Proxy Lovers Ch. 02

Yes, a large penis is a curse. Primarily because modern clothing simply isn't designed for it. When your erection extends beyond your belly button, there are no pants in the world that will fit you comfortably. "But, Connor," you say. "Why do you have an erection with your pants on?" I don't know, maybe because I'm tired. Yeah, you know that thing where you get an erection just because you're sleepy? Hell. That is hell for a man with my size of penis in polite society.

Imagine being 21 years old and a regular distance runner. You're in shape, you're young, and your parents host galas on a monthly basis. Then, some 40-year-old divorcee who wants to donate more to starving children than she paid for plastic surgery this year (for tax purposes) decides she wants to see how a boy like you reacts to her newly enlarged tits and freshly tightened belly. She gets you on the dance floor, in your well-fitting (but not fitted) tuxedo, and the DJ hits y'all with that one song from 'Carmen', the opera.

It's hell! Technically, the second circle, but it feels lower. This cougar is in a dress that has to be removed with solvent and covers less than 50% of her body, and she wants to turn you on. Maybe she's actually hoping to take you home, maybe she just wants the compliment; but either way, her goal is your erection. Meanwhile, you haven't gotten laid in two years due to a combination of needing to keep your grades up, working part-time for your parents, and the last three girls you took back to your room bailing on you.

Yeah, you've got an extremely horny older woman doing tango moves against you, and there's a part of your brain going "I bet your penis would fit inside her!" And maybe it would. She's got serious hips. But you know where that erection Ms. Parker of the Newport Parkers is grinding out of you won't fit? Your fucking pants!

Seriously, after faking food poisoning to get off that dance floor, I started attending my parents' fundraisers wearing a small condom. Flaccid, my penis can fill a small condom enough to keep it on. Once the blood starts flowing, that starts to hurt, and the hurt helps kill the erection. I also made sure to jack off before getting dressed and occasionally sneaking off to the bathroom for a second wank if temptation was high.

Like that time Sofia wore the backless dress. Sweet Jemima, that was hot.

So, why did I ever start dating a 5'1'', half-Asian girl with narrow hips? Didn't I know that my Salami of Social Awkwardness wouldn't fit inside her Lady Garden of Unending Delights? Of course, I did! I tried to fight dating her for months!

We met at a board game "club" that was really a covert dating meetup. Look, dating is hard. I did okay on Tinder, but I never managed to meet anyone fun. The women I was matching on Tinder were the sorts of women whose main pastime is filming themselves getting dressed, and their favorite hobby is getting expensive gifts. These women were, by and large, slumming it with me--a guy who can't afford $1000 birthday presents--because I had a huge dick.

Yes, obviously, that was in my dating profile. Yes, one of my pictures was me in grey sweatpants. No, not because I thought it would get me more dates, but because I was tired of getting a girl into my bedroom only for her to leave early or to have the most painful, consensual, sexual experience of her life. I'm not into being a bad time.

At a board game meetup, I could just talk to girls and not worry so much about being competitive. Sofia and I hit off right away! The chemistry was so strong, so fast, that other people at the table got distracted by it. At one point, Sofia got up to go get a drink, and I saw her hips. Her trim, narrow hips that I knew would never be compatible with me physically.

I tried to get away from her. I tried to talk to other people. But I was always drawn back to Sofia because it was just that good talking to her. Plus, the group had a really high turnover. Basically, no one came every week (except Sofia and me), so pretty soon we had a bunch of in-jokes and were the designated new-player-tutors.

After four weeks, people assumed we were a couple. After six weeks, I got up to use the bathroom and came out to find Sofia standing there.

"Are you married?" She asked before the men's room had shut.

"No," I said.

"Girlfriend?"

"No," I said before it occurred to me to lie.

"Gay?" She asked, squinting at me.

Now, it occurred to me to lie, but I feared consequences for that. "No."

"Then, what the fuck, dude?"

"What?"

"Why haven't you asked me out? You haven't even asked for my number." She said in a voice that was as angry and quiet as she could balance. "I'm out here in the lowest-cut tank tops I can legally wear in public, bending over the table to move pieces, and I can see you looking."

"It's very hard not to."

"Duh! That's the point. So, what's up?"

Now, I could lie safely! "I got out of a relationship recently, and I'm just not ready to start dating again."

She crossed her arms under her tits. Her hips she got from her mother's Chinese DNA, but her boobs came from her father's Swedish DNA. "Uh huh," she said, not quite believing me.

"Look, I really like talking with you, but I'm not ready for a serious relationship. I don't want to have a fling with you because of the good talking."

"I don't do flings." She said.

Women always say things like that. I don't know why. I just said I didn't want a fling, so she tells me that flings are off the table. Were you not listening? Sofia also once asked me to do the dishes while I was standing at the kitchen sink wearing rubber gloves. I don't know.

"I don't want a fling." I pressed on. "I want to sit and talk and make jokes with you." And that's when the honesty got away from me. "Getting to hang out with you at these board game nights is the best part of my week. Nine times out of ten, I would rather be talking to you than any of my other friends. When you were late tonight, I started getting depressed. I kept checking the door instead of playing the game."

Yes, I should have stopped there. No, I did not. You get it, though.

"I hang out with you like four hours a week," I added. "And somehow you're one of my favorite people, right now."

At this point, I regained the wherewithal to notice the expression on her face. It was the same look I would give her years later while standing at the kitchen sink holding up my hands in the rubber gloves.

"I..."

She leaned in with that look of "go ahead and say it".

"Would like to get dinner after this. You?"

"Yes," she nodded. "And by 'after this', you mean...?" Her eyes were looking a little dangerous.

"After we get our stuff and leave."

"Yes!" She did a little hop--which was a gamble in that tank top--and clapped her hands. "I'm gonna pee. Wait for me outside."

I did and she came down pretty quickly. I really thought she would make me wait, you know because I had.... You get it.

So, we got dinner and I walked her home and did not go in like she suggested. I did get her number and we started talking every day. Every. Day. Her board game club outfits got more 'conservative', so to speak. Just regular t-shirts, not 'my boobs are down here' shirts. We started getting food a few times a week. She started inviting herself over to my place on Saturday mornings and I started visiting my parents every weekend so that I would have to say good-bye by 4 p. m.

Another month of this and my dad took me aside. It was like 10 p. m. and we were sitting on the back porch sharing a beer and my dad goes: "What's wrong with Sofia?"

"Nothing," I said. "Why?"

"You are very clearly in love with this girl, and as much as your mom and I love seeing you every weekend, it's pretty obvious that you're just avoiding a girl who is by all accounts in love with you. Also, your mom looked her up on Instagram, so I know you aren't holding out for someone prettier. So, what's wrong with her?"

"It's not her. It's me."

"Hmmm," he said sagely. "You're too well-endowed?"

"Dad!"

"Where do you think you got it, boy?"

I chugged my beer.

"I won't embarrass you with the details," Dad started. "But it was a problem for me, too. I spent years being all anxious about it, but then I fell in love with your mother, and I thought 'I would rather have her in my life than ever have sex again.'"

"Really?" I said. (At this point, I knew about the swinging.)

"I really thought so at the time." He shrugged. "We made it work."

"Yeah, I've seen."

"Not the lifestyle; that happened a lot later. No. Look, they say good sex is 10% of a relationship, and bad sex is 80% of a relationship, but those words--good sex, bad sex--that's all in your brain. If you're in love, if you have a good and healthy personal relationship, you will find a way to make the sex good. Hell, good sex by anyone's standards is mostly the other stuff. Getting in there is overrated. Orgasms are overrated.

"Think about it," he went on as my face burned. "How many orgasms do you remember? When you think back on all the people you've been with, are the orgasms the part you think of? No! Okay, maybe there's one or two, but the good stuff is everything else. That's all I'm saying."

"That is not all you're saying." I replied.

"Nope," he laughed. "What I'm really saying is go home first thing in the morning and call Sofia and make it official. Your mom is going to be pissed if you let her get away."

I left first thing. Sofia had been inviting herself to my place, so I didn't call, just bought breakfast, and showed up at her door. Ten minutes later, we tried and failed to have sex. We talked for several hours, then had successful oral sex. We decided to go out for dinner. She stuffed a change of clothes into her bag and spent the night at my place, where we started developing our go-to move of just rubbing genitals together until we came.

It was good sex.

--------------

Sydney posted the video she and I had made that Saturday on the following Wednesday, and the BunnyCoupleOMG page blew up. Sydney markets way more than we do, so there was a clip making the rounds and a few stills. The video made a point of me being "borrowed," and Sydney talked a lot on Bluesky about how great it was and how much she hoped 'Mrs Bunny' would lend 'Mr Bunny' to her again.

That sent tons of people to our page. We went from 25 subscribers to a thousand overnight. I am the one running the chat because I figure I can handle dudes being weird better than Sofia. We had already made it so you could only message us for a fee to weed out the bad actors. But yeah, that first 48 hours after the xSydney video went live was crazy.

The number one question was "why don't you put it in her?" Our Reddit--the one social media we do--got a bunch of comments like "I don't want to see the guy's dick the whole time!" Fortunately, our pre-existing 25 subscribers were all from Reddit, and they did a lot of gatekeeping for us.

From a thousand, we went down to 300 by the end of the week. It is crazy watching an account subscribe, buy a bunch of our videos in the space of an hour, and then cancel the subscription. Post-nut clarity can be a bitch, I guess. My first thought was pirates, but I go looking for those sometimes and have yet to see more than two or three of our videos uploaded elsewhere.

That whole week, Sofia and I talked about where we went next. As the initial thrill faded, neither of us had any regrets. My curiosity about watching her with someone else dwindled a bit, but she was still excited to watch me again. We worked out a rule that, for example, I needed to "guest star" with two other women before I paid another visit to Sydney.

Sex with Sydney had been fun, but I was in pain until Monday. We talked with Sydney that week and it was all professional, so no one had caught feelings. That side of things was great.

However, I was hesitant to immediately go looking for another guest spot. We had offers, too. Three women and one man in the city all messaged us about "borrowing" me, too. My hesitance wasn't guilt, not really. It was imagining myself doing this regularly; making videos with other women for Sofia's enjoyment. I liked it, but it felt like something I was doing, not something we were doing.

I much preferred Sofia and me doing something together. That's what I wanted.

The next Saturday rolled around. We showered, we made a video, and we had breakfast. At said breakfast, we agreed that she should get "borrowed" next. I wanted to know what it was like to watch and I wanted this to be an us thing, not a me thing. We would take it all one step at a time.

The problem that immediately popped up was the OnlyFans ecosystem. Porn, at least the kind that pays, is dominated by a male audience. Something like 70% of the men active on OnlyFans in our city made gay content. Not all of them were gay, but sex with women was not part of their brand. Of the remaining 30%, about 20% made content for women or couples and 10% for men.

Sofia did not want to have sex with a woman, so that eliminated a ton of our options. Porn content for straight women, again in the realm where people make money, is heavy on BDSM. Roughly half of the straight, solo, male performers in our cohort are doms. They range from classic handcuffs and ballgags to the more psychological humiliation kink audience.

Three guys in our city specialize in cuck/Alpha videos. These guys bring in women, always masked, and have rough sex with them while talking about how impotent and useless the women's boyfriends and husbands are. Sofia laughed for a solid minute imagining doing a video like that.

I had started a closed Reddit group for OnlyFans creators in the city. Most of the posts were about problem users or general venting about the stresses of the job. People traded advice, and there had even been a couple of IRL get-togethers. Shortly after the xSydney video went up, a guy called TomDaPeeper posted a long thing about how guest appearances should have contracts, and the discussion led to us formalizing a pay structure for such things.

It's a cool group. Sort of an ad hoc union.

Tom did a lot of collaborations. Not just with women in the city, either. Dude traveled. He had just north of 100k subscribers and usually worked with newbies, helping them find an audience. Looking through posts on his socials, it seemed like a lot of his followers were subscribed specifically to find women they wanted to subscribe to.

As the name suggests, Tom does POV videos, so you never saw him above the belly button. He had a really average build and a normal-sized penis. According to him, looking normal was part of his draw. The guys watching didn't feel threatened.

Sofia and I watched all of the previews he had uploaded and then, for extra safety, subscribed for a month to see his full-length videos. He never did PPV, another thing he said was part of his success. Subscribers pay for PPV videos if they have a parasocial relationship with the performer, he thinks, and his deal is that guys pretend to be him, not talk to him.

Most of the messages he gets, he says, are women asking to be in his next video.

After all that research, Sofia decided that she wanted to be "borrowed" by TomDaPeeper. We messaged him, set it up, and now it's 8 p. m. on a Tuesday, and I'm cleaning the kitchen to get out some of this anxious energy.

It turns out, sending your wife out to have sex with another dude is scary. Not because I'm worried she's going to fall in love with him, because I'm worried he's going to turn out to be an abusive asshole. Seriously, as I am on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen grout with a toothbrush, my biggest worry is that Tom is going to murder her.

This is an insane fear. Tom travels around the country fucking women and recording it. Rarely the same woman twice, but still. If he killed any of those women, he would get caught so fast. Hell, if Tom was a serial killer, he would be using the videos to conceal the crimes, tampering with the metadata to make it look like he was boning some girl across town while the murder happened. But worrying he'll kill Sofia is just my brain taking the real fear to its utmost limit.

The real fear is that he's mean. He's not mean in the videos, but what if he is really good at negging? What if he uses a bunch of subtly backhanded compliments to make the women in his videos try harder? Maybe he's manipulative. Maybe... maybe I should just paint this fucking grout white.

I hear a lightsaber snap-hiss. That means I have a text.

I'm on my feet, ripping off the gloves and looking down at my phone on the counter. It's for Sofia. "Tom is in the shower." I open my phone. Three dots bounce in the corner. Ffkkshzwoom: "We just went over the plan and are about to start." Ffkkshzwoom: "I'm so wet already." Ffkkshzwoom: "I love you."

"I love you, too." I text back.

I'm not surprised she's wet. I was at three-quarters hard the entire drive over to Sydney's place, last time. Knowing with certainty that you're going to have sex is a hell of an aphrodisiac. Somehow that message cleared up the worry, though. I'm still an anxious ball of nerves, but now it's like when you're heading to the top of a roller coaster and you give little cheers or say lame shit like "here we go" just to relieve the pressure.

Holy shit, how do people do this? 'They don't' is the answer. This is why normal people swing. If you're swapping partners with another couple, you have something to do. Someone to do! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. It's starting to make more sense why Sofia butt-fucked herself with a dildo while I was out. I have no idea what I'm going to do with this energy.

I don't want to come before they're finished, and I have the feeling that the minute I touch my cock, it's going to explode. Then again, maybe I would be so turned on I get two out of this experience. That's ridiculous; I'm 35. Shit, I should have jacked off before she left.

I start doing jumping jacks. I get through three before my 80% hard dick becomes a problem. Push-ups it is! After fifteen of them, my phone snap-hisses. It's a video from Tom.

Sitting on the kitchen floor, I open it. Sofia--in her Ariana Grande rabbit mask--is kneeling on the bed in one of her favorite lingerie sets. (She didn't let me see it before she left.) It's a bra, panty, waspy set that looks like nothing but straps. There's a chain that hangs between the cups that she usually takes off because it looks weird under clothing. It's the horniest lingerie she owns in the sense that I've never seen her wear it and not end up in our version of fucking.

I hit play.

"Hey, everyone," I hear Tom say. "I'm doing a meta thing today." Dude has a nice voice, soft but enthusiastic. The angle of the shot was per usual for his videos, but then it lowered. "Just kidding!"

I realize that he was holding the phone in front of his regular camera.

"I'm here today," Tom goes on. "With the mysterious and provocative Mrs. Bunny from OMG Bunny Couple."

"Yay!" Sofia does a quiet cheer. "It's BunnyCoupleOMG, though." She giggles.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Yes, BunnyCoupleOMG. But, yeah, Mr. Bunny decided to let Mrs. Bunny come and play with me, but he wants a preview. Can't blame him. So, you're going to see the phone make a few appearances in this video. That's just me updating the Mister."

"Hi, honey!" Sofia twiddles her fingers at the phone.

Then, the phone turns around, and I get a view of Tom. "Hey, Mr. Bunny, man-to-man, thank you so much for this. You are an absolute Chad. I'll send you an update as soon as we start having fun."

The video ends, and I'm left with the darkened image of Tom. He's giving me this really sincere smile while there's a GoPro strapped to his head on some kind of gimbal setup. I can also see a frame holding his neck steady that might actually be one of those braces they give people with spinal injuries. That's all very interesting. (I'm a dude. I like gear.) You wanna know what's more interesting?

I know Tom! Fuckedy fuck fuck fuck!

My job is editing for a news website. "Tom", whose real name is Carl, is a reporter. I regularly edit his articles, and he is not a fan of me. It's not like he wants to throw a drink in my face or anything. It's that he wants to throw a drink in punctuation's face. The only punctuation he uses sufficiently are periods and question marks; commas only show up in lists; and he uses italics instead of quotation marks.

We have gotten into arguments over email about this. He insists that italics are more readable than quotation marks, especially when the quotes are long. I won't say that he's wrong, but our editor-in-chief insists on everything following AP Style. Nothing about the situation is my fault, but I'm the one he complains to. I talk with the editor-in-chief almost every day, so I know that Carl isn't bugging her. Or, if he is, she doesn't open his emails.

I don't know what this means. It might mean nothing.

Carl isn't going to out us. For one, this would embarrass him just as much as us. Maybe more, actually, since he's obviously making videos while on assignment. You know, a nice long day of interviewing people, then unwinding by fucking local OnlyFans girls. There's no way that could blow up in his face! No, sir.

Second, he doesn't know what I look like. I only know what he looks like because I've seen videos of some of his interviews.

That means we're fine. Everything's fine. My fiancée is about to fuck somebody who broadly counts as one of my coworkers, but it's fine. I start laughing. Holy shit! My fiancée is about to fuck one of my coworkers, sort of. Carl is freelance, but we use him a lot. I genuinely can't tell if I'm laughing because this is funny or uncomfortable.

Then, my brain starts going down this rabbit hole on how this reflects on the power dynamic between me and Carl. After a minute, I shut that down. Nope. This thing Sofia and I are doing is not about power. It's about fun. We have had fun sending each other porn selfies and now we're taking that to the next level. This is not me waltzing into the OnlyFans community and going "Behold, ye mighty" and it's not me going "please, sir, my fiancée would like something more".

I can't let my thoughts get out of hand or it's going to ruin things, including maybe my relationship with Sofia. That matters above all.

Okay, Connor, you're going to watch Sofia have fun with someone else and it's going to be fun for you and that's all it is. No power shit.

I replay the video and pause it so I can drink Sofia in. That lingerie set is one of my favorites, not just because I always get some when she wears it, but the hints of bondage are really hot. Maybe we should try more bondage stuff.

Ffkkshzwoom. '1 New Video'

I switch to that. Carl... Tom is lying back with his knees spread and Sofia has his dick in her mouth. I've never seen her give head like this. Her lips aren't stretched at all. It looks... comfortable. Have I been depriving her... nope! Don't go to that place, either!

I hit play. Sofia is having fun. She's stroking him with one hand and working his head like an ice cream cone. And she is really going at it. She's bobbing and weaving her head. She's sucking her cheeks in. Her eyes lift up to the camera--the camera, not Tom--and they sparkle.

"You can take more of it," Tom says.

"Sorry," Sofia giggles, pulling him out of her mouth. She keeps stroking him as she says: "I'm used to just working the head."

"That's how Mr. Bunny likes it?"

"That's all I can do."

"Yeah, he's huge."

"Really!" She sticks out her tongue and rubs Tom's cock back and forth across it.

"But you're not with Mr. Bunny, right now."

"No, I'm not," she replies with a wicked smile.

"You're with me, not your husband." He goes on. "That makes you kind of a slut."

"Yeah," she replies with a huge smile. "I'm learning to be a slut, but I'm really new to it."

"Don't worry, I know a lot of sluts. I mean, I'm a slut myself."

"No kidding! You've fucked so many girls."

"Yeah,"

"So, how do sluts suck cock?" She sticks out her tongue again and taps it with his dick.

"What you're doing now is great, but most sluts like to see how much of it they can swallow."

"Okay," she smiles.

I watch as Sofia opens her mouth wide and guides as much of Tom into her as she can. Tom has a pretty long dick, six inches maybe. She only gets about halfway down before she stops, but then she starts really bobbing.

Gluck, gluck, gluck! She goes. It's faster than she's ever gone with me. I'm seeing her differently. Not crazy different, more new, I guess. Still, it's the Sofia I know and love doing something I haven't seen her do.

Sofia keeps sucking him. She slows down so she can get proper suction, cheeks in, lips dragging. I hold my phone in both hands to keep them off my cock. It's mesmerizing. She goes back to the fast bobbing for a second, then lets him go.

"How was that?" She asks in her 'tell me I'm a good girl' voice. She's still stroking him and for the first time her ring catches the light. She's engaged. Engaged to me, but somehow noticing the ring adds to it.

"That was great." Tom replies.

"Slutty enough for you?"

"That was very slutty."

"I wanna be a good slutty wife for you."

The video ends.

Fuck! My cock hardens another notch and tugs uncomfortably at my waistband. I reach down and drop my sweatpants to the floor. No underwear. Like, why? I set my phone down.

Holy shit! Why was that so hot to hear? I drop and do ten more pushups just to burn a little energy. Back up, I need to walk. I'm pacing in the kitchen. Why was that so hot to hear? Okay, don't freak out. First, it's taboo. Taboo things are hot. That's just a thing. Second, I like watching Sofia. I've watched her use toys and all that and it wasn't my favorite at the start, but I adapted, so now I really like it. Third, calling herself my wife is a reaffirmation of our relationship. I love our relationship. So, that one sentence encompassed three things that I like sexually. Four! Sofia seemed to be really enjoying herself.

Yes, playing with herself is enjoying herself, but I like watching her because it's visually pleasing for me and her enjoying herself is emotionally pleasing. So, yeah, four erotic things all happened at once.

My cock is so hard right now! I feel like I could drill a glory hole with it. I jump up and down a couple of times to burn more energy. It kind of hurts, though, so I stop. Okay, I get it. I get why Sofia stuck a dildo up her ass. I just started thinking about glory holes, something I have never ever given more than a passing thought before. They don't make them big enough for me.

What if I did peg myself? Is that crazy? This whole thing is crazy. Where's a cherry pie when you need one?

Hold on. Sofie has a small electric blanket for her periods. I check my phone; no new messages, no bouncing dots.

I put it down, start to leave the kitchen, then pick it back up. It's a phone. It's mobile. I run to our bedroom and find her electric blanket. I put it on the lowest heat setting and plug it in. Now, I'm lying on our bed and I put the little electric blanket over my crotch. Wait, I don't want to get cum on it.

I run to the bathroom, still holding my phone, to grab a towel. One of the really nice, soft hand towels that I told Sofia were too expensive. I'm so glad she didn't listen to me, and I really hope I'm not about to ruin it.

Ffkkshzwoom. My phone goes off while I'm still in the bathroom. I can't stop myself; I have to start watching now. Tom is still on his back, and now Sofia has taken off her bra and has his dick between her tits. Sofia's tits are works of art. She does some kind of exercise to keep them perky. If you put a pencil under one, it'll stay until she starts moving.

They look huge because she's so small, and they're big enough that I can get in there. They naturally come together, so it's a very cozy fit for me. With Tom, she's holding them together.

I press play.

Sofia is arching and straightening her back to stroke Tom's cock. It's glossy from the blowjob, but she spits more onto it as she rubs him. Tom groans.

"You like that?" She says. "You like fucking my slutty married boobs?"

"Yeah," Tom replies.

"It's good?"

"Yes, it's so good. You're such a good slut-wife."

"You fit so perfectly between my boobs." She says, and I'm hit with a pang of something unpleasant. The words 'perfect' and 'fit' have never been part of our lexicon, and it stings to hear them.

But she's holding her boobs together. She doesn't do that with me. The way she's moving is awkward compared to how she does it with me. It's pillow talk. Dirty talk. Whatever. My cock fits her cleavage better.

Connor, stop comparing.

"That feels so good." She says just before the video ends.

I jump on the bed, throw the hand towel over my raging boner, and put the electric blanket on top. I don't feel any warmth, so I turn it up a notch before replaying the video.

Sofia's skin is unmistakably Asian. Her nipples are little brown circles on a field of pale yellow. However, Tom is darker than she is. I don't know how that works. Dude is blonde. Mind, I'm darker than her, too, but I'm Italian.

She's really focused on what she's doing. I let myself enjoy the warmth of the blanket on my dick as I watch my fiancée rub a strange cock between her tits.

"You like fucking my slutty married boobs?"

That makes my hips squirm. My cock is dying to get worked. I don't want to come yet, but my hips start moving to get some friction going. Just a little relief.

Ffkkshzwoom. That seems faster, but I'm complaining. Shit, I wish I had a live stream.

This video has Tom in the same position, but now Sofia is sitting backwards on his lap. The width of the camera makes her ass look way bigger, especially since she's leaning away from it.

I press play and watch Sofia rub Tom's condom-wrapped cock between her cheeks.

"You ready?" Tom asks.

"Ready?" Sofia says. "Oh," then she raises herself up a bit. "Yeah, let's go full slut." She reaches between her legs and grabs his cock.

Holy shit! This is it! This is the big moment. My stomach turns a little.

I watch as Sofia lines Tom's cock up to her pussy. It glints with moisture. The cock... well... the pussy, too. They glint with moisture. Sofia eases herself down. Inch by inch, his cock enters her. I groan. I wish it was slower.

"Oh, gawd!" Sofia moans.

Her hands are planted on his knees as she slowly begins to ride him. She's riding his cock. There's a cock in my fiancée.

Tom groans.

Sofia picks up the pace. I can hear the wet squelching sound her thrilled pussy taking Tom's hard cock. Her butt cheeks flop and slap against his hips.

"Oh, fuck, that's so good!" Sofia cries and just moans as she continues bouncing on his dick.

My hips are going crazy. I'm going crazy. Why are there so few options for men? The video ends way too fucking soon. I have to do something! I have to relieve the pressure.

Our toy box is under the bed. I roll over, sending the electric blanket flying to the floor. Not important! In the box, I find one of Sofia's little vibrators; like a small, pink banana with two finger rings. I click it on and it buzzes in my hand. Experimentally, I touch it to my balls.

Fuck, yeah! That feels perfect. I pull a pillow under my ass, then play the video again. Why isn't there a replay speed option on this? Damn it, Apple, I want to watch this at half speed!

"Let's go full slut."

Sofia sinks down on Tom's cock as I rub her tiny vibrator on my balls. The sensation shifts my brain's attention from my cock as I give each testicle a massage in turn. As one feels this new, wild sensation, the other begs for it. I slide it down, getting my taint and that sends vibrations all through my thighs and hips.

Fucking hell, why didn't I do this years ago? This is fantastic!

"Oh, gawd!" Sofia cries out again.

"Agreed!" I say to the empty room as I push the vibrator deeper against my taint.

The buzz goes up into balls, down into my anus. My hips start rocking against the vibrator, sending pulses of hard and soft vibration through me. I'm getting lightheaded and take a deep breath. I had stopped breathing! This feels so good that I almost suffocated myself. How has no one told me this was a thing before?

"Oh, fuck, that's so good!"

The video ends and I drop the phone. I spin up on my knees and brace myself against the wall. My hips thrust like I'm fucking and I hold the vibrator in place so that my taint slides across it. I'm fucking the air like I did Sydney. My brain doesn't know who to think about: her or Sofia. It doesn't matter.

I stop to grab the towel and drape it over my cock head, then continue thrusting against the vibe. Then, I feel it, the start of an orgasm. Nope!

I jump off the bed and rip the vibrator off my fingers. More pushups. I get to thirty before I hear my phone snap-hiss. I lunge at the bed. I'm like an animal. I haven't been this horny since I was a teenager. Watching the video is my entire nervous system's top priority. My libido has hijacked my survival instincts as has convinced them that if I don't watch whatever's next immediately, I might die.

At the same time, my higher reasoning is demanding that I not orgasm. The fact that my body wants to go to sleep five seconds after I've cum feels proof of the existence of God, right now, because I can't imagine how natural selection landed on refractory periods for men and "again" for women. Multiple loads had to increase the chance of pregnancy, right? I can only assume that it was a choice of mercy on God's part, since men who could cum again and again would wear women down to nothing.

Face ID takes approximately an hour. I hit play without even looking. I'm kneeling on the floor with my elbows on the bed like one of those old paintings of a child praying.

Sofia is naked except for the scrappy wasp. She's lying on her back with her legs spread. Tom is fucking her with long, rhythmic strokes. Her breasts slosh across her chest every time he bottoms out. She's staring up into the camera with her mouth hanging open like she's so offended by what's happening that she can't speak.

"Oh, yeah," Tom says with a chuckle. "The phone has a second good use. I almost came there."

Sofia half cracks a smile before sinking back into her coital trance.

"Fuck, your pussy feels so good." Tom says. "This is like the absolute perfect tightness. If it were any tighter, it would hurt."

Sofia moans.

"You're such a good slut." Tom tells her.

Her brow furrows and she takes in a stuttering breath. I know what that means. So, it seems, does Tom. He speeds up his thrusts. Sofia's tits roll in opposite circles, around and around, and I could stare at them all day.

"Are you gonna cum?" Tom grunts.

Sofia squeaks and half nods.

"I said: Are you gonna cum?" He adds so much force to his voice, but it's still playful.

"Yeah,"

"Is that slutty pussy gonna cum on my cock?"

"Yeah,"

"Go on, say it."

"My..." she breathes. "Slutty pussy is going to cum on your cock." She manages, and it's like a dam breaks. "Oh, fuck, I'm going to cum on you. I'm a slut that's going to cum." It's quiet, but it's clear. Then, louder, she says: "Baby! Baby, watch me cum! Watch me cum like a slut! I'm a good... uhnnn!"

Her back arches, and she half-twists away. Tom just keeps on pounding at her.

"Good slut!" He shouts. "Good sluts always cum when they get a new cock."

Sofia screamed: "Ah! Ah! Oh... uhnnn... oooooooh."

"Fuck, that's hot!" Tom says, then pulls out of her. "I'll give her a minute."

The camera stays on Sofia as she rolls onto her side, gasping. Her hands are between her legs. I watch as her breathing slows.

"You good?" Tom asks.

"Yeah," Sofia whispers.

"Let me know when you're ready to go again."

Sofia nods, then immediately pushes herself up. She looks dead in the camera and says: "I'm ready."

The video ends.

Nothing matters. I jump on the bed, grab the hand towel, and push play again. My cock is so hard it feels like it's going to tear through the skin. On my knees, I stare at the screen from a mental space I don't think I've ever been in before. My lust is absolute, all-consuming. As my eyes process the vision of Sofia getting railed by this other man, another part of my brain recalls how Sydney's pussy felt as I pounded her.

"Harder!" She had screamed. "Give it to me, daddy!"

Sofia's aghast, looking up at me as I frantically stroke myself. I cum. It's a boneshaking orgasm that washes everything else from my mind. The pulsing of my cock echoes through my whole body as every muscle seizes. I'm frozen for a few seconds, and then it's gone, and I drop down to sit on my heels, then topple onto my side.

When I open my eyes, Sofia is orgasming. I turn off the screen just as Tom starts talking. There's no post-nut clarity, just mental absence. I'm not here, nothing is here. But I don't start drifting to sleep. As my mind reassembles itself, I look at the towel. It's a huge wad, like I hadn't cum in a week.

My greatest fear at this moment is that I will regret everything. I wait, dreading, but it doesn't happen. I miss Sofia. I wish she was here, but then I don't.

As a kid, when you found yourself home alone, how did you feel? I felt free. That feeling is waiting for me as I come back to myself. And I am by myself. I can do anything I want. In this moment, it occurs to me to be embarrassed about using the vibrator. Of jacking myself off like a sex-starved teenager. But I am alone. No one is here to be embarrassed by.

I return to the toy box and grab another little vibrator. This one has a soft, round tip. I flick it on and touch it to one of my nipples. Fuck, yeah, bro! It feels taboo. My whole life, my sexual partners have expected me to run the show, to top them. Getting pleasured like this is a bottom thing. All alone, I can top myself, be both.

Ffkkshzwoom.

More collected, now, I grab both vibrators and my phone and go to the kitchen. We have this utensil tower that has hooks on it that are perfect for holding a phone. I use them to watch movies while cooking and stuff.

Setting up the phone, I start the latest video. I have a vibrator on one nipple and the other on my sack. My legs are wide and braced. This is the best masturbation ever. I feel mythological. It's like I'm some ancient love god who both topped and bottomed himself thus gifting those roles to mortals.

Sofia is riding Tom's dick. She looks like a valkyrie, like an Amazon, like a Mongolian archer. Her hands are massaging her tits like they owe her money. Their bodies are slapping together like the drum of galloping hooves. Her mouth hangs open like a battle cry only the dying can hear.

I'm not dying. I feel alive in a way I've never felt before. This is some Caligula shit, and yeah, Rome can fucking smolder about it.

One of Sofia's hands drops to her clit and starts rubbing it side to side so fast her hand blurs. She tosses her hair with a throaty moan, and it lands half covering her face. Now, she's glaring at the camera, hunched over, furious. She fucking herself so hard on Tom's dick I'm worried she'll break it.

The video ends. I hit play and continue massaging myself. It's a beautiful feeling that rebuilds my libido slowly and steadily. I lose track of time. Replaying the last three videos and drawing the vibrators over myself. My stomach gets some attention, the top of my ass, even my penis.

I'm still at it when Sofia comes storming into the apartment. At this point, I'm too deep to feel embarrassed about what I'm doing, but the aggressiveness with which she enters has me worried. I walk out to meet her, nude. She's in a skirt and t-shirt with the worst bedhead of her life.

There's a threshold of physical distance that she crosses, telling me she's not angry at me. She starts to leap as I lunge, and then I'm sweeping her up in my arms. Our mouths attack each other. I slam her against the wall, and she tugs her skirt up. (She didn't put her underwear back on.) My cock has been hard all evening, and it rolls against the wetness of her pussy. We hump each other like that until I orgasm a second time.

She feels it splashing on her skin and tightens her full-body grip on me. Pinning her to the wall, I feel her body tremble against mine. Our near-simultaneous orgasms fade.

Shit. It was Nero that let Rome burn, not Caligula.

--------------

We both call in sick for the next day, blaming food poisoning. Food poisoning is great like that. Totally debilitating for a single day, and there's no point in going to the hospital, so no one at work is asking for a doctor's note or whatever.

It's like 10 p. m. and we have ordered food. I have just finished a shower and find Sofia in bed watching the videos I got from "Tom".

"What do you think?" I say, easing myself into bed. My cock aches, and I'm using the electric blanket on it.

"I look like a porn star." She says. Turning the phone to me, she's watching the reverse cowgirl video. "My ass looks so good in this shot!"

"Your ass always looks good."

"Yeah, but... look at that! No wonder you used my vibrators. This is sexy as hell!"

"No regrets, then?"

"Hell, no." She switches videos. "I'd ask how you feel, but I came home to you using two vibrators on yourself, so I feel pretty confident."

"Yep," I put an arm around her, and she turns off the screen. She snuggles into me.

"There's no way it can stay this hot." She says.

"No, but it's ridiculous how hot it is."

"Yeah," real amazement in her voice.

"Like, I don't know how long I could handle it being this hot."

"Really?"

"You're sitting on an ice pack."

"True, but I'm not complaining." A moment of silence lapses. "Your dick looked bigger than I remember when I walked in."

"It felt really big."

"Hence the hot pad?"

"Hence."

"Where does this end?" She asks.

"I have no idea. Well, no, that's not true. If it stops being fun, if we start fighting about it, if it looks like we're going to get doxxed."

"My head is just swimming with the possibilities. Good ones."

"Right?" I exclaim. "It had never occurred to me to use a vibrator on myself. That just happened."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I have no idea where that came from."

"Like me and anal."

"Like you and anal."

"Okay, so I have figured out that if I'm sufficiently warmed up, I like anal. You discovered that vibrators are an option."

"Also," I cut in. "I would like to be the bottom more."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I feel like my focus has always been on pleasing my partner."

"Which you are great at."

"Thank you. But today I was trying to keep myself from orgasming without losing arousal, so I found other ways to pleasure myself."

"Oh, I never thought of that."

"That's because you're hornier during your refractory period than before it. But yeah, I really liked focusing on my own pleasure. It sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but yeah, I'd like to do that more."

She kisses my chest. "I can roll with that."

"So, when you came in, what was that?"

"Oh, yeah... um... I just needed you. Like you. Not necessarily what we did. I like what we did. Hell, it felt better than with Carl."

"Carl?" I say, not quite in the place to explain.

"That's Tom's real name."

"Sure. It felt better?"

"With you, yeah."

"Really?"

"Really. I mean, you saw the videos, that was great. But it was also weird. He had that camera rig on the whole time, he barely touched me. It was like having a warm dildo that told you you were pretty."

"That's a business idea."

"Ha! Yeah, but no, it wasn't like being with a person. It wasn't even like platonic sex. It was more like masturbation with a director. So, I was all kinds of horned up but also kind of alone so I wanted you."

"Huh, yeah, I can see that."

"Also, I missed our usual stuff. Having a live cock in me was great, exciting, but it didn't have the coziness."

"That I get. It was like that with Sydney. Great time, really fun. But kind of like sleeping in a hotel bed."

"Yes! There's nothing to complain about other than the lack of familiarity."

"Yep. We're too acclimated to each other."

"I'd say we're perfectly acclimated to each other."

"Does that mean we're done?" I ask.

"Do you want to be done?"

I take a deep breath to think about it. "We can be, but I would like to know what else we can learn."

"Well, now that we know there is stuff to learn, maybe we can learn on our own."

"You're right. We can be done if you want."

"I didn't say that." Sofia protests.

"Do you want to keep going?"

"I think so. But I don't want it to feel like we're missing out on anything if we stop."

"Ah, okay. So, maybe we do more experimenting together before we 'lend' again."

"That's totally doable. But also, I kind of half-promised you to someone this weekend."

"What do you mean?"

"Okay, I was super nervous about today. Remember that. And you can say 'no', obviously. But Sydney messaged me yesterday that someone she knows wants to do a scene with you, and I talked to her, and she was like 'is Saturday okay?' and I--remember I was preoccupied with my thing with Carl--I said 'yeah, totally'. Again, you can absolutely back out. I'm sorry. I was just... gah!"

"Okay," I say, thinking this through. "Tell her I might have a work thing this weekend. I'll get back to her as soon as I know."

"On it!" She pulls free of the snuggle, grabs her phone, and starts texting.

Ffkkshzwoom. The food is here.

"Holy shit." Sofia says.

"What?"

"I forgot that's your message alert. Is this going to give you some horny Pavlovian response to Star Wars?"

I laugh. "Oh, wait until I tell you the tale of Darth Talon."