Change of Plans Pt. 04

Sorry for the long wait on this one. It was a really busy month, and anyway I wanted to make sure I took my time on this part. It's the longest and most plot heavy yet, and the start of the real drama of the story -- as you could probably guess from the ending to part 3, shit is about to go down.

Thank you so much for all of the positive feedback to the first 3 parts. This is the first piece of writing, erotic or otherwise, that I've ever shown to people who aren't either one of my teachers in the past or friends and family, so it means a lot.

As always, hope you enjoy!

(Fyi, I'm combining the last two parts, so there will only be six total, not seven as I originally planned)

Part 4

Needless to say, it was a confusing week for me. That day felt like it had just turned our whole situation on its head -- all of Max's comments about my mystery girl and how I was acting, the way Charley and I had ended up during movie night, and of course -- that kiss the morning after.

Fuck, I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

I knew that this was all probably a bit pathetic of me, obsessing over a kiss like I was twelve years old. But this wasn't just some girl I liked in my year 2 geography class.

This was Charley. The smartest, hottest, kindest person I'd ever met. The most incredible person I knew. The girl I'd been infatuated with for well over half my life.

And of course, also my stepsister. A fact which was still complicating things, to put it mildly.

But despite that little detail, I felt really, really good. Now, like I mentioned before, I had been in a somewhat permanent good mood since Charley and I had agreed to start sleeping together. But what I was feeling after that day was something else entirely. It was like this constant, fluttering ache in my chest -- which I guess sounds bad, but was weirdly the most amazing thing in the world.

Except I wasn't so sure it was a good thing at all.

It's probably difficult to see how that could be a problem. I was racking my brain trying to figure it out myself -- until I realized it wasn't actually a problem in and of itself. The problem was that there was something else I was feeling alongside it, and it was jumbling up all my emotions.

The thing is, it wasn't guilt. That was what was strange -- guilt I was familiar with, could handle. I'd felt guilty about liking Charley almost since the day we met, and I understood why. We were family, and you shouldn't be sexually attracted to your family. It was an open and shut case.

But I couldn't wrap my head around this new feeling, figure out what it was. And I definitely didn't understand what it came with -- something that almost felt like ... fear.

Or maybe I did know what it was, and why I would be afraid. But I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

Anyway, my mind was racing so much over the next few days that it was pretty difficult to get anything done. It was another stay-at-home period for me, playing PlayStation mindlessly, and counting down the days until Friday when I promised I'd go over to Charley's. I was simultaneously ecstatic and terrified about what would happen.

By Thursday, there was literally nothing else on my mind except my stepsister. At least, there wasn't until that evening, when my phone buzzed with a text message.

It was from my mum. My biological mum.

Hey, I'm back in town! Would love to meet up for lunch or coffee if you're not too busy.

As I stared at the message, I felt a strange mix of emotions. Ever since she and my dad had divorced, she'd essentially been out of the picture. Working as an archaeologist, she had always been a bit aloof, mind always focused on excavation sites, not her family. And as soon as the papers were signed, and it was agreed that I would be living with Dad, she had fucked off to Egypt or Peru or wherever it was, pretty much for good.

I made a big deal previously about how little Charley and I had kept in contact while she was at Stanford, but my mum and I were on a whole different level. Since I was six, I'd seen her a grand total of five times, spread out across fourteen years. No calls, messages, birthday cards -- nothing. Just five texts from her, alerting me she was in London and available to meet.

Luckily, I had gotten over it a long time ago. Pretty much the moment I was introduced to Miss Kim and her daughter, and was told they were going to part of the family. So, whenever I did end up seeing my mum again, it wasn't like it was a bitter reunion. I had no resentment or anything. We'd exchange pleasantries, catch up on the last few years, and then go our separate ways.

That being said, I decided to let the message sit for a while. Didn't want to make it seem like I was desperate to see her again or anything.

*****

Despite the minor distraction of my mum being back, the nervous excitement was still in full flow as I climbed the stairs to Charley's apartment on Friday.

The door was already open as I turned the corner, and Charley stood there, leaning against the door frame. She was wearing a pink apron over her t-shirt, dirtied with flour and what appeared to be some sort of cake or brownie batter.

"You're early," she remarked with a smirk, as I walked up towards her. And then she stood on her tiptoes to peck me on the lips.

I blinked back at her after she leaned away. Looks like the kiss that morning wasn't a one-off. "Oh. Sorry."

"Sorry? I wasn't complaining" she chuckled. "You're so cute. I'm making brownies, wanna help?"

She sauntered off back towards her kitchen, and with the kiss and the compliment rattling around in my head I ended up following her on her heels like a puppy. "Yeah, sure."

"I have two bowls of mixture, so you just get to work stirring one and I'll do the other." She handed me one of the bowls. "Shouldn't need to do it too long, just till it's smooth. All the ingredients are already in there."

"Yes ma'am." After a minute or two of intense stirring action, we poured the mixture onto a massive tray and put it in the oven.

"Just under half an hour," Charley said as she set a timer on her phone and plopped down in the seat across from me at her dining table. "You get up to much this week?"

"Eh, not really. Had to recharge my social battery after all those hangouts recently."

She raised an eyebrow. "All those hangouts, meaning when you helped me move in, and a single pub trip with some uni friends?"

"We can't all be extroverts," I grumbled. "Baby steps."

"Oh sure," she giggled. "Well, I'm really proud of you."

I remembered my mum's text, which I still hadn't replied to. "There is one other potential outing in the cards. My mum is back in London. She texted me, asking if I wanted to meet up."

Charley immediately became serious. "Oh, shit. That's something. When was the last time you guys...?"

"A while back. It was during your first year at Stanford."

She whistled. "Over three years ago? Damn."

"Yep."

"Are you gonna go?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Yeah, why not? It's not like I hate her or anything. And it's free food."

"Fair enough." She hesitated. "We've never really talked about her, you and me."

"What's there to talk about?"

"It must be weird, knowing you have a parent out there but not really having much of a relationship with them," she said. "I know it would fuck with me if ... well, you know."

If her dad was still alive. "I guess," I replied. "I was pretty mad at both of them when they split up. But as soon as you and your mum came into the picture, it was never like I was left wanting for a family."

"Our mum," Charley corrected.

"Right," I smiled. Her comment made me feel strangely warm inside.

"Well, I'm glad you feel that way," she continued. "I know it was always the same for me, with you and Dad." She paused. "And ... I hope you know you can always talk to me about this stuff, if you want."

"Oh okay," I grinned. "You're in the therapy business now?"

She smirked back. "I'm in the amazing big sister business."

"No need to remind me," I laughed. "I remember your 'big sister' hospitality very well from the last time I was here."

"There's really no need to bring that up," she groaned, blushing slightly.

We sat there talking and laughing for a while, but before we knew it, Charley's phone was ringing as the timer went off. She rushed over to pull the tray out of the oven and cut us both a slice each.

I followed her over to the kitchen counter to try it, and as soon as I took the first bite, I was immediately blown away by rich, chocolatey flavor and gooey texture, with a hint of salt and something else I couldn't put my finger on. "Holy shit. These are amazing."

"I know right?" Charley replied with a smile. "It's a secret Kim recipe."

I raised an eyebrow. "Gatekeeping it, huh?"

"There's a lot I'll share with you, but some things you have to keep to yourself." She paused. "Though speaking of sharing, we should do a movie night again soon. Last Wednesday was really nice."

Oh sure, it was the movie that was nice. I still wasn't sure how I felt about the fact that we hadn't addressed how different that night had made things. But what I was sure about was that I definitely wasn't brave enough to be the one to bring it up, with the risk of making things weird.

"As long as it's not When Harry Met Sally again, I'm down," I said.

"Fine, we can go for something more your speed," she snorted. "Detective Pikachu? Or the Minecraft movie isn't streaming yet, but maybe we could pirate it."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you really think that little of me?"

"Oh, Luke," Charley laughed softly, and reached over to brush a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. "You know I think the world of you."

When she leaned over to kiss me, my suspicions were immediately confirmed. It's never going to be the same again, is it? It was slow, and sweet -- a byproduct of the brownies we just ate maybe, but even just the sensation of how softly she kissed me made my insides turn to jelly.

"You taste like chocolate," Charley muttered as she pulled away. She stared deep into my eyes, almost looking a little dazed.

Heart racing, I leaned back in and kissed her again, this time a little harder. Pushing her back slightly against the kitchen counter, she moaned quietly as I began to slip my tongue into her mouth. Slowly but surely, it began to get more intense -- not hot and frantic as it had often been in the past, but purely passionate. I just wanted to be as close to her as physically possible, and I continued the kiss hungrily as Charley breathed out hard through her nose.

Finally, we both came up for air and she leaned forwards to rest her head on my shoulder, breathing heavily.

I took a second to savor the feeling of closeness as we stood there holding each other in the kitchen, but I knew we both wanted to go further. "Bedroom?" I asked.

"Bedroom," she agreed quietly. Shooting me a sultry smile, she gently pushed me off and ripped off her apron, taking my hand. She led the way as we hurried over to the bedroom, and she giggled as I stumbled after her.

Unfortunately, as we made our way inside my clumsiness got the better of me. I tripped on the edge of a cabinet by the door of her room, and with Charley still holding my hand tightly she fell with me onto the bed, ending up with me on top of her. She clearly must have landed on something, because she yelped in pain and winced.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. "Sorry."

"I'm fine, it's just a hairbrush," she laughed, maneuvering to reach underneath herself and grab it. "But you might have ruined the atmosphere."

I was about to pick myself up off her and apologize, when the sunlight shifted underneath the curtains and illuminated her face. And seeing it, I quite literally froze in place.

She was genuinely a fucking vision. Stunning to the extent that it was really quite unfair. The golden light gleamed across her pale, unblemished skin, casting tiny shadows across her face that seemed to illuminate just how perfect every single feature was. She'd let her blonde hair grow a little since the beginning of the Summer, stretching a couple inches past her shoulders, but here on the bed it streamed out across her white sheets in an almost perfect circle like she was producing her own rays of sunlight.

Charley indulged me for a few seconds, then rolled her eyes after sensing that I was just going to carry on staring at her if she didn't interrupt me. "What now?"

I felt like I could just stare at her for hours. "You're so beautiful," I replied softly.

All of a sudden her smile disappeared, and for a moment my heart dropped, worried I'd messed up somehow. But then she reached up to cup my cheek, and after gazing up at me for a second she pulled me down quickly and kissed me deeply.

I slid my hands up Charley's shirt and she groaned into my mouth, opening up the kiss to dart her tongue across my own. I responded in kind and pushed forward myself, finally reaching her breasts and gently fondling them as our tongues danced.

It didn't feel quite as magical and dreamlike as it had been last week -- but that made me strangely happy. That time had been special undoubtedly, but here and now I wanted it to feel real.

I could feel my cock growing harder in my pants, and Charley must have noticed it too because she began to grind up into me as I continued to play with her tits. Finally, she gently tapped my arm, and I took that as an instruction to get off of her. I reluctantly pulled back, and she looked up at me with a slight smile.

"Clothes off," she whispered.

I smiled back and stood up, quickly stripping down and watching eagerly as Charley did the same. My erection sprung free as soon as I was naked, and I got on my knees to help Charley pull off her jeans and panties.

"Eager, huh?" she giggled softly.

"Of course," I murmured back, though I wasn't looking up at her. I was focused solely on the sight in front of me -- her flawless, trimmed pussy. Slowly walking forward on my knees, I planted kisses along the insides of her thighs, alternating between each side until I got all the way to my prize.

Finally, I quickly licked all the way up her slit in one go, and Charley gasped loudly. "Oh, fuck. Luke!"

"Any objections?" I chuckled, teasing her like she had done to me the first time she'd gone down on me.

"You..." she breathed, looking down at me with her eyes half closed. "No, never."

I could feel her eyes on me, watching me with tense anticipation as I leaned in again, this time circling her clit with the tip of my tongue. Moving down to lap at her slick creases, her juices were already beginning to pour into my mouth and run down my chin.

Not bothering to wipe my mouth clean, I instead reached up to get my fingers involved, sliding them into her oozing entrance. Gently, I started probing in and out of her with three slightly curled fingers, nudging her g-spot as I suckled and kissed at her engorged clit up top.

Above me, Charley hissed in pleasure. "You're so good ... Oh, you're so fucking good at that."

Spurred on by her praise, I decided to switch things up. I pulled my fingers out of her snatch with a wet pop, watching eagerly as I watched the thin strands of her juices cling onto them desperately. After quickly licking them off, I leaned forward all the way, burying my face between her legs and shoving my tongue deep inside of her soaking entrance.

She groaned loudly as I got to work tongue-fucking her pussy, but I didn't stop there. As I plunged my tongue into her snatch time after time, I reached up to rub her clit with my thumb, making her squeal.

"Shit ... keep going, I'm close, I'm so fucking close."

I could feel her hips start to writhe as she approached her orgasm, and I prepared to lock in for the final stretch. But regardless, it didn't seem like Charley was about to let me go anywhere -- I don't know if it was a conscious decision or not, but out of nowhere she wrapped both her legs around my back, locking me in place.

Honestly, I barely noticed it though. I was lost in it all -- her pleasure, her moans, her taste.

"Fuck, fuck!" she exclaimed. "I'm coming ... Luke!"

True to her word, she pulled me in even closer with her legs in a vice grip as her pussy quivered and released a river of her juices, bathing my tongue and open mouth in her nectar.

I drank it all down greedily until she finally released me with a shuddering breath, and I fell back on the floor, coughing a little.

"Sorry," Charley muttered, blushing hard. "I didn't mean to lock you in there."

"I don't mind. You taste amazing."

She looked down at me doubtfully. "Really?"

"If you don't believe me, you could always try it yourself." Not waiting for her to answer, I reached down between her thighs and slid a finger inside of her soaking wet pussy again, coating it with her juices.

As I stood up and brought my hand back up towards her face, Charley regarded my glistening index finger with a mix of uncertainty and curiosity.

Her eyes flicked back to meet mine. "You're a perv, you know that?" she said softly.

I was just about to dejectedly wipe my finger off, when she opened her mouth slightly and nodded. Heart pounding, I slowly lowered it into her waiting mouth, her lips closing around it gently.

Somehow, in that moment it felt like the hottest and most intimate thing we'd ever done. She gazed up at me the whole time, looking deep into my eyes as she sucked on my finger and swirling her tongue around it. This was supposed to be for her, not for me, but within seconds I could feel myself growing almost painfully hard.

It was apparently doing something for her too, because she suddenly moaned. Feeling the vibrations on the tip of my finger, I withdrew it from her mouth and stared back down at her in anticipation.

"Not bad," Charley whispered. "But I need you inside of me now."

I nodded. "Lie on your stomach."

"Okay," she replied, a glint in her eye.

After doing as I asked, she watched me over her shoulder as I slowly climbed on top of her, leaning on my arms and lining up my rock-hard cock with her sloppy pussy. Charley rocked her hips from side to side as I rubbed the head up and down her slit and gasped loudly as I parted her lips and began to sink inside.

As I bottomed out, she let out a deep groan of satisfaction. "Holy ... you're so deep like this."

"That's the idea," I muttered.

Holding myself in position for a second, I savored the feeling of her inner walls tightening and twitching around my erection, along with the sensation of her soft, pillowy ass against my hips.

"Luke," Charley whimpered, and as she looked over her shoulder again, I leaned down to kiss her gently. As I probed my tongue into her mouth, I could feel her pussy throb and I began to slide in and out of her.

Pulling back from the kiss, I rested on both my hands and got into the rhythm. I ploughed her from behind slowly and sensually, relishing in the feeling of her body vibrating each time my hips collided with her backside, feeling the two of us become drenched in sweat despite how steady and deliberate the sex was.

"You feel ... so fucking amazing," I panted, my eyes almost rolling back in my head as I experienced her tight, slick pussy lips gripping my shaft like it never wanted to let me go.

Charley just groaned in response; her face buried in her sheets. I really was getting deep inside her in this position -- on each thrust, I could feel myself reaching her cervix, and each time my cock bumped up against it she mewled loudly. It truly felt like I couldn't get any close to her than I was in that moment, and the feeling really was blissful.

I was in no rush to finish, but the sheer intensity was taking its toll on my endurance. My arms shaking, I let myself collapse on top of her, our sweaty bodies now firmly pressed together as I continued to grind my dick within her scalding pussy.

"Charley ... I'm going to cum," I whispered in her ear, holding her tightly from behind.

She took a second to formulate the words, but eventually I heard them, muffled but unmistakable. "Me too."

After a few more deep thrusts into quivering, soaking snatch, I felt her stiffen up and cry out, her walls clamping down and rippling on my swollen wood as she flooded the area with a river of her juices. Within seconds, I felt myself topple over the edge with her, exploding with a loud groan and flooding her spasming pussy with my hot cum.

Completely empty of energy, I leaned over to rest my head on the sheets beside her. We both lay there exhausted for at least a minute or two, catching our breath and coming down from the post-sex haze.

Finally, I heard her quiet voice, still muffled by the sheets. "Luke?"

I gently climbed off of her and rolled over beside her on the bed. "Yeah?"

She shakily looked up to face me, still red and sweaty, her hair matted down and unruly. And still the most stunningly beautiful girl in the world. She shuffled a bit closer to me and leaned in to kiss me slowly. It was sweet and gentle, just the two of us basking in affection and each other's company.

After the week of overthinking, it had gone about as perfect as it probably could have -- lying there in the bed with her, I felt happier and more content than I could have ever imagined possible. But there were still unanswered questions -- and while they absolutely didn't spoil how this all felt, they still nagged at me in the back of my mind.

After a while, I could sense it was getting late. I gently untangled myself and sighed. "I should probably head off soon."

"You know..." Charley hesitated, and for a second I could have sworn she seemed a little nervous. "You can stay over if you want."

My heart skipped a beat. "Are you sure? Mum and Dad might-"

"I have a sofa bed, you know. It's not like they're gonna jump to the conclusion we're sleeping in the same bed."

I grinned. "Which ... is what we'll be doing?"

She shot me a dirty look. "If that doesn't sound appealing, the couch is right out there."

"I like where I'm at," I laughed, reaching over to pull Charley into a cuddle. She harumphed quietly, but it didn't take her long to get over herself and lean into it with me.

A while later, when Charley had fallen asleep, I lay there still thinking about everything. Everything was still unclear. I didn't want to be the needy, 'What are we?" type of guy -- but then again, I felt like our relationship was unique to the point that those kinds of questions might be necessary.

It was only just as I was about to drift off myself that I remembered my mum's offer to meet up. I sleepily grabbed my phone and sent over an affirmative message.

Despite everything, my relationship with her really wasn't that complicated. I couldn't help but hope that being around her might give me some clarity on the far more indefinite relationship I had with my stepsister.

*****

The next day, I headed over to the address my mum had sent me. I was surprised to find that I was feeling a little jumpy -- though I couldn't tell whether it was because I was about to see my mum for the first time in over three years, or whether it was just another byproduct of my Charley situation.

She'd picked a small, local-looking café on the side street, with classic Paris decal. Anything to forget she had to be back in London, I guess.

I poked my head inside and spotted her in the corner almost immediately. She looked almost identical to how she had last time, and still had her professor of archaeology look going strong -- thick rimmed glasses, grey turtleneck, light brown hair tied up in a ponytail and skin that was weathered and tanned.

"Luke!" She exclaimed once she caught sight of me.

I walked over, and she got up and wrapped me in a slightly stiff hug. "Hi," I replied.

"Have you grown? I feel like you've grown," she said, pulling back and looking up at me.

I was about to correct her, because I'd stopped growing quite a few years ago. But then again, maybe I had still been growing all the way back when I'd last seen her. "Uh ... yeah, maybe."

"Anyway, sit down, sit down," she said. "Tell me everything that's going on with you."

You know Charley, my stepsister who you've never met? We're sleeping together. I shrugged. "I'm at uni now. Studying Law."

"Ooh, Law?" she chuckled. "I'm assuming your father had some input in your choice of degree then."

She wasn't wrong. "Yeah, he wasn't so keen on paying nine grand a year for me to study English or Philosophy or something. But I don't mind. It's intense, but interesting."

"That's good," she replied.

"How about you? How come you're back?" I asked.

"Couple new findings from out in South America, a fundraising event in Holborn. Nothing too exciting."

She was brushing it off, but I could tell she wanted to talk about it. "New findings?"

"Yep!" Her eyes lit up, now that I'd given her the green light to nerd out.

I won't bore you with the details, but after ordering coffees and pastries for the two of us she spent a good forty-five minutes describing in detail a tiny, splintered ancient Mayan knife she'd uncovered while in Guatemala.

I just smiled and nodded along, which apparently was enough for her.

After a while though, she finally finished her riveting story. "Sorry for rambling," she chuckled. "You're a good listener."

"Oh. Thanks."

"I never got much of a chance to talk about my work with family. Lord knows your father never wanted to hear about it, before the divorce."

Awkward family situation now brought up, we devolved into an uncomfortable silence. I had thought a lot about my parents' divorce over the years but had never asked about it. Dad was obviously a no-go -- even normal conversations with him were awkward enough, let along ones about his romantic past. And my mum was around so little that there was never really the time, or desire to bring up a topic like that.

But for some reason, there in that small café, I suddenly needed to ask about it.

"Hey," I spoke up.

"Yes?"

"Why did you and Dad get a divorce?"

I could see her freeze the second the question left my lips. "That's a pretty heavy question out of the blue. Why ... why are you asking me that?"

"Because I want to know," I said firmly. "Neither of you have ever talked about it. Dad isn't exactly the most emotionally available guy around, and you're not really available full stop." I looked away. "Maybe it's just a ... child of divorce thing. It's something you end up wondering about."

"Alright. I guess one of us owes you an explanation, after all this time." She paused, like she was mentally preparing herself. "With your father and I ... our relationship felt like a chore, like we were forcing it. We got married when we were young and stupid, and then I got pregnant ... by the time we both realized we weren't right for each other, it felt like it was too late. Divorce didn't feel like an option -- I had my catholic parents; your father had his deeply rooted family values.

"So, when you were born, we decided to double down and just make it work. It was okay for a year or two -- new parents are too busy with the child to worry about marital issues. But you grew up, and we got a bit of breathing room, and all the problems came rushing back. We argued constantly, focused too much on our careers -- it was a nightmare. There were some good times too of course, like the holiday in the Maldives, watching you go to your first day of school. But it was almost the problem in itself -- it felt like for our marriage to work, every single thing needed to be perfect, at all times. It shouldn't be like that. It's not realistic.

"We buried our heads in the sand for a few more years, but eventually we sat down and decided it had to stop. For you, Luke. We didn't want you to grow up believing that this was what a marriage was." She averted her gaze. "Sorry. I'm not trying to make it seem like I blame you."

"It's fine," I replied slowly. "If you guys weren't right for each other anyway, I guess I can't be mad that I was what caused you to make the decision."

She shot me a grateful smile. "Being with the person you love should be as easy as breathing. Even when you fight and disagree, get angry or sad with each other, you always know that there's no one else you'd rather be with in the world." She sipped her coffee. "You'll understand it one day. Or maybe you already do. That's why you asked me, isn't it? You're in love."

"What? No!" I spluttered, my face instantly growing hot. "Where the hell did you get that from?"

"It's written all over your face," she said. "You'd have to be blind not to see it."

"Well, I think you're hallucinating. Because you're way off."

"Don't want to divulge your love life to your estranged mother? Fine." She held up her hands dramatically.

I sighed. First Max, now my mum. At this rate, I'll end up being gaslit into actually falling in love with Charley.

In. Love. With. Charley.

The flood of thoughts was so sudden I felt like I was about to have an aneurism. Was that what this new feeling was? Was I really ... in love with my stepsister?

No, I just had a crush -- it was physical attraction. I had always known that was all it was. And that was why when Charley had brought up the clause in our agreement that if either of us fell for the other it would end, I had been completely fine with it.

And yet, it was so incredibly obvious that something was different now. Her always being on my mind; that dull, throbbing ache in my chest; how completely comfortable yet nervously giddy I felt when I was around her.

Was that love? I had absolutely no fucking clue. But I sure as shit needed to figure it out.

"Um ... you okay?" My mum's voice shook my out of my stupor.

"Yeah, sorry," I mumbled. "So, are you heading back to Guatemala after the event?"

With the heavy topic out the way, my mum and I carried on with the small talk for a little bit but honestly my mind was somewhere else entirely by that point. I don't know if she noticed it or not, but eventually she was the one to call it a day. "Anyway, I won't hold you hostage any longer."

"Right," I chuckled weakly. "Thanks for the coffee."

We left the café and stood outside awkwardly for a few seconds as we prepared to say goodbye.

Turning to me, my mum broke the silence. "You know you can call me anytime, right?"

I looked over at her, saw her smile. And I knew it was genuine. But this was the same dance we did every time she'd pop up after a few years -- the nice chat, the promise to keep in touch more. But we both knew full well by now that just wasn't what our relationship was.

And that was alright. "Yeah. I know."

As I walked back to the underground station, my thoughts were entirely preoccupied by a relationship which I very much wasn't sure about.

The more I considered the possibility, the more it scared me. The pieces of the puzzle just slotted into place so easily -- the new things I was feeling, and more importantly, the fear. Because of course there would be fear -- we'd talked about the possibility, outlined what it would mean for our relationship. I knew that if it was true, it could screw up what we had irreparably.

Suddenly, just as I was walking onto the platform, I was struck by the sudden urge to see her. With everything swirling around in my head, I just needed to speak to her, be around her. Maybe it would set me straight. Or maybe it would mess with me even more. Only one way to find out.

I walked over to the other line, heart pounding.

Fuck. Am I really in love with her?

*****

Forty minutes later, I was standing outside her front door, my mind a mess. But luckily, I wasn't going to get the chance for my thoughts to stew for much longer -- within a few seconds of me ringing the bell, the door swung open and Charley appeared.

She smiled, surprised. "Luke?"

She kind of looked like she was about to go somewhere -- I could smell her intoxicatingly sweet perfume from a few paces away, and she had a brown leather jacket over her dark floral dress, with twin braids in her hair. She was so obscenely gorgeous it made my heart ache.

I instinctively leaned down to kiss her lightly, as I supposed was normal for us now. But afterwards, all of a sudden, I realized that this had been the first time I'd initiated it outside of sex. I pulled away quickly, struck with the irrational fear that she'd recoil in disgust or something.

But she just peered up at me, looking a little bemused. "You okay?"

"Yeah ... sorry for dropping by out of the blue. I was just in the area," I lied.

"Oh. From meeting your mum?"

"Yep." Now that I was actually here, standing in front of her, I realized it was kind of crazy how I'd just come all the way across London and swooped in unannounced. "I'll go. I'm sure you're busy."

Charley rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous." She waved me in, and now feeling a little more relaxed, I followed her over to the dining table. The kettle was already boiling, and after a minute or so she fixed us both cups of Earl Grey.

"How was it?" she asked tentatively. "Seeing her, I mean."

"Good. Talked about uni, some event she's doing. Also asked her why her and Dad got divorced."

"The fuck?" Charley spluttered, choking on her tea. "How the hell did that come up?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. We'd just never talked about it before, and I felt like asking." I sighed theatrically. "She told me it was all my fault."

"Luke!" she gasped.

"Just joking," I laughed. "Well, kind of -- she did actually say that. But not in a bad way. She said they just wanted to do what was best for me."

"Right ..." Charley scratched her head awkwardly. "So ... how do you feel about it now?"

I smiled. It was cute how she was always trying to make me feel like I could open up to her if I wanted to. "It's okay, Charley. You don't have to. I'm all good."

"You sure?" she breathed out, relieved. "It's just this topic in particular -- as a member of your other family, it feels like I should steer clear of it."

"Makes sense."

"Anyway ..." she rested her hands on her hips. "What do you wanna do?"

I eyed her getup again. "You sure you don't have anything else to do today?"

"Nope." She looked away. "You know what -- might as well take the opportunity to watch something, like we talked about."

She quickly got up and scurried over to the couch before I could react and whipped out her phone. After a few seconds of furious typing, she slid it back in her pocket with a forced air of nonchalance.

"What was that about?" I asked as I sat down beside her, even more suspicious now.

"Nothing," she replied, clearly lying. Trying to act natural, she turned the TV on and began scrolling through Netflix.

"Charley..."

Dropping the remote, she crossed her arms and turned to me with a glare. "Okay, officer," she grumbled. "I was going to meet some friends soon, so I told them I can't make it."

"You really don't have to," I said, feeling bad.

She waved me off. "It's fine. I see them all the time."

"You see me all the time too."

"Well, still not as much as I'd like," she quipped. "Anyway, why are you always coming at me with the inquisitions? What are you, a law student or something?"

"Nice," I chuckled.

"Oh!" She paused, attention back on the TV. "They have The Hateful Eight on here! It's the only Tarantino movie I haven't watched yet. You down?"

I shrugged. "Um ... I haven't seen much of his stuff. I watched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood and never felt the urge to look into the older films."

"Luke, you cute little simpleton," she groaned. "Tarantino is a genius. You really don't see it? Every line of his dialogue is perfectly crafted; the rhythm, alliteration, metaphors -- he's like a fucking poet. I mean goddamn, the bar scene in Inglorious Basterds, I would have thought as a Brit you of all people would understand that ..."

It was clear she was going off into a rambling monologue, so I subconsciously began to tune her out. Instead, my thoughts went back to what I'd been preoccupied with before I got here.

I'd pretty much sidelined all my worries as soon as she'd invited me in. It was that simple. But sitting here, hearing her lecture me about various cinematic techniques or whatever, it struck me that nothing had changed. Every single second I spent with her was just as unconscionably gratifying as always. And similarly, I studied her face as she passionately rambled on, and she was so unbelievably stunning.

I leaned in and kissed her, even now almost in disbelief that this was something I was allowed to do. For a second, she froze in surprise, before melting into it with me. There wasn't anything sexual about it -- just pure affection.

When I pulled back she involuntarily let out a little whimper, and after immediately catching it, she blushed. "You interrupted me," she mumbled.

"Sorry," I replied. "I just really wanted to kiss you. Carry on."

Charley stared back at me, her face still only a few inches away from mine. "I lost my train of thought."

"My bad."

We sat there in silence for a moment that felt like it went on forever, as I continued to try and resolve what was happening with us. Is it love? Real love, romantic love? I just couldn't put my finger on what I was feeling, though every time I tried to deduce it, I arrived at the same question. If this wasn't love ... what the fuck was? It felt to me like it wasn't humanly possible to care about another person more than I cared about Charley.

"Just do it again," she said quietly, interrupting my deliberating.

"Do what?"

"Kiss me, dumbass."

I shot her a slight smile and leaned in again to do as she asked.

Knowing that it would last longer this time, I tried my best to savor every single aspect of it. Her lips, indescribably soft; the subtle taste of Earl Grey tea on her tongue; her intoxicating smell, and how pleasantly warm her body felt against my fingertips, as I held her tightly against me.

We sat there for a while, lazily making out. It wasn't quite like last week, while we were watching When Harry Met Sally -- it didn't have that same magic, fairytale-like feeling. But it was just two people being completely and utterly comfortable enjoying each other's presence.

Being with Charley like this was just so ... easy. Not just the sex, but everything before and after. I thought back to what my mum had said about the relationship between her and my dad -- how it was always a chore, how things needed to be one hundred percent perfect to feel like it was working.

Well, me and Charley's relationship had sure as shit had its ups and downs. Eight years of one-sided and guilt-ridden pining, followed by four years of hardly any contact while she was away. And then when she finally came back, we ended up walking in on each other masturbating. And then after a few days of awkwardness, a drunken and sexually charged conversation led to us sleeping together. And then after an extremely uncomfortable talk the next morning, we avoided each other for a week, only for us to drunkenly decide that we couldn't just ignore how we were attracted to each other and later have sex again in her friend's bathroom.

And then after all that, we had to do everything in our power to keep the new development in our relationship secret from our parents, sneaking around and only getting down and dirty in the dead of night, as quietly as possible. And then even when she moved out, a misstep from the two of us involving some incestuous dirty talk brought all the guilt right back.

Not exactly smooth sailing.

And yet through it all, deep down, there had never been a single person in the world I would rather have been with than Charlotte Kim. Sure, there were times when I'd tried to keep her at a distance. But that had never been because of a lack of feelings for her. It was always because I was scared of just how strong my feelings were.

Right there, sitting on the couch, I realized it.

Well, shit. I am. I'm in love with her.

It was like I'd just been struck by lightning. I pulled away, and had to hold back a gasp as I looked into her eyes for the first time since I'd come to terms with my feelings. I'm ... in love with this girl.

Charley chose her words carefully, still catching her breath. "Are ... are you alright?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Sorry ... I just got in my head a little bit."

'Oh. That's okay," she breathed. "Sorry, you got me ... anyway, what were we talking about? Yeah, The Hateful Eight. I can play?"

"Let's do it."

This time, it didn't take half the movie. Charley quickly snuggled up to me, resting her head on my shoulder again, before pressing play.

Unfortunately, once again my mind was too preoccupied to pay attention to the film. I wasn't even really thinking about anything -- I was just basking in this exciting, nervous buzz. I had no idea what to feel about my realization.

Before I knew it, the movie was over. Charley turned the TV off and turned to me excitedly. "So...?"

"Um..." I actually felt pretty guilty now that I hadn't been paying attention to the supposed masterful scene composition she'd been talking about. "Yeah, it was great."

She breathed out dramatically. "Well, thank fuck. If you'd said any different, I might have had to disown you."

"I'm pretty sure that's not a thing for siblings," I laughed. "And definitely not step siblings."

"No, for not appreciating Tarantino? That's gotta be in the Geneva Convention or something," she joked. "But anyway, that's so good. We should watch the rest of them now."

"Now? It's already like nine in the evening."

"Not now now," she replied. "I just meant over the next few weeks."

"Sure," I shrugged. "How many are there? Think we'll get through all of them before I leave?"

"Tokyo. Right," she muttered, suddenly sounding a bit glum. "I guess I've just been trying not to think about that."

"Why?"

She shot me a look. "Because I'm gonna miss you, asshole."

"Oh." It was maybe slightly pathetic, but I cannot oversell the crazy endorphin rush hearing that from the girl I just realized I was in love with gave me. "I'm going to miss you a lot, too."

Charley leaned in and kissed me again. "Yeah, I know. But it's just a few months -- nothing we can't power through."

The statement caught me off guard a little bit. Charley had been adamant when she had set the ground rules -- this was going to end. She had said in an ideal world, it would just fizzle out after a few weeks -- well that sure as hell hadn't happened. And then failing that, she'd said that almost a year apart while I was in Tokyo would let the arrangement naturally come to an end.

And yet now, here she was saying we could 'power through', and emerge with what we had on the other side. It boded well for me, as someone who had very clearly broken an important clause in our arrangement now that I knew what my feelings towards her were.

I was kind of clueless when it came to these things, but I wasn't blind. It was clear that Charley was having a good time with how things were. The only thing was how good a time.

I mean, that was the all-important question now, right?

How exactly does Charley feel about me?

*****

Over the next couple weeks, I had plenty of time to think about it. Charley wasn't put off by the deadline, resolving to watch two Tarantino movies a week until I left. Obviously, that meant I was seeing her at least twice a week -- and up till the end of August, it usually ended up being closer to four or five times.

Everything was still changing. We were hanging out more and more, and despite the movie thing, it didn't even feel like we'd made a conscious decision to do so. It was just ... a mutual understanding of wanting to spend more time together.

And of course, hanging out wasn't the only thing that was different. The non-PG stuff was too. I kept thinking back to the first couple of times we had sex, how it was just this frantic, hot mess as we both tried to discharge the overflowing horniness and attraction to each other. Now ... it was an entirely new thing. More tender, more intimate, slower ... and yet a million times more intense.

There's a term for it -- not that I like it very much. Making love?

Blergh, even thinking the words made me cringe. But honestly ... I couldn't think of any other way to describe it. It simply wasn't just sex anymore.

Returning to Charley's feelings -- the more time we spent together, the more I just couldn't help but start to believe that she felt the same way I did. How enthusiastic she always was for me to come over to hers, the look in her eyes after I kissed her, the way she'd hold me in her bed whenever we deemed it was safe for me to stay the night -- perhaps it was just wishful thinking, but I just couldn't wrap my head around how it could be anything else. I mean, even just thinking about the extent of our relationship as a whole; I didn't exactly have a plethora of past relationships to look to for reference, but ... this was essentially what it was to be with someone for real, right? I thought so, at least.

There was just one thing missing: actually saying the words.

I love you.

So simple, right? There was just that small nagging issue that we were legally related.

For all the time that I spent riding the high of what our relationship had become, I spent equally as much time obsessing over all the ways it could fall apart.

We'd slip up, and Mum and Dad would find out; horrified, they'd force us apart and our whole thing would have been for nothing; Charley would move back to America or something, and I'd never see her again; I'd spend the rest of my life back to trying and failing to get over her. I'd let myself spiral down rabbit holes like that on several occasions.

But then again, I considered the alternative too. Charley had stated at the beginning that this would come to an end, and our relationship would go back to normal. But ... surely that was impossible now, right? Things had changed so drastically. You don't just turn feelings like these off like a light switch.

No, there was no way to go back. At least, not for me.

Before I knew it, September was here, and my feelings weren't even close to being in order. Within the month, I'd be flying to Japan; and as Charley sat next to me on the couch, I knew I couldn't let things just roll along unresolved. If something real was going to happen between us, I wanted to have some time to consolidate it. Not just cowardly ask her right before I left so I had an escape.

It had to be today. I had to take the plunge.

"So, what do you want to do?" Charley asked, breaking me out of my musing.

"I thought you said Kill Bill was next?" I replied.

She shrugged. "Yeah, we could watch it. But we're ahead of schedule anyway -- we could do something else if you want."

"Such as?"

"I don't know, it's just that all we do is hang out here. I was thinking of maybe going out and doing something else."

"Are you saying ... I'm boring you?" I placed a hand on my heart, feigning hurt.

She rolled her eyes. "I obviously meant with you, you moron."

I felt a slightly embarrassing shiver run down my spine. It almost feels like she's ... asking me out. I was probably just overthinking it, but I could have sworn she looked a little jumpy. Like she knew there was a subtext to what she was asking.

"Yeah, I'm down." I shrugged. "But I kind of figured you wouldn't want to risk one of your friends seeing us out together in public or something. Because of our thing."

"What are you talking about?" she laughed. "Our thing might be secret, but we're still stepsiblings, remember? We are actually allowed to be seen out in public together."

Her words gave me mixed feelings. I felt happy, as I always did whenever Charley would suggest spending time together, but I wasn't sure how to feel about her pointed reminder that we were just stepsiblings. Was it that she was pressing home that family was all we would ever be? Or maybe she was just being careful, not wanting to risk losing the sparks of something new. I had no idea whether I was reading into everything too much or too little.

"Don't worry, I'm not planning on yanking down your pants and going to town out in the middle of the street," she continued. "I can control myself for a couple hours."

"If you say so," I smiled weakly back at her. "I just know how you get, that's all."

"Uh huh," she replied, rolling her eyes again.

"Where's all this coming from, anyway?" I asked. "You never seemed to have a problem with the two of us just hanging out here before."

Charley reached over and took my hand. "Luke, I'd be happy to spend time with you anywhere. But I don't know, I've just been thinking ... things are different now. I want to do more stuff with you. I'm gonna start at JP Morgan soon, and we won't be able to see each other as much. And then not long after that you're off to Tokyo."

'Right." I looked down at my hands. The last few weeks really had hammered home just how much I was going to miss her. I couldn't believe how much things had changed since the beginning of the Summer, when I was looking at my year abroad as a convenient way to escape the nagging sexual thoughts. Now, only a few months later, I was still excited about going -- but that excitement came with a very real feeling of melancholy about how long I was going to be apart from her.

Unfortunately, I must have been displaying just how crestfallen I was clearly on my face because Charley noticed it and chuckled.

"Heh. You really are gonna miss me, aren't you?" she said with a smug smile.

I shot her an unimpressed look. "And I'm apparently the immature one. But..." I sighed. "Obviously my year abroad is another story, but we can still hang out while you're working, right? I mean, you're not going to be in the office twenty-four seven."

"You know I'd like that, Luke," she replied. "But I've heard some pretty scathing reports about the work-life balance for new recruits. The first couple months at least, I'll be working irregular hours with some pretty late nights thrown in there. It would be unfair to just expect you to fit everything around my schedule."

"You're kidding right? I'm Mr. Nocturnal, remember? I don't mind waiting. I'll stay up all night if I have to."

Charley stared at me for a long moment, before breaking out into a huge smile. "Wow. You really, really care about me, don't you?"

My face immediately started to feel hot. "No. I take it back."

"Aww," she laughed. "It's fine, you don't have to be embarrassed. You should have told me this before -- if I knew my little brother was so desperate to spend time with me, I would have taken a job with less intense hours."

I glared at her. "I really dislike you, you know."

"Okay, okay," she giggled. "It's decided. But when I swing by at one in the morning, still in a full suit and probably smelling a little funky, I don't want any snide comments. Okay?"

"Full suit, huh..." The image popped into my mind as soon as she described it -- her lithe and toned figure clad in office wear, professional-looking and authoritative; her cropped blonde hair pinned back like a hot businesswoman. I'd never really thought that this whole corporate thing did it for me, but in that moment I genuinely felt like I might start drooling at the idea of Charley coming home to me after a long day at work.

Charley clearly noticed it after a second, because she snorted and cracked a massive grin. "Oh my god, stop!" she laughed, punching me lightly on the arm. "If you're going to perv on me in your mind, at least have the decency to wait until the conversation's over."

"Sorry. Just something about the idea of a hot older girl in a suit."

She paused. "So, you've been giving me shit all these years for being old when the whole time it was actually a turn on?"

I shrugged. "Of course it was always a turn on. Doesn't change the fact that you're practically a grandma, though."

"I see. That's what you're into, huh?"

"I guess so," I smiled. "There's just something about you GILFs."

She smirked and got up to swing a leg over my own, sitting on my lap and facing towards me. "Is that so? Well, this grandma's gonna make use of her hot young boytoy then."

"Boytoy?" I sniggered. "God, you really are old."

Charley raised an eyebrow. "Now's the part where you shut up, Luke."

"Got it." I gently pulled her down into a kiss, caressing the back of her neck and relishing in the feeling of her playing with my hair.

But all too quickly, she slipped her tongue in my mouth; and after sensing that this might be leading to something less family friendly the doubts wormed their way into my head again. A few seconds later, I pulled back.

"You wanna take this to the bedroom?" she murmured, apparently not understanding why I'd stopped the kiss.

I hesitated. I'd made the decision to tell her I loved her today -- did I really want to say it just after sex? I felt like that would be a bit awkward, like maybe I'd just gotten caught up in the moment. Or maybe it would be more meaningful after we'd slept together -- fuck, I really was a complete mess of nerves and indecision.

No idea how I wanted to play it, I panicked. "Um ... I thought you wanted to go out and do something," I blurted out.

She frowned. "Seriously?"

Oh, shit. "Uh, that's fine though. Bedroom ... right."

She shot me a strange look and leaned back a little. "Dude, you're being weird."

It was pretty clear that I wasn't far off blowing it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep my nerves at bay. I couldn't allow myself to devolve in the nervous wreck I'd been when she'd first come back in June -- our relationship was so far past that now.

Besides ... however today went, this was Charley we're talking about. I trusted her.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I just got a bit distracted, thinking about all that stuff from before -- you starting work, me leaving."

"Hmm."

I slid my hands up her legs up to her waist, and after a second she relented and let me pull her back in. "I'm here now. One hundred percent."

"Are you sure?"

"I promise." I looked up at her and smiled, seeing the hints of concern in her beautiful features. "Can I have another chance?"

Her face softened. "You're lucky you're cute."

When she leaned down to kiss me again, it was a million times better than before. Losing myself in it, I let my worries go as I kissed her back softly, our tongues lazily flicking in and out of each other's mouths.

As it slowly became more intense, our breaths became heavier and I started to run my hands up and down her body, wanting to feel connected to every part. Charley moaned into my mouth, grinding against my crotch until my cock was starting to become painfully hard in my pants.

Finally, it became too much -- seconds away from cumming right there on the couch, I pulled back from the kiss.

"Charley, hang on, hang on," I gasped.

"What?" she replied innocently, though she couldn't help but let her smirk shine through. "I'm getting in your head again?"

"You..." I breathed. Grinning back at her, I quickly picked her up with both hands, and she yelped as I carried her bridal style to her bedroom.

Once we got there though, she wasn't giving me a break. I gently put her down, and after quickly ripping off her t-shirt she pulled me down into another kiss, plunging her tongue into my mouth as she reached down to unbuckle my jeans. Quickly breaking the kiss off, I pulled them off along with my underwear while she did the same. I latched back onto her, kissing her hungrily while I reached behind her to unlatch her bra, freeing her beautiful breasts.

Never breaking the kiss, I slowly walked her back towards her bed, and once we were at the edge she finally pulled back.

"Do something for me, Luke," she murmured.

"I'm all yours."

"Yeah. I know," she smiled. "Take off your shirt and lie down."

I did as she asked, and she looked down at me -- still displaying that smug smirk I'd come to love.

I did as she asked, and she looked down at me -- still displaying that smug smirk I'd come to love as she regarded my cock at full mast.

"All this just for me, huh?" she said softly.

My mouth felt incredibly dry as I watched her slowly climb up over me, walking forward on her hands and knees until she had lined up her bare pussy with my erection. Reaching down, she pressed my cock lengthways against her snatch and sat down directly on it, my wood nestled between her lips. I breathed out hard as she began to slide up and down on it, the warmth and dampness of her pussy like velvet as her arousal grew with mine. Already on edge after she had grinded on me on the couch, it didn't take long before I was getting close again.

"Charley," I groaned. "As incredible ... as this feels, I'm gonna cum before we even get started if you keep going."

She smiled down at me, her cheeks already rosy from the foreplay. Leaning down to peck me on the lips, she whispered in my ear. "We have all the time in the world ... but fine, if you're really that desperate..."

Reaching down again towards the place we were joined, she grabbed my glistening cock, already slick with her wetness, and lifted up her hips just high enough to press the head against her entrance.

The way she slowly sat down on it reminded me of our first time, my sensitive cock experiencing the warmth and wetness of her inner walls millimeter by millimeter as she painstakingly lowered herself on it, savoring every sensation. When I finally bottomed out inside her she gasped, her nails digging into my shoulders.

"Luke," she whimpered, falling forward until her face was only inches above mine. Her blonde hair hung down around us like a curtain, shutting both of us off -- like we were in our own world.

When she kissed me, I could feel the hunger and longing behind it, but there was also that tenderness and affection that had developed over the course of our arrangement. Even in this position, it made my heart ache.

Still with her lips mashed against mine, Charley began to gyrate her hips on my cock, her cunt gripping and sliding all over my shaft with abandon. She was completely lying on top of me, her soft breasts mashed up against my chest, and I just lay there totally encompassed in her warmth.

Finally pushing herself up slightly, she began to properly bounce her hips up and down on my cock, each time her incredibly tight pussy pulling my shaft along with her forward movement as I slid out, before she plunged back down to fill herself again. The feeling of completeness as I bottomed out inside of her every time made my eyes roll back in my head.

"Fuck, Charley," I groaned, lost in the indescribable sensation. I had come into this with so much time spent obsessing over all the positive and negative emotions, and here in the moment the chemistry between the two of us was so intense that I had to actively stop myself from blurting out that I loved her right then and there.

Instead, I tried to show it. As she pulled her hips up this time, I thrust my cock up from below, meeting her in the middle as she came down and somehow managing to get even deeper in her sopping wet pussy.

"Agh," she mewled, "You're ... so deep inside me."

I continued to thrust upwards, now also gripping her hips tightly and pulling her down to meet me. Time after time after time, I watched as my whole length was buried all the way inside her, making wet, sloshing noises as Charley flooded my cock, pubic hair and waist with her juices.

I was rapidly approaching my orgasm by that point. Looking up, I saw Charley in motion, staring back into my eyes with hunger, longing, affection and a million other things I couldn't make out.

"Charley ... I'm so close."

"So am I," she whispered. "Let's ... ngh ... come together."

She fell forward again, holding me tightly as we prepared for the final stretch. I wrapped my arms around her back as I put everything I had into the last few thrusts, reaching as deep inside her quivering snatch as possible until the final moment -- when the two of us, completely familiar with each other's bodies by that point, came as one.

Charley gasped into my ear as she climaxed, her pussy clamped down on my cock hard with her juices gushing out onto our thighs, and the sheets below. At the same time, I pushed as deep inside her as I could and groaned as I exploded within her -- her spasming inner walls milking me for all I had, shooting an unfathomable amount of my cum into her waiting womb until I had absolutely nothing left.

Afterwards, she still lay there on top of me, both of us breathing heavily and slick with sweat. After taking a slight rest Charley pushed herself up a little, and I brushed her hair behind her ear with one hand so I could kiss her softly.

Reluctantly breaking the kiss, she finally sat all the way up and looked down at me with a smile. My wood still softening inside her, I genuinely didn't believe it was possible to feel more blissful than I did in that moment.

I stared up at her, breathing heavily. "Charley. That was..."

She giggled softly. "Still wish there was a gaming monitor waiting at home for you that day?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, you're the smartest and most beautiful person I know, while also being an annoyingly amazing person."

Charley blushed and averted her eyes. "Oh." She clearly hadn't been expecting that.

"But ..." I made a show of looking her up and down. "No twenty-eight inch 4k display, no built-in speaker system." I sighed dramatically. "Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with the monitor."

Her embarrassed look instantly became a glare. "You're a child."

"You have to realize calling me that doesn't reflect well on you, given the position we're currently in."

"Oh, you disgusting boy," she groaned. She pushed off of me and rolled over to the side as I lay there cackling.

She tried to maintain her look of disgust, but after a few seconds she couldn't hold back anymore and she laughed as well, shaking her head. "Horrible."

It wasn't that late yet, but I didn't really feel any desire to get out of bed yet and luckily it didn't seem like Charley did either. We lay there under the covers, cuddling and kissing and talking -- about her job and my trip and all the things we could do together before then for what seemed like hours, until after a while the combination of our body heat under the covers and the pretty intense sex from earlier started to take its toll.

We both quickly hopped up and got ready for bed as fast as possible. Ten minutes later, finally back under the covers, Charley yawned and leaned over to kiss me quickly before retreating over to her side of the bed.

It all felt so wonderfully normal that in that moment I knew I was right. What we had wasn't just some unusual stepsiblings-with-benefits situation, it was a real relationship. I looked at her lying beside me, and it was like my heart was going to burst. I didn't need to wait for some magical, perfect moment. I just knew I couldn't keep it in any longer.

Holy shit. I'm going to do it. I'm actually going to do it.

"Charley..." I began, doing everything in my power to keep the quiver out of my voice.

She rolled over to face me sleepily. "Yeah?"

"I'm falling in love with you."

Like with everything else over the last few weeks, I had imagined a million ways this conversation could go. Would she look away and blush, quietly replying that she felt the same way? Or maybe she'd throw her arms around my neck, laugh, and say something like 'it took you long enough, dumbass.'

I wasn't stupid, though. I'd prepared for the worst -- I knew that there was every possibility that she'd tell me she didn't feel the same way. And even if she did, it wasn't a guarantee that she'd even want to be with me. This was Charley, after all -- her plan was everything to her. I figured she'd look me in the eyes all serious and calmly tell me that she was sorry, but it just couldn't happen. After all, she'd made it a point to warn me that this wasn't an option the day we'd decided to try this.

Expect the worst, hope for the best. I'd thought I had covered all the bases, good and bad. But nothing, no amount of picturing or planning, could have prepared me for the way she reacted here in reality.

Any sleepiness she might have been feeling left her in an instant, her eyes widening as she stared back at me and registered what I'd just said. And then she pretty much leaped out from underneath the covers beside me, grabbing her clothes and rapidly getting dressed with her face scrunched up with what looked like horror.

"No. No no no, no you're fucking not."

The moment the words left her mouth, my head started spinning. It was obvious something was wrong, but I was so totally unprepared for this that I could barely even compute what was happening. "Charley ... I don't-"

"Fuck, Luke," she groaned. "For fuck's sake, I told you ... oh, Jesus Christ."

My shock was so palpable I almost felt sick. I couldn't believe I'd been so far off. "I don't understand ..."

"Don't understand what!? We talked about this! There was absolutely no room for interpretation. We agreed that our thing would never, ever progress past being physical." She ran her hands through her hair, grimacing. "What the fuck made you think that would ever change?"

I would never try to claim that I hadn't led a pretty privileged life growing up, but I'd experienced my fair share of painful things too. My parents sitting me down at six years old and telling me they were getting a divorce; twelve years of unrequited love for a girl I knew I could never have; my mum's complete lack of interest in me since she left.

But none of those things came even remotely close to how I felt in this moment.

Shakily, I started to get dressed as well. "Things have changed. Do you seriously not ... I mean, we've been seeing each other so much more, we started kissing-"

"That's where this is coming from? Because we kissed a few times?" Charley scoffed. "God, talk about clutching at straws."

"No, of course not! It's just the fucking ... feeling, I can't understand how you haven't seen that it's different now. I mean, even this 'physical' aspect, you're talking about -- it's changed so much from when we started this." I hesitated, not wanting to embarrass myself even further. But I was already too far gone. "It's not just sex anymore. It's ... making-"

"Making love?" she said, interrupting me again. "Don't make me laugh."

I couldn't believe how unbelievably brutal she was being in shooting me down. I had known she might say no, but Jesus ... it felt like she was doing everything she could tear me to pieces. "You're telling me you don't feel the same way?" I choked.

She looked away. "Sure, let me get that straight first. I do not feel the way you're talking about. I love you like family, and that's it." She paused. "But as a nice little thought experiment, let's say I did. What the fuck do you think would happen from here? Because there are two options, and they're both shit. On the one hand, we genuinely keep it a secret for the rest of our lives, having to pretend to all our friends and family that we're single. That means no house, no marriage, no kids. Ever. Living a lie until one of us croaks.

"Of course, the other option is that we parade our relationship around openly. And then everyone we know, and likely a whole bunch of people we don't, has the horrific privilege of finding out that we're in a loving, borderline incestuous relationship. Mum and Dad being the primary victims -- or are you under the impression that parents are always thrilled to find out their children are fucking each other?"

"Do you think I haven't thought about all of this?!" I yelled back, desperately trying to force back the wave of emotions. "Because I have. It's all I've thought about for weeks. It's a miserable situation, and I don't see an easy way out. But seriously, what the hell did you think would happen from here? We would just carry on sleeping together for however long it takes for one of us to find someone else, and then what? Just drop it and never speak about it again? Act like it never even happened?"

She was silent for a few moments, regarding me cooly. "Yeah. Precisely."

Those were the words that defeated me. I had always known that Charley was more rational than me; maybe more rational than anyone. But I had always thought that she was also the most compassionate person I knew, because of how kind she'd been to me and everyone else growing up; and obviously, the fact that the main motivation behind her plan was to help people.

But now, after I was so sure that she felt the same way as me, I watched her as she completely took the emotion out of it, like it meant nothing. And for the first time, I was struck with the feeling that maybe I just didn't know her as well as I thought I did. I think that was what hurt more than anything.

"What do we do now?" I asked quietly.

She buried her head in her hands and sighed. "I guess ... we just stop."

"Is that what you want?"

"Argh, shit," she groaned. "Not really, Luke. I was completely fine with the way things were going. But now ... yeah, now I really don't think it's possible to just pretend you don't feel the way that you do."

"So, that's it?"

"Looks that way." She looked up and met my eyes again. "This was always a temporary thing. I really wish it didn't have to end this abruptly and awkwardly, but ... maybe that's just life. We do what we always planned we were going to do once it ended -- go back to normal. Back to just being normal stepsiblings."

"Normal," I echoed bitterly.

What a fucking mess. She clearly had no idea what she was asking of me -- to go back to the unrequited pining, the deep-rooted guilt, the desperate attempts to move on and forget. All now likely to be a thousand times worse than ever before.

I silently gathered up my things and walked over to the front door. After all the ups and downs of this Summer, after I'd spent so long excitedly thinking about how this would go down, the whole thing had crashed and burned in less than ten minutes.

Now, I just felt completely empty.

Just before I turned the latch, I hesitated. Maybe in my head I still expected some unrealistic, dumb rom-com moment -- Charley would cry 'Wait!' and I'd go back to her as she told me she'd just said all that because she was afraid of her feelings, we'd reconcile, and she would tell me she loved me just like I loved her.

But no, this was real life. I didn't look back, but I could imagine the look on her face; pity in her eyes as she watched me go, annoyed that her dumb, emotionally stunted little stepbrother had ruined what she had thought of as a no-strings-attached couple months of fun.

I left, and it didn't feel like I'd ever be coming back.

*****

If I hadn't fucked everything up, I would have spent the rest of the month simultaneously excited about my upcoming year abroad and dreading being apart from Charley. Instead, I spent it numbly trying to prepare myself for what I knew had to come -- another long period spent on the other side of the world from her, a futile opportunity to try and sort my shit out alone.

Naturally, with everything that had happened it didn't go great. Completely deflated, I reverted back to being a hermit, all my time spent mindlessly playing FromSoft games I couldn't even really bring myself to enjoy anymore. Unsurprisingly, the regular visits to her apartment came to an abrupt halt, along with any form of contact between the two of us.

I didn't even have the small comfort of actually being able to play PlayStation with my uni friends, because they all headed back to classes in mid-September for the beginning of the UK academic calendar.

That being said, it wasn't like none of them ever wanted to meet up in person. With the new year afoot, all the London uni students were resuming their outings to clubs and bars all over the city, and my friends were no exception. But throughout this period, I had absolutely no interest in hauling myself into the city to spend ridiculous amounts of money on watered down drinks and maybe drunkenly get with a stranger or two. Even though when I thought about the possibility logically, it maybe didn't seem like such a bad idea in these circumstances.

No, all I wanted to do was wallow in self-pity in my room and not interact with a single other human being.

After a while, people began to stop bothering to check if I was going out -- they all knew I was gonna be gone this year, so it wasn't that big a deal anyway.

Max was the only one who ended up messaging me directly about it.

Hey, are you OK? You've been blowing everyone off.

Um ... not so much. You know that girl you were talking about...

Shit. I'm sorry, man. You want to talk about it?

Not right now. Sorry.

All good. If you ever do, I'll be here.

It didn't help that there really wasn't anyone to blame but myself. I was angry with Charley, undoubtedly; she'd been unbelievably harsh the day that I told her I loved her. Even if I'd been in the wrong, she'd never talked to me like that before -- like I was some idiotic and immature kid who should never have even entertained the thought of being with her when it would go against her precious plan.

Yet while the way she had gone about it had been unreasonably ruthless, she hadn't said anything unfair. I knew that it had been wrong of me to expect anything from her. She had been explicitly clear when she'd told me it was never going to be anything more than sex. I'd been a fool to think that when she had rejected me, she'd been acting out of character. In all the time I'd known her, her one unrelenting trait had been that when she said something, she stuck by it.

I had been so arrogant, so naïve to believe that I was the kind of person who a girl like Charlotte Kim would want to be with, just because I wanted to be with her. Even more so in believing that it would be so easy for someone to get over the stepsibling issue like I had.

My thoughts were a mess like never before, and after a while my behavior had clearly caught the attention of my parents.

My dad, I could handle -- I was long past the age where his frowning glares and disapproving tuts had any effect on me. But my stepmum, as inquisitive and probing as her daughter, was clearly only a few steps away from sitting me down and waterboarding the truth out of me.

After days upon days of suggestive comments and leading questions about my recent activity, I silently went to go for a walk in a desperate attempt to clear my thoughts after dinner one day.

Unfortunately, she caught me just as I was slinking out of the house, striding up to me with a hopeful smile plastered on her face. "Hey, you going to meet up with Charley?"

"What? No." I must have made a sour face involuntarily, because she frowned.

"What's going on with you two? Did you have an argument or something?"

To put it mildly. "No, Mum," I sighed.

I moved to open the front door and leave but she leaned against it, stopping me. "I'm serious, Luke. You were spending so much time together, and you both seemed really happy about it. And then suddenly, you're shutting yourself in your room again. Something happened, didn't it?"

"Please don't do this right now," I muttered, trying to keep the emotion out of my words. "I'm just going for a walk, that's it."

"Luke ..." she repeated, concern in her voice.

I tried to open the door again, and this time she let me. "Ask her, if it bothers you so much," I said. "She always has all the answers, doesn't she?"

After that, I was kind of surprised that she didn't press the issue -- I don't know whether it was because she just figured Charley and I would figure it out on our own, or if she didn't want to get on my case just before I left for Japan, but either way after that conversation I didn't get any more grief from my stepmum all the way until the day of my flight.

It was an excruciatingly long couple of weeks, but at long last it was time to go.

Despite giving me some space leading up to it, Mum and Dad were insistent on coming with me all the way to the gate. It was slightly embarrassing getting dropped off by my parents like I was going to school, but I figured I would humor them as thanks for not trying anything else with Charley.

As it turned out, I would come to regret giving them the benefit of the doubt like that.

As we walked up to Heathrow Terminal Two, I spotted a figure waiting by the entrance watching us as we came closer. And after a second or two I could make out who it was.

Charley had at least had the courtesy to not doll herself up or anything. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Mum had clearly dragged her here against her will, and she was dressed in stay-at-home clothes with her hair done up in a loose bun like she'd just slapped it on after rolling out of bed.

And yet, it was still Charlotte Kim we were talking about. Even in sweatpants and a hoodie, she was the most breathtakingly beautiful girl I could even imagine existed. After just a cursory glance at her slightly unruly, glossy and thick blonde hair, and a moment looking into her deep brown eyes, I had to look away. I could already feel the pit growing in my stomach.

I turned to my stepmum and glared at her, but she just smiled wryly back at me. "Wow, Luke. Look who came to say goodbye."

Charley flashed us all a brief smile as we reached her. "Uh, yeah..." She looked over at Mum, but her words were clearly directed at me. "Mum and I decided it would be nice ... it's a bank holiday, so not like I have to go into work or anything."

Oh, yeah. Work. With everything that had happened, Charley starting her job a week or two ago had been the furthest thing from my mind.

I thought back to the day we'd spent together before the fallout, how we'd discussed what we'd do after her first day. All of that was quickly starting to feel like it happened a lifetime ago, even though all the emotions were infuriatingly sticking around.

"Cool." I looked down. "Well, I better ... you know."

Mum sighed as we all made our way over to check in, clearly sensing things between Charley and me weren't going to magically fix themselves. As we got to the assigned desk, she stepped up to me and gave me a quick hug, "I hope you have a great time, Luke. Make sure to keep in touch. With all of us."

"Right," I replied. She's not even trying to be subtle about it.

"Great, but not too great," Dad added, looking at me knowingly. "It's still part of your degree."

"Yep, of course," I said. At least I could count on Dad to just be his usual, uninvolved self.

Then Charley cleared her throat, and I stiffened up. "Have fun, Luke. I ... I'll see you when you get back."

Will you really? I wondered what kind of headspace I would be in by the time I returned to London, whether either of us would actually be able to get over this and go back to 'normal' like she'd said. Somehow, I doubted it.

"Thanks," I replied quietly. Very much ready to go now, I grabbed my suitcase. "Well ... bye."

"Hang on," Mum spoke up with her eyebrow raised. "You don't have a hug for your sister? It's going to be nearly four months before you two see each other again!"

Fucking great. Always trying to meddle. I couldn't help but glance at Charley, and saw her eyes flash with alarm. "Oh, that's not..." she trailed off.

"Sorry," I said, pretty much choking the words out. "Gotta run. Can never be too careful with security."

"Luke," Dad butted in, frowning. "Stop being difficult. Give Charley a hug goodbye."

With that, there was clearly no getting out of it. We both shuffled over to each other awkwardly, not looking each other in the eye.

As she slowly draped my arms around me, it was almost like my brain was subconsciously trying to make me stiffen up, not to let her touch me. And as I reluctantly followed my dad's orders and reciprocated, holding her and feeling her bury her face in my shoulder, it was clear why.

Instantly, it felt like we were back; like the last three weeks had never happened. I could feel the warmth of her body against mine, smell the familiar scent of her hair, hear her soft breathing. But more importantly than any of that, I could feel that ache in my chest again. The one I got whenever I was around her.

For a second, I was somewhere else entirely -- in an alternate reality where she hadn't shot me down, and we hadn't stopped talking. We were together, and this was a tearful 'see you later', not a final, desperate escape.

It was all way, way too much. I quickly untangled myself from her and forced a smile at the three of them, though I couldn't bear to meet Charley's gaze. "Really got to go now."

I rushed towards security, my parents' calls to 'have a safe flight,' and 'work hard' growing quieter and quieter. I just wanted, needed to get away from all this.

Two hours later, I sat back in my seat as the plane sped up down the runway. Feeling my stomach drop, I gazed out the window despondently and watched the London skyline grow smaller and smaller, before it all disappeared beneath the clouds.

Once again, I was faced with the monumental task of trying to let go of my feelings for Charley. And this time, I knew it had to be for good.