Jamaician Wedding Disaster

Please read the tags. You were warned.

Destination weddings are all the rage, but they are a pain in the ass. I guess it is all about the groom and bride, so it's a pain you tolerate for their sake.

Candace was my wife Leesa's best friend. Both being Filipinas, they naturally stuck together. Candace's fiancé, Mike and I got along well enough, but we weren't really going to be more than friendly enough to appease our ladies. We just had different interests. We ran in different circles.

The wedding was in Jamaica, at a resort. We were going for two weeks, with the wedding the second Saturday on the beach.

I had met Leesa in Singapore where she worked and where I had traveled for business. I am a supplier quality engineer for a company in Phoenix that makes semiconductors. It pays really well, but is very stressful at times.

We were married four years ago and have been enjoying the married life ever since. We are a typical early 30's couple. Work hard, play hard and have lots of bedroom fun. Leesa certainly isn't shy, and I am glad for that. We are a good team.

We arrived in Jamaica on a Tuesday afternoon. We were greeted by the wedding coordinator, Altiva and her assistant, Baron. They were both remarkable, friendly people who seemed natural to the work they did.

They had arranged activities all week as per the bride's preferences. That meant lots of beach time. They made sure to give all of us white people lots of sunscreen so we wouldn't get sunburned before the wedding.

The resort is super nice, with guests ranging the entire spectrum. European, Asian, African, American and even some Australians. That was the most interesting part to me - talking with people from all over.

Leesa mainly kept with Candace and they kept to the beach. I wasn't going to complain because Leesa is a sexy woman who looked even better in her bikini. Lots of visual stimulation for yours truly.

The bachelor and bachelorette parties were that first Saturday night in town, off the resort. The wedding party was 4 people each side, plus a few spouses, like me, who were only guests at the wedding. Leesa is the maid-of-honor.

While the guys started off at a bar, before going to a strip club, the women went to a different bar and then a dance club.

Look, I know what you will say, "I just can't hold my liquor. I'm a lightweight" and so on. I will swear, even to this day, that one of my drinks was spiked. I was drunk off my ass and shouldn't have been.

I was just partying with all the other guys, and every single one of us got a private dance with a Jamaican hottie at the strip club. Not against the agreement Leesa and I had discussed prior to the outing.

Deserae was medium height with a slim, sexy body. Her dark skin was really sexy against her white bikini. She talked me into a private dance, and when she was alone in the room with me, she told me about sex acts and how much they cost.

I was shit-faced, and I don't remember agreeing to anything but next thing I know she's giving me a blow job. My big head said to stop her, but my little head kicked my big head's ass and he didn't say anything while she gave me some really great head.

Baron had to practically carry me back to my hotel room at the end of the night. I couldn't even walk straight. Leesa had beaten me there by a bit - long enough to get showered and onto some lingerie. Anxious to work off the horniness she picked up from dancing with the locals.

Well, my big head woke up and decided that it was a good time to confess and beg forgiveness. Stupid me. Really stupid me. As I said, I wasn't in control of all my actions.

Needless to say, Leesa didn't sleep in our room that night. The entire next day, I got the "Tampo" from her - the Filipina silent treatment. She was beyond pissed. I resorted to texting her, but she ignored me all day as she sunned on the beach and I stayed in bed.

If anything, it got worse that night. I could literally see the steam coming from her ears. She again slept somewhere else. Yeah, I fucked up. I was in the dog house, and being fitted for a collar.

I tried again Monday morning when she came back to our room, and she just shouted and threw things at me. The women went back to the beach, and I decided it was best to let her cool off. Be patient, wait for my opportunity to eat shit and kiss her ass.

You know the saying, "when it rains, it pours"?

A hurricane opened up over me that afternoon and I was drowning in the flood. My supplier had a bad quality problem and the entire plant was down. Being in quality means you learn to apologize for things that isn't your fault, and when the plant manager and quality manager both call you while you are on vacation, you know your ass is on the line. Like it or not, we are always "on duty". Even on vacation.

Bottom line, I had to get my butt to Singapore ASAP. I repacked my suitcase, ran out to the beach and tried to explain to Leesa that my job depended on me being in Singapore as fast as possible.

It really creeped me out when she didn't get mad or anything.

"Ok." Was all she said.

I tried to explain, but she just said it was fine. That should have set off alarms in my head. I was in a catch-22. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I could make it up to her if I stayed employed, but if I stay in Jamaica and lose my job, I'm royally fucked.

I apologized and took off to the airport. I got my ticket, and fired off a text to Leesa explaining it again and apologizing for leaving her alone at the wedding.

"I'm sure I can find someone to be my date for the wedding. Don't worry about it." Was her reply.

Ok, she was just being snarky. That's to be expected. I fucked up after all. I have to eat some crow and let her vent. She'll get it out of her system eventually. I got one plane and headed for Singapore.

It's a loooong journey to Singapore - over 24 hours of traveling. As I walked to immigration, my phone filled up with messages. I sorted through the work ones first, getting updated on the problem and corrective actions I needed to review on-site.

There was a message from Leesa. It simply said, "Now we're even." With some attachments.

I dreaded opening the photos, knowing it was going to be bad.

The first was a close-up of her, wearing the lingerie she had on the night of the bachelor party. The special lingerie meant for me. She had a dick in her mouth. I could tell it was her from the beauty mark on her upper lip. She was giving a local a blow job.

I felt the bile raise in my throat and my anger bubbled up. A childish taunt from her acting toxic. It would be unproductive towards our making up after my mistake.

The second photo was a close-up of that cock buried in her pussy. That bitch! Now I was definitely justified in being pissed. I hadn't fucked anyone.

The last photo was obviously after she finished having sex with him. Her normally tan pussy lips were reddish and swollen, with his seed clearly leaking out of her.

The first photo maaaaaay have been justified, I'm not sure. The second one was cruel, but this one was just plain evil. This was unhinged.

Another text from her said, "Check the time stamps. He fucked me for 2 hours! That's what you deserve. Hope you were as happy with your blow job."

I just stopped. If I let it consume me, I wouldn't get done what I was there to get done. I pushed it out of my mind and got into the plant and went to work.

That Friday, Mike text me, asking if Leesa was with me. Nobody had seen her since Monday. I simply told him "No." and ignored the replies that followed.

By Sunday, I had the trial run with the countermeasures completed and arranged for shipping the parts directly to the plant. I text Leesa that I'd meet her Monday morning at home.

I found her waiting for me after my flight in the living room of our house. As I had hoped, the fire in her attitude had vanished, replaced with contrition and apologies.

Even when I laid into her for apparently spending the whole week with the guy, she did not get angry. I guess in the light of day, she realized she overreacted big time.

But I wasn't just going to forgive her that quickly. Maybe not ever. I moved into the spare bedroom and the standoff began.

I spent days and weeks considering my options. From forgiveness to divorce and everything in-between. My moods flipped back and forth. One day, I was researching divorce attorneys and the next day I looked at marriage counselors.

We tried talking. And I mean really talking. Not the apologies and angry fights, but moving past that. I wanted to know what was going through her head when she went off the rails.

I demanded to know what actually happened. I wanted to know exactly what I was dealing with. She didn't want to tell me. I had to threaten to move out and file for divorce if she didn't come clean.

Naturally, she said she was hurt and angry. She left the resort Monday night, going back to the dance club she had visited on Saturday. I pointed out that it was premeditated. She knew she was going to cheat. She wore the lingerie under her dress just to taunt me, knowing she would have sex.

She said payback was her intention, but alcohol fueled her rage. She said her intention was to give a guy a blow job and just make us even. She felt justified up to that point. She admitted her anger got the better of her and what she did was overkill.

I set aside the argument that her giving a guy a blow job was justified for the time being. We had different opinions on it, and I wanted to get through all the facts first, before it devolved into chaos.

"Then how did he end up fucking you?" I pressed.

"I don't know. I was angry, drunk and horny. He never lost his election after the blow job, and it just kind of happened. Kind of like how you were drunk and a lap dance just kind of turned into a blow job."

"Why didn't you go back to the resort after." I pressed.

"I was drunk, tired and I passed out." She got embarrassed.

"OK, but why not Tuesday morning then?" I wanted answers.

"I don't know." She responded. "I was still mad. I just blowing off steam, I guess. I was wrong to do that."

"You mean you were busy fucking him again in the morning." I couldn't suppress my anger anymore.

She didn't answer, but I had her answer. Too add insult to injury, she did stay gone all week, staying with the guy. She only showed back up to the resort on Saturday for the wedding with her new boy toy in tow. It had sent a shockwave through the wedding. Even Candace was pissed at her. They had spent all week fucking like rabbits at his house.

Did Candace getting mad at her wake her up? Nope, they fucked again Saturday night after the ceremony and again on Sunday morning, all in my fucking hotel room that I was paying for. She only stopped with him because her flight was leaving.

With work keeping me busy, I took a couple more weeks to think about it. I proposed marriage counseling with no guarantees. I picked the counselors, a husband-and-wife team, for the process. I wanted to make sure it stayed fair.

Don't let a female counselor team up with Leesa to justify her behavior. Divorce was still on the table, and looking very likely, but I wanted to be thorough. I loved Leesa and didn't want to be haunted by doubt if I didn't try everything I could before pulling the plug.

We scheduled twice a week sessions, as that is all my schedule would allow, and Leesa would see them an additional time each week on her own. Obviously, she had her own shit to work out too.

Eight sessions in, I arrived to find a tearful Leesa already there. I took my seat, and the counselors asked if she could start.

"I have to tell you something." She started crying again. "I'm pregnant."

Holy shit, that is a punch in the balls if I've ever had one. My instinct was to storm out, and file for divorce immediately. I can't even tell you why I didn't. Maybe I was just too shocked. Leesa is on birth control, so it wasn't intentional. Still, it was devastating news.

I assumed since she was balling like a 2-year-old, she knew it wasn't mine. I already knew that too.

The counselors pointed out that it could be mine, but Leesa started her period the Sunday before we got to Jamaica. That Saturday was going to be the first night I had the "all clear" to resume marital relations. Part of her plan for wearing the lingerie, etc. Obviously, that didn't happen, so it couldn't be mine. I certainly haven't touched her since then.

Very simply, the male half of our counseling team told Leesa it would take a herculean effort on not just her part to have any chance of getting past this. At least he understood that. I had no more hope.

I reminded them all that I made no promises, but I would at least attend the next session before making my decision.

I think the counselors were on my side. They opened the next session talking with Leesa to get her to explore the reasoning behind why she made the decision to sleep with the guy.

I guess it was a chance for real progress, in an effort to give a tiny shard of hope for reconciliation. Let her understand the "why" so she can see how it was wrong and have a breakthrough.

Instead, it backfired on them. She described Monty as fun and sweet. She got drawn into the compliments and care he showed her. He was kind, considerate and compassionate. She said he never did anything but verbally compliment me.

"Yeah, compliment me while he was fucking my wife." I sharply retorted.

The counselors let my outburst go, pointing out to Leesa the truth to my statement. They didn't seem to like him either.

"He isn't like that." She defended him. "He didn't insult you. He just was so attracted to me he couldn't help himself."

We all sat in silence, not knowing what to say. I saw him as a villain. A low life who defiled my wife and my marriage. Leesa didn't see it that way.

"Do you love him?" I asked, suddenly realizing why she might be defending him.

"I don't know." She gave an honest answer.

"She is confused and emotional. Don't put too much stock into that answer." The female counselor cautioned, obviously trying to help Leesa.

"Great." I got angry. "Now I have competition for a marriage I don't even know if I want to save."

That was it. I left the session and didn't return the next week. I needed time to clear my head and plan my next action.

I had two sides in my internal thoughts. The one side said "Fuck that bitch. Be a man and dump her ass."

The other side said, "You could do that, sure. But would it make your life better? Outside of that one week, does she contribute to your happiness?"

The problem is, I still love her. I was torn but seriously thinking I should just pull the plug. I finally arrived at a response.

I went to a counseling session a couple weeks later, to explain my decision. The counselors were disappointed that I wasn't back for more sessions, only to explain my choice in a place where she had people to talk to about what she should do.

I had decided upon a separation. I would move out and get my own apartment. Leesa would be allowed to text me a limited number of times, but I would not cut her off completely. Let us both experience what life will be like when we get divorced. I needed to be on my own to truly understand if I wanted to be with her at all.

The counselors said they would normally discourage this path, but given the desperate state of things, any idea is worth considering. At this point, we had nothing to lose. I made it clear I wasn't just considering it; I was moving out that week.

It took all my strength, because Leesa cried and begged the whole time, but I got an apartment and moved out. It was a sad day for us both.

I don't want to go into the details of my day-to-day life after that. It was pretty much the same thing, over and over again. Every day was a grind. Work then home, and repeat. No joy. No happiness. Just going through the motions.

I seemed to be sinking while Leesa seemed to be rising. She seemed to be making progress understanding her mistake and why she chose to do that, while I felt more and more in despair.

Looking back, counseling does make a difference, and I should have continued on my own with it. I should have swallowed my pride and admitted I needed help to stop sinking. I was drowning again. A hurricane was coming, and I was just waiting for the flood. Hopefully it will just bury me and end this cycle.

That was my mistake. I allowed myself to get stubborn even though it was against my best interests. I couldn't admit it to myself, but Leesa made my life better. Sure, I could replace her, but it wouldn't be the same. It wasn't just having a woman in my life that made it better but having her specifically in my life that made it better.

The problem was, I am too hardheaded to let it happen. I was angry and felt betrayed, but a part of me still loved her. I fought against myself. The closer I came to realizing I am better with her than without her, the more I pushed her away. Was I protecting myself or punishing myself? I wasn't 100% clean in this either.

Two months into our separation, I stopped talking to Leesa altogether. Talking to her was painful. I should have just filed, but I didn't do that either. I still couldn't pull the trigger, and I still couldn't shake the depression I had fallen into. I ceased everything except the bare necessities. Work, eat and sleep. We'll, sleep sometimes. Sometimes not. I turned to alcohol to get through the lonely nights.

When Leesa had to be very, very pregnant, a mutual friend told me he was sorry I got divorced when I saw him out one day.

"I'm not divorced yet." I replied.

"Oh, I assumed that you were when I saw Leesa with that Monty guy. I thought you guys had divorced. She didn't tell me you hadn't." He replied embarrassed.

So, for the first time in over six months, I text Leesa. "Is he here with you?"

"Yes. I got him a visa so he can be here for the birth of his child. The baby deserves to have her father here for it." She replied.

I didn't even know she was having a girl. I realized just how much I had pushed her away. I had to ask the question though. "Is he staying with you?"

"Yes. I haven't heard from you for six months! You stopped answering my messages. No texts, no calls, nothing. Look at your phone. My last dozen messages went unread. I was just waiting for the divorce papers to be served. I thought you were done with me." She spoke.

"So, you are sleeping with him?" I followed with.

"What do you want me to say?" she sounded surprised. "You gave up on us, so even my counselor said it was ok to move on and see if I am compatible with him. She assumed you would have me served too. Besides, I need the help now. I'm nine months pregnant and big as a house. Otherwise, I'd be all alone here. My family is 8,000 miles away and my husband dumped me."

That was the moment I realized I wanted her back. Damn it, emotions are fucked up. Why do I feel this way? Do I only want what I can't have? Is this some kind of emotional disorder?

I don't think so. I think talking to her just made me aware I had lost her. I went to our old house and knocked on the door. Leesa waddled to the door and opened it. She looked like she swallowed a basketball. She was small before, but now her belly protruded.

I swallowed my pride and told her I wanted her back. I told her my life wasn't the same without her in it. I told her I missed her, and I loved her.

"Two weeks ago, Monty arrived here, and I committed to seeing if we had feelings for each other beyond the week we were in Jamaica." She said, going back to the couch where she had set up her nest.

"As fucked up as it sounds, all of this, all of the counseling, everything I've been through has taught me a lot about myself and the commitments I make. I gave Monty a commitment that I would see if we wanted to be together. If I break that commitment now, then I've learned nothing. I'd be the same shitty person who cheated on you before. I won't be that person again."

"You seriously are telling me that you won't be with your husband because you don't want to cheat on the guy you cheated on me with?" I said out loud, seeing if it sounded as fucked up as it did in my head.

"Like it or not, you ceased to be my husband when you abandoned me eight months ago." She was crying. "It's not like you disappeared for a week or two. I don't think you have the right to be mad about my decision anymore."

I stormed out of the house and drove to a liquor store then proceeded to drink myself into a coma. How fucked up is my life now? The logic behind her statement drove me crazy. We were just trading injurious deeds back and forth. I had to end this once and for all.

When I finally sobered up Monday, I got my shit together a little bit. I talked to a lawyer, and had him draw up divorce papers, but the news that Leesa had given birth reached me before we got any further. I was pissed, but I am still human. I wouldn't serve her in the hospital.

The photos posted on-line made them look like a happy family. It triggered my anger. I raged I was so mad. Made at her, mad at him and mad at the world. I drank for days at a time, and spent other days so pissed off that even the people at my job took notice.

Then I switched to picking up any woman I could get, except Asian because they reminded me of Leesa, and spent days fucking them senseless before discarding her for the next one.

My behavior was out of control and got progressively worse and worse. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was walking on a razor's edge at my job. They had enough of my bullshit too.

Mike, Candace's husband, invited me over one Saturday for a cookout about 9 months after my last conversation with Leesa, before she gave birth. My gut feeling was he was going to ask me to file for divorce at Candace's request because Leesa asked her to talk to me.

Being a Saturday, I was already drunk when the Uber dropped me off at their house. I staggered through the gate into the backyard. Mike was on the grill, in the yard all by himself.

"Where's everyone at?" I asked.

"Have a seat. I'll be right back." He replied.

A minute later, he emerged from the house with Leesa behind him. It was setup.

I stood up in preparation to leave when Leesa stepped out from behind him. She looked great. Her tits were a little bigger. From having her baby, I guess. Her ass too. Not as skinny as she was before. She looked even better than before. But what I saw most was the little baby bump she was sporting. She had to be about 4 months pregnant.

"I asked you to come today so we could talk to you." Mike started with. "More accurately, so Leesa can talk to you. Do I need to supervise, or are you going to behave?"

"I'd never physically hurt her." I replied. "She will tell you that."

Leesa did indicate that it was true, which it is. So, Mike left us alone.

"What do you want Leesa?" I sat back down.

"I want you to get your head out of your ass before you end up broke and in jail." She told me. "Everybody who knows you is concerned, even your boss. He had to talk the plant manager out of firing you yesterday. You've got to pull yourself together."

Using her own words, I said, "What do you want me to say?"

She just looked at me, shaking her head and probably doubting the wisdom of the idea to invite me there.

"My wife has moved on and started her own family with another man." I sounded a little pathetic, but I didn't care anymore. "Apparently a man that's better than me and even has a second baby from him on the way while I have nothing. No spouse. No children. Nothing."

"It's not as good as you think it is." Leesa crossed her arms. "This has been very hard on me. You have no idea anymore what I'm going through. The point is you have to stop this self-destructive behavior. You're going to end up dead."

There were some more words exchanged, but it was just repeating the same thing in different ways. She read the list of the shit I'd been doing and asked me if those were the actions of a healthy adult.

Then, I cracked. Fuck me.

"I don't see any reason to stop." I whined. "My life is shit and is always going to be shit now. Meanwhile, you've replaced me and moved on, living a great life apparently."

Candace smacked me in the back of the head. I hadn't even heard her come out. Maybe I raised my voice a bit.

"She's a single mother of soon to be two children, you idiot!" she scolded me. "Stop crying in your beer because she has it worse than you."

"What happened to Montel?" I muttered.

"It's Monty and I caught him cheating on me three months ago." Leesa explained. "I know, karma and all, but karma isn't going to hold my hand when I birth this baby and karma isn't going to help me raise it. I have to do it alone, so you can rejoice in the fact that I got paid back ten times over."

I was stunned, surprised, humored and sympathetic to her. As much as she hurt me, she didn't deserve all of that, and her children didn't either.

I nodded my head and slinked off into the afternoon. I needed to think, but my drunken state was prohibiting that.

Big changes start by a series of small changes. A small change like laying off the bottle during the week. Putting some extra hours in at work to get my ass off the hot seat. I joined a gym and found boxing to be an outlet for my anger. I suck at it but it's therapeutic. I must be sick enjoying getting punched in the face.

It was a gradual change, but it felt like the storm was lifting and the water was receding. A couple of weeks later, Leesa knocked on my door one Saturday afternoon. I invited her in, and she sat on the couch.

"What brings you by here?" I asked. "I don't think you've ever been here."

"I've been here lots of times, but I never had the courage to knock on your door before." She confessed. "I just promised some people I'd check in on you to see how you're doing."

"Honestly Leesa, it's the same, but I'm dealing with it better." I surprised her a little with my honesty. "My life's still shit, but I'm not making other people uncomfortable around me anymore. I still feel like I'm wandering around, lost in the dark but at least no one needs to worry about me anymore."

"I am very familiar with that feeling." She sighed. "I've felt that for the last year and a half. Ever since the night of the Bachelorette party."

That was downright shocking to hear for me. In all this time, I hadn't considered she didn't really know what she was doing either. Maybe that is why she reacted to my mistake so badly. She suddenly felt like she had been thrown in the deep end without a life preserver. It doesn't excuse her behavior, but it was the first explanation that was even plausible.

"Then why did you reject me when I tried to start up again?" I asked.

"Because I couldn't say without a doubt that I didn't have any feelings for Monty at that time." She replied. "We had hurt each other a lot and I felt like you abandoned me. I had finally decided to resolve my feelings towards Monty two weeks before you came to the house. If I stopped without an answer to that question, you would always doubt me. I had already slept with him again, so I would have betrayed you a second time for nothing if I didn't figure it out once and for all."

"And now? Have you resolved it?" I asked.

"Does it even matter anymore?" she asked, rubbing her growing belly. "He defeated my birth control a second time. There's no way you will ever get past this."

She pushed herself up to her feet and walked towards the door.

"For what it's worth, yes. I resolved my feelings." She sighed, sounding defeated. "And I do not love him. Even if he hadn't cheated, we were not going to work. Spending time in Jamaica with him after the baby was born proved that to me."

She took her leave, and I was left with my thoughts. It was the first productive discussion we've had in a year and a half. It's ashamed we couldn't have talked like that back then. Maybe things would have turned out differently.

Surprisingly, I left work one day to find Candace waiting for me at my car.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit." I quipped. "Who did I piss off this time?"

"This time, I'm here for Leesa." She actually smiled at me.

"Why? What's wrong? Is she ok?" I quickly replied.

"No, she's not ok." Candace told me. "You know you're an idiot, right?"

I looked at her, not understanding what I'd done this time.

She took a long breathe, exacerbated. "What the hell did she ever see in you?"

Ok, she was just there to insult me. I guess I deserved it. I'd let her have her pound of flesh, but she needed to hurry it along. I had a class at the gym to get to.

"You know she never stopped loving you." Candace finally explained.

"Yes, she did. The moment she put his cock inside herself." I was getting tired of this game.

"That was anger, not a lack of love. A mistake she had been paying for ever since." Candace fired back.

"How can she love me and have sex with him? Have feelings for him?" I tried to get her to understand. "She couldn't love me while she was finding out if she loved him."

"Love isn't absolute dummy." She didn't let up. "You love your mother. If love was absolute, you couldn't love her and have loved Leesa too. Love is limitless, and love for one person doesn't necessarily change your love for another person. She never stopped loving you. She just got lost after she made that mistake and you set her adrift."

"Why are you telling me this?" I was confused. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"It's always mattered!" she got aggravated with me. "She's still lost, wandering around in the dark. The question you should be asking is can you be her light again? She doesn't even know it herself, but she needs you. She needs you to be the strong man she married. Who do you think I used as my guide when I looked for a husband? It was you, or the man you use to be. You treated her the way I wanted to be treated by my husband. You were everything to her."

I thought about what she said as I drove around. I completely skipped my gym class and just thought, letting the highway lines numb the voices of doubt in my head. I finally heard my true voice. My conscious finally broke through all the noise, and stood in front of me, personified. We just looked at each other.

"You know you love her." He said to me.

"Always have." I said truthfully. I couldn't lie to myself any longer.

"Then you have to forgive her." He smiled at me. "After you forgive yourself."

He was right. I punished her, but I punished myself even worse. It's all water under the bridge now. It was time to move on. My tomorrow would be better if Leesa was in it, baggage and all. I finally had the courage to do what I should have done 19 months ago. Forgive us both and start again. Rebuild from scratch.

It was nearly midnight when I pulled up outside of our house. I shut my car off, and the porch light came on and the door opened. Leesa was standing there in my robe. Her eyes red from crying.

"What are you doing?" she was confused. "It's midnight. Why are you here?"

I'm here to get my wife back." I said confidently.

"We've already talked about this." She sniffled. "We will never get past this. You will never feel the same way about me."

"I never stopped feeling that way about you." I corrected her. "I just let it get drowned out by all the other noise. But not anymore."

"There's no way." She sobbed. "You are just having a bad day. It will pass. Tomorrow, you will realize it. I'll always be tainted to you."

"You never were." I replied. "We just hurt each other and caught in a cycle of hurting each other over and over. I see it now. It's so clear. It's time for this to be over. It's time for me to be your husband again."

"Prove it." She thought she was trying to help me. "Prove you want me still. I told you; you'll never get past what happened. I can't change the past. It's too late."

"Hit me with your best shot then." I dared her. "Tell me the worst truth you can say, and you'll see, I won't wavier."

"All right then." She was crying again. She thought she was helping me to finally move on. "What I said was true. He would fuck me for hours at a time. He made me feel things I'd never felt before. I had to beg him to stop sometimes because I couldn't cum anymore. He'll always be in your mind. You'll always think I'm comparing you to him."

"He must not have been that good since you dumped him, and you still love me." I countered with.

"He's put two Jamaican babies in my belly. Everywhere we go, people are going to know you aren't the father of my children. It will be so embarrassing for you."

"I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. I'll still have you. That's all that matters." I stood firm.

Leesa broke out in a full cry again, retreating into the house, afraid to let herself believe it could be real. I heard the bedroom door close and her crying into a pillow. I just closed the front door and laid down on the couch. For the first time in 19 months, I slept peacefully.

"Why are you still here?" she asked me in the morning. "Didn't I hurt you enough last night?"

"Not as much as us being apart hurts me." I said as I wiped the sleep out of my eyes. "You are going to have to call the cops to get rid of me now."

"Candace will be here soon with Jaylyn." She replied. "Now I know why she suddenly wanted to babysit. If you are still here when she gets here, how are you going to explain it to her?"

"I'll just tell her we are back together." I calmly replied. "It's inevitable. We are meant to be together."

Leesa sighed a bit tired of my resistance. She had already lost the battle, but she didn't know it yet.

Candace did get there with Leesa's daughter. She was surprised to see me there, but only mildly so. Of course, she knew what she was doing when we had that talk.

Candace asked me to hold Jaylyn and she pulled Leesa into the bedroom to talk. Jaylyn was only 9 months old, but very curious about the world around her. She studied my face and put her hands all over it. Her slimy little baby hands. Flesh and blood are overrated. I didn't think about it at all. She was just a baby girl. And half of her came from the woman I loved.

Candace and Leesa emerged from the bedroom.

"Go home." Candace instructed me.

"I'm not leaving." I stood stubbornly.

"You have to go so you can come back Saturday to pick up Leesa for a proper date while Auntie Candace babysits her goddaughter." Candace enjoyed messing with me. I had underestimated her.

I heard a wise man once say that when you get the answer you want, stop talking. So, I took my leave.

Leesa and I were technically still married, and certainly not strangers to each other, so don't judge me when we ended up in bed on the third date. It was a long time coming.

"Thanks, I really needed that." Leesa said as we caught our breath lying in bed. "You have no idea how horny I've been. These hormones are a beast. I've worn out two vibrators since I dumped what's his name."

Not exactly romantic pillow talk, but it was a start. Reestablishing our physical connection is just as important as the emotional one.

Less than a month later, I moved back to our house. There was no sense putting it off. Our bond was undeniable. Our marriage may have been damaged, broken down and crashed, but we got it running again. We put in the work to repair all the dents and fix the smashed bits.

Along the way, we realized that it didn't need to be perfect. We just needed to do it together. Whether we were a jalopy or super-car, it is ours and ours alone. We ride together. It also is our responsibility to keep it running. Something we never took for granted again.