Every Reason Not To Pt. 03

Chapter 21

My head hurt a little more than I let on, but I knew Spencer was a drill sergeant. I'd learned that over the last few weeks. In fact, I was surprised and pleased by the way he'd grown up so much, taking responsibility seriously and applying a strong work ethic. When I took a moment to step back from my own emotion about things and notice how he'd changed, I was proud of him. I had yet to tell him, however, because even the slightest hint of personal conversation was met with a brick wall.

Until now.

He squirmed on the couch beside me trying to hide his morning wood, and I tried to ignore it. I even rubbed my eyes more times than needed so he'd have the chance to get up and leave, but he sat there, staring at me. All I could do was curl up against the back of the couch and wait for him to say something. I felt out of place here. If I were at home I'd have gone for coffee, showered, anything but just sit around.

"Uh, I can make some eggs and bacon--turkey bacon, because it's lower cholesterol. How does that sound?"

"Blech," I grumbled. "I'll take eggs, hold the fake bacon." I grinned at him and he stood--and so did is dick. I had to hide a snicker. His morning wood was a fucking tree.

He turned quickly, walking away. He probably hoped I hadn't noticed, but I did, and it aroused me a little, thinking of how incredible I knew it felt to take a stroll in that forest. I bit my lip hard, bringing myself out of that revery, and glanced at his phone. I had no clue where mine was. I had been carrying it when I was running, but I lost the past twenty-four hours to sleep.

"Where's my phone?" I asked, sitting straighter as he pulled a pan out of the cupboard.

"Ah, it's in the bag with all your things from the hospital. They did an MRI, so they had to take your bra off too. It's in the bag."

When he mentioned a bra, my hands instinctively shot to my chest and I squeezed my boobs. Fuck... He had helped me change last night. I was so out of it I hadn't even realized he had seen me nearly nude, and I'd be damned if I let him see me like that again. At least not willingly. I felt my cheeks burning and looked up at him as he cracked a few eggs into the skillet on the stove.

"I was a perfect gentleman," he said, probably reading my mind.

All thoughts of my phone were gone, replaced with internal loathing that the idea of Spencer seeing me naked both repulsed me and aroused me. I felt my groin burning, the ache slowly building as I watched him cook. Had he been aroused by me? Or was that morning wood?

"I called us both in for today."

"I'm fine, Spencer. We can go in." I pushed myself up, shaking away the feeling of tension between my legs. "Let's just have breakfast and go."

"No, you need more rest. The concussion might not be as bad as the doctors thought, but you took a very hard spill. You need to rest today."

I rolled my eyes hard at him and stood, walking to the bathroom. I felt his eyes on me, probably watching my ass, but he had annoyed me already. The bit of arousal I felt was gone with a wipe of toilet paper after relieving my bladder, and I intended to not let that happen again. When I came out of the bathroom, he was plating eggs already, so I sat down across from him at the bar and he slid the plate in front of me.

"You know what I really want?" I asked, spearing a bite of egg with the fork he handed me. Spencer stood and used a fork to eat the egg right from the skillet. Again, I rolled my eyes at him as he spoke with a mouth full of egg.

"What's that?"

"The coffee shop on Fourteenth Street... They have the most amazing iced lattes and I usually get one on my way to work every morning." I had a huge bite and savored the flavor of it. I didn't know what spices Spencer added to the mix, but it was incredible. I hadn't eaten in more than twenty-four hours, so I was famished.

"Yeah, I can run out and get you something."

"No, I want to go," I insisted. "You can't keep me locked up here. What am I? Your prisoner?"

"Not at all," he said, sheepishly. "But I did tell Curt you would be safe with me and that I'd make sure you were okay. So, Doctor's orders." He smirked as he shoved the final bite of his eggs into his mouth.

I huffed and took another bite as he set the skillet and his fork into the sink and dusted his hands. "Just let me get dressed. And you'll have to put on some shorts." He snickered and I clenched my jaw.

For someone who was so attractive, he was sure a jerk sometimes. I looked over my shoulder as he walked toward the bathroom and I shouldn't have. The way his muscles corded across his back, showed me he hadn't just been working on his intelligence and professionalism. He'd been working on his body too. And fuck if it didn't turn me on. I was going to need clean panties if he walked around without his shirt for very long.

I dressed quickly while he was in the bathroom and then scarfed down the rest of the eggs, thankful that the nausea was gone. I had no clue where my shoes were--they weren't in the bag--but we were only going through a drive through. When Spencer came out with a ball cap on and a t-shirt, flipflops on his feet, I was instantly transported back in time to the days of living with him. My body betrayed me, surging deep into arousal without my consent, and even my eyes betrayed me, lingering on his broad shoulders and the way his ass curved perfectly in those board shorts.

"You ready?" he asked, looking me up and down.

"Yeah, just drive. I need caffeine."

We made the short jaunt across town and back, and managed to not bicker at all. I really was feeling much better, so when we were on the way back, I asked, "Just drop my by my apartment. It's only a few blocks from here. You can bring my things to work. I'd really like to shower and be productive today, even if I'm not going in to work."

"Nope," he said calmly, turning away from my apartment and back toward his side of town. "You need to rest more. I'm going to make sure that happens."

"Spencer, you're being ridiculous. I'm a grown woman. I can take care of myself." I felt my temper starting to flare but I didn't want to argue. He'd been so kind to take care of me, but I knew I could handle myself.

"Listen, Kate, just trust me. You need to lie down. You'll get tired more easily. You'll probably have a headache again. You need to sleep it off." He took a drink of his coffee as he rolled to a stop at a red light.

I clenched my jaw and controlled my response. "Don't you think I'd be more comfortable at my own place?" My body tensed and I felt the blood thrumming in my ears.

"Calm down, Kate, you'll make your blood pressure go up which can make the concussion worsen."

I knew that. I was just as trained as he was, but he seemed to forget that. "Stop acting like you're my parent, Spencer. I just want to go home and rest."

"Well, you're headed back to my house. I can't return you home until I'm confident you are okay. Curt would hurt me." He chuckled as if that would break the ice but I was furious with him. Still, there was nothing I could do short of jumping out of a moving vehicle, so I sulked the rest of the way back to his house.

Chapter 22

Kate said nothing to me once we got home. She sat on the couch brooding because I wouldn't let her watch television or have her phone back. I knew her brain needed the rest still even if she refused to cooperate. She mumbled something about feeling like a prisoner but that wasn't at all the case. Despite my desire to have her near me longer, I really had kept her at my house longer to keep an eye on her. I'd seen patients with a concussion regress after doctors thought they had recovered enough to be released.

She sat on the sofa with her arms crossed over her chest glowering at me, and I headed for my bedroom. I needed a shower, and I had a few things to do workwise that I could do from my computer at home. Besides the fact that ever since I woke up I was finding it difficult to be around her without thinking about fucking her. So I put distance between us, collecting some fresh clothing to put on when I was done showering.

She had her eyes closed when I passed silently through the living room, and I assumed she was sleeping. For good measure, once I was in the bathroom I left the door unlocked in case she needed me. I shed my clothing, tossing them into the hamper, and then brushed my teeth, but the nagging urge to touch myself just refused to go away. I saw her when she looked at my raging erection this morning. She probably thought it was morning wood but it was her. Standing there in just a t-shirt and panties, she drove me wild.

During breakfast she told me the shorts I'd dressed her in were scratchy and she wanted her own clothing. I should have started a load of laundry for her this morning, but I was more focused on not being aroused by her. Now, with a few minutes of privacy, I could take care of this problem and hopefully be able to last the day without it coming back.

My cock was already ultrasensitive, having been hard and gone down a few times this morning, so it only took a few light brushes of my thumb down my length to bring me to full erection again. I closed my eyes, wrapping my hand around my girth and started stroking. I tried to keep images of her out of my mind, but they were stubborn little bastards, forcing their way into my thoughts until precum was beading on my head.

I had my back to the door but the telltale creak made me freeze, hand on my dick, eyes wide open. I stood there completely naked masturbating and Kate walked in. I whipped around and she froze too, hand on the doorknob. For a split second neither of us moved or spoke. For a moment so intense, I'd have thought my dick would have deflated instantly, but the way she stood there, staring at my hardness, it only made it worse.

"I... uh..." she stuttered, and I noticed she'd taken the shorts off again.

"Sorry, I--" I swallowed hard, not knowing what to do, and my hand moved of it's own accord, gently squeezing and stroking slowly.

I watched Kate's chest rise and fall more quickly, her tongue flicking over her bottom lip before she caught it with her teeth. She didn't move. Why didn't she move? Her hand stayed fixed to the doorknob, and her eyes slowly traced up my body to my face and we made eye contact. I had an urge to move toward her, kiss her, pull her against my body and then bend her over the sink. Just seeing her brought back every memory and ghost sensation of being inside of her.

Instead of acting on my lustful urges, I reached into the shower, turned the water on, and stepped inside. I left the door open. I knew it was a bad choice, but god I wanted her so badly. I couldn't tell her. My brain warred with my need to get release, and I knew it was wrong. Still, the look in her eye told me maybe she wanted it too. The way her eyes lingered on my hand as I touched myself.

I expected her to walk out, to be upset with me and leave, maybe even dress and leave my apartment. But she didn't.

Kate peeled the t-shirt off over her head, slipped her panties to the ground, unfastened her bra and dropped it, then joined me in the shower. The instant she shut the door I reached for her. I pulled her beneath the flow of the hot water and kissed her hard and she responded, hungrily devouring my kisses.

I sucked her neck and massaged her breasts, first pinching a nipple, rolling it between my finger and thumb then soothing away the slight hurt with my tongue.

She pushed herself away from my body, her kisses still eager. She sucked my lip into her mouth, then moved lower kissing down my chest pausing at each defined muscle. She sucked each of my nipples, one after the other, nibbling each time her lips left them until I pinched her hardened buds tighter.

It drove me wild.

I let my hands slip up her body and across her shoulders then held onto her head as she moved lower still leaving kisses along the way before I felt her tongue trace the ridges of my abdomen. She tensed and kissed the skin just above my cock as she traced its length with her index finger. When she teased me there was nothing I could do to keep myself from thrusting up against the heat of her touch.

"Fuck, Kate," I moaned, resting my hands on her shoulders as she sat on the shower bench. She groaned, gripping my length and stroking it as her tongue flicked across it's head, taking the precum with it. She said nothing, tormenting me and making me wonder what she was thinking.

When her lips wrapped around my girth, I sucked in a breath and shuddered. She started sucking, tongue swirling on my head, slowly taking more of me in with each tug. I pushed my fingers into her hair, gripping and tugging the strands until she made a noise in the back of her throat. It just turned me on even more. I could feel myself building toward climax.

She worked at me, driving me crazy with lust. She was fucking sexy sitting there on the edge of the shower bench, her lips wrapped around my dick as she stroked it with one hand. My hips began thrusting up against her mouth, meeting her movements and forcing her to take more out at a time in order to breathe. I was close to coming when she stopped and looked up at me, anticipating my reaction.

"No," I said softly and she chuckled, "don't stop."

Kate's eyes were full of lust and she brought her lips back to me, her hot mouth enveloping me in it's wet heat.

I slipped my hands into her hair and pulled on her head taking her further down my shaft. She moaned, momentarily releasing me before she thrust back down, taking me to the hilt of her throat. My head grew light as I stared down at her watching me pleasure myself in her mouth. My vision blurred and I wasn't sure whether it was solely because of her actions or because my brain was fogging over with desire. Kate sucked my cock slow then fast, relaxing into the rhythm and finding her own angle on which damned well made me crazy for more of it.

She circled my sac with her fingers while she moved too slowly, causing an ache inside of me. I knew I was going to come and I tried to warn her. I gasped, pulling her hair, but the release was imminent.

"God... now," I grunted, and she gripped my thighs and squeezed them hard, using the wall for support as she worked my cock. She sucked harder, bobbing her head in short strokes as she took more of me and licked around my head. I didn't have time to say another word before the pressure increased and then exploded.

"Fuck, Kate" I cried out her name as my cock began pumping cum into her mouth. My body wouldn't stop it's pulsing motions and though I had thought this was going to be a quick and release, it didn't stop for some time. The water washed away the sticky mess that spilled from her mouth as she continued swallowing me down.

My mind blanked in pure pleasure and although I didn't want the feeling to go, I was grateful when she quit tending to all of my needs so I could catch my breath.

Still stroking me, Kate looked up at me with a wicked grin on her lips; cum pooled below her chin mixed with hot water.

"I wanted to taste you," she said breaking the silence and watching me intently as she flicked her tongue around my dick as if she were desperate to get back at sucking me off. "You like that?" More silence filled the air between us, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was charged with weeks of unspoken desire on both parts. I bent slightly, hooking my hands beneath her arms and pulling her upward. She rose, letting the water wash over her face and took a drink of it before I caught her bottom lip between my teeth.

"How long have you been waiting to do that?" I asked her in a gravelly voice.

"Weeks... maybe years," she mumbled against my lips. "God... if you would only have just spoken to me like a human being." Her hands slid up my biceps and hooked around my neck, pulling me down against her mouth hard. I forced my tongue between her lips, and she thrust hers along mine. Her nipples were hard, pressing against my chest.

I wanted to eat her too, but not here, not in the shower. But fuck if I didn't want to hear her moaning like she did that day in my bedroom. My fingers wandered across her skin, following the flow of the water downward. She clawed at my shoulders when I found her clit, moist and already swelling. I circled it slowly, feeling her quiver against my touch. Our kiss ignited a passion between us that would never be quenched. It was more than a craving, more than an uncrossable need. It was downright urgent, and all I could smell, hear, and taste was her.

"God... make me come, Spencer," she panted, and I was compelled to do it.

And now I knew why men broke the code, the promise sworn on between brothers. Because when you actually have the damn thing in front of you, begging you to take her, her bare flesh in your arms and your face buried against her perfect breasts--you'll be damned if you let anything stand in the way of having it all. Because when you do finally get down on your knees and let her straddle your face in one of the roughest hair-pulling oral-sex sessions ever committed to memory, then you know every single reason why sating the lustful need inside of your gut is the only rational option.

I needed to make her come. It was an obligation now. And I wanted it my way. I toyed with her clit and the same time I gripped her chin, forcing her to look into my eyes. This wasn't a cheap score; it was Kate--the one who had driven me wild with frustration, desire, and need for years. Her blue eyes locked on mine as I rubbed her hardened nub.

"Fuck..." she hissed, trying to look away but I stopped her.

"Here... right here," I told her, and she nodded.

I thrust two fingers into her pussy, feeling the slickness of her sticky moisture, and rubbed her clit with my thumb. She whimpered, digging her nails into my shoulder blades. God, she was already so close. All I had to do was nudge her over the edge and it would feel like she had gotten off on my tongue again. Not that that would be bad--even though I wanted to eat her, I wanted this more. To make her come so hard her legs went weak.

I'd dreamed about it for far too long... her body on top of mine, her pussy straddling my face, my fingers buried in her wetness. Her nipples rubbing against my chest as she rode me like an experienced cowgirl.

"Tell me what you want," I demanded.

I could feel her muscles quivering on the edge of orgasm. Her body shook as if she were struggling to keep control of the excited shivers consuming her flesh--little did she know, those shivers were so hot and exciting I knew it wouldn't take much more to make her come completely undone.

"I want you," she groaned, clenching around my fingers.

I watched her face. I was fascinated. I'd seen those same emotions on countless women, but never thought I'd see them there, never expected for my heart to be in my throat each time I made it happen. But here she was, eyes rolling back and soft whimpers tearing from her throat every time I fucked her pussy hard with my hand.

I needed to bend forward, to bite at her shoulder, to mark her with my mouth everywhere that I could. My teeth found the point where her shoulder met her neck, and I sucked and licked it until she shuddered feebly against me.

I couldn't tell what the hell she was mumbling--maybe some combination of thank you, you're welcome, and damn, and just when I was about to stop fucking her with my hand and suck her clit hard between my lips, her body shuddered so violently it almost broke free of my grip on her. The moment that happened I caught a mouthful of water before she slid down along me as if she were boneless. Her head fell back against the shower wall, slinging water into the air but splashing back down over our bodies. I rubbed her pelvis with my hand, kissing at the side of her neck softly.

When it was said and done, she stood there, leaning against the shower wall, and I washed her, letting my fingers tease her sensitive parts. She jolted with pleasure but never opened her eyes. This moment was too sacred to soil with words. It felt like if I spoke I'd ruin it again, and after last time, I knew how easily that moment could be ruined by hastily uttered phrases that weren't well thought out.

I rinsed her off and shut the water off, leading her out of the shower where I dried her. I toweled off too, and when she tried to wrap a towel around her body, I stole it, leaving it lay on the bathroom floor as I guided her to the bedroom. We weren't done yet...

Chapter 23

After that performance I walked on wobbly legs. Spencer led me out of the bathroom toward his bedroom, stark naked and chilly with erect nipples. He was hard again already, clearly eager to have his way with me and I wasn't protesting. When I saw him standing there touching himself all I could think about was how he had an erection this morning before breakfast. He'd been thinking of me; I knew it, and it was evidenced the moment he left the shower door open when I interrupted his play session.

"What are you doing?" I asked, hesitating as he crawled on the bed.

"I've been fantasizing about this moment for ten years." He lay down and pulled me onto the bed. I was uncertain what he wanted, until he patted his shoulders and jerked his chin upward. "I can't get that taste out of my mind. I dream about it; I masturbate thinking about it. And now I want it."

"What?" I asked sheepishly, kneeling next to him.

"Sit on my face," he ordered and it made my sensitive lips ache for more.

I carefully straddled him and worked my way toward his face, but he was greedy, grabbin my as and pulling me closer until my pussy was grinding on him. He forced his tongue into my slit, sucking at my sex and thrusting his tongue into me. I gripped the headboard and rocked my hips and his hand squeezed me hard.

"Oh god," I whimpered, tucking my chin to my chest. It was incredible, the sucking and rubbing. If he didn't stop I would come again right here. When he moaned it sent vibrations into my core, forcing me to clench around nothing. "Fuck, I'm going to come again." I pulled away, wanting his dick this time, but he grabbed me hard.

"Put your pussy on my lips," he snarled, yanking me back downward. I was about to sit and then my little legs gave out.

Spencer wrapped an arm around my thighs, holding me close. He filled his hands with my ass as I rocked up and down; grinding on him. His nose nudged into my sensitive clit, making me shiver and grip the headboard harder. He pushed two fingers into my core, zig zagging and curling them, banking on me being so lubricated that I would be coming again in minutes. I didn't disappoint him as I writhed on his face.

"Eat me!" I groaned, sure the neighbors could hear us. My knees wobbled fiercely and then he slapped his mouth over my clit once again. My hips jerked up as tight spasms took over my body. I held my bouncing tits in my hands and panted out every ounce of energy left in me. The shockwaves snapped from my legs to my torso and across into Spencer who groaned softly, still fingerfucking me like a man starving for sex. His ragged breathing told me that he wanted me again and as soon as this wave of orgasm was over, that was my plan.

"I want you on top of me, Kate," he said as I calmed. "I want to see all of you."

He didn't have to ask twice. I scooted back, letting my pussy drag across his chest. My juices smeared there, glistening in the dim light as I backed toward his dick. He held it erect and I leaned forward, letting him prod at my entrance. I wanted to tease him, but my body had other ideas as I sank down on all of him in one go. He groaned, his back arching off the mattress and clinging to me. He was buried inside me, deeper than ever and we both exhaled quickly. The muscles in my core clenched around his dick, squeezing him firmly.

He sat up, grabbed tight to my ass, and plugged me with his thick dick. I moaned loudly as he pushed me hard down onto his cock, getting all of him in each time.

"Ride me!" He grabbed my shoulders and jerked me up and down, fucking me senseless. I leaned on his ribcage and used him as leverage until I had a rhythm going. Spencer watched me swing my little body around on his cock; I probably looked like a porn star, but I didn't care. His cock felt too good to not ride him as hard as I could.

When our eyes locked together Spencer's mouth dropped open, exposing the teeth he was gritting because he was so close to coming. That only turned me on more; made me pump harder and use my quivering sex on his shaft until we were fucking neck and neck.

"I can feel you on my legs when you cum!" he moaned loudly. "Oh fuck that is hot!"

My body shook violently, making little secret sounds with each thrust, and he rubbed against a hidden little gland deep inside of me. Each time it fired sparks through my clit and touched off another wave of orgasm, making things blurry like I was in a dream. I grabbed his hair and pulled him toward my tits as they bounced with every thrust of his hips, squeezing my waist hard as he fucked the breath out of me.

I was in such ecstasy I barely felt his heat spew into me, filling me with his seed. His grunts were only half of it; his nails dug into my ass and he bit down on a nipple, drawing a hiss from my lips, but I didn't pull back. This moment was everything I knew it would be; as amazing as I dreamed. He lay back down, spent and glistening with sweat, and I remained on him, straddling his hips for a moment.

When I climbed off, he barely moved, not even opening his eyes. My body felt like jelly, jiggling and weak. I curled up next to him, facing away. I knew if I spoke, I'd jinx this moment. As it were, he would go right back to "Mr. Professional" the instant I left his home and returned to work. My heart wanted to run ahead into that ache and fight for him to just be mine, but my body told me to stay here in this moment, letting the waves of giddiness relax me.

He curled around me, kissing the back of my shoulder and I couldn't help but wonder if this was just a horrible mistake. Another conquest of Spencer Mitchel who battled and conquered women until they were submissive puddles of semen and sweat. I didn't want to believe it, but the sadness already creeping in told me I did believe it. That tomorrow this would all be over and I'd be nothing more that Dr. Richards, intern who reported to him.

I lay there so long enjoying his arms around me I dozed off, and when I stirred, he was gone and his side of the bed was cold.

I knew I was nothing more than a fuck toy, but god if that wasn't the most incredible sex of my life, I didn't know what was. I wanted him to come back and confess having feelings for me, but I'd be fooling myself if I thought he would actually do it.

Spencer wasn't like that.

And I was still just his best friend's little sister. Off limits.

Chapter 24

"Next week, we will have Doctors Asher and Frank shadow me. Well done folks. I'll see you on Monday." I looked out over the group of new faces wishing Kate was still in my rotation. Even two weeks into the new group and things hadn't resolved. I waited until the seven new faces filtered out of the lecture hall before slumping into my seat and rubbing my face.

It wasn't that I didn't like my job. I did--very much. I just missed her, looking up seeing her face, watching her bite her lower lip when she and I made eye contact. Seeing her smile when she was the one chosen to shadow me. The final four weeks of class had gone so smoothly; I wondered if I was teaching a different woman.

I was.

Kate changed after we had sex. She was calmer, more focused. As if the barrier to her learning had been removed because I had forced her to not talk about what happened between us. Oh, she tried. That day when she finally woke up and I took her home, she had tried to pry my feelings out of me, but I drew a line in the sand which I told her could not be crossed until the final four weeks of our rotation were over. The only problem was, by the time our four weeks were over, Kate was colder than a blue-label, frosty beer.

Sighing hard, I packed up my things and slung my bag over my shoulder. I headed out toward the elevator to go home. I thought about asking Kate over for dinner, but she had been less than Emmailable each time I asked. I knew residency was a very busy time, so I didn't doubt her reasons for not having any free time. Still, I was frustrated that she had rebuffed my every attempt to reach out.

Every excuse I'd made for why dating her was off limits, I pushed away. Including her brother being upset with me. I was ready to damn every consequence and just have what I wanted, but Kate remained aloof. I blamed myself. I'd done it to her a second time--sucked her in like a fish on a baited hook and then told her we couldn't be together. I should have told her it was temporary this time, but she'd made her mind up the instant I said we couldn't talk about it, not giving me a chance to finish my sentence.

I jammed my finger into the elevator button several times, trying to force it to come faster. Heather strolled up and stood next to me, grinning at me. In the past ten weeks she had never let up. Twice in the past six weeks I'd found myself thinking if I only just went and fucked her I'd get over Kate, but the thought made my heart close up tighter than an airlock on a warship. Kate wasn't an easy fuck; she was someone I cared about a lot. Loved, in fact. And Heather was just a flirt who probably slept with half the doctors on staff.

"Plans tonight?" she asked, rocking on her tiptoes back to her heels. I thought how funny it would be to watch her fall on her face, which brought a grin to my lips and she misread that for flirting. "I mean... we never got pizza."

"Pizza, is that code for a good fuck?" I asked, but as soon as the words escaped my lips I knew the old college line was out of order. I kept my smirking grin intact but inwardly I hated myself.

"I mean, it could be?" she replied, her eyes hazing over. She turned and leaned against the wall while we waited for the elevator. "Seems like you've just been keeping me at arm's length when you could have had a lot more fun the past few months." The way she gripped the straps of her backpack forced her tits to bulge out the top of her scrubs.

She was a good-looking woman, but my heart was elsewhere. If only my mouth could get with the program. No matter how hard I tried to remain professional, the twenty-one-year-old child inside of me somehow got a rise out of talking dirty. It was like I was outside my body watching myself. I'd never go have sex with her, but damned if my mouth didn't betray me.

"How do you know my cock isn't an arm's length long? You just can't handle it..." The words hung in the air as the bell for the elevator dinged. Heather snickered like a little girl with a crush and pushed off the wall as we waited for the doors to open. I knew if I got in that elevator with her she'd make a move, and I regrated opening my mouth.

The doors slid open slowly, and she said, "I mean... I like a nice white sauce pizza as much as anyone else. And who knows, maybe I have nipples the size of pepperoni. Want to find out? Maybe share some cream for the pizza when you come?" She wasn't' watching where she was walking, and she backed into the elevator, stumbling into Kate.

I froze, staring in horror as Kate glared at Heather and stepped around her. She walked off the elevator and flashed me a nasty look before barging off and I panicked. "Sorry, Heather, I forgot I need to speak to Dr. Richards about a procedure really quick. I'll have to give you a raincheck." I rushed off as the doors began to slide shut and she scoffed in anger.

Scurrying to catch up, I raced after Kate who was already halfway down the hall toward Dr. Mathers's office. "Kate, wait up!" I called, but she didn't even slow.

"Don't you have some 'creamy pizza' to make with Heather?" she snapped, hugging her chart to her chest like it was a shield.

The words stung, but I deserved it. "Kate, please. Just let me talk to you for a second."

She spun around on her heel and scowled at me. "What could you possibly have to say to me, Dr. Mitchel?" She spat my name at me as if it were a cuss word. "Our work together is finished. You've moved on to another rotation and so have I. I need to speak to Dr. Mather's before his shift is up."

"I just think we should talk about--"

"Dr. Mitchel, you have an emergency call on line two. Dr. Mitchel, line two." The PA system blasted my name cutting me off, and at the same time my pager went off and my cell phone chirped. I looked down at the pager, seeing the notice was from the ER, and then pulled my phone out.

Before I even looked at it, Kate said, "Well?"

I glanced at her then read the text message. A seven-year-old boy was brought in with lacerations to his face from a dog bite. "Fuck... Look I have to go to emergency, okay? I really want a chance to talk to you. Can we--"

"We have nothing else to talk about. Good luck with that emergency," she said, reeling around and walking off before I could protest more. My heart sank so far in my chest I was walking on it. Every step away from her I took more painful than the previous.

I fucked up--bad. And I didn't think there was any fixing it this time. Not even another ten years of waiting would help.

Chapter 25

Spencer infuriated me to no end. We talked a few times a week--at work, about work topics only. The way he tried to isolate me yesterday to "talk" to me was so childish. He was only worried about whether I'd told Curt about us having sex. I knew it. I wasn't stupid enough to tell my brother about that. He'd lecture me for weeks about a man like Spencer, because even Curt knew what Spencer did--how he lived his life--wasn't right.

I was stupid. Plain and simple.

I had let my ridiculous childish crush on him overrule any sense I had and sex with him had been a colossal mistake. Both times it had happened. That was my weakness, never letting go of what I knew could never be and letting the one man on earth who could hurt me the most get into my head. Well I was done with that. I understood the lines of professionality very well, and Spencer's refusal to even talk about what happened made it very clear to me that it wasn't about being professional. It was just another way to push me away after taking something I thought was special.

Well fuck him.

Especially since I stood watching him from across the nurses's station, flirting with yet another blonde bimbo. None of them were as bad as Raven, but all of them were the same type. They rock up ready to bend over and get fucked in the ass, and he gave it to them without protest. I was just a notch on his belt.

The thought almost brought tears to my eyes until I realized I had power to walk away.

So I did.

I walked straight to the intern's break room and parked myself in a chair, chewing my winter fresh gum and bobbing my foot up and down, one leg crossed over the other. This room was for interns only and Spencer hadn't seen me come in here, so I knew I had plenty of privacy and time to brood. I glanced at the clock on the wall. I had twenty minutes until the final lecture of the day--methods of screening and diagnosis.

When Emma walked in, I tried to put on a calmer expression but she read me like a book. Over the past ten weeks we'd gotten to know each other pretty well, as had all the interns in our group. I did my studying with her, and we often had lunch together. Twice we went to a club, but my heart wasn't in it. Despite all the rage I had over the way Spencer acted and treated me, I couldn't bring myself to date anyone.

"What's wrong, Kate?" she asked, plopping down across from me at the table. My eyes welled up with tears so quickly you'd have thought I just got fired. I blinked hard, trying to keep the tears from falling, but they were sneaky, trickling out against my wishes. I'd done that a lot lately--random crying bouts.

"I don't want to talk about it." And I didn't. I had some deep fears swirling around my head lately. I was a few weeks late for my period and after what happened at Spencer's house, I knew what that meant. Or most of what that meant. I understood the physical part, but the emotional part was so tangled up in my head right now I didn't know what to think. And if I was pregnant, it meant some really complicated shit to deal with concerning a coworker--which was the only way I could even think of Spencer without being on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"Well, you're going to tell me eventually, so you may as well just rip the bandage off and say it now." Emma opened a bag of corn chips and popped a few in her mouth. The crunching sound made me feel ill but I was able to look away and calm myself.

"Fine. If you must know, I had sex with Dr. Mitchel a few weeks before the end of our rotation and now I'm freaking out because I am afraid I'm pregnant." She was right. I was going to tell her anyway, and since I was a very direct person, I just blurted it out.

Her chewing slowed as her eyes widened. She stared at me in disbelief, as if I were only pulling her chain. She said, "Are you serious?"

I didn't know why she was surprised. She watched me get sick last week. I'd been moody and snapping at people for weeks. And I melted into tears at the drop of a hat. The only thing left for me to do was to take a test to confirm what my gut told me was true but I didn't want to believe.

"Wow... okay, so why you?" she asked, resuming her chip popping.

"What is that supposed to mean?" My tone was a bit harsher than I intended, but she chuckled.

"I mean, you're gorgeous, but Dr. McSteamy could have any woman he wanted. Why choose you? What did you do?" Her eyebrows rose as her internal thought process caught up to her mouth. "Ohhhh, it was when you had that head injury. You slept at his house... Oh god, did he like force you?"

She leaned forward as she spoke, eating up the juiciness of the topic. I buried my head in my hands and planted my elbows on the table. "No, he didn't force me. We just... have history."

For a few minutes all I heard was the crunching of chips. Emma was giving me time to process and I appreciated it. It was the first time I'd said it out loud and it was a heavy topic. No one needed to tell me how to feel or what to do. I was a big girl and I knew. I just didn't want to admit it. I was living in denial.

"You know, the sooner you find out if you're really pregnant the sooner you can deal with the consequences... You're on a time table, you know?"

My head shot up and my brow furrowed of its own accord. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, termination. You only have a short time to take care of this before it's a huge deal. You can't throw away your life on some player who flirts with every woman in the hospital, Kate." She slowly put another chip in her mouth, and while she chewed she said, "I'll go with you if you want. To buy the test I mean."

"No thanks," I told her, standing. "I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone. I don't want it getting back to him until I know what I'm doing."

I lingered for a second until she said, "Sure thing."

I wasn't about to entertain the idea of abortion, but she was right. The sooner I found out the truth, the sooner I could make a plan for how to deal with it. One thing was certain, however, I couldn't tell Spencer or Curt. Not yet. One would be furious with me, the other would be gravely disappointed or upset. I couldn't deal with either.

Chapter 26

I sank into my sofa, cold beer in hand, ready to relax. It had been a tough week for no other fact than I just hated myself. I watched Kate from afar all week, trying to work up the nerve to talk to her again after her abrupt dismissal early in the week. I caught her watching me twice--both times I had been deep in the midst of some very flirtatious behavior, for which I was embarrassed and angry with myself. I had no right to reach out to her, so I sat alone in silence, drowning my frustration with myself in alcohol.

It was a bad habit, one I should have kicked a long time ago, and for the most part I had--thanks to Kate. For the past ten years I had drunk only casually, once a month or less. My studies were more important, and then my career took off and made it crucial for me to stay sober and alert. I had the night off though, so here I was, letting old problems resurface so I didn't have to face my current crisis.

My heart was broken and it was my fault.

The silence was torture, so I settled on streaming a few shows, but nothing piqued my interest. When I was three beers deep with no dinner in my stomach, I began to feel the effects of the alcohol. I was no lightweight back in the day, but I hadn't done this in a long time. When the fourth beer was down, I was buzzed and feeling all of my inhibitions fading. With nothing on the television to entertain me, I began thinking of the one thing I should have put out of my mind for good.

I pulled my phone out and stared at it, working up the nerve to call her. She had to know that I was only trying to get through the rest of our rotation together. She had to know that I meant what I said when I told her I'd fantasized about her for a decade. Or maybe she thought I only wanted her for sex and then pushed her away, which was the farthest thing from the truth. I just knew if we opened that door it wouldn't close very easily, and we'd be struggling with skating the line of professionality for the last four weeks of our rotation.

I saved us from that.

Didn't I?

Or had I merely pushed her away? Made her feel worthless the way I did the day I took her virginity and told her it was a mistake. It was a mistake. A mistake to do that and then not tell her how I thought of her every day for months before that. It was a mistake to not stand up to Curt and tell him how I really felt about his little sister. He thought of her like child who needed protection, but I knew she was so much more. He just hated that I liked her. Or maybe he was trying to protect her from me.

Yeah, that made more sense. He thought I was a piece of shit who wasn't good enough for his sister, and he was right. I wasn't. Not then, and not now. Kate deserved so much better than I could ever give her. She deserved roses every Friday, good morning texts every morning, and to be held to sleep every night. She deserved the world and I screwed that up by telling her I couldn't even talk to her about the most incredible sex I'd had in years.

I had to tell her. I had to call her now and let her know how bad of a fuck up I was, except I was sort of drunk. It would only come across as a drunk dial and she wouldn't take it seriously. But the alcohol went down so smoothly, even after the fifth beer, I still wanted to call her. In fact, the more I drank the more I wanted to call her and the less I fought the temptation until my cell phone was pressed to my ear and the line was ringing through.

"What?" she snapped, already angry. I didn't want to argue; I wanted to apologize, so I kept my voice as calm as possible.

"Hey, Kate, it's me."

"Yeah, I know who this is. What do you want?" I could hear the exasperation in her tone and sighed, knowing whatever I said would be taken the wrong way, or out of context, or just ignored.

"I actually called to see if you would come over so we could talk." I took a breath and held it, hoping my words weren't too slurred. I'd go to her house to talk but she'd never let me in, and I'd have to Uber, because I was too buzzed to drive.

"Oh, now you want to talk?" she asked in an angry tone. "Why not seven weeks ago? Huh? Why not after you broke my heart, stealing my virginity and then telling me I was a mistake? Why not then?"

"Kate, please. I never said you were a mistake."

"Oh, didn't you?" I heard something loud bang in the background of her end of the line, maybe a door being slammed or maybe she dropped something. "Because I seem to remember it differently I guess."

"I didn't steal your virginity either." It took a lot of brain power to process her accusations. "You threw yourself at me, just like you did in the shower last month." Clamped my eyes shut, furious with myself for saying that.

"What?"

"Look, I'm sorry--"

"You think I threw myself at you? What were you doing masturbating with the door open?"

"It wasn't open. I just left it unlocked because--"

"Because you wanted me to walk in and see you?" She growled into the mic and I thought she would hang up but she let loose on me instead. "I tried, Spencer. I really tried. You know how bad you hurt me? I was just a kid. I was eighteen and my mom was dying of cancer. I looked up to you and honestly I was in love with you. I didn't throw myself at you; I gave you a priceless gift. One I can never get back because it only can be given once, and you spat in my face."

My heart sank. "Kate, I--"

"No," she interrupted. "No, you don't get to say you're sorry now. I'm hurt. You treated me like you actually cared about me." I could hear her crying now, and it broke my heart again. "You kissed my forehead, tucked me in, cooked for me. You made me think you really cared, and when that happened--in the shower... God, Spencer, I thought maybe we had a second chance, but now. Fuck! I am so angry with you."

I had no more words to say. She was right. I had treated her like that. I just had no idea I was leading her on when I had done it. It happened so naturally, like it was meant to be, and then I realized the next morning what a tricky position that put us both in. I was only trying to protect her. She'd never see it that way though.

"I'm sorry. I really am, and I just want a second--"

"No. I'm done with second chances. I'm done with you keeping your promise to Curt, and I'm done with trying to chase you down. You just enjoy flirting with all the nurses, because that's all you'll ever be. A flirt. Goodbye, Spencer."

She hung up and ripped my heart out. I was a monster to her, not a man she could ever respect or want, and I'd done it to myself. It made me rethink even working at that hospital anymore. I couldn't go in there day after day and see her face and be okay. Not anymore. Not when I knew she felt this way. She really did hate me.

Maybe it would be better if I just stepped down and took one of the other positions I was up for before I started this job. Maybe then she would be happy. Because that's all I really wanted now. Just to make sure she was happy and okay. Even if it wasn't with me.

Chapter 27

Monday morning rolled around with severe waves of morning sickness, the likes of which would put a seasick sailor to shame. I spent an hour dry heaving over my toilet before heading into work. I saw a doctor at the urgent care who prescribed me some anti-nausea meds, but until I was able to make an appointment with an obstetrician, I was in for some suffering. The urgent care doctor only gave me enough for a few days. Besides the fact that they weren't working anyway.

"You look really green," Emma said as she stepped onto the elevator and stood next to me.

"Yeah, thanks." I pressed the button for the third floor and the doors closed. I was grateful Spencer wasn't around. I tried changing up my schedule a little so we didn't run into each other at the elevator anymore. I knew I had to tell him, but I just wasn't ready yet. And I had no desire to bump into him on accident. So every move I made was planned meticulously with his schedule in mind.

"I take it you haven't tested yet?" Emma leaned on the wall of the elevator, arms crossed over her chest. I sighed and shrugged.

"I did."

"And?" she asked, cocking her head.

"I was right. I'm pregnant." The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. I led the charge, hoping she'd leave it alone, but of course she didn't. Emma wasn't my best friend. I'd left her behind in Upstate New York when I moved to Boston, and she had her own life to live. Besides, she'd heard enough about Spencer Mitchel over the years to know what a jerk he was. I'd only receive lectures from her via phone calls.

"So what did he say?" Emma asked. She stutter stepped to catch up to me as I turned toward the break room. I packed some bland food to eat for lunch, which I intended to put in the fridge before starting the day.

"I didn't tell him." I rounded the corner into the breakroom and she followed, planting herself near the table with her arms still crossed on her chest.

I went straight to the fridge and opened it. The smell of someone's sea food wafted out, making me gag instantly, but I sat my lunch sack in the fridge bravely and backed away, letting the door swing shut. The damage was done; my stomach was churning already.

"You didn't tell him? Wow. Are you just going to keep it a secret?"

I moved toward the door, but I knew I was going to throw up. So rather than soil the floor in the hallway and be embarrassed, I hovered over the trash can. I hated how strong smells could make my body feel like this. And I hated Spencer for doing this to me. And I hated myself for allowing it, not thinking in the moment, and having unprotected sex.

"No... I am just--" I never got the sentence out.

My stomach lurched, the little breakfast I'd managed to keep down coming back up. I heaved over the trash can, throwing up. It hurt. My nose burned; it felt like my eyes would pop out of my head and I wanted to cry. Each time I thought I was done, my stomach would start spasming again, and more would come up. Emma stood beside me with a few paper towels, and I thought that was nice of her, but when I heard shoes squeak on the floor I looked down and knew they were Spencer's before I heard his voice.

"Woah, Kate, are you okay? Are you feeling sick?" He stood next to me. I could smell his cologne which brought another round of vomit. And before I could respond to him, Emma did so for me in a very curt and un-asked-for manner.

"She's pregnant, you idiot."

I stood, covering my mouth, and watched in horror as his eyebrows rose and she shoved the brown paper towels into his hand and stormed out. My head spun. I felt lightheaded and wobbled on my feet. I didn't know if it was because of the shock of what happened, vomiting too much, or knowing that I was being forced to deal with a situation I wasn't entirely ready to deal with.

"What? Kate, is that true?" Spencer looked hurt and confused as he handed me the paper towels. Tears burned my eyes and I nodded as I blew my nose and struggled to a chair where I sat down and crumped into a heap across the table. I was angry with Emma for blurting that out, but I was even more angry with him simply because he existed.

"Kate, please say something. Tell me this isn't true."

I jerked my head up and stood, the dizziness gone. "Yes, it's true. Okay? It's true and there is nothing more to say." I pushed past him, trying to leave, and he grabbed my elbow, spinning me around.

"Wait! You can't just say something like that and leave. I have a right to know if it's mine." He didn't look angry, but he did look hurt. His eyes searched me as I yanked my arm out of his grip. I was already crying but I was on the verge of a very ugly sobfest and I knew I needed to go home. I needed to tell Mathers I was ill and just take the day off. I had a few days of sick leave left.

"Yes, okay? It's yours. Are you happy? You knocked me up after rejecting me and now I'm having your baby." I spat the words out in a hate-fueled tone. "And I can't even fathom being with someone who flirts with other people and thinks he's god's gift to women. So don't even come at me like we should do the right thing and be together because of this. You had your chance."

I spun around and walked out, leaving him there with his jaw sagging. I couldn't get to the ladies'' restroom fast enough. I knew it was the one place he'd never be able to follow me and I was happy to have a few moments peace. He had a class to attend and I knew he'd never be late. It was his work ethic--the one I'd been so proud of--that I now banked on. I sat on a toilet, locked in a stall until the bell chimed the hour, then I slipped out.

Mathers was already in the first session of the day, so I scrawled a note and left it on his desk, then headed home. I'd had enough for one day. I didn't even know if I could face tomorrow either. This was all so overwhelming. I wanted my mom. I wanted to go home and curl up in a ball and listen to her talking about how life was difficult but I'd get through. I wanted to go back to when I was just her little girl, and she'd braid my hair and sing me silly songs to make me smile. Now I was going to be the mom. I had to learn how to do this on my own, without anyone by my side to help me.

Maybe I needed to call Curt and tell him what happened. Not to disrupt his relationship with Spencer. If for no other reason that I needed to know someone else was in control of their life and everything was going to be okay.

Chapter 28

I pounded on her door so long my hand started to hurt. I knew she was in there and I knew she was ignoring me. I wasn't leaving until she opened up and we had a heart to heart. I had been stupid trying to talk to her while I was drunk, which is why I'd chosen to not drown my feelings at all today. Not after hearing that news. I had to know it wasn't some sick joke.

So I pounded harder, shouting, "Kate, open the damn door. We need to talk."

I heard a door behind me creak open and glanced over my shoulder to see eyes peeking at me from behind a chained door. I ignored them and continued banging and shouting. Moments later a stout man with a balding head walked out of the elevator and headed my way. He looked unhappy and I assumed it was the landlord, ready to chase me off or call the police. But I wasn't leaving. Not without talking to her.

"Sir..." the man said, his voice gruff. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to quiet down. The entire floor is complaining."

Refusing to look at him I shouted, "Kate, please. Let me in."

"He's been doing that for twenty minutes." I heard a woman's voice and knew it was the lady who'd been staring at me through the cracked door.

"Look, I just need to talk to her." I turned to face the man who had no sympathy on his face. "You don't understand. See, we had this thing..." I realized Kate was probably listening to every word I said, so I raised my voice so she could hear me. "Like, ten years ago, I broke her heart. And fate or god, or whatever you want to believe, gave me a second chance. She magically came back into my life, and I was so happy. I'm literally so in love with her, but I screwed it up because I'm a screw up. I just fuck everything up."

Internally I prayed my words were reaching her ears. That if there was a god in heaven, she would hear what I was saying and open the damn door. So I continued.

"Kate is the most amazing woman I've ever met. She's smart and strong, and gorgeous as hell. All I want to do is tell her how sorry I am, and ask her to give me a chance to prove it."

Though I heard the lock click behind me, I watched the woman's face as she blinked back tears, pressing her hand to her chest. I had moved her at least, even if Kate was still angry. When the door opened, I turned around, noticing the landlord wave me off as if I were an annoyance he no longer had to deal with and I saw Kate's puffy face. She'd been crying too, and I felt awful for causing that.

"You can come in," she said, backing up.

I didn't hesitate. I walked right into her small apartment and even though I knew it was probably best if I kept my hands to myself, I wrapped my arms around her and held her to my chest, before lifting her and pressing her against the wall. She yelped in protest, but I was done arguing with her. I was done with resistance and anger and fighting. I wanted her to know exactly who she was to me.

My lips claimed hers in earnest, kissing her as my body pinned her to the wall. She fought me, resisting weakly, palms pushing against my chest, until finally she relented and kissed me back. Her lips parted, her tongue searching hesitantly, as if she were afraid to believe it was true. So I pulled way and caught my breath.

"I'm in love with you, Kate. It's time for you to stop torturing me. I told you we couldn't talk about what happened because I was weak. I knew if we did, I'd want you even more. I don't want to spend a single second apart from you. I don't want to wonder if you want me or if you're thinking of me. I need you. You are the thing in my world that keeps me grounded and motivated. For ten years I did everything in my power to make you proud of me. I quit drinking and partying. I stopped being the playboy... I know you don't believe me, but ask Curt. God, Kate--" I kissed her again, harder and deeper. She whimpered and grabbed my hair, pulling my mouth away.

"Fuck, Spencer, I need to breathe."

I pressed my forehead against hers and smiled. "You're really pregnant?"

She nodded and her lips curled upward. "Yeah... And I know it's really horrible timing and that you probably aren't ready for kids but--"

"Kate, enough. I couldn't be happier, okay? Curt is going to kill me, but I'm in love with you and I'm never planning to leave your side again. Got it? You are what I want."

She burst into tears again, smiling and nodding. Her lips were salty as I kissed her again and asked, "Bedroom?"

"Mmmm," she moaned, pointing to a door down a short hallway and I hoisted her by the backs of her thighs, carrying her that direction. Her lips never left mine, tongue tracing my teeth as I nipped at her lower lip. "I thought you played me," she whined.

"Never," I said, dropping her on the bed. In less than five seconds I had her t-shirt and yoga pants peeled off of her and was working on my jeans. She looked amazing in her lacy black bra and panties, better than I remembered. Or maybe it was because she was mine now.

I pulled my shirt off and tossed it, then my jeans. When I was naked, I crawled across the bed and slipped my fingers into the waistband of her panties, tugging on them, and she lifted her hips to make it easier for me to remove them.

"Spencer, I love you too. I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away. I was scared."

Her words were swallowed as I covered her mouth with mine, hands fumbling with the front-hook clasp on her bra. She had no reason to apologize. The only thing I cared about now was making her mine. The minute her bra was off, my hands found her breasts. I kissed my way down her neck, letting my hot breath dance across her skin. She moaned as I took her left nipple into my mouth, suckling it with a gentle pressure. Her body arched into mine, seeking more. I could feel her heartbeat quickening as I kneaded and squeezed them gently. She moaned softly into my mouth, her arms wrapping around my neck as I continued to explore her body.

I released her nipple and moved down further, until I was settled comfortably between her legs. I breathed in the scent of her arousal, feeling myself grow harder at the thought of being inside her.

I teased her with light touches at first, circling her clit with my finger before sliding it inside her. She was hot and wet, clenching around me as I pumped in and out. Her moans grew louder as I added another finger and increased the pressure. I curled my fingers inside her, hitting just the right spot. Her hips bucked off the bed as she moaned, fluttering around me.

"Spencer, fuck..." she hissed, reaching for me, but I evaded her grip momentarily as I lowered my face to her valley. I let my tongue trace along her folds. The salty sweetness of her arousal surprised me with its intensity, but I didn't stop. I traced my tongue up and down her pussy as she bucked against my mouth. I added a finger, feeling her grip tighten around me and pull me deeper inside her.

I could hear my own heart pounding in my ears as I pleasured her. Her juices were coating my face and making me hard as a rock. Her clit was swollen and hard, and I flicked my tongue against it, teasing her and taking it between my lips.

I suckled briefly before releasing, then lapped my tongue along the length of her before pushing inside her again. She clenched against my face as I fucked her with my fingers and mouth, her moans growing louder.

"Spencer..." she hissed between kisses, "I want you inside me..."

"Are you sure?" I asked quietly. "Things are going to change now."

"I'm sure," she groaned, clawing at my shoulders.

I worked my way toward her mouth, kissing as I went. She urged me on with her hands, pulling at me, but I was savoring every moment. I released her hold on me and urged her up to meet me once again our lips locking in unison as she kissed me hard in return while she roughly grabbed ahold of my cock and positioned it at her entrance. Her hand guided itself around its bulk as she slid it inside of herself. I couldn't help but thrust up forcing its entire length inside until it was firmly seated inside of her.

She began to grind upward beneath me, allowing me to fully feel every bit of pleasure that she gave herself using my engorged manhood for pleasure center-bait for both of us to enjoy until she was satisfied. Her pace quickened by need for release, as did mine wanting it. Our awkward rhythm clashed, but I didn't relent, thrusting into her as her panting grew louder and more earnest.

"Fuck... please... oh god," she moaned. Her nails dug into my back and I brought one knee up, positioning my body to really fuck her into the sheets.

"God, you're amazing. I love you so much," I groaned, feeling my release imminent.

She was getting close to the point of no return herself. Her moans became more desperate, and louder, begging for me to get her off before she went mad from lust.

"Harder... please... faster... cum with me," she commanded. Her voice took on a new quality as she sought and achieved orgasm.

She gripped my ass hard and ground herself against me bringing herself closer to the brink of release until at last she broke, with her nails digging deep into my back drawing blood. I thrust one last time and released myself inside her. She screamed again as the intense sensation forced another orgasm on top of another and reached out to hold me to her so firmly I almost couldn't breathe while we rode the waves of passion together until at long last they ebbed away leaving us spent but satisfied.

I rolled to the side, pulling her to my chest as she caught her breath. I knew she probably had so many questions and we had a lot to work through, but I wasn't letting her go again. I was an idiot for being afraid of what Curt would think and letting the most perfect woman in the world escape.

She sniffled and I rose up, forcing her to look at me. "You're crying. Why are you crying?" I asked, feeling a bit unnerved.

"I'm just... It's overwhelming. I thought you--"

"I know," I interrupted, cupping her cheek as she turned to her back and looked up at me. "You thought I was just a playboy like back in college. That you were just another one of my girls. Kate, I swear. Those days were over the instant you kissed me that day. Sure I dated a few girls, but once I had you, I knew what I wanted, and I've never wanted another woman like the way I did--do--you."

Her eyes searched my face, tears filling them and draining down her cheeks to her temples where they dampened her hair. She wiped them away on one side and I kissed them away on the other. I never meant to hurt her or cause her any fear or pain. I felt foolish for being weak and it was time I made up for that.

"A baby is a huge responsibility..." Her lip curled downward.

"And I've had ten years to show you how seriously I take my responsibilities. You're finishing your medical degree and getting that practice, even if I have to play stay-at-home dad for a while. Okay? I'm not letting you give up on your dreams. We are going to work hard and make this work because we belong together. We always have." I kissed her lips softly and then said, "And your brother will just have to understand that our hearts are inseparable. He'll see how much I love you and--"

Kate lurched off the bed, covering her mouth, and ran to the bathroom. And so it began, weeks of caring for a pregnant woman whom I loved more than anything in the world. I followed her, held her hair, put toothpaste on her toothbrush and got her a drink of water. I couldn't wait to do this every day of my life.

Chapter 29

It felt odd walking through the large rotating door at the front of the hospital holding Spencer's hand. After a very late night of lovemaking and deep discussions, I knew this was where I belonged, connected to Spencer for the rest of my life. And I felt confident he believed the same thing. His smile and refusal to break our handhold filled my heart, and even though I knew we'd have some challenging days, I was in it for the long haul.

"Want me to walk you to the lecture hall?" he asked, pulling me toward the elevator. I grinned and nodded.

"Of course I do." We passed Jill, a nurse I'd seen Spencer banter with multiple times. She saw us holding hands and whistled out a shrill sound before winking.

"Looks like the good doctor has a lady friend now. Too bad, ladies, he's taken."

Spencer chuckled and I felt my cheeks burning. We stepped onto the elevator and as soon as the door shut he kissed me softly. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He nuzzled the tip of my nose with his and the elevator rose to the third floor. When the doors slid open Heather was there. She looked at Spencer with a bright smile, then at me. Then she looked at our hands intertwined together and her smile faded. She stepped back as we walked out of the elevator and I felt her eyes on us the entire way down the hall. If anyone was going to pitch a fit it would have been her, but she said nothing, and Spencer hadn't even so much as batted an eye at her.

"So you think the interns are going to be upset?" I asked him, turning to face him as we stood outside the door of the lecture hall. The thought had crossed my mind that when they found out we were dating they would think Spencer had given me preferential treatment during our rotation. It had been three weeks since his time with us had finished, but I also knew how easily offended people could be.

"Nah, I've had a word with Dr. Mathers already. He knew all along that I was very strict with my grading and assessments. Everything was one-hundred-percent fair and above board." Our hands swung between us casually as we talked. I felt like a kid again standing outside a lecture hall at Columbia with my boyfriend. "If anything, Wright will be jealous I got the girl," he said, snickering.

"Yeah? You think he even had any interest in me?" I hadn't even noticed him check me out once, and I was a few years older than this group. If anything, he'd had his eye on Heather this whole time.

"Oh yeah, big time. He said it more than once to me. You're a hottie with a body." Spencer leaned down and kissed me, nipping at my lower lip, and Emma strolled past, entering the hall.

She clicked her tongue as she passed and said, "Personal displays of affection during work and class time are strictly prohibited."

Spencer grinned against my lips and I couldn't help but snicker. Emma and I had some talking to do. She hadn't been the best friend, spouting off to Spencer that I was pregnant like that. Or maybe, that had been the friendliest thing for her to do for me, since I would have put it off for weeks and made Spencer mad that I'd hidden it from him.

"I should go in or you'll be late to your lecture upstairs." I pulled away, but he kept his fingers laced through mine.

"Fine, but you meet me for lunch." He waited until both of our arms were outstretched as I backed away before he let his fingers fall from mine.

"Wouldn't miss it." I turned and headed for my seat. We still had a few minutes before our rotation lead started the lecture, so I sat next to Emma, who seemed very eager to hear details. She leaned forward in the chair, the fold-out desk in front of her loaded with her books. She planted her elbow on them and propped her chin on the heel of her hands.

"So... dish. What happened?"

The last she'd seen us, Spencer was just learning I was pregnant, thanks to her unwarranted outburst, and I was vomiting. "Well, he came to my apartment, banged on my door for twenty minutes, and finally I let him in. We talked about it, and we are together now."

"So like, he proposed or something?" She bit her lip and grinned, but I didn't have any juicy details for her other than that we had sex several times, and I wasn't one to kiss and tell.

"No, but we're together. I mean, we're dating, and he wants to be a father, and I am relieved." I set my books down, opening to the pages we were supposed to read last night.

"Bummer, I was hoping for a fairy tale happily ever after story." She sat back less enthused as she had been and sighed. "I'm sorry for blurting that out, but you needed him to know that, because you deserve to be taken care of."

"I understand. I was a little upset at first, but you're right. I would have procrasJillted telling him until I was pretty far along and then he would have been upset with me. This was the best thing that could have happened."

"So we're still friends?" Emma asked with a hopeful expression.

"Yeah, we're still friends. I mean, who am I going to annoy with my pregnancy emotions for the next six or so months?" I laughed with her for a moment and we chatted about how bad the morning sickness had become until the rotation lead called us to attention. I turned to see him and listen to what he was saying but my heart was full.

My phone vibrated and I knew I shouldn't look at it, but I was to tempted. I slid it from my pocket and looked at the message preview. It was from Spencer. It said, "Move in with me?" I couldn't reply, so I slid it in my pocket, but I knew then that everything was going to work out. We still had to tell Curt, but I knew my brother. He'd get over it eventually, and I couldn't wait to start a real relationship with Spencer. My answer was emphatically, "Yes." He'd just have to wait until class was out to get it.

Epilogue

"Push, come on, baby. You got this!"

Spencer's voice in my ear wasn't as encouraging as I thought it would be. He was a bit bossy, the physician side of him coming out more than the loving, doting boyfriend. I bore down, straining with my chin to my chest until I almost passed out. The pain was unbearable, but I knew the only way to make it go away was to work with it.

"One more push," the doctor said, her hands working my labia to make sure I didn't tear. "I can see baby coming now. Bear down in three, two, one..."

"Push!" Spencer ordered again.

I sucked in a breath, tucking my chin down, and closed my eyes. This was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do, but in the squatting position it was easier than when I had been lying in bed. Our little guy was big, almost a full month past his due date, but I wasn't about to be induced, especially not during cold and flu season. Babies come when their ready and I felt like I was forcing him out and he was protesting.

With one final strain, I felt him come out all at once, the intense pain gone with a whoosh of fluid and a burst of happiness from everyone in the room. I whimpered and let the tears fall, at first relieved the pain was over and then overjoyed my son was plopped on my chest. He sucked in a breath and let out a loud wail as the nurses wiped him down.

"Oh god, Kate, that was incredible," Curt said, bringing the camcorder to my face. He had recorded the birth for me and I was thankful he was speaking to us again. He focused on the baby, then pointed it at my face. "Wow, the miracle of life."

"Get that thing out of my face," I growled and pushed it back and the nurses lifted the baby up as they coaxed me back onto the bed farther.

Curt stood back, recording it all as Spencer lavished kisses on me and touched the baby's fingers and toes. "Kate, you are incredible. Look what you did," he cooed. "You made a little human. God you are the most amazing woman on this planet."

I was so exhausted I hardly agreed with him, but I was happy he was overjoyed to meet our little boy. The doctor continued working helping me finish the process of birth then stitching me up, and I was lost in my own little world as I reclined back on the bed now. The nurses helped Spencer cut the umbilical cord, and gave us a few moments to bond as a family while they prepared his bassinet for cleaning him and weighing. He was a big boy, born with a double chin. I loved that he was healthy.

Curt stopped recording and came to admire his nephew, and I laid my head back and let my eyes flutter shut. It had been a long journey to get to this place, but my family was whole--as much as it could be. What I wouldn't have done for my mother to be here with me. The thought brought tears to my eyes, and I let them stream down my face. Spencer kissed them away and I felt Curt take my hand.

Curt and I were close, closer than most siblings are. He knew very well what was on my mind and how much I was hurting knowing huge milestone sin my life would always feel empty, like someone was missing, because someone was.

"I miss her too, Maymay," he said, calling me the nickname Mom used to when I was little. "She's watching over us, and she's proud of you too."

I opened my eyes and smiled at him just as a nurse approached to take the baby for his PKU test and weighing. "So you have a name for this little guy?" she asked as she carefully scooped him up.

"We do," Spencer said, glancing down at me. His eyes sparkled with emotion. "Fletcher Curt Mitchel." He beamed with pride.

"That's a great name." She grinned as she turned to care for him and I looked up at my big brother who had tears in his eyes.

"You're naming him after me?" he asked, pinching the tears away. He tried to act like he wasn't emotional, but he was. And he didn't need to act like that.

"Of course I am. You're my brother, and I love you. I want my son to be everything you are and more." I reached out for his hand again and he held my fingers gently between his.

"But I was so angry with you. I mean, we hardly spoke for six months." The angst in his eyes as he met Spencer's gaze was palpable. I watched all the tension in Spencer's chest and shoulders sink away before he responded.

"Curt, I'm sorry but I couldn't keep that promise. Kate is too perfect and I may have made mistakes with the way I did things, and for that I'm sorry, but I love her more than anything. I haven't officially proposed, but she is going to be my wife."

Curt nodded, hanging his head, but he didn't let go of my fingers. "I was upset that you hid that from me--what happened in college. And you're right about what you told me last week. I would have been furious. It would have ended our friendship. So maybe you were right for hiding that because I see how happy you two are now, and I can say I've never seen my sister happier."

He looked up at me and I smiled at him. "I love you, Curt. And I'm glad you were here to record Fletcher's birth."

"Who want's a baby?" the nurse announced, bringing Fletcher toward the bed. "He's all weighed, washed, tested, swaddled, and ready for love."

Curt looked like he wanted to say something, but I beat him to it. "Let Uncle Curt hold him for a moment." I noticed his face light up. "We'll have all the time in the world once you leave, and I know you have to get going soon."

He accepted the little bundle into his arms, cooing at him and talking softly. It gave Spencer and I a moment to talk too. The doctor had already put the end of my bed back together and left, and the nurses were just cleaning up everything that remained. It was a tender moment as he leaned down and cupped my cheek.

"I'm so proud of you, Kate. This past year has been fraught with challenges, finishing the semester while being so uncomfortable, moving, making the decision to take next semester off. You're kicking ass."

I chuckled. "Well it was all those amazing foot rubs and omelets you made."

He winked at me and kissed me, then said, "I meant that. I want you to be my wife. I'll do a sensational proposal at some point, but consider this your warning. It's coming, and you won't even suspect when or where."

I kissed him hard, grinning. I couldn't think of anything that would make me happier than to walk down the aisle with him and become Mrs. Spencer Mitchel.

Life had a funny way of working out. We weren't ready for each other when we first got together. That day in the truck when he did unspeakable naughty things to me, I thought he was just playing me. He was--sort of. But it was that moment that gave him a taste for who I was as a person. Then when I gave him my virginity, it was that moment that he decided I was worth changing for, even if he didn't know it until I left.

Sure, he could have told me before I left, but half of what made him perfect for me was the way he worked for it, even when I didn't know he was working for it. He climbed the mountain and planted the flag and I saw it waving there like a banner of his love for me.

"I can't wait," I told him, kissing him again before he stood and took the baby as Curt handed him over.

"I'm taking off. I'll stop by tomorrow. If you need anything you let me know. Try to get some sleep, sis." Curt squeezed my hand before letting himself out, and I felt the fatigue of childbirth and eighteen hours of labor kicking in. My eyes were so heavy I felt them closing before the door had even shut.

"Things always work out," that's what Mom used to say to me. And she was right. They might not work out the way you think or want, but in the end, they work out. And I couldn't be happier about the way they worked out.