Every Tom, Dick, and Harry

Disclaimer: I do not own That '70s Show.

One thing about Laurie Forman is that she does not give a fuck what anyone thinks about her.

Well, anyone except her father, Red.

For so long, she tried to maintain an image of innocence and perfection for him, which was all shattered one day when he found out she'd been shacking up with a guy he luckily didn't know was married. Five years later, the phrase, "Who's gonna buy the cow when they get the milk for free?" still echoes in her head. If only he knew just how devilish she really is, Laurie thinks to herself, he'd probably have a second heart attack. The fucked up thing, though, is that part of her wants him to know. The exhibitionist in her. The succubus. The seducer of older, married men. She wants to be seen in a certain light by the one man she's always kept in the dark. Alas, he can never even know about it, otherwise she wouldn't be his princess anymore. He'd see her as cheap, like everyone else in town does.

Yeah, Laurie's a homewrecker, and that part she knows is wrong, even if she doesn't care, but there's nothing wrong with her sleeping around with single men. It's total bullshit that guys can chase tail however much they want, high-five each other when they score, then turn around and call the chicks that they slept with sluts. Worse yet, that women refer to each other as such.

Even Donna, the self-proclaimed feminist, demonizes women freely exploring and expressing their sexualities, and why...? All due ironically to managing said expression around how she thinks it'll affect the guy involved. If Laurie's younger brother, Eric, behaves the way Donna wants, Donna puts out. If Eric misbehaves, Donna holds out. Whether or not Donna herself is horny rarely matters to her. Honestly, both Laurie and Donna use sex as a manipulative tool. The only difference is that Laurie at least gets to satisfy her own libido, which is probably too high for Donna to even wrap her head around.

Anyway, at twenty-three, Laurie wishes it were possible for Red to know her true nature without judging her five times as harshly as he would everyone else, but since that would undoubtedly be the case, she has to play the role of innocent angel for the rest of his life.

Deep down, of course, Red has always known Laurie's not as innocent as she makes herself out to be, even if not to the extent of utterly debauched he's about to discover.

With Hyde currently out of the house, his room in the basement is available for Red to hide away in from his wife, Kitty, and take a little nap, which he's just awoken from by the sound of footsteps on the staircase followed by voices.

Laurie's and Eric's.

"Hey, loser."

"Well, if it isn't my sister, Whorey--I mean, Laurie."

Red rolls his eyes at the joke, agreeing with Laurie when she apathetically says, "Get some new lines."

Judging by the sounds of the washing machine being filled, she's come down here to do her laundry, and Eric to smoke his devil's lettuce, if the flick of a lighter is any indication.

"It's just, I know you can't be low enough on laundry to only be in an oversized t-shirt and panties," Eric says, putting an unwanted image in his father's head.

"Who says I'm wearing panties?" Red hears Laurie say, shocked by her openness with Eric in addition to how much more scantily they didn't realize she walks around the house.

"Um, TMI, Sis."

"Give me a hit of that," Laurie says just before she presumably takes a hit. Exhaling a lungful of smoke, she asks, "Do you know where Daddy is?"

The juxtaposition between the innocence of the word "daddy," and the mouth it's coming out of, makes Red feel funny in a way he doesn't want to give introspection to or even acknowledge.

"Haven't seen him all afternoon," Eric answers too happily for Red's liking.

"Damn... I need to ask him for twenty bucks. There's this really cute lingerie set I want to buy for my date this weekend."

Hearing what kind of stuff his daughter spends his money on, Red silently fumes. He's basically been paying for Laurie to make herself fuckable for random guys.

Taking the word right out of his father's mouth, Eric says with a cough, "Slut!"

"Hey, I like to have fun," Laurie replies in her defense.

"Yeah, with every Tom, Dick, and Harry under the sun."

"Every dick anyway."

Eric laughs at her quip, but Red finds himself blushing at it, and what blood doesn't rush to his face unfortunately flows south.

Unbeknownst to her, that light Laurie wants Red to see her in lures him like a moth to a flame.

"Like I said..."

"Oh, please, like you wouldn't chase any hot chick who paid attention to you if you weren't with Donna. Like you'd turn them down if they came knocking for you. If you were getting it left and right, the guys would just high-five you for it, too. It's such a double standard."

Taken aback by this, Eric falls silent, like his brain has broken; like his whole world has just been rearranged.

Meanwhile, Red's stuck on the words, "Getting it left and right;" wondering if that's how much Laurie herself gets it.

Curiously, he listens on...

"Anyway, have you checked the garage?" Eric asks. "Red might be in there." More sounds of the washer can be heard. "Jeez, Laurie, don't bend over so much. I just saw your ass."

"Don't look at it, then, perv."

"God, you suck."

"You know it," Laurie says in a flirtatious tone.

"Get outta here already, will ya? You're ruining my Zen."

"Whatever, Hyde." Laurie snorts at Eric's use of his best friend's lingo, starting up the washing machine. "Oh, yeah, do you have any condoms? I'm totally out."

"Of course, you are."

"Answer the question, loser."

"Yeah, under my mattress with my 'Playboys.'"

"Cool, thanks," Laurie says so enthusiastically, Red can picture her skipping up the stairs as he listens to her hurry up them with probably the same excitement he and Kitty have whenever they ascend the upstairs ones with the intention to make love.

"Don't take all of them! I need them, too!" Eric shouts just before Laurie slams the basement door that leads into the kitchen. Sighing, he says to himself, "She's probably going to take them all."

After a couple more hits, Eric puts away his pipe and exits the basement through the door that leads to the outside stairwell, leaving Red to guiltily take care of the problem Laurie left him with.