Begrudgingly Yours ch. 06

ASH'S POV

I woke to the hush of still air and unfamiliar silence. For a moment, I couldn't remember where I was. The last couple of nights seemed like a bad dream that I was slowly waking from. I expected to look up and see the arched, crown-molded ceiling I had slept under for years but instead found something simpler, something warmer.

I sat up slowly, the blankets falling from my chest, and looked around. The room I was in was huge, maybe even bigger than my bedroom back home, but the atmosphere couldn't have been more different. The walls were painted a soft, earthy beige with accents of deep green and honey-colored wood. Sunlight filtered in through thick, drawn drapes, casting golden tendrils of light across the polished floor.

The furniture was newer, more modern. A large bed with an upholstered headboard. A heavily cushioned arm chair tucked near a small fireplace. Even a flat-screen television hung, mounted, above a sleek dresser. Everything felt so... cozy. Cheerful even. It was nothing like the cold elegance of the relic I had grown up in. It seemed as though every room in Liam's mansion had his mother's touch as I assumed she was the decorator. I could feel her energy in the design, as though she had infused her love into the very walls of her home.

My father's mansion, an old Victorian, wasn't a home, it was a tomb. Centuries worth of Kings and their families have walked those halls, the ghosts of their presence still lingering. Nothing had ever changed. Every painting, every tapestry, every statue was exactly the same. There was no love there, no warmth. No one lived there because no one there actually lived. Like the building itself, they were relics. Old, emotionless, and devoid of life. Corpses shuffling around, just existing, but not really living. That was the world I had grown up in.

I pushed away the memory of my former life and once again focused on the room I was in. My room, for now at least. After the meeting with my father, who knows. But for now, it was mine. When I glanced to my right I noticed there was a door, slightly ajar. Beyond it, I saw the gleam of polished tile and a glass-walled shower. I smiled. A private bath.

But, to my left--

I rose from my bed, legs a little unsteady at first, and crossed the room. My fingers curled around the edge of the drapes and I pulled them back, blinking against the light. It wasn't too harsh. The sun was still up but low in the sky, bathing everything in amber and gold hues.

French style doors opened to a balcony. I pushed the doors open and my breath caught as I stepped through and felt the warmth of the late afternoon sun on my skin. The light didn't sting--it was gentle, filtered. Bearable.

I walked to the edge and rested my hands on the smooth stone banister. Below me was a sea of green. Trees rustled in the wind, the forest sprawling toward the mountains in the distance. The view was absolutely breathtaking.

Even so, my heart ached. From the balcony of my old room, the view had been nothing but cliffs and sea. White spray leaping up from jagged rocks, the endless, shifting ocean stretching beyond the horizon. The sounds of gulls, the tang of salt in the air. That was what I had known, what I had loved. And now... it was gone.

Here, the smell was earthier. Pine. Damp moss. The air didn't whip at my face or taste of storms. It felt too calm, too tamed, anchored. I missed the sound of the waves crashing against the cliff side. I missed walking barefoot on the cold sand, letting the tide pull at my ankles. I missed the weight of my memories there, even if some of them hurt. For most of my life that house, the beach below, had been all I had known. It was hard letting go and not all of my memories had been bad ones. Before coming here, the beach and sea had been my sanctuary, and I mourned their loss, because I knew I would probably never see that view again. Never walk those shores or sit beneath the moonlight, the ocean humming gently before me, soothing me, and easing all my fears.

A soft ache started in my chest, and I let it linger. Just for a moment. Just long enough to mourn. A gentle knock pulled me from my thoughts, then a soft click of the door opening.

I froze, nostrils flaring instinctively. I bristled, ready to defend myself but then a familiar scent hit me like a wave--warm, grounding, and familiar. Musk. Pine. Earth. Unmistakable.

Victor.

I turned and stepped back inside.

He stood just inside the room, framed by the door, eyes locked on me. His expression was unreadable at first, then surprise, like he hadn't expected to see me standing there. Maybe he assumed I'd still be asleep or, maybe, he'd expected me to run again. I wasn't sure.

"I--" he started, then cleared his throat. "Liam sent me. He's agreed to a meeting with your father at the Palace Hotel tonight and he needs you and Jai to brief him before hand."

I narrowed my eyes, confused. "Brief him on what?"

"Vampire laws and customs."

"Oh, okay..." I nodded. "But, um... can I take a shower first?"

His lips tugged upward, just slightly, then he turned his head. "Yeah, that's fine. You'll find towels and anything else you need in the bathroom."

He turned to leave but I called out to him. "Victor, wait."

He hesitated, then turned to look at me. His brows furrowed like he was debating whether he should stay or go. His hand hovered near the door handle but his feet seemed rooted to the floor.

"What happened earlier?" I asked, my voice soft, quiet, calming. "The last thing I remember was being in the forest, with you. Then, nothing. How did I get back here?"

His shoulders relaxed some and I could see the tension drain from his face. "I carried you." He told me, eyes still locked on mine. "You passed out, so I carried you back."

My cheeks warmed and my heart gave a little flutter. "You... you carried me?"

He nodded, his expression as solemn as ever.

I swallowed. "Thank you," was all I could think to say. My head was swimming with so many questions, so many things I didn't understand.

He tilted his head slightly as he watched me and I could see the wheels turning behind those dark eyes. He was trying to figure me out, understand me as much as I was trying to understand him. I couldn't stay quiet anymore though. There was something I had to know. It was driving me nuts thinking about it.

"Why?" I asked, finally. "Why are you being so kind to me? I thought you... hated me."

Something shifted in his gaze. A softness I hadn't seen before.

He stepped closer. "Give me your hands."

I hesitated, but only a second before reaching out. His fingers closed around mine, large, warm, and so strong yet gentle.

"Do you feel that?" He whispered.

I did.

I felt... something. Something like a current of electricity passing between us. Not a spark exactly, it was more like a hum. Like my heart had started singing. Something inside me recognized him and was reaching out, pulling me in his direction.

"Yes." I breathed out. "I feel... energy. It's pulsing between us."

"What else do you feel?"

I closed my eyes and let myself search my feelings. My heart beat quickened, there was no air yet I could breathe. I felt light headed and shaky, like my legs could barely hold me up. "I feel... drawn to you." I was finally able to speak. "It's like, I need to be near you. Like, being in the same room as you, being close to you, quiets all the noise in my head. When you're close, I feel safe. Being near you feels right, somehow. The fear I felt earlier, the sadness--it's gone now. Replaced with something else. Something like... home."

"I feel that too." I opened my eyes and saw his dark eyes peering down at me. "Every time I'm near you, that's exactly how I feel."

I didn't know what to say. My heart was pounding. My chest felt tight and I suddenly wanted to just throw myself into his arms. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

"That's why I brought you back." He said, his voice soft and gentle. "That's why I could never hurt you. It's why I'll protect you, Ash, and defend you, with everything I have."

All I could do was stand there, stunned into silence. My throat felt tight. My entire body was tingling and if he hadn't been standing there, holding my hands, anchoring me, I would have melted into the floor.

He let go of my hands and then smiled, softly as he chuckled under his breath. Before I could even process what was happening, he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek. His touch was soft. Warm. Real.

"Go shower." He murmured next to my ear. "I'll send Jai up with some clean clothes."

He turned, and then he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him.

I stood there for a long time, frozen in place, my fingers drifting to the spot where his lips had briefly touched my skin.

And I smiled.

***

I was in a daze as I made my way to the bathroom. The memory of that kiss lingered in my mind for longer than I cared to admit. The spray of the shower was a welcome distraction from the jumble of thoughts racing through my mind. For the moment, I concentrated on the water, letting it wash over me, soaking into my skin. I ran my fingers through my hair then I took my time washing my hair and body. It felt amazing. Just watching the soap and the bubbles circle the drain and then disappear felt good. It was like watching the dirt, grime, and bad memories of the last few days disappear as well.

I'd always found showers soothing. The way the droplets pattered against the tile reminded me of a summer storm. Gentle, quiet, and peaceful, like a lullaby. And, for a moment, just a brief moment, all my cares and worries vanished.

I tried to retain that sense of peace but my thoughts kept returning to Victor. Handsome, strong, and fierce but also so confusing. I thought back to our conversation in the forest and the way he'd held me when I'd finally broke. He was kind and caring but earlier that night he'd been so cold. He told Liam to send me back to my father. He said I wasn't worth it. I was sure then that he hated me and when I saw him in the woods, I was scared... at first.

Something changed though. I don't know if it was the way he looked at me with concern or the gentle way he spoke, but I was no longer frightened. I don't know how or why, but I just knew he wouldn't hurt me. In fact, every part of me was screaming to go to him, to let him hold me and protect me.

Then, in the bedroom, the way he looked at me and the things he said... I could have melted into his arms then and there, even before he kissed me. But, one thing kept invading my thoughts, one thing that I couldn't push out of my mind. Could I really trust him?

I wasn't a shifter. I didn't have an inner beast, a voice guiding me. I was alone. But somehow, when Victor was near me, I didn't feel alone anymore. I wanted to trust him, my heart told me to, but my heart had betrayed me before and I just wasn't ready to open myself back up to anyone yet. Not even Victor. Still, a small, barely audible voice inside my head, that I wasn't suppose to have, kept telling me to let him in and trust him.

Trust.

Safe.

Belong.

I had no idea what it meant and honestly I was starting to think I'd lost my mind but maybe that little voice had a point. He did feel safe. So, maybe I could trust him. Maybe I could belong.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a thick towel. Steam curled around me like a warm blanket. The bathroom mirror had fogged over from the heat of the shower. I stopped, glancing at my distorted image in the glass, wondering if that's how the world saw me, a distorted version of myself. I thought about wiping it clean but I couldn't. I wasn't ready to look myself in the eyes just yet.

I walked into the other room, toweling my hair dry, still lost in my thoughts when a soft coughing made me pause. I looked up and froze for half a second, startled, then relaxed when I saw Jai, sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up and smiled with the same softness and kind eyes that I remembered from my childhood.

"Hey," he said. "didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," I murmured, tossing the damp towel I'd used for my hair onto the chair in the corner.

He held out a pile of folded clothes. "I brought you these. They're mine but I think they'll fit. We look about the same size."

"Thanks." I smiled as I took the clothes from him.

"No problem." He said simply.

I retreated back into the bathroom to change. The clothes were soft, made for comfort. Not what I was used to wearing but they'd do. Actually, they weren't really that bad. He'd given me a pair of black joggers, a fitted pink T-shirt, and a warm zip-up hoodie that was charcoal grey.

When I came back out again, Jai was still sitting on the bed, hands resting on his knees, but his eyes were far away. I hesitated a moment, then crossed the room to sit beside him.

"You okay?" I asked.

He gave a quick shrug. "Could ask you the same."

I didn't answer.

Instead, I picked up a hair brush I found on the nightstand, assuming Jai had brought it, and started brushing my long, damp, hair.

Jai looked over at me and smiled. "May I?"

I nodded, then handed him the brush and turned around. He began pulling the brush through my hair, gently working out the knots and tangles until my hair hung smoothly down my back.

"I don't know if you remember, but I used to brush your hair like this when you were little."

"I do remember... someone. I never knew it was you though."

Jai put the brush down then began to weave my locks into a single, tight braid. "When your mom died, Father had nannies take care of you. They practically raised you but they never really showed you any warmth or love. I didn't want you growing up like that so I took over a lot of your care myself. I knew I could never really be your mother but I thought, maybe, if I showed you a mother's love, you might turn out alright."

He finished the braid then secured it with a hair tie. He told me to turn around then and I did. He looked me over as though assessing his work for flaws. He brushed my bangs to the side and smiled.

"You should cut these." He told me. "You're eyes are too beautiful to hide."

I shrugged. "No one's ever noticed before now."

His eyebrows lifted. "Not even Niklas?"

My mood immediately darkened and I turned my face away. "I don't want to talk about him."

Jai was quiet for a moment. The room was too quiet. I could hear my own heart beating in my chest and I was sure he could hear it too. He placed a hand on my shoulder, easing the panic I felt building inside.

"Ash." Jai started, his voice quiet, calming. "When we meet with Gerard tonight, there are going to be some uncomfortable questions. I need to know that you're ready for this."

"I'm ready." I told him. "I want to get this over with."

He nodded slowly. "Then, before we walk into that hotel, I need to ask, is there anything you haven't told us? Anything we should be prepared for?"

I didn't answer right away. I knew I'd told them everything I could remember but still I searched my mind for anything I might have missed, anything I'd left out. That night replayed itself in my mind so many times, every detail, again and again. It was excruciating having to relive it but I knew it was important. The truth might be the only thing that could save me but I still wasn't sure that I could stand before my own father and tell him what Niklas had done to me.

"I'm scared." I confessed.

Jai's expression shifted. He was concerned about meeting with our father but he was also scared. He was sacred for me. I could see it in his eyes. I knew he'd spare me the pain of having to do this if he could. It was in his nature as an omega to protect and shelter. To nurture and love. But, we both knew I had to go and face our father, no matter how terrified I was.

"Even if Father allows sanctuary--and that's a big if-- that only buys us time." I told him, my voice trembling now. "Eventually I'll have to stand before the council and the only chance I have is to tell them what Niklas did to me."

I paused, the words caught in my throat. My hands clenched in my lap. "I don't know if I can do it." I whispered. "Say it out loud. Relive it. It's not just the pain. It's the shame, the humiliation."

Jai didn't speak. Instead, he pulled me into his arms, holding me tight against him. For a long time, I didn't breathe. I just rested my head on his shoulder and held onto him, my fingers digging into the back of his shirt, clutching him like I was afraid he'd disappear if I let go.

Jai released the breath he'd been holding and held me tighter. "You don't have to tell them anything, Ash." He murmured into my hair. "You don't have to say a single word until you're ready. We'll figure something out. I swear to you."

I shook my head. "But I don't--"

"Liam won't let anyone harm you. Not our father, not the council, not anyone. Ash, I know you're scared. And I know this hasn't been easy for you. After what happened and then coming here and..." He looked down and sighed, his expression pained. "Some of the others... Tomas and Victor... they said things, cruel things. I won't make excuses for them. It was wrong and I'm so very sorry that they treated you that way but Ash, when you ran off, when we didn't know where you were or if you were okay, I was out of my mind with worry. I felt like I'd lost you, like I'd abandoned you a second time. I never want to feel that way again. I'll fight for you, Ash. I'll fight like hell to keep you safe. I love you."

Tears filled my eyes and I wrapped my arms around him, crushing him against me in a strong hug. "I love you too, Jai. I believe you, I trust you. And, I'm sorry for saying you abandoned me. I know why you left and I know you didn't have any other choice. I don't blame you, I was just hurt and angry. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be sorry, little bug. I was never angry with you."

I chuckled then rubbed at my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. "The last time you called me little bug I think I was five."

Jai laughed. "Yeah, well, you were crawling around in the dirt telling everyone you were Ant-man."

I smirked, rolling my eyes at him. "Yeah, maybe don't tell anyone that story."

"Your secrets safe with me, bug."

I shook my head. "You're terrible."

"Oh Honey, you should see the way I torment Liam. I can be down right evil when I wanna be."

"I don't doubt that." I teased. It felt good to joke around. It felt normal and normal was something I desperately needed right now but as good as it was to just let go, I knew it couldn't last. The meeting with Father would come far too soon and we all had to prepare ourselves. Knowing what we were all about to face and knowing that Liam and Jai were potentially putting their Pride at risk, for me, meant a lot. "Thank you." I said, more serious now. "Thank you for helping me and... for being here."

He pulled back just enough to look at me and smiled. There was so much love in his eyes that I nearly started crying again. "Of course. I'll always be here." He said. "I'm your big brother."

Brother. The word touched something deep in my chest. Yes, we were family, something I hadn't had in a long time. At least, not like this. To have someone care because they chose to, because they really and truly loved me. But I knew, deep down, that Jai was more than just my brother. He always had been. It's why it hurt so much when he left and why he was the one I ran to when I was in trouble. Jai had always taken care of me, loved me, and tried his best to keep me safe. He was the light in the darkness, the one who chased the monsters away, the one who kissed the hurt and made it better. Jai was the mother I never had and being here, in his arms now, made me believe that I might actually have something worth fighting for.

"Come on. We should go." Jai gave me a soft, understanding smile. "Liam's waiting."

"Okay." I nodded.

Jai stood and held out a hand that I gladly accepted, allowing him to pull me to my feet. Together, we walked out of the bedroom, Jai's arm protectively around my shoulders. My heart raced, thinking about the meeting with my father later but at least I knew I wouldn't face him alone. I'd never be alone again. It had taken nearly ten years but I'd finally found my family. I'd found Jai. Even if our time together is brief, it will have been worth it just being here because the memory of him, now seared into my mind, was something I'd keep with me, locked in my heart, for eternity.