Blind Ambition

Dear reader:

Not long ago I read a wonderful story written by FarmerJill

This story is not a rewrite or a different ending. I liked her story as is. This story is more of an homage to FarmerJill's. If reconciliation storylines offend you then don't read this. There is very little sex described and a lot of self examination for the characters.

As always, I hope you enjoy.

As I walked up the stairs to meet with my husband and our marriage counsellor I repeated my mantra to myself with every step.

"Don't fuck this up, don't fuck this up."

I had possibly been the worst wife in the history of bad wives. Now my husband of ten years wants a divorce. Based solely on the evidence stacked against me I am guilty as sin.

So how badly have I screwed up this marriage?

The first few years were wonderful. We wanted children so we started early. We had a boy and a girl, Jason and Joan.

We used to go everywhere together when I was an intern at the law firm, Dewey, Scruem and Howe. We took the kids to Disney world, Daytona Beach and Myrtle Beach. Ed and I even took a cruise together while my parents looked after the kids, it was so romantic.

My career took off at the law firm. They recognized my talent and work ethic, I was given more and more responsibility, tougher cases and I had a stellar reputation for winning. That was when I started putting in more time. My success came at a cost. It ate into the time I could spend with my family.

No matter how good you are, the path to be made a partner is long and hard. I brought work home with me. Soon I was avoiding family responsibilities. I missed birthdays, anniversaries and more. Vacations were a thing of the past.

My husband confronted me several times to wake up and smell the rot in our marriage. I simply threw on nose plugs and kept on working.

My husband was a labourer. He was a 'salt of the earth' kind of man. He enjoyed hard work and working with his hands. He loved the kids and he picked up the parenting duties when I couldn't, which was all the time. I fell in love with his simple values and joy of life. I ended up crapping all over those values in my pursuit of partnership.

The harder I tried to earn it, the farther away it seemed. It was like someone was constantly moving the goalposts.

One of the law firm partners was a playboy, Stanley Howe, a real player who always had a sweet young thing on his arm. I used to sneer at his ridiculous and vacuous lifestyle. That was until he lingered in my office one day.

"Hey Dana, can I have a word with you?"

"Sure Stan, what's up?"

"You've been putting in some very long hours lately and word is that you have your sights set on partnership."

"Thanks for noticing. Yes, that's my goal."

"How badly do you want it?"

"I'm already neglecting my family and only sleeping a couple of hours a night. I can't work any harder or I'll start losing cases because I'm falling asleep on my feet."

"Work/Life balance is a bitch isn't it? Why don't you have dinner with me tonight and we'll talk more about it."

He walked out of my office. If I'd had any sense I would've walked out the door of the law firm and never looked back.

The dinner was at his club. I had called Ed to tell him I wouldn't be home for dinner, he was not amused.

We sat in a nice private area. We had cocktails, a bottle of wine and flaming Sambucas after dinner. I was not just tipsy, I was drunk as hell.

Stan had been sweet talking me all night. He told me he was on the fence about my partnership and wanted to be convinced that I really wanted it.

"How can I convince you?"

"I'm sure you know my reputation as a womanizer. I simply appreciate the company of beautiful women. You are a very beautiful woman and I'm sure you could easily convince me."

"Stan, you know I am married. Besides, I am not as young as your regular girlfriends."

"Women of a certain age are far more interesting and exciting. We are talking about a fast track and relatively easy path to partnership."

"I can't, Ed would kill me."

"He'd never know. Before you say no, give it some thought. I'll keep the offer on the table."

I'll give him this, the man was relentless. I wish I could say that I wasn't tempted, not because I thought I would enjoy it, but because it was a fast track to my goal.

I wish that I had come to Ed and told him about it, but I didn't. I was afraid that he would insist I quit or he might get angry and try to hurt Stan. I had all kinds of excuses not to involve my husband, none of them good.

Ed, God bless him, sat me down one day. No phones, no TV, just him and I, face to face, one on one.

"I am concerned about our marriage. You are working yourself to death. You are putting in way too many hours. I thought it was going to get better after the Miller case but it hasn't. The kids wonder why Mommy is never home, why Mommy never plays with us, doesn't she love us?

I keep assuring them that you are just very busy at work but it's been like this for years. You worked your way through two years of birthdays, you weren't even in town for Christmas and Easter. I've asked you to go on vacation with me but you never have the time. I don't like where this is heading. I'm an understanding and patient man but I have a limit and you're right at that limit."

"I am so close to making partner at the firm. I need to do this Ed. It's what I've been working towards for so long."

"You are going to have to choose one day, and damn soon, do you love your family or your job? Don't fool yourself, I will end this marriage. You're not the same woman you were, you've become a stranger."

I know in my heart of hearts that he meant that challenge to scare me straight, to choose my family once again.

What it actually did was make me want to make partner asap so I could relax and take a bit more time for my family.

There was an easy and quick and risky answer, Stanley Howe.

As it happened, several of us were going to a conference soon after our discussion. Stan would be there, so would I. It made me think about whether I could really do this or not.

There was no way I was telling Stan about my thoughts because I might decide not to do it. To prepare, just in case I needed it, I bought a pretty bra and panties set as well as a new little black dress. I also tossed in three condoms and some lube, just in case.

I was ready to go.

--------

Ed's recollection

(One on one with the counsellor)

I didn't mince my words with Dana. I spelled out how our marriage would end if I didn't see a change.

The blatant disrespect for me our family was completely unacceptable but years of that behaviour was just overkill.

One evening I was going through receipts and categorized them by type. Dana never took the time to do this and it was important to keep drug store receipts separate for tax purposes. That's when I spotted something out of place. Someone bought a tube of lube. That was unusual but even worse was an item further down the list, a small box of condoms.

I shook my head and read it three times. We never needed lube and hadn't used condoms in a decade. The only logical conclusion was that the upcoming conference also included a little sexual activity on the side. It was likely someone from work, probably that smug asshole Stanley.

Was she that desperate to make partner or had they been doing this for years? This was devastating. This spelled the end of our marriage.

I toyed with the idea of confronting her ahead of the conference but I hoped against hope she would come to her senses. I did have a conversation with her on the morning before leaving for the conference.

"Dana, have you given any further thought to prioritizing your family? You are slipping away from us and I'm afraid you're going to do something there will be no coming back from."

"I love you guys but I'm almost sure to make partner. I'm standing at the door of my future. Let me go through that door. I'll soon have more time for us."

--------

Dana's account

(One on one with the counsellor)

Once I got to the conference everything was set. Stan had a room right across from mine. We had a busy day of lectures and workshops and the usual meetings.

We had a group dinner and drinks. Of course our crew from the firm were all very loose and under the influence. I danced with each of the partners and they all told me I was one of the favourites to join them. I was giddy at the prospects for the future.

After many more drinks and lots of dancing we split up and went to our rooms. I looked at the sleepwear I had brought. I had a feeling I would have a late night guest. I wasn't wrong. I decided on the short nightgown that was very light, filmy and showed the best parts of my body.

I didn't have to wait long. Stan knocked on the door. He stood there in his silk pyjamas holding a bottle of champagne in a bucket bucket and two champagne flutes. Talk about a cliché.

He sat on the edge of my bed and poured. It was an almost a cinematic seduction scene. We drank the champagne, he leaned in to kiss me and my phone rang. It was 2am and the phone rang with my husband's ring tone, I answered.

"Hi, what's happening Ed, why are you calling so late?"

"I... I just needed to hear your voice. Dana, I know what you are doing or are planning to do. I saw the drug store receipt. I'm sorry babe, but I've had enough. Please don't come home. Go to your parents or go to a hotel or stay there. You've made your choice."

He hung up. The last words were chocked with emotion. He was obviously on the verge of tears.

The realization that he knew I had made up my mind to cheat smacked me upside the head like a two by four piece of lumber.

I tried calling him back but he wasn't picking up. By the third time I tried he had turned the phone off.

Stan was trying to divert my attention by running his hand up my leg and under my nightgown, By the time I reacted he had his hand on my pussy. I slapped him as hard as I could.

He stormed out of the room. I relocked the door behind him.

I may have dozed off but didn't get any real sleep. During the night I booked a plane ticket home for the next morning. Suddenly, my only priority was getting home and saving my marriage. It was like a slap in the face, he had warned me a thousand times that my behaviour would kill our marriage. I had ignored that warning too many times.

I apologized to the firm members who were at the hotel. I explained that there was a family emergency and I had to get home asap. A few were sympathetic but most had a look that indicated that I had just shown them exactly why I shouldn't be made partner.

When I got home no one was there, the locks had been changed. I wasn't being given a second chance. I sat on our front steps and cried in grief and frustration.

--------

Ed's account

(One on one with the counsellor)

I got home and found her sitting on the front porch. She had been crying, her eyes were red and swollen. She rushed up to me and tried to hug me.

"Don't! I told you to go to your parents or a hotel, not your former home."

She cried again and begged me to talk.

"The time for talking has passed. You've made your choice."

"Nothing happened. I booked a flight home. You said you found those items on the drug store receipt, I never used them. I can show them to you."

"Your intent was clear, otherwise why buy them?"

"Safety, just in case!"

"Don't talk to me any more. Go, get out of my sight! My lawyer will be in touch. The kids will be with me till we get this settled."

It was a dismal and dark day for me. I'm a big man, strong and I work with my hands. I was afraid I might not be able to conquer the will to crush something.

--------

Dana and Ed

(Counsellor session 1)

Dr. Schock opened the session.

Dana, what are you hoping to achieve through the counselling process?"

"I want Ed to realize that nothing happened at the conference. That I finally understand what he has been telling me about our relationship. I've been letting my work steal time away from my family. I want Ed to forgive me and work together on renewing our relationship."

"Ed, what would you like to achieve?"

"I want a divorce from Dana because she loves her career more than her family and she is obsessed with making partner in her law firm. What I want is for her to come to the realization that despite my innumerable warnings about her behaviour she finally broke us up. I want her to accept that she loves her career more than me and the kids and just move on."

"We seem to have opposite goals, it's not unusual when people need counselling. There is always hope that we may may find a way to achieve some of those goals, perhaps not all of them."

"Dana, how important is making partner to you?"

"It was about all I could think about for the past few years. It is so competitive and so few end up with partnership in a law firm, it was my supreme goal. I use the past tense because I realize how vacuous that goal now seems.

I was given a clear path to my goal, it lay with Stanley. All I had to do was lay with Stanley.

Ed, please believe me I refused him again and again. That meant working like a dog to earn my way. When you read me the riot act about changing my attitude soon or it would all be over, I heard your warning! But it pushed me the opposite way. I wanted my family life back again and there was a clear and easy way to become a partner, Stanley. So in a round about way you made me choose my only viable path to attain both.

I got unbearably drunk that night. I wasn't sure I could go through with it. Stan came to the door, we had champagne and then you phoned. I slapped Stanley, the ultimate insult to him and he left. I booked the flight and got home and found myself locked out.

I've burned my bridges. I know

I will never make partner. That dream is dead"

"Dana, that's not the only dream that died that night. My dream of having a wonderful family life with my children and the woman I loved became a nightmare that night. You set out with the intention of having sex with another man. Whether you did or not doesn't really matter. The fact that you intended to is enough. It just proved to me that your children and I were way down your list of priorities."

The counsellor squeezed the bridge of his nose.

"When the two of you had that confrontation suggesting that the end of your relationship was imminent, both of you took that very seriously. Ed, according to Dana, giving into Stanley's desire one time would mean she could then relax and spend more time you and the family. Both her goals would be reached and she would be free to be Mother and wife."

"So you're saying her motives were right but her actions were wrong?"

"Yes, I can see her reasoning. She saw it as the one thing that held her back from a happy life with her family. I'm not saying it was right, I'm just saying that it contains a logical explanation for her reasoning. She would make partner and she would be able to free up time for her family. To her it was the best of both worlds."

Dana was nodding her head.

"But of course, by your account, Dana, nothing happened."

"Nothing sexual happened but something did happen. I blew up any chance of reaching my career goal and I did it for my family."

"Dr. Schock, forgive my coarseness but am I really supposed to believe that she was willing to fuck around on me to save our family? I work with my hands and body as a labourer but c'mon, I have a brain and that sounds crazy."

"I agree, to you it sounds like madness but considering Dana's situation at the time there is some interior logic. She didn't desire sex with Stanley but he was a means to an end, saving her marriage."

"That's the craziest logic I've ever heard. Let me ask this, Dana, how did that work out for you? You lost your partnership bid and you've lost your family."

"It didn't work out at all, Ed. This has broken me completely. I've failed in my career and my personal life."

"As your counsellor I need to help both of you look for the causes of your problems. The career obsession must have been triggered by something. It doesn't seem like Ed was the trigger."

"You are right, it wasn't Ed. He has been the perfect husband, he is caring and loving and he adores our children. It is all me. My coworkers caused me to become a monster."

"Can you explain how they made you that way?"

They thought I had married below my station. They said I worked hard to get my undergraduate degree, went to law school and graduated top of my class, passed the bar exam and got hired by a prestigious law firm. They pointed out that I had married a man who chose to dig holes, sweep floors, fix things, a common labourer."

"Did you believe those things they said?"

"No, at first I challenged them on it. I explained why I loved him and honoured him so much. But the comments just got worse. They said I was being held back because of Ed. Sometimes the job demands attendance at social events and a married woman should bring her husband. I wasn't embarrassed but it irked some of the partners. I think that was when I started working extra hours. I also think the partners gave me the Miller case, because they wanted me to fail, it was practically an unwinable case. I worked my ass off and won that case for the client and the firm."

"That was a major coup for you Dana. I was so proud of you, " said Ed.

"But that put me firmly back on the partnership track. Winning the Miller case might have been the trigger."

The doctor frowned.

"You have mentioned several incidents but I think that you missed the trigger point."

"How? I don't understand."

"Dana, you say that Ed is blameless in this and I agree, but he does play a role. Your coworkers denigrated Ed, you defended him then gradually you bought into the narrative that he was holding you back. I'm not saying it was a conscious decision but I think it may be what started your push to overcome that drawback."

"Ed! Don't listen to this nonsense. I love you and never thought you were holding me back."

"He's right, Dana. It makes sense. I'm not a doctor or lawyer, I'm a common ditch digging man. Yes I graduated school with high marks but polite society has always looked down on the common working man. We married when we were still figuring out our careers. If you had known your career direction you'd have chosen a different man. Look on this divorce as something to correct your situation, a way to start over by marrying someone with higher social standing."

"I've heard enough bullshit for one day. I don't want this divorce. I love you Ed, I wouldn't trade you for the world but I can't sit here and listen to this any longer. I'll be back for the next session, goodbye."

The door slammed closed after Dana left the room.

"Ed, let her think about what she's heard today. I believe she is fighting what she fears is the truth. It's too much to swallow in a single sitting. The understanding will come after the facts marinate in her mind."

"So her putting in so many hours is based on overcoming my career choice, my social standing?"

"I believe exactly that."

"So indirectly it is my fault."

"In a manner of speaking but you are simply being true to yourself. She loves you for who you are. If your goal is getting Dana to accept the divorce I don't believe that will happen."

"So what do I do?"

"Go home, don't initiate debate with Dana, if she speaks to you keep calm and do t confront her. You both need to let this session marinate in your minds. You've heard some hard things today. It will take time to see and understand the path forward."

--------

Dana

As I expected I was no longer considered a viable choice as a partner. I was busted down to handling trivial cases. The partners ignored me except for Stan, he took every opportunity to heap shame on me.

I struggled to absorb the bits and pieces of our counselling session. Some of it rang true. Some things I'd buried so deeply into my psyche, it was subconsciously affecting my decisions. It shamed me.

I saw how blind I was to my own ambitions. My training guided me in analyzing issues. How could I take the knowledge I have now and make practical decisions. How could I change my life to convince Ed that I needed him and that I was willing to do anything to set things right.

It was a very tough exercise but I got through it and hoped it would mean a breakthrough at our next session.

--------

Dr. Schock's office

"Last meeting we uncovered some of the key reasons for the change in your relationship. You have both had some time to inwardly digest the information. Can you tell me some of the thoughts you've had since our last session?"

Dana shifted nervously in her seat.

"I'll go first. This was a very hard time for me. I couldn't believe how cruel I was to you, Ed. How I swallowed their lies, how they belittled you. NO, how I belittled you. I refuse to blame them, I KNEW BETTER!

My work environment is toxic to me. I blame no one but myself. I was ambitious, I am proud of being ambitious but also ashamed. I dishonoured you and my family. I stole time away from my family to further myself. It was wrong and I apologize.

I asked myself how can I show Ed my love, how can I prove to him and our children that I want to change and promise to change."

I breathed in and breathed out, letting the silence settle me.

"I resigned from the law firm. It has been a lovely source of income but it has robbed me of my family. NO THATS WRONG! I need to take ownership. I abandoned my family for that company and myself. To attempt to repair that damage I will abandon the firm for my family. I will apply the same work ethic I did for the law firm but I will work on rebuilding our family. I will be there for you.

I might be able to take on a part time job but if you would rather I stay home, I will do that.

I need you to know that I never wanted another man in my life. I never wanted Stanley, he was only a means to an end. You are my rock and without you I'm lost. I want us to work. I want us to vacation together as a family and sometime just you and me. I love you so much Ed. Let me prove to you that I have changed."

Dana pulled out a piece of paper from her bag. It was her resignation letter, submitted two days ago.

"I will be cleaning my desk out and be out of there on Friday."

Doctor Schock looked at her and nodded. He turned and looked at Ed who seemed perplexed, unsure of what to say.

"Dana, I know you have given this a lot of thought. I don't know if you truly understand the damage that's been done to our family. It is irreversible and there is nothing you can do to repair it. Please get that thought out of your head right now.

You probably shouldn't have resigned until you had another position lined up. Divorces are expensive."

"I resigned to show you how serious I am about you and the kids. I want to devote my time to us."

The counsellor pinched the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache.

"Dana has made a rather grand, impetuous gesture. Without being asked, she resigned to indicate how serious she is about reforming her family life. How does that make you feel, Ed?"

"Manipulated, it's supposed to make me feel grateful for her sacrifice. It's too little and way too late."

"Ed, this is a difficult question but I think it's one we need to address. Is there anything, anything at all, any possible way that Dana can get you to love her again?"

"No, because I don't believe her. She is hard-wired to be obsessive about something. Do I believe that obsession would ever be for me and our family? No, I don't."

"I think we have exhausted the helpfulness of these sessions. I will report in my notes that your differences are irreconcilable. On a personal note, I really wanted to see the two of you find enough common ground to reconcile. I know a lot of damage has been done but you are both young enough to have many great years together."

--------

Dana

It felt like a death sentence. Irreconcilable, he said. What do I do now?

Do I call him, do I wait for him to call? I feel like hell could freeze over before he would call. No, I need to back off. Let him be.

--------

Ed

The counselling session was a painful exercise. It brought way too much shit to the surface. I needed to be strong for the kids. We tried to keep them out of it but kids are always more perceptive than adults think.

"Dad, you and Mom were seeing a doctor a couple of times lately. Are you both sick?"

"No, we're fine. The doctor was helping Mom and me with our family problems."

"Did he fix things up? Are you better now? Are we going to be a family again?

"I don't think so. It isn't something that you can just heal with some medicine."

"Will we ever be a family again, Dad?"

"Mom hasn't been here very often has she? Do you kids want her back here with us.

"Of course we do Dad. She's our Mom. We love her."

That response surprised me. They still loved her. Who was I kidding. The chances were slim and none, but I couldn't crush their hopes and dreams so I held my tongue.

I was never so thankful for the mercy and blessings of work. As long as I was using muscles and raising a sweat I could keep thoughts of Dana out of my head. The kids kept me busy in my off hours. The worst time was at night when the kids were in bed.

One night I dreamed that Dana was in bed beside me. We kissed and made love. It was such a sweet dream that I groaned when I awoke and realized that I was alone in my bed. Alone in the bed with an erection and a crushing desire.

A few weeks later the kids cornered me.

"We want to see Mom."

"Are you sure? You know things aren't good between us."

"We want Mom."

"Let me see what I can do."

I called her mobile and she answered on the first ring.

"Ed?"

"The kids want to see you. How do you want to arrange this?"

"Can I come to the house?"

"Sure, should I make myself scarce?"

"No, it would be great for you to be there too. I'm so glad you called. I've been wanting to call you."

"Fine, how about tomorrow after school. I'll be home, I'm working a double shift tonight so I'll be free."

"I'll see you then."

--------

Dana

Thank God he finally called me. I miss them so much.

Not going to the office to work was maddening. I am so used to being crazy busy. Now that I'm not busy my mind is filled with the counselling advice, Ed's anger and distrust, my children's health and happiness. I see my own faults so much better than I ever did before. It is helping me understand the pain I've caused.

My psychiatrist tells me that sometimes narcissists delude themselves into thinking they are loved and the world revolves around them, add that to my obsessive compulsive tendencies and you get a wrecked family.

I feel better about understanding the flaws in my personality. But it doesn't move me any closer to being with Ed and the kids.

This after school meeting with my family is going to be a challenge. First of all how do I dress, matronly? Provocative for my husband? Business attire? No, definitely not the lawyers get up. I bought some gifts the kids would like.

The kids greeted me with hugs and kisses which I returned. Ed stood back with a frown on his face.

"Hi Ed."

"Dana."

We all went into the back yard and sat on the patio. We had lemonade to drink. I gave the kids their gifts and they were thrilled. They started playing together which left Ed and I sitting alone.

"How are you doing, Ed?"

"We're getting by."

"I miss you and the kids."

He didn't reply. He wasn't angry, he was cold, indifferent. He never asked how I was or said he missed me because he simply didn't care. I was not his responsibility any more. It crushed me.

"Ed, can we still be friendly to each other or or we have to keep treating each other like we are strangers?"

"You want me to pretend things are normal? I'm not that good of an actor to do that. You chose poorly and not choosing your family carries consequences. I can't pretend to be friends with you."

"Yet you invited me here."

"No, the kids wanted to see you. You asked me to be here."

"Because we are a family!"

"We were a family, past tense."

"There has to be a way through this. How can I make amends, make restitution to you?"

"You can't put the toothpaste back into the tube. It is a done deal. You bought the lube and condoms, you had every intention of fucking Stanley Howe during your trip. If I hadn't called that morning you would have accomplished your goal. You can't take back your intention to betray me."

"I know that! If I could, I would have." I locked you out of my life, I'm sorry, please don't lock me out of of yours."

"Dana, I am hurting more than you can imagine, seeing you here at home with us and acting like a family is hard for me. But the children love you. For their sake, please stay for a while. "

--------

News of my screw up and resignation from Dewy, Scruem and Howe had spread far and wide. I tried to find work but no law firm would let me get any further than a first interview.

I had to look elsewhere. I found a law firm that was willing to take a chance on me. It turned out that they had a bit of a beef against Stanley and they loved that I had slapped his face. The problem for me was that they were located in another city.

My new apartment was little more than a walk-in closet sized unit. It wasn't very nice and it was in a rough part of town, but it was what I could afford.

I was still given inconsequential cases to work. I longed for a chance to work a major case again.

I kept in contact with the kids. They were begging me to come home. I told them that if their father wanted me to come home, I would. Ed had ignored any contact I tried to make. The divorce was taking a very long time. The courts were backed up and judges were way behind.

On my way home one evening I was accosted by some men. They were sitting at the entrance to the my apartment building.

One man grabbed me and held me while another pulled up my skirt and pulled down my panties. I felt a huge greasy finger invade my vagina. I didn't see what happened but my attackers ran off. A man had come to my rescue.

His name was Dirk and he was a handsome man. He looked like a nerd that worked out a lot. He asked if I was okay.

"I'm fine, just shaken up." I pulled up my panties and straightened up my skirt."

"Thanks for scaring them off."

"No problem."

"Listen, is there anything I can do for you. I would like to reward you."

"How about dinner with me tomorrow night?"

"Okay, I guess that will work."

He took me to a lovely little restaurant. He was an actuary, a prodigy with numbers and statistics. Insurance companies paid big salaries for men like him. He was funny, talkative and entertaining. We had a fun dinner date. He asked if I would like to to do this again. I said yes!"

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Ed

Every day after work I picked up the kids from their after-school care.

For the past month they have been constantly asking me about their mother and when she would be coming back. My explanations, minus the lurid details didn't deter them in the least.

"Whatever Mom did, or didn't do doesn't matter Dad. We love her and we need her at home here. We need a family."

"She was never around to support you kids!

"Yes she was, just not all the time. We knew she had an important job. We wished for more time with her. Now you've sent her away we get zero time with her. It's not fair to us or fair to Mom."

When did my kids ever get so eloquent?

"Mom hurt me a lot. She broke faith with me, broke promises."

"At Sunday school we learned about forgiveness. We heard about turning the other cheek, about Jesus asking God to forgive them because they didn't know what they were doing, and about the woman doing bad things with men, Jesus forgave her and said sin on more. The teacher said we should try to be more like Jesus and forgive. Can't you forgive Dad?"

Out of the mouths of babes.

Dana had stopped trying to contact me. I tried a text but got a 'number not in service' message.

It took a little detective work to find out where she found work. I was able to get her new phone number but found that my number was blocked. I guess she had given up on me.

I was never a great man at technology but where there is a will there's a way. When I got her address I checked the location in my map app. The apartment she rented was very close to where I had been working.

Then I realized the kids had been in contact, they wouldn't be blocked. I borrowed their phone.

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Dana

The second date with Dirk was even better than the first. I liked Dirk. We went dancing after dinner and he asked if I was interested in trying some E. I knew it was supposed to enhance a dating experience but I'd never taken any. I said I'd try it.

It's hard to describe but it just made everything more erotic, more emotional and my libido was fully engaged.

We finished dancing then went to my apartment. Dirk took off his shirt. Exposing an absolutely ripped upper body. I hugged him tight, kissed his muscular chest and undid his pants. His cock was erect, long, hard and full of veins. The E was making everything so much more exciting. I fell to my knees and...

My phone rang with the kid's ring tone. Why would they be calling this late at night?

"Sorry Dirk, it's the kids, I need to get this."

"Hi, you're up late. What's the problem sweetie?"

"It's me Dana, I'm downstairs"

"Ed, what are you doing here? Where are the kids?"

"I borrowed the kid's phone. They are with my Mom. I borrowed their cell phone because you wouldn't have blocked them like you did me. We need to talk. I know it's late but I think it's important."

"This is kind of a bad time."

"I know, I apologize but my sixth sense is telling me we need to talk, now. Can I come up, Dana?"

"Give me five and I'll join you in the coffee shop downstairs."

"Dirk, I'm sorry but I have to meet my husband downstairs, can you go out the back way? I just don't want to antagonize him more than I already have."

I quickly dressed, brushed my teeth and my hair.

Now, what the hell did Ed want and what was up with his timing?"

Ed was sipping on a large coffee as I sat down opposite him.

"This is unexpected, why are you dressed for work?"

"The work site is a block away, my shift starts in an hour. I wanted to talk. We haven't spoken to each other for months."

"Whose fault is that? I've been trying to get you to respond to me but you ignored me."

"I was still angry, Dana. I tried to compose responses but couldn't send them. I am getting to the point where I hate technology."

"So what do you want? You didn't come all this way unannounced just to chat."

"I wanted to see how you were. When we last saw each other things were pretty tense."

"Yeah, divorce has that effect on people. How are the kids?"

"They're fine. They miss you and they miss us as a family. I miss you too."

"Why didn't you just call me? It doesn't make sense your showing up on the off chance I'll be home."

"I was afraid you wouldn't want to see me and I wanted to talk to you face to face."

"Why face to face?"

"We always seem to talk past each other on the phone. I wanted to be able to see your reactions. You stopped reaching out to me. You switched phones and blocked me. After my last conversation with you I guessed you considered everything done and dusted."

"I guess it isn't over until the courts say it's over. Still, it's been months."

"So, how have you got on with your new job?"

"It's okay, not very exciting work like I was doing at Dewey, Scruem and Howe. It's what I deserve I guess. I should consider myself lucky to be doing any legal work after what I did."

"Was your crime that heinous? I mean all you did was slap a partner of the firm trying to seduce you."

"The slap was the big deal. He could have had me charged with assault. I could have threatened a charge of sexual impropriety but I had the condoms and lube in my case which indicates it would likely have been consensual. I didn't have a leg to stand on. Stanley made sure I got blackballed in the industry."

"So you lost your career and your marriage in one single act."

"Rising star one day and shit the next"

"I'm sorry that it has been so hard on you, Dana."

"It was a disaster of my own making."

"I see that you've moved on already."

"Work wise, yes I've moved on. I'm okay, but never will I be as happy and motivated as I was at DS&H."

"No, I mean you've moved on romantically. I saw the guy sneaking out the back door of your apartment building, I was parked out back."

"That was Dirk. Dirk is a friend, he saved me from getting hurt by some neighbourhood thugs."

"So he spent tonight with you?"

"Look Ed, you have been out of the picture for a long time. You are divorcing me. I have needs, I'm a woman."

"You are also still married. Technically at least."

"Hey! I just noticed is that your new car parked out back? It looks amazing."

"Don't change the subject, Dana. Yes, it's new and it is making life much better for me. Now, back to this Dirk person, are you and he an item?"

"We are dating. He saved me and we've been to dinner a few times. Tonight was our second date, dinner and dancing."

"Is it serious?"

"I like him a lot and I haven't been with a man for a very long time. You were the last."

"Do you plan on continuing the relationship?"

"I don't know. Why the million questions? What does it matter to you?"

"I need to know how serious you are about establishing a relationship with him."

"I can't tell you because I don't know myself. I don't know how serious Dirk is or what I want."

"What about you? Are you dating?"

"No, between work and the kids I haven't any time for romance. Besides, I'm still married."

"Only till the courts decide otherwise."

"Or until I withdraw the petition to divorce."

"What?"

"Either the courts decide to finalize the divorce or I withdraw the petition."

"Why would you do that?"

"That's what I came here hoping to discuss. I never expected to find you with a man in your apartment."

"Whoa! Let me digest this for a minute."

I needed to take a moment to breathe. Was he suggesting that we could forget the divorce? How would that work? My mind reeled.

"Dana, I came here to see if there was still any desire to stay together. The longer the courts delay, the more I miss you. The kids have been miserable without you. I thought that maybe now you might have time to be with your family. The anger and hurt have faded and loneliness has set in. I wanted to see if you were interested in coming home to see if we are still viable as a couple and as a family."

"Your timing is the worst. Are you staying in town or going back home after your shift?"

"I can do either, it's your call."

"Stay with me tonight."

"Okay, I will."

"Meet me at the apartment for dinner tonight."

--------

Dana

What the hell. I had been wanted this for so long. It is so typical of Ed to reverse course at the worst possible time. He has a sixth sense, almost like he can read my mind.

I called Dirk and told him I needed to talk to him at lunch. He said it wasn't necessary.

"I assume you and your husband had a productive conversation. I thought you told me it was over between the two of you."

Did he come to take you back?"

"He says so, I don't really understand what has changed his mind."

"Do you want to go?"

"I don't know. We just got started, Dirk. I was interested in seeing where it went."

"Me too, but he is your husband. I understand you are torn but if you think you two can reconcile on any level then you owe it to yourself to give it a chance. If it doesn't work out, I'll still be here."

Ed and I went to my favourite restaurant in town. It was a rustic Italian place. We ordered a bottle of wine and our meals.

Ed showed me the most recent photos of the kids. I missed them and spoke to them on the phone often but the photos also reminded me that I had abandoned this family for my career. It felt horrible.

He also showed me photos of the changes he had made to the house. It was beautiful. The gardens were lush.

"Every time I went to work in the garden I thought of you and how much you used to love the gardens."

"You've done great work in keeping everything alive."

"It helped me maintain my memories of our better times together."

"How would it work if I agreed to try a reconciliation?"

"Any way you like. I liked our counsellor. We could see him again. You could come home or stay here and maybe come home for the weekends."

I immediately thought of having Ed on weekends and Dirk weekdays but I knew that wouldn't work. I hated myself for even thinking it.

"Commuting wouldn't work. If we are to give ourselves the opportunity to reconnect I need to commit to being there with you full time. The down side is I would be out of a job."."

"I'm making enough money that we should be fine without your income."

"Finding legal work in Grantham will be tough. Maybe I could do some charity work?"

"I know this is risky for you. Maybe you can arrange to do some work from home or they could take you back on staff if you decide to come back."

"Before I make any decisions I need to know, do you forgive me?"

"The kids sat me down and taught me about forgiveness. You would have loved it, the two of them teaching me about what they learned at Sunday School. I am so proud of them. Yes, I forgave you that day they lectured me."

"Do you love me?"

"I wouldn't be here offering you this if I didn't. Yes, I still love you."

"Then I'm willing to try. If it doesn't work, we separate with no hard feelings."

--------

Dana

Dirk was sad to see me go and I was sorry to leave him. We had only just begun, but reuniting with Ed came first.

My employers wished me well. I sublet my tiny apartment And moved back home.

The kids were overjoyed. I cried a lot. The first few days were awkward but eventually we fell into a rhythm. The kids were at school during the day. I started looking for work.

Once again I found out that Stanley Howe's influence was still potent in this city. No law firms would take me on. I started thinking outside of the box. Instead of working client side maybe I should work for the prosecution. My inquiries were received and I got interviewed. When they heard about the Stanley Howe incident they became eager to bring me onboard. My record was stellar and there was a certain animus towards Stanley. I understand it had something to do with a judge's wife."

Ed was happy I found something but he warned me again that obsessing about the job could have a negative impact on our reconciliation. I promised to put family first.

Our relationship slowly grew stronger. The kids were great and they forgave so easily and openly. Ed took a little more time.

I moved into the guest room. It felt awkward because I thought we should be sleeping together. Ed insisted that this was best for now. I think that's because he feared getting too close and then have it not work out.

We would kiss, hug, cuddle but sex seemed like a line he didn't want to cross and and a line I didn't want to force him to cross.

When the tension became too much I slipped into his bedroom one night. I crawled under the covers and fell asleep. I awoke to Ed spooning me, his arm around me cupping my breast. He was still asleep but his morning erection was poking my butt.

I heard him groan and he pushed against my ass, his cock between my cheeks. I shifted position just enough to place his glans where it needed to be, where it wanted to be.

My arousal made me well lubricated so when he groaned again and pushed, the tip passed my inner lips so he could feel my slickness and the heat.

He pressed harder, pulled back and thrust in again, and again. I was in paradise, a place I never thought I would be again but here I was in bed with the man I loved. I came so hard that first time, it was magnificent.

We were afraid to change position. I was afraid of breaking the magic that was happening. My husband was claiming me again. All too soon he grunted loudly and I felt his cock inside me twitching, bucking, releasing his life-giving semen inside me.

I turned over and held him, kissing him, loving him.

"You can move your stuff in here if you like, Dana."

"I love you, Ed"

From that moment on we were a changed family. We spent great times together, we travelled. I helped the kids with schoolwork. My working for the prosecution was much more to my liking and I excelled at getting convictions. I took every opportunity I could to thumb my nose at Stanley Howe.

We met with our old counsellor and he was thrilled that we were back together. He emphasized that communication needed to be an important area of concern for both of us.

We met with him once a month for a year. There was a wrinkle or two in the fabric of our relationship but we worked things out before they became issues. The kids were happy that we were behaving like a family again.

Looking back, I can't believe the progress we have made, how entitled and unbalanced I was.

I also can't believe how lucky and how blessed I am to have a husband like Ed.

-30-