The Slippery Slope

There's no sex in this story and no BTB

The house seemed quieter when I came home from work, there was no reason it should be noisier since my wife wouldn't be home for another hour. The bedroom seemed different when I went up to change, nothing in particular was apparent. My wife Anna had been throwing up when I left, half my staff had been out sick making it seem like Covid all over again except people weren't dying.

After getting changed, I headed into the kitchen to start dinner. Anna and I had been taking turns cooking dinner since are youngest joined the military five months ago. Taking turns wasn't really working out since I was cooking most nights, especially for the last month.

I noticed the note on the table when I walked into the kitchen. In large letters in said, "sorry." On top of the note were two positive pregnancy test strips. Since I had a vasectomy ten years ago, it could only mean Anna had been cheating on me. She was in her early fifties, a little old to be carrying a baby to term I thought.

In my fucked up mind, that's where my head was running.

Trying to focus on something else, I headed upstairs. The bedroom had seamed different because all of her stuff was gone, dresser, closet, bathroom all empty. There must be some truth to the statement that men are stupid, she was cheating on me, got pregnant and moved all her stuff out and I never noticed.

Anna had been easy to anger over the last couple of months, maybe it was longer. I had tried to give her space and hide from her random outburst. I think the first true emotion I felt was relief, the war was over, no more skirmishes, no more cold shoulders, no more sleeping in the guest room.

The thought of sleeping made me wonder if he fucked her in our bed. I stripped the sheets and tossed them in the washer and I sprayed the pillows down with disinfectant and tossed them in the dryer. Tomorrow it was time for shopping, tonight I had to flip the king size mattress.

There are no other memories from that night. I refused to cry, what would I be crying for? She cheated on me, good riddance.

Lots of other shit creeped in the next morning after I called out sick for the rest of the week. Would she have told me if she didn't get pregnant? How long was her affair going on? Was I ever served sloppy seconds? Those thoughts were pointless.

My cell was ringing, my lawyer was calling me. Bill had been my parents' lawyer and our family lawyer for wills and all that shit.

"Good morning Jack, Anna called me yesterday saying you guys were getting divorced. Is that your understanding?"

"Anna left two positive pregnancy tests on the kitchen table yesterday with a note that said sorry. I had a vasectomy years ago so there's only one thing to conclude. To be honest, I'm having trouble processing shit since that, and her empty closets greeted me when I came home from work last night."

"I understand Jack, she never mentioned the pregnancy or the whys, just outlined her terms for the divorce, very generous terms for you by the way. I'm not committed to represent either of you although I've been your family's lawyer for three generations now. Do this for me Jack, let it sink in, maybe get drunk for one night and come in the office on Friday so we can go over her proposal. And Jack, you should protect yourself financially, close the joint credit cards and start splitting the checking accounts and whatever else you have. Also, bring a list of your financials when you come in.

Anna's settlement offer was very generous. My retirement and 401k would be left intact. She wanted half the value of the house when it sold or I could buy her out. Anna would keep her car which was leased in her name and the jewelry she accumulated over the years. If I agreed, Bill said he could represent us both and file the papers, we would be divorced in three months or so. I agreed.

My daughter Jenny was sitting on the front steps when I got home, it was a three hour drive from her school. She had been crying and was crying as I walked up the sidewalk. Jenny ran up and hugged me burying her face in my shoulder.

"You could have gone in hon, the keycode is the same."

"Mom called me last night and gave me the news, I'm so sorry Dad. I had my hand on that doorknob a dozen times in the last hour but I couldn't go in." We sat down on the steps again.

"Did you know dad?"

"Not a clue hon, I am the classic clueless husband." That started another round of tears and I began to wonder if she was my ally or her mother's.

"Did you know Jenny?"

"Not until she called me, and then a bunch of little things seemed to mesh together, little things she would say during our weekly phone calls that fell into place after I hung up on her. I was so angry at her. What the fuck was she thinking."

"Did she offer any why's."

"None, she said she had an affair and ended up pregnant. She added that she started divorce proceedings."

"Did she say who?"

"Nope and I asked. She said knowing who wasn't going to help anything or anybody."

We both had to pee, so Jenny finally entered the house she lived all her life in. I put on coffee.

"Why couldn't you come in Jenny?"

"This was our home dad and she shit all over it. There's something physically different about it."

"It took me awhile to figure out what was different. There are several pictures missing, all of our wedding photos are gone. There's a lot of our little knickknacks missing and little things from vacations and such. Also, the lithograph we bought on our honeymoon in Bermuda. I'm assuming your mother took them with her."

"That's odd, why take mementos of a marriage you destroyed? Do you know where she went."

"Nope, we use to have the cell phone tracker turned on but I haven't looked. What would be the point?"

"Can I look on your phone dad, I want to see her face when I ask her why she destroyed our family?"

Anna had turned the permission off on her phone and refused to respond to any of Jenny's calls or texts. On Sunday she had to head back to school. The house was too quiet after she left.

I had scheduled a meeting for my staff first thing Monday morning and let them know I was getting divorced and asked for their patience in the coming weeks if I was short tempered. Bob, the resident wise ass wanted to know about the last three years. My admin gave me a hug with a tear in her eye. Jesse stayed behind, which wasn't unusual for her. She was my right hand person and she was being groomed to be my replacement when I retired in five years or so.

"How can I help you Jack," she asked.

"There isn't much to do, the divorce papers are signed and moving through the courts, I'm going to buy out Anna's share of the house so I don't need to move or anything. Anna left me financially intact."

"What happened Jack, you never gave any indication that there was any trouble at home."

"I didn't know there was any trouble at home until I found the positive pregnancy tests on the kitchen table with a note that said, "sorry." I had a vasectomy a decade ago so I am not the father. Please don't share that with anyone."

Jesse had tears in her eyes as she said ok and left my office. My admin Cheryl came in right after with a fresh cup of coffee. I tried to get her to stop that years ago and gave up.

"Jack, if there's anything I can do for you, please let me know. There's a good counselor I can recommend. Don't try and be the tough guy cause this shit will eat you like cancer."

I took her advice and asked her to book me an appointment. The counselor was an older woman meaning about me age. I explained the divorce and she asked me what I wanted out of counseling.

"The thing that scares me," I said, "is the complete lack of emotion I have felt since I read the note. The only thing I felt was relief because she had been so easy to anger over the last couple of months and I had been trying to hide from her random outburst."

She said, "That's not unusual behavior for a man Jack, I'm sure this isn't the first time you've been hurt, maybe it was a girlfriend in high school. Men build up a shield so they can be the tough guy. Someday that shield will collapse and I want to see you after that happens."

She asked a bunch of other questions whether I was sleeping and if I was drinking and then sent me home.

Anna disappeared off the planet. Occasionally the kids would receive a letter from her, initially begging their forgiveness and she gave them an email address they could use to contact her. The post marks revealed she wasn't that far away. She stopped all contact with her parents and siblings. No one knew where she was living or if she had the baby. I was the one who told her family that she was pregnant.

Over the next two years, Jesse and I grew closer. Some people might refer to her as my work wife. It had never been unusual for us to take lunch together. I tried to do that with all my staff, Jesse and I just had more projects together. Maybe I was fooling myself.

There's nothing written about the loneliness after divorce. All those dinners with your spouse, breakfasts, snuggles at bedtime, kisses good night, I could go on and on how all those things just go poof. Dinner was with the TV every night, breakfast becomes a cup of coffee and the weather and the weekends are mind numbing.

I had hobbies, I liked to jog and workout. What I didn't have was someone to talk to, but Jesse started filling that roll. Most of our discussions revolved around work. We had always talked about our home life but after the divorce I didn't have much of a home life. Jesse filled that gap, mostly stuff her and her family did over the weekend. Bitches and complaints about her husband Denny started slipping in.

And I started the afterhours texting, maybe because I was so fucking bored and couldn't leave work at work. Great ideas would pop into my head, usually while jogging and I would send those ideas to Jesse. Sometimes those texts were eight at night or noon on a weekend. Sometimes Jesse would respond with a simple ok. But there were other times when there would be a series of texts going back and forth as we flushed out my great idea.

Everything in the world is a slippery slope, maybe that's how Anna ended up pregnant.

Our after hour business text became another opportunity for Jesse to vent her unhappiness with her husband. I tried to be neutral, we all complain about our spouses and I didn't mind her venting on me. On the inside I think her complaints didn't come close to Anna's pregnancy.

As I was getting ready for bed one Saturday night, I realized that Jesse and I had swapped dozens of texts that day. It started with how we could get a certain project back under budget to a lot of Jesse complaining about Denny. He was drinking more and putting on weight, which she felt was causing him to snore. She was demanding that he sleep on the couch and it had blown up into a big fight. I got the feeling that Jesse was also drinking during her texting, mostly by the horrible spell checks that went unnoticed on her end.

That we would send each other dozens of text messages on a weekend or evening became the new normal and they weren't starting with my great ideas, they were starting with Jesse's complaints about Denny. I certainly didn't want to get in the middle of things, but usually I felt Jesse was overreacting. That was something I could never say to her. Denny's plight in life reminded me of my last few months with Anna.

I was normally in the office way before everyone else because I hadn't slept well since Anna left. Jesse came flying into my office one morning before the coffee was done. She hadn't even dropped her stuff off in her office first. She had been crying and came into my arms as I stood up. This was the first time there was ever in physical contact with Jesse. I tried asking her what was wrong.

"Denny broke into my phone last night and ambushed me this morning, he was complaining not just about how many texts we sent back and forth but how much I disrespected him in those messages. He accused me of having an affair with you and wants a divorce. I insisted that you never touched me and he started talking about emotional infidelity whatever the fuck that is."

Just then we heard "I knew it" from the doorway and there stood Denny.

"Are you still insisting that you never touched him Jesse?"

"It's the first time Denny, please sit and let's talk about this," I said.

"What do you want to talk about, how you're trying to steal my wife because yours went and got herself knocked up by her boyfriend?"

That Jesse shared that with her husband hurt me more than the look on his face that said he wanted to hurt me. I tried not to look at Jesse.

"I've seen all the texts you guys send each other. It's bad enough she puts me down to my face 24/7 but she does it to her boss also? Could she be more disrespectful to me?"

"You're right Denny. This is my fault and I'm sorry I didn't stop it. I promise it ends now. As the manager, it was my responsibility to end it long ago."

Both Jesse and Denny were looking at me with shock on their faces.

"Jesse said you want a divorce, please don't do that. Yes my wife got knocked up by somebody, I don't know who but I know it wasn't me. That's not the killer for me, what kills me is the loneliness that invades your life after the divorce. Anna and I weren't getting along before she left, but she was still there. Try and imagine taking every one of your meals by yourself, going to bed at night by yourself and waking up in the morning by yourself and realize it may be that way forever. Please try counseling first."

Jesse had her face buried in her hands crying and Denny had lost a lot of the

anger he came in with but he wasn't done.

My admin Cheryl came in with my coffee and asked if everything was ok, looking a crying Jesse and an angry Denny.

"I'm working on it Cheryl, please cancel my meetings for the day and get me on the boss's calendar for an hour, also I will need some time with HR today."

"You got it boss, anybody else for coffee?" Jesse and Denny declined but I could see that Denny was ready to go on the attack again.

"You promised it ends now, how are you going to make that happen?"

"For the long term, as soon as I get into my boss's office, I'm going to retire. It had been on my mind for a while. In the short term, I will never text Jesse after hours again. She is slated to take my place when I retire so I can't promise we'll never text each other again but it will be strictly business and if Jesse ever strays from that I will stop it immediately like I should have a long time ago."

"You can't retire Jack, this is as much my fault as yours," Jesse said between tears.

"Let this be your first lesson as a new manager, it's always the manager's fault."

Cheryl popped her head in, still looking very concerned about what was going on.

"Rich said he can see you now and you better not threaten him with retirement again." I suck at poker and the tell on my face said that was exactly why I wanted to see him. "God fucking damn it, I just got you well trained."

She was still cursing as she walked away. Jesse was still sobbing and Denny was looking lost.

I looked at Denny as I got up, "Please hold her Denny, she needs you now." I half expected Denny to tell me to fuck off, but instead he stood up and pulled Jesse into his arms. A wave of relief overcame me and I know there were tears coming out of my eye as Cheryl assaulted me with tissues.

My retirement was affective immediately and there was little need for text messages between Jesse and myself. Cheryl told me that Jesse and Denny were going to counseling and it looked like they would be all right.

Although I thought a lot about retirement, I never really planned it out. I soon realized it left me a lot more time to feel alone which I tried as hard as possible to fill with jogging.

I was jogging my standard 20 mile route when I realized someone was jogging beside me and then realized it was an older looking Anna.

"Mind if I join you Jack and maybe buy you a cup of coffee when we're done."

Over coffee she said, "The kids told me you retired, I didn't think you would ever go."

"To be honest, things got complicated with Jesse, I let her get too close. We were never intimate or crossed any of the big lines, but we traveled down that slippery slope enough to have an angry husband in my office. And how are you Anna?"

"I suppose you really want to know about the baby, I lost the baby only a couple of weeks after I left. It was very unlikely that I would be able to carry to term. I'm just happy it happened sooner rather than later."

"I'm sorry for your loss Anna. And the father?" She had to know I was going to ask that question or something like it but I hadn't expected her reaction.

There was a tear in her eye as she grabbed my hand, "That was my own slippery slope Jack, a consultant that was working for us for a few months on a project. At a get together at the end of the project, I let things go too far, never even thinking about birth control. By the time I realized I was pregnant, he was long gone. I never told him."

She had a death grip on my hand. "Jack, I live right around the corner. Will you come see my place? I'll grab two more cups to go?"

She handed me my coffee and slipped her free hand in my arm and guided me to her apartment. I was surprised at how spartan it was, a couch, a TV, a small bed and a dinette set. What was more surprising was all the pictures she took from the house were hanging on her walls and our wedding photo was prominently displayed.

"There was never anyone else Jack, and I never wanted to forget how I walked away from the three most important people in my life. Can there be an us again Jack?"

Anna pulled me in for a hug and was crying on my shoulder. I didn't know what to say, my brain had checked out, but my arms pulled her in tight and I realized we were both crying. We stood that way for a long time, slowly rocking back and forth.

Our coffee and grown cold when Anna's cell phone started ringing.

"That's our daughter Jack, I told her my plan for today. She's going to want to know your answer."

"Ask her if she's available to help you move home?"

Anna accepted the call but dropped it as she pulled me in for a kiss. We could hear Jenny screaming "mom" over the phone. Anna had a death grip on me but I was able to reach the phone.

"Hello Jenny," I said.

"Dad, should I take this as a good sign that you're answering mom's phone. I didn't interrupt anything did I, she was supposed to call me but I couldn't wait any longer. Stop with the silent treatment and tell me what's going on god damn it. I got the brother sitting right next to me. He's home on leave. Talk to me dad."

"Your mother and I were wondering if you guys are available to help move your mother's stuff back into our house this weekend."

There was a scream from Jenny's end that almost deafened me. I can only assume it was a happy scream.

Anna said, "No Jack, ask if they can help us now, I never want to spend another night without you next to me."

Jenny said, "We'll be over in five minutes, please don't start any reconciliation sex yet."

"I never stopped loving you Anna, not for one second." Our kisses grew more passionate and our hands were wandering over each other's bodies when the kids walked in.

"Damn it guys, I said please," shouted our daughter with a big smile on her face.