The Nanny Clause Pt. 02

Chapter 10

It's been a very trying day. Two weeks in and Ava is only acting worse and worse by the day. She's been throwing fits all day. When we went to the beach with Helen, she threw sand at us and stormed off to find her father, who, of course, was at the library. He's only spent three nights with her this entire time, including the weekends which, conveniently were consumed with work too. I don't believe him when he says he's not like this at home. I believe Ava's actions and reactions.

Which is why we are seated at the school table now, trying to focus on worksheets. I think maybe some structure really is what she needs. She has a week to get into the flow of things for school when we return and I'd be doing her a disservice if I neglected the fact that she will need to sit still and follow rules next week. I point to a few words on the page and encourage her to read them.

"Come on, Ava. I know you know what those words are. Read them to me."

Her round cheeks and curly pigtails don't charm me today. She is very intelligent, using her emotions to manipulate me into feeling sorry for her. She doesn't honestly have to work that hard at it because I feel awful for her, but she has to know that even when she feels upset she still has to follow instructions and push through. So I'm gentle as I continue coaxing. "Please read to me. I know you're frustrated but it's important."

"I want Daddy," she whines just as I hear the front door open and shut. Helen and Burt are in the kitchen preparing dinner, so I know it's not them, and the no vacancy sign has been hanging out front this whole time. It has to be Fletcher.

On one hand it is a good thing if he is home and able to spend the night with his daughter. She needs it. On the other, I'm frustrated that I finally got her to at least communicate with me and sit still for five minutes and then he just walked in. It's selfish of me to feel that way, I know, but I'm the one who has dealt with all of her fits and bad behavior and he will rush in here and play the hero.

"Alright, kiddo... Take a break." I close the book and look up in time to see Fletcher walk through the doorway. Ava leaps to her feet in a squeal of delight and nearly tackles him.

"Hey, pumpkin, how is your school going?" He picks her up and hugs her tightly. His biceps are almost as wide as her tiny waist. She seems so tiny compared to him. I pull my eyes away from the intimate moment as he kisses her and asks softly about her day. I've been scolded enough the past two weeks for interfering in his personal relationship with her and he's told me enough how wrong I am.

I stand and gather the books. Tomorrow I will start with the studies instead of play time and see if I fare better. With only a week left and Fletcher showing zero signs of interest in her daily routine anymore, I feel like it's hopeless to think I will change anything. I just need to buckle down and get through this week that we have left and when I get home I'll go back to subbing and looking for a full-time teaching position.

"You can probably just enjoy your evening, Grace. I'm going to hang out with Ava tonight."

I set the stack of books on the bookshelf and cross my arms over my chest as I turn to see Fletcher doting on her. It's strange to me how he can go from distant and grumpy to overly engaged and loving. His act doesn't' really fool me, but I'm glad for Ava's sake that he's here now.

"Thanks... I think I'll just hang out around here." I shrug a shoulder and touch Ava's back lightly as I walk past them and out the door. I hope they have a great evening together, but I need space. I'm moody and I just want to go home. The money will make it all worth it for sure, but I'm nursing a wounded ego now that wasn't wounded when I left Chicago.

I head to the kitchen to find that Burt isn't here. It's just Helen who stands at the table rolling dough with a rolling pin. Flour dusts her hands and the front of her apron, and a smile graces her face as she looks up at me.

"Oh, Miss Grace, where's Ava?" She rolls without watching what she's doing and I envy her. I'm not a cook by any means. Most of my meals are frozen dinners or fast food, though I do try to select healthy options.

"She's with Fletcher. He came home early for a change." I sink onto a barstool that's been pushed up to the table. I assume Burt occupied it before he went wherever he is. I can't help but let the weight of the past few weeks show in my body. My shoulders slump and I plant my elbows on the table. I'm tired and sad. I miss Nick and Mira and I can't wait to go home.

"You know..." Helen is good about offering unsolicited advice. I've gotten an earful every day about how to do things differently with Ava, though she's not bossy or demanding. "Love is sort of like a little seedling. It needs nurtured and handled with care."

I almost start to chuckle because it's too cliché. Fletcher and I are not in love. I may have screwed him a few times but he just isn't my type. He's grumpy and distant and I need a warm attentive man. Besides, we barely knew anything about each other until two weeks ago and now that I know more about him, I don't think I'd ever want to date him.

"Yeah?" I say absentmindedly. It sucks to be alone in my thoughts, so listening to Helen carry on helps me get out of my head.

"Yes. And it needs that nurturing from the nurturing heart in the relationship. You know, a man doesn't' always have that ability."

"Fletcher has zero emotional abilities. He's hollow and grumpy and..." I realize I'm venting and stop myself. Complaining about his negative traits isn't healthy and it's just gossip. It's not like there is ever going to be anything between us. Helen can't fix what doesn't exist.

"A grumpy man just needs some extra patience. It means he's hurting and can't tell you why."

I look up at her and see her eyes sparkle. She really does think she's going to get us together.

"Thanks for your tips, Helen. I'm going for a walk. I'll be back for dinner." I tap the table with my fingernail and stand. She seems content to let me leave without any more free advice, so I walk out the back door and around the side of the house to the front walk that leads me down to the beach. It's cooler now with the sea breeze bringing a cold front in, maybe some rain too. I pull my phone out and call Nick because I need a familiar voice and he hasn't been the most communicative lately.

"Hey, Gracie! How's the beach? You enjoying your time?"

It's so good to hear him I almost tear up. "It's... uh... challenging at times." If anyone will appreciate my frustration it's my brother.

"It's not Fletch is it? He's not--"

"Before you start prying, there is nothing going on. Okay? Fletcher is just a grumpy old man who is very difficult to placate. Ava throws tantrums, and I'm just better suited to high schoolers maybe." I sigh. "I'm ready to come home and just be a teacher."

"You'd tell me if something was going on? Fletch seemed a little too eager to have you join him." Nick is paranoid for no reason.

"It's just a job, Nick." Maybe calling him was a bad idea too. I seem to be having a lot of those lately. "Look, I want to have dinner when I get home, okay? You come over and we'll watch the Bourne series."

Nick chuckles. "I can't wait to have you home too. I'll clear my schedule. I'll see you next week, kid."

He hangs up and I stare at the waves lapping at the shore. Just one more week to get through and then life goes back to normal.

Chapter 11

I've been looking forward to this day all week. My work here in Cape May is finished and I am eager to get some down time with Ava. Grace seems distant, focusing more on my six-year-old than me, but I haven't exactly had time to give her much attention. Neither of them for that matter. This should have been a relaxing three weeks of normal work, but we encountered problem after problem and I got sucked into matters that had nothing to do with me.

But now, I've passed all the work off to another very capable person in the library's expansion team and I am free. The blanket stretched out on the sand isn't exactly comfortable, but Ava doesn't seem to mind. She digs her shovel into the loose powder and fills her bucket, then pours it out over and over. Grace sits with her back to me, reading a book. I'm certain she brough tit along as a distraction so she wouldn't have to speak to me.

"Ava, if you use your bucket to bring water up here, the sand will pack better. It's easier to build a castle that way." My helpfulness seems to go unnoticed by Ava, but Grace scowls at me. I'm not sure why, except that perhaps she thinks I'm being intrusive into her reading. I just want Ava to be successful at her attempts to build a sand castle.

"Daddy, you get the water." Ava tosses a bit of sand over her shoulder and it lands on my leg, clinging to the light layer of perspiration collected on my skin.

"No, Ava. Don't put the sand on the blanket." I'm frustrated, trying to dust the sand off my leg when she deliberately puts another scoop on me, this time my other leg. "Stop." My tone is firm and so are my words, but Ava is being a handful. I know she's acting out because I haven't spent much time with her. In her mind, she's probably testing the boundaries of my affection for her, to make sure I still love her.

I'm not a sand and sun sort of guy. Give me a nice pool, though, and I don't mind jumping in. But this is messy and it irritates my skin. "Ava, I said no. Please stop that." I scowl at her. I don't mean to be angry with her, but she is being rotten.

"Look. You like it!" Ava tosses sand right on my face, getting it into my eyes and my gut reaction is to jump to my feet.

"God..." I touch my eyes, dusting sand off my face, but I feel the tiny grains scratching beneath my eye lids. "Ava, I told you no." I'm not shouting, but it takes all my will power not to. This hurts.

"Ava, that wasn't kind. You got it in Daddy's eyes." Grace's voice is soothing and comforting and I know it's probably what Ava needs, but I'm really angry. I blink my eyes hard and look around, hoping to clear them. If my eyes water, it will wash the and out. "Tell Daddy you're sorry."

"No. I'm not sorry. We're playing." Ava returns to her shovel and pail and I spot the shower station near the boardwalk across the dunes. Without even asking if Grace will watch her I head that direction. I need to rinse my eyes before I scratch the hell out of them by rubbing.

Grace already thinks I'm a grumpy old man who doesn't spend enough time with his daughter. I'm sure this will only convince her she is absolutely correct and I am angry with myself for not handling that better. I have been irritable all week for a number of reasons. As I walk across the uneven surface, practically rolling my ankle with each step, I think about it.

I haven't worked this hard in years. I wanted this trip to be special for me and Ava, and Grace too. I wanted to get to know her and maybe let something spark between us but I never had time. And after one morning of grumpiness before I even had my coffee, she'd made up her mind about me. I never got the chance to show her she was wrong because every second of my day was consumed with work, every day.

The water is cold as it sprays out and I can't simply rinse my eyes, which means I get soaked to the bone just trying to get the sand rinsed off. I didn't bring my towel with me either, and the breeze chills me, so again, I'm grumpy as I walk back toward the towel, now soaked with sand clinging to me even more places. It isn't the day I had planned at all, and it's not really Ava's fault. She tossed the sand, but she's six. She doesn't understand how it can hurt someone's eyes.

I make my way back to the towel, ready to apologize to Grace and just force her to listen to me. I want to have a heart to heart and tell her how I'm not this curmudgeon that she thinks I am. But when I get back she is out in the waves with Ava, splashing and laughing. It's like she knew I was going to talk to her and she's avoiding me. She's been avoiding me. I put the wrong foot forward and it ruined my chance with her.

Sinking onto the now-sandy blanket, I watch her play with Ava. If I learned anything about her on this trip it's that I think she is an amazing creature. Yes, she stood up to me and fought me on everything I thought was good for Ava, but watching her out there playing, I know she made the right choices. It should be me splashing in those waves, but it's her. Because Ava likes her, and trusts her.

Grace is bold and stubborn and hard headed, but she's also beautiful and kind and patient. She knows what she wants and she fights for it. And I like everything about her, even that angry streak that wants to fight me. I find it so alluring I want more, more fights and more butting of heads. More laughter and more sex, and more nights where I carry her to bed when she's had too much to drink.

This trip only proved to me that I want more of her. All of her. If only she'd give me a chance to show her I'm not a monster.

Chapter 12

I settle in for the short flight from New Jersey to Illinois. Mira is set to pick me up and I'm ready to be home. The plane is full. I'm seated next to an older woman who smells like mentholated rub, and it makes me gag. I wish I would have booked my flights with Fletcher and Ava if for no other reason than to have a few more precious minutes with her. As it is, when he brought me to the airport this afternoon Ava clung to me.

Their flight is later tonight so they had a few hours to kill, but he did manage to stop me and ask me about moving in with him. Of all things... He wants a live-in nanny to care for Ava and while I can't think of anything that would help that little girl more than having a solid influence in her life on a daily basis, I don't think I can stand seeing Fletcher every day. Not with how I feel, which is surprisingly not at all how I thought I'd feel.

I stare out at the tarmac as the plane taxis to the runway. It's bittersweet leaving them and not just because of Ava. My brain is about as absurd and stupid as a brain can get. I don't understand why I feel sad that I won't see him again, not until the Labor Day family picnic for the company. He was rude and demanding, and all I did was love his daughter. There is no logical reason why I should feel attracted to him or desirous of a relationship when I know by first-hand experience what type of guy he is.

"Mint?" the older woman asks, holding out a tin of white mints to me. I wave her off and turn back to the window but I remember Helen and the way she pushed me toward Fletcher the whole trip.

She had all this advice about how my love could make his grumpy behavior change. She never directly told me it was about me and Fletcher but I know it was. I just don't think I'm emotionally equipped to deal with it, and part of me wonders if it's just baggage from his failed marriage, which is another large hurdle to cross. He's been through things that I've never experienced, things I couldn't begin to help him with. If his grumpiness really is from being hurt by his ex-wife, I don't know how to help him.

The plane takes off and I find myself dozing. I dream of Ava and her cheery round cheeks, then I dream of Fletcher and his hands on my body. I wake with a start to the wheels touching down and feel embarrassed by how aroused I am from that dream. No one around me seems to notice or care as they disembark the plane and head toward baggage claim.

My heart is still heavy even when I get my suitcase and walk through the terminal to the front and find Mira there waiting. We've barely spoken outside of a few text messages but that's entirely normal at times. We're both busy adults and hardly have time to talk to each other every day. So once my things are loaded into her trunk and we are stuck in traffic on the way home, she does her normal thing and demand to know every detail of my life that she's missed in the past three weeks.

"Dish, girl. I know you have some things to talk about. We've hardly spoken." She keeps her hands glued to the wheel but her eyes flick between me and the road.

"Uh..." I take a deep breath. She's my best friend. I can't lie to her or hide things. She'll find out anyway and besides, who else can I talk to? Nick will only lecture me. So I shoot from the hip. "I'm not a virgin anymore?" I feel the blush creeping onto my cheeks and wait for her response, which is a very loud squeal followed by clapping hands.

"Holy fucking cow." Mira is absolutely giddy. "Tell me everything. Was it good? Is he absolutely incredible? Are you in love?"

The car rolls forward slowly and I shrug and stare out the window a second before answering. She'll have a zillion questions anyway, so I just lay it out for her. "The sex was incredible, yes, but I'm not sure what else I can say other than that. I walked in with my bags and we had this awkward moment with my suitcase and--"

"Oh my god, you fucked him the first night? What happened to being the reserved girl that didn't throw herself at people?" I can hear the smile on her face that she speaks through and I don't even have to look at her.

"That's not really how it happened, okay?" I can't help but smile at how it actually happened. I didn't have to throw myself at him. He wanted me bad. "He initiated--sort of--and I just went along with it."

"Who made the first move?"

I bite my lip knowing it was me who made the first move. I even asked if I could kiss him. In my defense, he was so close to me. He smelled so good, and he clearly wanted it.

"Well? Dish!" Mira's insistence tied my stomach in knots.

"I... uh, I kind of kissed him." I gulped. "But I swear I wasn't initiating sex. I was just kissing him because he was so close to me and then one thing led to another and--"

"And he popped your cherry... I get it." Her chuckles make me sigh in relief. "I can't believe it. I knew you were hot for each other. So what? He's like a jillionaire. Why didn't he pay for your flight to get rearranged so you guys could fly together?"

Traffic is starting to move a bit and she has to focus on the road more, which gives me a moment to think about how to answer her. I'm not against admitting that having sex with him was a mistake, but in my heart I don't think it was. I have these stupid feelings for him and I have no way of explaining to her why.

"I don't think it's going to work out. So that's okay."

"What do you mean? He was using you?"

"Heavens, no." I don't think Fletcher is that big of an ass, at least I hope he's not. "No, he's just ... Well, he's grumpy and sort of overly anal about things. I don't know. I don't care for it."

"Hmm, so he's a jerk. It's okay." She hums for a second. "Why don't we just go clubbing and get your mind off it? Hook up with some real hotties or something."

It sounds like a very me thing to do, but I'm not into it. "That's okay. I'm sort of tired and I think I want to go home and rest. But I appreciate the suggestion."

Mira isn't at all upset about the rejection but she does linger around my place for a while before heading home. I'm tired, but it's good to be back. I take my time unpacking, putting all my things away. Helen made sure our clothes were all laundered, so the only thing I have to toss in the laundry hamper is my outfit from yesterday and the pajamas I slept in. She is such a nice woman and I hope karma is very nice to her.

I make myself a bowl of cereal and plop on my couch to watch a show and my phone rings. It's Nick, probably calling to set a date for our dinner and a movie. As a kid I never thought I'd be so close to him. He's older by six years and he was a bit of a bully at times. But here in Chicago he's all I have and I missed him the whole time I was gone. I set my bowl aside and answer the phone, hoping he doesn't pry about Fletcher again.

"Hey, Nick. What's up?"

"You're home safe?" I hear a whir and thud of some machine in the background. His voice is quiet though he sounds like he may be shouting.

"Yeah... What's that noise?"

"Oh, the treadmill. I'm at the gym. Just finished my run and thought I'd call. Are you up for company tonight?" He sounds winded, and now it makes sense.

"Uh, actually I'm eating a bowl of cereal. I was going to watch a show then dive into my missed emails. I have to get back in the rotation for subbing." The idea of returning to the classroom is a good one, but not having the assurance of a steady paycheck is still daunting.

"Ah, I get it. But we're on for this weekend? I'm looking forward to catching up. I want to hear all the details about your trip. Did you take lots of pictures of the ocean?"

I smile because I know how much the ocean means to both of us. We have fond memories of it as kids. I haven't had a trip to the shore for a hot minute so it was nice. Maybe another reason why I opted to skip all the lessons with Ava and spend more time in the sand.

"Yeah... I'm still down." I feel the bittersweet weight pressing on my chest again at the thought of Ava's smile. I should have just agreed to be her nanny so I could be there for her. It would have meant a steady paycheck at least.

"You okay?"

"Sure, just tired." I force a yawn to mask my emotion. Nick will figure it out soon enough if I can't shake it, but I don't want to deal with his over-clingy behavior tonight. "I'm going to go, okay? I'll catch you this weekend."

"Yep... Love you, G."

"Love you too, Nick. Goodnight."

I hang up and stare at the cereal growing soggy in the dish. It doesn't look appetizing anymore at all. Every time I talk to Nick I'm going to remember he works for Fletcher. That's going to make me remember that Fletcher and I had sex and how much I liked it, how much I actually like him even though he's grumpy and bossy. It's going to remind me how much I like Ava and how I want to take care of her and be there for her.

And that is enough to send me straight to bed for the night, because sleep is better than wrestling with these thoughts. It will take a few weeks but I'll move on and get back into my rhythm. I just hope it's not a bumpy transition and Nick doesn't talk about Fletcher too much.

Chapter 13

"No, Daddy!" Ava knocks the game pieces off the board for the third time in a row and I am frustrated. She's been in a sullen mood for two days now and I don't even know why. Things are finally back to normal around here; we're in our routine, but she's still acting out.

"Ava, baby, if you knock the pieces off the board, we can't play the game." I pick them up and put them back on the board and she crosses her arms over her chest and pouts. I gave her her bath already and got her into pajamas. Instead of a bedtime story she wanted a game of Candyland but I'm thinking it's time for her to sleep now. After spending three weeks without a good routine, my guess is that she's just tired and crabby about having to sit still in a classroom for hours at a time. It's why I told Grace to keep her on the schedule.

"I don't want to play. I want a book." She stands up and stomps over to the bookshelf in the corner of her room. It's loaded with books I know she loves as well as coloring books and a stack of board games. She pulls a book off the shelf and scurries to her bed and climbs up.

I stare at the game for a second feeling a bit moody myself. Being a single father is challenging. It's moments like this that I wish my life would have gone differently. Ava needs a female influence in her life, though I know now Nanette was never cut out to be a mother, which is why I didn't even have to fight in the divorce to get full custody. It's also why I wanted to hire Grace as a full-time, live-in nanny--that and the fact that I very much enjoy her company.

But she had other plans and they don't include me.

I toss the game pieces into the box, collect the spinner, and the board, and then put it all away. Ava is the love of my life and the only reason I keep doing what I'm doing. Our future is in our next generation and I want to help her grow to be everything she can be so her future is bright. She deserves so much more than I am even able to afford her, and it's not about money. It's the love she needs and deserves, that I am struggling to provide.

With the game on the shelf, I sit next to the bed on the floor and take the book from her. I'll read it like normal, give her a tickle or two, kiss her and tuck her in, then I'll leave and she'll sleep. It's what we do. It's what we've done for the past three years when I decided to up my parenting game and focus on routines with her that would make good memories and reaffirm how much I love her. Except, even though we have done this a million times, she still stares at me like I have a wart on my face.

"No, Daddy. You doing it wrong." Her face screws up into a scowl and she pushes her bottom lip out. I've never seen her act like this. Story time is her favorite, except for when she asks for a game instead.

"Okay, Ava, what am I doing wrong now? This is how we always do it. I read to you and then kiss you goodnight." I close the book and stare up at her feeling defeated. I'd do anything for her at all, but my patience is wearing thin. The last thing I want to do is snap at her and upset her or hurt her feelings.

"Do it like Gracie," she whines, throwing her head back. Her distress is real, though to me it seems childish. It's one thing that Nanette never understood. We as adults freak out about bills and job status. But to a child, not having their favorite toy or feeling a bit hungry can be just as big of a stressor. If I can't teach her how to respond to these feelings of loss and pain, she will struggle with them even into adulthood. That thought motivates me to be a better father even in this instant.

"Alright. You tell me how Gracie does it and I will try my hardest." I rise up on my knees next to her bed with the book in hand and she pouts, huffing out a sigh.

"I want Gracie to do it."

"Baby, she's not here tonight, but I can try to do it the way you like. Just help me understand How does Grace do it?" I stand now, bending to kiss her on the crown of her head and she pats the bed.

"Sit here," she orders so I climb onto her bed and lean against the headboard. She snuggles into my side and curls her arm around my belly. It's challenging to handle the book with one arm, but I hold her to myself and try to manage. "This way, Daddy. Now you read."

I settle in to read the book she chose but my heart is now completely distracted. I had no idea Grace as this intimate with her. This goes beyond nanny duty. She bonded with Ava so much that it's changing our nightly routine. It's no wonder why the last three nights she has been upset or cantankerous at bedtime. And when I ask her how school is gone she ignores me to dart away to her toys and games. It's incredible the profound effect Grace had over my child in such a short time.

I'm awed but also a little frustrated. This change isn't bad; neither is the fact that Ava wants to play with toys instead of sitting to talk to me after school. That's probably how children are supposed to act after school, especially in first grade. As I read I begin to doubt myself and the parenting methods and routines I've established in Ava's life. Grace tried to communicate to me on multiple occasions, but each time I was stubborn, holding fast to what I knew. Maybe because routine helps me stay adjusted to life and able to cope with not having a partner. And maybe a change of routine is exactly what I need.

I finish the book with the expectation that I will kiss Ava off to sleep but she's already out like a light when I shut the cover. I slip out of bed and draw the blankets over her, then set the book on the shelf and shut the light off. I linger in the doorway for a second looking back into the pitch-black room. Grace gave Ava a nightlight at the B&B and she liked it. Even if I did come in each night to shut it off, she fell asleep to it each night. Has my daughter been afraid of the dark all this time and I never noticed it? Is that why she did that?

Instead of shutting the door, I leave it open for now with the hallway light on. I wonder what other things Grace changed in Ava's routine that I need to know about, things that she likes. I also wonder if I can change Grace's mind and convince her to come care for Ava with me, live here and help me raise her.

I lean against the wall outside of Ava's door. It makes so much sense to me to have Grace here. Not only does Ava love her, but she needs a steady job, and on top of that, this house seems cold and empty without her, though before the trip that thought never occurred to me. But spending those three weeks together, even though we barely saw each other, made me change too. The way Ava changed. I don't want to wake up alone in a cold house.

I want to wake up to someone getting coffee at the same time as me. Someone who can challenge me to be a better father, to grow myself emotionally. Someone I can care for, who falls asleep downstairs so I can carry them to bed and tuck them in. Someone like Grace. No, not someone like Grace--I want Grace. And I want to be more than just her boss. I want to hold her at night and care for her needs. I want her to raise Ava with me and I want to shower love on her.

And God knows I want to fuck her brains out on a daily basis because I'm a man and I have need and I can't imagine anyone else even looking at her body as precious and incredible as it is. She gave me a gift not every man gets to enjoy in life and the idea of any other man tarnishing that with his body makes me feel insanely jealous.

I walk away from Ava's door, headed toward my bedroom, because I have to call her. I need to ask her again to come be my nanny, to live here. But more than that I need to tell her how I feel, that I want her to be here selfishly, because I want her in my life. Nanette really did a number on my heart, to the point that I find it difficult to be vulnerable and admit when I like a woman. There may have been others, but I was too broken to even express it.

But Grace... she makes it easy to say what I'm feeling and she pushes every button, good and bad. I need her.

I dial her number and hold the phone to my ear ready to tell her everything I'm thinking, but it goes to her voicemail and my hope deflates. This isn't something I can say to her over a message. I have to say it face to face. So I do the only thing I can do and I ask her about the job again.

"Hey, uh, Grace... Listen, I'm having some challenging moments with Ava." I force a chuckle, because I'm nervous, because I want her and I can't say it, and I'm using my child as an excuse like a miserable excuse for a man. "I think she thinks I'm doing everything wrong. I could really use your help here. Would you please consider the job offer? I'll pay you double, triple, four times what you're making. Name your price. Ava misses you and I need a live-in nanny." I pause for a second, maybe I've gone too far. Maybe throwing money at her will just make her run away. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong. "Alright, well let me know. I appreciate you considering it."

I hang up and bang my head against the door frame to my bedroom. I don't think I've ever felt this way, like a kid on the playground hoping he gets picked next for the team he really wants to play for. I feel like a fool for not telling her what I was thinking and feeling. I feel like I fucked up by allowing my moody mornings and strictness over my daughter's upbringing to soil something that could have been so sweet.

So I whisper a prayer to god, or fate, or whoever the fuck pulls the strings in the universe that she will listen to that message and pity my sorry ass and call me back. Because if this doesn't work I'm going to have to go to plan B, and Nick is about as stubborn as they come. He will fight me tooth and nail, but he has to know I am in love with his sister, and he has to help me show her.

Chapter 14

Hands shoot up all over the classroom when I ask the question. All of these children are eager participants in class discussion. We're talking about science and how different animals are classified into different groups. Of course, in my days of subbing for high school students, I'd have been asking about specific species and sub-species names, but first graders only understand basics.

"Yes, Kyle." I point at the little boy in the third row with a dirty face and a mop of brown hair that dangles in his eyes.

"Spiders are like bugs, so they're in the insect family." He folds his hands proudly in front of himself and beams a chubby smile, but the young girl seated next to him chimes in.

"Nu uh! They're not insects. My Dad told me that they're orchids." She juts her chin out proudly and then rolls her eyes. I have to stifle a chuckle, and I am quick to correct them.

"Spiders are similar to insects because they are not like mammals or reptiles, but they are not orchids." I smile at her. "Thank you very much for pointing that out, Ellie." She scrunches her nose as if to protest but I hold up a hand to halt her as I continue. "Spiders are called arachnids. So that sounds a lot like orchid. But spiders are different from insects because they have eight legs and not six." I point at the whiteboard where the image of a spider is projected and count off the legs one at a time.

"Mrs. Reynolds, why do we have to learn about spiders. They're gross!" Another little girl, one whose curly hair and blue eyes remind me so much of Ava that I have a hard time interacting with her, scrunches her face up and sticks her tongue out. Each time she asks a question or answers one, I feel sadness well up. Sadness because not only do I miss Ava and wish I could be with her, but also because I keep thinking of Fletcher long after I hoped I'd forget.

"We learn about all sorts of things, including gross stuff." I clasp my hands together and decide class discussion time has gone on long enough. They have a worksheet to complete. "Alright, you all need to do the worksheet I handed out. Look at the picture and try to name if the animal is a mammal, a reptile, an insect, or an arachnid. And remember what we learned. Arachnids have eight legs, not six." I wink at them and walk to the teachers desk and sit down.

I'm subbing for Mrs. Grishop today because she took a personal day, but the way I've been feeling emotionally and physically, I feel like I need a personal day. I've been avoiding it, trying to push away my inner fears about why I'm emotional, why I wake up queasy in the morning. I mean, how is it possible that I--a virgin with zero experience--could end up pregnant after one encounter where the condom broke? Yes, I get the science behind sex, but seriously? How am I so unlucky that not only would the condom break my first time, but I'd end up pregnant too?

I rake a hand through my hair and sit back in the seat. I can't procrastinate taking a test, though my gut already knows it's true. For a few days I've been feeling off. My period is already three weeks late and that never happens to me. And now every time I look at that little girl's face I see Ava, and I have called her Ava at least five times today.

Don't get me wrong, the idea of being a mother thrills me. I want it more than anything; I just thought that would happen for me in a few years, with a steady job, and a partner I am deeply in love with. Not like this, and not now. Nick will kill me. There will be no way of avoiding the truth when it comes out. He'll question everything because I literally told him I was a virgin right before leaving to go on that trip, and the timing--God, I don't even know how I'd tell Fletcher either. And what sort of father will he even be?

I agonize over it the entire day, because once it gets in my head I can't get it out. I've let worry and fear play at the corner of my mind for days now but that little girl's face pushed me overboard. I can't even remember her actual name now that I'm at home standing over my stove stir-frying my dinner. Nick will be here in a few minutes too, which only adds to my dilemma.

My nerves are totally on edge and I want to cancel dinner with my brother, but we do this every week. We have for a very long time. He will know something is bothering me and he will dote on me anyway, so the only option I have is to tough it out and pray he doesn't pry. Maybe he'll just be oblivious and we'll have a good time and he'll go home until next week when I can be more prepared. I wonder how long it will be until I'm showing and I'm forced to fess up.

Nick knocks on the door and lets himself in as I'm serving up two dishes of chicken and vegetables. "Hey, Gracie, how's it going."

I clear my throat as I swallow some bile. "I'm okay. Just finishing dinner." The smell normally has my mouth watering but tonight it has my stomach rolling. I can't tell if it's nerves or if it is morning sickness, and that only makes my nerves worse.

"Wow it looks delicious." He takes off his jacket and hangs it by the door then meets me at the table. We sit down to the table as he is telling me about a new job he's taken on for Fletcher to design some celebrity's home in Winter Garden.

"That sounds intense. I didn't realize there were so many celebrities that lived in Chicago. If I was so wealthy, I'd move somewhere warm." Spearing a piece of chicken I try not to think about how it will make me feel. I try not to show how sick to the stomach I'm feeling, either. That would be the best way to start the very discussion I wish I didn't have to have.

"This is so good. You've outdone yourself." Nick happily chews his stir-fry but I can't. I can't even stomach one bite. The longer I sit here the worse the nausea gets.

"Uh, would you excuse me a second?" Before he says a word, I'm on my feet dashing for the bathroom. I drop to my knees by the toilet and let my body reject everything I've eaten today. It's horrible. My stomach cramps and it feels like my eyes will burst, and after a few seconds, I feel Nick's hands on my hair holding it back.

"Holy cow, G. You alright?"

I can't respond. I can't do anything but gag and cough, and he wads up some toilet paper and hands it to me. When the violent heaves pass, I wipe my face and blow my nose and he helps me stand. "Sorry..." I move toward the sink where my cosmetics and toiletries are meticulously organized. I try to avoid his gaze but he hovers.

"Sick? I bet one of those kids gave you that flu bug that's going around." He leans against the doorjamb and crosses his arms over his chest. "You should really be laying down. I'll finish eating and put dinner away for you. I'm sorry you're sick."

I load my toothbrush up with toothpaste and jam it in my mouth. Sick is an understatement. I'm distraught. I'm desperate. I'm overwhelmed. But I'm not sick. Not in the way he thinks I am. "Thanks," I mumble, mouth full of toothpaste.

"Should I call a doctor? Make an appointment? Want me to call Mom?"

"No!" I blurt out, protesting. Mom will find out soon enough. I've had enough drama for a few weeks. I need to settle this in my own heart before I even tell Nick. I can't imagine the lectures if I tell my mother right now. Besides she lives in El Paso, how will she help? "No, it's okay. I just need rest I think." I spit and then rinse the toothbrush and my mouth, but Nick still lingers.

"Are you sure I can't do anything? If you're throwing up you may need electrolytes. I can bring you some water, some popsicles." It's like him to worry and dote over me. He's always been this way.

"Thanks, but I think I just need to lie down." I set my toothbrush on the counter and walk past him out the door toward my bedroom. I'm almost in tears again, ready to blurt out my fear to him because I need to tell someone. But I can't tell him.

So I lie in bed while he eats and puts the food away. I hear dishes clattering in the sink as he washes them, then he knocks on my door and I look up at him. "I'm going to take off. Please, call me if you need anything? It's what I'm here for."

"It's kinda not," I joke, but he understands. "I will. I just need rest."

"Love you..."

Nick leaves me alone and the first thing I do is reach for my phone. Mira will be here in a split second and I won't have to explain anything because I've already told her the dirty truth.

Grace 6:43 PM: Mira... I need you now. Bring a pregnancy test.

I add a scared face emoji for good measure and then I wait. I know what the test will say, but my heart won't settle until I see it with my own eyes. What the hell am I going to do now?

Chapter 15

I stare down at the blueprints emailed to me by the head of engineering on the project in Cape May. The zoning committee already approved everything, but there seems to be a discrepancy. I let out a sigh as I lean back in my office chair, rubbing my temples in frustration. Another teleconference with the construction crew in Cape May means another sleepless night of trying to fix these discrepancies.

As I dial into the call, I can't help but notice the beautiful scenery behind the men on camera. The sun is setting over the ocean out the window behind him, casting a warm orange glow over everything in sight. It's a sight I didn't stop to enjoy while I was there with Grace and I regret that every time I think of her. I have a lot of regrets about that trip and they seem to come up at inconvenient times, plaguing me and making me irritable.

"Are you listening to me?" the head engineer's voice snaps me back to reality.

I clear my throat and nod, trying to focus on the matter at hand.

"Yes, of course." I clear my throat. "So what's the issue with the blueprints?"

The head engineer clears his throat and adjusts his glasses. "Well, we've noticed some inconsistencies with the electrical wiring in the east wing of the building. It seems like the blueprint is missing a few crucial details."

I groan inwardly, knowing that this means more work for me. I take a deep breath and try to push away the frustration that's been building up inside me. This project has been more trouble than it's worth, but I can't let that show. "Okay, I see. Let me take a closer look at the blueprints and see if I can find the issue."

It's been weeks of late nights and early mornings, and I'm starting to feel the strain. I rub my eyes and try to shake off the exhaustion, but it's no use. I glance at the clock on my desk and realize that it's almost six p. m. I've been at the office for over twelve hours and I haven't even made a dent in the work that needs to be done. Now with this, I'll be working this weekend for sure, and I can't afford to have next week off. It's my turn to be class room parent.

"Mr. Davis, we hired you to make sure things were in line. I'm disappointed to know you've let some things slip."

It's hard to not be frustrated by his comments. These slips may be my fault, and they may have been inevitable, but I don't appreciate his tone. I also don't appreciate how they put me through hell while I was there doing all this work. I hardly saw my daughter or Grace... And the thought of her sends my mind into a day dream again. Her smile, her laugh. I hate that she won't speak to me.

"I'll make sure to comb through things and fix any discrepancies. I'll be in touch."

Before I can hang up the call the guy says, "Mr. Davis, this means you may need to come back until these issues are sorted. We can't have our city council holding up plans. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it." I hang up the call, frustrated and now completely distracted from my other tasks. I lean back in my chair and let out a deep sigh. The memories of that trip bed and breakfast flood my mind again. I remember how Grace's silky hair felt in my hands, the way she smelled of lavender and vanilla. It was a mistake to let things go too far, but I couldn't resist her. I was just a man, after all. And now, she won't even speak to me.

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my office door. I quickly straighten up and call out, "Come in." Nick peeks his head into the room and I realize I've dropped the ball on other work-related tasks he was waiting on me for, but when he trudges in, it isn't work I want to discuss.

"Hey man, what's up?" I ask, trying to sound casual even though my mind is still on Grace.

"Ah... you know, same old..." He parks in the chair across from my desk and I decide to dive into my request before he can bring up work.

"Looks like there were some issues in the blue prints for that library expansion. I might have to go back to the coast. Is Grace still looking for full-time employment?" It's my way of checking on her without her knowing it, but I also do need someone to help me with Ava if I go.

Nick leans back in his chair, studying me with his piercing blue eyes. "Yeah, she's still looking. Why? You want her to come with you?"

I nod, trying to keep my voice steady. "Yeah, I mean, if she's interested. I could use the help with Ava and it would give us a chance to talk."

Nick raises an eyebrow. "Talk? About what?"

I hesitate for a moment before deciding to be honest--well as honest as I can be. I can't tell him I slept with his sister, but. I can tell him the offer I gave her which she refused. "I offered her a full-time live-in nanny position with me. I'll pay her four times what she's making now. I just want someone to be there for Ava, you know?"

"Ah, yeah... she said something about that. Said you were grumpy and rude." Nick chuckles at me as if this is a joking matter. I don't find it humorous. "I don't know man. You're probably barking up the wrong tree. She loves teaching a lot and she's glad to be back to teaching, even if it's substitute stuff."

I nod, trying to hide the disappointment that's creeping up inside me. "Yeah, I figured as much. It's just... Ava's been having a hard time lately and I could use the help."

"Yeah, tough break." Nick straightens. "Now, about the plans for that apartment complex..." Nick dives off into his issues and needs and as CEO of this firm, the only thing I can do is put my emotions aside and help him.

But as soon as Nick leaves, my mind wanders back to Grace. I can't stop thinking about her. I need her. It's not just about Ava anymore. I need her in my life. I need her to make me feel alive again.

I sit there staring at the computer screen, but my thoughts keep drifting back to Grace. I can't stop thinking about the way she looked at me the first night, the way she smiled at me. I want her so badly, it's driving me crazy. I try to focus on work, but it's no use. I need to see her again, to talk to her. Maybe I can convince her to come with me to the coast. Maybe if she does we can rekindle that moment and I can get a second chance.

If not, I'm not sure I'll ever be the same. She awakened love in me again, and that's something I never thought would happen again. I can't focus on anything else. I need to see her again, to feel her skin against mine, to taste her lips on mine. I need to make her understand how much she means to me. And I need to do it soon.

Chapter 16

Walking into a new school and classroom always gets my anxiety going, but the principal, Mr. Mathers, is quite pleasant. He escorts me around the building, showing me all the different classrooms and introducing me to the teachers. I can't help but feel a sense of excitement as I see all the possibilities that lay ahead.

As we walk, Mr. Mathers tells me about all the extracurricular activities the school offers. He mentions the drama club, the robotics team, and even a gardening club. I can feel my spirits lifting as I realize how many opportunities there are for students. At a pricy school like Peabody, only the wealthiest children get to take part of these advantages, and this substitute job is only the beginning. It's a week of covering for a teacher who is on vacation. These students go year round, and there is a position available for someone who "shines like a star." I want that position so badly.

When we finally arrive at my classroom, I take a deep breath and step inside. The room is filled with desks and chairs, but what catches my eye is the colorful bulletin board at the front of the room. It's covered in photos of the students, all smiling and laughing together. I peek at it, but don't examine it closely. Kids are already starting to filter in. I may love high school, but first grade is really growing on me, so I've been jumping at the chance to take any substitute position that's available at this grade level.

"Thank you so much for showing me around, Mr. Mathers."

"Say nothing of it, Grace--I mean, Ms. Reynolds." His smile is too large, but as elementary principal, he can't be too friendly. Kids love that shit. "I do hope you enjoy your time here at our school. We're always looking for dedicated teachers like yourself to join our team."

I smile at him, feeling grateful for his kind words. "I'm excited to be here and get to know the students."

"One last thing, Ms. Reynolds. We have a program where we bring one parent per week into the classroom. They help with various activities and get to see firsthand what their child is learning. It's been a huge success and the kids love it."

"That' sounds fascinating. So there is a classroom parent this week to help me?"

Mr. Mathers nods his head. "Yes, indeed. He's a regular volunteer in our high-school engineering club, and he's been itching to come and help out in the classroom for weeks now."

I smile at the thought of having an extra set of hands in the classroom. "That sounds fantastic. I'm sure the kids will love having him here." I glance at the now-steady stream of kids hustling through the door. They jabber happily as I'm trying to absorb the information.

I turn back to Mathers who is explaining more about the classroom parent's duties and try to focus, but I also can't wait to get started. The stack of lesson plans are awaiting my review. I only found out I got the position this morning after the original substituted who planned to be here had something unexpected come up. Mathers drones on and I am ready to tell him I need to get started when he changes the subject.

"Ah, yes. Here he is." The man gestures at the door and I turn to see the back of a man's head. He is tall, with broad shoulders. His hair is starting to grey a little, but he still appears youthful with a polo and khaki pants.

Just as he turns toward me, Mr. Mathers announces him. "Fletcher Davis, please meet the substitute teacher this week. You'll be working with Grace Reynolds."

Fletcher turns to look at me and his jaw drops, but not as low as mine. I have to do a double take as Ava races up to me and nearly bowls me over. "Gracie!" she squeals and I'm unable to pry myself from her grip. Fletcher approaches and helps me extricate myself but our eyes never leave each other's gaze.

"Oh, good. It appears you two know each other." The bell rings, interrupting Mr. Mathers, and he excuses himself and rushes into the hallway.

"I didn't know--" Fletcher says.

"I'm sorry--" I blurt out, speaking over him. "Uh... we should get the kids in their seats." I clap my hands loudly and turn away, heading toward the front of the classroom.

As I walk to the front of the classroom, I can feel Fletcher's gaze on me. It's been weeks since we've seen each other, but I can still feel the same pull towards him as I did back then. I try to shake the feeling off and focus on the task at hand, but my heart is racing. This wasn't part of my plan.

"Alright, kids, let's get settled in our seats," I say with authority. The students quickly quiet down and take their seats, ready for the day's lesson. I manage to stumble my way through things until the top of the hour when a knock on the door interrupts my math lesson. The door swings open and a brunette with cheery cheeks pops in.

"Time for music? I'm sorry if Mrs. Yates didn't put that on her plans. She forgets some times." The woman is apologetic, but the kids being to rise immediately. They funnel toward the door with a little herding from the music teacher and I feel anxious now. Fletcher and I will be alone in this room for how long?

She leads the kids out and I stand paralyzed, frozen to the floor. Fletcher leans against the back wall, but when the door is shut and the kids gone, he draws the blind and locks the door, moving toward me.

"Grace, can I talk to you for a moment?" he asks, his voice low and husky.

"What is it, Fletcher?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.

"I didn't know you were going to be here," he says, his hazel eyes piercing into mine. I feel a shiver run down my spine at the intensity of his gaze. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks. I try to maintain my composure, but it's difficult with him standing so close to me.

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask, trying to sound casual.

Fletcher takes a step closer, his hand reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. His touch sends a wave of electricity through my body, and I can't help but lean into him.

"I've missed you," he whispers, his breath hot against my ear.

I close my eyes, savoring the feel of his body pressed against mine. It's been too long since I've felt this way, and I know I shouldn't give in to him, but I can't resist. I've tried to push him out of my thoughts for weeks now, but it's not working. It hasn't worked since I took that damn pregnancy test Mira brought over. I'm literally growing his baby in my womb, and fuck if I don't want him too, even though he's a grumpy old man.

I open my eyes and look up at him, my heart racing. "Fletcher, we can't do this," I say, trying to sound firm.

"Why not?" he asks, his hand moving down to my waist. "We both know we want each other."

"It's not that simple," I say, feeling the weight of my pregnancy pressing on me. "It's a public place. What if someone walks in."

"It's locked."

"I could lose the job."

"I know that," he says, his voice softening. "But I can't help the way I feel about you, Grace. I've missed you so much. I tried calling. You never answered."

I look up at him, my heart breaking. I know it's not that simple. It's way too complicated. "Fletcher, we need to stop," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

But he doesn't back off. His lips cover mine in a deep, sensuous kiss and I can't resist him. My body craves him, every part of him.

I surrender to the moment, letting my hands roam over his broad shoulders and muscular back. His kiss deepens, and I can feel the heat between us intensify. My pregnancy is forgotten, and all I can think about is him.

He pulls away, his eyes dark with desire. "Let's go somewhere private," he says, his hand trailing down my body.

I hesitate. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Please, Grace," he pleads, his voice low and husky. "I need you."

His words send shivers down my spine. I know it's wrong, but I can't resist him any longer. It goes against my better judgment and everything I know to be ethical, but I pull him into the bathroom where he becomes an animal, groping me and pinning me against the sink mounted on the wall. Thank God first grade classrooms in this school have private bathrooms.

He grabs my ass and pulls me close, his mouth finding mine. I kiss him back, my hands sliding over his chest. He pulls me in even closer, and I can feel his erection pressing into my thigh. He isn't kidding; he really wants me. My desire for him grows stronger, and I feel powerless to stop it. I want him to take; I want to feel him inside me again, filling me. I want him to make me feel like I did that night, that I'm the only woman in the world who matters.

I feel him reach down and unbuckle his belt, pulling his pants down just enough to free his cock. It springs up, hard and ready, and I can't resist. I reach down and wrap my fingers around it, stroking it gently as he kisses me. My pussy aches so badly, screaming to be satisfied as he grabs the hem of my skirt and starts to hike it up. It's torture how slowly he moves. I need him inside of me now.

"God... Please, Fletcher..." I arch my head back and his teeth sink into my neck as I lift a leg and wrap it around his waist.

Fletcher hoists me onto the edge of the sink where his dick slides into me and I moan with delight. I shudder to think what might happen if we're caught, but I let him take me. God, do I let him take me... I just don't know how to do the rest of this week with him in this classroom now.

Chapter 17

I feel like a teenager again, sneaking around this school building, having illicit sex. Grace just does this to me; I can't control myself. And it's not just her body or the way she feels. I am ravenous for her smile and her personality. She shines like the sun and I am a moth to that proverbial flame. Her body is just the icing on the cake of my desire for her

I thrust into her and feel her thick walls grip me. She rakes her hands through my hair and I bite her neck. I missed this--the way her pussy feels wrapped around my cock. I shouldn't miss this; I should respect her distance and her silence, but my god, she drives me crazy. And watching her in action as a teacher reminds me how perfect she is for me.

"God, you're incredible," she groans. Her hot breath against my cheek eggs me on.

"So are you," I say, thrusting harder and deeper. Her pussy milks me, producing ample moisture to lube me so the friction is enjoyable.

"Oh, fuck," she moans. Her hands search my back greedily, pulling me hard against her. She's missed me too, or at least the sex.

I grip her hips tightly, feeling her body against mine. "I missed this," I tell her. Each time I sink into her, her body tenses and she clenches around me. It's incredible the way her heat consumes me. I can't get enough of her.

"Oh god fuck me," she moans, biting her lip. Her eyes are glassy with desire. I hold her tightly against me, feeling her breasts press against my chest. I don't want to let go of her. I never want to let go of her. She rocks her hips, grinding against me, each thrust sending shivers through my body. I plunge into her deeper, my cock gliding against her inner walls. I want to stay inside her forever, never break this union.

"Oh wow, Fletcher..." Grace panting my name is music to my ears. "Touch my clit," she moans. I reach down, flicking my finger against her swollen nub. She moans again, more softly this time, as if she knows she will only get louder and is consciously trying to remain quiet. It means she's getting close, and fuck do I want to feel her release, her pussy contracting around me and pulsing as I penetrate her.

Her body tenses, tightening around me. She shakes as she comes and spasms in pleasure. I continue thrusting into her to prolong her pleasure. My thumb rubs her clit though I can't push as deep as I want because of it.

"Fletcher!" she cries out, her voice a low moan. Her body is trembles as her orgasm rips through her. She clings to me and I work her body until she quivers in the aftermath and drapes herself over me. I kiss her lips and she kisses me back as I slow my movements, making each thrust intentional. I want to enjoy this as long as I can.

"It was good?" I ask her, nipping the skin below her ear on her neck.

"Mmmm, so good... Now fuck me hard..." She clenches around me and I growl from deep in my chest.

"I don't have a condom." I wasn't planning this.

"Just come in me... Fuck, I want to feel it." She kisses me again and I have no clue what she's thinking but I oblige her request, fucking her harder and harder. Her moans become whimpers, that turn to stifled screams as she bites down on my shoulder, and moments later, I feel my balls tightening.

"Yes... I'm going to come again," she whines and her tone sounds more like pleading so I unleash, pulling her against my body so hard I'm practically carrying her, only a smidge of her ass on that sink.

And when I release it is overwhelming; I grip her hips and hold her against me, my cock buried in her as I come. I feel her pussy spasming around me, milking me for every last drop of seed. Her body shivers in my arms and I hold her close, breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath. We have no time to recover. Not even a spare second to catch our breath or discuss what the hell just happened between us. The instant I pull out there is a knock on the door.

I back away, shoving my still-hard and seriously wet dick back into my pants. Grace slides from the sink and rushes out of the bathroom yanking her skirt down and I shut the door and lean against it. Call it a coward move, but both of us rushing from the bathroom looking flustered would be much more obscene than this. As it is, Grace can pass off her flustered appearance as first-day jitters. I'm doing her a favor by eaves dropping on the lunch lady who came to collect the number for today's lunch. Grace forgot to send it after the bell.

When the coast is clear, I grab a paper towel, knowing Grace probably has a moisture problem running down her thigh and I step into the classroom, but she's beat me too it. She stands with her back to the door and tissues in hand mopping herself up. I sigh and wad the paper towel up and shove it in my pocket. I want to approach her and say something, but before I can, the kids are funneling back into the room and Grace is seated behind her desk.

I feel drunk on sex, heavy limbs and hooded eyelids. She talks quietly with the children about the worksheets they were working on before the music teacher came and collected them. Kids raise their hands one-by-one with questions, and I help out where I can, but I'm glued to her movements around the room, even when Ava asks specifically for Grace's help and refuses to speak to me.

I back away, though I want to linger closer to her, breathe in the scent of her perfume. Being close to her again is ruining me. If I have to do this all week, there is no way I will be able to go back to not seeing her for days or weeks. By the end of this week I have to convince her to go with me on that trip, or take my job offer, whichever I can. Grace Reynolds is my addiction and that slight fix just wasn't enough. I already crave more of her, but now I'm craving her love and her presence in my life for good.

I just hope I didn't push her too far with that stunt. Sex is one thing--a relationship is a whole other demon.

Chapter 18

Day one done and I am tired. I help one of my students with his lunch pail--stuck in his cubby shelf so tightly even I have a hard time getting it out. Fletcher hovers in the back of the room with the kids, laughing and helping them with their backpacks and worksheets. I'm amazed at how good he is with them, especially given how grumpy he normally is.

All day, Fletcher has shown me a different version of himself, one I absolutely adore. He's been kind and compassionate with each child, patiently helping and serving them. Except, Ava, of course, who demanded that I be the one who help her all day long. She clung to me at lunch and insisted that I sit and eat with the children, which got me out of interreacting with her father. And thankfully, afternoon recess was so pleasant weather-wise that we all went out doors, which led to Fletcher pushing three children on the swings and me making sure the others weren't throwing mulch.

But now at the end of the day, as we parade the kids out into the hallway and toward the front steps, he is so close I can smell his cologne. The deep rumble of his baritone voice as he laughs with one of the boys in the class makes me smile. I feel very conflicted about him now.

Wild sex in the bathroom aside, Fletcher is not my type. He's grumpy and irrationally moody. He pushed his daughter away and maybe that's why she wants me instead of him now. I can't tell if this is all an act to manipulate my emotions and make me think he's some incredible guy, or if I've had him all wrong. I usually trust my instincts about a person, and my first impressions were not great.

"Mrs. Reynolds..." One of the little girls in the class waves her hand.

"It's Ms. Reynolds, and yes, Sara?"

"Oh, sorry. Ms. Reynolds, that's my daddy. I can I go over there?" she points across the street at a red Mercedes where a leather-clad man with sunglasses on stands with his phone in hand. Several cars whir past and I shake my head.

"No, honey. He has to come get you. The street isn't safe to cross without a grown up." I know these kids know the rules, but reaffirming that I know the rules too helps them understand I'm not a pushover.

"I'll take her," Fletcher offers and smiles at me. He holds out his hand and she grasps it, grinning wildly. He leads her across the busy street to her father and they stand on the sidewalk over there chatting. His facial expression, body language, and mannerisms all mesmerize me. This isn't the Fletcher I know, and it's not the sort of thing someone can fake either. Who is this man and what has he done with the curmudgeon from Cape May?

"Gracie," Ava says, tugging on the side of my skirt. I tear my eyes away from him and look down at her. Her rosy cheeks are so full of life today. I have missed her so much, and this was a breath of fresh air to me.

"Hey, Ava." I crouch at her level and keep an eye on the students as one by one their parents come and collect them. There is one student, Jacob something or other, who is struggling with zipping his jacket. But he's staying out of the street, so for the moment I address Ava's concern.

"Can you come over for dinner tonight? Sometimes I ask Ellie to come but I want you to come this time." She chews on her fingernail and stares at me. her pigtails are so adorable, winding around her ears and dipping into the collar of her shirt.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm not sure." My heart is ripped out of my chest. I want nothing more than to make her happy and say yes, but I know how my evenings go. They call it morning sickness, but it happens to me at dinner time, not breakfast. It's been difficult enough trying to hide my fatigue from everyone all day. I've been on edge thinking nausea would strike me and I'd throw up in class anyway. I can't tell Fletcher yet. I'm not ready.

"Please, I miss you." She pouts and stomps her foot, but I've seen this tantrum before and I know she'll be upset no matter what my response is now.

"Let me go help Jacob with his coat and then we'll chat about it." I pat her head and stand and she scowls at me and crosses her arms over her chest. There are only a few students left and then my day is complete and I can go home and hide from the world and prepare for the rest of the week. If Ava asks Fletcher about dinner, I'm certain he will also want me to come over.

He's like crack and I can't stay away from him, but if I do that it's only leading to a slippery slope. Even if he is having a good day and enjoys being around the students to volunteer, it doesn't change how I feel--confused and torn.

Jacob squirms as I try to fix the jammed zipper. He's zipped one side halfway up, but the ends don't line up and he's angry. Patience oozes from me as I help him slip the jacket off over his head and fidget with the darn thing. After five minutes of prying and yanking, I'm frustrated and Jacob is climbing on the bike racks with Ava. Fletcher walks up to me and holds a hand out. Reluctantly I hand it over and roll my eyes.

"Let me see how I can help..." in two tugs he has the thing apart and working the right way and I feel like an idiot.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Happens to Ava all the time." He hands the jacket back to me and both of us watch the last two kids playing around. "About earlier..." he starts but I cut him off.

"Not at the school, okay?" I give him the side eye and he nods his understanding.

"Well, then perhaps over dinner?"

My stomach is at it again, lurching around my body as if it has a mind of its own. I knew this was coming when I saw him this morning. I've had all day to form a response but words don't form on my tongue.

"I can't," is all I can manage for now.

"Did you get my messages?" He turns to face me and I feel emotion welling up but I'm not sure whether it's good or bad. Nothing inherently awful happened between us in Cape May; I just made the conscious decision that despite my physical attraction to Fletcher, we were not compatible. A decision that now governs my flighty desire to be close to him. It's just sexual arousal, and if I give in to that at all, it gets worse. Unfortunately I gave in earlier today, but I can't do that again.

"I did..." I fold my fingers in front of myself so my hands don't shake and watch a car pull up. Jacob leaps from the bike racks and races over to me to get his coat, but Ava, seemingly forgotten about her dinner request, continues climbing happily. "See you tomorrow, Jacob." I wink at him and he is off toward his car.

"Then you know I am still interested in you taking the job as my live-in nanny." Fletcher moves between me and the car where I've fixed my attention so I don't end up looking at him. It will weaken my resolve.

"I did, but I am quite happy substitute teaching. It's why I got this degree." I'm forced to look up at him and I see the pain in his expression when I reject him yet again. I can't fathom living in the same house with him, not when I feel this way about him. Not when I'm fighting my own urge to give into carnal lust at the expense of my heart for the foreseeable future. And not when I know I'm harboring a secret pregnancy. Eventually it will come out, but hopefully when I'm settled in a job and I am not weak to the way he will inevitably throw his money at me.

"Okay, well..." He sighs. "I have to go back to Cape May in a few weeks' time. Well, I'm fairly certain I do anyway."

My heart flutters at the thought of him taking me along, and for some god-awful reason, I can't make it stop. What the hell is wrong with me? Fletcher is not my type. He's too old, too grumpy, too experienced, too everything. I have to stay grounded here. I am growing a human inside my body and I have to have stability, not a fling that will result in me being heartbroken because he can't love me the way I need him to.

"You do?" I glance at Ava, now in a precarious position. "Uh..." I reach that direction and she jumps off the bike rack, landing in a heap in the mulch. Fletcher glances at her as she dusts herself off, happy as can be, but now my heart is really racing.

"She's fine... Listen, if I have to go, I would love it if you can come. Ava is comfortable with you and I know she'll have a great teacher to keep her motivated with her studies." He steps between me and Ava and I'm forced to look at him again.

I want walk away. Every nerve in my body is on edge, making me feel antsy and intense. My fingers, once folded neatly in front of myself, knead themselves together without my permission. I must look like a walking basket case.

"I'll think about it. It depends if I have another job lined up." I pry my gaze from his face and stare down at my hands. "Thank you for helping today."

"It's my pleasure, Grace. I'll see you tomorrow." I look up as Fletcher takes a few steps backward. His eyes stay fixed on my face, though he is retreating.

This is going to be a long week.