Diary of Descent Ch. 4

I woke up aching this morning. Humming down there. I can't quite describe it yet. A mild hunger, so faint that I can sometimes forget about it. It's always there though. Lurking. The slightest hint of innuendo, anything that brings my attention inward and my clit starts clamouring for attention. The morning was the worst... at least the point where things felt most intense. I found my hand repeatedly cupping myself as I came round. Comforting and cuddling my poor old clit!

Once I got going much of the day was uneventful. I was in the lab today concentrating on the same complicated synthesis as last week. I barely had time for lunch. Sonia did catch me briefly as I grabbed a sandwich in the cafeteria. Damn but she knows me too well. It's like she's psychic. She wanted an update on things with Killean and she could tell I had some juicy updates. She wouldn't let it go, so I've promised to catch up with her properly later in the week. I'm still not sure how much to tell. Writing things so bluntly here makes me blush and it's my own frigging diary! Maybe I should view this as therapy. A way of ridding myself of latent societal prudishness. Bloody uptight Victorians, still fucking us up generations later!

On that note, after I returned from work things got interesting again. I had a package waiting for me! A box. I knew it was from him before I'd ripped off the tape holding the top down. I set to getting in the box with an embarrassing level of excitement. I realised I had been anticipating a chance to interact more with Killean all day. Waiting for a chance to be alone with my phone and his messages. This physical package made it feel like he was there watching me.

Inside the box were two smaller packages. The first was a bronze-coloured silicon dildo with which seemed unusually long and thin... intriguing... and as I took this out to examine the box, I noticed a black velveteen jewellery box underneath with no adornments. This box trumped the other regarding my curiosity and I took it out to investigate further. I flipped open the soft lid letting my fingers linger on the smooth velvet. I had an idea what might be inside and opened it almost reverently. Inside was a simple leather choker, thin black leather straps with a silver Celtic knot at the front and a buckle at the back. It was simple, and elegant, but most importantly I knew what this meant. It was my collar. I was his.

My insides clenched with excitement and a kind of warmth suffused me. I needed to have it round my neck right then. I took it straight to the nearest mirror and watched myself as I slowly wrapped it round my neck and fastened the clasps. I let it out one notch looser than the tightest it would go, giving me a little extra breathing space, but I was still aware of the slight constriction whenever I swallowed. I'd never studied how delicate my neck was, at that moment I felt intensely vulnerable staring at my long neck contained by the choker. I loved it!

I'm not sure how long I stood there, lost in that moment. Maybe a couple of minutes. I was pulled back to the present by my phone buzzing. I rushed to look at the message.

Hi beautiful! How are you?

Did you get my package?

I noted the speed of the follow up. It suggested a certain level of anxiety and anticipation on his part too. At least it wasn't just me.

Hey you

My day was fine. Just standard work stuff

It got a little more interesting when I got home...

I love the collar

Sir

Mmm good.

Ive been exited for you to open it.

Switch

A few instructions

First, I want you to put on the collar, strip and assume position 1 "Ready position" for 5 minutes, then I want you to go to a new position which I am going to send along, "Table position" for another 5 mins

Keep practising letting you mind quiet, focus on how your body feels and your breath. Relax. I am in control.

Yes master, I'll let you know when I am done.

Words like master are rapidly becoming more natural, albeit via text. At this point I was desperate to know what the second part of the package was for, but I stopped myself from asking... barely.

A picture followed the text. Naturally I rushed to open it embarrassingly quickly. The was of a woman on all fours, naked, with arms out front for support and her held high. She looked proud... and gorgeous. Her back was perfectly straight with a plate nestled between lithe shoulders and hips (table!.) I've definitely had an appreciation for the female form before but for the first time I felt a sense of longing. Blame it on the state I was in (after only 2 days!) I'm not sure it was wholly longing for her, lots of it was wound up in longing to be her. It's complicated! But looking at that picture tugged at that gnawing feeling deep inside. Hunger.

I stripped quickly tossing my clothes aside. Belatedly I've thought that maybe I should make it into more of a ritual but today I just cast garments to the floor. Setting a timer for 5 minutes. I settled down on my heels feeling that delicious parting of my butt as I did. My head was full. Was I pushing my chest out enough? What would he feel like inside me? Were my legs starting to get stiff? Breathing helped a little, deep breaths like id learnt in yoga. I started to accept the discomfort, relish the fact that that I was managing it, that I was doing it for him. I started to force my body to relax and kinda found a little balance between loosing tension but keeping my structure, my poise. As the 5 minutes went off, I was just starting to tune into that humming, that electric buzz running over my skin.

The alarm was insistent. Annoying! I sighed and pulled myself into the Table position. Two immediate thoughts crossed my mind. Firstly, fuck my knees! I need to do it on a mat next time! Then, the realisation of just how exposed I was, arse up in the air, waiting to be used. Emptying my mind went out the window at that point, I settled for challenging myself to endure the discomfort and then leant into fantasising to help. I imagined things being place on my back. It didn't really matter what things. I wanted to feel the weight. To be useful. To be used. I imagined life going on around me, my wet opening glowing, blaring like a siren with its need to be touched and filled. I would be the best fricking table I could be and then maybe I would get my reward. I felt vulnerable. Embarrassed. But really really horny.

By the time the alarm went off again I was feeling really sore. A rush of endorphins hit me as I relaxed into a more comfortable position. Partly due to the alleviation of pressure on my joints and partly due to the sense of accomplishment. I had done that for him. I wanted to be a table, for him! Its surprisingly freeing!

I sat for a moment letting my joints ease before I let him know I was done.

Finished sir.

Good girl, now open the other package.

My breath caught. Curiosity was killing me.

It's for throat training.

WTF.

I'll walk you through it. Take it out and hold the tip in your mouth.

For the first time in this whole process some uncertainty or even a little fear crept in at the idea of what might be in store. Nowhere near enough to make me hesitate interestingly, but now there was some nervous butterflies jangling around with the excitement in my body.

I took it out horridly. It was thin for a dildo, about an inch thick, an effect which was amplified by its length... I didn't want to think of the implications of that! It tasted of plastic giving it a clinical feeling. I cradled it between my lips, letting the tip of my tongue run over it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered blowjob advice about making sure the teeth kept out of the way. I adhered to this religiously, letting my lips form a barrier around my teeth. The silicon was surprisingly soft, and I remember being quickly struck by the way it seem to give and conform to me.

Now, push it in a little deeper. About an inch.

I saw the message flash up and instantly complied. Now the end was resting on the middle of my tongue. As I held it there, I started to forget it was real, wasn't his. I started letting my tongue stroke it. I started playing with different pressure and suction from my lips and the way it warmed and softened almost made it feel like it was responding to me. I waited. It felt like it had been a few minutes. It felt fine. I was enjoying it more than I expected. But how much further was I expected to go?

Deeper still. Relax your body and let the tip reach near your tonsils. Just brushing them. I'm going to video call shortly.

This was what I had been afraid of and the idea of seeing him panicked me slightly. Was I doing it right? How did I look? Flustered I pushed it in too quickly, gagged and reflexively pulled it out. I was gasping but I didn't know when the call was coming so almost straight away put it back in. Willing my body to calm. This time I somehow managed it. I was far from relaxed, but I went slower and held the top just on edge of my tonsils. My throat kept clenching, in preparation to gag, but it was at a point where I could just control it. Gradually I started to calm myself and had just found a little equilibrium when he called.

Awkwardly I answered with one hand, keen to show off my obedience. He looked gorgeous, ruffled after the day and reclining on the hotel bed. I knew I must look a state, but I took solace in the fact that it was a least partly due to his instructions. He praised me, called me a good girl (this didn't bug me like I thought it would. When not in super macho dom mode he uses lady or woman rather than "girl" and in this situation it fit!). He said I was doing well. I lapped it up like a little hound and it calmed me a little.

By this point my jaw was beginning to ache and I could feel drool seeping out the corner of my mouth. Reflexively I moved to wipe my mouth, to hide it behind my hand. He stopped me.

"Leave it. I like it."

So, I did. I could feel a trail of spittle creeping down the corners of my mouth and I struggled to push it from my mind. I felt it reach my chin. I wanted to squirm, a built in disgust reaction. Then he gave me more instructions. Something like,

" In a second I want you to push it slightly further into your mouth. Try to breath, control your reaction. Whist you keep it there you can touch yourself each time I say go."

There was a mischievous grin as he said this.

"Take it in another half inch for me"

I pushed the dildo in further. I felt it begin to curve round into my throat, pushing against my tonsils. My I retched at the intrusion, gagging and spluttering. I pulled back slightly (he wasn't to know )and willed myself to regain some composure. I was spluttering, but it was just about controllable. I glanced at Kilean on the screen and almost lost it again as the dildo brushed my tonsils. My eyes were streaming but I could make out his expression, approval, arousal, dominance writ large. I melted (again!) I imagined what I must look like, spluttering, covered in saliva. It felt dirty.... but good and... im turning into a broken record... freeing! A shedding of something. Worries... inhibitions..... i dunno.

Then the word "go" broke through my thoughts. Tentatively I manoeuvred my hand to between my legs (I had naturally assumed the ready position) and brushed my finger across the hood of my clit. Fuck! A firework exploded, exacerbated by my restricted breathing, I shivered and started a groan around the dildo. In the processes the dildo hit the back of my throat again and set me retching. My body went rigid with a confusing combination of panic and arousal. I fought to breath but simultaneously I was aware of my tingling body.

"Go"

The second he saw me regain a measure of control I heard him again. My hand moved of it own volition, fingers pushing between my folds and two of them curling inside me. Fucking bliss. I moaned around the dildo as I filled myself. The depravity of it. Not being able to breath. I was unable to think of anything but the dildo and my hand. I was vaguely aware of whimpering. Of the drool and tears covering my face and chin. I thrust my hand in and out maybe a few more times that I had intended...

"Stop".

He said it calmly. In full command mode.

"You're getting a little carried away now. Take out the dildo and go to table pose."

Already! I almost pouted but managed to stop myself. It took a moment to recover myself before I could move and get myself on all fours. I looked at myself in the phone camera. I was utterly dishevelled. He smiled at me.

"Well that was delicious! Well, done my little pet"

I had an image of me rolling over and barking. If I had a tail it would have been wagging.

"End."

He looked slightly sheepish.

"I got a bit carried away. How are you holding up? This is all ok isn't it?

It was reassuring to see insecurities played out in real time. His face had instantly softened out of roll.

"Im doing fine. Its.... Intense, but im loving it"

I wanted to crack a cheeky joke, some faux, oh woe is me, type comment but in stark contrast to a moment before, I could tell that right now that Killean needed reassurance. This also had a wonderful balancing effect, the power momentum had been going all one way and having a chance to take a little bit of power back and look after him felt healthy.

"Id really like to catch up, but can you give me a moment to... well clean up"

I said something like that, conscious of my state. He laughed and nodded. After a moment I came back to the phone taking time to find my silk dressing gown which I would never normally wear. (I mean I still wanted to look as sexy as I could even with my hastily washed face and tussled hair. We proceeded to have a lengthy chat about our respective days. He told me of exhausting networking with dull clients whilst I complained about the vagaries of chemical synthesis. He showed me his room and animatedly talked me through the tiny museum beside a flea market which he had discovered during a break. As we gradually came to the realisation we both needed to ring off I could resist asking.

"So... are you denying yourself too Mr Dom!"

He winked at me,

"I'll get myself some release soon. The build up has been quite fun for me too. If you continue being such a good sub I might even give you the honour of watching me soon."

He grinned.

"Its been really good to catch up. I miss you. In multiple ways. Before I go I want you to do positions 1 and 2 for 5 minutes daily. I also want you to repeat the throat training daily. Use lipstick as a... depth gauge."

With an incredibly evil grin, he rang off.

Depth gauge! I was mock outraged but also suddenly curious about my current baseline. What is he doing to me! So, after dinner I applied bright red lipstick and pushed the throat trainer in to roughly the same spot as earlier. I gagged something chronic but left enough of a mark to measure. Well, that's something to beat tomorrow!

As I write I am just about to turn off the light. I feel empty without a dildo inside me, but he hasn't mentioned it today. I don't know if that's an oversight or on purpose.... Anyway, I am far from relaxed but hopefully sleep finds me anyway!!