university to show what she could do. I showed more than that, though, for by the effort I put into the account, I also earned the respect from the client who owned the packaging business for which I was writing the copy.

Kevin, the client, was some nine years older than me. From the first time I met him at the presentation I was enamoured by him. He was handsome, witty, confident, worldly-wise and outgoing yet considerate and caring, very understanding and keen to please. He had that aura about him that many self-made, successful businessmen have. A sort of assuredness that's almost arrogance but not quite. He was seemingly comfortable no matter who he was with. He always had the right word or phrase and was totally comfortable when in the spotlight.

We hit it off right away. We developed an easy way of relating to each other, which was necessary as we worked together very closely in the early days of the account. So closely, in fact, that as we developed the ad campaign I spoke to him on the phone several times a day and we had meetings probably every other day. Although it was first experience at managing an account, I began to realise two things. Firstly, our closeness was unusual and secondly, that I was enjoying that for what it really was, flirting. That became more apparent when the meeting started taking place in the late afternoon or early evening either, at his offices in Mayfair or at the agency in Covent Garden. And so close that we gradually ended the meetings with a drink or a quick bite to eat.

The result, though, was worth the effort for between us we produced some great copy that really worked well for the account when the campaign eventually broke some months later.

It also worked well on other levels. Just as our working relationship had gradually developed so had the way we related to each other. We became more relaxed and we started to flirt using jokes and double entendres. The usual client and copywriter handshake when we met or parted became a kiss on the cheek. And that led to one kiss not being on the cheek, but on the lips, which led to his arm not resting against my side but going around me. Inevitably, I suppose, but then I wasn't very experienced in business, that led to us not having a space between our bodies but to mine being pulled tightly against his. And one evening that led to us not going our separate ways after the meeting, but to me going back to his flat. And, of course, that led to me breaking that cardinal rule of advertising, for I did fuck the client. And I fucked him and he fucked me after that first time on a frequent basis. Like nearly every day or for a couple of months!

I fell totally and utterly head over heels in love with him. No ifs or buts, no reservations or concerns, I was his and I was gone and gone completely. He was all that I wanted and everything I'd ever dreamed about. And that led to me moving in with him to the consternation at first of my parents. But then, as Kevin always could, he charmed them and soon they were taking his side in any arguments between us as opposed to mine.

We got married and I had Peter and then Sarah. I thought things would go on being wonderful for ever and for a few years they did. Not only did I never look at anyone else, male or female, but I never even entertained any thoughts in those directions. I was physically and emotionally totally faithful to him and I thought he was to me. And I thought that's how it'll always be.

But how wrong was that!

I caught him being unfaithful and I thought my world would end. It didn't of course and he talked me into forgiving him. A couple of years later I suspected him again and then a little later I found out that he was for sure. Although we stayed together for the children's sake the magic had gone. We did, though, try to save it. We did things that we felt or, more accurately, Kevin persuaded me might, perk things up with the failing relationship and bring some of the magic back. Things like him taking glamour photos of me, having sex in places where we might get caught and trying out some sexual diversions such a tying up and mild S & M.

He also, after lengthy cajoling and persuasion, got me to make love to another woman while he watched and doing that in front of him was the symbolic end of our marriage. The actual end, though didn't come for another year or so. During that time I was sure that he was 'at it' again, but I didn't have the evidence. The moment I got it though, my courage was raised and we separated.

I had been quite heavily involved with other women at uni., but that all went on hold when Kevin and I became a number and it remained like that until he pressurised me so heavily about having sex with another woman that my interest in sapphic sex was rekindled. Not just rekindled but also revitalised and I had flings of various lengths with three women before he set me up with Chrissy a business colleague of his.

Living alone with Sarah, Peter was in the US doing an MBA at Stanford in San Francisco in a lovely apartment in Docklands waiting for my divorce to come through I had to adjust to being alone. It was hard, very, very hard. But I did it. I lasted the year it took for the divorce to come though without once having sex with a man. I just couldn't bear the idea of developing any sort of new relationship. Of having to play that silly role of getting to know someone well enough to know whether I wanted to have sex with them. It also seemed rather silly and unfair on both of us, so I stayed away from it.

However, my logic was rather tortuous on one aspect of my life, sex. I'd sort of assumed that once I was a free and single woman everything would be fine sexwise. I'd expected that once divorced I'd be able to 'fuck 'em and leave 'em' as the modern woman seems to be able to do. But somehow I couldn't. Somehow the idea of sex purely for pleasure or relief didn't work for me. After what Kevin had done to me, I didn't want any deep emotional involvement with men and I discovered that the sex I had with a couple without it wasn't that successful. That wasn't the case, though, with women as in most ways since Kevin and I parted, well actually for a year or so before that, my sex life was more successful with women than it has with men.

Having been a county standard tennis player in my teens and almost making it to Wimbledon a couple of times, I had quite a lot of experience with being with lesbians so I had slipped easily into a group of them at university. It seemed natural, therefore, that after splitting from Kevin when I was already dabbling with other women, that I would get back into tennis, albeit at a lower standard than before, so I rejoined a club of which I'd been a member up until I went to uni. I think it was that decision and what ensued that convinced me that I was a full-on lesbian and not the bisexual woman I had always assumed that I was. Well that, and meeting, or more accurately 'remeeting,' Belinda was the icing on the cake or, maybe that should be, the cherry on top of it!

With this I can claim little outside influences and certainly naivety played no part in anything. It was totally down to her and me. The her in question this time was, of all people, a female tennis coach. We'd known each other for years and we'd seen each other marry, have children and separate from our husbands. When I was active on the county tennis scene I got to know most of the leading UK tennis girls and the rumours of fairly rampant lesbianism are, I found out, true. Whilst Belinda was not in the rampant category she had in recent years after her divorce openly admit to being lesbian and had a rather risqué reputation at the club and in the location where we both lived.

After my break up from Kevin I spent more time at the tennis club and resurrected a number of old friendships including Belinda. Nothing more than tennis and the occasional drink afterwards or the meeting at club functions. It was at one of these that I was dancing next to her in a circle of girls, yes very Essex but no handbags, that as the music changed we were together dancing and she took me in her arms for a jive. After that, we sat at the bar and she asked how things were following the divorce and I was telling her that I was now back on the scene and had seen a few guys, but that there was no one special. She then set me back a bit by asking if there'd been any women? Although I managed to avoid answering her question it stayed with me and made me wonder why she'd asked me that?

Belinda was attractive, although striking is probably a better description as she was one of those women who are almost, but not quite beautiful. Being lithe, slim and quite tall, around five nine, she had a great figure for a woman, though sadly not for a tennis player, as she was quite full-breasted with a narrow waist and quite rounded hips. Whilst some might argue and suggest that her boobs were, I thought her crowning glory were her shapely, but quite muscular and very long, legs that were always beautifully tanned.

We talked for ages as, what I thought we were, old friends, for I hadn't had any feelings for her and she had never come onto, or showed any interest in, me as a sexual partner. But then I hadn't had much to do with her for years certainly stretching back to before my adventures with Amanda and subsequent times with the other ladies in my life.

We played tennis together a few times and then we were both at a party. Again, we chatted a lot and danced together after which, sitting at the bar I told her that I had split from my latest male friend and that I was no longer seeing anyone and mentioned how unsatisfactory I found the dating game. Sitting there in a quiet part of the house away from anybody I was, as they say nowadays, gobsmacked when she looked right into my eyes and said, "Maybe Jayne, it's time you and I had an affair."

Totally shocked I replied rather inanely, "And why do you say that Belinda?" as I frantically tried to gather my thoughts together.

"Well I think we are both lost souls in this rather messy world and that we might be able to help each other."

I didn't reply but just sat there looking at her wondering what would come next. I wasn't that excited or, even surprised, insulted, worried or particularly concerned. I guess interest and intrigue were the two paramount emotions, "Yes," she continued "I think we both don't know where we are going or what we are after and we are good mates aren't we so perhaps we should stick together?"

I smiled and said, "Rather tortuous logic there Belinda for proposing that I should have an affair with you."

She again smiled and went on. "Maybe but don't tell me you haven't tried the forbidden fruits Jayne as I'm sure you have."

Rather foolishly I fell into the trap by asking. "How do you know that?"

We both laughed at my faux pas and she said, "Well it's my business to know such things," and to my relief she continued, "Of course I don't know who with and how many, but I can tell Jayne that you are not unknown to other women."

We chatted on for a while but then we got asked to dance and we didn't have the chance to talk any more that evening. A few days later I was at the club and had dropped my car off for a service on the way being then given a lift by the garage who had said that I should ring them later and they would bring it to the club. I played in the late morning had some lunch and then had a knock around in the afternoon. As I finished Belinda came up to me and said that we had to talk and could we go somewhere. I explained about the car and she said, "Let me run you there to pick it up we can talk on the way."

In our tracksuits and tennis gear we started off just as the sun was going down. It was March and although it wasn't cold it was damp and drizzly as we drove along the country lanes and into the forest. Pulling into a car park cut into the forest, she said.

"Best if we stop to chat Jayne if that's ok?"

There were a couple of other cars in the large car park both with very steamed up windows indicating what was probably going on in them. The light had pretty much now gone so when Belinda stopped the car in the furthest corner from the road and turned off the engine it was quite dark, the only light coming from the dash board.

"You have been on my mind ever since Saturday," she blurted out adding, "I probably should not have said what I did."

I said, "Don't worry Belinda, probably the booze."

She leaned forward and turned to me as she replied. "No Jayne it wasn't. I meant exactly what I said, but maybe I shouldn't have expressed it the way I did especially there at the do." We talked along those lines for a while until she said, "And I shouldn't have said what I did about you and other girls, it was purely speculation." I nearly confirmed to her that I had been with others but something told me to keep that to myself and she went on for a while until she said. "But of course you know that I have don't you?"

I told her that I had guessed that she had, and she went on, "And I can't help telling you Jayne that for years I have wanted to go with you and that since Saturday I have hardly thought about anything else."

That hit me hard as I didn't want that sort of pressure from someone who was not only so close to home, knew many of my friends and Kevin and Sarah, who was now also a member of the tennis club, but also was an admitted and was known to be a lesbian. However, despite such issues, I had to admit that I was flattered and I looked at her and said, "Oh Belinda really?" as without thinking I put my hand onto her arm.

"I can't help it Jayne, I have never fancied a woman as I do you," she muttered softly as she slid her right arm around my shoulders as she purred, "Will you think about it?"

Thinking that she was probably going over the top, I said nothing and we sat there for what seemed an age, but was probably not even a minute simply looking at each other. I didn't back off or do anything to deter her nor did I encourage her but I knew what was coming next. All my female instincts and recent experience with other women screamed that she was going to kiss me and I knew that if I was to avoid that I would have to do something to change the mood. I could change the subject and thus get us out of the situation without any undue loss of face on her part, or I could do nothing and accept the inevitable. I was strangely calm as I had been when waiting in my room for Amanda or undressing with Jessy, Lindsay and Chrissy or when seducing Karla, so I simply sat there doing absolutely nothing. Possibly, I wanted something to happen, maybe it was because I knew that she wanted me that caused my actions. It could have been that the latent desire that had been satisfied so much recently by other women and my belief that I had become a lesbian were the reasons for my relaxed attitude to the situation. Whatever the motivation I sat there still as her hand touched my cheek and as her face moved closer to mine. She stopped just inches from me her, breath warm on my cheek and her lips slightly parted as if asking my permission to proceed. I again made no movement to detract her and thus implicitly, I suppose, I gave that permission. Then we were kissing.

It was tremendous deja vu as that now familiar softness of a woman's lips touched mine. But it just didn't seem right. I wasn't prepared or ready for it. And on top of that, two women snogging in a public car park was rather sordid and unseemly.

I moved my face and said, "No Belinda, no."

She immediately pulled away apologising and saying how sorry she was. I felt sorry for her for I had certainly led on her on a little and I told her there was no need to be sorry. We talked a little more and I explained how confused I was over the commitment and sex thing with men. I even told her a little about Amanda and those earlier experiences at university trying to illustrate that it was not her that I was rejecting nor a female, but sex and involvement altogether and the concern of coming out. She asked whether there was a chance that I would agree to try with her and I said, "Well there's always that chance Belinda," adding that she would, though, "Have to give it time."

Over the next couple of weeks I saw Belinda a few times at the club and each time we talked about it. I was rather surprising myself at not accepting her advances as I had so relatively readily with the other women I'd been with since my interest had been rekindled by my, now, ex-husband asking to see me with one. It wasn't that I didn't like or fancy her, as I did both of those, it was the overall situation with us being members of the same tennis club and so many people including my daughter, son and ex-husband knowing her. However, I suppose I was slowly coming round to an acceptance of the idea. I guess that the way she had gone about it and how things developed had created in me a mood of 'why not, what do we have I to lose?' Deep down I knew the answer to that and it was my reputation and maybe the loving relationships I had with my children and the scorn I'd be likely to get from friends if I came out as an affair with a known lesbian would entail.

A week or so later we played a doubles match against a couple from another club in a county tournament. We absolutely wiped the floor with them winning love and one finishing the match in just about half an hour. They were rather sheepish afterwards and as we had a cup of tea with them they apologised for not being our standard. We were the last people at the club and Len the steward came over and said that he was leaving and would Belinda lock up as she often did. The other team took this as the signal to go as well leaving Belinda and me alone in the club.

"Let's raid the bar" she said laughing, "Get pissed at the club's expense."

We went into the small bar and I replied. "I don't know about getting pissed but I could murder a white wine."

Although only late spring it was unseasonably warm and, as we hadn't hardly even perspired in the match, neither of us had put on our track-suits. She was wearing one of those Venus Williams bodies a little like an old-fashioned swim suit but so tight that every curve was accentuated and I had on a short, pink, fairly straight, unpleated skirt and a lowish, pale blue top with thin straps leaving my shoulders bare.

We sat in the bar and drank in near silence for a while skirting around the big topic that was hanging over us. It was obvious to both of us that it had to be raised and I was, I suppose, waiting for her to do so, "Have you thought any more about what I asked you?" she enquired.

"Yes I have," I blurted back adding, truthfully, "I've thought of hardly anything else."

"And have you reached a decision?" she asked from across the bar table.

"Oh Belinda I don't know," I told her looking down and avoiding her gaze.

We mumbled on with a range of what were probably inanities going over all the same ground as she, not overly pushily tried to persuade me. But I was still not ready. I still needed something else. Something more, an added inducement. What it was I didn't know? But I still did not feel able to say, either yes, or no to the rather clinical suggestion she had made now on several occasions of 'perhaps it's time you and I had an affair Jayne!'

We finished our drinks and I turned down another, "Problems at home? She asked.

"No," I replied. "Sarah's staying with a friend tonight,"

"Fancy a pizza then?" she said, "As you don't have to rush home do you?"

"No I don't," I replied, "Ok then let's do that."

We went into the changing rooms with me expecting that we would just put our track suits on and go. I opened my locker and had my back to her when I her heard her say.

"No shower then Jayne?"

I called out without turning. "No I'll go like this I didn't even break sweat." I knew the place we were going was very casual and I had been there in a track suit after the gym so I knew it wouldn't matter.

"Oh that's a shame," she called out with, obviously from her tone, a smile, "I was hoping we could have one together."

"Not tonight love, sorry," I called back, adding with a laugh, "I'm going rough, sweaty and dirty" turning as I did so.

She was standing there wrapped in a towel and we just looked at each other for a moment or two. She was holding the towel around her and above her breasts and her eyes took in the surprise on my face. We just stared at each for a while as her eyes seemed smoulder at me. I didn't move, I probably couldn't and I certainly could not have spoken for suddenly the atmosphere was so heavily charged with sexual undertones.

As Belinda's eyes seemed to burn into mine I saw her hands move. It was as though things had gone into slow motion. Her fingers opened, they moved away, they let go of the towel. Then slowly, so slowly it seemed, the towel drifted down and away from her body gradually revealing her heavily nippled, full breasts with their dark pink, almost brown areola, her narrow waist and tight, flat tummy. Down and down the towel went until she stood there naked with it in a bundle around her feet. At first I don't think she knew what to do and tried to cover up the rather blatant action. On the other hand, of course, I may have misinterpreted it for she said, "Well I think I will."

But we remained where we were just looking at each other, she didn't move to go to the shower nor did she pick up the towel. As I looked at her I felt a tremendous surge of excitement and the sensations I'd had with the others almost overwhelmed me. I realised then I wanted her. I wanted to make love with her. Also, I had some other feelings. Although I wasn't sure that I was, I felt in control, in charge of the situation as I had been with Karla. I had no nerves and I could feel felt my inhibitions slipping away as it struck me that I was playing with a grown-up, full-on lesbian and that maybe that was what I was now! But it also struck me that this was not likeme. It was not the Jayne I knew. Not the confused woman who had self-doubts over practically everything and especially her feelings for other women. This was not the woman who rarely takes the lead even with lovers she knows well, not the woman who had only ever initiated anything with one woman who she seduced. It was surely someone else that so assuredly held the gaze of the naked woman just a few feet from her. That without a hint of embarrassment let her gaze roam up and down the naked body that was being offered to her. That with increasing interest and desire admired the firm, taught, slim body. The lithely, muscular arms and legs. The flat stomach and the full and perfectly formed breasts that even as she stared at them was thinking 'they're not as big as mine.' There was no way that it was me that said. "Is that what you really want Belinda, to have a shower?" Not me with that croaking voice that went on. "Is that why you dropped the towel like that?" And it could not possibly have been the introverted, unsure and full of introspection at such times Jayne West who closed the short distance between the slim, tennis coach and the fuller figured other female still dressed in her tennis clothes.

But it was me. I had done that and said those things. And the reaction from Belinda was amazing for she seemed so nervous as I stood close to her and held her hands saying, "The answer is yes Belinda, I will have an affair with you."

We hugged each other and I said for her to come back to my apartment.

I must admit that as we drove there in our own cars the nervousness returned somewhat, but overall I felt ok. Apprehensive and a little worried that these unnatural feelings had surfaced again but, at the same time, pleasingly excited at the prospect of what was about to happen.

As Belinda was collecting the pizzas, I got to the apartment first and had a quick tidy up and pondered on a shower, but thought I would probably not have time. I was right for, before any further concerns could be raised in my mind, she was ringing the doorbell.

A little giggly like two schoolgirls, we ate and drank, as we surprisingly easily discussed the affair.

"I am a lesbian," she said at one point, "You know that don't you?" I nodded my mouth full of pizza as she went on, "I've found out over the years that I can now only enjoy sex with women and I haven't been with a guy for getting on for ten years and that was a fucking disaster."

"Or maybe even a disaster while fucking," I joked as we both smiled.

"It certainly was in some ways for me as I found him sticking his thing in me to be horrendous, but he got off okay and thankfully we were using a condom so none of his stuff got into me."

We chatted on for some time before she said that she wanted to settle down and added, "We're not getting any younger are we love?" with which I agreed and asked what she meant by that. "I want to find the right sort of woman to live with. I've never been that far and that committed with one."

Possibly slightly flirtatiously I asked with a smile, "And am I the right sort Belinda?"

She replied, "Oh yes Jayne, oh yes and you have been for such a long time. I adore your looks and figure, you can't imagine how difficult it's been when I've seen you in your tennis gear and when we've cuddled or kissed after a match. I wanted to make love to you right there on court or in the clubhouse so many times."

As we talked I again felt those, new to me, feelings of control returning. I hardly understood them at first but I felt that I was becoming the leader. Her obvious desire for me and the degree to which she wanted me made me feel strong. They also made me feel enormously aroused and gave me a confidence the type of which I was unused to. Smiling I said, "Well, we're not on court now are we Belinda? We're alone in my home aren't we?" She hardly reacted but looked at me sort of imploringly and whispered a very quiet.

"Yes Jayne we are alone."

Full of confidence now I stood up and took her hand. "Let's have that shower now shall we Belinda?"

As we undressed ourselves in my bedroom we both just stared at what the other was revealing until everything had been. There was tense silence as we again held hands and walked into the bathroom naked.

"Oh Jayne," she said quietly, "You're so beautiful, your breasts are all I imagined they would be, they are marvellous."

We stopped by the shower door waiting for the hot water to come through. Very close. The two naked bodies almost touching. I looked up and down her body and felt yet another surge of sexual desire, "Belinda you have a beautiful body to and you know it." I replied reaching out for her.

We kissed, our bodies squashed together, her smaller breasts fitting snugly into my larger mounds and we squirmed ourselves against each other as we slowly moved into the shower cubicle still kissing. The water poured over us making our skins glisten and smooth. She was lovely to the touch like that and we both cupped the other's breasts. It had been some time since my last experience with a woman, which was with Chrissy on one of her bi-monthly visits to London, I got all those familiar feelings as the flooded back to me; the softness, the smoothness, the gentleness, the lack of urgency, the familiarity and the knowledge that we could go on for ages. We soaped and washed each other with our attention, at first, mainly being focused on the other's breasts. Naturally, though, as we became more familiar with each we got more aroused so that was insufficient stimulation and we ventured onto the others bottom, thighs, tummy and between the legs. Kissing almost continually and using all of our body against the other as well as moving our hands everywhere we took each other together towards a lovely, mutual climax.

I felt so much more part of this than I ever had before and with Belinda's approach being slightly submissive, I sort of took the lead as I had mostly with Karla and I revelled in that role. I pushed her backwards against the wall and held her hands above her head thus tightening her already taught body and exposing everything to me. I kissed her mouth, then each of her breasts and feeling more adventurous I pushed my breast against her face encouraging her mouth onto my nipple that she did by biting on it. Our body movements, deeper breathing, which had become near to panting, and the sighs, moans and groans from both of us told us that we were getting very near to our first climax. Still holding her arms above her head I moved closer until our nipples met and I slipped my leg between her thighs then slithered it upwards until I felt her lips pressing against it. Clamping herself to it and writhing her pussy against that long, firm, front thigh muscle was so exciting for me as it felt to be the most overtly sexual thing I had ever done with a woman. My excitement and pleasure merging together thrilled me so much as she began to pant and moan as her orgasm erupted. Her arm came away from mine and seemed to fly between my legs that I clamped tightly around that as like that we climaxed so wonderfully powerfully together.

We dried ourselves, put robes on and then dried each other's hair. That's such a very intimate act between two women. Drying and brushing the hair of a woman to whom I had just made love was amazingly erotic and we both told the other about our feelings. Inevitably sharing such a tender and sensual thing as that led us on and encouraged us. As she was brushing the back of my hair so her hands started straying onto my shoulders pushing the robe along them a little causing it to gape at the front. As she did that I was soon sitting there with most of my breasts exposed. It was a strangely arousing sight. Sat in front of a mirror with Belinda behind me, our eyes meeting by way of a reflection I could look at myself and see most of my boobs including the edges of each of my nipples. Her exertions at drying my spiky hair had also made her robe open all the way down the front and in the mirror I could see her body down to just beneath her waist. I wasn't sure what prompted me to do it, but locking my eyes on hers in the mirror I slowly raised my hands until they touched each of my breasts outside the robe. Then smouldering at her with all the desire I could muster I slid my hands inside it and pushed the material completely off them. Cupping each orb in my hands I began to roll them together and to squeeze the tips of my nipples as we stared intently at each other. Her hands slid down and joined mine on my breasts as we both looked on as if voyeurs via the mirror. Of course this led to more and soon she was bending over kissing my neck and pulling the robe away from me at the same time as which hers just seemed to disappear.

Not long after that, we went to the bed and cuddled up kissing and stroking each other's nudity, which was wonderful. Not the urgency or the latent aggression so often associated with sex with a man. We both knew that we had all night if needed. We were both aware that we could recover from sex in moments. We both knew that we could ride on the highest crest of the wave of orgasm for ages. And this conditioned our approach. No pushiness, no trying to force the pace. Just gentle, intimate and undemanding lovemaking that took the other's needs into consideration to at least the level of one's own.

We did everything two girls can do together, well that is, as far as I was aware of at the time.

We brought each other to a climax with our hands then more adventurously with our mouths and lying on our sides we made the most perfect oral love before I pulled her on top of me and we enjoyed a lengthy sixty-nine. I laid on top of her, snuggled down between her legs so our mounds and clitorises rubbed together and like that I fucked her just like a man fucks. She laid on my back and, grinding her mound against my bum, she simulated fucking me that way. We lay with our legs open and intertwined so that the lips of our pussies met and were squelched together then, I got my vibrator and we used that on each other's tits, nipples, clits and, of course, inside each other.

It really was the most perfect girl on girl sex imaginable.

But that was just the start of our affair. It intensified and, as we were together so much, we became a number around the tennis club. We also went out a lot that effectively were dates and she almost moved into my apartment apart, of course, when Sara came home from uni or Peter from Dubai. Although neither of them really broached the subject of my friendship with Bel, I think they had their suspicions and they made some hints about the depth and nature of her and my relationship that for some time I ignored.

Inevitably, I suppose, something had to happen. An affair as intense, loving and open as ours cannot be hidden or denied forever. And to be truthful, although that wasn't easy, I got to the point where I didn't want to hide it. Bella, my pet name for her, and I were in love and we wanted to spend our lives together. We wanted to be a couple doing as much as we could together and enjoying each other in all possible ways, socially, intellectually, emotionally and, of course, sexually.

It was this latter category that brought me so much pleasure and convinced me that I was indeed a lesbian and probably always had been, but conditioning and social mores had inhibited me and stopped me from accepting and illustrating it. Now with Belinda I was enjoying a sex life the like of which I had no idea existed. In fact, when I thought about it and tried to analyse and understand it I came to the conclusion that I didn't have a sex life as that suggested it was separate from the other aspects of my life, or our lives, which it wasn't. It was our lives. It was integral to all we did, thought, lived and enjoyed. There was hardly an hour that went by that I didn't have a sexual thought about Belinda and no day passed without some form of sexual activity between us. This ranged from a simple kiss and fondle to full sex often including intense oral activity and more frequently as we as a sexual couple developed, the inclusion of dildos, vibrators and strap on penises. I had never been in a relationship where there seemed to be no end to the sexual activity, depth, variety and frequency that both of us wanted and enjoyed.

My love for her developed and deepened quite rapidly and I stopped thinking about others, I even stopped fantasising about having sex with Kylie and other celebrities! I had no desire or wish to stray or do anything with anyone else as Belinda provided me with everything sexually that my mind and body required.

But, of course, there was at least one hurdle still to overcome, which I, increasingly desperately, wanted to confront and remove, and that was coming out and acknowledging to my world that I was a lesbian. As usual, just how she had with several other similar problems Belinda solved it for me. One night as we lay in each other's arms with her still wearing the strap on after some particularly energetic sex, she whispered right into my ear as her fingers ran around my still soaked pussy lips, "Darling will you marry me?"