Twenty Years Pt. 04

As we were eating dinner one Tuesday evening, Josh looked a little distracted..."You want to tell me what you're thinking about?" I asked.

"Yeah, I was thinking that I would like to invite some of my colleagues over on Friday evening to meet you, we could grill burgers and hotdogs, what do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea, I would really like to meet your colleagues, I'll come home early on Friday and get everything ready," and then added, "Maybe we should limit the menu to hamburgers," and I smiled.

"Errr, why?"

"I am not sure it's a good idea to grill phallic symbols on your colleagues' first visit."

Josh laughed heartily, "Yeah, maybe you're right... that's fucked up."

"Who's coming?" I asked.

"Well, Zeke, my boss, he's in his late fifties, we overlapped a couple months in Afghanistan and when I came back home he offered me a job. There are three engineers who work directly for me, Collin, whom we call "Col", Ellias, Caleb and one of the construction workers named Cal. Cal is none too bright and says whatever is on his mind whether it makes any sense or not. He's kinda of a "good ole boy", has a bitch of a wife, Sue Ellen, who calls and bitches at him every 10 minutes and four daughters at home, so he's outnumbered."

"Looking forward to it, that should be fun," I offered. I knew Josh was a quiet guy and I didn't know how much he had shared with his colleagues about us or our relationship.

On Friday afternoon, I got beers, snacks and everything ready for the ready and Josh came home at four-thirty. He gave me a big embrace and kiss. "The boys will be here directly." At five o'clock they all arrived at the same time and came to the door where Josh and I met them at the door.

Josh introduced us all and I shook hands with each of them. They were nice but a little aloof as if they thought this was a pretty awkward situation. Josh suggested we all go out the patio and grab some beers. They were all very blue collar types, masculine, bearded with bodies that were muscular from hard work and all sported farmer's tans.

We all went out on the patio and sat down. They told Josh how good the place looked and that he had clearly done quite a bit of work to get it to this shape and then again we fell into an awkward silence where everyone was sipping their beer and looking down at their own boots.

Cal broke the silence, "Well Tom, you look just like a regular fellar." Everyone's eyes were suddenly off their boots and onto me, with inquisitive looks on how I was going to respond.

"Yeah, I guess I am Cal, I don't know what else I can tell you." I replied.

"What were you expecting him to look like, Cal?" Josh asked calmly.

"I dunno, I guess I was expecting one of them there ladyboys with a tube top, miniskirt and lipstick."

All of us roared with laughter and Zeke shook his head and said, "Cal, you're so goddamn dumb, it's pathetic."

I felt sorry for Cal so I responded, "I only wear that on Sundays, Cal." and again the group roared with laughter and some of the initial tension was broken.

Josh broke in before another awkward silence could have ensued or anyone else could say anything. "Cal, thanks for breaking the ice on this one. It gives me a chance to say some things I have been wanting to say for some time now. You boys have known me for a long time, hell, we've been through thick and thin together...

When Tom and I met, well it was like something in my soul lit up, somehow I knew this person was the missing part of my life. I was as surprised as anyone that it was a man with whom I wanted to share my life... but the moment we met, I knew this person was the one, it didn't matter what sex, race, creed, color Tom was, he was just THE ONE...

It's important for me to tell you that I am basically the same Josh you have always known. I have never hidden anything from you, no double life, I'm not a closet queer glancing at your dicks in the changing room or anything like that...

I'll be honest with Tom and you all right now, I had never had any sexual experience with a man, had never had any thoughts about man sex or even considered it as an option for me. But in our relationship, being with Tom feels natural... and I've never looked back or sideways...

I don't know what you boys think or how you feel about this. Everyone has their right to their opinion and Tom and I respect that one hundred percent. Neither of us would want to force you to accept the way we have chosen to live, but we do ask for mutual respect, that everyone has their right to their opinion and their right to live as they want to in peace.

Personally, I love you all like brothers despite all the differences we have. If you have anything you want to say, let's talk it out face to face, we are all big boys."

The group sat and looked directly at Josh and Zeke was the first to speak.

"Josh, we've known each other for a long time, I feel more like a father to you than a brother. I really appreciate you talking directly to us about this. The most meaningful thing you said to me was that you are the same Josh I have always known and trusted. If you had told me that you had been hiding who you really are from me, and that this was some kind of "coming out" and that you were afraid that I would not accept you for who you are, I would have been very sad...

For several months now, I have seen a change in you. I haven't said anything about it, but there is more light in your eyes, a spring in your step and you've been more light hearted...

Tom, yeah, Cal's right, you do look like a regular fellar, but you're not. If Josh has chosen you, you sir, are no regular fellow"...

Thanks for respecting us enough to invite us here to tell us face-to-face and for the chance to meet Tom."

Josh was clearly affected by Zeke's words and he couldn't speak, his eyes were filled with tears and Zeke leaned over and put his arm around his shoulder and gave a sideways hug. Zeke and I shared a smile.

Col was the next to speak his mind. "Josh, I also want to thank you for respecting me enough to tell me this directly. As my boss and friend, I respect you immensely, you are a great guy and you have taught me many things...

I have to be honest, I struggle with accepting a same sex relationship. I'm a Pentecostal Baptist and a deacon in the church. For us, homosexuality is one of the biggest sins. I feel conflicted because, Josh, I know you to be a good man and now due to my religion, I am forced to judge you. I will be praying for myself and of course for the two of you, but I can definitely respect yours and Tom's opinion and we may have to disagree on whether it's right in God's eyes, but that's not going to change anything from my side. Hell, Zeke is a fucking Presbyterian and I still respect him."

That elicited a well needed chuckle from the group to break the tension of this discussion.

Josh responded to Col, "Thanks for being honest with me, Col, that's what I asked for and I respect you for speaking directly to me and from my side, it doesn't change a thing between us."

Elias, one of the younger of the group spoke up, "Josh I'm glad to hear that you are the same fellow I've known all along. It would also have hit me hard if I thought you had to live a double life and pretend to be someone you really are not. Happy you have found Tom and wish you two all the best... but two men shacking up... so what? No big fucking deal, it's not 1896 people."

"Thanks, Elias," I hope you didn't think we were trying to make ourselves interesting," Josh said with a little chuckle.

Caleb spoke next, "Josh, I've looked up to you for years now and you've definitely been like a big brother to me, I couldn't be happier or prouder of you. Tom, you're a lucky man and when I get to know you better, I hope I can say Josh is also lucky.

Now boys, I'm going to tell you a little secret about me. When I was a kid I grew up over in Smithey's Flatlands on a big farm. We had about twenty farmhands who lived out in a bunk house behind the barn...

When I was twelve, one of them who was about twenty-one took a shine to me and for about a month, we fucked around almost everyday. So, I know a little bit about the subject. It didn't last more than that one month, and it never happened again. Sex with another man, yeah, from what I experienced, it ain't that much different from sex with a woman, except you don't have to beg for it."

"Thanks, Caleb," Josh said and traded eye contact with him.

Everyone was now looking expectantly at Cal, who had not spoken yet.

"So let me get this straight, you're two men living together, right?" Both Josh and and nodded in the affirmative to Cal.

"So does that mean that you two can lay around all day and night, watching porn or football, drink beer, fart and fuck all you want?"

Josh and I looked at each other and smiled, turned and then nodded in Cal's direction and I said, "Yeah, that's about it."

"God fucking damn! Why didn't I think this through fifteen fucking years ago before I met that bitch Sue Ellen! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

Cal looked at Josh and me, "Goddamn! Either of you got a brother?"

We all roared with laughter and Zeke said shaking his head a Cal, "Let's fucking eat!"

After that, we had a good dinner, with a lot of jokes and laughs. Josh was talking shop with Col and Ellias and Zeke took the opportunity to talk to me.

"Tom, I meant it when I said you must be someone very special if Josh has chosen you. I have noticed such a positive change in him over the past few months. When he came back from Afghanistan, he had changed a lot, had grown up and become a man, a serious man, a little too serious. Now I feel he's also a happy man and that means a lot to me. I truly believe that you must be the key to Josh's new found happiness...

I respect him more than I have ever respected anyone and it's true, I regard him as a son. I look forward to getting to know you better as well."

He became a little uncomfortable and shifted in his chair, and looked me directly in the eye, "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but if you ever hurt Joshua, in any way, I will personally kill you with my bare hands."

I smiled and chuckled softly.

"Was something funny about that?"

"No, I was just thinking my father will probably say the same thing to Josh."

"I hope he does," Zeke said smiling.

After we all had sat, drank and talked some more the guys decided they would all go home. All them, except Cal, had done stints in the military and insisted on policing the area and washing everything up before leaving. Zeke bossed Cal around telling him what needed to be done and soon everything was in order.

"Goddamn boys, it's Friday night, Sue Ellen is probably finally asleep, there's no way in hell I'm going home and waking that bitch up. Who's with me to go down to JD's and get some more beer," Cal pleaded, but no one was interested.

"Fuck you all!" he shouted, gave us all the finger and sped away in his truck.

"Goddamn, that boy is dumber than shit," Zeke said, shaking his head and they all took their leave.

Josh and I were a little drunk from all the beer we had drunk, but we sat on the sofa and drank a final whisky.

"Thanks, it was a good party," Josh said, his brown eyes actually gleaming rather than boring into me.

"Yeah, it was nice to meet your friends. They seem to respect you a lot... I was touched by the fact that they were concerned that you might have been living a double life. I had never really thought about that aspect... Knowing you, I would never have considered you as a person who could pull that off... so I guess it never crossed my mind.

It also made me think about our situation a little closer. I came into this relationship as bisexual and knew what sex with men and women is like... and I was physically attracted to you... so there was no real change or adjustment for me...

You, however, have had to adjust to sex with a man... I have heard you say a couple of times that you had never really been attracted to men or hadn't even thought about sex with a man as an option... So, I am wondering if you can really be sexually fulfilled when this was never your natural choice."

Josh then looked at me with his boring brown eyes and spoke softly, "I was also touched that they would have been sad if I had thought I had to live a double life for them. No, I'm not built that way, I am who I am and that's enough for me... and if it's not enough for other people... I don't care...

I think we have both had the experience that since we met, some unexplainable forces have drawn us to each other. With you, I feel like the person I am supposed to be... calm, balanced and focused... happy...

It may be my own philosophical bullshit, but I really believe in listening to my soul. I know we've talked about it before, it took years for me to understand that, to be happy, I have to know and follow my soul. My soul told me... you are the one... and you are a man...

Do I fully understand it? No... I will be the first person to admit that I don't understand sexual attraction and sex for the sake of sex and maybe even the role of sex in a relationship. There is some dichotomy that I don't fully grasp...

Kate and I met pretty early and I never fucked around with other girls, we were young and fucked like rabbits, we were happy and satisfied in that department. I never strayed or cheated even though there were many opportunities. If I saw an attractive lady, did I notice? Yes. After we broke up, I dated a lot of different women and had a lot of sex, both good and bad...

I admit I never saw a man and became sexually excited even though there would have been many chances to act upon it. In Afghanistan, it was common knowledge that many of the men would fuck around in the showers late at night. I never had any interest. There were also opportunities to get female hookers there. In neither instance was I tempted. I just jerked off...

The night we met, I was thunderstruck with you as a person, I thought, goddamn, this is the person missing in my life. When we took a shower that morning and washed each other, I thought to myself, wow he's really a good looking man. When we fucked around, it was somehow natural. I remember commenting that I had never had a better blowjob in my life...

Will I ever miss sex with a woman? Or will you? Will one of us ever mess around on the sly with another woman or a man?... Can we even answer that question right now?...

I wish I knew more about psychology and relationships. Two individuals come together to form a common entity to share their lives together. The bottom line is that they are still two individuals with their own thoughts, desires, drives and a basic need to maintain a sense of individuality. How does a relationship and the need for individuality coexist symbiotically?...

It seems like two people need to agree on the definition and limits of their relationship in order to develop a sphere of trust. If a couple have two different concepts of what the relationship entails then there are two potentially different expectations to trust that may not align...

It's actually fucking complicated... the potential transgressions seem limitless and it's almost a wonder that any relationships actually survive. It would be interesting to see a master agreement that can handle all the potential missteps--agreement on where to live, how to raise children, handle finances, monogamy versus infidelity... and so on. In the old days, I guess wedding vows were supposed to cover all of this... and that doesn't seem to have ever been fully successful...

The way I look at it right now, I want to be in a relationship with you, where both of us can still feel fulfilled as individuals. I want to build a world with you where we can communicate openly and transparently and have a basic trust level that we have each other's best interest at heart...

We cannot be naive enough to think that we will never encounter serious problems... I promise to tell you what is on my mind and in my heart and trust that we can figure out how to handle any problems...

OK, I can myself hear that this was a pretty technical load of potential bullshit, the bottom line is that I think I am starting to fully understand what being in love is... and goddammit Tom, I love you... maybe we should just through caution to the wind and see what happens...

What do you think?"

"I actually don't think it's bullshit. It's realistic to think about both the content and boundaries of a relationship. I deal with a few divorce cases where each party had a different perspective of what their relationship entails and the fallout of what happens when a transgression occurs. It's not really rocket since a majority of people seem to enter into a relationship based on fleeting emotions and are not mature enough to handle the real world. The killer issue is the breach of perceived trust. Once something happens, they cannot usually go on because they cannot trust one another any longer. Finances, family issues can sometimes be mediated, but infidelity usually results in a final divorce...

I actually think that some things in a relationship are pretty basic to fulfill human needs--hunger, shelter, happiness, safety, sex, trust. If there is no food at home, a partner will likely eat at a restaurant, if there is no sex at home a partner will likely stray. If there is no compassion, respect or a feeling of happiness, a partner will find it externally. Sex can be a little trickier, even with a healthy sex life at home, some people feel the call of the wild and have something on the side.

I want to make the same promise to you that you just made to me and I remember it word for word...'I want to be in a relationship with you, where both of us can still feel fulfilled as individuals. I want to build a world with you where we can communicate openly and transparently and have a basic trust level that we have each other's best interest at heart. I promise to tell you what is on my mind and in my heart and trust that we can figure out how to handle any problems'...

I agree that we shouldn't be naive and live with rose colored glasses. During the coming time, I suggest that we agree on some practical relationship issues, for example, finances, kids and form a common view on these...

Regarding infidelity, do we expect a monogamous relationship? I can say that I do and I can say that if we have sexual problems I expect that we discuss them transparently and find a solution. If one of us happens to fuck around on the side, I expect that we own up to it and figure out how to handle it. I would definitely consider not confessing this immediately as a breach of trust...

To perfectly honest Josh, the most important value to me is respect. You have shown nothing but respect to me. You have been honest about sexuality, introducing me to your family, and inviting me to live in your home. For me, respect requires both a high level of trust and honesty.

Joshua, I love you... now, let's fuck..."

I jumped on Josh's lap and buried my head in his neck. He leaned in and grabbed me in a giant bear hug squeezing me tightly. We held each other like this for a long time and I felt my entire body relax listening to the rhythm of his heart beat and the comforting whoosh of his breathing. I had never imagined another person could actually mean so much to me.

After a while, I realized both of our cocks were as hard as iron. I slid down on my knees and slowly unbuckled his belt and removed his pants and underwear. I nuzzled his cock and balls with my beard and began to slowly lick up and down his heavy shaft. I sucked on his cockhead and he moaned softly and I looked deep into his boring brown eyes.

He moved down and joined me on the floor and took my shirt off and kissed and nibbled on my nipples and then further down and took my pants and underpants off. We laid in a sixty-nine position side by side licking and sucking each other's cock and balls. I arched back in satisfaction and straddled him. I leaned down to kiss him and could feel his hard cock moving up and down my crack and honing in on my twitching hole. I needed him in me, but I also needed him to be the one to enter. When he entered me, my body shook with desire and my eyes rolled back in my head. I laid down on top of him and he fucked me slowly with a stead rhythm causing us both to moan. I don't know how long he fucked me like this as I felt I was in and out of consciousness for some time. When I was more coherent, I looked at him and his brown eyes were boring into my eyes. He grabbed my face and kissed me firmly and filled my mouth with his tongue. His body was shaking and trembling and suddenly I felt his cum shoot into me.

His body relaxed completely and he lay there with his brown eyes continuing to bore into mine. He raised his legs up giving me access to his hole and I rubbed my cock up and down his crack and entered. His hole was hot and wet and my cock slid directly in with no resistance and I began to pump in and out slowly. He pulled on my nipples and my cock responded by throbbing inside him. I continued a slow rhythm of pushing in and pulling almost completely out. Our eyes were focused and locked on each other's eyes when I shot rope after rope of cum deep inside him. I laid on top of him and he resumed the tight bear hug we had earlier had. Soon we had both drifted off into a deep sleep.

I woke up early the next morning to discover that we had slept the entire night in the tight bear hug and I allowed myself to continue resting on him. He woke up a few minutes later, and we just looked into each other's eyes and kissed. We lay like this for another half hour and finally we both got up off the floor. We showered, made breakfast and drove up to the mountain and worked together the entire day. No words had been spoken since we woke up and it felt like none were necessary.