Sparrow Pt. 01

He held Sparrow's hand as he walked her to her porch. It was so embarrassing for her to have to explain the story every time. Her parents loved the hymn "When Jesus Is My Portion." And the chorus goes, "His eye is on the sparrow." They named her Sparrow so God's eyes would always be on her.

I know. Cute. Sweet. Unique. Cute. Whatever compliment, she had heard it. Through a lifetime of hypocrisy, heartbreak, corruption, seeing every prominent church leader "fall from grace", the Republican Party's takeover, textual inaccuracies, her Faith was gone.

Losing one's religion is traumatic, violent, heart wrenching. She was not prepared for the blowback of her spirit. She lost her community, the voice inside her head she thought was God was actually her all along (by the way, not as comforting as you'd think) and moreover she felt isolated and alone.

She was such a cliche. Her former music minister husband that she fell in love with in Bible college turned out to be gay. It wasn't rehearsal he was always late coming home for. It was Bryce in the "Gayborhood" as it was called. She was faithful to him, kept the home fires burning, and he had a "side dude." You know, reflecting, he really was too pretty to be straight.

Justin however was not pretty. He was rugged and burly, a dadbod, large red beard and a full head of hair. He was funny, witty and at least he thought he was charming. She loved most his kind blue eyes. "Kind eyes," she kept repeating when she reflected upon him.

He had a special superpower. One that made him a special fit for Sparrow. He had similar religious trauma. They could sing all the Veggie Tales songs together, knew all the same youth guest speakers, and most importantly he could do the fast rap from DC Talk's "Jesus Is Still Alright With Me."

Justin's story was similar to hers. Raised at the height of Purity Culture, the True Love Waits, he bought every line fed to him. He met the supposed love of his life at 22, dated 3 and a half very long years only to find out he had married somebody sexually incompatible with him at the age of 26. Every promise those youth group leaders made, every prayer he uttered, leaving to go home when all he most desperately wanted was to be inside her, it was all for naught.

Not long after leaving their respective spouses, they found each other. He was immediately taken aback by how much she physically met every feature he looked for. Her turtle shell glasses were his favorite. He loved her wavy brown hair. And he was very quickly corrected that her eyes were not blue but in fact gray. While not a fan of piercings in general, they told the story of redemption, self-acceptance, independence. On her they looked confident and ambitious.

Tonight she wore a chocolate covered top, some khaki slacks and boots with a heel that made walking hard but they were worth it. She had spent a lifetime in nondescript skirts, modest tops and-I'll just say it-ugly ass shoes. Tonight, she was the woman on the magazine cover she wanted to be but The Church preached against. He was wearing his jeans and the loudest, most obnoxious shirt he could find. As with her piercings, his clothing was the way he began to take back years of control by his spouse, The Church and Society in general.

With a nervous, sweet earnestness she paused, unsure about the next direction. They had spoken on the Internet support group they met in. They were needles in the haystack, two very wounded ships sailing past each other in the night. They both had expressed to each other their lack of experience and timidity. They agreed to just let go and allow the moment to transpire as it was going to. He was waiting for the magic words which she so freely gave tonight.

"I consent."

Wait, that's it? Those are the two words? Yes. Let me explain why this is such a powerful moment. You see, Sparrow grew up in a place where consent was never asked for. She was required to submit to her husband's needs, to never claim rights, to die to Self. She was lucky he wasn't one to push consent. I mean, he just kind of did it out of obligation. And God forbid she have any sexual needs of her own. For the first time in her life she had agency over her body, her choices and her sexuality.

"Are you sure?" he verified. She nodded. "Sparrow, can I get an audible yes or no?"

"Yes. Please. Enthusiastically yes."