Writer's Massage Pt. 01

Author's note:

I wanted to explore how there are many things that can be traumatic, for many different reasons. It can be massive life-changing events, as in this story, but it can also be small things that happen in our lives that get internalized and become an unfortunate part of us. More so I wanted to delve into how we are generally absolutely shit at dealing with them. We do everything we can not to admit something was traumatic, and we come up with coping mechanisms that often are barely healthy, if not actually damaging to us.

Reading this, I know there are going to be thoughts of characters not acting rationally or logically. That is the point. Grief, anger, pain, all of our emotions are not something we necessarily deal with rationally. Characters in this story make bad decisions. Stupid, illogical decisions, and they justify them in a view of reality that is very much warped. The decisions make sense to them, but outside observers see the flaws in their logic.

This is a romance, there are happy endings, but it's going to take a while to get there. I hope you enjoy the journey. I have split this work into multiple parts as I thought posting it all in one go would just scare everyone away.

Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.

---------------

"... been served" was echoing in my head. Damn him! He knew where I was and could have done this privately. Or any other time, but of course, he did it now, not that he actually knew what we were announcing. Cameras were flashing nonstop ever since the woman walked calmly past the reporters and practically threw the envelope at me after asking my name. The noise was overwhelming as everyone attempted to talk louder and over everyone else in the room. Rose! Ele!

I practically leaped up from my chair, my eyes frantically searching for Rose and Eleanor. They were in the back of the room and not easy to spot in the crowd. I wasn't a household name, but others here were, so the room was packed. News agencies, websites, bloggers, and YouTubers, too many people had come when we asked for a press conference. I saw from their faces that my girls were confused about what had just happened and why I was leaping about. It wouldn't take long for it to filter to the back of the room with all the shouting.

The shouting suddenly stopped as everyone clapped their hands over their ears, desperately trying to block out the sudden screeching of microphone feedback. I looked over at the podium to see Ian calmly standing there, doing something. It didn't seem like he was fixing it, so maybe he was causing it? I became certain when the feedback continued for several seconds, with him continuing to stand there calmly.

Finally, it stopped.

"Thank you all for coming." Ian's voice was calm in that "I'm telling it like it is, so sit down and shut up" way. "This meeting is now over. Please see my assistant, Sharon, for a media packet for each of you." He gestured to his PR assistant, who was already moving.

"This incident was not why we asked you to be here. Those of you who have any shred of human decency left will report only what is in the packet."

He spared a brief glance at me, still frozen, standing awkwardly. He gave me a rakish grin before he turned back to the microphones.

"Those of you who never had any decency can go fuck yourselves and let the whole world know that you only care about money. To you, I would like to inform you that there is nothing in this world more disgusting to me than those who treat others like they are less than humans deserving of compassion and respect. Sure you sell your shit and everyone has to eat, but at what cost? You could use your talents, your time, and your platforms to do good in the world. Build others up, talk about real problems, and facilitate conversations that matter. Instead, you fill the world with vile filth!"

I felt a hand touch my shoulder. Mia had stood up and was leaning in close to my ear. "Let's go while he distracts them", she whispered.

"Uh, what?" was my very confused reply.

"He's giving you an out and trying to eclipse the story with his rant. Now, let's go. You can thank him later", she whispered fiercely.

I stood still for another second. She was right. Every camera, microphone, recorder, and person was laser-focused on Ian. This was the story of a lifetime, or at least the week. World-famous, mild-mannered, well-respected actor gives verbal tirade, easily beats out mildly famous writer, gets served at a press conference. I looked at my daughters, ok, there were two people who weren't staring at Ian.

We quietly slipped towards the exit. It sounded like Ian was just getting started, and the insults were truly inventive. His Shakespeare background was showing in the best way. I grinned for a second, then felt the envelope in my hands. Damn him!

---------------

I pushed open the door and heard the light chiming of a bell. I glanced up; of course, a small coffee house named simply "Pearl's" in this rural town would have an actual bell that rang when you opened the door. No cheap electronic chime could quite replicate the sound of that silvery, metallic-sounding ring. I was already willing to give the owner points for authenticity or at least catering to a specific image.

"Hi, welcome to Pearl's", a voice chirped enthusiastically. I moved past the door and up closer to the counter. Standing there behind the counter in a deep maroon apron was a teenage girl. Tortoise Shell glasses framed bright blue eyes, short blonde hair, a round face, and a bright, genuine smile. "Do you know what you want?"

I took a moment to look at the shop. I had come here because my realtor had gotten held up outside of town and recommended I pick up coffee here while I waited. I loved the smell of fresh coffee; it just always paired perfectly with the smell of a new book, and I couldn't smell one without wishing for the other. What caught my eye here, however, was a mouth-watering array of baked goods showcased in the glass counter.

Never let anyone tell you that Starbucks sells actual good baked goods. Yes, they have them, and they were... adequate. In the same way that hurriedly jumping through the shower while rushing to get ready for work was adequate. It served its purpose of getting you clean, but it could not in any way compare to a long soak in a hot tub, preferably with a romantic partner.

My mouth was already watering just from the sight and smell in front of me, and I wasn't even hungry. Well, I ate breakfast several hours ago, so I shouldn't be hungry. But seeing innumerable pastries, croissants, sweet rolls, doughnuts, muffins, eclairs, scones, and quiche was making me feel every single one of those hours and regret my choice to "eat" a bland protein shake.

I shook myself, realizing I had been staring, ok, almost drooling... almost, without answering the girl's question. "I'm sorry. These all look delicious. I was only planning on coffee, but I may have to cheat and sample at least one of these." I gave the girl a smile. "Is it ok if I look for just a minute more?"

"Of course. If you have questions, let me know." She started to move off to the side so that I could drool in peace, when her eyes suddenly became riveted on my face.

"Oh my god", she whispered. "Oh my GOD! You're Lillith Summerfeld! I love you! I've read all your books. Oh my god! Macey has to see this." After the first sentence, she was not quite screaming but definitely talking much louder than needed. Bouncing up and down, she pulled her phone out of her back pocket. She pointed it at me and I suddenly liked this shop quite a bit less.

"Emma-Louise", the shout cracked with the force of a raging bull from a door behind the counter, I presumed the kitchen. "Put that away right now. You do not just whip out your phone and start snapping away without asking, young lady!"

A woman came through the door, wearing the same apron as the teenager and wiping her hands with a towel. From her glowering demeanor directed at the now visibly deflating teenager, I guessed this was the owner of the shouting voice. "Go help your aunt with whatever she needs in the back."

The girl, Emma-Louise, I guessed from the shout, put away her phone, and her shoulders slumped. She walked away from the counter looking like she had just run over her own puppy. I immediately felt bad for the girl. I didn't want my picture taken, but this was a bit much. She was just a kid, after all. I opened my mouth but stopped when Emma walked past the other woman. The woman grabbed her in a quick hug, and the displeasure on the woman's face morphed swiftly into a teasing grin as she whispered something into Emma's ear. Whatever it was, I was too far away to hear, but the girl straightened up and nodded vigorously. Then continued on her way with a normal gait.

"I'm so sorry for that, miss", the woman said, turning to me. "She's a good kid, but a kid still. Sixteen and ready to take on the world. Just gets a little excited sometimes, and it runs ahead of her brain."

I took a moment to examine the woman in front of me and I felt fairly confident after only a brief glance that they were mother and daughter. Or very close relatives. Same round face, a smile that hooked slightly higher on the left, and the same blindingly blue eyes. She looked to be around 40, if I was guessing, and slightly shorter than Emma. Meeting her gaze, I saw nothing but caring warmth, and I was even more sure this was Emma's mother. That shout at the start could have come from the harshest taskmaster, but it had been tempered quickly with whatever she had whispered to the girl.

"No apology needed. I'm honestly surprised anyone recognized me."

"We still read and have cable even out here, dear."

I choked on my spit at being so blatantly called out. Then I met the woman's eyes again. They were twinkling with mischief, and I was sure she was enjoying my discomfort. Her smile was also still kind, though it seemed proud as well. I could only guess it had something to do with her daughter knowing who I was when I was not expecting it.

"Touche", I said meekly. "But now I need to apologize. I didn't mean to insult you or this lovely town. I'm thinking of moving here. I just meant that, well, I'm not really a household name. It threw me when the first stranger I talked to started screaming out how much of a fan she is."

The woman chuckled. "Of course, dear. Though I have to warn you, if you move here, you will find quite a few admirers. Emma and her friends are a bit of a fan club, and even some of us adults read from time to time."

Touche was a bit of my go-to when I wasn't sure what to say back to someone. Conversations were much easier when written, especially when I was writing both sides. I wasn't nearly as quick as this woman and thought that full surrender might be the best option if I wanted to save any shred of dignity.

"Everything here looks and smells amazing. I'm having too hard a time choosing. Could I be cliche and ask what your favorite is?"

The woman was grinning even more widely, if possible. I got the feeling she had vast experience with others surrendering when speaking with her. "They are all my favorites since I make most of them. But now that we have both apologized to each other, I think a trade would be nice. Anything you can see is yours, and in return, you sign something for Emma."

I blushed. Strangers asking for my autograph normally only happened at book signings. Random coffee shop strangers were a first for me. I glanced down at the pastries again. After the way Emma had deflated after not getting her picture, I was perfectly happy to sign something for her. Getting any of these delicious-looking treats in exchange seemed like robbery.

"Deal, I'm Madeleine. Nice to meet you."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Madeleine. I'm Cecilia, and you met my daughter Emma-Louise."

Mia needed better taste. Correction, I needed to check to make sure she hadn't somehow accidentally had a lobotomy. Because I was seriously questioning how she could have ever recommended this realtor.

The realtor was nearly an hour later than our agreed-upon meeting. Thankfully, Rose and Ele were with their grandparents all day, so I had nothing else scheduled, but the realtor's lateness was the least of the issues. We stood outside the house for another 30 minutes while she made call after call because some app wasn't working to give her the code for the lockbox, which had the house key. I was left to stand there awkwardly and pretend to be busy on my phone.

In her multiple phone calls, it quickly became obvious which ones were speaking with men versus women. Despite being on the phone and not in person, her entire demeanor and stance shifted. Pushing her hips to the side and playing with her extremely bleached hair. Her voice was much higher, and she seemed to be trying to make everything an innuendo. To me, she just sounded like someone who peaked in high school and was desperately trying to relive when she wrapped boys around her fingers.

Once we finally entered the house, she spent most of her time discussing which of the neighbors were men, who was cute, who was married, who was single, and where popular spots in town were to meet any of the above. I found myself having to ask even basic questions like how much land the property sat on, square feet, building materials, and what schools were nearby. Each time I asked something not related to the male species, it seemed to surprise her. Though she at least was able to answer most of the questions somewhat satisfactorily, she got back on her favorite topic, places to meet men, quickly each time.

The town bordered a lake where many residents would spend the weekend, and there was a second, smaller lake in the mountain pass, not 20 minutes away if you wanted fewer people. Then, there were a number of running and hiking trails which supposedly were frequented by young studs who abstained from shirts. There was only one gym in town worth going to, according to her, but only because of the number and handsomeness of its personal trainers.

By the time we were done touring the 6,000 sq ft ranch house that sat on two acres and had a private road leading to a similarly private portion of the beach, I was as ready to buy it as I was to be done with this woman. It was obvious that this was an amazing find that only existed in stories and not in real life. I made an offer above the asking price before we left and gave my realtor strict instructions that I wanted the chance to negotiate if the seller got a better offer.

Driving back to the town center, I called Mia to give her a piece of my mind. I ranted for about 10 minutes while Mia quietly giggled on the other end of the call.

"She's the worst, isn't she?" Mia's voice was laughing after I finished shouting.

"If you knew she was the worst, why would you recommend her?" I shouted back.

"Because she's a fucking fairy god-mother." I could already see Mia raising her hand to forestall my retort. "Yeah she'll sleep with anything that has a dick and never met anything silicon that she wouldn't try if someone told her it would make her sexier. She was showing you a house that was impossibly too good to be true, right?"

"Yes. Not that she would tell me anything about it. I had to drag that out of her while she talked endlessly about all the shirtless men in the neighborhood."

Mia chuckled again. "I don't know how she does it, but she always finds these absolutely magical properties, and her clients get them. So as long as you put an offer in that is reasonable, you just sit tight and let her work. Bottle of chardonnay says you get the house."

"Fine", I huffed. "Next time you recommend anything to me, I'm going to make you sign an affidavit that I won't hate the person."

"Love you too, Mad", Mia said as she hung up.

I hung up the Bluetooth in my car and looked at the time. I had planned to look at several houses today, not just the first one. So I had extra time that I wasn't sure what to do with. I could go pick up Rose and Ele, but I felt like they needed time with their grandparents. For the past few months, everything at home felt like it was tainted by my divorce from their dad. Better to let them have some time away from that and to just be kids.

I decided to stop at Pearl's again. If I were moving here, and there was a fan club of teenage girls, it might be useful to get more information about it. I wouldn't want my own girls to be blindsided or put in an awkward situation. Ele especially took enough on herself protecting Rose, she didn't need any reason to take on more unnecessary responsibility.

Inside the shop were several people spread among the ten or so tables and booths. Compared to this morning, the smell of fresh-baked deliciousness was muted, and the different coffee roasts featured much more prominently. Cecilia was sitting at a table speaking with a man who, judging from his work boots, spent his time doing manual labor. From their clasped hands and how close their heads were together, I would also bet they were man and wife.

At the chiming of the bell, she stood up, kissed his forehead, and moved off towards the counter. From the way his eyes followed her, and didn't appear to be just to appreciate her backside, it was clear he just wanted to be with her. My throat choked for just a minute. I thought that's what I signed up for with Richard. Now I was fighting tooth and nail just to be able to live my life with my daughters while he made outrageous demands in his effort to punish me.

"Madeleine, welcome back. What can I get you?"

I was slightly surprised at the warmth in her voice when she greeted me. We had only met this morning, and it had felt a bit tumultuous. Right now, she looked like she was greeting an old friend.

"Uhh, just a cortado, please. I was actually hoping I could speak with you about what you said this morning. How there is a bit of a fan club in town for my books?"

"Of course. But honestly, honey, it's nothing to be ashamed of or worry about. I've read your books as well. You write well. Is it surprising that a series featuring three strong women characters is loved by young women looking for role models?"

I took a moment to think about how to phrase this. I certainly didn't want to be rude or dismissive of her daughter, nor accuse them of anything before I knew anything about them. At the same time, I wasn't concerned about myself. This was for my daughters.

"I have two daughters, Cecilia. I would guess they are maybe a year or two younger than Emma."

"And you want to know if the fan club will swarm them or make them miserable if you end up living here." She interrupted me gently. Cecilia handed my drink across the counter and then gestured to a table, skipping the cash register. It was the same table she had been sitting at when I came in, but at some point, the man had left.

"Madeleine", she said in a very motherly voice. Did I just look helpless? This woman had maybe five years on me from what I could tell. "I don't want to scare you. They are teenage girls, and you know they act before they think. But all of them are good people, and I know their parents personally. Will it be awkward when they find out who your daughters are? Maybe. But that's part of the choice you made when you became a parent. It may not be as large as writing books, but Emma still has to live with people knowing the good and the bad that I do. Some of their judgment of me falls on her. Everything we do is for our children, but we can't shelter them from everything. "

I was surprised by the last bit. I was expecting a gentle reprimand about how I gave up privacy when I became a published author. How putting my picture in book jackets, attending conventions, book signings, or doing the occasional small news show meant I was forcing my girls at least partially into the public eye as well. When she talked about herself as a parent and compared herself to me, I immediately wanted to reject her words. What did a small-town coffee shop worker, maybe owner, know about strangers running screaming at your family? The thought lasted only a second before I realized she didn't know anything about that. But she did know exactly what she said; everything we do is reflected onto those closest to us. Her kids had to live with that, just as mine did.

I felt her patting my hand. I looked down and was surprised to see and feel a very calloused hand, not what I expected from someone working at a coffee shop. I glanced up at her sheepishly, hoping she didn't notice my surprise, only to see yet another smile that warmed every inch of my soul.

"Thank you for talking with me about this. I can tell Emma to leave your girls alone if you want, but I think that would be a mistake. Emma and her friends might be a bit overzealous at first, but is that the worst thing? Moving to a new town is hard. At least having some friends star-struck by who your girls' mother is might help ease the transition into making friends." She then grinned mischievously and leaned in closer. "Besides, Emma already asked her dad if he would frame that napkin you signed. I wouldn't want to miss out on more things I can tease her about in five or ten years."

---------------

I was sitting nervously in my lawyer's office. Mia sat on my left, both to help with her knowledge of my business, but also just as a friend. A friend who had never liked Richard, and after his stunt at the press conference, she had firmly placed him in the hate category. I wasn't sure how helpful that was, but at least it meant she wasn't going to be yet another voice calling for reconciliation.

Richard was late. No surprise there. It had taken literal begging from me in order to get this meeting. I was trying not to fidget, but with no one feeling like talking, the silence was killing me. Dawn, my lawyer, was on my right, reading through her file. It was her sixth time, I thought. It didn't hurt to be prepared, but at this point, I assumed she was just looking at the pages, pretending while actually thinking about something, hopefully happy.

Finally, the door opened, and Richard was escorted in, flanked by three lawyers.

Nice power play. Show up late and bring lots of muscle.

He flopped down in a chair at the end of the table, far away from us. I noticed that two of his lawyers sat down next to him, but the youngest-looking tried to bridge the gap between the two parties. It was already awkward, and no one had even said hello yet.

"Well." He said without looking at me.

Dawn cleared her throat. "Thank you all for coming. We appreciate your attention and efforts to resolve this matter quickly and amicably without forcing us to resort to obtaining a court order." Her voice was smooth and professional, but we all knew the lies. Richard's lawyers had stalled in accepting any meeting until it was either accept the meeting or explain to the divorce court why they wouldn't even talk to us.

Dawn slid a packet of papers across the table to the closest lawyer. He looked unsure for a moment before passing them to the others.

"We are requesting your permission to withdraw a total of..." I zoned out. She was listing the amount of money I wanted to withdraw for a down payment on the house and why I was entitled to it. We had to do this whole game because Richard had gotten a court order freezing our accounts. It hurt us both, but he didn't care as long as the hurt included me.

"If there are no objections, we can sign this agreement now and save everyone the time of a court hearing, which will undoubtedly order this same distribution of funds anyway."

Richard roughly pushed the packet away from his lawyers back towards Dawn.

"Nope. I'm not giving her any of my money. She wants it, she can have it over my dead body."

He leered at me. "That's what she wants, right? Me dead or maimed. Pretty sure she made that clear over the past six years."

I knew he was going to be rude and insulting. That wasn't new, so I kept my face blank. Dawn and I had spoken extensively before this meeting. She was well prepared for every contingency we could think of and was not even going to check in with me if she didn't have to. Richard may focus on me, but hopefully, it would be harder to keep saying no if he didn't even hear me speak, much less get a reaction.

"Mr. Hansen. Both parties, as part of the currently agreed-upon custody arrangement of Rose and Eleanor, were told by the court to obtain a permanent residence. Mrs. Kemp requested permission to continue using the home in Boston where you all previously resided, but as the title is solely in your name, when you refused, she agreed to purchase a home. If you recall, Judge Bolden did not order it at the time, but addressed you directly when he said he expected funds would be made readily available for the purchase of a home by Mrs. Kemp. We originally provided you and your lawyers copies of our request seven weeks ago and did not receive a response despite repeated letters, emails, and phone calls until yesterday.

"We are prepared to request an emergency hearing to obtain an order to immediately release these funds so that Mrs. Kemp does not lose the opportunity to purchase this house. We are confident given the prior instructions from the court, our documentation showing these funds rightly belong to Mrs. Kemp, and our documented attempts to reach a settlement on what is a time-sensitive matter that the court will order the release of these funds immediately. It is our hope that we can spare everyone the paperwork. In addition, if we are required to obtain a court order, we will be required to yet again inform the court that you are not negotiating in good faith with my client and are not following the instructions provided by the court."

Dawn paused to let all of that sink in. I didn't think the speech would help anything. I knew Richard. He told his lawyers to delay as long as possible without us having good cause to involve the court. Then he set a last-minute meeting just to make it difficult for me. After that, he walked in being an asshold as he always was at these meetings. He would give me what I wanted because he had no choice. It was just a question of how many insults I had to hear and what I would have to give him in return.

"No."

Richard then launched into a fairly inventive diatribe against me. He was staring at me the entire time. I didn't meet his eyes, but I could feel his gaze on me. This was just another way to punish me. Being in a relationship means you trust the other person completely. They know bad things you've done, but worse, they know the things that really hurt you. Whether it's embarrassing, deep-seated fear, or childhood trauma. They know them all. That's what Richard was throwing at me now.

I couldn't keep myself from tearing up. Especially when he started in on how I was such a bad mother that I couldn't even get money to help others who had gone through similar experiences to Rose.

"You fucked up that press conference on purpose asshole! You didn't even know what it was, but you had to have your little stunt." I lashed out. Mia placed her hand on my arm, and I looked at her for a moment.

I took a couple of deep breaths. Trust. That's what this all came down to. I had trusted him, and he had thrown it away. It hadn't mattered to him as much as his image, how he wanted others to perceive him. Now he was doing what he always did. Taking that trust and using it as a weapon to hurt me in ways that no one else could.

I sat in silence for the rest of the meeting. Dawn did everything we had planned. She continued to remind him that he would be giving me the money one way or another, but if he did it now, he might have bargaining power for something else. If it had been up to me, this whole thing would have been over months ago, with both of us splitting the assets in half, no alimony or child support as long as I got sole custody. He was dragging it out, but it was hurting him too.

As he and his lawyers left after we all signed a dozen different forms, I finally broke down. Dawn and Mia both comforted me. I wasn't mourning Richard; that relationship was long dead. But having so many personal things thrown out cruelly to people I didn't even know and in a manner that was intended to hurt, well, it worked. I was hurting. God, was I hurting.

Finally, I stopped my tears. I as good as had the money to purchase the house, which meant I was one step closer to being done with all of this. Done with a relationship that had died years ago, but we had maintained foolishly, thinking we were helping our kids. It was time for all of us to get a fresh start. Though I hated to admit it, even Richard deserved that. Maybe one day he would stop being such an asshole and might even have a relationship with his daughters. That would be the day.

"Hi Cece," I said as I walked into Pearl's. I had been into town many times during the past few months. Each time, it had become a habit to stop at Pearl's. Sometime in there, Cecilia had told me that unless I was mad at her to stop using her full name. Cece, Cil, and even C were fine. But anytime someone she knew more than passing used her full name, she just assumed they were angry. I could sympathize; I loved my name, but I think it was fairly universal that if your name could be shortened, it was, and we never grew out of the childhood fear of hearing our full name from our parents' lips.

"Madi, have a seat. I'll get your order, but while you wait, you need to speak with Deputy Turner there." She pointed at a man seated at my usual table. It never ceased to amaze me how Cece seemed to know everything going on in town. Including when I was actually in town. Though this time was slightly less amazing as I had just been meeting with her husband. Nevertheless, I made my way towards the table and the rugged, not quite handsome man who was now standing to greet me.

"Ma'am", he said, putting out his hand to shake. "Not really 'fficial business, so Michael, please."

"Nice to meet you, Michael", I said, shaking his hand. Internally, I was groaning. Cece knew all about my divorce, which was hopefully almost finalized. I should have guessed that with her being so motherly, it would eventually turn into trying to set me up with people in town.

The true gentleman, Michael, pulled out a chair for me to sit in and then pushed it in before seating himself. I smiled politely but didn't bother to check him out or start the conversation. I was not in the mood to begin dating when I was still buried up to my ears in the burning wreckage of my marriage.

"Thank ye for talking with me. I'm well not sure where to start. This is awkward for both of us."

"Michael, if you don't want to be here, I'll tell Cece to back off. Don't make her do anything you don't want to." I was aiming to be kind and gentle, but I think there was a bit more fire than either Michael or I was prepared for based on his nonplussed face.

"Oh no, sorry, Ma'am. No, that came out wrong. I asked Cece for this. See, I heard you bought the Franklin house."

I nodded when he paused. Whatever this was, it was not what I was expecting. Maybe. I had heard weirder pick-up lines.

He continued at my nod. "So this is, umm, well that was my granddad's house, and umm it meant... means a lot to me."

"It's a beautiful house. I can only imagine the wonderful memories you must have if you were lucky enough to spend time there growing up." I was still very confused where this conversation was going, and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt that it wouldn't end up where I feared. So I went with a diplomatic response.

"It was. Lots of memories. I think many of the folks in town probably have a lot of memories too. Granddad loved to have everyone round anytime he could. But now, umm, I didn't hear this from Cec, see, but well, I hear you are talking to contractors about doing work on it?"

I decided to head off where this was now apparently going. "Yes, Mr. Turner, I have been seeking bids from contractors regarding remodeling work that I need done on the house. It is a beautiful house, Mr. Turner, and I apologize if it disturbs your childhood memories, but that house is where I plan to live for the foreseeable future with my two daughters. One of my daughters requires a wheelchair at all times, and the house was not built to allow for that. I am looking to allow my daughter to move freely and live happily in what is going to be her new home."

His face had drained completely of blood by the time I finished. Serves him right for trying to tell a stranger what they could do with their home. Even if it was his grandfather's. From his face, I probably could have tempered my words, but Rose had dealt with enough in her life. Eleanor was not the only one protective of Rose. I held my head up high and stared directly into his eyes, waiting for his reply.

"Oh my no, oh I'm so sorry. Cec didn't say what... I wouldn't. Ma'am, I would never if I had known about your daughter. But I suppose since it is for her, maybe it's good I am speaking to you. All I wanted was to ask that you don't go with those big contractors you spoke with. I don't know if you talked with Orrick, but don't trust them others. All they is snakes. Orrick will treat you and the house right. Good work that I can vouch for. I'll even tell him I'll help out for free if needed to bring his price down. But you won't regret working with him. Promise that when he's done, everything will be perfect for your daughter, uhh, daughters, Ma'am."

Cece had been keeping her distance so far. She was taking much longer than usual to make a coffee. "Cecilia."

"Yes, Madeleine."

I glared at her while she kept her face carefully blank. "You would have saved Michael a great deal of embarrassment if you would speak with your husband before getting involved in others' business."

I turned back to Michael. "I just came from Orrick's office, where I signed a contract for him to perform the work I need. I apologize that Cecilia here put you through this. It was actually because Orrick warned me at the start that he wouldn't take the job if we couldn't work to preserve the feel and style of the original house that I hired him. Your grandfather's house is beautiful, and I want to keep every bit of that for my daughters."

Michael was stumbling over himself trying to thank me, apologize, and then thank me more. Cece had finally brought my damn coffee and I told her that it was on the house. She simply smiled and nodded. It took me more than a few minutes to get Michael to leave so that I could drink my coffee in peace.

The sound of wood scooting on wood eventually interrupted my tranquility as Cece sat in the chair Michael had vacated earlier. At least she let me finish my coffee first. I waited for her to speak.

"I didn't know you were going to sign with Orri today. He doesn't tell me everything, you know."

I snorted. Her innocent act was good, but I had seen the two of them together. He didn't tell her everything because everything she felt was important for her to know, she asked about, or already knew from others. The man had zero secrets from her and wouldn't dream of keeping any.

"I thought you should know what kind of town you are moving to. People here care about things besides themselves. Michael would have loved to buy that house, but he and his wife couldn't afford it. Plus, his mother didn't get along with the brother who was selling the house, so he would never have had a chance."

I looked at her blankly. I wasn't sure if this was a heartwarming gesture or so over the line that I should legitimately be mad at her.

"Now, who did my husband say was going to be working on your house?"

I raised my eyebrow at her, but decided her coffee was good enough that I could forgive her overstepping. "Lane, I think he said. Supposed to start work on Saturday."

As soon as the name was out of my mouth, Cece was pulling out her cell phone. I wasn't sure what this was about, but I knew that Cece was about as easy to stop as an ocean freighter when she decided something.

"Orri, what are you doing putting Lane to work on Madi's house?" I could only hear what Cece was saying, but I was immediately curious why she objected to Lane, whoever that was.

"No, I know he's full."

"Little Tom is doing the work, dear. Tell him to stop by every morning he is working on her house, and he can take a box."

"Yes, tell him a whole box, but only on days he is working at her house. Kara as well."

"Of course, he'll be working on it every day. Those girls deserve that."

"Well, if it doesn't put you out of business, then I'm sure I can keep my shop here, but thank you."

"I love you, too. Emma's out with friends for dinner, so be home early, and we'll do enchiladas."

Cece hung up her phone and looked at me like nothing had happened.

"Care to share what you were talking with your husband about?" I asked her with a slight grin. I knew she would have told me if I didn't ask, but she wanted me to ask.

"I was just making sure Orri put the right ones on the job. Lane is single, and ever since the divorce, he considers himself a ladies' man. Macey is his daughter, so he knows who you are. He's a good man, but he would have spent more time sniffing around your bedroom than working. The whole celebrity thing would be a bit much for him not to try and woo you. Tom and Kara will be much better for you."

"And Little Tom works for what muffins?

"Of course not", she said, getting up at the sound of the bell ringing. "That man never touches my muffins. It's my cinnamon rolls he kills for", she tossed over her shoulder.

Saturday morning, I was up early at the house waiting for Orrick's contractors. According to Cece, it would be Little Tom and Kara for most of the work. Orrick or some of his other workers would be involved where more were needed or for specialized work. Rose and Eleanor had begged to come to the house rather than spend another day stuck at the rental in town. At least until enough work was done for Rose to get her wheelchair around most areas, it wasn't fair to try and stay at the ranch house, but they both hated the soviet style concrete rental we were temporarily staying in.

Orrick said I didn't need to be here for the work, but I wanted to meet the people working on my house. Also, I was slightly curious after Cece's intervention to meet Little Tom. Just after 7:00am, a large Ram truck pulled up to the house. I was on the porch with my daughters chatting, and we all paused to see who won the bet on whether Little Tom was little or massive.

Massive it was, assuming the man getting out of the passenger side was Little Tom. He had to be well over six feet tall, probably 250 pounds, with long brown hair, deep bushy eyebrows, and an overgrown beard that came down to his chest. As he brought a hand up to close the door and the other to wave at us, I saw numerous tattoos on his hands and exposed forearms. I was giggling at the cliche of him being called Little, and almost choked when I saw the driver get out and walk around to Tom.

If the driver was Kara, then maybe Cece wanted them to work on my house because they looked like they could bench press it? She was only barely shorter than her partner, and my first thought was that she was the epitome of a warrior goddess. Flawless ebony skin, her black hair was braided tightly in a ponytail, long face, clear green eyes, and everything from her shoulders down was rippling with muscle.

"Hi, neighbor, are you Ms. Summerfeld?" The man spoke enthusiastically and had a large grin on his face. Both of them started walking slowly towards us from the truck. I was expecting a rough and gruff voice, maybe a grunt or two. Not this happy puppy grinning at me.

"Yes, I'm Madeleine, but please, Mad, Mads, or Madi. Madeleine makes me feel 20 years older, and Ms is even worse." I stood up and walked down the steps to greet them both with a handshake.

"Little Tom", the man said with a gentle handshake.

"Kara", the woman said in a clipped tone. Guess we are doing a role reversal of taciturn and friendly with these two.

"Thanks for coming out. These are my daughters, Rose and Eleanor", I said, pointing at each of them. The girls waved, then whispered to each other and giggled.

"Are you both really working for cinnamon rolls?" asked Rose.

Kara snorted. "You obviously haven't had them yet. Fucking baked ambrosia. First rule of us working here. You see a cinnamon roll, assume it's ours. Touch it, and I break your fingers."

"No, I haven't tried one yet, but that shouldn't be a problem with fingers. I don't really have fingers to break", Rose said with a mischievous grin and waved her right arm at them. You could clearly see that her arm ended abruptly above where her wrist would have been. No fingers in sight, at least on that arm.

I was used to Rose being open about her injuries and using them to make other people uncomfortable, but this was uncalled for. It was also a little funny. I glanced at Kara and saw that she looked like she was going to be sick.

"Hmm, looks like threatening to break your toes wouldn't be as much of a threat either. Guess we will have to figure out a new punishment to keep you in line."

Wait what?

I stopped watching Kara and looked at Tom, who had spoken. He was still grinning, and while his voice had been pitched low and growly, you could easily hear the mirth in it. He was looking straight at Rose and had obviously noticed that in addition to missing fingers on one hand, her right leg stopped above the knee, and her left was heavily scarred and atrophied, though otherwise intact.

"I could take you", Eleanor said while grinning. "Let's go. Arm wrestle for a cinnamon roll?"

"No deal. I'm not risking any of them", Tom said, laughing. He opened the passenger door again and pulled out a box I recognized from Pearl's. "Not sure what all is in here, but Cece wouldn't let us leave until she packed a box for the three of you as well."

I saw Kara start to open and close her mouth a few times. I was about to take pity on her when Eleanor jumped down the stairs and walked up to her.

"Rose jokes, but I'll still kick your ass", she said looking up into Kara's face that was about a foot higher than her. "Or at least try", she said, poking Kara's bicep.

Kara smiled. "Deal."

"Well great now that we are a happy family of finger breakers and ass kickers, what do you need to get started?" I was looking between Kara and Tom.

"Dibs on kicking Tom's ass, Kara's would break my good thigh", Rose shouted. Both Kara and Tom snorted, then struck matching bodybuilder poses. We all giggled, though I think either Kara or Tom's ass was muscled enough to easily break things on.

When the posing was done, Kara gestured for me to lead the way into the house. Tom grabbed the plans Orrick had drawn up, and we walked into the house. I left the box from Pearl's with Rose and Ele, who opted to stay outside since we would be leaving soon.

Once inside, I gave Kara and Tom free rein to wander and do what they needed. Since no one was living here, it was easy to see just how many little steps, tight corners, and narrow doorways there were. Not to mention counter heights and all the other small adjustments that were needed. We talked through the plans that Orrick made and the order they felt was best to work in. I was briefly familiar with the concept of weight-bearing walls, but beyond that, I was lost. So their comments to each other were mostly unintelligible to me.

We spent about an hour walking through high-level plans again just to clarify some of the initial work. I had already agreed with Orrick to just give them a key to the house so they could work on their schedule. I would come out to check progress and be around if needed, but I knew the best thing for them would be to stay out of their way until they needed me.

---------------

Cece had not been kidding that there were plenty of people in this town who read my books. Most of them didn't know me on sight; authors don't get nearly the same facial recognition as movie stars, but at least one person had recognized me.

It was only my second time going to the gym, not the one recommended by my realtor, when I was approached by a mid-40s-looking woman who had been filming and narrating her workout. She apologized for bothering me, but had to see if I was Lillith, the author, and oh my god, this is so crazy, everyone. That's when I realized she was still filming.

I tried to leave the conversation politely, but she never really stopped talking long enough for me to politely excuse myself. Eventually, she started going on and on about how she hosted a weekly book club, and it would be such an honor to have me attend. The other ladies would be over the moon once they knew, and it would be such a great way to meet other literary ladies in the community. Moving, getting the girls settled, renovations on the house, and the still dragging on divorce, none of it had left me much personal time. I knew Cece, Orrick, Kara, and Little Tom, but outside of that, I couldn't really say I had made time for friends here.

So here I was, walking up to a house that looked disturbingly like the scene of a 1950s Stepford Wives show. White picket fence, immaculate garden beds, closely trimmed lawn, only the massive SUVs parked in the driveway ruined the effect. I was just about to knock on the door when it opened.

"Madi", squealed Stacey, my friend from the gym who invited me. "I'm so glad you made it." She was pulling me inside while still squealing. Even while my eyes were adjusting from the bright light outside to the dimmer inside light, this house looked like it was a model home.

Trendy grey couches sat perfectly arranged with lamps, end tables, and a coffee table that all perfectly accented each other. A few magazines were set on the coffee table in what I guessed was an artful disarrangement. The carpet still had lines from being freshly vacuumed. There was a hallway disappearing into a kitchen, and I could glimpse a dining room. Pictures of mountain landscapes decorated the hallway, along with motivational quotes. I bet myself $10 that one of them said "Live, Laugh, Love."

Stacey directed me towards the spotless front room where several women were chattering away happily. Stacey clapped twice. "Ladies, this is Madi, who writes under the name Lillith Summerfeld."

A chorus of hellos and blindingly bleached smiles greeted me. Stacey went around the room introducing each of the seven women there, and I did my best to remember names. It was a bit harder because most of them seemed to shop at the same store. Five of the seven wore a variation of yoga pants, an athletic shirt, and a running jacket.

After the introductions, I settled in and pulled out my copy of the book the group was reading. It wasn't something I would have chosen to read; it felt like a trashy bodice ripper with little substance beyond how hot sweat looked running down various men's chests and arms. However, I did enjoy reading just about most anything and was curious to hear the other women's thoughts.

For the next hour, the women gossiped about the neighborhood, who was dating whom, and what so and so said at a party earlier in the week. I quickly realized that the book club was a cover for getting together for day drinking and gossiping. I didn't have much to add to the conversation at first and listened without much interest until Marcie turned to Stacey during a brief lull in the conversation.

"So, uhh, no table today, is" she paused for a moment, seemingly trying to figure out what to say.

"No, not today, Marcie", Stacey responded. I was fairly certain I caught a very, very quick glance at me. "Next week for sure."

I was curious what my presence would have changed in their routine. Everything so far had been just a group of friends chatting about everyday life events. Maybe a bit gossipy for my taste, but certainly nothing to hide.

"Oh, perfect. Madi, you just have to tell us all about how you come up with your ideas for those little books of yours." Marcie said, turning towards me. I was shocked by her calling my books little, but I smiled politely as Marcie was also obviously a bit buzzed by now.

We spent a good thirty minutes with each of the ladies explaining just how much they liked my books and how it was good to see heroines written by women. I got more than a few laughs when I said it was always easy to tell when a man was trying to write from a woman's point of view, and not always in a good way.

By the time the affair started breaking up, I was feeling happy that I had come. While it was certainly not a book club, at least today, the book never came up. It was nice to hang out with other women my age and forget about my own troubles for a minute. Stacey and Marcie loudly insisted that I absolutely had to come next week so I could tell them more about how I came up with ideas for my books.

As I was leaving, my phone rang in a pattern I had set for my least favorite person in the world, my current husband.

"What, Richard?" I snapped as soon as I hit answer. These calls never went well. Semi-famous chef or not, the man lacked any taste and decorum when it came to me. He had been the one to initiate our divorce, but as he blamed me for the failed marriage, he was dragging it out and making it as painful as possible. His latest ploy had been an accusation that I had hidden royalty fees from him during the marriage. This had triggered a full forensic audit of my book sales, fees, and bank accounts. I was fairly certain that he was, in fact, hiding money from me, but I just wanted out of this hell. Against the advice of both Mia and my lawyer, I had not accused him of the same deceit nor tried to force a similar audit against him.

"Ele and Rose aren't answering my call. You can't fucking keep me from talking to my daughter."

I almost screamed. "You have two daughters, bastard. If neither of them wants to talk to you, that's not my fault. They both have cell phones. How am I supposed to be preventing them from talking to you? Maybe it's the fact that you tried to split them up so you only got custody of one of them?"

What followed was a diatribe of mostly cussing at me, specifically parts of my body, my ancestors, and every life decision I had ever made in the most vile and cruel terms he could think of. Somehow, yet again, I was the bad guy because he had petitioned for joint custody of Rose while I would have sole custody of Ele. It was not an arrangement the court would have even entertained. He blamed me that the girls overheard a conversation about it, and I had reluctantly admitted the truth. I was still doing damage control, trying to convince them that he was angry at me and was so blinded to everything else that it had just been an attempt to hurt me. Not that I believed it, but I was not yet willing to destroy the chance of a relationship with their father, and more, I would never subject my girls to any pain I didn't have to.

"I can't force them to call you, and you know we already had this out in court. I'm not preventing access, but they are old enough that you can't force them to talk to you. I will ask them to call you, but that's it. Now go die in a hole asshat."

I missed the next book club meeting as I was taking the girls back to their father's for his time with them. Until the divorce was final, we rotated two weeks each. It was a voluntary arrangement that my lawyer devised. Richard had ended several of his weeks early, or said he could not take the girls. We meticulously documented each instance to bolster our claim that I should receive sole custody. It was cold-blooded and calculated in a way that made me sick, using my daughters as pawns. It had taken Mia to convince me to at least talk to the girls and get their opinion. I was surprised that they readily agreed as soon as I told them my lawyer thought it was the best chance of me getting sole custody. The scheming look on Ele's face had almost made me call it off, regardless, when she tried to play innocent with me.

The next week, I showed up to the book club meeting more prepared for just a ladies' afternoon rather than a serious book discussion. I had met up with two of the ladies, Shay and Lori, who were the only two not wearing influencer-worthy athleisure gear last time, twice for dinner or lunch. Unlike Stacey, Marcie, and the others, Shay and Lori seemed much more grounded and my type. I happily sat between them, and we mostly chatted together while the others grew more and more boisterous.

About half an hour after, and several daiquiris for the athleisure group, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, Marcie, will you get the door while I get ready?" Stacey motioned while she stood and moved towards the dining area. I noticed there was a padded table and a currently folded privacy screen that she was walking towards. I raised my eyebrow at Lori, but before she could answer, I was interrupted by several squeals.

The squeals were directed at a gorgeous man who had just been welcomed at the door by Marcie and was being led towards the table and Stacey. He was tall, ducking down as he moved under the hanging light in the entryway. From the tone of his skin, I would guess pacific-islander. He had shoulder-length brown hair, intense hazel eyes, and well-kept scruff that accented his angular jawline. His shoulders were broad, and you could tell from his overall physique that he spent a lot of time working out without looking like a gorilla.

"Hello ladies", he said, waving casually. It was obvious that he was expected and very familiar with everyone here.

Stacey clapped her hands twice. "Alright, ladies, now that Kai is here, we can begin the book club meeting officially. I'll be first, and then it's Marcie's turn." With that, she turned her back on the group and, now facing the table, began taking her shoes off. Kai set a large bag next to the table and then began unfolding the privacy screen. The last thing I saw before he blocked my view of Stacey was of her pulling her top, which consisted only of a sports bra, over her head.

Marcie and the others then began actually discussing the book. I was honestly a little shocked, first that they were talking about the book and not gossiping. Second, they had legitimate critiques and thoughts. I happily jumped in, suddenly in my element, discussing why the author relied so heavily on characters that were myopic in their actions and roles.

We had only been speaking for maybe five minutes when I heard Stacey moan. I lost the thread of conversation while I stared at the screen blocking her and Kai from view. Was that? It was definitely not pain. Were they? I mean, there was a screen. I knew where my mind was going, and it didn't seem possible, so I turned back to the discussion, which had proceeded uninterrupted without me.

Within a few seconds, there was another moan, then more. Moans. Gasps. Fuck was she growling? I felt a hand on my leg, and Lori leaned close to my ear.

"Kai is a masseuse and a personal trainer. Stacey likes to be outrageous and the center of attention. Just ignore it."

I stared at her open-mouthed. Masseuse made sense, but what the hell was going on with it happening during a book club?

"Is this normal?" I hissed back at her.

"Most weeks, yeah. I wasn't here when it started, but it's just some fun. You'll get your turn in a week or two if you want." She winked at me, then turned back to the rest of the ladies.

My contributions to the discussion after that were minimal at best. I was still shocked every time Stacey let out increasingly enthusiastic vocalizations. Thankfully, there wasn't anything obvious like skin slapping, rhythmic squeaking of the table, or the privacy screen shaking that would have made it obvious sex was happening. I also didn't hear anything from Kai, but I still had to ask.

I leaned back to Lori. "Just. Umm, are you sure they aren't having sex?"

"Yeah, that's off limits during club meetings. Boobs are free game if you want, but panties stay on and no touching Kai."

During club meetings? My head was swimming. What had I gotten myself into? And I was supposed to get my turn if I wanted in a few weeks? I was looking around at the rest of the ladies who were chattering away quite happily. What was wrong with them? This was, I was interrupted by Stacey.

"Oh yes, yes. Right there. Harder. Do me harder right there."

Ok, this was wrong, or at least this was not who I was. I sat back and tried to tune out the rest of the meeting.

---------------

Kara had asked me to come out to the house on Saturday to check progress. She also said they were behind schedule. I had asked if there was any way to get on schedule and told her I would help if that's what it took. She shrugged and told me she wasn't the boss on this one, but if I had time, they could probably find something for me to do.

I had just pulled up when three trucks pulled in behind me. Kara and Little Tom in the first, Orrick and Cece in the second, and Deputy Turner in the last. Everyone was stretching, in that I woke up not too long ago and really don't want to start lifting heavy things quite yet way except for Cece. She headed straight for me.

"Morning, Madi." She said, sounding perfectly awake and happy as always. "How are you this morning?"

"Tired. I wasn't expecting all of this, and it was too late to swing by for some of your coffee without making everyone else wait for me here."

Cece smiled sweetly. "Yes, I saw you didn't come in. Don't worry, I brought lots of coffee and breakfast. I had to make sure the boys were properly motivated for everything we have to get done today."

When she said "we have to get done" it finally stirred something in my brain, and I looked at her outfit. Gone was the ever-present apron from Pearl's or casual blouses. Today her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, a lightweight plain black shirt, denim jeans, and boots all liberally stained with what looked like paint and other things. I looked over at Orrick and Deputy Turner, both men in similar work outfits.

"Wait, umm, Cece, you don't have to"

She held up her hand palm towards me, but didn't bother waiting for me to stop talking.

"School starts in a few weeks, and those girls deserve to be in their house. Orri and I are going to be helping out here until everything is done. Michael is just here today on his day off. My brother Kai is also going to be helping out a lot."

As she finished, I heard Orrick boom out, "There he is. Thought you gave up and went back to bed."

I turned to see a figure on a bicycle roll up to the rest of the trucks. Hopping off, he leaned it against Orri's truck and then embraced the man in a hug. I immediately recognized the newcomer as the masseuse from the book club meeting yesterday.

"Nah, just didn't want to be breathing the dust y'all kick up."

Cece grabbed my arm and led me over towards the group where Kai was now greeting everyone.

"Madi, this is my brother Kai, who has chosen to waste all of his talents here in our town."

Kai looked up at me and immediately got a guarded look on his face.

"Nice to meet you, Madi." He said as he extended his hand towards me. "Cece just means that she doesn't like me being a personal trainer and sometimes handyman. Big sisters always think their younger siblings should be winning Nobel prizes or something."

"Pleasure, Kai," I said, trying to keep my voice neutral, but I think it came off a little cool. "Cece told me a lot about how great a guy her brother is. You have a lot to live up to, literally." I raised one hand parallel to the ground as high as his head, and my other hand the same, next to Cece's head.

Kai laughed. "Yeah, I was adopted. Our parents couldn't have any more kids after Cece, but they thought she might be lonely without someone to pick on."

"Too bad they picked a lumpy boy to adopt instead of a girl I could actually have fun with." Cece cut in.

Cece and Kai continued to tease each other while Kara and Tom made sure to help themselves to several cinnamon rolls each. Finally, it was Cece who began giving orders. Little Tom, Kara, and Michael would continue working on the electrical, Orri and Cece were working on cabinets and the island in the kitchen, Kai and I were assigned a variety of tasks that were less technical but somehow always seemed to need at least three hands.

Kai tried several times to make conversation and get to know me. I answered each of his questions with short answers that fell short of being rude while also not encouraging follow-up questions. Cece also stopped to check on us often, and each time she made sure to engage both of us in conversation. I ground my teeth. Cece knew the divorce wasn't final until next month, yet here she was trying to push her brother on me.

I glanced at Kai, it wasn't that Kai was hard on the eyes. Being a personal trainer gave him a physique that was easy on the eye, and I could think of a few athletic things he'd probably be up for that Richard wasn't. But I was still married, and even if I hadn't been, I didn't appreciate being set up without my asking for it. Once the divorce was final, I fully intended to focus on my girls and writing. Mia had been very understanding that the time spent on the divorce and moving necessitated a drop in productivity, but she had been hinting that the publisher wouldn't keep waiting forever. I needed to at least show I was making progress on the next book, or I would quickly find myself without a publisher.

"Cece, can I speak with you, please?" I said as I handed Orrick a bunch of clamps he had asked for. "It will just be a minute, I promise."

She followed me quickly out the door to where all the trucks were parked in the drive so we could speak without anyone overhearing.

"Look, Cece, I appreciate you trying to look out for me, but knock it off. I'm still married, and even when I'm not, it's going to take time to cleanse Richard from my system. So hunky fit brother or not, please stop."

Cece didn't even look embarrassed or sorry at all. In fact, she didn't look like anything at all besides bored. "That's the big speech. I was expecting more from an author of your skills, but ok. Short, sweet, and disappointing." She grinned, so I assumed she was mostly teasing. "You do what you want, but you and Kai will be good for each other."

She didn't bother waiting for my reply, simply gave me a quick, firm hug, then walked us both back inside. She pulled me in a little tighter and whispered in my ear, "Before you give up entirely just promise you'll look at his butt in those shorts. That man's ass could make the pope gay."

I stood rooted for a moment, shocked that even Cece would go that far, talking about her brother. Then I snorted and went back to help Kai. I tried to be a little more friendly the rest of the afternoon since it seemed certain that Cece would continue throwing us together. I also did eventually take a quick look when he bent over to pick up a dropped tool. Whew, ok yeah that was a prime specimen right there. I lost myself in a bit of a daydream of what he might look like in a nicely tailored suit and then ripping it off later. I think Kai had to say my name twice before I snapped out of it and went to help him.

"How was working on the house today, Mom?" Rose asked over dinner that night. It was take-out, again, grabbed after I picked them up from hanging out with Emma and Macey. I had been right that those two and their fan club immediately wanted to be friends with my girls. What had surprised me, though, was that while the initial offer had obviously been prompted by fascination with my books, the group quickly moved past that. My girls were two years younger than Emma and Macey, so I thought that might cause an issue. Instead, the older girls ignored the age difference and took no few pains introducing the girls to the town.

Today, while I was working on the house, the girls had gone to a larger town nearby, Lindow, for shopping and movies. So we talked about what they found, the movie, and, of course, the boys they saw. Tired as I was, it had brought a smile to my face that didn't want to fade away. Rose was never shy or lacked for friends, but the times I saw my girls interact with their friends here, it was different. I'd never expected teenage girls to focus so hard on including Rose, and the first time I had thanked them, they had been shocked. It hadn't occurred to them that they were doing anything special. I had made a point to express this to Cece, and if I ever met the supposed womanizer Lane, I would be sure to praise his daughter just as highly.

"I thought it was just going to be Little Tom, Kara, and me, but apparently Cece pulled in her husband, her brother, herself, and Deputy Turner as well. I don't know how we are going to finish before school, though. Having to redo the sub-floors set everything back so much."

"How was Kai?" I looked over sharply at Rose when she used his name, which I had not mentioned. She looked down quickly at her plate, unwilling to meet my gaze.

"Girls, I'm too tired for games tonight. How do you know Kai, and what exactly am I supposed to be doing?"

It turned out they had met Kai several times while hanging out with Emma. The first time was when Emma had gotten a flat tire; she called Orrick, and he sent Kai, who was closer. Then they had met and chatted with him a few times while waiting at Pearl's for Emma to be free. It turned out Emma adored her uncle, and like all teenage girls, they all thought they were Cupid, creating the next great love story, setting Romeo up with Juliet. Or maybe Paris and Helen of Troy, with Richard as Menelaus.

"Rose. Eleanor." I fixed each with a hard glare as I said their name. I was pleased to see Rose gulp and look over at Ele quickly. "I am still married to your father, Richard, who, even when this is all over, will still be your father. You don't have to like it, but please don't do anything you will regret in ten years. He does love both of you." I paused for a second, making sure they had time to absorb the last statement.

"Next month, the divorce is final. I know you think you are doing me a favor and that I'm going to fall in love with the cute guy from the gym. But I need you both to understand that real life doesn't work like that. I was married for 14 years and got the best things of my life out of it." I stood up and walked around the table so I could hug both of them at the same time.

"I'm not ready for another relationship. I need time to look after both of you, to figure out who I am and what I want for the next chapter of my life, and I need time to grieve that your father and I were not able to keep the vows we made till death do us part. Ok? So, thank you for trying to look out for your old, helpless mother, but please stop. I know Cece was in on this, and I already told her the same thing."

"But Cece said Kai's vows were broken, too, and he needed help healing." Ele blurted out. "We thought maybe you could help each other?" She wavered between looking at the floor guiltily and meeting my eyes defiantly. I was shocked much more by the guilt than anything else. Ele never had any issue telling everyone exactly what she thought. I also heard the echo of Cece in her comment about Kai and me helping each other, but that didn't explain the guilt.

"I love you both more than anything else. I trust you. Can you trust me and not try to force this?"

They both said yes. "Just don't screw it up because he could carry all three of us at once and I haven't seen anyone else who could." Rose had to get the last word. I let myself smile and kissed both of them on the forehead. I sat back down to finish dinner as we turned the discussion to the cute boys they had seen at the lake today. Much safer to talk about my girl's teenage crushes than my disaster of a love life.

Cece had decided that hell or high water, my house was going to be finished before school started. To that end, Little Tom and Kara were out every day the next two weeks, along with Cece, Orrick, and Kai. I went up several days to try and help, and regardless of time, those five were always there. When I asked, Orrick admitted that they were there by 6:00am and most nights did not leave until 10:00pm, when noise ordinances meant they had to stop work.

Every time I showed up, whatever Kai was doing now suddenly required two people, according to Cece. I thought about talking to her again, but I decided to just give her this one. Kai was actually easy to talk to, though I often felt like it was a mask. Being an author meant I spent a lot of time watching people to understand how they thought, felt, acted, even moved. It helped to create characters that were not all complete reflections of me.

Kai acted like someone would expect a personal trainer to act. He was happy, encouraging, and every problem was just a chance to look for a solution. The longer I watched him, the more I felt like at least some of that was an act. His smiles rarely truly reached past the surface, but sometimes I got a glimpse that he wanted them to. A few jokes where the laugh was deeper and relaxed let me start seeing what I felt was the real Kai.

Rose and Eleanor had also taken to showing up at the house, driven by Emma. I thought it would be Cece that took time off work to spend with the girls, but I was shocked the first time when I went looking for Kai and found him sitting on the lawn between them, chatting. As soon as he saw me, he jumped to his feet and rushed over to apologize for not helping. I brushed it off and simply asked for his help hanging ceiling fans, which is why I had come looking for him.

The next time he went missing, I found him again with the girls, but this time he and Eleanor were arm wrestling while Cece and Rose shouted encouragement. Both Cece and Rose were telling Ele to kick his ass. I smiled and watched them hidden away for a bit. I suppose I should have been concerned that a grown man was potentially going out of his way to hang out with my teenage daughters, but I was actually more curious. Ele didn't like men, well, grown men. She had her share of crushes on boys her age. But anyone more than a few years older than her typically got the surly teenager treatment. After spending much of the summer around Little Tom and Orrick, she had opened up to both of them, but it had not been instant. This was the first time I had seen Kai with them, and while they had said they had met him several times at Pearl's, it still seemed odd.

"Cece, can I talk with you for a moment?" I shouted, and everyone looked over at me. Kai looked guilty, and Ele took advantage of his distraction to slam his hand to the ground. Rose and Ele began a victory dance while Cece smiled and high-fived them both before heading to where I stood.

I pitched my voice low, though the girls were paying me no attention, and Kai had walked off towards the kitchen where Orrick was working. "How much has Kai been hanging out with my girls?"

"Oh, just twice at Pearl's, and I guess the first time was that flat tire, but Emma said all the girls stayed in the car while he fixed it. Then Emma asked him for some help with something she's working on, and he was there when Rose and Ele came in to see Emma. Don't worry, dear, I was there the whole time both times."

"So you're telling me that Ele, who is 14, who hates men and threatens to kick the ass of everyone who she even thinks is looking at Rose, is going out of her way to talk to him and then tries to set me up with him after meeting him twice?"

Cece got a hard look on her face. "I've heard a little of those girls' stories, and it breaks my heart. For you, too, if you would ever talk about it instead of trying to pretend it doesn't affect you anymore. Though I must say I went back through your books, and Congruent Curiosity certainly has an extra bite to it, and it was written about that time, right?"

I opened my mouth to tell her it was none of her damn business but she kept right on talking.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line. My point is, those girls have trauma, and it hasn't been dealt with because they see you pretending yours doesn't exist, so they do the same. They can't think of being any less than their mom, who is their hero, but they are kids, and it's not healthy. Kai has his own trauma, and I think you and your girls see it. I'd love for you all to finally admit it to yourselves and fix it, but until then, maybe misery loves company."

"So you're encouraging my daughters to hang out with someone old enough to be their father because you think we all have trauma? What fucked up kind of logic is that?"

"No, I didn't have to encourage anything. It was your daughters who asked me to nudge you towards Kai, and they are the ones choosing to hang out with him. Maybe you should try it. He really is an actual good guy."

"A good guy who has enough baggage that he's single and working as your free labor? Seems like a real keeper. Do you pay for his apartment, or does he live in your basement?" I knew my words were unfair even as I was saying them. Kai had been nice, and his apology earlier had been sincere. But I was lashing out after the comment about both my girls' and my own trauma. Cece had known us for a couple of months and thought that gave her the right to talk about my girls' past? They had been with the best therapist I could find for four years until finally they refused to see them anymore, and the therapist said they thought that was fine.

Cece was looking at me, and I could tell she was holding back a storm. I steeled myself and hoped that my anger would carry me through because I knew I was in the wrong here. I wasn't prepared for her to hug me. She held it just for a moment and then stood on tip-toes to whisper in my ear, "Basements can be better than apartments. Less people can hear you scream when he makes you cum."

With that nugget of wisdom, Cece walked off towards the kitchen humming to herself. I stood for a second, wondering if I had heard her correctly, then shook my head. Cece would always be Cece. You were never quite sure what was coming out of her mouth next. I laughed to myself thinking about how long it had been since I was with someone who made me cum. Then I decided I needed another chat with my daughters to see what their interest in Kai was really about.

---------------

I thought about skipping the next few book club meetings as I felt like I didn't have enough time for all of the work I needed to do. The house was close but not quite finished. The apartment was almost packed and ready to be moved into the house. The girls were done getting school supplies, which meant mostly new clothes. Mia was pushing more and more that she needed something to show that I was working on a book. All in all, I had plenty to keep me busy, but I decided, for once, to take the advice of a former therapist and do something for myself. A few hours wouldn't kill me either way, and it was nice to chat about nothing consequential with friends.

Unfortunately, Kai had been back both times to give massages. None of the ladies were loud like Stacey, but it was still uncomfortable to sit there while it happened. There was something shallow and tawdry about it. I enjoyed relaxing, but I never got the feeling that relaxing was the point of the massages. Stacey and the others seemed possessive of who got to be massaged by Kai.

Lori pulled back the curtain and, with a radiant smile, told me that it was my turn. I paused for a second, meeting Kai's gaze. He was smiling, and the muscles in his face were all arranged in the order that was supposed to be happy, but his eyes were blank. I knew what Kai looked like when he was happy now. It was arm-wrestling with Ele, teasing Rose about her boy band crush, or scaring Cece so much so that she threw a hammer at him and put a hole in the drywall. Those were the moments when I saw the light reach his eyes and the hazel soften enough to see the person within. Right now, this was fake. Apart from my discomfort with this whole massage thing, I didn't want to be near whatever this facade was hiding.

"Oh, I'll pass, thanks. I'd rather chat with everyone here." I made sure that my voice was light and happy, like it was no big deal. I kept Stacey in the corner of my eye because I had a feeling that breaking the script would not go over well. All I could see was a tightening of her lips, but that told me I was right.

"Well, perhaps we should end early today, then. It is raining, and it will take Kai a little longer to get home. Wouldn't want him riding in the dark." Stacey too kept her voice light, but I couldn't shake the feeling that she was unhappy with me not getting a massage.

If anyone else thought it odd, they didn't say so. Though there was plenty of teasing that maybe I cared only for intellectual muscle if I could turn down the chance to feel those hands on me. Marcie went so far as to suggest, very teasingly, of course, that maybe I would rather Stacey be my masseuse. I could tell she meant it to be an insult, though thankfully it was ignored by the rest of the group, so I hoped there was only one true bigot there.

Everyone filed out quickly, and I made sure not to be the last, but I had just turned my car on when I realized that I had missed that Kai had ridden his bike, again. He had always ridden it to my house when working on it, but I had dismissed it as him being a fitness nut. Riding home today in the pouring rain seemed awful.

I waited the few minutes it took for him to come out of the house, then pulled into Stacey's driveway next to his bike. I rolled down my window and shouted, "Can I give you a ride?"

Kai looked at me for a second before responding. "So you turn down my massage but want to take me back to my place? I'm getting mixed messages here."

"No mixed messages, jerk. It's pouring rain, just get in before you are completely soaked."

Kai looked at me for a second with an unreadable expression, then shrugged.

"Thanks for the offer. I'll be fine."

With that, he swung up on his bike and started pedaling away. Despite the rain, he got some speed quickly, and I could tell in the overcast approaching twilight, it wouldn't take long for me to lose him. I ground my teeth. It was pouring rain in sheets hard enough that even just the walk from Stacey's door to my car, I was practically dripping. I didn't see any light on Kai's bike, he was practically invisible.

Fine, I thought. Rose and Ele need something new to tease me about anyway.

I reversed out of the driveway quickly and headed the way Kai had left. Once I was about 10 feet behind him, I slowed to match his speed and moved so that my headlights shone on him. I could see him look back and try to move further over to the shoulder, thinking I was trying to get around him. I kept my spot, and after a minute, I saw another shrug, and he kept riding. I followed him until he turned into the driveway of a small townhouse. I was very unsurprised that it was across the street from my gym.

I started to pull away, but then I saw he was waving me towards him. I pulled into the driveway and rolled down the window again, the seat was already soaked from the first time anyway.

Kai stuck his dripping wet head through the window. With his longer hair loose, he looked quite a bit like a dog, just needed a panting tongue to complete the image in my head.

"Look, I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry for it. If you needed to know where I lived so you could SWAT the place or whatever you're planning, I would have just told you if you asked."

I stared for a second. "I just wanted to make sure you were safe. Cece would kill me if I let her brother get hurt. It's pouring rain and you're on a bike. I was trying to be nice. Especially after all the help you've given me with my house."

"Yeah, your friend's brother, who probably lives in a basement, wastes his life at the gym, and gives gossipy ladies massages?"

I gulped at the reference to what I had said to Cece. Guess that meant that he had heard me. I looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes anymore.

"I'm sorry. I was out of line. I really do appreciate all of your help. The massages... look, it just feels, I dunno, exhibitionisty to me, I guess? Like you are just there so they can get some cheap thrills at your expense?"

Kai snorted. "You sound like Cece." He paused, and then when he started again, it was much softer and contrite. "Thanks for not bringing up the book club stuff to her, she doesn't like that I do it. Probably best she doesn't know you hang around Stacey."

He then stuck his hand through the window extended towards me to shake. "So now that we have both been mean to each other. How about we start over? I'm Kai, Cece's adopted little brother."

"Madeleine, preferably Madi. Bitchy, sometimes author."

The next week passed quickly as we hurried to finish everything in the house, and then Cece insisted on all of them moving my stuff in. I had to cancel the movers at the last minute because we had never talked about moving beyond dates. I had planned to have a company move us, and Cece assumed that she and everyone working on my house would do it. Cece won.

After that, it was back to school for the girls and the unpacking of the house for me. Two more weeks passed before, at Cece's insistence, I was able to have everyone over for a thank-you party. During that time, Kai had come over several times to help around the house with small fixes from the renovations, and I had also seen him at the gym. We talked briefly at the gym, but he seemed to let me initiate.

At the house was different because the girls constantly asked if he had come over, and if he was there when they came home, they were sure to insist he stay. The first time it happened, I was sure they were going to try and force Kai and me into a room together. Instead, he ended up helping the girls hang posters in their room. The next time he stayed, it was because Ele asked if he knew geometry, she hated math, and he spent three hours working with her. Each time when it got close to dinner, I asked if he wanted to stay, and he politely declined. When he left, the girls were their normal selves, teasing me about him coming over, sure, but not excessively. I guess my chat did some good.

The day of the party arrived with Cece, Orrick, Emma, Macey, Macey's dad-Lane, Little Tom, and Kara all arriving in the early afternoon. Cece said Kai was coming but would be a little late. That turned out to be about four hours after everyone else came and three and a half hours after Lane started hitting on me constantly.

Ele had been getting moodier and moodier watching me trying to fend off Lane's advances. I guess she blamed that on Kai not being there because she decided to welcome him with a flying kick he had shown her earlier that week. Unfortunately, she aimed straight for his chest, and the two of them went down in a heap as he tried to cushion her fall. I ran over to make sure Ele was alright, but she and Kai were rolling on the ground laughing. As Kai stood up, he straightened the messenger bag he was carrying, and a long, roughly cylindrical object fell out.

It looked like a hand?

At the same time that my mind caught up with what I was seeing, Rose rolled up in her chair. I watched as Kai noticed at the same time that his bag felt light and his eyes grew wide. He reached down to his bag and opened the flap, then, apparently not seeing what he wanted to, started desperately looking at the ground. Rose followed his gaze, and right as he reached down to grab the object, she screamed.

Kai froze. By now, I'm sure everyone was either looking at us or wandering over.

Cece reached the group seconds after the scream and was the first to take charge.

"Rose, Eleanor, please go get the boxes in the kitchen that I brought and bring them out to the patio. Your mother and I will be there in a moment." Cece's voice was firm, and I saw the girls hesitate only for a moment.

As soon as the girls were out of earshot, Cece turned on her brother, looking much less friendly. "Kai, what did you do?" She sounded exasperated. She held out her hand, plainly expecting him to give her whatever it was he brought.

"Nothing, it's umm, just well, I wanted to show Madi and see if it was ok. But then it fell out. I was going to ask you first, Madi." He handed it over to Cece.

"Ask me what?" I said flatly.

"Well, about Rose's hand. She doesn't have a prosthetic, and so a friend of mine did this. I wanted to see if it was ok if you gave it to her."

Cece handed it over to me and began grilling him as I examined the object. It was a long hollow cylinder that would fit snugly over a forearm. The tube itself felt soft and grippy, a mix between rubber and plastic with several hard strands that maybe were metal? At the end was a robotic-looking hand with five fingers. I could see from the wrist area that the hand could move in all directions, it had all the right joints, and the fingers and palm were textured to be grippy.

According to Kai, one of his college buddies had made it based on sizing from Facebook photos of Rose's forearm. It was supposed to respond exactly like a hand with the same muscle movements that Rose would have made if she still had her hand. Dextrous enough to write with a pencil, fully waterproof, and the sleeve was molded so that she could pull hard, and the hand would stay in place.

Kai was staring at the ground at this point. Cece was still glaring at him. Orrick had wandered over and was chuckling gently like this was something to be expected from Kai, even if it was idiotic.

"Your college buddy just happened to make this?" I kept my voice biting. Something like this sounded too good to be true, and I was angry that he felt he could just bring this up without asking me. I wanted it all to be true and to fix everything for Rose, but how dare he just casually throw this in front of her. Not to mention the many, many boundaries he had crossed to get the information needed for it.

"Yeah, umm..." Kai's voice trailed off.

"Darnit, Kai, just tell her." Orrick's voice was the only one that seemed happy at this point.

Kai stayed staring at the ground, so I looked over at Orrick.

"Kai went to MIT. So he probably does have a buddy who just whipped that up in his free time. Friend probably got a bunch of patents out of it too, so it's not like this was true charity or you owe him."

"MIT. An MIT graduate who is working as a handyman? No offense, Orrick, what you do is great, but what the hell is Kai doing here? He doesn't need a degree from MIT to do odd jobs for you." I wasn't sure if I was angry or just in disbelief at this point. If Orrick was telling the truth, then I guess maybe Kai did know someone who could just do this, which made me feel better about the whole charity aspect. The boundaries were still an issue.

"Madi, that's not a story for tonight." I jerked my head up at the sudden protectiveness in Cece's voice. "Tonight, my idiot brother did what he always does and didn't actually think before acting, and now I have to clean up."

Cece gave Kai a half-hug, then moved over to me. "The cat is out of the bag, though. Rose saw it. I know this isn't how it should go, but I think you should let her try it." She looked over at Kai. "He does have a habit of anything he touches turning to gold as long as it's not people."

"I'm going to go. Umm, hope the house is uhh nice." Kai stuttered out as he turned back towards his bike. Kai practically fled, which seemed quite an overreaction. Sure, I wanted him to have talked to me first before he just went out and had someone make what looked like an extremely advanced prosthetic for my daughter. I certainly wouldn't have said no, but there were things to discuss, including talking to Rose.

I looked over my shoulder and saw my girls had gotten the boxes as requested, but were standing halfway between where they had left the boxes and our group. Emma and Macey were standing with them, looking just as anxious. Little Tom and Kara seemed torn between the sweets from Pearl's and the girls with whom they had become friends while working on our house. Only Lane seemed uninterested in what had happened with Kai and was drinking yet another beer.

I looked down at the prosthetic and back at Rose. Guess we were going to see how she felt this time around, but unlike the last time we had discussed prosthetics, this one had been dropped in my lap with zero time to prepare. I started back towards the girls and kept it in front of me. Cece and Orrick followed behind and to the side.

"So, umm, Kai's friend made this Rose. I know the last time we talked about this, you said you didn't even want to see one, and I'm sorry that this is just being dropped on you." I squatted down in front of her wheelchair so I was level with her.

"You don't have to make a decision right now. I can put it away while you think if you want." I was trying desperately to read her face to figure out what she was thinking. Ele was easy, I didn't have to look at her to know that if Rose was upset that Ele would likely hunt down Kai. Rose, however, had a very guarded look on her face that I couldn't tell exactly what it meant.

"If Kai made it, then it's going to be amazing." Emma chimed in unexpectedly.

I looked sharply over at her and was about to tell her to mind her own business.

"Can I try it on?" Rose said timidly.

As Rose held out her arm, I slid the prosthetic in place. I didn't have any direction on what to do or how it worked, but apparently it had been built specifically for Rose. The sleeve fit perfectly like a glove and wrapped closely around the distal end of her arm. Once it was fully on, Rose didn't move for several moments and just stared at it. Then I saw her take a deep breath, and the fingers slowly started to curl.

All at once, the fingers started flexing, wiggling, curling, and uncurling. Rose let out a squeal and turned to Ele. Rose grabbed both of Ele's hands, and suddenly all of the girls were circling her and squealing as well. When they calmed down enough for our ears to stop ringing, Cece gave a brief summary of what Kai had said its capabilities were. That kicked off another round of squealing, but now Emma, Macey, and Ele were running around for different things that Rose could try to grab or use.

I looked over at Cece and Orrick and saw them holding each other with slightly watery eyes, watching the girls. I probably didn't need to worry about the girls overhearing, but I stepped close and pitched my voice low.

"So Kai is an MIT grad who oversteps boundaries by making things he shouldn't for other people, often, I gather?"

"Yeah, dumb kid," Orrick grunted good-naturedly. "Just text him to say thanks. He's not really great at the whole you're welcome part and probably will run away the next dozen times he sees you."

Orrick looked at Cece for a moment, then turned back to me. "Especially with that pissed off mamma-bear you pulled. Probably isn't going to stop biking until he's across the county line at least. I hope you and Cece never fight; fallout from that might just flatten the whole town."

Cece elbowed him hard in the ribs, and his chuckling turned into a wheeze. "Shut up. Madi had every right to be upset, and you know it. Kai needs to grow up and learn that he can't just try and fix things without asking first."

She paused and then looked over at me. "But Emma is right, I'd bet whatever that hand can do, you won't find one quite like it anywhere else. And you'll just make it worse if you act like it's a big deal. Tell him thanks and then never mention that he gave it to her ever again."

---------------

For the next two months, I saw Kai several times a week. Mostly at Pearl's, working with a handful of teenagers. Kai would hang out there several afternoons and help Emma and her friends with their homework. It wasn't official, but a surprisingly large number of kids would wander through asking for his help. Rose and Eleanor joined as they had become inseparable from Emma. I started going when Emma asked for my help with a paper she had to write, and pretty soon, I was an unofficial tutor alongside Kai.

I also continued to attend book club meetings every week and was surprised that Kai was no longer attending. It was never mentioned, but I caught a few sidelong glances from some of the ladies, so I had to wonder if they thought I was to blame somehow. Personally, I was glad not to have the show happening in the background, as something had always seemed off about it to me.

As the weather grew colder, Cece invited my girls and me to spend a day at the lake with her family. They had a boat and wanted one last day out before winterizing it. I discussed it with both Rose and Eleanor and was surprised when both enthusiastically said they wanted to go boating. I knew they thought of Emma as basically a sister, but neither had expressed anything except terror around water and lakes since the accident. This was an extremely abrupt face from even just a few months ago. I thought about leaving it, but decided I needed to push for their sakes, even if it hurt to do so.

"What's up girls? For years, you have barely wanted to go swimming in a pool, and that only under duress. Now you want to go back to a lake and are practically jumping up and down? I also noticed neither of you was surprised by the offer."

Rose answered, but only after looking at Ele. "You'll be there for all of it, right, Mom? Plus, Emma and Cece said I didn't have to get in the water."

The first sentence tugged at my heart in ways I didn't want to acknowledge. Damn teenagers, they could be the most oblivious and obvious manipulators ever, but sometimes they also struck true in a way they weren't mature enough to understand.

"Yes, of course I'll be there. I just don't want you rushing into something you're not ready for or being pressured by your friends." I raised an eyebrow at both of them, and they knew my unspoken question. Was this just them wanting to be with their friends and being cool, whatever that meant to their teenage brains?

"Cece had the same conversation with us and Emma. Emma knows what happened more than Cece. Rose and I asked to go, then Cece talked to us, then agreed we could come if you said it was alright." Rose was talking, but the whole time she was only looking at her twin.

I stared hard at Rose and then at Ele. Both of them seemed sincere, but Ele was trying so hard to keep her face neutral that I knew she wasn't telling me everything.

"Kai's going to be there, isn't he?"

Both girls suddenly looked at me, then back at each other, then at the ground. It was obvious this was the something Ele was holding back. I sighed. They looked shocked, and I had to assume they thought they were masterminds about to con their old, slow mother.

I gave each of them a hard, long look. Neither was quite willing to meet my eyes for more than a brief flash, more just checking that I was still staring than actually looking me in the eyes. "Promise me this is what you want, and as soon as either of you is uncomfortable, you'll let me know."

"Yes!"

So that was how I found myself out on a lake for the first time in six years. Cece, Orrick, Kai, Emma, Rose, Eleanor, and I all packed on a boat, laughing. I was laughing mostly to try and not think of the last time I was on a lake, though the girls seemed more ok than I. Most of the morning, we spent pulling two tubes behind the boat, competing to see who could stay on the longest in each duo. Cece and Orrick both flipped over quickly as they were much more concerned with trying to get the other off their tube than holding on to their own. Kai let Emma win because he only used his feet and played air guitar. Ele stayed with Rose the whole time, and neither one of them got in the water. I wasn't surprised; just being on the water in a boat was a huge step.

After a long lunch on the beach, we went back to the boat so that Cece's family could water ski. I was watching Kai effortlessly jump the wake with more than a little envy. My own attempt had been falling face first several times before shakily standing up for about a minute. Orrick chuckled at my badly concealed jealousy. He told me that despite his current physique, Kai was not naturally athletic or really inherently gifted at anything outside book smarts. Instead, he hyper-focused on specific things, learned everything about them, and spent every moment attempting to perfect them. Water skiing was one of those things, and Kai had spent many hours gaining his current skill level.

After Emma took a second turn, I expected we would take another break as it was obvious everyone was getting tired. I didn't think anything special was happening when Kai walked up to Rose, who I was holding in a side hug, until he knelt down in front of her.

"Hey, I saw you watching everyone on the skis. What if you come out with me and we'll give it a go?"

I felt Rose immediately tense up, and when I looked at her face, it had drained of all color. I pulled her tighter into a hug and was about to tell Kai to go away when Ele beat me to it.

"Rose doesn't want to get in the water! Leave her alone!" Ele had run up right behind Kai and was shouting practically in his ear.

Kai didn't even glance at Eleanor, just kept looking at Rose. "You don't have to, but it looked like you wanted to. We can shorten up the rope. Ele will be in the back with the flag to keep you safe. Your mom, too. You'll almost be able to hold their hands."

He looked over at me guiltily before continuing. Damned man. I had started to really enjoy his company at Pearl's, helping the kids. Then he pulled another stunt where he was absolutely overstepping and needed to have talked to me before plunging in head-first.

"I'll hold you and nothing will happen, huh? All you have to do is focus on your sister and your mom."

Ele looked ready to murder Kai when I felt Rose give a single half-nod. Ele had been staring at her twin with her fists clenched. At the nod from Rose, Ele's mouth dropped open, and she suddenly seemed to deflate.

"Ok", Rose's voice had none of its normal mirth and was so quiet I could barely hear her even right next to her.

Kai smiled; it was comforting, not victorious.

"You got this. The moment you're done, just say it and you're back in the boat, ok?"

Rose gave another trembling nod.

Cece and Orrick quickly shortened the rope while Kai put on skis on the back of the boat. I helped Rose to him and then took my assigned spot at the back next to Eleanor. I could see Ele's face alternating between terror and anger, her hands gripping the orange flag so tightly her knuckles were white. I put my arm around her shoulders, but she didn't even look at me. All of her attention was laser-focused on Rose. I could almost feel her willing this to be ok while she was also ready to rush to the aid of her sister without a moment's thought if anything seemed wrong.

Kai was holding Rose in a princess carry. Her arms were around his neck, her head buried against his chest. As they slid into the water, I heard her whimper softly, and she pulled tighter against him. I was standing up in a second, and Ele jumped to the swim platform. I heard Kai talking softly. Rose nodded, then looked at Ele, me, and nodded again. I helped Ele back to her seat, then sat next to her, hugging her tightly while waiting for Kai to get into position. I remember Rose's comment about Kai being able to carry all of us in his arms. I mentally snorted, thinking we were going to see how true that was. His left arm was cradling her back and down to her legs, he would only be holding on to the tow rope with one hand.

Then my mind went back to what was happening. The girls had promised they wouldn't do anything they weren't comfortable with. This was Rose's choice, and I was standing by it, but I hadn't realized how unprepared I was for anything like this. It hadn't occurred to me that she would push herself this far, and it was bringing back terrors I had thought safely confined to my nightmares. I had to watch this to support Rose, but inside my insides were twisting painfully, and I wanted to scream that I couldn't do this. As a mom, I had to sit there and pretend this was fine.

Orrick didn't start the boat as hard as he had with the rest of the skiers, but I could tell he didn't want Kai and Rose dragging along in the water forever either. I watched as Kai popped up fairly quickly, though it was obvious he was muscling through it. As soon as they were up, Orrick sped up, though still well below normal speed. Rose seemed to relax the tiniest amount once she was out of the water, but for the first minute, her eyes were locked with Ele. I could see Kai's lips moving, but I couldn't hear anything he said. He stayed as still as he could, not turning or jumping the wake as he had before.

Finally, I saw Rose look over at me and smile just a little. Then she started looking around, and I saw the smile get bigger. Eventually, she started giggling, then it turned into full-throated screaming happily, and she even put one hand up in the air. I looked over at Ele and saw that while she was still white-knuckling the flag, she was smiling back at her twin.

Orrick pulled them slowly and steadily for several minutes before I saw Kai lean in closer to her ear and say something. Rose nodded and returned both her hands to holding his neck. Kai looked at both Ele and me, then let go of the tow rope. Immediately, Ele's arm was in the air, frantically waving the flag and calling for Orrick to loop around. I watched Rose and saw her holding tight to Kai, but looking actually content and still smiling softly, unlike when she started. Getting Rose back in the boat required several of us, as Rose was limited to only her arms for movement.

As soon as she was back in the boat, Cece wrapped her in several towels, and Ele and Emma sandwiched her. I could hear the girls excitedly talking to each other, and Rose was giggling while describing her adventure. When Kai got back in the boat, he asked if Orrick could drop him on the shore, as he needed a break. Rose and Ele looked at each other, then asked if they could take a turn on the tubes. I wanted to stay and watch, but I was mentally exhausted from those few minutes watching Rose. Also, Kai needed a reality check.

Fifteen minutes later, Kai and I were on the beach, while everyone else was back on the boat for another round of tubing. Kai was lying on his back, eyes closed, looking perfectly content to bask in the remaining sunlight.

"You don't know what happened to Rose, do you?"

Kai's eyes flickered open, and I felt bad for a brief moment that I appeared to have interrupted a nap. Then I thought back to Rose's face when he first asked her to ski with him. Screw his nap, for everyone's sake he was going to hear this.

"No, Cece said she knew some, but she didn't want to tell me. From your reactions on the boat and them not getting in the water, I guessed it was something to do with water."

Kai rolled over and looked at me. "I'm sorry about overstepping again. I just... I wanted to try. I hated seeing her watching everyone and not being happy herself."

He waved off my burgeoning comment. "Oh, she was excited to be here with her friends, but she wanted that freedom on the lake that everyone else had. Then she would look at you, and I saw guilt in her eyes. Ele couldn't relax for more than a millisecond. Every time she laughed, she would stop, look at Rose, then force herself to keep laughing. Cece says I have problems looking at people the same way I do inanimate objects. I try to fix them, but I really just want her to be happy. She's a great kid. They both are, and they shouldn't have to deal with whatever it is from before."

I chuckled. "Keep trying to fix Rose, and sooner or later, Ele will just lose it on you. She almost did today. Your fixing will get you killed by an angry 14-year-old who can't be herself because she is always completely consumed by trying to protect Rose."

Kai grinned unexpectedly, "Yeah, I need to apologize to her. Once my ears stop ringing from her shouting, I'll work on it."

There was a long silence while I thought about how to start. I hadn't told the story to anyone in years. Those closest to me knew it, and my therapist, but it had been years since I had told anyone new.

"They were eight. Richard, my ex-husband, and his whole extended family wanted to do a big vacation with everyone. We rented a couple of cabins by a lake and planned for a week-long vacation. Boating, canoeing, kayaking, paddle boarding, fishing, anything you could do at a lake, we were going to do. They even rented a couple of inflatable rafts with slides and diving boards.

"Eleanor was sick one afternoon, something she ate probably, upset stomach. I was on the beach with her, and Richard was looking after Rose. He and a bunch of the men had gone out to one of the platforms and took Rose with them. Most of them were drinking, including Richard."

I had to pause for a second and deal with the tears that were starting to come. It had been six years, but it still felt like an oozing infected wound every time I talked about it. I scrubbed my eyes and focused on my anger for a moment before continuing.

"They were diving and swimming and doing tricks. Rose was in the water, she had swum out away from the raft towards the boats. Afterwards, they said they were keeping an eye on her and she was fine."

I felt the familiar rage boiling up inside me and looked at Kai. I could see a sadness in his face watching me that touched me. He reached out his hand for mine and just held it. The warmth was nice.

"It was a boat... it shouldn't... it wasn't supposed to be there. Too close to the platform, it was a wakeless area. I was on the beach, I couldn't. I couldn't see Rose. A couple of the guys tried to wave them off, but most were cheering. Shouting for them to spray the platform. They thought it was funny."

I bit off the word funny and clenched my hands. I realized after a moment that included the hand holding Kai and looked up guiltily. He just nodded.

"Rose was eight, and they didn't, well, they said they didn't see her until it was too late. I was too far away to see what happened, but I heard her scream. Nothing can prepare you for hearing that from your child. I was running before I knew what happened. Two of the guys were EMTs, and they jumped off and swam to where she was."

I was fully crying now, but I didn't feel ashamed. I could still feel all the rage, but it felt at least a little soothing to be telling this again. Kai's eyes hadn't wavered from my face for a moment during the story.

"She should have died. We were lucky, and there was an ambulance on the beach. They got a chopper. She lost her right hand and wrist, and her right leg had to be amputated above the knee. There wasn't much left of either from the boat, and what was there they couldn't save. They saved her left leg, but it was paralyzed. My baby girl, who would sneak out to run in the neighbor's garden and pretend it was a meadow full of flowers. She would make up songs that she said calmed the birds or were for the squirrels. She was fearless and the kindest soul I have ever met. There was never more than a moment of sadness when she was around because she immediately made it her job to make everyone happy. And now... now she couldn't... couldn't dance... she just reached for me. She didn't know why she hurt, but she wanted it to stop." I wasn't making sense at the end, but the memories were too much. I took a couple of deep breaths to try and get to the point.

"The doctors offered crutches and prosthetics. She tried the crutches, but it was too hard with a paralyzed leg, and there was too much she couldn't do. She hated the prosthetic hands on sight, saying they made her look not human. So now she's in a wheelchair for life. My eight-year-old carefree literal ray of sunshine is shackled. Rose and Eleanor were both traumatized by it. By everything. Ele wouldn't leave her side. Said it was her fault because if she hadn't been sick, then I would have been there."

Kai gently squeezed my hand again. I had to pause as the images were flooding my mind. Ele screaming anytime we took her away from Rose; she wanted to sleep at the hospital in the same room. She fought the doctors if they tried to take Rose into another room for X-rays. Climbed into the bed with Rose and cradled her for hours while Rose slept. They had always been close as twins, but now the lines became blurred between one and the other. Ele screamed at me to fix it. Said if I were a real mom that I would make Rose better. How do you tell an eight-year-old that no one can give them back the sister that they had? What words do you use to tell them that what happened to their sister is going to change her life forever, and that's just the way it is? No do-overs. No takebacks. That's a part of life that even many adults can't accept. The girls were too young to even begin to comprehend that and shouldn't have had to. Except they did, and I had to tell them.

"It was hard enough trying to help Rose heal physically and do the physical therapy to get better. She screamed that she should just die. That I should have let her die. An eight-year-old girl asking everyone to just let her die. I think that broke me as much as anything else did, seeing her like that and knowing what she had been before. I was frantic and depressed thinking that my little girl might have been better off dead than what she was then. I didn't want the shining light in her eyes to go out, but I couldn't see it anymore. I just saw pain."

I remembered those first months as being the worst in my life. Nothing mattered except my girls. I did everything I could think of to make life better for them, to shield them from every bit of pain I could, just hoping that somehow a miracle would happen. That meant that I had nowhere for my pain to go, though. I kept pushing it down, telling myself that was my job as a mother. What I needed or wanted didn't matter, just my girls. Eventually, a psychiatrist at the hospital dragged me to another room and sat me down. It was the most honest conversation I ever had, where she told me that I was hurting my girls by not dealing with my pain as well. I ended up curled in a ball on the floor, more convinced than ever that I was failing them.

I couldn't look at Kai. I didn't want to see how he was looking at me, because whatever it was, pity, sympathy, or compassion, none of it mattered. He had brought this on us with his dumbass needing to fix things and now he was going to feel my pain too.

"We all went to therapy, except Richard. I wasn't very good at it, but I knew I needed it. I lasted about a year before I stopped. I made the girls keep going until their therapist said they didn't need it anymore. That was two years ago, so four years of therapy. He said they both had the tools they needed."

I snorted. "What twelve-year-old has the tools needed to deal with this? To be stuck in a chair all day or to watch their twin-sister stuck. Fuck, I don't have the tools to deal with this shit!"

Kai squeezed my hand again, then sat upright and pulled me into a half-hug. He didn't say anything but just held me.

"Richard... Richard wanted the boat driver prosecuted. It wasn't hard, they didn't run away after they heard the screaming and realized what must have happened. Just a bunch of college guys being stupid and thinking they were invincible. Richard's family rallied around that. Everyone was talking about how they needed to be punished. How they needed to know what they had done to Rose. Needed to feel it. It became an obsession. They kept calling and emailing the prosecutor, trying to advise on what to charge them with, how to make sure they were convicted, and how to get the maximum sentences. Bunch of morons with no law school between them became convinced they were experts overnight when it came to punishment.

"They pleaded guilty. Didn't even try to deny it. Not that it mattered, everyone in the family was willing to testify, and plenty of others outside the family saw what happened. It was an easy case and looked good on the news."

"What about you?" Kai asked gently.

I looked over at him and felt the same defeat I had held since that awful day. "I didn't care. I DIDN'T CARE! What does it matter if he was punished? It didn't give Rose back her freedom. Didn't stop Ele's nightmares watching it happen over and over. It didn't do anything. I couldn't forgive the driver, I still haven't, but no matter what happened to him, it didn't help my girls. It was done, and I couldn't change it. Why would I want more lives ruined?" I sobbed the last bit and slumped over, holding my head in my hands.

Kai pulled my head onto his shoulder and was slowly rubbing large circles on my back.

"She should never have been in the water," I whispered. "He shouldn't have let her be there alone. He should have been there. Should have stopped it. Should have saved her. Should have cared about her more than his dumbass family and showing off."

"His family blamed the boat driver, and you blamed your husband?" Kai's voice was soft, and there was no hint of judgment or accusation.

"That's what a parent does. You protect your children. I couldn't... look at him without thinking it. Anytime I was in the same room, all I saw was her blood. I heard her screams in my head. Kept picturing that dead look in her eyes that had replaced my loving little girl. I think that Ele picked up on that eventually."

Kai raised his eyebrow but didn't say anything, just kept holding me.

"She got combative with him a couple of years afterwards. I think at first she was too young to realize, and she blamed herself. She was protective of Rose immediately after, but it was from everyone indiscriminately. Then, around the time she turned 12, she started shouting at her dad. Started talking back to him when he told her to do something. Wouldn't listen to anything he said. Challenged him on everything. Not just teenage stuff, this was, it was rage. She threw out a bunch of things he had bought for her. She never said anything directly, but I think she decided he was to blame. I don't know if she came to that conclusion directly or just picked up on the things I wasn't good at hiding. Either way, she did everything she could think of to punish Richard, and I think it destroyed their relationship for good."

I paused again. I had gotten through the actual story, but I wanted to say more. I never talked about this except giving tiny half-truths when absolutely necessary. This hurt. More than I would have thought possible when I decided to tell Kai, but it was the hurt of pushing on an embedded barb. The first bit was the worst, then it started moving, and you kept going because you had no choice. Then, when it was all over, you finally realized how much worse it had felt just sitting there.

"Richard and I fought for months, starting right after the accident happened. We would have separated, but we needed to take care of the girls. He knew I blamed him, and he insisted it wasn't his fault. It was bad. We both said a lot of things, just intended to hurt each other. He wanted to celebrate when the sentence for the driver was handed down. I hadn't even followed the case to know the day it was happening. I cussed him out for even thinking of celebrating. Eventually, we agreed to try and stay together for the girls. They were both struggling so much that we didn't think they could handle a divorce. I think it just hurt everyone more in the end."

I sat up straight and pulled my head off Kai's shoulder.

"I could never look at Richard the same. At first, it didn't matter because I was so focused on trying to heal the girls, but eventually we had to try and live with each other. Eventually, you have to have dinner around the table together, go to your kids' school together, and talk about taxes and bills. You have to do the mundane things in life that don't allow you to hide behind anything else anymore. He tried. He tried to be the same person, but he wasn't. He started drinking, started working more, started going to conferences, anything to be out of the house. One night, he came home drunk, sobbing, begging for my forgiveness. I couldn't give it. I just looked at him with tears streaming down his face, grabbing at my knees, too upset with himself to even stand. Between the alcohol and his tears, his words were barely coherent, but I saw the pain inside him. It was eating him, destroying everything from the inside out, but he wasn't willing to acknowledge it. That night was the first and only time he even hinted that he shared any responsibility for what happened. I left him on the floor, blubbering about how much he loved me and needed me back. I told him if he could apologize when sober, then we could work through it, but he didn't deserve forgiveness while hiding behind liquor to shield his feelings."

I knew that had been cruel, and I intentionally didn't try and hide what I had done from Kai. I needed him to understand just how fucking broken my girls and I were. My girls were the only true victims in this story. Both Richard and I lashed out in our grief, and rather than try to heal, we abused each other.

"I think every time he looked at the girls, he was reminded that no matter what he said, some part of him felt guilty for what he did. What he allowed to happen. I think some of those same screams haunted him, but for him, just looking at Rose triggered it. I couldn't forgive him. Ele just kept getting angrier and angrier at him. It was all poison eating away at him because none of us knew how to fix it. I didn't want to fix it for him, not after that day."

I took a deep breath and rolled my shoulders.

"I don't blame him for divorcing me. Though I think he used it as a way to punish me for not being able to forgive him. I tried to tell the girls they should still have a relationship with him, that he was still their father. I couldn't make myself say the words at first. Eventually, I got to the point where I could lie and say he still loved them. That he would always be their father, and they needed that. With everything that happened in the divorce, I don't think they believed me. I've never lied to them, except when it came to him. The divorce was final last month, but all I feel is broken. I'm not even sure where I would start to even try moving on. Six years of poison. I'm nothing but toxicity now, everything else just feels like a show."

I poked Kai in the side, trying to shake off the maelstrom of emotions I was feeling. I didn't feel anything but empty, but I had to try and fill it with levity or I would collapse.

"So that, Mr. MIT, is what you jumped headfirst into when you asked Rose to get in the water with you. Neither of the girls has been in more than a swimming pool for six years. I was shocked they even agreed to come today."

Kai didn't say anything for several long seconds. I didn't blame him. What the hell do you say to all of that? The fact that he hadn't fled back to his bike like he did the night he brought the prosthetic for Rose was shocking. I had put him down as someone who runs from feelings and emotions, not to mention any bit of conflict.

Kai blew out a long breath. "Madeleine." He waited until I looked over at him. "I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you have gone through. What you are still going through. Thank you for telling me."

Kai got a small half-grin on his face. "Also, thank you for not tying a brick to my feet and letting Ele throw me overboard when I asked Rose to get in the water. I deserve that. I thought, no, I didn't think. I was so stuck in my own hubris that I didn't think. I didn't really think through what I was asking. What I was putting you, Rose, and Eleanor through. I am truly sorry for what happened to all of you and what I did today by bringing it up again."

I gave a small nod at his apology. It was more than I ever got from Richard. "Thank you. I couldn't believe she got in with you. But seeing her laugh at the end. I can't imagine you suddenly cured six years of terror, but I think you gave her something of herself back that I thought was lost forever. So, thank you, Kai."

We sat next to each other in silence, and Kai pulled me into a side hug again. It felt nice, and I needed the human touch after saying everything I had. Reliving everything. Eventually, I felt his head slide against mine and heard deep rhythmic breathing, guess he really was tired. I gently laid him on his back, then I lay down next to him. Not touching, but fairly close.

I woke up hearing Cece and Rose talking, though they sounded distant. I sat up and saw Orrick had anchored the boat again like he had for lunch. Cece was piggybacking Rose through the water towards me, while Emma and Ele were helping Orrick with the boat. I looked at Kai, and he was still dead to the world. As Cece got close, I met her eyes, and I saw that she had noticed how close I was to Kai. Rose was talking non-stop to Cece, but I saw Cece smile and mouth, "Good for you".

---------------

"Hey Cece, what's up?" I asked as Cece sat down at a table with me. I was, for once, not at Pearl's. Cece had asked me to meet her for lunch at a restaurant we both liked, which served Greek street food. Having never been to Greece, I couldn't say how authentic it was, especially given the small town we were in, but it was good food regardless.

We chatted through most of lunch about nothing much. She was a little nervous, though, and several times I saw her open her mouth and then pause. That alone made me curious. Cece said any and everything she felt like saying. It wasn't that she lacked a filter. Simply, if she made it so far as opening her mouth, the words were going to come out because nothing would stop her.

Finally, when we were both finished and the waiter had cleared our plates, I decided to help her.

"Spit it out, Cece. I only bite with consent."

She gave me a small smile and then folded her hands in front of her. It was very business-like, but she still seemed nervous. The person-watcher in me noted the gesture did pull herself inward more and could be seen as protecting her from something.

"I wanted to ask you a favor that I'm sorry to ask for." Her face was giving away nothing, but I was very intrigued at this point. What could make the great Cece meek, hedging, and beating around the bush?

"I love Orrick too much to run away with you, Cece. Not to mention my daughters would hunt us both down if we did that to Emma." I waggled my eyebrows suggestively, trying to give some of her famous sexual banter back to her and hopefully make her just say what she wanted. She ignored it.

"Orri's family is doing a big Christmas get-together back east in Maine. We've already said we will be going. Two weeks, the week of Christmas, and the week after. Emma is coming with us. It's been a long time since she saw many of that side of the family, and we wanted to make sure she has a chance to know them."

"Ok. That sounds fun, and I'm happy for you. Unless your in-laws suck and then I'm sorry." I was still waiting for whatever had made Cece nervous.

"So I wanted to ask if you would invite Kai over for Christmas Eve. I know you and your girls didn't use to do much since that was always a very busy time for your ex-husband. But I was hoping that I could give you some money to have a bit of a dinner and invite him. Normally, Orri and I have him over, but we can't this year."

I sat silently, just looking at Cece. I was betting, admittedly against the odds, that she would crack and give me a little more information. Why was this such a big deal that she was nervous? Why did it have to be Christmas Eve? Why Kai?

It had been several weeks since the day at the lake. I had been right that one water skiing run with Rose had not resolved all her past trauma, but I was certain that it had been very good for her. She still talked about it and absolutely lit up when talking with Kai. He was very much her hero. I had worried that Ele would take that poorly, but she seemed to share the same view of Kai. I saw them with him several days a week as both Kai and I helped them and others with their homework. Both girls had clearly determined that he was a suitable role model.

He had never said anything more about the story I had shared on the beach. However, whereas before I would catch only glimpses of what I felt was the real Kai, now that Kai was quickly becoming the majority participant when at Pearl's. He was always serious when asked a question that someone needed help with, but otherwise, he was ready with quick one-liners and always trying to tease. Several times, he and I had been left alone after the teenagers drifted off to their various hangouts, and I had enjoyed sitting and talking.

During these chats, he had confirmed that he had indeed graduated from MIT. I had pressed him on why he was here, and he just said his first marriage did not go as planned. I had respected that explanation without pushing, though I was certainly miffed that I bared my soul to him and received a perfunctory response in exchange. I think he felt guilty about that because he did share something that he obviously considered equally secret.

Personal trainer was a hobby at best for him; he told the gym when he would be there, and if not, they had no call on him. He got paid for the time worked, but it was a pittance. The massage thing, he would not give any details beyond that he was licensed. His secret was that he was apparently wealthy. During college, he and several others had developed some proprietary software or product; he wasn't super clear on that. The others had started a business, but Kai didn't want to be tied to one thing. He formed an LLC that held the patents he had rights to and licensed them to his friend's business, of which he was also a silent partner. Between the two incomes, he received $400k annually, which in this little town was a fortune.

I was floored. He lived in a basic townhouse and spent most of his time working for Orrick for free. Though things did make more sense when I considered the prosthetic he had made for Rose. It had indeed been amazing as Emma promised, and his having the connections to procure such a device made much more sense now. Cece had wandered by and lightly slapped him on the back of the head when he talked about how lucky he was to know people who could make something like that. He then sheepishly admitted that he had a hand in some of the design.

So my best friend was asking me to host her wealthy, genius brother, who I liked spending time with and could maybe see it going somewhere further if I ever straightened my shit out, and who my girls treated as a role-model. This didn't seem like such a big favor, certainly not worth all the nervous lead-up and the offer to pay. Finally, my patience was rewarded, and Cece did in fact volunteer a little more.

"Kai needs to be around people on Christmas Eve. I know, everyone should have someone at Christmas, right, it's cliche. Kai doesn't, and he needs to more than most, even if he won't admit it. Please at least think about it." Cece was looking the most vulnerable I had ever seen her. I could tell this was extremely important to her and had been equally hard to ask for help, probably a rare time that she couldn't provide for her own brother.

"So I'm guessing this relates to the trauma you said he had in his past?"

Cece nodded.

"Which is also tied in with his marriage, since he won't tell me anything about that?"

Cece nodded again.

"But you won't tell me anything about it, just that he needs to be around people?"

"It's not my story to tell, Madi. I wish I could, but everyone has a right to their privacy sometimes. Kai didn't tell me what you told him on the beach. Just that he had been a colossal asshole, his words, and he was grateful you still talk to him. Actually, I often get to hear him tell me how much he likes you talking with him." She ended the last bit with a smirk and put emphasis on talking. That was the Cece I knew, trying to insinuate things that weren't there.

I took that in for a moment. I understood not wanting to tell others' stories, I certainly didn't want mine spread wide. It did surprise me that he hadn't said anything to Cece, despite the age difference; they were extremely close.

"Ok, sure, I'll invite him over. As long as Rose and Eleanor don't have a problem with it. This Christmas has a lot of firsts. First without a dad, first in a new town, first in this house, first with Rose having a robo-arm, I'm not going to do anything that would make this awkward for them or a bad memory." I ticked off each thing on my fingers to demonstrate just how different it was going to be.

Cece grinned widely at that. "Thank you. I really appreciate it. I wouldn't worry too much about the girls either. Just a few days ago, I overheard Eleanor telling Emma how much better at explaining things Kai is than her old dad." Cece did finger quotes when she said old dad.

After running it by the girls and getting their enthusiastic approval, I invited Kai the next time I saw him. Christmas was still more than a month away, but I figured Cece would pester me until I did it.

Fortunately, the intervening time seemed to fly by. I had fully delved back into writing full-time, both to appease Mia and because I had missed it. I had missed a few sessions at Pearl's before Rose and Ele cornered me and asked what was wrong. When I told them I was just busy, they had sent me on a guilt trip about how much everyone had appreciated my help with their schoolwork and missed me. After that, I put a little more priority on making time to be at Pearl's for the unofficial homework help.

For Thanksgiving, I invited Cece and her family to spend time with us. She argued that she was the chef with a kitchen to match. I played dirty and said Rose couldn't get around freely in her house. She had relented with a look that said I would be paid back for that, and I chose to not live in fear of that moment.

Finally, the week of Christmas rolled around. We didn't have any big Christmas or Christmas Eve traditions as a family. I regretted that because it meant the girls had initially gone overboard trying to plan a dinner. Eventually, I reined them in, it would be just us and Kai. Something nice, but not formal or worthy of a royal banquet. The girls decided to forgo what I thought were traditional dishes and instead asked for tamales and empanadas. I added Mexican rice, yucca, and refried beans. Kai said he would bring drinks and dessert.

"I'll get the door." I heard Rose from the entryway, and I smiled. With her prosthetic hand, she had asked if she could try a manual wheelchair again, rather than the powered chair she had used for years. It was a lot of work, and she had mostly only used it around the house so far, but I could tell she felt more independent, even if that wasn't necessarily the case. She was excited to show Kai her using the chair.

I heard indeterminate happy sounds from the hallway and figured Kai was being appropriately excited for her. That was a nice change. Richard had given up on being happy about anything related to his family a long time ago. I frowned at the thought of Richard and shook my head. After the girls went to bed, I planned to have a talk with Kai about several things that might be uncomfortable, but until then, I wanted to just focus on the moment and be happy.

I heard the girls giggling as they came down the hall. I turned to look over at them and greet Kai. Oh. That was why they were giggling.

"Uhh, you didn't say a dress code, and Cece told me I better not look homeless. So, do I pass?" Kai's voice was hesitant, and he looked extremely nervous.

His idea of not looking homeless was a fitted salmon button-down shirt with sleeves rolled just below the elbow, navy blue slacks, and oxblood shoes. For once, instead of letting his hair be wild, he had combed it back, and the curls were artful rather than a ragged nest. Behind him, I saw Ele mouth "cologne", which, with the entire outfit, I took to mean he put a bit more effort into this outfit than his typical loose linen shirt and jeans.

I looked at myself. I was in a baggy t-shirt and jeans, which my girls constantly told me were out of fashion. I wanted to go change, but I also wanted to not act like a high-school girl with her first crush.

"Yep, you just barely look not homeless. Next time, I expect a full tux, though, or I will have to tell Cece you are slacking."

"Well, I left a sports coat in the car. I thought it might be a little much, but I can get it if that would help my case."

Rose didn't even bother to say anything, just immediately pointed back the way he had come. Kai looked at her for a second in indecision, then Ele moved forward and started pulling the bags out of his hands. That seemed to make his decision because he handed them off and then trudged back to his car.

Rose shared a look with Ele, then they both looked at me. I glared at them, knowing exactly what was going on in their scheming twin brains. All I got for my trouble was a smirk from Ele and an excited grin from Rose.

The meal was a success, though I made a note to practice tamales, as mine were mediocre. No one else seemed to notice, though. Throughout the meal, the girls continually shot me significant looks and then looked at Kai. Kai admitted that he had asked Cece for a recipe for Tres Leches, and it had taken him three tries during the week before he felt confident enough to bring the one for dinner tonight.

"Well, you can't be perfect at everything, or Mom can't train you up." Was Rose's sarcastic comment. I saw Kai blush deeply at that, and I decided to run with it.

I sat up perfectly straight, arched just one eyebrow at him, and said in my most imperious voice, "I will see you later about your training, it is obviously not satisfactory." If I thought Kai was blushing and wanted to sink into the table before now, he was practically folded in half. I couldn't keep a straight face for more than a few seconds and totally lost it when Ele started making whipping sounds and motions.

After dinner, we played several different card games. Whenever there were teams, it was always Kai and me versus the girls. Strategy, the girls lost, but when playing Up the River, the girls soundly beat us every time. Something about that twin intuition, and Kai was always extremely conservative in his bets.

Ele then suggested we watch a movie. We were debating several when Kai sheepishly mumbled that maybe "The Muppet Christmas Carol" would be a good choice. I opened my mouth to give him no end of shit for that when I saw his face. He was looking at the ground, seeming embarrassed again. That settled it and we all got a good laugh at Michael Caine giving a theater worthy performance alongside the Muppets.

A little before midnight, we finished, and the girls declared they were going to bed. I looked at them, but Ele quickly pushed Rose towards their rooms so I never got a chance to see if they had their devious smirks on, much less object.

Kai hadn't moved even though the movie was done. He seemed deep in thought, much more so than I would expect after watching Muppets. He shook himself slightly when I moved to sit by him.

"You ok?" I asked gently.

"Yeah. Listen, I know Cece asked you to do this, but I had a really good time. I really appreciate you doing this. I'm sure with everything else, you didn't need me crashing the party, but it was great."

I studied him for a moment. "You didn't crash anything, Kai. Rose and Eleanor were very excited that you were coming over. I think they've missed you coming by now that there is nothing left to fix at the house."

"Well you all were good sports to watch Muppet Christmas Carol with me. It's a bit of a tradition for me. Every year, that's what I watch. Most people think it's silly." He stopped, but I could tell it was just a pause in his thoughts.

"Lilah never laughed. It was our second date the first time, but neither of us could get home for college, and everyone else had left campus. I wanted to watch it because I had since I was a kid, then after that night, she insisted the next year. It was only Thanksgiving and she was checking to be sure that we would be able to watch Muppets on Christmas Eve." I didn't say anything, but I did know from Cece that Lilah was the name of his wife.

He looked up at me and took a deep breath.

"I can only remember one year that I didn't watch that movie on Christmas Eve. It was... it was the night she died. She was driving, umm, it was snowing and icy." Kai took a couple of breaths and seemed to think for a moment.

"I called her and she answered on the Bluetooth. I just... needed to talk to her... but umm, a driver had been drinking. Partying probably. They ran a red. It was a lifted truck, she was in a sedan. It was a T-bone. So the height difference of the cars meant they practically drove over her."

Kai was breathing heavily, and there were long pauses in odd places. I put my hand on his shoulder gently. I had been intending to ask him some hard questions, but that didn't mean I was happy he was reliving what was obviously a traumatic experience. I also mentally moved him from divorced to widower.

"She was... talking... then I heard. I wish it had been immediate, quick, but I could hear her. I didn't know, but I listened while she died. She was gone before the ambulance got there."

"Kai." I didn't know what to say to him, but my heart was breaking for him. He was openly crying, and it was obvious the pain was still as fresh as the day it happened.

"So... I didn't watch Muppets that night. I don't really remember much of it, actually. But that's why Cece doesn't like me being alone, because I was that night three years ago. So... then... I"

"Then you moved to be close to Cece, and you ride your bike everywhere." I finished for him.

He gave a short bark. "Yeah, not like I can't be in cars. Just at first it was a lot, then it's just I'm not in them much, so when I am." He shrugged. He seemed embarrassed for some reason. As if his pain was something to be ashamed of.

"Kai." I gently grabbed his face in my hands. "I am sorry. I'm so sorry."

He nodded, but I don't think he could even really see through his tears.

"Do you want to tell me about her?"

He shook his head, so I settled my back against the couch and pulled his head to my shoulder. I gently stroked his hair and just held him. I'm not sure how long we sat there, but Kai was the first to move.

He sat upright and captured my hands in his. "Sorry to ruin the night, but I wanted you to know before I did this."

He leaned forward and gently kissed me. I was still caught up in my thoughts, so I almost didn't respond in time. He started to pull away until I grabbed the back of his head and mashed his lips to mine.

What had been a chaste and calm kiss, I turned into anything but. I put all of my pain from the divorce, Rose's injury, and now Kai's story into my kiss. It was need, passion, and reassurance bundled up in frantic desire. I pushed my tongue past his lips and began a duel with him. Needing him to match my fight and show me that I wasn't alone.

My other hand pulled him closer, and I moved to almost sit in his lap. I needed this right now. I needed to know that I wasn't alone. It was too fast, but I started grinding on him. I growled in my throat and pulled his hair hard. My hand on his back, I dragged my nails down his back, drawing a pained groan from him.

The pain seemed to energize him as he came alive and began fighting back against me. He wrapped a hand in my hair and jerked my head to the side, exposing my neck to him. Hungrily, he kissed down to my collarbone and then bit my earlobe hard. I heard myself moan and whisper, "harder".

My hands were scrabbling at the buttons on his shirt, but I had my eyes closed, and they were too small. I started jerking them until I heard fabric tear, and I could feel his chest beneath my hands. I began running my hands over every inch of his skin, kneading and clawing. Kai growled and moved his hands to my ass.

Without a hint of strain, he stood up, cradling me and biting along my jawline. I hissed at the pain, and then he whirled around and threw me back on the couch. He dove and attacked my belt and jeans in a frenzied rush. As soon as they loosened, I lifted up and helped him push them down my thighs. He couldn't wait to get them off and stopped as soon as they were halfway down. Then he pushed his head to my mound and began kissing and licking me through my panties.

Groaning, I pushed on the back of his head, trying to get more pressure. I brought my other hand under my bra and began roughly kneading my breast. I tried to spread my legs to give him more access, but was prevented by my jeans.

"Kai. Oh yes. Kai, get them off. I want you in me." I was on fire and needed him.

He kept licking for too long, but eventually seemed to understand what I wanted. He roughly ripped my jeans all the way off. He then attacked his own pants and shoved them out of the way. I could see he was rock-hard, and pre-cum was glistening.

He captured my mouth with his again, and we resumed our duel. I pulled my panties to the side as he had neglected to remove them and grabbed his cock. I lined him up and then wrapped my legs around him to pull him inside. We both groaned into each other's mouths at the feeling of him sliding in. I was soaking, and neither of us stopped pushing until I felt him pushing hard on my mons.

He held himself still for a moment and then pulled himself back from our kiss. I could feel him trembling. He looked down where we were joined before looking up into my eyes.

"Mads, are you sure? I mean"

"Yes. Now fuck me hard you beautiful idiot."

That was enough for Kai's momentary resolve to crumble as he began thrusting long and hard into me. I buried my face in his neck and bit his shoulder to keep from screaming. Oh, it had been so long since I had felt this. He was thrusting fast and hard, not slowing or showing the slightest bit of effort. One hand steadied my hips and pulled me to him for each thrust. The other was wrapped around my back. I felt absolutely helpless against the raw power of him and completely safe and protected at the same time. I knew he could do anything he wanted to me, and I couldn't stop it, but at the same time, I trusted him and knew he would take care of me.

I felt myself cresting an orgasm, and I bit down hard on his shoulder. It didn't completely muffle my scream, but I hoped it at least wouldn't alert the girls. If I thought Kai would be done, I was happily disappointed. He didn't pause at all and just kept hammering me. He moved his hand from my back and pulled my mouth to his. As my next orgasm crashed over me, I screamed into his mouth. Finally, I felt him push deeper against me and hold. I felt him cumming inside me.

Neither of us moved for several minutes. I felt exhausted, loved, and finally connected such that I didn't want it to end. Eventually, Kai started to pull away.

"Damn, Mads uhh."

I didn't let him finish. As he pulled away to stand up, I grabbed him and twisted so that he fell back on the couch. I straddled him and swiftly flung my shirt off. My bra quickly followed. As he looked up at me in astonishment, I put a finger to his lips.

"We can talk tomorrow. Tonight you need to make love to me."

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Endnotes:

Madi and Kai's story isn't finished yet. However, for the people who prefer only happy things in reading, I would stop here. This is what in my head I call the erotic coupling ending. There are feelings between them, but the night is impulsive passion, not love... yet. It's fine to stop with just happiness, though.

For any who enjoyed this work, it will continue. I promise there is still a happy ending, but the trauma and pain aren't over for anyone yet.

I'm a new writer, still learning how to write and also what I want to write. I really appreciate everyone who has read this far. Please rate and consider leaving a comment. The ratings are great and much appreciated, but comments are even better, regardless of whether they are complimentary or critical.