TDEH Ch. 20

Eutus, Izzy and Ramsey all worked until dawn to attempt to stabilize Finn. They had stitched her wounds closed and sanitized the area. Eutus has made a potion for her with healing properties, Ramsey had fed it to her one drop at a time. Her normal healing wasn't working and none of them were convinced that a healing potion would help, but it was worth a try. They had cleaned and dressed her in loose clothing which allowed access to her injuries without the need to move her. She was as white as paper. Her breathing was shallow and a fever had begun. They had moved her from the table onto her small cot. They wrapped her in blankets with the hope it would help break the illness. Sweat beaded on her as Finn's body attempted to fight the infection. Carter cared for his mate. Cleaned the sweat with cool, clean clothes.

Carter had threatened them, begged and pleaded they do something, but none of the enchanters had any more ideas. They had stabilized her and she was currently still breathing. Their only hope was that her enchanter side may be able to fight off the wolfsbane in her bloodstream before it killed her, but there was no research or anecdotal evidence to fall back on. Izzy had left to see if he could find more information, the others stayed to care for Finn and each other.

"We should get my dad," Carter said, his words cut into the heavy silence. His exhausted body was only held up by the camp chair he was sitting in.

"That's not a good idea..." Ramsey responded.

"She loves my dad. They're family. If she's going to die, he should at least be here to say goodbye," he was staring at his mate blankly.

Eutus and Ramsey exchanged a glance. Eutus sighed and walked over to Carter and placed a hand in comfort on his shoulder.

"Darling, it would be unwise to bring the Alpha here. It's too far from the pack. Perhaps that's what Helmut hopes we will do."

"But... if she dies and he isn't here..." Carter's face paled more, his eyes dewy.

"I know, sweetheart," Eutus said as he encapsulated the larger man in a hug. "But she wouldn't want anyone to risk themselves to say goodbye. If the worst happens, the Alpha will understand that this was the right choice. She has us. She won't be alone."

Carter shook his head, "she doesn't love us. She should die surrounded by people she loved." His exhaustion and grief clouded his judgement.

Ramsey pushed his exhausted form up and walked over to the others. He placed his hand on Carter's shoulder as Eutus continued to hold him. "Of course she loves us. What on earth makes you think differently?"

Carter just looked sad. Eutus broke his embrace and stood. His eyes fell onto Finn's unmoving form.

"If she didn't love us, we'd all be dead. She'd have killed you the night your mating bond was created if not for the love of you. Albeit, the child she knew and loved, not yet the adult. She would have killed me along with Obeus if she didn't care. Izadore would have come no matter what, which was her plan."

"And she'd have left me to face the consequences of not stopping her and Iz from taking father's prized book if she didn't care."

"But..." Carter started.

"There is nothing else to say. She loves us. And should she die here, she will be surrounded by those who return that love. You need rest, both of you. I will stay with her until someone wakes or Izadore returns," Eutus stated. Before either man could voice their disagreement, he shot them a silencing glance. Ramsey retreated to their shared room, but left the door ajar to hear any requests of help. Carter remained seated in the camp chair, his eyes on Finn. After less than ten minutes, Eutus heard his breathing become heavy and regular. He placed a blanket over him as he continued his silent vigil.

(2)

Everything felt like a watercolour painting. It had the outline of reality, but the colours all swirled and blended together in an unnatural way. What she found most distressing was that her tattoos were gone. Her skin was a pale pink, no colourful patterns and no scars that she could find. Even her midsection was fine, healthy pink flesh. No crisscross evidence of her self-evisceration. She was dressed in her normal attire, her large black jumper, leggings and no shoes.

I guess I'm dead, she thought to herself. She hadn't tried her voice, fearing that it wouldn't be there. Tentatively, mostly out of fear, she tried her bond with Carter. She reached for him, but all she felt was herself. Herself and the crushing emptiness of loss.

Finn was sitting cross legged on the grass overlooking the fjord that she had shown Carter. She wasn't sure how she got here nor how long she had been here. The water below lapped at the rocks, spraying glittering sparkles as it broke across their face. The sky was a continuous sunset, pinks, purples and oranges encompassed her view. There were puff grey clouds that indicated a possible storm on the horizon, but they didn't move. She also wasn't sure that the light that surrounded her was emanating from the sun.

She stretched her body, her arms above her head. It felt like her physical form though there was no lingering pain. She remembered pain, it was her last conscious memory. That and Carter screaming for her. She remembered being wet, covered in her own blood, but the rest was as hazy as her surroundings.

At a loss for what to do, she let herself fall back into the grass and dirt. The ground was warm as though holding the heat from the day. She stared up at the sky, enjoying the different colours and a breeze that seemed to be coming from everywhere, but nowhere all at once. She closed her eyes and sighed. This isn't how she had intended to die; Saving her family, freeing Carter and the Ironblood pack from Helmut was as noble a death as she could have wanted.

"Hello, my black Dahlia," said a sweet voice.

Finn shot up and realized that Anna was seated beside her. She stared at her mother, she had heard no movement and smelled nothing to indicate that she had arrived. She was more youthful than she had been in life. Taller. Her skin was smooth and her hair was a chestnut brown. Her blue eyes caught the light of the perpetual sunset and turned green.

"So I am dead?" She asked her mother.

"Well, not yet my darling. You have to choose," Anna smiled at her.

Finn shuffled her body closer to Anna and wrapped her arms around her. She tried to stifle her tears, but was unable to stop them. The comfort of her parent always caused her guard to drop and tears to fall.

"Mom, I am so sorry I failed you. I should have killed Helmut years ago. You suffered because of me. I am beyond sorry," the words continued to fall out of her mouth, choked occasionally by the waterfall from her eyes.

Anna let out a small laugh and returned her daughter's hug. "Oh, my sweet girl. None of this is your fault." She kissed her daughter on the top of her head, like she had when she was a small child. "If it hadn't been Malus, it would have been nature. I lived a long life. Yes, there was grief but the majority of it was wonderful. I had a magnificent son and daughter-in-law who I loved and loved me in return. When I lost them, I thought my grief would end me but I gained you. You were worth all the pain, my dahlia. Every single pang. Never doubt that. I also had the pack and helped raise almost a hundred pups. My life was full and joyous. I'm sorry I had to leave you." She continued to hold her child until she had stopped crying, softly stroking her back while they embraced to give her comfort.

After some time, Finn released her grip on Anna and sat back. She wiped her face with her sleeve, but it came away dry. She stayed silent, enjoying spending time with Anna.

"Darling, I'm afraid you need to choose," Anna said, her voice held a hint of distress.

"Choose what?"

"To live or die."

"Aren't I already dead?"

"No, not yet."

"This isn't the afterlife?"

"No, this is a crossroads. You can choose to let go of your physical form and pass on. I can take you with me across the gates of time. You can stay with me or find your own afterlife. Or you can choose to return to your body and continue on with life."

Finn looked at her, confusion evident on her face. "Does everyone get a choice?"

"Oh no, love. Rarely does anyone get one. Your physical body is dying. Your spirit is too far away from it. Should you choose to return, the reconnection should be enough to restart your internal healing. It'll push out the poison and your wounds will heal."

"But if I do that, I will have to say goodbye to you."

"For now."

"Maybe this is enough?" Finn asked the question out loud but knew only she could answer. Had she accomplished enough? With her death, the Ironbloods would be released from Helmut's plans. Her bond with Carter would evaporate and he would be free to find his true mate. Izadore had Eutus. She was sure Carter would give shelter to them and Ramsey, should they need or want it. Ramsey may be able to find his mother's family and be safe, hidden in their lands. Did she really need to return? She was tired. She was tired of being scared, of fighting, of being in pain and of causing pain.

"Do you know if they'll be safe?" She asked Anna.

Anna shook her head, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I don't have any magical abilities, I cannot see the future."

"What's it like? Beyond the gates?"

"I cannot tell you, except that it's different for everyone."

"Can you tell me if it's beautiful?"

"Oh yes."

"Are you happy?"

"Very."

Finn was quiet again. She stared at the water and the rocks. Maybe it was time. Sixty-four years for an enchanter wasn't long, but many werewolves didn't make it past their 20s. And hybrids were a different story. She opened her mouth, about to ask her mother to take her across. To meet the guardian of the gates, the only immortal she ever prayed to.

"How do I go back?" She surprised herself with her own question. She couldn't leave Carter or Art to the hands of Malus. She couldn't abandon her brothers. No matter how tired she was, her work wasn't done. Not yet.

Anna smiled widely, a single tear slid down her cheek. Finn reached out and brushed it away with her thumb, holding her mother's face for a moment. When she retrieved her hand she saw her thumb was dry.

"Walk back to the cabin. Your cot is in the main room. If you lay down and go to sleep, you will be reunited with your physical body. You know the way." Anna reached out and embraced her child once more, squeezing her tightly. "I love you. Say goodbye to the boys for me."

Finn returned her embrace. After a few moments, she stood, her hand held onto Anna's tightly. "Goodbye, mom. You were the best and I can't wait until I see you again."

"Goodbye, sweetheart. I'll be waiting for you when it's your time," her smile held no sadness.

Finn started her walk towards the cabin but stopped. She looked back at her mother once more, "I need to apologise for killing Fionn..." she started.

Anna laughed, a rich, relief filled laugh. "My darling girl, you both had no choice. Fionn and I have already been reunited and he apologised to me as well. Neither of you require my forgiveness as I know you each have it from each other."

Finn smiled one last time at her mother and began her slow walk through the old wood. Unlike the physical plane, the woods here were lush and green. There were bushes of berries and flowers scattered in the underbrush. The large tree canopy blocked out most of the sunset, leaving the already surreal visage in a pastel glow. She heard and saw no evidence of fauna, no bird calls or animal scat. Moss grew on the same side of the trees that in the physical plane had been burned and infected with Helmut's abominable spell.

When she finally broke out of the trees and saw the cabin, she smiled. The ground was covered in clover. The cabin wasn't in disrepair like when they found it. The wooden shingles were stained a dark wood colour with a dark green roof. The windows were all stained glass, intricate patterns of flowers and plants. The glass caught the light from the sky and shone brightly, leaving rainbows on the inside floor boards. As Finn's hand reached the doorknob, an intricate bronze wolf's head, about to turn it and enter the house, she heard something.

"Before you go..." Came a hesitant voice that she couldn't place. Finn turned back and looked around. At the edge of the tree line she saw two wolves. One was the same chestnut brown as Anna's hair had been, it also had her blue eyes. The other wolf was a golden brown. She sensed no danger and she had no fear. She stood, looking at the wolves and trying to place them.

"Do I know you? I'm sorry, you don't look familiar."

The chestnut wolf remained still as the golden wolf began to shift. After a moment, a young woman stood in its place. The woman had long light brown hair with a hue of yellow. Her eyes were dark brown. She had a gentle smile. She wasn't as tall as Finn, appearing to only be about 5'6. She said nothing, continuing to stand there, smiling softly. The chestnut wolf licked her hand and she moved forward one step. She was dressed in a yellow sundress, the skirt danced in the gentle wind.

"I... I just wanted to see you, with my real eyes. Before you go."

Finn continued to stare. "Elspeth?"

"Yes! I am." She smiled brightly but didn't move any closer. "I wanted to say thank you. For freeing me. For freeing us. I doubt we'll meet again after this point, unless you'd like too... But I wanted to see you. I also wanted to tell you I'm sorry. Your life has been painful and I know that it isn't our fault, but I wanted something much different for you. Something better." Her eyes appeared dewy and the chestnut wolf nuzzled her hand with its face. "Fionn and I wanted to say goodbye." She pet the wolf head of her husband.

Finn smiled. "I'm glad you two found each other. Go, be happy. And free."

Elspeth looked pained for a moment and then smiled warmly. "Goodbye, Finn. Good luck."

Finn turned back to the door but before she opened it, she twisted back around. Fionn had walked back into the woods but Elspeth had not moved. Her face brightened when she saw Finn turn back.

"Um, did you name me?"

"Yes. I did."

"What?"

"Thea."

"That's a good name. I would have liked it. Thank you," she smiled one more time at her birth mother, who returned her smile, and then opened the door to the cabin and stepped inside, out of view.