To Know One's Self

Knowing One's Self

ONE

I loved my little silver mini. It was my first car. At ten years old, it wasn't the newest, but it had low mileage, and someone before me had cherished it with loving care. Now it was all mine. The biggest purchase I'd ever made in my life. That probably wasn't saying a lot at eighteen, but it was a big deal for me straight after leaving school.

It wasn't just a car. It was a lifestyle. It was freedom. Suddenly, I could go anywhere without being beholden to a bus timetable. I could see who I wanted and when I wanted. It was independence.

Having a car came with another sweet little bonus. I got to wash and polish it every weekend. Now that may not seem the most exciting thing in the world until you consider the real reason for my obsession with motoring cleanliness. I got to see my neighbour.

His name was Rob and he lived alone. He was nearing fifty but he was fit as fuck and I'd had the hots for him since forever.

He'd always been friendly, taking time to talk to me and my mum. We'd been in his house for coffee once and at a New Year's Eve party a couple of years ago. Mum had been just as enamoured with him as I'd been. A single man with a nice car, a Jaguar SUV, and a home finished to show he had a comfortable bank balance. Mum was single, so we didn't have a lot of money. We got by, but there was no flash car or holidays abroad twice a year for us.

However, it wasn't Rob's apparent wealth that interested me. I didn't masturbate over his cash at night. No. It was his kind face and athletic body. It was those sculptured legs I saw when he went jogging. The shapely arms and strong-looking chest had me squirting all over my sheets. He was a man. A real man, not some weedy, self-centred youth who was only interested in getting drunk and laying as many girls as possible.

In my head, I'd lost my innocence to Rob a thousand times in a thousand positions. In reality. I was just a virgin.

I knew his schedule. It rarely wavered, and so, every Saturday morning at eleven sharp, I was outside with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge. It was always timed for his run, or more importantly, for when he returned.

My little car gave me something more than just transport. It gave me an excuse to chat to the one man who made my legs turn to mush.

"Hi, Rob."

I smiled as he came up the shared driveway, checking his Fitbit. My heart was already fluttering.

"Jess.

Keep washing that car and the paint will wear away."

I felt my cheeks heating. I cursed that. It made me look childish when I wanted to be mature and sophisticated.

"How are you? Good run?"

I sounded stupid, but it was the best I could come up with despite having practised every scenario in my head over and over. Inventiveness deserted me just at the moment I needed it.

Rob stopped and looked over my pride and joy. Or was it an excuse to check my legs out? It was summer, and I hadn't missed the opportunity of a little sun to don shorts to show them off. That and no bra. I didn't have very big tits, but they moved nicely under the material and just the excitement of looking at him had my nipples poking nicely.

"The secret is layers and layers of polish," I said proudly.

In feigned shock, he threw an arm over his eyes and staggered back.

"Oh my god. I'm blinded by the glare."

I giggled like a child in my infatuation.

"It isn't that bad."

He straightened up and stood grinning at me.

"No. It's not. It's good that you keep it nice.

Saves my electricity bill as well."

"How so?"

"Well, when the sun dips, the glare lights my whole house up with the reflection."

I giggled again and I didn't miss the dip of his eyes to where my tits jiggled.

"Stop laughing at me."

Not true. I didn't want him to. I loved that he found me funny. Perhaps he thought I was cute. I hoped so.

"Anyway, it keeps me fit."

I held my hands out wide, inviting him to look me over. I tingled when his eyes flitted down my body and I wiggled my butt to jiggle my boobs again.

"What are you? Eighteen? Be a worry if you weren't fit. Now me. I have to work at it, being old and decrepit."

"I don't think you're old.

And you are fit."

He couldn't possibly have missed the suggestiveness in my voice. Or my crimson cheeks.

"Careful. Talk like that will get me in trouble with your mother."

He started toward his door.

"I'll catch you later. I need a shower. No matter how fit I am, I'm not attractive covered in sweat."

"Bye, Rob."

I watched his tight arse disappear and swooned. I would so love to share his shower with him and squeeze his butt. I went back to drying off my car with a head full of thoughts about being invited in to apply my sponging skills to his chest.

That was it. The highlight of my day had been and gone. I might catch a glimpse of him from the landing window. Other than that, in the week it would be when he came home from whatever it was he did for a living, if I could engineer being outside at just the right times.

I finished up and went inside to find a message from Tara. She was on her way over. Fifteen minutes. I ran upstairs and took the world's quickest shower before she arrived.

Tara was my best friend from school. The only one I stayed in touch with. It was more than that. We were close to being inseparable. Too close, my mum had commented more than once.

Tara was like me, a frustrated virgin. She wasn't as slender as me, more what you'd call cuddly. Not heavy, just more rounded. Where I was a waif, she had hips and bigger tits. She also had the most girly of faces with big eyes and lips designed for blowjobs, or so we joked. And most important of all, she didn't have ginger hair. That alone had made her more popular than me at school.

We looked very different, but in many ways, we were the same. Similar tastes. Also, like me, she struggled to talk to boys. It hadn't escaped my notice that she was a little inclined to like girls as well. Not a lesbian exactly, but probably willing to give it a go if her drought continued forever.

It wasn't something that bothered me, but it was that side of her that Mum sensed, I think. And it made her wonder about me. I was straight. No doubt about that. The heart palpitations and my constant fantasies about Rob convinced me of that. I hadn't even considered girls as a possibility. Not that there was anything wrong with the idea.

However, we did have one secret mum wouldn't have been pleased with if she ever found out.

"It's massive." Tara sniggered.

I squirmed watching it go into the girl's arse. Yeah, we watched porn together. But that wasn't the thing Mum would be shocked at. I'm sure she was aware porn addiction was normal teenage behaviour. Especially when we had no one to put our internet education into practice with.

"Do you think it hurts?" I wondered out loud.

"I heard Jenny at school had to have her arse sown up after trying it."

"That's bullshit though. Kevin spread that around after she blew him out."

"Ah. But did she blow him before she blew him?"

"No idea. But the split arse story was made up. She wouldn't have been able to walk properly if it'd been true. We'd have noticed."

"Or sit down." Tara sniggered.

"Either way, I'm not doing that," I said in disgust.

"Not even a finger?

What if it was the gorgeous Rob's finger? Or ..."

"Nope. Everyone can stay away from my butt."

"Everyone is. That's the problem."

On that, Tara was right. It felt like we were the last two virgins on planet Earth.

Tara rolled back onto my bed, losing interest in the screen.

"How long's your mum going to be?"

"Ha. Knew you were getting horny."

"You're showing me porn. Of course, I'm getting horny."

"She's at work till five," I said, glancing at the clock.

"You wanna play? Practice for your fancy man next door?"

Tara was rubbing her tits seductively. Squeezing and lifting them as she watched me, hoping I'd join her.

This was what Mum would be horrified at. For me, it was just a bit of girly fun. Nothing serious, and we never actually touched. But we were comfortable enough in each other's company to masturbate together. Just a little added excitement.

I closed the laptop.

"Yeah. Okay."

It'd started a long while ago, and the excitement of doing it side by side helped get us off. It was daring and naughty. And I didn't see it ending before we had boyfriends.

"You want to use my toys?"

I was already pulling my top off.

"Nah. I'm good."

Tara undressed and stretched out. We lay on the bed, side by side and kind of glanced at one another, giggling as we touched ourselves between the legs.

The summer sun was shining directly through the window and felt warm on my naked body.

"It's nice, isn't it," Tara commented.

"You always say that."

"Well, it is."

"I know.

Be nicer if it were someone else, though."

"Who are you going to think about?"

"Do you need to ask?"

"No. Not really. It's always the wonderful Rob. Ooh, Rob, you're so sexy. Ooh Rob, what a big dick you have."

She squirmed around mocking me and those big tits rolled over her chest.

"Shut up.

Anyway. Who's top of the charts for you this week?"

"One of the new ones from work. Started last week. Keeps looking at my tits."

"Everyone looks at your tits. I look at your tits."

I looked now. Tara didn't care. She just lay there grinning, with her fingers still softly playing with her pussy.

My tits spread and flattened when I lay down. Only two pointy nipples gave me a clue where they were hiding when I was on my back. That and the rising ache in them that was going to demand attention any moment.

Tara's were something else. Two firm mounds that wobbled like jelly. They were fun to watch when she got a rhythm going.

"Do you think I have nice tits?"

Tara asked as she squeezed the one nearest me and tugged on her nipple.

"Yeah. They're so big."

"They're not that big. A D-cup isn't massive."

"They are when you have two fried eggs.

Umm."

The first wave of joy raced up from a fast-wetting pussy. I rubbed myself a little faster.

"I like your tits. Long nipples."

She went silent for a moment with her eyes closed. I could see the concentration on her face. A gentle shiver played on her parted lips. I glanced down to watch her fingers spinning over her clit before giving my own hot bean a little more detailed attention. The palm of my hand was flat over my clit, my middle finger passing through my slit. It felt so nice. So wet and silky.

"Huh."

My little jolt of excitement rocked the mattress and Tara smiled. I turned my face toward the ceiling and closed my eyes.

We lay like that for a minute or two, just rubbing ourselves gently and absorbing the sensations. Masturbation was always pleasant. It was doubly so when we did it together. It made it feel risqué and exciting.

"I like it when my clit starts to throb." Tara purred

Previous experience of this told me she was getting close.

"Me too. I get so wet." I muttered.

I peeled my hood back and ran my finger back and forth over my exposed bean, shuddering with each pass. I opened my eyes to look down. I put a hand to my tit and squeezed the nipple to ease the growing ache there.

"Uhh."

"Are you close? I am."

"Yeah." My voice shook.

"Hold on. It's coming.

"Uh."

Tara's legs folded up as she reached her peak. I watched, fascinated to see her body quiver and the colour invading her cheeks and shoulders.

"Uhh, fuck."

I heard the squelch of her pussy and lifted my head to see better. Wet fingers gliding in and out of her snatch to a frantic finish.

"Uhh."

Her legs fell flat, one hooked over mine, and she stopped, gasping for breath. Her head turned to me. She smiled.

It was my turn now. My friend's activity giving me the boost I needed. I closed my eyes again and spun my fingers over my clit as fast as I could. I pictured Rob in his running gear. I imagined sliding my hands over his muscular thighs, feeling the coarseness of his body hair. Each breath was snatched and held for a moment.

"Uhhh."

I shuddered as I came, relaxing into that joyous feeling that always followed. It was a deep happiness. A lifting of all my worries and stresses. It just felt ... wonderful.

When I opened my eyes, Tara was propped up on an elbow, staring down at my face. I sniggered.

"You might be the only person who ever sees my O-face," I said.

"We're eighteen. Plenty of time yet."

It didn't seem like it. Other girls were moving from boyfriend to boyfriend. I was certain we were the last two virgins from our class. One had a child and an upcoming wedding. Criminal, considering neither of us was what you'd call unattractive. It seemed even the fattest girl in class could find someone. Just not us two.

"I keep hoping.

I really want to know what it's like to have a cock in my pussy instead of a fake rubber one."

I looked down at the seat of both my pleasure and my agony. It had taken on that look it always had after I fingered myself or treated it to a session with my stimulator. It was kinda puffy and red. And covered in my juices. I leaked a lot when I was aroused. I wondered if I could squirt. Perhaps I'd give it a really good try later.

"You might also be the only one who ever looks at my pussy."

"Well, it is a pretty one, so I don't mind."

I glanced at Tara's. It was equally pretty in my mind. Very neat and a deep pink in colour. She had almost no flaps. Mine looked a little more ragged with a thin line of crinkly curtains. There had been a time when we wondered which one of us was the abnormal one. But copious study of porn videos had satisfied us there was no normal. Pussies came in all guises, each as beautiful as the next.

I slid off the bed and went to stand at the window. If someone looked up they'd see my tits. That gave me an extra little thrill, but no one was about. In truth, had there been, I'd have screamed and dropped down. I didn't mind Tara seeing my bits. I wasn't so keen on showing the neighbourhood. Other than Rob, that is.

"Are you looking at my bum?"

I kind of knew she was. I wasn't blind to the fact that Tara secretly looked at me more than perhaps she should. Of course, we both looked when we messed around. But with Tara, there was always a lingering curiosity. Perhaps I'd stop this game once I had Rob. Not today though. It was the only thrill I got.

"I'm still wondering if you could be convinced to take a cock up the arse like the girl on Pornhub."

I pulled my bum cheeks wide and let her look. There was no part of us that the other hadn't seen in some detail. We had no shame.

"Would it fit, do you think?"

"I think you'll be in A and E like Jenny if it's as big as the one we've just looked at."

"That's why it's never going to ...

Oh shit."

I dove for my clothes.

"Quick. Get dressed. Mum's here. She's early."

"We could just greet her at the door naked and ask if she wants to join us for an orgy."

I clipped my bra and spun it to secure my tits in their little hammocks before finding my panties.

"No, we couldn't. Mum doesn't do that sort of thing. Especially with girls."

"Shame. She's a hottie."

I stopped with one leg in my jeans.

"Are you thinking about my mum when you're doing it?"

"I have done."

"Tara."

"Hey. I like anyone that's hot."

"My Mum is ... she's my Mum. Mums aren't hot."

"Yours is."

Tara was in her jeans and she was working on getting those big tits covered up."

"I'm surprised you haven't gone for a girlfriend."

"I might one day. I want a big juicy cock for my first time though. Unless your Mum's available."

"Well, she's not."

Actually. She was. There had been a couple of men since Dad died. That was over twelve years ago. None that had worked out. These last few years, it was as though she'd given up. Tara was right though. She was pretty. Early forties. Far from past it. And she didn't have the curse of ginger hair to hold her back.

I checked myself in the mirror. Yep. No hint of what I'd been doing. Just in time. I heard the door closing downstairs.

"Come on. Let's go say hello."

We ran down the stairs, pushing and shoving like two silly girls. We were eighteen. Young adults with jobs, and could still behave like we were six.

"Home early?" I said as I wandered nonchalantly into the living room where Mum was stretching her legs out on the sofa.

"Jess.

Hi Tara.

Yep. It was quiet, so I asked to go home early. I hate standing around with nothing to do.

What have you two been up to?"

Well-practised lying kept us from blushing.

"Watching TikTok videos," Tara said with complete believability.

Mum gave us that look she often gave. The slightly unsure of our friendship look. Almost as if she didn't believe we were just friends. It was a look I'd seen on and off for a long time. But as always, she never said a word of what was in her head. And she had no idea of our game. We'd been good at hiding that.

One day, it wouldn't matter. I'd be introducing a boyfriend, and there would be no doubts about my sexuality. It was going to be amazing when it happened. When.

I wondered how she would react if it were Rob.

"Do you want to stay for tea, Tara?

It's only Cottage Pie, but there's more than plenty, and you're welcome to stay."

Tara looked hesitant, so I grabbed her arm and decided for her.

"Yes, she would," I said.

"Thank you." Tara smiled.

"I'll make you a tea first, Mum."

I darted for the kitchen, leaving Tara to talk to my Mum. No chatting her up had been on my lips, but I kept it to myself.

I saw Mum come out of the bathroom naked and skip along the landing past my door. It wasn't anything unusual. Neither of us covered up in front of one another. I'd been brought up to see the human body as natural. But with fresh thoughts of Tara's comments, I did look a little more critically than usual. My friend was right. Mum did look good. Especially for early forties. Not that different in shape to me, just slightly bigger tits and bum. It was a shame she seemed as devoid of male company as we were.

Mum grabbed a gown from the back of her bedroom door and wrapped herself in it before coming over to my room.

"Want to watch a movie together before bed?"

"Yeah. I'd like that." I smiled.

"A bit of mother-daughter time. Sooner or later, you'll have someone, and you won't have time for me."

"Oh, mother. Girls never abandon their mums. It's an unwritten rule. Besides, one of you cursed me with boy-repellant hair."

I lifted my ginger strands before letting them fall back to my shoulders.

"I've no idea where that came from. Not me or your father. But I guarantee people think it's sexy."

"They didn't at school. And in the shop, they call me Ginger."

Mum smiled.

"Kids always pick on the gingers. But adults love them."

I noticed how she avoided saying men. Yep. I was pretty sure Mum was wondering if I was gay. I'm not. I'm not. Sometimes I wanted to shout it out.

"Well, I wish one of those men would hurry up and find me."

I glanced next door through the landing window as I followed Mum downstairs. I was tempted to scream out of it 'Hey Rob. I'm here. Come and fuck the ginger girl.'

We cuddled on the sofa as Mum flicked through the list of movies. We chose a romcom and I snuggled into her fluffy gown as the title sequence rolled. She smelled so nice. Sweet, like flowers in a summer meadow.

TWO

Another Saturday. Another carefully timed polishing of my car in the skimpiest outfit I could find. I'd hardly driven it in the past week. There hadn't been any dirt to wash off, so I was adding polish on top of polish as I kept my eye on the road. I still missed him approaching.

I was leaning over the length of the bonnet to polish along the top edge. In the tight shorts, my arse wiggled back and forth with each movement of my arm. I couldn't have been better positioned when he approached. I jumped at hearing his voice.

"Nice view."

I spun around to find Rob watching me with a big grin. My cheeks flushed.

"Was you looking at my arse?"

"Sorry.

It was a bit hard to miss, pushed up into the air like that."

"I was trying to polish the bonnet."

"I saw that.

The er ... shiniest bit is about halfway up."

It took a moment to understand what he meant. Then I realised he meant where my tits had been rubbing.

"Rob."

My cheeks burned even more. This was exactly the kind of conversation I had in my fantasies. I'd just never expected it to actually happen, and I was struggling for a response.

"Sorry.

I should shut up now before you report me as a perv."

I got control of my embarrassment and smiled. The last thing I wanted was for him to think he couldn't make suggestive comments.

"I'm good at waxing. If ever you need anything ... polishing, let me know."

"Ha."

He glanced along the road to avoid eye contact. I took the opportunity to look at his groin. Was that a bulge?

I tingled from head to toe. This was my best-ever interaction with him.

"I'll bear that in mind."

I looked up just in time as he turned to me again.

"You're lucky I'm not eighteen again. You're going to make some lucky young man very happy."

"He doesn't have to be that young. I like older men better. More ... experienced."

His eyes studied me for a moment.

"You should try Autoglym or Meguiar's."

"Sorry?"

"Polish. They're the best. You get a longer-lasting shine."

"Oh.

Thank you."

Again, he grinned before starting to walk away.

"If you like polishing so much, I might get you to polish mine one day. It needs a good shine occasionally."

He dragged his fingers along the side of his car without looking back. I was left open-mouthed, wondering if he meant the car or his nob.

I really needed ten minutes alone in my room at that point.

"He was looking at my arse, Tara."

I told her excitedly.

I watched Tara's grinning face on the little screen. It looked shiny under her bed covers, illuminated only by her screen.

"I'm still the only one who's actually seen it, though. Call me when he's seen you naked."

"I'm working on that.

I think it's going to happen."

"You've been saying that for ages."

"I know, but he's noticing me as a woman now. And he's still single so he must get horny."

"I bet you're hornier."

I moved the phone to briefly show her my dildo waiting patiently on my bedside table.

"What do you think?"

"Oh my god. Now I have to sleep thinking about you doing that."

"You see me doing that all the time. Because you're always horny when you come over."

"I'm always horny, whether I'm at yours or not."

She flicked her phone downwards briefly to show me the fingers of her other hand moving over pussy and we both giggled.

"Do you think we'll still be like this when we have boyfriends?" She asked.

"I hope so. I want to swap pictures of their cocks so we can see who's riding the biggest.

I think Rob is going to win," I added confidently.

"He looked at your arse Jess. He didn't say he was going to stick his cock in it."

"Not yet. But hold that thought. I will be in a minute."

I picked the dildo up and waved it at the camera.

"Not my arse though. I definitely want it in the right hole."

Tara was laughing again.

"On that note. I'm going to sleep. We've got work in the morning. Don't be too long playing with your toy."

I giggled again.

"Nite, Tara."

I switched the phone for my dildo and lay back in the dark to imagine Rob being there with me. It was going to happen. I would make it happen. Somehow.

I replayed my conversation with him as I ran the tip of my toy along the length of my slit. In my head, I could see his cock. I wondered what it would be like to suck it. The toy came up to my mouth and I used that instead, running my lips over it. It tasted of my own sweetness.

"Mmm."

Slowly, I was becoming more and more agitated. I wriggled and pressed my thighs together. I rolled onto my side and brought my knees up.

"Uhh."

When the dildo went into me I held it with both hands and rocked my hips, fucking it slowly as I imagined it was Rob.

I had it tightly clamped between my legs, I could feel it inside me, rubbing against my sensitive flesh. With my head full of Rob, it wasn't hard to bring myself to a climax. Just a little tease of my bean, and I was there.

"Uhhh."

Cuming is so nice. I love it. That feeling of intense relief. The sudden release of pressure and all the tension washing away, while my head is filled with absolute happiness.

"Fuck."

I looked down at myself, seeing that dildo still partially inserted, its shaft sitting between my thighs.

Sniggering, I snatched my phone and took a picture. I felt so naughty sending it to tease Tara. It was nothing new. We did things like this all the time. This one was just a little bit naughtier than usual.

I went for a pee and to clean up after that before going back to bed. Tara had sent me a wow GIF in response. A pretty dark-haired girl, not unlike herself, looking surprised before mouthing the word. I sniggered and lay down to sleep. She was right. We had work in the morning and time was getting on.

We both worked in a supermarket together. Stock Control. Easy work that involved a lot of counting and scanning products with a handheld data pad.

We were good at what we did, and no one bothered us, so we got to mess around a little, so long as the counts were done and the short dated reductions were completed on time.

"So, who's the guy you were thinking about the other day? There's three new starters."

Tara finished counting a row of yoghurts.

"One of them's of girl."

"You fancy my Mum, so how does that narrow anything down?"

"True."

I noted that she wasn't denying it.

"Okay," she relented.

"It's Wes. He's working on the Home Bake and Jams aisle."

"Oh, so you know where he is. Are you stalking him?"

"No. I just happened to see him bringing a cage of delivery out five minutes ago."

"Come on. I want to go take a look. See who my Mum is in competition with."

"Shut up about your Mum."

"You started it."

She followed me as we walked along the top of the shop, farthest from the tills, for me to see this mysterious new lad.

He was replenishing the stocks of strawberry jam. And he was a charm. Around our age, with a mass of mid-brown hair and a cheeky grin when he saw us.

"Hi, Wes."

Tara's voice was so girly. We hurried past, giggling like silly schoolgirls by the time we circled around the end of the aisle.

"Yeah. He's hot." I confirmed.

He was. I couldn't say he excited me as much as he should. But he was good-looking. If anything, I felt a little annoyed that he might draw Tara away from me if they got it on. But then, I suppose that was all part of growing up.

"Excuse me. Where are the crisps?"

That was the problem with customers. Always there when we were least wanting them. And always unable to see the big hanging boards above each aisle in full view of everyone. I could see it from here, with 'Crisps' emblazoned in large white lettering.

"I'll take you to them," I said, slipping back into professional mode.

On the way back to my work, I saw Tara on one of the other aisles. It wasn't Wes she was talking to, though. It was the new girl. A lanky blonde around the same age as us. I don't know exactly what it was. Perhaps the way she was standing. Or was it that touch of her hair as they spoke? But again, I was struck that Tara wasn't entirely obsessed with boys. What was her name? Ruby? I felt a twang of jealousy before getting on with my job.

THREE

I saw Rob in the park on my way back from work on Tuesday. He was cutting through as well.

"Hello, Jess. Mind if I walk with you?"

"No. We're going the same way. Be silly not to."

I felt my heart beat faster as I cursed my far-from-flattering uniform.

"You're not taking the car to work?"

"No. Not in the nice weather. I like the walk. Keeps me fit."

"And you can look at all the hot young boys in the park."

He gestured to a group sitting on the grass, chatting. They glanced up as we passed, and yes, it was me they were checking out.

"Not my type."

Not completely true. I didn't have a type. And where my desperation to have a boyfriend should be opening my horizons to anyone who paid me attention, I was pretty much fixated on this gorgeous man walking alongside me.

"Not hot enough for you?

Who do you think is hot then? What is your type?"

I smirked, taking a few more steps before I answered.

"I think you look hot,"

My face glowed red. Rob just smiled.

"Ahh. But I'm old.

Lots of boys your age look far better than I ever did. I'm surprised you haven't found one."

"Ginger hair. It's like an anti-sex repellent."

"Ha.

Who told you that? Redheads are stunners. Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Gillian Anderson. Name me a man who would turn them down. And look at you. Great legs. Nice ..."

He hesitated. What was he going to say? Nice arse? Nice tits? I could feel my panties soaking. Oh god. I hoped he couldn't smell me.

"You're not going to repel anyone."

I saw where his eye went. Tits. He had been going to say tits. Oh boy. He liked my tits.

I noticed his eyes flickered down further, for just a moment, before looking ahead. There wasn't much to see in my work clothes. Certainly not compared to what I displayed for him while washing my car.

"You think I have nice legs?"

He kept looking ahead before answering with a confidence that only an older man could have.

"Yes.

Yes, Jess. I do. I think you have great legs.

Sorry. I shouldn't be looking. But just because we get older doesn't mean we don't appreciate the same girls we did when we were younger."

My face flushed red, but I had to be truthful. I had to let him know I was waiting for him.

"I don't mind. I like you looking."

I could see his mouth turning upwards in a half smile, but he still didn't look at me.

"You probably should mind."

"Why? I like older men."

Now he did look at me.

"There's older and there's older. I'm forty-nine. Older than your mum."

I saw the end of the park approaching quickly and snatched my opportunity to reinforce my interest. I might not get another chance like this.

"That's not old. I'd let you pop my cherry. Anytime."

My stomach turned over as I heard what I was saying. I was quivering as the words left my lips.

"Ha. I don't think you should be telling me that."

We came out on the road that led to our houses. I could see our talk coming to an end any minute. I didn't want it to. And I was on a roll with the sexy talk.

"It's something for you to think about when you're all alone in bed tonight."

My cheeks were superheated, and I expected my jelly legs to give way any moment. But it was do or die. I gave him the widest, sexiest grin I could manage.

"A hot young teen between your sheets. Imagine that."

Again, he looked at me. Not shying away from holding my timid gaze. There was none of the embarrassment or nervousness in him that had me in its grip.

"I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't already."

My heart skipped a beat, and I let out my secret.

"I think about you all the time."

We reached our houses, and he slowed to a stop at the bottom of the drive.

"Don't let your mum hear you talking like that."

He looked me up and down again. This time, more obviously. I had goosebumps on top of goosebumps despite the sun on us.

"You know the White Hart over by the canal?"

"Yes."

He looked along the road as if considering.

"I drink in there on a Friday after work. It's quiet. About seven. If you're ever out that way. I guess you're old enough for me to at least buy you a drink."

I was beaming.

"A word of warning. I'm not so guarded with a drink inside me."

"I think I can handle that, if ... I'm ever out that way."

He gave another of his half grins before turning to his door.

Oh my fucking god. I didn't get past my front door before my hand was pushed past the band on my skirt. I was so wet.

"Oh, Jesus fuck."

I fell back against the wall, grateful Mum was still at work. I frigged myself like mad.

"Uhhh."

I loved the feel of the delicate flesh on my fingers more than I ever had. That silky fluid leakage lubricated me to make everything so slippery. A gift from nature that so gave me pleasure. A pleasure I was desperate to share with someone, with Rob, before the hormones of youth drove me mad.

"Oh god."

It only took a minute or two to have my fingers covered in warm sticky juice as my sex grew close to exploding.

"Uh."

I pressed deep, squeezing my thighs. My knees trembled.

"Fuck."

I shuddered from head to toe, and my head momentarily fuzzed as if short-circuiting.

Holy fuck. If masturbation was this good, how would actual sex be?

I caught my breath and went upstairs to shower and change while thinking about how great it would be to go to the White Hart on Friday.

I begged Tara on FaceTime later that night to come with me. Just for moral support.

"It's not a date if you take a friend."

"It's not a date. It's just a drink."

It was a date in my head.

"So go for it."

"But I never know what to say. Five minutes in the driveway is fine. But a couple of hours? I'll run out of things to say."

"And you think I won't?

Jess. I always clam up and go red with boys. And he's not a boy. He's a man."

"Oh, please, Tara. Come with me."

"Ever think he just wants to get you alone?"

That made me quiver with excitement, but still couldn't ease my fear of looking like an idiot.

"I'll pay for your taxi home if he wants to take me in the bushes."

Tara was smirking.

"No way. I want to watch."

"Ha. Don't care if you do.

Now, will you come with me?"

Tara sighed.

"Okay. I'll play gooseberry."

"Thank you. But keep your tits covered up. He's mine. I don't want you stealing him.

Rob saw us as soon as we walked in.

"Two for the price of one.

Tara isn't it?"

I saw his eyes drop to the tits she hadn't covered up and wondered if I should have come on my own. But then he looked at me as he patted the bench right next to him.

"Come and sit down and tell me what you want to drink."

I slid in right next to him while Tara and her tits sat opposite.

"I've never been in here before. It's posh." I said, glancing around.

It was a hotel as much as it was a pub. Everyone was older and smartly dressed. Not over the top, but stylish casuals and summer dresses for the women. I suddenly thought shorts and tee T-shirt might have been the wrong choice. Even Tara looked more at home. Her top was low-cut, but it was elegant while still being casual. And she was wearing trousers.

We drank gin while Rob seemed to be a connoisseur of real ales. Tara did her job well, constantly filling in the gaps in my conversation. Making comments about how we looked like a couple sitting together. I was constantly red, but loving the image.

"Can't you put your tits away," I complained when Rob went to fetch more drinks.

"Nature bestowed these beauties on me for a reason."

"Not for Rob, though."

"You're looking at them more than he is."

That's true. I was.

"Only because I hate them right now. And I've seen them, so I don't need to see them tonight."

"Shall I tell Rob you've seen them?"

"No. Shut up. That's our secret."

I put my head down as Rob returned with three fresh glasses.

"So, what were you two talking about while I was gone?"

"Nothing."

He sat back, far more relaxed than either of us was. As we continued talking, I felt as if I was under a microscope. As if I were being studied and tested while Tara acted as the observer. There was a tension between us. I could feel it. Something was going to happen. I felt sure of it. I felt the excitement of anticipation. And the fear. It was like climbing the ladder to the high board at the swimming pool for the first time. The slow build of self-belief, followed by the stare into the abyss when the doubt threatens to tear away the brazen, overreaching confidence. Then the queue behind forces you to jump.

That pressure came in the form of his hand. He put it on my thigh under the table and squeezed. I froze, almost wetting myself. He was the first man ever to touch me like that.

I emptied my glass double quick.

"Another drink?"

"Are you trying to get me drunk, Rob?"

"It helps if you don't want to be all nervous and tight your first time."

That hand rubbed my leg affectionately, seemingly almost up to my groin. I nearly came just sitting there.

"My first time doing what?"

He smiled and leaned closer.

"Have another drink and I might tell you."

He stood up to go to the bar. Tara was open-mouthed.

"Fucking hell Jess. I think he just made a pass at you."

"Oh fuck." I bounced on my seat.

"What am I going to do?"

"Are you mad? Go fuck him. It's what you want, isn't it?"

I physically shook, thinking it might be the night.

"I'll get a taxi home after this drink and leave you two alone."

I was panicking.

"Fuck no. Don't leave me."

"Jess. I can't hold your hand while you have sex."

She leaned across the table.

"This isn't one of our silly sessions. This is grown-up stuff."

"I know, but ... just stay until I say you can go. Please."

God knows why I was so reticent to be left alone with the man of my dreams, but he didn't seem to care that Tara was there. He treated her just fine. As part of our little group. But there was always that emphasis on me. The hint that the night might end in some way that didn't leave me hunting for the carefully hidden dildo at the back of my drawer.

It was getting dark when he invited us both back to his house. Mum would still be at work, but it would be a scary moment leaving his house later in full view of her if she looked out of the window.

"Make yourselves at home.

I'll be back in a minute or two."

I pushed Tara toward the chair, intent on reducing Rob's choices of seating. I was determined that he would choose to sit next to me.

"I shouldn't even be here." She protested.

"Yes, you should.

What if he tries something?"

"I thought that was the idea?"

"I'm still thinking it through."

"Jess. Just fuck him if he offers. I don't mind. I'll wait down here."

"Tara..."

Rob appeared again carrying more glasses of drink.

"Disaronno. It's all I have. Sorry."

"That's fine with us," Tara said.

He'd changed. Just a loose-fitting shirt and chinos. And bare feet. He was looking so relaxed.

He sat on the floor right next to my legs, which was a surprise, but also an excuse to accidentally let my calf rub against his shoulder. Tara was ginning madly. I frowned at her for making it so obvious.

"Still getting her drunk?" Tara teased.

"Call it ... preparation.

I like my meat marinated."

He took hold of my ankle and lifted my foot over his shoulder so that it sat in his lap, removing my shoe so he could massage it. I stared down aware my heel was virtually touching his cock. Inside, I was a mess. I think my heart had given up trying to hold its rhythm. Every breath was a struggle to take.

Tara sipped her drink, and I could see her making a decision. She suddenly looked very adult.

"I should go and leave you two together."

I glared at Tara as she tried to abandon me at the very moment I might want an excuse to run. I was so nervous. I had desires. But I had fears as well. Rob seemed to read my dilemma.

"You can stay, Tara. I think Jess likes the moral support."

Tara sat back now looking as unsure about what would happen as I was.

"You'd like your friend to stay, wouldn't you, Jess?"

"Yes," I said meekly.

He smiled at Tara and held his hand up in a welcoming gesture

"See. There you go. Don't run out on her now."

Tara squeaked.

"Okay."

FOUR

Rob's hand rose up my leg, and he twisted around to reach my thigh comfortably. I just stared open-mouthed and trembled.

"I told you I liked your legs, didn't I?"

Fuck.

"Yeah. You might have mentioned it."

My voice trembled.

Two hands, both caressing my lower thigh and around behind my knee. I gulped down the Disaranno, wanting to be fully marinated so that I could cope with the sudden attention.

"Uhh." I gasped in shock as his fingers went a little higher.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Every part of my head screamed yes. A heated and excited clit change connection between brain and mouth. It took control of my speech.

"No."

It was little more than a gasp.

Rob shifted further around, and a hand went to my other leg, gently parting them. His eyes were locked on mine as his massage continued. Fingers carefully danced over my skin along the tops of my legs.

"Uh"

A little higher, and his fingers would be under my shorts, touching my wet panties. Flimsy material soaked to a transparency, clinging to my pussy.

"Oh god."

I was mesmerised. I'd never been touched sensuously before. It tickled when his fingers spread their caress to the insides of my thighs. He kissed the tops of my knees.

I stared at Tara. She was silent and still. Just watching with a fixation.

"You're very young," Rob said, looking up at me.

"I'm not naive."

I found a sudden strength. I didn't want to be dismissed as a silly little girl. I was an adult.

"No. But you're less than half my age."

Bolstered by far too much drink, I braved up, seeing a real chance to become a woman.

"So? What's that got to do with it? I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?

Remember what you said in the park?"

I remembered the conversation well. I'd played it over and over in my head ever since.

"I meant every word of it."

Rob looked across at the very quiet but very red Tara. She sat silently, frozen by what seemed to be unfolding before her eyes. He turned sharply, rising onto his knees. He gripped my hair, pulling my head forward to kiss me.

I was stunned by having his mouth on mine. By having my lips forced open to accept his tongue invading my mouth.

I felt his hand grasp my tit, squeezing it. My legs turned to jelly. It seemed to go on for an age and I forgot to breathe, gasping when he finally stopped.

"What about your friend?" He asked, almost unconcerned by her presence.

I was in a state of shock. But my head was no longer in control. It was the fire in my belly. The desperate ache in my clit, so vastly more powerful than anything I'd felt before. It had a craving. It wasn't me. It was my sex. It wanted his cock no matter how much I was terrified of actually doing it.

"She's okay waiting."

"Waiting?"

He glanced at her again.

"Or watching?"

"I don't mind."

I didn't. I just wanted to be fucked. What Tara did was up to her.

"Young, and kinky."

He pulled my shorts away with no warning and lay over me, pressing me to the sofa. Any thought that we would go upstairs evaporated, and I realised he really did mean for Tara to watch. Somehow her presence just made me even hornier.

He kissed my neck and face. I could smell his aftershave and the alcohol on his breath. I could feel his body warmth against my skin. I forgot all about Tara.

"Oh fuck."

A hand went between us and I heard his belt rattling. I knew what was happening. I knew his cock was out and pressing against my leg.

"Fuck."

My panties were pulled to one side, and he went into me. A slow, methodical push that forced my muscles apart and reached deeper than my fingers ever had. Perhaps deeper than my dildo.

"Uhh."

I could feel him inside me. I could feel his movement and his warm, bare flesh against my skin. Hands lifted my top and my little tits filled his palms.

"Relax. It's the best thing you'll ever feel in your life."

Rob fucked me. It was slow and gentle. Almost loving. And it was incredible.

"Uh. Uh. Uh."

I became a passive, receptive thing, just lying in shock as he shafted me. My eyes drifted to Tara. She was mesmerised. A rabbit frozen in the headlights. My excitement became even more heightened. She'd seen me cum so many times. Never like this, though. Never actually fucking. I closed my eyes as I let myself become ever more heated. I could feel his balls banging on my arse cheeks which was kind of funny.

In a way, I was detached from what was happening. My body craved the feelings, but I felt violated at the same time. I let it happen. I wanted it as much as I didn't. A fightback of my innocence against the natural demands of a sexually aware adult. It was a crossroads and I was passing over it with no protest.

"Uh. Uh. Uhh."

My orgasm took no time at all. Welcome, but disappointing in its speed. It was at once the same and different from masturbation. New sensations fluttered through my body like ripples of pure joy. It eased my frustration much more than my fingers or toys, but ultimately, it was no more intense. I'd expected more. Fireworks. I'd also expected pain. I'd heard it hurt the first time. It didn't.

Rob felt my quakes and slowed, grinding his hips rather than thrusting. Then came the surprise of my life. A warmth that filled me, deep in my belly, and made his movement even slipperier until he slowed to a stop.

I relaxed as he slipped from me and straightened his clothes. I pulled my top down and retrieved my shorts as I tried to assess what had just happened to me. Was that it? I wasn't sure how I felt at that moment. It was one in which I knew I would never be the same person again. But somehow I felt cheated.

"Holy fuck." Tara gasped.

"Nice show?"

Rob pulled his trousers into place and took a seat at the end of the sofa. He looked pleased with himself.

"Er ... yeah. Awesome."

I sensed Tara looking at me, but I didn't meet her gaze. I imagined she was desperate to go and relieve her frustrations, but I wasn't so convinced I was as satisfied as I should be. Perhaps it would be better next time.

Tara wanted to know everything after. Her infatuation was infectious and made me feel better about it.

"Jesus fuck. I just saw you having sex. Did it hurt? I didn't see any blood."

"No. It felt like being stretched. But it didn't hurt."

"How did it feel?"

"Like I said. Like being stretched wide open. It was very nice."

I tried to make it sound fantastic. Almost as if I was convincing myself.

"How did it look?" I asked.

"Quicker than I expected. I suppose that's coz it was your first time.

His arse was nice though. Going up and down. And I saw his balls."

We sniggered.

"Hairy things. And crinkly."

"That's what men are. We're supposed to like that."

Mm. I wasn't sure about the hair. It was all a bit rough.

"So. Million dollar question. Did you like it?"

"Yeah.

And it'll be even better next time."

I hoped I sounded convincing. If I was honest, it was all a bit disappointing. There had been something missing, and I needed to find that element for it to be perfect. Perhaps if we were more relaxed. Less rushed. That was it. A night of caressing and kissing.

I thought about the porn I watched with Tara. All that foreplay and endless kissing had always seemed boring. That was the stuff we whizzed past. Suddenly I was beginning to understand why it was as important as when the guy stuck his cock in.

Rob had given me the rushed, Pornhub two-minute special. I wanted the sensuous subscriber version.

Mum wasn't home when I went in. I was sort of grateful for that. I didn't want her looking at my messed-up hair and red face. She'd know instantly what had happened if she saw me.

I'd seen her once, coming in from a session a few years ago. I'd known instantly. It was the only time, though. I guess there had been others, but she'd been more discreet about it.

I'd always thought I would tell her when I lost my virginity. And if it'd been with a boy my age, I would have. But telling her it was with our neighbour seemed unlikely to go down so well. Especially with him being nearly fifty.

I glanced at the time, wondering where she had got to. It was almost midnight. Perhaps she was in the back of a car somewhere getting some for herself. I laughed at the stupid notion and went up to bed.

So that was it. I had ended the day a real woman. Yet I didn't feel any different.

It was another good hour before I heard Mum come home. I was drifting off. Late for her. Perhaps a manager thing? It happened sometimes. A disciplinary meeting she had to take, or training sessions. Or had she been in the back of someone's car getting her pussy filled?

I imagined my mother doing what I had done with Rob. Some unknown man penetrating her, squeezing her tits. Would she moan and gasp as I had done? How alike were we in the throes of orgasm? Not a chance. Mum didn't do things like that these days.

And why was I thinking about my mum with her legs spread? Sometimes I looked at her legs. I liked the softness of her thighs. Their shape. Why did I do that? Eww.

FIVE

"Why don't you ask your friend to join in this time?"

"Tara?"

"Yes.

You're good friends aren't you?"

"Yes. But I thought ..."

Why was he asking that? Was I not good enough? Or was it Tara's damn tits?

I started to see Rob differently. Was he my dream date? He wasn't offering to take me out. No walks in the countryside or dinner in a posh hotel before retiring to a luxurious room. And now he was asking for Tara to join us. Did he only want me for the sex? This wasn't quite how I imagined things would play out.

He was touching my shoulder, my neck. It felt ticklish and arousing at the same time.

"Mmmm."

I trembled, unsure of the thoughts conflicting with what my body was demanding.

"Seems a shame to have her just watching when she could be part of the fun."

"I know. But ..."

You want to try everything, don't you?"

I glanced back at the house to be sure Mum wasn't snooping.

"You mean a threesome?"

"Why not? Everyone wants to try a threesome at least once. I'm giving you that chance."

Did I want that? I thought sex was something that should be private between two people who cared about one another deeply. But then I had done it with Tara as an audience. I'd already broken that rule on my very first go.

Again, I thought about how disappointing it had been. I wanted to find that elusive magic everyone else thought was there. I did want to have sex again, and I supposed, Tara was the one person I could share with, if that's what Rob wanted.

"I'm not sure."

He shrugged as though I were a disappointment to him.

"You don't know what you're missing. And I think Tara would like to. She's your friend. Would you want her to miss out?"

Did he not want me without Tara? She was my best friend, but also my competition, it seemed. I could be better than her, though. I'd show him I was a woman.

"Lots of girls do it." He said.

"You'll be missing out."

I wasn't so sure. I saw it in porn but I didn't know anyone who had. And what if I said no? Would he go with Tara without me?

I relented.

"I'll ask her."

"Great. Trust me. The second time is always better."

He winked at me, but this new thing seemed to open the gap in our ages into a chasm. It wasn't love. It was his experience and treating sex as a thing rather than an emotion. I wanted a connection. He wanted to get off.

I wondered if I was doing the right thing. But then, if I didn't go along with it, I'd be back to that sad little girl missing out on what was supposed to be the best thing imaginable.

I was confused by it all. In my head, I'd had an illusion of a love shared by me and Rob. Now here he was wanting to share that love with Tara. And I was so damn intent on pleasing him in case he found me boring, I was going to ask her. But then there was the question of what a threesome involved. It wasn't all about the guy. I'd watched enough porn to know he would want us to touch each other.

I reasoned we weren't so innocent. That perhaps Mum's suspicions of us had more basis than I admitted. We already did things she would be horrified at. Would it be so hard to take one more step? I didn't think it would be difficult for Tara. I was certain she was more fluid than I considered myself to be.

No. It didn't make me lesbian if it was all about Rob. And I wasn't a virgin any more. I had actually had sex with a man. I was straight. This was just fun. Like he said. Lots of girls did it.

Tara was becoming frustrated with my distance as I sat in silence, lost in my thoughts.

"Earth to Jess. Earth to Jess."

"Sorry."

I picked my bottle up and swigged it back while glancing around the pub. All I saw were couples in happy conversation. Lovers. I wanted to be just like them.

"I'm meeting Rob again on Friday," I said bluntly.

"Of course you are."

Tara was off with me, reacting as if she thought she was losing a friend.

"He said I should bring you along again."

Tara looked away.

"It was fun watching you two, but I don't want to play gooseberry, thanks. It's a little weird."

I stared across the bar again, just looking into the distance as I summoned up the courage to tell her she wasn't going to be the spare wheel.

"That's not what he had in mind."

Tara instantly looked shocked. If I was honest, Tara was the more astute one of us. She knew what was coming, but waited as I nervously spelt it out.

"He suggested you should join in this time."

Tara just went crimson.

"He says it'll be fun. What do you think?"

"Your fancy man wants to do me as well?"

"You wouldn't be the only virgin left from our school year. And we're best friends so ..."

Tara squirmed around, betraying the excited itch that never received the scratching it needed. I knew the feeling so well. What Rob wanted was nuts, but I hoped that overwhelming urge would be enough to close down any objections.

"So ... the three of us?"

"That's what he's suggesting.

"A threesome.

A ménage à trois."

"It'd only be like when we masturbate together, except you get to have sex."

"Yes, but not ..."

She went quiet for a moment.

"When?"

"Friday night. At his house."

"What if your Mum sees us going in there?"

"She won't. She's always on late shift Fridays."

Tara toyed with her Bud bottle. I'd worried she would be disgusted. Now I was certain she couldn't say no. And she didn't. In fact, she accepted easily.

"Okay."

Tara came to my house first. She'd dressed in loose-fitting clothing that would come off easily. Practical, she said. I hunted my wardrobe for something similar while she sat on the bed and helped me choose.

"What about a skirt?" She suggested.

"My skirts are all work things. Wait. This, with a sweater?"

I held up a check wrap-around and a blue top."

"Yeah. That's good. You can get away with no bra."

"Good point. Decision made."

I stripped while Tara sat on my bed watching.

"Does this mean we have to do things?" She asked.

"I guess so.

We've watched enough porn. It'll be just like that."

I pulled on fresh panties. My doubts had faded since last week. I was on a high again, driven by lots of masturbation and fantasies of how good it would be this time around. I was tingling inside.

"I didn't bother with those." Tara grinned.

I stood up straight and looked down at the only flimsy garment I was wearing.

"Commando?"

"Less faffing around. We all know they ain't staying on, right?"

I thought for a moment and pulled them off again.

"What the hell?"

The skirt went around me and I pulled the top on.

"What do you think?"

"Great. I can see your pokies. That'll get him going." Tara sniggered.

"Not as much as your melons."

I'd already noticed those things bouncing unrestrained when she moved. Not for the first time, I feared Rob might like Tara more than he did me.

Dressed, we went downstairs and raided Mum's wine supply for courage while waiting for seven o'clock.

"Do you think he'll fuck me first?" Tara asked.

"I don't know. Maybe."

I felt a tinge of jealousy. If he did, did that mean he preferred her?"

"I think he will. He'll want to save you for last. You're his woman."

I nodded. Save the best for last. But to be honest. It didn't feel like I was.

"Ladies. Come in."

I was bubbling at seeing Rob again. He looked so fit. I couldn't wait to have him fuck me again. It would be how it should be, even if I was sharing the event with Tara. This time it really would be incredible. I would know what to expect.

I ran my hand over his chest as I went by, trying to be the mature seductress. Rob grinned at me before putting his arm around Tara as he closed the door. She giggled, suddenly aware his interest was as much on her as it was on me this time.

"You're nervous."

"It's my first time." She said.

"I know. Just relax. I'll help you. Same as I helped Jess."

He looked toward me.

"And you'll help as well, won't you? You're the experienced woman now."

I gave a halfhearted smile and my eyes skated over Tara with the realisation that when we got naked together this time, it wouldn't be a game. I shuddered as that thought delivered an unexpected tingle of excitement. It raced along my spine, giving me goosebumps.

Rob wasn't in a hurry. He plied us with more drinks and teased us about what porn we'd watched.

"We're not addicts." I protested.

"You're teens. Of course, you are. Do you watch together?"

"Sometimes."

Tara squirmed and looked at me.

"Ever get tempted to experiment?"

"What do you mean?"

"Together?"

"I'm not a lesbian." I protested a little too strongly.

Please, Tara, don't let our secret out. She didn't.

"Doesn't make you gay if you do a little kissing and touching. It's just fun before the main event.

Now come on. Drink up and I'll teach you."

Rob led us upstairs to his bedroom this time. I felt as if I was entering the spider's web as I glanced around. It was very different to our rooms. No hangover children's books here. It was a man's room. Bold colours and a TV on the wall.

"That where you watch your porn?" I challenged.

He laughed.

"I don't need porn. There's always a helpful girl in the pub when I want my sack emptying."

I wondered how many had been in his bed before me. I had never seen anyone at his house. Perhaps he went to theirs.

Rob saw the whole thing as a game. For me, this was serious stuff. For Tara, it was an even bigger deal. But to Rob, it was just a bit of fun. I tried not to look like a clingy freak and laughed along as he flopped on the bed wanting to be entertained.

"So who gets naked first?"

Rob tossed a coin and looked at me to call out.

"Tails."

He glanced at the coin on the back of his hand.

"Sorry. Heads."

He looked on expectantly as I stripped. It wouldn't be so hard. Nothing Tara hadn't seen hundreds of times, and Rob was telling me how beautiful I was, to encourage me.

"I didn't see you properly last time. You're so beautiful."

Two garments. That's all it was. My top went first.

"Oh yes. Your tits are perfect."

I was covering them with my hands as I began to feel self-conscious, aware that Tara was about to put my offerings to shame.

"Show me. "

"They're small," I said cringingly.

Then I giggled, aware that I needed to take my skirt off. I'd be totally naked. I swallowed back my fear and unwrapped it.

"Oh. You're incredible."

His attention turned to Tara.

"So are you? Now, what do you have hidden away under that top?"

It was me who lifted Tara's top over her head. I was keen not to be the only naked one, and she seemed hesitant. I watched Rob's reaction.

"She has really pretty tits doesn't she?"

I wanted to test his response. To see if he liked hers better than mine. Rob sat up to put his hand out to fondle one.

"Oh my god. Amazing."

Tara giggled as she squirmed away from his reach, pressing back into me.

"Take the rest off."

Tara was turning crimson. I felt the tremble in her body as she still didn't move to unclothe herself. Again, I stepped in.

"Let me help you."

I undid her skirt and let it fall away, leaving her as naked as I was. She was covering and uncovering herself as she fought an internal battle between wanting to hide and to expose her body for admiration.

"Fucking hell. You're both amazing."

We stood side by side, like two obedient children waiting for the teacher's approval.

"Do we get to see your cock now?" I asked, suddenly aware this man had two naked girls in his room, and he was still clothed.

"You get more than that."

He didn't waste a moment pulling his clothes away. I saw him as I'd always dreamed I would. Naked. He was athletic from his running. Very manly with a covering of dark, coarse hair. And I saw his cock properly. Last time I'd been in too much of a daze to absorb it. And then it'd been inside me. I trembled as my bean jumped, coming alive. And yet, I still wasn't as earth-movingly excited as I had expected to be. It was kind of ugly when I thought about it.

"This'll be your first blowjob." He said, lying back on the bed with that thing waving around in the air.

"Think of it as an education. Training for your future lives, out there, pleasing all those eager young men."

What? I didn't want to be pleasing other men. I wanted to please Rob. He was the one I wanted. At least that was what I thought I wanted.

I stared at it. A big, veiny shaft topped with what looked like a smooth mushroom. It was a little creepy in the way it jerked about.

Tara was the first to venture toward it, climbing on the bed to curiously touch it with a finger.

"It's so hard."

"That's all you."

He tilted his head to the side in mock disapproval. "Just your finger? Surely you can do better than that?"

Tara sank down, running her tongue up its underside a with bravado taken from too much porn. She sat back and giggled as Rob gave a loud gasp and his thing jerked around with a life of its own. It was quite an unpleasant appendage, I decided.

"It tastes like my elbow," Tara said.

"Come and try it."

I wasn't so sure I wanted to any more, but I did. I knelt next to her, looking at how it protruded from his hairy groin like a small tree trunk. I saw his balls. They didn't do much for me either. What was I missing that got all the girls I spoke to so excited?

I swallowed back and accepted this was what people did. That it would be better than I was imagining. I just put my mouth over it like I'd seen in so many porn videos.

I had a realistically shaped dildo, so in that, it felt familiar. But nothing prepared me for its actual feel. It was warm, hotter than I expected. And more rubbery on the crown. I took his shaft in my hand and decided it felt like the skin was loose over an internal pole. It felt weird. Like nothing on my body.

I let go and looked at Tara.

"Your turn."

She looked hesitant again, but did it anyway. This time, putting it in her mouth. I watched for a moment, feeling like a spare part. Then I decided I should suck his balls.

They were weirder still. Two little ovoids in a crinkly bag. I wasn't keen on the hairiness but I took them in my mouth, sucking gently, coz ... that's what girls did.

Rob put his hand on Tara's head and held her in place as he groaned his pleasure. I got the impression she was done, no more impressed than I was, but that hand was persuasive.

"Fuck."

No. Tara didn't look as if she'd enjoyed that when he released her.

"The tip has a lot of feeling. Use your tongue. Lick it. Swirl around it. Tickle the tip. "

Tara was impaled on his cock a second time, a look of shock in her wide eyes.

"Uhh. That's fucking wonderful."

Rob was getting more and more excited. To my eyes, he was losing that veneer of sophistication, becoming more primitive and animalistic. Less attractive.

"Huh."

He let her go.

"It's a lot more fun than just watching, isn't it?"

Tara smiled unconvincingly.

"Your turn, Jess."

I was becoming less enamoured with the idea of sex being some wonderful experience, but I went ahead anyway, riding my lips over his nob before using my tongue as he'd said. I could smell him and I didn't find that particularly arousing either. It was sort of sharp and sweaty. Not unpleasant. Just ... meh. It reminded me of sweaty bodies in the changing room after basketball.

Rob was gentle with Tara as he lay her back on his bed. She was nervous, pressing her legs together. He gave soothing words as he prized them apart.

"Oh god."

Tara sounded fearful as I watched with fascination. I'd seen her pussy so many times. I'd watched her finger it and spread her wetness around. But now I was watching her having it explored by fresh hands.

It was Rob who fingered it now, opening her like a flower. He pushed her struggling legs apart as she descended into fear, clasping her arms over her tits as if to hide away.

"Uhh."

That first lick along her slit destroyed her defence. Her legs sprang wider, and I had the clearest view of his tongue dancing magically over her soft flesh.

Tara was groaning more than I'd ever heard her in all the times we'd played next to each other.

He sat up and smiled at me

"Lick her pussy." Rob urged, clearing a way for me to get closer.

For a moment, I was frozen. Fearful of doing it. I glanced up at Tara's face. She seemed to be just as keen as Rob. I looked back at her pink flesh. I'd seen it so many times. I'd even touched it with my fingers once or twice in our more exploratory moments. Never while she was aroused. I didn't want to displease Rob. I held my breath and put my tongue out.

"Uhh."

Tara shuddered, arching her back and thrusting her groin up to meet me. It was almost as if she welcomed my mouth on her more than she had Rob's.

What a strange feeling. It was so warm and soft. I breathed, smelling its scent. Sweeter than his. Much nicer. I grew in confidence and moved the tip of my tongue between the delicate folds of flesh. Fucking hell. I was tasting my best friend's pussy. And actually, it wasn't half bad.

My enthusiasm grew, and I started to lap up her sweet-tasting juice. Tara was squirming like my tongue was barbed and had her hooked.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

Her legs felt so smooth under my hands and I couldn't help but run my fingers over them. Behind me, Rob was touching my arse, squeezing my cheeks. I felt his cock brushing over me.

"Huh."

I jolted as he pressed at my entrance.

"Uhhh."

He slid into me and took hold of my hips. A moment later and he was fucking me. I kept on with Tara's pussy, transferring the heat of his cock inside me to her meat until she was squirming against my mouth.

It was better than last time. There was no doubt it felt good being fucked. But was I loving it? Not so much. I could take it or leave it. Sure, I'd cum in a minute and I'd like that. But no more than when I was on my own. It just wasn't the wondrous thing I'd expected. What was the real surprise was that I was finding Tara of far more interest. I liked touching her. I found her pussy pleasant, exciting on my mouth.

I came quickly. The result of inexperience, over-sensitivity and ... the joy I was feeling at pleasuring my best friend.

"Uh. Fuck."

It was nice. A lovely feeling which emanated from my bean and spread over my skin. But still not the amazing thing I'd been told to expect. Was I hoping for too much? Or was it still something that would develop the more I did it?

Rob didn't finish in me. Instead, his attention was turning to Tara. I found myself guided away so that he was between her legs. She lay there with her legs raised on either side of his hips and looked up at him.

"Are you going to fuck me now?"

She sounded so nervous.

"That's what you want, isn't it?"

Tara didn't look so certain. She turned her face away, preferring not to look at him as he did it.

"Please be gentle."

Rob was just that. I watched, mesmerised as he caressed her flesh, fingers drawing more of her juice to the fore and spreading it around her vulva. Tara snatched quick, frightened breaths each time her body gave an involuntary jerk.

"Put it in her." I urged.

"I want to see."

I was horny and my fingers were rubbing around my hole, finding my leaking wetness. I wanted to see that cock in her so badly. I wanted to see it fucking Tara as if she were one of those girls we saw in porn.

Then there it was, his big mushroom pushing delicate flesh aside and slipping into her. I stared wide-eyed as his shaft slowly buried itself inside her.

"Oh my fucking god."

Tara seemed horrified. But she stayed the course as he filled her with every inch of it.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"It's really tight. It hurts a little."

"That's normal. It'll pass." Rib assured her.

He did it to her very slowly. I had a ringside view. I saw everything. I saw his cock sliding into her and drawing back, all slick with her juices. I saw the tremble in her thighs, the reddening of her cheeks. I saw her tit sucked into his mouth as he squeezed it with his fingers.

"Uhh. Uh."

I heard her desperate little gasps.

Tara's tits were so much bigger than mine. They rolled over her chest with each thrust Rob gave her pussy. Deeply coloured nipples pointed upwards and glided in a gentle circular motion as if anchored to her ribs. That alone was arousing for me to watch.

Rob was becoming more energetic, fucking her faster and deeper. Tara's gasps became ever more ragged. She snatched breaths as she finally allowed herself to look up at him. She looked almost fearful.

I put a hand out to cup one of her tits, letting it roll under my palm. Tara shuddered even more as I took hold of her nipple.

"Uh. Uhhh."

I squeezed just as she came. A shuddering climax rippled through her body.

"Aw. Aw. Fuck."

Rob withdrew and I saw his junk launch free to splash over her belly. Again, I was aware of his smell. Acrid when compared to Tara's. I looked at his cum where it sat in droplets on her flesh. It looked like slime. The thought that any girl could find that pleasant enough to have in her mouth horrified me.

As far as Rob was concerned, he was done with us. He lay back and wallowed in his satisfaction as his cock wilted and died. I just wondered if there was something wrong with me.

Mum was home when we crept out of Rob's house. The lights were on, so we continued down the path and walked along the road to talk.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

Her quietness worried me.

"Yeah. I just ...

It wasn't what I thought it would be."

"How do you mean?"

She seemed to move away from me slightly as if wanting her own space.

"I liked it. At least I liked the feelings I felt. I just... I didn't like that it was a man doing it.

It all seemed so rough."

I shrugged.

"I think that's what sex is. They talk about girls being fucked for a reason. It's something men do to us. Not the other way around."

"I know, but I thought it would be softer and more ... oh, I don't know. Loving?"

We turned into the park. It was a dark open space with just the occasional illumination along the path. The low moon cast long shadows from the trees over the grass and everything appeared in grey hues. As if the world had become an old photo.

"I didn't like the smell." She muttered.

"I couldn't give a blow job to the point ..."

She left that unfinished and I didn't let on that I understood. The thought was becoming repulsive as I considered that slime squirting into my mouth.

Tara stopped walking and stared down at the tarmac path.

"Can I tell you something without you getting mad?"

I took her arm and hugged her close to me, reassuringly.

"Of course. Best friends remember. We share everything. And we certainly have today.

What is it?"

Tara took a few more steps forward as she gathered the confidence to speak.

"I kinda preferred it when you touched me."

It wasn't that strange when I thought about it, and I wasn't shocked. I'd always known Tara kinda liked girls. I'd just assumed it was a phase. Something that would pass when she discovered how wonderful it was to fuck a man. The trouble was, it wasn't that wonderful. For either of us. How I felt about that, I wasn't sure.

"Okay," I said with quite a mature, reflective tone.

"Does that make me weird?" She asked.

"Lots of girls like other girls. They're not weird. So no. It doesn't."

Tara was intent on pushing the point.

"Did you like it? I mean, when you touched me? What was it like?"

I smiled as I was forced to analyse what I'd done.

"I thought I would hate it. Like it was going to be some kind of horrid experience. But it wasn't.

It was kinda, nice."

We were coming toward the darkest part of the park, and I looked over at the trees where they were encroaching on the path. It was silent and still. A little eerie.

I made a decision.

"You can try it if you want."

I quivered as the words left my mouth, startled by how I felt and what I was offering. Tara tensed where our arms linked and I thought I might have misjudged her.

"With you?

Can I?"

"I don't see anyone about."

In a moment of madness, I pulled her onto the grass and towards the shadows. We walked quickly toward the trees where I stood with my back against a big oak tree. I checked around one last time and lifted my skirt.

"Do you want to?"

Tara's face was in shadow, almost hidden by the night, but I could see enough to know she was staring at my pussy. I saw her hand coming forward, upturned, fingers touched me, moving gently to press and rub my flesh.

"Uhhh."

I shuddered, having to let the tree take my weight. I hadn't realised just how wet I was again. Or how horny I'd feel when she rubbed over my clit.

"Fuck."

Tara was emboldened by my unexpected reaction and dropped to her knees. She was less reticent than I'd been at Rob's and her face was in my sex in an instant, her tongue riding up the length of my slit.

"Holy fuck."

It was a shock to me. But a fucking nice one. I shook from head to toe. The feeling was indescribable, especially when her tongue parted me and probed deeper.

"Fuck."

I closed my eyes. It felt way better than good. It felt amazing. When Tara found my clit a wave of pleasure raced through me.

"Uhhh."

I was being caressed by something wet and ticklish. And it felt a whole lot better than it had with Rob just thrusting that thing into me. Every touch was a delight and it didn't take me long to cum.

"Uhhh, fuck."

Tara had me shaking. I felt bliss. The best feeling I'd ever experienced. She pushed her face into me hard as I gushed.

"Uhhh."

We kissed when she stood up. It just seemed to happen naturally. A passionate embrace with our mouths open and tongues locked in a ballet. Again, I couldn't help but notice how much gentler and more mutual the action was. With Rob, it had been dominating. My head held fast by my hair while his tongue forced its way into my mouth.

"Wow. Holy fuck."

Tara was laughing. Unsure how to express what she felt.

"I fucking made you cum."

She was dancing around in her excitement.

"Did you like doing it?" I asked.

"Fuck yeah. That was amazing. Better than having an ugly cock pushed into my face."

I checked the time on my phone, seeing how late it was getting.

"I have to go," I said.

"Mum'll be worrying about me. But we should talk about this. Message me when you get in."

My thoughts were a confused mess as I walked back. I could hardly believe I'd just let Tara do that. Even more difficult to understand was the idea of how much I'd liked it when I was supposed to be wanting Rob to fuck my brains out.

Mum was in bed when I went up. I listened at the door and stifled a grin when I heard heavy breathing. Not the first time. I knew what she was doing, and I kind of liked that she at least got some pleasure, even if it was on her own. My phone buzzed, and l crept into my room and closed the door.

"Hi."

Tara's face filled the screen. Soft pink lips that had so recently been pressed to my pussy.

"Aren't you in bed yet?"

"Give me a moment."

I stripped and climbed under the covers with my knees up to hold the phone. She had a view of my face and tits.

"So, what we just did?" Tara ventured.

"In the park?"

"Yeah,"

I smirked.

"It was nice," I said.

"Nicer than Rob?"

I thought for a moment. For so long, I'd been convinced Rob would fill my life with joy and contentment. That sex with him would make me complete. Make me a woman. Perhaps it had the latter. But there was no joy and contentment. Not with Rob.

"Honestly. Yeah. I think it was."

Tara looked down for a moment.

"I didn't enjoy what I did with Rob." She said quietly.

"I don't regret it. Not completely because ... I needed to know what it was like."

She went all coy.

"I did enjoy what I did with you. I knew that even when you ... when ..."

"When I ate you out?

It's okay. We can say it."

Brave words. Inside, I was in knots.

"Yeah."

"I think I like you more than Rob. More than men."

Hearing that made me excited. I didn't even realise I was playing with my tit until I noticed Tara's eyes weren't on my face. I snatched my hand away. Then wondered why I had.

"Would you ... want to do it again?"

Tara grinned.

"Fuck, yeah."

I felt relief. We were admitting something to each other that I was starting to realise we'd been avoiding for so long.

"I think it's you I want to be with." She added.

I nodded slowly, still not quite ready to admit the obvious.

"We should ... explore that."

I laughed as embarrassment caught up with me. My god. I think I was realising I was a lesbian. And it was Tara I was in love with. For a moment, I felt all warm and comfortable with myself. Then I worried what Mum would say.

SIX

I invited Tara over after work on Tuesday. Mum was the late duty manager again, and we had the house to ourselves until ten.

We both knew why we were there. We'd all but said so in the copious texts that had passed between us. So I didn't see the point in wasting time.

"Come up to my room."

Tara was struggling not to break out into an excited snigger as she followed me up the stairs. In the room, we stood looking at one another. I was studying her face, seeing its softness while looking for any sense of the nerves I was feeling.

Christ, we got naked together so many times. Watched each other masturbate. Talked about sex. Swapped naughty photos. Suddenly, we were nervous about taking the first step. Crazy given we'd already licked each other's pussies. I guess the problem was that once we did this, today, it would be real. It wouldn't be a game anymore. The experimenting of the other night would be over. We would be lesbians. Nothing wrong with that. Lots of people were gay, and I wasn't homophobic in any way. But it still seemed to be out of the norm. A divergence from what was expected. Would it make me a disappointment to my mum? I understood why it was difficult for some people to admit.

I took the plunge.

"So, shall we just undress and lay on the bed?" I suggested.

"Like we usually do? Then see what happens?"

"Okay."

So that's what we did. Nothing different. Just naked side by side as we touched ourselves and waited for the need to overwhelm us. What we did do differently was keep more eye contact. We were both as interested in each other's arousal as we were in our own. And we were quieter. We didn't talk about how we liked this or that, though we were both struggling with the occasional embarrassed laugh breaking out.

I stopped and turned onto my side, deciding one of us had to move forward into new territory. I put my hand out and caressed Tara's arm before brushing the back of my fingers over her tit.

"Mmm.

That's nice."

Such a warm smile.

"I love your tits," I said.

"They're so big."

I ran my fingertips over one as I watched her lips tremble. When she didn't object, I leaned closer and kissed a nipple. It was like a little fleshy rubber between my lips. Warm.

Tara giggled. I felt her mound jiggle, and I jumped back.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I liked it."

Now her hand moved to me, riding over my thigh, teasing toward but never quite reaching where my hand still rubbed slowly over my slit.

I went back to her nipple. This time sucking it and squeezing her flesh. Enjoying how nice it felt.

"Uhhh.

That's amazing."

I stopped and hovered over that little pink point for a moment.

"It feels ... fucking amazing. I could suck it all day."

My lips went back around it, her back arched under me. I knew then how much joy I was giving her, and that made me feel so good.

"Uhh."

Tara's reticence evaporated. Her hands came at me with a hunger, gliding all over my body. Anywhere she could reach. She wanted to touch me all over, all at once.

I was quivering when I finally let her tits free of my caress. Tara pushed me back, tugging on my nipples and kissing my face. She stared into my eyes, so close I could hardly focus.

"I want to kiss your pussy again. Is that okay?" She whispered.

"Yes."

Tara turned and lay down the length of the bed with her feet by my head. I lifted my knees and parted them so she could put her mouth to my groin.

"Uhh."

So soft. So arousing. Delicate feathery kisses. Then the wetness of her tongue.

I turned my head to see her creamy thighs close by me. And that lovely little pink slit nestling between them. I took hold of her leg, guiding her to lift it over my head until her sex was right at my face. I breathed her scent in deeply. It just added fuel to the fire she was igniting in my groin.

"Uhh."

Her kisses turned to licking. Tentative. Then, more enthusiastic. I became super wet, super fast. Her fingers were opening me so she could tease my delicate flesh and taste that wetness.

"Fuck. That's nice."

Gripped by a desire I couldn't resist, I returned the favour and sucked on her soft, delicate pussy. It was sweetness and joy. Her nectar was an elixir to be savoured.

Between us, the energy grew, and we became ever more adventurous. All trace of nervousness ebbed away. Our connection became an obsession. We touched. We teased. We explored every fleshy fold and tickled any part that had the other twitching.

"Mmm."

The room filled with the sound of gentle moans. A sing-song of pleasure.

I came with my legs held in the air and Tara's fingers deep inside me, her tongue flicking my bean as fast as she could.

"Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

I bounced on the bed as a wave of ecstasy raced over my skin.

"Uhh."

Then I had to deliver the same sensations to her. I just had to. I devoured her as if my life depended on it. I knew it was coming when she went rigid. I licked her little nub frantically, and she jolted.

"Uhhh."

Suddenly, she was hotter than before. Her wetness instantly increased. I felt her muscles convulsing and heard her rasping breaths. My friend was cuming in my mouth and I loved every second of it.

Tara scrambled up onto her knees. I didn't want her to get away, I pulled her back, over me, until she sat on my face. Her wet pussy covered me in her juice and I licked her out a second time with her grinding herself onto my mouth. She screamed.

"Oh fuck ... ing ... hell."

She launched herself from me to fall at my side, gasping. Her body was wracked with tiny tremors that made those gorgeous tits wobble.

"Wow."

"That was better than anything," I added.

Tara was giggling again. An excited laugh, full of joy.

"I liked that so much."

She came toward me, kissing my tits and playing with my nipples.

"Mmmm."

It felt incredible. And it felt even more incredible when her fingers found my wetness and began a further gentle play as we lay embracing, our bodies wrapped around one another.

"Uhh."

I saw Rob the next morning as I left for work. We passed the time of day before he climbed into his car. No long chat. No innuendo. No mention of what we'd done. I wondered if it was because I was giving vibes of disinterest or if it was him who no longer had an interest. Was he satisfied now he'd fucked the two silly little girls and moving on?

As I drove out of the drive, turning in the opposite direction, I realised how I hadn't felt the butterflies seeing him generally set to flight.

He was still the same man. Handsome and masculine. The man who'd taken my virginity. But it was Tara who was generating those feelings of deep want in me now. Not him.

In the space of a couple of weeks, I'd had my first experience of real sex. I'd fucked both my hot neighbour and my best friend from my school days. And every time I analysed it, Rob seemed less of a dish. I found myself wanting to repeat it with Tara much more than I did with Rob, or any man. It was Tara who made me see stars. It was her that filled my thoughts in the dark. It was with her that I'd felt the magic I'd said was missing.

A horn blared at me and I slammed on my brakes just in time. A red car swerved past the nose of my Mini with one angry-looking driver glaring at me.

"Fuck sake."

I felt embarrassed. I'd just pulled out without looking. No, I had looked. I just hadn't seen. My head was so full of Tara that I'd not been concentrating on what I was doing.

It was a strange day in the shop. One without Tara. Our days didn't always align. I'd been there since June. Only three months, but I was doing well. My stock control counts were always accurate. I found the short date codes to be reduced in price with the efficiency of a machine. And I was trusted to serve customers on the tills. That had been the scariest thing ever, the first few times. Swiping the products was easy. It was the myriad of vouchers and trying to judge if someone looked old enough to buy alcohol that had been difficult. I was getting used to that now.

My manager called me for a review towards the end of my shift. I'd sat nervously as she'd started. When it was over, I was ecstatic. I left that office with the praise ringing in my ears.

My whole life was coming together in one big rush. Everything seemed just right. Except for my encounter with Rob.

By the time I went home, I was certain. Girls were more beautiful. More enticing. I'd even checked out Ruby, testing my newly recognised tastes to see if the female form excited me. When I considered being in a girl's arms, it was they who made me feel tingly. Not the boys. But through it all, Tara was the one who had me feeling hot and horny.

I rang her on the way out.

"Can I come over?"

"Not yours?"

"No. Mum's home and ... I want you."

I breathed the words. No shame, no doubt. Just a desire I couldn't exorcise without her.

"Okay.

But my brother's here, so we'll have to be careful. That's if ...

Sorry."

I sensed her fear and her want.

"Don't be.

It's not if anymore."

I didn't care. I left the car at home and got a march on, covering the distance to Tara's home in a few minutes.

We went up to her room, kissing as soon as the door closed. It was sensuous and arousing. I ended with my fingers brushing down her arms.

"I've thought about you all day."

Tara was grinning.

"Wanna know something?"

I waited for her to answer.

"I've thought about you for years. When we ... play, and I tell you I'm thinking about the hot lad I met last week, or the actor on TV last night, it's bollocks. I'm thinking about you. Always."

I wasn't surprised. I think I'd always suspected it deep down.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I thought there was something wrong with me. That I should want a boyfriend. I thought it was an infatuation. And ... I thought you would be angry."

I shook my head slowly. I couldn't truthfully say what I would have said a few weeks earlier. It was all so muddled. I went with the now rather than the past.

"Can we put some music on?" She asked.

My brother is downstairs and he's a jerk."

"Something loud then."

Tara picked her phone up and started looking through her playlists. I glanced at her room. It'd been a while since I'd been there. It still looked childlike. Where I'd recently cleared my posters for a more mature image, hers were still up. Enid Blyton and Harry Potter books remained proudly on a bookshelf.

Taylor Swift came blaring from her Bluetooth speakers and filled the room. Not too loud, but loud enough to cover any sounds her brother shouldn't hear.

"Actually." Tara grinned.

"I do have one confession. I have thought about Taylor Swift occasionally. She has great legs."

I stepped closer. Grinning.

"I hope you think I do."

I unclipped my skirt and let it fall away. Tara stared as I posed in my little panties. It was thrilling to have her eyes on me in the same way as it was to lie on our beds together and masturbate. Until now, I hadn't quite noticed it, thinking it was just an aberration because I didn't have a man.

"I do."

Tara took hold of me and kissed me. It was wet and lingering.

"Mmm."

Her hand slid inside my panties, squeezing my arse cheeks before her fingers reached to play over my pussy. She pushed my soft flesh aside, spreading my nectar. It was a tickle, all the more exciting from behind. A reveal of secret sensations. I wriggled against her hand in desperation for more of the amazing feeling.

"Huh."

I hadn't realised just how sodden and squelchy I was. It was electric.

"Uhh."

My knees gave way as her touch reached inside me. I quivered, pressing myself tightly to her so she could reach a little deeper with that finger.

"Is that nice?"

"Fucking better than nice."

I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her again as I ground my groin onto her hand.

"Make me cum."

We tore our clothes away and threw ourselves on the bed in an embrace before our hands began an unrestrained exploration of one another's bodies.

We showered in her en-suite after. Lathering one another, rubbing our soapy bodies together and giggling like children.

Yeah. My life was changing fast, and the direction of travel was not how I'd dreamed it would be. I was eighteen and, like my bedroom, had entered the adult world. I was maturing fast and discovering my true nature.

Daniel was watching TV when we went downstairs. He hardly looked up. We went past without disturbing him and Tara sneaked a final kiss at the door.

I walked home on a high. There was no question in my mind. It was like a lightbulb had gone off in my head. Everything made sense now. All the times I hadn't been able to connect with boys. The warm, fuzzy feelings I got from masturbating next to Tara. And the fact that we felt it was so natural to do such a thing.

I even made sense of Rob. It'd been an infatuation with sex and society's expectation of who that sex should be with. Never him. I'd gravitated toward an older man because it was just sex. No risk of an emotional attachment that, subconsciously, I think I'd known I was incapable of making.

I suppose from the outside, it looked as though Rob had taken advantage. Perhaps he had. But I'd done my fair share of the running. I'd laid myself out on a plate for him, and it'd be hypocritical to blame him for deciding the feast I offered was too much to resist.

There was another reality I had to accept as well. Had it not been Rob, it would have been someone else. I'd had a curiosity that would have needed satisfying at some point. Tara also, though perhaps not as strongly. We weren't the first two eighteen-year-olds to be confused about our sexuality. But the confusion had been cleared up.

Tara was the one for me. I felt sure of it.

SEVEN

I got another shock to my system mid-week. Mum brought someone home. I didn't see who as I was already in bed. I'd been texting Tara, getting myself all hot until I'd fingered myself. Across town, she'd done the same before we'd swapped photos of our wet pussies and I'd rung her to giggle about it.

I was lying under the covers, admiring Tara's delightful photo again, when I heard the door click and the sound of voices. I kept still, listening, intrigued that my Mum might be dating for the first time in ages.

The floorboards creaked and Mum let out a stifled laugh as they passed my door. Then the sounds became muffled by another door between us.

I lay in the dark, straining to hear. I should have just covered my head with the duvet and gone to sleep. Mum deserved privacy, but I was curious. She hadn't had anyone in ages that I was aware of. And she'd never brought a man home. Suddenly, she had. I was fascinated, wanting to know who it could possibly be.

It didn't take long before I heard sounds I shouldn't.

"Uhh. Uh."

Oh my god. That was my mum being fucked. It wasn't loud, but it was there. Unmistakable.

I listened intently, aware of one thing. How much it sounded like being fucked rather than fucking. How dominant this man was, and my mum subservient.

I didn't mean that in a bad way. Just as an observation of how I viewed the activity. The same as I felt about doing it with Rob. Somehow, with a man, it seemed brutal. Perhaps it was the act of being penetrated. It meant having to submit to an unequal strength. Mentally and emotionally, I didn't like to do that. With Tara, it was a more equal meeting. Softer. An exchange of feelings. The contrast was striking.

"Fuck."

I heard my mum gasp loudly as her guard gave way to desire. Being impaled by a cock was a pleasure for her, I was sure. But not for me. With each passing moment. Every thought. I was more sure of the choice I was making. But how would Mum feel about it? Eventually, I would have to tell her I wasn't going to be the perfect little girl who would meet a boy and give her grandchildren. I was confident she would be accepting of Tara, but there was still that loss. The taking away of what people saw as the natural progression of family through the generations.

Wow. That was profound. I really was growing up.

In the morning, I saw the guy. He was still in his supermarket uniform. A manager like Mum. She was with him, wrapped in nothing more than her dressing gown.

"Can you make coffee, darling?"

Mum was happy. Happier than usual. She had a radiance about her. It was hard to miss. I realised I'd had it also. It should have been there after having my cherry popped, but in truth, it was discovering how much fun it was with Tara that had brought colour to my cheeks. Oh my god, had I been that obvious? Had I glowed so much that Mum knew?

"No prob."

I skipped from the chair to fill the kettle.

"Milk and sugar?"

"Please." He answered.

"You must be Jessica."

"Jess." I corrected him.

"I'm only Jessica when mum's angry with me."

"Sorry. Jess."

He had a warm smile.

"I'm Chris."

He seemed nice enough. About Mum's age. A little younger, perhaps. Yep, I could do him. At least I could if I still liked men. The jury had delivered its verdict on that one, though.

"Hi, Chris.

I guess you work with mum?"

I gestured to his uniform before turning to catch the kettle before it boiled.

"Yes. We're colleagues."

Mum came back, still in her gown.

"Thank you." She said, taking the coffee.

"Jess works in a supermarket as well. Just not ours. She's with the competition."

"Oh. Batting for the other team."

I smirked behind my mug. I was. In more ways than one.

"So, you two a new thing? Or...?"

Chris sat back on his chair and let Mum serve that one.

"No. We've been seeing each other for a few months. And ... I guess now's as good a time as any for you to know that."

Chris smiled as I looked him over again.

"Serious then."

I would be seeing quite a bit more of him, I guessed. So it was good he seemed pleasant.

"I'd best remember how you like your coffee." I smiled back.

I thought back to the night she'd been late home. Perhaps I hadn't been so wide of the mark when I'd wondered if she'd been getting some. Good for her.

Go, Mum, go.

EIGHT

I saw him in the high street outside the estate agents he ran.

"Hi, Rob."

"Jess."

He no more than glanced at me before turning away to go back inside. I was left standing there in disbelief. It wasn't exactly the response I'd expected.

I walked away thinking how bluntly he'd cut me off. Another observation I was making. He'd had his fun with the silly virgins, and now he didn't want to know.

Fair enough. I suppose we'd asked for it. I didn't regret anything. I reasoned he had served a purpose. I knew what it was like to have a guy fuck me. I also knew what it was like to fuck with a girl. That wouldn't have happened without him. At least not yet.

I took a seat by the old church and let the sun warm my face. Around me, people were going about their business. I watched them, picking out the couples, seeing how wrapped up in one another they were. I saw two girls in their mid-twenties walk past holding hands. It could have just been an innocent friendship, but in my head, I had them pegged as lovers. And they didn't have a care in the world who knew.

That made my mind up. I wasn't going to hide in the shadows. I wanted this. I rang Tara's number.

"I thought you were ignoring me this morning." She said quietly.

"You didn't text."

"I know. I'm sorry.

I just needed a while to think."

"That sounds ominous."

I heard a tinge of fear in her voice. It just made me more determined.

"I've made a decision."

I knew I was teasing her. But it would be all the better for it when I said what was on my mind.

"Oh. What have you decided?"

"I've decided ... you should come over tonight. All night. And stay for breakfast.

That's if ... you want to?"

Tara sounded relieved.

"Of course I want to.

What will you tell your Mum?"

I laughed.

"Well, here's the thing.

I met her secret boyfriend yesterday. Over breakfast after hearing them in the room next door all night."

"Really?"

"Yeah. So I thought she should meet my girlfriend. Over breakfast tomorrow."

Tara sniggered.

"Girlfriend. I like the sound of that.

Is she going to hear us all night first?"

"Oh. I hope so."

Mum was watching TV when we sneaked in. She saw us going up the stairs, but there was nothing unusual in that. Nor in our childish giggling.

Once in the room, though, it stopped. Everything became serious. I lit candles and then we just stood looking at each other. That nervousness and slight lack of knowing quite what to do returned.

I think we both felt that this time it was more real than ever. A commitment. I saw it in Tara's eyes. That unspoken message that said I should stop if I didn't mean it. For me, the questions had been answered. It was settled. And mum would know by the morning.

"So what now?

How do we start?"

I thought for a moment before answering.

"It's not a game anymore. We should just kiss."

I stepped toward her and put my arms around her back. Tara responded with equal confidence. Her arms went around my neck and fingers drifted up through my hair, drawing my face to hers. I saw her open lips, glistening as I closed in.

We kissed. An open-mouthed massage that progressed to our tongues engaging in a romp all of their own. The passion returned and our hands became mobile, caressing and squeezing flesh. Tearing away clothes.

We fell on my bed, scrambling to grasp a tit or to touch one another between the legs.

"Huh."

I became intoxicated by her scent and the taste of her flesh. A hunger gripped me, demanding I devour her. Tara was equally possessed and our unceremonious struggle became a tangle of limbs.

Then somehow I found myself laying down her length, my pussy tingling at the closeness of her hot breath. And there in front of me was my prize.

Pussy is so beautiful. Not the ugly, protuberance of a man. All veiny and threatening. It was a delicate, streamlined thing. Inviting, while hiding secrets. It was an entrance to the divine. I gave myself a moment of hesitation. Not doubt. Just a second or two of self-indulgence in which to absorb its stunning architecture of layered tissue, marinated in the juice of arousal. Oh yes. It was beautiful.

"Oh god."

Tara cried out as I went down on her, wanting only to explore her treasure. So soft. So warm. So silky on my tongue.

"Mmm."

I purred when my own sex was invaded by a wet agile muscle as fingers pulled my arse cheeks wide.

"Uhh."

Nothing else mattered to me. Only the incredible energy I felt. The emotional connection that reached way beyond the friendship we'd always had. It was ethereal.

With Rob, I had felt exposed and vulnerable. With Tara, it was so much more delicate. More rhythmic. I desired to be at one with her. Every part of her.

I found her arse as I devoured her pussy. The jolt and murmur of joy only encouraged me to want to be inside her more. I pressed my finger until it vanished inside her other virgin hole. Tara was moaning with abandonment, lifting her legs to squeeze my head between her thighs.

"Uhmm."

I clenched when Tara tested my previous reticence around my tight little arse hole with a lick before her finger sat there expectantly. I'd always been so adamant, but it felt so good. I felt so turned on. So wet that I was probably drowning her at this point. And how could I say no when I was knuckle-deep in hers? I pressed my bum back just enough to message that I was okay with it.

Her finger was soaked in my juice as she worked that new entrance in circular motions. I felt so fucking horny. I fingered her rear hole harder, wanting her to penetrate me with that digit.

"Huh."

It slipped in. No pain. Just, oh god, utter delirium. She moved it back and forth, swirling around my ring. It felt so fucking good.

"Mmm."

Driven to madness, I went crazy for her pussy. Sucking and licking, torturing that little nub that was the centre of her desire until she was crying with pleasure.

I could feel her sharp breaths on my pussy as she licked me deeply. I felt the tiny shudders in her body. And I heard her hot murmurings as she became ever more inflamed with a need. Each step closer she took was matched by my own exhilaration. Her legs were dancing around my head as she struggled to maintain control of her body. And then it happened. We came. In unison. And so much stronger than before.

"Uhhh."

"Fuck."

We were one hot, sweaty mess, writhing in what I felt was the ultimate pleasure. One so intense that time stood still and my mind felt as if it'd been momentarily shocked from reality.

After, we lay in each other's arms with just our legs under the quilt, entwined in a refusal to separate. We watched the candlelight flicker on one another's bodies. I saw the heave of her breasts with each breath and stroked my fingertips over her arm. All I could think was how much I needed to touch her. To feel her against me as if it wasn't real if I didn't.

"Do you think your mum heard us?"

I grinned.

"I don't think there's much question of that. We weren't quiet. I think ... it'll make it easier to tell her. Less of a shock when she's had all night to process it."

Tara giggled.

"What if she's angry?"

"I don't care. You're the one I want. I love you so much. I think I would die if we couldn't be together."

I became fired again by my words and by Tara's ever-gentle caress. Her fingers were drifting downward and I felt my insides turning over beneath their travel.

"Your pussy is so beautiful." She whispered.

In a moment, we were making love again. It was love. Not sex or experimentation or play. There was no other word for it.

This time we pressed our clits together and slid wet pussy against wet pussy in a lascivious dance while we stared into each other's eyes.

"Oh my god. That's so fucking good."

"I'm making eggs on toast for breakfast.

You two want some?"

Mum didn't bat an eyelid at seeing Tara. Of course, she had known her for years, and it wasn't the first time she'd stopped over, but before, it had always been in the spare room. Having her emerge from my bedroom wearing one of my tops and little else didn't even raise an eyebrow.

I was still ecstatic. I wanted a reaction. I wanted to know that she thought. I forced the point.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" I asked.

Mum looked at me with amusement.

"About what?"

I looked sideways to avoid her gaze as I felt myself colouring up.

"About me and Tara?"

"About you spending the night together?"

Okay. That was to the point.

"Well, yeah."

"No. Not really.

Nothing I didn't already know. Sometimes it takes a while to know yourself. I just wondered how long it was going to take you two to work it out."

I was shocked by that.

"What? How? How could you know?"

"Jess. A mum always knows."

She grinned at a nervous Tara, letting her know it was okay.

"And you don't mind?"

"No. Of course not. I just want you to be happy. And you're so good together. Taking the next step is natural if that's how you feel."

Well, that was easier than I'd expected.

"Next time, though, I'll know to put some music on now you've finally...

Sorry."

She smirked, and there was a twinkle in her eye. Oh yeah, she'd heard us. I should have been embarrassed. Instead, I felt quite proud.

"Now, do you want eggs?"

I took Tara's hand and laughed.

"Yes, mum. Yes, please."