She's A Keeper: The Break Up

Author's Note:

That one guy in their friend group has the coolest girlfriend ever. You know, the one who cooks for everyone and buys a round of beer when they go out. Except that asshole just broke up with her...

She's A Keeper is a bit different from my usual stories that I share here. While I like posting an entire story at once, this one is not because it's not complete yet -- my Patreon members vote on what happens next in the story and once the episode is done, I'm sharing it here.

This first part doesn't have a lot of spice to it, which is why it's being posted at the same time as the next episode, but for sake of ease/organization, it's split into two parts.

This story will feature non-monogamous relationships and pairings throughout. If this isn't your particular brand of enjoyment, sit this one out maybe?

***

Evander

The only thing worse than a busy pub going dead quiet is when no one else notices the silence.

Because it's all in your head, isn't it? There's not much that truly silences a bar crowd. Hardly anything can break through the cacophonous clatter of voice and glass, heavy-bottomed pints set on worn wood tabletops and the thwacking rip of shoe soles lifting from a sticky floor.

Maybe it's a defense mechanism. An adaptation. Something humans developed over eons to protect our fragile psyches, because the last thing you need when your world changes between one sip of happy hour beer and another is a soundtrack of oblivious laughter and cheers when whatever local sports team just scored on the big screen behind the bartender.

Whatever it is, it's horrible. It's horrible to sit there with an aching heart and stunned disbelief clogging your ears, staring at a man so preoccupied with his own pint of discount draft that he hasn't realized the sound had disappeared from your world.

Not until she speaks.

"You fucker," Nola said. "You absolute shit-nosed motherfucking donglauncher."

Dane's surprise gaze tore away from the big screen. "Excuse me?"

"How dare you? How fucking dare you?!"

"What?!"

"What?" She let out a derisive scoff, like words weren't enough to convey the bubbling emotions in her chest. "You're breaking my fucking heart and all you can do is sit there and say what?!"

The silence of the bar was broken. At least five sets of eyes were on Dane and he glanced around as if that would prevent any more of the people crowding the bar from noticing the impending implosion at his table. "That was a little uncalled for. I just--"

"You're right," Nola said, glaring at him from beneath heavily applied black eyeliner that was threatening to smear from the angry tears welling in her eyes. "I shouldn't insult the proud profession of donglaunching like that, you needled-dicked hamster fister."

"Hamster fister?!"

"Fisting a hamster would be pretty evil," Kellen said, breaking the silence that had engulfed him. "Pretty sure their little anuses can't stretch that wide."

"Please never say the words 'hamster anus' again," Dane said, his face glowing red.

"I didn't. I said a hamster's anus can't stretch wide enough to accommodate you fisting one, even if you have delicate little hands like yours."

Dane's slender fingers tightened around his glass. "I don't have delicate hands."

"Care to test that?" Beau asked. "I'm happy to slam your hand in a car door a few times so you can prove how strong and manly you are."

"Violence isn't the answer," Tobin said.

"Unless the question is 'How should we react to Dane being a needle-dicked hamster fister,'" Kellen said. "In which case, 'violently' is a valid answer."

"You're violently overreacting," Dane said. "People are staring."

"You're throwing away a year-long relationship and that's what you're worried about. People staring." Nola scoffed again. "How do you sleep at night?"

"Alone, apparently," Tobin said.

"How could you?" Nola asked. "Don't we matter to you?"

"We?" Dane repeated. "What 'we' are you talking about here?"

She motioned around the table. "Us, dumbass."

"It has nothing to do with you."

"Come on, man," Beau said. "How can you say that?"

"Because Penny is my girlfriend!" Dane exclaimed. "This has nothing to do with any of you!"

Metaphorical silence filled the bar again. Kellen and Beau shared a glance that made them look identical, despite Kellen being a six-foot-two former lacrosse player with tattoos covering vast swathes of his peachy white skin and Beau being a five-foot-ten computer nerd with coiled black hair, medium brown skin, and glasses perched on the tip of his nose.

To the left of Kellen, Tobin's lights-are-on-but-only-because-the-homeowners-have-them-on-a-timer expression was replaced by an uncharacteristic anger. Even the auburn tone of his nearly-shoulder-length hair seemed dull, and patches of red appeared on his pale beige skin.

And beside him, directly across from Dane, Nola's dark-painted lips were curled into a sneer. Her black hair was shorter than Tobin's, just past her chin and pin-straight, and the slit cut into her manicured eyebrow had nearly disappeared because she was frowning so deeply.

"Was," I said, finally breaking my own silence.

I'd never been a loud speaker. Or much of a speaker in general. The reason I knew Beau and Kellen had always been nearly identical was because the three of us had known each other since kindergarten, and they'd always described me as the quiet one. Which meant when I did say something, everyone knew it was usually important. So all of them heard me, despite the thumping bass of the remixed country song blasting through the speakers and the round of shots being taken by a bachelorette party at the table next to us.

Including Dane, whose eyes darted away from Nola and towards me.

"What?" he said.

"Was," I repeated. "Penny was your girlfriend. But your dumb ass fucked things up with her."

"Okay, Mr. Poet," Dane said sarcastically. "Sorry I didn't use the grammatically correct terminology. You all knew what I meant anyway."

"Not really," Kellen said. "I still don't know what the actual fuck you were thinking."

"You guys are all dicks," Dane said.

"That's offensive," Nola said. "I'm not a guy."

He waved a hand. "You people are all dicks."

"Dane, man," Beau said. "You started this conversation by telling us you're celebrating ending things with Penny."

"And how do you know she didn't do something to deserve it?" Dane asked. "Huh? How do you know it wasn't justified? Or hell, that she was the one who broke up with me?"

It would have been a good point, except we all knew Penny. Still, societal expectations dictated that you weren't supposed to outright call someone a manipulative liar to his face, so aside from a few exchanged glances, no one responded to Dane's question.

Which, apparently, was response enough.

"Oh, fuck you guys," Dane said.

"Not a guy," Nola said again. "You know as well as we do that Penny was a goddamn treasure."

"She was," Beau agreed. "Remember how she always used to buy the first round? The very first night we met her, the first thing she did was buy us all a round."

"That's not that big a deal," Dane muttered.

"It is," Tobin said. "She insisted on it."

"You all know I am a massive fan of women in general," Nola said. "But I've spent enough time listening to all of you talk about how giddy it made you to have a woman treat you and your friends to something instead of the other way around. I mean, even though Harris and I split the bill between us most of the time, when we're out with everyone, he's usually the one paying for the rounds."

"I don't think I've ever dated someone who bought my friends beer," Kellen said. "The first time Dane brought her out, I asked if anyone wanted a refill while I was up and she said she'd come to the bar with me, remember? And that girl"--he shook his head, letting out a sad chuckle--"that girl paid for our drinks. Just hers and mine, since no one else needed one. I think a piece of hair next to my ear spontaneously grew six inches so I could twirl it around my finger as I blushed. No one ever bought me a drink before."

"I've covered your broke ass a million times," I said.

Kellen waved a hand. "That's different. This was like having a butterfly house in my lower intestines for the rest of the night."

"You sure you didn't just eat too much cheese again?" Nola asked.

Kellen grinned. "Nah, that was the night we had two-for-one coupons for mozza sticks and cheesy bread. I took a Lactaid. It was definitely from being bought a beer."

"Okay, so you like her because she bought you beer," Dane said. "That doesn't mean--"

"And remember when we wanted to watch lacrosse?" Beau asked. "You were sure she wouldn't want to go, but the second we mentioned it, she bought one of those skyboxes."

"A skybox, Dane!" Kellen repeated. "And then, when we were all hungover the next morning, she got up and made us cinnamon buns." He shook his head. "I told you not to let that girl go. Remember? I said to you, 'Dane, I don't know how your stupid ass convinced her to date you, but they don't make a lot of women like her. Hang onto her, boy.'"

"It's true," Nola said. "I'd kill for a girl like that."

"You have a boyfriend," Dane said through clenched teeth.

"He'd kill for a girlfriend like that, too," she said. "We'd kill for her together. Like Bonnie and Clyde. But metaphorical, otherwise you'd already be dead."

"Wow," Dane said sarcastically. "How lucky am I? Thanks for being such great friends."

"You're welcome," I said flatly.

He glared at me. "I thought you, of all people, would be thrilled about this."

"Why would I be thrilled that you hurt Penny?" I asked.

"Because we all know the only reason you haven't fucked her is that she'd never cheat on someone," he snapped. "Which is why none of you will get to fuck her."

"Whoawhoawhoawhoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa," Kellen said, his whoas coming fast and then slowing down as he lifted his hands defensively. "Uncalled for."

"Whatever, man," Dane grumbled, tightening his hand around his pint. "You all know the second any of you start dating someone, you're gonna be keeping an eye out to make sure Mr. Moody Broody Arsty Asshole over here doesn't trip dick-first into your girl like he does with everyone else."

"I don't know if I'd call Evander an Artsy Asshole," Kellen said. "He's more of a Figure of Unrecognized Creativity Kindled By Overwhelming Introspection."

"And everyone knows some women go bananas for a FUCKBOI," Beau said.

Dane glared, but Nola cackled and Tobin laughed so hard I was pretty sure beer came out of his nose. Which was fair. I'd known Kellen and Beau since we were kids and could almost guarantee they'd workshopped that joke endlessly at some point, keeping it in reserve for the perfect moment. But that didn't change that it was fucking hilarious.

Especially because it was pretty accurate. I was the quiet type with dark hair that hung over my eyes a little. And I was like pretty much any guy in that I liked to get laid.

So yes, I'd absolutely let some girls think I enjoyed staring across foggy moors while contemplating the intricacies of the human experience just to get my dick sucked. Maybe that made me sound like an asshole but I figured it was fair because they were only interested in the concept of me. Not the person I was.

Which was why I'd fallen hard for Penny.

Because Dane was right. The moment he'd introduced us, I'd wanted her. I didn't do anything about it because I wasn't the kind of guy who fucked his friends' girlfriends. Not even Nola, even though I knew she and Harris had an open relationship thing going on. But that didn't change that I wanted her.

I wanted her.

I wanted her laughter and her smiles and God forbid, her tears. I wanted to finally show her how to use chopsticks properly because she'd always been hopeless with them, and then I wanted to take her home to meet my parents and tell them this was it. That she was it for me.

But I didn't think anyone--least of all, Dane--had noticed.

Part of me wanted to look that asshole--who we were only still friends with because he'd brought us Penny and we all adored Penny--straight in the eye and say, "You're right, Dane. You're right, you stupid, ungrateful fucknugget. Penny would never cheat on her boyfriend. But she doesn't have a boyfriend anymore, so that makes her fair. Fucking. Game."

But that would make Dane feel like he mattered enough to get a head's up that I was gonna show his ex she'd always deserved better than him.

Which he didn't, so I didn't say a fucking word about it.

Kellen's joke had broken the tension around the table, so no one else said anything either, instead using the natural break in giving Dane shit to move onto lighter topics. It wasn't until Dane finished his drink and excused himself far earlier than he usually did that anyone mentioned Penny again.

"That dipshit didn't pay for his beer," Nola said as we all watched Dane push his way through the crowd and out the front door.

"Of course he didn't," Kellen said. "He's used to Penny always buying the first round."

"I can't believe Dane was that stupid," Beau said. "After all those times I told him I'd slap him for so much as glancing at another woman, you'd think he'd realize how good he had it."

There was a murmur of agreement from everyone.

"Break ups suck," Kellen said. "Like, are we really obligated to keep Dane in all this? Do any of us really like Dane that much?"

"I wasn't gonna say anything," I muttered.

"So why can't we keep Penny instead?" Kellen asked.

"Because it would be weird," Nola said. "I can't fully explain it, but when you go from a couple to not-a-couple, things with the friends you made when you were a couple feel weird."

"Of course you can't fully explain it," Beau said. "It doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't have to make sense to be true," Nola said.

"Uh, yeah, actually, it does," Beau said.

"No, it doesn't," she argued. "Think about UFOs. You can't really explain it, but they do make sense."

"Inexplicable is not the same as nonsensical," Beau said.

"I think they're synonyms, actually. So technically--"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're both so smart," Kellen interrupted. "But not smart enough to see the solution literally slapping you in the face."

Beau rolled his eyes. "That's not what literally m--"

Kellen reached over and slapped Beau.

He didn't slap him hard. I mean, it was hard enough that we heard it, but Beau's shout was from surprise more than pain, and it was mostly absorbed by Nola's cackle of laughter.

"How are you the solution?" I asked.

Kellen raised his eyebrows at me. Then he glanced around the table, looking expectantly at Tobin and Nola and Beau all in turn. When none of us seemed to know what he was talking about, he let out a loud sigh.

"Guys," he said. "I'll date Penny."

"No," I said, but it was too late.

"To keep her around," Tobin said slowly. "She'd still hang out with us if she was dating someone else in the group."

"You'd do that to Dane?" Nola asked.

"I'd date Dane's sister, break up with her, marry his mom, divorce her, then fuck his grandma and tell him to his face without losing a wink of sleep at night," Kellen said. "His ex is fair game."

"And what makes you think she'd want to date you?" Beau asked. "By that logic, she could date any of us."

"Sure," Kellen said. "But I'm not stepping aside just because you think she'll fall for your sorry ass."

"You won't have to," Tobin said. "I'll be dating her first."

"You idiots can't just claim a girl because you like her," Nola said. "Penny's the one who gets to pick. Plus, I'm going after her, so none of you stand a chance."

"You already have a boyfriend!" Kellen said indignantly.

"I don't have a girlfriend," Nola replied.

"Sounds like we have a little competition going on here," Beau said.

Fuck.

"Seems that way," Nola said.

Fuck.

"Well, all's fair in love and fucking your friend's ex-girlfriend," Kellen said. "May the best man--"

"Or woman," Tobin interjected.

"--or woman win," Kellen finished. "Let the games begin."

Fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuckers.

I should've said something earlier.

"She's not a goddamn trophy," I said. "And maybe we should consider the fact that Penny's probably devastated right now and doesn't want to be part of these games."

"He's got a point," Nola said. "Why don't we say the games begin, like, tomorrow instead?"

"They're not games," I repeated.

"Of course not," Beau said. "But I'm still gonna go over there with flowers and try to cheer her up."

"Flowers," scoffed Kellen. "Real original. I'm gonna take her ax throwing."

"You're going to what?" I asked.

"For five bucks, they'll print a picture of whoever you want and put it on the target. And I've got some great pictures of Dane," he said.

"I'm gonna bring her mac and cheese," Tobin said.

"Mac and cheese?" Beau asked.

"Women love mac and cheese," Tobin said as if that explained everything.

"Well, you can all go ahead and try your best with flowers and noodles and weapons," Nola said. "But I'm gonna go with something foolproof."

"A threesome with you and Harris is not foolproof," I said.

She smirked. "Of course not. But you know what they say about getting over someone."

"What do they say?" Tobin asked naively.

"The best way to get over someone is to get under a hot bisexual chick with a pierced and surprisingly long tongue." She lifted her pint glass to her lips, chugged the last few sips, and set it down. Standing, she stuck out a pierced and surprisingly long tongue at us. "Good luck, losers."

***

Harris

Pookie

I'm going to be late coming home

Me

Late because you met someone at the bar or late because you're having fun? I was about to leave my parents' but I can hang out a while longer if you'll need a ride home

Pookie

Would you believe neither?

Me

Considering you never lie to me, yes, but I'd be concerned. You're not usually late unless you get carried away partying or you're trying to get fucked

Pookie

I didn't say I wasn't trying to get fucked

Me

You said you didn't meet someone at the bar

Oh

Is it Tobin?

Pookie

You know I'd love to get that little pseudo-twink in my panties, but he's very much not interested in doing that to you again, permission or not.

Me

Well that leaves literally everyone else. But I thought you said K/E/B weren't your type(s).

Pookie

Didn't even consider Dane, hey?

Me

I'd wonder who you are and what you've done with my girlfriend

Then I'd use a veto

Pookie

WOW

You've never vetoed anyone I've tried to fuck

Me

He gives me a bad feeling. So. K/E/B?

Pookie

Evander's not my type. Kellen and Beau are fine but I'm pretty sure if I fuck one, the other will go mad with jealousy and set back the inevitable by another decade or so.

Me

...

You're joking

Pookie

Nope

Me

What happened? Is she okay?

Pookie

Dane wouldn't give us the details because he's a piece of shit. Just told us that they broke up and turned into a whiny little baby when we asked if he'd started chugging lead paint or something

Not sure if she's okay. That's why I'm going to be late.

Me

I'll come get you

Pookie

??

Me

I'll pick you up. We can go together.

Pookie

No

Me

Baby, please. I wanna check on her

Are you still at the Flat Tire?

I can be there in fifteen. Max.

Pookie

Harris

My love

I'm not trying to keep her for myself or something

I mean I am, but not right now. I hate to genderize things, but this is a job for a gal pal. Let me check on Penny first. The last thing she needs right now is to put on a brave face in front of all the friends who just agreed she's open season

Me

She's what?

Pookie

They want to keep her around. Long story short they think the way to do that is by dating her.

I told them to give her a night to recover before the games begin

Me

And you are graciously going over there to comfort her and because of your infamous ethics and morals, definitely aren't going to fuck her?

Pookie

Of course

But if it turns out Penny is the kind of person who is comforted by sitting on someone's face, far be it from me to deny her from that in a time of grief

In which case, I'll text you so you know not to wait up for me

Me

You know damn well that'll keep me up all night

Pookie

If it's still up when I get home, I'll ride it while I tell you what Penny tastes like

***

Penny

Bang.

"Asshole," I muttered.

Bang.

"Liar."

Bang.

"Fucking insensitive--"

Bang.

"--piece of--"

Bang.

"--shit!"

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bangbangbangbang--

"I think it's dead, sweetheart."

The only reason I didn't let my rolling pin go flying as I whirled towards the unexpected voice was because it was my grandmother's. Not because I was particularly sentimental about it--my grandmother's favourite thing about me was the width of my ass simply because she enjoyed insulting it so much, though criticizing the size of my belly had to be a close second--but because it had taken a lot of effort to steal the damn thing from her kitchen during my mom's funeral.

So even though I lifted the rolling pin in the air and let out something between a war cry and a shriek, I wasn't about to give the damn thing up by yeeting it at some anonymous intruder.

Although as it turned out, the intruder wasn't all that anonymous.

"Careful with that thing, Penny," Nola said, her voice a husky drawl. "You could hurt someone, if what you're doing to those nuts is any indication."

She was leaning against the wall in the entrance to my kitchen looking like her typical swoonworthy goth-chick-makes-the-rugby-team self, her arms crossed on her chest, making her unbelievably broad shoulders look more toned than usual beneath her fitted tank top. Her chin-length black hair was tucked behind one ear, showing off a long stretch of pale olive-toned skin down her neck and shoulders, and an unconcerned smirk played on dark-painted lips, like she was seemingly unconcerned that generational spite was the only reason her head hadn't been bashed in with a rolling pin.

"I ran out of almond flour," I said, lowering my rolling pin.

"Ah," she said, like that made sense.

"For my cheesecake." I set the rolling pin on the counter next to the plastic bag that, until a few moments earlier, had contained approximately three hundred grams of dry roasted almonds instead of the crumb-like powder it now held. "I put it in the crust. It was my mom's"--my voice didn't quite catch, but it snagged just enough to be noticeable--"secret ingredient. The almonds, that is. Not almond flour. I just get almond flour because it's more convenient. But she used to crush them up like this and since the grocery store is closed--" I cut off my rambling with a frown. "Which reminds me. What are you doing here?"

"I was wondering when you were going to ask." Nola's dark-painted lips curled into a smirk as she unfolded her sculpted arms and straightened up so she could take a leisurely step into my kitchen. "Despite the potential for assault with a deadly rolling pin, you seemed woefully unconcerned that I just let myself into your house."

"I... yeah," I said, like that was why I'd asked. "Why did you do that?"

She took another slow step towards me, though her eyes were straying around my kitchen. "I heard a lot of loud bangs and was concerned."

"About what?"

"About you."

"Why?"

Nola finally looked at me. Beneath the black eyeliner and smoky eyeshadow and thick lashes, her eyes were a deep hazel that always seemed to be flecked with humour. "Because I like you, sweetheart."

Bang.

That was the sound my heart made as it thumped glee and excitement that was entirely inappropriate considering how my night had started. But it wasn't every day that a girl like Nola said she liked you. Even if she meant it as a friendly thing. Because given what had happened that night... well.

Either Dane hadn't told her what happened or she didn't care.

"Good," I said, my voice high. "I mean, thank you. I mean, I'm... glad. That we're still friends. Or, I mean, if you want to still be friends. Even though--"

"--that ex-boyfriend of yours decided to prove a bag of crushed almonds is more intelligent than he is and broke up with you," she finished. "So is that why you're crushing nuts at eleven pm?"

"Sort of," I said. "Mostly I just wanted cheesecake. Although the, um, destructiveness did seem to help a bit."

She chuckled. "I guess Kellen was right about the axes."

"What?"

A soft snort of laughter puffed past her lips. "Never mind. So you and Dane are over, then?"

I jerked my head forward in a nod. "Did he already tell you what happened?"

"No."

Fuck.

So she might still get mad when she found out.

"Maybe you, um, should go, then," I said. She flicked up one arched eyebrow and a cringe of heat flushed my cheeks again. "Not because... I mean, I... he had his reasons, obviously, but it's not fair for me to tell you my side first because he's--I mean, I'm your friend too, I hope, but he was your friend first. So... so I don't want to cause any drama or issues or anything."

The look on Nola's face softened and she let out a soft laugh. "Oh, sweetheart."

Fuck. She had to stop calling me that. Or I'd probably end up as a puddle of goo on the kitchen floor. "What?"

"He had every opportunity to tell us his side. Between him choosing not to tell us and you smashing nuts at eleven p. m. like they have tiny pictures of his face carved on them, something tells me whatever happened isn't gonna change the way any of us feel about you."

"It might."

I said it softly, but it was loud enough that Nola heard me. I thought she'd ask what I meant, and if she did, I would tell her the truth. But Nola just looked at me.

"Did you cheat?" she asked bluntly. I must have looked horrified, because she laughed before taking another step closer. "Or steal from him? Purposely hurt him in some way?"

"No, of course not. Well, I mean--" I paused, grimacing. "I mean, technically, I guess I hurt him on purpose a little. But he started it."

It felt like a disgustingly immature thing to say, but Nola just shrugged. "Did he deserve it?"

"Yes," I muttered.

"There ya go." Her tongue poked out of her mouth, wetting her lips, which I obviously only noticed because it didn't smear her dark lipstick at all. "He had his chance to tell us his side. He didn't. The guys all wanted to come down here immediately and comfort you, but I told them to wait because I had a feeling you might not want to talk about it with everyone."

My eyes shot up. "They wanted to do what?"

Her smirk played on her lips again. "All of them wanted to check on you. Even Harris, and he wasn't at the bar. But I called him to say I was coming over here and he wanted to pick me up so he could come, too."

Thank God.

I mean, not that I didn't want to see Harris. I did. But him being here would've just made everything worse, especially considering the hot woman standing in my kitchen was his girlfriend.

Which was always surprising to remember. The two of them didn't look like they should get along, let alone have a long-term and happy romantic relationship. Harris had grown up on a farm and had the kind of sturdy body that made people wonder what they were feeding the boys out there in the country. But strong as he was, his muscles were beneath a comforting layer of cushion that gave him the aura of a towering teddy bear who could sweep anyone off their feet.

Maybe that was part of what had attracted Nola to him. Neither of us were what anyone would call dainty. And of course daintiness wasn't a marker of femininity, but when you spend your life being a Big Girl, there are always quiet little questions tucked deep inside your mind by a society that values smallness.

"I hope that wasn't the wrong call," Nola said.

I shook my head quickly. "Not at all. I'm just... surprised, I guess."

"Why?"

"I thought you'd all take his side."

"Even if he's wrong?"

"You don't know if he's wrong. He didn't tell you what happened."

"True." She tilted her head in concession. "But can I be honest with you?"

"Look, can I be honest with you?"

"Honesty would be welcome," I said. "Refreshing, even."

"Dane sucks."

The laugh that snuck past my lips surprised me. "You can say that again."

"Okay. Dane sucks." She crooked her elbow and leaned against the counter, crossing one ankle over the other. "Half the reason we hang out with him is because it would be awkward to say no, seeing as Kellen and I work with him. The other half was because of you."

My mouth went dry. "Really?"

"Of course. Every single one of us told Dane what an idiot he is," she said. "Well, except Harris, but if he was there, he would've also told Dane he was stupid for giving up a stunning and incredible woman like you."

"Wow," I said, trying to cover the shake in my voice with a laugh. "You're really trying to talk me up here, hey?"

"I told you I was being honest," she said frankly. "You're a catch, Penny."

"Dane didn't seem to think so."

"Dane can't even handle the fishing pole," she said. "It was sheer dumb luck that he hooked you. That doesn't make you any less of a prize. We all think so."

I pressed my hands against the skirt of my apron, hoping the fact they were sweating wouldn't be obvious. "I think that's an exaggeration, but thank you."

"Not even a little. He's never been good enough for you, sweetheart."

I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes. If I did, I might burst into flames. "All these compliments are gonna give me a big head."

"Good. That means there'll be more of your pretty face to see."

Oh, God. I forced another laugh. "Jeez, Nola. Are you trying to seduce me?"

I almost didn't hear her next words. Not because she didn't say it loud enough; the words just got stuck in my ears, like they were too big and too unbelievable to be real.

"Is it working?" she asked.

Was it working?

Was it working?!

Nola--fucking Nola--was standing there asking me if the way she was trying to seduce me was--

"If it's not, I'll try a little harder," Nola continued, her dark painted lips twitching up in the corners.

"I can't--" I stopped, swallowing hard in the hopes that the hoarse breathiness in my voice would disappear. "I can't... let you do that."

"No one lets me do anything," Nola said. "But if you don't want me to--"

"No!" I said, and heat rushed up my cheeks. "I mean, yes. I mean, it's working and I want you to and I just... I can't."

The corners of Nola's eyes crinkled. "Is it because of Harris?"

It was, but it wasn't. "Not... really."

"You know we have an open relationship, sweetheart."

I did know that. I knew it well. Nola and Harris had never hidden the fact that they weren't monogamous. It was one of the first things I'd learned about them when I'd first met Dane's friends and asked how they all knew each other.

"Nola and I are dating," Harris had said, then motioned at Kellen and Dane. "We met through these guys."

"Me, Dane, and Nola all work together," Kellen had said.

"And Kellen, Evander, and I have all been friends since we were kids," Beau had added.

"I slept with Harris's girlfriend," Tobin had said.

The look on my face must have said something funny, because Nola and Harris had positively cackled with laughter.

"An ex-girlfriend," Harris had clarified. "Not Nola. Though if he wanted to sleep with Nola, it'd be different."

"Except I wouldn't," Tobin had said.

"None taken," Nola said.

Sincere concern had pinched Tobin's eyebrows together in worry. "Sorry, Nola. I didn't mean--"

"It's okay, Tobs," Nola had said. "You're not my type either."

"Right, but--"

"You know she's messing with you," Harris had said, nudging Tobin's arm before looking back at me with a slow, easy grin. "My ex wanted an ajar relationship."

"A what?" I'd asked.

"You know," Nola had said. "A partially open relationship."

"Except some of us didn't know the door was open," Harris had added.

"She cheated on you, you mean," I'd said.

Harris had nodded. "But the stupid thing is, if she'd just asked, I would've been up for opening things. Which is why it'd be different if Tobin and Nola slept together."

"I didn't know," Tobin had said. "About Harris, I mean. So when I realized, I told him right away, 'cause I don't wanna be that guy. And Harris ended up being kinda cool, so after he broke up with his ex, we started hanging out."

I'd nodded slowly, trying to process the whole story and failing when I realized I was still missing some of the details. "But how did you and Tobin meet everyone else?"

"Oh, Tobin brought me for beers with everyone one day," Harris had said.

"And we met Tobin because he wandered over to our table and made himself at home," Nola had added.

I'd chuckled, thinking it was another joke, but when I asked Dane about it later, he'd said that was legitimately what had happened. They'd been having their usual Friday night drinks at the bar and Tobin had decided they looked like fun, so sat down and joined them.

"And then he just never left," Dane had mumbled, a hint of bitterness in his voice. At the time I'd thought maybe he didn't like Tobin all that much, but in hindsight, I was the problem that night.

"Harris knows I'm here," Nola said, her voice more gentle than usual as it broke me out of the memory of the first night I'd met Dane's friends. "If that's the problem."

"It's not. The problem isn't you." Like a bad cliche, I bit my lip and didn't look at her. "It's me."

"How are you the problem?" she asked in her usual blunt tone.

This was it, I thought. Here it goes.

"Dane and I broke up because of Harris."

I might not have been looking at her, but Nola was standing close enough to me that I could see the lower part of her legs, and that was enough for me to see that her stance stiffened when I said her boyfriend's name.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Not--Harris didn't do anything," I said quickly. "Dane came by to pick me up so we could meet everyone for drinks earlier tonight. I had such a shitty week at work and I was just so excited to see everyone tonight because--" My voice caught and I had to swallow hard again. "Because you're my only friends."

"We are?" Nola asked.

I nodded. "I moved here when I was a teenager and I didn't make many friends in high school. Then I made some friends after I started working so I could move out of my dad's place and save up to go to school, but that--" I stopped, sighing. "I don't talk to them anymore. I know it's pathetic, but--"

"It's not." Despite being able to see her legs, it still surprised me when Nola moved a little closer and put a comforting hand on my arm. "So you were excited to see us."

She was touching my arm.

She was touching my arm.

It took me a moment to nod my agreement to what Nola had said because I was busy staring at her hand on my arm like it was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen in my life, which it might have been. "I was. Excited. Yeah. And he mentioned Harris wasn't going to be there and all I said was that I was kind of sad about that. Because, like, he's one of my friends, you know?"

"Of course."

"And Dane was pissed about that."

That was where I lost her. "What?"

"It was out of nowhere. Like suddenly he was super convinced I had a thing for Harris. I kept telling him he was being insecure and completely unfair considering he was--I mean, he--" I stopped and let out another loud sigh. "He was attracted to other people too. So it was incredibly unfair for him to get on my case for being attracted to someone else."

"So you are attracted to Harris, you're saying," she said.

Grateful that she didn't immediately lose it on me for subtly admitting I was attracted to her boyfriend, I half-shrugged, half-nodded. "I'm not going to pretend like I don't think he's good-looking. I mean, you know he is."

A fox-like grin spread on her lips. "I know it very well. And it's not exactly weird to find other people attractive, even if you're in a relationship."

"Exactly!" I said. "And somehow, your group of friends is just all hot. Evander has that broody artist vibe and Kellen's got all those tattoos and Beau's that kind of quiet, nerdy smart-guy hot and Tobin is the human equivalent of a warm chocolate chip cookie and you're the hottest girl I've ever seen in my entire life."

"You haven't looked in a mirror in your entire life?" Nola asked, grinning.

I tried not to blush. "I'm just saying, I have eyes, you know? I was trying to be nice about it when Dane was hounding me. Like, I didn't want to outright lie, but I didn't want to rub it in, either. But he kept pushing and pushing and I just finally... snapped."

"Snapped how?"

"See, this is where this whole thing might be my fault."

"I sincerely doubt that. What'd you say?" She hesitated, then tilted her head to the side. "Or do, I guess? But between seeing Dane in person not too long ago and the fact that I'm pretty sure you'd barely concuss a fly with the way you were wielding that rolling pin earlier, I'm pretty sure you didn't do anything to him."

Another shaky laugh as I shook my head. "No. I just got mad. And I said that maybe I... maybe if he was going to be such a dick about it, I should sleep with Harris. Or maybe I should sleep with all his friends."

I thought Nola might stare at me in disgust or confusion, but instead, I jumped as she let out a loud, hoarse cackle. "Oh, I bet he loved that."

"You'd lose that bet."

She shook her head, still chuckling. "And he, what, believed you'd actually do that? Cheat on him with his friends?"

"Would it be cheating if we were supposed to be in an open relationship?"

My voice was soft, but Nola heard it. Her laughter disappeared and she tilted her head to the side.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Dane wanted an open relationship." I couldn't bring myself to look up at her. "He asked a few months ago. I agreed we could try it."

"Oh, sweetheart." Nola's voice was sympathetic. And I bet he was sleeping with someone else, but you haven't been, and the second you brought up doing it, he lost it."

"You'd lose that bet, too."

Her eyebrows arched in surprise. "Really?"

"Mm-hmm. He got mad because apparently if I slept with his friends, he'd never be able to get rid of me, even though he'd been trying since the very first day we'd gotten together."

Nola was a hard person to unsettle. I'd never seen her look shocked.

But at that moment, she gaped at me. "How...?"

"You know how we got together," I said.

"Of course I do. It was all the office could talk about for weeks. I'm pretty sure the only reason he didn't get fired is because he--oh." She tilted her head back. "You're joking."

I wasn't. Dane and I had met when my dad hired the company he, Kellen, and Nola worked for to install a gazebo and hot tub in the yard. I was living at my dad's temporarily again, so he and my step-mom went on a road trip while the yard was being redone. He was the only guy left working one day, I thought he was hot and had offered him a beer, one thing had led to another, and Dane ended up staying the night. The next morning, he'd jolted awake at the same time I did, when Kellen rang the back doorbell to let me know the crew was there for the day.

Dane had insisted he hadn't done anything wrong. That he clearly liked me, since he hadn't even tried to hide the fact that he was there. That he'd taken me out that very night to meet his friends during their usual Friday night drinks, which Kellen and Nola could both verify.

That sure, the policy was that he shouldn't fuck customers, but he wasn't just fucking me.

That he liked me.

That I was his girlfriend.

Except that had all been a lie.

He hadn't liked me.

He'd taken me out to meet his friends to cover up the fact that he'd definitely only wanted to fuck me.

He'd never wanted to keep me.

"Why didn't he break up with you after a few months or something?" Nola asked.

"Because all his friends had threatened him with various levels of humiliation and bodily dismemberment if he left me." I pressed my lips together. "Which was still very sweet of everyone, even if it backfired a bit because he decided to just be the shittiest boyfriend he could so I'd break up with him."

"But you didn't," Nola said.

"Right. Because I kept trying to make things work since I'm a naive, desperate pushover with no self-respect who wants people to like me so much that I'll put up with anything."

Shock morphed to fury on Nola's face. "He said that?"

"It's not a direct quote, but all those words got thrown in at various points." I sighed, leaning back against my counter. "And he was right."

"He absolutely was not," Nola said. When I didn't respond, she stepped forward, and suddenly two fingers were notched beneath my chin and my gaze was being guided up and oh my God, Nola's eyes were burning as she looked at me.

"Why would you think that?" she asked.

"Because it's true," I said. "I know he wasn't a good boyfriend. I stayed with him because if I left, I'd lose my friends."

She leaned in. Not close enough to kiss me, but close enough that I could smell a hint of floral perfume and feel the softness of her breath brushing my face.

"You're not losing your friends," she said confidently. "We're keeping you. Once we tell everyone about this, no one's going to want anything to do with Dane."

My stomach sank and I shook my head. "I don't want to do that."

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because I--"

And I stopped.

Because I didn't want to purposely hurt Dane.

Except I did.

Because it seemed petty.

But it wasn't.

Because I didn't want him to lose his friends just so I could keep them.

Except I really, really wanted that.

"Trust me, sweetheart," Nola said after waiting for me to finish the sentence I couldn't finish. "Revenge is a dish best served dramatically. And you deserve revenge."

"What's so dramatic about telling everyone he was an asshole and hoping they stop hanging out with him?" I asked.

"Oh, that's not the dramatic part," she said. "That's just part of the plan."

"What plan?"

"You said he didn't want you to fuck his friends because then he'd never get rid of you, right?" she asked.

"Right," I said.

Nola's lips curled into a mischievous smirk. My heart tripped over a beat as the corners of her dark eyes crinkled into something daring and promising and oh-so-dangerous.

"Sweetheart," she said. "You are gonna fuck every single one of his friends."

***

The next part of the story is She's A Keeper: Mac and Cheese. I promise there's more fucking in that one..

Feedback is welcome but disrespectful comments aren't. Thank you for reading!