My Complicated Ex-Wife

It was cold outside when I woke up in that manipulative cunt's bed. I had no sheets on, a rash from sleeping in the wet spot, a sore asshole, and a sinking feeling I shouldn't have just done that with my ex-wife. That was a fucked-up night to be sure, I left the dive bar that had become my home away from home, and went to my shitty apartment pretty drunk. My phone rang and I wondered who in the hell makes phone calls these days. Just send me a god damned text and I'll ignore it until I wake up with a splitting headache. I am drunk on tequila, Jager, and God knows what else. So, like a fucking moron, I answer the call.

"Hey, babe, it's me kitty." I knew who it was believe me. That voice is burned into my brain like a severe case of syphilis. At the end of our marriage, I was used to hearing that voice really fucking loud, and it wasn't calling me babe. It was more like 'drunk piece of shit', or 'drunk asshole'. Usually, it was a harsh defense after I caught her texting some guy that she met at the bar or at her salon. All of a sudden, I'm the loser who drinks too much or passes out when she's sitting on her phone. Never mind that she's talking to another man.

I'm a tolerant guy. I don't get hysterical and jealous. I tried to give her space, and if she wanted to flirt with other men and get her ego stroked, that was fine with me. After all, I was doing the same thing with women. I guess the difference is when the women asked to hookup, I didn't oblige. Kitty on the other hand, she was all over it. Of course, I didn't know about it for a long time. Then was the accidental look at her phone, over her shoulder one evening.

I was trusting and didn't spy on her, or tried not to root through her phone. I was walking up behind her and not trying to be sneaky, after all, I was about 5 whiskies deep. I was definitely not stealthy. She obviously had no idea I was there. The pair of tits, that looked just like hers, taking up the screen was hard to miss. I was a little jolted and I watched her texting someone. Sending a picture of her tits, followed shortly by one of her spread open pussy. I hadn't ever seen these pics. She would send me stuff like this too, when I was working, just to tease me. These were clearly taken for and meant for someone else. I freaked out and shit got ugly. She was great as gaslighting. It was just a little 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine' fun. There was nothing else going on. Bullshit! As usual she would calm me down with some super dirty sex. She would let me do anything I wanted to her body. Anywhere I wanted to stick it. And let's face it, for all of her flaws, looks are not one of them. Frankly, she's heart-stopping sexy. After that night, I became a god damn private eye. That's when shit started to unravel. Oh well, it's over now, and has been for about eighteen months.

This random, late-night phone call from Kitty was not an unusual occurrence. Like I said, she really loves her ego stroked, and when there's no one left to put up with her bullshit, it's me she contacts. She was trying really hard to be sweet and told me some bullshit sob story about something, I don't know, I wasn't listening. Through tears she begged me to come over. She was relentless, flirty, and obviously convincing to a drunken fool.

"Alright, take it easy." I commanded. I poured myself back into my wildly uncool, four-door Caprice, and swerved my way over to her condo. A condo, which by the way, was paid for by me in our divorce, and is a fuck lot nicer than the shit hole I inhabit. Luckily, we never had kids. I'm glad we didn't have to drag some poor kid into our high-speed shit storm. The devil knows the world has enough of those kids. Kitty and I are those kids. She met me at the door with a 7 & 7 in one of the highball glasses that used to be mine, knowing booze is the key to getting me to cooperate. I was too blitzed to realize she was up to something. I'm a sucker for her beauty, even when I'm pissed out of my tree. She looked good. Her hair was perfect, as usual. She has expensive tattoos and a Medusa piercing that makes me weak in the knees. Plus, her sweet fake tits were sticking out of the top of her low-cut, blank tank top. She kept bending over pretending to fuck with something on the floor, just to give me a great view of them.

"Can we talk, like we used to?" she asked in a soft voice.

Unfortunately, I got sucked in. I'm sure the booze had everything to do with that. Somewhere in the one-sided conversation, I was glassy eyed and bored, and she leaned forward and kissed me. The thing about our marriage, you see, is that it was based purely on sex. I guess that's what happens when you marry a slut with no brains. Normally, a marriage filled with amazing sex is bound to be great, but when the sex isn't always with your husband, that's when the shit hits the fan.

She was kissing me, passionately, the way she used to. My judgment was more than just poor, and I began kissing back. At this point, I really wanted to see those huge tits that I bought her a few years ago, so I yanked her top off, and out they bounced. I forgot how stunning they were, she has this sort of year-round tan, so her nipples are this great shade of pinkish brown. With little more than a thought, I found myself sucking one nipple, which the piercing made taste like a set of house keys. While pulling pretty hard, maybe a little too hard, on the other nipple. She was rubbing my boner through the tight shorts that I had just gotten, on sale, at TJ Maxx.

Before I really knew what was happening, my gristle missile was in her hand. Getting her out of her expensive, designer jeans was no problem. When she wiggled them off of her well-shaped hips, I instantly remembered why I get so mesmerized by her. She has a big fat ass. It's flawless. DaVinci couldn't have sculpted something better. She is built like an average woman, with the exception of that ass. I'm surprised she doesn't have to buy special pants to fit it, I'm not kidding. It's outstanding. Her red thong panties were tight around her voluptuous ass, cutting in at the hips. I was, once again, completely under her spell. She asked me to get undressed and go to the bedroom. I knocked back what was left of my Seagram's 7 and trailed after her. Her round ass wiggled as she walked in front of me. Her shoulder length brown hair danced delicately on her slim neck, and I realized I was going to have to fuck her, there was no stopping me now.

We entered the dim light, of what used to be our bedroom, which is now her bedroom. I grabbed her by the soft, squishy hips. She was kissing me; I probably tasted like the world's worst cocktail. I worked my hands around her big bum and grabbed a handful. It was just like I remembered it, so round, sticking out there so bubbly. My enraged, engorged meat was begging my foggy, drunk brain for a shot at her. Naturally, my brain was in no shape to argue. I knocked her backward onto the big king-sized bed, messing up her pricey duvet, and flipped her quickly over onto her stomach. I ripped her panties off like a fucking bad ass. I get pretty impressed with myself when I'm drunk. It isn't until the hangover, then next day, that I realize that I'm not as cool as I think I am.

Her perfect ass was sticking straight up at me and I stuck my face between her huge cheeks, and began licking the masterpiece like it was a federal law. There was no way I was sober enough to wonder how clean it was. That kind of thinking went out the window 4 hours ago. I could feel her hand below my chin, hard at work, presumably rubbing her slutty pussy. I was eating her beautiful ass and grabbing it with both hands. The feeling of her soft skin squishing between my fingers, while my tongue lapped at the wrinkled opening, was sublime. I was back where I belong, between those soft, ample cheeks. It was paradise, but there's a complicated mix of lust and hate. I can't just forget all the cruel things she said and did to me. But I also can't forget the fun days, the wild sex days, the all or nothin' days. I was taking my time, drinking in the moment. She began wriggling and reaching over to her nightstand and then suddenly, she shot some greasy lube out of a tube, and all over her asshole. She was pushing the lube up her ass with a couple of fingers, interrupting my nirvana.

"Fuck me in the ass" she panted.

She always did love anal, and that obviously, hasn't changed. She would convince her friends that they 'just had to try it'. Inevitably they would, and report back how great it felt. She probably loved anal so much because it was the only hole she could feel it in. Slut.

I slid my whisky infused prick up her ass. It was damn tight and I really hoped it hurt her a little. A little grudge fuck was exactly what I needed. I began hammering her colon. I didn't bother easing into the hard thrusts, I just went for it. My tight balls were slapping up against her wet cunt, while she played with her little clit. I worked her over pretty hard, and unfortunately, she seemed to be enjoying it. She could take an ass pounding, that's for sure. She would shove her fat ass back against my pelvis, trying to sink my bone deeper in her asshole. I was trying to make it hurt. I was really aggressive and definitely didn't have as much lube as I should have. I whisky dicked her butthole until I was out of breath and sweating. After a thorough hogging out of her back door, which was far tighter than the front door, I pulled out of her ass and wiped my dick off on her pillow. That'll teach the bitch. Her well used asshole sort of turned inside out. Part of her insides were becoming outsides. It looked like a little rose trying to sneak out, and I thought how it was pretty gross, but also very hot.

With her asshole hanging partially out, I got down between her legs and started licking her high mileage beaver. That freshly waxed motherfucker was dripping wet. Luckily her little rose bud popped back into its home, and out of my face. I was working her clit with my tongue, and spreading her open. Kitty had a big, gaping pussy. It was that way when I met her. I don't know if that's just how she was built, or if she's just such a slut, that all those guys had taken their toll. I know that's not how pussies work, but she was a real slut. I kept looking into her cavernous hole, remembering the open floor plan and how much abuse it could take. How much abuse it has taken. I was mercilessly shoving 3 of my fingers deep into her, with plenty of extra room. Every time my fingers would find her G -spot, she would gasp in pleasure and beg for more. The more I focused there, the wetter she became, and the more kitty wanted my mutton dagger in her.

I was euphoric from the booze and kitty's outstanding rear end, and when it came time to jam, my rigid bone in her, there was no sense of kindness. I shoved my cock inside of her at about Mach 3 and started drilling her, like an Arab looking for oil. I wrapped my heavy hands around her narrow waist and squeezed. My thrusts were causing her ass to jiggle nicely, while I fucked her like the whore she is.

"Fucking slut," I said through gritted teeth, while I banged away at her sopping wet opening.

I was easily bottoming out in her with every punishing stroke. She was heaving and panting like a dog. She managed to beg me through broken pants to treat her like the loose holed cheater that she is. Needless to say, I had no problem degrading her, and I let her have it. She used to love getting demeaned and roughed up. I grabbed her by the perfect hair, yanked her head sideways, and spit on her mouth. I told her she was a useless cunt, cheating whore, a heartless bitch. I called her all of the awful things I felt about her while I released my anger and lust for her.

As I slammed away at her, I could tell it was just as painful for her as it was pleasurable. While watching my cock pump in and out of her, I wondered if she could even fell it. Yeah, I was hammering her relentlessly, but there was little resistance from that cavernous hole.

I released the handful of hair and slapped her amazing tan ass. Quickly, a bright red hand mark appeared on her, but that certainly didn't stop me from giving her another one, and watching the way her ass quivered as I did. I pumped away at her, both of us moaning. Some of her moans were from ecstasy, some were from pain. I didn't really care which. I guess she could feel it after all. I pulled my cock out of her, and grabbed her by her by the side of the hair, getting a hold of her ear too. I pulled her face down toward my pulsating hog and sprayed a thick, angry load. my rage was let loose in her gorgeous, treacherous face. My cum dripped slowly down her face in between her round, silicone tits. I slapped her face with my oozing Peter. Kitty was rubbing her meaty barracuda; her whole hand would disappear between her lips as she continued working on an orgasm.

She was looking at me with her cruel, brown eyes, her face covered in my hot ejaculate.

Not satisfied yet, Kitty lay on her bed and wiggled her way back to the nightstand again, where she produced two huge, intimidating looking vibrators. One was realistic looking, veins, and all. The other was smooth and pink, both of them were pretty damn girthy. I wasn't too surprised to see her bust out a couple of sex toys. She was always down to fuck machinery. Lying on her back, she lifted one leg up to her chest and drove the big veiny bastard into her gaping cockpit. The other, dripping with ample lube, went right up her beautiful ass.

Despite the liquor and anger, I wasted no time getting my boner back, and was ready to massacre her soggy beaver. I got on top of kitty, and shoved her leg deep into her body. I forced my thickening hog into her spacious trench, next to the vibrating, inanimate dick that she was pleasuring herself with. She had both vibrators humming away inside of her, and I could feel them shaking my balls, and sending pleasure up my shaft. Once again, I was pounding the hell out of Kitty's, kitty. She was squealing from the kinky pleasure of being filled up by me and her two mechanical friends. As I was jamming her leg into her firm, fake titties, I began slapping her face. She was really enjoying being treated like a demeaned fuck toy.

"Fuck that gaping cunt" she insisted.

I kept sledgehammering away at her while the vibrating Johnsons buzzed and growled along. I was far too drunk and horny to consider that my filthy ex-wife may have some fucking disease that would rot my pecker right off, so I kept porking the bitch. Her vag was so slippery by this point, that I thought I was going to slip right out of her. She reached down and stuck a couple more fingers into her big snapper. There was some serious real estate in there. She now had a big, fake, vibrating dong, my hard beef, and three of her own fingers inside. Her eyes were closed tightly as she melodramatically spasmed out a loud, wet orgasm. The huge pink vibrator, taking up space in her ass, squeezed out as she came. It flopped on the bed, covered in frothed lube and buzzed around, until kitty grabbed it and slid it back in.

"It feels so good in my ass," she exclaimed as she pumped out more wet juice onto her bedspread. I felt her fingers abandon her stretchy snatch. Then without warning, two of her little wet fingers slithered up my ass. I wasn't ready for that at all!

"Relax!" she ordered as she fingered me.

I absolutely DID NOT relax. Anything but. Her unwelcomed fingers were stretching me in a way I was not prepared for. Despite the unpleasant intrusion, I kept pounding her mound for all I was worth. Slapping her and bending her leg the wrong direction. She was fingering me, and I was punishing her. She kept cumming. Lucky bitch could cum over and over. Sliding my cock against the plastic dong in gaped pussy, was starting to rub me raw. I was not in shape for this. I was huffing for air. All of the distractions didn't matter though, I kept hammering. The vibrations from the two monster toys were an incredible feeling. Her pussy may not have had much in the way of sensation, but that made up for it. I felt the urge to give her another seed shower, so I slipped my loaded cannon out of her roomy cooch and erupted another steaming milkshake. Splattering all over the Cherry Blossom tree tattoo that covers her ribs, which I also paid for, of course. When I was pumped dry and she had turned off the electrical appliances, I looked at her, my mind pickled in alcohol, her face shining with orgasmic delight. I knew this was bad, but it was done now. Honestly, it felt good to punish her a little, while also getting another turn on the wild ride.

Finally, like the considerate ex-husband I am, I called her a whore and passed out in her bed.