Incorrigible Pt. 02

He had the rest of their lives planned to perfection... he only missed one small detail.

Randy had a good life. He owned a successful business, had two wonderful children and a beautiful wife. Now that their youngest was off to college, Randy was eager to reap the benefits of having had children young. To his way of thinking, becoming empty nesters in their early forties was just about perfect. But his wife had other plans.

Following the divorce, and a bit of soul searching, Randy decides to take a Grand Tour of his homeland and really own his mid-life crisis. He buys a fast car, kisses his kids goodbye and heads west. He would soon discover, however, that fate had one more surprise in store for him.

After accidentally saving an ill-tempered alien with a cockney accent and a devastating appetite for junk food, Randy embarks on an adventure beyond his wildest imagination with a companion whose abilities seem boundless. Along the way, he encounters the best and worst of humanity and meets a bevy of remarkable women.

Incorrigible is the tale of a good man who, in rescuing an alien, finds himself in a very human struggle between good and evil. His new companion tosses out Faustian bargains like candy, forcing him to navigate the fine line between finding true happiness and losing his soul.

Author's note:

This novel is a work of sci-fi adventure. I've split it into four sections for publication here.

All sensuality (on page or otherwise) takes place between characters who are eighteen or older.

Twelve

"This hotel is amazing, Randy," Olga gushed. "Must be nicest hotel in entire city."

"Far from it, actually. But I'll certainly agree that it's far better than the dump we stayed in last night."

"Why did you get such big suite? Do you not believe I wish to sleep with you tonight? We hardly have need of three rooms."

Randy merely shrugged and gave her a weak smile since he could come up with no reasonable way to explain the hungover alien who would soon be the second room's resident. He had tried to rent a separate room for Cnychwr, but there had been some kind of convention in town and the President's suite had been all that was available.

To his great surprise, and relief, she returned his smile and said, "Are you hungry? Or do you wish to do anal now?"

"You drive a hard bargain my dear," Randy responded, his thoughts requiring every centiliter of blood remaining in his brain after the rest had rushed to his groin. "But I know for a fact that all you've eaten today is some yogurt and toast at breakfast."

"You could feed me your cock, to tide over. Semen can be very nourishing."

"God damn, woman. You're like a fantasy come to life."

"Does that mean you want me to suck cock now?"

"That sounds delightful, my dear. But you will find that I always attend to your needs first, whether that means your pleasure or your full belly."

She pouted for a moment before saying, "Very well. But I will be very disappointed if you do not feed me semen tonight."

"Saint Augustine was a pussy," Randy muttered to himself after closing the door to his suite to return to the Mustang in search of Cnychwr, who he was seriously contemplating abandoning if there was a single additional instance of cock-blocking.

He found Cnychwr sleeping peacefully in the rear of the car and gently shook him on what was the nearest equivalent to the hexaped's shoulder.

"Go away," the alien muttered. "Sleeping."

"We've arrived at the hotel. Time to relocate to your room where I've disabled the phone and instructed the staff you're to receive no room service."

"Don't worry," Cnychwr grumbled. "I'm never eating a slice of pizza again in my life."

"Ah, the sanctity of a hangover. Many's the time that I've sworn to every God I could remember that I'd never drink again."

"I truly mean it, my friend. I feel wretched."

"I don't doubt it. How do you want to move to the room?"

"Would it be beneath your dignity to carry me? I can conceal my presence for the trip."

"I'll look pretty silly holding air. How about a large duffel?"

Cnychwr sighed and said, "If we must."

Randy opened the trunk and upended the contents of the bag onto the trunk's floor before slamming the lid closed. He set it in the Mustang's passenger seat and Cnychwr crawled into it. Once he had settled himself, he shimmered briefly before vanishing. Randy carried him up to the suite. He paused at the door to listen but could hear no sound of movement inside. He opened the door quietly and, seeing no sign of Olga, hurriedly tiptoed across the large living room until he reached the smallest of the three bedrooms. He slipped inside and closed the door behind him, setting the duffel on the bed and sighing with relief.

He opened the bag and whispered, "We're here. You can hop out."

"I do not hop," Cnychwr grumbled loudly as he languidly crawled from the bag before collapsing on the bed.

"Keep it down, would ya?"

Cnychwr huffed and loudly retorted, "My own counsel shall I keep on the volume of my voice."

"Randy?" Olga's voice called softly as he heard the door open behind him.

"Fuck," he whispered before turning to face her in the hope that his body would obscure the alien behind him.

"Who's there?" Cnychwr asked loudly. Randy heard movement behind him, followed by the alien muttering, "Oh, it's just your female."

"Listen," Randy stammered. "I can explain."

"Is fine. Am sure you will get hard when I take you in mouth."

"Huh?"

Olga glanced down shyly, causing Randy to notice for the first time that she was completely naked. She trailed a finger down the line of his shirt's buttons before arriving at his zipper. His cock twitched in spite of the mind-numbing awkwardness of the situation. She smiled and said, "You see? Is no problem."

"But what about the..."

"The what?" Olga asked with a perplexed expression.

"Would you two please shut up?" Cnychwr grumbled from behind him.

"The alien!" Randy exclaimed.

"What alien?"

Randy moved to the side of the bed and pointed theatrically at Cnychwr. "Right there!"

"The duffel?"

"No! The bright fucking blue fucking alien right next to it."

"Are you ok, Randy? We need not make love right now if you require rest."

Randy whirled to face Cnychwr and muttered, "What the fuck is going on? Why can't she see you?"

"Because I chose to not permit it?"

"How in the hell does that work? You can't make light behave differently for different people. I can see you, why the hell can't she?"

"There is more to sight than photons striking the back of the cornea, Randy. There is also the brain's interpretation of those signals. I have merely instructed her brain to not take notice of me."

Randy gaped like a landed fish, his gaze whipping back and forth between the hungover alien and the stunningly sexy naked woman at his side. All the while, Olga wore an expression of bemusement while Cnychwr just watched them both with what Randy assumed was confusion.

In the midst of his preparation for checking himself into the looney bin, Randy noticed something else odd about Olga. Not only could she not see Cnychwr, the reason for which Randy was not prepared to debate, but she was also not reacting to Randy's dismay in a way he could comprehend. Even a sociopath would have some reaction to Randy's ranting and raving. But Olga was merely watching him placidly as though he were digging through his suitcase in search of the right pair of socks. She was not even impatient.

Realization sprang to Randy's mind in a single horrific moment. He whirled to face the alien and exclaimed, "You're controlling her mind, aren't you?"

"I just told you I was, you ignorant ass."

"No! I meant you're doing more than just interfering with what she sees. You're telling her what to think. That's why she's acting like this whole fucking conversation isn't even happening."

"So? What of it?"

"Stop it, right now!"

"No. I'll not reveal my presence to anyone else."

"Then I'll take her back to the other room and you'll release her mind?"

"I'm not certain that's wise, at this juncture."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Cnychwr sighed, or the nearest alien facsimile, and said, "I know little of your species, Randy. I know even less of your customs. But is it not a bit unusual for a nubile female to be naked and alone in a room with a male with whom she is not romantically involved, or indeed even consciously aware of?"

"What are you saying?" Randy asked as his blood ran cold.

"I saw you look at her when you stopped at the service center. Your appraisal, and the rush of endorphins in your system, suggested you considered her a suitable mate. So, I brought her to you."

"Olga, honey?" Randy asked through clenched teeth. "Is there any way you could put some clothes on?"

"You do not want me to suck cock now?" she pouted. "Why not? I have been patient but is past time for we make love."

"Just give me a moment to fix something, sweetie. I promise. But please, put your clothes on. I swear I'll explain everything in a moment."

"Very well, Randy. I will obey. Perhaps later, you tie me up? I have been very impatient and should be punished."

She smacked her ass suggestively as she left the room.

Randy gently closed the door behind her before snipping to face Cnychwr with rage-filled eyes.

"You're telling me all that is a fucking act? That you turned her into a mindless slave because you thought I'd like it?" Randy was screaming as he finished speaking and he stood towering over Cnychwr as he panted.

"It sounds so barbaric when you put it like that."

"And trying to make her fuck me against her will isn't barbaric? I don't know about your planet, but here we don't condone rape."

"I genuinely apologize if I acted poorly. As I said, I know little of your country, or indeed your world. Once I learned your language, I attempted to learn more by watching your information programs on current events. They made it seem as though this type of intimacy where one party is unwilling is commonplace. Those that perpetrate this crime, as you refer to it, admit it publicly, and with pride. And I do not recall an instance where it was mentioned that these men would be punished."

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," Randy spat furiously.

"One of your recent presidents bragged about raping many women whilst engaged in his attempt to secure that office. He was not imprisoned, he was elected. Many other politicians experience the same treatment. I also noticed a similar pattern amongst your holy men, although their preference seems to be for young male humans."

"Those guys are monsters. So are the people that keep them in power. But I'm not like them. I'd kill a man who raped my daughter. Slowly. I can't believe you set me up to do the same to someone else's daughter. I was about to have sex with that woman based on a sincere belief that she wanted the same thing. Fuck you for putting me in that position. I didn't even lay a finger on her, but I still feel like a fucking monster for what we did do."

"Why? Cnychwr asked sincerely. Randy's fists clenched, so the alien hastened to add, "I'm just trying to understand your species, Randy. So I do not err so grievously again."

"We don't take away people's free will. Ever."

"What if they are one of those evil men you mentioned earlier? For instance, the conservative politicians and commentators who believe rape is acceptable as long as the perpetrator is a white man. Would you not desire that these monsters, as you call them, be made to keep silent?"

"Even them. Taking away someone's free will is always, always wrong. That's what those assholes want to do to the rest of us. And despite what they think, eye for an eye justice is no justice at all."

"I understand. And I apologize, to both of you. Shall I release her now or do you wish to be there when I do so?"

"I should be there. Just give me about thirty seconds."

Cnychwr looked at him quizzically and said, "How long is a second?"

Randy turned to his tried-and-true method of counting time, humming Sousa's Stars and Stripes Forever to himself and calling out the count every other beat. After five seconds, Cnychwr said, "Got it."

"I don't know if your kind has any honor, if you even know what that means. But when I come back in this room, one of two things is going to happen. Either you'll convince me that you understand just how abhorrent what you've done is, how truly regretful you are for your part in it and how sincere you are about never, and I mean fucking never, doing it again. Or you won't. If it's the former, I'll continue to help you. If it's the latter, I walk out that door and you're on your own. Thirty seconds."

Randy left the room without another word. He found Olga in the suite's master bedroom, sitting on the bed and fiddling with the phone he had bought her. He stopped to tuck something in her suitcase before crossing the room, bypassing her attempt to hug him, and sitting in a chair on the far side where he figured he would be considered the least threatening from Olga's perspective.

"Are you ready for sex now?"

"Olga, I'm so sorry about all this. Whatever happens in the next few minutes, I hope you'll remember that."

"I'm not sure what you..." she blinked several times before she started looking around the room. Her expression went from confusion, to terror, to rage in the course of a few seconds.

"Who are you?" she growled at Randy. "Where am I?"

"You're in a hotel in downtown Denver. My name is Randy. I brought you here at your request."

"Have never seen you before in whole life. Where is my family? My brothers?"

"I don't know," Randy said softly. "You asked me to help you in a service center on the Kansas/Colorado border. You said you were in danger."

"You lie! Where are brothers?"

"I don't know. Just please believe that you're free to go. There's a thousand dollars in your suitcase. Your phone is paid through the end of next month. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I swear this was all a big misunderstanding. I will do everything in my power if you'd like me to help you. But you are of course free to go, should that be your wish."

"You will not try to stop?"

"Absolutely not. You're free to do as you please."

She snatched her suitcase off the bed, quickly finding the money he had stashed there. "Where are my clothes?"

"You didn't have much. I bought you more. Everything's in the dresser. And the bathroom."

Olga hurriedly packed the things Randy had bought her, never fully taking her eyes off him. He had no doubt she expected him to grab her, force her to submit to something so awful he could barely comprehend it. Her expression was not at all unlike how she had appeared when she had first come racing up to his car asking for help. Except this time, instead of running from a threat which had seemingly been entirely a figment of Cnychwr's imagination, she was running from Randy. The thought sickened him, despite his relative innocence in the matter. Before he could give it much thought, Olga finished packing and stood warily by the front door of the suite.

"You will not chase me?"

"I will not. You're free to go. And... I'm sorry. About everything. I just wish..."

She cut him off by yanking the door to the suite open and disappearing into the hall. He slumped back into the chair and stared at the suite's door for several hours before he considered moving again.

Thirteen

"Where in hell have you been?" Cnychwr snapped from his spot on the bed in the suite's guest room.

Randy ignored him and stalked into the master bedroom, slamming the door behind him. He stepped into the restroom and started the shower, as much to avoid his unwelcome roommate as anything else. He took a long shower to clean off the dirt and sweat from his long walk through a nearby park. He had managed to slowly increase how long he could exercise at Denver's heightened altitude over the week he had spent in the same hotel suite he had temporarily shared with Olga.

Cnychwr prodded him relentlessly about carrying on with their mission, as he called it, and visiting high end electronics manufacturers to find out if it would be possible to build a communications device. For Randy's part, he had not found it necessary to respond to his alien interloper with the exception of a few occasions where he had suggested his guest attempt to copulate with himself.

Randy tried to justify their continued presence, not only in Denver but in the same hotel suite, by saying he had always had a desire to tour the archaically named Mile High city. But, in the back of his mind, he knew he remained in the hope that Olga would return and give him a chance to explain what had happened. He had tried texting and calling her using the phone he had procured for her, but she had either blocked him, or the phone was shut off. The fact that he did not have even the faintest idea what he would say to her were she to return had not, thus far, prevented him for moving on. A tiny part of his brain repeatedly tried to make the point that he had not done anything to her which was unforgiveable, and that he had been completely in the dark about Cnychwr's abhorrent actions, but that did little to assuage his guilt. Thus, he had been trapped between a desire to make amends and the impossibility of making that wish come true.

He departed the restroom forty minutes later to find Cnychwr lounging on his bed. He barked, "Get out."

"We cannot continue like this forever, Randy. I made a mistake. I apologized."

"Not to her."

"That's quite impossible now. In any case, it's hardly as bad as you make out."

"You stole her free will, you fucking asshole."

"Free will is an illusion. You must know that."

"This isn't a philosophical debate," Randy snarled. "You set me up to rape her. It doesn't get much worse than that. And it certainly isn't due to a sudden burst of morality that your plan failed. I just finally woke up to your particular brand of evil."

"Listen... I say this with all possible respect, but you're being stupid. Not to mention you're letting your emotions dictate your behavior. You haven't said ten words to me in the last few days. And, frankly, you don't have the foggiest idea what you're talking about."

"Explain," Randy spat after a few moments' awkward silence.

"You're assuming Olga was repulsed by you and that I completely took over her mind to force her to offer her body up for your gratification."

"You're suggesting something else? It seemed pretty evident that that was exactly how she felt about me based on the look of horror on her face when you released her. Not to mention the way she lit out of here like a scalded jackrabbit."

"I am indeed. She ran because she was confused, and a little disquieted. But what I did to her was nothing like the complete brainwashing you're imagining. It was her you were interacting with. All I did was implant the suggestion that she saw you as devastatingly, rather than mildly, attractive. I most certainly did not force her to seduce you, or into removing her body coverings for your pleasure. Did you honestly think I'd have any interest in continuing to inhabit her mind whilst you two engaged in your species' disgusting bastardization of coitus?"

Randy merely sat staring at Cnychwr in seething anger, but his rage was not so great that he was incapable of listening to his companion. At length, he said, "How could I ever believe you?"

"You know the answer to that, Randy. Absent discussing things with her, you'll have to take my word on it. But, if I may be so bold, the fact that I have not used my ability to influence you should bolster my bona fides."

"Meaning you could have just changed my mind for me without me being any the wiser... and since you didn't, I should just blindly trust you?"

"Sort of," Cnychwr hedged.

Randy's phone started ringing. As he walked to retrieve it, he said, "We'll finish this later," but neither of them failed to notice that the heat that had been in his voice for the preceding week had been noticeably muted. He hit the answer button on his phone and said, "Please tell me no one is dead, pregnant or in jail."

"Hey, Dad," Peter responded jovially. "Do you start conversations with everyone like that?"

"What do you think?"

"How's the trip going?"

"Terrible, now that I'm forced to contend with the fact that you failed to address my opening comment."

Peter sighed and said, "No one is dead, pregnant, or in jail by my hand. Better?"

"Much. How's school? Still going to all your classes?"

"Mostly. And it's great. I've been thinking about changing my major."

"You've only been there a few weeks! How could you have gotten bored with a major already?"

"I'm joking," Peter guffawed. "Just wanted to see how you'd react."

"Very funny. Best not try that on your mother."

"Too late. I had her on speaker phone and the guy across the hall damned near called the cops."

"Serves you right. Seriously, how's school going?"

"Great. Honestly. I think I've been waiting my whole life to get to college. Went to a football game last week..."

"But you hate football," Randy interrupted, unable to help himself.

"Not anymore. I've decided I just hate high school football. College football is the best."

"That might have something to do with the fact that your high school hasn't had a winning season in a decade. It's amazing how much a decent on-field product can affect your perception of the viewing experience."

"True. Now that that's out of the way, it's time for the question you ducked, Father. How's your trip going? Meet any interesting ladies?"

Randy sighed and said, "The trip's going... ok. I'm in Denver and taking a few days to see some sights."

"That was a weighty 'ok'. You sure everything's all right?"

"Yeah. A few complications along the way but that's part of the reason for doing a trip like this. If all I wanted was to get to the west coast with no fuss, I'd have flown."

"Ok. The whole thing still seems nuts to me, but all that matters is that you're having a good time. Listen, I've got to run, or I'll be late for class."

"Well, we can't have that," Randy replied with a chuckle. "Thanks for calling, son. I love you."

"Love you too, Dad," Peter replied before hanging up.

Randy looked around to find Cnychwr had departed. He walked out to the living room to find his companion locked in mortal battle with a package of chips Randy had purchased from a vending machine. There was no denying the technological and evolutionary superiority of Cnychwr's species, which caused Randy to gain extra amusement from watching the alien struggle to open packages with his unusually shaped hands. Cnychwr had four fingers on each limb which were radially opposed making it seem as though he had four thumbs. This alone would not have precluded him from opening a bag of chips, but the fine fur covering his body meant he lacked the fingerprints humans took for granted in such situations.

Just as Cnychwr appeared to give up and looked ready to tear the package open with his formidable looking teeth, Randy snatched the package from his hands and deftly opened it.

"Much obliged," Cnychwr mumbled around the chips.

"Don't mention it."

"Your progeny is well?"

"Seems to be. Do you have any children?"

Cnychwr gave a very human looking shake to his head but otherwise remained silent. Randy took a seat across from him and took a sip from the water he had brought with him as he waited. At length, Cnychwr finished his chips and turned his gaze back to Randy before saying, "Where were we?"

"You were trying, but not succeeding, to convince me that I shouldn't toss you in a woodchipper for in absentia attempted rape. What the fuck else would we talk about?"

"What must I do to convince you that I merely gave her the slightest nudge toward thinking you were irresistibly attractive."

"What about all that shit she said about running for her life? I can't help but notice that she was always pretty vague on the exact details."

"That was not my doing. Perhaps she was in peril, or it could be as simple as that tactic being something she's used successfully in the past. In any case, I swear to you that all I did was help her shift from seeing you as an unremarkable member of the opposite sex to seeing you as someone to whom she could, and I really must emphasize that word, could be attracted to. Everything else was either her doing, or yours."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Randy asked in irritation.

"My basis of comparison is admittedly rather small, but you are certainly not without charm. You also spent a not insignificant sum of money on her, not to mention that you were unusually sensitive to her needs. I gave her the first nudge, as I said, but I suggest you did far more to woo her than I did."

"But this still all comes back to me taking your word that all you did was give her that, as you say, nudge."

"How did we meet?" Cnychwr asked reasonably.

"Don't think I've forgotten so quickly. You were about to be turned into Mars-kabobs by several of my more ignorant countrymen."

"I assure you I am from significantly further away than Mars, as you call it. Do you honestly think my home planet is all that different from yours, considering I am able to exist here without any type of protective equipment?"

"I suppose not. Speaking of which, how far away is your planet."

"Light from your sun is not visible there by any means other than scientific instruments which go far beyond my understanding. Suffice it to say that it is so far as to be preposterous to discuss other than in the context of faster than light travel, which your species is, I'm sorry to say, centuries from discovering."

"I see. You were speaking of your unfortunate encounter with those rednecks, and I interrupted you."

"But don't you see? That's precisely the point."

"Forgive me... I'm dense. What do those morons have to do with Olga? They were at least a hundred kilometers apart."

"Do you honestly think I would have allowed those creatures to capture me, much less very nearly murder me, were I capable of doing more than placing the gentlest suggestion in the mind of a human?"

"Perhaps you were somehow impaired? Or maybe it doesn't work if you're excited. I don't fucking know."

"I would never have been allowed to travel to your world were I not fully trained in such encounters. The honest truth is that I was concentrating on activating a device we all carry implanted in our bodies which prevents undeveloped civilizations from capturing us."

"What, like a cyanide tooth?"

"I'm not sure what that is," Cnychwr replied seriously. "The device I carry is designed to destroy my body on an atomic level if I discorporate, or if I trigger it mentally. I understand it will also have the same effect on any organic matter in my vicinity."

"What on earth for?" Randy asked in horror.

"Imagine one of your self-styled scientists got their hands on me and managed to take samples of my body. Triggering the device would ensure that said samples were destroyed, along with the scientist of course."

"Of course," Randy responded agreeably.

"So, do you believe me now?"

"I am prepared to entertain the notion of perhaps, eventually, believing you."

"What must I do to gain your trust?"

"I don't know," Randy grumbled affably. "Don't be an asshole. And don't brainwash anyone."

Cnychwr nodded regally and said, "I will do my best."

Fourteen

"Have I mentioned that there are few types of people, save fascists and racists, I hate more than people who take video calls in public?" Randy grumbled into his Bluetooth headset.

"Once or twice," Cnychwr muttered. "But this is most certainly the most logical way for me to peruse your electronics retail establishments."

"Couldn't you just become invisible?"

"I have explained this to you already. My camouflage depends, at least in part, on touching the mind of those I don't wish to see me. I have neither the ability, nor frankly the desire, to prevent hundreds of sentients from seeing me simultaneously. Now, I suggest we get on with it if you genuinely hate this form of communication."

"Fine," Randy huffed. "What kind of stuff are you looking for?"

"Start with the most advanced communication devices."

"You've already seen that."

"How so?"

"That's what we're using to talk to each other right now."

"But that device only has a range of a few of your kilometers."

"Why would it need more than that? There's scarcely a place in the country where you can get away from the cell network."

"But there are places, are there not. For instance, if you headed just a few dozen kilometers from here toward the sunset, you'd certainly be out of range."

"Fair point."

"So, if you were to head into the mountains for a holiday, what would you take with you in case of emergency?"

Randy thought for a moment before saying, "I guess a satellite phone. Works similar to a regular mobile phone, but instead of communicating with a cell tower it uses low orbit satellites."

"Perfect. Get two of those."

"Sure! Why the hell not. They only cost a fucking fortune."

"I need one which is functional and another which I can disassemble."

"And how do you propose I pay for it?"

Cnychwr paused for a moment before saying, "I am unsure how to answer that."

"Why, because your advanced species no longer has need for currency since you've evolved to become a perfect communism?"

"Don't be obscene. Of course, we have need for currency. I just have a limited understanding of how you acquire said currency."

"In essence, I gamble on companies. If the companies I invest in become more successful, their value increases and I make money. If they don't, I lose money."

"What would happen if a company mysteriously found themselves in possession of a communications device which could function anywhere in your solar system without the need for your internet? Would that cause their value to increase?"

"Unquestionably," Randy replied as understanding dawned. "Likely by an order of magnitude."

"Then I suggest you stop worrying about money. Once I contact my people, I'll hand this device over to you and you can sell it to the highest bidder."

"Ok. Anything else, or will the sat phone suffice?"

"I cannot answer that until I examine it. But it is enough for now unless you would be willing to bring me some sustenance."

"You ate this morning."

Cnychwr groaned and said, "I consumed calories this morning. But it was hardly what I would have chosen to eat."

"You're just jonesing for junk food. I haven't forgotten the mess you made last time."

"I assure you; I will be more cautious this time."

"Forget it. I'll be back shortly and then we're going to get on the road. We've been in Denver long enough."

Hearing no reply, Randy hung up. He wasn't sure if Cnychwr had disconnected the call in a huff upon hearing Randy had no intention of bringing him more junk food, or if he had simply hung up deciding that the conversation had ended, but he was not overly concerned. While his fury with the alien had faded, he would certainly not call their relationship friendly, or even cordial.

Upon returning to the suite, he quickly collected his bags which he had packed up before heading to the retail outlet. He opened the backpack he had set aside for just this purpose and placed it on Cnychwr's bed to allow the alien to crawl inside and make himself comfortable. Donning the backpack, he called the front desk to complete check out and summon the bellhop.

Ten minutes later, Randy was lowering the convertible top of the Mustang as he pulled out of the parking deck. Cnychwr complained about the roof being lowered, as it made it much easier for taller passing vehicles to spot him, but Randy reasoned that he had chosen a convertible for his grand tour for days exactly like the one he found himself in: a perfect late September day just east of the Rockies. It turned out that Cnychwr was also not a big fan of being in the sun, so Randy had obtained a larger version of the kind of carrier an heiress would use to take their dog literally everywhere they went. This allowed the alien to rest comfortably in the front seat while being shielded both from the sun and from prying eyes.

They headed north out of Denver, enjoying the scenery of the towering mountains just to their left. The day was mostly gone before they started their trek, so it was already nearing dinner time when they arrived in Fort Collins. Trundling slowly through the northern Colorado town, Randy spotted a charming blend of vibrant city and small-town hominess. In his college days, several of his fraternity brothers had driven cross country one fateful spring break. Randy had declined their invite, saying it was crazy to drive, as near as makes no difference, seventy-five hundred kilometers in ten days. It had been a decision he always regretted as the stories his friends had brought home were ones they still told to this day. Regarding Fort Collins, their stories detailed a microbrewery district which was, to their way of thinking, legendary.

Driving around the city, Randy felt as though he could scarcely drive a few blocks without seeing a brewery or restaurant which caught his eye. He knew, however, that he was not in a position where he could spontaneously hop into a place lest he find the cops by the Mustang when he returned demanding to know how he could be so cruel as to allow an extraterrestrial to smother in the vehicle's heated interior. He instead sought out an acceptable hotel near a few promising looking breweries.

Upon checking in, he reversed the process they had used to exit the hotel in Denver to get Cnychwr safely into the room. Once inside, he walked out onto the balcony to survey their immediate surroundings. The place he had chosen seemed to be ideal. He could see two microbreweries and three restaurants within easy walking distance. There was also a walking trail within easy view of their balcony, just beyond the pool, which led up into the foothills.

Cnychwr climbed onto a chair on the balcony and opened a soda he had pilfered from the suite's minibar. He moaned in bliss after swallowing the first sip. "Exquisite," he murmured reverently.

"Is it the high fructose corn syrup that gets you off?"

"I neither know nor care. I just want all of it in the world to be mine."

Before Randy could retort, he noticed a woman in her early thirties jogging down the walking trail. She had midnight black hair which was barely held into a ponytail and her pale skin was flushed from her run. She came to a stop beneath their balcony and fought to catch her breath. She was dressed sparingly in a pair of snug running shorts and a sports bra, the latter of which was trying, but ultimately, failing to fully contain her voluptuousness. As if she could feel his eyes on her, she looked up and locked eyes with Randy. He gave a guilty wave and smiled in her direction. She returned the wave before continuing her jog.

As she ran out of sight, Cnychwr said, "She is attracted to you."

"Bullshit."

"I speak the truth. Her breathing quickened, her irises constricted, the coloration on her cheeks deepened."

"All of those things could be explained by the fact that she's on a run."

"Perhaps, but don't forget that I have abilities which your species could not possibly comprehend. Her excitement increased noticeably when her eyes met yours. You should consider a sexual liaison with her. Assuming, of course, that you find her attractive."

"Don't be ridiculous," Randy scoffed. "She's gorgeous."

"How would I know? You all look bizarre to me. But, if I may be so bold, you should consider making some changes to your appearance before you approach her."

"You can't tell if people are attractive or not, but suddenly you're a fashion critic?"

"I'm sure your wardrobe is acceptable. I was speaking of your flesh. Again, I have little understanding of your kind's preferences on appearance. But I can recognize patterns. And all available evidence suggests that your kind prefers their mate to be more svelte than your current appearance."

"You're not wrong there, but there's hardly anything I can do about that at this point. Besides, it's not like I'm carrying an extra twenty kilos over here."

Cnychwr looked at him in amazement and said, "Can you not modify your appearance?"

"Not without months of disciplined effort. Why, can you?"

Cnychwr shimmered briefly before his fur turned a dark chocolate color and his size increased noticeably as his six limbs became four. He stayed that way for a few moments before turning back.

"That's amazing," Randy gasped. "And, to answer your question, my kind absolutely cannot do that. Neither can any other creature on Earth."

"Remarkable."

"You should use that," Randy exclaimed. "We could go out in public if you could disguise yourself as something less alien. Does it have to be something the same size? Is it an illusion like your invisibility?"

"One thing at a time. No, it isn't an illusion. Yes, it has to be the same size. Even your uneducated kind has learned that matter can neither be created nor destroyed."

"That's incredible. So, how about it? Hell, even what you just did would nearly do the trick. You could disguise yourself as a dog, or something, and then you could go out in public. In a liberal city like this, you'd be able to go into damn near anywhere without anyone complaining."

"The process requires significant energy," Cnychwr said after a moment's consideration. "Even that small change required nearly the entirety of my reserves. In any case, I have little interest in mingling with large quantities of your kind. And certainly not as a domestic animal. But... I could perhaps assist you with your problem. Assuming, of course, you were willing to see to it that my energy reserves were replenished."

"What, exactly, are you talking about."

"I'm saying I could modify your body so as to make you more attractive to the female variant of your species. All I would ask in return is for you to provide significant high calorie foods for me to ensure that I have plenty of energy to manage the transformation."

"Oh, I get it," Randy guffawed. "I buy you enough junk food for you to destroy yet another hotel room and you'd promise to change my body. Sounds like a scam for you to get wasted again, not to mention sounding like the proverbial 'too good to be true' scheme."

"Perhaps a demonstration would be in order?" Cnychwr offered.

"What'd you have in mind?"

"Something small. You'll barely notice it. But I'll need another of those beverages first."

"Fine," Randy relented as he stood and headed inside. "But I'm only doing this in the interest of science."

He returned with the sugariest of sodas and handed it to Cnychwr, watching with interest as his companion struggled to open the can with his alien hands. At length, he succeeded and gulped it down.

Randy felt a tremor of worry and said, "What, exactly, do you intend to do. And will it hurt?"

"Shush," Cnychwr muttered as he laced his strangely shaped fingers together and closed his eyes. His face was a mask of concentration and Randy felt a moment of nausea. When Cnychwr opened his eyes, he gave Randy a toothy smile and said, "Well?"

"Well, what? When do we get his show on the road?"

"It is done. Have a look at your reflection."

Randy hurried into the restroom and stared at himself in the mirror. It took him a second to notice the change, but when he finally spotted the fact that his eyes were now a brilliant green rather than their typical brown, he gasped in surprise. He turned to find Cnychwr had followed him and said, "That's incredible."

"Imagine what else I could do for you, my friend. I could remove the flabbiness from your midsection and use it to make you taller with larger muscles. I could make your face more angular, like the men in your entertainment programs. I could also increase the size of your coupling apparatus."

"Thanks for pointing out that even an alien thinks I'm repugnant to look at. And what makes you think that cock size is a problem for me?"

Cnychwr shrugged and said, "My understanding of your culture is admittedly limited, but I have yet to encounter a scenario in your entertainment streams in which a female, or male for that matter, complained that a partner's size was too much."

"That's beside the point. I just can't help but thinking that this is all too good to be true."

"You would refuse my offer?"

"For now. Besides, didn't you just tell me that girl from the trail was interested in me?"

"I did indeed say that," Cnychwr allowed sagely before heading back toward the balcony.

Fifteen

"My understanding of your species' body language is limited," Cnychwr offered from his spot on the suite's couch, "but your expression suggests that perhaps things last evening did not go to your liking."

"That would be an understatement," Randy muttered as he dropped into the easy chair. "I thought you said she was into me."

"She... who?"

"The girl from the trail? The one who looked up at us and who you said was definitely attracted to me?"

"She was. I am almost certain of it."

"Well, she certainly didn't seem like it when I offered to buy her a drink. I'd say her expression was closer to revulsion than attraction."

"I am very sorry, my friend. That must have been very awkward for you."

"No shit. I need some coffee. Want some?"

Cnychwr shrugged and said, "Caffeine has no effect on me. But I wouldn't say no to another of those delightful sodas."

"I suppose you've earned it. I'll run and grab one from the vending machine since you appear to have cleaned out the mini fridge."

Randy returned moments later with a few sodas which he placed before Cnychwr before resuming his seat. Randy took a sip from his coffee and blew out a long breath. Cnychwr joined him in imbibing and moaned in contentment after his first sip.

"Delightful," the alien remarked as he finished the first can. "It's even more pleasurable when it's temperature is reduced."

Randy said nothing, content to focus on his coffee and the view out the windows of the early morning sun bathing the eastern edge of the Rockies in warmth.

After a few moments, Cnychwr finished his soda with a burp and regarded Randy intently before breaking the silence. "Perhaps your appearance up close did not adhere closely enough to her initial impression of you."

"I'm kind of over the frankly bizarre-looking hexapedal alien telling me I'm ugly," Randy snapped quietly.

"I'm not making a value judgement, Randy. And, I can assure you, you're at least as revolting to me as I am to you."

"I didn't say you were ugly. I said bizarre looking."

Cnychwr grinned and said, "Right back at you, friend. In any case, I was not speaking of my views on your species' appearance. I was talking about your own species. Specifically, the judgement the female of your species levies on individuals such as yourself. You tell me you're a reasonably attractive representation of the male segment of your species, and I have no reason to disbelieve you. But the facts speak for themselves. The female you attempted to woo last evening was undeniably initially interested, but her interest vanished when she encountered you face to face. Is it possible something else changed her mind, such as an offensive odor or brutish behavior?"

"Hardly."

"Then what else could it be other than your appearance? I cannot stress this enough: I am not making a value judgement against you; I am merely offering my assistance as one friend to another."

"Thanks. I guess. But I'm not sure I'm interested in a woman who would only be interested in me if I looked like a movie star."

Cnychwr gave a shrug of his unusual looking shoulders and said, "You must do what you feel is right, of course."

"Listen, I'm going to hit the pool before it gets too crowded. You need anything before I go?"

"Nothing springs to mind," the alien replied cheerily.

The response gave Randy a moment's unease at his companion's atypical good mood. He paused for a moment, considering drilling down into the aberration, but he ultimately decided Cnychwr was just riding the high of a pair of sodas he had downed during their chat.

***

Donning his swim trunks, he headed toward the pool. He gave additional thought to Cnychwr's suggestion upon noticing that his swim trunks felt a little snug. After all, he mused, what middle-aged man could honestly say they felt no reservations about their body. Sure, he had gained a few dozen kilos since college, but he still kept reasonably active. After all, his internal debate-team captain pointed out, he was currently on his way to the pool to get in some exercise rather than scarfing down a thousand calories worth of breakfast.

The water in the pool was brisk, causing him to shout out in shock beneath the surface after initially diving in, but he got used to it after only a few laps. He kept up a sedate pace for about thirty minutes, only coming to a stop to float placidly in the deep end when he heard the shriek of a youngster as the latter leapt into the shallow end. Randy glanced in that direction and saw a family of seven making themselves comfortable for what looked like a long visit to the pool. The mother set up a proper workstation for herself at one of the covered tables while the father and older siblings got the youngest pair of children into a set of floaties.

Randy made for the ladder, happy to cede the pool to the family. As he climbed from the water, he felt a moment of panic as his swim trunks tried to stay in the pool without him. Fortunately, he was able to react in time to prevent a wardrobe malfunction and walked awkwardly to where he had left his belongings.

"Nice save," a warm alto voice murmured behind him.

He turned to find a woman seated a few seats away staring up at him over the tops of her sunglasses.

"Thanks," he stammered as he took a seat and donned his own shades.

"I'm a little surprised you're willing to brave that water. I tried yesterday but I couldn't convince myself to do more than dip a toe in."

"I went for the polar bear approach and just leapt in. Fortunately, I was still under water when I realized how cold it was or I'd have woken half the hotel."

"That would have been quite the wakeup call. I'm Sabrina," she said, extending her hand across the empty chair between them.

"Randy," he said, taking her hand briefly as he tried in vain to keep his eyes above her shoulders. She was wearing a one-piece which did little to hide her perfectly sized, obviously natural breasts. The high cut of the suit also highlighted her impossibly long, perfectly toned legs. She had long, dirty blonde hair and a playful smile flashed across her lips as she caught him taking in her curves. "It's a pleasure to meet you," Randy managed to choke out as he released her hand.

"Likewise," she replied breezily. "You just arrive yesterday?"

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"Because I was out here for most of the last few days, and I certainly would have noticed if you had been here."

Randy was uncertain how to take her comment, so he said, "What brings you to Fort Collins?"

"I'm from here," she replied quickly. After a moment's hesitation, she added, "I just decided I needed a sort-of staycation. You know, get away from things for a while before deciding what's next for me."

"I know what you mean. I'm taking an extended vacation. Sort of a grand tour."

"A grand tour?"

"Yeah. Just a sort of road trip of discovery without a clear destination in mind."

"Sounds fascinating," she said breathily as she moved to the chair next to him. As she relocated, she bent to arrange her towel on the chair, inadvertently giving him a devastating view of her impressive cleavage. "How long have you been on this grand tour?"

"A few weeks. I'm from Charlotte and I've been slowly making my way west. Fort Collins is beautiful. I can't imagine living here and seeing this scenery every day."

"I love it. I'm from the east coast, but I went to college in Boulder and just fell in love with this part of the country. We moved here after I graduated, and I've been here ever since."

Randy heard the tremor in her voice at the mention of 'we', but he had no desire to push her away. Instead, he said, "What should I do while I'm here?"

"I'll assume that I need not mention the microbreweries."

"Indeed. They're hard to miss. I sampled a few last night, in fact."

"I imagine you were quite popular there," she said with a twinge of bitterness. "I can't imagine you lacked for company."

"What makes you say that?"

"Listen, I'm all for humility, but you can't honestly expect me to believe this act."

Randy looked at her in abject confusion. "I swear on my children, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You have kids?" she asked softly, her demeanor changing entirely.

"Yup. My pride and joy. Holly's twenty and Peter's eighteen."

"I see," she replied dubiously. "What does your wife think of your grand tour?"

"Divorced," Randy said carefully.

"Same here," she announced, a bit of the cheer returning to her voice. "Best decision I ever made."

"So, how long will your staycation last?"

"Until I no longer want to commit a hate crime against my ex. Or until my money runs out."

"I see. If you're in a pinch, I passed what looked like some great places to hide a body as I passed through Kansas. That place is empty."

"No shit. I swear, the fact that half the people that drive through there don't fall asleep at the wheel never ceases to amaze me."

"Who says they don't?" Randy asked with a chuckle. "It's not like the highway ever turns. If your alignment is decent, you could sleep for an hour or so before it became problematic."

Sabrina giggled and said, "Indeed."

A smack rang out across the pool deck and shortly a child of roughly six years surfaced and shouted, "Damn it."

"Trevor," the father Randy had noticed earlier exclaimed. "Watch your damned language."

"Chip off the old block over there," Sabrina muttered.

They watched together as the child leapt into the pool five more times in what was obviously an attempt on the father's part to teach the child to dive. As the spectacle went on, Randy finally muttered, "Just tell him to reach for the bottom of the pool."

"What was that?" Sabrina asked quietly.

"He keeps telling the boy how to jump off the side, rather than how to make sure he actually dives. I was a lifeguard in high school."

"Of course, you were," Sabrina muttered under her breath.

"It's just like that old saying about walking before you run, although Peter kind of disproved that by going straight from crawling to sprinting. But anyway, you've got to learn to dive before you worry about how to jump into a dive. He should just tell the boy to stand on the side and reach for the bottom of the pool. Works every time."

"So, what do you do when you're not giving diving pointers under your breath?"

"Financial advisor. You?"

"IT sales."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Not particularly. But I unfortunately seem to have a knack for it. How about you?"

"Yeah, I kinda do like it. Got into it almost by accident, but I did pretty well and built a really great client base. Opened my own firm fifteen years ago and kind of never looked back. How about you? What'd you want to do before you got into business development?"

"What makes you think I haven't wanted to do that since I was a little girl?"

"I suppose you could be a unicorn. It's just that in two decades of financial advising, I've never met a single person who didn't wind up in business development through a mixture of discovering a talent for sales and having some other circumstance change. Not always bad, mind you. I knew plenty of folks who got into it for no other reason than discovering it was the easiest way to make a lot of money. At least legally."

"True enough, I suppose," Sabrina allowed. "To answer your question, I wanted to be a..." she sighed and said, "You'll think it's stupid."

"I promise not to laugh. If it makes you feel any better, I wanted to work in a fast-food restaurant for a living when I was a kid."

"But... why?"

"Because I figured I'd get all the chicken fingers and soda I wanted."

"What made you change your mind?"

He smiled and said, "My dream came true when I was sixteen. I lasted almost five weeks before the bloom was fully off the rose."

She guffawed and said, "Then I suppose I'm sorry your dream came true. I suppose I have to tell you my dream since you told me."

"That's typically how these things work. I showed you mine, now you get to show me yours."

She sighed and bit her bottom lip before ultimately saying, "Particle physicist."

Randy made no reaction, but she eyed him critically, nonetheless. At length, he said, "What made you change your mind?"

"No thoughts on how it wasn't a profession suitable for a woman?"

"Never. My daughter's the smartest person I've ever met. If she doesn't take over the world, it will only be because she thought of something which interests her more."

"It was honestly just too much everything in school. I got decent enough grades, but at a certain point it just occurred to me that I would effectively be in school forever if I stuck to physics. I switched to industrial engineering and never looked back."

"Good for you. I knew too many people in school that felt trapped by the major declaration they'd made as a seventeen-year-old and, even twenty years later, they're still working in a profession they hate because they're too scared to start over."

"Thanks. My ex always said I switched because I couldn't hack it."

"Then he's an asshole," Randy replied evenly. "Let me guess, you made more money than him and he never forgave you for it."

"What makes you think that?" she asked after a quick inhalation of breath.

"Just a guess. I take it I hit the nail on the head?"

She nodded solemnly before saying, "You're something else, Randy from Charlotte."

"Back at you, Sabrina from Fort Collins. Listen, I skipped breakfast and it's getting on toward lunch time. Would you care to join me for brunch?"

"I'd love to," she replied with a smile which rivaled the sun for its brilliance.

Sixteen

"Your mood seems markedly better than this morning," Cnychwr observed as Randy entered the suite. "I take it you enjoyed your swim."

"Very much so," Randy replied with a hop in his step. "Getting frequent exercise is very important."

"I saw the woman, Randy. Do you honestly think I just hide inside whenever you're gone? I take it you found her to your liking?"

"Of course. She's great. I'm actually meeting her for brunch in a few minutes."

"Cheers!" Cnychwr exclaimed, raising a soda can in salute.

"How many of those have you had?"

"All of them?" the alien said with a hiccup.

"Jesus," Randy breathed as he took in the dozen or so cans spread around the suite's living room. "Where'd you get all this?"

"Room service, my good fellow. They were most helpful. But let not yourself be troubled. I know my limits now, there will be no repeat of overindulging. In any case, I required the extra energy."

"Why?" Randy drawled slowly, worry suddenly replacing the excitement he had felt at hitting it off with Sabrina.

"Because I am a magnificent friend. Surely you noticed."

"I'm sure I didn't. What did you do?"

Cnychwr burped loudly before saying, "You humans aren't too observant, are you? It's a wonder you managed to get off the ground, much less travel into the heavens."

Randy rushed into the closest restroom and flipped on the light before looking into the mirror. It was like looking at an old photo of himself, except even accounting for his features having lost a decade of age, other things were just slightly off. The eyes Cnychwr had turned green earlier were unchanged, but the rest of his face was slightly different. His hair had gone from brown to sandy blonde. His nose had lost the slight crookedness it had had since a memorable afternoon in college when he and a group of friends had decided tackle football with no protective equipment was a fantastic idea. His earlobes laid a little flatter against his head and his teeth were both whiter, and straighter, than they had been when he had last glimpsed himself in the mirror. He pulled his shirt away from his chest and saw definition to his pecs and abs that had not even existed in his college days.

He stormed back into the living room and barked, "What did you do?"

"I learned my lesson. No more influencing people to increase their attraction to you. But I figured it couldn't hurt to give you a little tweak. You're now, as near as makes no difference, the man of her dreams. It's little wonder she was so taken with you."

"Fuck!" Randy exclaimed. "Why can't you just let well enough alone?"

"I fail to see the problem. I did not influence her in the slightest and yet she is undeniably interested in joining you for coitus."

"The problem is," Randy growled, waving his hand in front of his body, "this isn't me. It's some other guy who she's attracted to."

"Don't be silly. None of the changes I made were that significant. I merely smoothed out some wrinkles and redistributed some stored potential energy. I'm genuinely quite confused as to why you're not thanking me."

"Because I apparently can't ever have a conversation with a woman without you doing something to unnaturally convince her to fuck me!"

"I can put you back the way you were, if you like. I will, of course, require additional energy to manage it."

"To hell with that! You've had plenty."

"Why do you think I'm so much more in possession of my faculties than last time? I used the energy as fast as I consumed it. My current euphoria, present conversation excluded, represents the tiniest bit of excess. Hardly enough to be worth mentioning. I would suggest, however, that you inspect the fullness of your transformation before you insist I take away this gift I've given you."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Randy snapped.

"Just what I said. You should inspect the rest of your body."

Realization dawned and, although he was ashamed to admit it, Randy hurried back to the restroom and slammed the door behind him. He pulled his swim trunks away from his waist to inspect himself. He then yanked the trunks to the floor to take full measure of what he had discovered. He had never had cause to feel shame about the size of his penis, and Jennifer had told him on countless occasions that she fit him like a glove. But now his cock had grown from arguably respectable to somewhere between enormous and obscene. His now flaccid member was both longer and girthier than he had been previously when aroused. He could only imagine the dimensions he would grow to when the time came. Before he tucked himself, with considerable effort, back into his trunks, he noticed two additional items of interest. The first was that his groin was now completely hairless. The second was that he was now uncircumcised.

Hardly able to believe his eyes, he staggered back into the living room. Cnychwr laughed uproariously from his spot on the couch and said, "You should see your face. My goodness, I almost wish my kind had external genitalia so I would have some frame of reference."

"You're an asshole," Randy snapped as he came to a stop before the couch. "Can you please, for the love of all that's sacred and holy, stop fucking meddling in my fucking life."

"You wish me to change you back?"

"Um..." Randy began.

"I'll remind you that I did not significantly alter your appearance. I merely made you a somewhat younger version of yourself. One who is in perfect health." He paused for a moment before adding, "And I made you two-point-four percent taller. And I gave you the musculature of a football player, the real kind not the gladiatorial version you Americans call football. And I made your phallus much..."

"Enough," Randy growled. "I get it."

"So, my friend. What's it to be? Shall I change you back so you can attempt to explain to that young woman why you aged a decade in the time it takes to have a cup of tea?"

"I really fucking despise you, Cnychwr."

"No, you don't. I'll attend to the mess in here before I retire. Despite the energy I consumed, the effort of modifying your flesh was quite tiring. I shall be resting quite comfortably in the second bedroom when you return, rather alone or in the company of your young woman. Should it be the latter, I advise caution when coupling. Your anatomy is likely well beyond that with which she is accustomed."

Randy headed for the master bedroom. As he turned to close the door, he muttered, "I'll keep that in mind. Ass."

"You're welcome," Cnychwr called out.

***

"Sorry I'm late," Randy said as he approached the table where Sabrina sat staring at the scenery to the west. "I had to take a quick call from a colleague. I should have thought to get your number so I could text you. I apologize for the oversight."

She regarded him for a moment before gesturing to the seat across from her and said, "Don't let it happen again," with a playful smile.

As he took his seat, he spared a moment to appreciate her outfit. She had been stunning in the ostensibly demure, yet alluringly cut, one-piece she had worn by the pool. She struck a similar balance with the flowery sundress she now wore. It neither revealed an overabundance of cleavage, nor was it cut unusually high, but the soft fabric hugged her curves in all the right places and created the impression that she was even more undressed than she had been by the pool. She had pulled her hair up into a high braid, which showed off her regal looking neck, and she had an elegant disposition despite wearing the barest hint of makeup or jewelry.

"Here," he said as he retrieved his phone from his pocket. He unlocked it and opened the messaging app before passing it over to her. "Feel free to add your number."

She took the phone but hesitated. "How do I know you're not some hot, creepy stalker?"

"Well, that's a tricky question. In truth, you have to take my word for it. Even if I put my kids on the phone to sing my praises, you'd have to trust me that they were in fact my children and not a couple of actors I keep on retainer for just such a situation. In all honesty, you should probably just throw your drink in my face and storm out of here, just to be safe. However, if you decide to throw caution to the wind and believe me, I assure you that I won't misuse your number. If I do, feel free to use my number to sign up for as many 'we'd like to talk to you about your vehicle's extended warranty' calls as you can."

"I'll keep that in mind," she said with a soft chuckle. She began typing and a ding shortly sounded from the vicinity of her purse. She handed the phone back to him and he laid it on the table.

"Have you ordered?"

"I waited for you. I did, however, partake in a bloody mary."

Randy shuddered and said, "I shall choose to pretend you did not just admit to consuming that most foul of liquids."

"What have you got against a bloody mary?"

"Nothing besides a lifelong disdain of both raw tomatoes and celery. Also, not the biggest fan of Worcestershire, or vodka. In truth, I'm not sure there's a single part of that drink I don't find distasteful."

"Your loss," she said with a shrug. "So, what do you do for hair of the dog?"

"Coffee liqueur old fashioned?"

She regarded him for several moments before releasing a held breath and saying, "Fine. I'm intrigued."

"Then perhaps we could see if this establishment is capable of a bit of flexibility on the part of the bar staff."

As if summoned by the fates, the waiter chose this moment to appear at Randy's elbow and ask if they were ready to order. Not surprisingly, the cocktail he desired was not on the menu, but the waiter helpfully took down the ingredients and promised to do his best. They also ordered food before settling back to await their cocktails.

Randy felt a little guilty for his manipulative tactics, such that they were. He truly did feel that a bloody mary had been invented as a form of torture, but he had mentioned it as something of a test. In his experience, first dates, if that was what this was, were never the time to criticize a woman. Even the most decent and understanding women were, almost universally, turned off by such behavior.

He was buoyed by the fact that Sabrina had not eagerly agreed that bloody mary's were little better than industrial waste and slavishly insisted he pick a drink for her. In Randy's mind, that would have meant one of two possibilities, neither of which were acceptable. The first was that Cnychwr was lying to him, and that he was, in fact, influencing Sabrina's behavior. The second was that she was so attracted to this false version of him that she would be willing to overlook any faux pas to win his favor.

Randy supposed that it was also fortunate that she had not told him to fuck off and thrown the remains of her drink in his face as he genuinely enjoyed her company and hoped to see more of her. Sabrina had let his critique go with little more than a raised eyebrow, but he could see the fire in her eyes at his rebuke and he sensed her spirit and independence in every word and gesture.

As their meal ended, Randy thought anxiously for a way to extend their time together. He found Sabrina's company to be both exciting and calming. Their conversation, both at the pool and in the restaurant, had never been stale. Even during the lulls, he had felt no unease. He realized that he was desperate to think of something else to propose which would extend their time together, but he was at a loss. It was early afternoon and they had already shared a meal and spent several hours together poolside.

Sabrina interrupted his ruminations. "Do you mind if I'm completely honest with you?"

"Of course not," Randy replied, not without trepidation at what seemed more likely than not to be the beginnings of a brush off. "I'd expect nothing less."

"I like you, Randy," she said with a disarming smile. "I might even like you a lot. I know you're just passing through town and likely not looking for anything serious. Wait," she implored with a raised hand in response to his attempted interruption. "Let me finish even though I'm totally botching this. I was married to an asshole for five years. Five long years. He treated me like I owed him the world in return for the fact that he allowed me to be with him. He resented me for making more money than him, but he never permitted that fact to prevent him from trying to control me. He said we were through in the midst of one of our regular fights because he accused me of cheating on him, even though it wasn't true. Then, he completely lost his shit when I called his bluff and contacted an attorney. He threatened me with everything from turning all my friends against me, which he was much more successful at doing than I could have possibly imagined, to costing me my job, which failed spectacularly on his part. In the end, I held the line, but I lost my ass in the divorce because half means half, even for the woman."

"I'm so sorry," Randy said calmly as he reached out to take her hand.

"I appreciate that," she said sincerely. "But I didn't tell you that for sympathy."

"Ok."

"You know," she said after a moment. "I frequently find it so hard to believe you have two grown children. I mean, you don't look a day over thirty. But that... that right there... it convinces me."

"What?"

"You get women. Only a man who was successfully married for decades could pull that off. My husband... ex... never even bothered to try."

"I'm glad you divorced him. I hate that he took you to the cleaners, but then it will make it all the more satisfying when you exceed what you had before while he steadily sinks further."

"I certainly hope so. In any case, that's the point I was, poorly, trying to get to."

"I'll do whatever I can to help."

Sabrina smiled warmly at him and said, "Splendid. Because for the last seven years, I've been in the humiliating circumstance where I'm forced to admit to myself that the last man I had sex with was a person I loathed. I was hoping you could help me remedy that."

Seventeen

"Fuck," Sabrina grunted as Randy inadvertently slammed her against the far wall of her room after she had leapt into his arms in the elevator. A picture frame shattered as it hit the floor next to them and Randy would not wager anything he valued highly on whether or not the door was fully latched.

"Sorry," Randy whispered before dropping his lips to taste the tantalizing skin of her neck.

"Don't be," she whispered before lathing his earlobe with the tip of her tongue. "I like it rough."

He growled in anticipation, gripping her full ass to carry her to the bed. As his shins hit the side of the bed, she tumbled from his arms and landed on her back with a giggle which quickly turned into a moan as her gaze fell upon the outline of his cock within his trousers.

"Clothes. Off. Now," she demanded throatily as her hand dropped to the junction of her thighs and she pulled her panties aside to stroke her clit.

"My goodness, you're gorgeous," Randy whispered huskily as he pulled his belt from his pants and slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

"My thoughts exactly. Please, baby. Don't tease meee... holy Jesus monkey! What is that!"

Randy grinned at her assuredly. He then dropped his eyes to his groin and could only gape at what he found there. Protruding twenty centimeters from his midsection was something straight out of porn. Almost more terrifying than the length of his upgraded cock was the girth. When he reached down to grip himself, his thumb missed touching the tip of his middle finger by a noticeable margin. He could scarcely believe there was still enough blood in his brain for him to think.

"I promise I'll be gentle," Randy said carefully as he watched Sabrina's eyes for any hint of fear.

"No," she stammered. "It's fine. I'm just not sure the condoms I bought earlier are up to the task."

"We can double-bag, if that would make you more comfortable."

"It's ok," she said with more conviction before reaching out to wrap both hands around him. "Just promise you'll stop if something happens."

"You have my word," Randy replied sincerely.

He opened his mouth, thinking to make light of the situation, but his words failed him as she eagerly shoved the cue-ball sized head of his cock into her mouth. His knees buckled at the sensation, and he was certain he would have fallen were it not for his shins slamming into the size of the bed."

"Fuck, that feels good," he breathed as he reached down to stroke her hair back from her face.

She pulled back and gasped for air before whispering, "You swear you've never killed anyone with this thing?"

"Not that I know of," he hedged.

Sabrina shrugged and said, "You only live once, right?"

She rose to her knees and pulled her dress over her head. Randy had suspected that she had not been wearing a bra, but seeing the truth teased a whispered oath from his lips. Her breasts were, as he had surmised upon seeing her in a swimsuit, perfectly sized for her taller than average frame. But it was one thing to surmise and something else altogether to see them jiggling slightly from the motion of removing her dress before coming to a rest on her chest. Her nipples were small, making her breasts look even larger and further emphasizing her height.

Randy dove for her, pushing her back on the bed and taking a nipple between his lips in a single hungry movement. Her yelp turned to a moan as he sucked her nipple to hardness. Their hands blindly sought out each other's erogenous zones as he continued to lavish praise on her nipples, her hands stroking his cock eagerly as his fingers stroked along her seam through her soaked thong.

"Fuck me, Randy," she whimpered while never relinquishing her hold of the back of his head. "Please. I need you inside me."

"Condom?"

"Bedside table."

He fumbled blindly for a moment before cursing in frustration and releasing her nipple from between his lips to surge toward the drawer in question. He grabbed a condom and tore it open so eagerly that he managed to catapult the prophylactic across the room.

"Well done," she giggled.

He grabbed for another one and tried to tear it open but the proof of Sabrina's excitement coating his fingers caused him to drop it beside the bed.

"Want me to do it?"

"No," he growled. He then immediately appended, much more gently, "Unless you want to."

"Hell no. This is too much fun."

She stroked him quickly, dropping a hand to caress his balls as she kept her eyes locked on his. He retrieved a third condom and, after taking a calming breath, opened the wrapper and extracted its contents.

"Bravo."

"Thanks," he muttered with a grin.

Randy rolled the condom over his shaft, noticing immediately that it was almost uncomfortably snug. Sabrina laid back on the bed and looked up at him with the most devastating 'fuck-me eyes' he had ever seen. He slipped her thong up and over her magnificent legs. When they reached the top, he cupped one of her feet and sucked her big toe into his mouth.

"Later," she sighed. "Right now, I just want you to fuck me into oblivion."

He bowed slightly and lined himself up with her entrance before glancing up at her for final clearance. She bit her bottom lip and nodded.

"My goodness," he grunted as the head of his cock disappeared into her carefully groomed, and achingly tight, pussy.

Randy lightly teased her clit as he held his cock still within her, giving her a chance to adjust to his intrusion and forestalling the orgasm which had suddenly reared its head in the back of his mind upon feeling her impossibly tight core flexing around him.

Sabrina let out a long breath and said, "Jesus, you feel good. Give it to me, Randy. Give it all to me."

He kept a close watch on her as he pushed deeper into her exquisite tightness with a single tantalizingly patient thrust. When he bottomed out, he lifted her legs up to loop the backs of her knees over his elbows. Gazing up her spectacular body until he found her eyes, he took a breath and said, "Are you ready?"

"So fucking ready, babe. I want..."

Her words were cut off as he jerked his hips back and slammed back into her, causing an alluring ripple to travel across her stomach and through her delightfully supple breasts.

"Fuck!" she panted as a smile spread across her features. She met his eyes and said, "More."

He took her with a desperation, and intensity, which was wholly foreign to him. Slamming his impossible manhood into her time and again as her liquid pleasure surged around him was the most erotic moment of his life. Sabrina spurred him onwards constantly: rather through shouted encouragement; or her nails desperately clawing at his flanks; or her liquid pleasure surging around his member.

Randy felt her orgasm approaching as her exquisite channel tightened painfully around his swollen member. He bent to take a nipple between his lips without ever losing the pace of his thrusts. Sabrina lost her tenuous grasp on her vocabulary in time with her volume reaching its apex. All that came from her lips were moans which Randy had no doubt could be heard by everyone within twenty rooms.

He bit on her nipple just as he slammed his cock into her silken depths with all his strength. Wetness gushed from her as her orgasm arrived with the force of a thunderclap. Her back arched so much that only her feet, head and shoulders still touched the bed. A nearly silent scream erupted from her lips, little more than a hoarse growl. Randy held himself firmly seated in her core, but otherwise remained still. He watched in awe as her orgasm played out over her magnificent body and beautiful face.

At length, her muscles relaxed, and she dropped bonelessly back to the bed. Randy bent down to kiss her gently. As he pulled back, her eyes fluttered open, and a goofy grin spread across her features.

"You did good," Sabrina mumbled groggily.

"Thank you. You're incredible, Sabrina."

She smiled brightly and said, "Did you cum?"

He shook his head and said, "It's ok. You came enough for both of us."

"The hell I did. I was hoping you'd say no. I'm not done with you, not by a long shot."

"Oh really?" Randy asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Damn straight. That was just the warm-up act. You up for the main event?"

Before he could answer, Sabrina scrambled from beneath him and pushed him over on his back. She sank onto his throbbing cock with a moan of contentment.

"So fucking full," she whispered as he bottomed out.

Randy reached out for her, one hand going to a perfect breast and the other hand reaching for her equally flawless ass. Sabrina rode him with gusto, constantly changing the angle of her hips and bringing him quickly to the brink of orgasm. He took her hips in both hands to control her pace, but she just winked at him and ground against his cock even harder.

"Oh, I see how it is," he grunted.

"You're goddamned right."

He shifted his hands, placing one on her ass and another against the small of her back, before standing up from the bed. She yelped in delight as he turned them around and laid her on the bed. She gazed up at him in a mixture of wonder and desire as he stood. She grunted in frustration as he slid from her depths and bit her lip when her eyes fell upon his bobbing penis.

Randy stood and studied her for a moment before saying, "On your knees."

She smiled and scrambled off the bed to kneel before him.

He guffawed and said, "Not what I meant, but I love your enthusiasm."

She climbed onto the bed, presenting her spectacular ass to him and saying, "Maybe later?"

"We'll see."

He drove into her molten core with a single measured thrust.

"Your cock is my favorite thing in the world," she gasped, driving her hips back against him.

Randy thrust into her with wild abandon. Moments after starting, Sabrina reached a hand in his direction, her fingers splayed out desperately. He wrapped his hand around her wrist, and she immediately offered him her other hand as well.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God," Sabrina grunted as he repeatedly thrust into her flawless body. She glanced over her shoulder, giving Randy a look of such serene happiness that he nearly lost his constant battle to hold his orgasm at bay. He watched her with undisguised wonder. It took him a moment to identify exactly what he found so erotic about Sabrina. Then it finally occurred to him that it was her openness, both in her comfort with her body and her willingness to take an active role in their lovemaking. Sabrina's unembarrassed moans of pleasure, combined with her unapologetic fervor to let him take pleasure from gazing at her body, pushed him past the point of no return.

"You're so fucking perfect, Sabrina," he whispered.

She stared at him in amazement, her sounds of pleasure being replaced by something more profound. She whispered, "Are you close?"

"I'm there," he stammered, knowing he had mere moments before his pleasure overtook him.

"I want to feel it. Cum all over me, Randy."

"Where?"

"Wherever you want, lover."

He thrust into her a final time before pulling out and tearing the condom off. She looked over her shoulder at him with a hunger in her eyes and squealed in delight when the first eruption of his seed splashed against her perfectly rounded ass. He grunted in pleasure as his orgasm continued, each blast from his obscenely inflated cock traveling further up her back. She watched the progress with a glint in her eye and stuck her tongue out lasciviously. The final spurt from his pulsating manhood landed neatly on her tongue.

Sabrina swallowed quickly and said, "That was fucking incredible."

"You're fucking incredible," Randy whispered as he let out a soul cleansing sigh. He then bent to kiss her, ignoring her widened eyes, before stepping back from the bed and heading toward the restroom. When he returned moments later, he brandished a towel he had soaked in warm water and carefully, but thoroughly, cleaned her up.

She watched him throughout, a perplexed expression on her face, before finally blurting out, "Who are you?"

Eighteen

"What do you mean?" Randy asked in puzzlement.

"You're like a unicorn," Sabrina breathed reverently. "You just fucked me six ways from Sunday and then you immediately shift to adoringly taking care of me."

"I could say the same about you. That was some of the best sex I've ever had. You're incredible, Sabrina."

"That was the best sex I've ever had. No contest. I can't even imagine how it could be better."

Randy shrugged and said, "Can I get you some water?"

"Yes!"

He rose to collect a glass of water for each of them. He returned to the bed, collecting a kiss in return for the water, before flopping down beside her. She snuggled up against him and sighed in contentment.

After a few moments' contemplation, she murmured, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"It might be a little inappropriate. I know we just met, God, a few hours ago."

"After the morning we've had, I hereby grant you absolution from any and all perceived awkwardness henceforth."

"Thank you, kind sir." Sabrina was silent for a few more minutes, prompting Randy to tip her chin up and place a delicate, but passionate, kiss on her lips. As their lips parted, she whispered, "Why did you get divorced?"

"Because my wife wanted to?"

"But... why? Are you a serial killer or some kind of super right-wing nutjob?"

"No and hell fucking no. She just wanted to see what else was out there for her."

"I've got news for her. Based on the small sample size I've been treated to; she'll be hard pressed to upgrade. Is she delusional or had she already been interviewing replacements before she gave you the bad news?"

Randy shook his head and said, "I appreciate the compliment. And despite what you may think, I harbor no ill will toward Jennifer. She had the courage to do something I think too few people would be willing to do. She ended things before either of us developed negative feelings about the other. In truth, whether she was cheating on me is almost beside the point. I was hurt, and angry, when she dropped the bomb on me. But I've since come to see the wisdom of her decision. She decided our relationship had run its course. I'm grateful that she told me now rather than waiting until she made me miserable."

Sabrina looked contemplative. When, at length, she spoke, her voice was barely audible. "The first time I ever thought of breaking up with my ex, I guess he was my fiancé at that point, was three weeks before the wedding. We'd just had a massive fight and he'd given me the first glimpse of who he really was. I warned him then, told him if he ever did it again that we were through. He swore it was an aberration; that it would never happen again; that he was under a lot of stress with the wedding and his job."

"Did he hit you?"

"No. As insane as it sounds, I wish he had. There's no way I would have tolerated that. But somehow, I allowed myself to justify him screaming at me and calling me worthless. I spent four years remembering that conversation and hating myself for not seeing the truth then. Once we were married, I was committed; both morally and legally. I tried to make it work for a while but before long I kind of just gave up."

"Your family? Friends?"

"They were all his biggest supporters. Said I was insane for suggesting their perfect Frederick, with his dashing Dutch accent and his movie star charm, could ever do any of the things I accused him of. I found out later that he had started in on them even before the wedding, laying the groundwork about how perfect he was and how insane I was. They believed him, all of them. He gave me no quarter, nowhere to seek solace. So, I buried myself in trashy romance novels and gave up on living."

"What happened to break the dam?"

Sabrina smirked and said, "I finally got the dumb bastard mad enough that he threw a beer bottle at me. I was an idiot, because even though I was trying to provoke him, I neglected to record it. But I was all the way done after that. I served that prick with divorce papers, and I told everyone what happened."

"Did they believe you this time?"

"The jury's still out on that one. I told them that they'd need to make a decision: him or me. And, that if I ever got wind that they had gone behind my back on his behalf, they were dead to me. I suppose I should be grateful that it was my quote best friend unquote who was the first to test me, rather than my mother. The swiftness, and completeness, with which I cut her out of my life might have just put a little fear into the rest of them."

Randy tried to calm the rage swirling within him before gritting out, "Anyone who would side with an abuser over you isn't your friend, and they never were."

"I know, but it's still hard to get stabbed in the back by the person you thought was your ride or die. It's so hard not to think it was all my fault for not kicking him to the curb a long time ago."

Randy took her hand comfortingly as he sensed that any more contact at this moment could spook her. "As they say, hindsight is always twenty-twenty. But I happen to believe that karma sees all. I have a friend back home who was in a similar situation. Her divorce was apocalyptic, but when it was over, she quickly found a partner who loved her for who she was and treated her like she deserved. The two of them are still together, and it's been ten years. They've even had two children together.

"He, on the other hand, has divorced two more times and pays more in child support and alimony each month than most people make altogether. What he failed to realize was that his first divorce was a matter of public record, and he admitted all he had done in the delusional belief that the judge would side with him once he explained why he had been angry enough to hit her. Once my friend had established his pattern of behavior, it was child's play for his subsequent wives to take him to the cleaners."

"I don't even want him to be miserable, I just don't ever want to think about him again. Thanks, by the way. You really did me a solid."

"That sounds eerily close to a dismissal."

She shrugged and said, "Only if you want it to be."

"I really like you, Sabrina. I'd like to stick with you a bit longer, if you're up for it."

She thought for a moment before saying, "What'd you have planned for today before I interrupted your swim and then raped you?"

"I was hardly an unwilling participant, my dear. To answer your question, I was thinking of walking up to the top of one of those mountains just west of town."

"Have you tried any yet?"

"Not yet. Just got to town yesterday."

She grinned and said, "Oh, you poor man. You said you're from Charlotte?" He nodded placidly and she laid a hand comfortingly on his arm. "I guess I'm honor bound to accompany you so there's someone around to call for a medivac when your flatlander ass collapses."

"Normally, I'd take issue with your categorization. But, since I'd love the company, I accept your gracious offer."

***

"Whose idea was this trip again?" Randy asked as he gasped for breath after dropping onto the ground in exhaustion when they reached their destination.

"That would be yours," Sabrina replied with a chuckle, although her calm demeanor could not hide the fact that she was also struggling with the altitude.

It had been six days since they had first met, and they had just reached a place high in Rocky Mountain National Park called Bear Lake. Whether touring Fort Collins, enjoying the nearby scenery, or ravishing each other in bed they had barely spent a moment apart. They had transcended far beyond Randy being a sexual palate cleanser for Sabrina and were rapidly becoming a genuine friendship with chandelier rattling benefits. More than once, the hotel management had found it necessary to contact them in the midst of their intimate liaisons to insist that they keep it down.

"You don't fool me," Randy wheezed. "You're barely holding it together. Seriously, why isn't there a sign on the trail warning that it isn't safe for humans to be here?"

"Well, there was the sign at the trailhead which said that this trail had a high level of difficulty. That's Colorado-ese for 'if you're not in perfect fucking shape, you'll die'." She paused to take a deep breath before looking at him intently and saying, "Are you ok? This must seem like you're on the goddamned moon after a lifetime living at sea-level."

"I just need three or four more hours, then I'll be good. Fuck, I thought that mountain just outside of town was bad, but there is literally no fucking air here. How long did it take you to acclimate after moving here?"

"That's a hard question to answer. You've experienced it yourself. Most of the time, if you're just sitting on your ass, you don't notice the altitude. Mild exercise is more noticeable in that you get winded way quicker. But even after all these years, I'll have moments where I'm caught off guard by it while doing the most innocuous things. It makes going to the coast pretty awesome though. I swear I could run a marathon without training if it was in the right place, at the right time."

"Huh?"

"You see, there's tradeoffs everywhere in life. I'm now basically immune to high altitude, but I turn into the Wicked Witch if I'm forced to deal with humidity."

Randy guffawed and said, "Then never go to Charlotte in August."

"Thanks for the tip," Sabrina replied affably before they lapsed into a companionable silence. This, as much as anything, continued to draw Randy to the Valkyrie-like woman. Randy had always considered himself an agreeable fellow and a good judge of character, it was part of what made him good at sales. In his experience, most relationships required near constant care and feeding on at least one person's part. His relationship with Jennifer had thrived for as long as it had because they had been fortunate enough to realize early on that they would both have to put in the effort to keep things working optimally between them. Less common relationships, such as those formed in early childhood which had never experienced a catastrophic betrayal, could go dormant for years, even decades, with no loss of momentum. Randy had fraternity brothers which could pick up where they left off a year earlier with little more than a movie quote to serve as catalyst. The unicorn of relationships, in Randy's somewhat learned opinion, was one where two people found an instant harmony with each other. He was not yet willing to hope that he and Sabrina had found the latter category with each other, but he was certain they had at least achieved 'instant life-long friend' status.

This realization only reinforced the nagging disquiet which constantly lingered at the back of Randy's consciousness. Their affiliation had thus far been, by intention, label-less. As far as either of them were willing to openly admit, they were just having a fling while he was in town. But the more time he spent with her, the less willing he felt he would be to continue his grand tour without her. He had even allowed himself to do a bit of Goolgoling to determine what would be required to open a branch of his business in Colorado.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she asked quietly.

"It's beautiful here. Like a kind of beautiful I wasn't even sure could exist in the world. Thank you for bringing me here."

"My pleasure."

Randy turned to her and leaned in for a brief, but passionate kiss. The look in Sabrina's eyes when he pulled back emboldened him. He whispered, "I don't want to leave."

"We'll have to leave eventually babe. We didn't bring any food."

"I meant I don't want to leave you."

"Oh," she said, a smile spreading across her face. "I was thinking about that too."

"Oh really? How so?"

"You first."

He shrugged and said, "There's no reason I couldn't incorporate in Colorado, work remote from here as long as I want. Maybe even open an office here."

"You'd do that for me?"

He smiled warmly at her before saying, "Like I said, I'm not ready to leave you."

"What if I came with you?" she asked so quiet he could barely tell she had spoken.

"Seriously?"

"Sure, I mean if you'd be ok with it. I've got nothing holding me here. And I've been happier in the last week than anytime I can remember."

"Same here."

She regarded him for a moment before saying, "So, would that be ok?"

"Of course!" he exclaimed. "That would be amazing. We could go anywhere you wanted, for as long as you want."

"I just want to be with you, babe."

Randy pulled her in for a deeper kiss. Sabrina opened her mouth eagerly to him, her tongue invading his mouth hungrily. Their tongues slicked together; a silent promise of words left unsaid passing between them. As one, their hands sought out the other's pleasure zones, Sabrina's hand sliding to Randy's groin while his hand slid beneath her bra to cup her spectacular breast. Just as he felt her hand fumble against his zipper, the reality of the situation landed on him like a ton of bricks.

He pulled back from their kiss abruptly. The worried expression on Sabrina's face threatened to wreck him, but he managed to stammer out, "There's something I need to tell you."

"God damnit!" she muttered bitterly. "I knew it. There's another woman."

"No!" he exclaimed, louder than he intended. "It's nothing like that."

"Is this related to the fact that I haven't spent more than five minutes in your suite in the last week? And every time I'm there, you seem suspiciously anxious for me to leave as soon as possible?"

"Yes. But I swear it's not another woman. It's just my... friend. Sort of. He's on this grand tour with me, after a fashion. In any case, you should meet him before you decide to come with us. Me."

"Why?" she asked, a bit of the fear fading from her eyes. "Is he some kind of asshole or something?"

Randy sighed and said, "Baby, you have no idea."

Nineteen

"So... where is he?" Sabrina asked moments after following Randy into his suite and looking around in vain.

"Um, I guess he's hiding," Randy stammered. "Listen, I think it likely I've misled you. It wasn't really my intent, there just isn't an established best practice for this kind of conversation."

"What the hell are you talking about, Randy? You're legit starting to freak me out."

"He isn't, exactly, human."

"What? Do you have a dog or something?"

"No. I mean... not really. Give me just a second to figure out where he went. I swear this will all make sense in a moment. Cnychwr? Where in hell are you?"

"Cnychwr?" Sabrina muttered softly.

"Come on, you wretched bastard. Where are you?"

Just as Randy was about to enter the room Cnychwr normally used in search of him, he noticed movement from the balcony. He changed course and headed in that direction, sliding open the glass door with a moderate amount of trepidation. He had constantly gone back and forth with telling Sabrina about Cnychwr's true nature constantly during their drive back to Fort Collins. The pros were obvious: notions such as honesty and openness being first and foremost. The cons, however, had managed to keep his lips sealed. He was unsure if he was more afraid of her thinking him a lunatic or thinking that he was a liar was more concerning, but the latter was currently ahead on points. He had ultimately taken the coward's option and decided to just show her rather than defending his frankly outrageous claims.

Reaching the balcony, he was confronted with an adorable Australian sheep dog whose tail was whacking adorably against the bars of the railing. Sabrina who had followed him, gasped in amazement and knelt to greet the almost offensively friendly looking animal.

"You told me he wasn't a dog!" she gasped accusingly.

"You can drop the ruse," Randy spat in irritation. "She's coming with us so she's certain to find out eventually."

"I think not," Cnychwr retorted dismissively, causing Randy to remember that his method of communication was non-auditory. "She can't be trusted. Besides, haven't you had your fill of this one? I'm certain there are plenty more females out there who'd find your current form agreeable."

"What ruse?" Sabrina asked in obvious confusion at only hearing one side of the conversation. "I thought you said you didn't have a dog."

Randy turned to her and said, "I'm so sorry to do this, honey. I know how this must look. But can I have just a moment alone with my friend here?"

Her gaze volleyed between them several times suspiciously before finally settling on Randy. "What's going on here?"

Randy sighed in defeat before saying, "He's an alien. He's just disguised himself to look like that as a defense mechanism."

"Oh really?" she asked with a playful twinkle in her eye. "Which planet is he from? I was thinking Mars at first, but now I'm leaning more toward one of Saturn's moons."

"As if," Cnychwr muttered to Randy, who kept his focus on Sabrina and said, "I don't know. I asked him once, but he just said we hadn't discovered it yet."

"I don't suppose you have any proof. This adorable looking guy isn't exactly giving off an alien vibe."

"Not really," Randy muttered before his expression brightened and he said, "I've got it! Wait one sec."

He pulled out his phone and began scanning through his photo app. After a moment, he found a family picture from Peter's graduation. He looked up worriedly, realizing that this was a nexus point in his relationship with Sabrina because, label or no label, there was undeniably something between them and his next act unquestionably had the potential to ruin everything. His worry, however, only lasted a moment. Randy had long ago had a heart-to-heart with himself and decided that, come what may, he would define himself by, among other things, honesty. His disquiet at keeping this secret from Sabrina for even a week only strengthened his resolve. Without a word, he handed her his phone.

"They're beautiful, Randy," Sabrina replied warmly. It was far from the first time she had seen pictures of his children, so it took her a few moments to recognize the import of this particular photo. "Who are they with? Is that your brother and his wife?"

"No," Randy replied quietly. "That's Jennifer."

"She's very beautiful. You two must have been quite the couple. Is that your older brother she's with?"

"That's me."

"Impossible," Sabrina scoffed. "Graduation was, what, three months ago?"

"This body," he began, gesturing at himself, "is Cnychwr's doing. He can change other beings as easily as himself. He did it to me while I was swimming the day we met. He thought he was doing me a favor by making me more attractive to the opposite sex. I didn't even realize anything had happened until later. I'm embarrassed to admit that I allowed him to leave me like this rather than risk scaring you off."

"I see," she answered carefully.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't honest with you, Sabrina. I never meant to hurt you, but that doesn't excuse how I deceived you. I'll understand if you need to go."

"I'm not even sure I believe you yet, Randy."

"I know. It's all just too fantastical," Randy agreed. He turned to Cnychwr who had watched their exchange with a decidedly un-dog-like interest. "Would you please stop being such an asshole and just show her? If you don't knock this shit off, I'm not buying you any more of your precious electronics. Especially not after you ruined everything I bought you so far."

"It is not my fault that your species insists on using such fragile materials," Cnychwr grumbled. "How do you ever expect to travel from this planet if the slightest pressure will destroy your equipment?"

"You hit it with a fucking hammer, you dumb bastard. What'd you expect would happen? Enough bullshit, show yourself to Sabrina or I'm washing my hands of you."

"Very well," Cnychwr relented. "Just remember that I advised against this when she leaves you and reports your affiliation with me to the authorities."

Randy turned to Sabrina and reached out for her hand. Despite the skeptical expression on her face, she lifted her hand to take his. Her movement, however, was arrested and her eyes grew wide at the sight of something behind Randy.

"Holy shit!" she yelped. "That's incredible."

Randy turned, expecting to see his alien companion but instead finding the space the alien had previously occupied very much vacant. He turned back to Sabrina and said, "You saw him disappear, right?"

"I think so. Either that or he's superhero fast. One minute he was there, then he shimmered a bit before he was gone."

"She obviously knows you're an alien now, you squirrelly bastard. You might as well show yourself."

"I keep forgetting your kind has no form of camouflage," Cnychwr muttered angrily as he reappeared, this time using the form to which Randy had grown accustomed.

"Jesus," Sabrina breathed. "That's... I mean... six... and blue... he's just..."

"An alien," Randy finished. "Do you hate me?"

"Yes," she admitted freely. "And no. I can't believe you kept this from me, but I'm not sure I can fully blame you. Who else knows about him?"

Randy shrugged and said, "I'm not sure. I found him in a field in Kansas where I'd pulled off to try to wake up. He was being attacked by some rednecks and I interrupted them. What do you say, asshole? How many people know about you?"

"More than I'd like," Cnychwr replied after a moment's consideration.

Sabrina's eyes widened alarmingly. Randy said, "He communicates... I guess you'd call it telepathically."

"Obviously. Why's he talk like a pensioner from the Midlands?"

Randy gestured to Cnychwr, who said, "That's where I was when I worked out your language. My people obviously don't have accents. I never even knew of such a thing until I started to travel your planet."

Sabrina's gaze slowly moved from Cnychwr to Randy, giving his body a lengthy once over. At length, she said, "He made you look like this?"

"Yeah. But I swear it was his idea. I wasn't trying to trick you."

"But you didn't have him change you back?" she asked shrewdly. "Or tell me at the outset?"

A multitude of excuses sprang to Randy's mind, but he forced them down and answered simply, "I have no excuse."

"Lighten up, babe," Sabrina said soothingly. For the first time since Randy had decided to tell her about Cnychwr, he had a moment of hope. Her serious expression slowly turned cheerful. After a moment, she said, "Could he do me?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know, just to prove that's what happened to you."

"Um... I guess so. How about it?"

Cnychwr said, "I will require additional energy, of course. But otherwise, I would be happy to be of service."

"Energy?"

"He's kind of a junk food addict. Insists that he has to carb load before he can use his talents. I'm not sure I buy it, but I tend not to mind too much as long as he doesn't make a mess."

"How fascinating. What'd you say his name was? Konichiwa?"

"Close, its Cnychwr."

Sabrina turned to the alien and said, "How about it? You willing to help a girl out?"

Cnychwr dipped his head regally and said, "It would be my pleasure. Randy, would you be so kind as to order some pizza, the greasier the better, while I discuss options with the lovely Sabrina?"

Randy's first impulse was to argue with the officious alien, but it only took one glance at Sabrina's face to silence him. He retrieved his phone from Sabrina and quickly placed an order. He looked up in time to see her gasp in mock surprise and clutch her chest.

"Don't you dare give her any of that judgmental bullshit you gave me," he snapped at Cnychwr.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

Randy turned to Sabrina and said, "Don't let him go convincing you that you're anything other than spectacularly beautiful. You're already perfect just the way you are."

"I just want to see it with my own eyes, or perhaps I should say feel it for myself. I'm just curious what it's like."

The pizzas arrived a short time later and they all gathered around the table to enjoy their meal. Cnychwr ate ravenously, polishing off an entire pizza himself as the humans watched in a mixture of amazement and horror. When he finished, he sat back and belched loudly. It was a disquieting sound, more reminiscent of a two-stroke engine being started with a pull chain than anything organic.

Cnychwr rose to his feet and headed toward the suite's second bedroom. Sabrina made to follow him, but he turned and held out one of his strangely shaped hands.

She came to an immediate halt and said, "I thought you were going to change me."

"I will, but I prefer to work in solitude. Give me a short time to prepare myself."

"How will I know when it's done?"

Cnychwr grinned wickedly before saying, "You don't think you'll notice right away?"

Sabrina growled in frustration, her head whipping to Randy. "How long does it take?"

"How should I know. I had no idea when it started. I didn't even figure out that it had happened until hours later. All I can tell you is that you won't feel a thing. I certainly didn't."

Sabrina turned back to Cnychwr only to find the door slamming behind him. She turned back to Randy and said, "Well then."

"You sure you're ok with all of this? I really am sorry about misleading you. I was just kind of caught out."

"I honestly can't blame you. God knows how I'd have reacted in your shoes. So, you two have just been bombing around since you rescued him?"

"Sort of. We had a misunderstanding with a young woman I picked up who might not have been in quite as much trouble as she let on. Cnychwr can change more than just our appearance."

"What'd he do? Turn her into some sort of mindless automaton?"

"Worse, he planted the suggestion that she was so attracted to me that she'd do anything to win my favor."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes," Randy replied angrily. "I thank the maker that I figured it out before I did something unforgivable. After that, our friend and I had a long chat about what was and wasn't acceptable."

"So, was changing you into an Adonis on the 'acceptable' list or was that some kind of loophole he exploited."

"Unfortunately, he tends not to mention his fantastical abilities until I catch him using them, so giving him a list of what not to do is pretty challenging. Prior to our arrival here, I secured his promise to stop messing with people's minds. I guess now I'll have to add changing people's appearance without their approval to the list."

"This grand tour is kind of sounding better all the time."

"That mean you still want to come along?" Randy asked effusively.

Sabrina winked at him and said, "You bet your alien sculpted ass."

Twenty

The couple sat calmly on the couch, enjoying the only reasonable post dinner cocktail one could pair with greasy pizza: ice cold beer. Randy watched Sabrina carefully for any sign that she was having any qualms about all of the surprises he had dumped on her over the course of the afternoon, but all he could sense was keen interest. He supposed he should not be overly disappointed. After all, he had had much the same reaction upon first meeting Cnychwr. He imagined it would be somewhat different if the alien's form was somehow fundamentally disquieting, like the aliens from sci-fi horror movies, but their unusual companion had an undeniable charm to him which was immediately disarming.

As Sabrina took a swallow of her beer, her eyes widened momentarily moments before a sly smile spread across her face. She rose and gave Randy a lascivious wink before sauntering toward the suite's master bedroom. "I have a surprise for you," she sang.

He rose excitedly and followed after her eagerly, closing the bedroom door behind him. He studied her with interest in hopes of discovering what she might have convinced Cnychwr to modify, but for the life of him he could not spot a difference. "Forgive me, my dear. I thought I had grown quite familiar with your spectacular body, but I can't work out what's changed."

"Who says anything changed?" she asked coquettishly as she reached for the front of his shorts.

"Have it your way."

She whispered, "That's the plan," as she lowered his shorts and eyed his oversized cock with a mixture of hunger and anticipation. She stroked him slowly to hardness as she stared into his eyes. One arm at a time, she slid her tank top off her shoulders and exposed her breasts to him.

"My God, you're beautiful."

"So are you," she whispered before bathing the head of his cock with her tongue.

"You know that Cnychwr had a hand in that monster you're worshipping, right?"

"He's a goddamned renaissance master. Want to see what he did for me?"

Before Randy could answer, Sabrina winked at him and took his tip into her mouth. His groan of pleasure turned into a gasp when Sabrina didn't stop, taking him tantalizingly deeper into her mouth as the smile in her eyes grew steadily wider.

"Jesus!" he breathed as his cock slipped into her throat.

She continued pushing him deeper until he felt her tongue flick against his balls. Holding him in her throat for several moments while she watched him with wide eyes brought him right to the brink of orgasm. Sabrina pulled back quickly and took in a large breath of air.

She smiled brilliantly at him and said, "What do you think?"

"How is that even possible?" Randy gasped. "Doesn't it hurt?"

"Our alien friend removed my gag reflex, obviously. And, to answer your second question, it doesn't hurt a bit. How does it feel?"

"Indescribable. My only regret is that you're not getting any pleasure."

"That can be rectified," she offered with a salacious wink before briefly deepthroating him once more.

Pulling back and releasing his cock from the exquisite confines of her mouth, she led him to the bed and got him to lay down while she finished removing her dress. Once she was naked, she strutted around the bed before crawling erotically onto the other side. Her tantalizingly slow journey across the bed caused him to groan in anticipation. Upon reaching him, she swiveled her hips around and presented her perfect pussy to his waiting lips. He hungrily ran his tongue along her seam, drinking up her essence before diving into her soaked core.

"You taste so fucking good," he panted between swipes of his tongue.

"My thoughts exactly," she whispered before taking a breath and swallowing his cock once more.

Driving his cock down her throat was only the beginning this time. She spent a bit of time experimenting with various techniques before finally settling on pulling back a bit so she could pleasure him by thrusting the head of his manhood repeatedly into the opening of her throat. Randy's hands explored her magnificent body while he pleasured her clit with his tongue. Sabrina's excitement was palpable, both in her enthusiastic dedication to his cock and the increasing movement of her hips which drove her clit into his mouth. The only question left unanswered was which of them would take their partner over the brink first.

Sabrina won the sensual contest by the barest of margins, taking Randy over the precipice with the unrelenting efforts of her talented mouth. He could not have warned her even had she expected such due to how firmly she had forced her delectable pussy onto his lips. As his pleasure crested and she forced his cock all the way down her throat, he renewed his efforts to bring Sabrina along for the ride. She bucked in his arms as he filled her throat with his seed. He knew she was on the brink and thrust two fingers into her molten core. As soon as he slicked his fingers across her G-spot, she bathed his face with her essence. The spasming of her body was so intense that he wrapped his arms around her waist to prevent her from falling off the bed. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed over the couple as their orgasms ran their course.

At length, Randy felt his cock slowly sliding from Sabrina's throat and heard her gulp in a lungful of air. She then yelped playfully as he gave her clit a final flick of his tongue before she caused a similar outburst from him as she took him into her throat a final time.

Thoroughly spent, they curled up in each other's arms and tried to catch their breath. After a few moments, Randy's preposterously sized cock began slowly waning. He could feel Sabrina's eyes upon it as it lowered like the world's most lackadaisical parking deck gate. He felt her hand move moments before she crooked her finger over his manhood, just below the tip, and gently pressed it downward before releasing. It sprang back like an overcooked diving board causing a snicker to escape from her lips.

"What'd you expect to happen?" he asked, unable to contain a giggle of his own.

Within moments, they were both cackling. Every few seconds, Sabrina would tweak his cock again which only extended their laughter. When it finally subsided, Randy pulled her close and kissed her fervently. It started urgent but quickly transformed into the kind of soul melding kiss most people are only fortunate enough to experience on a handful of occasions in a lifetime. Time seemed to slow as they grew closer through the act of their kiss than they had in the midst of their frequent lovemaking since meeting only a week earlier.

When their lips parted, their eyes met with unspoken affection. Both knew their relationship had transcended far beyond a simple fling. All that remained to be seen was just how far things could go.

***

"This place is incredible," Sabrina breathed as they took in the towering mountains surrounding them.

The deeper they traveled into the Rockies, the more it seemed like they had entered another world. One where peaks soaring comfortably above four thousand meters were commonplace and their fellow humans were as plentiful as women at a midnight premier of a comic book movie.

"Are we getting close?" Randy asked, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

"I believe so," Cnychwr replied, his tiny face a mask of concentration as he held Randy's phone and studied the map. "It's so difficult to translate your baffling coordinate system into something even approaching logical. But I believe the mountain to the north is our landmark."

"What are the odds?" Randy muttered before turning in that direction.

They had been searching for the last three days, in vain, for a specific mountain which was fabled to be adjacent to a valley protected on all sides by towering mountains, and which was totally devoid of human life. Cnychwr had managed to build a communicator out of the remains of several satellite phones and had been instructed to find the valley in question in order to rendezvous with his people and get a ride home. Each day had brought a new theory for which of western Colorado's stunning peaks was the landmark they sought to guide them to the valley. Each night had brought a desperate search for some semblance of acceptable shelter, alternating between luxurious ski resorts enjoying a quiet offseason and road-side motels which were so run down that Randy and Sabrina had a running joke about the nature of serial killer they would most likely encounter.

The decidedly not improved 'road' upon which they traveled came to an end still several kilometers from the mountain and the trio exited their vehicle to look around. There was not a parking lot so much as just a place where the road widened as it terminated into a river. Randy could see tire marks on the far bank, suggesting that a capable four-wheel-drive vehicle could ford the river.

Sabrina looked around and said, "No offense, Cnychwr. But I'm not climbing another of these monsters on a wild goose chase. Isn't there some way you can call your people up and get clarification? Or, I don't know, have them meet you here? It's not like there's anyone around."

"Communication is only possible during certain times of the day."

"Why?"

"I am uncertain of all the technical details, but I am told it is related to your sun's level of activity. There's also your primitive, but not entirely without capability, network of communication satellites. It would not do to have my transmission intercepted. Finally, there is of course the fact that I am unable to communicate directly with the craft sent to rescue me. All communication must be sent to my home world and then relayed."

"Great," Randy huffed. "So now what? Because I'm with Sabrina. There's no fucking way I'm climbing that thing just to find out you transposed a number again."

"That was an honest mistake. I never claimed to be a scientist. Besides, you can hardly blame me for the fact that your kind came up with what is, by a comfortable margin, the most preposterous system for defining a single spot on the planet I have ever encountered. Do you people honestly think that it makes sense to make one axis consistent in size while the other one shrinks depending on how far one is from the poles?"

Sabrina leveled a finger at him and seethed, "If you force me to listen this rant one more time, I'm going to advocate for you riding in the trunk when we invariably fail to find your friends."

"What are you implying?" Cnychwr asked haughtily.

"Oh, I don't know! Maybe that this is all a fucking wild goose chase! If you and your friends use a different system for coordinates, why can't we just use that system to figure out where to go? Or, and I'm just spit-balling here, maybe use a landmark more specific than a random mountain in the middle of the fucking Rockies."

"I take your point," Cnychwr acceded reasonably. "Perhaps we should return to the rooms you rented so that I might confer with my contacts in hopes of developing a better strategy."

"On the bright side," Randy interjected. "If you're going to be in the wrong place, we sure as hell could have picked a worse spot."

They marveled at the majesty surrounding them, each mountain seemingly higher than the last with the taller peaks showing snowcaps despite the late summer heat at lower altitudes. The meadow where they had parked looked like the kind of place homesteaders would have fallen in love with during the summer and cursed as they froze to death once winter arrived. It was kilometers wide, yet the altitude kept it clear of trees. Randy could imagine a ski chalet at the base of the tallest mountain, and he had little doubt that nearby resort towns had looked similar prior to their development.

Cnychwr contented himself with napping in the car, the scenery apparently having no effect on his alien psyche. Randy and Sabrina, however, wanted something to show for two hours of slow, painful travel over rough roads so they decided to take a walk. This decision was made all the easier by the fact that the alternative was to endure another two hours of misery in order to return to the hotel mid-afternoon.

As they left the sight of the car, Sabrina stretched mightily and said, "I almost just want to take a nap. I love your car babe, but it was not made for these roads. I'm sorry if I overstepped with our little blue friend, it just seemed like there was no end in sight after five days of this."

"Don't sweat it. I agree wholeheartedly. I'm sorry about all this bullshit he's been putting us through. I'm sure this wasn't what you had in mind when you said you wanted to come with me."

"It's fine. Really. But I'm fine with admitting that I won't complain about no more bumpy roads. Not to mention that these desolate locales don't offer a lot of adventure."

"You don't find wandering aimlessly through the high Rockies adventurous?"

She cuddled up against him and traced a finger down his chest suggestively. "I was thinking more along the lines of finding someone we could have a little fun with."

"Come again?"

"Oh, I intend to," she snickered. "I'm serious, Randy. We both just got out of marriages and while your split was more amicable than mine, I know for a fact part of what you're doing with this grand tour is trying to have some fun. You know, do the things you couldn't when you were married and raising your kids. I'm in the same boat. I aim to do everything I ever wanted to, but couldn't because I was married to a colossal asshole who had driven me to the point where I doubted I'd ever be happy again."

Randy pulled her close, kissing her gently. "I'm gutted over what you must have gone through, honey. And I'm so glad you had the courage to get out."

"Me too. Long ago I promised myself that if I ever got free of him, I'd really live for the moment. No more worrying about who will find out, or what people will think. Just trying to be happy, and to make the people I care about happy as well."

She said the last looking warily at Randy with so much vulnerability that it pierced his soul. He smiled warmly and said, "I care about you too, honey. And I want to give you that happiness as well. Anything your heart desires, I'm ready and willing to make it happen for you."

She gave him a shy smile and said, "Anything?"

"Well, I suppose we'll have to have some guard rails. I've got a thing about falling so if your thing is skydiving, I'll be meeting you on the ground. I'm also not real fond of spoken word poetry, but I suppose I can grin and bear it in limited amounts."

She chuckled and said, "How specific. It's nothing like that, I assure you."

"So, what then?"

"You'll see," she replied coquettishly. "Don't worry. I'm pretty sure you'll like it."

Twenty-One

"Oh! My! God!" Sabrina exclaimed in a voice which could be heard clearly from every corner of the rural truck-stop. "Randy! Come here!"

Randy abandoned his attempt to find a beverage which had a suitable amount of caffeine without also containing a super tanker worth of sugar and hurried to her side. He found her in what could only reasonably be described as the novelty section. The shelves were filled with various knickknacks which could be powered by a cigarette lighter. The specific item which had captured Sabrina's attention was, in many respects, quite similar to the more mundane representatives from the shelf in question: it had a cigarette lighter power coupling and a picture on the box of a person who appeared overjoyed to be in possession of the item contained within. Where it differed was the fact that it was labeled as a personal massager and was unambiguously shaped like a particularly well-endowed human's penis.

"Well, I'll be damned," Randy muttered. "Don't see one of those every day."

"I have so many questions," Sabrina enthused. "Why does it require a constant power supply? Why is it so big? Why is it pink?"

Randy chuckled and said, "I can only guess that the last is to make it easier to find. Now that I think about it, the power cable could help out there as well."

"Gross," she gasped with a swat of his arm. "Now I'll be stuck forever with the vision of some hundred and fifty kilo dude who hasn't had a shower in a week with the pedal to the metal because he accidently bumped the switch on this industrial strength fuck-machine from 'soothing massage' to 'I haven't pooped in two weeks and I'm desperate as fuck'."

The cashier glared at them judgmentally at the bark of laughter Randy let out. He said, "Well, now we have to buy it. We can just plug it in and stick it in Cnychwr's cage when he's sleeping off his next burger and fries bender."

"Oh, you're evil."

"You didn't see his hotel room that first morning he was with me. I swear, he must have polished off a half-dozen pizzas. It was apocalyptic."

"Say no more," Sabrina snapped with mock seriousness. "I'm totally videoing you buying that thing."

"If you must. Just leave it off social media."

"I know," she said with a more subdued tone. "I take it then that you still haven't told your children that you've hooked up with a desperate divorcee with poor impulse control and a massive inferiority complex?"

Randy stopped dead in his trek to the front of the store and turned to face her, taking in the somber expression on her face which contained no anger or rebuke, only sadness. He pulled her into his arms, taking solace in the fact that she flowed into him unhesitatingly.

"My failure to talk to them about you has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. I am not ashamed of our relationship, honey. On the contrary, I'm ecstatic. You make me exceedingly happy. The thing with the kids is that even though they're both legal adults, they're still going through some turmoil. And seeing their parents start new relationships doesn't make that any easier. It's natural for them to harbor a deep-seeded hope that their folks will get back together, even if they both tell me they think things are better this way. Jennifer did not hide the fact that she quickly started a new relationship, and I can tell it bothered Holly especially. I know this is unfair to you, Sabrina. My ex has, in effect, claimed dibs on introducing her new romantic interest to the kids. Just be patient with me and trust that I want nothing more than to tell them how happy you make me."

"You make me happy too," she sniffled as she hugged him tightly.

"I'm glad. Now, as to your earlier comments about yourself, need I take them one at a time to prove conclusively that you're out of your goddamned mind, or can I take them all together?" She merely sighed in response, but she gazed up at him hopefully. He continued, "I have never once thought of you as a desperate divorcee, Sabrina. You're remarkable. Amazing. Without equal. And there's a world of difference between refreshingly spontaneous and having poor impulse control. As to the inferiority complex, I can't even imagine where that came from. The first time we spoke, you struck me as one of the more confident people I'd ever met."

"That was just because I wanted to fuck you."

He winked and whispered, "I always want to fuck you. Does that make me desperate, or just crazy about you?"

She bit her lip seductively before whispering, "I think we should go before I make an even bigger scene. How far did you say the hotel was?"

***

Randy had forgotten what it felt like to actually be on the road after several weeks spent in Fort Estes followed by a week of searching in vain for Cnychwr's elusive rendezvous point. They had been on the road for most of the day after getting an early start in hopes of reaching the Grand Canyon before sundown. But, as the day wore on and they racked up the kilometers, the soreness from sitting in one spot all day was beginning to wear on the Mustang's passengers.

As they neared the state line it became clear to Randy that they would fall far short of their goal, and he gave voice to what he suspected they were all thinking. "We're not going to make it."

"Has our loyal helmsman led us once more into peril?" Cnychwr asked snippily.

"Don't be an asshole," Sabrina snapped. "He's just saying we won't make the park by sundown."

"Does not this conveyance possess the means to illuminate the pathway?"

"Ignore him," Randy muttered. "I wouldn't get him a soda at the last stop and now he's pissed at the world."

"You had no justification to refuse my perfectly reasonable request."

"I told you after the last time you puked all over your crate: no more sodas in the car."

"Crate? Really? Methinks I should stick your lips together like in the movie. Or perhaps exchange your coupling gear for a few extra ears. After all, if you think me little more than a pet, perhaps your memory needs refreshing."

"Boys!" Sabrina barked. "Can we please be civil? Cnychwr, I promise you a triple cheeseburger and a half dozen churros when we find someplace to stay if you'll just keep a civil tongue in your head."

"Oh really?" Randy asked with a smirk. "And what do I get?"

"I'm sure I can think of something you'll decide is acceptable recompense," she responded lasciviously."

She settled back into her seat and reached out to take Randy's hand from its usual spot on the gearshift. Cnychwr huffed in frustration and noisily took his time getting comfortable again, but he did not argue further. They rode in companionable silence for several minutes before Sabrina exclaimed, "Hey, look. Four Corners. We should stop."

"Four Corners?" Randy inquired.

"I know, it's silly. But it's the only place in the U. S. where four states converge. Plus, it'll be a chance to get out and stretch our legs since we're clearly in the middle of fucking nowhere and we won't see a hotel for a while."

Randy flicked on the turn signal and said, "Good enough for me."

They pulled off and soon found themselves in a crowded parking lot. Cnychwr grumbled in irritation at being forced once more into the enclosure which shielded him from prying eyes. But after over a week on the road with the moody alien, Randy and Sabrina were less receptive to his complaining. They joined hands at the Mustang's front bumper as though it were the most natural thing in the world and strolled toward the monument.

It was, in Randy's silent opinion, rather unimpressive: little more than a few small buildings with a raised platform which marked the spot where each of the states met. Tourists waited their turn to get a picture taken standing on the spot, with a few opting for more unconventional poses. Sabrina made a show of clapping in appreciation for a foursome of college-aged women who stood back-to-back at the junction of four states and pulled the front of their shirts down before allowing a lucky guy to take a picture from above which showcased their voluptuousness.

Randy and Sabrina's turn soon came, and they looked around for a good Samaritan to snap a photo of them. As Randy's eyes scanned the sparse crowd, a woman in her mid-twenties stepped forward and smiled at them warmly. "Want me to take your picture?"

Sabrina returned the smile and handed over her phone.

The woman snapped a few photos before saying, "Now one of you two kissing."

Randy looked at Sabrina who grinned at him and gave a slight shrug to her shoulders before leaning in. He met her halfway, capturing her lips with his own. The passion of their kiss heightened quickly, to the obvious delight of their spontaneous photographer.

As they pulled apart, the woman approached them and gushed, "That was amazing. I'm Ariana."

Randy nodded at her agreeably, years of marriage having drilled into him the folly of allowing any type of reaction show on his face when meeting a woman who was even mildly attractive. Sabrina, however, surprised him by quickly, and warmly, introducing them both to Ariana rather than the expected grunt of acknowledgement before dragging him rapidly away.

"Which way are you heading?" Sabrina asked pleasantly.

Ariana's face fell and she said, "I was heading east."

"Was?" Randy asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"I had a bit of a falling out with my friends."

"Oh no!" Sabrina interjected. "What happened?"

Ariana smiled shyly and said, "Oh, no big deal. I just told my best friend that her boyfriend tried to convince me to blow him in the backseat; and instead of handing that creep a piece of his ass, she went full-fledged psycho on me. Accused me of trying to steal him"

"That bitch!" Sabrina spat knowingly. "Sounds like those two deserve each other."

"No shit. Good riddance, as far as I'm concerned. Although I suppose I could have picked a better place to make my stand. Who knew the intersection of four southwestern states would be in the middle of nowhere?"

Sabrina chuckled and said, "Indeed. So did they leave you here?"

"I suspect. I'll be honest, I don't actually care what happened to them. At this point I'd take a five-hundred-dollar ride-share over getting back in the car with those two."

Sabrina nodded emphatically and said, "Good for you. I'm all for stand by your man, but for her to not hear one word of your side of the story tells you pretty emphatically that she's no friend to you."

"My sentiments exactly."

An uncomfortable silence descended as the trio stared each other down, each moment that passed heightening their discomfort. After forty-seven seconds of silence, Sabrina huffed and said, "Why don't we give you a ride?"

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Of course. The least we could do is take you to an airport so you can get home."

"That would be so amazing!" Ariana gushed. She turned to Randy and said, "I can't help but notice you haven't said anything."

Randy stared silently in the direction of the parking lot for a few moments before he finally looked back to Sabrina and said, "Please excuse me ladies. I... um... need to go back to the car for a minute."

"What's wrong?" Sabrina asked before glancing worriedly between Ariana and Randy.

"That remains to be seen."

Twenty-Two

"I warned you, you rat fuck!" Randy spat after ripping the door to the car open. "No more mind control. I'm fucking tired of this bullshit. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kick your ass to the curb right now."

"I haven't the foggiest idea what you're on about." Cnychwr muttered tiredly.

"That girl! That fucking girl who just so happens to have been sexually assaulted in the middle of nowhere, and then walks right up to me with her story of woe. She even looks a bit like Olga. What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't you have the tiniest bit of shame?"

"Hey buddy," a man from a few cars away interrupted gruffly. "Why don't you dial it down a bit? I've got kids here."

"Sorry," Randy replied contritely. "My friend here's a catastrophic, um, a-hole."

The stranger shook his head in disappointment before returning his attention to his family.

Randy turned back to the interior of the car to find what appeared to be a toddler wearing a bright blue sailor's outfit sitting in the front seat. Randy slammed the door shut and circled the car to climb into the driver's seat. He turned to face the passenger seat and was relieved that Cnychwr had reverted to his usual form.

Randy gritted his teeth and said, "That was a low blow. I could have been arrested for child cruelty if anyone had seen you."

"It would bloody well serve you right. How dare you speak to me like that."

"How dare you foist another innocent girl on me. I warned you about this shit. I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut about your home world. Slavery of any form is an abomination here and I. Won't. Stand. For it."

"Congratulations. Why are we having this conversation again?"

Randy stared at him angrily for a few moments before finally grumbling, "I feel like I've been quite clear on this point."

"I disagree. Especially considering I have no knowledge of this girl of whom you speak."

"You can't possibly expect me to believe that," Randy muttered. "You didn't even noticeably change her M. O."

"Remind me, if you would, the last time I lied to you."

"Are you crazy? You lied to me about Olga, and about what all the goddamned junk food does to you, and about being able to change your form, or really anyone's form for that matter, and about being able to turn invisible. I mean, honestly, what didn't you lie to me about?"

Cnychwr shook his head in a very human gesture before replying, "I did not ask for a recitation of attributes you assumed, wrongly, that I did or did not possess. I asked what untruths I have told you."

Randy opened and closed his mouth several times without quite managing to speak before finally dropping his head in resignation. "Fine. But some of those attributes as you call them turned out to be pretty fucking horrific. And you showed zero compunction about using them."

"As you've no doubt noticed, I am not human. The folly is yours for assuming I would share your values. Do you ask permission from your pets before seeking medical attention for them, or adding another pet to the mix?"

"So that's how you view me? As a pet?"

Cnychwr offered a terrifying smirk and said, "Not as such, but the comparison is valid, nonetheless. It is undeniable that my species is orders of magnitude more advanced than yours. Our period in history when we had traveled into the near-reaches of space but not yet achieved inter-planetary travel is many thousands of your years in our past. You and I talking is not unlike if you traveled back to the times when your species was just beginning to assert itself as this world's current dominant life form and tried to have a rational conversation with the first one-meter tall, shockingly savage, barely-distinguishable-from-a-monkey human you met.

"But back to the larger point. I have not lied to you. Ever. Furthermore, I have not altered the consciousness of anyone, yourself included, since you requested that I refrain. Believe what you will, but I assure you that I had nothing to do with this woman propositioning you for intercourse."

Randy quirked and eyebrow and said, "I didn't say she propositioned me. Merely that she said she's stranded."

"I see. I assume then that she indicated that she was in peril and begged you to give her a ride."

"Not really. More that she said she'd told her friends to fuck off. It was actually Sabrina that offered her the ride."

"And you suspect me of altering your concubine?"

"No. And she's not my concubine. Just my friend. Or, more accurately, my girlfriend. And, no, I don't think you messed with her mind. Unless of course you've been messing with it all along."

"I leave the assignment of labels to you. In any case, we are at an impasse. I cannot prove a negative. You either believe me that I have not acted against your wishes, or you don't. But please decide quickly. I would obviously prefer to continue our collaboration, but I do not look kindly on the prospect of finding another human who is both reasonably trustworthy and willing to help me locate the parts I require in order to coordinate a rendezvous with my people if you decide we must part ways. And I especially do not wish to do so after this establishment closes and the temperature drops."

Randy stared out the front windshield and realized he could clearly make out Sabrina and Ariana sitting on a bench near the monument. The two appeared to be chatting comfortably with Sabrina occasionally glancing in his direction. As he watched them, the truth of Cnychwr's statement sank in. He would, in truth, never know to what degree the alien had interfered with his life except to say that amount was most certainly non-zero. The rational course of action would doubtless be to jettison the occasionally meddlesome, frequently irritating alien as soon as possible. The only thing that held that impulse at bay was the undeniable fact that Randy had had more fun, and felt more alive, since meeting Cnychwr than at any point in recent history. Parting ways with the hexaped would be the safe, logical move. But, he reasoned, what was a grand tour if not a search for adventure.

Decision made, he opened the car door and stood. Before closing the door, he said, "I suspect we're about to have another passenger. I suggest you prepare yourself accordingly."

"Does this mean..." Cnychwr's reply was cut off by the closing of the car door. After all, Randy reasoned, just because he had decided to allow the alien to continue to tag along did not mean he actually liked the ornery bastard.

Randy crossed the parking lot to find the pair of women rising to meet him. He turned first to Ariana and said, "I apologize if I was a bit abrupt before. The truth was, I thought someone might be playing a little prank on me. But we talked it out and I realized I was in error. I assure you, I'm not usually an aloof jerk when meeting people."

"That's what Sabrina said," Ariana replied affably.

"You sure everything's ok?" Sabrina whispered as she flowed up against his side, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Yup," Randy replied softly before pressing a kiss to her temple. He then turned to Ariana and said, "So, where are we headed."

"West," Ariana replied carefully. "I know that's which way you guys were headed. Sabrina said maybe you could take me to Flagstaff? I think that's the closest airport of any significance."

"Works for me. Are we all done here? It'll be dark soon and I imagine things in this neck of the woods will start closing soon after."

"I'm good," Ariana said cheerily now that she was convinced Randy was on board with her tagging along. "And you're right. We drove out here from the Grand Canyon and that road is basically deserted."

Randy sighed and said, "Meaning we won't find a hotel until close to midnight, if we're lucky." He turned to Sabrina and said, "We might have to sacrifice some quality tonight, honey."

"I'm not picky," she replied pleasantly. "I guess we should get going."

The women followed Randy to the car. As they approached, Ariana made a show of how impressed she was with the Mustang. She walked around the car a few times, stopping to appreciate the various pieces of bodywork as she went.

Sabrina reached for the door and her eyes grew wide. She stammered for a moment before finally blurting out, "I'll ride in the back."

Ariana's eyes scanned down Sabrina's body momentarily before the former said, "That's crazy. You're, like, twice as tall as me. You'll never fit back there."

"It's fine. I just want to make sure you get a chance to talk to Randy."

"No way. That's ridiculous."

Sabrina opened the door and climbed, not without effort, into the backseat while saying, "I insist."

Ariana looked between Sabrina and Randy several times. Finally, Randy said, "You heard the woman," and climbed behind the driver's seat.

Ariana pushed the passenger seat into place, effectively forcing Sabrina's knees into her chest, before sliding the seat as far forward as it would go. Randy gave her a quick once over as she climbed in. She was, unquestionably, much shorter than Sabrina, who was also unusually tall for a woman. The top of Ariana's head barely reached Sabrina's shoulder. As he looked, he realized that Ariana was not just short in comparison to Sabrina, she was genuinely petite. He would have been surprised if she was much over one-hundred-fifty centimeters. Other than that, she was quite attractive with shoulder length brown hair and more than enough curves to leave no doubt as to her gender.

As they left the monument and once again turned west, another uncomfortable silence descended over the trio. After a moment, Ariana looked around and noticed Cnychwr's carrier behind Randy's seat. She gushed, "Oh! What's in the crate?"

"Dog," Randy snapped in a panic, just as Sabrina exclaimed, "A cat."

"Um... ok..." Ariana replied carefully.

Randy continued, "It's just a crate we picked up in Colorado. We were talking about getting a pet, we just haven't found one yet that... speaks to us."

"That's right," Sabrina added excitedly. "We've always got our eyes open for just the right... companion."

Ariana did not reply, but her posture suggested their ruse likely worked as she went back to scanning the quickly darkening desert surrounding them. After several minutes of silence, she said, "How long have you two been together?"

"A few weeks," Randy offered.

"Three amazing weeks," Sabrina added. "We met near my home in Colorado, and it was just instant fireworks between us."

"That's beautiful. And now you've moved on to looking for pets together. You two must really be in love."

Randy was, quite literally, struck speechless. It was not as if the word had not nearly slipped effortlessly from his lips countless times since he had met Sabrina, because it had. But he was determined to be sensitive to her situation. She had told him all about how things had ended with her ex-husband, but she had been more tight-lipped on how they began. He had no idea if she had once been soul-bindingly in love before, of if she had simply found herself in a relationship of convenience that turned toxic. The only thing worse than hiding how he felt from Sabrina, in Randy's mind, was to push her beyond her comfort zone by dictating the pace of their relationship's progression.

"Like I said," Sabrina answered after a few moments. "Instant fireworks. He's one in a million."

This response did nothing to alleviate Randy's lack of clarity on his feelings for Sabrina, and how far she was comfortable with him going in his expression of those feelings. If anything, it left him feeling even more confused. The only thing anchoring him was the reassuring stroke of her hand along his neck when she spoke.

Ariana noticed the gesture and said, "Aw. You guys are adorable. I hope to meet someone someday that makes me feel like that."

"You will," Sabrina responded sagely. "I guarantee it."

Copyright © 2022 Jake Lazarus

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This is a work of fiction.

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