Have Mercy 01

Have Mercy 01

Hey there, I'm Merci and I'm not the one that you need to have mercy on because the basis of my story is based on the old book line saying of 'the best of times, the worse of times' that, OMG, happened in my life and I can't believe it happened to me! Not that I'm out for revenge (mwahahaha, mwahahaha) or anything because nobody else seems to care anyways, but sometimes when I side eye you back, it might be for a different reason (mwahahaha, mwahahaha).

I jest, of course. Not about having my guts ripped out, but I just don't have it in me to set you up for a fall, I mean, fall picnic time dates are the best, right?

Anyways, it's not tons and tons, but according to my very understanding mother, Mrs. Spends-A-Lot, we come from 'old money' from the family peach farming enterprises and to keep the family thing going, my facial makeup shade themes and schemes are based on the developing colors of a peach and that actually works with my skin tone. And I was even known as 'Peachy' in days gone by, but I was smart enough to realize that cute names probably didn't work as well after, you know, graduation and all, so (mwahahaha) I stabbed Murray in the heart with a dagger, called him a punk, threw Peachy in the waste bin and let it be known that going forward, have mercy on all of you, I would be known as Merci.

Not that anyone cared. And by the way, that's right, my worse of times was when I was stabbed in the proverbial heart by a jerk! A real jerk, which I will get around to in a moment. You know, if anyone cares.

Anyways, the good news of having large peach farms in the family provided me with fun filled summers, a lot of freedom and things like that. I even learned how to ride horses, which, trust me, is not as easy as the movies make it out to be until you know what you're doing, especially since those animals are so huge! And all farms have those step-up boxes near the fence, so what?

Anyways, all those summers away, which (giggles), Mrs. Spends-A-Lot called developmental summer school, kept me away from the locals because Mrs. Cash or Credit knew that the hand writing on the wall was written in sub atomic particle ink and it wasn't going to wash off and her hired spies probably said 'mm-hmm, hormones, Lucy, the can't be trusted, mm-hmm, they just can't be trusted in the barn, mm-hmm, Lucy and my son is the worse, so ship Peachy out for the summer, again, mm-hmm' or something like that.

And trust me, my backstory of harmless play here and there doesn't add up to a pile of removed peach pits for canned peaches. Not including the basis of my story, of course, which I'm getting to, um, with these hints. 1) I'm a huge tease, but I flirt back, so what? 2) guts ripped out and stabbed in the heart with a witch doctor's dagger. 3), um, the straw hay barn and 4) Mrs. Bank Balance funded a couple of surgeries and, OMG, they worked! Ahem.

But before I move on (giggles), OMG, I was dry humped while horseback riding double a couple of times and I didn't even know it! I didn't even know it! Which, OMG, sums things up about me, if you care.

Anyways, everybody survived and today, ta da, I'm blogging from the Agriculture University, where I attend because of, you know, the family farming history and all and here is what I learned during my first days at the university. Orientation week is not a full week, but just long enough to make me realize that I knew nobody and nobody knew me. It was like an even playing field and actually fit well with my life since it seems that nobody was making the first move to know me.

And the other thing that I learned was, wow, my timing to dump 'Peachy' and going with Merci was perfect since college kids, um, college aged people are nearing maturity and that cute stuff doesn't fly anymore (giggles), no matter how much cuter I've become. Not that anyone cared anyways.

Oh, and the other thing that I learned was, OMG, even the Agriculture University had a 'rush week' for the girls and it was serious business! Not that anyone took me seriously, but it was entertaining to watch and witness all the same.

Anyways, since then, as much fun as it has been to be ignored in the university's hallways during my first six weeks of my first semester, I'm here to admit something serious from my recent past, as promised, because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] hey, Merci, I heard you were red dip tipping a few of the spikes in your hair this week, so cool [and keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], stay true, Merci."

"Um, um, hey, are you actually talking to me? Hello? I talk back! Hello? And it might be purple, um, hello, um, I rev my engine at the traffic light once a month! Hello? Hey, I'm talking back!"

Um, I guess I'll see that guy tomorrow, maybe. Anyways, going back to the short summer between graduation and orientation week, as an admission that I did once have fun and ahem, my eye on a rep, a rep that at the time, that I wouldn't have minded having and of which I have no problem revealing to all of you right now because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] hey there, Merci, our study group could use a bucket of chicken tonight [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], you know where to find us."

"Hello? Hey, hey you, have a little mercy and, um, hello? Were you talking to me? Hello? Where is the study group meeting? Hello? I just told some people that I talk back! Hello?"

Well, shoot. Anyways, back to my dream, I mean, my weak ass rep. (Giggles) and trust me, this is the best that I have, so, no chuckling when it's not all that much because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] hey, hey, Merci, no fair delivering fried chicken to my boyfriend's study group tonight without my permission, especially with purple tip dipped hair tips, so text me [and just keeps walking until she disappears deep into the crowd of students], ta-ta."

"I mean, wait, I mean, hello? I heard you say words in my direction, so, hello? And I don't even know where, um, hello? I mean, it's not clear if your boyfriend likes regular or, hello?"

Well, I guess I'll just look her up in my phone's contact list under Strawberry blonde with long flowing curls and cork wedged heels, right?

Anyways, getting back on track with my weird and weak ass success story then...

"[A passing student in the hallway] oh, Merci, I heard the Flag Football team is wondering if you can, um, well, kick the ball through those yellow pipes at the end of the field, so [and just keeps walking until she disappears deep into the crowd of students], good luck at try outs, bye."

"Hello? I mean, I had to run away a lot back in school, so, my legs are in great shape, um, hello? What's your name? Greek Goddess? Hello? And when are the try outs? Um, have you heard that I talk back? It's posted in the lunchroom, um, hello?"

OMG, where was I and I promise to plow through it this to the point of my story because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] oh, Merci, please have mercy on me for banging on your dorm room door so late last night, but I had a major buzz going and I mixed up 417 with 416, so, I hope I didn't wake you from your deep beauty sleep [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], sorry."

"Oh, oh, you banged on my dorm room door late last night because I was in for the night like every other night, um, hello? What's your name? Hello? And my dorm is 315 anyways! Hello? I'm a heavy sleeper, um, hello? Um, hey there, hey, I'm the hellcat who keeps revving the engine, um, hello?"

Alright, that's enough of the interruptions, so, I'm going to side slip towards the hallway windows and blend in with the transparent glass so that I can at least give you a reason to chuckle over, you know, with my pitiful and short-lived half rep back home, which I liked, by the way, very much. Very much, until, you know, my guts were stabbed dead!

Here's what had happened. It wasn't a secret that some guys liked me as we grew up, but that was always behind the scenes and deep in the shadows and that was just fine with me. And there was a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but nothing that made my diary read like total smut. (Giggles) not that I'm saying that smut is still a word, but my grandma used to yell at my grandpa like all the time for reading, um, fiddling with smut magazines (giggles).

Anyways, to speed things along, one day, not that long ago, over the 4th of July weekend in between graduation and now, there I was, home alone at my parent's place, when this guy that I knew, that guy, erg, I probably shouldn't mention his name, but this guy, Jason, knocked on my front door and changed everything.

I mean, I don't even remember how it happened, especially since it happened so quickly, but before I knew it, we were chit chatting and side stepping towards the straw hay barn and before I knew it again, boom, that guy, Jason, lip locked me like I was born as a girl and he didn't quit! And that's right, I liked it and I lip locked him back and I pushed back every time he pushed forward! Which, whew, he did a lot.

I mean, judge me if you want and judge Jason if you want, but a first kiss is a first kiss, so.

See? You're chuckling right now because you think that's my half rep, right? Wrong because there's more, so much more, like...

"[A passing student in the hallway] there you are, Merci, listen, it's rumored that you sprouted some type of wild white platinum hair and a red headband for your graduation ceremony and that your sister's boyfriend almost made a mistake, so, I hope that all worked out for you in your favor and by the way, you tell that Sarah at the Choking Chicken Hut that Dan would like a few extra crispy pieces [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], see you."

"OMG, your name is Dan? Hello? And who is Sarah and where is the Choking Chicken Hut, hmm? Hello? Dan? You were talking to me, right, Dan? Hello? Dan, I talk back! Hello?"

College hallway conversations are the worst!

Oh, and mm-hmm, my sister's boyfriend knew exactly what he was doing, mm-hmm because he figured he could have the best of both worlds, mm-hmm, but he did not get that chance because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] Merci, you can't hold it against me that I came upon a couple of photos from your social media accounts and you can't hold it against me that I'm mind hypnotizing you right now into role playing Pizza Delivery Gwen this Friday night at my dorm room while wearing that Spider Gwen leotard that you posed in [woo-woo, zap, zap] and I promise you that we will be alone, well, except for my three drunk gaming frat brothers [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], dorm room 503."

Um, that was a photo of a lifetime and a permanent record of my booty, I mean, my body, but I just let that fool keep walking without any mumbling. Also (giggles) been there, done that! Ahem.

Anyways, since the classes are almost ready to begin, let me finish up. So, I admit that the make out session Jason and myself shared during our rolling romp in the hay was hot and gropy, very gropy and I will admit that I didn't even fight back and I will continue to admit that I actually made the first 'other' move by hinting that my bike shorts could slide off, but the moment was that hot, so, stop judging me. Especially since it was that guy, that guy, Jason, who really pushed them down my thighs, mm-hmm!

Which (giggles), if you've ever tried to push down a pair of Lycra blended bike shorts, then you know that's a chore, right? If you don't know, that's fine, but they fight gravity and require effort, that's for sure.

And since I'm admitting so much, we kept after it, still maintaining heavy lip locks, until, OMFG, I was down to just my undies and that guy, Jason was (giggles), down to his socks! And that's right, other than his stupid black socks (giggles), there we were, making out, groping, grinding and all of the other things people do in a straw hay barn, while romp rolling around while basically naked. And by the way, peeps, he didn't mind and neither did I because everything about the moment had a flow that wasn't going to be denied because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] OMG, Merci, it's you, um, listen, is it true that you sponsored that geeky girl, Tammy, for her 'rush week' outfit? That was one bad ass white leather cowgirl mini, sport! I mean, she gained her sorority status based on her merits, but that outfit with those boots, I mean, one of you has an eye for fashion and since her eye is always in a book, I mean, good job [and just keeps walking until she disappears deep into the crowd of students], sport."

"Um, um, hello? Who are you? And what did you wear for 'rush week' a few weeks ago? Hello? Are you Sarah from the Choking Chicken Hut? Hello? Did Dan text you? Hello?"

Oh, um, that geeky girl, Tammy, was as much as an outcast as I was and she showed me a few pictures of her 'rush week' wardrobe in the lunchroom and um, well, that wasn't going to work, other than to create a rush to judgement, so, um, I texted Momma Warbucks, so what? Especially when her casual response was 'oh, you, crazy college kids find the craziest things to fuss over' as she absentmindedly filled my pay app and that's the way it is.

Anyways, as promised, I'm getting to the grand finale of my story, but since I'm guessing a couple of you handsome guys have searched and found my infamous Spider Gwen photo, let me pause for a moment.

[Fap, fap, comment, fap, fap, comment fap, fap, comment fap, fap, argh, ooh, aw, Gwen!]

Wish I was there (giggles) to explain to you how having access to a personal trainer is worth my momma's money! Ahem.

Anyways, since there is a break in the interruptions, let me kick the grand finale through the (giggles) yellow pipe goal posts.

Before either of us knew what was happening, that guy, Jason, had us down in straw hay in what I can only explain as an amazing 15 minutes of romp rolling around in the literal hay and even though I was mostly just along for the ride, that's right, I rode that hay back! And enjoyed our very invigorating rolling romp in the hay and OMG, never for a moment would I have thought that a guy could get off when the activity was just a dry humping romping roll in the hay!

But he did. And OMG, did he ever get off! (Giggles) not that I was mesmerized with his gooey man seed spewing 2 feet into the air or anything, but I laid back and watched his water fountain nozzle (giggles) perform it's spewing dance, so what? I mean, I didn't grab his dick and aim it or anything, so, shut it.

Ahem, anyways, I'm admitting that I liked what had happened, especially since I mean it when I say that it was a 100% dry humping (giggles), with vigor, except for a few hand gropes and grips here and there and it came to me that my thing going forward, might be a rep for riding along with an invigorating and rolling romp in hay, a dry humping romp all you want, rolling romp in the hay, might be my thing and I was already envisioning my future because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] SUP, Merci, is there any chance that DeeDee talked to you about me setting up a zipline between your dorm room window and her dorm room window because DeeDee said that she heard that you make a mean scrambled egg & bacon bit half sub sandwich and the old witch at the female dorm building front desk actually enforces the afterhours rules, so, just let me know [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], Merci."

"Oh, I mean, if DeeDee said that, I mean, who is DeeDee and who are you? Hello? Um, is DeeDee's window lower than mine because gravity is real, um, hello? Is your name Jake? And do you have tools and wire? Hello? Did I mention that I can ride a horse? Hello! Do you need pliers? Hello?"

Again, hallway conversations suck.

And I can whip out a bad ass scrambled egg & bacon bit half sub sandwich!

Um, where was I anyways, oh yeah, I was totally admitting that the 15 minutes of an amazing and very invigorating rolling romp in the hay was made for me! And as long it's just humping or thumping or bumping with just the right amount of groping and poking mixed in, I mean, that was going to be my thing!

And by the way, my body isn't that bad (see Spider Gwen photo, ahem, again).

And I was happy, until, OMFG, it happened and I couldn't believe that it happened to me after all that rolling and romping and pumping and groping and stroking and nibbling and ass grabbing, but, OMG, it happened and it happened big time and here's what happened because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] Yoo-Lo, Merci, you're having mercy on me and covering my back with tomorrows 2-page written farming history assignment, right, Merci? Just zing zap a text my way when it's finished and take the freight elevator up to my dorm room and I'll answer the dorm room door in just a shower towel [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], later."

"Oh, I mean, I'm not even registered in a history class this semester, I mean, but, um, who am I texting then? Are you DeeDee's boyfriend? Hello? Um, never mind, I'll get your number from Sarah at the Choking Chicken Hut, um, hello?"

The university seriously needs to improve their 'meet & greet' social nights, sheesh.

Anyways, there I was, basically naked in the straw hay and as happy as could be for having a safe sexual experience, a very invigorating and highly active dry humping experience, where everything worked out, until, OMFG, until it didn't work out!

Not that I'm saying that guy, that asshole Jason guy, is an asshole or anything, but what an asshole!

I mean, there we were, both exhausted and huffing and puffing and wheezing our breath, when that guy, Jason the asshole, all of a sudden became quite embarrassed over what had just happened and I know it was because it happened with me! I mean, that asshole not only crushed my feelings, I mean, he got all shy and red faced and couldn't look at me and OMG, did he scurry around for his clothes and split the barn just that quick or what? Mm-hmm, he split quick.

What a fucking asshole for not considering that I have feelings too because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] um, Merci, what are the odds that you already have an agriculture lab partner because I know that grass is green and that hay is yellowish golden, I mean, keep me in mind, Merci [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], okay?"

"Oh, um, um, hey, hey you, um, straw hay actually starts out as greenish and transitions through yellowish and ends up pretty neutral when it dries out completely, um, are you Teddy, I mean, Ted? Hello? Um, if I cry it's because I have allergies and dried out straw hay spews out pollens, um, hello?"

(Giggles) what spewed gooey seed out more than dried out straw hay spewed out pollen seeds was Jason's sexually charged dick! I mean, ahem, Jason the asshole's dick. And I stroked that son of a bitch with the last four strokes after I gave it my all and let that asshole ride me dry humping back, however he wanted, only to be stabbed, stab, stab, stabbed in the heart with his witch doctor's dagger! I mean, find, I lived and learned because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] mm-hmm, Merci, the Boom-Laka-Laka-Laka-Boom Sorority girls were pleasantly surprised this morning to wake up and find hangers on our bedroom doorknobs that held amazing and top quality sheer black blouses with matching lace ooh-la-la padded black bras and we know your mom was behind it financially, but we're going to make a big fuss over you anyways this weekend at the off-campus warehouse party this weekend, mm-hmm, because it was like a college panty raid in reverse (giggles)! Also, Sorority Sister Lisa has a thing for you and she can be seduced, [and just keeps walking until she disappears deep into the crowd of students], thanks and bye, Merci."

"I mean, I mean, what warehouse party because I haven't been the center of a fuss in forever? Hello? Zing zap me your number? Hello? Um, Sister Lisa isn't a Nun, is she? Hello? Um, okay, I'll be around, um, hello? Can a zipline make it to your Sorority House? Hello?"

Well, with the way she disappeared into the crowd of students explains the Boom-Laka-Laka-Laka-Boom naming of their sorority, but where was I again?

Oh, yeah, I was on cloud nine for 15 minutes, 15 basically naked minutes, while romp rolling around in the hay and glory and then, Boom-Laka-Laka-Laka-Boom, I was dropped like a rock out of shame, all because some jerk had after thoughts, even though his thoughts before were so much different than the way things ended because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] hey there, hey, Merci, you know the university doesn't give us a break just for Halloween in a few weeks, but there is a hay ride around campus that a bunch of us are going on, so, tag up and tag along if you want to. And people are noticing how your college ID badge photo magically changed over to that white platinum hair photo [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], tag up, Merci."

"Hey, I mean, I wear my college ID badge around my neck like everybody else, so, who, um, hello? Is there a trail around campus, um, hello? I know a little something about hay because, um, hello?"

Stupid hallway conversations are impossible! Anyways, to sum it all up, one moment I was in bliss for having found a sexual thing that I was comfortable with and I'm guessing that you guys already figured out that there was more groping than I might have let on about and then, argh, I had my guts ripped out all because some jerk fool felt ashamed for having flung his sex nuts up in the air, all guilt free because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] Merci, I hope you can keep this between just us, but I have a thing for cute chicks with dicks and if you're between a nubbin and 2 inches, I'll gladly suck off your girly dick so much that you'll be a solid three before winter break, with no action required back. Just zip zing me a text with the code 'I'm sexually frustrated' and I'll be around [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], keep it quiet, Merci."

"OMG! What? Hey, hey, can't I answer back? Hello? You're the Quarterback, right? Hello?"

What the hell, right? His name must be Mack, right? I mean, all Mack's of the world like cute, cute, cute chicks with dicks as I've heard it anyways because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] that's right, Merci, favor the popular Boom-Laka-Laka-Laka-Boom sorority girls and leave us low born Whack-A-Whack-A-Whack-A-Doo sorority girls in your rearview, that's right, Merci, way to play fair because why should we look good at the warehouse party [and just keeps walking until she disappears deep into the crowd of students], karma is a bitch, Merci."

"I mean, I mean, I'm standing in front of a window, so, I'm invisible, um, hello? Is your name Karman? Or Karmen? Hello? I have answers if I can talk back! Hello?"

Anyways, once upon a time, I thought I had a wonderful half rep for participating in an invigorating romp rolling in the hay and then I didn't because...

"[Ching, an incoming text from an unknown number] Merci, we figure only you would have 'hay bales' embroidered on each back pocket of these whip ass maroon Denim jeans that we just received. The Whack-A-Whack-A-Whack-A-Doo sorority girls wish to apologize for GiGi's scolding words earlier because she said that you two carried on and on for hours and we look forward to twerking you at the warehouse party with our dual bale of hay cheeks, peace out [and the unknown number disconnects]."

Huh? What do you mean I can't reply to an unknown number? When did that become a rule because if you haven't heard, I talk back, especially when...

"[A passing student in the hallway] Merci, that guy who dorms just down from you, says that he thinks your zipline sandwich delivery line can handle a second wire line and me and my dorm room roomies like sprinkle cheese on our scrambled eggs & bacon bits half sub sandwiches, so, can my naughty nightie wearing roomies and myself wait at the window on Thursday nights for a few sprinkle cheese covered scrambled egg & bacon bits sandwiches [and just keeps walking until she disappears deep into the crowd of students], hmm?"

Well, forget about everything else because now, I'm worried over the price of eggs because, oh, um, hold please.

"But, but, but, but, wait, just how naughty are those window naughty nighties, hot girl? Hello? Who is the guy just down from my dorm room? Hello? Is Cheddar cheese, okay? My motto is that I talk back! Hello? Are you someone's ex-girlfriend? Hello?"

Well, it's like ground hog day around these parts because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] Merci, you see, I got a photo op plan, you see, imagine this [makes a movie scene hand fanning], you see, you're holed up in your dorm bedroom, you see, and then your dorm roomie starts to bang on your bedroom door, you see and then, Boom-Laka-Laka-Laka-Boom, you see, he manages to open the door, you see and then Whack-A-Whack-A-Whack-A-Doo, he catches you, you see, scantily dressed with a study book in your hand, you see and then, whoop, the camera focus pans up your body, you see, as you lay on the bed caught, you see and the camera works its way up, you see, from the bottom of your dainty feet, you see and traces along your bent legs, you see, and pauses over your booty, you see and then, OMG, OMG, it swings up your sleeping crop top, you see and stops, you see, when the camera lens catches you with your hand gently covering your mouth, you see, in that famous 'OMG, I'm caught' pose, you see and..."

"And then, ahem, you see, I say what do you want to keep my secret, you see, and he says, you see, one blow job a night will do Precious, you see, because OMG, stranger, that caught Tranny meme is older than any Tranny that I know! And how in the hell is it that you're the only one to actually stick around and let me talk back, hmm?"

"Aw, Merci, you see, I'm just trying to make some extra cash, you see and it's just by happenstance, you see, that I role play the shocked roomie, you see, who catches you barely dressed, you see and gets all those blow jobs and yummy sandwiches, you see, because..."

Ah-hah! Finally, it was my turn!

[And Merci, formerly known as Peachy, you see, just walks way and disappears deep into the crowd of students]

Or so I thought.

"[Beep, another incoming photo text from an unknown number] Merci, this is all your fault! [1st photo] this is my bare ass [2nd photo], this is my bare ass straddling a bale of hay [3rd photo], this is my phat ass getting hot dog humped in the barn over the hay bale last night by a madman of a horny boyfriend and he slipped and missed and now, I've had college butt sex [and the unknown number disconnects]."

And that's my fault? Oh, um, please revisit anywhere above because, nope, whoever that was, she still has one up on me because I've been hot dogged, but without more than a teeny tiny miss...

"[A passing student in the hallway] Merci, I'm ignoring you, so what, because that's what I do, so what? And don't you dare accuse me of reading your romping roll in the hay blog late at night and in the dorm bathroom because that never happened [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], more than three times, so what?"

Great! Another bonehead who won't let me talk back, great.

Oh, I quick changed my tactics just as quick as I changed out of the gray Denim shorts that I wore on the second day of classes because trust me, not all Denim clothing is cut the same and my thighs deserve the best reveal possible, so.

"Mm-hmm, just keep walking, big man on campus because you're not going to hear me babble endlessly in this hallway, so, just keep disappearing int the crowd and don't look back because, buh-bye!"

Oh fuck! He stopped! And turned back around! Gulp!

"[Big man on campus looks down] Merci, is this where you crumble, cry and volunteer to drive just off campus to buy me a pack of candy cigarettes, all without throwing a tizzy hissy fit, so, who is ignoring who now, huh, hay bale queen?"

"OMG, OMG, trust me, there will be no crumbling and no crying and as for your candy cigarettes go, I insist that you have caramel flavored filter dark rear tips, because even though there is little chance that we end up in a relationship, I'm the one who is supposed to cough and gag, end of story, bonehead!"

"Oh, that's a good idea, Merci, because the nonfiltered candy cigarettes do make me cough and choke, I mean, OMG, do as I say, woman!"

Well, that tracks because the first guy to ever refer to me as a 'woman' had to be this knuckleheaded bonehead, right? Sheesh, I should have attended the community college back home.

"Hiss, watch your language in this public setting, buster. And what's your name, bonehead, hmm?"

"Well, dang it, Merci, why would you say my nickname and then ask me what my name is, huh?"

Um, I need a rescue, quicker than I changed my undies when another knucklehead attempted to lure me into the hay barn after my feelings were crushed, which is no longer my thing, as I have previously tried to explain because...

"[A passing student in the hallway] Merci, it's not going to be a good look for you if you make the Flag Football team as the extra point kicker and sell candy cigarettes and chocolate cigars at the warehouse party and then sell tickets for some 'wild romp in the hay' agriculture barn lab project afterhours! Pick a dang lane and make up your mind [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], sheesh."

"I mean, I need three jobs because of the economy, hey, don't you dare just keep walking away because, um, hello? Are you my kicking coach? Are you at least going to apologize for the way you spotted me in the gym Monday morning, hmm? And the candy cigarettes and chocolate cigars are free, so, hah!"

Oh fuck, again! He stopped too! And turned back around like the other guy! Gulp!

"[Forces a body gap closing] are you calling me out for validating the rumors before it took me until our third date to figure out that you're a fancy Boi chick with a dick, huh, Merci, Merci, Me?"

"[Gulp] I mean, I mean, I mean, things are aways awkward at first, um, well, am I or am I not still sexy, hmm? And I'm not one to ever hide who and what I've become, so, you would have known everything that you need to know before, you know, you front humped a teeny tiny bulge, so?"

Oh, now they just smirk and disappear into the crowd of students because as I've said a bazillion times, I talk back because...

"[Bling] sweetie, it's mommy, R U making new friends at Ur college?"

"[Bleep] hi, mom, I know about 20 people, 2 by name, so, what's up?"

"[Bling jewelry] that's nice. How's the research barn that mommy's donation funded coming along?"

"[Bleep] fast & furious. Walls, floor & roof, but empty. I'll send pix."

"[Bling rings] Well, your naughty Dean said I should visit for a Champagne 'Ho Pole" dance ceremony (giggles emoji) with my socialite friends, so?"

Oh, hell no! Hell, no!

"[Bleep] the interior steel support poles are square, mom! I'll send pix."

"[Bling necklaces] C U in 2 weeks, sweetie."

Talk about the need to cut the head off of the snake before the snake strikes, I mean...

"[A passing student in the hallway] Merci, hi, our Sorority won't gain approval until next semester and maybe not even then if we don't have the support and clout that your mother and her friends bring to table and for your understanding, the Maybe We Did, Maybe We Didn't Sorority or the "Maye" sorority for short because all of us girls have adapted the middle name of 'Maye', we'll do, um, we'll do some things that we wouldn't normally do, um, don't make it difficult on us by having mercy on us, Merci [and just keeps walking until she disappears deep into the crowd of students], bye."

Ah-hah! I knew a trick was coming sooner or later because, mm-hmm, because I'm way too nice to take advantage of a damsel in distress, mm-hmm!

"Um, I know you not listening to me, like everybody else, but, um, a cleared-out spot about..."

"[Clink, yet another incoming photo text from an unknown number] this is a photo of the bikini clad "Maye" sisters who cleaned out and refreshed the hay in the barn loft [2nd photo], this is a photo of all of us laying down to test the width of romping area [3rd photo], this is a photo of Jay-Jay, your crush behind the lunchroom, who would love to test out rolling romp area with you [4th photo], this is a photo of a 15 minutes (giggles emoji) kitchen timer [5th photo], this is us shrugging our shoulders because we don't judge [6th photo] and this is us sorority sisters, topless while shrugging our shoulders in non judgement because that damn Annie Maye insisted because that damn over developed sorority sister has the agriculture boobs of the group [and the unknown number disconnects]!"

Well, they were quite full and all and the layout of the straw hay spot almost had me thinking twice about giving up my rolling and romping tease encounters in the hay, but still, all guys are basically all the same, right? Hit it and quit it and make a big damn deal out of being embarrassed and ashamed and...

"[A passing student in the hallway] Merci, um, our usual after lunch, um, chit chat talk today [and just keeps walking until he disappears deep into the crowd of students], right?"

Well, I mean, since it's already been said that Jay-Jay and I hook up, I mean, meet up after lunch, I mean, um, well, everybody didn't need to know, so.

"[Bleep] Jay-Jay, have an energy drink at lunch & meet me in barn's loft."

"[Pow tone] who is this & where is my cock tease, I mean, Merci?"

(Giggles) that was like calling me by the same name!

End Have Mercy 01