Ch. 01 - Kate

Kate tossed her bag in the car, still furious and more than a little hurt. She hadn't gone to her mother's house wanting to fight. She just wanted answers, information, anything. Her birth father had never been in the picture and Kate was curious.

Kate had been six years old when her mother remarried. Old enough to know that she should have had a father, but not old enough to understand why she didn't. Looking back now she could admit that she had been a little bit difficult. The transition from no father to her step dad had been rough. She had felt like maybe her real father would come back but that he wouldn't stay because her mother had remarried. It was a child's logic, based on limited information and a narrower understanding.

Her step father was an amazing man, a patient and kind and very involved parent in her life. They were there for every school function, every soccer game, they rolled out the red carpet for all of her school dances. They were on paper, perfect parents. No one ever saw her mother remove the mask she wore to reveal the narcissist underneath. Kate had lost count of the hurtful things her mother had spewed at her over the years, or the bruises she had caused. Despite her nature, Kate still desperately clung to the hope that one day her mother would realize that their relationship could be so much better and she would change. She had held on to that shred of hope for years despite her therapist telling her that it was pointless.

She looked at the bundle of letters that peeked out from her bag in the passenger's seat. Her mother had stormed off and came back a moment later, throwing the bundle at her. "There!" she had yelled "This is all that piece of shit ever gave us." Kate's hands had shaken when she picked up the pack of letters bound by rubber bands. Her mother had never told her about any letters.

The letters sat in her passenger seat, silently screaming at her on her drive home. The only connection she had to half of her genetic makeup.

Kate parked her car in the garage, and walked in the house, setting her bag down on the mudroom table and staring at her reflection in the mirror that hung above it. She had inherited her mother's build, lean, strong, high cheekbones, they shared the same dimensions, but that is where the similarities ended. Her mother had brown eyes, and Kate's were the color of grass after a good rain, her lips were full and her small nose perked up at the tip. Her hair was jet black and the mass of curls fell to the middle of her back. The disparity between her coloring and her mother's ash blonde locks was always cause for looks and questions from the people bold enough to pry.

She took a deep breath before walking into the kitchen, her husband was cooking dinner and it smelled divine. "Hey love," he said, "Dinner will be done in about fifteen minutes." Kate stared at his tall 6' 4" frame, he was a fine specimen of a man and he never failed to melt her. After twelve years of marriage and two kids, she still wanted him. "Sounds good, babe." Kate replied as their children bounded in. Charlotte was ten years old and a more curious child had never existed, Luke was the spitting image of herself while Charlotte took after her father Daniel. Luke was 8 and was obsessed with insects and animals in general. Some days her house felt like a zoo, but her children were happy and well loved.

They sat down to dinner and enjoyed the meal that Daniel had lovingly prepared for them. The chicken and pasta were delicious and both kids commented on how good it was. They told them about their day at school. Luke had a field trip coming up to the Natural Science Museum. He was "so excited, it was going to be epic." he said. Charlotte was doing well as always and had just aced her math test. Kate felt an overwhelming sense of pride looking at her little family. Along with that, came a wave of guilt that she needed something in the face of everything that she had. She mentally shoved the feeling down, she'd examine it later.

After dinner was over and they had finished the bedtime routine with the kids, they both came back downstairs to handle the dishes and tidy up. Kate told her husband what had transpired between her and her mother. "Baby, she's never going to give you any answer that will feel like it's good enough." he said, wrapping his arms around her. Kate took in a deep breath inside the confines of her safe haven. He kissed the top of her head, leaning back to look at her, framing her face in his large hands. "You aren't there anymore love, you're here and you're safe. If you said you never wanted to speak to her again, I'd be on board. She hurts you and I'm not ok with that." Tears welled up in Kate's eyes as she told him about the letters, his eyebrows went up, "She never said anything to you about them?" Kate shook her head, "Not a word, I always thought he just up and left and we never heard from him again." Daniel cursed her mother under his breath. "Are you going to read them? Tell me what you need, baby." He was always so patient with her. "I was going to sit down with them tonight." Daniel walked over to the wine rack and pulled out her favorite red and opened it, letting it breathe, "You go and get comfortable and I'll bring you a glass in a minute." Kate walked to him and kissed him, "I love you so much." he kissed her forehead, "I love you too" she said and went to sit in the den with the letters.

Kate sat on her favorite overstuffed chair, tucking her legs under her, she pulled the throw blanket over her and stared at the faded envelopes. There were at least thirty of them, all bound together with the time-worn rubber bands. Her father's handwriting scrawled in elegant loops over the paper. She noticed similarities in the way they wrote certain letters and it made her smile. She took a deep breath and removed the rubber band, setting it aside and taking the first envelope in her hands. She opened it, it was a birthday card for her first birthday. It was pink and it had a pony on the front with flowers and glitter, the inside read For a very special girl, hoping your birthday is magical just like you. A folded piece of paper was tucked in along with the card. She unfolded the page, and read on.

Mary, I know you ended things, and I respect that. Please show this to Kate, tell her I love her and miss her. I hope you change your mind about letting me see her. - Jake

He had wanted to see her? Kate's mind filled with all of the arguments, every time her mother had referred to her father as a good for nothing zero. He had wanted to know her. He had loved her. She had to take another steadying breath before anger took root and became all she could focus on.

The next envelope was smaller, the same handwriting graced the front. She unfolded the pages and inhaled when she saw her name

Kate -

You don't know me and I can't express how badly I wish that weren't the case. My name is Jake Halden and I'm your father.

When your mother told me she was pregnant with you, I thought that was the happiest day of my life. But that changed the day you were born. I looked at you and felt a new tether in my heart. Your mother called it off right after you had turned 6 months old. I fought her decision, I pleaded with her to let me be a part of your life but she was adamant that I have nothing to do with her or you.

Please know that there hasn't been a single day when I haven't thought of you.

Love Always,

Dad

Kate noticed her face was wet, she was crying. Her father had wanted to know her. All this time. Daniel walked in then with her glass of wine. "Oh, thank you." Kate said to him, taking the glass of wine from him. "Do you want to be alone for a bit?" he asked her. Kate nodded, "Ok, I'll just be in my office. Come find me when you're done?", "I will." she responded and he left her to it.

Two hours later she placed the last letter back in its envelope. Her father, Jake Halden was 52 years of age, he had never remarried, never had any other children. He had written her two letters a year after the first several of his missives were rebuffed by her mother. He addressed them directly to her after that first year. Hoping that one day she'd be able to read them. She wondered if perhaps her mother had more of his letters. Kate sat back in her chair and pulled the blanket close to her chest. Her life might have looked so much different she thought to herself. After a few minutes, she wrapped the rubber band around the bundle, securing them. There had been enough excitement for one day she thought, getting up and walking toward Daniel's office. She knocked on the door frame to get his attention. He looked up from the book he was reading and smiled. It was always the same with him. A master of consistency, her rock. She gave him a smile of her own, "Let's go to bed baby." he said, knowing that she'd processed all that she could tonight.

That night they made love, and Daniel did an impressive job of taking her mind off of the whirlwind of information she had gone through.

The next morning, Kate woke up and stared at the ceiling for a minute before getting out of bed and starting their morning. She padded towards the kitchen, made herself a cup of coffee and fired up her laptop. She had an hour before the kids had to be up to get ready for school. She stared at the Google search bar, hesitating. Her life as she knew it had changed dramatically after reading those letters. They'd upended decades of assumptions and beliefs fed to her by her mother. Did she really want to meet him? Did she want him to know her family? She decided that a simple search wasn't going to dismantle the life she'd carefully built over the last twelve years. She set her cup down and typed Jake Halden, Georgia in the search bar.

The usual results came up along with a Facebook page link. She clicked on it and recognition flooded through her. They had the same eyes, the same hair, the same lips. The profile read Jake Halden, single, owner/operator at Halden Construction LLC. She clicked on his photos. He had some of his home, of his dog which appeared to be some sort of collie mix. Several photos of job sites and finished work. He was a craftsman, and his work looked impeccable, his work kept him fit and she admitted to herself that she did find him attractive. She quickly went to the living room and retrieved the bundle of letters and cards from the side table drawer. Thumbing through them she was glad to see that the return address had stayed the same all these years. She opened a new tab and typed in the address and clicked on the street view in Google Earth. There it was, his house, it matched the ones on his Facebook profile.

A quick map search showed his address was 86.4 miles from her. She sipped her coffee and stood with that knowledge for a minute. Toying with the idea of a trip. Daniel's schedule accommodated the kids' school schedule, and she had time off at her non profit coming up. Last night had been filled with dreams of meeting him for the first time. Would she cry, would he? What would a hug from him feel like?

Kate felt like she was holding her heart out to be obliterated as she clicked on the blue message button and started to type.

Hey...

No she thought, hey sounded too casual, too familiar.

Good afternoon,

Better, she thought, continuing. After a few moments Kate stood, staring at the message waiting to be sent if she had the courage. She felt fragile and small as she reached out and clicked the Send button, imagining her missive soaring through the ether to reach the man that had sired her. There's no going back now, she thought, closing the laptop and finishing her coffee.

Eighty-six point four miles away, Jake's phone dinged. He walked by it, making his coffee. It was his day off and he had no plans. That first sip was always the best he thought, the strong brew coursing down his throat waking him up. He glared at the screen, pulling down the notification tab and clicking on the one from Messenger.

Good afternoon,

My name is Kate Rossi, but before that it was Kate Wilst and before that it was Kate Halden. I'm your daughter and I'd like to meet you if you're open to it.

Sincerely,

Kate Rossi

The cup he was holding fell from his hand and shattered.