Infidelity Delivered by Post Office

Infidelity Delivered by Post Office

By Cindy Johnson @CindyTv

Tags: #Cheat #Letter #Betrayal #Emotional #Affair #Remorse #Divorce #No Sex

Chapter 1: Tom's revelation

Julie, my wife of 20 years, was going to pick up dinner on her way home from work, which gave me some time to relax on our lakeside patio. We have an awesome view of Lake Ida, and I find it therapeutic to sit with a glass of bourbon and unwind from a long day at work.

As I relaxed, I opened some mail I had picked up on the way into the house. The first one was another bill from Brian's University. Brian was our 18-year-old son, who was away at his first year of college, and there was always a new bill for something unexpected. This one was for the meal service, announcing a price increase for the following semester. Nothing new, everything seems to be going up in price these days.

I then opened all the other junk mail and saw a small envelope addressed to me. I just assumed it was another spam letter asking me to attend another investment dinner or something. But to my shock, it was much more.

As I read the letter, I reflected back on my life with Julie, how we met in our first year of college and married before our 20th birthday. Way too young, but we were deeply in love. I've been in love with her for the last 20 years, and to this day, I still feel lovesick and get excited whenever she comes into the room. To me, Julie is Miss America, the most beautiful woman in the world, and not just because of her looks. She is a warm, caring soul who I adore and admire.

That's why I found it hard to believe what I was reading. You see, the letter was from a man claiming to have had an affair with Julie and confessing his guilt. As I read his words, I started to think back to recent events, and suddenly, the words I was reading answered a lot of questions.

Over the last four months, Julie had been acting differently but not enough to cause me to consider an affair. At times, she was distant, lost in her thoughts, and when I asked her about it, she just explained it away. There were days she dressed much nicer than usual, which I found sexy, but not totally unusual. Our sex life during those months was good but different. I could never put my finger on it, it just felt a little off. Then, about a month ago, I noticed how she suddenly became more loving and doting over me. Making special dinners, fawning over me, telling me how much she loves me and how happy she is as my wife. It was odd and not normal, but being a naïve man, I enjoyed the extra attention and the enhanced sex we started having. Yep, I was a happy man, until now.

The letter went on to say that he needed to confess his sins as his guilt was unbearable. He explained that his wife had cheated on him a year ago, and he was now divorced. He couldn't live with himself for doing the same to another person and needed to let me know the affair was over. He continued... It was only for a few months, and they were only together 10-12 times. The letter went on to say it wasn't her fault as he pursued her.

He explained their relationship and how they had been friendly at work for a long time and how they had a few lunches together. My wife apparently loved me, according to his letter:

"Thomas, Julie loves you and has made it clear that what we had was just sex between us and nothing more. I seduced her and tried to win her love, but she told me flat out that she would never leave you and how great a man you are. Then, after we had sex, I saw the guilt she carried about our affair and how it was damaging your relationship. That's when I finally decided to end the affair permanently. I left the company, took a new job, and moved out of state. Thomas, you'll never see or hear from me again. I regret my actions, and ask you to forgive us for this mistake. She's in pain right now and fragile, so please don't hurt her. You're her entire world, and she needs you now more than ever. Forgive her and love her." -- Mikal S.

I saw two tears fall onto the letter as I stared at the paper in front of me. My world was shattered by this man and my unfaithful wife. My life had been turned upside down by less than 150 words of crap. That's when my anger started to boil as I felt my face get red and my body tense. The woman I adored had taken a lover and deceived me for months. She loved me? Hard to believe since she decided to give herself to another man. I was furious, and that's when I heard the glass shatter.

The glass I had been holding shattered from my tight grip, causing a deep gash in my hand. Blood was now flowing down my arm and onto my clothes and the chair. I grabbed a towel from the kitchen and wrapped my hand to stop the bleeding. That was the exact moment Julie walked in carrying our dinner. When she saw the blood, she screamed and ran to me.

"Baby, what happened? Are you OK?" She was upset and concerned for my well-being. I just wish she had been this way before she started her affair with Mikal. I kept my cool and said I dropped a glass and cut myself and probably needed a few stitches. I tried to go to the clinic by myself, but she wouldn't leave my side. Her display of affection and caring was obvious, but now I understood that her recent love and affection were from guilt about her affair. She was now trying to overcome her adultery by showering me with her love and affection.

I'm sure it was real, but knowing the truth made me nauseous and not wanting any part of her newfound appreciation of me as her husband. No, I wasn't accepting her love as acceptance of her betrayal.

I ended up with over 25 stitches, which hurt like hell. They wrapped me up, and I would be fine and back to normal in 7 to 10 days. That gave me time to avoid having sex or any intimacy. I just said I was in pain, which gave me a few days to figure out my future. Unless she confessed her affair, I was gone. There was no way I was going to live with this.

Most women don't understand how an affair impacts a man's thinking. It makes him look at himself as inferior, a failure, and not being able to satisfy his woman. Learning of an affair destroys the complete trust he had for his wife, unless there is a confession and a real display of regret. When I hear comments about a man's ego being hurt by the affair, I know it's true, but it also damages his feelings of love for his partner. Knowing she gave herself to another man is a feeling of loss, contempt, and even hate. Letting another man touch her in ways she had only allowed you taints your connection and future together. I'm sure her recent actions of love and enthusiastic sex were her way of apologizing, but it wasn't enough.

The next few nights we slept together. She cuddled and held me close, but I never returned the intimacy. She wanted to know what was wrong and why I was being so cold to her, but I explained the pain in my hand was too great, and to give me a few days. She kissed me and apologized for asking that question.

The next morning, I was treated to breakfast. I even got more great dinners and she was dressed up pretty and sexy when I got home. This was now the new normal, and to be honest, I was going to miss it, but there was no way I was going to be able to accept this unless she confessed and came clean on her own.

After three days of grappling with the wound of Julie's betrayal, I realized I needed solitude to untangle my thoughts and determine whether our future could survive this fracture. On the final day, I checked into a hotel, unable to face the home we once shared. A long, sleepless night alone clarified one truth: despite the pain, I owed Julie, my partner of twenty years, the chance to explain herself. Once my anger subsided and I could approach our crossroads with a clearer mind, I resolved to hear her side--not out of forgiveness, but out of respect for the love we had built.

Julie

It's been three days; I sure hope his hand is better. I was so worried he'd have permanent nerve damage, but the doctor said he would be fine. I feel terrible seeing him in so much pain, and I just want to take that pain away somehow. I hope he feels better and wants to make love tonight, I know how much he loves that.

As the clock ticked past 6 PM, I noticed Thomas's absence, an unfamiliar void in our routine, for he always greeted me before I crossed the threshold. I dialed his cell, my heart quickening when it rang unanswered. Please, let him be safe, I thought, pacing the darkened, silent house, its emptiness a stark contrast to the warmth we once shared. Another call, a text--still no reply. By 7 PM, worry gnawed at me, as I roamed through the house. Seeking distraction, I climbed the stairs to our bedroom to change, only to freeze at the sight of an object on the bed. As I approached, a glint of metal caught my eye, and a chilling premonition gripped me, as if a shadow had descended upon my soul.

My heart stopped when I saw his wedding ring sitting there, on a piece of paper. I rushed over to the bed and picked it up and suddenly had a dreadful feeling in my stomach. As I held his ring to my heart, I picked up the tear-stained letter with a shaking hand. After I read the first part of the letter, I think I fainted because I don't remember falling to the floor. When I read Mikal's confession, my world ended. Thomas knew about my affair and left me. No note, no warning, just gone.

I panicked and ran to the closet, screaming in fear when I saw his closet was empty. At that moment, I knew I had lost the man I loved, the man I would die for, the man I betrayed. I cried and cried, wishing it didn't happen. I wanted to take it all back - my actions with a man I never loved. Why did I need a fling after 20 wonderful years with my husband? How could I have been so selfish and do this to him? I was a fool, a complete idiot. I need him to know I love him and that he has to come back to me. What can I tell him? It was just sex? Even though it's true, it sounds shallow and stupid. How do I explain this, when I can't even explain it to myself?

The clock on the nightstand read 11 PM and finally, after a hundred tries, he answered my call.

"Hello, Julie."

"Honey, where are you? Please come home."

After a long silence he said, "Too late for that, Julie."

From my sobbing, I was probably incoherent as I spoke, "I love you, Thomas. Please come back. I'll explain everything, but please, don't leave me."

More silence and then in an unfamiliar dark voice he continued, "Julie, your lover's letter explained everything I needed to know. You're a cheating slut, and I'm an idiot to believe you loved me and that I was happily married. That letter proved me wrong on both counts. There's nothing to explain, and I won't be coming home."

"Thomas, you know I love you. There has never been anybody else, please come home."

"That's not entirely accurate, Julie. I know there's been at least one other man besides me. God knows how many there really were. I'll come by Sunday morning to talk about our future. Please don't call me again, it's too painful for me. You see, I still love you, but hearing your voice just reminds me how stupid I've been. I'll see you Sunday, goodbye."

I cried myself to sleep and prayed for my marriage and a way for Thomas to forgive me. This letter was the worst way for him to find out. I wanted to tell him, confess my sins, but I knew it would hurt him so badly, and I made the foolish decision to keep it a secret. It was a one-time affair, never to happen again. I knew it was wrong but couldn't stop, and the guilt was killing me. I needed help, and when Mikal ended the affair, I felt a wave of relief and a way out. I knew at that moment that he had given me a gift - a way to save my marriage and make up for the terrible choice I had made.

Since then, I've been a devoted wife and tried to show Thomas how much I love him and our marriage. Things were great, and I was so happy that this was over, and now this. How could he have sent that letter without telling me or giving me a heads up? He may have healed his own guilt but may have cost me my marriage. I still can't believe I did this to Thomas. He's always loved me and never given me a reason to cheat on him. This just happened, and I didn't stop it. This is all my fault, and I have to fix this.

Sunday's Conversation - Julie perspective

When he rang the doorbell, I felt sick. My own husband was ringing the doorbell instead of just coming into his own house. It was a clear indication that things had changed and how my choices had altered our relationship.

"Hi Sweetheart, why didn't you just come in the house? You don't have to ring the bell."

"Well, I wasn't sure if you were entertaining anyone," he said sarcastically. I tried to give him a kiss, but he stepped back and held up his hand.

I've never seen him acting this way and I knew he was upset when he said, "Save that for your boyfriends. I'm just here to talk this through one time before I file for divorce on Monday."

Oh god, no. I want him to forgive me, "No, you can't do that. You can't divorce me; you love me and I love you."

The look he gave me told me how serious he was, "I can and I will. Yeah, I do love you, but I won't live a lie. You say you love me, but your actions tell me something completely different. Look, let's just sit and discuss this."

As I sat on the couch, hoping he would sit next to me and hold me like he always did, he took a seat in the chair across from the couch. Another bad sign.

I started the conversation, "Thomas, please forgive me. This is all my fault, and I'll take full responsibility for everything. You did nothing wrong, and I never meant to hurt you. It was a stupid affair, and I let it happen. I didn't tell you about it because it was already over, and telling you would only hurt you. Yes, I know that makes no sense, but I would never want to hurt you, which is exactly what I did. It's so stupid. I can't believe I did it. You have to believe me, I never loved him, in fact, we were just friends. One thing led to another, and it just happened. I swear, it was just sex and no love. I felt sick afterward, but for some reason I did it again and again. I can't explain why, except it was exciting and risky. A midlife crisis? I don't know, but I'm guilty, and I'm begging for your forgiveness. I can't live without you, and I'll do anything if you'll just forgive me, give me another chance and take me back."

We sat in silence for long moment when he continued, "Julie, I'll never be able to forgive what you've done. Acceptance is the best I can offer. I've accepted that you're an adulteress, a cheat, and a selfish person who could care less about her husband. I accept all of that, but I'll never forgive you, or forget how you destroyed my love and broke my heart."

When I saw how much pain he was in I sobbed uncontrollably. When I finally stopped, he continued. "You need to understand, because of that letter I feel like a failure as a husband, and I've lost my self-confidence. I've given you my everything, all I could give, and it wasn't enough. I've asked myself once question over and over. How can I be with someone who needs more than I can offer?"

I felt his pain and realized how deeply I hurt him, "No, that's not true, you're not a failure, I am. I let you down. You're a great man and a wonderful husband. I did something selfish, and I've regretted every moment. This is my fault, you were the perfect husband and I don't deserve you, but I don't want to lose you."

My heart was breaking as he shook his head and said, "I don't see how, Julie. I do have some questions that might help, but I hate asking you because they seem so juvenile, but not knowing is killing me inside."

I was hoping he wouldn't ask this but I knew it was something I would need to face, "Yes, of course, I'll answer anything you want to know. This was nothing you did wrong, I promise you. I love you so much. What do you want to know?"

With his pain clearly showing he started, "How many others were there, besides Mikal?"

Shocked that he would think that but I understood how he was thinking, "No, I swear. It was just this one time, and I'm so sorry for this."

He cut me off, sounding exasperated, and said, 'Julie, I know you're sorry so there's no need to apologize anymore. Besides, I'm not really sure what you're sorry about - hurting me or getting caught?"

He was right to ask that. I've struggled with this question as well because I buried my affair and didn't revisit it thinking it was in the pasts. I was sorry I did it but I was sorrier he found out. It was humiliating and painful to admit my guilt to the man I do love. I tried to explain. "Baby, I need you to understand that I am sorry I cheated on you and lost my mind. I know it was wrong and the guilt I felt was killing me, so I buried it and hoped I could keep it a secret until I died. But I'm devastated that you found out this way, and that I hurt you, the only man I ever loved. I would give my life to take the pain I caused you away, but I don't know how and that's the part that I'm most sorry about. I won't say it again, but what I said is true."

More silence and then looked into my eyes, "Did you let him cum inside you?"

I answered quickly, "No! Never! I made him use a condom every time. I would never disrespect you like that." The look I got at that remark made me realize I had disrespected him in the worst way possible. Everything I said now seemed wrong.

The questions were coming fast now, "Oral sex? Did you suck his cock?"

Looking down at the floor, I just nodded without answering. I can't believe I did that and ever worst having to admit it to the man I say I love.

Oh god, please stop this but he asked, "Did you swallow his cum?"

Another head nod.

Now he was angry, which I wanted to avoid, "So you came home to me after sucking off your boyfriend and kissed me? You actually did that?"

Damn, this is hard, "Oh no baby, I always brushed my teeth and made sure I was always clean for you." I saw him shake his head and winced at the thought of kissing me after sucking off Mikal.

"That's disgusting and unforgivable, did you have orgasms with him?"

This was not going well, "Yes, but you know I always have them."

These questions were getting harder to answer, "Was he a better lover? Was that it?"

I felt more tears on my face now, "God no, don't think that. You're much better than him and there's no comparison."

Again, shaking his head, "But you had to have him a several times. You must have enjoyed it, Julie. Don't bullshit me."

I raised my head to answer, "Yes, I liked the excitement and newness, but nothing else. There was no connection, no love. Every time we finished, I was racked with guilt and pain for what I did, but for some reason, which I can't explain, I did it again and again. I'll go to therapy and find out why I did it, if you keep me. I'll do anything to fix this."

Then the final shoe dropped, "Julie, last question. Did you kiss him during sex?"

Oh god he didn't ask that. We always kissed when making love, and Thomas always told me how much he loved kissing me while he gave himself to me that way. He always felt that kissing while making love, was the most intimate thing a couple could do together.

I wasn't going to lie and sat there quietly not answering for what seemed a very long time. There was no answer.

With a defeated voice he said, "Well, I guess that you shared more than you care to admit."

We sat in silence as I felt his words touch my heart. "Julie, I'm lost. That letter destroyed my 20 years of ignorant bliss, and revealed how stupid and naïve I've been. Funny, I actually thought we had the perfect marriage, and that you loved me as much as I loved you. I realize now that I'm a fool. My only regret is that you didn't tell me that I wasn't enough, that you needed more. I would have done anything for you, but you didn't think enough of me to give me a chance. That's your mistake, not the affair, which is unforgivable and planned. No, your deceit and going behind my back was the mistake. Allowing me to think you loved me while you were with another man, giving him what you vowed was for me alone, is what killed our marriage.

His words pierced me, and I longed to tell him he was enough, that my failure was my own. I felt the terrible pain I had caused him because of my selfish actions. A stupid affair for some excitement that I felt was lacking.

He continued, "Tell me, Julie, how do I come back from this? How do we stay together knowing all this? As a man, how do I get past this? I want us to be like we were, but I don't know how. You're no longer the same woman I married. You will always have him in your mind, an affair separate from us that will be in your thoughts forever. You say you won't think of him, but how will I know when we're making love it's not him, you're thinking about? That letter has messed with my head and destroyed our entire foundation. Until you can show a way back, I'm afraid our happy life together has reached a tragic end. I hope your time with Mikal was worth our twenty years of happiness."

I don't remember much more as my mind almost shut down. I was in a fog of denial, and after he left me there crying, I realized how much pain I had caused my dear husband, all for a meaningless affair.

Epilogue

The divorce was inconsequential. Financially, there were no issues. We both worked and made a decent living, and support payments were reasonable. We sold the home and split our assets. Our son was no longer living at home and was old enough to understand. He was sad and upset at first, but old enough to accept the inevitable. To Julie's credit, she explained everything to our son and took full responsibility for our divorce.

The divorce left me broken, and I could only guess it cut Julie just as deeply. I had once believed we were soulmates, our love a fortress nothing could breach, but her betrayal became a weight too heavy to carry. Doubt took root in my mind, fed by the loss of trust, the fear I wasn't enough, and the haunting image of her with another man. Living with those thoughts was unbearable; there was no way to rebuild what we had.

In my quiet moments, I pictured Julie grieving the life we'd lost, though I could never know her true feelings after what she'd done. I wanted to believe she still loved me, but her actions had shattered the certainty I once held, leaving only the ruins of our shared past.

We were two damaged souls in love, but no longer a couple because of the letter and her poor choices. Life is hard, and doing the right things can be difficult. In this case, one bad choice and a letter of confession ended an almost perfect marriage.

As Tennyson wrote ;

"It's a bitter thing to love what death can touch

or, worse, what betrayal can destroy."

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