Tizz Pt. 01

Tizz 01

"OMFG, need I remind you, again, Tizz, that I could destroy you with just my thumbnail, huh?"

Well, what do you think about that, folks, hmm? Because apparently, Sid has been hitting the gym because just six months ago, he claimed that he could destroy me with just his thumb and now, he's beefed up enough to destroy me with just his thumbnail, so, what do y'all think about that, hmm?

Oh, and speaking of Sid's thumbs, let me just lay the cards on the table and tell it truthfully that just over two years ago, just after graduation, a bunch of us were hanging out down by the river and he flicked his pointing thumb towards the cove hidden by the reeds while looking at me, mm-hmm, that's what Sid did. And guess what happened after?

Well, not much, I mean, OMG, other than that's when Sid claimed that he was all 'fat thumbs' and he couldn't even tie the draw string on his swimming trunks by himself, you know, mm-hmm, because of his fat thumbs and that he needed help! Behind the reeds in the cove! Where it was private!

Oh, did I help Sid by tying, untying and retying his swimming trunks draw string about six times in a row, you ask, hmm? Well, not if you believe that six times is exactly the same as zero times, mm-hmm! But in my defense, since I'm so innocent, I mean, Sid was always more confused than I was and he was as much of my protector as my bully and six was his lucky number, so shut it because...

"Sid, just shut it and paint your lethal weapon of a thumbnail with babydoll hot pink! And while you're painting your thumbnail in hot babydoll pink, just know that behind your back, mm-hmm, right behind your back, half of your crew chit chats with me and I chit chat back, all behind your and there's more, so much more, so, shut it or risk running your mouth some more until you create a scene, so?"

"OMFG, somebody hold my root beer because I'm going to curl hook you with just my pinky finger, Dizzy Tizzy and squeeze the air out of you like you were made of shaving cream or air whipped blown cotton candy and destroy you that way, so, hold still for me!"

(Giggles) that is not what Sid said in the cove behind the reeds that day because Sid said 'OMG, Tizz, keep squirming around while you tie my draw string and don't hold me responsible for any accidents that may happen and by the way, put your plump booty in it', which is the opposite of 'hold still', right?

And my booty may have been plump booty back then, back before I started an HRT program, but those days are long gone by a year, mm-hmm.

Anyways, hey there, hey, everyone, hey guys, hey occasional ladies, since my last name is Tisdale, I've been called Tizz forever and it's my pleasure to meet you and if you're wondering if I have or had the nerve to wear a bikini down at river that day, I mean, under my T-shirt and exercise shorts, so what? I do not push the envelope because...

"Hah, save all of your tough guy jibber jabber, Sid, for tomorrow night at the music festival down at the Historical Park where the music will be loud and the grooving will be proud and when you'll witness me doubling up and doubling down and doubling all around like doubling means exactly the same as twice as much, with half of your crew, especially since you might be surprised to see who chit chats back with me in front of your back tomorrow, so, you need to save some of your tough guy jibber jabber for that, Sid, because it's going to be a music festival night to remember like no other, mm-hmm, so, hah!"

(Giggles) I'll be surprised too if Joe JoJo Joey talks back to me at the music festival because...

"OMFG, OMFG, OMFG (puff, puff) somebody (puff, puff) hold my (puff, puff) blunt because I swear it, Tin Lizzie Dizzy Tizzy, if you dare come within an arm reach of myself or my crew (puff, puff), erg, argh, erg, my best dance move will be to squish destroy you like a bug under my big toe, which is more powerful than my thumbnail and erg, ooh, argh, and then you'll be destroyed for good, so, hold still for me!"

Well, that was the moment that I assured myself that I was going to the music festival because who would want to miss out watching a refrigerator box busting a move, right? Um, from a distance, of course, since you know, Sid weighs enough to squish destroy me like a bug.

Anyways, did I mention that, OMG, the programs work and work like we are all just a gender fraction of a hormone apart from each other, hmm? Even with the 5% crazy loose screw that comes with the best meds ever invented, I mean, I'm not bragging or saying look at me now, but look at me, right?

"Sid, are you finished running your mouth now, hmm? Because I never intended to stop by your hang out spot in front of the Blue Drinking Glass Shop on the Strip in the first place, until you tried to bully trip me as I was innocently, very innocently, minding my own business and just walking past because..."

"That's it, that's it, somebody roll me another blunt because who in the world can claim that they are walking all 'innocently' up and down the Strip when, OMFG, you have a briefcase dangling from your hand while it's chained to your wrist, huh, Tizz? And by the way (puff, puff, puff), Tizz, those security handcuffs are plastic toys!"

Oh, um, here's what had happened about that and it relates to being 5% HT crazy.

I was picking up a few things at the 'Stop & Rob' convenience store earlier that evening when I noticed the toy handcuffs on the 'everything $1' rack at the store and I had my older mini lap top carrying bag in my truck and the secret spy agent stars seemed to line up since I had something expensive to carry, so, ta da, that's why I was strutting up and down the Strip with a secret spy briefcase handcuffed to my wrist.

But, um, here's the thing, after I ripped open the toy handcuffs packaging and slapped one of them on my wrist like I was being arrested for wearing short female shorts over my bike shorts, um, well, I couldn't find the key, so, um, that's why I was stuck looking like a ridiculous secret spy agent on the Strip for the night. Um, because I didn't have a key to unlock the plastic toy handcuffs because...

"Just shut it, Sid because as I just said, I was on my way to the next hang out spot in the front of the Clear Drinking Glass Shop on the Strip and I have no time to waste with you anymore because I'm on a mission to visit with the Mollie Maye and her crew and I'm not looking around to take a head count of your crew [looks around for that guy, Joe JoJo Joey, which also made the spy briefcase crinkle clash around in the air] but I'm looking forward to you embarrassing yourself at the music festival tomorrow night with your dead weight dance moves because..."

"Well, well, well, somebody open me a fresh root beer, relight my blunt and check to see if I happen to have a pistol in my boot (sip, sip, puff, puff) before Tizzy gets dizzy and knocks me out cold with all that 'innocently' swinging spy and locked down briefcase flinging around and if I don't have a pistol in my boot, I mean, somebody give me a pair of toenail clippers because..."

[A boot clumping rescue is on the way through the twilight darkness, but it's not that guy, Joe JoJo Joey, but rather the new age female crew leader, Mollie Maye]

"[Looks down] mm-hmm, I'll take that briefcase while you guys have a spat in pubic [reaches down and depresses the red plastic 'release' button tab to release the toy hand cuffs and re-clicks them to her wrist, click, click, click] and then I'll be on my way with my new age crew, so?"

Oh, um, I thought that little red thing was a hinge or something.

"OMFG, there it is, again everybody, Tizz has backup muscle, but I'm ending this now [cocks and locks his coin flipping thumb under his crooked index finger and Wap, Plunk, almost destroys Tizz under her perfectly shaped chin!]"

"[Wap chin plunked!] Ouch! [And falls back on what used to be a plump butt] you're an asshole, Sid [rubbing chin], an ex-bully asshole!"

Oh, my turn (giggles) because, OMG, Sid freaked out over his temper loss, which had nothing to do with me, since I'm so innocent and all, but, OMG, he quivered and shook and didn't even know what to do or how to recover from that because...

"[Mollie Maye steps in] there, there, dizzy Tizzy, let me help you up before Sid passes out from throwing a hissy fit over his loss of his temper and his ever so powerful flicking and flipping thumb [ugh, pretends to lift Tizz by the arm], up you go."

Pretended? Mollie Maye flicked me to feet like I was a squished squirt pile of shaving cream because...

"And Tizzy Whizzy, Clyde Jr. from the 'Stop & Rob' convenience store already texted me with what's inside of the briefcase that is now locked on my wrists and my prize feels hefty [lift shakes the locked down briefcase to verify the heftiness] and I just texted Joe JoJo Joey to come to your actual rescue, so, refresh your lip gloss and play fair back with Joe JoJo Joey, mm-hmm!"

Huh, either Mollie Maye is a texting speed demon or I was actually thumbnail knocked out for a few seconds, so, huh.

Also, um, doesn't one need to, um, how does one play back fair when, um, there needs to be a move, right, like a first move because...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, opens the secret agent handcuffs protected briefcase and finds two full books of $20 lotto scratchers and two full books of $10 lotto scratcher 'damn, the mother-load of lotto scratchers for my 'crazy eyes' scratcher addiction! Now I actually have to text that Joe JoJo Joey guy!']"

Because that Joe JoJo Joey guy, has to make the first move, right? I mean, I just live out of the other closet and other than being an expert at tying swimming trunks draw strings, with a teeny tiny bit of extra activity, I mean, I have no moves because...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch, 'rats, the first two lotto scratchers are always losers!']"

And besides, that Joe JoJo Joey guy would already be here if he any interest at all in me because the one time that we had a half of a moment, I said 'are you looking at me now, Joe JoJo Joey and he said...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch, 'yes! A $50 winning ticket after the first two losers!']"

And then he said 'maybe' because, you know, he knows how I was born and all, but then I said 'listen, Joe JoJo Joey, my window curtains close and I might even get into a running car with you' and that stirred his interest because I saw his zipper move and then he said...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch, 'whoop, whoop, who is your new age momma now, bitch? That's $200 more!']"

"I mean, Tizz, just how tightly do your apartment curtains close, I'm asking for a friend, so?"

Which I replied with...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch 'holla! That's $75 more with a 3X bonus!']"

I said, Joe JoJo Joey, I may not be your type outside of the shadows, but I think you're sweet and hot and my apartment window curtains close tight enough that you might get the 'Boi Next Door' experience, where I wear my multi color stripped tall, tall, tall socks as I kneel before you and the 'Boi Next Door' experience also comes with pigtails, just in case, you know, you need to manhandle me while I'm servicing your throbbing manhood because...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch, 'shoot, there's always another loser in a middle of a good run']"

Because that's when Joe JoJo Joey's jaw dropped and dropped like a rock because that was one time that I hadn't mentioned anywhere above, but only because I was afraid that Joe JoJo Joey would get what he could get from me and then dump me like a rock because...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch, 'Cha-Ching, can you say $150 more plus the 2X bonus!']"

Because although I did do what I just said with Joe JoJo Joey that one night, somewhat recently, I mean, it's a good thing that they say...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch, 'hoot, hoot, my crew all get new music festival blouses now, hoot & holla for $350 on the top!']"

I mean, some say (men) that even a bad blow job is a good blow job because that's what guys say, am I right because, trust me, I looked good, but that's about as far as the 'good' goes because...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch, 'my, my, my, $100 with a 2X kicker bonus and a second chance entry code for later!']"

But I finished it, so what? I mean, duh, I'm the softer side of the species, so, um, so what because...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch, 'snap, they always sneak in three losers in a row when the scratching coin is hot!']"

Because the real problem is that erg, I haven't really heard from Joe JoJo Joey since went all 'argh, ooh, ahh, argh, oops, Tizzy, argh, take my spews, argh, spew, spew, messy spews, argh, ahh' from the best 'Boi Next Door' experience that I could muster, but...

"[Mollie Maye, off in the distance, scratch, scratch, scratch, 'mother fucker, it's the big 6 boom! 0 boom! 0 boom! And time for a vacation in the Keys! And it's time I finally text Joe JoJo Joey!']"

But he didn't really run out of my apartment afterwards, so that's good news, right, because...

"[Text, tap, text, tap, send] JJJJ, Tizz got knocked out by Sid's lethal weapon thumbnail and needs to visit Head Nurse Swallows at the clinic! Or Tizz needs a Purple Frosty Freeze with a double tip curl, Ur call."

Because when a prospect doesn't just run out after a sub parr 'Boi Next Door' experience, I mean, that's something right, because...

"[Zing, an incoming text] Tizz, Ur girl, MM, cleaned out my lotto drawer cash!"

Like I had time for Clyde Jr. from the 'Stop & Rob' convenience store because...

"[Zing, an incoming text] and she said you have a Boi Next Door date thing going! What # in line am I?"

First of all, ick, ewe, ick for Clyde Jr. and for second (giggles), do I actually have a rep now? Even after just one and only one Boi Next Door experience date because I'd be happy to fight back against that rumor because I fight back like you wouldn't believe because...

"[Beep, beep from the Strip] Tizz, is there a rule that says a Trap can't get into a running car? Jump in and let's go [beep, beep], so?"

Oh, there's a rule about that, alright! It's literally rule #2! However, the rule says that a Tranny or a Trap should never ever get into a running car when the number of questionable guys in it exceeds two or more, so, it was legit.

"[The passenger door creaks closed] Joe JoJo Joey, I'm totally embarrassed that I spit and gagged, so?"

"[Vrooms away from the curb] but Tizz (chuckles), you didn't spit and gag the next two times, so?"

"[Flabbergasted over the truth] OMG, Joe JoJo Joey, my blog followers think that I only fell for your charms once! Anyways (giggles) thanks for the glow up and um, are we getting a Frosty Freeze through the drive up, hmm?"

"Purple Frosty Freeze, double tipped, tip curled back once and under swept back, bending straw and napkin wrapped to gather the moisture dew and you order from the passenger side by leaning, leaning big time across my lap, while balancing yourself properly in some certain place and I'll have just a standard red, so?"

(Giggles) if I may, ahem, that's it, somebody hold my Frosty Freeze (sip, sip) and pass my (puff, puff) blunt around because if this guy, Joe JoJo Joey, wants it smash face down, then that's how he's going to get it! Gulps from fear of the unknown because there is always a price to pay, right?

End Tizz 01