Eagle, Where The Hell Are You?!

Hello everyone! It's been awhile since I have posted anything. This is moreso a long overdue update and a lot of things have happened that I can't necessarily type out in comments to my stories.

To sum up my 2024 year, it was the best-shittiest time I've ever had in my young life so far. Even thinking about writing it out here is rough mentally, however Mama didn't raise a bitch so here's a short recap, I posted Chapter 2 before I left for a field training event in February. It wasn't as polished as I'd like it to be but I am still relatively new to being an author. I wanted to give you all my work to read and complete within a timely manner, so I uploaded it and had plans to finish up the story which was a challenge in itself.

I am green as fuck when it comes to writing erotica, I don't have any of that experience and that is a little daunting because I want quality material for everyone here. I've read some bad stories and that is something I do not want to bring forward in my works. It was daunting so I had to take more time to figure out Chapter 3, I also had to take time to write out the new chapter because when I uploaded 1 - my draft for 2 was half way done. The story was like a drug addiction to me and I just gave into charging like a bull until I slammed head first into a brick wall. I wasn't the kool-aid man, there wasn't a "OH YEAHHHH!" with it and little did I realize that it was the start of writer's block for me, at least on that story.

After March came, I had another month field event in April-May that I did not have any electronic connection for and I had to put away the writer in me and be the NCO (Yes, I am Active Duty!) that I was. It was fun stuff, I made a lot of great memories and people that will remain with me for a long while. Then I spent the rest of May to August spending as much time as I could with my Tally. Tally is indeed based on a real person to the best I could describe her because she made my world, but we'll get to that later. I put effort into making her dreams reality and attempted to fix what damage I could from my last duty station on my marriage. (Side note, Alaska is REALLY FUCKING COLD! It also can and will damage a lot of things.)

I thought I'd have time to get back to writing Chapter 3 finally and I managed to get a bit more progress on it, however the vision of Broken on the Homefront was a bit jumbled. I had specific scenes stuck in my mind, but I did not have the pathway to get to those scenes thought out. It wasn't much because of focusing on my marriage and working with Uncle Sam but it felt like progress that could unblock everything. It re-sparked the writing creativity in me entirely.

"But if you had the re-spark, why is nothing posted or completed?" Well about that. I didn't want to become stagnant on a story and stare at it for weeks on end trying to figure things out while having that creative spark burning within me, so I wrote other stories to just write while debating on what I want to do. Since then I have written 4 stories; 1 that will possibly come here once I correct a lot of mistakes with it and the other 3 were just for friends to read as I feel nothing I make is really good enough to show people.

"But why have you been silent?" Because this comes to the very shitty times of 2024 which bridged me over to 2025. October is when things really started to change for me at my duty station as we all had received orders. We were all going to take a vacation in a foreign land because Uncle Sam did the best he could; we were going to the Middle East. Fun, I was excited and stoked. It had been almost 5 years since I had gotten back from Afghanistan and I was itching for another deployment. I figured I would enjoy life and get back to writing in my free time and make some progress or at least complete the story.

So what happened? Not fucking that. I had planned this deployment around fixing things with my marriage and making sure we were more stable once I got back than we ever have beforehand. Noble thought of me I suppose, but we began fighting more back on the homefront. Our marriage had deteriorated to just... friendship. Roommates. We both were annoyed and depressed and I tried everything I could to stop the bleeding. I thought I was successful because 2025 hit and we both swore to each other we'd make things work and actually be adults in it instead of being teenagers in the bodies of 24 year olds. I was determined to make things work because she was my Tally and I do love her like how I described her.

Then came the day I left. Everyone who's deployed knows how shitty those days are entirely. Half of you is excited for the adventure that awaits, half of you is depressed because you are leaving your family for 9 months. You are putting everything on hold that is not your military career while they move on with their lives.

As I type this, I am soooooo excited (Sarcasm) for getting back and getting back into reintegration. That'll be fun, but enough digressing. I held Tally and kissed her as we both cried before I left in formation to head off to begin my second tour. Looking back, that was the last time I would be viewed as her husband. That was the last time I kissed and hugged her as her man. I was kissing my wife goodbye forever.

Before the alarm bells go off, no I'm not suicidal and no, she didn't die. We're both still alive and living. However after I turned 25 out here where I am right now, I got the infamous (albeit modern) Dear John Letter. For those who don't know what a Dear John Letter is, it's essentially your significant other addressing you affectionately and sweetly to get your attention and then smashing your heart with a sledgehammer saying they're no longer yours. Yup. I got Dear John'ed while I was in the middle of my second tour so immediately I fell into figuring out what my life was to me because I had lived the past 4 years or so believing firmly in living for Tally and Eagle and now I am living for Eagle. I was pissed, I was depressed. I wanted the world to burn so I turned further from my electronics and didn't want to touch anything and drown myself in work. Her reasoning? She was finally able to live for herself and live her life and achieve the dreams she wants.

We both agreed that when I got home, we'd sit down and see how things go. Either we live as separated or we push through with a divorce and honestly, it's most likely going to be the latter. I have made attempt after attempt to reach out to talk and show that I was still going to be her friend and be there for her, however I am always met with a cold shoulder or I am treated as if I do not belong. At this point I am just giving her the rope to decide what path she picks, whether she wants to save our marriage or if she wants to make a noose metaphorically and end our marriage which I'm honestly accepting as the most likely option.

That is why I haven't really been able to upload and write like I wanted to. It's just a lot going on in the world of Eagle. If it's not Army life, it's dealing with Tally and bullshit marriage stuff and vice versa. However in the closing remarks, I will definitely say I am going to become a lot more on writing. I will finish Broken Soldier before I return home as I'm going to be re-working the entire chapter.

Cheers and love,

Eagle4457