The Viral Paddle Ch. 02: Paddle Man

"Let's just check one more time," I think to myself. I pick up my phone and open Instagram. The algorithm drops me straight into the timeline of Lexi the Bag Lady. Since waking up this morning, I have checked her feed twenty-five times already. I know her whole timeline by heart now, I have seen every single clip. If I were to appear on Mastermind, Lexi's cleavage would be my special subject. I feel relieved and disappointed at the same time: me and my paddle still haven't made our online debut.

I make the most of my nervousness by tidying and cleaning my flat. I am rather proud of the fact that although I live alone, I'm not living in a typical bachelor pad. I have actual plants that I manage to keep alive, there is hardly any dust in visible places, and I always get rid of empty beer cans and take-away food containers immediately. While I clean, I mentally replay the erotic scene I participated in yesterday. I still cannot quite believe I actually got to spank, and have sex with, such an amazing woman.

After cleaning, I allow myself to check Lexi's timeline again. Still nothing. Maybe she did not see the appeal of posting this content after all? Or something has gone wrong with the recording? Somehow, I am not convinced. To further distract me from my worries, I head out to do some shopping before I go out to meet my friends in the pub.

On my way back to my flat, coming up the stairs, I run into Sarah, my neighbour. I have had a huge crush on her ever since she moved into the flat right next to mine. She's a bit younger than me, but not a lot. In her mid-thirties I would guess. She has a lovely mane of dark curls surrounding an open, attractive face with a generous mouth and a cute little ring through her right nostril, and gorgeous large breasts on an otherwise slender frame.

In the six months she has been my neighbour, we have never talked, let alone hit it off. Much to my disappointment, our interaction has been limited to polite hellos on our landing. One reason for that might be that she is hardly ever at home. She's always leaving early in the morning only to return late at night. A busy job, I suppose. Or maybe a lover with a nicer house. Another explanation might be that perhaps I stared too openly at her amazing tits when she first introduced herself to me. Or maybe she's simply not interested in me, or men like me, or even men in general. I have to admit I don't know anything about my hot neighbour.

Given her obvious disinterest in me the past months, you can imagine my surprise when she smiles brightly at me when she sees me coming up the stairs. Then, she blushes feverishly. "Hi Sarah," I say wearily. I have a sneaking suspicion what suddenly made her smile and blush after she practically ignored me for six months.

"Oh, hi Alex, erm... How are you?" she stammers. Oh yes, my fifteen seconds of online fame have hit the internet, and she has seen the video evidence.

"Yeah, well, grand, and yourself?" I hold up my bags of shopping. "Just been to the shops, you know how it is... All these bags to unpack..."

My horny side screams at me to say something interesting, but I can't think of anything except a repetitive 'Wow, she's hot', which is useless in polite conversation. So, after an awkward silence in which I force myself not to stare at her breasts, I just mumble "Bye Sarah" and disappear into my flat.

Inside, I lean against my door, my horny side seething with anger for behaving so awkwardly. For months I have been lusting after Sarah, and now, when she finally seems willing to talk with me, I go on about shopping. The unpacking bags reference, fantastic, great work.

I put off the inevitable by dealing with my purchases first. Then I surrender to the inevitable and open Instagram again.

I have three direct messages.

When I click on the message icon, I see they all are from Lexi the Bag Lady, also known as Linda, the woman I paddled and fucked yesterday. "Hi Alex, just to let you know the clip is online. You were right, it's totally gone viral. Over 2 million views already!"

A feeling of dread takes hold of me as the number sinks in. Then I see another message from Lexi: "Thank you for the great time you showed me yesterday!!!" followed by a couple of emojis: a hand, a peach, an aubergine, and a heart. I hastily send her a message back: a rather cowardly "My pleasure" with a heart, a blushing face and another peach.

I then read her third message, which just says "Here's some handy literature for you" with a link to a webpage titled "How to be dominant in the bedroom -- a beginner's guide." I feel a pang of indignation, but her suggestion also makes me laugh. I quickly hit her timeline. In the hour since she sent her message, the view count has risen by another million.

I see the opening still of the clip first. There is Lexi, in her skimpy clothes. Her ample cleavage is showing in the most beneficial way. I see myself, standing rather awkwardly on the left side of the screen, staring at her. At her face, not her tits, I notice with some relief. And I see, in a large font, the text 'Paddle Man'. Uh oh.

I click on the clip and the whole scene unfolds before me in fast-paced video. She asks me about my bag, I tell her that I can't let her have it because we will go viral, she convinces me by shoving her tits in my face -- amazing how the camera manages to capture all this in one single shot. Then the unpacking of my bag, the boring items, the unveiling of the paddle, our flirty exchange -- which, after a few subtle cuts on the editing table, comes across a lot less clumsy than I recall it, the smacks, and then her dragging me off to her room for a live demo. The end.

I watch it again and I realise that she has done me a huge service by editing the film so that I don't come across as a total bellend. In fact, the whole exchange is rather hot, especially the bit where she presents her bum to me, and I paddle her. It's all done by clever editing, generous application of sound effects and, if all else fails, some gratuitous zooming in on Lexi's breasts or bottom. I also learn again how smart this woman is: the video clip is 'made possible' by the very adult boutique where I purchased the paddle, complete with a link to their online paddle collection. Fair play to Linda.

The only thing I am less than thrilled with is the moniker Paddle Man. I am afraid that name is going to stick. Being called Paddle Man is certainly not going to win over women like Sarah or any other hot neighbours, I muse. Oh well. No time to despair, because I have arranged to meet my two best friends in our local pub. I shower, change into my hippest clothes, and set off to our boozer, just around the corner.

The evening starts uneventful, with our ritual round of complaining about boredom at work (me) and relationship struggles (the others) or lack thereof (me again). I moan about how I have had the hots for my neighbour for months but never seem to even get to talk to her.

Three pints in, something unexpected happens. My friends notice two pretty young women at a nearby table, pointedly staring at me, laughing and whispering, phones in their hands. "Oh no, here we go..." I think to myself. My downcast face surprises my friends.

"Look at those pretty girls, they are clearly talking about you, Alex! Why look so gutted?" Ben is my oldest mate; I have known him since secondary school. He is very much married with children and a labrador, slightly chubby, with a friendly, open face. His great sense of humour wins everybody over for him. Martin, my other best friend, I know him from uni, where we studied together. Both of us never managed to leave this university town. He's thin as a marathon runner, although he does not, in fact, run. He has a lovely girlfriend, Faye, who he adores. She's three months pregnant with their first child.

What I am trying to bring across here is that between us, none of us have had much experience with attention from good-looking women in their twenties in the past decade. Understandably, my friends are well chuffed with the way the two women keep looking at me and laughing. And they are right, the women are not bad looking at all. The woman nearest to me has long, flowing, dark hair, a lovely face, full breasts, and the good looks and natural tan that come with having at least one ancestor with a background from sunnier places than this drab city. The other woman has cropped blonde hair, a paler complexion, high cheekbones, a full mouth, and small, perky breasts in a sexy top. That's all I can see from my vantage point. They notice me looking and break out in another fit of laughter.

"Ah. Yes... I think I know why they are talking about me. Paddle Man."

"Paddle Man? What are you talking about, mate? Who's he then? A new kinky superhero from the Marvel franchise?"

I sigh and I take my phone out of my pocket. I open Instagram, click on the offending film clip, and show it to Ben and Martin. They find it hilarious and watch it again and again. "Paddle Man. That's insane!"

Then it dawns on them what they have just watched. "What's with the paddle, man? 'Paddle, man', hah, get it? No but seriously. What were you doing with a paddle in your bag?"

I tell them about buying the paddle but leave out the bit explaining why I bought the offending item in the first place, if only because I am not that sure why I did it myself. As a reason for the purchase, I cleverly invent a hitherto unknown ex with a fetish who I was hoping to hook up with again. The following ten minutes I then spend carefully avoiding the 'who? when? where?'-questions that inevitably follow the introduction of fictitious past sex partners, especially if you introduce them to people who have known you intimately for over half your life. To distract them, I then tell them all about bumping into Lexi, the recording, and the aftermath. My friends are astonished at my luck and keep teasing me with my new nickname. "Your round, Paddle Man. Mine's a pint."

When I return with the beers, my friends keep bombarding me with questions, all variations of "You actually slept with that gorgeous woman?" and "She let you spank her?" They are delighted for me, and soon my sombre mood lifts and I begin to see again how incredibly erotic my adventure was. The elated feeling rises even more as my friends notice the girls at the next table are beckoning me over. My friends positively push me towards them. "Go on! Go see what they want."

I try to channel my inner Joey-from-Friends to put some swagger in my steps as I walk up to the women who have been looking at me from their table all evening. "Hi ladies, I am Alex. Nice to meet you."

The woman with the long dark hair and the beautiful brown skin colour -- and, I now notice, dark eyes, luscious thighs, a full bottom, large breasts and a lovely, rounded tummy, all packed in tight black faux-leather trousers and a sexy top -- introduces herself as Alicia. "And this is Noémi," she tells me, looking at her friend. Alicia not only pronounces the accent on the e, she also conveniently spells out the name for me. 'I guess Noémi must be really tired of being called Naomi,' I think to myself. Noémi, however the spelling, is dressed in similar tight black trousers and a top that show off her perky breasts, her slim figure with long slender legs and her round bottom that some would describe as a 'bubble butt'.

"What can I do for you, ladies?" I enquire. Maybe not the smoothest opening line in the history of slightly hammered pub flirting, but at least an upgrade to the "What can I do you for?" that almost slipped out of my mouth.

"You're the Paddle Man, aren't you?"

"I am, yes." The "For my sins" I wanted to attach to that sentence I only just manage to bite back.

"Well, Paddle Man," Noémi says, getting to the point immediately. "She thinks you're hot. And she would like you to paddle her behind."

"Oh, stop it."

"Oh yes you do, Alicia, own up."

"Well, okay, maybe I do," she blushes.

"Only maybe?" Noémi teases.

"Stop it!" Alicia smiles, blushing even more and hitting her friend on the arm.

I realise two things: one, these women are lovers, and two, they aren't taking the piss. They really are coming on to the Paddle Man and might want to include him in their lovemaking. I wave at my friends, to let them know that I probably won't come back to them, unless my inner Joey Tribbiani messes up my chances.

"And yourself, Noémi? Are you also looking for someone to spank you?"

"And what if I am?" she asks teasingly, slightly leaning over to me, emphasising her small, round breasts. The judges hold up a jubilant 9 / 10 for flirting.

"Well, I live just around the corner. You both could come over to my place for a live demo." The judges award me a grudging 5.5 / 10 for that move, but Alicia and Noémi deem it sufficient, and off to my flat we go.

"Do you live nearby, ladies?" I ask when we have left the pub and relish the warm summer night air.

"No, we are just visiting, for fun. But there wasn't much fun to be had in this boring place. And then we saw you," Alicia quips.

"And everything turned out fine."

"Yes, that's what we are hoping for, Paddle Man". Cue laughter. My inner Joey takes a bow.

Inside, Alicia and Noémi admire my flat. I am well pleased with my earlier cleaning activities. While they look around my rooms, I fetch my paddle and then, paddle in hand, give the sign to get things started.

"Well ladies, why don't you undress each other? And make it fun for me too."

Alicia and Noémi put on a highly erotic display, French kissing, touching, groping. Noémi takes off Alicia's top and tight black pants first as she's clearly taking the lead in this encounter. I don't need to encourage them or say anything; my role is just watching for now. With great willpower, I suppress the urge to take my cock out of my trousers and start masturbating. Instead, I enjoy the view. Alicia is now gloriously naked, her curvaceous body sexily contrasting with Noémi's slender, clothed form. Alicia then undresses Noémi, kissing her perky breasts, fondling her bubble butt. Noémi arches her back and enjoys the sensations. Too soon, both women are naked, panting, and obviously quite turned on. I then take the next step.

"Why don't you both kneel on the sofa and present your behinds to me? It is time you met the paddle."

Alicia lets out an appreciative moan, and they both kneel on my sofa, arching their backs, stretching their sexy bottoms out to me. I cannot believe my luck as I watch them take their places. Both women are gorgeous and both are shaved bare. Alicia's bum is full and round, with thick, strong thighs, whereas Noémi has a smaller behind, round like an apple. The lips of Alicia's vulva peek out, even her swollen, erect clit is fully visible. Noémi's fanny looks tighter, less engorged. "Kiss each other, ladies" I tell them as I use my paddle to gently caress their behinds. Noémi moans as I let the paddle dip between her legs, its edge gliding across her wet pussy. Alicia and Noémi kiss each other, and that is my sign to start spanking them with the paddle. The first swats are gentle, to warm up those lovely globes. It is an enormous turn-on to see these lovely women kiss each other while the paddle lands on their bums, making their cheeks wiggle with each impact.

Soon, the intensity of my spanks increases. Alicia and Noémi stop kissing each other, concentrating fully on the sensations in their rear-end. The differences between them are, excuse the pun, striking. Noémi squeals with every impact, even the lighter ones, and the skin of her bubble butt reddens quickly. Alicia is clearly made of sterner stuff. She too makes a lot of noise when the paddle strikes her, but these are more appreciative noises and small moans. To accommodate the difference, I spank Alicia harder and ofter. This visibly turns her on, with more sexy moaning at each spank.

Noémi's bum is quite red now, and she starts to squirm to avoid the paddle. I decide to change the scene again.

"Noémi, your spanking is over. Sit down on that side of the sofa and spread your legs wide. Alicia, I'm not done with you. I am going to spank you further, because you obviously love it. For the next part of your paddling, you are going over my lap. And while you get spanked, you are going to reward your sexy friend for taking her spanking so bravely."

Noémi squeals with delight and takes her place on the sofa. I sit down as well, and Alicia slides over my lap with a gracious movement. I take my time to position her perfectly, her wet fanny rubbing over my rock-hard cock as I do so. Alicia's face disappears between Noémi's pale thighs.

"Kiss her pussy, Alicia," I tell her as I gently massage her bright red behind. She obeys with gusto.

"Lick her. Make her squirm." I spank Alicia with the paddle while she licks and sucks. Her position over my lap being more relaxed than kneeling on the sofa, I can now fully appreciate the wiggles and ripples after each smack. While I spank her, I use my other hand to caress her clit. Alicia's pussy is completely soaked, her clit is engorged, and she moans loudly and keeps arching her back to ask for more spanks. Noémi, meanwhile, comes loudly on Alicia's skilled tongue within minutes. This is my signal to spank Alicia with even more fervour while rubbing her clit with wild abandon until she comes as well, writhing and bucking on my lap.

Both ladies recover swiftly from their orgasms. Getting up, Noémi announces "It is time for your reward, Paddle Man."

The women then take off all my clothes, groping, fondling, licking and sucking every part of my body. We retire to my bedroom, where they make me lie on my back on my bed. Alicia squats over me, her luscious thighs and round bum straddling my face. Despite her brown skin, I see her bum is fiery red from the hard paddling. Her soft, wet pussy dangles over my mouth, and all I can do is start licking and sucking her, my hands on her firm thighs. My hard cock twitches fruitlessly.

My vision blocked by Alicia's naked charms, I hear Noémi walking around in the background. There is a thwacking noise: my paddle landing on supple flesh. Hers, I suppose. I then see the paddle coming down on Alicia's already bright red behind, just above my licking and sucking face. Smack! Smack! Smack! Alicia moans loudly at our joint ministrations.

Noémi stops spanking her friend and joins her on top of me. To my utter delight, finally someone has found my poor neglected cock, I guess it's Noémi. She takes it into her mouth and sucks it. I feel slightly sorry for myself that I cannot see Noémi giving me the blowjob, but in my mind, it looks amazing, her lovely mouth bobbing up and down my hard shaft. She stops before I can get anywhere near an orgasm, and I feel a condom being rolled out across my cock expertly, with... her mouth? I can't tell but it feels sensational.

Then, she mounts me, sliding my cock into her wet pussy. Now I have two gorgeous women riding me, one on my face and the other one bouncing on my cock. I lick Alicia with wild abandon, she moans and pants loudly. I feel her lean forward to kiss and fondle Noémi, who also gets louder with every bounce on my hard member. I know I can't hold out for long with all this erotic spectacle taking place on top of me, but I manage to keep licking and sucking and hold off my orgasm. Alicia comes first with a loud moan, then I feel Noémi shudder, her pussy clamping down on my cock, and I feel every inch the gentlemen when I come after the ladies with wild, hot spurts, loudly moaning into Alicia's soaking pussy.

Spent, I remain lying on my bed. Alicia and Noémi flop down on either side of me. We cuddle, admiring the redness on Alicia's bum, and the way Noémi's behind has already started to return to its beautiful pale complexion. Before I can convince them to take part in another round of erotic activities, the ladies tell me they need to leave to catch the last train home. They kiss me one last time and order me to stay where I am. When they get out of my bedroom, the last thing I see is two naked arses in the doorframe, one bright red, one slightly rosy, wiggling their goodbyes. I hear them laughing and whispering while they put on their clothes in my living room, and then they leave.

When I get up to find out how we've left the flat after our raunchy activities, I notice my smartphone propped up, the camera aimed at my bed. In front of it, I find two pairs of skimpy thong nickers, red lace from Alicia, and plain black from Noémi, and a small note saying "Thank you Paddle Man, you were fantastic! Love, N & A" with two lipstick kisses.

I quickly check my phone, and it turns out the naughty minxes have left me a recording. I see Alicia sitting on my face, enjoying herself. I see Noémi taking the paddle, first smacking herself and then using it on her lover. I can finally witness the blowjob, Noémi putting a condom on my cock with her mouth, and then her riding me while Alicia sucks her lover's tits and fondles her clit. Then we all enjoy our orgasms, and I see Noémi blowing a kiss to the camera as she comes over to switch off the recording, which I don't remember her doing at all.

"Blow me, I'm a porn star", I think to myself as I crash on my bed, exhausted but satisfied.