Everything is Grace Ch. 04

Trigger warning: this work of fiction contains themes of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. The relationship depicted here, while complex and formally 'consensual', is in fact abusive.

****

Emily's hands were shaking as she clicked through her slides. Her presentation was tomorrow morning - 9:00 sharp - her first major lab talk, with three senior lecturers attending, plus her supervisor and a handful of PhD students who were known for asking the kind of questions that made undergrads cry. Topic: Gene Drive Strategies in Insect Vector Control. She barely understood half the material, and the other half was held together with duct tape and caffeine.

She clicked through her slides again. A diagram of Anopheles gambiae reproduction blinked back at her. Her notes were a mess. She hadn't eaten since lunch.

Her phone buzzed. Grace.

grace: change of plans

grace: godfrey's in town tonight. 24 hrs early. i need to take him out

grace: you're coming with. need you there

Emily stared at the screen. Colin Godfrey. The big fish professor Grace had mentioned a dozen times - ex-SOAS, funds half the lefty journals in the country, sits on every radical board worth knowing. Grace talked about him like he was the key to everything.

emily: grace i have my lab presentation at 9am tomorrow


emily: it's the first one, everyone's going to be there

emily: i'm losing my mind over this, i can't

A pause. Then:

grace: right

grace: no i get it


grace: i just thought... i don't know

grace: we talked about showing up for each other


grace: but it's fine

grace: if you're too busy i'll just go alone

Emily's stomach twisted. She could already hear the tone Grace would use if this came up again. Not angry. Just that "I'm not mad, just disappointed" vibe.

emily: it's not like i don't want to


emily: i'm just completely wrecked. i still have to rewrite half my notes. this thing tomorrow is going to kill me

Another pause. Then:

grace: of course

grace: i know this isn't a big deal compared to a slide deck on mosquitoes

grace: i'm being unfair

grace: forget it

Emily stared at the screen. Her mouth went dry.

emily: grace. stop.


emily: you know it's not like that

grace: no, i know


grace: i just thought maybe i mattered more than an undergrad showcase


grace: but i don't want to pressure you

grace: honestly

Emily's hand hovered over the keyboard. Her gut told her to stay. Finish the slides. Sleep. Be ready.

But Grace was Grace. And saying no never felt like a real option.

emily: what time do i need to be there

grace: 7:30

grace: and wear something smart-ish


grace: he notices those things

Emily closed her laptop. The diagram on the screen disappeared. Gene drives could wait.

Grace couldn't.

****

Grace had always thought of herself as someone who gave more than she took.

She listened when people spiraled, always invited everyone to reading groups, ran the shit jobs for campaigns no one else wanted to touch. She organized, followed through, pulled people into things they didn't even know they needed until afterwards. She didn't ask for much back - just seriousness. Loyalty. A bit of emotional competence.

So when Emily hesitated - when she said she was "busy" with some lab slideshow on mutant mosquitoes - Grace felt something inside.

Maybe not even anger. Just a small, quiet offense.

After everything she'd done for Emily. Pulled her out of whatever small-town meltdown she was living through in first year. Got her into real spaces. Helped her understand that there is so much more than academic success and a well-trotten career path. And then forgave her--actually let her back in - after that whole spiral at the pub. She didn't do that for most people.

And now, when there was this one thing - this minor ask, this moment of actual use - Emily couldn't make space?

That wasn't real closeness. That was convenience. And Grace had no time for that.

Of course, she hadn't really 'needed' Emily there tonight. Godfrey was easy - sharp, charming, open, the kind of man who enjoyed hearing young lefties disagree with him. Grace knew how to handle men like that. She could do without a sidekick.

But she wanted Emily there. For optics, sure. But mostly for proof.

Emily had said it - "Whatever you need, I'm in." Well, this was one of those moments. Grace just wanted to see if the words meant anything.

So yes, she might've pushed a little. Played the disappointment angle. Brought up the old promises. She didn't enjoy manipulation, not really - but Emily had to understand that love, or whatever version of it they were doing, came with standards. Grace couldn't carry both of them forever.

And it worked. Of course it worked.

Emily showed up - tired, underdressed, clearly anxious. Didn't say much during dinner. Godfrey didn't seem to mind. He asked Grace questions about their campaign strategy, said she had "political maturity" - a phrase that would've sounded condescending from anyone else, but didn't from him.

Afterward, when he left, Grace turned to Emily and said, "Quick beer to talk strategy?" Even though it was past ten, and Emily looked like she was about to pass out. But she didn't say no.

They sat in a lame, touristy pub by High Street. Emily barely touched her drink, kept checking her phone like she was calculating how few hours she had left to sleep. Grace didn't comment. She just talked - about the meeting, about how well it went, about future opportunities Godfrey might open up. And Emily stayed.

That's what mattered. The staying.

Grace didn't need declarations. She needed evidence. Compliance. Follow-through.

Emily had said she'd do anything. Tonight, she proved it.

And maybe - just quietly - Grace liked that feeling. Knowing someone would rearrange their night, wreck their prep, fuck up their sleep, just because she asked.

Not out of fear. Not obligation. But because Grace asked.

And in the end, wasn't that what trust looked like?

****

Emily didn't sleep. She got back from the pub after midnight, rewrote two slides in a fog, then lay awake watching the ceiling until her alarm went off at six. Her mouth felt dry. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking.

The presentation was a blur - half adrenaline, half white noise. Her slides were fine. Not polished, but not embarrassing either. She stumbled over a few transitions, forgot to credit one study. One of the PhDs asked her a question about off-target mutation risk she hadn't anticipated, and she flailed a bit - but not enough to drown. People nodded. No one ripped her apart. It was done.

As she left the room, she thought: "Could've been worse."

And that was true. It also wasn't the point.

****

They'd been drinking wine, sitting cross-legged on Grace's bed, half-naked, half-talking, half-touching. The kind of lazy closeness. Grace kissed her like she always did, deliberate and confident.

At one point, Grace's hand slid between Emily's legs like it belonged there.

Touch, friction, breath. Emily came with her head buried in Grace's neck, fingers digging into her shoulder, hips jerking up like she couldn't help it. Grace held her there, kissed her temple.

"You're good," she whispered.

Emily flushed. Smiled. Everything felt so cozy.

But, after a few minutes, Grace moved - slipped out of bed, poured some wine, sat on her armchair, legs still bare, wineglass in hand. She looked at Emily, lounging naked across the sheets.

"You ever kissed someone's feet?"

Emily blinked. "What?"

Grace raised an eyebrow. "Feet. Toes. Ankles. Any of it."

Emily laughed, caught off guard. "No? I mean... not on purpose. That's a weird question."

Grace smiled faintly, almost too casual. "Shame. I like it."

Emily pulled the blanket up a little. "Seriously?"

"Mmhm." Grace took a sip of wine. "But hey, thanks for shaming me. I forgot that my kinks need to pass the Midlands Normality Test first."

Emily sat up. "Oh come on. That's not what I meant."

Grace shrugged, still smiling. "It's fine. I knew it'd be too much for you."

There it was. The tone Emily recognized-- abit of disappointment, a bit of guilt-tripping. She hesitated. Then moved.

She moved to the edge of the bed, settling onto her knees--not on the floor, but close enough to feel the change in posture. Grace didn't say anything at first. She just extended one leg, resting her foot lightly against Emily's thigh.

Grace looked back down at her. There was something in her posture, the ease of it, that made her look almost regal. Like she belonged to another century. Like this was her court and Emily was kneeling at it. Not very Marxist, true, but, as Grace always said, dogmatism will wreck you faster than compromise ever will.

Emily felt a jolt in her chest. A rush. Heat, unmistakable and sharp.

Grace smiled, slow and deliberate. "Kiss."

Emily blinked.

"Come on," Grace added softly, like it was nothing. "Just try."

She leaned forward and kissed the arch of Grace's foot, hesitant at first. She moved to her ankle, then back to her toes. It was strange - undeniably - but also intimate. Like, tender. Her tangue was never still.

Grace sipped her wine, eyes never leaving her.

Then: "Touch yourself."

The command landed softly. No emphasis. No question mark. Just a fact.

Emily swallowed. Her hand moved between her legs.

Grace's smile widened, but stayed contained. She reached out with her free hand and gently stroked Emily's hair - light, slow movements, fingers threading through strands like she was soothing a pet.

"Good girl," she murmured.

Emily felt her breath catch.

The room shrank. Grace looked down on her. The look in her eyes was unfamiliar: not tender, not playful, something darker. Hungrier. Her expression barely moved, but the energy was different.

Emily kissed again, her hand working in rhythm now. Her eyes flicked upward and met Grace's. Grace didn't look away.

"Just like that," she said softly. "That's it."

Emily came like that - mouth on Grace's foot, her body shaking, chest rising too fast. The orgasm tore through her quickly, embarrassingly intense.

She dropped back onto the bed, gasping. Grace stood, walked over, and ran a hand over her head once more - almost absentminded, like the gesture was now routine.

"You okay?" she asked.

Emily nodded slowly. "That was... weird."

Grace gave a small smile. "Weird can be good."

Emily stared at the ceiling, heart still hammering. "Does this mean something?"

Grace tilted her head. "What, the feet thing?" She shrugged. "Like what, am I part of the royal family now? Come on, we're just messing around"

Emily closed her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was just a joke. Maybe it was. It was definitely weird. But part of her hoped it wasn't. And that Grace would ask her for this again.

****

Grace hadn't expected Emily to get under her skin like this.

At first, it had been curiosity. Emily was sweet, unsure of herself, easily impressed. Grace liked showing her things - books, people, how things worked. It made her feel generous. Protective, even.

Especially after the fallout. After all that drama at the pub, Grace had fully expected her to disappear. But instead, Emily came back soft. Humble. Willing. No defences. No pushback. Just quiet commitment.

And since then, something had changed.

Grace found herself thinking about her more, sometimes all the time. Watching her closely. Noticing the ways Emily waited for cues, checked her reactions, tried to get things right. Responsive. Open in a way that wasn't loud, but definite.

She'd played with kink before, sure. Tied a boy up, used her hands a certain way, play with the strap. It was fun. Subversive in the right kind of way. All within bounds.

But with Emily, it wasn't just play. It landed deeper. She followed through--not just in bed, but everywhere. Grace said things, and Emily listened. Adjusted. Gave. That's what got to her.


Emily let things orbit around Grace - her plans, her time, her wants - like it was obvious. Like that's how it should be.

Sure, there were moments of dissent. The pub, that dinner with Godfrey - Emily would waver. Push back. But Grace had learned how to handle it. And when Emily finally gave in, it always landed even harder. Sweeter.

And it all made something inside Grace melt.

Tonight had only confirmed it. Watching her kiss her feet, touch herself on command, eyes wide and flushed, it was not just arousing. It felt like something clicked. Like Grace could see the line forming ahead. She didn't know exactly where it led, but she knew she wanted to walk it.

And she wanted Emily there. All the way.

She didn't need to define it. Not yet.

But she was already thinking about what to ask next.

And how far Emily might go.

****

grace: remember to wear the warm coat

emily: i hate that coat

grace: yeah but you look very tragic when you're cold


grace: let me have this

emily: ugh fine

grace: see. you can be sensible

grace: proud of you already x

grace: forgot to say earlier


grace: you were really sharp in seminar today

grace: made the Jacobson guy shut up without even raising your voice

grace: i wanted to kiss you right there

emily: you say that like you didn't anyway

grace: fair

emily: coffee?

grace: i thought you were cutting down


emily: only a little

grace: ok but eat first


grace: and get something with actual protein in it. not just a croissant


grace: you're not allowed to faint in my vicinity


emily: that's such a specific boundary

grace: my boundaries are aesthetic


grace: deal with it

grace: what are you doing tonight


emily: nothing planned

grace: come over. i want to show you something

emily: what


grace: rude


grace: just say yes

emily: yes

grace: see. that's better

emily: still awake

grace: yes

emily: just wanted to say i liked being at yours earlier

grace: yeah?

emily: it felt like something i could get used to

grace: don't start nesting in my flat

emily: i won't

emily: just. you made it feel safe

grace: go to sleep

emily: yeah ok

emily: goodnight grace

grace: night x

grace: did you fix that slide yet

emily: i'm working on it

grace: how long ago did you open the file


emily: ... like 4 minutes ago

grace: babe

grace: please don't lie to your keeper

emily: ew

grace: get it done and i'll feed you later

grace: dinner tomorrow?

emily: yes pleas

e
grace: i'll cook if you bring wine

emily: red or white

grace: whichever makes you look most intelligent at the shop counter

grace: you're representing me, after all

emily: oh god

grace: don't mess it up

emily: you said you liked that poem i sent right

grace: yes. very emily-coded

emily: i sent it because it reminded me of you

grace: of course you did

emily: i don't just mean the rhythm or whatever

grace: i know

grace: stop before you make it weird

emily: too late probably

grace: wear the navy jumper again today

emily: you're obsessed


grace: you just look very correct in it


grace: like you make sense

grace: i like when you look like someone i could bring to a meeting

emily: i'm flattered. i think


grace: you should be

grace: i was thinking today

grace: the thing i like most about you right now is how much better i feel when you're around


grace: even if we're not doing anything

grace: just sitting

emily: you're being very nice

grace: rare moment. enjoy it.

grace: come here later


emily: i have to finish that stupid ecology reading

grace: bring it

grace: read in my bed

grace: i'll make you tea and bully you gently from across the room

emily: sold

grace: i like you better when you're quiet

emily: rude

grace: not always

grace: just sometimes

grace: when you're listening. or focused. or waiting

grace: it suits you


grace: don't get self-conscious about that


grace: it's meant as affection

emily: i'm not

emily: just thinking

grace: good

grace: stay that way for a minute

emily: you said you liked me better when i was quiet

grace: yes

emily: i keep thinking about that

grace: overthinking

emily: maybe

emily: i think it's because i want you to like me always

grace: you're exhausting

grace: but i don't mind

****

Grace hadn't planned it. It just came out.

They were in her flat, early evening, rain ticking on the windows, the kind of night that made the world feel smaller. Emily was curled in the armchair, legs tucked up, reading. Grace was on the floor, sorting through old magazines and articles for a zine someone had roped her into helping with. Her fingers were inky from a leaking pen.

She was halfway through a stack when she remembered the ink ribbon.

The old typewriter she wanted to use was in the cupboard, useless without it. She'd ordered the ribbon weeks ago, had it shipped to a small print shop near the station that only held parcels for 48 hours. She'd forgotten to pick it up. And she knew - absolutely knew - they would bin it if she didn't go now.

She could go, sure. It was maybe twenty-five minutes there and back. Doable.

But... she really didn't want to.

And then, without fully deciding to, she looked up at Emily and said:

"Would you go get something for me?"

Emily blinked. "Now?"

Grace nodded. "It's just a parcel. I'll text the address. They close at eight."

No guilt. No pleading. Just the ask, hung in the air like a thread.

Emily looked at her, hesitant. The moment stretched - too warm to want to move, too polite to say no. Grace didn't add anything. Just met her eyes.

"If it's important," Emily said eventually, "yeah. I can go."

Grace smiled - small, grateful. "Thanks."

She didn't offer to go with her. Or to make it up to her. Didn't say she owed her one. Just watched her move - pull on boots, half-knot her scarf, grab the umbrella that barely worked. Then the door clicked behind her.

Grace exhaled. She didn't think of it as a test. Not really. But something in her still buzzed. The way Emily had gone. Quiet, reluctant. Definitely not thrilled. But also not rebelious.

It stuck with her.

Because this wasn't like the other things. No sex. No shared joke. No promise of closeness. Just Grace needing something - something she easily could've gotten herself - and Emily going out into the rain instead. That was what made it land.

Grace stayed warm. Emily didn't. Grace sat still. Emily moved.

And that contrast - that quiet, unnecessary imbalance - was what lodged deepest.

The sweetness of knowing she could've done it herself and didn't. The even sharper sweetness of Emily knowing that too, and still going.

It wasn't dramatic. But it was real. And it felt better than it should've. Not just pleased. Not just smug. Something warmer. Deeper. And... she wanted more of it.

When Emily came back, damp and pink-cheeked, Grace didn't move.

"You found it?" she asked, flipping through a magazine.

Emily nodded. "Yeah."

Grace took the package, set it on the table. "Good."

That was it. No praise. No thank-yous. The kind of silence that said: you did what you were supposed to.

Emily hovered, then slowly sat down on the rug near the couch.

Grace didn't look at her right away. Just reached out and let her fingers rest lightly on her knee, like it was nothing. Like touch was air.

Inside, something curled sweetly in Grace's chest.

This was the shape of things. She didn't need to define it. Not yet. But she was starting to know how it worked.

And she liked it.