A New Life

Just as a side note, this is a spin-off of a side story in my Friends series. There is no need to read any of that. This story is fully independent. But if anyone wants to read a description of the opening phone call from Michelle's side, it happens in my story Lisa's Game.

Warning, this story does contain a suicide.

Bzzz. Bzzz.

I look at my phone and I seeCall from Michelle

About time, I think. I was starting to worry about her. She works too hard.

"Hi sweetie. How are you doing?"

Sorry I haven't called recently -

"You work too hard. I know your job is important, but take care of yourself!"

Mom, it hasn't been work. I think I am in love!

"That's wonderful dear. What's his name?"

Her name is Lizzie

Oh, my. I need to have a real talk with her. Probably now. I take a deep breath and work up my courage.

"I have to tell you something, Michelle. I was always attracted to girls. I still am. But that would not have been acceptable when I was growing up, at least not in my family. I dated your father when he came courting to cover it up. I married him to make my family happy. I don't hate sex with your father, but I do avoid it. That is probably part of why you are an only child. Your father has no idea."

I had no idea, Mom. I didn't realize I was interested in women until this summer. My friend at work Lisa got me to re-examine myself. Lizzie is on my basketball team. She is so good. Much better than I ever could have hoped to be. She does some sort of techie work, I haven't quite figured out what yet.

She pauses for a moment. I am not sure she took a breath for the last stretch.

She is so dreamy. I love her soooo much.

I can just see her, with her eyes shut, saying that last bit.

There is a longer pause.

Mom, do you think you can tell Dad? I am not sure how he will take this.

"Not well, I am afraid. I will try to break it to him when I think he can be receptive. But don't worry about him. I am so happy that times have changed enough that you can live your life and follow your heart. I wish I could have."

Mom, you are only 46 and still very attractive. Why not? Go out on your own. I know you don't love Dad. He might even realize that.

"I don't think I can. How would I support myself? What would I tell my friends?"

Just think about it. I love you, Mom

"I love you, too, sweetie."

I will have to think hard about how to tell this to Charles. He will not take it well.

I go into the living room, where Charles has the Yankees on. But he is only half watching, as he sips his scotch.

"Was that you on the phone, Bethany?" he asks.

"Yeah, Michelle called."

"What did my princess have to say?"

"She told me she is in love."

"So are we going to get a grandson? Do we know his name? Can he support her? When do we get to meet him?"

"I forget the name. She said something about being in tech. And I don't think they are far enough along to think about kids. Or even meeting the parents."

"Tech usually pays pretty well. It is about time. She was already five when you were her age."

He thinks for a minute, then continues, "I was worried with her playing basketball. I am not sure why you let her do it. Girls shouldn't play sports. And I hear that girl's basketball is full of deviants, between the perverts trying to get into their locker rooms and half of the players are damned lesbians. It's a miracle she came out of it okay. A testament to how well we raised her, I think."

"It certainly is, dear."

I decide not to point out that I played tennis in high school. He thought that was nice when he started dating me.

This is going to be as bad as I was afraid it might be.

I fret all evening about it. At least we moved into separate bedrooms when Michelle went off to college seven years ago. I only have to put up with him insisting on having access to my body once or twice a month. I am probably safe tonight. I realized I lied to Michelle about that; I do hate sex with him.

We have our usual breakfast with no real conversation and then he is off to work for the day. I start thinking about my phone call yesterday with Michelle again as I am cleaning up. God, I envy her. She is right, though, I really should leave him.

I have a tennis lesson at 10:30 and then I am having lunch with Amanda at the club at 11:45. She is certainly the most open minded of my friends. And hates Charles, which is probably not unrelated. I think I will talk to her about all this and see what she suggests.

I half watch the TV that is on as I putter around the kitchen until it's time for tennis. My lesson goes poorly; I don't seem to have my head in what I am doing. After the lesson, I take my shower and change into a nice summer dress. Labor Day may have been earlier this week, but it still feels like mid August out there.

They seat me at our table while I am waiting for Amanda. Can I really tell Amanda about Michelle? What if she is shocked? Or she won't talk to me anymore? Or she laughs at me?

I have to tell myself to calm down. Amanda is very accepting about people. It's one of her best qualities. She might laugh, but if she does, it will be imagining Charles's reaction when I finally find the nerve to tell him.

When I see Amanda coming over, I stand up and give her a polite hug as she arrives. Looking at her, much of my fears about talking to her melt away; she has this caring, compassionate face that makes me feel warm inside.

"I have something I have to tell you," I say, "But it really has to stay a secret. No one can know. Especially not Angie."

We both laugh. Angie will try to get you to tell her something in the strictest of confidence; five minutes later, she is posting about it on facebook.

"What's this big secret?"

"Michelle called last night and told me she is in love."

"That's wonderful!"

"She is in love with another woman."

"Oh, I see," she says, trying not to laugh, "Have you told Charles yet?"

"I told him she told me she was in love. I left out the part about it being a woman. He just assumed it was a man, of course. Michelle asked me to tell him. I have no idea how I am going to do it."

"If you were hoping I was going to have a brilliant idea how to convince your husband to accept that his little princess is a lesbian, I'm fresh out. I almost want to be there when you tell him, just to watch his heart break."

"More I just needed to tell someone. The last fifteen hours since she called me is eating me up."

"How was she doing otherwise?"

"Oh she is doing very well. I think I told you she got a big promotion at work last month. She works too hard, although it is fun when I see her in the background at some press conference. I watch the news about every major crisis in a small city, just to see if she is helping out."

"That's right, she does PR consulting for cities and towns, right?"

"Yeah. I may be her mother, but I think she does really well with it. Her new friend plays basketball with her, I think that's how they met, and is some sort of a techie."

"You probably should try to call her 'girlfriend' when talking to Michelle. Friend sounds like you are trying to deny the relationship.

"But, I didn't know Michelle was playing basketball again. She liked it so much in high school."

"Yeah, she joined a co-ed adult league earlier this summer. Oh, and you will approve of this, She wants to me leave, Charles."

"She told you that?"

"In so many words, yeah."

Amanda looks at me carefully. "You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to, but something more is going on. I can see that in your face. Is Charles cheating on you?"

I look surprised. "Not that I know of."

I look down at my salad to avoid her eyes. If I caught him cheating, that would actually make everything easier. I could divorce him and get a good settlement and no one would know any better. God, that would be my saving grace. If only it were true.

Amanda breaks my thoughts, saying, "As I said, you don't have to tell me, but you need to tell someone what's going on. Something more than Michelle coming out of the closet is the real thing that is eating you up. More than even worrying about trying to tell Charles. For all I joked earlier, I certainly don't envy you in that task.

"But you are better than almost anyone I have ever known at acting like everything is roses, no matter what is happening. We have been friends for fifteen years now and I have never seen anything eat at you like this. So if you can't tell me, let me know that you are talking to someone. This is not healthy for you."

She is right, of course. I gulp as I feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

I look at her and say, "I admitted something to Michelle last night that I have never said out loud before. And now I am about to say it again."

I take another deep breath, before continuing, "I have known since eighth grade that I was attracted to women. Only women. I have known it, but I never even said it to myself. Even in my head.

"Once I said it last night to Michelle, it became much more real. I don't know what to do. I can't leave Charles. What would I say to people? How would I support myself? Finding out that he was having an affair would be a godsend. A get out of jail free card."

A few tears are starting to run down my cheeks. She reaches over and dabs them off my cheek with her napkin. She reaches out her other hand and I grasp it tightly.

"Were you going to eat much more? I was thinking you might want to head to the ladies room and wash up while I settle the check. Let's see if we can take a stroll and find a bench where we can chat away from people. I don't have another appointment until two."

I wipe my face with my napkin and head to the ladies room, hoping no one notices me. When I have washed my face and checked twice in the mirror, I come out to find Amanda waiting by the door.

The club has some formal gardens. I think they are designed to let people have private conversations. We find a bench.

"Have you ever been with a woman?" Amanda asks.

I am surprised by her forwardness, but I opened this can of worms.

"No, I started dating Charles at the beginning of tenth grade. He was a senior. I wasn't actually interested in him even then, but I was afraid everyone would guess that I was broken if I turned down a popular, handsome senior. To this day, I have no idea why he asked me out.

"Once I started dating him, I never felt like I had a way out without everyone knowing about me. He proposed to me right before he started his senior year of college. My family expected me to say yes, so I didn't really have a choice.

"I told Charles I wanted to save myself for marriage. I did have to let him feel me up by the end and I was giving him handjobs."

I am turning bright red as I say this. I realize I don't have to be this specific.

"I was a virgin on our wedding night and he is the only person I have ever kissed or touched sexually at all."

I look at her. "Have you?"

She answers, "I was bisexual until Steve and I went exclusive. I am still attracted to women and men, but I have no intent to ever cheat on him."

I am surprised to hear that. She is a couple of years younger, but she was much braver than I was.

"I think most women I know our age at least fooled around with women a little in college. But I guess you were already exclusive."

"And I went to a conservative religious college, at least the two years I was there before we got married. I never got a degree. I have never worked anywhere. How could I ever support myself?"

"Correction, you have never worked outside the house. You do amazing things, hosting big parties, cooking for large groups, organizing local community affairs. Those are all skills that have real value in the business world, too. You present yourself very professionally as well. There are plenty of careers that you would excel at."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. I think I am coming up with a plan, if you can survive with Charles for a few more months."

"Until last night, I was assuming I was stuck with him for the rest of my life. I think I can manage a few months. So what is this big plan?"

"The first trick will be to convince Charles to let you start working somewhere. My first thought is as a realtor because that is what I know. You understand what makes a high end home look appealing and valuable. You could get your license pretty quickly and I might be able to get my firm to sponsor you. It is a classic role for trophy wives to pursue. You could tell Charles you want to build up your own fund to help Michelle pay for her wedding. Blame it on inflation, too. That should work with him."

"I think I can sell that one to him. Can I really get a license that easily?"

"It's mostly a single forty hour course and a bunch of exams. You will find it easy. If you save all your earnings, you should have first, last and security saved in a few months. As soon as you do and are comfortable, find an apartment and move out. If you have to move sooner, look for someone who needs a roommate. You will be safe for lots of women looking for someone. It just means you have less privacy."

"That safety valve seems like a good idea."

"If everything suddenly goes south, you can stay with us for a few weeks until you can find somewhere permanent. If you share an apartment, you can save some money and maybe go finish your degree. You can work part-time as a realtor between classes. You have two years of classes you said?"

I nod.

"And I bet you can get at least a semester of life learning credits, so that only leaves you three semesters before you have your bachelor's degree. Maybe even two semesters and a summer if you work hard. Now, you will not be living in luxury. No more tennis pros. No more fancy dinners out or big shopping trips. Or expensive travel. You do realize that, don't you?"

"Yeah. That will be hard, but I also won't have to put up with him wanting sex from me anymore either. Nor hear him rant about deviants destroying the country."

"You really do hate him now, don't you?"

"Hate is probably a strong word. A few days ago I would have said I loved him as a knee jerk reaction. But I think I am just comfortable with him in many ways. Comfortable with my life. People look at me and think I have it made. I like that. It's been thirty years since we first started dating. He has been part of my entire adult life. It is hard imagining not having him there.

"But I also resent him and that resentment is growing. It helped a little bit that we moved into separate bedrooms after Michelle went to college. I do hate him when he comes into my bedroom and insists that I have to perform my marital duties. And I hate him when he rants. I used to pretend it just embarrassed me. Now that I have admitted who I am, I realize how much he was ranting against me. It was easier just to pretend to myself that I was just embarrassed by him, but the truth is every one of those words stung me deep inside. That lit a rage that is starting to come to the surface."

"I am so sorry, Bethany."

She reaches out and we hug each other tightly. I can feel her breasts pressed against mine. I have given women hugs before, but I never let myself experience the sexuality of the moment. And she said she is bisexual. And is still attracted to women. Is she enjoying feeling my breasts against her?

I squeeze her tightly one last time and pull back, saying, "Thank you. Both for the hug and this whole conversation. I feel much better than I have at any point since before Michelle called."

I stand up and then turn to her again, "I am sorry to ask this, but are you attracted to me?"

"Of course I am, you are a beautiful woman."

"Would you mind kissing me? I am not intending to go any further and I know you want to stay loyal to Steve and I wouldn't want to interfere. But I would like to feel what it is like to kiss a woman."

She stands up and pulls me towards her and kisses me passionately. Far more passionately than Charles has ever kissed me. I wrap my arms around her while we kiss. I don't want this to stop, but she does.

"Thank you. That was wonderful."

It really was. I carry the memory of that kiss with me all afternoon and even into dinner with Charles.

When I close my eyes to go to sleep, I remember that kiss. I can feel the warmth in my loins as I drown myself in the memory. I pull my nightgown up and push my hand inside my panty. I have only touched myself a few times in the last thirty years. I associate anything sexual with his intrusions. But that kiss was so different. I reach my fingers in.

I am surprised by how slippery and wet I am. I am not used to it. My finger feels so good tonight. I imagine Amanda is kissing me as I find my pleasure spot. This feels better than it ever has, proper rather than dirty, something my soul craves.

I have the best orgasm I have ever had. Of course, I can probably count on my two hands all the climaxes I have reached in my life.

I make us breakfast before he is off to play his Saturday round of golf. Not long after he is gone, I get a call from Michelle. She knows his golf schedule; it hasn't changed in over a decade.

"Hi sweetie. How's Lizzie?"

Lizzie is dreamy as usual. Did you tell dad?

"Not yet. I started down the path, but he went off on one of his rants and I let it go. It might take a while."

I know. I am sorry to stick you with that. But I have some other fun news. First off, I told Marty, my boss, about Lizzie. He told me he knew I was a lesbian when he hired me. He was wondering how long it would take me to realize it.

"How did he know?"

He has like a sixth sense to understand what people really mean and think and want. Lisa, my co-worker who gave me all my support as I was going through this, calls him spooky.

"I don't think I would like being around him."

You would love him. Everyone does. He is the kindest, sweetest old man in the world.

"I am glad you like working for him dear."

But the fun news is about Lisa. You know I am trying to put together PR pieces for the other three who just got promoted with me. Her husband was on the cover of Wired magazine this month. And they used a picture Lisa drew of him for the cover art.

"That's nice for them, but I don't see what that has to do with you."

Do you know how much easier it is to get press about someone who is famous? Even it is only her husband, he is like big news right now and that rubs off on her. He was on Good Morning America and NPR already. I know you don't get it, but it is so exciting for a PR person to be close to someone that is that hot right now.

"Was he the one on Good Morning America yesterday? I think I saw him. He was geeky, but funny. And I think I actually learned some stuff about AI. That's cool that you know him. But I have some news for you."

What's your news

"I had lunch with Amanda yesterday. I told her about you. I told her you said I should leave your father. But she knew something more was bothering me; she pushed and I confessed to her that I was attracted to women."

That was brave of you, Mom. I am really proud of you.

"Well, she is helping me find a way to leave him. She wants me to become a realtor. Just in case dad talks to you, my official reason for getting a job will be to save money for a wedding for you."

You don't have to pay for a wedding. If we get married, that's probably a ways down the road.

"I assumed that, but it lets me keep a separate account I can use for my savings to move out."

Okay, I get it.

"She told me she is bisexual and we kissed. And it was wonderful. It won't go any further than that because she won't cheat on Steve. But I wanted to know what it was like to kiss another woman. I loved it. I can still taste her, feel her pressed against me."

Silence.

"I'm sorry. I know no one wants to think about their parents like this, but I had to tell someone and I thought you might understand."

I do and it's wonderful for you. I still remember my first kiss with Lizzie. Was it never like that with Dad?

"No, he was never passionate and I never enjoyed it."

I am sorry you had to go through that. It's kind of weird for me, because if you hadn't, I wouldn't be here. But I feel so sorry for you through all those years. I love Dad, but he is an asshole about somethings.

"About many things, dear."

Okay, I just wanted to check in with you when I knew Dad would be out. I will call you in another few days. Would you rather I called during the day when Dad is at work?

"That would be a good idea. Thanks for calling. I love you, sweetie."

I love you too, Mom. Bye

And the call ends. Maybe I will bring up the realty idea to Charles tonight. At least if he has a good day on the course. If it goes poorly, he will be a grouch all evening and then insist on sex tonight.

"It was hot out there, but old Charlie was even hotter," he shouts, slurring a bit, as he walks in the door.

He must have hit the 19th hole for a few before coming home. I really wish he wouldn't do that when he is going to drive. On the positive side, he is in a good mood, so I will spring the realtor question on him. And if I can get him to drink a double of his scotch tonight on top of what he already has, he might just fall asleep in the living room and I will be safe from a bedroom visit.

Over dinner, I say, "I have been thinking. I want to do something out of the house and I would love to be able to help pay for Michelle's wedding."

"Did you talk to her today? Is a wedding soon?"

"I talked to her, but no plans yet. I think we have a year or two. But fancy weddings are really expensive and we both want our baby to have the very best. I was talking to Amanda yesterday about becoming a part time realtor. It would just be a few hours a day while you are at work. And maybe a few on Saturday when you are playing golf. You know how much I like having houses looking perfect. Amanda thought I would be good at it. And I would set up a separate account where all my earnings would go, just for Michelle's wedding."

"I make plenty of money so you don't have to work."

"I know you do and I am so proud of how well you take care of me. But weddings are so expensive, especially with all the inflation we have had. If you decide you don't like me working, I will quit again after Michelle's wedding. But I really want to help pay for it. And you want her to have a really special wedding, don't you?"

"If you really want to, I guess so. Damned inflation."

As I am starting to clear the dinner dishes, I say, "Thank you, dear." And give him a quick peck.

I text Amanda the next day to ask about what I need to do to get my license and she points me at a site that will provide the course, self-paced online, and give me direction through the process. By the end of the second week, I have finished the course and she has me come in and meet the head of her office. He seems nice and seemed to like me and agrees to sponsor me for the exam. I study hard for the exams and Amanda was right, I find them easy.

Almost exactly a month to the day from our lunch where I came out to Amanda, we are having another momentous lunch together, this time celebrating my first day as a working realtor.

Amanda and Michelle, the only two who know my secret, have been my pillars of support throughout this process. Every time I look at Amanda, I still remember that kiss. And my loins warm up again. I have touched myself many times since that day, always thinking about Amanda.

I also use the memory of that kiss to get me through the bad nights, when Charles insists on having his way with me.

Other than those nights, life is going pretty well. I enjoy the job. I meet with people and talk to them about selling their house. Amanda works mostly as a buyer's agent, but I have only been a selling agent so far. I think it is a better fit for me. And I am starting to accumulate some money in the bank.

By mid-November, I am feeling pretty comfortable. Over dinner, Charles asks, "Thanksgiving is in two weeks. Is Michelle going to finally bring her boyfriend to meet us when she comes for Thanksgiving?"

I gulp. This is it. I can't avoid this any longer.

"Charles, I need you to stay calm about this, but there is something I need to tell you. Michelle is in love with another woman. She is a lesbian."

He sits in silence for a minute. I can see his eyes tearing up.

But then he slams his fist on the table. "Then she is not welcome in this house any longer," he shouts angrily. "I will not allow deviants under my roof!"

"You would disown your own daughter?"

"It's your fault! You let her play basketball and they corrupted her. There are camps that will fix people like her. Maybe I can make her go there. Then I would get my princess back again."

"It was not the basketball. And you are not sending anyone to those awful camps. If it is my fault, it's because of my genes. You have been living with a deviant for twenty-six years now. I am a lesbian too."

"That can't be true! You are lying to me! What garbage has that Amanda Phillips been putting in your head. I order you to stop seeing her. And stop calling yourself a lesbian. We have sex regularly."

"You cannot order me to do anything! And I am a lesbian whether you like it or not! And I hated every minute of you poking me and prodding me. I always have."

I am screaming by this point.

"You are my wife. And that's that."

I storm out of the room and go upstairs and slam the door to my bedroom.

"We will talk about this more tomorrow night, when you have come to your senses," Charles shouts from downstairs.

No we won't, I say to myself. I get out my phone and call Michelle.

Mom, what's up?

"I am so sorry sweetie. I told him about Lizzie tonight and we just had a big fight. He says you can't come to the house anymore. He wants to send you to one of those camps to treat you. I told him about me, but he doesn't believe me. I think I am going to move in with Amanda tomorrow. I am so sorry."

No, Mom, it's not your fault. I feel guilty too, but it's not my fault, either. It's just Dad's fault. He is such an asshole. Are you okay?

"I am pretty upset. I have never screamed at him like I just did. I should probably call Amanda and make sure I really can move in."

Okay, I will let you go. Text me when you know for sure what is happening and text me tomorrow when you are at Amanda's. Promise?

"I will, thank you. You have been so much support to me. I love you, Michelle.

I love you too, Mom. Keep me up to date.

I text I move in tomorrow? I just told Charles about Michelle and about me.

The phone buzzes and I see it's Amanda.

Are you okay? Are you safe? Did he hit you?

"No, I don't think he will get violent. He doesn't believe that I am a lesbian. He thinks you just put ideas in my head. He wants to send Michelle to one of those awful camps. We had a big screaming match. He expects to talk about this at dinner tomorrow. I think he thinks he can convince me that I am not a lesbian and everything will go back to normal."

Okay, just be safe. Can you get up before him tomorrow morning? Pack up everything you need in your room tonight. Load it in the car in the morning and then drive over here. You can stay here for the better part of two weeks. But Steve's parents are coming for Thanksgiving, so we need to find you a permanent place by then. Are you sure you are okay?

"A little shaken by the fight. I have never screamed at him like that. Thanks so much for all your help over the last few months. I will see you in the morning."

Call 911 if he starts getting violent. See you in the morning.

I text set to move to Amanda's

I settle in to figure out what I will need in my new life. Wherever I end up short term, I probably won't have enough closet space for all my clothes. I pack all my toiletries and personal items in my gym bag. I have a small suitcase in my closet and I pack most of my undies and bras in there. The full sized clothes I fold neatly into piles that I can carry.

As I am folding them, I look at my left hand and see the two rings on it. For one of the few times in twenty six years, I take off my wedding ring and my engagement ring; I drop them in my jewelry box and put that in the gym bag as well.

I look at my hand again. I can still see the indentation where the rings belong. Correction, I think, where they used to go. They don't belong there anymore. This is a new life and it is going to take some getting used to.

Feeling accomplished, I lay down and fall asleep quickly. The alarm I had set wakes me up. It is still dark out. I carry as much as I can in each load and try to tip toe everywhere. I do not want to deal with Charles as I am moving out.

As I pull away in the car, I see a light come on in the house. A few minutes later, my phone starts buzzing. I ignore it. A few minutes later, it buzzes again. It buzzes a third time as I get to Amanda's house. Before I get out, I look at my phone. Three missed calls from Charles. There are two messages from him. I look at the transcript from the first one.

Bethany, please don't do this. I thought we were going to talk about things at dinner. You will get over all that nonsense that Amanda stuffed in your head. Please come back.

The second one is a little harsher.

Damn it. I forbid you to do this. You are my wife. And my wife is not a lesbian. Come back here. I insist.

I pull up the menu on Charles's contact and select Block Caller.

I look at the house and there are a few lights on. I text Amanda to tell her I am here. In a few minutes, I see her open the door and come towards me.

"Let me help you move stuff in. Did you have any problem getting out this morning."

"No, I was gone before he was up. He started calling me a few minutes after I left. I blocked calls from him for now."

"Let's get all this stuff inside where it's warm."

We each carry a load in now and Steve joins us to bring in another load each, which empties the car.

"You probably haven't had any breakfast yet, have you. We were just about to eat. You are welcome to join us," Amanda says.

"Thank you. And thank you so much for letting me impose myself on you," I say, apologetically.

"It's what friends are for," Amanda says.

Steve pipes up, "Have you found a divorce lawyer?"

Amanda and I look at each other. We hadn't really thought about that.

"Let me text Jean. She liked her divorce lawyer," Amanda says.

Jean doesn't respond immediately, and Amanda asks me, "Have you thought about what you are going to tell people? I did tell Steve. I hope that's okay. I didn't think it was fair to bring you here without him understanding."

"I have thought about it. A lot. But I still don't know what to say."

"Just don't tell anyone why at this point. Just say you have reached irreconcilable differences with him. Do you have enough money for an apartment?"

"I hope so, I have every penny that I have earned since I started."

"You can still draw upon any joint accounts you and Charles have. But don't take more than you need for normal living expenses. I think the divorce court would look poorly upon you draining the account or something," Steve opines. He is a lawyer, but practices corporate law.

After a moment, he adds, "He could open a new account and drain the joint account into the new one, locking you out until the divorce settlement finalizes. You should think about how much you need in the next six months, beyond what you can earn, and write a check to yourself and deposit it in your own account. I would probably recommend doing that today before transferring money occurs to him."

"Thanks for the advice. I hadn't thought about using our joint money. I don't think he will close it immediately. He seems to still be in denial, both of me leaving and me being what he calls a deviant."

Amanda is talking through things now, "You should be able to find a reasonable one bedroom for about seventeen hundred a month. First, last, and security means you need a little over five thousand to rent it. And you don't have any furniture, so probably another two thousand for the basics from Ikea or something. Are you making $2500 a month?"

I shake my head no. "On a good month, probably, yeah, but not every month."

"You could see if they will up your hours, but we are moving into the slow period, so I doubt they will go for it. Maybe in the spring. For this winter, we probably want to think a two bedroom and a roommate."

Amanda is scrolling through her phone. "All the roommate wanted ads are either college kids or give me the creeps."

"Let's find me an apartment so I can get out of your hair. It is probably easier when I have the apartment and I get to accept them, rather than the other way around."

"You have a big advantage right now in renting," Steve says. "They will do a credit check and you will still be tied to all of Charles's income until you two are officially divorced. It is a bit abusing the system, but it works for a good cause in cases like yours. I am out of here now."

Steve leaves for work.

Amanda's phone buzzes. She says, "Jean just sent the contact info for her divorce lawyer. She wants to know who it's for. Can I tell her?"

"Yeah, it might as well start getting around. The rumor mill is easier than me having to tell everyone."

Amanda sends a text back to Jean, then forwards the info to me. "You should call her as soon as they open."

Amanda has an appointment and heads out.

I remember to text Michelle: At Amanda's safe and sound

I get called me. Wanted to know if I knew where you were. I said no.

Technically, it was true. You hadn't told me yet.

He sounded worried and pissed. Said you won't answer your phone

I text for letting me know. Sorry to get you into this

I think for a minute and then you and Lizzie be willing to put up with me over Thanksgiving? Are you staying there, or visiting her parents?

I get back: I think we are staying. Will talk to Lizzie tonight. Take care. Say hi to Amanda, she was my favorite of your friends, even before this

I call the lawyer. I get an appointment with her at 4PM this afternoon.

I search for apartments and manage to get an appointment to look at one at 5:30 this evening. I assume I can be done with the lawyer by then.

On my way to work, I stop at the bank and open a new checking account in just my name, starting it with ten thousand dollars from our joint savings account. I move another five thousand from our joint checking account to the wedding fund.

Work is work. I do sign a new client, which is still exciting to me. And it is good practice to appear calm and collected when my world is completely topsy turvy. All I really want to do is jump forward to my later appointments. I do warn Amanda not to expect me for dinner.

Sue Hearns, the divorce lawyer, listens carefully as I explain the situation, taking an occasional note. After she is sure I have finished, she says, "We have a few approaches possible. I have three areas I need to ask about. The first is financial. How much are we talking about?"

"We had roughly a half million in investments and cash, last I thought about it. It has not been the first thing on my mind for the last three months."

"House?"

"I think it's appraised at about one and a half, we owe about a hundred fifty thousand on it. He can keep the house if he wants it."

"But it is still a good leverage point. And if he doesn't want it either, that's a big chunk of change for each of you. Any retirement? IRA or 401K or Roth?"

"Aren't those his? I never worked until last month."

"No, legally they may be half yours, and from what you have said, I think they will be considered as such."

"I have no idea, but he puts a bunch into something with every paycheck. I pay the bills, but I don't see his retirement account statements."

"That is probably his 401K. If he has been contributing all along, it is probably quite a bundle right now. Enough to help you when you decide to retire. Which you could legally choose to do without penalty as soon as 15 years. If you don't remarry, you are also entitled to Social Security based on his income, unless you start earning a great deal more than your part-time realtor job will pay you."

"Do I look marriageable to you?"

"Honestly, yes. You carry yourself well, you are well spoken, and to be blunt, you are sexy as hell."

I blush.

"Are there any other significant assets? Artwork, second houses, boats, fancy cars, anything that might be worth fifty thousand dollars or more?"

"I don't think so."

"Ok, I think I understand what will be under consideration in what is hopefully a settlement. You may well be able to get alimony in the settlement, especially as a short term transition for you as your own career develops. My second question is how urgent are you to get a divorce. If he doesn't contest it -"

"I am pretty sure he will."

"That may be one of the things that we can trade off versus the house. But if he is willing to sign off on a no-fault divorce, you could be divorced ninety days from Monday, under ideal conditions. Conditions are rarely ideal, but if he signed, I would expect it to be final late February or early March. If he contests it can take longer, maybe much longer."

"I don't have any real need, other than to be away from him and I have that now."

"That's what I thought. Now I need to ask you a much more personal question. Have you acted on your newly found lesbian tendencies?"

"First off, they are not newly found. I have known since I was in eighth grade that I was only attracted to women. What is new is being honest to my daughter and my friend and I guess myself. I was just pushed by everyone around me to act like I was interested in men. And I was terrified that someone might realize I wasn't.

"Have I acted on it? No, not unless you count a single kiss."

I close my eyes and smile.

"That kiss was wonderful, though."

She gives me a moment to savor that before getting back to business.

"We could try for irretrievable breakdown as a cause. You can declare that by yourself. But we might find a judge who doesn't believe you about your change in sexual preference, or more precisely, your expressed sexual preference. How do they know you are telling the truth? Having moved out helps your argument though. The next choice would be being incompatible, which you demonstrate by living apart for 18 months, so you would not even be able to file until then, which has all its own pitfalls.

"I assume you have not talked to your husband about a divorce yet."

"I don't think I can. He has called me several times today, but I blocked his number on my phone."

"My advice is to file immediately based on irretrievable breakdown. There is a risk that the judge will say no, but we will at least be three months into the eighteen. And we will have hopefully started the negotiations with his side by then."

"That seems reasonable."

"I assume you want me to bring him the paperwork instead of doing it yourself. I think doing it yourself would be a bad idea."


"I do not want to see that man again if I can avoid it."

"Okay, I will pay a marshal to do it. Of course, you are paying that eventually. One last thing and then we are done for the day. Is there a risk that Charles will find you and become violent?"

"He might well find me, I guess. He blames Amanda for all this and knows I have been spending more time with her recently, so it wouldn't be a big leap to find me. I don't think he will get violent, but to be honest, this is virgin territory for us. I really don't know what he will do."

"Well if he does show up at Amanda's and won't go away, call 911. Don't hesitate. Don't feel bad for him. And DO NOT go outside and try to reason with him. You said Amanda is married. If the husband is home, have him go out and plainly tell him to leave."

"Steve is a lawyer. I think he will know what to do."

"If Charles does show up and you are alone, yell through the door to go away. Start getting your phone immediately. If he does not leave in thirty seconds, call 911 and say these words 'My estranged husband is outside the house I am staying at and will not leave. I am afraid.' Can you remember those words?"

"I think so."

"Don't think so. Be sure you can. Practice them in your head between now and when you get home. If he shows up, the moment will be too intense to think."

I nod my head.

"Thank you so much for your help."

"Let me know if anything changes. The court is closed for the weekend now, but I will file the paperwork first thing Monday morning. And Charles should get served the notice early next week, depending on how hard he is to find."

I feel much better as I am heading to see the apartment. It hadn't even occurred to me that I would get any of Charles's money. I guess she just told me it is our money, not his. It is what Steve was trying to tell me, too.

And she said I was sexy. She was probably just trying to buoy my spirits. But it worked. No one has ever called me sexy. Not even Charles.

I like the apartment, but it's not available until December first. Where do I stay during Thanksgiving week?

Just then, my phone buzzes and it's a text from says you are welcome to stay as long as you need to. She is eager to meet you.

If Amanda and Steve let me keep my stuff somewhere while his parents are there, I can go up to visit Michelle and meet Lizzie.

I tell the landlord that I want it. I fill out an application and he says he will get back to me. After a credit check, I am sure. I grab a sandwich for dinner and head back to Amanda's house.

They are finishing their dinner when I arrive. I update them on everything that happened this afternoon, including the time line and the plan to visit Michelle while his parents are here. They are fine with that plan. I offer to clean up after dinner as my rent.

"There is no reason why I can't cook and clean up for meals when all three of us are here," I offer.

"You don't have to do that," Amanda says.

"It is the least I can do for you two for putting up with me. I really appreciate this."

After a moment, I add, "Unless, of course, you two want a dinner to yourself. Just let me know and I can disappear."

In the morning, Amanda has a morning client and Steve is playing tennis, so I relax by myself. I am sitting, enjoying my coffee, about to cleanup from breakfast when someone pounds on the door and shouts, "Come out of there, Bethany. You need to come home now and stop this nonsense."

Oh my god. I make sure I have my phone and creep up to the door and lock it, before saying, "Go away, Charles. I don't want to talk to you."

I have the phone out in my hand.

He bangs on the door again, and says, still loudly but not fully a shout, "I demand you come out and talk to me. I know you are right inside this door and can hear me."

"Please go away, Charles."

"Damn it. Get out here!" He is back to shouting.

I dial 911 and repeat the mantra Sue, my lawyer, made me memorize, "My estranged husband is outside the house where I am staying and won't go away. I am afraid."

He bangs on the door again. I suspect they could hear that.

"We have officers on the way. Do not let him in."

I step back from the door and kind of fall backwards into sitting on the stairs behind me. I am still clutching the phone and Charles is still yelling at me through the door. It is less than two minutes until I hear the siren, but it feels like an eternity.

It is easy to tell when Charles realizes the police are coming here, because everything in his voice changes.

"You called the cops on me! No, I bet it was Amanda."

I hear a second police car arriving.

He is back to shouting, "Are you in there Amanda? I will get you for this. Turning my wife against me. You will pay!"

I can then hear another voice, presumably a policeman.

"Sir, we need you to leave the premises."

"But my wife is in there and I need her to come out and talk to me."

"She doesn't appear to want to talk to you and I have to insist that you leave immediately."

"It's all that bitch Amanda's fault," Charles says and then yells, "I am going to get you Amanda!"

"Sir, I think I need you to come downtown with me now."

"But Bethany has to come out and talk to me," he says more or less calmly, presumably to the cop.

But then I hear him shouting, "GET OUT HERE NOW, BETHANY!"

The cop's voice is now sterner, more command and less ask, "Turn around sir and put your hands behind your back."

I hear a click which sounds like the handcuffs from TV shows.

Soon, the police are gone and I start to relax. I look out. Charles car is still parked on the street. And there are several neighbors peering out at the house.

I call Michelle.

Mom?

"Your father just showed up at Amanda's house. My lawyer yesterday had told me to call the police if he did. They just arrested him."

Your lawyer?

"I talked to a divorce lawyer yesterday. She will file the papers on Monday morning."

Buzz. Buzz.

"I have Amanda calling. I should probably take that. Talk to you later."

I hang up and pick up Amanda's call.

"It's okay, Amanda."

A neighbor called to ask me what was going on.

"Charles came here. He ended up being taken to the station in handcuffs. His car is still in front of the house. Everything's fine. Tell you more later. Go back with your client."

My heart rate is finally getting back under control when I hear the garage door opening. A moment later, the door from the garage into the house opens and I hear Steve call, "Are you okay, Bethany?"

"Yeah, but my heart is only just settling down now."

"What happened?" he asks, finally reaching me.

"Charles came here and banged on the door insisting I come out. Sue had warned me yesterday that this was a possibility and made sure I knew what to do. I locked the door and told him twice to go away. I then called 911 and told them I was afraid, which I certainly was. When the police got here, he wouldn't leave for them and they ended up taking him away in handcuffs."

He unlocks the door and looks at the outside of it.

"No real damage here, at least."

"Steve, I have to tell you something he said. He thought Amanda was in the house with me. He assumed she was the one who called the police. He was shouting that he would get her and she would pay for ruining me. He sounded really nasty about it. I think that was when the police decided they had to put him in handcuffs."

"So the arresting officer heard the threats?"

"Yeah, I'm sure he did. They were having a conversation the last time he yelled at her."

"I am going to go down to the courthouse now and get a restraining order against him protecting both Amanda and you. The initial order will only last for fourteen days. Sometime before then, there will be a hearing. You may need to come. Do you think you can do that?"

I nod.

"I need to go. Are you okay here by yourself? It should take a few hours for Charles to get released."

"I need to clean up breakfast still and then get changed for work."

"You are going to go into work?"

"I need to support myself. I will be alright."

I look at him and say, "I thought you did corporate law. How do you know about this stuff?"

"We get exposed to everything in law school; but I do pro bono work for the battered women shelter. I am VERY used to this paperwork."

I look at him with more respect.

Steve heads back out to file the paperwork and I head into the kitchen to clean up the mess still sitting there. I laugh to myself and wonder if Charles has ever cleaned up Thursday night's dinner dishes.

I get ready for work. My hands are still shaking as I first try to put my lipstick on. I take a few deep breaths and steady my hand enough to do a proper job. I get to the client's house. I take another deep breath and put my client face on. If I could pretend to enjoy Charles having his way with my body for the last twenty six years, I can pretend I am composed today.

As I am leaving, I think to myself that it went well with them. I talked them through what to focus on to get their house into its most marketable shape quickly and for little money. I check in at the office before I go back to Amanda's.

She is there and goes over to me and gives me a quick hug and asks, "Are you okay? Steve told me what happened."

I nod.

"Steve did get the restraining order filed before Charles's arraignment hearing, so the judge informed Charles about the order before he got released."

"I don't think he will violate it. But I am not sure how he is going to react to getting served the divorce papers Monday. Part of me wants to feel sorry for him. This has been all so sudden."

"Don't. He is an asshole and it is coming home to roost. You made the right choice."

"Steve told me he does work for the battered women shelter. I didn't know he did that. I really like that he does. He always seemed nice to me, but that made me think even more highly of him."

"I am really proud of him. He is a good man."

"You should be proud of him."

"If you are okay, I am heading home now."

"I was a little shaken this morning, but I am fine now. I should probably spend a little while here. I will see you at your house in a bit."

I stay at the office. Just before I am about to leave, A potential walks in to the office and I talk to her. I think she will sign with me. Every new client helps. Amanda was right, this job fits my skill set pretty well.

When I get back to Amanda's, she is sitting alone. She says, "I saw Charles come back and get his car. He glowered at the house, but did nothing more before driving away. I think he really hates me. I am glad Steve got the restraining order."

"Where is Steve?"

"His morning opponent found another opening this afternoon and they are trying their match again. He was between games when the texts started coming from neighbors. He took off immediately to check on you."

We sit silently for a moment. I think we are both somewhat in shock from what just happened.

"Amanda, can I ask you a personal question?"

She nods, "How much more personal are you going to get than that conversation at the club?"

I laugh and then say, "Do you think I am sexy? The lawyer told me yesterday that I was. But it is not at all how I view myself."

"You are very sexy. When we first met, I think it was Alexa's cookout, I was not yet exclusive with Steve. I came over to you because I was hoping to seduce you. The moment I saw you across the yard I wanted you. In talking to you, I realized you were unavailable, but we became friends instead. If it weren't for Steve, I would be trying to seduce you right now."

I blush. Am I really sexy? Is that possible.

She changes the subject, saying, "After you brought up the battered women's shelter, I had an idea. Assuming you get the apartment, and I can't imagine you won't, would you be willing to take one of the women from there as a roommate? They get pushed out pretty quickly once the shelter thinks they are safe to do so. There are always new women needing the protection during their transition."

"I think that would be nice. I would feel good about that. After today, I have much more empathy for their plight. That was scary when he was banging on the door."

"You understand there is always some risk, despite the legal protections."

"I do. But I feel ready for that challenge."

We chitchat for a while, trying to settle both our nerves after the day. Steve texts her three of us out for a nice dinner tonight? I think we could all use a break

Amanda shows me the text, I nod, and she ? Meet there or are you coming home?

She gets back: I will come home, Can you get reservations for 6 or so?

She do

I go up to get changed for dinner. While I am changing, I look at myself in the mirror. Am I really sexy? I have small breasts, but tennis three or four times a week for the last fifteen years has kept me slim and fit. I guess I am not bad looking. Sexy? I am still not sure.

I wear a nice but not overly fancy dress. Amanda wears a dressy pant suit. Steve puts on a sport jacket over a dress shirt and khakis. We order a bottle of wine with dinner, but Steve only has a short glass. I think Amanda has more than me, but I drink more than I am used to,

We sit and watch a little TV before bed. They are sitting together on the couch and she is definitely getting more than a little handsy with him. Even if I am not interested in him or even men in general, watching them is titillating.

I take a shower, just to wash the day away if nothing else. By the time I am lying in bed, I can hear Amanda moaning down the hall. I wonder what he is doing to her. My guess is that he is licking her lady parts. I would love to have someone do that for me someday. I am curious if I would like doing it.

I touch myself as I imagine I am giving Amanda that pleasure. Her moans are becoming more desperate. I reach my climax as she seems to reach hers. It sounds like he is having sex with her now. There is so much more passion in there than ever happened in our bed.

I make cinnamon rolls and hash browns and omelettes for breakfast. They both seem to enjoy it and I feel better at least partially earning my stay.

Steve goes off to work on something in the study. Amanda stays sitting at the kitchen table and we chat while I clean up from breakfast.

"I hope we didn't keep you awake or embarrass you last night," Amanda says, "I am not used to visitors and I was not exactly sober last night."

"It was fine. It didn't bother me at all. And I want you to not worry about me being here." I smile to myself thinking about imagining I was pleasuring her last night.

"What's going on in that head of yours," she asks me. "If we can be discussing my sex life, you can at least tell me what makes you smile about it."

I look over at her. That caring and compassionate face looks back at me. My loins are burning now. I can feel myself getting wet inside. I cannot resist her question.

"To be honest, I was touching myself, imagining I was the one pleasuring you. Was he licking you?"

"Yes he was and he is very good at it. Did Charles ever give you any oral pleasure?"

"Charles never gave me any pleasure at all. He would climb on top of me and stick his thing in me until he ejaculated and then go mercifully away."

She laughs for a moment and says, "You really are a prude in many ways. You should learn to call his penis a cock or a dick or something. At least say penis. Not his thing. Sex is healthy, not something to be ashamed of. It is deeply personal, so being private about it is fine. But try to think about using sexier words. Even in your own head. It will help you feel more sexy."

"I guess I can try."

I blush even thinking about using those words, even in my own head.

She goes back to where we were, "So you never came with him?"

"Never. And I rarely touched myself until the last three months. Most of the orgasms I have experienced in my entire life involved remembering the kiss you gave me. Until last night, when you gave me something new to fantasize about."

"I would love to give you more than fantasies, right this very minute. I think we need to change the subject before I am too tempted to violate my vows."

I finish cleaning up the kitchen and then say I want to lie down for a while. I can tell by the way she is looking at me, she knows what I want to do while I lie down. She doesn't say anything to avoid embarrassing me, but I turn bright red anyway, knowing she knows.

I take off my jeans and panties and lie on the bed. I reach my hand into me -- my 'pussy' I think, trying to live up her request. I am wetter than I have ever felt myself. I try to stretch things out, running my fingers through my folds before focusing on my clitoris to get me off. I have the most powerful orgasm I have ever experienced.

I lay down for the better part of an hour so it is not quite so obvious I just came up to touch myself. When I do go down, Amanda says, "Do you feel better for lying down? You look like it was a good one."

I turn bright red.

She laughs and says, "I am sorry I embarrassed you. It is a huge turn-on and ego boost for me to think that you think of me that way. I definitely fantasize about you sometimes."

That makes me feel better and warm all over, not just in my loins. And maybe believing a little bit that I am sexy.

"Oh," I say, "I never told Sue about yesterday's events."

I get out my phone and send her a message. I get for letting me know. I am sorry you had to go through that, but it helps our side. He is digging his own grave. The other good news is that his lawyer will be telling him that as well. They will be riding on him hard to behave now. So I think you are probably safe. But make sure that restraining order becomes permanent.

I for the feedback

And for preparing me for what to do.

Monday afternoon, I get contacted that my application has been approved and I stop by the office to fill out more forms. And write a sizable check. Hopefully I have a roommate to help with next month's check, although that will only be a third the size.

The hearing on making the order permanent happens the next week. I am waiting outside the courtroom when Charles and his lawyer walk by. He doesn't look well. He glares at me and his lawyer snaps at him to ignore me.

I am called to the stand and I describe what happened that morning as completely as I can remember.

Charles yells at me, "Did Amanda tell you what to say? Where is that bitch?"

His lawyer is trying to shush him. The judge slams his gavel down and sternly and loudly says, "Order!" He gives a sharp stare at Charles.

The judge now turns to me and asks me how I felt at that point. I am about to answer when Charles has another outburst, "Don't listen to her. She is a damned dyke. She will burn in hell."

Slam goes the gavel. "One more outburst out of you, Mr Porzok, and I will sentence you to a night in jail for contempt of court. Is that clear?"

With his lawyer glaring at him, he nods his head.

The judge repeats the question to me and I say, "I was afraid. And I was even more afraid that I might have endangered Amanda for supporting me."

"The witness is excused."

As I am leaving, I hear the judge speaking to Charles. "Your outbursts have made it clear to me that her fear is well founded and you have little control over your emotions. The order is made permanent. I remind you, Mr Porzok, that the penalties for violating this order are serious. Next case."

Amanda is waiting outside the courthouse. I tell her what happened.

A few days later, I drive up to visit Michelle and meet Lizzie. Lizzie comes as a bit of a shock at first. She is over six feet tall and amazingly muscled. Not thick, but wiry and strong. She has a butch hair cut and tattoos all over her arms, maybe other places too. Multiple piercings. Not at all someone I would be attracted too, but she seems really nice and they are so obviously in love with each other. It make me happy to see them together. But Charles would freak out if he met her.

My first night there, they take me out to a nice restaurant. The next day, Michelle takes off from work and we do touristy things all day together. It is a joy to spend the day with her. We haven't had a day together like this in years.

We stop by her office at one point and she introduces me to her friend Lisa.

"Lisa, I want you to meet my mother Bethany," she says.

"I hear a lot about you from Michelle, I am glad to put a face to the name."

"I hear you helped Michelle find herself this summer. Thank you."

"She did all the work. I just held her hand when she needed it."

We step out of Lisa's office. Michelle whispers to me, "She and her husband will be richer than God in a few weeks. His company is being bought by Apple and he is now a VP there. They have set up a foundation to give most of it away. Apparently Apple will be giving a bunch of money to it too. Like maybe a billion dollars."

"Did you say billion with a b?"

"Yeah"

She knocks on another door and she escorts me in to a bigger office. A kindly gentleman, looking about my father's age. steps over and introduces himself, "I am Marty Martin. And you are obviously Michelle's mother. The apple didn't fall far from the tree with Michelle, did it."

He has that same kind of caring and compassionate face that Amanda does. You immediately trust him.

He holds out his hand and I accept it, thinking he will shake my hand. But he pulls my hand to his lips and kisses it, before saying, "I am always pleased to meet a beautiful woman. How is the real estate business going for you?"

"Oh, I am enjoying it. And starting to learn the ropes. I know my daughter thinks the world of you and I can see why."

"I am sorry to be so quick with you, but I have a call I need to be on. I would love to have a longer visit sometime."

Just as we are coming out of Marty's office, a striking redhead is going by.

"Audrey," Michelle says, "I want you to meet my mother."

"Nice to meet you,..."

"Bethany," I say.

She laughs for a moment. "I have heard a lot about you, but it is always just 'my mom'. It's nice to have a real name. And Michelle didn't mention how beautiful you are."

She turns to Michelle and asks, "Is Lizzie hitting on her yet?"

Michelle scowls at her and she laughs and walks off.

"Audrey is the New England pool champion. The first woman ever to win. And she is starting Audrey's girls, a non-profit to let girls learn to play pool in a safe environment without getting harassed in bars."

"You have a really amazing set of colleagues."

"Javi is the fourth new partner, but he is on the road today. He tells me a lot about organizing political campaigns. He was co-campaign chair for a Congressman when he was in college."

"Are you interested in politics? I didn't know that."

"I don't want to run myself, but I could see working on the staff for the right person. Probably being press secretary or something. But it would have to be the perfect candidate to draw me away from here."

Once we are outside, I say, "I see what you mean about Marty being charming. If I was ever going to fall for a man, it would be Marty."

"Both Lisa and Audrey have the hots for him."

"Didn't you say Lisa is married? And Audrey had an engagement ring on."

"As far as I know, neither of them have acted on their urges. People in relationships can lust after other people as long as they don't betray their partner's trust."

I think about Amanda admitting she lusted after me. But she stays faithful to Steve. I almost ask her about Audrey's crack about Lizzie, but I decide some things I don't want to know. They seem happy, so don't meddle, Bethany.

Instead, I shift the topic, saying, "You seem to have a really close relationship with your colleagues."

"The five of us are so close, it is amazing. I never expected to have an environment like this, ever. The five of us trust each other completely, both professionally and personally. The four of us other than Marty see a lot of each other outside of work. Lizzie pretty much worships Lisa and Alan. She was a serious bitch to them when we first met. The only real fight we have had was that night over her attitude. But they managed to deflect it and by the next morning she was becoming close friends with both of them."

"You spent the night with them?"

"Not like that. Well not exactly like that. But Alan is a gourmet chef and cooked a five course meal with a new wine with each course and none of us were in any shape to drive, so we spent the night. I guess he made a really good breakfast, too. But I wasn't feeling up to eating that morning."

I look at her.

"What? It's okay, Mom, I don't usually drink that much. But it was all so well paired with the food, it was easy to overdo it. And I am not used to drinking wine like that."

I am still not used to my baby being a grown up.

We meet Lizzie back at the apartment after her day at work. Michelle gives her a hug and a kiss and starts rambling on about everything we did today.

Lizzie cuts her off, saying, "I'm sorry Chelle, but I am beat. It was a brutal day at work -- don't even ask, I don't want to think about it. Could we go to the 'whiskers' for dinner tonight?"

"What's the 'whiskers'?" I ask.

"It's a lesbian bar not far from here," Michelle explains, "We go there pretty often. They have okay TexMex and dancing. It's our collapse night place. Would you mind?"

"It would be a chance for you to explore the new side of you, Bethany," Lizzie says. "I bet you get hit on there."

"No one is going to want to hit on an old lady like me," I say.

"If it wasn't for Chelle here, I would be hitting on you."

I guess Audrey knew what she was talking about.

"Since Lizzie really wants to go, I guess I can try it," I say.

Lizzie comes over and gives me a tight squeeze and a quick kiss on the lips. I am reminded of the kiss with Amanda and suddenly my loins are on fire.

We walk a couple of blocks and enter a place called "The Pussy's Whiskers". The bar itself is reasonably lit, but the tables are all booths, with high sides between them and not much lighting. There is a well lit dance floor with a disco ball at the back. Two pairs of women are slow dancing right now. I think everyone here is a woman. I guess they did say it is a lesbian bar.

Michelle and Lizzie wave to the bartender as we walk in and she waves back, saying, "It's not Wednesday yet, is it?"

They are obviously regulars here.

Michelle explains, "We just grab a table. We order at the bar and pick our food up ourselves. The tacos are decent and the burritos are tasty but way too big for you or me. Lizzie will eat them sometimes."

I grab a menu to see what else they have. I read the first two entries:

Pussy Folds $4

Fill your fold with ground beef, chicken or fish. But who wants a fishy pussy?

Make your pussy green and gooey for an extra $2

Stuffed Dildo $9

With chicken, beef, or pleasure beans

I stop after that and quickly set the menu back down. There are hand draw illustrations with each and the drawings are not of the food.

"Just get me a couple of ground beef tacos I think. What do you drink?"

"Lizzie and I usually drink beer here."

"I am not a big beer fan. I guess a white wine."

It doesn't sound like a good paring with tacos, but oh well.

Michelle leads us to a booth and I sit on one side while Michelle sits on the other. Lizzie gets back from ordering for all three of us, carrying two beers and a glass of wine. She sits right up against Michelle. They start kissing each other passionately. Lizzie is groping Michelle's breasts, reaching under her shirt.

Michelle pushes her away and quietly says, "My mom is here. Behave."

I guess there is a reason they have high dividers between the booths. Lizzie certainly has a sex drive. I wonder if Michelle is like her when I am not around.

Michelle is back to explaining all the places we went today. After about ten minutes, the bar tender calls Lizzie's name; she and Michelle go pick up our food. I have to admit that looking at the tacos and thinking about that picture, I get it. I will never look at a taco the same again.

As I hold it up to my mouth, I momentarily remember fantasizing about licking Amanda's privates. Or as she wants me to think, Amanda's pussy. I am still not comfortable with the term, but it is easier now than it was. There are other terms I won't even think about thinking.

When Lizzie and Michelle are done eating, Michelle asks if I would be okay if they go dance. I tell them to go and enjoy themselves. I watch them slow dancing for a while. Both of them have wandering hands.

Then a woman comes over and sits on the bench next to me and says, "Where have you been all my life?"

I burst out laughing. "I am sorry, I didn't think anyone actually said that in real life."

She laughs too. "Yeah, it's a corny line, but we are laughing together now, so it worked."

"But to answer your question, I was stuck in a marriage. I left him two weeks ago."

"Out to see how the other half lives now?"

"Actually I am here with my daughter. She thinks that this will be good for me now that I am out of the closet, so to speak."

"Have you had any fun now that you have come out?"

"Just one kiss so far. But I loved that."

"Would you like to try another?"

The fire from Lizzie's kiss earlier is still burning. "Sure, but can you get me another glass of wine first?"

"Done." She gets up, taking my glass with her. She comes back with another glass of white and a beer, presumably for herself.

She leans over and we kiss. It is not as special as my kiss with Amanda, but it is nice. And the fire in my loins is burning hotter.

She reaches a hand up and squeezes my breast. I take a sharp breath in, but I don't push her away. She reaches her other hand and grabs mine, putting my hand in her cleavage. She unzips her vest further down and I slide my hand into the vest. I am squeezing her bare breast. I have never touched another woman's breasts before. I like it.

She moves her hand from over my blouse to under it and pushes my bra up. She pinches my nipple and I give a quiet yelp. I pinch her nipple and she says "mmmm". I am breathing heavily. My hand slides out of her vest as I lean back, enjoying the sensations, She leans forward, looming over me and I unzip her vest further and reach both hands inside, molesting both breasts at once.

This seems to embolden her. She reaches one of her hands under my skirt. I moan as I feel it run along the inside of my thigh. She pushes my panty aside and reaches a finger inside my pussy -- the thought of Amanda being proud of me makes its way through the delirium I am in. She finds my clit. The feeling is electric. No one else has ever touched me like this.

It only takes a few minutes before it crashes down on me. I am grunting and my legs are squeezing her arm as her hand continues to torment me. She finally eases her attentions as my climax fades. I slowly regain my awareness of the world.

She is grinning at me. "You liked that didn't you?"

"It's the first time anyone has ever given me an orgasm. Thank you."

"Don't thank me. Return the favor. Watching you got me good and ready. Reach up under my skirt. Nothing in the way there."

"I don't know how. I have never done that before."

"There is always a first time. Take care of my kitty like you would your own."



I reach in and tentatively find her privates. It feels like she is clean shaven. I feel how smooth she is before reaching.

"You like it shaved like that, don't you?"

Her parts feel different from mine. Her clitoris is much larger, protruding much further. Her lips are fuller than mine. I hadn't realized they weren't all the same. But I know what to do once I have found the clitoris.

"That's right, just like that. I knew you could do it."

It takes longer than it took her to bring me my orgasm, but she is soon moaning, leaning over me. It is amazing to watch her face as she climaxes. I have never watched a woman like this before. It feels good to have given her pleasure.

"Do you want to come back to my place? I can teach you all sorts of new things."

"Thank you, but I think I should stay here. I really did enjoy it, though."

"We could enjoy so many more things."

"Just let me sit here for a few minutes and drink my wine."

I see a hand on my new lover's shoulder. I hear Lizzie's voice saying, "She said no, Francine. Time to move along."

Francine says to me, "I didn't know you had a body guard. Maybe some other time."

Lizzie tugs on her.

"Okay, Lizzie, I am going. No need to get rough with me."

Watching Lizzie with her, I am glad she is on my side.

I am sitting in a bit of a daze as Michelle and Lizzie sit back down.

"Are you okay, Mom?"

"I'm fine. Francine, that's her name you said, just gave me an orgasm. The first time anyone has ever done that for me. And I touched her. It's the first time I have ever touched a woman. I liked it. A lot."

Lizzie turns to Michelle and says, "See, I told you bringing her here was a good idea."

"I think I would like to go back once I have finished this wine. And I might need to lean on someone while I walk. My legs are still all wobbly."

Michelle is laughing a little now. "I was worried about you, Mom. Francine can be a little too pushy, especially with women she meets for the first time."

"She was very nice about it. She asked me if I wanted her to kiss me and I said yes. I guess she didn't ask about anything else, but I definitely wanted it."

"Okay, let's get you home, Mom."

Lizzie has an arm around my waist for support as I lean against her. We are almost halfway back to their apartment before my legs are sure they want to stand up. Michelle is leaning against her other side; Lizzie has an arm around her, too. I look up and Lizzie looks very pleased to have an arm around each of us.

In the morning, Lizzie is off to work again as Michelle and I take a relaxing morning before we are heading to the aquarium for the afternoon.

"Do you need to talk about last night at all, Mom?"

"Not really. I am very comfortable with what happened. I knew I was attracted to women, but I guess I was a little nervous if I would like being with a woman. And now I know I do. For the first time in my life, I enjoyed having sex with someone. That is beautiful, don't you think."

"It is Mom, but there are more romantic places to lose your lesbian virginity than in a low life bar."

"Lizzie seems to really like it there."

"She does and I do too. But I would not want to go there to pick someone up. I know Lizzie used to do that, but I try not to think about that too much."

And that was the end of the discussion of my first lesbian encounter. I wonder if I should update Sue on my new status.

I cherish the rest of my time with Michelle and Lizzie really grows on me over my four more days with her. I show them how to properly make a full traditional Thanksgiving day feast and the three of us enjoy it and leftovers the rest of my stay. I will miss both of them.

I drive back Sunday afternoon. My apartment comes available the next day. I may stay at Amanda's one more night past that because I will not have a bed to sleep on until Tuesday.

Amanda and I had gone furniture shopping last Sunday. I got a two year no interest loan to pay for it. I have to make monthly payments, but it is better than paying for it all up front. They will be delivering everything on Tuesday.

Steve has arranged for me to meet on Wednesday evening with someone leaving the shelter. I am a little shocked when I first see Kira. Her broken arm is still in a cast and the bruising around her face is fading, but still evident. She has a bit of a broken spirit, but I like her and I agree to take her on as a roommate. She moves in on Thursday -- the shelter really wants the space for another woman in need. We talk late into the night that night. She cries often and I just hold her while she lets it come out. She works a day shift in retail, working one weekend day and getting one week day off. I often work partial days both weekend days and only work partial days most weekdays, but not on a consistent pattern.

We usually eat dinner together. I cook most of the time and then she cleans up, but once or twice a week she cooks and I clean up. She is not much of a cook, but I am teaching her what I know.

We share a bathroom, which is a new experience for me. Charles and I shared a bathroom for almost twenty years, but that was different. Both because he was a man and because we were married. She has a tendency to walk from the bathroom to her bedroom with only a towel around her hair. I thought about complaining, but I actually enjoy it. She has a nice body. Her breasts are much larger than mine and she has nice round hips. Her body reminds me a bit of Amanda's.

After about two weeks, she has stopped crying very often and I don't hold her like I used to, The week after that will be Christmas. We buy each other simple gifts; neither of us have much money.

I cook us a full Christmas dinner. We have some eggnog after dinner, properly spiked. We either had too much or we spiked it too heavily, but we are both feeling more than merry that evening.

After a little while, she says, "Would you mind holding me like you used to? I know I don't need the reassuring i did back then, but I miss it. It was nice."

I hold open my arms, and she jumps up in my lap like she used to and we hug each other tightly. It feels nice to me as well. I say, "I think we both missed this."

She reaches her head down slightly and kisses me. I kiss her back. Our kissing is becoming more sensual. I reach my hand back and massage her breast through her shirt. She is not wearing a bra today; she usually doesn't on her off days.

She reaches under my blouse and pushes my bra over my breast.

I say, "Let's go in on my bed where we can be more comfortable."

She climbs off my lap and we both go into my room. I pull the blankets back and then start taking off my clothes. She follows suit. I have seen her body briefly on her walks after her shower, but I still like ogling it now. She is also eyeing my body; I had not displayed it to her previously. After a moment of looking, we hug each other and climb into bed and hug each other again. The feeling of flesh on flesh everywhere in a naked hug is fabulous. I am fondling her backside and she mine as we kiss.

"May I lick your pussy? I have never done that for anyone before."

She nods and I slide down between her legs. I have read some articles about how to do this, but doing it for real is a big difference than reading about it. Her pussy is very different than Francine's or mine, my only two comparison points. Kira's privates open up much more and her lips are thicker, even thicker than Francine's. I reach my tongue in and explore around before settling on her clitoris. She starts moaning as soon as I first touch it. The moans are becoming more urgent the longer I lick. She reaches down and pushes on the back of my head, shoving my face further into her privates. The moan stops suddenly, punctuated by a loud grunt as all of her tenses up. I keep licking, the way Francine kept rubbing me, and her climax continues. I try to slow down and move away from her sensitive spot as she calms from her orgasm.

In a few minutes, she says, "My turn."

I slide up the bed and she slides down and for the first time in my life, someone is giving me oral pleasure. I think about listening to Amanda making the noise that second night at her house. I understand why she made the noise.

I am just repeating "Oh God! Oh God!" over and over again, getting louder and louder, my voice sharper and sharper. Finally, I shout, "I am coming." and my climax overwhelms me. I am grunting over and over again and slapping my hands against the bed.

She stops and I calm down. She crawls back up and we kiss again. I say "No one has ever done that for me before. Thank you."

We kiss and hug for a while longer, then she reaches a hand down into my pussy. It feels so good. I didn't realize we could do it twice in a row. I reach my hand into her pussy and soon we are both working on bringing the other one to completion. I feel my release coming first and I lose concentration on her while I climax. Once I have calmed, I kiss her and then redouble my efforts. A few moments later, she has her own second orgasm. We snuggle together and fall asleep, holding each other.

When I wake up, she is gone, probably back to her own room. I am still off for the day after Christmas, but it is a long work day for her. I never really thought about how hard retail clerks have to work. I will never take them for granted again.

When Kira gets home that evening, she is exhausted. I make us a dinner of leftovers from the night before and clean up, too; she is so tired and there really wasn't much to cooking. Nothing is said about last night's encounter.

She works Saturday and Sunday and again, no mention of our interlude Christmas night. I am starting to write it off to the alcohol. Monday is finally an off day for her, but I go into the office briefly. When I get back I start working on an early dinner. I am standing at the stove and she comes up behind me and starts rubbing my backside. I turn around and we kiss passionately. I reach back and turn off the burners and we head into my room again. This time we slowly take off each other's clothes, taking advantage of each new geography uncovered.

Soon, I am suckling on her ample breasts, another first for me, and she is lying back moaning. After a while, I kiss my way down her belly, through to her privates. I bring my hands down and spread her lips, just staring at the intricacies within. After a few seconds, I reach in with my tongue and lick her clitoris for a moment before once again leaning back to study the special flower unfolded before me. I shift my left hand so it alone is pulling the lips open, while I slide my index finger on the right into her vagina. That elicits an "oooh" from her upper lips.

I start licking her while I move my finger around in her. I add a second finger and the pair is driving in and out of her, a tiny penis having intercourse with her while my tongue does its own pleasuring.

"Keep doing that! DO NOT STOP!"

I follow orders and keep up what I started. She is thrashing on the bed around me, moaning wildly. Finally, with a shriek, the thrashing stops and every muscle in her is tensed for a moment. That tension is released by a long low "oooh", almost like a steam engine letting off its excess steam to regain its stability.

I reach a hand up to stroke her belly as she lies there panting. Finally she says, "Come up here."

I crawl up beside her and we kiss for a few minutes before she grabs my sides and pushes me up further. I am straddling her face, holding on to my headboard. Her tongue finds its target and her hands find my breasts, her fingers my nipples.

It does not take long for my release to come. I slide back down and we kiss and cuddle for a few minutes before she gets up and throws her clothes back on. I want her to stay, but I know not to stop her. As soon as she is out of the room, I get dressed as well and go back to cooking dinner, no longer so early.

We eat dinner together, chitchatting, but nothing is said at all about our encounter. Somehow I know this is part of her healing, just as much as the crying and me holding her was. She has her phone out at the end of dinner and suddenly she goes white as a sheet.

"Are you okay, Kira?"

She looks at me, that terrified look back in her eyes, and says, "They let William out."

"He doesn't know where you live now or where you work. And the restraining order still exists."

"He will find me. He doesn't care about the order. He will find me. I am sorry if I brought you into danger."

I stand up and walk over to her and hold her against me. She isn't crying, but I can feel the terror in her.

I hold her for several minutes until she finally lets go of me and says, "Thank you. For everything. I think I am okay now."

She is far from okay, but she has composed herself enough to try to exist on her own again.

We don't say much to each other the rest of the evening. Her eyes still look like a hunted animal when we say goodnight and each go to our own bedrooms.

The next afternoon, I get a text from to talk to you. Do you have time this afternoon?

I text ?

She sends you then

I get to her office at 3:57 and she sees me in immediately.

"Charles's lawyer reached out to me earlier today. He wants to discuss a settlement. Charles is still going to contest the divorce, but the lawyer convinced him to at least negotiate a settlement in case the court grants your petition. The lawyer suspects that you would be willing to leave him more than an unfavorable court ruling would. My guess is that spending Christmas alone gave Charles a dose of reality. How are you doing?"

"I am doing okay. Things are sometimes weird. But I am getting used to being on my own. The money is tight and I have a roommate. Oh, and I would have to a different answer to your question about acting on my new interests now, if that matters."

"It might. Is it for real?"

"There is not any romance with anyone yet, if that is what you mean. Just some exploring and learning. I definitely made the right choice."

"That's good to hear. And Mrs. Right is still out there somewhere for you. But I have some questions. First off, I think it is a better idea if just the two lawyers meet to try to negotiate a settlement. Without the two of you present, it will probably take a couple of meetings. Are you okay with me taking on that role without you? You and Charles each still have to agree to the terms, but if I think it is a fair deal, I will encourage you to sign it, as will his lawyer with him."

"Yes, I certainly don't want to be in a meeting with him."

"I did get a transcript of the restraining order becoming permanent. I couldn't imagine you wanting to be in a meeting with him. If I am going to negotiate on your behalf, I need to understand your priorities more precisely."

We talk through several scenarios and we seem to reach a common understanding. Driving home, I am feeling much better. I think my finances are going to work out much better than I ever hoped when I had that lunch with Amanda. And that first kiss.

I see Amanda at work regularly. And we sometimes have lunch together; she insists on always paying. Always friendly, but no more kisses and no more discussions of lusting after each other. I still think about her and that kiss, but my memories are now full of much more explicit thoughts when I need relief. And for the last week, Kira is providing that relief anyway.

Two days later, Kira comes home wiped from work again. "The week after Christmas totally blows. I cannot wait for the new year."

She takes off her coat. And her shoes. And her bra. She gives a big sigh of relief and we sit down for the meal I prepared for dinner tonight. We have just taken a few bites when we hear banging on the door of the apartment building and a man yelling, "Kira, I know you are in there. Let me in!"

She turns white again and starts crying. I ask, "Is that him?"

She nods and I immediately pull out my phone and dial 911.

What is your emergency?

"My roommate's ex is banging on the apartment building door. There is a restraining order against him and he just got released from jail for beating her previously. We are both afraid. Please hurry."

We have two cruisers on their way right now. Stay on the line and let us know if he gets in.

It sounds like someone let him in the outside door. I can hear him running up the hallway, yelling for Kira.

"He is in the building now."

The officers are almost there.

I can hear the sirens pull up outside, but he is banging on the door of our apartment.

I hear a buzzing on the intercom. It is the police asking to be let in. I push the button to let them in. But William is now trying to break the door down. I can see the door buckling each time he crashes into it.

The door finally gives way and he comes rushing into the room. I scream. He looks around the room and sees Kira. He is lunging towards her when a policeman charges through the door and tackles him.

William is struggling against the cop on his back. I am afraid he is going to break free. A second officer runs into the room and fires a taser into William. He stops struggling. The cuffs go on and the first cop leads him out of the room. William struggles one last time on the way out, and says, "I love you Kira, I never want to hurt you. I need you."

And then he is gone. The second policeman stays for maybe twenty minutes to take our statements and make sure we are okay. A policewoman arrives in the interim and also talks to both of us. She again makes sure we are okay. She encourages us to finish our dinner while she talks to us. She explains that William will almost certainly not be released pending trial. She says if there is a bail hearing, she will be there and read our statements to the judge. We will not need to come. Her guess is that he will plead and get a two or three year sentence, with an ankle bracelet to track him for a period of years after his release. "So we can intercept him before he can come looking for you again."

She also talks to us about PTSD and who to contact if we have lingering trauma. By the time she leaves, I think we both feel somewhat better. But there will be trauma. That was the worst experience of my life. I thank the policewoman effusively. She really was good.

The building superintendent has come up to check on what happened. He left us with a brace that can hold the broken door securely closed. But someone needs to be inside to open it. He will get someone here sometime tomorrow to fix the door. I tell Kira that I can stay home. I don't have any appointments and my work is more understanding than hers. We will have to pay for the door ourselves. Kira does not think that William has any money, so we will not get relief there. Oh, well, there goes more of my cushion.

When everyone is finally gone, Kira asks me, "Can I sleep in your bed with you tonight. No sex, but probably a lot of holding."

"Of course, I think we both need that tonight."

She does spend the whole night in with me. She seems much better in the morning when she heads out to work. I am talking to Michelle about last night when the workman comes to fix the door. He has to replace the whole door frame. I write him a $900 check, but we have a working door again.

Kira is tired but seems okay when she gets home from work. But at bed time, she asks to spend the night with me again. Again with no sex. We both work the next day.

Neither of us feel like cooking that night and we splurge for delivery for dinner.

We sleep in our own beds for the first time in three days.

I have two client appointments on Friday but she has the day off. When I get home, she has cooked the nicest meal she has made me yet. When we are finishing dinner, she says, "I want to spend the whole night with you tonight again. But tonight will be all about the sex. Especially for you. I want to make you feel special tonight."

It is the most discussion of sex we have ever had outside of my bedroom. She does in fact take care of me. I have three orgasms before going to sleep and she wakes me up for another. I do get her off twice, including trying our first 69. I liked that, being pleased and pleasing at the same time.

When I see Amanda at the office that next day, she comments, "Looks like you have found a lover!"

"Kira and I help each other from time to time. She needs it for her healing and I need it for my learning. Last night, she wanted to especially care for me to thank me for my support after the ugliness with her ex. It was a very nice night, including this morning."

She jokes, "If I get Steve to rush in and scare us, can I have you for the whole night?"

I reply, "I would be glad to any night, but I think Steve might object."

"Oh yeah, that. A girl can dream, can't she?"

She really is still lusting after me.

For the month, life is pretty predictable. Kira and I work. I talk to Michelle regularly on the phone and see Amanda at work and we have our occasional lunches. I have not really developed a new friend group. And I don't feel comfortable with my old group. Maybe it's because I associate them with Charles. Or maybe I don't want to talk about what happened, although I am becoming comfortable with thinking of myself as a lesbian.

About every third or fourth night, Kira and I have sex. Sometimes we try new positions or techniques, other times we just return to what we already know and get better at it. We are getting to know each other's bodies and becoming much more attuned as lovers.

We never talk about the sex or our relationship. Neither of us seem to assume any commitment along with our encounters. But I am becoming comfortable with what my body wants and what I enjoy giving. And she is getting stronger and stronger.

The only notable event is Sue, telling me of a proposed settlement. There are two options on the table. I am fine with either, but Charles has not decided yet. In either case, I get half of the liquid assets as of the day I left, just over $300K and half of his 401K, which will end up as a bearly two million dollar rollover IRA for me. In one option, I get half of the net value of the house. In the other, he pays me a transitional alimony, with $3K per month for two years and half that for another three years, giving me a chance to build my career. And he agrees not to contest the divorce in the second option, but keeps the house for himself.

When I talk to Amanda about this, she suggests I go back to college this fall, either way. I start spending some of my time thinking about what I would want to do with myself and what I should major in.

One day in late January, Kira comes back from work more excited than tired. She says, "Don't cook dinner for me tomorrow, I have a date!"

I say, "That's wonderful, Kira. Who is it? How did you meet them?"

"His name is Duncan and he is a friend of a co-worker who has been trying to fix us up for a couple of weeks. He came by the store today and talked to me between customers. We liked each other and he is going to take me out to dinner tomorrow night. I am so excited."

She comes back after her date dreamy in love. Completely head over heels. The next date is a few days later and she doesn't come back until the following morning, just in time to get changed for work. I am not sure she slept much overnight. But she is so happy.

The dates are soon most nights; some nights she comes home and some nights she doesn't. Duncan seems nice enough and seems to love her. I don't expect him to be knocking down any doors.

But our days of occasional sex are gone. She moves out the day before my divorce hearing. Duncan helps her move, but she sends him down to the truck with the last load while she waits behind.

She looks at me for a moment and says "I can never thank you enough for what you have done for me. I will never forget you and I will miss you."

She is crying as she walks up to me and hugs me tightly. We hold each other for several minutes. I finally break off the hug, saying, "Go run to your lover boy. You two are good together."

"Good luck with your divorce tomorrow. I know things will work out for you."

The next day, Sue explains to me, "Charles has apparently still not made up his mind on which option to take. If he chooses to contest this, today's hearing should take half an hour or so and probably not come to a final resolution. If he doesn't contest, he may not even come himself and this should only take five minutes."

On the way in, I see Charles talking to a man I assume is his lawyer. He does not look good. He is way more disheveled than I have ever seen him. He glares at me; the lawyer realizes who he is glaring at and turns them around so Charles is facing away from me.

Sue says to me, "They are conferencing. That does not mean he is contesting it. He is probably making his decision now. Let's keep our fingers crossed."

We are sitting at our table in the courtroom, when Charles's lawyer walks in. I don't see Charles. We all rise as the judge enters. We all sit down. No Charles probably means he is not contesting it. My heart is pounding.

Charles's lawyer speaks up as soon as we are all sitting back down.

"Your honor, my client has decided not to contest the divorce."

The tension goes pouring out of me. I can breathe again.

The judge asks, "Has a property settlement been reached?"

"Yes, it has," Charles's lawyer says, holding up a paper.

"Assuming there are no changes in the settlement agreement since we have last seen it, we also agree."

"There are no changes," Charles's lawyer attests.

"Was this settlement contingent on not contesting the divorce."

"Yes, your honor, it was."

"And what was that contingency?"

"My client gets to keep his house, your honor."

"And is there any alimony as part of this settlement?"

"Yes, my client will pay alimony to the plaintiff for five years, to give her time to develop a career."

"I hereby decree that this divorce is legal and final. You have thirty days to settle all financial matters. The first alimony check must be delivered by March first. Counselors, make sure both parties have signed the settlement and that you file the settlement with the court.

"This hearing is concluded."

My hand is shaking as I sign the property settlement agreement. I then give Sue a big hug.

"Hug me now, before you get my bill next week," she jokes, "I don't expect payment until after you get your settlement money. Congratulations, you are a free woman."

Charles is sitting in a chair outside the courtroom as I come out. He sees me and yells, "Dyke bitch!"

His lawyer runs over and pushes him out of the lobby and Sue scurries me out the other direction.

"Sorry about that," Sue says. "I expect that his lawyer will be apologizing to me next time we see each other."

"Do you know each other well?"

"Most of us know each other. George is actually one of the more reasonable ones. Both of us can go toe to toe with someone when that is what is needed, but in a case like this, we both are looking for an easy and fair settlement."

I go straight to work and tell Amanda.

She says, "We need to have a celebration dinner tonight. Still my treat, although I will start letting you pay for some of the lunches now. Steve has some professional dinner thing that will run kind of late. So it is just the two of us."

"I am going to park at your house and then we can take an uber from there. For the first time in my life, I plan on getting drunk. And I would like some company as I drink. Do you mind if I stay at your place tonight. Without Kira there, the apartment feels awfully lonely sometimes."

"Of course you can. I hadn't heard Kira moved out."

Just then her phone rings. She answers it and then quickly mouths, "See you at dinner tonight."

I bounce between jubilant and shell shocked all afternoon. I am relieved that I am spending the night at Amanda's. It felt very lonely on nights when Kira stayed at Duncan's. I have had very few nights in my life where I have not had someone else in the dwelling with me. I have rarely had anyone in my bed with me in the last seven and a half years. But I knew someone else was nearby. Even towards the end, when I was growing resentful of Charles, I still knew he was near. I don't need another roommate financially anymore. But I might think about it.

And I have very mixed emotions right now about Kira. I am happy that she found Duncan and is happy. And I am proud of my part in her healing. But I also feel a little betrayed. We never made any promises to each other; if Steve had died and Amanda had asked me to move in with her, I would have done the same to her, leaving her in the lurch. I miss the company. I miss the sex. I miss her.

Okay, add morose in the mix with jubilant and shell shocked.

I have settled on excited by the time I park at Amanda's house before dinner. This is the first time we will have been together in a non-professional situation since I was living with them three months ago. When we discussed lusting after each other. It's been almost four weeks since I last had relations with Kira and I am getting a bit anxious. I would like some new memories with Amanda to keep the fires burning.

She has a reservation for us at a nice hibachi restaurant. I have never eaten there, and it is fun. There is a grill at your table and the chef comes to cook your meal on the grill in front of you. He is really a performer as well as a chef and he teases the two of us the whole time he is cooking.

Once the chef moves on, we have more of a conversation.

"It was sad to see Charles today. He looked disheveled. He has never been disheveled a day in his life before."

"I know you don't spend any time with our old crowd now, but there has been a lot of buzz about him. Everybody was looking at him oddly after he got arrested. You know how quickly a story like that travels.

"And the club ended up asking him not to come back because he kept going on long loud tirades about deviants, especially lesbians. He was making a major commotion every time he was there. So no more golf for him."

"That must be killing him," I say. "As much as I resent him right now, I still feel sorry for him. His world is crumbling around him. In just a few months."

"One of his golfing buddies went to the house to check on him right after their normal round and he was drunk as a skunk and abusive. No one else has admitted to visiting him, since."

I shake my head sadly. "He shouted at me after the hearing today. Sue pulled me out one way and his lawyer pushed him the other way."

"I thought he wasn't at the hearing?"

"He didn't come in, but he apparently agreed to not contest the divorce just minutes before the hearing. So he was in the lobby before and after. And I assume during."

"And what happened to Kira?"

"She started dating again, which was a really good sign for her. She has come so far from when I met her three months ago. And I am really proud of my part in that healing. But the two of them got serious and she moved out.

"I am pretty anxious, if you know what I mean. We were having sex every few days and suddenly, about a month ago, it all stopped."

"I think the word you mean is horny. But, do you feel like she cheated on you?"

"No. It was weird. We only once mentioned our sex life to each other and that was very briefly. I don't think either of us had any ideas of a romantic relationship or anything. It was part of her healing, to be able to trust sexual feelings again. And I learned so much from it. I know what I like now and what I like doing. I am grateful for that experience.

"I do feel a bit abandoned. I think she felt like she was abandoning me as well. She was crying as she hugged me goodbye. She also said she will never forget me. I certainly will never forget her. We only knew each other for less than three months, but that was an enormous three months in each of our lives."

Amanda changes the subject to something lighter and we chitchat the rest of dinner.

Amanda has me drinking saki the whole meal and neither of us is feeling any pain by the time we leave. We are somewhat falling into each other as we pile into the back seat of the uber. In the jumble, her hand has ended up in my crotch. She wriggles it around trying to straighten herself up and I moan softly.

She gets her hand free and we look at each other and start kissing. The most passionate kiss I have ever experienced. I am breathing hard and heavy by the time we are climbing out of that backseat and walking up the front walk. We are behaving ourselves where nosy neighbors could be watching.

But as soon as we are in the house with the door closed, we wrap our arms around each other and the kissing starts anew. She is rubbing my backside. I reach a hand down and start massaging her bulge through her slacks. She is moaning.

She brings her hands up and starts unbuttoning my blouse. She is about halfway down my front when she suddenly stops, steps back, and turns around. She yells into the air. No words, just a primal scream. And then come the words. "I can't do this Bethany. I can't do this to Steve. I want you so badly right now it hurts. But I have to stay faithful to Steve."

She is not the only one that is hurting if we stop now. God, I want her.

"Would it count as cheating if we just watch each other masturbate?"

I need release now, one way or another.

"I would love to Bethany, but in my heart, I know I would count that as cheating."

I start crying a little.

"I think it is probably best if we each go lie down in our own beds for a few minutes. I know you want to, but please don't try to come in my room. I am not sure I have the strength to resist the temptation."

I nod my head and I head up the stairs first and turn to go into the guest suite. She goes into her own room.

I get myself off quickly. But I try to remember tonight's kiss as I am coming off the climax and I start crying every time I do. The first kiss six months ago was wonderful. This one was torture. We both wanted more. Needed more. But I respect her relationship with Steve. I never want to break up anyone's marriage, especially not theirs.

I stay in my room and lie in bed and think, sometimes crying, sometimes calm. The last two days have been an emotional roller coaster ride, from Kira moving out to my divorce this morning to our aborted affair this evening. My mind just needs time to process it.

I text is final

Your father did not look good

Have you talked to him recently?

I get

He doesn't return my calls

I again sometime.

The golf club kicked him out for ranting about lesbians

I think he is all alone

I feel a little better that I tried to get him some support.

I hear Steve get home. They have a bit of a fight in their bedroom.

"I need it tonight, Steve"

"I am too tired. I'm sorry dear. It's been a long day."

"God damn it Steve, I have to fit somewhere higher in your scheme than you are slotting me."

"There is a whole fucking drawer of vibrators there. Have at it. I am going to sleep."

It might not just be me breaking up the marriage. Or this might just be a bad mismatch with them tonight. I know if I was in Amanda's place, I would have been pretty pissed he couldn't perform. Breakfast in the morning is still notably icy. He heads out early for another tennis match.

"Did you hear that last night?" Amanda asks once he has left.

I nod.

"Sorry you had to hear that. But I needed more of him last night than that."

"I needed more, too. But I know why I couldn't get it. Are you two okay?"

"I think so, but he has been working way more hours recently. I need him to prioritize us over work some of the time. That is going to come to a head pretty soon. Last night was just foreshadowing. I am not looking forward to it. It may be why last night went the way it did. I want something more than he is giving. But I probably am more concerned about us, which means I don't want to do anything to risk it."

"It's okay, I wanted something last night, but I understand what happened. As much as I hated it, it was the right decision."

"Thank you for understanding."

We each have 10:00 appointments, so we get ready and leave at the same time.

I have a lonely evening eating dinner by myself, then a breakfast equally alone. I am feeling pretty down when I get a call from Amanda.

Can you come over right now. That bastard was cheating on me. I threw him out.

"I will come over immediately. Are you okay?"

About to spit nails, but otherwise fine. Fuming that I stopped us Friday night.

I am at her house in less than fifteen minutes.

I give her a hug as soon as she lets me in.

"I'm so sorry. How did you find out?"

"I heard a noise from the study while he was supposedly working on a brief. I opened the door and he is sitting in his chair jerking off. I was already a little pissed. I see that there is a young woman masturbating on the screen. Let me see if I can recreate the conversation. It is pretty seared in my brain right now.

I say, 'Jerking off to a fucking cam girl?!'

She speaks up, 'I am not a cam girl!'

'Who is she then?' I say, staring at Steve, but he is being silent.

'I work with him.'

'She works at your office, what is she a fucking file clerk?'

He nods his head.

'You blew your chance at a partnership fucking some bimbo? What is she, twenty five?'

'I am twenty four and he says he loves me and he doesn't care about his career as long as we can be together. He says I do things you -'

'Shut up bitch!' I shout and yank the plug for his computer.

The screen goes dark.

'Now she isn't here to answer for you. How long has this been going on?'

'About nine months,' he says sheepishly.

'Is that where you were Friday night? When you were too tired to take care of me?'

He nods, looking ashamed.

'God damn your black soul. You have ten minutes to pack up a suitcase full of things. I will take a week to calm down before I go talk to Bethany's divorce lawyer. I hope her tight little pussy is worth it when you have lost your job, lost the house and all of our savings to me. Now get the fuck out of here, I don't want to ever see you again!'

"So he was off fucking his little bimbo while we were abstaining for the sake of your marriage. Fuck him. And I thought he was nice. The bastard."

"And our fight that night was because he had been fucking her the whole evening. I am pretty sure, all those extra hours he has been working, those hours that have been passing me off but I put up with for the sake of his career. All that time, he was torpedoing his own career. Having an affair with someone underneath you is a huge legal no-no and he had to know that."

"Do you know why he did this?"

"No, and I don't think I want to. I assume I am getting too old for his tastes."

I give her another hug.

"Do you think you can stay with me for at least a few days? I don't think I want to be alone right now. And you said you are feeling alone in the apartment by yourself."

"After everything you have done for me, I can't say no. But I would say yes anyway. And I did bring some stuff in an overnight bag in the car."

"I think I may have another favor to ask you. I am going to need to let him come in and collect the rest of his stuff sometime relatively soon. I do not want to see him. I suspect you can understand that. I mostly trust him, but I would feel better is someone watches what he is taking. You are the person I would most trust in that role."

"I can do that for you. I liked Steve, unlike you and Charles. I resent him over Friday night and I will probably hold that against him for a long time. He ruined what was supposed to be my celebration night. But I can bear being with him, but I don't trust him enough to let him take things freely."

"That's kind of what I figured. You know my schedule. I can give you his number if you can call him early this week and find a time when it is convenient for you. I don't give a shit if it is convenient for him. I am trying to decide whether to tell the partners about his bimbo immediately or wait until after the divorce. I might get better terms if he still has his job. But I also want to burn the bastard to the ground."

We sometime sit and chat and sometimes just sit. I listen to her rants when she needs to rant, which is often. As her anger burns itself out, she stats crying softly. I go over and hold her. Her soft cry turns into a sob.

"How could he do this to me," she says through the sobs. Then comes a non-verbal wail, one that can only come from a heart thoroughly broken. A wail so sorrowful that it will break the heart of anyone who hears it.

"I have wasted my life on him." Wail. "I really expected to grow old with him, but now I will probably grow old alone." Wail.

I am rubbing her back soothingly and the words have turned back into sobs. Slowly the sobs ebb as the outburst has run its course.

When I think she is ready, I say, "Let's go get something to eat. I would guess something light, but whatever sounds good to you. And it is my treat this time."

"Light sounds good. Or maybe milkshakes. Does anyplace sell salads and milkshakes?"

I realize I do know a trendy little eatery that does fit the criteria. I suggest it and we have a pleasant dinner. Of milkshakes and salads. But I am not here to judge. And I enjoy the combination myself.

When we get home, Amanda says to me, "There is something I have wanted to do for fifteen years but couldn't."

"Are you sure you want to do this tonight? You are full of all sorts of emotions. I don't want you to do something now that you will regret."

"You have to admit that, given Friday night, this is not just revenge sex, although that might make this sweeter still. I am not about to promise my undying love to you tonight, but I sure as hell want your body."

I am in a bit of an odd mood and not feeling very sexy at the moment, but I will go along with her need. I agree with her, we both have wanted each other for some time, even if it is only six months for me as opposed to her fifteen years.

I sit next to her on the couch and we start to kiss. More tentatively than we were Friday night, but the feelings are starting to come back. Our hands are starting to wander around each other's bodies, still on top of the clothing. I slide a hand under her blouse.

"Stop," she says.

I think for a moment that she has changed her mind and prepare myself to calm down.

"I don't want to paw at each other down here like two teenagers. I want to go up to my bed and enjoy each other, make love to each other's bodies."

We walk up the stairs hand in hand. We watch each other as we remove our own clothes. It is the first time I have seen her naked body. Hers is not my lean and athletic body. She has more curves, larger breasts, real hips. Like Kira's, but somehow softer, more feminine. Her privates look roughly like mine, although she trims her pubic hair, maybe shaving around her lips. It is the first bare pussy I have ever seen, although I did feel Francine's.

I am lusting after her all over again. I can see the lust for me in her eyes.

We climb on the bed and press our bodies together. I have missed the feeling of flesh on flesh I came to enjoy with Kira. It is even better when you have true feelings for the other person.

We are back to kissing as we lie here, the warmth of our skin contrasting to the late winter air outside. Our arms are wrapped around each other. She removes a hand from behind me and I feel it slide down my belly, reaching for my most intimate place. Her fingers are inside me now and I have to stop my kissing to moan.

She presses her lips back against mine, swallowing my moans. I reach my hand down to her bald area and find her pleasure nub. Her moans now match mine, as they echo about in our shared oral cavity. Our desires similarly reflect each others, each of our passions igniting the other's further.

I am in heaven as I reach my climax, grunting as one wave after another washes over me. Somehow, some part of me manages to stay in control enough to continue pleasuring her and she is soon joining me in our shared ecstasy.

We press our bodies closer together. I can feel her abdomen fluttering against mine, the tension in her back. Then it relaxes. I am recovering from mine now, too.

I can feel wet splashing against my cheek. I pull back to look at her and she is crying. "Are you okay? Should we not have done this tonight?"

"I'm fine. These are tears of relief. I have wanted you so much for fifteen years. But the last 48 hours have been almost unbearable. I needed you so badly. I love you."

"I think I love you, too," I say, wiping the tears off her cheeks as I gently caress her face with my hand.

"Now that we have that out of the way," I say, "I want to do the things I have wanted to do for the last six months. Let me please you now. You can have me after that, if you want."

"I very much want."

I gently roll her onto her back and I lovingly kiss her one more time before turning my attention to her beautiful breasts. Her breasts themselves are much larger than mine and much fuller. And much softer to touch and squeeze. She has large areolae and her dark brown nipples are thick and inviting. I kiss them each and then settle into sucking on them as sensually as I can. I have one hand squeezing the tit I am suckling, while the other rubs the free breast, sometimes rolling its nipple between my fingers and my thumb.

Her whimpers begin, barely audible, but incredibly sexy.

I am starting to become more forceful, sometimes lightly biting the one nipple while I pinch the other. Each bite, each pinch brings a sharp breath across the whimpers.

Her whimpers shift to soft moans as I leave her breasts and slowly kiss my way down her abdomen, towards my ultimate target. The moans become louder, needier as my mouth gets lower.

She spreads her legs as I shift over, now crouching between them. I reach down with both hands and spread her lips and revel in its beauty. I feel like there should be a heavenly choir singing as the lips part. This is the most beautiful sight I have ever beheld. I am enraptured by the vision between her legs.

But I know what she is expecting, what she wants, what she needs. I have wanted to do this to her since I listened to Steve bring her to an orgasm my second night after leaving Charles. I masturbated that night listening to her moans, wishing it was me bring her that pleasure.

And I do now. She moans loudly as I start to lick her folds, the moans punctuated by loud groans each time my tongue crosses her clitoris. I am spending more and more of my attention on that one spot and her vocalizations are getting even louder.

As I learned to do with Kira, I bring my right hand down and slide two fingers in and out of her vagina. Her moans have become verbal, as she shouts "Yes! Yes! Yes!!" repeatedly.

A moment later, the words change to "I'm coming!" and then dissolve into a loud shriek. I can feel the walls of her vagina squeezing my fingers as her fingers dig into the bedding. She is now grunting loudly, repeatedly as each wave passes through her. Forty five seconds later, as she is calming down, I shift my tongue from her most sensitive spot and gently lick around the rest of her privates.

"Oh my god. That was amazing. Come up here and let me kiss you. Did you learn that from Kira?"

I crawl up and lie on my side leaning against her. We kiss and then I say. "I learned a lot from Kira. But I have been fantasizing about doing that to you every night for over three months. Ever since I listened to Steve licking you that second night I stayed with you. It was even more wonderful than I could imagine. And your pussy is the most wondrous thing I have ever seen. I hope we can do that again and again."

"As often as you want. I don't think there is enough time in the day for you to do as often as I will want it. And we have the rest of our lifetimes to do it."

"I thought we weren't pledging undying love yet."

"That was before you did that. I never want to give you up now. But it is my turn to please you."

She pushes me over onto my back and mostly follows my plan until she gets to my crotch. She teases me much more, kissing my inner thighs. And she uses her fingers inside me differently.

Once we are both fully sated, we lie in bed facing each other, hand in hand, staring into each other's eyes. I speak first, "When you had your fingers deep inside me, there seemed to be a spot that felt different. Very, very good, almost like touching my clitoris, but very different at the same time."

"That was your g spot. Did you like that? Some women really love it, some barely notice. It can give me a richer orgasm, but it's not a must for me."

"You have so much to teach me. I look forward to my classes with you, Professor Phillips."

We both giggle.

I say, "Would you like me to shave me like you are? That was the first time I have seen one shaved."

"Do what you want. I will love you and all of your body no matter what."

"I think I would like to try having it shaved. Could you help me?"

"Maybe we can make a weekly task of shaving each other."

"That sounds like fun."

"There should be lots of fun we can discover together."

"I love you."

"I love you, too"

She turns out the light and rolls over away from me. I curl around her back, my arm around her belly and we fall asleep like that.

Every time I wake up to adjust my position or I feel her shift, I am filled with a warm glow as I realize anew that she is sleeping next to me. I think I am in love for the first time in my life.

When I wake up in the morning, I have rolled away from her and she is curled around me, her arm grasping me tightly. I try to slide out from her grasp and she says, "Come here and let me kiss you."

I roll towards her and we kiss for a few minutes until she says, "I should shower and get ready for work. Will you come take a shower with me this morning?"

Her shower is large enough to be comfortable for two. I have never taken a shower with anyone before, but I suspect she and Steve used this together many times. No orgasms, but lots of hugging and kissing. We scrub each other's backs and help soaping each other's fronts. I am not sure soaping the fronts was actually all that helpful for either of us. But it was fun.

We get dressed and then have a nice breakfast together. She is planning out the day. She confirms with me that I have the day off. She calls a locksmith that we use at work; he will come and replace the locks on the house today. She gives me Steve's number.

"Is there anything he should be allowed to take, other than obvious personal goods like clothes and his tennis rackets and things like that?"

"The computer in the den is all his and he probably needs that for work. He doesn't need it to get off with the bimbo anymore, I guess. Let him have anything in the study. I should let him have some dishes and kitchen stuff, but I am not quite ready to sort through that yet. Tell him he can make me a list of shared household goods he wants, I will package up anything that I am okay with and he can pick that up another time.

"And thanks for being the go between here. I really don't want to see him. It could get real ugly."

"I fully understand that. It seems like every time I have seen Charles, I am calling the police or a judge is scolding him."

I say I will clean up from breakfast and she heads off to an appointment.

After the kitchen is clean, I text is Bethany. Amanda asked me to reach out to you. Please call me back.

It is only a minute until my phone rings and I see it is Steve.

"Thanks for calling me back, Steve. Amanda wants me to arrange with you a time for you to pick up more of your stuff. Right now just the rest of your clothes. And she thought you probably needed your computer. She understands you probably want some dishes and kitchen stuff, but she asked if you can make a list of what you want there, she will pack up what she thinks is fair and leave it for you."

She really meant it yesterday, didn't she? I really screwed this one up.

"Yeah, I sat with her yesterday and listened to her rant for over an hour. And then I held her while she cried for another hour or two. I don't think you could have screwed this up worse. Maybe hitting her, too."

"I was hoping just to stop by and see her and try to work things out."

"The locks are being changed today. Don't expect to be able to get into the house without an escort, probably me. She never wants to see you again."

"Dammit! Okay, I do need my computer. Are you available today? I took the day off from work."

"Yeah, I am off all day today. What time do you think?"

"Half an hour?"

"I will see you then."

The locksmith is already there when he shows up. I follow him up to the master bedroom and watch as he folds everything into stacks. I do let him take one of the two large suitcases they have. That seemed fair.

"Do you think you could put in a good word with her for me?" he asks.

"I hate to break this to you, but don't expect that I am going to be much of an ally for you. I resent you both for Amanda's sake and my own. And I had a lot of respect for you until yesterday."

"What did I do to you?" he asks defensively.

"First, you broke Amanda's heart. She had an absolute trust in you. You have ruined that for whoever else she forms a relationship with again, if she can ever do it now. Listening to her wail in sorrow yesterday was heartbreaking to me.

"Second, Friday night, she and I wanted each other so much it hurt. She wouldn't let us do anything because she valued the relationship too much. I wanted us to at least watch each other masturbate, but that would have violated your trust, she said. I cried most of the evening, the evening that was supposed to be my celebration. All so you could be off fucking your bimbo. That is an ugly word, but what you did was beyond ugly.

"Did you realize that is why she wanted you so badly when you had that little fight Friday? She had saved herself for you, against the desires of every fiber in her body, and you had wasted yourself on that bimbo."

"Please don't call her a bimbo. Her name is Rebecca."

"Amanda was frustrated with the hours she believed you were working, but put up with it because you were working on your career. But you were throwing it all away on 'Rebecca'. I hope she is worth it."

I say the name with disgust. He doesn't say anything in response, but looks ashamed.

"Amanda says she doesn't want to know, but I am curious, why did you throw it all away on a bim-, sorry I mean Rebecca? You had the most wonderful woman in the world, who is sexy and was absolutely devoted to you. You had a good life and a good career. I thought you were a smart man. Why would you do that?"

"You are in love with Amanda, aren't you."

"Yes, I am and have been for months. And she says she has been lusting after me for fifteen years. But we both took our faithfulness seriously. Even Charles, who is otherwise a complete ass, never cheated on me. Again, why would you be so stupid? What weren't you getting from her that you can get from your young friend?"

"It started innocently enough. We just flirted from time to time."

"Do you flirt with lots of women? I still don't understand."

"I was probably flirting with her because she was cute and my ego wanted me to know that I could still be attractive to younger women now that I am in my forties. I know it's not an excuse and it was dumb. Anyway, the flirting got more serious and she sent me a picture of herself in a skimpy bathing suit. I sent one of me in a speedo. Then she sent me one of her topless. And then one of her completely naked. I took a full frontal selfie in the mirror the next morning and sent it to her. She sent me back a close up of her pussy. A few days later it had gone from flirting and sexting to full sex. I think it was already too late to back out. And I had probably already tanked my career.

"Oh, you can tell Amanda she doesn't need to report Rebecca and me to the firm. I sent in a resignation letter today, confessing my actions. It was the only way to let Rebecca keep her job."

"I heard from Amanda that Rebecca said you told her you love her. Do you?"

"Certainly when I am with her I do. I still love Amanda too, but it sounds like I burned that bridge. I better tell Rebecca that I have left Amanda, before I lose her, too. Before you ask, I never had a plan for how to get out of this. I was just hoping that I could keep having both of them. Tell Amanda I am sorry. Has she filed for the divorce yet?"

"No, she has not contacted a lawyer yet as far as I know. But i expect she will this week. As much as you broke her heart, part of her would love to get back together and she wanted to let the initial fury and hurt subside to see if she thought there was a chance. I take her calling the locksmith this morning as a pretty definitive decision."

"Okay, I think that is about everything here. Let me pack up stuff in the study and I will be out of your hair. I have a question for you. Are you moving in with her? In our room, in our bed, I mean."

"For the short term, I think so, we slept together last night and consummated the relationship we have both been wanting, if that is what you wanted to know. I have no idea if this a long term relationship or a short term fling as she gets over you. I hope that it works, but I don't know. I think I am terrified that she will get tired of me and find another man."

"I have known she was lusting after you for years. And she stayed loyal to me for the ten years that we were supposed to be together. And probably would be still if I hadn't dropped the ball. I wish you luck. I think you will make her happy."

"Thank you and good luck with Rebecca. If you need to get hold of Amanda, you have my number and I can pass information to her."

And he is gone. For good, apparently. He does send a list of kitchen stuff he wants. I end up subletting my apartment to him and selling him my furniture cheap. I move my personal belongings into Amanda's house over the next few days and then let him move into the apartment.

The next several weeks are the happiest I have ever had. We are bonding both as lovers and as companions. We have been friends for long enough to already know each other well. And I did live with her and Steve for almost three weeks before I got the apartment. But we are entering a new phase of our relationship. We do have occasional squabbles as we learn to navigate each other's sensitive spots.

But mostly, the sex is so good. We have passionate, intimate sex multiple times every night and some mornings. And on some afternoons when we are home. We are exploring new positions and learning exactly how to please each other. She introduces me to her toy drawer. For all I hated having Charles in me, I love to come with her dildo in me. I prefer her tongue or her fingers to a vibrator, but the devices are a nice crutch on a day when one of us is tired, but the other needs more.

She works with Sue to file the divorce papers the end of that first week.

A week later I contact Sue, saying I never got my March alimony check. I don't really need the money right now. but I am trying to split the mortgage payment with Amanda, so it would be nice.

After a few days, Sue says his lawyer is getting frustrated with his lack of cooperation to follow through on the settlement. We may need to take him to court if he doesn't make the April payment either.

My time in eden ends abruptly when Michelle calls one afternoon when both Amanda and I are home.

"What's up, sweetie?"

Do you know anything about Dad? He just texted me two messages, 'I miss you princess' and 'I am sorry.' I tried to call back but there is no answer. This is the first time he has contacted me since the day you moved out. I am scared right now.

"I will have Amanda call the Millers and see if they know anything. Just a minute, let me interrupt her and get her to call."

I grab Amanda and she calls Nancy Mller, the next door neighbor at Charles's house. She listens for a minute and then says "Thank you."

She turns to me and says, "Let me talk to Michelle."

I hand her the phone and she says, "Are you sitting down Michelle? Is Lizzie there?"

What is it?

I can hear the concern in Michelle's voice even when Amanda has the phone.

"Nancy Miller heard a bang they thought was a gun and called the police. They said the police just arrived and now they are carrying a body out on a stretcher."

DADDY!!!! NO!!!

My eyes are tearing up as Amanda hands the phone back to me.

"Are you okay Michelle? Is Lizzie there for you?"

No, we are both at work.

"Send her a text and ask her to come there right away. I will stay on the phone with you until she gets there."

I can hear her crying for a few minutes.

I am okay, Mom. I did text Lizzie and she will be here in a few.

I get a call waiting notification from Sue.

"I probably should take this call. I will call you back in a few."

Thanks mom. I love you.

I love you too dear.

Sue's call has gone to voicemail, but I call her back immediately.

I have some news for you.

"If it's about Charles, I think I just heard. He texted our daughter right before he did it. I was on the phone with her when you called."

How is she taking it?

"Pretty hard. It was the first time he has contacted her since the day I moved out. Her girlfriend is coming over to her to give her support. She is at work and she has very close friends there as well. I should check with her again. But how did you find out so quickly?"

He texted George, his lawyer, right before as well, saying he wasn't going to give you anything. It was not a very nice message. The police called him to find out what it meant.

"I hope they don't call Michelle."

They asked George if he knew who Michelle was and he knew that she was his daughter. They probably will call her any time now, just to inform her of his death. I have to ask. Did he have a will?

"We never drew one up when I was there. I doubt he did so since."

Then everything goes to your daughter. But the estate still owes you the settlement, except your alimony payments, which end with his death. By the way, how are you and Amanda doing? She told me you had moved in with her.

"Until a few minutes ago, I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life."

That's wonderful to hear. I will tell you more about your settlement as I hear it.

"Bye."

I call Michelle back.

Hi Mom. I am doing okay. The police just called me to tell me that he was dead.

"Are you sure you are okay?"

Yeah, Marty and Lisa are sitting in here with me. And Lizzie should be here in a few minutes. Are you okay? I know you left him, but you were married for twenty six years.

"I feel kind of weird. I have been crying some, but that is as much for you as me. I have felt bad seeing his world crumble around him the last four months. But he also brought this on himself with his hatred. That hatred eventually consumed him. And I have Amanda for support like you have Lizzie. Thanks for asking. I love you, sweetie."

I love you too Mom

I am pretty shaken the rest of the day. I have the momentary thought that I hope things are better for Steve with Rebecca than they went for Charles.

A few days later, I get another call from Sue.

I have an update for you, but not exactly on your settlement. George, Charles's lawyer just called and he found this very ironic. George had detailed access to Charles's financials -- he can probably be of help to your daughter as the estate moves through probate -- and just realized that Charles never changed the beneficiary on his life insurance. It was being auto-payed and he probably forgot about it.

"I remember that policy. He was very proud that I would be taken care of if he died."

By killing himself, he may have denied you the bit of alimony you were owed, which I think was his intent. But by doing so, you get the million dollar payout. It's gruesome, but it is another big chunk of money you now have. Probably much sooner than you will get the settlement through probate. It could take anywhere from a few more days to a few months to get the insurance money.

"Thanks for the update. I had forgotten all about the policy. I suspect Charles had too."

The next week, Sue tells Amanda that Steve is not contesting the divorce -- it is hard to contest the adultery and it would involve putting Rebecca on the trial stand to be grilled. There is an offered settlement: she gets the house, assuming the mortgage herself, they split the liquid assets and retirement accounts down the middle. She keeps all her jewelry and he gets a few family heirlooms that have real value. No alimony either way, which seems appropriate. Now it is just a matter of waiting out the ninety days. Steve has gotten a job, but with a much lower prestige firm and for a significant pay cut.

Charles's funeral is that weekend. Michelle and Lizzie come down for the weekend, staying in our guest suite. Amanda and I go together, which gets a lot of dirty looks from his family, both of us sitting with Michelle during the memorial service. Lizzie, who is here for the weekend, chooses not to come in for the service, which is probably for the better, given his family.

I am happy to see Lizzie and I am glad Amanda gets to meet her. I guess Amanda is kind of her step mother-in-law, or would be if both couples were married. Michelle stays down the following week to deal with some legalities of the estate.

Michelle assigns Amanda as executor of the estate. There are too many things that need to be done locally, most notably selling the house, and I don't think I can handle it emotionally. The work that week is emotionally draining, but it is really nice to have Michelle here. I haven't seen her for four months, not since my Thanksgiving visit.

It is also important to me that Amanda and Michelle get a chance to know each other better. Amanda is effectively her step mother and hopefully not viewed as an evil one. Michelle did know her already and liked her, but knowing your mother's friend as a high schooler and accepting them as part of your family can be very different things. I am so happy they get along so well.

A few weeks later, Amanda's parents come for a long weekend, both to see that she really is doing alright after the breakup and to check me out. I don't hit it off spectacularly well with them, but no animosity either. I think we can more than tolerate each other for a few get togethers a year. Maybe we will get friendlier over the years.

Amanda has me looking at colleges seriously. Unlike my earlier considerations, I really don't have to sweat money much any more. Especially living with Amanda. I decide I want to work with a women's shelter somewhere, ideally one that would support both battered women and women coming out of the closet. I choose to major in Social Work, with the intent to get my MSW. It will take two semesters plus two summers to get my bachelors and another year for my MSW.

I plan on continuing part-time as a realtor while I am in school.

Amanda's divorce is finalized the first week of my summer classes. Because we knew Steve was not contesting it, there was no suspense like there was for mine, but it was still emotionally hard on Amanda. She really expected her marriage to last her lifetime.

We go out to a much more quiet celebration dinner that night -- it was a school night for me, after all. Near the end of the meal, she looks at me eye to eye. I can see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Bethany, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

"Yes, I will."